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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Thank you.
Hello, welcome to Top Gear.
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It's the last show of the series
but don't worry,
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00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:42,960
because we're going out with a bang.
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Time to get your nostalgia pants on
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00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,400
because you're in for a tasty treat.
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Yes, we're doing ice cream vans -
heroes of the British road.
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Trust me - it's going to be fab.
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LAUGHTER
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Where were you?
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Right where he should have been.
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Yes, the ice cream van, keeping
our kids cool and our dentists
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busy for the last 70 years,
but tragically they're dying out.
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Give them the stats, oracle.
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Back in the '70s, there were
tens of thousands of ice cream vans
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on British roads.
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Today, barely 2,000.
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There's nothing you don't know.
This is fantastic.
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Well, apart from fashion!
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It seems the classic ice cream van
is just too polluting, too slow
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and not attention-grabbing enough
for our busy modern lifestyles.
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Time, then,
for another McGuinness masterpiece.
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To show off the future of mobile
chilled refreshment,
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I told Harris and Flintoff
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to meet me in the ice cream van's
spiritual home...
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..Blackpool.
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Am I just not seeing it at its best?
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You can see it better if the sun's
out and it's a bit warmer,
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00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:07,440
but this is it. And you love it,
don't you? This is all its glory.
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Whenever I say the word
"Blackpool" your face lights up
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and I see you transported
back to your childhood.
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Yeah, remember, because I didn't
get on an aeroplane until I was 15.
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This was our holidays - Blackpool,
Morecambe, Southport.
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Was it day trips or would you come
and stay up here?
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I wouldn't stay over.
We were only 20 minutes away.
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We're not made of money, Chris.
Bloody hell!
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HORN BEEPS
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Gentlemen!
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Oh, yes! Wow!
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Mr Nippy.
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MUSIC: Cold As Ice
by M.O.P
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It's a monster truck that's
an ice cream van!
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Best one yet. Best one yet.
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That is remarkable.
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ICE to see you, to see you...
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ICE! Yes! Welcome...
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to Mr Nippy, the ice cream
van for the 21st century, boys.
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What did you hear when I come round?
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It's electric. It's silent.
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Zero emissions.
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What's the biggest
enemy of the ice cream van?
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Diabetes. No.
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The council.
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Local councils don't want yous
parked up outside a school
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churning out exhaust fumes.
This thing, zero emissions.
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Greenpeace absolutely love this.
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Why are you dressed as a butcher?
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Cast your eyes down there.
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It cleans as it goes!
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Hey, lads,
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what can I get you? Oh! I've got
you your own cones, lads. Yes!
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Do you want a Freddie?
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I'm not happy about this at all.
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What, the little Chris?
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That's right - genius.
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And better still...
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There's a Flintoff.
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PADDY NARRATES: ..Mr Nippy...
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Chris, there's the Harris.
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PADDY NARRATES:
..was just getting...
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You are such a dick... warmed up.
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Gentlemen, what's the biggest
enemy of the ice cream van?
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00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:12,920
Winter. No-one wants a Calippo
when there's snow on the ground.
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00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,920
That's where Mr Nippy
comes into its own.
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All year round ice cream on this. Do
you want a couple of Winter Warmers?
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Yeah, go on.
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It takes a bit of time.
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What is this?
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But it'll be all worth it.
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Would you like a Flake in that, sir?
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Mash?
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Would you like some squirty gravy?
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Sprinkles? What...?
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Voila.
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The Winter Warmer.
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Eh? My mind is blown.
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That, that... All year round.
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That is a revolution.
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They'll be coming out middle of winter.
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"What's the ice cream van doing?"
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That's what it's doing -
mash cones, sausage Flake,
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pea sprinkles, squirty gravy. You
have altered seaside dining forever.
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00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,320
Never mind that, Paddy, my hands
are empty. Sorry, Fred.
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Sprinkles? Yes, PEAS! Oh!
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Let's face it -
the boys had been won over.
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Do you want to hop on board
Mr Nippy? Yeah.
97
00:05:20,280 --> 00:05:24,200
And with two new recruits for the
Mr Nippy team now fully on board...
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Uniforms. What?
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Are we working? Oh, here we go.
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..it was time for us all to
head off along the seafront...
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Get your hands off my Flakes!
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PADDY NARRATES: ..and give the good
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00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:39,400
people of Blackpool
their first taste...
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..of the future.
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Whoa!
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Hey! Here we go.
107
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:51,640
Two Tesla batteries,
up to 33.5 seconds.
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00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,680
That is totally unnecessary
for this type of vehicle.
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00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:58,280
I've got to be careful -
it's a bit high sided.
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I'm going to end up on my back here.
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Now, impressive
performance is one thing,
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00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:06,680
but what an ice cream van really
needs to do...
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Hello, everyone!
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PADDY NARRATES: ..is draw a crowd.
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Do you know what the biggest
enemy of the ice cream van is?
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00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,040
Jamie Oliver. No.
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Double glazing. Why?
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00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,360
When you're a kid,
you'd sit in your house,
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the ice cream van would come along,
had the chimes on,
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00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,680
you'd hear it because your
windows were paper thin.
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00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:28,360
Now, double glazing, Everest have
killed the ice cream game off.
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But I've even thought of that.
Get onto this.
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"GREENSLEEVES" CHIMES
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DUBSTEP "GREENSLEEVES"
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Booming the new ice cream tune.
You'll hear that from miles around.
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The kids will come flocking.
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00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,400
You've got a bit of butcher about
you there, Paddy. No, you see...
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00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,320
It's a bit butcher. This is
what's happened over the years.
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00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,480
The image of the ice cream seller
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00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,960
has been sanitised and watered down.
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00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:13,600
This is tradition. This is what
they wore back in the day. Really?
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What, if they were a butcher?
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00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:24,040
Clearly the new recruits
had a lot to learn, but,
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00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:28,280
despite the weather, the dubstep
Greensleeves had drawn the crowds...
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00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:31,840
They're all chomping at the bit
to get a bit of Mr Nippy.
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PADDY NARRATES: ..and that meant
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it was time to start
slinging the white stuff.
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00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:37,920
Get the ice cream ready,
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00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,600
because I've got a lovely little
social distancing tool.
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00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:41,640
OK.
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00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:45,520
Just stand over there, sir.
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Coming round.
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I tell you what -
this is working a treat, boys!
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Yay!
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There you go, that's your Chris.
146
00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:00,280
What would you like? A Freddie.
A Freddie? There we go.
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00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:05,320
Flake? Do you want some insulin
with this?
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Suffice to say,
Mr Nippy was a game changer.
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Do you think
he's dressed like a butcher?
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00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,680
This is a traditional
ice cream seller's outfit.
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00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,880
PADDY NARRATES: And the good
people of Blackers...
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You caught that better than Flintoff!
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00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,560
PADDY NARRATES: ..had been
blown away.
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00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:24,000
See you later!
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00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,040
HORN BEEPS
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00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:29,800
Before McGuinness could declare Mr
Nippy a complete success, though...
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00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:36,560
..it turned out the producers
still needed some convincing...
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..because they told us
to leave the locals alone
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and instead report
to a nearby airfield...
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00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:51,280
..where we'd be tested against
a much-loved benchmark. Oh!
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I spot a classic up here, boys.
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A Whitby Morrison Amalfi. Iconic.
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You can tell it's a good 'un when
it says, "Stop, mind that child."
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00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:05,080
Oh, challenge.
165
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"So, you think you've built
a better ice cream van.
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00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:12,880
"Time to take on the best
in the business
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00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:17,320
"around the state-of-the-art Top
Gear ice cream van test facility."
168
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,720
So, I guess one of you two
are going to be driving that.
