Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,600
Hi.
I'm your new cellmate.
2
00:00:11,702 --> 00:00:13,002
What are you in for?
3
00:00:13,104 --> 00:00:15,904
Biting people's dicks off in they sleep.
4
00:00:16,007 --> 00:00:18,240
Oh, that's so weird. Me too!
5
00:00:18,342 --> 00:00:20,809
Wow. Well, ain't that something?
6
00:00:20,911 --> 00:00:23,546
[man] Lights out!
7
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:28,643
2x07 - Cereal Interruptus
8
00:00:30,104 --> 00:00:32,938
[both giggling]
9
00:00:35,026 --> 00:00:37,026
[stifled giggles]
10
00:00:37,161 --> 00:00:38,694
- [whispers] Rah!
- Shh!
11
00:00:40,114 --> 00:00:41,797
[belt buckle jingles]
12
00:00:41,899 --> 00:00:44,033
[zipper rasps]
13
00:00:44,135 --> 00:00:45,701
[both gasp]
14
00:00:46,078 --> 00:00:48,715
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
15
00:00:54,178 --> 00:00:56,879
And now for the most
delicious part of my day.
16
00:00:56,981 --> 00:00:58,213
[phone rings]
17
00:00:58,316 --> 00:01:00,783
[sighs]
Mondays.
18
00:01:00,885 --> 00:01:03,686
- Hello. TripTank.
- This is Esther Feltcher.
19
00:01:03,788 --> 00:01:06,989
I'm 87 years old, but
I'm sharp as a tack.
20
00:01:07,091 --> 00:01:09,892
Oh, we always love hearing
from our older fans.
21
00:01:09,994 --> 00:01:12,161
I'm confined to a wheelchair,
but I'm 89 years old
22
00:01:12,263 --> 00:01:15,864
- and I'm still full of life.
- Oh, that's great.
23
00:01:15,966 --> 00:01:18,467
I have one regret in my 94
years of sharp life living.
24
00:01:18,569 --> 00:01:21,503
I regret that I never once dropped acid.
25
00:01:21,605 --> 00:01:23,539
Oh, I was not expecting th...
26
00:01:23,641 --> 00:01:24,773
Can you bring a sheet
of acid over here
27
00:01:24,875 --> 00:01:26,842
to the nursing home
and we'll trip balls?
28
00:01:26,944 --> 00:01:28,777
- Uh...
- Come on, honey!
29
00:01:28,879 --> 00:01:30,813
Let's trip balls!
30
00:01:30,915 --> 00:01:32,281
[laughs]
31
00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:35,427
[music]
32
00:01:38,484 --> 00:01:40,927
_
33
00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:42,508
Hey, you're the auctioneer.
34
00:01:42,593 --> 00:01:45,027
You were great tonight.
I'm Megan.
35
00:01:45,096 --> 00:01:46,662
Megan, hi.
Can I buy you a drink?
36
00:01:46,764 --> 00:01:47,830
Ladies and gentlemen,
do I hear one drink?
37
00:01:47,932 --> 00:01:48,981
Yeah, one for me.
Do I hear two?
38
00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:50,149
Two drinks? Remember,
this is for charity.
39
00:01:50,267 --> 00:01:53,030
- Do I hear two drinks?
- That's pretty cool. Thanks.
40
00:01:53,104 --> 00:01:54,353
Two drinks, and sold to the lady
41
00:01:54,438 --> 00:01:55,938
who looks vaguely like
my ex-girlfriend Gwen.
42
00:01:56,023 --> 00:01:59,274
- What a bitch.
- So do you like being an auctioneer?
43
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:00,826
Oh, it's good, pretty good,
apparently not good enough
44
00:02:00,945 --> 00:02:02,077
for Gwen, but do I give two [bleep]?
45
00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:04,055
No! One [bleep]? Zero [bleep]
given by the auctioneer
46
00:02:04,056 --> 00:02:05,948
trying to sleep with this
lady he just met at the bar.
47
00:02:06,033 --> 00:02:08,417
You know, I always thought
about being an auctioneer.
48
00:02:08,502 --> 00:02:10,335
Oh, my! Is that contact?
49
00:02:10,454 --> 00:02:11,920
Yes, human contact!
Am I at quarter-mast?
50
00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:13,005
Yes! Half-mast?
Yes!
51
00:02:13,124 --> 00:02:14,707
Do I feel full-mast?
And fully erect
52
00:02:14,792 --> 00:02:16,709
for the lady who might be my next Gwen!
53
00:02:16,794 --> 00:02:20,512
- Randy? Randy, is that you?
- Oh, shit, Gwen.
54
00:02:20,631 --> 00:02:21,714
Gwen, hello. Do you look good?
55
00:02:21,799 --> 00:02:22,931
Yeah, great, yeah,
gorgeous. Don't worry.
56
00:02:23,017 --> 00:02:24,049
Do I think about us?
Do I ever think about
57
00:02:24,135 --> 00:02:25,050
what could have been? No!
58
00:02:25,136 --> 00:02:26,018
Would we have one kid? No!
59
00:02:26,137 --> 00:02:27,219
Two twins? Yes!
60
00:02:27,304 --> 00:02:28,604
Do I hear myself rattling off?
And definitely
61
00:02:28,689 --> 00:02:30,665
to the lady who I think I
could have grown old with if she
62
00:02:30,666 --> 00:02:32,641
hadn't slept with another auctioneer
after eight years together.
