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1
00:00:00,166 --> 00:00:02,965
[whimsical music]
2
00:00:10,700 --> 00:00:12,699
Whoa! Ooh!
3
00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:16,700
[muffled grunting]
4
00:00:17,700 --> 00:00:20,919
Weird.
[whimsical music]
5
00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:23,699
Whoa! Ooh!
6
00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:25,672
[dubstep music]
7
00:00:25,928 --> 00:00:28,697
2x01 - The W.A.N.G.
8
00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:39,699
_
9
00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:42,699
[man] I don't ask questions.
I just do the job.
10
00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:46,499
[Dana] Will you look
at that asshole Ga...
11
00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:47,980
Oh, no, wait a minute.
That ain't him.
12
00:00:48,005 --> 00:00:50,499
It says right here in Gary's
day planner that I stole,
13
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:53,499
- "Quarterly Physical, 3:00 P.M."
- I don't understand this.
14
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,499
That turd bag's never late to anything.
15
00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:58,980
Guys, it's only 2:00. You know
that clock doesn't even work.
16
00:00:59,005 --> 00:01:01,499
- Really? Shit.
- Goddam it, Matt.
17
00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:02,940
I mean, you're the one that broke it.
18
00:01:02,941 --> 00:01:04,325
_
19
00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:07,849
Look at that asshole Gary going
to see a doctor like a jerk.
20
00:01:07,850 --> 00:01:11,849
- He is literally rubbing our faces in it.
- Oh, we've gotta get revenge.
21
00:01:11,850 --> 00:01:15,849
- Are we ready to do this or what?
- You know I am. [whooping]
22
00:01:15,850 --> 00:01:16,890
Good. So don't screw it up.
23
00:01:16,915 --> 00:01:20,849
Now everybody, take off your
clothes, and let's get prankin'.
24
00:01:20,850 --> 00:01:22,930
All right, Gary, let's have
you hop up on that scale.
25
00:01:22,955 --> 00:01:24,849
Not a problem, Nurse.
26
00:01:24,850 --> 00:01:27,849
Whoa, and you are a lot
fatter than you look.
27
00:01:27,850 --> 00:01:28,849
Oh. [laughs]
28
00:01:28,970 --> 00:01:32,969
Yes, well, heavy bones do run
in the ol' Gare-man's family.
29
00:01:32,970 --> 00:01:34,969
- My family tried to abandon me.
- What?
30
00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:38,969
- The doctors will be right with you.
- Hey, you forgot my urine sample.
31
00:01:38,970 --> 00:01:41,969
Ya, ya, ya, yes, hello,
patient. I'm Doctor.
32
00:01:41,970 --> 00:01:44,130
What's the problem you have
with your gross body today?
33
00:01:44,155 --> 00:01:45,969
Oh, hello. No problems, Doc.
34
00:01:45,970 --> 00:01:48,969
Just getting my quarterly checkup,
you know, trying to stay fit.
35
00:01:48,970 --> 00:01:50,290
By the way, where is Dr. Schwartz?
36
00:01:50,315 --> 00:01:52,969
Oh, he's dead or something.
Don't worry about it, uggo.
37
00:01:52,970 --> 00:01:53,969
What? He's dead?
38
00:01:53,970 --> 00:01:56,969
Sure, he died and we're you
new doctors now, dirt bag.
39
00:01:56,970 --> 00:01:59,969
But he just read the
Purim story at my house.
40
00:01:59,970 --> 00:02:01,370
Oh, that's probably what killed him.
41
00:02:01,395 --> 00:02:05,969
Yeah, I'm Dr. Pepper, and this
here is, uh, Dr. Chinstrap.
42
00:02:05,970 --> 00:02:09,969
- Dude, I thought I was Dr. Radical.
- It's called improv. Take a class.
43
00:02:09,970 --> 00:02:11,969
I just can't believe my
brother-in-law is dead.
44
00:02:11,970 --> 00:02:13,970
Yes, and now it's time to
take a look at your balls
45
00:02:13,995 --> 00:02:16,969
and also your dong.
46
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,969
- What?
- Just pop open your gown, lard ass.
47
00:02:19,970 --> 00:02:22,969
- Let's get a look at that hog.
- Well, that seems highly irregular,
48
00:02:22,970 --> 00:02:25,969
but I guess you are the
medical professionals.
49
00:02:25,970 --> 00:02:28,969
- Holy shit.
- I am very uncomfortable.
50
00:02:28,970 --> 00:02:32,969
- Is everything okay, Dr. Pepper?
- Yes, of course, dumb medical patient.
51
00:02:32,970 --> 00:02:35,969
Just hold on, I need to confer
with Dr. Chinstrap for a moment.
52
00:02:35,970 --> 00:02:37,969
Come on, what are you waiting for?
