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1
00:00:00,339 --> 00:00:01,939
(CHUCKLING)
2
00:00:05,501 --> 00:00:08,370
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
3
00:00:10,562 --> 00:00:14,993
I'm melting!
4
00:00:15,490 --> 00:00:17,790
Frank?
Frank?
5
00:00:17,928 --> 00:00:19,437
Oh, my god, we're too late.
He's out of his cone!
6
00:00:19,511 --> 00:00:20,511
No!
7
00:00:20,517 --> 00:00:22,351
(SOBBING)
8
00:00:22,428 --> 00:00:25,730
S01E02 - Crossing the Line
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC)
9
00:00:31,646 --> 00:00:33,580
Hi, let me get two tickets
to this place,
10
00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:37,728
one for me and a second one just
in case I lose the first one.
11
00:00:37,814 --> 00:00:39,181
This is by reservation.
12
00:00:39,256 --> 00:00:42,425
Okay, so resurrect me a ticket
or something. I don't know.
13
00:00:42,507 --> 00:00:44,508
I cannot let a rhino into the ceremony.
14
00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:45,818
(YELPS)
15
00:00:45,892 --> 00:00:47,426
Oh, you're one of the racist people.
16
00:00:47,502 --> 00:00:49,803
I think I heard about you
on the television set.
17
00:00:49,881 --> 00:00:51,182
I am not a racist.
18
00:00:51,256 --> 00:00:52,456
- Then let me in.
- No.
19
00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:55,732
You racist honky.
20
00:00:55,814 --> 00:00:56,814
- How about now?
- No.
21
00:00:56,854 --> 00:00:58,788
- Okay, how about now?
- No.
22
00:00:58,865 --> 00:01:00,266
(DEEP VOICE)
How about now?
23
00:01:00,340 --> 00:01:02,074
No.
(GROWLING)
24
00:01:02,150 --> 00:01:03,784
- No.
- Come on.
25
00:01:03,859 --> 00:01:06,562
Sir, you are a rhino.
What are you doing?
26
00:01:06,642 --> 00:01:09,911
- I'm gonna Angry Bird this joint.
- Where did you get that?
27
00:01:11,235 --> 00:01:13,668
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
28
00:01:13,748 --> 00:01:17,651
- Hey, sweetie.
- Baby, I am so sick right now.
29
00:01:17,737 --> 00:01:20,037
This is ridiculous.
30
00:01:20,116 --> 00:01:23,519
I think I got the bird flu
or H1N1 anthrax or something.
31
00:01:23,603 --> 00:01:25,870
- I don't know what's going on.
- I'm sure it's fine.
32
00:01:25,949 --> 00:01:28,518
I can feel it. I'm dying.
And I was gonna do so much.
33
00:01:28,597 --> 00:01:31,165
I wanted to be the first
famous black ballerina.
34
00:01:31,245 --> 00:01:33,580
I need you to come and save me
with your white powers.
35
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:36,161
(PHONE RINGS)
Honey, just hold on one second.
36
00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:37,573
- You don't put me on hold...
- This is Triptank.
37
00:01:37,647 --> 00:01:41,617
Well, I like real television!
So maybe when you grow a pair,
38
00:01:41,704 --> 00:01:44,706
you call me back and I'll watch
your next (BLEEP) disaster.
39
00:01:44,788 --> 00:01:46,188
Hold, please.
(CONTINUES YELLING)
40
00:01:46,263 --> 00:01:48,898
I am losing my life!
This shit's not funny.
41
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:50,412
Are you giggling, mother(BLEEP)?
42
00:01:50,486 --> 00:01:53,721
That woman has beat you down
to a soggy-ass wet noodle.
43
00:01:53,804 --> 00:01:55,872
Maybe try eating some barbecue
and drink a beer,
44
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:58,585
and then you'll grow a sack,
you little tit baby.
45
00:01:58,665 --> 00:02:01,734
(HEAVY METAL MUSIC)
# The last dead unicorn #
46
00:02:01,816 --> 00:02:04,851
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
47
00:02:06,582 --> 00:02:12,656
Learn Thai online with BananaThai
http://osdb.link/bananathai
48
00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:27,680
(SCREAMS)
49
00:02:27,761 --> 00:02:29,762
(NEWS THEME MUSIC)
50
00:02:29,839 --> 00:02:32,475
We're hearing that the first miner
is about to be pulled up.
51
00:02:32,555 --> 00:02:34,121
(CLUCKING)
52
00:02:34,198 --> 00:02:35,331
(GASPS)
53
00:02:35,404 --> 00:02:36,737
It appears we have a little visitor.
54
00:02:36,812 --> 00:02:38,646
(CHUCKLES)
Just zoom in on that.
55
00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:41,592
Excuse me? Aren't you
going to interview me?
56
00:02:41,672 --> 00:02:45,108
Why are you filming
this disgusting chicken?
57
00:02:45,192 --> 00:02:47,060
(SOBBING)
58
00:02:47,137 --> 00:02:48,436
He's gonna kill himself!
(GASPS)
59
00:02:48,510 --> 00:02:50,812
Take back what you said
to the chicken.
60
00:02:50,891 --> 00:02:55,227
- But he's just a chicken.
- You hurt his little animal feelings.
61
00:02:55,315 --> 00:02:56,415
(SIGHS)
62
00:02:56,488 --> 00:03:01,159
Chicken,
please do not poison yourself.
63
00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:02,249
(ALL SIGH IN RELIEF)
64
00:03:02,287 --> 00:03:03,620
'Cause I am 12 days hungry!
