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Frank?

Frank, what time is it?

Get out.

Frank?

Frank?

Uh, Frank?

Yeah, Jerry? What is it?

Jerry, is Frank there?

Mel, I'm right here.

Are we ready?

Yeah. We're ready.

Okay.

Um...

Shit. Mmf!

You okay? You need some help?

Ugh, God... Just fat...

I'm just fat!

Am I really this fat?

- How can I be fat?! - You're not fat!

Do you know what time it is?

Well, yeah. Actually...

We're ready?

I'm ready. Jerry's ready.

It's 7:30.

Okay.

Um...

Wow. You look...

Don't say fat.

I wasn't gonna say fat.

Okay.

Vinyl...

bar... Jerry...

Say hello, Jerry.

- Hi, Melanie. - Hey.

Well, you're a lifesaver.

You gonna be okay with that?

Huh? Hey, yeah.

Okay. Don't kill yourself.

And you look nice.

Thought so.

Huh. So... they're up?

They're up.

Aw, Jesus.

Ooh...

Fucking anxiety.

Oh my God.

You alright?

Do you want a glass of water?

Jerry...

Is it too late to cancel?

Well, if this is what it's gonna do to you,

of course we can cancel.

No. We can't.

It's just...

Thank you.

Whose idea was this, anyway?

What, the things? Or showing them?

Fucking lawyers, always with the questions.

All of it. Any of it.

Why don't we just call it God's will?

God. Nope. Haven't seen him.

You're beautiful. You got that goin' for ya.

What's that quote? "Eighty percent of life

is just showing up"?

I think it's actually "80 percent of sex

is just showing up."

That would explain so much.

Ow.

Too late to call it off.

Real question is what happens later.

Is it better or worse?

How do you deal with it?

Well, thank you all for coming.

Uh, you know, the first time

I ever really looked at a painting, I was just a kid.

I was going to school in the States.

And it was Van Gogh, "Portrait of a Peasant".

And I took this girl to the museum

to impress her, and, uh...

And I saw this painting, and I walked up to it, and...

I look at the world,

and it feels like there's something...

waiting?

Like it's been there all along - I just wasn't looking for it.

You remember when I said,

"I can handle it; you don't have to be strong

for the two of us"?

I was lying.

And that, that's pretty much all I've got

by way of an introduction, so...

...uh...

because...

well, just because.

So make of it what you will.

Alright. Anytime, Jerry.

What I think I meant was

"If it gets really bad, I'll have a drink."

And it did...

And I did.

And then...

Jesus...

Where we met...

...I went without you.

I went without you because...

I wanted to walk in alone one more time,

maybe meet you again.

That's really why I went alone.

Second opinion?

Fuck off.

Second chance?

Same thing.

Hope?

We never got to drink together.

That's a fucking shame.

I think about what kind of drunk you'd be.

I do.

Pants. Wait. What did I say? "Plants"?

No, I'm not wearing plants.

The sheets are nice.

They're super soft.

You'd like it.

You know what?

Who am I kidding?

Drinking's not that bad. It's kind of good.

It actually works - like magic.

The bottle on my lips

was a kiss from Prince Charming.

The rotting stopped for a little while.

I was whole again. That didn't suck.

It's the stuff that comes along with it that sucks...

like that guy who...

and then my tights were down around my ankles, and...

Did I let him? I don't...

In the bathroom? I don't remember.

Did I throw up on him? Or was that someone else?

I know I missed the bed.

Yep...

I know it's impossible to get puke out of sequins...

and feathers...

my hair...

They say alcoholism is a disease.

I say, "Fuck you. Cancer is a disease.

It's a whole different thing.

Alcoholism is just a good idea

taken a little too far."

But I kept waking up.

I'm such a pussy.

Apparently, I'm not quite done yet.

I had to come back, one ugly day at a time.

Fourteen days, twelve hours.

Fourteen days, twelve hours. Fourteen days, twelve hours.

That's the truth.

It's awful.

Do you remember how we used to say

we'd be there for each other

for anything?

If the other one drank,

or was paralyzed,

or, uh,

went crazy.

I used to wonder, what if your time comes,

and I can't do it?

Now, it's "What if you can't do it?"

You'd hide it, but I'd see it in your eyes.

I'm just not that strong.

Hello?

Hello, hello?

The photographs?

I don't know.

Maybe I was thinking...

rebirth?

I mean, why not?

If we look here,

you can see...

I saw "The Devil in Miss Jones, Part IV"

at a bachelorette party,

and all I can think of as I'm watching this movie

is "Those are people, right?

They're actors.

They're people."

I need a dress.

I was an actor, once upon a time.

That's it, huh?

I could hit my mark.

And I was on time.

And I could learn my lines.

I just felt like an asshole all the time.

What was I talking about, in the movie?

Lois Ayres?

Lois Ayres, I think, was her name.

She's an actor, by the way, just like me. Actor.

I mean, not just like me, but anyway...

She accidentally overdoses or something,

and because she's a good Catholic girl,

she has to go to hell

because she overdosed,

because she committed suicide,

even though it was a mistake.

She doesn't want to go to hell.

She wants to go home.

But anyway, she's got to do a series of nasty things

to get out of hell,

and her... her...

Virgil, her guide,

is this black dude with funky hair

and, for no apparent reason,

wearing, like, rubber yellow kitchen gloves.

Don't ask me why.

