Original subtitles

I need some water.

What?

I need water. It's--

Come on, come on.

- Oh! - Whoa! Careful.

- I'm fine. Yep. - You all right?

Okay.

Can you pass me my razor?

Yeah. I'm going to pull this in.

You have a little blue fuzz everywhere.

I have such a big day today.

I-- I shaved my legs.

I shaved my arm pits.

I washed my hair with the good shampoo

but not the good conditioner.

- Don't make fun of me. - And--

- Oh, no. - This is not coming off.

- It's so bad. - We're gonna have to just cut your arms off

or put you in the shower again or something.

- Oh, it's everywhere. - Who cares?

- I have blue nipples. - Who care--

I'm a freak. No one will love me.

Actually, they would really love you if you went to work like this,

but that's probably not a good idea.

Yeah, probably not.

Oh, it's all over me.

Yeah, it's-- That's not good.

- Keep working on my arm. - I'll work on the arm.

You work the torso.

- It's-- - So I have some pretty cool news.

- What's cool? - I got a new job.

I upgraded.

What'd you upgrade to?

Well, I quit my job,

and now I don't have a job.

What I want to do today...

is go to the beach and hang out,

and that's my goal,

and I'm gonna complete it,

and I'm gonna feel good about that.

And I think you should come with me.

I have to go to work.

I can't help it.

It's stuck. I am a Muppet.

That's not--

You have to take a day off.

They're gonna think you're a freak

if you keep going in to work.

- Seriously. - They won't think I'm a freak.

- They will. - They'll think that--

- It's against the rules. - They'll think,

"That's a very industrious young woman."

- Come on. - "We should hire her."

Why don't you...take one day off?

Come to the beach with me. We'll hang out.

It's a big day. It's a big day today.

What's so big?

- Cheers. - Yeah.

- So, um, you quit your job, huh? - Yes, he quit his job.

- Quit my job. - I want to do that.

I did quit my job.

Hannah's very excited about this.

- I'm very excited. - I'm excited.

- She's very excited. - I think that's awesome.

He's pursuing a full-time--

It's a step up of him pursuing...

nothing.

- Pursuing nothing? - I'm a nihilist now.

I believe in nothing.

Now it's time for us to start a new band.

I mean, you know...

find, like...

He's not really sure

that music makes him happy anymore, either.

- Nothing makes anybody happy. - Right?

You're right.

Actually, Hannah can tell you all about it.

- I can. - You go ahead.

- Give her the scoop. - Hmm.

Well, you know, his job doesn't make him happy,

and he's not sure music makes him happy,

but he wants to go to the beach

- with... me. - You got it.

Hmm.

So who are you sleeping with at work?

I'm not sleeping with anybody.

Whoa, where did that come from?

Well, you're all dressed up.

I'm not sleeping with anyone.

I'm just kidding.

Funny.

Okay, this looks good?

Yeah.

If you could put it a little tighter--

- It doesn't go tighter. - Then it looks good.

Hello. Um...

like 2:00 today,

we got her up for meeting up,

- talking about the show. - Mm-hmm.

All of us, I guess. We can do that.

Um, basically, just going over the pilot,

what's gonna happen,

and, um-- Shit.

So, um, we got--

Yeah, let's just go over some of that basic stuff.

- Uh-huh. - These girls are gonna get some lunch.

And I'm gonna go check my email

and update my blog and all that.

- Okay. - So I will--

- Let's meet at 2. - Okay.

- This pilot stuff. - 2:00. Cool.

- We have till 2:00-- - Fantastic.

-...to do nothing. - As usual.

Um, what are you gonna do?

I'm-- I'm down with American history again.

How long was Franklin in Paris?

Uh... I don't know.

I'm not up to that part yet.

I think he wrote a lot of this in Paris,

- but he doesn't get that far. - All right.

Was he over there more than once?

- Jefferson went to Paris. - That's right.

He-- I mean, he was--

That's why we have ice cream, because he went to Paris,

and they knew how to make ice cream.

And then he brought it back.

Well, he didn't bring back actual ice cream,

he brought back the recipe-- the-- the idea behind ice cream

to the United States, and that's why we have it.

That's why we call it Jefferson ice cream.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Uh-oh. Oh! Ho-ho!

- What is that? - Place her on the board.

Put me on the board.

- That was an ambush. - It wasn't an ambush.

- You like red? - I love red.

- Okay. - Unfair.

This is-- This is history.

You've broken the gender barrier.

You're coming tonight?

- Oh, of course. Yeah. - Okay.

- You don't have to. - No, I'm really ex--

- I mean-- - But you should.

I am excited.

Um, well, awesome.

It's gonna be, uh...great.

So, I want to know what your take on stripes is.

- Stripes? - Mm-hmm.

- Well, I like-- - Excuse me.

- Do you guys know Hannah? - Mm-hmm.

Do you know where she is?

I'm her boyfriend. I'm not, like, stalking her, so--

Um...

She's probably in the production office.

Yeah.

Production office?

If you go left out the door,

it's just down the hall.

- Mm-hmm. - That--

That way. Okay. All right. Thank you.

- Yeah. - Bye.

If you go somewhere and stay in a hotel,

or even if you just stay with your friend who you know,

then, um--

then it's-- that kinda sucks,

but if you-- but if you go and somehow meet somebody,

you get invited to the home

and you learn something about their culture.

They say, "Please, come have dinner with me."

We're happy, you know.

I was in Tiananman Square

- about 10 years ago. - Oh, wow.

You were that guy in front with the camera.

I don't like to talk about it, but--

No, but it was after that, and I was very stupid,

I was waiting for them to do this flag-raising ceremony,

and so I was sitting there, and I was drawing in my journal,

and a little kid came over and watched me draw,

and so I ripped the thing out and gave it to him,

then there was another kid, and I drew,

and I was getting excited, 'cause I was like, "Oh,"

"I'm the ambassador of, you know"--

- Goodwill. -... rainbows, yeah, and I was just like--

so, you know, I was writing, "Hi, I'm from America,

nice to meet you," and like just drawing, like, stupid--

- Oh, sorry. - That's okay.

And, uh...

All of a sudden I realized there was no one around me,

and I look up, and there's eight cops, Chinese policemen,

- Oh, my God. - and another one rides up on a bike,

going "Where is he? Where is he?'

and one of them's holding one of the drawings,

and I realize I'm standing in Tiananmen square,

- handing out-- - Hey.

Hey.

- Hey, guys. - Oh.

- I'm Mike. - Hey, I'm Matt.

- Matt? - Nice to meet you.

- Paul. - Paul, Mike.

Good to meet you.

Um, I was wondering if you want to go to lunch?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Um, yeah--

Are you guys going to--

Is it okay if I go to lunch?

'Cause I was thinking, like,

do the lunch and then Jeremy's band is playing at the Empty Bottle tonight.

- Oh. - We go to the beach tomorrow.

It's like a 1-2-3 punch.

I have this thing tonight, this work thing, um...

but-- but it's a party.

Oh, okay.

Hannah, if you have something,

um, better to do besides the party,

don't-- don't feel obliged.

No, I do--

And by the same token, Mike,

if you wanna come along to the party,

you're certainly welcome to--

We're having, like, a little work--

office gathering,

which you're-- you're invited to.