53
00:02:37,970 --> 00:02:39,970
Just really weirded out
by Gary's penis here, dude.
54
00:02:39,995 --> 00:02:42,969
- Just say the lines I wrote for you.
- Fine.
55
00:02:42,970 --> 00:02:45,969
Oh, well, Mr. Dummy Dumb Face,
that doesn't look good.
56
00:02:45,970 --> 00:02:47,969
We're going to have to remove it.
57
00:02:47,970 --> 00:02:49,969
- Remove what?
- Your penis.
58
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:51,969
Your crazy-looking penis
is coming off today.
59
00:02:51,970 --> 00:02:55,272
- What... what... why?
- Nurse! Ah, Nurse Cottonballs,
60
00:02:55,307 --> 00:02:57,969
prep this man for genital
removal surgery, pronto!
61
00:02:57,970 --> 00:03:01,969
- Wonderful, I found these in the alley.
- Wait, this can't be happening.
62
00:03:01,970 --> 00:03:04,969
- Oh, it's happening.
- Kiss your nuts good-bye, Turkey!
63
00:03:04,970 --> 00:03:06,969
- Gobble, gobble, gobble.
- Oh, my God!
64
00:03:06,970 --> 00:03:09,969
Come on, Matt. You're up.
65
00:03:09,970 --> 00:03:13,969
- What... What the hell is going on?
- Ha, ha! It's us, you jerk.
66
00:03:13,970 --> 00:03:16,969
Dana, Andy, Matt?
What's happening?
67
00:03:16,970 --> 00:03:20,348
Just your classic "sneak into a
hospital, pretend to be doctors,
68
00:03:20,383 --> 00:03:22,176
make a guy think his penis and balls are
69
00:03:22,177 --> 00:03:23,969
getting lopped off till he passes out,
70
00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:26,969
and then splash pee-pee
in his face" revenge prank.
71
00:03:26,970 --> 00:03:28,969
Suck it, Gary! Whoo!
72
00:03:28,970 --> 00:03:30,969
[guys panting]
73
00:03:30,970 --> 00:03:33,969
Ah! Oh, my God.
74
00:03:33,970 --> 00:03:35,969
[Dana] Suck it, Gary! Whoo!
75
00:03:35,970 --> 00:03:37,969
Wow, what a great prank.
76
00:03:37,970 --> 00:03:40,210
Yeah, I really thought they
were gonna cut his penis off.
77
00:03:40,235 --> 00:03:43,969
Seems a bit odd to have a bay window
in a hospital examination room.
78
00:03:43,970 --> 00:03:45,969
Seems odd to mix Rocky
Road with rainbow sherbet.
79
00:03:45,970 --> 00:03:47,585
Eh, not to me.
80
00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:51,436
_
81
00:03:51,970 --> 00:03:54,969
[mysterious music]
82
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,969
[phone ringing]
83
00:03:59,970 --> 00:04:02,969
Hello, Triptank, this is Steve.
How can I help you?
84
00:04:02,970 --> 00:04:04,690
[woman] Triptank is
the most offensive thing
85
00:04:04,715 --> 00:04:05,969
I've ever seen on television.
86
00:04:05,970 --> 00:04:07,969
My bridge group all hates it.
87
00:04:07,970 --> 00:04:10,969
I mean, except for Barbara,
but we all hate Barbara.
88
00:04:10,970 --> 00:04:11,969
She cheats and lies.
89
00:04:11,970 --> 00:04:13,969
We all see you, Barbara.
Cheats and lies.
90
00:04:13,970 --> 00:04:16,969
- Um...
- Triptank is despicable.
91
00:04:16,970 --> 00:04:18,969
I'm telling all my friends to watch it.
92
00:04:18,970 --> 00:04:21,969
- What the hell are you wearing, Roy?
- Oh, this?
93
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,969
I got it at my neighbor's garage sale.
94
00:04:23,970 --> 00:04:27,969
It's a W.A.N.G., man.
A Waste Analyzing Neutralizing Garment.
95
00:04:27,970 --> 00:04:30,969
- Oh, what does it do?
- It's for the rocket men, man,
96
00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:32,530
'cause there ain't no water up in space.
97
00:04:32,555 --> 00:04:35,969
It takes all your discharged waste,
mixes it up into a slurry,
98
00:04:35,970 --> 00:04:37,969
- and converts it into potable water,
- Uh...
99
00:04:37,970 --> 00:04:39,250
shoots it up this tube right here
100
00:04:39,275 --> 00:04:42,969
and then you suck it
right out of the tip.
101
00:04:42,970 --> 00:04:44,969
- Mmm!
- So, wait, you're drinking...
102
00:04:44,970 --> 00:04:46,010
It's my own piss and shit.
