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1
00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:07,668
There is no god!
2
00:00:07,745 --> 00:00:10,647
[voice echoing] God, god, god...
3
00:00:10,723 --> 00:00:12,857
There is no Evan!
4
00:00:12,931 --> 00:00:15,499
[voice echoing] Evan, Evan, Evan...
5
00:00:15,574 --> 00:00:17,942
Hmm. Mo[bleep].
6
00:00:18,016 --> 00:00:19,884
[video game music]
7
00:00:20,559 --> 00:00:23,662
1x03 - "Game Over"
8
00:00:25,638 --> 00:00:29,112
- Hey, guys, I'm little girl one one...
- Six.
9
00:00:29,190 --> 00:00:33,393
Today I'm gonna make a tutorial on
the cup song from "Pitch Prefect."
10
00:00:33,472 --> 00:00:35,673
So what you're gonna
need is a flat surface,
11
00:00:35,747 --> 00:00:39,116
a cup, and your hands,
and obviously yourself.
12
00:00:39,192 --> 00:00:40,559
[chuckling]
13
00:00:40,631 --> 00:00:46,503
Okay, so let's get started.
Just follow my steps.
14
00:00:46,586 --> 00:00:52,124
I just blew your freakin' mind.
Now try it yourself.
15
00:00:52,207 --> 00:00:53,140
[groans]
16
00:00:53,211 --> 00:00:56,213
[gentle guitar music]
17
00:01:00,236 --> 00:01:02,270
Hi.
[yelps]
18
00:01:02,344 --> 00:01:04,778
What the hell?
19
00:01:04,853 --> 00:01:06,153
Hello?
20
00:01:06,225 --> 00:01:08,525
Why don't you ever
take me out to dinner?
21
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:09,933
Since when can you talk?
22
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:12,171
This is the first time
I've officially spoken.
23
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:14,847
- "Officially"?
- I'm in love with you.
24
00:01:14,921 --> 00:01:16,289
What? You're not a person.
25
00:01:16,361 --> 00:01:18,995
- You're just a...
- Just a what, Andrew?
26
00:01:19,070 --> 00:01:21,238
- How do you know my name?
- Call me Veronica.
27
00:01:21,312 --> 00:01:23,780
Why don't you ever tell
me how your day was?
28
00:01:23,854 --> 00:01:26,290
I don't know. I figured
you wouldn't care.
29
00:01:26,364 --> 00:01:28,231
I... and you're not a real person!
30
00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:31,440
If I wasn't real,
would I be able to do this?
31
00:01:31,517 --> 00:01:32,617
[laughs]
32
00:01:32,688 --> 00:01:34,522
[moaning]
33
00:01:39,745 --> 00:01:42,447
There's more where that came from.
34
00:01:42,522 --> 00:01:45,225
- Now let's go to dinner.
- Anywhere you want.
35
00:01:45,299 --> 00:01:47,300
[phone ringing]
36
00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:51,844
- Triptank.
- Hi. I am so glad you answered the phone.
37
00:01:51,924 --> 00:01:53,524
I just... I have to tell
you I love your show.
38
00:01:53,596 --> 00:01:55,898
No, I mean, I love it. Like...
39
00:01:55,972 --> 00:01:59,774
like, every fiber of my being
wants your comedy inside of me.
40
00:01:59,851 --> 00:02:02,220
I want to massage your
jokes with my tongue
41
00:02:02,294 --> 00:02:06,130
and feel the laughter spilling
out over and over again.
42
00:02:06,208 --> 00:02:08,476
Length is just not that important.
43
00:02:08,550 --> 00:02:10,484
[video game whirring]
44
00:02:10,557 --> 00:02:11,557
[alarm clock ringing]
45
00:02:11,627 --> 00:02:13,495
Yah. What a headache.
46
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:17,704
Who am I?
I-I don't remember anything!
47
00:02:17,784 --> 00:02:20,185
Waaah!
48
00:02:20,258 --> 00:02:21,658
A table! A note!
49
00:02:21,730 --> 00:02:22,830
"dear Randy... "
50
00:02:22,901 --> 00:02:25,403
Ugh! Randy is a terrible name.
51
00:02:31,433 --> 00:02:35,791
"...there is only one thing I
know for sure. Turn over."
52
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:40,157
I'm an asshole called Randy?
This is shit!
53
00:02:40,231 --> 00:02:41,731
[bleep] you, wooden table!
54
00:02:41,803 --> 00:02:45,272
[grunts, screams]
55
00:02:45,349 --> 00:02:48,586
Wait.
It doesn't have to be like this.
56
00:02:48,662 --> 00:02:51,631
[cheerful whistled tune]
I can change!
57
00:02:51,707 --> 00:02:55,876
Today I am going to be a great man!
58
00:02:57,126 --> 00:03:00,528
- Life is wonderful.