I mean, outside people are allowed.

That sounds great.

And depending how long you guys are, we can even go after or something, so...

- That sounds great. - Okay.

- Thanks for-- - Okay.

Well, now I have a party dress and a person.

- Party dress? - Yeah.

- Cool. - Yeah.

- Do you wanna go? All right. - Yes.

- You don't have a thing? - Oh, no.

Wanna pick up your phone in case somebody calls you?

Sorry. They were telling the anecdote. I couldn't--

Don't worry about it.

You guys, I'll see you.

- Bye. - She screened my call, it's no big deal.

Just look out. I'm gonna get on that board.

You need me to bring anything for the party?

Uh, just your handsome face.

Okay.

- Okay. - All right.

- Bye. - Nice to meet you guys.

- I'll be back. - Okay. I hope so.

- See ya. - See ya.

- We never got to hear the end of your story. - Ah...

It was about Chinese...

Food?

- We could do that. - Yeah?

We can definitely do that.

What just happened?

Um, we made a new friend.

- Uh... - I didn't get to finish my humorous anecdote.

- You didn't? - No.

You can finish it for me, 'cause let's be honest,

- who was actually listening to the anecdote-- - Sure.

...and has two thumbs?

Nothing personal.

We should wait until the first person arrives,

and then we start making it.

Yeah, that'll be funny, and then it evolves...

Right, the first--

Yeah, the first person is generally uncomfortable

to be at a party, to be the first person.

If you walked into this fucking place--

Uh, yeah.

Wait, how-- how does this...

It's like you got to peel it off the back.

I hope Hannah's boyfriend appreciates this.

I think he's very sophisticated.

Do you want to go...

- Take me to the zone, man. - Tubular?

Wherever you are, that's where I wanna go.

- He's unemployed. - That's--

Well, that has nothing to do with vibe.

No, I mean--

It's because you're free and because you're...

I've decided that...

working didn't make me happy,

and playing in bands didn't make me happy.

And I'm always trying to seek out something to make me happy,

so I'm just gonna do nothing for a while,

and I'm gonna try to do that really well.

And... I know it sounds stupid, but--

There's something to be said for that.

How do you do nothing? What is--

I'm just figuring it out right now.

I just started today.

So today, I went to the beach

and, uh, got some sun...

and had some lunch.

That's something.

That was something, yeah. I guess when I say nothing,

I mean more like I'm not seeking out

a professional goal professionally--

just kind of float.

So wait, Hannah has been telling me

about this thing that you guys are writing,

and I don't really know that much about it, so...

I'm curious.

We're writing it,

and then Brian Duges, our boss, who's not here,

he created the show, and then all these people--

and I don't think any of us wanna talk about it.

The whole--

the concept, let me explain the work

because you don't work, but if you did, and you went--

- I have worked. - I know.

- I swear, I didn't mean it-- - Absolutely.

- No, I get it. - I'm just saying

that if, like, a work party is a thing where people go

- and talk about things other than work-- - Right.

... it's kind of a weird--

I gotta admit, like, I'm...

'cause I'm supposed to be the host here

- 'cause it's my place-- - Right.

- You're doing a great job. - No.

- This is amazing stuff. - This dip is--

The dip is wonderful,

the beer is great.

I've told you about the show.

I know you told me about it,

but I want to hear it from the guys.

- This place is great. - Thank you. Thank you.

I've lived here for a couple of years.

So are we gonna have another party here?

If you guys want to.

- Yeah. - Will you co-host with me?

- Co-host? - Yeah.

- Co-host? - Yeah.

We'll just, like, come over here

and say this is our party, too?

No, people do that,

I mean, especially when someone's living alone,

they'll have someone-- like tonight,

- Matt was kind of my-- - Co-host?

Or like my consigliore, at least.

But he's also, just your, you know--

- My buddy. - Yeah.

But I'm saying, if you guys--

because you're the ones with the party idea,

- so you guys could be my buddies-- - Well...

He's the one who's good at the parties.

Yeah.

- I am. - You are.

How old are you, Mike?

I'm 28.

- 28? - Yeah.

He's an older man.

- I'm an older man. - That's not so bad.

- Eh... - I actually thought it was worse.

You seem very mature to me,

- Oh, thanks. - But that's--

You know, that...40 and...washed up--

40 and still fabulous.

I was-- I was...

- 40's the new 30. - Yeah.

- You sort of have a boyish charm. - It's a lot--

Now I want to rescind that

because it sounds like it's like a burn when you say--

if I said that to you, "Oh, I thought you were older,"

- then that would be-- - I-- I get you, I do.

I feel like you,

you feel like you wanna apologize for some things,

but I totally-- I get your humor.

I'm gonna apologize for a lot of things, Mike.

- I don't want you to-- - This is a thing

that you should learn about me real quick.

Let's just do it.

Aww.

It's all good, dawg.

I'm really tired,

and I'm really hot,

and I'm...

kind of drunk.

Mm...

Ugh!

I wanted to be the funny one,

- and I'm never the funny one. - That's not true.

Mm...

You are the funny one.

Not when he's around.

I want to make people laugh.

Thank you for letting me stay here.

Sure.

Do you think he was mad that I didn't let him up?

Does it matter?

I guess not.

I just couldn't...

I couldn't be with him tonight.

I'll figure it out tomorrow.

We're gonna go to the beach tomorrow, I'm gonna like...

I'll figure something out.

Hmm.

I'll sleep on this decision.

There's no decision, I don't know.

Hmm.

Just think about it.

- Okay. - Mm-hmm.

Good night.

Good night, Rocco.

Good night, Hannah.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Are you still awake?

Hmm?

- Are you awake? - Yeah, I'm awake.

Do you think I should break up with him or stay together?

I don't know. It's your decision.

I don't want to make it.

Can you make it for me?

- Mm-mm. - Fuck.

Um, close your eyes.

Are you gonna throw sand in my face?

I'm definitely not gonna throw sand in your face.

- Wait, just keep 'em closed. - Yeah.

And...

look down.

All right, you're good.

Wow, goggles! Dive mask!

- This is awesome! - Yeah.

So there's, like, treasure out there, and we can go--

- We can go find it. -...swim for treasure.

Oh, this is so nice.

This is, like--

You're great.

You can't open it, but...

and now you could open it for me?

Well, maybe we'll just use these in the tub tonight.

- Yeah, yeah. - This is good.

Jacques Cousteau in the tub.

I had this cousin Ronnie

who used to explore the depths

of my grandmother's pool with a mask.

You never told me about Ronnie.

We called him Ronnie Cousteau.

- Which Cousin Ronnie? - Oh!

Cousin Ronnie.

I don't know some things about you, I've realized.

Yeah.

That's probably true.

I have a cousin Ronnie who likes masks. Um...

- What else is there? - Tell me more--

When I was 13,

I was-- I was in a two-and-a-half-year relationship

- until I was 15 and a half. - What?

That's amazing!

And we had this, like, big discussion

about whether we were gonna go all the way or not.

We were convinced we were gonna get married.

That's longer than I've ever been in anything

- in my whole life. - Yeah.

