All language subtitles for Frasier S10E16 Fraternal Schwinns

Gosh, it's been such fun

talking about
psychopharmacological solutions

to maladaptive
personality traits

that I can't believe
the three hours is almost gone.

Up next is the news
followed by...

Oh... Roz is reminding me

that next Saturday is the first
annual KACL AIDS Bike-a-thon.

It's bound to be an afternoon

of family, fun
and lots of surprises.

So dust off your velocipedes,
and I'll see you there.

Great pitch, Doc.

So what are the surprises?

Well, first and foremost, I'm not going.

But you just told them
you'd see them there.

Roz, I'm merely getting
the rubes into the tent.

I will gladly give my money,

but spending the afternoon
riding bicycles

with a bunch of hooligans
is not my idea of fun.

It's just kids and families.

Yes, well, so was the KACL
family picnic at the zoo,

until those urchins jostled me
into the orangutan grove.

Let me tell you,

orangutans are not the playful
gentlemen of the trees

the nature shows claim.

Hello.

Hey, Julia.

You're going to
the Bike-a-thon, right?

Oh, don't embarrass her, Kenny.

It's got to be tough
finding a comfortable bike seat

when you're such a tight-ass
.

This from a woman who peddles
her ass all over town.

Okay, lady...
Yes, all right
Stalemate.

Well done, well done, keep moving, come on.

So, Bike-a-thon--
you're in, right?

Nah, I can't be bothered.

I'll just send a check.

Aw, cheese and rice,
what's wrong with you people?

Relax, Kenny,
I'm just pulling your leg.

How can I not go?

This is funding AIDS research,
for God's sake.

I know you think
I'm heartless

and self-centered,

but at least give me credit
for being human.

What?

Kenny... (chuckles)

Come on.

I was pulling your leg, too.

(laughs):
Come on.

I'll tell you what.

We should have a fund-raiser
for your sense of humor.

(guffaws)

All right, I'll see you there.

You're pathetic.

I know

Hold it!

Cora, hi.

Marty.

Visiting your son?

Yes.

Cora, I'm sorry,
but I got to ask you.

What happened?

I thought we had
a pretty nice thing,

but then you stopped
returning my calls.

Why don't you ask
your other girlfriend?

What other girlfriend?

That bizarre English lady who
told me to leave you alone...

...because she was in
the British Secret Service

and had a license to kill.

Here's your stop.

Oh, geez!
That was Daphne's mother.

She had a thing for me,
but it was never mutual.

Did she show you a badge?

Always ask to see a badge.

I knew she wasn't
a secret agent.

But she was pretty convincing
about the two of you.

Oh, Cora, I'm so sorry.

It's not true.

I'm sorry, too.

I should have
asked about her.

Well, hey,
it's cleared up now.

Maybe we could pick up
where we left off.

Or skip ahead.
Your choice.

That would've been nice

but I've been
seeing someone lately.

Oh, well, sure.
Of course you have.

Stupid of me.

But I'm very
glad to see you again.

Please give Eddie my love.

Oh, yeah.

He'll be sorry
he missed you.

He liked your ankles.

Oh, sorry for
the holdup, guys.

Listen, I think it's best

if we take separate cars
to the flower show.

Later, I have to go
buy a bicycle.

NILES:
For whom?

Well, for me.

I've beendragooned into riding
for the KACL AIDS Bike-a-thon.

Poor devil.
Spending a day on a bike.

I don't envy you.

DAPHNE:
Niles...

why don't we enter
the Bike-a-thon.

You had to see that coming.

We can all go to the shop
together after the flower show.

Sure, why not?

You two would look so cute

on matching bicycles.

Well, I guess it would be
a kick, eh, Frasier?

Not you two, you nit.

You and Daphne.

You!

Hello.

I just had
a very interesting

conversation with Cora Winston.

Seems someone claiming to be
my girlfriend scared her off.

Oh, dear.

Is she the woman
from the bookstore?

No.

The bookstore?!

Mum, is this true?

Well, I'm sure I don't
know what Marty's talking about

but it was probably back
when we were an item.

We were never an item!

Now I would like for you
to leave.

Now, Dad, calm down.

Listen, I'm sure you can talk this over with Cora

and have a good laugh after it.

Ha, ha.
Very funny.

Now that she's practically married to this guy.

Oh, Martin, I'm sorry.

I guess I didn't realize..

Apology not accepted.

You went too far.
We are no longer speaking.

Marty...
No, no, Mrs. Moon,
Mrs. Moon...

shut up.

Uh, Dad, we're leaving now

We're going over
to the flower show,

then, after that,
we're gonna go

to a sporting goods store
and buy a couple of bikes.

Nice try, Frasier,
but I'm too mad to laugh

Uh, well, this one
has good lines.

You have any
without this bar here?

You mean girls' bikes? Sure.

Good. 'Cause my wife’s a girl and she'll need one of those.

Right.

Maybe I'll go see
how she's doing.

Niles, we can't stall much longer.