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00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,640
Yeah, I'm in. Get in, yeah.
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00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,840
He's done a bit of this, hasn't he?
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00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,040
Chip van round the UK.
I'm a bit worried, Paddy.
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00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:32,640
I think you've got your work cut out
here, lad. Well... Mercedes.
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It'll have all the mod cons, this.
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Paddy, look at it. Look at it.
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00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:40,040
Whoa. She's plush. It is plush.
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ENGINE REVS
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00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,240
Remember, Mr Nippy's a prototype
so don't be going mad
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because I'll roll it.
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FREDDIE LAUGHS
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Right.
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Strap on. That sounds wrong.
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To prove it had what it takes,
Mr Nippy would now
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00:09:56,280 --> 00:10:00,120
take on Whitby Morrison's
finest around a tricky handling
184
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:03,800
course laid out across Blackpool
Airport's fire training area.
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00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:09,760
Each van would have to serve
three pristine 99 ice creams
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00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:12,120
to three very hot firefighters
187
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,760
before sprinting back to complete
188
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:17,440
the lap, and it was over to Flintoff
189
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:21,360
in the Amalfi
to lay down the benchmark time.
190
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,920
Are you all set, Fred? All good.
191
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:27,240
Get them ice creams to the
firefighters before they melt.
192
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:28,600
ENGINE REVS
193
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:32,000
Three, two, one, go!
194
00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:36,360
Come on.
I've got my foot on the floor.
195
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,560
I tell you what -
not the fastest of take-offs.
196
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,400
He's got to look after the ice cream.
197
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:45,480
Oh, my word.
198
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:48,480
It's a bit bumpy.
199
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:52,680
Bouncing around. Paddy's going to
have his work cut out here.
200
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:54,960
Whoa! Whoa!
201
00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:59,560
Geez, it's all going up in the back.
202
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,760
There's no way Mr Nippy's getting
round them bends in one piece.
203
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,280
Bloomin' heck, it's a U-turn.
204
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,040
Spin it, spin it, spin it.
205
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:10,280
Come on.
206
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,000
Oh, look at that for a turning
circle from the Mercedes.
207
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:19,160
Big fire, big fire.
Bloody hell, lads.
208
00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:22,760
Anyone for ice creams?
209
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:26,120
Help yourselves, boys. Get in there,
get yourself one. All good?
210
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,520
Thank you very much.
Cheers, boys.
211
00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:31,080
Keep up the good work.
Cheers, lads.
212
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:32,240
Ho, ho, ho! Delivery done.
213
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,880
You don't see enough ice cream vans
outside fire stations
214
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,800
and that's where I think
they'd clean up.
215
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,720
You think - them lads
have been out, come back,
216
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:45,000
they've got a thirst on.
217
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,120
Take it wide.
218
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:51,080
Come on. Go, go, go!
219
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:54,160
And through.
220
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,000
What's the time?
221
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:01,320
2.25.13. It was quite quick. Yeah.
222
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:02,800
But I tell you what -
223
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:06,520
round them corners in this I had to
jump on the anchors. Really? Yeah.
224
00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:08,320
I'll get it out the way,
then you can go.
225
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:09,600
The upside is this -
226
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,960
morally he's burnt half a litre
of fuel doing that.
227
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,920
You, in that...
228
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:18,160
..you're actually cleaning the air
as you go round. Good luck, Pad.
229
00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:19,240
Thank you.
230
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:27,400
Paddy, are you ready? Are your
ice creams ready? I'm ready.
231
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,280
Hey, and what is handy -
232
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,760
my helmet matches my uniform.
233
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,000
A bit of me, this - stylish.
234
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:38,200
Did he say stylish? He's not seen
a mirror. Shall we start him? Yeah.
235
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:39,480
OK, Paddy, you're going to go
236
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:43,080
in three, two, one...
237
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,560
It gets off the mark, doesn't it?
238
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:49,080
It's not going any slower
than you were.
239
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:50,240
Oh, ho, ho!
240
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:51,920
Go on, Mr Nippy!
241
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,080
Oh, God. Oh, my word.
242
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,480
He's gone off. He's on the grass.
243
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,920
Oh, ho, ho! What is going on?
244
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:03,360
What's happened to Mr Nippy?
245
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:04,440
What's happened?
246
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:07,320
He's not made it through
the first corner.
247
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,240
Yeah, but down there it's so bumpy.
248
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,120
He set off so fast, it was obvious.
249
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,760
Oh, no, no, no, Mr Nippy, no.
250
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:17,080
Paddy, it's Fred.
Are you all right? It's just...
251
00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:20,080
It's just cut out, lost power.
252
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,320
What has gone on here?
I'm going to have to reset it.
253
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:23,480
Not sure you're going to get
254
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:25,320
many customers where you are
at the minute.
255
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:27,880
FREDDIE AND CHRIS LAUGH
256
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,880
After leaving Mr Nippy
to cool off for a bit,
257
00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:35,640
McGuinness eventually lined up
for another run.
258
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,800
These ice creams aren't going
to deliver themselves, are they?
259
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:41,760
That's a lovely attitude to take.
OK, ready?
260
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,760
Three, two,
261
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:46,920
one, go!
262
00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,600
It surprises me every time, that.
263
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:52,320
ENGINE STUTTERS
That doesn't sound right at all.
264
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,280
Will it make it round the first corner?
265
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:57,920
Mr Nippy nips off the corners.
266
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,640
This will be interesting
because this is bumpy round here.
267
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:08,640
Oh, ho, ho!
268
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,000
Ice creams are holding up.
269
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,680
Don't you worry, lads!
270
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:15,480
Mr Nippy is on the way!
271
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,880
He's having a go, though, isn't he?
272
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:20,720
He's going fast now.
Kicking up some dust.
273
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:24,480
Oh, God.
274
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:27,040
Oh!
275
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,280
See, the thing is, when I was
designing Mr Nippy I didn't
276
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,160
think I'd be going round a circuit.
277
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:32,840
Oh, God!
278
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:33,880
Oh!
279
00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:36,720
It does look sketchy.
280
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:39,200
He's a bit more Mr Tippy
than Mr Nippy, isn't he?
281
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:42,880
Oh, come on! U-turn? In this?!
282
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,920
I'm going to have to get on the grass.
283
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,040
Go on, get round. Oh, God!
284
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,280
Ooh. That was going, wasn't it?
285
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,400
Don't worry, boys, I'm here!
286
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:56,440
Oh, God, I was nearly
into the flaming jet engine.
287
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:00,400
Oh, God.
288
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,320
This is just going to take time.
Look at this.
289
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,760
You can take the bloody steering
wheel off. Stirling Moss style.
290
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,640
Fear not, boys, I am here. Eh?
291
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:14,520
It's like Daft Punk, this, isn't it?
292
00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:16,760
Fantastic! There you are.
293
00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:17,800
INAUDIBLE
294
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:18,920
You what?
295
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:20,960
We're not having them.
296
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,280
Lads, you're putting out a jet fire!
297
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,760
You can't be picky about an ice cream!
298
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,040
Do you want a lolly?
299
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,640
I can do you a Nobbly Bobbly.
300
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,480
Come on, Pad, where is he?
301
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:38,480
That's a Super Cola. A Rocket
for the little 'un on the end, eh?
302
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,120
There we go. Eh?
303
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,840
Oh, come on, McGuinness.
304
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:45,680
Unbelievable.
305
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,320
Oh, God, we're off.
306
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,640
It's no good looking
for a line in this thing.
307
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:54,600
And on the brakes!
308
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,000
Oh! Here he is.
He's back, he's back, he's back.
309
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,520
We're through!
310
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:04,960
That's quick. That was quick.