63
00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:36,245
It's, uh, good to see you.
How are things?
64
00:02:36,313 --> 00:02:38,614
- Hello, Carl.
- Oh, yeah.
65
00:02:38,699 --> 00:02:40,649
- Carl and I are dating now.
- Are you serious?
66
00:02:40,785 --> 00:02:42,034
Are you banging Carl?
This piece of work?
67
00:02:42,153 --> 00:02:43,485
Yes, a true masterpiece of human shit.
68
00:02:43,571 --> 00:02:44,820
Why him?
He must be hung.
69
00:02:44,955 --> 00:02:46,822
Yes, hung. Hung 6,
hung 7, hung 14 inches?
70
00:02:46,907 --> 00:02:49,058
Hung like a horse? And neigh
to this garbage scumbag who
71
00:02:49,059 --> 00:02:51,210
couldn't auction a Picasso
if Pablo were there himself.
72
00:02:51,328 --> 00:02:53,829
Randy, you can't talk to Gwen like that!
73
00:02:53,914 --> 00:02:55,297
Not now, not tomorrow.
Do I hear ever?
74
00:02:55,382 --> 00:02:57,249
Not ever, pervert!
You stay away not 1 foot,
75
00:02:57,334 --> 00:02:59,384
not 2 feet, not 40 feet.
Do I see you within 100 feet?
76
00:02:59,503 --> 00:03:01,003
I will punch you once,
no, twice, no, thrice,
77
00:03:01,088 --> 00:03:02,971
and then a kick to the groin.
Do I hear again and again?
78
00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:04,306
- Yes, right in the neck!
- [Gwen] No, no! Carl, don't!
79
00:03:04,391 --> 00:03:06,442
And smack to the gentleman
who I will punch in the neck
80
00:03:06,544 --> 00:03:07,926
if he speaks to my
woman again like that.
81
00:03:08,012 --> 00:03:09,845
Oh, big shot!
Look at you, big man.
82
00:03:09,930 --> 00:03:11,346
Remember, ladies and
gentlemen, Gwen is dating Carl
83
00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:12,981
for his huge dong, no other reason.
84
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:14,483
Carl is a one-of-a-kind dirtbag.
85
00:03:14,568 --> 00:03:15,984
They don't make dirtbags
like this anymore.
86
00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:18,771
Carl runs around with authentic
Oriental hookers he pays for sex.
87
00:03:18,856 --> 00:03:20,572
That is real jade and fake titties.
88
00:03:20,691 --> 00:03:22,741
Ow! Do I see one star?
89
00:03:22,860 --> 00:03:24,359
Ow! Two stars?
90
00:03:24,495 --> 00:03:26,195
Ow! Do I see three stars?
91
00:03:26,330 --> 00:03:29,281
And adrenaline kicking back in,
and do I hear one broken stool?
92
00:03:29,366 --> 00:03:30,616
- Randy.
- Yeah, one property damage.
93
00:03:30,701 --> 00:03:34,336
- Yeah, do I see two counts of assault?
- Yes, two ruined relationships!
94
00:03:34,421 --> 00:03:35,754
[grunts]
Is that three days in prison?
95
00:03:35,873 --> 00:03:37,873
Yes, only three days
because you're white.
96
00:03:38,008 --> 00:03:40,676
[Carl] And ruined this
original Titian by a squabble
97
00:03:40,778 --> 00:03:42,344
over a girl that probably
could have been solved
98
00:03:42,446 --> 00:03:45,013
- if we could just act like adults.
- Okay, I'm getting out of here.
99
00:03:45,115 --> 00:03:47,950
- Do I feel like one fool?
- No, two idiots.
100
00:03:48,052 --> 00:03:49,968
Yes, but three years ago,
remember, we were best friends?
101
00:03:50,054 --> 00:03:51,637
Yes, "four" the rest of my life.
102
00:03:51,722 --> 00:03:53,105
Yes, five, let's never let anything
103
00:03:53,224 --> 00:03:54,490
come between our friendship again.
104
00:03:54,558 --> 00:03:56,358
[both] And pinky swear
that these best friends
105
00:03:56,443 --> 00:03:57,726
are back together again.
106
00:03:57,862 --> 00:04:01,230
[Carl grunts]
107
00:04:01,365 --> 00:04:03,482
Hi, I'm looking for one handsome man,
108
00:04:03,567 --> 00:04:05,067
buys me two drinks,
spends three hours joking.
109
00:04:05,152 --> 00:04:09,238
And who's gonna be a big, sexy
auctioneer and take me home?
110
00:04:09,373 --> 00:04:11,173
[both grunting]
111
00:04:11,242 --> 00:04:15,244
[tires screeching]
[big band jazz music]
112
00:04:15,329 --> 00:04:16,578
[radio static]
113
00:04:18,165 --> 00:04:21,250
So anyway, she goes,
"I'm coming, I'm coming!
114
00:04:21,385 --> 00:04:23,552
- Like I care.
- No respect, these broads.
115
00:04:23,637 --> 00:04:25,053
- I'm telling you.
- [grunts] Come on!
116
00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:28,006
Are you just [bleep] stand...
help me with this!
117
00:04:28,092 --> 00:04:30,092
- What do you want me to do?
- Grab the bag!
118
00:04:30,227 --> 00:04:31,977
Hey, I got your bag right here.