And he's assigned

to sort of instruct her about what she has to do

to get out of hell.

And it doesn't matter what she does,

or for herself or for others.

There's no relief.

It's just fucking, fucking, fucking, orgasm,

fucking, fucking, fucking, orgasm,

fucking, fucking, fucking, orgasm,

fucking, fucking, fucking, orgasm...

It's never enough. There's no relief.

So anyways, um...

Oh my God.

Anyway, um...

...eating too much, I'm sure.

No, I'm just... You're still there, right?

So this Devil in Miss Jones thing

got me on this thing, so I...

uh, I... I looked at some stuff,

retro stuff...

where... women...

had hair, and boobs that moved,

and foreheads that moved,

and they looked like they're actually

having a good time when they're having sex.

Women now, it looks like, Jesus Christ, they're being

fucked every which way from Sunday and they're bald!

Remember when you could look at a woman

and she looked like a woman, not like a 12-year-old girl?

And now, I think, when you do porn,

it's like you must be so

naked and afraid, right? 'Cause you've got no...

- nothin'! - Nothin'.

Except...

whatever, going up your business!

Anyway...

She had more credits than Michael Caine.

I don't know if that was my point,

but she was an actor, she was a person.

People don't think about that.

And real bush. I mean, like, why...

why do we say that's not cool anymore?

Why can't we just look at somebody and...

Except it's uncomfortable,

but why can't we just look at somebody?

That's probably maybe why I came here.

Except I don't really want to be here after all!

Yes, it's Melanie.

Who'd you think it was?

Leave me a message.

I'll call you back.

I really would like an answer to that.

Why can't we?

Why can't we j...

Why can't we?

You're alive!

I can take that.

Jerry. Hey.

Fancy seeing you here.

Yeah. You guys, too.

Where's your sponsor?

Hup.

You know being a service

does not mean working for free, right?

Hey. You, uh, want a coffee?

Is that a no?

Hi.

- Hi. - Hi. I'm Betsy.

Oh. Oh, yeah! Hi. Hi, Betsy. Nice to meet you.

So you know Melanie...

Uh, yes, I do.

Are you a friend of Bill's?

Bill...?

Oh, Bill Wilson.

AA, secret handshake thing? No.

- No? - No, no.

Bill and I dated in the '90s,

but sadly, we had very little in common.

You?

Uh, me, yes.

Uh, I'm sober as a judge.

- Mm. - As they say.

Small talk's hard without a drink, though.

Jeez, it is, right?

I'm not sure why you'd attempt it.

Exactly.

Go ahead.

- Oh! You're Mickey! - Yes!

- I've heard about you! - I'm Mickey.

Listen, I don't judge. If you need a drink, go ahead.

Um, you know, I...

I grew up in this working-class neighbourhood.

There was a clubhouse.

It was, like, old, retired men and bikers.

It was like a dive bar, but sunny.

So I was having this really, really bad day.

So I go to a meeting,

pissing and moaning about my life.

Mm.

So I say, "I want a drink."

These three old bastards

pull loonies out of their pockets,

slam it down on the table,

"Go ahead!"

Like,

"Stop wasting our time!"

And did you?

No. I was so angry,

I just stayed sober to spite them.

Oh. So you see, you're welcome.

Is Melanie okay?

I'm not sure I'm qualified to answer that one.

She seems to be doing just fine right now, though.

But on other fronts...

She looks so great.

Mm.

I guess it's all your perspective, isn't it?

What?

Can't imagine Frank's having the best time with it all.

What are you talking about?

Well, she's...

She's what?

Do you know what this party's about?

I'm sorry. I...

What do you think's in there?

I don't know. It...

It's an art show.

Art?

But be serious for just one second.

If you want to talk about all-time great drummers,

there's only one name: Ringo Starr.

No. Sorry.

W-What are you talking about?

In the history of drummers,

no drummer has played on more hits,

on more great tunes, more rock 'n' roll.

- Yeah, but... - Yeah, there's no buts.

The guy's a fucking monster.

Have you ever listened to the Abbey Road Medley?

That's the Beatles.

Yeah, and Ringo was the drummer

for the Beatles, so... what's your point?

John Lennon said,

"Ringo Starr is not the greatest drummer in the world.

He's not even the greatest drummer in the Beatles."

Yeah, he never said that, actually.

- Yeah, he did. - No, he didn't.

And even if he did, he was just fucking around.

Whatever.

"Whatever." Okay.

You tell me: greatest all-time rock drummer.

Neil Peart.

Grade eight!

Neil Peart is a fucking novelty act!

- No, he's not. - Yeah, he is!

Just because you can play five drum kits at once

doesn't make you a good drummer.

- Yes, it does. - No, it doesn't.

He sounds like Buddy Rich with ADHD.

- Okay. - Look. Ringo gets a beat,

he keeps a beat,

he takes everyone else along for the ride.

That is what a drummer is supposed to do.

But Ringo's not even really a musician.

I'm gonna go get a drink.

You can apologize later.

- What a dick. - Who's a dick?

Me. I'm a dick.

Hi!

So...?

Counting days.

Hey... How was it?

First drink was heaven.

Then not so much.

I'm glad you're back.

Me, too.

Oh, would you take this? Thanks.

Hi!

Mm...

What are we doing here?

Ah, you know what they say: more will be revealed.

Well, here's lookin' at you.

Yeah!

Is she okay?

I dunno. Is anyone really okay?