Her name was Amy, and she was, like,

she was awesome, and then, uh,

I started getting into music and stuff,

and I thought I was really cool,

and because she wasn't a musician,

I broke up with her.

- Fucking asshole. - Yeah.

Because I was just, like,

convinced that we wouldn't be able to share that, and it was--

you know, it's when you're first starting to learn your art.

Like, maybe when you first got into playwriting,

it's, like, the most important thing in the world to you,

- Yeah. - and so I was just like "She doesn't get this.

We're not gonna be able to share this,"

and then I broke up with her,

and then I was depressed for, like, a year.

Until you were 16?

Until I was 16, yeah.

- Then what happened at 16? - Then I got into sports,

and then I was, like, fine after that,

- but yeah-- - I didn't even--

What sports did you play?

I'm just not good with breakups.

- Yeah. - I'm just not--

I don't know that most people are good at breakups.

I think I'm especially bad with breakups.

Yeah, well...

- Okay. - Yeah.

You know, I didn't tell you this today yet,

but you look really beautiful in that mask.

You know, you really just--

- you look so gorgeous, and I-- - You're so nice today.

- Thank you. - Mmm...

You look beautiful in your mask, too.

Thanks, man. Here.

Thanks for telling me. Thanks.

How's your foot doing?

- It's okay. - It looks better.

It got some sand in it,

but I think it's actually gonna make it better.

It looks better.

Mm.

I really had a nice time today.

I know. Me, too.

- It was great. - It was good.

What?

Nothing.

- Are you sure you're okay? - Yeah, I'm good.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

Um...

What's wrong?

I don't know,

- I'm feeling kind of hot. - You're hot?

- Yeah. - All right, hold on. I have a--

It'll just take a second. I'll be right back.

Okay.

Don't move.

I don't know how this is going to work out,

but I've seen something like this on Cinemax before.

Um, Cinemax?

Yeah. Cinemax 2, actually.

- Here. - It's really cold.

Lift up your arm, and just...

close it down there.

- Yaah! - Aah!

It's good, right?

Yeah, it feels good.

And this is what-- all right,

this is what they do on Cinemax.

Let me show you how it goes.

Why do they smell like vinegar?

I don't think they smell like vinegar.

- They smell a little bit. - This is what they do.

They guy puts it in his mouth, and he's like...

He actually doesn't make that noise.

I don't know what I'm talking about.

But then he does-- Let's lay back.

Like, against the wall.

They'll do these kinds of things

where they're like--

- And then you'll see the-- - Stop.

the stuff glistening, and they're like--

And they lick, and it's--

Yeah.

You're, like, quivering right now.

I know. I feel like--

- Okay. All right. - For some rea--

All right. Okay. All right.

I don't know, um...

- I think, um-- - You're freaking out.

Uh, no.

I'm sorry, um...

Yeah, what are you--

Do you want to, um...

You just can't--

I know. I--

I know what you're gonna say, so--

I'm not gonna say anything.

I'm not saying anything.

Yeah?

Um...

I just-- I don't think you-- Um--

Can I just be honest?

I-- I'm always, like, laughing with you.

I'm never...

Yeah.

I don't think you can touch me anymore.

Okay.

- I'm sorry. - And you had to--

You can't just leave me like this.

I'm not.

Will you please...

um...

Hannah?

What?

Do you want me to go?

No. I'm sorry. I'm doing this all wrong.

Um...

I'm just gonna, like, make it easier on you.

What?

I'm breaking up with you.

Because you want to break up with me

and you can't do it, so...

- Um... - You know what?

It's no big deal. Whatever. It's fine.

You know, we have sex, and-- and you're right,

I don't know your sisters' names.

And...

- I'm sorry. - And it'll be fine.

Fuck.

- I-- - I'm, like, not upset.

I'm, like, not even upset.

I'm upset.

It's weird. I thought I was gonna be really upset, but I'm not upset.

I'm really upset.

Okay. See you later.

# I got a good thing #

# I got a good thing #

# I got a good thing #

# I got a lovely thing #

# I got a lovely thing #

# I got a lovely thing #

# I got a lovely thing #

# Hell, fuckin' yeah #

# Hell, fuckin' yeah #

# Hell, fuckin' yeah #

Yeah.

I'll do the same for you.

Hold on. I want to feel it on the back of my neck.

You're getting naked, too?

It's better.

Am I blocking it?

- Happy? - And then you have to get me up.

Do it.

No, now it's gone away.

Oh, come on. Geez.

What I'm saying is that, like,

I feel like most-- most most plays--

try to speak--

speak to something about human nature

that the playwright finds is true.

- Yeah. - And...

I think that it's hip right now

to-- to look at the world and have it be grim

in a certain way.

Like-- that, like, everyone's

fucking each other over and--

I don't know, but...

I just think that-- I think that the most massive tragedy

is not that people are trying to fuck

each other over purposefully,

which seems like that's, like,

what a lot of plays are about.

The most massive tragedy is that nobody,

like, really actually listens to each other.

- Yeah. - It's every, like-- going like this.

They're just, like-- Everybody's in love with the wrong person,

and nobody-- nobody actually,

like, hears what anybody else is saying ever.

Ever.

And that, you know--

I have to take off my goggles

because I'm gonna say something important.

I mean, like that's--

that's like...

that's, like, why Shakespeare's so tragic.

It is tragic on the scale of, like,

people are doing terrible things,

but it's also tragic because nobody hears

what the other person is saying.

- I'm trying to hear what you're saying. - This room stinks.

- I know. I'm sorry. - You know what I mean?

- I just can't really-- - I'm trying to really listen.

I get really frustrated

because I love things so much,

and I-- and I feel like my--

that what I do is so trite and small.

Okay, I got something.

- This'll trip you out. - Okay.

- Are you ready? - Yeah.

I figured out this weekend how to get a six-pack

without going to the gym

- or dieting or-- - Sure.

...doing sit-ups.

Want to see it?

- Yes. Yes. - It's amazing. It's, like, so simple.

Yeah? Okay.

Wait a minute.

- Okay. Okay. - All right.

Okay.

Do we have to do anything?

- No, just watch. Ready? - No, we're just watching?

- Okay, wait. Watch. - So, all you have to do...

is let the air out of your lungs.

Look at that.

Look at that.

You look like E.T.

It's-- The air out-- You can--

- That's-- - It looks like a six-pack.

- Well, yeah-- - Where do you get this line from, Matt?

This is an amazingly deep crevice you have.

That's from, I think, when I sit.

- Look at this. - Oh!

This is a pack of hot dogs. Ready?

- Ah. - Look at that.

- That's amazing. - That is--

- Can you do that again? - Your body is amazing.

- How many dogs is that? - Um, I'm the only one I know who can do--

- Wait. Okay. -...a full-- a proper six.

- 1, 2-- - There's two on each side.

- Yeah. - 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Ten dogs.

I can't believe how low you can get your boobs.

If I had a handlebar mustache,

- you couldn't-- - That's so weird,

'cause now you actually do look totally buff.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I think that's a lot more impressive than--

- But your pecs are, like, on your shoulders. - That's like Superman.

- That's a Halloween costume. - All right, that's enough.

- Thank you. - See, was I a liar?

- Come on. - I feel...