119
00:04:32,096 --> 00:04:33,896
[both grunt]
120
00:04:33,981 --> 00:04:36,098
Hey, Paulie, you sure
this is the right place?
121
00:04:36,233 --> 00:04:38,918
What am I, an asshole?
Tony Bag of Oranges told
122
00:04:38,919 --> 00:04:41,603
me this guy was the best
cleaner in town. [spits]
123
00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:42,938
[bell jingles]
124
00:04:43,023 --> 00:04:46,074
From what I hear, this
Jamook is ruthless.
125
00:04:46,176 --> 00:04:48,810
He makes your laundry disappear,
if you know what I mean.
126
00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:51,947
[bell rings] Hey there, fellas.
What can I do you for?
127
00:04:52,082 --> 00:04:54,616
Tony Bag of Oranges sent us down here.
128
00:04:54,702 --> 00:04:57,619
Said you, uh, heh heh, solve problems.
129
00:04:57,705 --> 00:04:59,755
Well, possibly.
Let's see what you got there.
130
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:03,458
Oh, my God!
Is that what I think it is?
131
00:05:03,544 --> 00:05:05,961
Hey, what am I gonna tell ya?
Things got a little messy.
132
00:05:06,046 --> 00:05:08,096
Had to break a couple eggs,
if you know what I mean.
133
00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:09,464
- Ooh!
- Heh.
134
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,550
Um, what kind of business are you in?
135
00:05:11,635 --> 00:05:14,186
Waste management, you
know, amongst other things.
136
00:05:14,305 --> 00:05:16,021
I mean, forget about it, what we do.
137
00:05:16,140 --> 00:05:19,391
What we need from you
is a little spring cleaning. Huh?
138
00:05:19,476 --> 00:05:20,809
[stammers] I'm sorry.
139
00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:23,528
I really don't know what
you're talking about.
140
00:05:23,647 --> 00:05:25,981
I think you may have been misinformed
about what I do here, but...
141
00:05:26,066 --> 00:05:27,900
Hey, don't play the "babe
in the woods" routine
142
00:05:27,985 --> 00:05:31,236
- with me, you little fruitcake.
- Oh, no, no, no! I wouldn't dare!
143
00:05:31,322 --> 00:05:33,705
- Ow! Ow!
- Listen, you little rat [bleep].
144
00:05:33,824 --> 00:05:35,574
An empty suit fell off a truck.
145
00:05:35,659 --> 00:05:37,042
Now we need you to rub it out.
146
00:05:37,161 --> 00:05:38,210
Capisce?
[gun clicks]
147
00:05:38,329 --> 00:05:39,995
I suggest you take care of this fazool.
148
00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:41,964
[bleep], mangia la [bleep].
[spits]
149
00:05:42,049 --> 00:05:43,749
- Huh?
- Ow! Ow!
150
00:05:43,834 --> 00:05:45,834
Jeez! Okay!
I'll do my best.
151
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:49,972
Lucky for you, we gotta go deal
with a couple of [bleep] eggplants.
152
00:05:50,057 --> 00:05:52,678
- Right, Vinny?
- Gabagool.
153
00:05:53,010 --> 00:05:54,092
[bell jingles]
154
00:05:54,178 --> 00:05:56,845
[dramatic music]
[grunts]
155
00:05:56,947 --> 00:05:58,614
Take that! [grunts]
156
00:05:58,716 --> 00:06:00,232
[grunts] Come here!
157
00:06:00,351 --> 00:06:02,017
You want some more?
How about some of that?
158
00:06:02,102 --> 00:06:04,603
- Aah!
- Take that, eggplant!
159
00:06:04,688 --> 00:06:05,988
[groans]
160
00:06:06,073 --> 00:06:08,824
Oh, we'll be sleeping
with the fishes tonight,
161
00:06:08,909 --> 00:06:11,360
- hey, Paulie?
- Oh, marone!
162
00:06:11,445 --> 00:06:14,696
This is gonna be [bleep] delicious!
163
00:06:15,866 --> 00:06:20,035
Tried telling those fellers,
but they just wouldn't listen.
164
00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:23,505
Oh, you the best cleaner
in town, Mr. Dave.
165
00:06:23,590 --> 00:06:25,007
[laughs]
166
00:06:25,092 --> 00:06:28,176
Oh, thanks, Chin.
Well, time to get back to work.
167
00:06:28,262 --> 00:06:31,213
[laughter]
168
00:06:34,468 --> 00:06:36,601
[phone rings]
Hold, please.
169
00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:38,854
All right, Hippos, come to papa.
170
00:06:38,939 --> 00:06:40,055
[cereal bag crinkles]
171
00:06:40,140 --> 00:06:42,224
Roy, what are you doing?
I brought those from home!
172
00:06:42,359 --> 00:06:45,727
Ol' Roy is digging for gold, man.
I gotta get that mystery prize.
173
00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:48,981
- No! That's my favorite part, dude.
- Oh! Oh, wait a minute.
174
00:06:49,066 --> 00:06:51,483
I got something. Oh, shit!
175
00:06:51,568 --> 00:06:53,986
It's a Tiny Hippo
brand retractable shiv!
176
00:06:54,071 --> 00:06:55,737
Really? That's the best one!
177
00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:57,128
Look at this, look at this.
Who am I? Who am I?
178
00:06:57,207 --> 00:06:59,741
"Ooh, look! I hate my
life and I want to die!"
