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-=Sync&Corrected by Misiek666=-
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-=Podnapisi.net=-
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- This is
the story of my best friend.
4
00:01:15,230 --> 00:01:16,396
That's him.
5
00:01:19,668 --> 00:01:20,733
Not now.
6
00:01:22,504 --> 00:01:23,870
That's him now.
7
00:01:32,047 --> 00:01:34,147
He has issues.
8
00:01:34,149 --> 00:01:35,348
- Fuck off!
9
00:01:36,184 --> 00:01:38,351
Intimacy issues.
10
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- Nobody's home!
11
00:01:39,287 --> 00:01:41,588
And anger issues.
12
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And other stuff.
13
00:01:50,799 --> 00:01:52,332
When you have a disability,
14
00:01:52,334 --> 00:01:54,067
you're on display at all hours.
15
00:02:00,041 --> 00:02:02,242
Travis is a solo act.
16
00:02:03,078 --> 00:02:04,377
He lives alone
17
00:02:05,614 --> 00:02:07,046
and he works alone.
18
00:02:11,620 --> 00:02:15,855
And nobody dreams of
being alone forever.
19
00:02:23,965 --> 00:02:25,398
- You're bent, you horn dog!
20
00:02:29,538 --> 00:02:30,837
- Nice spasmobile!
21
00:02:31,573 --> 00:02:33,239
Hey, now we know why
he walks like that.
22
00:02:33,241 --> 00:02:34,140
- Yeah.
23
00:02:34,142 --> 00:02:35,742
- He's got a permanent boner.
24
00:02:35,744 --> 00:02:38,144
- I think he shat himself!
25
00:02:46,154 --> 00:02:47,220
- Oh shit!
26
00:02:47,222 --> 00:02:47,787
Shit!
27
00:02:47,789 --> 00:02:49,756
- Oh shit, run!
28
00:02:49,758 --> 00:02:50,657
Run!
29
00:02:50,659 --> 00:02:52,859
- Who's shitting themself now?
30
00:02:52,861 --> 00:02:53,560
- No!
31
00:02:53,562 --> 00:02:54,562
Oh, he's coming!
32
00:02:57,265 --> 00:02:59,365
- You crazy fuck!
33
00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:07,073
- Oh, shit.
34
00:03:07,075 --> 00:03:08,374
- Up yours, loser!
35
00:03:08,810 --> 00:03:10,510
- Oh, dear.
36
00:03:11,846 --> 00:03:13,213
- Travis.
37
00:03:14,082 --> 00:03:16,149
- Little shit!
38
00:03:18,286 --> 00:03:18,952
- Listen,
39
00:03:18,954 --> 00:03:20,887
what you have to understand
40
00:03:20,889 --> 00:03:24,958
is that the kids in this
college are assholes.
41
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,193
But that doesn't
mean you can just go
42
00:03:27,195 --> 00:03:30,230
and run the little
shitbags over.
43
00:03:30,966 --> 00:03:32,932
- Am I fired?
44
00:03:35,837 --> 00:03:37,837
- Travis, you have
problem with your anger.
45
00:03:37,839 --> 00:03:39,672
Now you need to go
and talk to somebody.
46
00:03:39,674 --> 00:03:41,341
You have to promise me.
47
00:03:41,343 --> 00:03:42,375
- I don't have a problem.
48
00:03:42,377 --> 00:03:44,510
It's not my fault
the world's fucked.
49
00:03:46,047 --> 00:03:47,313
- Promise me.
50
00:04:48,743 --> 00:04:49,743
- Freeze, asshole!
51
00:04:51,913 --> 00:04:53,379
- That's me...
52
00:04:53,381 --> 00:04:54,381
meeting Travis.
53
00:04:56,484 --> 00:04:57,183
- Ah!
54
00:04:57,185 --> 00:04:58,251
Motherfucker!
55
00:04:58,253 --> 00:05:00,153
- Put your hands on your head!
56
00:05:00,155 --> 00:05:02,555
Get on the couch and don't move!
57
00:05:02,557 --> 00:05:03,890
- What couch?
58
00:05:03,892 --> 00:05:04,590
- That couch!
59
00:05:04,592 --> 00:05:07,660
- I can't see any couch,
I can't see anything.
60
00:05:07,662 --> 00:05:08,561
I'm blind!
