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1
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Hello
2
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Hi! I'm Elisabeth
3
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For the meetup group right? YES!
4
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Nice to meet you come on in.
5
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Such a lovely house
6
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Thank you. It's my mum's actually.
7
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She is out of town.
Doesn't even know that I'm
8
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Oh darling
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don't be nervous
10
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it will be fine
11
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could you
12
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do you mind if I just pop to the loo?
13
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Of course sweetheart
14
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No problem I will just
15
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make myself comfortable
16
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How could you do such a thing you idiot?
17
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Oh, I didn't hear the door
18
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Sorry, did you..
19
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Darling this is John
20
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He is a wonderful pianist
21
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I met him at one of my
meetups, where we'd sing songs.
22
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,540
I met him at one of my
meetups, where we'd sing songs.
23
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Right? You two know each other from before?
24
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Hi. It's Can actually, it's a Turkish name
25
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No no no you can call
me John I don't mind it
26
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Oh! Hold on let me get that
27
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This is exciting
28
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people are coming!
29
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Linda!
30
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What was that song you
sang last time with John!
31
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Oh, Light Me Up. It's my
boyfriend's composition
32
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Your boyfriend's composition?
33
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I have it!
34
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No way
35
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Way!
36
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Baby
37
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I see you walking past me
38
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But I swear your soul kissed
39
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my eternity
40
00:03:23,260 --> 00:03:25,260
Hold me
41
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closely
42
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with every touch I'll make you
43
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believe in me
44
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You killed me
45
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with purity
46
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you separated all the blood in my soul
47
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light me up
48
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tone me down
49
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moi your palette
50
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vous my song
51
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Your touch illustrates
52
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colors into my skin
53
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Oh, wonderful!
54
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I want to propose a toast
55
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to the lady who brought music to this party
56
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Oh! Thank you
57
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That's why I love organising music groups
58
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you get to sing together
59
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and you have so much fun
60
00:04:34,820 --> 00:04:37,460
This is what young people need
to bear in mind and take away
61
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,920
Music is the way to stay
62
00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:41,277
modest
63
00:04:41,301 --> 00:04:42,816
and humble in this world
64
00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:44,880
I don't want to sound like
the annoying uncle but..
65
00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:47,276
Well, I'm afraid you do
66
00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:49,300
When you generalise
about "all young people"
67
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and then you talk about
modesty and humility
68
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sorry it's just a real bugbear of mine
69
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Sorry
70
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,300
Who are you?
71
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,660
I'm Samantha
72
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:05,520
Why? Does that make a difference?
73
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,300
Guys, come on
74
00:05:07,730 --> 00:05:09,276
Is that the booze talking?
75
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:11,300
No, just me being a bitch
76
00:05:15,860 --> 00:05:17,700
Oh, I need to get this sorry
77
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:21,700
You know honey
78
00:05:21,860 --> 00:05:24,500
I truly believe, that when
one believes enough
79
00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:26,760
there's nothing one can't achieve
80
00:05:26,900 --> 00:05:27,900
"The secret!"
81
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:31,740
Yes darling! We create our
own destiny with our energy
82
00:05:32,230 --> 00:05:35,276
Look, I'm sorry to interrupt
but can I also state my opinion?
83
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:40,880
I think all this "energy and believe in it
and let your dreams come true is bullshit"
84
00:05:42,740 --> 00:05:48,560
Of course! It's all about taking selfies
and posting on facebook and instagram.
85
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,780
Not worth chasing your goals
86
00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:53,276
You know that's not my point at all
87
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and I don't take pictures and
post what I eat on instagram
88
00:05:56,540 --> 00:06:01,840
I think these so called "secret" and other cliched
sayings are just as commercial as your examples
89
00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:07,980
What cliche? The girl sings wonderfully and a
living example of what we are all talking about here
90
00:06:08,220 --> 00:06:09,960
The girl doesn't sing at Carnegie Hall.
91
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:13,660
She sings her boyfriend's
songs at meetup parties.
92
00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:19,220
Oh it's not commercial enough for
you. Whatever happened to simplicity and
93
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:25,716
I'm not saying those are bad and I don't understand
why everyone's got hostile when I express my opinion
94
00:06:25,740 --> 00:06:27,276
Not everyone
95
00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:30,500
I think these days, just like
on facebook and instagram
96
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:36,860
people made plastic versions of deep
philosophies and psychological complexities
97
00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:40,180
and then they sell them by
making them sound simple
98
00:06:40,220 --> 00:06:43,820
You know that they are sweet
tricks to attract naive people.
99
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:46,060
Oh you're making such a big thing of it.
100
00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:49,820
You have quite a big ego don't you?
101
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:54,800
Shouldn't you be at home reading
books and not wasting time at parties?
102
00:06:56,260 --> 00:06:57,540
I think may be you are right
103
00:06:58,140 --> 00:06:59,940
Guys.. come on
104
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:04,180
Well seriously, first we have
"all young people" generalization
105
00:07:04,220 --> 00:07:07,276
now we have this "psychology,
philosophy, I know all that"
106
00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:09,276
I didn't say that
107
00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:11,420
No, but it's obvious
that's what you're thinking
108
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:13,776
Ok and who are you to judge me like that?
109
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:18,376
Guys please, can we not spend the whole night
arguing and throwing sass at each other?
110
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,540
Let's show some respect for our host.
111
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:21,796
Now I'm disrespectful
112
00:07:21,820 --> 00:07:25,276
Seriously I will not have
this anymore at my house
113
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:27,276
You're right honey don't be sad
114
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why don't we lighten the mood a bit?
115
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I'm not sad
116
00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:33,300
John! Honey, play something for us
117
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No, seriously if I play the
piece I've been practising lately
118
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This party is going to be doomed
119
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Mmm I like the sound of that
120
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:42,860
It's so difficult. I..
121
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:46,416
Oh come on honey
this is not a concert hall!
122
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Okay
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for the sake of changing the mood
124
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I'll give it a go
125
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is anyone gonna tell me what's going on?
126
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,136
Now people go missing?
127
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:28,980
It's all right darling, I got you!
128
00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:29,436
It makes sense
129
00:09:29,460 --> 00:09:30,680
She's fainted
130
00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:32,720
No way?
131
00:09:33,820 --> 00:09:35,100
Do you mind?
132
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:05,300
Oh fuck! Fuck
133
00:10:40,660 --> 00:10:41,460
Jody?
134
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,276
Wait, Jody!
135
00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:45,276
Jody!
136
00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:47,300
JODY!
137
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:00,920
Jody!
138
00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:02,900
Jody!
139
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,960
Jody wait! Jody stop!
140
00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:38,440
Jody
141
00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,300
I'm not going to hurt you
142
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,300
Listen to me
143
00:11:44,980 --> 00:11:45,780
Jody
144
00:11:45,860 --> 00:11:47,300
Jody wait!
145
00:11:51,100 --> 00:11:53,300
Jody! wait!
146
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:23,960
Jody
147
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,900
I know what you're thinking
148
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:51,316
What?
149
00:12:51,340 --> 00:12:52,780
You know what
150
00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:54,840
What do you want me to say?
151
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,500
I mean You're bloody fainting or whatever
152
00:12:57,700 --> 00:13:01,300
and you wake up on the floor and you are
telling me this is not one of your episodes?
153
00:13:01,340 --> 00:13:03,240
Lara I told you, and I told mum
154
00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:05,296
this wasn't one of those
155
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:06,776
if you just get in touch with these people
156
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,376
you have it all clear in your
mind, you'll know what happened
157
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,616
Yeah and face the humiliation
158
00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:11,440
what humiliation?
159
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:14,616
Come on Lara, you know these
people played a prank on me!
160
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,616
Or what are you saying?
