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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
[menacing music]
2
00:00:04,033 --> 00:00:06,667
Huah!
[screaming]
3
00:00:06,769 --> 00:00:07,935
[laughing] Jesus.
4
00:00:08,037 --> 00:00:10,104
Turn around and check yourself.
Check your balls...
5
00:00:10,206 --> 00:00:11,405
Huah!
[screaming]
6
00:00:15,978 --> 00:00:17,077
Boo, bitch!
[screaming]
7
00:00:17,180 --> 00:00:18,445
[laughing]
8
00:00:18,548 --> 00:00:19,713
[thud]
9
00:00:19,816 --> 00:00:21,081
Karmaflage.
10
00:00:21,184 --> 00:00:21,849
[techno music]
11
00:00:25,487 --> 00:00:30,566
[techno music]
12
00:00:32,695 --> 00:00:33,994
So, what have we
got planned for today?
13
00:00:34,096 --> 00:00:37,298
Eh, we are selling drugs.
[tires screech]
14
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:38,265
Come out with your hands up.
15
00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:40,401
We have the place surrounded.
16
00:00:40,503 --> 00:00:42,770
Hey, how did the cops
know about our hideout, man?
17
00:00:42,872 --> 00:00:43,871
[inhales deeply]
18
00:00:43,973 --> 00:00:47,209
- I smell bacon.
- I've got a ham in the oven.
19
00:00:47,244 --> 00:00:50,511
Nah, hesse, we got a [bleep]
undercover cop in the gang.
20
00:00:50,613 --> 00:00:54,130
Come to think of it, you've
been acting kind of funny, homes.
21
00:00:54,165 --> 00:00:55,916
Teardrop, how long have you known me?
22
00:00:56,018 --> 00:00:59,119
Your whole life, homes.
You know I ain't no cop.
23
00:00:59,222 --> 00:01:02,656
Besides, Ron joined the
gang, like, last month.
24
00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:05,993
That hurts, Razor.
You my boy.
25
00:01:06,095 --> 00:01:10,030
- [chuckles] No way, not Ron.
- What are you doing, hesse?
26
00:01:10,132 --> 00:01:11,131
- What?
- You can't do that, homes.
27
00:01:11,234 --> 00:01:14,535
- It's very illegal.
- I did not know that.
28
00:01:14,637 --> 00:01:17,037
Yo, ignorance of the
law is not an excuse.
29
00:01:17,139 --> 00:01:19,206
[sarcastically]
Oh, yeah. Ron's a cop.
30
00:01:19,308 --> 00:01:21,175
[police siren whoops]
31
00:01:21,277 --> 00:01:24,845
Yo, is there anything
you want to tell me?
32
00:01:24,947 --> 00:01:27,147
[Sighs]
Oh, come on, man.
33
00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:29,350
Yo, you're on a computer
at a time like this?
34
00:01:29,452 --> 00:01:31,085
What are you, like,
checking your Tumblr?
35
00:01:31,187 --> 00:01:33,954
I'm torrenting the new X-Men.
I hear it's rad.
36
00:01:34,056 --> 00:01:35,289
We talked about this, Ron.
37
00:01:35,391 --> 00:01:36,891
You're gonna get your
internet shut off, man.
38
00:01:36,993 --> 00:01:39,978
Some people can't help
but break the laws, hesse.
39
00:01:40,013 --> 00:01:43,130
- Criminals to the bone.
- Okay, let's all calm down.
40
00:01:43,232 --> 00:01:45,366
Look, we don't actually know
41
00:01:45,468 --> 00:01:48,119
there's an undercover
cop among us, right?
42
00:01:48,154 --> 00:01:49,880
Back off or the pig gets it.
43
00:01:49,915 --> 00:01:51,171
- Valdez!
- The place is crawling
44
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- with [bleep] cops, man!
- Get off of me!
45
00:01:53,759 --> 00:01:56,710
- Let's blast that pig.
- Don't let them shoot me!
46
00:01:56,812 --> 00:01:59,446
Officer Rivers, I know
you're working deep cover.
47
00:01:59,548 --> 00:02:00,981
[all gasping]
I knew it!
48
00:02:01,083 --> 00:02:03,684
We should just smoke this fool!
49
00:02:03,786 --> 00:02:07,688
[bleep] tu madre!
I do mad drugs, yo.
50
00:02:07,790 --> 00:02:09,523
[glass breaking] I have
[bleep] gang tattoos
51
00:02:09,625 --> 00:02:12,426
on my neck, hesse.
That's permanent, homes!
52
00:02:12,528 --> 00:02:15,729
How many fools have you seen
me smoke with your own eyes?
53
00:02:15,831 --> 00:02:17,898
Like five fools minimum.
54
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,168
I park on the street sweeping side!
[both gasping]
55
00:02:21,270 --> 00:02:22,536
[gunshot]
56
00:02:22,638 --> 00:02:25,572
Oh, yeah, and I just
killed a [bleep] cop.
57
00:02:26,175 --> 00:02:28,242
[clinking]
A police shield?
58
00:02:28,344 --> 00:02:31,512
- What are you doing with this, Ron?
- No, not our Ron.
59
00:02:31,614 --> 00:02:32,880
I want to hear you explain that.