65
00:03:03,695 --> 00:03:05,463
(CLUCKS ANGRILY)
66
00:03:05,538 --> 00:03:07,339
If he falls in, he'll disintegrate.
67
00:03:07,416 --> 00:03:09,216
(CLUCKING ANGRILY)
68
00:03:09,293 --> 00:03:12,696
Chicken, I am deeply sorry.
69
00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:13,780
(CLUCKS)
70
00:03:13,785 --> 00:03:14,918
(ONLOOKERS SIGH IN RELIEF)
71
00:03:14,991 --> 00:03:18,294
That you are as stupid as you look.
(CLUCKING ANGRILY)
72
00:03:18,377 --> 00:03:19,377
(ONLOOKERS GASP)
73
00:03:19,382 --> 00:03:21,984
(NEWS THEME MUSIC)
74
00:03:22,065 --> 00:03:25,200
The broadcast just went worldwide.
75
00:03:25,283 --> 00:03:29,119
We can not have a chicken fry himself
while the world is watching.
76
00:03:29,205 --> 00:03:30,205
(ELECTRICITY SPARKING)
77
00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:33,112
(CLUCKING ERRATICALLY)
78
00:03:33,193 --> 00:03:35,861
Senor chicken, I am
very, very, very, very, very,
79
00:03:35,942 --> 00:03:40,179
very sorry. (CLUCKS)
Don't tell you, tell the world?
80
00:03:40,267 --> 00:03:43,335
I was stuck in a mine
and feared for my life,
81
00:03:43,417 --> 00:03:46,652
but I am not the one
you should grieve for.
82
00:03:46,736 --> 00:03:49,638
Everyone should look
to señor chicken.
83
00:03:49,719 --> 00:03:53,855
He is the true hero.
84
00:03:53,943 --> 00:03:54,943
(ALL SIGH IN RELIEF)
85
00:03:54,948 --> 00:03:56,548
That's the money shot.
86
00:03:56,624 --> 00:03:58,959
(TIRES SCREECH)
87
00:04:00,311 --> 00:04:01,311
(CLUCKS)
88
00:04:01,317 --> 00:04:03,052
You want to shake my hand?
89
00:04:03,127 --> 00:04:04,127
(CHUCKLES)
90
00:04:04,133 --> 00:04:06,201
I would be honored.
91
00:04:06,278 --> 00:04:08,441
Ah, ¿por qué?
(SCREAMS)
92
00:04:08,486 --> 00:04:09,486
(CLUCKS)
93
00:04:11,843 --> 00:04:14,343
(CLUCKING)
94
00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:16,490
(GASPS) Honey!
Come quick!
95
00:04:16,568 --> 00:04:19,470
Baby's about to take his first steps.
96
00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:21,719
(BELCHES)
97
00:04:21,798 --> 00:04:26,902
(DEEP VOICE) Hey.
I'm Tommy, and I'm an alcoholic.
98
00:04:26,993 --> 00:04:28,894
(COUGHING)
99
00:04:28,971 --> 00:04:30,638
(ROCK MUSIC)
100
00:04:30,714 --> 00:04:34,150
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC)
101
00:04:34,235 --> 00:04:35,801
Yes, most shrimp and rib
don't come together,
102
00:04:35,877 --> 00:04:37,110
but they're doing their best.
103
00:04:37,184 --> 00:04:38,717
At least that's what she said...
he said...
104
00:04:38,793 --> 00:04:40,226
they all said...
we all said...
105
00:04:40,301 --> 00:04:42,736
with the shrimp and a rib.
Hey, there, shrimp. Shrimp.
106
00:04:42,815 --> 00:04:45,049
Hey, kiddies, time for Versus.
107
00:04:45,128 --> 00:04:48,964
Versus.
Everybody knows you got my spats on.
108
00:04:49,050 --> 00:04:49,950
(GRUNTS)
109
00:04:50,021 --> 00:04:51,556
Mm, free drug.
110
00:04:51,631 --> 00:04:52,798
(TIRES SCREECH)
111
00:04:56,391 --> 00:04:59,426
Welcome, combatant.
Choose weapon:
112
00:04:59,509 --> 00:05:02,576
Assault rifle,
chain saw,
113
00:05:02,659 --> 00:05:04,760
malt liquor, 40 ounces.
114
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,606
Hmm, I'm gonna need
to make choices now.
115
00:05:07,687 --> 00:05:10,389
I always make good choices.
116
00:05:10,470 --> 00:05:13,539
CHOOSE ARMOR: Chain mail,
117
00:05:13,620 --> 00:05:17,123
kevlar suit,
barbecue sauce.
118
00:05:17,208 --> 00:05:18,108
(BELCHES)
119
00:05:18,179 --> 00:05:19,679
Barbecue sauce!
120
00:05:19,755 --> 00:05:20,755
(LAUGHING)
121
00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:23,161
(SPUTTERING)
122
00:05:23,241 --> 00:05:25,242
Mmm, yeah.
123
00:05:25,318 --> 00:05:27,954
Good sauces.
124
00:05:28,035 --> 00:05:29,802
(CLEARS THROAT)
125
00:05:29,878 --> 00:05:32,479
This week's combatants:
126
00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:35,729
Drunk hobo slathered
in barbecue sauce
127
00:05:35,812 --> 00:05:37,345
versus.
128
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,887
Six Gorillas.
129
00:05:38,962 --> 00:05:42,297
Hmm, crocodiles.
I should have known.
130
00:05:42,381 --> 00:05:43,381
Burn.