61
00:05:08,563 --> 00:05:10,163
- Oh, shit.
62
00:05:10,165 --> 00:05:11,130
Okay.
63
00:05:11,132 --> 00:05:12,765
Here, just...
64
00:05:12,767 --> 00:05:13,433
Sit there.
65
00:05:13,435 --> 00:05:14,300
I'm calling an ambulance.
66
00:05:14,302 --> 00:05:16,269
Can I get you anything?
67
00:05:16,271 --> 00:05:16,836
- Oh.
68
00:05:16,838 --> 00:05:17,704
A beer would be nice.
69
00:05:17,706 --> 00:05:19,739
- I'm calling you an ambulance.
70
00:05:19,741 --> 00:05:20,773
- What for?
71
00:05:20,775 --> 00:05:22,241
- You said you can't see.
72
00:05:22,243 --> 00:05:24,043
- I was blind already.
73
00:05:24,045 --> 00:05:25,445
- What kind of burglar are you?
74
00:05:25,447 --> 00:05:27,680
- I'm not a burglar, I
thought you were a burglar.
75
00:05:27,682 --> 00:05:30,083
- I'm not a burglar,
I live here.
76
00:05:30,085 --> 00:05:33,219
- Oh, well, that's
a relief then.
77
00:05:33,221 --> 00:05:34,020
No one's a burglar.
78
00:05:34,022 --> 00:05:38,224
- I get it now, you're
a little blind and...
79
00:05:39,027 --> 00:05:42,095
you just stumbled into
the wrong apartment.
80
00:05:42,097 --> 00:05:43,329
No harm done.
81
00:05:43,331 --> 00:05:44,263
- Easy for you to say.
82
00:05:44,265 --> 00:05:45,865
You didn't get hit over
the head with a frying pan.
83
00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:47,867
- It was a freaking
baseball bat.
84
00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:50,770
- Oh, no wonder my
freaking head hurts.
85
00:05:50,772 --> 00:05:52,271
I need some medication.
86
00:05:52,273 --> 00:05:54,507
Could you, in my bag there?
87
00:05:57,178 --> 00:05:58,077
- Is this it?
88
00:05:58,079 --> 00:06:00,046
- Yeah, that looks like it.
89
00:06:03,985 --> 00:06:06,619
- Can I get
you a glass of water?
90
00:06:06,621 --> 00:06:08,287
- Beer would be better.
91
00:06:18,099 --> 00:06:18,965
- Uh...
92
00:06:18,967 --> 00:06:21,033
I was thinking like asprin.
93
00:06:21,035 --> 00:06:22,668
- No, you can't smoke asprin.
94
00:06:22,670 --> 00:06:24,070
Are you freaking crazy?
95
00:06:25,039 --> 00:06:25,571
Well,
96
00:06:25,573 --> 00:06:26,572
I don't think you can, can you?
97
00:06:26,574 --> 00:06:29,275
- You mind just telling
me what's going on?
98
00:06:29,677 --> 00:06:32,311
- You should've received
one of these, didn't you?
99
00:06:35,683 --> 00:06:36,516
- It's Braille.
100
00:06:36,518 --> 00:06:37,183
What's it say?
101
00:06:37,185 --> 00:06:39,485
- This is a
subsidised apartment.
102
00:06:39,487 --> 00:06:40,420
- So?
103
00:06:40,422 --> 00:06:42,121
- It has two bedrooms.
104
00:06:42,123 --> 00:06:42,822
- So?
105
00:06:42,824 --> 00:06:45,124
- Well, you can
only sleep in one.
106
00:06:45,126 --> 00:06:45,758
- No, no.
107
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,460
Nuh-uh, not happening.
108
00:06:47,462 --> 00:06:48,227
- It's official.
109
00:06:48,229 --> 00:06:50,630
Either I move in or you
pay rent on the extra room.
110
00:06:50,632 --> 00:06:53,032
Like 130, 350.
- Oh, God.
111
00:06:53,034 --> 00:06:54,066
I can't afford that.
112
00:06:54,068 --> 00:06:55,001
- Well it's settled then.
113
00:06:55,003 --> 00:06:56,636
Oh man, we're gonna
have a great time.
114
00:06:56,638 --> 00:06:57,470
- No, we're not!