60
00:02:32,982 --> 00:02:36,617
Oh, that? I... found it.
Outside.
61
00:02:36,719 --> 00:02:39,586
I kept it just in case we needed it.
To do crimes.
62
00:02:39,689 --> 00:02:44,892
- It says "Officer Rivers."
- [laughing] Crazy, right?
63
00:02:45,144 --> 00:02:47,578
Impersonating an officer is a felony.
64
00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,313
You're gonna get us
all in trouble, homes.
65
00:02:49,415 --> 00:02:52,683
What were you thinking, Ron?
Jeez, homie,
66
00:02:52,785 --> 00:02:55,753
sometimes I think you're
just too hard for thug life.
67
00:02:55,855 --> 00:02:57,888
Oh, Christ, I give up!
68
00:02:57,990 --> 00:03:01,225
- Hit the [bleep] floor!
- Ah, shit.
69
00:03:01,327 --> 00:03:05,229
You did it, Officer Rivers.
You took these scum-bags down.
70
00:03:05,331 --> 00:03:06,964
[effeminately] I can
finally go home to my family.
71
00:03:07,066 --> 00:03:12,031
- I knew it.
- Oh, yeah, F the popo.
72
00:03:12,270 --> 00:03:14,472
F the popo.
73
00:03:15,822 --> 00:03:17,231
[phone ringing]
74
00:03:17,266 --> 00:03:19,009
Damn, Steve, you're late as hell.
75
00:03:19,111 --> 00:03:21,345
[groans] I know. Sorry.
I woke up with a migraine,
76
00:03:21,447 --> 00:03:23,448
and the only thing that works
is if I pound a cheesburger
77
00:03:23,449 --> 00:03:25,106
and jerk off in a hot shower.
78
00:03:25,141 --> 00:03:26,684
So of course I had to drive
all the way downtown...
79
00:03:26,786 --> 00:03:29,987
TMI, man. Just answer
the damn phone already.
80
00:03:30,089 --> 00:03:33,290
- Jeez Louise, son.
- Hello, this is TripTank.
81
00:03:33,392 --> 00:03:34,959
Hello, TripTank.
82
00:03:35,061 --> 00:03:36,060
I'm throwing a party for my niece
83
00:03:36,162 --> 00:03:38,662
and her fabulous young friends,
84
00:03:38,764 --> 00:03:41,265
and your show is her absolute favorite.
85
00:03:41,367 --> 00:03:42,566
Oh, that's wonderful. Thank you.
86
00:03:42,668 --> 00:03:46,503
Yes, now, she keeps
going on and on about Molly.
87
00:03:46,606 --> 00:03:48,739
And about how she just loves Molly,
88
00:03:48,841 --> 00:03:51,475
and she only watches
"TripTank" with her friend Molly
89
00:03:51,577 --> 00:03:53,677
and about how Molly just
has to be at the party.
90
00:03:53,779 --> 00:03:56,013
Molly this, Molly that.
Molly, Molly, Molly.
91
00:03:56,115 --> 00:03:57,781
- Uh...
- At first I just said,
92
00:03:57,884 --> 00:04:00,451
"Of course, Molly can come.
"Molly, George, William.
93
00:04:00,553 --> 00:04:02,653
All your friends are
invited to the party."
94
00:04:02,755 --> 00:04:03,687
But as it turns out,
95
00:04:03,789 --> 00:04:05,789
this Molly person isn't
actually a person at all.
96
00:04:05,892 --> 00:04:09,927
Now, are you ready to
have your mind blown?
97
00:04:10,029 --> 00:04:11,962
- Yes.
- This Molly is some form
98
00:04:12,064 --> 00:04:15,199
of recreational empathogenic consumable.
99
00:04:15,301 --> 00:04:17,468
- Empatha-what?
- It's horny pills, man!
100
00:04:17,570 --> 00:04:19,970
The kids take them, and
they [bleep] all night.
101
00:04:20,072 --> 00:04:21,171
Oh, of course.
102
00:04:21,274 --> 00:04:24,375
So how do I get my
hands on some Molly?
103
00:04:24,477 --> 00:04:25,976
I'll just transfer
you to that department.
104
00:04:26,352 --> 00:04:28,566
[techno music]
105
00:04:30,283 --> 00:04:31,773
If you really think
the UN's going to pay you
106
00:04:31,808 --> 00:04:34,635
a billion dollars, you're even
crazier than you look, Skrax.
107
00:04:34,670 --> 00:04:36,987
Maybe they will, maybe they won't.
108
00:04:37,089 --> 00:04:39,256
It doesn't matter, Agent Frisco,
109
00:04:39,358 --> 00:04:42,459
because I'm going to blow
up the Earth either way.
110
00:04:42,561 --> 00:04:43,427
When I get out of these cuffs,
111
00:04:43,529 --> 00:04:45,796
I'm going to knock you to Neptune.
112
00:04:45,898 --> 00:04:49,881
Tough talk, considering you're
about to have a laser up Uranus.
113
00:04:49,916 --> 00:04:51,969
[laughter]
114
00:04:52,071 --> 00:04:54,338
- What?
- That was funny.
115
00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:58,342
Yeah, I mean Uranus/your anus puns.
They've been done to death,
116
00:04:58,444 --> 00:05:00,177
but your timing and
delivery still sold it.