I feel much better.

I really-- Yes, thank you.

Do you even remember your boyfriend anymore?

Don't know his name.

You guys want to have a barbeque later or something?

- Yeah. - With some hot dogs?

- Barbeque? - We don't even need--

- All we-- Just bring Matt, The Boob. - We just bring Matt?

That's a barbeque on feet.

Yeah.

That sounds good.

Okay, so, uh, before you came in,

I was-- before the entertainment,

um, I was in the middle of the story, uh,

about the phone call I had this weekend

with-- with Marvin-- with the agent.

- Marvin the agent. - It's good already, right?

Things I don't know.

Well, the back story is a couple month ago,

I get an email from this guy,

um, Marvin, the New York agent,

and he is, uh--

He says he's a fan of the blog and that he--

Oh, I'm a fan of the blog, too.

- Thank you very much. - Yeah, it's great.

Um, and so he says that he-- he wants to,

you know, go around and pitch this to,

uh, publishing houses as something to do in print form.

- And, uh-- - Your blog's gonna be a book?

Whoa. You're like two or three or five

or six or seven or eight steps ahead.

- Um-- - Am I wrong?

His blog's gonna be a book?

Well, this is-- No, well, the conversation this weekend

was that he-- he made it sound like there was actual, like,

nibbles or that, like, we could be expecting, you know, to get--

- That is amazing. -... real bids in this week.

It is kind of amazing. I'm kind of--

That's-- That's wonderful.

It would be cool. It would be cool. It would be cool.

And it's great because it's already all written.

You just have to, like, put it together and--

Oh, Jesus! I'm so sorry.

- It's fine. - I was trying to hit his arm.

- I'm sorry. - It's totally fine.

So now you-- you're-- you've experienced success

in so many-- television and publishing--

You know what?

I'm gonna tell you something that I wouldn't--

The drugs.

I'm, uh, allowing myself

to enjoy the, uh...

the news.

- It'll be great. - Good.

- But that's it-- - Maybe-- No!

Now the barbeque has a purpose, guys.

Right. Let's celebrate.

- It's Paul's barbeque for his book. - Yeah.

- Yay. - Let's come dressed as Paul to the barbeque.

I don't know. All my plaid shirts are dirty.

- No, I've got some. - You brought some?

- Yeah. - Just in case?

- Here. - What is this?

Are you giving--

That's extra.

I just had it just in case,

'cause I get so sweaty.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

I need glasses, though.

I left my-- Oh, wait.

They're outside. One second. I'll be right back.

And you gotta wear your watch upside-down.

I don't have a watch.

Paul style.

That's the move.

It's always later than you think.

Yeah.

Um, we should probably work at some point.

You're already working.

You need--

- Yes? - You're working hard.

So...

I can't do an impression.

- This is-- - That was kinda cool.

You made me sound like Nicholson or something.

All you have to do is be self-deprecating.

- Yeah. - False humility is good.

- Mumble. - Yeah.

Um, do you want a ride--

Do you want a ride home after work today?

- 'Cause my car is out of the shop. - Yes, I was just gonna--

- I was just gonna launch into complaining-- - It's running like a dream.

Yeah, I was just start complaining about the bus.

- Absolutely. - It's so hot. I love that.

Pretty soon, when this book hits,

I'm gonna be able to afford--

Just honk at me as you pass me on the bridge.

Absolutely.

That's where most people throw their garbage at me while I'm pedaling,

so it'd be nice if you just, like--

That part slipped out, right?

I had someone throw a Big Gulp at me once.

Uh...

Do you want to come up

- and meet my roommate? - Absolutely.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Cool. Thanks. - Okay. Good.

- All right. - Thank you.

That was less painful than I thought.

- Easy. - Yeah.

- Yeah. Okay. - Cool.

Ms. Rocco.

Hey.

Do you remember Paul?

He had that party.

Oh, yeah. How are you?

- Good. How are you? - Good. Okay.

- Nice to see you again. - Yeah, you, too.

Um, I really like your apartment.

Yeah, it's our place.

We like it, too. It's peaceful.

Pretty colors.

It's good. Yeah.

The yellow mellows you out,

and the red psyches you up again.

- Right. - Yeah.

And then the blue-- It's balanced.

- Pretty relaxing. - Do you want to sit down?

Okay.

Paul just gave me a ride home from work, so--

- Oh, that's nice. - Yeah.

- Awesome. - Yeah, it's pretty great.

What are you up to here?

Nothing. Just hanging out.

Um, just, like, killing time

and looking for a job,

but not really looking for a job right now.

- Right. - Just kind of--

I'm gonna go.

Okay.

I'm just gonna go outside.

I've been in here for a really long time.

- Okay. - Okay?

- I'll see you guys. - Very nice to see you again.

Yeah, nice seeing you again.

- Bye. - Bye. See you.

Do you think I'm doing okay at work?

Uh, you're-- Yeah, of course.

I think you're doing great.

Uh, here.

- Oh. - Hello?

- Yes. - Okay.

I think you're doing a great job.

I think you are ridiculously bright.

And I think you have a great spirit.

And I think that, uh,

you're probably the smartest person there.

And I think that, um...

Matt and I would be subsumed in our own muck

without you to lift us out.

And...

that's why I go to work every day.

Thank you.

You're-- You're welcome.

Gotta--

Gotta go now.

These long-distance charges are killing me.

I want you to look at these ideas that I have.

Oh, cool. "Halloween costume ideas.

"You will go as a ghost

smelting a jack o'lantern"

It's not done yet.

I thought it would be really cool to have, like,

a costume where it's a ghost and, like,

- all the classic things together. - Yeah.

Good. Good. Good.

What?

Are you drunk?

Yes.

Uh-huh?

- Can I come in? - Of course.

- Is it okay if I pee? - Obviously.

Okay, I'm coming in.

- Okay. - Thanks.

- Hello. - Hi.

This is the first time I've peed in front of you.

Hmm.

- It's special today for us. - Huh.

But I can't even see you.

I mean, not that-- I don't know.

That's not part of it, I guess.

- I guess. - But I can't see anything without my glasses.

Oh, 'cause--

But maybe later I can watch you pee.

Yeah, maybe. We'll put it on the docket.

No, I think it's kind of sweet.

It's kind of--

I don't know--

romantic in an old person kind of way.

Mm-hmm.

- Anyway, I'm done. - Okay.

I'm gonna blow you a kiss.

- Ready? Okay. - Okay. Yeah, I'm ready.

Oh... I caught it.

You can't even see me, and I caught it.

- No, I see where you are. - You corrected it well.

- Okay. - See you.

Bye.

- Look at that crazy guy. - Mm-hmm.

- Do you see him? - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

You see what he's doing?

- Um, I don't-- - But I don't really understand.

- No, I've never seen that technique before. - Yeah.

They're pioneering a new cell phone in Chicago.

He's wild. Matt, you have to come see this guy.

- This is one of the all-time greats. - Yeah.

This is, like--

- This is A-1 quality crazy. - Crazy guy on the street.

- Matt. - Matt.

- Matt. - Matt.

- Matt. - Matt, you have to come see the crazy guy.

- Matt's not home. - Matt, oh, Matt,

come see the crazy guy with us.