She carried some weight.
311
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,080
That's quick
when it's in a straight line.
312
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:15,160
How did you feel that went?
313
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:16,960
Might have been a bit on the slow side.
314
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:20,680
Had a few technicals,
got to be honest. OK. I pulled up...
315
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,360
..I had this... Yeah.
316
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:29,320
..and that. You mean, your design,
your design. And that. Your design.
317
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,000
And then that. Also your design.
318
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,040
Then I could get out.
Yep, your design.
319
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:37,440
Then I took the firefighters the ice
creams. Uh-uh. They're still there.
320
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,080
Yeah, they turned them down. Why?
They said they just weren't
321
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,520
happy with them, so I said,
"Do you want a Nobbly Bobbly?
322
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:45,240
So, I got in the van, I had to get
back in... They're buried.
323
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,200
They're buried.
Dug out what I could -
324
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:51,320
I think I got a Funny Foot
and a Rocket - gave them them,
325
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,320
gave them a piece of my mind...
Yeah.
326
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,720
..got back in the van and drove off.
327
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:56,760
All of which took...
328
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,120
..five minutes and 12 seconds.
329
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:04,040
But, to be fair, this isn't
Mr Nippy's natural terrain.
330
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:08,640
There's more strings to this little
fellow's bow. Hop in.
331
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,280
Prepare to have your minds blown.
332
00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:23,840
Hold on to your wafers, boys!
333
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:27,000
Whoa!
334
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:31,160
Whoa! Right, McGuinness... Ho, ho!
335
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:32,920
McGuinness! Oh, here we go!
336
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:38,760
You see, the trouble with ice cream
vans now is they're made for tarmac.
337
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,560
All your customers, they're on
the grass, they're in the parks,
338
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,600
they're on the beach,
they're on the sand.
339
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,440
This thing will go anywhere.
340
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:51,680
Woo! Whoa! Paddy, it's electric.
We're going to get electrocuted.
341
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,520
Get the wipers on!
It's electric, you knobhead!
342
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:56,760
Oh, God!
343
00:17:58,880 --> 00:17:59,920
Ha, ha!
344
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,040
McGuinness...
345
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,520
Oh!
346
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:06,400
Oh, it's all coming in here.
347
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:10,040
There's water everywhere.
You are such a wally! Whoa!
348
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,920
Stop, stop, there's people now,
Paddy. I see customers.
349
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:17,680
I see customers. Bloody hell, man.
Hang on, right. Hang on.
350
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:23,160
Mate, it's a disgrace back here, Paddy.
351
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:26,240
That's going to take a while, that,
isn't it? I genuinely can't see.
352
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,360
Mate, it's gone everywhere.
353
00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:31,080
There's milk and cream everywhere.
354
00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,600
It's disgusting!
355
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:40,680
You see, Mr Nippy gets the ice cream
right to where it's needed most.
356
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,360
There you go. Take it, OK?
There you go.
357
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,720
And just when you think it's pushed
the world of chilled refreshment
358
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,200
as far as it'll go...
359
00:18:55,800 --> 00:19:00,320
..Mr Nippy goes and rewrites
the rule book once again.
360
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,360
Lads...
361
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:05,080
..there's customers out there.
Where? Where? Where?
362
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,640
That's the sea. Exactly.
363
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:13,920
Oh, yes.
364
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:19,040
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to
Mr Nippy's nautical sidekick...
365
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:22,720
..Mr Shippy.
366
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,160
The ice creams are coming, everyone!
367
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:32,280
Mr Shippy's here.
368
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,960
I know this is not in the spirit
of what Paddy is trying to achieve,
369
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,480
but wouldn't it be easier
if he just got them to come in here
370
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,560
and buy from the van?
371
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,560
Yeah, that's what they do.
Where am I going?
372
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,760
Hang on.
373
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,000
Oh, Jesus!
374
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,160
He's just a clown, isn't he? Yeah.
375
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,840
Come on!
376
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:57,680
What's he doing? Go on,
Paddy. How's it going?
377
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:01,680
He's going in. He's going in here.
It's a prototype.
378
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:02,720
Ah!
379
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,440
CHRIS LAUGHS
380
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:20,760
He's such a prat.
381
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:26,560
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
382
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:37,320
I like it. Thank you. You've got
to admit I'm on to something.
383
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:41,200
More like on something. All right,
I'll concede - Mr Nippy - promising.
384
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,560
Thank you. But what's that
floaty tyre thing?
385
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:45,240
Mr Shippy. Absolute shambles.
386
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,320
All right, Mr Knocker, eh?
387
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:48,880
It were a prototype!
388
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,920
Do you know how many chicken
breasts George Foreman burnt
389
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,840
before he got that grill right?
Plenty!
390
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,360
Mr Nippy's still got more to give,
as you'll see later in the show,
391
00:20:57,360 --> 00:21:00,640
but first, Chris Harris wants
to talk about electric cars.
392
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,000
That's right, Patrick,
393
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,960
because EVs aren't exactly
taking over the roads, are they?
394
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:09,320
And I reckon that's because cheap
electric cars are a bit joyless.
395
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:13,000
What we need is something electric
and affordable and efficient
396
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:18,520
but also fun, like the original
Mini, and perhaps we've got one.
397
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,720
It comes from Honda.
398
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:28,240
As you'd expect, it's called the E.
399
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:33,280
And, as you can see, it's small,
pretty and manages that neat trick
400
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:37,560
of looking fresh
and yet somehow timeless.
401
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:44,120
It's a lot like the original
Mini, except here Honda has taken
402
00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:49,440
that tried-and-tested less-is-more
approach and really run with it.
403
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,160
You see, the one question
people ask about any new
404
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:03,640
electric car is, "How far will it
go on a single charge?"
405
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,240
And in this case, the answer
406
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:07,760
is not very far.
407
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,480
Officially, it's about 130 miles.
408
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,120
Now, if you live in Gloucestershire
409
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:18,280
and commute to Glasgow
that's a bit of an issue,
410
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:22,080
but, Honda reckons, for the rest
of us it's not such a problem.
411
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:27,680
You see, it turns out less than
1% of journeys in the UK
412
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,560
are longer than 100 miles.
413
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:34,880
So, Honda says, there's no point
lugging around a bunch of extra
414
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,400
heavy and expensive batteries
415
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,240
that 99% of the time you don't need.
416
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,160
How can I put it?
417
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:47,320
It's like sometimes you're asked
to take a load of in-laws
418
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:50,600
to a wedding, right, and what you
need is an eight-seater minibus,
419
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,360
but you don't actually buy an
eight-seater minibus
420
00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:55,760
for the two times a year
you might actually need it.
421
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:59,320
What you do is you buy a normal car
and you tell
422
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,800
mad Aunt Jean to take a taxi.
423
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,160
And it's the same with the E.
424
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:08,520
It's not about what might
occasionally be handy -
425
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:12,000
it's about what
you actually need every day.
426
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:17,200
And besides, smaller batteries mean
a lighter car
427
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,400
and a lighter car should mean
428
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:20,840
more fun to drive.
429
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:27,760
And this thing does manage that.
430
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:29,560
I've got a wheel at each corner.
431
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,360
It feels squat, it feels agile,
432
00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:33,880
the steering is really quick.
433
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,120
And - like all electric cars -
434
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:41,200
it somehow manages to feel much
quicker than the numbers suggest.
435
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:45,320
It just punches out of corners
with all that torque. It's great.
436
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,080
OK, it's not very fast -
0 to 60, eight seconds,
437
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:51,880
top speed 100mph -
438
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,440
and this is the fast one.
439
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:56,880
But that doesn't matter.
440
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:58,920
The old Mini wasn't fast
441
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,360
but it was fun, and so is this.