179
00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:02,744
[laughs] That's hilarious.
You're Greg from accounting.
180
00:07:02,830 --> 00:07:04,212
I got another one. "Look at me!
181
00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:06,882
I'm mutilating my own
genitalia for attention!"
182
00:07:06,967 --> 00:07:09,134
Oh, shit!
You're Tony from accounting!
183
00:07:09,253 --> 00:07:10,469
I love this knife, man.
184
00:07:10,587 --> 00:07:12,754
- Oh, oh, oh, my turn! My turn!
- Oh, hell no!
185
00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:14,423
You got to take it from me first, man.
186
00:07:14,558 --> 00:07:16,391
[somber music]
[Roy] Come on now!
187
00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:18,677
[laughter and chatter]
[Roy] Try and take it from me!
188
00:07:18,762 --> 00:07:21,680
[techno music]
189
00:07:26,347 --> 00:07:29,582
- Dude, when's the stripper getting here?
- I know!
190
00:07:29,684 --> 00:07:31,917
Nothing better than getting real horny
with all your male friends!
191
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:34,587
[doorbell rings]
She's here!
192
00:07:34,689 --> 00:07:35,854
- Whoo!
- Oh, yeah, here we go!
193
00:07:35,957 --> 00:07:38,891
Hey, everybody!
Who's ready to laugh?
194
00:07:38,993 --> 00:07:41,193
What the [bleep]?
195
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:43,295
[punk rock music]
196
00:07:43,397 --> 00:07:45,230
Hey, Frankie, I'm here
at Chestnut Street.
197
00:07:45,333 --> 00:07:47,533
- This sucks!
- I just wanted to make sure,
198
00:07:47,618 --> 00:07:51,236
- am I at the right place?
- Ohh, I see what I did.
199
00:07:51,372 --> 00:07:53,906
I mixed up you and Amber.
200
00:07:53,991 --> 00:07:57,710
Please welcome the
hilarious stand-up Amber.
201
00:07:57,795 --> 00:07:59,328
[rock music]
Aah!
202
00:07:59,413 --> 00:08:00,746
Whoa!
[gasps]
203
00:08:00,831 --> 00:08:03,632
Oh, boy. Okay, guys,
I got some bad news.
204
00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:06,885
- Uh, nobody knows where Amber is.
- Oh, come on!
205
00:08:06,971 --> 00:08:08,053
But I also have some good news.
206
00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:10,172
- What?
- I am gonna give you guys
207
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:15,728
- 15% more comedy for free!
- This sucks!
208
00:08:15,813 --> 00:08:18,097
All right, guys, come on.
Loosen up, loosen up.
209
00:08:18,232 --> 00:08:20,015
Let's lose the long faces.
Loosen up.
210
00:08:20,101 --> 00:08:21,767
Give me some props. You
want to give me some props?
211
00:08:21,852 --> 00:08:24,236
- Keep your distance.
- Ah! Just kidding.
212
00:08:24,322 --> 00:08:26,105
- I brought my own!
- Ugh!
213
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,606
Hey, you guys like tech?
You like tech?
214
00:08:27,692 --> 00:08:30,659
Oh, you got a phone, you like tech.
Well, check this out.
215
00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:34,163
I just got the latest iPad!
216
00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:36,198
[booing]
I'm still horny!
217
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:38,167
Okay, all right, all right.
You guys aren't tech guys.
218
00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:40,786
But maybe you like Thai food.
I know I do.
219
00:08:40,871 --> 00:08:43,856
Especially this...
[Asian accent] "Pad See Ew"!
220
00:08:43,958 --> 00:08:47,860
- "Pad See Ew"!
- Ugh, white privilege.
221
00:08:47,931 --> 00:08:49,361
It's like pad thai.
It's a little different.
222
00:08:49,463 --> 00:08:51,864
The noodles are a little thicker.
Ah, whatever.
223
00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:54,133
We could have been getting
lap dances right now.
224
00:08:54,235 --> 00:08:56,852
- You guys like lap dances?
- Yeah.
225
00:08:56,971 --> 00:08:58,270
Well, why didn't you say so?
226
00:08:58,356 --> 00:09:00,305
? Boo-doo-doo-doo-doo
doo-doo-doo-doo ?
227
00:09:00,391 --> 00:09:02,107
That's my first lap!
Da-da-da-da...
228
00:09:02,193 --> 00:09:04,026
- [Steve] Get out of here!
- Ah!
229
00:09:04,145 --> 00:09:07,546
Oh, no!
Not my Hairy Pot-ter bit!
230
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,682
[sighs]
Now I'm gonna need a new closer.
231
00:09:09,784 --> 00:09:11,557
[techno music]
232
00:09:14,872 --> 00:09:17,239
[man on phone] Just so bummed,
man, 'cause, like, you know...
233
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:19,291
- Uh-huh?
- I love you guys so much.
234
00:09:19,377 --> 00:09:20,659
Yeah, I understand.
235
00:09:20,745 --> 00:09:22,878
[deep voice echoes from cereal] Steve!
236
00:09:22,997 --> 00:09:25,714
Eat me!
237
00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:27,499
[whispers] Uh, I want to.
238
00:09:27,585 --> 00:09:30,552
Eat me, Steve!
239
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:31,837
[whispers] I want to eat you so bad.
240
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:34,473
Put me in your mouth!