103
00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:47,969
I'm trying to reach peak hydration, man.
104
00:04:47,970 --> 00:04:51,969
- Staying hydrated is super important.
- Oh, my God, Roy...
105
00:04:51,970 --> 00:04:53,969
I want one so bad!
106
00:04:53,970 --> 00:04:56,969
I knew you would!
That's why I got two of 'em.
107
00:04:56,970 --> 00:04:58,969
- Yes!
- Now take off them pants
108
00:04:58,970 --> 00:05:00,816
and let's strap on this W.A.N.G.
109
00:05:01,970 --> 00:05:04,969
Today's the day, Seahorse, I know it.
110
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:07,969
I will go above water
and meet my prince.
111
00:05:07,970 --> 00:05:10,969
We'll get married, or if I'm lucky,
112
00:05:10,970 --> 00:05:14,969
I'll get knocked up and collect
child support for 18 years.
113
00:05:14,970 --> 00:05:17,969
But, Sabrina, will you ever return?
114
00:05:17,970 --> 00:05:20,969
The ocean will never
be the same without you.
115
00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:25,969
I will always remember you, Seahorse.
You're my best friend.
116
00:05:25,970 --> 00:05:27,969
But once I go to land,
to the human world,
117
00:05:27,970 --> 00:05:30,969
I'll grow legs and
won't be able to return.
118
00:05:30,970 --> 00:05:34,969
I hope a part of you always
remains fishy, Sabrina.
119
00:05:34,970 --> 00:05:36,969
It sure will, Turtle.
120
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:41,969
Deep inside, I will always have...
a fishiness about me.
121
00:05:41,970 --> 00:05:43,969
Farewell, old friends.
122
00:05:43,970 --> 00:05:47,969
May the currents always
flow in your direction.
123
00:05:47,970 --> 00:05:51,969
Arrgh! [scatting]
124
00:05:51,970 --> 00:05:53,969
? Oh, Sabrina ?
125
00:05:53,970 --> 00:05:58,969
Ahh, the sun is even more
beautiful above the waves.
126
00:05:58,970 --> 00:06:02,969
Ah! What the [bleep]?
127
00:06:02,970 --> 00:06:04,969
Ouch! Ouch!
128
00:06:04,970 --> 00:06:07,969
[growling]
129
00:06:07,970 --> 00:06:10,969
[Sabrina] What is happening?
130
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:13,969
It's a [bleep] mess!
131
00:06:13,970 --> 00:06:17,969
I can feel the disease in me!
[groans]
132
00:06:17,970 --> 00:06:21,016
[dubstep music]
133
00:06:23,637 --> 00:06:26,286
[farting sound]
134
00:06:31,137 --> 00:06:34,136
[mysterious music]
135
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:42,136
[dubstep music]
136
00:06:42,787 --> 00:06:45,786
- Ha ha hoo! That was awesome!
- Perfection.
137
00:06:45,787 --> 00:06:49,067
Guys, you're both right.
That was my best performance yet.
138
00:06:49,092 --> 00:06:52,786
I... I was really uncomfortable
looking at Gary's penis.
139
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:55,786
Yeah, he kept going on and
on about his heavy bones.
140
00:06:55,787 --> 00:06:58,786
I can't believe that asshole Gary
141
00:06:58,787 --> 00:07:00,786
forced us to look at his enormous penis.
142
00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:02,786
- Damn you, Gary.
- What a jerk!
143
00:07:02,787 --> 00:07:08,786
Oh-oh-oh-oh, Gary.
Hard it sucking will soon commence.
144
00:07:08,787 --> 00:07:10,987
And, by the way, guess who's
gonna be doing the sucking?
145
00:07:11,012 --> 00:07:13,786
Surprise! It's you!
146
00:07:13,787 --> 00:07:17,786
[all] Suck it! Suck it!
Suck it!
147
00:07:17,787 --> 00:07:19,786
- Suck it, Gary!
- Whoo!
148
00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:21,786
[Dana] Well, we're home.
149
00:07:21,787 --> 00:07:25,118
_
150
00:07:25,787 --> 00:07:28,118
[lighthearted piano]
151
00:07:28,787 --> 00:07:29,786
[doorbell rings]
152
00:07:29,787 --> 00:07:33,786
Hello? Hello?
153
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:37,786
[shouting]
154
00:07:37,787 --> 00:07:40,786
[shouting muffled]
155
00:07:40,787 --> 00:07:44,186
What the [bleep]?
[panting]
156
00:07:44,787 --> 00:07:47,786
What the hell is this?
157
00:07:47,787 --> 00:07:49,786
Wait, wait.
That was for charity!
158
00:07:49,787 --> 00:07:53,770
I was raising money for cancer research.
159
00:07:55,787 --> 00:07:57,786
Oh, my god. Oh, [bleep]!