131
00:05:43,387 --> 00:05:44,987
(GROANING)
132
00:05:45,062 --> 00:05:46,429
- Ugh!
- Dude.
133
00:05:46,504 --> 00:05:47,504
(GROANING)
134
00:05:47,510 --> 00:05:50,545
Mm, mm-hmm.
Whew... oh.
135
00:05:50,627 --> 00:05:51,988
Oh, come on now.
Just a little bit.
136
00:05:52,035 --> 00:05:56,272
All right, all right. Enough.
Light him up.
137
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:57,893
Frisbee.
138
00:05:57,968 --> 00:06:00,269
(MACHINE GUN FIRING)
139
00:06:00,349 --> 00:06:02,850
(SCREAMING)
140
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,464
Frisbee!
141
00:06:04,538 --> 00:06:05,804
(GUNFIRE)
142
00:06:05,878 --> 00:06:08,312
(SHOUTS)
I'm the gingerbread man!
143
00:06:08,393 --> 00:06:10,226
I'm the gingerbread man!
144
00:06:12,013 --> 00:06:13,480
No está aquí.
145
00:06:13,555 --> 00:06:17,925
Follow the trail of sweet,
savory, hickory barbecue sauce.
146
00:06:18,012 --> 00:06:21,615
Tiptoe, tiptoe, tiptoe.
147
00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:23,868
¿Adónde va?
148
00:06:23,947 --> 00:06:25,380
(ROPES CREAKING)
149
00:06:25,455 --> 00:06:26,455
(YELLS)
150
00:06:26,460 --> 00:06:28,694
This is the end of me.
(SPLAT)
151
00:06:28,772 --> 00:06:30,307
- Sneaky like a ninja.
- A log?
152
00:06:30,383 --> 00:06:31,749
(GRUNTING)
153
00:06:31,823 --> 00:06:32,956
(GRUNTING)
154
00:06:33,031 --> 00:06:34,097
(BABBLING)
155
00:06:34,170 --> 00:06:35,837
(BLADES WHIRRING)
156
00:06:35,913 --> 00:06:38,148
(BOTH GRUNTING)
157
00:06:38,226 --> 00:06:42,129
You go ahead, sir.
I've got this.
158
00:06:42,215 --> 00:06:45,384
Bury the fear inside.
Bury the fear inside.
159
00:06:45,467 --> 00:06:49,369
(WAIL IN DISTANCE)
(PANTING)
160
00:06:49,456 --> 00:06:52,790
(GRUNTS)
161
00:06:52,873 --> 00:06:55,074
Por favor, don't kill me.
162
00:06:55,154 --> 00:06:56,154
(SNIFFING)
163
00:06:56,159 --> 00:06:58,960
You smell enchanting.
164
00:06:59,042 --> 00:07:01,210
(ROMANTIC BALLAD)
165
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,121
(PURRS)
166
00:07:03,199 --> 00:07:05,200
I finally know love.
167
00:07:05,277 --> 00:07:08,246
♪ I want to believe ♪
168
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,362
♪ that we can last forever ♪
169
00:07:10,439 --> 00:07:13,073
I did not see that coming.
170
00:07:13,154 --> 00:07:14,821
WINNER: Love.
171
00:07:14,897 --> 00:07:16,865
♪ I want to believe ♪
172
00:07:16,941 --> 00:07:19,509
♪ that we can la... ♪
173
00:07:19,590 --> 00:07:21,624
So how's the new guy, huh?
(RAPIDLY BABBLING)
174
00:07:21,701 --> 00:07:23,635
Is his horn bigger than mine?
(RAPIDLY BABBLING)
175
00:07:23,713 --> 00:07:25,247
Sir, get off of the sidewalk, please.
176
00:07:25,322 --> 00:07:29,358
I'm talking to my ex-girlfriend.
Do you mind?
177
00:07:29,445 --> 00:07:31,412
Anyway, my parents are gonna be
out of town this weekend
178
00:07:31,489 --> 00:07:32,756
if you want to come by, you know...
179
00:07:32,831 --> 00:07:34,431
(DIAL TONE)
Hello? Hello?
180
00:07:34,506 --> 00:07:37,175
She hung up.
Never date a Caribbean woman.
181
00:07:37,256 --> 00:07:40,291
They'll rip your heart out and
cook it with curry, let me tell you.
182
00:07:40,373 --> 00:07:41,639
Whoa, hey, hey,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
183
00:07:41,714 --> 00:07:42,714
Hey!
184
00:07:42,719 --> 00:07:44,119
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC)
185
00:07:45,981 --> 00:07:48,983
(VICTORIOUS MUSIC)
186
00:07:51,713 --> 00:07:53,380
Look at that asshole, Gary.
187
00:07:53,456 --> 00:07:56,124
Just sitting there,
reading his menu like a jerk.
188
00:07:56,204 --> 00:07:58,305
Yeah, who does he think he is,
the king of France?
189
00:07:58,384 --> 00:07:59,517
Reading a menu.
190
00:07:59,591 --> 00:08:02,225
We're gonna prank that idiot so hard
he'll pee-pee his pants.
191
00:08:02,306 --> 00:08:05,608
Oh, yes.
Revenge will be ours.
192
00:08:05,690 --> 00:08:08,092
I still don't understand
why I have to be the waiter.
193
00:08:08,171 --> 00:08:10,572
- Wh... dude, you're a natural waiter.
- Yeah, you've got a servant's face.
194
00:08:10,652 --> 00:08:12,152
I don't know if that's true.