161
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,460
I just passed out and had an
hour long hallucination is that it?
162
00:13:20,660 --> 00:13:23,060
I'm not saying anything and I
told you, don't put this on me
163
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,640
This is not helping
164
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:32,640
Julie I want to help you
165
00:13:37,820 --> 00:13:39,560
I'm just trying to understand Julie
166
00:13:41,580 --> 00:13:42,640
Ok.
167
00:13:43,020 --> 00:13:46,180
So the way I see it, there's two options
168
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:50,020
the first, you are right. They played
a huge prank on you, well done them
169
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:52,617
Second
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00:13:52,641 --> 00:13:54,640
you know you've been on so much medication
171
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,640
Second! Right, second!
172
00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:58,360
I'm crazy.
173
00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,480
Julie come on
174
00:13:59,540 --> 00:14:02,616
Don't Julie me. It's
so easy for you isn't it?
175
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:04,096
I'm trying to help you
176
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:07,540
I'm not just talking about you, it's
all of you. You, mum, everybody!
177
00:14:10,180 --> 00:14:12,640
You have no idea what
I'm going through do you?
178
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:08,240
Let go
179
00:16:08,830 --> 00:16:10,616
Give up
180
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,640
You know it's best
181
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:54,640
There's a woman upstairs
182
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:03,776
I told you they are chasing
after me. No one believes me
183
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:07,000
I'm not making this up
184
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,640
She must have left
185
00:17:17,130 --> 00:17:18,640
Oh...
186
00:17:19,020 --> 00:17:21,420
Mum. I know that tone.
187
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,640
We both know it don't we?
188
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,040
Can I just...
189
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:35,396
Mum please
190
00:17:35,420 --> 00:17:36,156
Baby!
191
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:40,240
Please don't do that!
192
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:42,640
What have you done to yourself?
193
00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:45,980
My baby!
194
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,180
Why?
195
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,616
I'm giving this to you
196
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:44,300
But I'm not letting go of the meaning
and the experience that we shared
197
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,616
I'll keep that forever
198
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,616
and I know you will too
199
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,640
I will
200
00:19:54,380 --> 00:19:56,640
I don't have any words any more
201
00:19:57,860 --> 00:19:59,280
guess that's the point right?
202
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:03,316
Shall we hug?
203
00:20:03,340 --> 00:20:04,640
Thank you
204
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:09,020
Hi Julianne
205
00:20:09,060 --> 00:20:10,616
thanks for calling
206
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,616
I've got your e mail
207
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,776
I can fit you in at 4 o'clock tomorrow.
208
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,776
4 o'clock tomorrow is fine
209
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,800
Great, I'll see you at my private practise
210
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:20,680
Ok
211
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,800
Ok. Bye
212
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,720
Bye
213
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,800
Hey!
214
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,800
Hey
215
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:48,800
I organised this meetup
party for creative people
216
00:21:51,340 --> 00:21:53,140
It just went awfully wrong
217
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,776
They are all after me now
218
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,800
They are trying to kill me
219
00:22:02,020 --> 00:22:03,030
in my dreams
220
00:22:03,130 --> 00:22:04,130
but
221
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:06,800
it just seems so real
222
00:22:07,330 --> 00:22:11,380
I'm really scared I'm actually going to die
223
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:14,800
Did this start about the party?
224
00:22:16,060 --> 00:22:17,600
Your dreams I mean
225
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,800
I've always had trouble with my sleep
226
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:23,920
sleepwalking,
227
00:22:24,060 --> 00:22:26,800
when half awake, hallucinating
228
00:22:27,100 --> 00:22:29,080
but nothing this extreme
229
00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:33,920
there is something really wrong this time
230
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,200
This woman Elisabeth
231
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,800
and the piano guy John
232
00:22:39,580 --> 00:22:41,780
he played this piece at the party and
233
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,460
everything just went wrong after that
234
00:22:46,540 --> 00:22:48,776
What was it like before this happened?
235
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,800
What kind of people are they?
236
00:22:51,380 --> 00:22:55,700
They were actually the nicest
and the friendliest ones towards me
237
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:58,776
I don't understand
238
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:00,800
That's interesting
239
00:23:01,430 --> 00:23:02,776
so they were nice
240
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:04,776
and now they're your monsters
241
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,800
Yes. They were really supportive
242
00:23:07,620 --> 00:23:08,800
And how are you?
243
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:10,776
What, now?
244
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:12,800
Not just now
245
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:14,400
In general
246
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:16,800
Do you support yourself?
247
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:20,800
I
248
00:23:23,730 --> 00:23:24,800
I
249
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:28,800
My questions made you sad
250
00:23:32,100 --> 00:23:33,100
I
251
00:23:41,180 --> 00:23:42,800
I hurt
252
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:48,776
I've got no choice
253
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:52,460
I look like this cheerful
and nice person but
254
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:54,800
I'm this..
255
00:23:55,260 --> 00:23:56,800
This!
256
00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:00,800
You feel you have no choice.
257
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:04,800
It helps you to hurt yourself
258
00:24:05,330 --> 00:24:06,800
I understand
259
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:09,480
You do?
260
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:15,460
Have you seen a therapist before Julianne?
261
00:24:16,060 --> 00:24:17,840
A psychiatrist..
262
00:24:17,900 --> 00:24:19,220
My mum took me
263
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,540
He said I had bp something.
264
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,800
Borderline? Bipolar?
265
00:24:25,180 --> 00:24:26,800
Borderline
266
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:28,800
He was an asshole
267
00:24:29,460 --> 00:24:30,800
Didn't end well
268
00:24:32,260 --> 00:24:34,776
Ended quite messy actually
269
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,800
Life isn't always beautiful
270
00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:41,330
How do these people kill you?
271
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:44,800
They strangle me
272
00:24:46,300 --> 00:24:48,580
Can just pushed me to the ground and
273
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:52,320
Elisabeth caught me off guard
274
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,420
If you see them in your dreams
275
00:24:58,180 --> 00:25:00,800
they aren't other people
276
00:25:01,660 --> 00:25:02,800
What do you mean?
277
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,200
You catch yourself off guard
278
00:25:07,260 --> 00:25:09,160
You are strangling yourself
279
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:12,776
Ok. You are scaring me now.
280
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,800
I don't mean to scare you Julianne
281
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,200
but what you're saying already is scary
282
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,460
Where do these people come from?
283
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,800
Who brings them here?
284
00:25:27,620 --> 00:25:29,220
Oh right, here you go
285
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,776
You know what? You can go to hell
286
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,776
All of you
287
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:36,560
I don't know why I even bothered
288
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:37,880
What's wrong Julianne?
289
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:39,240
What's wrong?
290
00:25:39,300 --> 00:25:40,500
You are wrong
291
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:42,980
All these people are in my head
292
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:44,360
right?
293
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:47,120
Well good for you, so clever, you nailed it
294
00:25:47,220 --> 00:25:48,220
I don't understand
295
00:25:48,300 --> 00:25:49,100
You won't need to
296
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:51,540
I don't think you should go like this
297
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:54,340
Yeah? watch me!
298
00:25:54,620 --> 00:25:55,880
No
299
00:25:56,020 --> 00:25:57,780
What?
300
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,060
Who do you think you
are? Get out of my way!
301
00:26:00,180 --> 00:26:02,740
I'm not getting out of your way
until you manage to stay with me
302
00:26:03,120 --> 00:26:05,060
Don't you fucking shout
at me you crazy bi...
303
00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:06,960
I am not shouting at you because I'm angry
304
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,920
I'm trying to reach you
305
00:26:10,020 --> 00:26:11,140
What is this?
306
00:26:11,220 --> 00:26:12,840
You think you can use force to stop me
307
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,800
Look into my eyes. Is that what you see?