241
00:09:34,558 --> 00:09:37,009
[whispers] Oh, I'm gonna.
And you're gonna love it.
242
00:09:37,094 --> 00:09:41,013
I've been waiting for you all day.
243
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:42,514
[whispers] I've been
waiting for you so hard.
244
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:46,518
I'm so soggy and wet for you, Steve.
245
00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:47,320
[whispers] Oh, yes.
246
00:09:47,321 --> 00:09:49,438
[man on phone] All right.
I'll talk to you next Tuesday.
247
00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:52,357
[thunderclap]
Out, unclean spirit!
248
00:09:52,493 --> 00:09:55,694
The power of Christ compels you!
249
00:09:55,780 --> 00:09:58,864
[bleep] your asshole with
a cactus, [bleep]sucker!
250
00:09:58,949 --> 00:10:01,209
The power of Christ compels you!
251
00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:05,200
The power of Christ compels you!
[groans]
252
00:10:05,956 --> 00:10:08,874
Ah! Ahh... it's over.
253
00:10:08,959 --> 00:10:13,679
The demon will wander until he
finds a new object to possess.
254
00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:16,715
[wind howls]
255
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,554
Oh, finally!
256
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:25,941
Oh, oh! You're even more
beautiful than your picture.
257
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:27,776
Your mother sucks Satan's [bleep]!
258
00:10:27,895 --> 00:10:30,562
And so much more lifelike
than the ad suggested.
259
00:10:30,648 --> 00:10:34,869
I'll have to go online and give
you a five-star review. [laughs]
260
00:10:35,536 --> 00:10:36,702
[gentle piano music]
261
00:10:36,787 --> 00:10:41,290
Why, yes, I did all this just for you
because you're worth it.
262
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:43,292
I hope you like expensive wine.
263
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:45,577
Victus es miser!
264
00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:49,331
Mmm, is that French,
the language of love?
265
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:50,916
I'll pull out your
eyeball with my tongue
266
00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:52,551
and urinate on your heart!
267
00:10:52,636 --> 00:10:54,169
You know, I feel close to you already,
268
00:10:54,255 --> 00:10:57,422
like I've known you my whole life.
Do you feel it too?
269
00:10:57,558 --> 00:11:00,425
Shove it up your ass, sheep [bleep]!
270
00:11:00,561 --> 00:11:01,727
[rousing orchestral music on TV]
271
00:11:01,812 --> 00:11:03,312
How many times have
you seen both trilogies?
272
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:04,680
Let me guess. A million!
273
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:07,015
I will enjoy killing you!
274
00:11:07,101 --> 00:11:10,102
You know, in my opinion, and
I think this isn't the "norm,"
275
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:13,605
but I think Sith is the
best movie in the series.
276
00:11:13,691 --> 00:11:14,857
You know why?
277
00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:17,743
I call upon Satan, whory
god of the underworld,
278
00:11:17,828 --> 00:11:20,913
to help me slaughter this loser!
279
00:11:20,998 --> 00:11:23,999
Because it's about love.
280
00:11:24,118 --> 00:11:25,834
[yawns]
281
00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:28,620
Is it getting warm in here?
282
00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:30,455
[bed springs squeak]
283
00:11:30,541 --> 00:11:34,293
Oh, God.
Oh, God, you feel so good, baby.
284
00:11:34,395 --> 00:11:37,664
[garbled] I shall make sure
you get hell's worst
285
00:11:37,665 --> 00:11:40,899
accommodations, slime!
Blagh!
286
00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:43,235
I said I shall make sure you get hell's
287
00:11:43,337 --> 00:11:45,037
worst accommodations, slime!
288
00:11:45,139 --> 00:11:46,939
[screams]
289
00:11:47,041 --> 00:11:50,275
Ah! I'm never gonna let you go!
290
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:53,512
I'm gonna be inside you forever!
291
00:11:53,614 --> 00:11:55,147
Help!
292
00:11:55,232 --> 00:11:56,982
Somebody call a priest!
293
00:11:57,067 --> 00:12:00,569
I want out!
I want oooout!
294
00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:03,572
[upbeat music]
295
00:12:07,711 --> 00:12:10,329
All right, finally. It's cereal time.
296
00:12:10,414 --> 00:12:11,713
A-let's a-do this.
297
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,498
[phone rings]
Son of a bitch!
298
00:12:13,584 --> 00:12:14,666
Hello. TripTank. This is Steve,
299
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:16,802
not eating his cereal.
How can I help you?
300
00:12:16,887 --> 00:12:20,505
Hello, TripTank. I am calling
from the Society of Quality Television,
301
00:12:20,591 --> 00:12:23,725
and I am honored to inform you
that you've won the award for
302
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:26,895
"The Worst Piece of Crap
Television Show of the Year."
303
00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:29,648
Hey, that's... Oh, wait.
No, that doesn't sound good.
304
00:12:29,733 --> 00:12:31,850
To pick up your award, simply
come down to the bus station
305
00:12:31,936 --> 00:12:33,518
where me and the rest
of the panel of judges
306
00:12:33,654 --> 00:12:36,605
- will throw stones at you.
- What kind of prize is that?
307
00:12:36,690 --> 00:12:38,657
In addition, you've won
several other awards.
308
00:12:38,742 --> 00:12:41,109
For "Worst Writing,"
"Worst Directing,"
309
00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:42,911
and "Worst Acting."