195
00:08:12,226 --> 00:08:14,427
The first time I met you,
I tried to order some poppers.
196
00:08:14,439 --> 00:08:17,876
- Do we really even need a waiter?
- We've gone over this 100 times.
197
00:08:17,959 --> 00:08:21,128
We have a finely tuned revenge
plan that involves a waiter.
198
00:08:21,211 --> 00:08:22,477
We need a stupid waiter.
199
00:08:22,551 --> 00:08:23,952
You're the stupid waiter.
It's done.
200
00:08:24,027 --> 00:08:26,394
I guess I'm not sure
how this is even a prank.
201
00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:28,608
I still say simply throwing
a glass of water
202
00:08:28,685 --> 00:08:29,852
- in his face...
- He doesn't get it.
203
00:08:29,925 --> 00:08:31,392
Yeah, he's not gonna get it.
204
00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:34,102
There's nothing going on
behind those eyes.
205
00:08:34,183 --> 00:08:37,185
Do you have your fake mustache or not?
206
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:38,867
Dana, does this answer your question?
207
00:08:38,943 --> 00:08:41,878
Congratulations.
All right, revenge time.
208
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:42,993
Let's roll.
209
00:08:43,066 --> 00:08:46,601
Excuse me.
May I take your order, please?
210
00:08:46,685 --> 00:08:48,053
Oh, hello.
Yes, thank you.
211
00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:51,396
I am ready to order.
I will have the egg...
212
00:08:51,479 --> 00:08:52,679
(YELLS)
213
00:08:52,753 --> 00:08:54,152
All right, everybody,
this is a robbery.
214
00:08:54,227 --> 00:08:56,996
- Dude, that was my line.
- You were terrible in rehearsal.
215
00:08:57,076 --> 00:08:58,310
Everyone get your hands in the air,
216
00:08:58,384 --> 00:09:00,485
and then get your money into your hands
217
00:09:00,563 --> 00:09:03,131
- that are in the hands in the air!
- Right, and I was bad in rehearsal.
218
00:09:03,211 --> 00:09:05,747
- Just put everything in the air!
- I'm taking a hostage.
219
00:09:05,827 --> 00:09:09,062
- Uh, you! Tubbo! Stand up!
- No, please.
220
00:09:09,144 --> 00:09:12,313
Stupid waiter, give me
all the money in the register,
221
00:09:12,396 --> 00:09:15,431
or we will shoot this fat,
worthless sack of crap.
222
00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:17,947
- Oh, please, no.
- I got an itchy trigger finger!
223
00:09:18,027 --> 00:09:21,095
I'm sorry.
I'm too stupid to operate the register.
224
00:09:21,178 --> 00:09:23,112
What?
Come on, man, please.
225
00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:25,390
Fine, then just give me
all the money in your pockets,
226
00:09:25,468 --> 00:09:27,870
or I'm gonna paint the walls
with this guy's skull
227
00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:29,951
and his brains
and his stupid hair.
228
00:09:30,027 --> 00:09:34,263
All I've got is $3.25,
but I need it for the bus.
229
00:09:34,351 --> 00:09:36,452
Please just give him the money.
230
00:09:36,530 --> 00:09:40,262
Whoa!
So what you're saying is
231
00:09:40,315 --> 00:09:46,690
that this disgusting slob's life
is not even worth $3.25?
232
00:09:46,788 --> 00:09:47,888
No, I don't think it is.
233
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,195
- What?
- Okay, fine.
234
00:09:49,268 --> 00:09:51,969
- Then I'm gonna kill him.
- Please, I have a wife and kids.
235
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:54,952
Get ready to die, dummy!
236
00:09:55,034 --> 00:09:57,035
(SOBBING)
237
00:09:57,112 --> 00:10:00,481
Ha! Gary pissed his pants!
Totally called it.
238
00:10:00,565 --> 00:10:02,198
What?
How do you know my name?
239
00:10:02,275 --> 00:10:04,074
Because it's us, you jerk.
240
00:10:04,151 --> 00:10:05,485
(BOTH LAUGH)
241
00:10:05,558 --> 00:10:06,792
Dana? Andy?
242
00:10:06,865 --> 00:10:09,033
What are you...
what the hell is going on here?
243
00:10:09,112 --> 00:10:12,147
Just your classic
"fake stickup in a coffee shop,
244
00:10:12,229 --> 00:10:15,097
"make a guy piss his pants
in public" revenge prank!
245
00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:17,180
Suck it, Gary!
Whoo!
246
00:10:17,257 --> 00:10:19,325
(DOOR BELLS JINGLE)
247
00:10:19,403 --> 00:10:20,403
(TIRES SCREECH)
248
00:10:20,442 --> 00:10:22,543
Whoo!
249
00:10:22,621 --> 00:10:24,188
Wow.
What a fantastic plan.
250
00:10:24,264 --> 00:10:26,198
- Very realistic. I was scared.
- Me too.
251
00:10:26,275 --> 00:10:28,595
I mean, I didn't piss my pants
like that ugly loser, but...
252
00:10:28,654 --> 00:10:30,322
And I've never seen
such a stupid waiter.
253
00:10:30,398 --> 00:10:34,434
♪ Suck it, Gary ♪
254
00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:35,554
(PHONE RINGS)
255
00:10:35,626 --> 00:10:37,161
- Triptank.
- Hi.
256
00:10:37,235 --> 00:10:38,635
I just wanted to call
and let you know
257
00:10:38,710 --> 00:10:40,845
that me and all my friends
hate your show.
258
00:10:40,922 --> 00:10:41,990
Hold, please.
