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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:20,877 - THERE IS NO GOD! 2 00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:24,321 [voice echoing] GOD, GOD, GOD... 3 00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:26,117 - THERE IS NO EVAN! 4 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:29,489 [voice echoing] EVAN, EVAN, EVAN... 5 00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,959 HMM. MO[bleep]. 6 00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:35,158 [video game music] 7 00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:38,732 ¶ 8 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:41,632 - HEY, GUYS, I'M LITTLE GIRL ONE ONE-- 9 00:11:41,635 --> 00:11:42,865 - SIX. 10 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,369 - TODAY I'M GONNA MAKE A TUTORIAL 11 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,941 ON THE CUP SONG FROM "PITCH PREFECT." 12 00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:49,740 SO WHAT YOU'RE GONNA NEED IS A FLAT SURFACE, 13 00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,513 A CUP, AND YOUR HANDS, 14 00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:53,311 AND OBVIOUSLY YOURSELF. 15 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:54,483 [chuckling] 16 00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:55,851 OKAY, SO LET'S GET STARTED. 17 00:11:55,849 --> 00:12:00,189 JUST FOLLOW MY STEPS. 18 00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:02,687 I JUST BLEW YOUR FREAKIN' MIND. 19 00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:06,319 NOW TRY IT YOURSELF. 20 00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:07,126 - [groans] 21 00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:10,397 [gentle guitar music] 22 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:14,097 ¶ 23 00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:16,401 - HI. - [yelps] 24 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,103 WHAT THE HELL? 25 00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:19,696 HELLO? 26 00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:22,466 - WHY DON'T YOU EVER TAKE ME OUT TO DINNER? 27 00:12:22,476 --> 00:12:23,406 - SINCE WHEN CAN YOU TALK? 28 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,310 - THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE OFFICIALLY SPOKEN. 29 00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:27,453 - "OFFICIALLY"? 30 00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:28,607 - I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU. 31 00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,415 - WHAT? YOU'RE NOT A PERSON. 32 00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:31,317 YOU'RE JUST A-- 33 00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:32,418 - JUST A WHAT, ANDREW? 34 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,719 - HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? - CALL ME VERONICA. 35 00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:37,261 WHY DON'T YOU EVER TELL ME HOW YOUR DAY WAS? 36 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,987 - I DON'T KNOW. I FIGURED YOU WOULDN'T CARE. 37 00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,233 I--AND YOU'RE NOT A REAL PERSON! 38 00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,959 - IF I WASN'T REAL, 39 00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,664 WOULD I BE ABLE TO DO THIS? 40 00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:46,725 [laughs] 41 00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:49,073 - [moaning] 42 00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:56,369 - THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM. 43 00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:57,736 NOW LET'S GO TO DINNER. 44 00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:59,284 - ANYWHERE YOU WANT. 45 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,309 [phone ringing] 46 00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:02,014 - TRIPTANK. 47 00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:05,245 - HI. I AM SO GLAD YOU ANSWERED THE PHONE. 48 00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:07,222 I JUST--I HAVE TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOUR SHOW. 49 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,650 NO, I MEAN, I LOVE IT. LIKE-- 50 00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,356 LIKE, EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING 51 00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,188 WANTS YOUR COMEDY INSIDE OF ME. 52 00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,463 I WANT TO MASSAGE YOUR JOKES WITH MY TONGUE 53 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:19,732 AND FEEL THE LAUGHTER SPILLING OUT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. 54 00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:22,403 LENGTH IS JUST NOT THAT IMPORTANT. 55 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,402 [video game whirring] 56 00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:25,374 [alarm clock ringing] 57 00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,642 - YAH. WHAT A HEADACHE. 58 00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,071 WHO AM I? 59 00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:31,905 I-I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING! 60 00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:34,082 WAAAH! 61 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,710 A TABLE! A NOTE! 62 00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:36,445 "DEAR RANDY--" 63 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:39,879 UGH! RANDY IS A TERRIBLE NAME. 64 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,334 "THERE IS ONLY ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE. 65 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,327 TURN OVER." 66 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,560 I'M AN ASSHOLE CALLED RANDY? 67 00:13:52,566 --> 00:13:53,926 THIS IS SHIT! 68 00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:55,674 [bleep] YOU, WOODEN TABLE! 69 00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:59,369 [grunts, screams] 70 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:00,002 WAIT. 71 00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,006 IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS. 72 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:05,108 [cheerful whistled tune] I CAN CHANGE! 73 00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:09,881 TODAY I AM GOING TO BE A GREAT MAN! 74 00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:10,923 ¶ 75 00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:12,117 LIFE IS WONDERFUL. 76 00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:14,288 - HEY, SPARE SOME CHANGE, MISTER? 