117
00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:02,279
- Honestly?
- Even I got to cough it up,
118
00:05:02,381 --> 00:05:04,014
- that was good.
- Hmm.
119
00:05:04,116 --> 00:05:07,084
[screaming]
120
00:05:07,186 --> 00:05:10,746
Hey, anybody know where
we're supposed to tee off from?
121
00:05:10,781 --> 00:05:12,990
I totally tee'd off
on your wife last night!
122
00:05:13,092 --> 00:05:15,359
[laughter]
123
00:05:16,329 --> 00:05:18,462
- Hey, watch this shot.
- You should have watched the shot
124
00:05:18,564 --> 00:05:20,764
I blew all over your wife last night!
125
00:05:20,866 --> 00:05:22,533
[laughter]
Oh, Frank.
126
00:05:23,536 --> 00:05:26,303
- Come on, get in the hole.
- "Come on" is what I did
127
00:05:26,405 --> 00:05:29,939
when I stuck it in your wife's
hole last night! [laughter]
128
00:05:31,043 --> 00:05:32,076
[splash]
129
00:05:32,178 --> 00:05:36,380
- Oh, shit. Ball in the water.
- Your wife was saying, "Oh, shit"
130
00:05:36,482 --> 00:05:39,383
when I put my balls in
her water last night!
131
00:05:39,485 --> 00:05:41,986
[laughter]
What's it even mean?
132
00:05:43,656 --> 00:05:47,070
Probably should have hit that
a little harder there, buddy. [laughing]
133
00:05:49,061 --> 00:05:50,694
You son of a bitch!
134
00:05:50,796 --> 00:05:52,363
[gasping] How dare you
talk shit about my putting!
135
00:05:52,465 --> 00:05:54,356
- Oh, God.
- I will cut you right now!
136
00:05:54,367 --> 00:05:56,633
Stop it, Frank, please!
Not again.
137
00:05:56,736 --> 00:05:58,569
Cleveland Steamer.
Pasadena Mudslide.
138
00:05:58,671 --> 00:06:00,704
Tennessee Whiskey Biscuit.
This is bullshit!
139
00:06:00,806 --> 00:06:03,140
So our town doesn't have
its own deprived sexual act,
140
00:06:03,242 --> 00:06:04,808
- Karl... who cares?
- Okay, here's one.
141
00:06:04,910 --> 00:06:06,944
- The Azusa Ass Uzi.
- The Dirty Sandwich Shop.
142
00:06:07,046 --> 00:06:08,545
- The Feral Donkey.
- The Engorged Tamale.
143
00:06:08,647 --> 00:06:10,972
- The Stanky Taint Painter.
- The Slippery Shit-Stained
144
00:06:11,007 --> 00:06:13,584
Ass Eating Oil Armadillo
with a sloppy pig-cock
145
00:06:13,686 --> 00:06:15,552
that goes wee, wee, wee
all the way home, Karl!
146
00:06:15,654 --> 00:06:17,762
Oh, you mean a Tallahassee Handshake.
147
00:06:17,846 --> 00:06:20,144
[electronic music]
148
00:06:25,715 --> 00:06:26,915
All right, thank you, Marty.
149
00:06:27,017 --> 00:06:29,117
Okay, let's welcome
our next open mic'er...
150
00:06:29,219 --> 00:06:31,719
- Dr. Skrax.
- Good to be here.
151
00:06:31,821 --> 00:06:36,691
Ahem.
Anybody here on a date tonight?
152
00:06:36,793 --> 00:06:39,561
And how long have you two been dating?
153
00:06:39,663 --> 00:06:42,397
- Uh, two months.
- That's great, sir.
154
00:06:42,499 --> 00:06:45,200
You've been dating this
lady for two months.
155
00:06:45,302 --> 00:06:48,036
Say, have you told your wife yet?
156
00:06:48,138 --> 00:06:50,809
[laughter]
He's good, he's pretty good.
157
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:51,739
Hmm...
158
00:06:51,841 --> 00:06:55,543
And I said, "You're
the pilot, you tell me."
159
00:06:55,645 --> 00:06:58,851
Screw it, just give me a
stick of butter and a parakeet.
160
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,748
I'll do it myself.
[laughter]
161
00:07:00,850 --> 00:07:04,752
But it turns out it wasn't
that kind of party after all.
162
00:07:04,854 --> 00:07:06,721
[cheers and applause]
163
00:07:06,823 --> 00:07:09,157
Oh, thank you.
When I told my wife
164
00:07:09,259 --> 00:07:13,261
I'd be on TV tonight, she said,
"Really? Which one?"
165
00:07:13,363 --> 00:07:14,629
[laughter]
166
00:07:14,731 --> 00:07:16,097
You've got it, kid.
167
00:07:16,199 --> 00:07:18,800
And I said, "Tough talk considering
168
00:07:18,801 --> 00:07:21,402
you're about to have a laser up Uranus."
169
00:07:21,504 --> 00:07:26,323
[applause] Thank you.
I love you.
170
00:07:26,676 --> 00:07:31,079
[electronic music]
171
00:07:33,183 --> 00:07:34,749
[phone ringing]
Hello, TripTank.