259
00:10:42,063 --> 00:10:45,199
Don't give me a hunk of bologna
and tell me it's a filet mignon.
260
00:10:45,281 --> 00:10:46,482
I'm just kidding.
I'd love to be on the show.
261
00:10:46,554 --> 00:10:48,122
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
Hold, please.
262
00:10:48,197 --> 00:10:50,031
You don't put me on hold.
I'm dying.
263
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:51,775
I'm gonna come back from the dead,
264
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:53,685
- and I'm gonna haunt your sorry ass.
- (PHONE RINGS) Sorry.
265
00:10:53,762 --> 00:10:56,697
Roy, can you handle these calls?
Just put them on hold.
266
00:10:56,779 --> 00:10:59,180
I got it, man.
I seen you do it 1,000 times.
267
00:10:59,258 --> 00:11:00,826
I got this under control.
268
00:11:00,902 --> 00:11:02,836
Triptank Studios, R.W. speaking.
269
00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:06,548
I've been jerking off all day,
and I'm all, like, raw and sad,
270
00:11:06,634 --> 00:11:08,467
and I didn't get any wishes
or anything.
271
00:11:08,544 --> 00:11:11,812
I can't help you with shit.
You're a thumb-sucking little sissy.
272
00:11:11,895 --> 00:11:13,328
You're on hold.
(PHONE RINGING)
273
00:11:13,403 --> 00:11:16,405
It is absolutely the worst thing
we've ever seen on television.
274
00:11:16,488 --> 00:11:19,090
- Got to dip in. Hold on.
- I don't know. Be a crossing guard.
275
00:11:19,170 --> 00:11:20,336
Transferring to line 5.
(PHONE RINGS)
276
00:11:20,410 --> 00:11:22,144
Triptank Studios.
Put some ice on it.
277
00:11:22,220 --> 00:11:23,486
You're going on hold.
278
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:26,896
- So you gonna let me in or what?
- No. (GUN COCKS)
279
00:11:26,980 --> 00:11:28,347
All right, listen up, everybody.
280
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:32,791
I better get some wine right now,
or I'm gonna blow this guy's brains out.
281
00:11:32,879 --> 00:11:37,115
(ALL BABBLING)
282
00:11:37,203 --> 00:11:40,038
Okay, get me some wine,
or I'll kill myself.
283
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:41,421
Oh, dear lord!
(SCREAMS)
284
00:11:41,494 --> 00:11:44,229
That endangered rhino
is going to kill himself!
285
00:11:44,310 --> 00:11:46,110
Someone get him some wine.
286
00:11:46,187 --> 00:11:50,991
Now, this is more like it.
I can finally get my drink on.
287
00:11:51,081 --> 00:11:52,081
(GLASS SHATTERS)
288
00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:53,187
Crap.
289
00:11:53,260 --> 00:11:55,561
(UPBEAT TUNE)
290
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:57,173
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
291
00:11:57,249 --> 00:12:00,051
I've waited all summer
to finally see her again.
292
00:12:00,132 --> 00:12:01,064
(SIGHS)
293
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:02,304
Lilly.
294
00:12:02,376 --> 00:12:03,376
(GIGGLING)
295
00:12:03,382 --> 00:12:07,352
Oh! Wow.
What are those?
296
00:12:07,439 --> 00:12:10,274
Hi, Billy.
Fun and new.
297
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,422
You want to come out
and play with us?
298
00:12:12,501 --> 00:12:15,435
Boobs.
Boobs.
299
00:12:15,518 --> 00:12:17,886
Boobs!
300
00:12:17,964 --> 00:12:20,465
I'm back!
Oh, god.
301
00:12:20,546 --> 00:12:23,313
If walls could have babies,
this would be China.
302
00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:24,762
Dude, what's your problem?
303
00:12:24,836 --> 00:12:26,636
- Lilly's new boobs!
- What were they?
304
00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:27,913
Were they, like, "bee stings"
305
00:12:27,986 --> 00:12:29,987
or were they, like,
full-on watermelons?
306
00:12:30,065 --> 00:12:32,199
I want to see her boobs.
No, I want to see all boobs.
307
00:12:32,276 --> 00:12:34,878
No, I wish I could see
all boobs all the time!
308
00:12:34,959 --> 00:12:37,160
Jizzam!
309
00:12:37,238 --> 00:12:38,939
(ETHEREAL MUSIC)
310
00:12:39,015 --> 00:12:42,183
- We're perky.
- We're bouncy.
311
00:12:42,266 --> 00:12:44,801
We're suspiciously symmetrical.
312
00:12:44,881 --> 00:12:48,183
This is the best day of my life!
Nothing can ruin this!
313
00:12:48,266 --> 00:12:52,736
- Billy, you forgot your lunch.
- Nooo!
314
00:12:52,825 --> 00:12:54,358
(LAUGHING WICKEDLY)
315
00:12:54,433 --> 00:12:57,035
Billy, remember
when we used to feed you?
316
00:12:57,116 --> 00:12:58,116
(SLURPING)
317
00:12:58,188 --> 00:13:00,056
Did I tell you I got nip rings?
318
00:13:00,133 --> 00:13:01,133
(MOANING)
(CHUCKLING)
319
00:13:01,138 --> 00:13:03,572
I know. How about that?
(YELLING)
320
00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:07,288
Don't forget to drink your milk.
321
00:13:07,372 --> 00:13:10,374
When boobs have lost their
magic, how is life worth living?
322
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:11,756
Oh, it isn't.