442
00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:08,440
However, the old Mini was also cheap
and it has to be said the Honda E...
443
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,440
..isn't.
444
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:15,480
This one is £26,000
and that includes £3,000
445
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,720
from the government, which is enough
446
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:19,920
to stop most buyers in their tracks.
447
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:23,480
Unless, that is, those buyers
448
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:27,240
like lots and lots of toys.
449
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:32,560
Now, in here you get more screens
than the Dixons telly department.
450
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,240
Have a look at this little lot here.
451
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,440
It is remarkable.
452
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,920
To start with, you can
have Japan in the autumn.
453
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,880
I don't know why that's useful,
but it's great.
454
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,560
And if you're really bored -
455
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:44,640
and you'd have to be really bored -
456
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:49,520
you can turn the whole
fascia into an aquarium.
457
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:52,440
Don't ask me why, but the people
at Honda thought it would be funky.
458
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:55,760
Now, the rear-view mirror is
actually a camera facing backwards
459
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:59,000
and both wing mirrors are also
cameras, like little mouse's ears,
460
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,080
on the side of the car and
461
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:03,320
if you really want to have
a massive crash,
462
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,200
you can connect a PlayStation.
463
00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:15,920
Don't get me wrong, the little
Honda is great fun,
464
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,600
it's just that £26,000
465
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:22,880
is a lot of money for an electric
car that - aquariums aside -
466
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:26,480
isn't really bringing
anything new to the party.
467
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,480
And that's a real shame,
468
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:31,440
because Honda's history
469
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:34,240
is full of innovation and new ideas.
470
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:38,680
It knows how to do revolutionary
better than any other car company,
471
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:41,240
but this E - it's lovely to be in,
472
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,640
it's lovely to drive, but it's just
a load of existing technology
473
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:48,000
wrapped in some fancy clothes.
474
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:52,360
And the thing about existing
technology is everyone
475
00:25:52,360 --> 00:25:55,040
else is at it too.
476
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:56,280
Which begs the question -
477
00:25:56,280 --> 00:26:00,200
how does the little Honda
stack up against the competition?
478
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:06,080
To find out, I've brought it to
the rigorous industry-standard
479
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:09,240
proving ground that is Alton Towers.
480
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:17,520
And waiting to take on the Honda
at the UK's largest theme park -
481
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,640
a pair of the E's closest rivals.
482
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,760
In the silver corner,
the Mini Electric,
483
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:28,040
all that keen handling
and total lack of practicality
484
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:31,480
we've come to expect
from the pride of Oxfordshire...
485
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,800
and Bavaria. Now with a plug socket.
486
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,120
More powerful than the Honda
487
00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:39,800
and able to go a little
further on a charge, at just
488
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:43,360
over £24,000, the Mini Electric
489
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:45,800
is also a couple of grand cheaper.
490
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,800
And in the Orange corner,
the Vauxhall Corsa-e -
491
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,760
just like a normal Corsa,
only battery-powered.
492
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,480
Perfect for the buyer who doesn't
want people to know they've gone
493
00:26:56,480 --> 00:27:01,760
electric, but is totally happy
being seen in a Vauxhall.
494
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:07,000
For nigh on the same money as the
Honda, you get 200 miles of range,
495
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:11,160
plus it's bigger
and somehow also lighter.
496
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:14,280
Now all we need is a pair of
precision drivers to pilot
497
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:15,520
these two machines.
498
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:17,360
Hello, Chris.
499
00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:20,600
Now we're talking.
We said precision, lads.
500
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:23,680
What's precision about your driving,
to start with? Nothing.
501
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,440
Can you believe we're in Alton
Towers? We've got it to ourselves.
502
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,960
Have you been here before, Paddy?
Oh, have I've been?
503
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:33,560
I've been here, my friend. My name's
marked on trees down there,
504
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:36,160
when I've got lost in the past.
I've been here loads of times.
505
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,320
I came as a kid a couple of times,
then I brought my kids.
506
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:40,640
I love it here.
507
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,480
I've got to say, I like the look
of that. I didn't think I would.
508
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,360
I've seen pictures of it,
but in the flesh,
509
00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:50,000
it's got a bit of a charm to it.
What, him? No, no, not him!
510
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:54,040
At the minute, everyone loves a
Mini, right? But, the wheels.
511
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,240
Mate, I'm with you.
512
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,680
I don't see the need for
electric cars to mess about with
513
00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:00,240
the wheels so much.
It's like because it's electric,
514
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,720
they feel as though they have to
do these little touches to it
515
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,280
and that's why the Corsa is
the best one,
516
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:08,040
because if you look at it,
it's just a Corsa.
517
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:10,880
You wouldn't even know it's electric
apart from that little Pac-Man
518
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:12,280
badge on the side there.
519
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:15,440
But that's the problem, I think.
You've said it yourself. What?
520
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:18,760
It's a Corsa. I think
you'll be surprised by this. Yeah?
521
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:21,160
It's got a few tricks up its sleeve,
this little fellow.
522
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:23,520
And an absolute goon behind the wheel.
523
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:26,000
Oh, dear. Oh, dear,
oh, dear, oh, dear.
524
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,720
Now, the rules of our test are simple.
525
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:35,160
Starting at the entrance, we'd
all race to find a route through
526
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:38,960
Alton Towers' different
themed zones, aiming to be first
527
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:43,280
to reach the exit near the Nemesis
ride on the other side of the park.
528
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,280
However, as if this
bewildering maze of roads
529
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:50,560
and roller-coasters
wasn't enough to contend with,
530
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:54,720
the producers had also thrown
in a few strategically placed
531
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,120
dead ends to keep us guessing.
532
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:03,800
And to think, all this armed
with nothing but a visitors' map.
533
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:07,720
Right, gentlemen. Study your maps,
534
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:10,880
because I'm going to take some
beating in this bad boy.
535
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:12,720
I'm confident on this one, lads.
536
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:15,480
I've got the best handling car,
I've got the most power.
537
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:19,800
This is my day, mate. This is my
day. I've always wanted to say this.
538
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,560
Gentlemen, start your batteries!
539
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,040
Three.
540
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:30,720
Two.
541
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:32,280
One.
542
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:34,080
Go!
543
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:37,240
Oh, the Corsa's straight off the line!
544
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:40,720
Doing a right here, got
the inside line. Where's he going?
545
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:44,120
I'm going left. Yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes!
546
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:47,160
They've gone the other way!
They've gone the other way!
547
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:50,160
Oh, no, it's a dead end!
548
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,000
Geez.
549
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:53,680
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
550
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,960
I'm not going that way!
That's a barrier. Right!
551
00:29:56,960 --> 00:30:00,040
So I want to head up
towards the Forbidden Valley.
552
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:03,440
So, tactics.
553
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:07,200
Harris had decided to use his map,
which was going well.
554
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:09,840
This isn't quite
as straightforward as I'd hoped.
555
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:11,000
Flintoff, meanwhile,
556
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:14,920
had decided to blunder
from one roadblock to the next.
557
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,040
No, can't go that way.
558
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:21,480
While I was channelling
years of McGuinness family outings.
559
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:24,240
This is proper Alton Towers,
this. In the forest.
560
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,680
This is where
I used to get lost as a kid.
561
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:30,040
And that meant myself and my little
Vauxhall were in the lead
562
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:33,240
and already at the first big
roller-coaster.
563
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:37,280
Come on, Corsa! Here we go.
564
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:42,680
This... This is mad.
This is school boy dream stuff!
565
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:47,280
Now we're cooking on gas. Now we've
found a route. Ooh, which way?
566
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:48,600
Let's go up here.
567
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:53,880
I've got Harris. How good is this?