Yeah, correct.

Tesoro!

Want me to make you some hummus and pita or something?

No, gordo, gracias.

Okay.

Menos mal, I can still eat

after looking at that shit all night.

You're still going on about that?

Well, it was a collection of vaginas.

Not all.

Yep, either right in your face

or very heavily featured.

Uh-huh?

Every single image.

Pudenda! Vulva!

And a bunch of them, too!

Yep.

What would that be called? Like, a...

You know, like a "pride" of lions

or a "flock" of seagulls.

A posse of pussies! That's it!

Do we have to do this now?

A vision of vaginas, you think? A...

A variation?

A vagrancy?

A plague of vaginas!

Oh my God.

And what the fuck was Frank going on about?

I mean, that wasn't art, baby.

That was...

That was fucking weird, is what it was.

- You thought that was weird? - Yeah.

You know, if I want to see shit like that, I'll just go online.

I don't need your art-school friends to show it to me.

You don't think there was something beautiful

about it all, something artistic?

What, are you having some kind of art-school flashback?

It was pussy.

Just because it's shot on tintype

doesn't make it art. It's still pussy.

Well, you clearly have an opinion.

Yeah. And you have a different one?

I kind of liked him.

Who?

The artist. He was nice.

How would you know?

'Cause I met him.

You met him? Where? At the show?

Yeah, at the show.

He was, uh, the older guy.

Talked to Melanie, mostly.

She introduced me to him.

How come I didn't know this?

Maybe you didn't ask.

Didn't ask? That's... That...

That's not how it works, see?

Usually, there's a show,

and then the artist is there,

and then he or she

is introduced to the people at the show. Right?

That's not what he wanted.

Oh. Who?

Jonathan.

He wanted to remain anonymous.

Oh. "Jonathan wanted to remain anonymous."

Yeah. He wanted to see people's reactions.

Without all the smoke blow.

Smoke blow?

That's what he said,

that he didn't like the smoke blow.

I think you mean "blowing smoke",

as in "blowing smoke up your ass".

Yeah, that's exactly what he didn't want.

Ah.

I mean, blowing smoke up my ass doesn't sound nice.

Well... It's not literal.

Well, I know that.

Here.

Oh! That fucking guy!

The guy who was lurking in the corners

all night, right? He took the pussy shots?

Perry!

'Scuse me.

I meant to say,

"That is the visual artist

whose work we were subjected to?"

That's a nice shot of him.

It's a nice shot of him? He's a pervert!

Don't even look at him! Jesus.

How would you even know? You didn't even talk to him.

Well, is that somehow my fault?

I mean, when did you talk to him, anyway?

Where was I during this?

I don't know.

You were, like, smoking with your buddies outside.

I was at the back.

Not my buddies. They were just some guys.

We were fucking... Okay, so anyway,

how long were you in the back room,

away from the rest of the party,

with this guy... for how long, exactly?

I was in the back room -

with Melanie -

like, about 15, 20 minutes.

Twenty minutes?

And this is the first I'm hearing about it?

You didn't even know I was gone.

Well, how could I notice you were gone

if you weren't around?

What does that even mean?

You know what? It just... It...

Forget it.

Forget it. It doesn't matter.

He's just an old pornographer.

Aha!

Look at that.

Look at that.

Jonathan at work.

Eh? Look at him.

Look at that face.

What a phony.

He looks like he just discovered

the last fucking unicorn or something.

Wow, Perry...

These are not just photographs.

Wow. They're like meditations, really.

I mean,

this is about feeling, about life.

It's not just the flesh. It's...

It's the spirit.

It's about what it means to be...

to be a woman, and to be a man.

To be a human, really.

What it feels to have a vagina,

and to be in a vagina,

or near a vagina,

or kept out of a vagina.

Double-park near a vagina,

or dry-clean a vagina, or...

- Ay, Perry... - ...donate a vagina, or...

Shit.

What?!

Come on!

Fuckin' vagina.

You don't know!

I don't know. Okay.

The photos.

Yeah. What don't I know about the photos?

They're Melanie.

Which photos?

- Todas! - Todas?

Yeah. The tintypes? They're Melanie.

That was Melanie?

Yeah. I know.

It's amazing how, through this process,

her red just went so dark.

It's so beautiful.

So beautiful?

No. No! That was not "so beautiful".

That was the opposite of beautiful!

He helped her get back into the wagon.

Yeah, "on the wagon".

Ay, sí, sí, sí, sí, sí.

Were they fucking?

They have made beautiful art together,

and this is what you ask?

You didn't?

No. It's none of my business.

Or yours.

What is that, some kind of Mexican yoga philosophy?

Why does this bother you so much?

Oh, for Christ's sake. You have to ask?

- So many reasons! - Like... Like why?

First of all, I'll never be able

to look Melanie in the face again.

Oh, because now you know she has a vagina!

No, but because now I've seen it.

She had one before, you know.

Yeah, but I hadn't seen it before!

And I didn't have to go through the whole process

of not having seen it before.

Wow, being a man is just so... busy!

Oh, Lord love a duck!

I'm gonna take a shower!

He asked me.

Honey?

Is the ultrasound on Thursday or Friday?

He asked me.

What's that, honey? You say something?

He asked me if I wanted to pose for him.

And what did you say?

It's pornography.

It was expression, art.

If it was art, why didn't you buy one?

You know, I asked, and Frank said it wasn't for sale.