323
00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:14,966
That's why I'd like to
introduce you to internet porn...
324
00:13:15,049 --> 00:13:16,216
(SHIMMERING TONE)
325
00:13:16,288 --> 00:13:19,157
Where the combinations
of body parts and holes
326
00:13:19,239 --> 00:13:23,843
and penises are as limitless
as your imagination.
327
00:13:23,931 --> 00:13:25,732
(GRUNTING)
328
00:13:28,021 --> 00:13:31,023
(MOANING)
329
00:13:31,105 --> 00:13:33,106
(GROANS)
330
00:13:33,183 --> 00:13:35,718
I can't feel anything anymore.
331
00:13:35,798 --> 00:13:39,668
- But awesome boobs, right?
- I don't want to live this way.
332
00:13:39,753 --> 00:13:44,222
- I wish I weren't so desensitized.
- Jizzam.
333
00:13:44,312 --> 00:13:45,713
(SOBBING)
334
00:13:45,786 --> 00:13:47,086
Lilly? What's wrong?
335
00:13:47,161 --> 00:13:49,930
All the boys won't stop
staring at my boobs.
336
00:13:50,011 --> 00:13:53,947
But you're more than just your looks.
You're smart and cool and...
337
00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:58,135
- And the A.C.'s on full blast.
- Boobs!
338
00:13:58,223 --> 00:13:59,924
(SIGHS)
I love the internet.
339
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,667
(WHIMSICAL TUNE)
340
00:14:01,743 --> 00:14:03,522
(ROCK MUSIC)
341
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,199
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
Hold on, dog.
342
00:14:06,274 --> 00:14:07,107
I got to take this.
Hold on.
343
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,648
What the
(BLEEP)?
344
00:14:10,882 --> 00:14:12,949
I can't stop shaking.
345
00:14:13,027 --> 00:14:15,229
My whole life flashed,
just like in the movies.
346
00:14:15,307 --> 00:14:18,109
Would you like a glass of water
to calm your nerves, sir?
347
00:14:18,189 --> 00:14:20,491
Oh, yes, please.
Thank you.
348
00:14:20,570 --> 00:14:21,970
- Ha, ha!
- Matt?
349
00:14:22,044 --> 00:14:24,280
Suck it, Gary.
Whoo!
350
00:14:24,357 --> 00:14:26,158
(TIRES SCREECH)
351
00:14:26,234 --> 00:14:28,536
- Suck it, Gary! Whoo!
- (APPLAUSE) Amazing.
352
00:14:28,615 --> 00:14:30,316
- Oh, they got him again.
- Fantastic.
353
00:14:30,391 --> 00:14:34,493
♪ Suck it, Gary ♪
354
00:14:34,580 --> 00:14:37,215
But mom said that
when a man and a women
355
00:14:37,295 --> 00:14:39,964
puts their parts together,
it means they want a baby.
356
00:14:40,044 --> 00:14:41,912
- So can I try that?
- Transferring to line 5.
357
00:14:41,989 --> 00:14:43,189
(PHONE RINGS)
Triptank Studios.
358
00:14:43,228 --> 00:14:46,197
I don't know what kind of (BLEEP)
clown town you all live in.
359
00:14:46,279 --> 00:14:48,447
I was about to put
my weiner in the vacuum.
360
00:14:48,526 --> 00:14:50,026
You have no future.
361
00:14:50,100 --> 00:14:52,140
It's so bad, it makes us
want to gouge our eyes out.
362
00:14:52,212 --> 00:14:53,914
(ALL CALLERS TALKING)
363
00:14:53,989 --> 00:14:55,356
What did you just do?
364
00:14:55,431 --> 00:14:57,231
I don't know
what you're talking about, man.
365
00:14:57,307 --> 00:14:59,075
- There's no problems here.
- Do you like orange?
366
00:14:59,151 --> 00:15:00,818
- Get a (BLEEP) life!
- I hate you!
367
00:15:00,894 --> 00:15:04,197
(ALL CALLERS TALKING)
368
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:07,648
You know me.
I'm Mr. There's-got-to-be-a-better-way.
369
00:15:07,732 --> 00:15:09,599
I've made billions finding problems
370
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:12,811
and selling solutions,
so I started this charity.
371
00:15:12,894 --> 00:15:16,497
Now I solve the world's
problems, the bigger, the better.
372
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:17,582
(CLEARS THROAT)
373
00:15:17,588 --> 00:15:19,221
Uh, maybe I could help too.
374
00:15:19,297 --> 00:15:21,531
Yeah, I don't think so.
You're just a janitor.
375
00:15:21,610 --> 00:15:23,944
True, I may be a lowly janitor, but...
376
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,357
- You're a temp. You're not...
- Yeah, yeah.
377
00:15:25,431 --> 00:15:27,198
"Temp" janitor.
That's right.
378
00:15:27,275 --> 00:15:28,643
But keep in mind,
I have two degrees:
379
00:15:28,716 --> 00:15:30,784
A master's
in complex math problems
380
00:15:30,862 --> 00:15:33,864
and a doctorate in the toughest
chemistry there is, so...
381
00:15:33,945 --> 00:15:35,146
- Right, I see that.
- Framed.
382
00:15:35,219 --> 00:15:37,154
Great, well,
I can't wait to get started.
383
00:15:37,230 --> 00:15:38,497
So does anyone
have a problem here?
384
00:15:38,572 --> 00:15:41,507
When I was flipping through my
favorite magazine this morning,
385
00:15:41,589 --> 00:15:42,488
Cigar Chomper...
386
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:44,694
Mmm, that's a yummy cigar.