- Hey, spare some change, mister?
59
00:03:00,605 --> 00:03:04,775
- Of course, my good man.
- Wow! Thanks, mister!
60
00:03:04,855 --> 00:03:07,556
I ask you every day, but
this is the first time
61
00:03:07,631 --> 00:03:10,032
you ever gave me anything.
62
00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:14,143
To be honest, I-I always thought
you were sort of an asshole.
63
00:03:14,222 --> 00:03:15,455
[record scratches]
[gasps]
64
00:03:15,526 --> 00:03:17,093
Well, not today.
65
00:03:17,165 --> 00:03:21,535
Today we're going to
have fun and be joyful!
66
00:03:21,615 --> 00:03:22,748
What do you want to do?
67
00:03:22,819 --> 00:03:26,655
- Just name it. Anything!
- Anything?
68
00:03:26,734 --> 00:03:28,134
[both laughing]
69
00:03:28,206 --> 00:03:29,672
[video game beeping]
70
00:03:29,744 --> 00:03:31,186
[tattoo gun buzzing]
71
00:03:31,191 --> 00:03:38,760
[laughing wildly]
72
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:45,223
[laughter continues]
73
00:03:45,301 --> 00:03:47,234
[baby crying]
74
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:56,768
Look at the [bleep] sunset!
[laughing]
75
00:03:56,842 --> 00:03:59,877
It's so [bleep] beautiful!
76
00:03:59,953 --> 00:04:02,254
[chuckling]
77
00:04:02,328 --> 00:04:04,229
You know, it's been a perfect day.
78
00:04:04,302 --> 00:04:06,704
I really feel like a new man.
79
00:04:06,778 --> 00:04:09,079
I don't need that stupid note anymore.
80
00:04:09,153 --> 00:04:11,354
I've changed. I'll remember this.
81
00:04:11,428 --> 00:04:14,430
I feel great, and I'm a great person.
82
00:04:14,506 --> 00:04:16,507
Randy is a stupid name, though.
83
00:04:16,579 --> 00:04:17,413
Aah!
84
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:23,212
[grunting]
85
00:04:28,175 --> 00:04:31,343
"You are an asshole."
86
00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:35,496
See you tomorrow, Randy.
87
00:04:35,569 --> 00:04:37,403
[guffaws]
88
00:04:37,476 --> 00:04:40,024
What a stupid name.
89
00:04:41,423 --> 00:04:43,424
Here we go, man.
Old school, mano a mano.
90
00:04:43,498 --> 00:04:45,832
- Roy's gonna make...
- [phone rings] Hello, triptank.
91
00:04:45,905 --> 00:04:48,841
Oh. Oh, hey.
I just wanted to say, like,
92
00:04:48,916 --> 00:04:52,520
my friends and I, we, like, laugh
about, you know, like, each other.
93
00:04:52,597 --> 00:04:55,166
We're like, "that's c...
" you know, like, "oh, we...
94
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:58,208
we know that," or, like,
"we know what that is."
95
00:04:58,284 --> 00:04:59,551
We're like, um...
96
00:04:59,622 --> 00:05:01,423
so I guess I was just,
um, [guys coughing]
97
00:05:01,496 --> 00:05:04,231
I'm not totally sure I
remember why I called,
98
00:05:04,306 --> 00:05:07,808
but maybe... [clears throat]
is there a way to...
99
00:05:07,885 --> 00:05:10,921
[digital hip-hop music]
100
00:05:13,874 --> 00:05:16,042
Happy birthday, sweetie.
101
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:17,650
[singsong] Guess what.
102
00:05:17,722 --> 00:05:20,757
- Daddy got you a...
- Oh, shit! A pony!
103
00:05:20,832 --> 00:05:21,766
[pony neighs]
104
00:05:21,836 --> 00:05:24,805
Yeah. Yeah!
105
00:05:24,881 --> 00:05:26,081
Yeaaah!
106
00:05:26,152 --> 00:05:28,552
Oh, yeah, mother[bleep]er!
107
00:05:28,627 --> 00:05:31,029
Hi-yi-yi-yi-yah!
Ya-ha!
108
00:05:31,103 --> 00:05:33,271
Ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ah!
109
00:05:33,344 --> 00:05:34,744
Mother[bleep]er!
110
00:05:34,817 --> 00:05:36,117
[light piano music]
111
00:05:36,189 --> 00:05:37,555
Hi, what can I get...
112
00:05:37,627 --> 00:05:39,461
I'll give you some time
to look over the menu.
113
00:05:39,534 --> 00:05:43,270
Wow.
You look great with makeup.
114
00:05:43,348 --> 00:05:46,717
I mean, you always look good.
But tonight... wow.
115
00:05:46,793 --> 00:05:50,762
Well, I'm a pisces,
so I like to jazz it up sometimes.