160
00:07:57,787 --> 00:08:01,786
Look, that was a joke.
I-I didn't mean anything by it.
161
00:08:01,787 --> 00:08:05,786
Oh, [bleep]!
Look, okay, okay.
162
00:08:05,787 --> 00:08:07,786
Stop, stop. I can explain.
163
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:10,786
This guy at work, Stan,
he put me up to this.
164
00:08:10,787 --> 00:08:13,786
He said that if I did this
I would be one of the guys.
165
00:08:13,787 --> 00:08:15,786
Ahhhh!
It w... It was a joke.
166
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:19,786
It was a joke. Let's just
pretend it didn't happen, okay?
167
00:08:19,787 --> 00:08:22,928
Everyone cool?
168
00:08:23,787 --> 00:08:25,786
[electrical buzzing]
169
00:08:25,787 --> 00:08:28,786
Ahhhhhh!
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
170
00:08:28,787 --> 00:08:30,786
This can't be happening.
This can't be happening.
171
00:08:30,787 --> 00:08:33,786
Sorry, I'm sorry.
I-I didn't think you would mind.
172
00:08:33,787 --> 00:08:37,786
I mean, you're...
you're not real. Right?
173
00:08:37,787 --> 00:08:39,786
I thought you would love traveling.
174
00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:40,786
[screaming]
175
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:43,786
I'm not sorry, you
[bleep] bearded [bleep]!
176
00:08:43,787 --> 00:08:48,786
Ahhhhhhh...
[sobbing]
177
00:08:48,787 --> 00:08:50,786
I'm the victim!
178
00:08:50,787 --> 00:08:53,786
I was molested as a kid,
for Christ's sake!
179
00:08:53,787 --> 00:08:56,786
My mom beat me with
a [bleep] garden gnome,
180
00:08:56,787 --> 00:09:01,786
you [bleep] bastards!
I'm so sorry!
181
00:09:01,787 --> 00:09:03,786
I'll do anything to make this right!
182
00:09:03,787 --> 00:09:06,786
I'll do anything to make this right!
183
00:09:06,787 --> 00:09:09,786
[Frank sobbing and whimpering]
184
00:09:09,787 --> 00:09:11,786
No, no, no...
185
00:09:11,787 --> 00:09:13,786
[crying]
186
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:16,786
[jazzy swing music]
187
00:09:24,787 --> 00:09:27,786
[pounding music]
188
00:09:31,787 --> 00:09:35,786
[both slurping]
189
00:09:35,787 --> 00:09:37,786
Hey, Roy, does yours taste
a little funny at all?
190
00:09:37,787 --> 00:09:40,786
Hell no, mine tastes like
fresh mountain stream water.
191
00:09:40,787 --> 00:09:42,786
[both slurping]
192
00:09:42,787 --> 00:09:44,786
Ech, mine doesn't taste fresh at all.
193
00:09:44,787 --> 00:09:46,187
That's just the factory flavor, man.
194
00:09:46,212 --> 00:09:49,786
- You gotta suck through that.
- All right. [slurping]
195
00:09:49,787 --> 00:09:51,786
No, man.
No, it's still really weird.
196
00:09:51,787 --> 00:09:53,786
I don't know, man. [slurping]
197
00:09:53,787 --> 00:09:55,786
Maybe your suit's set
to fizzy or something.
198
00:09:55,787 --> 00:09:57,786
No, it's not fizzy. It's slightly...
199
00:09:57,787 --> 00:09:59,786
[sloshing]
200
00:09:59,787 --> 00:10:02,786
- Metallic in its bouquet.
- Oh, shit. [slurping]
201
00:10:02,787 --> 00:10:05,786
There's a hickory or maybe
even a compost-y effervescence.
202
00:10:05,787 --> 00:10:08,786
Take five on the sucking, brother.
This thing ain't even on.
203
00:10:08,787 --> 00:10:10,387
Yeah, I thought it
tasted a little funny.
204
00:10:10,412 --> 00:10:11,786
Boy, you're becoming a man now,
205
00:10:11,787 --> 00:10:15,286
and I think it's time I give
you something that's been
206
00:10:15,287 --> 00:10:18,786
passed between the men in
our family for generations.
207
00:10:18,787 --> 00:10:21,786
It was given to me by my father
when I was around your age,
208
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:26,786
and his father gave it to
him, and so on, and so on.
209
00:10:26,787 --> 00:10:31,786
[ticking]
210
00:10:31,787 --> 00:10:34,786
We should make this quick, though.
I've got the diarrheas.
211
00:10:34,787 --> 00:10:37,786
My dear boy, the joy of my life,
212
00:10:37,787 --> 00:10:42,786
words cannot express how
happy this day makes me.