310
00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:45,497
To receive these awards, simply
come down to the bus station
311
00:12:45,583 --> 00:12:47,282
where me and the rest of
the judges will, again,
312
00:12:47,368 --> 00:12:51,370
- throw stones at you.
- Oh, I see. This is a ruse.
313
00:12:51,455 --> 00:12:52,537
What was that, Boxcar?
[squeaks]
314
00:12:52,623 --> 00:12:53,839
Oh, yeah.
315
00:12:53,924 --> 00:12:56,091
Also bring some sandwiches
to the bus station.
316
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:59,928
And congratulations again,
TripTank, on your award.
317
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:02,931
[techno music]
318
00:13:05,253 --> 00:13:07,476
[techno music]
319
00:13:09,148 --> 00:13:12,115
[rock music]
320
00:13:12,234 --> 00:13:14,803
[pop]
321
00:13:16,989 --> 00:13:19,489
[smooth jazz music]
322
00:13:19,575 --> 00:13:21,325
Oh, yeah, keep it up, K-dog.
323
00:13:21,410 --> 00:13:24,411
- Pump the dream. You'll get there.
- Get where, Karl?
324
00:13:24,496 --> 00:13:27,130
Please tell me that's not
a tally of your bowel movements.
325
00:13:27,249 --> 00:13:32,502
- Don't be ridiculous. That is.
- Ugh! I assumed that was a checklist
326
00:13:32,588 --> 00:13:35,722
- for when you clean the bathroom.
- Oh, uh, wow.
327
00:13:35,808 --> 00:13:38,592
You were, like, way, way off, huh?
Behold!
328
00:13:38,677 --> 00:13:41,762
A fap tally of every
single orgasm I've ever had.
329
00:13:41,847 --> 00:13:44,431
Tell me what the [bleep]
you're talking about.
330
00:13:44,566 --> 00:13:46,350
Come on!
On your 100,000th orgasm,
331
00:13:46,435 --> 00:13:48,352
you reach a higher state.
Everybody knows that.
332
00:13:48,437 --> 00:13:50,854
No one knows that
'cause that's not a thing!
333
00:13:50,939 --> 00:13:53,023
Well, I'm gonna be ready,
and you should be too, Anau.
334
00:13:53,108 --> 00:13:54,441
How many you think you
got under your belt?
335
00:13:54,526 --> 00:13:55,842
What? I don't know!
Who cares?
336
00:13:55,944 --> 00:14:00,714
My libido requires a very
unique sexual... trigger.
337
00:14:00,816 --> 00:14:02,182
["Trigger" echoes]
338
00:14:02,284 --> 00:14:05,652
? From the first time that I met you ?
[horse whinnies]
339
00:14:05,754 --> 00:14:08,722
Trigger?
Oh, Trigger!
340
00:14:08,824 --> 00:14:10,791
[horse slurping]
Trigger!
341
00:14:10,876 --> 00:14:12,008
All right, all right, you got a trigger.
342
00:14:12,127 --> 00:14:14,177
[doorbell rings]
Jesus. [laughs]
343
00:14:14,296 --> 00:14:16,713
Uh, come on in, Gail.
I'll get your head.
344
00:14:16,799 --> 00:14:17,881
Hey, Anau.
345
00:14:17,966 --> 00:14:20,016
[slowly gasps]
346
00:14:20,135 --> 00:14:22,853
? From the first time that I met you ?
347
00:14:22,971 --> 00:14:24,721
I know. Stupid, huh?
348
00:14:24,807 --> 00:14:28,058
I do kids' parties.
Princesses, mermaids, ponies...
349
00:14:28,143 --> 00:14:30,727
Ponies? [laughs]
Just kidding! I gotta go!
350
00:14:30,813 --> 00:14:32,479
Uh, oh, okay, bye.
351
00:14:32,564 --> 00:14:33,980
Here you go. Thanks
for letting me use her.
352
00:14:34,066 --> 00:14:35,148
Really helped me out of a jam.
353
00:14:35,284 --> 00:14:36,283
What did you need it for anyway?
354
00:14:36,368 --> 00:14:37,451
["anyway" echoes]
355
00:14:37,536 --> 00:14:40,404
[hip-hop music]
356
00:14:40,489 --> 00:14:42,656
Oh, God!
Why are you showing me this?
357
00:14:42,741 --> 00:14:44,374
Oh, wait for the end.
358
00:14:44,493 --> 00:14:45,909
It gets [bleep].
359
00:14:48,046 --> 00:14:50,046
- Pony.
- From the first...
360
00:14:51,834 --> 00:14:54,000
Ugh! Mother of balls!
361
00:14:54,086 --> 00:14:57,304
Ah, it smells like you
ejaculated into a swifter!
362
00:14:57,389 --> 00:14:58,505
I'm gonna be sick!
363
00:14:58,590 --> 00:15:00,841
What the hell did you
do in my pony head?
364
00:15:00,926 --> 00:15:01,925
See, if you'd watched to the end,
365
00:15:02,010 --> 00:15:02,926
you wouldn't have to ask me that.
366
00:15:03,011 --> 00:15:05,762
- Time that I met you
- Looks so good!
367
00:15:05,848 --> 00:15:09,900
Ahh!
Oh, my flipping God!
368
00:15:10,018 --> 00:15:11,351
It's gonna be...
[knock at door]
369
00:15:11,487 --> 00:15:12,819
- Occupied!