116
00:05:50,841 --> 00:05:53,542
Oh, no. Really?
I'm a sagittarius.
117
00:05:53,617 --> 00:05:56,019
Sagittarius and pisces don't get along.
118
00:05:56,094 --> 00:05:57,694
Both: Fire and water.
119
00:05:57,766 --> 00:05:58,732
[magical guitar chord]
120
00:05:58,803 --> 00:06:01,805
[romantic rock music]
121
00:06:26,203 --> 00:06:28,204
Why do these keep getting
flagged as inappropriate?
122
00:06:28,276 --> 00:06:30,945
This is bullshit.
123
00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:33,190
I love you.
124
00:06:42,863 --> 00:06:46,331
[wails]
125
00:06:46,409 --> 00:06:48,911
Wakka, wakka, here comes Pac-man
to bite your ass.
126
00:06:48,986 --> 00:06:50,219
Psh, don't you run away from me.
127
00:06:50,290 --> 00:06:52,925
I'm unstoppable. My power
meter's green, bitch.
128
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,100
[phone rings]
Hello, Triptank.
129
00:06:54,170 --> 00:06:55,437
Hello, who the [bleep] is this?
130
00:06:55,509 --> 00:06:57,243
Is this the guy that does
the cartoons and shit?
131
00:06:57,316 --> 00:06:58,817
- Maybe.
- I hate it!
132
00:06:58,888 --> 00:07:01,790
- Okay.
- I can't turn it off because the birds,
133
00:07:01,866 --> 00:07:03,465
they go crazy when it's on.
134
00:07:03,537 --> 00:07:05,672
But I can't turn it off
because I love the colors!
135
00:07:05,746 --> 00:07:07,279
[laughing hysterically]
Do you understand me?
136
00:07:07,351 --> 00:07:09,285
I feel [bleep] crazy!
137
00:07:09,359 --> 00:07:11,694
I can't turn it off,
but I can't turn it on!
138
00:07:11,768 --> 00:07:14,803
[digital hip-hop music]
139
00:07:20,423 --> 00:07:24,193
[digital hip-hop music]
140
00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:27,840
- [phone rings] Triptank.
- Hello. My name is Salis.
141
00:07:27,918 --> 00:07:31,219
I'm 12, and I would
like to see more sketches
142
00:07:31,295 --> 00:07:33,497
with the word [bleep] in 'em.
143
00:07:33,571 --> 00:07:36,506
- Rrrr.
- Let me transfer you to that department.
144
00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:37,515
Hold, please.
145
00:07:37,586 --> 00:07:40,588
[romantic rock music]
146
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:43,837
[sighs]
I have a headache.
147
00:07:43,909 --> 00:07:46,110
Ugh. [grumbling]
148
00:07:46,184 --> 00:07:49,286
I'm sorry. I can't
control my headaches.
149
00:07:49,361 --> 00:07:52,030
Oh, great.
So even if I don't want to have sex,
150
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,773
I'm supposed to what... still do it?
151
00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,382
Uh, yeah. Yeah, actually.
152
00:07:56,454 --> 00:07:58,622
That's what people do when
they're in loving relationships.
153
00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:00,129
- Uh!
- Oh, please.
154
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,869
Think of all the times I've had
sex with you when I didn't want to.
155
00:08:02,944 --> 00:08:05,112
- What?
- Yeah!
156
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,919
[dog barking]
[laughing]
157
00:08:11,107 --> 00:08:12,074
[zipper rasps]
158
00:08:12,145 --> 00:08:13,378
Please, not right now.
159
00:08:13,448 --> 00:08:15,516
[snores]
160
00:08:15,590 --> 00:08:17,591
[sucking]
161
00:08:26,597 --> 00:08:28,497
Okay, fair enough. Let's do this.
162
00:08:28,570 --> 00:08:31,405
- But keep it under five.
- Yes!
163
00:08:31,481 --> 00:08:33,415
Can we do anal?
164
00:08:33,488 --> 00:08:36,490
[funky digital music]
165
00:08:37,620 --> 00:08:38,920
? Three aliens ?
166
00:08:38,992 --> 00:08:40,359
? came from the sky ?
167
00:08:40,431 --> 00:08:41,731
? the galactic council sent them ?
168
00:08:41,801 --> 00:08:43,236
? and here's the reason why ?
169
00:08:43,307 --> 00:08:44,841
? their mission is to study ?
170
00:08:44,913 --> 00:08:47,715
? Earth's most average guy ?
171
00:08:47,790 --> 00:08:49,324
? to see if humans are worth saving ?
172
00:08:49,397 --> 00:08:52,698
? or if everyone has to die ?
173
00:08:52,925 --> 00:08:54,627
Wait, what?
174
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,869
I'm pretty sure it was
corked or something, man.
175
00:08:57,943 --> 00:09:00,378
Oh, yeah?