Come on, Harris!
568
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,280
I'm just going to follow him.
569
00:30:56,280 --> 00:31:00,200
Yes! Now we're cooking.
Up to the actual towers.
570
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:04,240
LAUGHTER
571
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:06,880
This is the best day out ever.
572
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:11,000
So, we'd all cleared the first zone,
573
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:13,800
and McGuinness was now leading
the way round the back
574
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:18,680
of the towers towards what looked
like the next stage of the course.
575
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:21,360
Oh! Dark Forest, that'll do.
576
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:23,880
Come on, Corsa!
577
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:29,760
Where the BLEEP is it?
578
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:35,720
But this is the problem with
racing around a theme park littered
579
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:37,680
with random dead ends.
580
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:40,080
What have we got down here?
What have we got down here?
581
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:43,680
The way isn't always obvious
even using the map.
582
00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:49,960
That's the Dark Forest. That
could be right. Pad's gone that way.
583
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:52,880
He's slowing up. Get out!
What you doing?!
584
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:55,680
Oh, Christ. I've done
a bloody circle, haven't I? Right.
585
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:58,680
He's lost, I'm telling you.
I'm not getting involved in that.
586
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:00,320
Dark Forest...
587
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:06,880
Where's he going? I'm going to take
a right here. Oh, it is Dark Forest.
588
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:08,720
Drat!
589
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,400
Meanwhile, in the Dark Forest...
590
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:16,240
What's that? That's Rita. Worst name
for a ride ever, that. Rita.
591
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:22,080
The park had thrown up
a fiendishly tight handling test.
592
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,920
Oh, my God, where am I?
593
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:28,400
Harris's little Honda
is going to love it in here.
594
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:31,920
Ah, Flintoff. I'm after you.
595
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:37,640
The superior turning circle of the
Honda really paying dividends now.
596
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:41,720
Geez, that's tight.
Good job I've got the little Mini.
597
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:43,840
He's just so nimble!
598
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:46,920
Now nearly halfway through the park,
599
00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:50,520
McGuinness was still
clinging on to the lead.
600
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:52,280
Rally stage, I like it.
601
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:57,080
But the twists and turns of the
Dark Forest had closed the pack
602
00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:58,760
right up.
603
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,400
And now sprinting
down to the next zone...
604
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,680
Come on, come on, come on, come on!
605
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:07,040
..my more powerful mini was
dropping Harris's Honda...
606
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:09,040
No sign of them!
607
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:10,960
..and reeling in the Corsa.
608
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:13,280
TYRES SCREECH
609
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:15,240
There he is, it's McGuinness!
610
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:16,760
HORNS TOOT
611
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:19,560
Oh, it's Flintoff!
Where's he going?
612
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,640
There's a right and a left,
which way are you going, Pad?
613
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:26,960
Round there. I'm going to go right!
Geez, it's a gamble.
614
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:29,200
Oh, I'm going to turn here. Left,
right, left, right.
615
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,400
Last decision, I'm going right.
616
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:34,760
Now I've got completely lost again.
What? Wicker Man.
617
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:36,400
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
618
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:41,280
Whoa, whoa, left, right!
Get up here. Here we go.
619
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:44,720
This is definitely the wrong way.
620
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:46,960
Spin it round.
621
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:49,720
I've been left for dead
by a comedian and a cricketer!
622
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:50,880
Come on, Honda!
623
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:58,040
0-30, 2.8 seconds!
Getting all that valuable time back.
624
00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:01,320
Just seen McGuinness,
there he is. Come on, come on.
625
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:05,760
There was now just one zone
left between us
626
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:08,720
and the finish line
at the exit of the park.
627
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:14,240
And charging towards the Nemesis
to look for the way out,
628
00:34:14,240 --> 00:34:17,360
it was Flintoff that had the lead.
629
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:23,840
I do love a Mini.
180hp, 0-60, 7.3 seconds.
630
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:27,160
But feels so much faster.
631
00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:30,160
It's so much fun!
632
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:32,280
Oh, my word, I might be converted.
633
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:33,800
Oh!
634
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:34,840
No!
635
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:42,040
Nemesis. Oh, there it goes! Go on,
the Nemesis. Right, which way?
636
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:43,560
This way.
637
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:47,680
Right, I'm going
to have to use this map. Nemesis.
638
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:48,920
Where's the Nemesis?
639
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:54,800
OK, come on, Harris.
Nemesis. Nemesis.
640
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:56,960
Nemesis is close to the exit.
641
00:34:56,960 --> 00:35:01,440
Oh, there we go, that's where it
was hiding. I'm nearly out.
642
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:02,880
Why did I not read the map?
643
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:08,000
Am I going the right way?
I don't know. It's tight. Oh, exit.
644
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:16,080
Oh, here we go, the finish line!
645
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:18,600
McGuinness! Can I get past him?
646
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:21,880
I can't see anyone... Oh, no!
647
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:23,360
Come on, Pad!
648
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,400
No!
649
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:29,280
Shocking!
650
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:32,120
All right, Chris? Thank you.
651
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:37,160
Chris is gutted. Absolutely gutted.
652
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:40,840
Unbelievable. Unbelievable!
653
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,640
All right, Pad? Good effort.
654
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:46,600
How? Good effort, that, lads. How?
What do you mean?
655
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,520
How's that happened?
656
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:49,800
What?
657
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:53,120
What happened, did you get stuck
in a queue? Queues on the rides?
658
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:55,040
If we take him to a race track,
he crashes.
659
00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:57,120
We bring him to a theme park,
he does well.
660
00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:58,960
I tell you something, though.
Tell us, Pad.
661
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:03,160
There is no surprise in, as usual,
three series in,
662
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:06,320
racing driver, last. Last place.
Come on, then, Chris.
663
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:07,800
Again. Give us an excuse.
664
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:09,720
One excuse, come on.
What is it this time?
665
00:36:09,720 --> 00:36:12,200
Hang on, "No, I'm not a racing
driver." That's his new one now.
666
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,040
"We're not on a track,
we're at a theme park."
667
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:17,680
What happened?
Well, I got lost a couple of times.
668
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:21,040
Well, so did we all. Yeah. Did you?
I went to dead ends and all sorts.
669
00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:23,760
Did you? Yeah. Well,
you must have gone faster than me.
670
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:24,920
Yeah. I've got to say,
671
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:27,960
though, I do believe I've got
the best car out of the three.
672
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:29,720
Just not the quickest!
673
00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:32,320
If you took the badges off... I...
674
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:34,400
Why has he got
dents all over his bonnet?
675
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:37,600
He has got a few
dints on his bonnet, hasn't he?
676
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:39,000
I've just sat on it.
677
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:40,480
THEY LAUGH
678
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:42,600
I'm 17st!
679
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:45,160
It's made out of recycled stuff,
I think. I'm going.
680
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:48,400
See you later. Have a good one,
lads! That's the Covid kilos.
681
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:51,480
No, but fair play to both of you.
682
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:54,320
You've proved you're better at
driving round a theme park than me.
683
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:55,960
I mean, you must be so proud.
684
00:36:57,480 --> 00:36:59,040
Fancy a go on Rita?
685
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:02,760
What's Rita? It's a ride.
686
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:11,480
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
687
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:16,960
How good was that? Amazing.
688
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:19,680
I tell you, theme park racing,
that's my kind of motorsport.
689
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,200
I've got to say,
I'm not sold on this Mini.
690
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:25,400
It was fun to drive, but for what
it is, just too expensive.
691
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:27,000
It's the same story with the Honda.
692
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:29,200
You can almost justify it
for the interior alone,
693
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:31,960
but for the money,
I was expecting a bit more.