387
00:15:44,772 --> 00:15:46,973
- Yes, that's me on the cover.
- Very handsome.
388
00:15:47,052 --> 00:15:50,888
Look inside here. I saw this
photo of a starving child.
389
00:15:50,974 --> 00:15:52,641
- Oh.
- Look at this kid.
390
00:15:52,716 --> 00:15:54,117
- Look at him!
- Yeah, I don't get it.
391
00:15:54,192 --> 00:15:56,660
There's all this food, but
not everyone is getting to eat.
392
00:15:56,738 --> 00:15:58,239
There's got to be a better way.
393
00:15:58,315 --> 00:16:00,675
Well, you guys are all eating,
so you figured something out.
394
00:16:00,728 --> 00:16:03,596
- Marilyn, what are you chomping on?
- Oh, I'm on this special diet
395
00:16:03,678 --> 00:16:07,381
because it's my time of
the month. No pun intended.
396
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:09,767
- And I'm eating a...
- There was no pun there.
397
00:16:09,779 --> 00:16:12,113
- That's not a pun.
- I didn't get a pun.
398
00:16:12,192 --> 00:16:14,593
I'm eating a vagination
vagina monologues energy bar,
399
00:16:14,671 --> 00:16:17,407
- and it is awesome.
- Jack, what do you got in...
400
00:16:17,487 --> 00:16:19,755
- slopping in your mouth over there?
- Um, this is a...
401
00:16:19,834 --> 00:16:22,502
it's what they call
a burgy-burgy chick burger.
402
00:16:22,583 --> 00:16:25,618
It's a chicken burger with
two beef burgers as the bun.
403
00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:27,801
- So it's... it's good.
- Does it fill you up?
404
00:16:27,879 --> 00:16:30,547
- You know what, it doesn't do the trick, but...
- You need to top it off.
405
00:16:30,628 --> 00:16:32,262
Yeah, I top it off with ranch
and then some...
406
00:16:32,338 --> 00:16:35,207
- Is that what that bucket is?
- Yeah, a bucket of ranch.
407
00:16:35,287 --> 00:16:38,422
- You're not cleaning.
- No, it's just a bucket of ranch I use...
408
00:16:38,505 --> 00:16:41,908
- Why are you dipping your mop into it?
- It's a to-go mop.
409
00:16:41,991 --> 00:16:42,991
(CHOMPS)
410
00:16:42,997 --> 00:16:47,868
(SLURPING)
411
00:16:47,959 --> 00:16:49,492
Wait, Martin,
what have you got there?
412
00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:53,070
Oh, I have the meaty meat
super burrito from Taco Yums.
413
00:16:53,154 --> 00:16:57,625
- Well, how much was it? It's huge.
- It's actually only 20... 22 cents.
414
00:16:57,713 --> 00:17:01,115
It is big, but I tend to eat it
for the entire week.
415
00:17:01,198 --> 00:17:02,866
Hey, guys,
I just got a brainstorm.
416
00:17:02,941 --> 00:17:06,811
Why don't we pay the Taco
Yum corporation to build
417
00:17:06,830 --> 00:17:10,700
a massive super-burrito, the
biggest burrito ever made?
418
00:17:10,785 --> 00:17:12,419
(MOUTH FULL)
Sounds like a plan.
419
00:17:12,494 --> 00:17:14,162
But if we're gonna build
a burrito this large,
420
00:17:14,238 --> 00:17:16,005
we'll need...
where are we gonna build it?
421
00:17:16,082 --> 00:17:17,916
The Grand Canyon.
422
00:17:17,992 --> 00:17:20,426
Cool water keeps the lettuce
cool on the bottom.
423
00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:22,907
Hot sun keeps the meat
and cheese hot on top.
424
00:17:22,986 --> 00:17:24,654
It's a large enough area.
425
00:17:24,729 --> 00:17:27,698
Could get 14 mile of beans,
14 mile of cheese,
426
00:17:27,781 --> 00:17:31,149
14 mile of meat,
14 mile of lettuce and salsa,
427
00:17:31,232 --> 00:17:33,233
All wrapped into a 25-mile round
super-tortilla
428
00:17:33,311 --> 00:17:35,379
that would be the envy of old Mexico.
429
00:17:35,457 --> 00:17:37,358
New Mexico too,
now that I think about it.
430
00:17:37,434 --> 00:17:38,968
The envy of all of Mexico.
431
00:17:39,042 --> 00:17:41,944
- (GRUMBLES) How dare they?
- Yeah, it ain't right.
432
00:17:42,026 --> 00:17:43,794
We're the ones
that make tortillas, not them.
433
00:17:43,871 --> 00:17:46,506
People could eat in two-month
increments, fatten up.
434
00:17:46,585 --> 00:17:49,353
It could take weeks to get
through the beans to the meat
435
00:17:49,434 --> 00:17:51,668
and weeks more to get
through the meat to the cheese.
436
00:17:51,747 --> 00:17:54,349
Whoo-hoo!
I struck cheese!
437
00:17:54,429 --> 00:17:57,497
Okay, gang, should the hot sauce
be super fiery hot or super mild?
438
00:17:57,580 --> 00:17:59,514
I might...
if I need to take my top off
439
00:17:59,591 --> 00:18:01,092
to help me think better,
it could happen.
440
00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:03,402
- We need solutions.
- Get those forest fire
441
00:18:03,413 --> 00:18:06,515
water dumper airplanes
to fly overhead and dump sauce
442
00:18:06,597 --> 00:18:09,099
depending on the color
of the flags being flown.