Well, why'd you drink 3/4 of it?
176
00:09:00,453 --> 00:09:04,489
Look, I really need [chuckles]
this $5.00 back, okay?
177
00:09:04,568 --> 00:09:06,335
It's been a-a rough couple months, man.
178
00:09:06,408 --> 00:09:09,877
- Jeff? [yelps]
- Linda! You look amazing.
179
00:09:09,953 --> 00:09:11,354
How have you been?
180
00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:13,494
I think this might be
the busiest week of my life.
181
00:09:13,567 --> 00:09:15,034
I've got a job interview,
a doctor's appointment,
182
00:09:15,106 --> 00:09:17,441
- my friend's bachelorette...
- Hey, you wanna grab lunch
183
00:09:17,448 --> 00:09:18,781
or coffee or something?
184
00:09:18,852 --> 00:09:20,420
- Uh!
- Chet!
185
00:09:20,491 --> 00:09:22,592
Let's drink this
bubbly and get snuggly.
186
00:09:22,666 --> 00:09:25,601
- [laughs] I've gotta go.
- Yeah, I should probably go.
187
00:09:25,677 --> 00:09:28,479
I've got... I got a
pretty busy week too.
188
00:09:28,555 --> 00:09:29,988
[bird chirps]
189
00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:31,694
[slurping]
190
00:09:31,766 --> 00:09:32,966
[sobbing]
191
00:09:33,037 --> 00:09:34,572
Hey, Mr. Sniffles.
192
00:09:34,643 --> 00:09:39,046
We got something special
for our favorite special guy!
193
00:09:39,126 --> 00:09:42,328
I told you guys no more surprise gifts.
194
00:09:42,405 --> 00:09:45,106
Well, something tells me
you're gonna love this one,
195
00:09:45,180 --> 00:09:48,149
'cause you've already
loved her for five years!
196
00:09:48,225 --> 00:09:51,494
Oh, my god, no!
We need to undo this immediately!
197
00:09:51,571 --> 00:09:53,338
Well, I guess I could
just clear her memories
198
00:09:53,411 --> 00:09:55,278
from the last 24 hours.
199
00:09:55,351 --> 00:09:56,451
- Agh!
- Oops.
200
00:09:56,522 --> 00:09:58,590
- Linda!
- Okay, I see what I did.
201
00:09:58,664 --> 00:09:59,931
[sobbing] Oh, what?
202
00:10:00,001 --> 00:10:01,969
What, is she dead?
Is she dead?
203
00:10:02,043 --> 00:10:04,477
- Is she dead?
- No, no, no.
204
00:10:04,551 --> 00:10:07,086
She'll come back to in a couple of days.
205
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:10,597
- Maybe a month or two, tops.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
206
00:10:10,674 --> 00:10:13,508
She had so much important
stuff to do this week, guys.
207
00:10:13,583 --> 00:10:15,150
What are we gonna do?
208
00:10:17,230 --> 00:10:19,865
I don't know. Are you
sure this is gonna work?
209
00:10:19,940 --> 00:10:22,541
- Totally.
- Are you sure she's gonna be okay?
210
00:10:22,616 --> 00:10:24,984
Oh, for suresies.
211
00:10:26,698 --> 00:10:28,666
[upbeat rock music]
212
00:10:28,739 --> 00:10:30,473
Come on, Linda.
[groaning]
213
00:10:35,497 --> 00:10:36,897
[women shouting]
Come on, Linda.
214
00:10:36,968 --> 00:10:39,970
- Get into it!
- Whoo-hoo!
215
00:10:41,685 --> 00:10:45,121
And I also speak un poquito...
de Esp...
216
00:10:45,198 --> 00:10:47,132
Wonderful!
217
00:10:49,447 --> 00:10:54,151
[effeminate voice] And I'll
have the 32-ounce angus steak,
218
00:10:54,231 --> 00:10:56,832
- uh, rare.
- Whoa! [laughs]
219
00:10:56,908 --> 00:10:59,776
You're not pregnant, are you, babe?
I keep telling you
220
00:10:59,850 --> 00:11:01,485
it isn't an effective
form of birth control
221
00:11:01,557 --> 00:11:03,792
to shoot it all over
your face every time.
222
00:11:03,865 --> 00:11:05,099
But you just won't listen to me.
223
00:11:05,171 --> 00:11:06,438
[Jeff's voice] I'm
not pregnant, okay?
224
00:11:06,509 --> 00:11:07,875
Can we please talk about something else?
225
00:11:07,947 --> 00:11:10,115
Yikes!
What's up with your voice?
226
00:11:10,189 --> 00:11:13,425
You got a sore throat?
Or something?
227
00:11:13,501 --> 00:11:16,269
[coughs] Yeah, yeah.
I, uh, I think I do.