You know what? We go out once every forever,

and I end up with my head full of pussy.

Okay, I guess...

Peep-show pornography!

According to you.

According to society.

Are you talking Mapplethorpe?

Because that trial was based on obscenity,

not pornography, and they lost - your side lost.

It's ugly. And it's not my side.

- Really? - "Pornography:

Sexually explicit pictures, or writing,

or other materials whose primary purpose

is to cause sexual arousal."

- There. - "There" what?

- Did you get an erection. - No!

Liar!

You know what? So what if I did get hard?

I mean, a guy can get an erection if his cock

hits the steering wheel getting out of his car.

It doesn't mean he's gonna start fucking cars.

You know, pictures like that are made for one reason,

and one reason alone:

to turn you on, to turn men on.

Well, what about creativity?

You know, Georgia O'Keeffe, freedom of expression.

Greg, it was a show about vaginas!

How can you be this upset over a bit of naked flesh?

You have a daughter.

Yes...? And...?

Do you want to see pictures of Sophie like this?

Come on.

Do you look at pussy pictures in front of her?

Do you say, "Sit on Daddy's lap,

and let's cruise some porn sites"?

That is disgusting.

I don't take a shit in front of her either, okay?

Don't be simple.

Simple?

Look, we don't have sex in front of her.

Is our sex pornographic?

We don't have sex.

Is that what this is all about?

Look, somewhere along the line, you disappeared.

Whatever heart you had has been buried

under a mountain of cum shots

and camel toes and nipple slips.

Have you been snooping on my computer?

I don't need to snoop, okay?

You bring it into our bed!

You and your goddamn laptop harem of women

when you think I'm asleep.

- Wow. - You know what?

At least, if you were having an affair with an actual woman,

I could throw your ass out.

Okay, that's a little over the top, don't you think?

No, I don't think. It's the only way I can stay.

Look...

I like to look at pictures of naked women. So what?

Like every other straight guy in the western world.

It takes you away from us.

It takes sex away from us.

No, you took sex away from us.

You got a kid, you got a house,

and you just stopped.

Stopped?

Yeah. It's like you've used sex

to buy your way into the game, you know?

Enough to win a couple hands, enough to feel safe.

And then you just stopped playing.

Are you using a poker analogy?

Yeah, it's actually a good one.

You know, I like to play. Winning is fun,

but I just like to play.

You said you wanted to play. I said, "Okay, let's play."

But you didn't really want to play.

You just wanted to double your money and quit.

Are you serious?

When was the last time you showed me any interest?

Interest?

Yeah. You know, in me.

Like, I go to work,

I make money, I come home,

you just... feed me dinner, make me feel wanted.

You can't be serious.

When was the last time you touched me?

Even in passing.

Or when was the last time you've given me a blowjob?

Just talk to me.

You're right.

I dropped out.

I got tired.

Kids, and money, and all that.

But when I try to come back - and I want to come back...

...when we get into bed,

all I can see is those photos on your computer.

Young girls with cum dripping off their faces

like it's the most natural thing in the world.

And they're babies.

Teenagers.

Online, you never see the photographer,

but in my mind,

I see him...

and it's you!

And then...

Then I just...

I can't...

Remember that night I called you, late?

I was drunk, but not too drunk,

and we had phone sex?

I didn't say anything, but I knew you weren't with me,

even though you said you were.

I was looking at a porn site -

old-school retro something, where everyone had pubic hair -

and they were having sex the way I remember having sex

when we were young.

Hyapatia Lee was the star.

She stood out. She had dignity,

grace.

She must be in her 60s now.

When she sees one of her old movies,

does she think, "That's me"?

Or is that like someone she knew a long time ago?

Do you think she's happy?

Okay. Uh...

I'm gonna put you sideways.

And lean back.

Let me see.

- How's it look? - Good.

Hm.

Hey.

And you know how I said that I was done with sex?

Well, clearly, I'm not.

And so you just need to tell me

if you're done

with sex, or me, or not.

'Cause if you're done, I'll go back.

And I want to stay here with you.

You're my life.

You.

I love you more than I can say.

I have from the moment I met you.

But I'm not gonna stay if you don't want me.

I hope it's you.

Uh...

Alright. I'll be back.

Gonna make a plate.

Mickey told me about

this gallery opening at Echo Park.

She'd posed for this photographer

and thought she was his muse or something,

so... I went.

I mean...

of course I did!

It was wet-plate collodion,

an old process -

uh, pre-digital, pre-film,

pre-Civil War;

rich, and funky,

and mysterious,

and... intimate.

Beautiful.

My head just went quiet.

Everything gone.

Silent.

I don't quite know how to describe it.

I didn't know what I was...

I didn't know what I was looking at, at first.

I thought it was this, like, beautiful pubis.

I can't believe I just said that word, "pubis",

like a pelt.

That's what it looked like.

And, uh, I was drawn into this photo,

and I looked up, and I saw him.

And he had this look on his face like,

"Are you seeing the same thing I'm seeing?"

I'm like, "I think so."

And then he said something really...

...lame, like "What's going on?"

And I said, "I just..."

"I don't want to feel sorry for myself anymore."

And somehow, that...

Somehow, that made it okay to...

go to his studio and...

get my picture taken.

I'm seeing this woman's most private self

through his eyes, and I realize it could be anyone.