Matt, he's gonna finish--

This is a once in a lifetime thing.

I gotta finish this.

I gotta go see him and smell my flowers.

You're gonna see one of Chicago's premiere--

Mmm.

That's it.

Can I just smell these roses and look at the crazy guy?

Bye, crazy guy.

He's about to go.

Matt, you're totally missing this.

Bye, crazy guy. These are for you.

All right, what do you want us to do?

- You want to start work here now? - Are you okay?

You want to-- No, he's in the zone.

- I understand. - Yeah?

I've seen this man work before.

- He's in the zone? - Yeah.

What can we do

to help you

through your time of trouble?

It's like we're going to marriage counseling.

Sorry.

- Yeah, why don't you help us for a change? - Is that awkward?

All right.

Matt, you better not be like this tonight.

Come on.

What? It's for dinner?

Yeah.

Stop and smell the roses, man.

Don't give him my flowers.

I'm not giving them to him.

I'm giving him the scent.

- Okay, hit us. - Leave him alone.

What are we doing today?

I just have to finish this statement.

- Okay. - Okay?

Honestly, you guys have fun

and keep doing what you're doing,

- but don't-- - Don't involve you?

...feel like you have to suck me into it.

Yeah, I'm just trying to--

I don't want to be here doing this, but I am, so-- Okay?

- Okay. - Okay.

Okay, give him-- He'll lose his concentration.

Fade to black.

Are we in trouble?

I don't know. I've never seen him do that before.

We're in trouble. Ow!

Oh...

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm so clumsy.

What did you do?

Look at that. Wow.

Big bruise in seconds flat.

- Yeah. Thank you. - Mmm...

Thank you.

I'll fix this. This is my fault.

No, this is me.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Okay. - This is my problem.

I still feel like it's kinda my problem.

- I swear to God, he's-- - I'll talk to him.

I'll talk to him.

I love your garden.

Thanks.

- I like it, too. - What are these?

God, I don't know.

What are those?

I put 'em there.

- Oh. - Yeah.

They're magnets.

So that was, like, a funny joke?

Uh, was it?

Put it on the table.

Now let go of it.

Ah, well, that's neat.

Hold one end, and we'll try to push them together.

- Okay. - It's--

- You mean, like, against? - Yeah.

They can't do it.

They like each other too much.

All right, there you go.

- Yeah, we got it. - It's like--

Oh!

I want to ask you...

- what are you-- - To marry you.

That looks-- That looks painful.

What do you need to ask me?

Okay, I want to know what you think of Bush League.

I like it.

Ow...

All right, wait. Give me--

I want to get them closed.

- Give me the marbles. - Why?

Give me--

I want you to take-- Can I have the mar--

Can I have them back, please?

This is what you get

for hanging out with someone younger than you.

Oh, now I'm in trouble.

Take the marbles out of your nose.

Oh...

Give me--

Sorry, Dad.

You and Paul talk about this stuff all the time.

- Yeah. - You know he feels about it, right?

I know how he feels, yeah.

I don't really like things that are, like,

sort of explicitly about what they are.

I think it's both preaching to the choir,

and I think--

and I think you're--

because of that, like, your audience is limited

because it's not like someone who is really conservative

is gonna turn on this show

and then their minds will be changed

by what they see on TV.

Not that I think it's gonna, like, change the world

or get Bush im--

But I don't understand why we can't be, like,

this is really good.

And now you're-- now you're--

When you're talking, you're sounding just like him.

You're saying things that he said verbatim.

No, I really came to these thoughts on my own.

It's not because Paul said them to me.

- You sound just like him. - I know.

But I really-- I hate it when people date people

and then they just parrot what they say,

but that's not what I'm doing.

I actually did believe this before.

Okay.

Her thumbs are so close to me.

That has three lenses or four lenses.

Yeah, uh, that's--

You'll find that common motif in my pictures.

- Who is that? - People pointing or--

This picture is special for two reasons.

Uh, her name's Margo.

It comes out at you, like, and shoots.

You ever see Friday the 13th III?

This one's great because, number 1,

you look really handsome in it.

Thank you.

And, um, oh, number 2,

because it snapped right in for me.

Like, it usually-- That was instantly 3-D.

- My friend Charlie took that. - That's awesome.

It's actually-- He's really good.

- You're playing the trumpet. - Yeah.

That's not important.

Look. He looks like Tom Cruise.

I-- I play the trumpet.

- You play the trumpet? - Yeah.

- For real? - You look like--

- Yeah. - I play the trumpet.

- Hannah plays a mean trumpet. - Do you really?

Yeah, I played in my high school marching band.

You're kidding. I--

I got a trumpet, like, five years ago,

- and I took lessons. - That's so wild.

Yeah, my teacher--

My teacher at the time said I was a natural.

- Yeah? - Yeah, because of my lip.

'Cause I have a big, fat lip.

That's so funny. I really do play the tr--

- I-I-I play-- - Do you still play?

- I play occasionally. - Yeah, it's fun.

- You have a trumpet here in this apartment? - Yeah, I do.

- You're kidding. - Yeah.

I definitely do.

- I didn't know that. - Yeah, and I-- I, uh--

No, I played in junior high and high school

and I've kind of, like, kept it up since, but--

- You have kept it up. - A bit, a bit.

- Uh-huh? - Yeah, not entirely.

That's crazy. I've never met anyone who plays the trumpet.

We should play. I have, like, some music with the duets.

- Yeah. - Like, two parts.

We could get together and we could play.

Rocco, you gonna get in on that?

I could.

- Maybe it would just be a double duet. - Rock it out.

- That'd be awesome. - That's be awesome.

I haven't played in a couple of years,

- so I'd like an excuse to. - Agreement.

Yeah, seriously.

Shake.

We're playing the trumpet.

- That's awesome. - We shook on it.

I did not even know

- there was such a thing as-- - Can we re-adjust?

- You want me-- - Yeah.

- You do me. - Okay.

- You get in there. - How's that?

- No, are you okay? - Are you comfortable?

I'm fine.

Paul, this one's for you.

- Okay. - I think you'll like it.

Oh, yeah.

- Wait, wait, wait. - What is it?

Well, it's gonna take me a minute to get it...

to snap in.

Here, this one's for you, Hannah.

Okay.

Wow, I'm so excited we both play the trumpet.

- I know, I feel like I found a friend. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - It's like we're musical soul mates

because very few people choose the trumpet

as the instrument they want to play.

It's a harsh instrument.

- Yeah, not social. - No.

Okay?

- Okay. - Okay.

- Okay. - Okay.

So, um, uh...

Can I have one more kiss before I go?

Yeah.

Yeah...

Yeah, you can have one more kiss.

- Hm? - Okay.

Ready?

Oh, I'm ready.

I'm ready for anything.

- Okay. - Okay.

All right.

Mmm...

Mmm...

- Stay? - That was...

incredibly aggressive.

It was...

What do you want me to do?

No, I wanted a soft, tender one.

I don't know. I don't feel very soft and tender.

You're an animal...

a jungle cat.

Okay, fine. Fine.

All right, that was too soft and tender.

I was looking for something in the middle,

but we'll come back to that, we're gonna work on that.