228
00:11:16,345 --> 00:11:19,547
I told you, you gotta stop
deep-throating me so much.
229
00:11:19,623 --> 00:11:21,991
But you always have to
have it your way, don't you?
230
00:11:22,065 --> 00:11:24,349
Hey, dude, this isn't appropriate
231
00:11:24,357 --> 00:11:26,641
dinner conversation, all right?
232
00:11:26,715 --> 00:11:28,816
Look, I think we should break up.
233
00:11:28,891 --> 00:11:32,426
- I'm still in love with Jeff.
- What? Jeff?
234
00:11:32,503 --> 00:11:34,070
You said his dick was
so small, you got...
235
00:11:34,143 --> 00:11:36,511
That's a lie! I never said
Jeff's dick was small!
236
00:11:36,584 --> 00:11:38,452
- Take it easy, babe!
- You [bleep] liar!
237
00:11:38,525 --> 00:11:39,591
I won't hit a woman...
238
00:11:39,662 --> 00:11:40,495
- Oh! Oh!
- Oh!
239
00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:42,301
Okay! That's it.
240
00:11:42,372 --> 00:11:43,339
Gah!
241
00:11:43,410 --> 00:11:45,643
Gah! Aah!
242
00:11:45,716 --> 00:11:47,517
[wailing]
I'm a bad person!
243
00:11:47,590 --> 00:11:50,326
I can't believe I don't
remember any of this.
244
00:11:50,401 --> 00:11:54,071
Yeah.
I guess he must've hit you pretty hard.
245
00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:55,248
[slurps]
246
00:11:55,319 --> 00:11:56,886
[cell phone rings]
Hello?
247
00:11:56,958 --> 00:11:59,126
Hi, Linda. It's Dr. Lynn.
248
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:03,236
Uh, we're gonna need you
to come in for a follow-up.
249
00:12:07,530 --> 00:12:11,833
- Is this some sort of sick joke?
- Honey, let me take care of this.
250
00:12:11,913 --> 00:12:14,047
Son, are you on the
peyote? I'll understand.
251
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,621
No!
Veronica is very nice.
252
00:12:16,696 --> 00:12:19,365
We're in love.
We've been in love for a while.
253
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:22,508
Jesus Christ, it talks.
Will wonders never cease?
254
00:12:22,584 --> 00:12:26,120
- This isn't normal.
- Come on, now, who are we to judge?
255
00:12:26,198 --> 00:12:30,434
What is normal?
He's just... exploring.
256
00:12:30,513 --> 00:12:32,013
I want one.
[hyperventilating]
257
00:12:32,086 --> 00:12:35,054
Mom, calm down.
We live together. Okay?
258
00:12:35,131 --> 00:12:38,233
I'm dreaming. That's it!
I must be dreaming.
259
00:12:38,308 --> 00:12:40,143
[chortling]
260
00:12:40,215 --> 00:12:42,383
It's all a dream! See?
261
00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:45,391
No!
[screams]
262
00:12:45,467 --> 00:12:47,934
[sobs]
263
00:12:48,009 --> 00:12:50,378
It's okay. She'll warm up to you.
264
00:12:50,451 --> 00:12:53,119
- Also, I'm pregnant.
- What?
265
00:12:53,196 --> 00:12:56,298
I said I want one. Now!
266
00:12:56,373 --> 00:12:59,375
[upbeat rock music]
267
00:13:01,325 --> 00:13:03,292
[buzzer]
This is bullshit.
268
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:06,401
[digital hip-hop music]
269
00:13:10,796 --> 00:13:13,831
[digital hip-hop music]
270
00:13:15,815 --> 00:13:18,917
[crowd murmuring]
Okay, behold Erebos of Xenos,
271
00:13:18,992 --> 00:13:24,564
divine prophet and eighth emperor
of the 33 dimensions.
272
00:13:24,647 --> 00:13:27,148
Hey, guys. [applause]
My love is with you.
273
00:13:27,222 --> 00:13:29,523
[crowd cheers]
274
00:13:29,597 --> 00:13:31,364
Wait, wait, wait.
275
00:13:31,437 --> 00:13:34,238
Okay, I don't really have
much on the docket today.
276
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,983
The hand soap in my
enlightenment pod is out again,
277
00:13:37,057 --> 00:13:38,925
so, uh, Tony, that's your job.
278
00:13:38,998 --> 00:13:40,632
Will you get to that, honey?
279
00:13:40,705 --> 00:13:42,171
Uh, what else?
280
00:13:42,243 --> 00:13:46,346
Our new website is going live on Friday,
so check that out, everyone.
281
00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:49,460
And I think that's
pretty much it for me,
282
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:51,103
so unless anybody else...
283
00:13:51,176 --> 00:13:52,810
Ooh, lots of hands.
284
00:13:52,882 --> 00:13:54,249
Uh, Travis.