The photo, the tintype, the whatever,

it was so close up, really intimate,

but completely anonymous.

Could have been anyone.

And... three, two, one.

One, two, three.

Okay.

And for some reason, I remembered you and me

reading the big book years ago,

"Acceptance".

And finally, I got it.

Acceptance.

And it was that thing, you know, like,

nothing, absolutely nothing

happens in God's world

by mistake.

I'm not having treatment.

Nothing happens in God's world by mistake.

And I thought, "What if that's true?"

Hello?

What if that's right?

What if everything, from my last drink

to the last breath left in this body,

what if all of it

was perfect,

in divine right order,

just waiting for me to say yes

to something, to anything?

And I just thought,

"Why not?"

So...?

Are you okay?

I'm not drinking.

- One day at a time. - Ah, please.

Right now, it's minutes and seconds.

I am so glad you're back.

Me, too.

Aww.

Nice.

I made it for you.

You did not.

Well, no.

But I knew I was making it for someone,

and now I see it's you.

You're always giving me stuff.

Well,

it's the only way things make sense.

Is that some sort of Buddhist thing?

No, it's not Buddhist. It's AA.

It's all about service, you taught me.

No, see, in AA, best we can hope for

is enlightened self-interest.

Well, it's all about self-interest,

but I think, for someone

that tries to work at it spiritually,

it becomes about the big-S "Self"

instead of the small-S "self".

But it is Self-interest.

It is the big S... It's in the self.

Oh my God.

Even when I have no idea what you're saying,

I still love hearing you say it.

That's good.

It's beautiful.

You know it's one of the healing crystals.

Mm-hmm.

Specially for the second chakra.

The second chakra.

Yeah, the uterus, the ovaries...

You know, healing and balancing

of the sex organs.

How do I look?

You look beautiful.

- I do? - Yeah, you do.

I've gotta get up.

I'm pregnant.

- Oh my God! - No, no, no, no, no!

- Oh, God! - Go, go, go, go! Go, go.

Go, go, go, go.

- You're... - I'll tell you later.

It wasn't sexual at all.

He refused to shoot me

unless I was sober, so there's that.

And I was able to let him be in charge.

I guess I needed someone to be in charge, because...

you know, it's one thing to party

like it's 1999 when you're a kid.

It's a whole other thing when you're...

whatever age I am.

And I could let myself drift.

It was almost like an altered state.

I felt surrendered...

in a way that I never was

the first time around getting sober,

way back when.

And the world felt soft.

And quiet.

And I was able to take a breath

and just be.

After that first time, I'd been sober...

the whole day - hooray -

and I went up onto the roof.

It was downtown L.A., in the Fashion District.

The streets were empty.

And...

it was...

so interesting.

Like, all of a sudden, I had this feeling.

My mind felt... huge.

I had never felt more in my life.

Not marrying you.

Not finding out I had cancer.

Nothing was more than that.

Oh! Hi!

Oh, I'm so glad you made it.

Wouldn't miss it... whatever it is.

So, why are we here?

You're here

so you can have too much to drink

and make me laugh.

I can do that.

And...

And you're also here to meet someone.

Uh, 'cause that always goes well.

No, no, no. You're gonna like her.

She's just like you.

Oh, yeah?

Unemployed, drinks too much,

that kind of thing? That's a great fit, Mel.

A free spirit.

You're too sweet.

Eleven o'clock, the blonde.

Uh, wow.

Hmm...?

Yeah, just like me, huh?

Well, she's better looking.

Yeah, you think?

And also with other important little bits that I'm missing.

- Mel... - She's you with tits.

Mel...

Oh. Um, okay.

So you go get a drink, and...

Hey, Frank.

Hi!

- Hey, Brian. - Not too late?

No! No, no, no.

You're right on time.

I didn't think you were going to come, so...

How are you?

I'm... I'm...

you know...

Come on, come on. Come on, come on, come on.

Come on.

Oh, God! I'm such a pussy.

So tell me about the art. How's that going?

How's the art? Um...

I can't believe I'm not over it yet, you know?

You just come to these things and you...

It's alright.

How are you?

I'm not bumming you out?

Not yet.

Come on.

Let's get a drink.

Oh, hey.

Oh. Yeah, I'm not leaving.

- I wasn't leaving. - Mickey, this is Brian.

Brian, this is Mickey.

How do you do?

Hi, Brian.

Let's get a drink.

I wasn't leaving.

- Can I take that for you? - Uh, yes.

Thank you.

Careful.

- Here. I'll help you with that. - Oops.

So...? Let's go meet her.

Uh, can you help me?

Don't look at me. I'm just a bartender.

I'm bringing back Brian. Make him happy.

Oh, you ask too much.

Brian, Tom. Tom, Brian.

Hey, Brian. Nice to meet you.

And this is Mickey.

Brian, Frank wants a word.

Hello, Tom.

Pleasure to meet you, Mickey.

Nice to meet you.

So...

Wow. Hi.

Brian, it's so nice to see you.

- Indeed. Yeah. - Thanks for coming.

Yeah. It was a bit touch-and-go there for me.

Mel?

Mel, are you okay?

What's going on?

She fell, I think. Mel?

Want me to call the doctor?

Has she been sick?

Well, um, no.

She's... I just...

- No, no, no, no. - Hon, just sit down for a sec.

- Sit down. - Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.

Oh my God, she's burning up.

Whew.

That was something.

Has she eaten anything? Maybe some orange juice?