308
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:20,840
What are you doing?
309
00:26:22,140 --> 00:26:24,100
I'm trying to stay with you Julianne
310
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:25,280
Why?
311
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:28,800
Because I think no one else does
312
00:26:53,180 --> 00:26:54,800
Is my hand all right there?
313
00:27:03,900 --> 00:27:05,180
I don't want to do this
314
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:08,800
I know
315
00:27:09,380 --> 00:27:11,820
I know it's painful
316
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:14,776
But I'm here
317
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,800
and I want to be here
318
00:27:17,100 --> 00:27:18,800
In your pain
319
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,560
What happened there
320
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:28,160
I'm interested in your reaction
321
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:32,800
Has this happened before?
322
00:27:34,140 --> 00:27:36,020
You have no idea what
I'm going through do you?
323
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:39,230
Fuck your care! Thanks for
your loving and caring chat
324
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:44,800
Almost always
325
00:27:46,820 --> 00:27:47,920
Right
326
00:27:50,260 --> 00:27:52,800
You didn't have to be a bitch though
327
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:55,080
I know
328
00:27:56,300 --> 00:27:58,776
I'm sorry
329
00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:00,800
I had to improvise
330
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:12,800
I'm not feeling worse
331
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:17,120
I won't stay for long
332
00:28:18,140 --> 00:28:19,816
I just want to make
sure you are in one piece
333
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:22,240
Mum I don't want to talk about this
334
00:28:22,460 --> 00:28:24,800
That's why people go to
therapy right? It's private
335
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:27,080
Oh do they now?
336
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,520
And what's there to keep
from one's own mother?
337
00:28:29,860 --> 00:28:30,920
Who's worried as hell
338
00:28:31,380 --> 00:28:33,456
and who's getting messages
from her daughter's best friend
339
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:34,800
that she's worried
340
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:36,900
All I wanted is for you..
341
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,240
Yeah that's not fair is
it? What do you want..
342
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:42,800
What do I want ha?
343
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:44,180
Oh
344
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,800
Did she give you that individualistic crap?
345
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:48,856
I should have found you a therapist
346
00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:51,120
Mum can you stop making this about her?
347
00:28:52,180 --> 00:28:53,500
I just told her what happened and
348
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:55,040
The party
349
00:28:55,580 --> 00:28:57,460
Yeah. Not just that
350
00:28:57,900 --> 00:29:00,800
What do you mean?
351
00:29:02,660 --> 00:29:04,800
Oh
352
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,240
Did someone leave you Julianne?
353
00:29:11,740 --> 00:29:14,300
Oh we are not going there
354
00:29:15,620 --> 00:29:16,980
I think we are there
355
00:29:18,260 --> 00:29:20,800
I think you are there all the time
356
00:29:31,380 --> 00:29:32,800
What?
357
00:29:32,980 --> 00:29:34,800
Do that some more
358
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:37,500
What? Why?
359
00:29:38,020 --> 00:29:40,800
Looks like they're doing the talking
360
00:29:41,500 --> 00:29:43,460
They are doing what you're not saying
361
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:46,800
I don't want to talk about it
362
00:29:47,220 --> 00:29:48,800
Then don't
363
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:50,800
Let your hands do the talking
364
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,000
Here
365
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:01,640
Try on this
366
00:30:05,220 --> 00:30:06,800
Come on
367
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:10,060
Do it some more
368
00:30:17,900 --> 00:30:19,730
How does it feel?
369
00:30:21,540 --> 00:30:22,940
Stupid
370
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:24,800
Yes
371
00:30:26,060 --> 00:30:27,380
What else?
372
00:30:30,540 --> 00:30:32,100
More stupid?
373
00:30:32,180 --> 00:30:34,020
So say it
374
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,800
Say it to the stupid cushion. Try
375
00:30:40,060 --> 00:30:41,220
What? Stupid?
376
00:30:41,860 --> 00:30:42,860
Yes
377
00:30:43,260 --> 00:30:44,800
Try it more
378
00:30:49,060 --> 00:30:49,940
But..
379
00:30:50,020 --> 00:30:51,680
Come on Julianne
380
00:30:52,380 --> 00:30:54,540
Say it
381
00:30:54,620 --> 00:30:56,800
Let go
382
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:03,060
Listen to your body
383
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:08,800
What do you notice?
384
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:15,580
My back
385
00:31:19,540 --> 00:31:20,800
Stupid
386
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,240
You're angry Julianne
387
00:31:28,540 --> 00:31:30,260
You seem angry
388
00:31:30,420 --> 00:31:32,800
I am angry! I'm fucking angry!
389
00:31:33,140 --> 00:31:35,060
Yes. Julianne
390
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,800
I'm with you let go
391
00:31:52,220 --> 00:31:53,600
I can't
392
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:56,800
I can't
393
00:31:59,780 --> 00:32:01,160
Who is it Julianne?
394
00:32:08,180 --> 00:32:10,800
What the cushion?
395
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,800
Who left you?
396
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:28,120
My father
397
00:32:36,620 --> 00:32:38,360
When?
398
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:44,120
I never met him
399
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:14,800
I'm trying to reach you
400
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:21,500
You are strangling yourself
401
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:41,200
Am I supposed to feel guilty about it now?
402
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:46,800
How wonderful the way you emphasize the "I"
403
00:33:47,220 --> 00:33:48,280
No I should
404
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:50,800
Oh mum please don't
start with the I should haves
405
00:33:51,740 --> 00:33:52,800
What?
406
00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:54,776
You are looking for someone to blame
407
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:56,776
and you don't want to take it
408
00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:58,776
fine, blame me
409
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:00,776
blame me for not burning that bloody letter
410
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:02,776
Blame me for having you
411
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:04,800
I chose to understand him
412
00:34:05,430 --> 00:34:07,560
forgive him
413
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:15,780
No listen, he's a ghost in my life
414
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,420
I mean, you don't talk about him
415
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:21,280
all I know is that he didn't want me
416
00:34:22,220 --> 00:34:24,776
and he didn't want you because of me
417
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:26,776
I think you should stop seeing that woman
418
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:28,800
I don't want your nose in all this OK?
419
00:34:29,300 --> 00:34:30,800
My nose?
420
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:32,040
I'm paying for it
421
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:33,340
Yeah
422
00:34:33,420 --> 00:34:34,900
Well listen, I want you out of here
423
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,260
I want it more than you
do, you spoiled little brat
424
00:34:37,340 --> 00:34:40,800
Go snivel to that so sacred therapist
425
00:34:42,500 --> 00:34:44,800
It's too early to play the jealous card!
426
00:34:55,580 --> 00:34:57,280
She never drank it did she?
427
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:21,600
Leave it
428
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:30,776
I was really worried about you
429
00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:33,081
it was an absolute horrow show
you went through you know?
430
00:35:33,460 --> 00:35:34,800
Yeah
431
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:36,860
Are you still seeing that therapist?
432
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:38,800
Yeah I am
433
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:41,940
And actually its after seeing
her that I've been feeling different
434
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:44,800
How long do you have to see her for?
435
00:35:44,900 --> 00:35:47,300
Is there a time when she just
says "darling you're cured"?
436
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:50,776
It's gonna be a while
437
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:52,800
I mean we have an open ended contract
438
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:54,776
And..
439
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:58,120
She says " We are at a very
important point in our journey"
440
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:00,800
Oh yes?
441
00:36:02,140 --> 00:36:03,140
What?