694
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:34,400
That's why I like the Vauxhall,
because it's very honest.
695
00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:35,600
What a lot of electric cars do,
696
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,960
they try and do something different
because it's electric.
697
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:39,080
Like the Mini. Look at it.
698
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:42,040
It's a Mini, but look at those
horrendous wheels they've put on it.
699
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:44,920
Oh, it's electric!
The Vauxhall's honest.
700
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:47,480
It's a Corsa and it's electric.
701
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:50,400
So if you want a Corsa that's electric,
702
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:53,560
buy the Corsa that's electric.
703
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:56,200
Is that the best you've got?
Yes, it is. Deary me.
704
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,720
Overall, they haven't moved
the game on that much, have they?
705
00:37:58,720 --> 00:38:01,120
That's the problem with being
an early adopter, you see,
706
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:03,240
it's a bit like buying
a flatscreen 20 years ago.
707
00:38:03,240 --> 00:38:04,600
You knew that in two years' time
708
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:07,800
something would come along that was
twice as good and half the price.
709
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:10,600
Yeah, correct.
Now it's time to get back to
710
00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:13,120
my game-changing
ice cream van, Mr Nippy.
711
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:16,160
It was a resounding success
in Blackpool, but after that, the
712
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:20,120
producers said to me, "Ice cream's
not the only fast food in town.
713
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:22,280
"If you think Mr Nippy's
the best in the mobile food
714
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:24,720
business, prepare for war."
715
00:38:24,720 --> 00:38:25,760
So, that I did.
716
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:36,080
RADIO CHATTER
717
00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:46,840
The producers had ordered me
718
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:52,440
and Mr Nippy to report to a mystery
location on Salisbury plain.
719
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:57,640
Where, they said, I would meet up
with the rest of my regiment.
720
00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:02,720
What a beautiful part
of the world this is! Lovely stuff.
721
00:39:02,720 --> 00:39:04,720
What have they got in store for us?
722
00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:07,360
♪ There's somethin'
happenin' here
723
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:09,920
♪ But what it is... ♪
724
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:14,280
Don't you worry, Mr Nippy. After
Blackpool, we can survive anything!
725
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:17,560
♪ ..There's a man with
a gun over there... ♪
726
00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:19,400
There's Chris Harris.
727
00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:24,160
On his own, with no regiment.
728
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:27,560
♪ ..Stop, children,
what's that sound? ♪
729
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:35,280
You're getting there. It's smoother.
Where's the regiment? It's me.
730
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:37,480
You are the regiment?
I am the regiment.
731
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:43,000
Oh, dear. Come on, Pad.
What's that? It's a challenge.
732
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:46,720
You want to read it? "Welcome
to Last Van Standing." Get it?
733
00:39:46,720 --> 00:39:49,240
"Ahead lies the town of Hamburger Hill,
734
00:39:49,240 --> 00:39:52,600
"controlled by an army
of hot food vans.
735
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:56,360
"Your mission is to seize
control of the town by eliminating
736
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:57,960
the competition."
737
00:39:57,960 --> 00:39:59,280
Competition?
738
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:06,960
What is that?
739
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:13,640
This is Flintoff's selection of some
of Britain's finest hot food vans.
740
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,800
AKA the competition.
741
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:22,080
All right, lads?
742
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:25,560
What's going on? The regiment.
743
00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:30,120
If you want Hamburger Hill,
you'll have to take it off this lot.
744
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:33,440
Don't fancy your chances, Pad?
Raptor.
745
00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:37,400
Oh, yes, Chris. Look at this.
It's so smooth.
746
00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:39,560
Look at the size of the bump stops.
747
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:41,880
Oh, God, what is he...?
What is he do...?
748
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:43,920
Excuse me? It's not quite the
American one,
749
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:45,880
but as a little brother,
it's brilliant.
750
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:47,760
Chris!
I'm just looking at the shocks.
751
00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:51,800
Can you please stop being
so Chris Harris?
752
00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:56,600
Get in Mr Nippy. That's the enemy.
You're on this team.
753
00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:59,720
Get in. Paddy, this is hot food.
You're going to melt, Paddy.
754
00:40:59,720 --> 00:41:02,600
Get in. You're going to melt!
Get in. Look at you! Get in.
755
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:04,480
But there's a Citroen H Van.
756
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:08,000
I've got to say, even though
you're with the enemy,
757
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:09,960
Fried of Britain - genius.
758
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:11,960
Oh, wait for the other ones, Paddy!
759
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:20,600
Yes, to earn its place in the
pantheon of mobile refreshment
760
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:25,840
vehicles, the producers were sending
Mr Nippy into a turf war.
761
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:29,920
In a giant paintball battle
played out across an abandoned
762
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,000
Ministry of Defence training ground,
763
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:36,160
we would have to fight Flintoff's
hot food army across three
764
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:40,440
different combat zones, aiming
to reach Hamburger Hill's main
765
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:44,360
square, where we'd raise
the flag for ice cream.
766
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:51,000
A simple enough mission, but the
rules of engagement were against us.
767
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:55,840
You see, if we took
three separate strikes...
768
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:00,840
..we'd lose a life.
769
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:05,760
And while Flintoff's vans
would have one life each...
770
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:10,920
we would have just three lives
to complete the whole mission.
771
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:13,880
Outnumbered, outgunned.
772
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:17,680
To get Mr Nippy through this lot,
we'd need to be on our A game.
773
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:22,720
Rear gunner Harris,
are you strapped in there?
774
00:42:22,720 --> 00:42:24,880
You know, Pad?
Are we in the correct roles?
775
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:27,080
Because I'm a natural driver.
776
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:30,120
You were brought up
on the streets of Bolton. So...
777
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:31,680
HE LAUGHS
778
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:33,640
..we're doing this
the wrong way round.
779
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:35,000
I've got to be honest,
780
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:38,440
I'm not brimming with confidence
with you being on the gun.
781
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,320
Whoa!
782
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:44,440
Nevertheless,
we'd reached the first combat zone.
783
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:48,360
Hamburger Hill's...
784
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:50,880
Prime mobile food vending territory,
785
00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:55,240
currently controlled by Flintoff
in Beef Encounters.
786
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:58,360
The burger van.
787
00:42:58,360 --> 00:42:59,480
RADIO: OK, standing by.
788
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:03,480
Here we go. The tension builds.
789
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:09,080
Right. Let's talk Tic Tacs.
What do you reckon?
790
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:12,440
I think you line it up
and I'll shoot him.
791
00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:14,280
Fantastic.
792
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:16,200
I don't know how to play it.
I've got to do it all.
793
00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:18,400
I've got to press my button,
line them up.
794
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:20,800
Harris will be in the back
giving it that.
795
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:23,200
Going to get off to a good
start in the burger van.
796
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:27,640
Come on. Oh, I love the smell
of paintball in the morning.
797
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:30,720
RADIO: Three, two, one...
798
00:43:30,720 --> 00:43:33,320
HOOTER
799
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:36,640
Come on! Let's hunt down
a hot snack man!
800
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:41,360
Right, where is he? Where is he?
801
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:42,800
Where is he?
802
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:46,360
Just going to edge round
to see if I can spot them.
803
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:48,440
Are you seeing anything?
804
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:49,840
Where are they?
805
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:53,520
I'm going to go this way. Hey up,
there's smoke and all sorts here.
806
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:56,960
The trouble is, I can't hear Mr Nippy.
807
00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:59,080
He's full electric.
808
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,840
Oh, my word, where are they?
809
00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:05,480
Chris, have a look here now, have a
look, have a look, have a look!
810
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,440
There he is, there he is!
There he is!
811
00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:09,560
RAPID SPLATTING
812
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:12,680
I'm hit, I'm hit!