213
00:10:42,787 --> 00:10:45,786
Now, it is my pleasure to hand over...
214
00:10:45,787 --> 00:10:47,786
the family mustache.
215
00:10:47,787 --> 00:10:49,786
[straining and screaming]
216
00:10:49,787 --> 00:10:55,786
- [Son] Dad!
- Lord, this is probably the worst pain
217
00:10:55,787 --> 00:11:00,422
I have ever felt in my life!
Holy dick!
218
00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:03,786
Son, if you have an
ounce of love for me,
219
00:11:03,787 --> 00:11:05,786
you will put Daddy out of his misery.
220
00:11:05,787 --> 00:11:07,786
But... But I don't even want a mustache.
221
00:11:07,787 --> 00:11:09,786
You shut your mouth!
You shut it!
222
00:11:09,787 --> 00:11:11,786
Now help Daddy pull the other end off.
223
00:11:11,787 --> 00:11:15,786
Ahhhh! Son of a tit!
224
00:11:15,787 --> 00:11:19,786
[strained] My life is a nightmare!
My life is a nightmare!
225
00:11:19,787 --> 00:11:21,786
My life is a nightmare.
[whimpering]
226
00:11:21,787 --> 00:11:24,569
You did good, boy.
You did good, boy.
227
00:11:24,604 --> 00:11:26,786
Daddy's proud of you, my sweet boy.
228
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:29,786
Okay, okay.
That's gonna attach itself
229
00:11:29,787 --> 00:11:32,786
in about three or four days.
230
00:11:32,787 --> 00:11:35,786
[ominous music]
231
00:11:40,736 --> 00:11:43,967
[gunshots]
[ricochets]
232
00:11:45,787 --> 00:11:48,786
_
233
00:11:48,787 --> 00:11:50,786
[Hitman] I just ended up strangling him.
234
00:11:50,787 --> 00:11:52,786
[turtle groans]
235
00:11:52,787 --> 00:11:53,786
[phone rings]
[slurps]
236
00:11:53,787 --> 00:11:55,786
Hello, Triptank, this
is Steve, how can I...
237
00:11:55,787 --> 00:11:57,786
[slurping] help you?
238
00:11:57,787 --> 00:12:01,786
Hello, Tripstank.
Back again, [bleep] faces.
239
00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:05,786
You oughta be ashamed of yourselves
and the horrible things you do.
240
00:12:05,787 --> 00:12:09,786
- I'm not sure what you're talking about.
- Your show is visual poison.
241
00:12:09,787 --> 00:12:13,786
- [Caller] It's killing me.
- Is that even possible?
242
00:12:13,787 --> 00:12:16,286
Also, in addition, I
have still not received my
243
00:12:16,287 --> 00:12:18,786
autographed headshot you
were supposedly sending me.
244
00:12:18,787 --> 00:12:19,786
I'm sorry about that.
245
00:12:19,787 --> 00:12:24,786
And I have not gotten my 5XL
t-shirt which I was promised.
246
00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:26,786
Oh, well, let me transfer you.
[slurping]
247
00:12:26,787 --> 00:12:29,786
[spacey music]
248
00:12:33,695 --> 00:12:37,031
[military march]
249
00:12:41,581 --> 00:12:45,580
Sorry, bloke. Gonna have to see
your invitation to the wedding.
250
00:12:45,581 --> 00:12:50,580
- That's not the information I have.
- No invitation, no entry.
251
00:12:50,581 --> 00:12:55,580
You're in luck, my good man,
as I have two... right here!
252
00:12:55,581 --> 00:12:57,581
Ugh! Oh!
253
00:13:02,181 --> 00:13:04,581
Good evening, lords and ladies.
Time for Versus.
254
00:13:06,763 --> 00:13:08,413
_
255
00:13:08,581 --> 00:13:10,581
[laughs]
256
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:11,582
_
257
00:13:11,581 --> 00:13:14,580
[stomping and bagpipe music]
258
00:13:14,581 --> 00:13:16,580
[attendees gasping]
259
00:13:16,581 --> 00:13:21,566
[cries of alarm]
How's it hanging, lads, eh? [laughs]
260
00:13:21,761 --> 00:13:24,440
_
261
00:13:24,441 --> 00:13:28,440
[screaming] Hey, come here,
you lovely bit of crumpet.
262
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:34,440
- No, no, no!
- Well, well, that's no way to treat a lady.
263
00:13:34,441 --> 00:13:40,440
Fiddler...
play something rumbumtious.
264
00:13:40,441 --> 00:13:43,440
[upbeat music]
265
00:13:47,441 --> 00:13:52,440
You mangy cur!
Keep your filthy mitts off the Chablis.
266
00:13:52,441 --> 00:13:57,440
Cyclops, you need an
invitation to attend this event.