172
00:07:34,851 --> 00:07:38,052
Uh, hello, is this the guy who
answers the phone on television?
173
00:07:38,154 --> 00:07:39,721
- Yep, this is Steve.
- Great.
174
00:07:39,823 --> 00:07:40,955
I just wanted to let you know that
175
00:07:41,057 --> 00:07:43,157
I'm going to stop by and touch you.
176
00:07:43,260 --> 00:07:46,018
- What?
- Yeah, this is just a courtesy call
177
00:07:46,053 --> 00:07:47,262
to let you know
that I'm going to be visiting
178
00:07:47,364 --> 00:07:49,063
the TripTank offices
in the next few days,
179
00:07:49,165 --> 00:07:51,578
and when I'm there,
I'm going to touch you.
180
00:07:51,613 --> 00:07:54,869
- I don't... understand.
- It's nothing weird,
181
00:07:54,971 --> 00:07:57,221
but there is going to
be a lot of touching.
182
00:07:57,256 --> 00:07:59,699
It's over the clothes,
but it's going to be
183
00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:02,143
- all over the clothes.
- No. I don't want that.
184
00:08:02,245 --> 00:08:03,778
You're gonna be sitting
there and no one's going to be
185
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:04,946
touching you, and
then I'm gonna show up,
186
00:08:05,048 --> 00:08:07,382
and then you will be
touched a copious amount.
187
00:08:07,484 --> 00:08:09,150
And then when I leave, no
one will be touching you,
188
00:08:09,252 --> 00:08:10,731
because I'm not going to be there.
189
00:08:10,766 --> 00:08:12,820
- End of story.
- Well, okay.
190
00:08:12,922 --> 00:08:14,809
All right, great. Touch you later.
191
00:08:14,844 --> 00:08:18,660
- Bye-bye.
- Why does this keep happening to me?
192
00:08:18,762 --> 00:08:20,395
Hey, has anybody seen my boots?
193
00:08:20,497 --> 00:08:23,064
I totally knocked your
wife's boots last night.
194
00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:25,300
[laughter]
I set you up for that one.
195
00:08:25,402 --> 00:08:27,368
Hey, does anybody know how
to find this hunting spot?
196
00:08:27,470 --> 00:08:30,644
I totally found your
wife's G-spot last night!
197
00:08:30,679 --> 00:08:32,907
[laughter]
198
00:08:33,009 --> 00:08:35,343
Hey, has anybody seen
my extra box of ammo?
199
00:08:35,445 --> 00:08:38,033
I totally blew my extra ammo
200
00:08:38,068 --> 00:08:40,812
all over your wife's box last night!
201
00:08:40,847 --> 00:08:42,614
[laughter]
Good one!
202
00:08:42,649 --> 00:08:46,187
Whoa. Look at that beautiful
8-point buck over there.
203
00:08:46,289 --> 00:08:49,590
Your wife called my penis
an 8-inch buck last night!
204
00:08:49,693 --> 00:08:52,360
[laughter]
Oh, don't stop goin'!
205
00:08:52,462 --> 00:08:53,628
[gunshot]
206
00:08:53,730 --> 00:08:56,941
Probably should have dialed
in that scope there, buddy.
207
00:08:56,976 --> 00:08:58,900
[laughing]
208
00:08:59,002 --> 00:09:01,502
You sack of shit!
209
00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:04,105
- I'll murder you!
- Stop! He's your son's godfather!
210
00:09:04,207 --> 00:09:06,274
Stop! What would
your parole officer say?
211
00:09:06,376 --> 00:09:09,377
[garbled voices,
electronical music]
212
00:09:11,081 --> 00:09:12,513
You've seriously never figured out
213
00:09:12,615 --> 00:09:14,916
your Apocalyptic Cyborg
Avatar Bounty Hunter name?
214
00:09:15,018 --> 00:09:17,552
Go! If you were a tree,
what kind of tree would you be?
215
00:09:17,654 --> 00:09:18,886
What's your mother's
preferred brand of cookware?
216
00:09:18,988 --> 00:09:20,221
Favorite Michael Bay movie?
217
00:09:20,323 --> 00:09:23,465
Least favorite pet's cause of death?
Pencils down!
218
00:09:23,526 --> 00:09:26,794
"Sandalwood Farberware
Coyote Ugly Natural Causes."
219
00:09:26,896 --> 00:09:28,896
- It's not that bad.
- Check it.
220
00:09:28,998 --> 00:09:31,332
Teak Ironklad Armageddon Shredder.
221
00:09:31,434 --> 00:09:33,868
You misspelled Ironclad, dipshit.
222
00:09:33,970 --> 00:09:36,871
[pop music]
223
00:09:48,918 --> 00:09:52,420
Oh, yeah. I'd [bleep] me.
224
00:09:52,522 --> 00:09:54,021
[chortling]
225
00:09:55,992 --> 00:10:00,128
Hello, precious.
Time for Versus. Versus!
226
00:10:01,898 --> 00:10:04,365
[laughing]
A clown...
227
00:10:04,934 --> 00:10:08,703
[grunts]
[laughing]
228
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,141
[French folk music]
229
00:10:13,142 --> 00:10:15,243
A mime.
230
00:10:16,012 --> 00:10:18,913
[chuckles] Here I come.