285
00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:57,122
So you said that
Imratu the space dragon,
286
00:13:57,198 --> 00:13:59,365
who I love, was supposed
to come yesterday
287
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:03,141
and transport us all to the
eternal dimension of peace.
288
00:14:03,219 --> 00:14:05,020
Okay, and you guys, uh...
289
00:14:05,093 --> 00:14:07,861
You guys are upset because
Imratu the space dragon
290
00:14:07,936 --> 00:14:09,637
didn't... didn't show up?
291
00:14:09,710 --> 00:14:11,611
Okay, well, it's just
that a lot of us castrated
292
00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:13,517
ourselves because you said
that's what Imratu wanted,
293
00:14:13,590 --> 00:14:15,091
and the rest of us drank poison.
294
00:14:15,163 --> 00:14:16,731
[whistling]
295
00:14:16,802 --> 00:14:18,336
O-okay, we're s...
l-listen.
296
00:14:18,407 --> 00:14:21,309
I think the focus has gone
all on the space dragon thing,
297
00:14:21,385 --> 00:14:24,054
and it's not about the other
cool stuff we do around here.
298
00:14:24,129 --> 00:14:25,529
We never really do
anything except sit around
299
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,968
and talk about Imratu
the space dragon while you
300
00:14:27,976 --> 00:14:30,343
- have sex with our wives.
- We have a pool table.
301
00:14:30,417 --> 00:14:33,286
Some of us are just a
liiittle frustrated because
302
00:14:33,361 --> 00:14:35,846
it kinda seems like you
might've made the whole thing up.
303
00:14:35,888 --> 00:14:36,104
[collective gasp]
304
00:14:36,172 --> 00:14:37,438
Wow, Tony. That sucks, man.
305
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:40,713
That really sucks, guys.
That's a bad attitude.
306
00:14:40,789 --> 00:14:42,523
I really don't want to have to do this,
307
00:14:42,596 --> 00:14:45,832
but I'm gonna have to
ask Petey to drink poison.
308
00:14:45,907 --> 00:14:47,174
[collective gasp]
309
00:14:47,246 --> 00:14:52,383
Poor, innocent Petey.
Never question anything.
310
00:14:52,465 --> 00:14:56,301
Everybody, I did that to
Petey because I love Tony.
311
00:14:56,379 --> 00:14:58,246
In fact, I love all of you so much,
312
00:14:58,318 --> 00:15:01,821
I'm going to share with
you my new vision. [beep]
313
00:15:01,899 --> 00:15:03,966
The gaze of my fourth eye has pierced
314
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:06,208
the unfathomable multiverse
315
00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:09,683
and seen a vision of
a great and wondrous...
316
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,529
space puma!
317
00:15:12,603 --> 00:15:14,238
Like the space puma you
said wanted us to clean
318
00:15:14,311 --> 00:15:15,544
your garage last summer?
319
00:15:15,614 --> 00:15:16,781
[crowd murmuring]
Uh... yeah, okay.
320
00:15:16,854 --> 00:15:19,922
I know the answer to this question,
but as a test of your faith,
321
00:15:19,998 --> 00:15:22,766
which space animals have I already used?
322
00:15:22,842 --> 00:15:24,509
Space puma, space jaguar, space lynx,
323
00:15:24,581 --> 00:15:25,848
space mouse, space squirrel,
324
00:15:25,919 --> 00:15:27,453
space dolphin, space wolphin,
325
00:15:27,525 --> 00:15:28,992
space gorilla, space chinchilla,
326
00:15:29,063 --> 00:15:31,064
space pig, space human.
327
00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:32,906
[chuckles] I know them all.
328
00:15:32,977 --> 00:15:34,412
Because while I was
boning Neil's wife,
329
00:15:34,483 --> 00:15:37,419
I had a second vision, more
important than the first.
330
00:15:37,494 --> 00:15:41,397
I beheld a glorious space alligator...
331
00:15:41,476 --> 00:15:43,744
[collective gasp] hurtling
through the cosmos,
332
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:48,387
coming to transport you all
to the dimension of total joy.
333
00:15:48,468 --> 00:15:51,670
And his name...
is Mumratu.
334
00:15:51,745 --> 00:15:53,613
Mumratu, the space alligator?
335
00:15:53,687 --> 00:15:57,290
That sounds very, very similar
to Imratu, the space dragon.
336
00:15:57,367 --> 00:16:00,535
They are brothers.
Their last name is "ratu."
337
00:16:00,612 --> 00:16:04,415
- And when will that be, prophet?
- Well, you'll have to ask him...
338
00:16:04,493 --> 00:16:05,726
[whispers] when he gets here.
339
00:16:05,797 --> 00:16:07,798
He's actually coming here.
340
00:16:07,871 --> 00:16:08,771
[cheers and applause]
341
00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:12,345
- Yay, Erebos!