- Okay. - Tomorrow.

Okay.

Um, and tonight...

You could work, too, you know.

Work on what? You? No.

You're gonna work on me tomorrow.

No, I'm gonna work on my play.

Exactly.

Soft and tender.

- So you understand. - Okay.

I understand.

The work of the writer.

Right?

Yeah, I got it.

This is exactly what Eugene O'Neill would've done.

Yeah, well, Eugene O'Neill was an alcoholic.

And a fucking awesome writer.

Anyway, that's not the point.

The point is that I am...

crazy about you, and that's why tomorrow

we're gonna seriously consummate this tension

that we're working on tonight.

Okay, fine.

- Or consummate-- - Okay.

- Bye. - Yeah. Okay.

- Okay. - Bye.

Okay, see you tomorrow?

You're not mad? See you tomorrow.

Want me to kiss your wound?

Yeah.

That's a sign of devotion.

You should stay.

- Careful. - No.

- Careful. - No.

You're gonna break something.

I'm not gonna break anything.

- Okay. - Okay.

I'll see you tomorrow.

- I'll miss you, all right? - Oh, yeah.

Bye.

Godspeed.

I don't deserve you. You've been great.

- Good night. - Okay.

- See you tomorrow. - Good night.

- Take care. - Yeah.

Be cute tomorrow when I get back.

I will be. I'm cute now.

- I know. - Yeah.

- I'm sorry. - All right.

Okay.

Okay, okay, okay. All right.

Okay.

So here we go...

with, um, The 1812 Overture.

Don't-- really, don't expect anything.

All right,

I'm gonna face embarrassment.

It's fine.

Could you just look at her?

This is gonna be so humiliating,

when you're better than me.

- Just look at her. - Okay.

You guys are great.

Yeah!

Yay, we won the war!

You did it really well.

I just gave it--

You just-- music. I don't know.

I'm actually very good.

I'm-- I'm sure.

##

That doesn't help.

You have a lot of power in your--

- Yeah. - It was a blast.

- That's right. - Mine is more--

##

So are you looking at the notes or the numbers?

I kind of have this memorized.

But I mean, originally...

I have to--

Can I take this home? Can I bring it--

Yeah, yeah, yeah, take it home.

- Can I bring it on Monday to work? - Yeah, definitely

- I'll copy it. - Okay.

You want to play it together?

Yeah, can we just, like,

- have a slow beat or something? - Yeah.

Go really slow.

##

Brainstorm. Get your mind working.

Exercise it. Bananas for the brain.

So, uh... let's say...

Okay, we get a new client calling up,

and, um, yeah, Minnie's answering the phone.

Say "ring."

- Ring, ring, ring. - Okay.

Hello, this is Minnie de Palma.

How can I help you?

Okay, did you-- yeah.

Just go over answering the phone and stuff with her.

- Okay. - Okay.

So, yeah, say...start over.

Yeah, so you answer the phone.

"Hey, this is Jim Henson."

- "Jim Hen-- It's Jim Henson." - Oh--

I want you to-- okay, I want--

- Hello, Mr. Henson. - Yeah, hello.

I want you to come up with a new Muppet for me.

Can you come up with a new Muppet?

Wow, I'm really honored.

Great. Okay, so what we're gonna do--

Okay, okay.

So we're gonna come up with a new Muppet--

- Should I hang up? - I'm just gonna--

Yeah, I'm sorry.

My concern, Marvin--

The thing that I'm concerned about is that we keep--

You're talking to them, and I feel like

you're getting mixed messages from them.

I love-- I love the pretzels.

and then you relay it to me,

and it's a muddle to me.

If I could get in touch with the main--

Um...

Yeah, Catherine over there,

whoever's actually gonna be the person.

I haven't been through this before,

so you tell me--

Okay.

Okay, so--

So, Catherine. So just...

If there's an opportunity,

and if I have to go to New York to do that,

that's fine, but, um...

But I think it's only gonna get done,

only get cleared up, if I can understand

what they're looking for, what they're--

It's hard for me to work and do,

you know, ten different things over here and then...

You should have all his--

- Mm-hm. - He should have all, like...

he should have all his toys everywhere,

and then Brent can trip on them.

Yeah, it's fine.

I'm happy, I'm glad. I'm thrilled that--

Um...

Let's write fire truck.

Fire truck?

Is that a-- is that a clever trick you know?

You don't remember that from when you were a kid?

What starts with an F and ends in an uck?

- Fire truck. - Okay.

Big laughs.

That's absolutely your--

Do you want to go to lunch?

- Uh, yeah. - Like, now?

Yeah, I think we should go to lunch.

- We'll write this when we get-- - Yeah, we can--

- Yeah, okay. - All right.

And, um...

And I'll, uh...

Yeah, well, I'm on the phone to you a lot, Marvin.

And-- And I love it. And I love it.

Keep it coming.

I don't know, I just feel taken advantage of, 'cause he's like...

Yeah, well, I'm--

Like I'm doing all the work,

and he doesn't even like the show, and he--

I know, I know. I just...

And I'm happy for him.

Like, I'm happy that he's got...

things going on, but I don't know.

Well...

I can tell you...

Take whatever frustration you have and, like,

multiply it by 50,

and that's, like, how I'm feeling, 'cause...

Because of work?

No, I mean, I like work, and he's, like, never--

like, we're doing, you know, all of it.

And then...

I don't-- he just doesn't--

He's, like, so unavailable to me at all times.

- Oh, oh, oh. - Yeah.

I don't need a lot of time.

I just, I just, every time I try to be with him,

he's always got somewhere else to go

and something to do.

But I think he's having, like,

an accelerated thing right now, with his book,

you know what I mean, so it's like...

I know, but it's like you were saying,

he's just, like...

I mean, I don't know, I didn't know him before this,

but I-- I feel like he's--

I don't know.

He's in this place where he's not very good

at balancing, like, work and everything else,

or even, like, his work and actual work--

Have you guys talked about it, or...

Kind of.

He's crazy about you. He's like--

Yeah?

Yeah, totally.

Everyone at the age of-- by 13

should picture what they-- where they want to be,

visually picturing where you want to be in your life,

and not necessarily that's where you're gonna be,

but just to sort of have somewhere you want to go, having ambition, you know?

"Brian Duges on bass..."

got me through high school.

But I don't play the bass, you know?

The bass guitar is what I wanted to do and never got into it,

So...

I have some...

The job you guys are-- $74

Um...

The job you guys are doing is great.

Everyone's-- Paul, everyone is talking about--

about everything you're doing.

I mean, it seems it's coming across really well.

I think...yeah.

Very, very, very good decision on Brian Duges' part

with this team.

Like...brilliant.

So...there is not-- yeah.

Don't let any of that get you down,

even when something bad comes in here,

when I come in here with bad news or complain, or whatever.

It's-- Ignore it. Okay?

Doug?

What up, homes?

Okay, you draw the mouth...

and then...

you draw a cigarette... with smoke.

I see how your cigarette's already better than mine, though.

What are you talking about?

It has the distinction of the ash.

Well, yours is great 'cause--

I tried to make smoke circles.

You're getting fancy. That's lesson 2.

I know, it's bad.

Okay, and then the fi-- ready?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Here, you do that part.