I don't... Yeah... I don't know.

Oh, that was something.

Take a... Just take a second.

Wow, that's so strange.

Now you're not warm at all.

Should I be?

Is it hormones?

I don't think I have any of those left.

Maybe tonight is just not gonna happen.

- It has to happen. - What needs to happen?

We can do it another time.

There's not gonna be another time.

What?

Mm-hmm. Well, it's kinda late.

Why are you calling me?

Can you hang on?

Please, can you just hang on?

You were?

And you...?

I'm really happy for you.

It was about women.

Woman.

Right.

Yeah, really?

You just had to...

had to see me?

Well, you know what?

You know what?

That may happen someday.

Stranger things have happened.

I have to go now.

Can you... W...

Just stay on.

Somebody's at...

No, hang on. Somebody's at my door.

I don't know.

No, I'm not expecting anybody.

Not that it's any of your business.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Can I come in?

Please?

If you were expecting someone else, I can...

...leave the wine. I'll go.

Well, you're not even remotely happy to see me, are you?

And...?

Right.

Okay.

I'm just gonna leave this...

here,

and I guess I'll just, um...

Seriously?

No, I mean, really?

You're gonna just breeze in here Saturday night,

bottle of wine, and I'm supposed to what, exactly?

Sorry, okay? You're totally right.

It was a fucking dick move, alright? I'm just gonna...

Do you remember the last time we talked?

In the therapist's office?

Do you remember that?

Because I certainly do.

- I do, too... - You said...

- You said, - I said,

"I don't want to do this anymore."

That's what you said. Do you remember?

Yes, I do. It's not exactly what...

It's exactly what you said:

"I don't want to do this anymore."

And yet, now, here you are.

So I'm thinking, am I supposed to forget what you...

No. You're not.

No. No, 'cause it's not your style.

Actually, it kinda is your style.

You're very charming...

up to a point.

I was a willing participant...

up to a point.

- But then... - And then I wanted...

something different.

I thought we were headed for something real,

so I was willing to put up with

the "I'm not interested in commitment" thing

that all of you man-boys seem to fucking do,

and then I wasn't.

- And then you weren't. - I wasn't. I...

I wanted something else, but you didn't.

And that's totally fine.

It's fine.

I mean, I was sad.

I cried three whole days.

- I'm fucking sorry. - No. Please.

Look, it's okay.

No, really, it's okay.

- I don't even hate you. - Oh, that's good.

I mean, I don't want to see you,

but I don't hate you.

I thought maybe even some day, we can be friends,

but I'm gonna leave that up to the gods,

'cause I'm not gonna be the one

to go looking for it.

Can you just give me a minute, please?

Can we just sit and talk?

Yeah.

Uh... I've got beer,

I've got wine...

um...

I can make a Manhattan...

A Manhattan. Fine.

Ah!

I thought so, you know?

I thought so.

With a cherry?

Cherry, yes. Thank you.

Okay.

One Manhattan is coming up...

as soon as I take off

my fucking boots that are killing me.

Ow.

Are you okay back there?

Um, yeah. I just...

These are just uncomfortable...

...boots.

And these tights are just...

Ugh!

Ugh!

Phew!

Okay. I'm ready.

One Manhattan, coming up.

Whew!

So... what did you think?

I mean, really.

About, uh...?

The art.

I liked it.

You did?

Okay.

Well, I...

You're going?

Sorry.

It's been so fucked up since the...

Since...?

God.

Since what? Since, uh, the war?

Since your surgery?

Since your divorce?

Ah, yes. That makes sense.

Sorry.

Mm.

No, don't be.

You just do what you gotta do.

I'm just gonna go. Sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

I'm the one who forced you to bring me home.

No, no, no.

No, no, no. It was mixed messages.

I'm... just overwhelmed.

Right.

It's all that pussy.

Fuck.

Yeah.

That's a lot of pussy.

But don't you want this? I mean, it's poured already.

Don't you want to... have a drink?

Come on. Don't make me drink alone.

I supposed I could use a drink.

Mm.

Come on over here on the couch.

- Okay. - Promise I'll be good.

Ah.

To... hmm...

art -

good, bad, indifferent.

To art.

- Hey... - What did you think of...

- Sorry. - Sorry.

- But what did you... - I was just...

Okay, just wait.

What did you like about it?

Alright. Um...

I thought the shots were beautiful.

- Mm. - Subtle.

Light to dark.

Abstractions, really.

I mean, like Edward Weston, but with that weird...

- eerie, old technique. - Mm.

And the shallow depth of field.

Made them... Made them look almost...

mythic.

Anything else?

No, I mean...

sexy.

It was very sexy.

It was hot.

- Is it okay to say that? - Mm-hmm.

Which was your favourite?

Oh, you know,

the landscape stretching out to...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Okay, sorry.

What do you... What do you think?

Mm...

Yeah.

I thought they were very sexy.

And hot.

I could go on, but...

I don't want to get complicated.

It's okay. I'm...

I mean, you liked them alright.

I did.

- Good. - Yeah.

I'm glad.

Would you like another?

No, no. I'm good, I'm good.

Oh. What's the matter?

Nothing, nothing.

Nothing? Really?

Really. I'm fine. I'm just good.

You're not gonna have a stroke, are you?

No.

What's going on?

I guess I could use that... that drink.

Be right back.