115
00:06:57,472 --> 00:06:58,938
- Yeah, sure we will, trust me.
116
00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,039
I make the perfect roommate
117
00:07:00,041 --> 00:07:01,207
because I got like
10 percent vision,
118
00:07:01,209 --> 00:07:04,477
so you can like walk around
with your hairy boys hanging out
119
00:07:04,479 --> 00:07:05,244
and I'll never know.
120
00:07:05,246 --> 00:07:10,183
- No, I won't because
you are not staying.
121
00:07:10,185 --> 00:07:11,217
Out!
122
00:07:12,921 --> 00:07:15,688
- Are you pointing
at a door right now?
123
00:07:17,892 --> 00:07:18,958
- No.
124
00:07:19,494 --> 00:07:21,093
- I'm blind.
125
00:07:22,964 --> 00:07:23,896
And homeless
126
00:07:23,898 --> 00:07:25,998
with a possible concussion.
127
00:07:26,801 --> 00:07:28,000
What's your disability?
128
00:07:28,002 --> 00:07:29,969
Are you a heartless dick?
129
00:07:36,644 --> 00:07:38,077
- Oh, oh, okay!
130
00:07:38,079 --> 00:07:40,480
Okay, you can stay!
131
00:07:40,482 --> 00:07:41,981
Just till we get
this sorted, okay?
132
00:07:41,983 --> 00:07:44,417
And we need to set
some boundaries.
133
00:07:44,419 --> 00:07:46,185
- Roomie!
134
00:07:46,187 --> 00:07:47,687
- Boundaries!
135
00:07:48,022 --> 00:07:50,389
When I am home, you
stay in your room.
136
00:07:50,391 --> 00:07:52,658
- I've gotta unpack my stuff.
137
00:07:52,660 --> 00:07:55,061
- Fine, you do that.
138
00:07:55,063 --> 00:07:56,896
I'm going to the pub.
139
00:07:56,898 --> 00:07:57,930
- Oh, great idea!
140
00:07:57,932 --> 00:07:59,398
I'll come with you.
141
00:08:03,638 --> 00:08:05,505
Are we walking or driving?
142
00:08:08,476 --> 00:08:10,877
Oh shit, I guess we're walking.
143
00:08:10,879 --> 00:08:12,512
Come on, take a hit.
144
00:08:12,514 --> 00:08:15,515
Let's get to know
each other, I'm Gordo.
145
00:08:15,517 --> 00:08:17,250
I'm 27.
146
00:08:17,252 --> 00:08:18,117
I'm an Aries.
147
00:08:18,119 --> 00:08:19,085
I'm Samoan.
148
00:08:19,087 --> 00:08:21,587
I'm single but looking.
149
00:08:21,589 --> 00:08:24,790
I enjoy bubble baths and...
150
00:08:24,792 --> 00:08:27,126
Oh, British music of the '80s.
151
00:08:27,128 --> 00:08:28,628
I play the ukulele.
152
00:08:28,630 --> 00:08:29,462
- Give me that.
153
00:08:29,464 --> 00:08:31,631
- Ha.
154
00:08:32,767 --> 00:08:33,499
Yes.
155
00:08:33,501 --> 00:08:34,300
And I'm like,
156
00:08:34,302 --> 00:08:36,602
come on, toaster,
I want four toasts!
157
00:08:36,604 --> 00:08:39,539
Not three on one side
and five on the other.
158
00:08:39,541 --> 00:08:41,240
Just four all over!
159
00:08:42,210 --> 00:08:44,577
You know what, this isn't
what I signed up for.
160
00:08:44,579 --> 00:08:47,713
You made up the numbers,
toaster, not me.
161
00:08:47,715 --> 00:08:50,249
I think my kitchen
appliances hate me.
162
00:08:50,251 --> 00:08:53,519
- Lucky you're a barmaid
not a cook then, eh.
163
00:08:55,390 --> 00:08:56,222
- Sorry.
164
00:08:56,224 --> 00:08:56,956
Sorry.
165
00:08:56,958 --> 00:08:57,757
- Forget the toast,
166
00:08:57,759 --> 00:09:00,092
why won't you get me
another beer, please?
167
00:09:00,595 --> 00:09:02,094
- Sorry, what was your name?
168
00:09:02,096 --> 00:09:03,329
- Derick.