Wait, you got a bad pen.

That's what's wrong with my picture. It's the pen.

See, look, 'cause she's got nice, defined lines.

Yeah, that's a huge part of it.

Cool.

I think these are really good.

She's very talented.

What is this?

No, you are.

You should hear her music.

Hannah, please!

What? It's true.

Is that your guitar?

I think-- That is my guitar.

She's good at playing music.

She's good at drawing.

She's good at so many things.

Hannah's amazing at many things, too,

as I'm sure you know from work.

But you can't, like, you can't do it at a party here.

Yeah.

Oh, crap.

Oh, God...

- Oh, I'm so-- - That's all right.

Here, um... thank you.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that.

It's all right.

- Sorry to interrupt. - Thanks.

- Here. - Oh, thanks.

Move.

Sorry.

It's like musical couch.

Does someone want to switch with me?

- No. - No.

Are you sure?

We have to switch the drawings, though.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- L'chaim. - Yeah.

- You gotta look at the person. - Yeah, I know.

Did you? Okay.

Sorry.

It's cool. No, don't be sorry.

Do you know why people clink glasses?

Um...

somebody told me once... but--

because of poison.

- Yeah, exactly. - Yeah, totally.

I think that's really cool.

Yeah, 'cause you would clink,

and then your drink would spill into the next person's drink,

so it's like a way of saying

- "I didn't poison you." - Right.

It's because people are, like, naturally, like, terrible to each other.

Exactly.

- Basically. - And so every time you go "Cheers."

Nihilist over here.

I feel like most basic assumptions behind,

like, you know, cultural protocol are all--

they all have to do with the fact

that people are, you know, awful.

Yeah, totally.

No, the handshake is... you shake someone's hand

because you're showing that you don't have a weapon.

- Right. - Mm-hmm.

People are shits.

But if you think about it, though--

Sorry.

I don't know why people--

No, me, neither--

...are for the death penalty

because it doesn't deter crime,

- but also, it's like-- - Sorry.

No, it's okay.

Are you working on your scribble?

- Yeah, I'm working on the scribbles. - Yeah?

I made the dinosaur meaner.

Look at that. You gave him a mouth.

Yeah.

But he still looks kind of friendly, I think.

Yeah.

He's a friendly dinosaur.

Yeah, it's unconstitutional.

Just that argument alone,

the fact that more blacks are killed by our judicial system--

Of course,

'cause they're the ones who can't afford a lawyer.

They're the ones who are, you know, people--

Cops are cruising their neighborhoods,

and it's like they don't stand a chance, you know?

That's cool, Hannah.

It's a really interesting-looking coffee cup.

It's a mean-looking coffee cup.

It's awesome.

Wait, so is this part of--

Here, you want to know a little trick?

put a line right there, for the mouth.

Right here?

Yeah, like, that's your cheek.

Yeah, exactly. You know what I mean?

Like, the mouth's opening,

so you see the other side of the mouth.

You're my hero.

That's a totally different perspective.

That'll be 50 dollars.

Can I have this?

- Yeah. - Really?

- Yeah. - Okay. I really like that.

I'm done. My work here is done.

You guys like puzzles?

He's like, he makes these things that are, like, perfect,

like, these perfect little quips,

and I'm just like, "blah-lah-lah."

You're different.

Yeah, I'm not, I'm not--

I don't know. I get nervous.

That's okay.

My shrink, when I was in high school,

- always used to say-- - You have a shrink.

When I was in high school, used to say, like,

"Tolerate the uncertainty."

What does that mean?

That means tolerate the uncertainty of not knowing, of the nervousness,

all of that, you know, like,

it's just about allowing it to sit with you.

- Did he give you any plans to cope? - She.

Oh.

Sexist.

Hello.

Mm-hmm, Mm-hmm.

Hang on a second. Just hang on one second?

Yeah, if you, I mean,

you can stall as long as you want or stall until--

because I don't...you know, like,

I always have the same answer for you,

is that I'm always saying that--

that I have to trust your judgment

'cause I don't know the protocol on these things.

Ahem.

Okay, well, before we get into--

Let me just-- Let me just cut you off,

and I'll call you back in, like, 10 minutes, okay?

Cool. Thank you. Bye.

All right, so this is an owl.

Does it hoot?

Uh, I hope so.

- Hoot-hoot! - Ahhh!

Yeah.

- That's a Kingfisher. - Okay.

Have you had enough?

Yeah.

I think I like the owl best because--

I don't really know what a Kingfisher sounds like in nature.

But the owl, I could have the pleasure of anticipation of the hoot.

Do you know what a Japanese Tit sounds like?

No.

Beta-carotene. Isn't that for sight?

Uh, I'm not sure.

This is because...

Very green.

I was worried about, uh, skin cancer,

and my doctor said that I should take Beta-carotene...

I think.

I can't remember, I wish it would just say--

Maybe I should take Beta-carotene.

You want it?

I'm more interested in the prescription ones.

- Oh. - I'm gonna be honest.

- This is Lexapro. - What's that?

It's an antidepressant.

What's this one?

- Wellbutrin. - What's that?

That's an antidepressant.

What's this one?

This is also Wellbutrin, but...

I keep forgetting to take-- I should just combine--

Did you want to tell me about these?

- Did I want to? - Yeah.

You mean, that's why I was gonna--

I don't know.

- Um... - How long have you taken these?

I went on 'em...

two years ago?

Why?

I got depressed.

Well...

How did it-- how did it happen?

I broke up with someone.

Long relationship.

So does it make you feel better?

Uh, it makes me not feel depressed.

- Yeah. - It's definitely weird.

I really didn't want to do it, and uh,

and then I just sorta...

I was really just kinda desperate for something to happen,

and so I went on it, and...

about ten days into it, I was walking--

I went out to get lunch,

and I was walking over this bridge back to my house,

and I just like,

it was like a commercial.

Like, all of a sudden, the clouds parted--

- Really? - Yeah, and I was like,

"Oh, that's what I feel like.

"This is who I am."

- It was really weird. - Really?

Yeah, and then I was just-- and I--

for a couple of months,

all I talked about in therapy was just...

"I hate the ads...

"The ads look like science fiction.

"I don't want to be taking a pill.

"It's gonna ruin my edge, it's gonna make me less funny,

- it's gonna make me--" - Yeah.

"... not be able to write," and...

I haven't had any of that.

- Wow. - And it's like...

Now I'm like, "Oh, okay,

it's like, if I had high blood pressure,

I'd be taking high blood pressure medication.

I don't think they've got a pill for what I've got.

What do you got?

You sound like-- Wait, that's from a movie.

- You sound like, uh, Dorothy. - Dorothy?

"I don't think there's anything in that bag--"

- Who's Dor-- Oh. - From Wizard of Oz.

"I don't think there's anything in that bag for me."

Doesn't she say something like that?

Nothing there.

What? What--

Chronic dissatisfaction.

I want the clouds to part, and it's like,

suddenly everything makes you happy for a consistent amount of time.

Like, basically, for me, it's like, I stopped sleeping.

Like, I stopped sleeping and eating. So it's, like my--

basically the things that I weren't dealing with--

wasn't dealing with?