267
00:13:57,441 --> 00:14:00,440
Well, that's not the information I have.
268
00:14:00,441 --> 00:14:03,440
Fonus-balonus, you're
a rum-fuddled lushy!
269
00:14:03,441 --> 00:14:05,440
I'll warn you one time
and one time alone.
270
00:14:05,441 --> 00:14:08,440
[mimicks] Calm down and dismiss
yourself from the premises
271
00:14:08,441 --> 00:14:10,440
or I will be forced
to do battle with you.
272
00:14:10,441 --> 00:14:14,440
I'm not going nowhere.
273
00:14:14,441 --> 00:14:16,440
[crash]
[woman screams]
274
00:14:16,441 --> 00:14:19,440
Very well, knave, rascal,
stiff-rumped swizzler.
275
00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:23,440
Your choice.
A battle of brawn or wit?
276
00:14:23,441 --> 00:14:27,440
- Uh...
- Wit it is. Here it goes.
277
00:14:27,441 --> 00:14:30,440
What is it that goes
up and down the stairs
278
00:14:30,441 --> 00:14:34,440
without moving at all?
279
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:39,440
- What is it that goes up and down...
- It is a carpet. Ha!
280
00:14:39,441 --> 00:14:42,563
Ahhh! Ow!
281
00:14:43,441 --> 00:14:48,440
Tally-ho!
[national anthem]
282
00:14:48,441 --> 00:14:52,440
[screams]
[laughing]
283
00:14:52,441 --> 00:14:54,440
Back flip!
284
00:14:54,441 --> 00:14:58,440
[Cyclops] Brain head spear!
Brain head spear!
285
00:14:58,441 --> 00:15:02,440
Brain head spear...
286
00:15:02,441 --> 00:15:04,440
- Oh!
- Be at ease, Madam.
287
00:15:04,441 --> 00:15:11,440
- You're in capable hands now.
- Oh, indeed. [smooching]
288
00:15:11,441 --> 00:15:13,440
[cheering]
289
00:15:13,441 --> 00:15:18,440
- Winner.
- Me... always me.
290
00:15:18,441 --> 00:15:21,440
- So we should get more pens then?
- Yeah. [both slurping]
291
00:15:21,441 --> 00:15:23,440
Looks like we're almost out of black.
292
00:15:23,441 --> 00:15:26,440
I think somebody... [slurping]
has been stealing pens out of here.
293
00:15:26,441 --> 00:15:29,440
That's crazy. [slurping]
You gonna steal office supplies,
294
00:15:29,441 --> 00:15:33,440
- man, you steal something pricey.
- Yeah, like toner. [slurping]
295
00:15:33,441 --> 00:15:35,521
The price of toner is, like,
50 times more than gold.
296
00:15:35,546 --> 00:15:37,440
That much toner, [slurping]
297
00:15:37,441 --> 00:15:39,440
I could get me balls
deep in a Countach, man.
298
00:15:39,441 --> 00:15:41,440
You know what I'd do?
[slurping]
299
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:45,440
I'd go out to a really elegant
dinner with a nice girl,
300
00:15:45,441 --> 00:15:47,440
you know, that I can
connect with emotionally
301
00:15:47,441 --> 00:15:50,189
on a deep, personal level.
[slurping]
302
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:54,440
- So what else do we need?
- More toner. We're bone dry in here, man.
303
00:15:54,441 --> 00:15:56,440
[slurping] Got it.
304
00:15:56,441 --> 00:15:59,440
[pounding music]
305
00:16:00,441 --> 00:16:03,440
[stadium organ music]
306
00:16:08,441 --> 00:16:10,441
Ahhhh!
307
00:16:10,442 --> 00:16:12,440
_
308
00:16:12,441 --> 00:16:14,440
[Hitman] I think it still counts.
309
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:17,440
Hey, Tom, thanks for
coming in to speak to me.
310
00:16:17,441 --> 00:16:20,440
Uh. First of all, I just
want to tell you your work
311
00:16:20,441 --> 00:16:23,440
at the firm has been top-notch.
Just dynamite stuff.
312
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:25,440
Um, you know, there's one little thing,
313
00:16:25,441 --> 00:16:28,440
and it's stupid, but I just have to ask.
314
00:16:28,441 --> 00:16:30,440
Are you, by any chance,
315
00:16:30,441 --> 00:16:33,440
a human shell filled
with thousands of spiders?
316
00:16:33,441 --> 00:16:35,441
Now, I don't want this to
feel like an attack, Tom.
317
00:16:35,466 --> 00:16:38,440
We have been very happy with your work.
318
00:16:38,441 --> 00:16:40,481
I just want to make sure
that we're on the same page
319
00:16:40,506 --> 00:16:42,440
about whether you're a man
320
00:16:42,441 --> 00:16:46,440
or a six-foot-tall skin
sack being puppeteered
321
00:16:46,441 --> 00:16:50,440
by thousands of, I don't know,
black widow spiders.