231
00:10:19,015 --> 00:10:20,548
[chuckles]
232
00:10:20,650 --> 00:10:22,016
[dramatic music]
233
00:10:22,118 --> 00:10:22,984
[laughing]
234
00:10:23,086 --> 00:10:26,654
[struggling engine sound]
235
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:27,989
[grunting]
236
00:10:28,091 --> 00:10:30,358
[grinding sound]
237
00:10:30,460 --> 00:10:31,559
[laughing]
238
00:10:31,661 --> 00:10:32,693
[cranking sound]
239
00:10:32,796 --> 00:10:33,494
Hahhahahahahahah!
240
00:10:33,596 --> 00:10:35,930
[tires screeching]
[laughing]
241
00:10:36,032 --> 00:10:36,898
[toot]
242
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:37,865
[tires screeching]
243
00:10:41,337 --> 00:10:44,405
[exciting music]
244
00:10:45,608 --> 00:10:48,443
[laughing]
245
00:10:54,517 --> 00:10:56,250
[tires screeching] Whoa, whaaa!
246
00:10:58,588 --> 00:10:59,587
[horns honking]
247
00:11:02,992 --> 00:11:05,693
[horn blaring] Wha...
248
00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:06,894
[horn blasts]
249
00:11:06,996 --> 00:11:08,596
[weak chuckle]
250
00:11:11,201 --> 00:11:13,568
[grunts]
251
00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:15,102
Where ya going, Mime?
252
00:11:15,205 --> 00:11:17,738
I just wanna cut you open!
253
00:11:17,841 --> 00:11:19,607
[laughing]
254
00:11:21,911 --> 00:11:24,078
[grunts]
255
00:11:24,180 --> 00:11:28,449
[laughing]
256
00:11:28,551 --> 00:11:30,418
Huh?
257
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,787
[grunts]
258
00:11:32,889 --> 00:11:34,889
Huh?
259
00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:36,958
[chainsaw buzzing]
260
00:11:37,060 --> 00:11:38,025
Huh?
261
00:11:38,127 --> 00:11:40,461
[chainsaw buzzing]
262
00:11:40,563 --> 00:11:43,431
Aah!
263
00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:48,787
[chuckles]
264
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:51,939
Aaaaaah!
265
00:11:52,041 --> 00:11:55,610
[French folk music]
266
00:11:55,712 --> 00:11:57,456
Winner, Mime.
267
00:12:06,658 --> 00:12:08,958
[heavy thud]
268
00:12:09,579 --> 00:12:13,364
[electronic music]
269
00:12:19,209 --> 00:12:20,142
[phone ringing]
270
00:12:20,244 --> 00:12:21,977
Roy, can you help
with the phones, buddy?
271
00:12:22,079 --> 00:12:24,279
No, man, you know I
can't touch no electronics
272
00:12:24,381 --> 00:12:26,715
- on Black Sabbath.
- That's not a real holiday.
273
00:12:26,817 --> 00:12:28,517
Gah! Damn it!
274
00:12:28,619 --> 00:12:30,719
- Hello, TripTank.
- Hey, dude.
275
00:12:30,821 --> 00:12:33,088
This is Dean, your garbage man.
276
00:12:33,190 --> 00:12:35,423
I've been rummaging
through your trash here,
277
00:12:35,458 --> 00:12:37,743
- and I've got a lot of questions.
- You've been doing what?
278
00:12:37,744 --> 00:12:40,529
I don't know who this Steve
guy is, but he eats a shitload
279
00:12:40,631 --> 00:12:42,330
of meat-lovers pizzas, man.
280
00:12:42,432 --> 00:12:45,438
He may want to donate his
body to science or something,
281
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:46,201
you know what I'm saying?
282
00:12:46,303 --> 00:12:48,403
'Cause I'll bet it's a
[bleep] mess in there, man.
283
00:12:48,505 --> 00:12:50,872
Oh, hey, I'll have you know
that Steve has a gym membership.
284
00:12:50,974 --> 00:12:53,242
And he plans to go a lot
more regularly once things
285
00:12:53,243 --> 00:12:56,738
- calm down at work, okay?
- And who is this Debra, anyway?
286
00:12:56,773 --> 00:12:59,815
- Oh, she works in HR.
- Yeah, she writes some filthy letters
287
00:12:59,917 --> 00:13:03,819
to some dude named Roy.
I mean, she's a dirty girl.
288
00:13:03,921 --> 00:13:07,580
For this girl, analingus
is like a salutation.
289
00:13:07,615 --> 00:13:09,491
- I mean, you know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, that adds up.
290
00:13:09,593 --> 00:13:11,927
Hey, any way you can get
me her number or anything?
291
00:13:12,029 --> 00:13:13,930
Hook me up?
Come on, be a bro.
292
00:13:13,965 --> 00:13:16,107
Sure thing, Garbage Man.
Let me transfer you.
293
00:13:16,142 --> 00:13:17,403
Far out, man.
[chuckles]
294
00:13:17,701 --> 00:13:19,601
Come inside. See a woman
295
00:13:19,703 --> 00:13:21,369
and a real live donkey on stage now.
296
00:13:21,471 --> 00:13:24,072
This is the craziest
shit you ever see, man.
297
00:13:24,174 --> 00:13:24,906
Ay, ay, ay.