I mean, one seems
as good as the next.

Is there anything else we need?

Hmm, let me see...
Oh, yes, I know.

We need to know
how to ride them!

Shh! Shh! Shh!

We will learn.

Oh, as easy as that?

Look at these machines,
Frasier.

These are bicycles.

There's nothing between
you and the ground
but the ground itself.

Yes.

And if a child of four
can ride one, then so can we.

That's what we said
when we were six.

If Daphne finds out,
she'll probably...

Metal spokes.
I like that.

Guess you buy the horn
separately.

That was close.

Niles, I am not going to look like an idiot

at that Bike-a-thon.

Tonight, I'm going to a parking lot

and come hell or high water,

I am going
to master cycling.

You're welcome to join me.

I guess I could sneak out.

Perhaps it's time
to slay the dragon.

That's the stuff, brother.

Call me crazy,
but I like a bouncy tire.

Two bouncy tires and a taut chain.

That's good ridin'.

Where did you
learn all that?

That was really good.

It's a matter
of confidence, Niles.

Hmm!

(groans)

All a matter of
confidence, he says.

Well, perhaps two people who
don't know how to ride bikes

shouldn't try
to teach each other.

A good teacher doesn't
yell at his student.

Nor does a good teacher
throw a stick at his student.

I thought it would
make you try harder.

Oh, you're going to make
a hell of a dad.

What are we going to do?

Let's not panic.

We still have two days
before the Bike-a-thon.

Surely the library has shelves
devoted to this topic.

I don't have time for that

Daphne wants to go biking
tomorrow afternoon.

Then you'll just have to tell
her you don't know how to ride

If I was going to do that,

I should've done it
at the bike store.

But no...!

You...!

You said we could teach
ourselves.

You said no one
would be the wiser.

Niles...
Two bouncy tires

and a taut chain, you said.

And now look!

My spokes are bent,
my pants are stuck,

there's blood
on the headlight!

There's blood everywhere!

Niles, Niles, Niles.

Niles, that wasn't your fault.

That jogger should've
been wearing a reflective vest.

Come on... come and sit down.

I'm going to get you a nice sherry.

Hi, Frasier.
Oh, hi, Roz.

You're welcome
to join me and Niles.

Oh, I can't.

I'm on my way to meet Alice and her sitter

Alice wants to practice riding her bicycle for Saturday.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

She loves it.

She had that bike one day

before she made me
take her training wheels off.

Tell me, does she ever
find that she feels

as though her feet
are frozen to the pedals...

stuck in a confused,
arrhythmic battle

between forward
and reverse,

until finally,
with no locomotive
momentum whatsoever,

she keels over
like a felled tree?

I don't think so.

Oh, good, good,

because that's
a real thing

that happens
to some kids.

DAPHNE:
Hey, Frasier.

Oh, hi, Daph.
Mrs. Moon.

Niles, darling

I'm afraid I
have some bad news.

NILES:
What is it?

Someone stole our new bikes.

My God, are you sure?

Can I get a refill?

That's terrible.

That's curious, Niles.

Didn't that salesman say

that nothing could break
those titanium locks?

You're right.

I must not have locked them
properly.

Foolish Niles.

You know, I spotted
a couple of bikes

in the storage room
behind the furnace.

Perhaps you could borrow those.

No, I don't think so.

The theft has soured me
on the whole bike experience.

And what were you doing
behind the furnace, anyway?

Drinking.

Hello, Daphne,
Niles, Frasier.

Hello, Martin.

How are the three
of you doing?

Mind if I join you?

NILES:
Sure.

Oh, you're not still angry,
are you?

Coffee, please.

Hi. Well, everybody's
here today.

Yeah.

Grab a seat.

I'd love to have
a lady sit next to me.

ROZ:
Well, thanks. I can't.

I'm on my way to the park.

I just got a call
from the baby-sitter.

Alice did a wheelie!

(all exclaiming)

Well, I'll see you guys later.

That's great, Roz.
Bye-bye.

Well, someone's raising
a real little showoff.

Now, now, not everyone
was meant to ride a bike.

What does that mean?

Well, I'm just saying
that my boys

are good at other things.

Indoor things.

Oh, no.

You don't mean...

Yes, Daphne.

Frasier doesn't know
how to ride a bike.

Well, neither do you!

Frasier!

Well, she was bound
to find out!

We never learned.

I tried teaching them,

but I had to take them to
the hospital so many times

Social Services starte
d sniffing around.

All these years,
it's been our secret shame.

Yes, and it hasn't been easy concealing it, either.

People are always saying,
in conversation,

"It's just like riding a bike."

I can smile and nod...

but I only understand it
in theory.

We tried to teach ourselves
to ride last night.

Oh, can you imagine
a sadder tableau?

Two grown men
trying to gain mastery

over a child's toy

and failing miserably.

Even more pathetic

a grown man
faking the theft

of his and his
wife's bicycles.

I disgust myself!

I'm so sorry, Daphne.