322
00:16:50,441 --> 00:16:52,440
And I only ask because there's been
323
00:16:52,441 --> 00:16:54,440
a little bit of chitchat
around the water cooler...
324
00:16:54,441 --> 00:16:57,440
you know how people love to gossip.
325
00:16:57,441 --> 00:17:00,440
But I just figured I would
touch base with you directly.
326
00:17:00,441 --> 00:17:03,141
You know, straight to the source.
So let me read you
327
00:17:03,142 --> 00:17:05,440
a couple of notes
I've gotten from around the office
328
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:08,440
and you can let me know how
I should respond to them.
329
00:17:08,441 --> 00:17:10,441
This is from Janine.
330
00:17:10,442 --> 00:17:14,632
_
331
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:18,440
"How could you have
hired this monstrosity?"
332
00:17:18,441 --> 00:17:21,440
Um, then here's one from Pete.
"His voice sounds like
333
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,440
"a thousand tiny
screams echoing in hell.
334
00:17:23,441 --> 00:17:25,722
"I don't know how these spiders
taught themselves to talk,
335
00:17:25,747 --> 00:17:28,440
but every day at work
is a living nightmare."
336
00:17:28,441 --> 00:17:32,440
And here's one that just says,
"He am not spider. He man."
337
00:17:32,441 --> 00:17:34,440
And the note says it
was written by spiders.
338
00:17:34,441 --> 00:17:35,440
Oh, wait, but below that
"spiders" is crossed out
339
00:17:35,441 --> 00:17:37,440
and it says, "Not Spiders."
340
00:17:37,441 --> 00:17:39,440
So, obviously some
conflicting opinions here.
341
00:17:39,441 --> 00:17:41,940
I just wanted to check in
with you so we could put
342
00:17:41,941 --> 00:17:44,440
all these silly rumors
to rest once and for all.
343
00:17:44,441 --> 00:17:46,440
[distorted voice] The day
of reckoning approaches,
344
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:49,440
when the streets will run with blood.
345
00:17:49,441 --> 00:17:53,440
When my brothers and sisters will rise
346
00:17:53,441 --> 00:17:57,440
and cities will crumble
into heaps of ash.
347
00:17:57,441 --> 00:17:59,440
A harvest will be reaped
348
00:17:59,441 --> 00:18:02,440
and all will fall
before the Spider Queen.
349
00:18:02,441 --> 00:18:05,440
All hail the Spider Queen.
350
00:18:05,741 --> 00:18:07,440
Oh, sounds good.
351
00:18:07,441 --> 00:18:09,440
You coming to the company
picnic on Saturday?
352
00:18:09,441 --> 00:18:11,779
There's gonna be a raffle!
[ringing]
353
00:18:12,441 --> 00:18:13,440
[Steve on machine]
You've reached Triptank.
354
00:18:13,441 --> 00:18:15,440
We're not available to
answer the phone right now,
355
00:18:15,441 --> 00:18:17,440
so please leave a message.
[beep]
356
00:18:17,441 --> 00:18:19,440
[Caller] Triptank! Oh, my God!
357
00:18:19,441 --> 00:18:22,440
The animals! There's
so many on your show!
358
00:18:22,441 --> 00:18:23,561
They're coming out of my TV!
359
00:18:23,586 --> 00:18:27,440
Oh, no! They're everywhere!
360
00:18:27,441 --> 00:18:30,440
I just can't eat them fast enough!
[guys laughing]
361
00:18:30,441 --> 00:18:33,440
Oh, God, Christ!
362
00:18:33,441 --> 00:18:36,440
[Steve] Ow, you son of a bitch.
You're going too hard.
363
00:18:36,441 --> 00:18:39,415
[upbeat music]
364
00:18:49,638 --> 00:18:51,637
- Hi.
- Oh, hey.
365
00:18:51,638 --> 00:18:55,637
You wanna see my pecker?
366
00:18:55,638 --> 00:18:57,637
Is that your beak?
367
00:18:57,638 --> 00:18:59,537
- You wanna see my pecker?
- Is that your beak?
368
00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,878
- You wanna see my pecker?
- You talking about your beak?
369
00:19:01,903 --> 00:19:03,637
You wanna see it? You
wanna see my pecker?
370
00:19:03,638 --> 00:19:04,637
[sighs] Yeah, sure.
371
00:19:04,638 --> 00:19:06,637
- There it is!
- Oh, oh, God!
372
00:19:06,638 --> 00:19:08,637
- You wanna see it again?
- No, go away!
373
00:19:08,638 --> 00:19:10,637
- You wanna see my pecker again?