442
00:36:03,380 --> 00:36:05,320
Well I know I know it's
private and everything,
443
00:36:05,460 --> 00:36:09,260
but I mean if you wanted to give me any
juicy details on what you guys talk about
444
00:36:09,660 --> 00:36:11,120
Yeah of course
445
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:12,800
I wouldn't have a stroke telling you
446
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,800
It just all comes down to mum
447
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:25,040
I know she'd freak out if she
knew how much she damaged me
448
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,400
but I know she didn't do it intentionally
449
00:36:29,260 --> 00:36:33,020
Yeah. Parents. Constantly
unintentionally fucking things up.
450
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:36,420
Yep!
451
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:39,060
So this serious work, tell me. You know,
452
00:36:39,260 --> 00:36:41,396
what is it she says to you
that actually makes a difference
453
00:36:41,420 --> 00:36:44,430
it's not so much about what she says
454
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:46,776
it's more about how she is
455
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:51,200
she has a way of entering
and touching the core of things
456
00:36:52,060 --> 00:36:55,920
So she touches and enters?
457
00:36:55,980 --> 00:36:56,777
Yeah!
458
00:36:56,801 --> 00:37:00,180
She entered and touched my monsters!
459
00:37:03,380 --> 00:37:04,500
And then,
460
00:37:04,620 --> 00:37:07,420
and only then, can you
learn to love yourself
461
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:08,800
Oh yes!
462
00:37:17,500 --> 00:37:18,860
No I mean seriously,
463
00:37:19,020 --> 00:37:20,800
I know we are joking and all,
464
00:37:20,860 --> 00:37:21,860
but
465
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:24,776
there's something really weird
and unique happening in that room
466
00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:26,800
But you gotta admit it just sounds a bit
467
00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:28,777
What?
468
00:37:28,801 --> 00:37:30,776
Well, all of this
469
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:32,776
going back to your childhood
470
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:33,960
talking about mother issues
471
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:36,800
it's not exactly going into your childhood
472
00:37:37,820 --> 00:37:39,680
I'm realising more and more it's
473
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:42,776
we're all still in our childhoods, you know
474
00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:47,880
and somewhere along the way we desperately
try and adapt to this adult world
475
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:49,980
at least I am
476
00:37:50,220 --> 00:37:54,700
the thing is you can't spend your entire life just
playing around, there has to be some limitation
477
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:56,160
Why not?
478
00:37:56,220 --> 00:37:58,880
I mean, if everyone followed their heart
479
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:00,860
at least we'd have real people
480
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,776
instead of institutionalized zombies
481
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:06,776
in that party,
482
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:08,960
Samantha was so bitchy
483
00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:10,800
I'm not
484
00:38:11,820 --> 00:38:14,380
That piano guy, he was so creative. I'm not
485
00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:17,680
Elisabeth was so kind, I don't deserve it
486
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,740
Jody was upfront, I can't
be seen to be that rude
487
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:24,776
Who am I in all this?
488
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,776
I need to be myself as well you know?
489
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:28,776
I see what you're saying but the thing is,
490
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:32,100
if we were all completely open and
honest with our friends all the time
491
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:34,936
some of those friendships
would seize to exist
492
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:38,620
Exactly! So we need to find a
way to embrace that openness
493
00:38:39,820 --> 00:38:44,320
not try and live at this
plastic prison of pretense
494
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:46,800
Plastic. I like that
495
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:48,937
All right girls?
496
00:38:48,961 --> 00:38:50,080
Hello darling
497
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,800
Don't mind me I'm just off to the gym
498
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:56,320
Enjoy your play date
499
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:58,800
Bay baay
500
00:38:59,900 --> 00:39:01,060
So where were we?
501
00:39:01,260 --> 00:39:04,260
Something about plastic people?
502
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:08,180
Yeah I mean
503
00:39:08,340 --> 00:39:10,440
I feel like I need to
504
00:39:10,500 --> 00:39:12,800
I need to reset and start from scratch
505
00:39:14,500 --> 00:39:16,800
But I feel so fragile
506
00:39:18,300 --> 00:39:20,776
when you let go of your
habitual ways it's like
507
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:24,280
you turn into a baby who
is acidentally a 25 year old
508
00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:32,720
It's meeting your true self that's
so painful and sometimes awkward.
509
00:39:36,540 --> 00:39:38,800
That's when Carol nurtures me
510
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:44,600
that's when she stays compassionate
and firm at the same time
511
00:39:47,580 --> 00:39:49,000
man that's deep
512
00:39:49,460 --> 00:39:52,800
Yeah. It is
513
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:03,760
Hi Peter it's Carol
514
00:40:06,900 --> 00:40:08,800
So,
515
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:14,120
sitting here I..
516
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:17,780
Am very much left with our last meeting
517
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:20,800
and with
518
00:40:23,500 --> 00:40:25,060
Julianne
519
00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:26,776
Yes
520
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:30,620
I was a bit defensive last
time we spoke about her
521
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:34,800
I'm sure that you were concerned
522
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:38,800
So please,
523
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:41,700
tell me more about Julianne
524
00:40:43,700 --> 00:40:47,740
well she started to self harm
when she found her father's letter
525
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:52,720
but I feel the root of her problems
stems way back to her mother's depression
526
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:54,800
when Julianne was a baby
527
00:40:56,300 --> 00:40:58,020
she grew up with guilt
528
00:40:59,420 --> 00:41:02,180
a sense that she owed
her existence to her mother.
529
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:04,800
Who chose Julianne after her father
530
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:10,116
a party mirrored her
projections of her real self
531
00:41:10,140 --> 00:41:11,140
A party?
532
00:41:11,220 --> 00:41:12,400
Yes
533
00:41:12,500 --> 00:41:14,540
Her projections began to haunt her.
534
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:18,776
As if they were going to
kill her, but in actual fact..
535
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:22,180
I see where you're going with this Carol
536
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:25,060
but it's just the way you talk about her
537
00:41:26,460 --> 00:41:32,120
there is something unsettling for me here
538
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:40,720
is there some particular pull or
confluence for you with Julliane
539
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:44,936
in terms of your own unfinished business?
540
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:46,400
My miscarriage
541
00:41:47,060 --> 00:41:55,060
I'm concerned that your longing for your lost girl
is getting in the way of your ethical practise Carol
542
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:56,377
Yes
543
00:41:56,401 --> 00:41:58,800
I am longing for my lost girl
544
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:00,800
but it doesn't affect my work
545
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:05,140
I think it does Carol
546
00:42:05,220 --> 00:42:11,640
it's clear to me that you are unable to gauge
appropriate interventions with this client
547
00:42:12,580 --> 00:42:19,480
I think you are too sensitive to carry
on working with Julianne at this stage.
548
00:42:19,720 --> 00:42:23,140
Especially with her alarming situtation
549
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:27,840
I will have to consult with
the ethics comitee about this
550
00:42:29,460 --> 00:42:31,630
You must understand
551
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:36,776
He's just being a jerk
552
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:38,776
I don't blame him totally
553
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:40,776
It's a miysterious field
554
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:42,800
unlike medicine
555
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:44,880
Yeah I hear what you are saying
556
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:52,340
I still can't understand why you guys can't
sit down and talk about it with more reason
557
00:42:52,500 --> 00:42:55,560
You've been doing this for
more than 15 years and so is he.
558
00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:58,800
It's all about the human soul and psyche
559
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:00,800
messy
560
00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:02,980
But you love that aspect of it
561
00:43:05,540 --> 00:43:08,020
for the first time I'm worried
about your career though
562
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:10,800
I'll be fine
563
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:14,160
There's no real danger in me
continuing my private practise anyway
564
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:16,100
Are you sure about that?
565
00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:21,440
Yeah. Just the ethics comitee
still have to make a decision
566
00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:28,800
say something else before I go to sleep
567
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:31,720
I don't want to dream about my supervisor
568
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:36,040
Something else
569
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:36,777
Ohhh
570
00:43:36,801 --> 00:43:38,800
very funny
571
00:43:39,660 --> 00:43:40,800
good night
572
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:32,800
You're so bad, you're so bad!