- Anau, open up!
370
00:15:12,905 --> 00:15:14,321
Open up, Anau!
It's an emergency!
371
00:15:14,406 --> 00:15:16,356
- I'm watching a movie!
- She's gonna blow, man!
372
00:15:16,442 --> 00:15:17,824
- Open up!
- Hold on! Hold on!
373
00:15:17,910 --> 00:15:19,910
I just need a few more... seconds!
374
00:15:20,028 --> 00:15:21,361
Trigger!
[bugle plays]
375
00:15:21,497 --> 00:15:23,914
[fireworks pop]
Oh, God! Oh, God!
376
00:15:24,032 --> 00:15:25,615
Oh! Ugh!
377
00:15:25,701 --> 00:15:27,033
[vomits]
Awesome.
378
00:15:27,119 --> 00:15:30,704
[laughs] Getting a little
trigger-happy up in here.
379
00:15:30,839 --> 00:15:34,875
What the [bleep] is wrong with you two?
Let me out of here!
380
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:36,460
I'm so damn proud of you, man.
381
00:15:36,545 --> 00:15:38,011
[sobbing]
382
00:15:38,096 --> 00:15:40,013
Oh, up high.
383
00:15:40,098 --> 00:15:43,099
[sobbing]
[laughs]
384
00:15:43,218 --> 00:15:45,168
[techno music]
385
00:15:48,257 --> 00:15:51,958
That's it. I'm eating this cereal.
No more interruptions.
386
00:15:52,060 --> 00:15:53,727
[metallic clang]
What?
387
00:15:53,829 --> 00:15:55,896
[clanging continues]
What the hell?
388
00:15:55,998 --> 00:15:58,865
- Roy, what are you doing?
- I gotta sweep under your desk, man.
389
00:15:58,967 --> 00:16:00,400
It's dirty as hell down there.
390
00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:01,468
- Stop, dude!
- Nah, man.
391
00:16:01,570 --> 00:16:03,870
Just one more crank.
Jack it up!
392
00:16:03,972 --> 00:16:05,472
[laughs]
393
00:16:05,574 --> 00:16:08,808
[laughs in slow motion]
394
00:16:08,911 --> 00:16:13,547
[in slow motion] Roy, stop!
395
00:16:13,649 --> 00:16:16,616
[laughs in slow motion]
396
00:16:16,718 --> 00:16:20,887
[in slow motion] Cereal, no!
397
00:16:20,989 --> 00:16:24,925
[Roy laughs in slow motion]
398
00:16:28,730 --> 00:16:32,933
[in slow motion] What the [bleep]?
399
00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:35,802
[in slow motion] Hey, man,
I gotta keep it clean.
400
00:16:35,904 --> 00:16:38,638
I bring girls back here.
401
00:16:38,740 --> 00:16:41,641
[techno music] _
402
00:16:43,529 --> 00:16:44,594
[grunts]
403
00:16:44,696 --> 00:16:47,330
I need to eat some
food before the movie,
404
00:16:47,433 --> 00:16:49,266
otherwise my farts won't be stank enough
405
00:16:49,368 --> 00:16:52,903
- to make sure no one sits next to us.
- That's a good idea.
406
00:16:53,005 --> 00:16:54,604
I know, bitch.
I'm effin' smart.
407
00:16:54,706 --> 00:16:56,339
Fart force field.
408
00:16:56,442 --> 00:16:58,842
I should have gone to Harvard.
409
00:16:58,944 --> 00:17:01,678
Yeah, I'll have some of
that pineapple panda meat,
410
00:17:01,780 --> 00:17:05,482
and, uhh, some of
that firecracker panda.
411
00:17:05,584 --> 00:17:08,118
Well, um, it's not actual panda meat.
412
00:17:08,220 --> 00:17:10,253
What do you mean?
I want panda meat.
413
00:17:10,355 --> 00:17:12,656
That's why I came to Mega Panda.
414
00:17:12,758 --> 00:17:14,257
If I wanted some other kind of meat,
415
00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:16,326
I would have gone to some
other mega animal place.
416
00:17:16,428 --> 00:17:17,994
I don't know what to tell
you. It's just Chinese food,
417
00:17:18,097 --> 00:17:20,764
like chicken and beef and
some shrimp-like product
418
00:17:20,866 --> 00:17:22,215
that comes out of this tube.
419
00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:27,337
I want panda meat...
[yelling] in my effing mouth!
420
00:17:27,473 --> 00:17:30,140
If I can't get that,
it's false advertising,
421
00:17:30,225 --> 00:17:33,059
and I'm gonna sue your
fake panda bitch ass.
422
00:17:34,197 --> 00:17:37,063
Yeah, so, long story short,
423
00:17:37,182 --> 00:17:39,316
Mega Panda has been raping my mouth
424
00:17:39,401 --> 00:17:41,935
with meat-flavored lies
for, like, ten years.
425
00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:47,858
- This is a grave injustice.
- Well, so do you think we have a case?
426
00:17:47,943 --> 00:17:50,744
Yes, this is very much like a prior case
427
00:17:50,863 --> 00:17:53,697
- where I sued Dick's Sports.
- And?
428
00:17:53,782 --> 00:17:57,117
Let's just say, they
have more dicks now.
429
00:17:59,788 --> 00:18:02,956
I'm back, bitch.
Meet my lawyer, Rollerblado.