169
00:09:03,331 --> 00:09:04,297
- I'm sorry.
170
00:09:04,299 --> 00:09:06,732
- My name's Derick, Derick!
171
00:09:06,734 --> 00:09:07,500
- No, I got that.
172
00:09:07,502 --> 00:09:09,569
I just, I feel sorry for you.
173
00:09:09,571 --> 00:09:11,037
- Ah.
174
00:09:11,039 --> 00:09:12,138
- Well, you'll feel sorry
175
00:09:12,140 --> 00:09:14,473
if you don't go
get me another beer
176
00:09:14,475 --> 00:09:17,143
with a lot of head.
177
00:09:17,145 --> 00:09:18,177
Oi.
178
00:09:20,615 --> 00:09:22,148
- What an asshole.
179
00:09:22,150 --> 00:09:22,848
- Ah!
180
00:09:22,850 --> 00:09:24,650
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
181
00:09:24,652 --> 00:09:25,818
Clever, oh my God!
182
00:09:25,820 --> 00:09:27,520
Play on words, so clever.
183
00:09:27,522 --> 00:09:28,888
Asking for a foamy beverage
184
00:09:28,890 --> 00:09:32,592
while implying an invitation
to suck your dick.
185
00:09:32,594 --> 00:09:34,093
You're a wit.
186
00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:35,628
About your dick.
187
00:09:35,630 --> 00:09:37,096
You're a dick wit.
188
00:09:37,899 --> 00:09:39,932
- You wanna step outside
and call me that?
189
00:09:39,934 --> 00:09:41,300
- Yeah, sure.
190
00:09:41,302 --> 00:09:43,169
It might take me a minute.
191
00:09:43,571 --> 00:09:46,739
- Forget it, lucky you're
a freaking retard, mate.
192
00:09:46,741 --> 00:09:47,740
- This is your idea of lucky?
193
00:09:47,742 --> 00:09:51,310
Shit, I'd hate to see someone
you think is half bad run.
194
00:09:52,246 --> 00:09:53,212
And retard?
195
00:09:53,214 --> 00:09:55,047
Is that the best you can do?
196
00:09:55,049 --> 00:09:56,449
- I don't know,
what else you got?
197
00:09:56,451 --> 00:09:58,784
- I don't know, how
about spasmonaut?
198
00:09:58,786 --> 00:10:00,086
Window-licker.
199
00:10:00,088 --> 00:10:03,789
I get it, my appearance
can be a bit off-putting.
200
00:10:03,791 --> 00:10:06,092
You know what, when I meet
a girl for the first time
201
00:10:06,094 --> 00:10:07,493
I always get that same look.
202
00:10:07,495 --> 00:10:10,496
And they always ask
the same question.
203
00:10:11,032 --> 00:10:13,532
How did you get into my room?
204
00:10:18,606 --> 00:10:19,572
- Get a light on him.
205
00:10:19,574 --> 00:10:22,541
- But for the record,
I am not retarded.
206
00:10:22,543 --> 00:10:24,744
I'm a spastic,
there's a difference.
207
00:10:24,746 --> 00:10:25,778
The body,
208
00:10:25,780 --> 00:10:26,746
body's fucked.
209
00:10:26,748 --> 00:10:29,215
The brain, the brain is fine.
210
00:10:29,217 --> 00:10:30,750
Kind of the opposite of you.
211
00:10:40,495 --> 00:10:41,927
What'd you think
was gonna happen?
212
00:10:41,929 --> 00:10:45,197
You just come in here and
see a beautiful girl on stage
213
00:10:45,199 --> 00:10:46,499
and go, oh hey, here's the plan,
214
00:10:46,501 --> 00:10:49,602
I'm gonna get shit-faced,
sit in the dark
215
00:10:49,604 --> 00:10:51,704
and yell at her for a blowjob.
216
00:10:51,706 --> 00:10:53,706
'Cause how could that not work?
217
00:10:56,477 --> 00:10:57,276
I'm the retard?
218
00:10:57,278 --> 00:11:00,312
There's a seat for you on
the sunshine bus, my friend.
219
00:11:00,314 --> 00:11:01,147
- Oh!
220
00:11:01,149 --> 00:11:03,449
- You wanna step
outside, be my guest.