443
00:18:09,179 --> 00:18:11,380
(SCREAMS)
Hotsy-totsy!
444
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:14,059
- Oh, wow.
- Why are we here again?
445
00:18:14,138 --> 00:18:15,773
- What about the diarrhea?
- It keeps you thin.
446
00:18:15,848 --> 00:18:18,516
(CHUCKLES) You got to
look at the bright side.
447
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,365
Hey, maybe people could share
a giant toilet.
448
00:18:21,446 --> 00:18:23,014
Right, but you'd
need a big sewage pipe.
449
00:18:23,090 --> 00:18:25,457
- The mighty Mississippi.
- The Mississipp!
450
00:18:25,536 --> 00:18:29,439
- Waste would flow down to New Orleans.
- He is a janitor.
451
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,960
I think we just solved the
problem of homegrown hunger.
452
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:33,121
- We did it!
- Thanks, Jack.
453
00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:35,580
- Oh, no problem.
- You gonna finish all that ranch?
454
00:18:35,660 --> 00:18:37,227
Uh, if you don't mind,
455
00:18:37,302 --> 00:18:39,436
I would just like to sit here
and eat the rest of...
456
00:18:39,514 --> 00:18:41,114
(SLURPING)
457
00:18:41,190 --> 00:18:44,070
Oh, Jack.
458
00:18:44,342 --> 00:18:48,512
- Here's your club sandwich, sir.
- Thanks.
459
00:18:49,604 --> 00:18:52,839
Yep, that is a shit sandwich.
460
00:18:52,922 --> 00:18:55,824
(TIRES SCREECH)
Suck it, Gary! Whoo!
461
00:18:55,906 --> 00:18:57,340
Wow, poop-filled sandwich.
462
00:18:57,415 --> 00:18:59,282
I mean, they had to have
set that up yesterday.
463
00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:00,592
Amazing.
464
00:19:00,666 --> 00:19:02,867
Here's the check.
I already added 20%.
465
00:19:02,946 --> 00:19:06,982
♪ Suck it, Gary ♪
466
00:19:07,069 --> 00:19:09,036
(ROCK MUSIC)
467
00:19:09,113 --> 00:19:11,148
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC)
468
00:19:19,713 --> 00:19:22,067
Whoa, that was great.
What a rush!
469
00:19:22,113 --> 00:19:25,195
- That went perfectly.
- I literally have never felt more alive.
470
00:19:25,278 --> 00:19:27,780
Yeah, I mean, you guys were
stepping all over my lines,
471
00:19:27,859 --> 00:19:29,526
- but it was...
- Classic revenge, right?
472
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:32,237
Hey, is it weird that I peed my pants
when Gary peed his pants?
473
00:19:32,317 --> 00:19:35,886
- No, I kind of peed my pants too.
- As did I.
474
00:19:35,971 --> 00:19:39,139
I can't believe
that son of a bitch Gary
475
00:19:39,222 --> 00:19:40,922
made us pee our pants!
476
00:19:40,998 --> 00:19:42,766
- Oh, what a jerk!
- Hate that guy!
477
00:19:42,842 --> 00:19:45,077
We have to get that asshole back.
478
00:19:45,155 --> 00:19:47,823
Gary, you are going to suck it.
479
00:19:47,904 --> 00:19:52,374
- You are going to suck it hard!
- Suck it!
480
00:19:52,463 --> 00:19:53,630
BOTH: Suck it, suck it, suck it!
481
00:19:53,704 --> 00:19:54,825
Come on.
Do it with me, guys.
482
00:19:54,843 --> 00:19:59,212
ALL: Suck it, suck it,
suck it, suck it!
483
00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:01,535
- Suck it, suck it!
- Suck it, Gary! Whoo!
484
00:20:01,613 --> 00:20:05,616
♪ Suck it, Gary ♪
485
00:20:05,703 --> 00:20:09,272
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
486
00:20:12,743 --> 00:20:14,343
(GULPS)
487
00:20:22,128 --> 00:20:25,364
(SIGHS) It just doesn't do it
for me anymore, darling.
488
00:20:25,446 --> 00:20:26,947
Do you want me to call
my sister instead?
489
00:20:27,022 --> 00:20:28,822
Yes, I do.
490
00:20:28,899 --> 00:20:32,101
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
491
00:20:32,184 --> 00:20:34,085
Hey, Ben.
Phone's ringing, bro.
492
00:20:34,162 --> 00:20:36,129
Ahh, serenity.
493
00:20:36,207 --> 00:20:38,942
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
494
00:20:39,022 --> 00:20:41,157
Hey, babe.
Turns out I'm not dying.
495
00:20:41,235 --> 00:20:43,002
- I think it was just gas.
- All right.
496
00:20:43,079 --> 00:20:43,945
What you want to eat
for dinner tonight?
497
00:20:44,017 --> 00:20:45,050
(PHONE RINGS)
498
00:20:45,124 --> 00:20:46,457
I was thinking
maybe some Mexican food
499
00:20:46,531 --> 00:20:48,832
or some Chinese food or
some regular white people food.
500
00:20:48,910 --> 00:20:51,012
I could cook it up for you, or we
can go out... whatever you want.
501
00:20:51,090 --> 00:20:54,792
Ooh, what about my wiener in a balloon
filled with jell-o?
502
00:20:54,877 --> 00:20:56,978
Ooh, baby.
You'd like that, huh?
503
00:20:57,046 --> 00:20:58,981
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC)
504
00:20:59,031 --> 00:21:03,581
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