So we had that fight,

and then you wanted us to talk

in front of your therapist...

which was fine, but it freaked me out.

I knew what you were gonna say.

It's not rocket science.

I... I know what I'm like to deal with.

I just showed up,

and those words came out of my mouth:

"I don't want to do this anymore."

And you didn't even get a chance to say what you wanted to.

No. I didn't.

And I was showing up 'cause you wanted me to be there.

I didn't know that was gonna come out of my mouth.

So I went home.

I went home, and I was completely spun out,

and I didn't know why,

but I knew what I had said was the truth.

I knew it.

But I didn't know what it meant.

So I started looking, and digging...

and that's when I realized...

I want to be in a relationship.

I'm better in a relationship.

I'm... I want to be a partner.

I don't want to be this lone-wolf guy

that I think is so cool.

I want... I want to be a good partner to somebody.

That's lovely. But just not with me.

Thank you so much.

I don't want to have this conversation anymore.

And guess what I did. I made a list.

Well, what do you think's on the list?

Creative? Smart?

Beautiful? Athletic?

You know, maybe "really like having sex as much as I do"?

A friend?

Someone...

Why are you telling me this?

When I said,

"I don't want to do this anymore,"

what I meant was I don't want to do this.

I don't want to do what the...

this half-in, half-out bullshit that I always do.

I want to be all in.

- All in? - All in, yeah.

I want to be all in with you.

So you're going?

I said what I wanted to say.

Thank you for listening.

If you want to call me, you know you can.

Um...

And if not, I'm sorry that I bothered you.

Tom.

Yeah?

I used to drive a cab.

- Really? - Mm.

In Toronto?

- Oh, a long time ago. - Yeah?

Sapphire Taxi.

"We get you there in style" - something like that.

Ah.

Are we changing the subject now?

- Uh... I'm using a story... - Ah.

...to answer your question, but in a circuitous fashion.

Well, carry on.

- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.

So I pick up this couple.

They're in Scarborough.

They want to go to Roncy.

And they're... I figure they're brother and sister,

the way she is with me -

sort of flirting, smiling,

leaning over the... the front seat, directing me.

Long hair.

Open, fresh face.

- Finnish. - Oh.

Beautiful Finnish... This beautiful Finnish accent.

And somehow, it comes up,

do I want to smoke some pot with them?

And...

I was never one to turn down an opportunity to get high,

so I say, "Sure."

And, uh, get to their place.

It was on, um, Fern Avenue, I believe.

And, uh, as soon as we get inside,

he kicks off his shoes,

puts on a laserdisc.

Remember laserdiscs?

- I do. - Yeah!

So this is, um, Saturday Night Fever.

You know that scene where... where Travolta's

- walking down the sidewalk? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bee Gees... Uh, uh...

"Stayin' Alive" on the soundtrack.

- That's right. - Right. So...

Meanwhile, she goes into the other room, comes back...

No jeans.

Just panties.

Long, naked, Finnish legs.

Blouse is unbuttoned, there's no bra,

she's holding this white T-shirt, and...

So she comes over by the couch,

just stands there right next to me

and just takes off the blouse.

Puts on the T-shirt, plops down

on the sofa in front of me,

and just legs up, Indian style, and...

- Wow. - Wow. Yeah, wow!

And I was like, "Jeez, this is

all rather...

European."

And she starts chatting.

He's fixing the pot.

He's, like, cleaning the bowl

and, uh, breaking up the buds.

Beautiful-looking bud.

And so I'm looking at him, I'm listening to her,

and I notice... I notice that the scene starts over.

- The...? - Yeah! He's got...

He's got the Travolta scene on repeat.

Right?

And she starts talking to him in Finnish,

and he starts talking to her, and he...

he sounds pissed off.

So she talks back to him in Finnish,

it goes back and forth, uh...

- You ever heard Finnish? - No.

Ah, it's a weird language.

Sort of like, um...

it's like a cross between

whales and elves or something.

Now... Well, now they're both

getting mad and arguing,

but in this very sort of...

foreign sort of way, but she never stops flirting with me.

- Mm. - You know, just the whole time.

Just, like, you know, touching my knee or...

and, you know, gesturing

that everything's gonna be okay, and...

And I'm thinking maybe I should leave,

but I'm all out of pot,

and I'd so love to get high,

because, like, driving a cab sucks.

Mm.

And I've seen her almost naked.

And I don't want to stare because, like,

he's getting more and more pissed off, but I...

I mean, she's just... she's just

so beautiful and open, and I... I...

can't help myself.

And...?

So you're sitting here almost exactly like she was.

Oh, I see.

Only without the Bee Gees.

Mm.

And without the pissed-off Finn.

Oops.

And... without the...

without the panties.

Kind of goes along with the evening, though, doesn't it?

Don't you think?

Is this a seduction?

I would like you to look at me.

Oh. Jeez. Um...

No.

Really look at me.

Keep looking.

Don't stop.

You still wanna go?

Mm-mm.

Do you wanna make out?

Yes, I think I'd like that very much.

Oh, I think you would, too.

But I was starting to hurt.

I hurt all over.

I wanted forever to end.

I was still a mess, but I stopped.

I didn't drink.

I just...

...ached.

And I said something girly, like "My feet."

Something inside me shifted.

It was like something dissolved and I could finally see

what was there underneath for the first time...

and it was me.

Well, it was the me that I left behind all those years ago.

You're my life.

You.

I love you more than I can say.