221
00:11:03,451 --> 00:11:05,384
If I'm not there
in five minutes,
222
00:11:05,386 --> 00:11:07,219
just start without me.
223
00:11:21,803 --> 00:11:22,702
- Um.
224
00:11:22,704 --> 00:11:25,438
Yeah, where was I?
225
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:26,505
I was...
226
00:11:27,141 --> 00:11:28,240
Toast.
227
00:11:28,242 --> 00:11:30,376
Four people at seven?
228
00:11:30,378 --> 00:11:31,444
Yeah.
229
00:11:32,447 --> 00:11:34,146
Hey, thank you.
230
00:11:34,549 --> 00:11:36,549
Yeah, no worries,
we can do that.
231
00:11:36,551 --> 00:11:38,084
- Ah, gentlemen.
232
00:11:38,086 --> 00:11:39,085
Nice work.
233
00:11:39,087 --> 00:11:39,852
- Don't mention it.
234
00:11:39,854 --> 00:11:41,020
- You got a real knack
for the put downs.
235
00:11:41,022 --> 00:11:41,854
- That's mentioning it.
236
00:11:41,856 --> 00:11:42,755
- Hey, not so fast, hombre.
237
00:11:42,757 --> 00:11:45,091
What would you say to
a month of free beer?
238
00:11:45,093 --> 00:11:46,425
- Hell yes!
239
00:11:47,128 --> 00:11:47,893
- What's the catch?
240
00:11:47,895 --> 00:11:49,895
- Look, that's not the first
time that's happened to Sunny.
241
00:11:49,897 --> 00:11:51,564
How about you come in
and give her some tips
242
00:11:51,566 --> 00:11:52,898
on how to repel
people like that?
243
00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:56,302
- No thanks, my repulsiveness
is a natural gift.
244
00:11:56,304 --> 00:11:57,002
Can't be taught.
245
00:11:57,004 --> 00:11:58,170
- Bullshit, it's free beer!
246
00:11:58,172 --> 00:11:58,971
He'll do it.
247
00:11:58,973 --> 00:12:00,272
Introduce us.
248
00:12:00,274 --> 00:12:01,373
Has she got big titties?
249
00:12:01,375 --> 00:12:02,274
- She's my girlfriend.
250
00:12:02,276 --> 00:12:03,909
- Yeah, has she got big titties?
251
00:12:03,911 --> 00:12:05,177
- Who's this guy?
252
00:12:05,546 --> 00:12:07,713
- Some fucking
freeloader I can't shake.
253
00:12:07,715 --> 00:12:08,581
- He's joking.
254
00:12:08,583 --> 00:12:10,516
I can tell by his
facial expression.
255
00:12:10,518 --> 00:12:11,784
I'm his wise mentor.
256
00:12:11,786 --> 00:12:13,319
His magical negro.
257
00:12:13,321 --> 00:12:14,286
- You're not black.
258
00:12:14,288 --> 00:12:15,721
- Fuck off, are you sure?
259
00:12:15,723 --> 00:12:17,790
- Yeah.
- I look black to me.
260
00:12:17,792 --> 00:12:18,924
- Everything looks black to you.
261
00:12:18,926 --> 00:12:22,328
Look, you're the professional,
why don't you do it?
262
00:12:22,330 --> 00:12:23,295
- Yeah, I'd just be better
263
00:12:23,297 --> 00:12:25,498
if Sunny didn't know
I was doing this.
264
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:26,532
- Mmm, why?
265
00:12:26,534 --> 00:12:27,500
- Trust issues?
266
00:12:27,502 --> 00:12:28,067
- Some.
267
00:12:28,069 --> 00:12:29,335
- And you're gonna fix
that by sneaking around
268
00:12:29,337 --> 00:12:30,402
and doing shit behind her back?
269
00:12:30,404 --> 00:12:32,438
- Sometimes she doesn't
know what's best for her.
270
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,407
- So I'm just supposed
to casually bump into her
271
00:12:35,409 --> 00:12:36,509
and offer some advice?
272
00:12:36,511 --> 00:12:37,476
- No, you take a job.
273
00:12:37,478 --> 00:12:40,045
I'll make sure you're on
the same shift as her.
274
00:12:40,047 --> 00:12:42,581
- Who's gonna hire an
inexperienced spastic
275
00:12:42,583 --> 00:12:45,384
with anger issues
to pick up glasses?