Yes, yes! We got a hit on him!
813
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:15,880
Right, the chase is on.
Whoa, whoa!
814
00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:18,400
A little more cat and mouse,
let's have a bit of this.
815
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:20,720
Right, going to hide round here.
816
00:44:20,720 --> 00:44:23,160
When they come round that corner,
I'm going to pepper 'em.
817
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:26,080
I tell you what, I think Mr Nippy
would do a job in a war zone!
818
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:28,240
Oh, it's here!
819
00:44:28,240 --> 00:44:30,680
He's messed up! Ha-ha!
820
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:33,880
We'll head him off from this way.
821
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:36,760
OK, just pull up here
and leave him square on.
822
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:39,920
Give us a bit of protection.
Here. There. Oi, you...
823
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:41,800
Have him!
824
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:45,400
I'm hit, I'm hit. I'm hit.
Good work, Chris!
825
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:47,680
Right, let's go for number three.
826
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:49,800
Come on, Nippy.
827
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:51,080
Here he comes.
828
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:52,600
He's here, he's here, I can see him.
829
00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:55,600
I'm going to gun it, I'm going
to gun it. Have him, son!
830
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:57,640
PAINTBALLS SPLAT
831
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:00,600
Get out, get out!
832
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:02,720
Yeah!
833
00:45:02,720 --> 00:45:04,760
HOOTER
834
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:08,400
We've done it! We've done it!
I can't high five you.
835
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:11,040
Oh, the gun got me in the knackers!
CHRIS GROANS
836
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:14,440
Good work, and you took one in the
knackers. Friendly fire, we're done.
837
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:21,600
So, one burger van well and truly
cooked, and the first zone was ours.
838
00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:27,120
Plus, Harris's crushed nuts aside,
we'd made it through unscathed.
839
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:30,160
Next up was zone two.
840
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:34,480
Hamburger Hill's...
841
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:40,880
An area of rough ground patrolled
by that icon of the British lay-by,
842
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:43,360
Fried of Britain.
843
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:45,960
The mobile greasy spoon.
844
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:53,240
Towed by a fearsome off-road
specialist, the Ford Ranger Raptor.
845
00:45:53,240 --> 00:45:56,600
Now I've upped my game. I've
got around 200 brake horsepower.
846
00:45:56,600 --> 00:46:00,760
0-60, ten seconds.
I've got two guns.
847
00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:03,800
I'm just going to go for it this time.
848
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:08,480
Which, to be fair, was more of a
battle plan then we'd bothered with.
849
00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:10,160
How tall are you, Private?
850
00:46:11,240 --> 00:46:13,360
It's Full Metal Jacket. You've got
to answer me.
851
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:16,400
How tall are you, Private?
I don't know.
852
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:20,600
Just make something up. Give me
a height. Oh, five foot seven.
853
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:24,080
Hang on. How tall are you, Private?
Five foot seven.
854
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:26,320
Five foot seven? I didn't know
they stacked sh...
855
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:28,120
HOOTER
856
00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:32,920
We're off! Here we go, round two,
get ready on the buttons.
857
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:38,160
I'm having a go here.
He's there already! What's he doing?
858
00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:41,960
Come on. Bloody hell!
859
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:45,680
Here we go, got him. Oh, no, I think
he's got us! I think he got us then.
860
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:50,240
It was only a graze, but Mr Nippy
had taken his first strike.
861
00:46:50,240 --> 00:46:52,680
Flintoff was going hit and run.
862
00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:54,080
Let's go and hide.
863
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:56,920
And... it was working.
864
00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:58,040
Where is he?
865
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:01,320
Terrain's good here for the Raptor,
look at this, eating it up.
866
00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:04,000
Is he coming round?
Has he come round? Look at... Whoa!
867
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:08,680
I can see him! He's coming!
I can't see anything!
868
00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:11,280
He's here! Oh, he's gone that way!
869
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:15,200
I think he just got us. What?
870
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:18,120
I got his wheel, I got him!
I've got his wheel!
871
00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:22,000
Oh, nay! Two strikes on Mr Nippy.
872
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:25,280
One more, and we'd lose our first life.
873
00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:28,360
Time to change things up.
874
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:31,240
I'm going to get behind him.
I'm going to get behind him.
875
00:47:31,240 --> 00:47:33,120
Where is he?
876
00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:35,480
Here we go, get round.
877
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:36,520
I can see him!
878
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:41,880
Luckily, Ford isn't the only one
with a bit of off-road nous.
879
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:44,480
Here's Nippy!
880
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:46,000
Whoa!
881
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,120
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
882
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:49,920
Whoa!
883
00:47:49,920 --> 00:47:55,400
McGuinness! We're on him.
I can't hold on! Get round.
884
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:59,040
Yeah! Stop, stop!
885
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:02,400
Yeah, ha-ha!
886
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:07,160
Once the Raptor had been
nicely softened up...
887
00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:09,000
Right, have him! Do him!
888
00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:16,040
..it was just a case of waiting for
Flintoff... Get him on the way out.
889
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:21,160
Get him on the way out!
..to do what he does best.
890
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:22,840
Oh, no, no, no, no!
891
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:27,840
Look at his trailer! Aarrgh!
892
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:30,240
And having kindly
ditched its firepower,
893
00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:34,240
the Raptor was a sitting duck.
894
00:48:34,240 --> 00:48:35,760
He's just going to pick me off.
895
00:48:37,240 --> 00:48:38,840
Come on, then.
896
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:42,680
HOOTER
897
00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:48,640
So, the greasy spoon was well
and truly licked.
898
00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:51,160
And now, badly in need of some
more paint balls,
899
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:53,200
we called in a fresh ammo drop
900
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:57,720
and braced ourselves for Team Hot
Food's last line of defence.
901
00:48:57,720 --> 00:49:03,760
The ethnically-sourced, gluten-free,
vegan-friendly Citroen H Van.
902
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:09,720
That's right.
Flintoff had gone artisan.
903
00:49:09,720 --> 00:49:14,320
And with Mr Nippy now one strike
away from losing his first life,
904
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:20,480
it was time to take on
Hamburger Hill's post-apocalyptic...
905
00:49:22,720 --> 00:49:26,120
..where the enemy had
called in reinforcements.
906
00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:29,520
HOOTER
907
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:31,640
Whoa, what is that?
908
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:34,120
PAINTBALLS SPLAT
Oh, he's got us! No way!
909
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:36,640
He's sent out a sniper!
910
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:38,320
HOOTER
911
00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:43,600
Yes, no farmers' market is complete
without a tuk-tuk coffee wagon.
912
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:49,040
And Flintoff's travelling barista
had cost Mr Nippy his first life.
913
00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:52,440
That meant we'd have to start
the round again, now with just
914
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:56,640
two lives left, to try and conquer
this middle-class stronghold.
915
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:57,840
HOOTER
916
00:49:57,840 --> 00:50:00,200
Right, I'm going to gingerly go in...
917
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:02,840
Let me put some covering fire in.
918
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:06,480
I'm going to hide in here... and
when they see me, I'm popping out.
919
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:09,080
All guns blazing!
920
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:11,000
Hold on, let me have
a little look here.
921
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,560
I'm going to be more
aggressive on this one, Chris.
922
00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:18,080
Here we go. Oh,
we're getting ambushed!
923
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:20,120
Boom, boom, boom!
924
00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:24,280
We got him, we got him.
925
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:27,400
Quickly, quickly, get in that
corner. I'm on it, I'm on it!
926
00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:30,280
Oh, no, no, he's coming
round in the mean machine!
927
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:34,440
PAINTBALLS EXPLODE
928
00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:37,520
LAUGHTER
929
00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:40,600
That's it, draw him, draw him.