Niles, you've no
need to apologize.

Lots of people
don't know how to ride.

Really?

Who?

It doesn't matter.

I can take you to the park
and teach you.

I'll teach you both.

Yeah.
Really, Daphne?

Daphne, I adore you!

No, seriously. Who?

Thank you, Daphne.

You know
I'm afraid my bike

may be too
damaged to ride.

Oh, so we'll borrow one from someone in the building.

I promise you,

you two are going to
learn how to ride bikes.

MARTIN:
You're a good wife,
Daphne.

And I'll bet you
were a good daughter

when your mother
was alive.

Helmet

Check.

Pads.

Check.

Cup.

Check.

All right, now, remember,
keep your eyes open

and pedal quickly.

I just want to get an idea

of your individual skill levels.

DAPHNE:
All right,
everyone ready,

and... go!

Okay... good start.

Now, let's try again.

But this time further apart.

Okay.

I-I think... this is going
to be all right.

Yeah, yeah, this isn't so bad.

DAPHNE: All right,

and... go.

Yes, very... yes!

(Niles screams)

(bikes clattering)

FRASIER:
Ow!

(classical music playing)

♪♪ ♪♪

It's that
damn sycamore.

It's got a magnetic
hold on me.

That's because
you're focusing on it.

Whatever you do,
put it out of your mind.

You're a cloud
scudding across
a clear blue

I'm a cloud.
You're a cloud.

I'm a cloud.
You're a cloud.

I'm a cloud... I'm a cloud

I am a cloud!
I'm flying!

Look, I'm riding a bike!

(bell rings)

(doorbell rings)

(doorbell rings)

I heard you. I'm coming.

Hello.

(loud knocking)

Oh, geez.

Look, I'm sorry,
I'm still ticked.

I'm not proud of it, but I have to do the right thing,

and that means hold this grudge.

Ha! You're talking to me

I knew you would.

Oh, you're here to see Marty?

Actually, I think not.

No, no, this isn't what it looks like

I'm here to apologize.

But since he's not
talking to me,

I guess
I can say my piece to you.

Now, first of all, don't be scared.

I'm not a secret agent

and I don't have
a license to kill.

Back when I said
all that to you,

I wasn't really in
my right mind, anyway.

I mean, I'd just separated from my husband,

and well, maybe I hoped Marty

would be some kind
of knight in shining armor.

But we were never
a couple, though.

It was a pretty rotten
thing you did.

Yes, I know, dear.

Just awful.

In my defense,
I've done much worse.

And besides, between you and
the girl at the bookstore,

I liked you better

(doorbell ringing)

Son of a bitch.

Cora.

Hi. Come on in

Hi.

I ran into a friend
of yours.

She's no friend of mine.

Well, she had
some nice things
to say about you.

Maybe we could talk
about it

at dinner tomorrow.

I don't see him here.

I guess not.

Pick you up at 7:00?

7:00 it is.

So, uh, who's this girl
from the bookstore?

See you tomorrow.

Never thought
I'd see the day.

This is really something.

That's right.

You've faced
your fears

and you've
bested them.

Yeah, thanks
to you.

And who knows, maybe this
is just the beginning.

There are still
mountains to conquer.

The diving board,
for instance.

Or cartwheels.

Be careful out there, son.

I will, Dad.
Thanks.

Guess I better
go take my place, huh?

Okay.
All right.

Kenny, Julia.

Hey, Doc.
Hi.

Have a good ride.

Not gonna happen.

These shorts are already
bunching me something fierce.

Excuse me.

Pretty exciting.

Thrilling.

You don't mind if we don't ride together, do you?

I like to go
at my own pace

No, not at all.

You don't have to feel like
you have to keep up.

(chuckles)

Right. Well, what do you
say we make it interesting?

What do you
have in mind?

Last one to cross the finish line

doubles the
other's pledges.

And I look forward
to watching you write
that big fat check.

NILES:
Frasier.

Remember, keep
your eye on the road

and don't fixate on anything you
can crash into.

Right.

Good luck.

(starting gun fires)

Boy, I hope I can
steer around

that big mailbox right there.

Ciao.

Frasier?

Are you okay?

I'll be all right.

Why don't you guys
go on ahead.

I'll catch up to you.

Okay.

Oh, Lord.

Pardon me.
Beep, beep.

(nervous laughter)

Oh...
oh, gosh... oh...

Oh, no, no...
Oh, dear God!

♪♪ Hey, baby,
I hear the blues a-calling ♪
♪

♪♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪♪

♪♪ Quite stylish ♪♪

♪♪ And maybe I seem
a bit confused ♪♪

♪♪ Yeah, maybe,
but I got you pegged ♪♪

(laughs)

♪♪ But I don'’’t know what to do
♪♪

♪♪ With those tossed salad
s and scrambled eggs ♪♪

♪♪ They'’’re calling again
. ♪♪

Scrambled eggs
all over my face.

What is a boy to do?

Good night, everybody!