276
00:12:45,386 --> 00:12:46,485
- Me, I own the joint.
277
00:12:46,487 --> 00:12:47,987
Hey, Felicity, do me a solid.
278
00:12:47,989 --> 00:12:50,856
- Oh, see, to me that
sounds like you mean a shit,
279
00:12:50,858 --> 00:12:51,857
doesn't it?
280
00:12:51,859 --> 00:12:52,424
- Kinda.
281
00:12:52,426 --> 00:12:54,426
- Yeah, it sounds like you
just asked her to do your shit.
282
00:12:54,428 --> 00:12:55,561
- Oh, here she comes.
283
00:12:55,563 --> 00:12:56,695
- I hope she doesn't.
284
00:12:57,665 --> 00:13:00,232
- Felicity, this is...
285
00:13:00,234 --> 00:13:01,066
- Travis.
286
00:13:01,068 --> 00:13:01,767
- And Gordo.
287
00:13:01,769 --> 00:13:03,202
- Yeah, put him on the
she same shift as Sunny.
288
00:13:03,204 --> 00:13:06,105
He's gonna help her get
ready for the radio scouts.
289
00:13:06,107 --> 00:13:07,439
- When can you start?
290
00:13:07,441 --> 00:13:08,040
- Never.
291
00:13:08,042 --> 00:13:09,408
I'm only here because
this fat freak
292
00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:10,342
is cluttering my apartment.
293
00:13:10,344 --> 00:13:13,445
- Only till you earn extra to
pay rent on the other room.
294
00:13:13,447 --> 00:13:14,280
Which is?
295
00:13:14,282 --> 00:13:15,047
- 133.50.
296
00:13:15,049 --> 00:13:17,616
- Yeah, plus tax,
that's 200 even.
297
00:13:17,618 --> 00:13:19,552
Plus drink for the
magical helper.
298
00:13:19,554 --> 00:13:20,786
Bottomless.
299
00:13:20,788 --> 00:13:21,987
Deal?
300
00:13:26,794 --> 00:13:28,928
- You're
with Mikey in the morning,
301
00:13:28,930 --> 00:13:30,129
keeping it real.
302
00:13:30,131 --> 00:13:31,330
Okay, let's take some calls.
303
00:13:31,332 --> 00:13:36,068
Today I wanna hear about the
weirdest job you've ever had.
304
00:13:36,070 --> 00:13:37,169
- Hey, guys!
305
00:13:37,171 --> 00:13:38,370
Such a big fan of the show.
306
00:13:38,372 --> 00:13:40,272
I have the best story.
307
00:13:40,274 --> 00:13:41,640
I can't believe...
308
00:13:46,247 --> 00:13:47,346
- Pants!
309
00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:49,849
For the love of God!
310
00:13:49,851 --> 00:13:50,549
What time is it?
311
00:13:50,551 --> 00:13:53,219
- Time for free
beers, bro, come on!
312
00:13:53,754 --> 00:13:54,854
- Free for you.
313
00:13:54,856 --> 00:13:55,654
- How hard can it be?
314
00:13:55,656 --> 00:13:57,489
You just pick up some glasses
and talk to a pretty girl.
315
00:13:57,491 --> 00:13:59,391
- How do you know she's pretty?
316
00:13:59,393 --> 00:14:02,027
- Well, one, she's
not that funny
317
00:14:02,029 --> 00:14:02,728
and two,
318
00:14:02,730 --> 00:14:04,563
her boyfriend's a
celebrity dickhead.
319
00:14:04,565 --> 00:14:06,165
- Oh, this is gonna suck.
320
00:14:06,601 --> 00:14:08,267
- It's just until
you get the money.
321
00:14:08,269 --> 00:14:09,668
Then you can kick me out and
322
00:14:09,670 --> 00:14:11,770
grouch your way
through life and such.
323
00:14:11,772 --> 00:14:12,371
- Mmmmm.
324
00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:15,841
But then what, what's
gonna happen to you?
325
00:14:15,843 --> 00:14:17,243
- I'll be fine.
326
00:14:17,245 --> 00:14:18,577
I'm like a cat.
327
00:14:19,347 --> 00:14:20,613
I always land on my feet.