298
00:13:25,008 --> 00:13:26,675
Shh, it's starting.
299
00:13:26,777 --> 00:13:28,076
[chuckles]
300
00:13:28,178 --> 00:13:31,246
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
301
00:13:31,348 --> 00:13:33,582
allow me to introduce the greatest show
302
00:13:33,684 --> 00:13:38,787
of marvel and fantasy you
have ever laid eyes on.
303
00:13:38,889 --> 00:13:39,855
[murmuring]
304
00:13:39,957 --> 00:13:41,723
Well, then, for my first trick,
305
00:13:41,825 --> 00:13:45,026
I will be sawing my
lovely assistant, Linda...
306
00:13:45,128 --> 00:13:46,695
- Hey, boys.
- In half!
307
00:13:46,797 --> 00:13:47,662
[crowd booing]
308
00:13:47,764 --> 00:13:50,098
- Oh!
- Boo!
309
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,567
Wait, wait.
Hee-haw! Please!
310
00:13:52,669 --> 00:13:54,236
Ow!
311
00:13:54,338 --> 00:13:55,704
That really stung!
312
00:13:55,806 --> 00:13:56,705
Oh, hey!
313
00:13:56,807 --> 00:13:59,941
Now, there's a lady up here, mister!
314
00:14:00,043 --> 00:14:03,078
[upbeat electronical]
315
00:14:08,452 --> 00:14:10,952
You killed!
I'm getting offers like crazy today!
316
00:14:11,054 --> 00:14:12,520
Really? Like what?
317
00:14:12,622 --> 00:14:16,191
Four little words...
Kevin. James. Buddy. Comedy.
318
00:14:16,293 --> 00:14:19,561
Wow! He's the King of Queens!
319
00:14:19,663 --> 00:14:22,597
[jazzy big band music]
320
00:14:24,701 --> 00:14:26,468
[tinny music]
[electronic chirp]
321
00:14:26,169 --> 00:14:28,114
[Sighs]
Hello?
322
00:14:28,149 --> 00:14:29,947
- Hugo, my man!
- Tyler!
323
00:14:29,982 --> 00:14:31,906
Are the numbers in?
How did we do?
324
00:14:32,008 --> 00:14:34,042
Yeah, the numbers are
in, buddy, and, uh...
325
00:14:34,144 --> 00:14:36,578
- doesn't look good.
- What?
326
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,055
Ha ha! It looks great!
327
00:14:38,090 --> 00:14:41,249
Oh, Tyler, don't scare me like that!
328
00:14:41,351 --> 00:14:44,812
We just smashed every
opening weekend record
329
00:14:44,847 --> 00:14:47,288
- and then some!
- You're kidding!
330
00:14:47,390 --> 00:14:49,257
I'm not! And with back
end and everything else,
331
00:14:49,359 --> 00:14:50,658
I'm happy to say you...
332
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,495
[ball clatters] just
became a billionaire, Hugo.
333
00:14:53,597 --> 00:14:57,432
- Really?
- Uh-huh. So tell me, my friend.
334
00:14:57,534 --> 00:15:00,926
What are you gonna do
with a billion dollars?
335
00:15:00,961 --> 00:15:03,338
[ominous music]
336
00:15:05,909 --> 00:15:07,709
[boom]
337
00:15:07,811 --> 00:15:10,612
[laughing maniacally]
338
00:15:10,970 --> 00:15:13,104
[rock music]
339
00:15:14,755 --> 00:15:15,865
- Whoa!
- Wow!
340
00:15:15,967 --> 00:15:17,733
- This is so cool!
- This is amazing, Dad.
341
00:15:17,835 --> 00:15:19,835
How the hell did you score this venue?
342
00:15:19,937 --> 00:15:22,772
Oh, you know what?
I used positive thinking.
343
00:15:22,874 --> 00:15:23,773
- Mm.
- Okay?
344
00:15:23,875 --> 00:15:26,393
And dedication.
I mean, that's important too.
345
00:15:26,428 --> 00:15:27,508
And, uh, you know...
346
00:15:27,623 --> 00:15:30,245
- a large portion of our family savings...
- [gasps] What?
347
00:15:30,335 --> 00:15:35,640
- But positivity is really the key factor.
- Wait. You rented this entire
348
00:15:35,675 --> 00:15:38,626
- theater just for the show tonight?
- No, not just for tonight.
349
00:15:38,661 --> 00:15:41,073
They made me rent it for five weekends.
[gasps] But anyway, look, I don't
350
00:15:41,175 --> 00:15:42,174
want to talk business before a show.
351
00:15:42,276 --> 00:15:43,942
How much did you spend
on all this, Marcus?
352
00:15:44,045 --> 00:15:46,645
Honey, honey I want you
to do me a favor, okay?
353
00:15:46,747 --> 00:15:47,946
I want you to watch the show...
354
00:15:48,049 --> 00:15:50,783
and then tell me if you
think it was worth it.
355
00:15:50,885 --> 00:15:52,351
[hyperventilating] Oh...
356
00:15:52,453 --> 00:15:55,254
Ladies and gentlemen,
at this point in the show,
357
00:15:55,356 --> 00:15:59,091
please find your complimentary
Oculus Rifts under your seat.