- Oh, yeah. It's awesome.
342
00:16:12,422 --> 00:16:16,290
Now rise, my children,
and go forth.
343
00:16:16,369 --> 00:16:18,971
[R&B music playing]
Except, uh, for Neil's wife.
344
00:16:23,227 --> 00:16:24,527
Roy's hatin' on this [bleep] game.
345
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,233
It's rigged, man. This
thing is bleeding me out.
346
00:16:26,305 --> 00:16:28,172
Picking my goddamn pocket.
347
00:16:28,245 --> 00:16:29,412
Ben, I need another [bleep] quarter.
348
00:16:29,484 --> 00:16:31,151
Hurry up, man. Dig deep, brother.
349
00:16:31,223 --> 00:16:33,124
[phone rings] Triptank.
How can I help you?
350
00:16:33,197 --> 00:16:36,365
My name is Robert Rill.
I just moved here from Sydney.
351
00:16:36,441 --> 00:16:40,210
I live in a studio apartment.
I've really enjoyed the show.
352
00:16:40,288 --> 00:16:43,223
I really appreciate
the masturbation bits.
353
00:16:43,299 --> 00:16:45,567
[babbling]
Can relate to a lot of that.
354
00:16:45,642 --> 00:16:47,276
[laughs] It's just been hard.
355
00:16:47,347 --> 00:16:49,549
I've just moved here, so I
don't know a lot of people.
356
00:16:49,622 --> 00:16:50,956
Need to put you on hold for one sec.
357
00:16:51,028 --> 00:16:52,962
Oh, god, he got me. He
got me in a chokehold, man.
358
00:16:53,035 --> 00:16:54,468
God damn it.
359
00:16:54,540 --> 00:16:56,140
He got the Roy. Son of a bitch.
360
00:16:56,213 --> 00:16:58,414
He ain't gonna let go.
I can't shake him loose, man.
361
00:16:58,487 --> 00:17:00,388
Oh, my god, I can see my goddamn...
362
00:17:00,461 --> 00:17:02,996
Bring me a quarter. My
life blood's draining out.
363
00:17:03,071 --> 00:17:06,107
[digital hip-hop music]
364
00:17:08,926 --> 00:17:11,928
[triumphant music]
365
00:17:18,962 --> 00:17:20,128
Idiot.
366
00:17:20,199 --> 00:17:22,633
- Ow.
- You've gotten sardines all over my sandals.
367
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:23,909
- Clean it up!
- Ooh!
368
00:17:23,980 --> 00:17:25,580
Yes, my lord. Mm.
369
00:17:25,652 --> 00:17:26,719
[slurping]
370
00:17:26,790 --> 00:17:28,090
[chortling]
371
00:17:28,162 --> 00:17:29,696
- Ugh, you pervert.
- Ow.
372
00:17:29,767 --> 00:17:31,936
- Where's your owner?
- Oh, I'm free.
373
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:34,077
My owner died from an
intestinal disorder.
374
00:17:34,151 --> 00:17:35,784
He ate some bad giraffe.
375
00:17:35,857 --> 00:17:37,757
Ow. My name is Hilarius.
376
00:17:37,830 --> 00:17:39,697
[giggling, honking horn]
377
00:17:39,771 --> 00:17:40,771
At your service.
378
00:17:40,841 --> 00:17:45,178
- Idiot. Carry my lunch.
- I'm here to see Sextus Scribonis.
379
00:17:45,258 --> 00:17:47,792
He is the dominus
hominem of the Colosseum.
380
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:51,302
- That means boss of everything.
- I know what it means!
381
00:17:51,379 --> 00:17:54,314
I plan to be the dominus "ominem"
of the Colosseum myself.
382
00:17:54,390 --> 00:17:57,426
Well, I'll let you cut in front of me
for an artichoke.
383
00:17:57,502 --> 00:17:59,837
How 'bout I don't stick
a dagger in your fat face?
384
00:17:59,911 --> 00:18:02,312
- Deal.
- 99, 100.
385
00:18:02,386 --> 00:18:03,921
Let's go to cafeteria.
386
00:18:03,992 --> 00:18:05,593
- Yeah, it's meatball Monday.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
387
00:18:05,665 --> 00:18:08,500
Who put the sex show
after the hippo massacre?
388
00:18:08,576 --> 00:18:10,877
It'll stink of blood, and
there will be flies everywhere!
389
00:18:10,951 --> 00:18:13,986
No, you said it was funny
when the flies bite the guys' balls
390
00:18:14,062 --> 00:18:16,698
in the orgy rehearsal.
You really laugh. Aah!
391
00:18:16,772 --> 00:18:20,375
How can the upper deck see flies
biting a guy's balls, hmm?
392
00:18:20,452 --> 00:18:23,921
You've got to play to the cheap seats!