430
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,208
- Rolando.
- Whatever.
431
00:18:05,294 --> 00:18:06,960
In the witness of the food court,
432
00:18:07,045 --> 00:18:10,013
I motion lawyerly
against this establishment
433
00:18:10,098 --> 00:18:13,216
for falsely claiming to sell panda meat.
434
00:18:13,302 --> 00:18:15,268
Wait, wait, wait!
This isn't panda meat?
435
00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:18,939
- Oh, the outrage!
- Guys, pandas are an endangered species.
436
00:18:19,057 --> 00:18:20,941
There's, like, five of them
left in the whole world.
437
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:24,444
I-I'm sorry to say this, but
you're not eating real panda today.
438
00:18:24,563 --> 00:18:28,648
Um, hey, guys, there's,
like, a panda right there.
439
00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:31,651
You!
[dramatic music]
440
00:18:31,737 --> 00:18:34,538
Get... in... my... mouth!
441
00:18:34,623 --> 00:18:36,740
[music]
442
00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,208
[grunting]
443
00:18:44,416 --> 00:18:46,883
Get in my mouth, you stupid panda.
444
00:18:48,387 --> 00:18:50,754
Hiya!
445
00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:52,973
Oh, my God!
446
00:18:53,091 --> 00:18:56,726
I am... the panda.
447
00:18:56,812 --> 00:19:00,096
I am the panda!
448
00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:04,518
[glass shatters]
Here is your bill for lawyer services.
449
00:19:05,771 --> 00:19:07,187
[both grunt]
450
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:08,828
[techno music]
451
00:19:11,981 --> 00:19:14,671
[techno music]
452
00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:21,582
[upbeat pop music]
[phone rings]
453
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,500
[both screaming]
454
00:19:24,585 --> 00:19:25,918
[both] Sunday Funday!
455
00:19:26,003 --> 00:19:28,888
[laughter]
456
00:19:29,006 --> 00:19:30,256
[both whimpering]
457
00:19:30,341 --> 00:19:31,924
[both] Sunday Funday!
Sunday Funday!
458
00:19:32,009 --> 00:19:34,427
[laughter]
459
00:19:34,512 --> 00:19:35,511
- Sunday Funday! Sunday Funday!
- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
460
00:19:35,646 --> 00:19:36,679
[camera shutter clicks]
461
00:19:36,814 --> 00:19:37,847
[both screaming]
462
00:19:37,982 --> 00:19:40,015
[both] Sunday Funday!
463
00:19:40,151 --> 00:19:42,852
- Uh... Sunday.
- Funday!
464
00:19:42,937 --> 00:19:47,073
- Ah! Sunday? Really?
- Sunday [bleep] Funday?
465
00:19:47,191 --> 00:19:48,774
[both screaming]
466
00:19:48,860 --> 00:19:50,076
Hyah!
467
00:19:50,194 --> 00:19:52,661
[both grunting]
468
00:19:52,747 --> 00:19:55,114
[laughter]
469
00:19:55,199 --> 00:19:59,285
[Trish] Sunday Funday!
Whooo!
470
00:19:59,370 --> 00:20:00,703
- Sunday!
- Sunday, huh?
471
00:20:00,838 --> 00:20:03,038
- Sunday!
- Sunday Funday!
472
00:20:03,124 --> 00:20:05,374
- Sunday...
- Funday!
473
00:20:05,460 --> 00:20:07,710
[both screaming]
474
00:20:07,795 --> 00:20:10,096
- Excuse me.
- Frigging Sunday, huh?
475
00:20:10,214 --> 00:20:13,716
Ooh!
Frigging Sunday Funday!
476
00:20:13,801 --> 00:20:15,551
[retches] Funday!
477
00:20:15,636 --> 00:20:16,635
[dry heaves]
478
00:20:16,721 --> 00:20:20,356
[laughter]
479
00:20:20,441 --> 00:20:22,558
It's Sunday Funday!
480
00:20:22,643 --> 00:20:23,726
[both yelp]
481
00:20:23,811 --> 00:20:25,444
Sunday Funday!
482
00:20:25,563 --> 00:20:27,613
Mmm!
[camera shutter clicks]
483
00:20:32,036 --> 00:20:35,531
[whispers] Sunday Funday, bitch.
[blows]
484
00:20:36,574 --> 00:20:39,325
[groans]
485
00:20:39,410 --> 00:20:41,877
[camera shutter clicks]
486
00:20:41,963 --> 00:20:44,330
Hey, man, can you help me chase
some rats out of the air duct?
487
00:20:44,415 --> 00:20:46,832
[phone rings] You're the only one
with narrow enough hips to fit,
488
00:20:46,918 --> 00:20:48,751
and the cat I threw up
there didn't make it.
489
00:20:48,836 --> 00:20:51,654
That's it! That's it!
I am done with this!
490
00:20:51,756 --> 00:20:55,291
All I want to do is eat
my bowl of cereal in peace!
491
00:20:55,393 --> 00:20:57,960
Jeez, man!
Who shit in your cereal?
492
00:20:59,263 --> 00:21:01,797
At last, my Tiny Hipp-Os.
493
00:21:01,899 --> 00:21:03,149
Here we go.
494
00:21:03,267 --> 00:21:04,834
Ah, shit.
495
00:21:05,136 --> 00:21:08,189
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
496
00:21:08,239 --> 00:21:12,789
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