573
00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:35,260
You're so naughty
574
00:44:40,340 --> 00:44:41,340
What?
575
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:46,080
Untie me!
576
00:44:48,420 --> 00:44:53,640
Untie you sweety but, I don't see any ropes
577
00:44:54,540 --> 00:44:55,336
my legs!
578
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:56,680
"My legs"
579
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:04,600
This is a nightmare
580
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:06,000
Ohh "this is a nightmare"
581
00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:07,620
I'll close my eyes
582
00:45:07,740 --> 00:45:10,800
and when I open them
again, it will all be gone
583
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:16,060
Ohh we both know that isn't true don't we?
584
00:45:23,730 --> 00:45:24,930
It's not a dream
585
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:26,800
It's happening!
586
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:36,800
"It's not a dream"
587
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:44,800
I've got something to tell you
588
00:47:02,460 --> 00:47:04,800
I have something to tell you
589
00:47:07,300 --> 00:47:08,800
I have something to say
590
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:12,776
It's not going to be easy
591
00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:14,800
but I'll just say it
592
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:18,800
I don't want to come anymore
593
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:22,800
it's quite sudden
594
00:47:23,430 --> 00:47:24,776
I'm surprised and
595
00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:26,800
well, curious
596
00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:32,920
Well, I'm not sure what we're
doing here is actually helping me
597
00:47:33,260 --> 00:47:34,800
I do feel different
598
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:38,400
something did change from the
very first day I came to see you
599
00:47:40,460 --> 00:47:42,776
I don't cut myself that much
600
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:44,800
almost never
601
00:47:45,300 --> 00:47:50,060
I feel more pain but also more energy
602
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:54,776
but then again
603
00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:56,800
this is what scares me
604
00:47:57,560 --> 00:47:58,776
this?
605
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:00,776
This change
606
00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:02,800
my dreams are move vivid and
607
00:48:03,230 --> 00:48:04,800
strange
608
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:09,840
I'm sleepwalking even more than I used to
609
00:48:10,180 --> 00:48:12,800
Before we decide wether you
want to go on with me or not
610
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:18,540
shall we talk more about
your dreams and your fear?
611
00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:22,800
Of course
612
00:48:25,500 --> 00:48:26,800
I was raped last night
613
00:48:34,800 --> 00:48:36,776
And it..
614
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:38,800
It was so real
615
00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:42,840
I can't even begin to tell you how I felt
616
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:45,840
Do you know who it was?
617
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:48,776
Lara's boyfriend
618
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:50,800
so not anyone from the party then this time
619
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:53,860
No but this was worse
620
00:48:53,980 --> 00:48:56,800
it was disgusting and it was
621
00:48:59,260 --> 00:49:00,776
unacceptable
622
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:02,776
you mean the rape of course
623
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:04,776
no I don't mean the rape
624
00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:07,000
Ok. I'm listening
625
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:15,860
Towards the end of my dream
626
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:21,240
I went crazy and I started
laughing and enjoying myself
627
00:49:22,800 --> 00:49:24,800
so it wasn't rape after all then
628
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:28,020
well it was in the beginning
629
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:28,777
but
630
00:49:28,801 --> 00:49:31,440
then I could move my arms and my legs
631
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:34,800
but I didn't resist
632
00:49:35,940 --> 00:49:36,940
I felt sort of
633
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:41,700
free and happy
634
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:44,776
and mad.
635
00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:46,776
Mad
636
00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:48,800
how does it make you feel now_?
637
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:55,476
Pregnant
638
00:49:55,500 --> 00:49:57,380
and horrible
639
00:49:58,060 --> 00:49:59,380
pregnant?
640
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:03,920
I'm scared. I can't go on with this
641
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:06,776
I really hear your struggle Julianne.
642
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:09,336
I can only imagine how difficult it must be
643
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:11,336
for you to trust in
644
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:13,336
such a painful process
645
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:16,000
without knowing how or where it will end.
646
00:50:18,120 --> 00:50:19,960
I don't want to carry on with this
647
00:50:21,260 --> 00:50:22,800
The bad news is
648
00:50:23,380 --> 00:50:26,960
Once you are aware there is no turning back
649
00:50:27,540 --> 00:50:28,540
but
650
00:50:29,180 --> 00:50:32,960
if you stay with it, with enough support
651
00:50:33,100 --> 00:50:35,040
you will be nourished
652
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:36,800
what awareness?
653
00:50:37,500 --> 00:50:38,800
Lara's boyfriend
654
00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:40,880
the rape
655
00:50:40,980 --> 00:50:44,080
I don't think this was just plainly sexual
656
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:47,540
Do you remember Samantha's visions?
657
00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:50,800
You made piece with her
the more we worked on it
658
00:50:51,780 --> 00:50:55,000
she became you and you became her
659
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:58,620
and only then were you able
to critisize my hair and my office
660
00:51:00,620 --> 00:51:04,220
you were able to tell Lara that she
wasn't relating to you without losing it
661
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:08,240
you felt OK about complaining
662
00:51:08,440 --> 00:51:11,620
Samantha. She was there in the dream
663
00:51:12,800 --> 00:51:15,780
She was making out with Frank
664
00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:20,440
I really think something is trying
to get your attention here Julianne
665
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:23,720
It's almost symbolic
666
00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:26,920
like something is being born
667
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:30,776
Frank is your best friend's lover
668
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:32,776
that's hard for you to get a handle on it
669
00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:34,776
it takes courage
670
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:36,776
it's too new
671
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:38,796
too unfamiliar
672
00:51:38,820 --> 00:51:41,640
You're right. I can't handle it
673
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:44,800
nor do I want to
674
00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:49,700
It's hard to let you go
at this point Julianne
675
00:51:51,620 --> 00:51:54,580
especially when you've come such a long way
676
00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:57,280
but
677
00:51:57,660 --> 00:51:59,140
I'm not gonna stop you this time
678
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:02,776
not like our first meeting
679
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:04,800
but I want you to know
680
00:52:05,540 --> 00:52:08,440
I genuinely support your struggle
681
00:52:09,060 --> 00:52:10,800
Ok
682
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:14,300
Thank you Carol
683
00:52:24,100 --> 00:52:25,920
What did Elisabeth look like?
684
00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:28,800
Did she have reddish
hair? Short in her 70s.
685
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:32,800
Evet ama
686
00:52:33,340 --> 00:52:35,660
Why? Did you meet her?
687
00:52:37,720 --> 00:52:39,320
It's difficult to explain
688
00:52:40,620 --> 00:52:42,800
She said she had something to tell me
689
00:52:43,620 --> 00:52:44,920
What?
690
00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:46,800
I don't know
691
00:52:47,380 --> 00:52:48,776
I woke up
692
00:52:48,800 --> 00:52:50,800
What? She was in your dream?
693
00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:52,800
Yes
694
00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:56,776
I don't understand
695
00:52:56,800 --> 00:52:58,800
I don't understand either
696
00:53:01,340 --> 00:53:02,800
I had an image of us,
697
00:53:03,140 --> 00:53:05,580
when you walked in,
you were trying to leave
698
00:53:06,260 --> 00:53:08,800
We were wrestling
699
00:53:09,130 --> 00:53:10,776
Wrestling?
700
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:12,800
Yes
701
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:14,920
Do you want to try it?
702
00:53:16,980 --> 00:53:18,800
As much as you can
703
00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:34,040
I could do this all day
704
00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:49,500
No, no, it's just that
she is not usually late
705
00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:50,840
Not to worry
706
00:53:51,100 --> 00:53:53,240
the piccadilly line is slow anyway
707
00:53:53,420 --> 00:53:55,540
No, no she usually calls
708
00:53:55,900 --> 00:53:58,420
Mmm! This wine is amazing!