393
00:18:23,998 --> 00:18:25,432
Aah! I sorry, I sorry.
394
00:18:25,504 --> 00:18:28,372
- I am Lucius.
- And my name is Hilarius.
395
00:18:28,448 --> 00:18:30,182
[giggling, honking horn]
396
00:18:30,255 --> 00:18:33,990
Ah, thank Apollo.
Two applicants without typhoid.
397
00:18:34,069 --> 00:18:38,738
Well, let's show you around this
crazy madhouse we call backstage.
398
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,419
[lion growls]
399
00:18:40,492 --> 00:18:44,628
So you want to cut through the neck,
visualize it to the other side.
400
00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:45,807
[screams]
401
00:18:45,877 --> 00:18:47,043
Oh, no, no, no, no.
402
00:18:47,116 --> 00:18:50,618
Visualize the point on the other side
through the neck.
403
00:18:50,694 --> 00:18:53,997
[grunts] See?
A-smooth.
404
00:18:54,073 --> 00:18:55,307
[groans]
405
00:18:55,379 --> 00:18:58,414
[digital hip-hop music]
406
00:19:02,044 --> 00:19:05,046
[digital pop music]
407
00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:09,731
[crowd shouting]
408
00:19:09,807 --> 00:19:14,576
Oh! Bravo!
I love how he splurted everywhere!
409
00:19:14,657 --> 00:19:17,559
So tell me why you should be employed
410
00:19:17,635 --> 00:19:21,237
by myself and the great Roman Colosseum.
411
00:19:21,314 --> 00:19:22,748
I have a reference
from the greatest promoter
412
00:19:22,820 --> 00:19:24,987
of all time... Flavius Arianus.
413
00:19:25,061 --> 00:19:27,529
What "Flavius" was his anus?
414
00:19:27,604 --> 00:19:28,604
Oh! [horn honks]
415
00:19:28,675 --> 00:19:31,343
You dare mock Flavius Arianus?
416
00:19:31,418 --> 00:19:34,353
I should have you catapulted
into the cheap seats.
417
00:19:34,429 --> 00:19:35,896
Ooh, that's a good idea.
418
00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:37,668
Get some papyrus.
Somebody write that down.
419
00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:39,909
But, but, but, but, first things first.
420
00:19:39,982 --> 00:19:42,884
Lucius, are you ready
to see your new office?
421
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,227
[hinges creak]
422
00:19:44,299 --> 00:19:45,899
This seems like a
strange place for an o...
423
00:19:45,971 --> 00:19:47,405
Aah! [crowd cheers]
424
00:19:47,476 --> 00:19:51,579
- Oh, Apollo, I love artichokes.
- Aah!
425
00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:54,260
- Would you like to see your office?
- Oh, I don't need an office.
426
00:19:54,335 --> 00:19:55,668
Aah...
427
00:19:55,739 --> 00:19:58,541
[crowd cheers]
428
00:19:58,617 --> 00:20:00,550
Oopsie.
Dropped an artichoke.
429
00:20:00,623 --> 00:20:03,292
- Near my pinky toe.
- Yes, my lord!
430
00:20:03,367 --> 00:20:04,266
[slurping]
431
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:05,904
Oh, Dorothy.
432
00:20:05,976 --> 00:20:08,978
[funky digital music]
433
00:20:11,998 --> 00:20:14,066
Drop a hammer. Here it comes!
434
00:20:14,140 --> 00:20:17,642
Boom! God damn it, I kill at this game.
[laughs] I am bad.
435
00:20:17,718 --> 00:20:18,485
Triptank.
How can I help you?
436
00:20:18,556 --> 00:20:21,891
Hey, man, this is doctor
father brother Travis calling.
437
00:20:21,968 --> 00:20:25,003
[chickens clucking]
That was a hell of a skit.
438
00:20:25,079 --> 00:20:26,212
Man, that chicken's hot.
439
00:20:26,283 --> 00:20:28,150
You gotta show more of that chicken,
440
00:20:28,223 --> 00:20:29,991
maybe do one where he's nekkid,
441
00:20:30,064 --> 00:20:32,531
and another guy is
stickin' his pecker in him.
442
00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:35,274
- Hold, please.
- I'm kicking ass!
443
00:20:35,349 --> 00:20:39,486
You have reached level 1,000.
Join us on the game grid.
444
00:20:39,564 --> 00:20:43,501
Man...
Man, you out there, man?
445
00:20:43,579 --> 00:20:45,913
Gaga, wow wow, ooh
mama, wow wow wow wow.
446
00:20:45,988 --> 00:20:49,624
[game babbling indistinctly]
447
00:20:49,701 --> 00:20:52,102
[phone rings]
448
00:20:52,177 --> 00:20:53,644
Triptank.
How can I help you?
449
00:20:53,694 --> 00:20:58,244
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