358
00:15:59,193 --> 00:16:01,493
What?
[excited murmurs]
359
00:16:03,064 --> 00:16:05,064
[growling]
360
00:16:05,166 --> 00:16:07,399
Don't worry, scumbag.
361
00:16:07,501 --> 00:16:10,491
The only time I kill... is with comedy!
362
00:16:10,526 --> 00:16:14,339
Oh, my God, I'm gonna
be late for my big show!
363
00:16:16,010 --> 00:16:17,409
What?
364
00:16:17,511 --> 00:16:18,444
Whoa!
365
00:16:18,546 --> 00:16:20,712
[exciting music]
366
00:16:20,815 --> 00:16:23,446
Hey, what's up, everybody?
[ragtime band plays]
367
00:16:23,481 --> 00:16:26,819
Sorry, I couldn't afford
to fly in first-class.
368
00:16:26,921 --> 00:16:30,289
- I had to fly in couch!
- Oh, no. [giggles]
369
00:16:30,391 --> 00:16:34,259
Well, looks like I got this guy's...
seal of approval.
370
00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:36,795
[carnival music]
[seals barking]
371
00:16:36,897 --> 00:16:39,231
He wrote this for two years?
372
00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:41,766
Now, I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking,
373
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:45,037
"Wow, after all the
buzz from tonight's show,
374
00:16:45,139 --> 00:16:46,990
this guy's totally gonna bomb..."
375
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:47,840
[audience gasps]
Daddy!
376
00:16:47,942 --> 00:16:52,544
I know, I know, I can be...
pretty stupid sometimes.
377
00:16:52,646 --> 00:16:54,764
But that guy was a
real dummy. [rim shot]
378
00:16:54,799 --> 00:16:57,250
- Honey, let's get the hell outta here.
- Well, actually, he was
379
00:16:57,251 --> 00:17:00,152
a hyper-realistic robot
I had commissioned in Tokyo.
380
00:17:00,254 --> 00:17:01,553
- Oh...
- So cool!
381
00:17:01,655 --> 00:17:03,362
Quick question...
who here likes impressions?
382
00:17:04,750 --> 00:17:07,960
Oh, man... what a rush!
383
00:17:08,062 --> 00:17:11,730
Oh, I am buzzing like crazy right now!
This feels amazing!
384
00:17:11,832 --> 00:17:13,866
You're definitely not
sleeping in the bed tonight.
385
00:17:13,968 --> 00:17:16,034
- Huh?
- You're sleeping in couch.
386
00:17:16,137 --> 00:17:16,935
[laughs]
387
00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:19,946
Uh, wait, are you being serious?
[phone rings]
388
00:17:20,047 --> 00:17:22,474
You've reached TripTank.
This is Steve.
389
00:17:22,576 --> 00:17:25,856
Hello. This is Celebrity
Chef Antoine Buldado.
390
00:17:25,891 --> 00:17:29,281
I have an idea that I think
would be perfect for TripTank.
391
00:17:29,383 --> 00:17:31,083
Oh, okay, mm-hmm.
Let's hear your pitch.
392
00:17:31,185 --> 00:17:33,085
Here's how it will go.
You will film me
393
00:17:33,187 --> 00:17:35,454
as I prepare an entire
three-course meal.
394
00:17:35,556 --> 00:17:37,723
You'll follow along as I
purchase the ingredients
395
00:17:37,825 --> 00:17:40,759
and watch me make
the food step-by-step.
396
00:17:40,861 --> 00:17:43,795
I then take the food to
an average suburban home,
397
00:17:43,898 --> 00:17:46,999
and the viewer watches as
a family enjoys the food
398
00:17:47,101 --> 00:17:48,901
that I have masterfully prepared.
399
00:17:49,003 --> 00:17:51,170
Wow. Yeah, I'd watch that.
That sounds really cool.
400
00:17:51,272 --> 00:17:53,906
But it doesn't stop there.
I never leave the house.
401
00:17:54,008 --> 00:17:56,275
I take over the husband's role.
402
00:17:56,377 --> 00:17:58,377
He is reduced to a cuckold
sleeping on the couch
403
00:17:58,479 --> 00:18:00,512
while I enjoy the spoils
of marital relations
404
00:18:00,614 --> 00:18:04,316
with his unattractive middle-aged
wife just up the stairs.
405
00:18:04,418 --> 00:18:06,351
Soon, even the children
are calling me Papa.
406
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,353
- Uh...
- At the end of each episode,
407
00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:10,489
I sneak out in the middle of the night,
408
00:18:10,591 --> 00:18:12,357
and it's a different recipe each week...
409
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:15,460
one week Italian food, the
next week French cuisine...
410
00:18:15,563 --> 00:18:18,964
and every week, a man is
reduced to a blubbering fool.
411
00:18:19,066 --> 00:18:20,832
- Wow.
- I call the show...
412
00:18:20,935 --> 00:18:25,270
- "Chef Blasters."
- That son of a bitch stole my idea!
413
00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:28,874
[electronic music]
414
00:18:29,796 --> 00:18:33,435
[warbling techno music]
415
00:18:36,755 --> 00:18:39,288
[phone chimes]
Hey, hey, sloppy joe,
416
00:18:39,390 --> 00:18:41,257
this is TripT...