930
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:45,720
Right, where's Flintoff? There, he's
there! Go left, go left, go left!
931
00:50:45,720 --> 00:50:48,760
Keep going, keep going,
keep on this side of him.
932
00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:51,400
Have him, have him, have him, have him!
933
00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:54,120
Oh, he's got me, he's got me.
934
00:50:54,120 --> 00:50:56,120
Yes!
935
00:50:56,120 --> 00:50:58,040
Right, Chris, this is it now, pal.
936
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:00,400
Get back in that corner, one way!
937
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:03,400
Where is he? He's round here. Where?
938
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:05,400
Here we go. This is my chance.
939
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:07,400
We've got this, Pad, we've got this.
940
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:11,160
Oh, oh, oh!
941
00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:15,640
You colossal...! I didn't
know his gun were on the front!
942
00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:18,920
HOOTER
943
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:21,280
Mr Nippy was in trouble.
944
00:51:21,280 --> 00:51:24,680
Yes, we got a few strikes
in on the artisan assault squad,
945
00:51:24,680 --> 00:51:27,440
but we'd taken a beating doing it.
946
00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:33,040
Now down to our last life,
before we made our final attack,
947
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:36,360
Team Ice Cream needed a morale boost.
948
00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:41,960
Before we get going, I've had a
little bit of a play with the chimes.
949
00:51:41,960 --> 00:51:43,600
Listen to this.
950
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:46,000
MUSIC: Ride of the Valkyries
by Wagner
951
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:48,840
Oh, yes, Patrick!
Yes, Patrick! Now it's war!
952
00:51:54,560 --> 00:51:58,160
Woohoo! Come on!
953
00:51:58,160 --> 00:51:59,680
HOOTER
954
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:06,320
Can't find the gears.
He's there, he's there!
955
00:52:06,320 --> 00:52:08,120
I can't find the gears.
956
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:11,120
Have him, Chris!
957
00:52:13,320 --> 00:52:16,040
Right, let's get the tuk-tuk.
958
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:19,240
Come on, then, big boys. I can see
him, he's coming up now! You ready?
959
00:52:19,240 --> 00:52:22,120
Go, go, go, go! Have it!
960
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:29,080
With the tuk-tuk taken down,
the tables had turned.
961
00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:32,840
Where is he? Where is he,
the nipster?
962
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:36,080
We need one more shot, Chris.
Get in there!
963
00:52:37,160 --> 00:52:38,640
Here we go.
964
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:41,480
Chase him down, Pad!
I am, I'm on him, son!
965
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:43,360
Here, now, have him!
966
00:52:43,360 --> 00:52:45,400
No! Yeah!
967
00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:49,600
I'm out.
968
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:51,480
We've done it!
HOOTER
969
00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:55,120
We have done it! Good shooting,
Mr Harris!
970
00:52:55,120 --> 00:52:56,800
We smashed that.
971
00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:02,480
Oh, yes. Hamburger Hill was ours.
972
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:05,760
We have done it, Mr Nippy!
973
00:53:05,760 --> 00:53:08,560
Now is our moment of glory.
974
00:53:08,560 --> 00:53:12,200
And all we had to do now was
roll into the main square
975
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:15,120
and raise the flag for ice cream.
976
00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:21,400
There it is, there. I see it! I see
the flag! What's that noise? What?
977
00:53:21,400 --> 00:53:22,720
What's that noise?
978
00:53:22,720 --> 00:53:24,560
RUMBLING
979
00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:33,400
Jesus Christ, he's in a tank! Where
is it? There. It's a massive tank.
980
00:53:34,520 --> 00:53:35,880
Hide! Hide!
981
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:41,640
So, in a wickedly underhand move,
982
00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:44,960
Flintoff had saved his biggest
hot treat till last.
983
00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:50,320
The heavily armed and armoured
fish and chip tank.
984
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:54,640
Driven by the Stig's cousin, who was
recently kicked out of the TA.
985
00:53:55,720 --> 00:53:57,880
Have Your Hake And Eat It!
986
00:53:57,880 --> 00:54:01,040
Have a bit of that!
Have him, Harris! Have him!
987
00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:03,080
Oh, he got me!
988
00:54:06,040 --> 00:54:07,680
Get him, Chris!
989
00:54:08,720 --> 00:54:11,840
Get round the corner. Get round
the corner, get round the corner!
990
00:54:11,840 --> 00:54:15,560
I'm trying! Up against the firepower
of Flintoff's chippy...
991
00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:18,280
Oh, he's got us!
Go on, have a bit of that.
992
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:21,040
..all we could do was run.
993
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:24,560
Left, left, left!
Get out of the way of him!
994
00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:28,760
But, just when it looked like
he had us on the ropes...
995
00:54:28,760 --> 00:54:31,280
I'm out of bullets!
I'm out of bullets!
996
00:54:31,280 --> 00:54:34,680
..we discovered that the reason
Stig's cousin got
997
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:39,080
kicked out of the TA was
because of his tank-driving skills.
998
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:40,840
CRASH
999
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:44,240
Oh! Oh, my word!
1000
00:54:44,240 --> 00:54:48,360
Yep, Team Hot Food had had a shocker.
1001
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:51,800
HOOTER
Yes! Come on, Mr Nippy!
1002
00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:55,400
And victory went to Team Ice Cream.
1003
00:54:58,560 --> 00:55:00,560
Mr Nippy!
1004
00:55:00,560 --> 00:55:03,400
What a vehicle. What a vehicle!
1005
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:08,080
I tell you what, Paddy, I give you
this one. What a machine! Woo!
1006
00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:11,560
That's a decent ice cream van.
Well done.
1007
00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:17,280
Don't roll it!
I'm not rolling it! Woohoo!
1008
00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:19,480
McGuinness, stop!
I'm going to be sick!
1009
00:55:28,240 --> 00:55:32,000
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1010
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:34,480
Virtual high fives!
1011
00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:37,000
All hail Mr Nippy!
1012
00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:44,520
They say revenge is a dish best
served cold with sprinkles,
1013
00:55:44,520 --> 00:55:46,240
and they're absolutely right.
1014
00:55:46,240 --> 00:55:50,320
The ice cream van is mightier than
the tank. You are a terrible winner.
1015
00:55:50,320 --> 00:55:53,280
Thank you. Not a compliment,
but congratulations.
1016
00:55:53,280 --> 00:55:56,240
Because we know your head
is littered with bad ideas.
1017
00:55:56,240 --> 00:55:59,880
But I'll give you this one. Mr
Nippy, definite success. Thank you.
1018
00:55:59,880 --> 00:56:02,680
Genuinely I love Mr Nippy.
Your best invention to date.
1019
00:56:02,680 --> 00:56:05,840
The competition's not strong,
but fantastic. Not strong?
1020
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:08,440
We've just taken on a tank!
1021
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:10,600
Anyhow, this is a good way
to end the series,
1022
00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:14,040
because the three of us, for the
first time ever, are in agreement.
1023
00:56:14,040 --> 00:56:18,840
Mr Nippy is an engineering
sensation and I'm a genius.
1024
00:56:18,840 --> 00:56:21,840
Never said that. Never said that.
Never will. Let's move on.
1025
00:56:21,840 --> 00:56:24,560
No time to argue, boys,
because that's all for tonight,
1026
00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:27,560
and for this series.
ALL: Aww! I know.
1027
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:30,680
Thank you so much for watching,
but we'll be back next year.
1028
00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:33,880
Good news, everyone,
we're all off for a screwball!
1029
00:56:33,880 --> 00:56:35,400
CHEERING
1030
00:56:35,400 --> 00:56:36,880
Goodnight!
81004
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