709
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:00,800
Hello darling! There she is
710
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:05,460
How long since we last saw each other ha?
711
00:54:05,820 --> 00:54:08,080
Don't let her hug you, she'll
probably break your bones
712
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:10,800
Oh shut up, come on
713
00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:34,776
Hello
714
00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:36,800
Yes, this is she
715
00:54:41,460 --> 00:54:42,800
Sorry?
716
00:54:47,130 --> 00:54:48,800
Oh
717
00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:04,800
Sorry I was just I'm just
718
00:55:06,800 --> 00:55:08,800
What?
719
00:55:09,230 --> 00:55:10,776
Here?
720
00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:12,776
Now?
721
00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:14,800
How did you even..
722
00:55:41,130 --> 00:55:42,800
What do you want?
723
00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:47,200
Please Julianne, I just want to see you
724
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:50,800
Why?
725
00:55:51,620 --> 00:55:53,340
There is something I have to tell you
726
00:55:54,100 --> 00:55:55,640
I have to say something to you
727
00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:02,776
Does mum know you're here?
728
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:04,776
Nobody knows
729
00:56:04,800 --> 00:56:06,800
Please Julianne
730
00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:14,776
So dear tell me
731
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:16,776
How is the practise going?
732
00:56:16,800 --> 00:56:18,776
Darling, you know you can't
733
00:56:18,800 --> 00:56:20,776
Thanks Richard
734
00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:22,776
I'm not really a fan of
talking about my work
735
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:24,776
but it's fine
736
00:56:24,800 --> 00:56:26,776
I'm sorry, I just want to
know how everything is
737
00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:28,800
everything including
738
00:56:29,900 --> 00:56:31,860
but it's Ok if you don't
want to talk about it
739
00:56:31,930 --> 00:56:34,936
No no, it's fine. It's still the same as you
saw me 7 years ago when I first accredited
740
00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:38,776
Oh what a time that was
741
00:56:38,800 --> 00:56:40,776
Actually, I'm enjoying it even more
742
00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:44,120
Although sometimes the
practicalities are a bit you know..
743
00:56:48,800 --> 00:56:51,820
It's so good to see you
without hiding for once
744
00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:56,800
So this is my girl
745
00:57:01,260 --> 00:57:02,776
I know
746
00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:04,800
nothing I say is gonna
make things any better
747
00:57:05,320 --> 00:57:08,160
Do you also know that what you're
doing is actually making things worse
748
00:57:09,880 --> 00:57:12,020
Just give me 5 minutes
749
00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:16,800
Do you have a favorite client?
750
00:57:17,460 --> 00:57:20,640
Darling, that's like asking
if you have a favorite child
751
00:57:21,860 --> 00:57:24,540
It is a difficult question Richard I agree
752
00:57:25,460 --> 00:57:27,760
Although
753
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:31,720
I do have a favorite client
754
00:57:32,660 --> 00:57:34,776
I couldn't let go
755
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:36,800
I missed your mother so much
756
00:57:38,800 --> 00:57:40,776
But we were so very young
757
00:57:40,800 --> 00:57:42,800
I know the story you
don't have to repeat it
758
00:57:44,520 --> 00:57:46,800
What do you want
759
00:57:46,900 --> 00:57:48,776
I wanted to tell you
760
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:51,540
that none of this was your fault
761
00:57:52,420 --> 00:57:54,800
or your mother's
762
00:57:55,140 --> 00:57:56,776
it was love
763
00:57:56,800 --> 00:57:58,800
stupid love
764
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:02,460
we were imprisoned as teenagers
765
00:58:03,560 --> 00:58:05,500
but you
766
00:58:07,380 --> 00:58:09,700
you never had any say in any of this
767
00:58:10,800 --> 00:58:12,776
I guess I just
768
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:14,800
wanted to apologise
769
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:19,620
and tell you I'll never forgive myself
770
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:28,800
Goodbye Julianne
771
00:58:29,500 --> 00:58:32,130
I won't be following you anymore
772
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:36,800
I just want to give you this
773
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:41,380
I'm not taking this. I'm
not taking anything from..
774
00:58:41,920 --> 00:58:44,776
Please, just watch it and then decide
775
00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:46,800
What is this?
776
00:58:47,420 --> 00:58:49,040
This is you
777
00:58:50,240 --> 00:58:52,800
Right from your first years
778
00:58:53,160 --> 00:58:54,800
I've always been there
779
00:58:56,240 --> 00:58:57,580
like a shadow
780
00:58:58,800 --> 00:58:59,936
watching you
781
00:58:59,960 --> 00:59:02,060
I don't want to hear anything please
782
00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:04,800
Please. Please just take it
783
00:59:06,800 --> 00:59:08,800
Goodbye Julianne
784
00:59:10,800 --> 00:59:12,800
I've always loved you
785
00:59:18,800 --> 00:59:20,800
Dad
786
00:59:22,800 --> 00:59:24,800
What's that in your bag?
787
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:28,776
Nothing, nothing baby
788
00:59:28,800 --> 00:59:30,000
I have to go
789
00:59:30,060 --> 00:59:31,380
I'm calling the police
790
00:59:31,420 --> 00:59:34,776
No Julianne no. I'm
not going to hurt anyone
791
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:36,776
Yeah. As if I will trust you
792
00:59:36,800 --> 00:59:38,776
Julianne please. Julianne?
793
00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:40,776
Stop it, stop it
794
00:59:40,800 --> 00:59:42,776
Stop it
795
00:59:42,800 --> 00:59:44,800
Fucking god, stop it!
796
00:59:45,640 --> 00:59:47,000
Stay back
797
00:59:47,200 --> 00:59:48,776
Julianne please put the gun down
798
00:59:48,800 --> 00:59:50,776
please, look
799
00:59:50,800 --> 00:59:52,776
I'll give you your phone back
800
00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:54,776
please put the gun down
801
00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:56,776
give me the gun back Julianne
802
00:59:56,800 --> 00:59:58,776
Stay back!
803
00:59:58,800 --> 01:00:00,776
Or I will shoot you
804
01:00:00,800 --> 01:00:02,776
I'll shoot you in the arm
805
01:00:02,800 --> 01:00:04,800
it won't kill you, but it will hurt
806
01:00:06,800 --> 01:00:08,776
and then I'll call the police
807
01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:12,440
and you can explain to them, what
the hell you're doing here with a gun
808
01:00:14,080 --> 01:00:16,800
or you can explain it to me now
809
01:00:19,580 --> 01:00:20,800
no?
810
01:00:21,540 --> 01:00:22,800
Fine
811
01:00:23,230 --> 01:00:24,800
don't you dare!
812
01:00:28,280 --> 01:00:29,280
Hello
813
01:00:30,800 --> 01:00:32,776
Darling, thank you so much
814
01:00:32,800 --> 01:00:34,776
Bye Bob thank you
815
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:36,776
it was absolutely fantastic
816
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:38,776
thank you so much
817
01:00:38,800 --> 01:00:40,776
love the wine
818
01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:42,776
absolutely gorgeous
819
01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:44,776
I'll give you a call next week yeah?
820
01:00:44,800 --> 01:00:46,776
I'll be waiting
821
01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:48,776
Okay safe journey
822
01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:50,776
byee
823
01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:52,776
Stop it!
824
01:00:52,800 --> 01:00:53,940
Oh fucking
825
01:00:54,800 --> 01:00:56,776
Julianne, Jullianne, Julianne
826
01:00:56,800 --> 01:00:58,776
This is meant for me
827
01:00:58,800 --> 01:01:00,800
I need to end this
828
01:01:01,900 --> 01:01:04,776
this is best for everybody.