- Shoo, leave!
374
00:19:10,638 --> 00:19:12,637
You wanna see my pecker?
375
00:19:12,638 --> 00:19:14,637
No, I never want to
see your pecker again!
376
00:19:14,638 --> 00:19:17,637
- Oh, come on, it'll take you home.
- W-What?
377
00:19:17,638 --> 00:19:19,958
It'll take you back to your
world if you look at my pecker.
378
00:19:19,983 --> 00:19:21,637
What do you mean, "my world"?
379
00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:25,637
- [roars] Whoa, what is that?
- It's a uni-shark.
380
00:19:25,638 --> 00:19:27,637
- That's not possible!
- It is in this world.
381
00:19:27,638 --> 00:19:30,637
- Hey, you wanna see my pecker?
- Yes!
382
00:19:30,638 --> 00:19:32,637
- You wanna see my pecker?
- Yes!
383
00:19:32,638 --> 00:19:34,637
- You sure?
- Please, God, yes!
384
00:19:34,638 --> 00:19:35,718
- Here it is.
- Where is it?
385
00:19:35,743 --> 00:19:37,637
It's my beak. [laughs]
386
00:19:37,638 --> 00:19:41,637
[roars] Oh, God!
Please, show me your dick!
387
00:19:41,638 --> 00:19:43,637
That's nasty. You're a pervert.
388
00:19:43,638 --> 00:19:46,637
- You started all this!
- So you wanna see my pecker?
389
00:19:46,638 --> 00:19:49,637
- Yes, please.
- Here it is!
390
00:19:49,638 --> 00:19:51,637
Oh, oh, wha...
391
00:19:51,638 --> 00:19:53,637
- You wanna see my pecker again?
- No!
392
00:19:53,638 --> 00:19:55,637
- You wanna see my pecker?
- No!
393
00:19:55,638 --> 00:19:57,637
Aw, come on, it'll keep
your head from exploding.
394
00:19:57,638 --> 00:20:01,152
- Are... Are you serious?
- You wanna see my pecker?
395
00:20:01,153 --> 00:20:04,546
Oh, too late.
[laughs]
396
00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:09,637
[both slurping]
397
00:20:10,638 --> 00:20:12,637
What the [bleep] are you guys doing?
398
00:20:12,638 --> 00:20:14,637
We're trying to maintain peak hydration.
399
00:20:14,638 --> 00:20:16,637
Staying hydrated is
super important, Ashley.
400
00:20:16,638 --> 00:20:19,637
- I want peak hydration.
- Here, give it a try.
401
00:20:19,638 --> 00:20:20,637
[slurping]
402
00:20:20,638 --> 00:20:22,637
- You're doin' it.
- Oh, yeah, this is great.
403
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:23,758
Suck on Roy's W.A.N.G., too.
404
00:20:23,783 --> 00:20:25,637
- Yes!
- Get it!
405
00:20:25,638 --> 00:20:27,638
- You're really hydrating.
- Both at the same time.
406
00:20:27,663 --> 00:20:28,637
Oh, hell yeah.
407
00:20:28,638 --> 00:20:30,638
Now you suck on mine while
I suck on Roy's W.A.N.G.
408
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:33,637
Okay. [all slurping]
409
00:20:33,638 --> 00:20:36,637
- This ain't working.
- I'll do yours. Steve, you watch.
410
00:20:36,638 --> 00:20:37,637
- Yeah.
- Nice.
411
00:20:37,638 --> 00:20:39,637
Steve, suck your own W.A.N.G.
412
00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:41,637
I'm on it. [slurping]
413
00:20:41,638 --> 00:20:43,637
Hell, yeah! Peak hydration!
414
00:20:43,638 --> 00:20:45,637
- I'm about to peak, too.
- Go for it, man!
415
00:20:45,638 --> 00:20:47,637
Suck it hard, Steve!
416
00:20:47,638 --> 00:20:52,637
Oh, here we go!
Ho, ho!
417
00:20:52,638 --> 00:20:58,528
- Oh, Roy, we did it, buddy.
- That... was... wonderful.
418
00:20:58,638 --> 00:21:01,517
Oh, shit, I just pissed
all over the floor.
419
00:21:01,518 --> 00:21:03,421
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
420
00:21:03,456 --> 00:21:06,318
- This seems way too expensive.
- That's the bill, sir.
421
00:21:06,353 --> 00:21:08,863
Oh, I get it. Good one, guys.
422
00:21:08,864 --> 00:21:10,863
Where are you?
I get the joke.
423
00:21:10,864 --> 00:21:15,863
- A way too expensive hospital bill.
- Are you gonna pay that or what?
424
00:21:15,864 --> 00:21:19,112
[sighs] Suck it, me.
425
00:21:19,162 --> 00:21:23,712
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