But I haven't been with me.

Pushed into a closet,

and now it's out...

and not going back in.

That would be worse than...

- So you had an affair. - Right.

- You're not having treatment. - Right.

Wow.

What's the point?

Well, the doctors...

Doctors there said the same thing

as the doctors here -

that it's six months of hell

for another few months - and I'm not doing that.

Are you sober?

Fourteen days,

twelve hours.

Give or take.

And the... the guy, this guy... the ph...

Jonathan. His name is Jonathan.

Jonathan.

You want to be with him?

No.

So what did this...

Jonathan take pictures of, exactly? I...

Me.

Naked.

Mm.

Are they any good?

Probably.

I don't know.

Is there anything else?

Well, thank you all for coming.

Um...

So the first time I ever really

looked at a painting, I was a kid.

I was in school in the States.

Um, it was Van Gogh, "Portrait of a Peasant".

I took this girl to the museum to...

impress her.

And I... I saw this painting

and walked over to it,

and it was just all these colours,

just little... little strokes of paint.

I mean, not one of them even close to a flesh tone.

Just complete chaos.

And I, you know,

sort of turned away and looked...

and I looked back, and there...

there was the man.

He was kind of big, and beautiful,

and alive, and...

and it just kind of blew my mind.

I...

I couldn't stop looking at it,

and the back and forth for, like, an hour.

And the girl that I was...

probably thought I was nuts.

And, uh... And I re...

I hadn't thought about that in...

probably years.

But recently, I...

I was introduced to some work that...

that brought it back to me.

And...

And I realized that...

that art takes the mess of life

and makes some kind of sense of it -

for the artist, for better or worse,

and...

and maybe, maybe for us, too.

Maybe it helps us see the beauty in...

in the chaos.

Uh, it's not really that chaotic.

I mean it's not... not that heavy a thing, but, uh...

Um... And that's re...

that's all I've got by way of introduction,

so, uh, make of it what you will.

Alright. Any time, Jerry.

You okay?

Is there anything I can do for you?

No. God, I'm just... We're... done here.

I can pick up the rest of this tomorrow.

Yeah, no, I... just mean...

I always talk to you.

I'm just saying... I...

I mean, if you want to talk...

Yeah. What do I know?

Hey.

I'm... I'm fine.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

For art!

Ready?

Did you hear those guys?

All those jokes about Tarzan, and Jane, and that monkey.

They were... What monkey?

What was that monkey's name?

Tarzan's monkey. "Boy"? Was that the monkey's name?

He was a chimpanzee.

No, of course he wasn't "Boy".

Boy was named "Boy".

Christ sakes, I'm so stupid.

No, you're not stupid. You're tired. You're allowed.

He was a chimpanzee,

and I believe his name was "Cheetah".

Cheetah?

It wasn't Cheetah.

Cheetah's a cat thing.

This is an ape thing.

Nonetheless, Tarzan's friend, a chimp,

was called Cheetah.

Why would you call a monkey "Cheetah"?

- Oh, you're so sure. - Pretty sure.

What was I thinking when, um...

It was actually a pretty good party.

Right. How Jane didn't shave

so she could get Tarzan,

who was used to having sex with monkeys.

Perry can be such an asshole.

He had no idea it was you,

and after he made that tasteless joke,

that little group broke up. Didn't you notice?

That must have been when I was in the bathroom,

throwing up and crying.

- You threw up? - Ah, a little.

Jesus. Is there anything...?

Oh, no, I'm fine. I just, um...

I should just sit down.

Do you... Well, is there anything...

Do you want a glass of water?

Pill. In my purse.

Oxy.

I held off taking any of it.

I think now just might be the time.

I'm not a crier. Jesus.

Oh.

Ah.

Mm.

Do you hate me?

Do I hate you?

I mean, come on. Yeah.

I mean, like a tornado in your life.

No.

No, I don't hate you.

Mm.

You should.

Well, I'll... take that under advisement.

How do you feel?

How do I feel?

Are you scared?

More than I can even begin to tell you.

- You don't look scared. - Well, because...

because I'm being the man, and this is what the man does,

and I'll be scared... later.

- When? - I don't know.

When there's time. When there...

When I have the time.

Mm. What about now?

What do you feel right now?

I'm sorry. Are we... Is this an acting exercise

that we're doing, or...?

I just want to know how you feel.

I don't know. I...

I'm tired.

Uh-huh.

- My feet hurt. - Mm.

You angry?

No.

- Am I angry? - Well, shouldn't you be angry?

Well, I mean, where in all of this

has there been room for me to...

How about that girl, huh?

How about that girl?

What? What girl?

You never told me that story about that girl in the museum,

and the painting, and...

- No, I didn't. - What happened with that girl?

I...

What was her name, that girl?

- Seriously? - Yeah.

You're... You're jealous?

I don't know what I am.

You know, before the party,

I walked around and I looked at...

every...

And then I had to walk around again.

It was like I had to see them all again.

It was just so you.

My pussy.

My famous pussy.

Yeah. Your famous pussy.

You must be exhausted.

- Mm, so tired. - Come on, come on.

- Let's go to bed. - Mm.

Come on.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Me? I'm fine.

I'm okay.

Let's go to bed.

I'm just gonna...

A little bit, and then I'll...

Go on. It's alright. I'm fine. Go.

- Frank! - Okay. Yeah, okay!

Frank?

Yeah?