Please let me do this
829
01:01:04,800 --> 01:01:06,800
Stop it
830
01:01:07,740 --> 01:01:10,500
you ruined my life you fucking
831
01:01:20,800 --> 01:01:22,776
I had too much wine
832
01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:24,776
oh
833
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:26,800
Honey I'm so proud of you
834
01:01:26,980 --> 01:01:27,756
What?
835
01:01:27,780 --> 01:01:30,400
The way you talked about your client.
836
01:01:30,460 --> 01:01:32,776
You really put your heart and soul into it
837
01:01:32,800 --> 01:01:34,776
Did you see Richard?
838
01:01:34,800 --> 01:01:36,776
I haven't seen him teary eyed in my life
839
01:01:36,800 --> 01:01:38,776
and we've been friends since med school
840
01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:40,800
Trust me, if you don't cry then
841
01:01:41,160 --> 01:01:42,800
you never will
842
01:01:43,180 --> 01:01:45,760
Ohh it's very sweet of you
843
01:01:46,800 --> 01:01:48,776
Oh I gotta go to bed immediately
844
01:01:48,800 --> 01:01:53,760
or you are gonna cry over the puke that's
gonna come over the carpet that you paid for
845
01:01:55,920 --> 01:01:58,800
Oh I can't even speak any English
846
01:01:59,380 --> 01:02:02,640
I can only speak wine language
847
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:06,800
I gotta go to bed
848
01:02:25,220 --> 01:02:26,800
Julianne!
849
01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:24,800
No!
850
01:03:25,240 --> 01:03:26,900
Can!
851
01:03:26,980 --> 01:03:28,800
Can
852
01:03:40,540 --> 01:03:42,800
Little girl
853
01:03:43,500 --> 01:03:45,360
What are you doing here all alone?
854
01:03:47,620 --> 01:03:48,940
What's your name?
855
01:03:48,980 --> 01:03:50,800
Sandy
856
01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:52,800
Sandy
857
01:03:54,800 --> 01:03:56,800
Where is your mummy Sandy?
858
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:01,580
Do you know?
859
01:04:03,760 --> 01:04:05,580
What's her name?
860
01:04:06,800 --> 01:04:08,800
Carol
861
01:04:13,740 --> 01:04:15,180
Can
862
01:04:19,880 --> 01:04:21,280
Carol?
863
01:04:23,920 --> 01:04:26,160
Why am I here?
864
01:04:26,420 --> 01:04:28,636
To meet you
865
01:04:28,660 --> 01:04:30,800
No
866
01:04:32,800 --> 01:04:34,776
I'm sorry
867
01:04:34,800 --> 01:04:36,776
come with me
868
01:04:36,800 --> 01:04:38,800
Why? Where?
869
01:04:39,840 --> 01:04:41,800
Over there
870
01:04:43,600 --> 01:04:44,800
No
871
01:04:45,980 --> 01:04:48,960
Just trust me
872
01:05:12,120 --> 01:05:13,860
This is mum!
873
01:05:18,800 --> 01:05:20,800
And that is your dad
874
01:05:41,680 --> 01:05:46,100
This is how your body met isolation
875
01:05:49,680 --> 01:05:51,340
it looks so real
876
01:05:52,400 --> 01:05:54,800
it is real
877
01:05:58,940 --> 01:06:02,260
this is how you adapted to pain
878
01:06:11,260 --> 01:06:14,060
this is how you left your dreams
879
01:06:43,930 --> 01:06:46,180
Julianne!
880
01:06:46,800 --> 01:06:50,130
Blame me for not telling you the truth
881
01:06:50,800 --> 01:06:52,330
for the feelings I had
882
01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:54,776
while you grew inside me
883
01:06:54,800 --> 01:06:56,800
I never regret having you for a second
884
01:07:02,060 --> 01:07:04,360
I've always been there
885
01:07:04,800 --> 01:07:06,800
like a shadow
886
01:07:07,260 --> 01:07:09,460
watching you
887
01:07:13,460 --> 01:07:15,460
Goodbye Julianne
888
01:07:17,660 --> 01:07:19,230
I've always loved you
889
01:07:22,800 --> 01:07:24,776
35 Bollo Bridge Road
890
01:07:24,800 --> 01:07:26,200
I'll get there before the ambulance
891
01:07:26,300 --> 01:07:27,780
What's going on?
892
01:07:27,860 --> 01:07:31,340
Oh Bob, there's been an
emergency, I have to go
893
01:07:31,400 --> 01:07:32,776
What? What emergency?
894
01:07:32,800 --> 01:07:34,776
It's one of my clients
895
01:07:34,800 --> 01:07:36,240
I haven't got time to explain
896
01:07:36,280 --> 01:07:37,396
Honey you can't just leave like this
897
01:07:37,420 --> 01:07:38,656
Oh please Bob I haven't got time to..
898
01:07:38,680 --> 01:07:39,206
I just want to understand...
899
01:07:39,230 --> 01:07:39,616
BOB!
900
01:07:39,640 --> 01:07:40,136
What?
901
01:07:40,160 --> 01:07:40,960
Do you trust me?
902
01:07:41,040 --> 01:07:42,056
Of course I do what do you mean?
903
01:07:42,080 --> 01:07:43,920
Then come with me. I need your help
904
01:07:43,960 --> 01:07:45,340
Bob please
905
01:07:46,460 --> 01:07:48,156
999 what service please?
906
01:07:48,180 --> 01:07:54,060
Hello. This is Carol Ashley. I need an ambulance
immediately to go to 35 Bollo Bridge Road.
907
01:07:54,140 --> 01:07:58,776
Honey wait, I mean, who called
you? I never even heard the phone go
908
01:07:58,800 --> 01:08:00,100
It wasn't a phone
909
01:08:00,340 --> 01:08:01,596
I just know that she's in trouble
910
01:08:01,620 --> 01:08:04,160
Carol! I'm getting really worried now
911
01:08:04,480 --> 01:08:06,580
I know you said you had
too much wine but I never
912
01:08:06,680 --> 01:08:08,796
Bob! Will you just stop?
913
01:08:08,820 --> 01:08:11,160
Please. I need you to trust me
914
01:08:11,200 --> 01:08:14,180
no but how can I? You're out in the
middle of the night with your pygamas,
915
01:08:14,260 --> 01:08:15,840
dragging me along and what for?
916
01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:19,520
Because you know she's in trouble?
917
01:08:23,160 --> 01:08:24,800
Are you coming?
918
01:08:30,580 --> 01:08:32,800
Carol!
919
01:08:37,100 --> 01:08:38,776
Excuse me! Excuse me!
920
01:08:38,800 --> 01:08:41,840
Hey calm down
921
01:08:41,880 --> 01:08:42,880
Who the hell are you?
922
01:08:42,960 --> 01:08:44,776
I'm Julie's therapist
923
01:08:44,800 --> 01:08:46,776
I think she, I think she might be..
924
01:08:46,800 --> 01:08:48,776
Did she call you? Why are you here?
925
01:08:48,800 --> 01:08:50,800
She text me saying her dad was here and..
926
01:08:51,180 --> 01:08:53,500
Oh! We need to open this door!
927
01:09:07,540 --> 01:09:08,776
What are you doing?
928
01:09:08,800 --> 01:09:10,776
Wake up!
929
01:09:10,800 --> 01:09:12,620
What is happening?
930
01:09:12,660 --> 01:09:14,800
Wake up!
931
01:10:25,580 --> 01:10:26,800
Hello Julianne
932
01:10:29,130 --> 01:10:30,776
My name is Zachary
933
01:10:30,800 --> 01:10:32,776
I'm a detective
934
01:10:32,800 --> 01:10:34,800
Where is he?