77 00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:16,347 - OF COURSE, MY GOOD MAN. 78 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,056 - WOW! THANKS, MISTER! 79 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:21,328 I ASK YOU EVERY DAY, BUT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME 80 00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,528 YOU EVER GAVE ME ANYTHING. 81 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:25,630 TO BE HONEST, I-I ALWAYS THOUGHT 82 00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,732 YOU WERE SORT OF AN ASSHOLE. 83 00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:29,404 [record scratches] - [gasps] 84 00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,642 WELL, NOT TODAY. 85 00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:33,367 TODAY WE'RE GOING TO HAVE FUN 86 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,343 AND BE JOYFUL! 87 00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,372 WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? 88 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,976 JUST NAME IT. ANYTHING! 89 00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,579 - ANYTHING? 90 00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:41,950 [both laughing] 91 00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:43,478 [video game beeping] 92 00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,623 [tattoo gun buzzing] 93 00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:49,889 [laughing wildly] 94 00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:59,097 [laughter continues] 95 00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:01,569 [baby crying] 96 00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:10,406 - LOOK AT THE [bleep] SUNSET! [laughing] 97 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:14,310 IT'S SO [bleep] BEAUTIFUL! 98 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:22,424 "YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE." 99 00:15:24,189 --> 00:15:26,189 SEE YOU TOMORROW, RANDY. 100 00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:27,892 [guffaws] 101 00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:30,364 WHAT A STUPID NAME. 102 00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:33,930 - HERE WE GO, MAN. OLD SCHOOL, MANO A MANO. 103 00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:34,774 ROY'S GONNA MAKE-- 104 00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,428 [phone rings] - HELLO, TRIPTANK. 105 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,696 - OH. OH, HEY. 106 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,074 I JUST WANTED TO SAY, LIKE, 107 00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,002 MY FRIENDS AND I, WE, LIKE, 108 00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:42,366 LAUGH ABOUT, YOU KNOW, LIKE, EACH OTHER. 109 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:45,435 WE'RE LIKE, "THAT'S C--" YOU KNOW, LIKE, "OH, WE-- 110 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,045 WE KNOW THAT," OR, LIKE, 111 00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,747 "WE KNOW WHAT THAT IS." 112 00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:49,478 WE'RE LIKE, UM-- 113 00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,322 SO I GUESS I WAS JUST, UM, [guys coughing] 114 00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:54,448 I'M NOT TOTALLY SURE I REMEMBER WHY I CALLED, 115 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,164 BUT MAYBE-- [clears throat] 116 00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:58,257 IS THERE A WAY TO-- 117 00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:01,558 [digital hip-hop music] 118 00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:04,161 ¶ 119 00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:06,304 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEETIE. 120 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,799 [singsong] GUESS WHAT. 121 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,101 DADDY GOT YOU A-- - OH, SHIT! 122 00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:11,303 A PONY! 123 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,444 [pony neighs] 124 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:13,439 YEAH. 125 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,470 YEAH! 126 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,405 YEAAAH! 127 00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:19,079 OH, YEAH, MOTHER[bleep]ER! 128 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,649 HI-YI-YI-YI-YAH! 129 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:21,477 YA-HA! 130 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,781 AI-AI-AI-AI-AI-AH! 131 00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:25,153 MOTHER[bleep]ER! 132 00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:26,521 [light piano music] 133 00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:27,419 - HI, WHAT CAN I GET-- 134 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:30,120 I'LL GIVE YOU SOME TIME TO LOOK OVER THE MENU. 135 00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:30,993 - WOW. 136 00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:33,491 YOU LOOK GREAT WITH MAKEUP. 137 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,793 I MEAN, YOU ALWAYS LOOK GOOD. 138 00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,055 BUT TONIGHT--WOW. 139 00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:38,463 - WELL, I'M A PISCES, 140 00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:41,325 SO I LIKE TO JAZZ IT UP SOMETIMES. 141 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:42,304 - OH, NO. 142 00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:43,502 REALLY? I'M A SAGITTARIUS. 143 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,343 SAGITTARIUS AND PISCES DON'T GET ALONG. 144 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,039 both: FIRE AND WATER. 145 00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:49,041 [magical guitar chord] 146 00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,012 [romantic rock music] 147 00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:51,841 TO BITE YOUR ASS. 148 00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:52,975 PSH, DON'T YOU RUN AWAY FROM ME. 149 00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:55,779 I'M UNSTOPPABLE. MY POWER METER'S GREEN, BITCH. 150 00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:57,082 [phone rings] - HELLO, TRIPTANK. 151 00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:58,053 - HELLO, WHO THE [bleep] IS THIS? 152 00:16:58,051 --> 00:17:00,391 IS THIS THE GUY THAT DOES THE CARTOONS AND SHIT? 153 00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,317 - MAYBE. - I HATE IT! 154 00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:02,352 - OKAY. 9815

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