- I get paid to write. - Yeah.

The things I weren't dealing with

caused my body to finally just start, like--

it became biological. I had to go to a doctor and say,

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not sleeping.

"I'm not eating. I keep thinking about death.

"I don't feel like myself.

"None of my friends want to talk to me 'cause all I want to talk about is--"

Yeah.

You know, and, uh...

So people, like, they get to that point,

and then they take antidepressants,

and it was explained to me that, like,

you're in a hole, basically,

and it's impossible to get out of the hole--

That's how you feel like when you're depressed. It's debilitating.

Like, you really feel like you can't do anything,

and when you take antidepressants,

it doesn't get you out of the hole, but it--

I feel like I'm doing an ad for antidepressants.

But you basically... it was explained to me that you--

the antidepressants, like, build a floor for you to stand on

so that you can try and climb out of the hole.

So it's like-- The mistake people make

is that they go on them, and they don't do...

- They don't-- - They don't--

They're like, "Oh, cool, everything's fine,"

and then they don't...

they keep, like, you know, squashing their problems,

like they don't deal with their problems,

then they get depressed again, so then they up their dose,

and they up their dose, and when you're on,

lIike, yeah, eight different types of medications

and you're taking, like...

People have problems, man.

Yeah.

Why are you chronically dissatisfied?

Or were you just making a joke?

No. Not really, um...

Sorry.

I don't know. People are delicate--

I'm getting, like, really...

I feel like I've been, like, unfair-- I don't know.

I just didn't-- I just didn't know we can--

You didn't know what?

We can--

I don't know, affect people in certain ways that--

Never mind-- I don't know. I just--

Maybe I haven't been, um...

It sounds-- it sounds, like, really stupid,

because it sounds like what I'm saying is, like,

"Now that I know that you're depressed

"and you have these things, like,

"I can no longer treat you with carelessness."

But that's actually what I'm thinking.

I tend to leave destruction in my wake.

- I, um... - I think you're being...

I don't know.

What's going on with you and Paul?

I don't know.

Is everything okay?

Uh, no.

Just like...

Otherwise, why would I, um, be here?

Talk about it.

No, I feel like I'm being unfair to you.

Why? Here, wait, I'll be right back.

Ahh, don't leave.

I feel like my life raft is gone.

I don't want to--

- Hey-- - No, you're...

- I don't know what's-- - You're good,

and I'm using you to, like, cover things up and...

gee, I don't know, you deserve more than that,

and that's, like, the shittiest first thing to tell a person,

because they know that they deserve more

than whatever the person's giving them, I just--

I don't know, I feel like I was trying to--

I don't know, just use you to make me feel good, and it's like,

"No, this is a person. It's a person with problems."

Not that you have only problems, but it's like...

I don't want to use you.

I'm ram-- I keep rambling.

I don't--

I don't know what it has to do with me,

and I'm not sure what--

Like, we're friends...

Yeah.

And, like, if I had something going on, I'd--

I don't know what--

I don't even know what you're sad about,

I don't even know what--

- I don't know. - I mean, why do you feel like you're using me?

No...

Because, um...

I don't know. You, like...

You, like, look for me.

You, like, look for my eyes.

You, like, look to make me laugh.

And that's, like--

That's just, like, ego and gratification.

And, I mean, I'm just--

It's like why do I-- I don't know.

I just feel like I'm seeking too many people out.

It's almost, like-- Have you ever felt, like,

there's something, like, manic about, um...

having crushes on people?

- Something manic? - But the-- that, like,

Like, you're like, "It's-- It's so exciting.

And it's, like, this person and this person, and it's so much fun."

And then it just, like--

one by one, they sort of become, like,

real and problematic,

and people get hurt, and, um...

it stops being thrilling.

I don't know. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I just had a bad day.

What happened?

You're playing Immanuel Kant.

Okay.

Matt, and you're playing Isaac Newton.

I just want to hear it out loud

'cause I just wrote these pages over the weekend,

and-- I don't know-- um, I just want to hear them

so I can change them.

Kant, in a previous scene, tried to touch Newton,

and Newton hit his hand away.

- And that happens again. - Let's do the old, uh, handshake gag.

It's weird to be in director mode with you guys.

Anyway. Okay.

So, uh, yeah,

I'll read the stage directions.

Speed is essential.

Okay.

Vivaldi plays. Cut. They look at each other.

Look back. Awkward pause.

"That's stupid. That's the stupidest thing I ever heard."

"I thought we were best friends."

"Best friends talk to each other honestly."

"Right, right. I knew that."

- "And that was stupid." - "Why?'

- "Because look around you." - "Okay."

"What do you see?'

- "Uh, stuff?' - "No."

- "No?' - "You see consequences."

"It's impossible to see intentions."

- You guys are talking like old men. - Oh.

You're supposed to be talking like 13-year-old boys.

- Okay. - Um...

You see...

We... Iike... make--

We-- We-- I guess we-- we start with, like,

uh, baseball and federal agents and George Bush,

and, um, getting kicked in the balls

and, uh, slipping on banana peels and that sort of thing,

and those are our ingredients.

- How do you make it, uh... - Um...

Drama out of abstract ideas?

That's why it's hard. That's why I made them 13-year-old boys

and that their primary thing is to get laid.

I gotta go to the bathroom.

- No, don't go to the bathroom. - I'll be right back.

No.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Well, I think I like it. - Oh, thanks.

- But I want to read the rest. - Can I have it back?

You guys were-- I really need to see it with actors.

- I don't know. - We're not actors.

- No, you're not actors. - We really showed our hand on that one.

You guys are-- You guys have low energy.

Most of the time my ears will be closed.

I was worried-- I had other worries,

but now all I'm worried about is my play.

Good.

- Yeah. - You're focused on work.

Yeah, I guess so.

How are you feeling?

I'm okay. How are you?

Pretty good, I think.

Yeah. We should probably talk later.

- Okay. - Yeah?

- Yeah. Yeah. - Okay.

Yeah.

- I'm so sorry. - You're killing me.

- I know. - You're--

I'm so sorry.

- Mmm... - Should I--

I am going to, um...

Well, I'm gonna miss you.

Okay.

And I can't-- It's--

- I won't miss you. I'll see you, but I-- - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

- I'm gonna miss-- - I'm gonna miss you, too.

I'm really sorry.

- Okay. - I'm really sorry.

I want to end this conversation.

- And not because it's not-- - Yeah.

You know, I just don't want to be here anymore.

Okay. Thank you. Thank you.

- Okay. - I'm sorry.

- Okay? - Okay.

- I have to go. - Bye.

I absolutely have to go. I'm sorry.

- Okay. I'm so sorry. - Okay. No, no...

That is just what the city needs

is another Latino theater festival.

I can't wait.

Get some tickets to that.

Why do we even--

Why did you show up to work today?

Because that's what you pay me for, Ryan.

Right. That's what I don't pay you for,

but that's what the network pays us for is to be here,

and it doesn't make any sense

why there are two empty chairs in this room.

Um...

office romance.

We'll do a little quiz.

Office romance: good idea or bad idea?

Which do you think? It's a bad idea.

So whatever's been going on around here

I hope is done,

and I hope that, uh, we can get a show written.