935
01:10:35,240 --> 01:10:36,800
Is he dead?
936
01:10:39,100 --> 01:10:40,800
He did it didn't he?
937
01:10:43,200 --> 01:10:44,800
Yes Julianne. He is dead
938
01:10:48,400 --> 01:10:48,776
look
939
01:10:48,800 --> 01:10:51,000
I know this is not a good
time to come to you with this
940
01:10:53,640 --> 01:10:56,800
but we need to understand
what happened there Julianne
941
01:11:04,800 --> 01:11:05,720
Julianne
942
01:11:05,780 --> 01:11:07,400
Does mum know?
943
01:11:07,460 --> 01:11:08,500
Yes. She does
944
01:11:08,560 --> 01:11:12,800
How is she? Can I see her?
945
01:11:14,380 --> 01:11:15,620
She's outside
946
01:11:15,980 --> 01:11:18,480
She can see you as soon as I'm done here
947
01:11:20,600 --> 01:11:23,040
Julianne I need to understand
why you fought with your father
948
01:11:25,560 --> 01:11:27,120
I tried to stop him
949
01:11:28,800 --> 01:11:30,800
but I couldn't
950
01:11:32,800 --> 01:11:34,800
you can blame me for that
951
01:11:37,200 --> 01:11:38,800
but I won't
952
01:11:40,380 --> 01:11:42,800
not anymore
953
01:11:45,740 --> 01:11:47,180
Do you have children?
954
01:11:48,420 --> 01:11:49,560
No I don't
955
01:11:50,800 --> 01:11:52,776
A father?
956
01:11:52,800 --> 01:11:54,800
That I do
957
01:11:55,440 --> 01:11:57,400
I had one too
958
01:11:59,380 --> 01:12:02,800
not the one who just
killed himself and shot me
959
01:12:03,230 --> 01:12:05,860
that one loved me
960
01:12:06,800 --> 01:12:08,800
I could see it in his eyes
961
01:12:09,300 --> 01:12:11,300
hear it in his voice
962
01:12:12,360 --> 01:12:14,800
but I didn't recognize that man
963
01:12:16,800 --> 01:12:18,776
I'm more familiar with the one that
964
01:12:18,800 --> 01:12:20,800
left me and my mum
965
01:12:22,800 --> 01:12:24,800
the one who didn't care
966
01:12:26,320 --> 01:12:27,920
I see
967
01:12:28,460 --> 01:12:31,600
Do you know what is most
dangerous in this life detective?
968
01:12:31,660 --> 01:12:34,000
Oh I hope to have an idea by now
969
01:12:35,800 --> 01:12:37,620
Probably not
970
01:12:40,020 --> 01:12:42,800
It's not the guns detective
971
01:12:43,140 --> 01:12:44,800
It's love
972
01:12:47,260 --> 01:12:49,360
Look where love led my father
973
01:12:52,800 --> 01:12:54,800
test people with it
974
01:12:55,480 --> 01:12:57,740
and guns will come out
975
01:12:58,040 --> 01:12:59,500
is that what happened here?
976
01:12:59,740 --> 01:13:00,960
Precisely.
977
01:13:01,040 --> 01:13:02,320
So you admit you killed your..
978
01:13:02,380 --> 01:13:03,380
I admit
979
01:13:03,440 --> 01:13:07,980
that the gun my father brought to my
house was a consequence of his love
980
01:13:09,260 --> 01:13:11,320
and me trying to stop him
981
01:13:11,820 --> 01:13:14,800
was also out of love
982
01:13:15,260 --> 01:13:16,776
Julianne I didn't come here to..
983
01:13:16,800 --> 01:13:18,800
I know you came here for answers detective
984
01:13:21,880 --> 01:13:24,380
but this is all I can offer you
985
01:13:24,800 --> 01:13:26,800
You can charge me
986
01:13:27,140 --> 01:13:28,800
lock me up
987
01:13:29,700 --> 01:13:31,940
I will be at peace
988
01:13:32,880 --> 01:13:34,800
How so?
989
01:13:34,900 --> 01:13:37,580
I finally met my true self
990
01:13:38,220 --> 01:13:40,800
Look at my eyes detective
991
01:13:42,800 --> 01:13:44,800
I did not kill my father
992
01:13:46,940 --> 01:13:48,800
Do your searching
993
01:13:49,880 --> 01:13:51,600
Do your investigation
994
01:13:53,120 --> 01:13:55,280
but don't forget to add to all that lot
995
01:13:55,380 --> 01:13:58,800
what you see in my eyes
996
01:14:00,800 --> 01:14:02,800
you are a good person detective
997
01:14:04,160 --> 01:14:06,800
I'm glad we met
998
01:14:12,600 --> 01:14:14,660
I do have a favorite client
999
01:14:16,660 --> 01:14:18,660
Therapy is all about connection
1000
01:14:20,060 --> 01:14:24,920
My connection with her feels
like it started before we even met
1001
01:14:29,060 --> 01:14:30,800
through her longing
1002
01:14:30,930 --> 01:14:37,180
she helped me to embrace
my own wound and my own grief
1003
01:14:40,900 --> 01:14:47,080
my lost child, whom I never talk about
1004
01:14:50,600 --> 01:14:53,530
every wound is an unfinished business
1005
01:14:54,060 --> 01:14:58,320
until they're processed deeply, truly
1006
01:15:04,030 --> 01:15:07,330
You know how they say things
are connected in mysterious ways
1007
01:15:07,960 --> 01:15:10,000
ways we don't know of
1008
01:15:10,360 --> 01:15:12,930
we may never understand
1009
01:15:17,400 --> 01:15:18,930
One thing I know though
1010
01:15:19,400 --> 01:15:21,430
the more we can connect to this world
1011
01:15:21,530 --> 01:15:23,460
with fullness with our whole being
1012
01:15:23,530 --> 01:15:26,700
the more we shine
1013
01:15:49,200 --> 01:15:51,176
Long,
1014
01:15:51,200 --> 01:15:54,500
long, long, long
1015
01:15:55,200 --> 01:16:00,630
think of a corridor
1016
01:16:01,300 --> 01:16:07,576
Step by step, step by step
1017
01:16:07,600 --> 01:16:13,200
A strike that I went to
1018
01:16:13,830 --> 01:16:19,360
from myself,
1019
01:16:19,730 --> 01:16:22,330
and from you
1020
01:16:22,730 --> 01:16:28,260
the most beautiful things
that happened to me
1021
01:16:29,200 --> 01:16:31,200
from my mind
1022
01:16:33,630 --> 01:16:35,900
from my thoughts
1023
01:16:40,100 --> 01:16:48,100
You have never existed anyway
1024
01:17:03,200 --> 01:17:05,176
Slowly,
1025
01:17:05,200 --> 01:17:07,176
slowly, slowly
1026
01:17:07,200 --> 01:17:09,176
slowly
1027
01:17:09,200 --> 01:17:13,760
think I'm gone
1028
01:17:15,200 --> 01:17:17,200
Heavy,
1029
01:17:17,800 --> 01:17:21,460
heavy, heavy, heavy
1030
01:17:22,100 --> 01:17:27,030
while decreasing my load
1031
01:17:28,000 --> 01:17:30,230
from your shoulder
1032
01:17:33,200 --> 01:17:36,330
from your chest
1033
01:17:36,760 --> 01:17:39,176
Remaining behind
1034
01:17:39,200 --> 01:17:42,530
the most beautiful days
1035
01:17:43,360 --> 01:17:46,960
from my love,
1036
01:17:47,860 --> 01:17:52,630
from my life
1037
01:17:53,930 --> 01:18:01,930
you have never existed anyway
1038
01:18:35,700 --> 01:18:41,660
you have never existed anyway
64524
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