I'm sorry, this is Steve.
417
00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:42,792
- Hello.
- You've got to send someone.
418
00:18:42,894 --> 00:18:44,594
A badger is loose in my house,
419
00:18:44,696 --> 00:18:45,862
and I've got it cornered now...
420
00:18:45,964 --> 00:18:47,430
but you have to send someone quickly.
421
00:18:47,532 --> 00:18:49,232
I'm not sure how long I can hold him.
422
00:18:49,334 --> 00:18:51,300
It's a badger, and it's terrifying.
423
00:18:51,402 --> 00:18:52,935
Okay, I don't know why
you called a cartoon show...
424
00:18:53,037 --> 00:18:55,371
I live on 739 East...
[crash]
425
00:18:55,473 --> 00:18:56,939
Shit, he's got away.
He's got away!
426
00:18:57,041 --> 00:18:58,374
I'm chasing him!
427
00:18:58,476 --> 00:19:00,142
Sir, you have to
get out of the house.
428
00:19:00,245 --> 00:19:01,844
Shit!
He's knocked over the buffet!
429
00:19:01,946 --> 00:19:03,637
He's ruining my luncheon.
I was holding
430
00:19:03,672 --> 00:19:05,266
a big luncheon today... a buffet.
431
00:19:05,301 --> 00:19:08,317
He's ruined the finger
sandwiches... he's eating them.
432
00:19:08,419 --> 00:19:10,453
- Just...just stay calm!
- I'm gonna dive for him.
433
00:19:10,555 --> 00:19:12,889
Here I go... I'm going to dive!
[badger squeaking]
434
00:19:12,991 --> 00:19:15,758
I'm diving...
flying in the air now...
435
00:19:15,860 --> 00:19:17,226
[crash]
Oh! I missed! I missed him!
436
00:19:17,328 --> 00:19:19,829
- I'm on the floor now.
- Sir, are you okay?!
437
00:19:19,931 --> 00:19:20,930
Where did he go?
438
00:19:21,032 --> 00:19:22,131
Where did he go?
There he is!
439
00:19:22,233 --> 00:19:23,566
He's crawling up my leg!
[badger squeaking]
440
00:19:23,668 --> 00:19:27,169
He's in my pants now!
It's at my knee.
441
00:19:27,272 --> 00:19:29,038
Ooh, it's crawling up my thigh now.
442
00:19:29,140 --> 00:19:33,109
Oh, man, okay, wow.
This is something different.
443
00:19:33,211 --> 00:19:34,043
You crazy badger.
444
00:19:34,145 --> 00:19:36,445
Hello? Sir, do you need help?
445
00:19:36,548 --> 00:19:37,980
Oh, I'm still on the phone.
[beep]
446
00:19:38,082 --> 00:19:40,449
Oh, the only real
way to catch a badger
447
00:19:40,552 --> 00:19:43,586
is with kerosene and
a hollowed out dog carcass.
448
00:19:43,688 --> 00:19:45,154
Everybody knows that.
449
00:19:45,256 --> 00:19:48,624
- Where are you from, Roy?
- Mexico City.
450
00:19:48,726 --> 00:19:51,994
Hey, let me know when
I've got her back into the water.
451
00:19:52,096 --> 00:19:54,964
I totally backed it
into your wife last night.
452
00:19:55,066 --> 00:19:56,399
[laughter]
Oh, yeah!
453
00:19:56,501 --> 00:19:59,201
I just have to clear that last buoy,
and then I can really open her up.
454
00:19:59,304 --> 00:20:02,838
I totally opened up your wife's legs
with my buoy last night!
455
00:20:02,941 --> 00:20:04,941
[laughter]
Mother of my children!
456
00:20:05,143 --> 00:20:08,377
Whoa, guys, got a little bite here.
Feels like a big one.
457
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:12,685
I've been telling your wife to
stop biting my big one last night.
458
00:20:12,700 --> 00:20:14,941
[laughter]
Oh, she didn't do it!
459
00:20:15,942 --> 00:20:17,323
Hop, down he goes.
460
00:20:17,475 --> 00:20:19,041
Circle back around, let's pick him up.
461
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:22,704
I circled back around and
picked up your whore-wife
462
00:20:22,705 --> 00:20:25,094
on the street-corner last night.
463
00:20:25,129 --> 00:20:28,265
[laughter]
She wasn't out last night!
464
00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:29,637
Whoa Frank, buddy,
465
00:20:29,638 --> 00:20:32,313
looks like somebody got
a little sun today. [chuckles]
466
00:20:32,441 --> 00:20:35,571
I mean, look at him, look at him!
Guys, he's a tomato!
467
00:20:35,723 --> 00:20:38,009
You bastard, piece of shit!
468
00:20:38,266 --> 00:20:40,856
- Aah! Hey!
- Who you're calling a tomato?!
469
00:20:41,021 --> 00:20:43,956
- No, not again!
- No! He's kidding, like last year!
470
00:20:54,871 --> 00:20:57,049
- Are we done?
- Yeah, we're done.
471
00:20:57,157 --> 00:20:59,417
Ugh, I'm gonna need
a burger and a shower.
472
00:20:59,452 --> 00:21:00,719
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
473
00:21:00,769 --> 00:21:05,319
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