328
00:14:23,384 --> 00:14:25,384
- Yeah, clearly.
329
00:14:33,794 --> 00:14:35,494
- Yeah, be cool.
330
00:14:38,266 --> 00:14:38,831
- Hey!
331
00:14:38,833 --> 00:14:41,133
Didn't expect to see you here.
332
00:14:42,837 --> 00:14:43,702
Hello.
- Hey.
333
00:14:43,704 --> 00:14:45,671
- This is a stupid idea.
334
00:14:46,474 --> 00:14:47,806
- Hey, hey, hey.
335
00:14:47,808 --> 00:14:48,507
Come on.
336
00:14:48,509 --> 00:14:49,708
It'll be fun.
337
00:14:52,313 --> 00:14:54,146
- Thanks.
338
00:14:55,883 --> 00:14:57,416
- Cheers, mate.
339
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:00,320
- Excuse me.
340
00:15:02,156 --> 00:15:02,688
Hey.
341
00:15:02,690 --> 00:15:04,023
- Hey, what about this
guy the other night?
342
00:15:04,025 --> 00:15:04,823
Pretty funny, huh?
343
00:15:04,825 --> 00:15:06,926
- Yeah, you were, unlike me.
344
00:15:06,928 --> 00:15:08,394
- Nah, you were fine.
345
00:15:08,396 --> 00:15:09,762
That guy was a real douche.
346
00:15:09,764 --> 00:15:11,530
- Ugh, yeah, men are sad.
347
00:15:11,532 --> 00:15:14,466
Not you, though, you're special.
348
00:15:16,070 --> 00:15:18,304
I mean, lovely special.
349
00:15:18,306 --> 00:15:19,306
Not...
350
00:15:20,741 --> 00:15:22,308
I'm just, I'm
gonna stop talking.
351
00:15:22,310 --> 00:15:24,276
- Hey, you should be
mixing cocktails, mate.
352
00:15:24,278 --> 00:15:25,678
You'd be a natural.
353
00:15:26,314 --> 00:15:26,979
- Yeah.
354
00:15:26,981 --> 00:15:28,047
- Do you need a hand with...
355
00:15:28,049 --> 00:15:29,715
- No, I got it.
356
00:15:38,225 --> 00:15:39,925
- First day is going well.
357
00:15:39,927 --> 00:15:41,760
It's hard to pick
my favourite moment
358
00:15:41,762 --> 00:15:43,195
but I think I'm
gonna have to go with
359
00:15:43,197 --> 00:15:46,098
covering my vegan
sister in beef gravy.
360
00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:49,702
- I don't know why I
took this stupid job.
361
00:15:49,704 --> 00:15:50,402
- Sure you do.
362
00:15:50,404 --> 00:15:53,138
He took this stupid job
so he could talk to you.
363
00:15:53,140 --> 00:15:54,406
- Wow, player.
364
00:15:54,408 --> 00:15:56,608
- No, not like that.
365
00:15:56,911 --> 00:16:00,145
I just wanted to see
if you needed any help.
366
00:16:01,449 --> 00:16:02,748
With heckling.
367
00:16:03,985 --> 00:16:06,518
- Did Mikey put you up to this?
368
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:07,286
- Why would he?
369
00:16:07,288 --> 00:16:10,589
- He thinks I need to be
better at staying on track.
370
00:16:10,591 --> 00:16:15,427
I tend to get swept
along a little bit.
371
00:16:15,429 --> 00:16:18,197
Doesn't seem like an
issue for you though.
372
00:16:18,199 --> 00:16:19,999
- Never been swept.
373
00:16:21,402 --> 00:16:22,434
- So,
374
00:16:22,436 --> 00:16:23,669
how would this work?
375
00:16:23,671 --> 00:16:27,706
You being my personal rage guru?
376
00:16:28,909 --> 00:16:29,808
- No idea, really.
377
00:16:29,810 --> 00:16:33,746
- Wow, that sounds like a
really well thought out plan.
378
00:16:34,582 --> 00:16:37,049
Okay, you know what, fine.
379
00:16:37,051 --> 00:16:37,750
Let's do it.
380
00:16:37,752 --> 00:16:41,353
See, that's me just
getting swept along.
381
00:16:41,355 --> 00:16:43,489
- Well, I'll leave
you kids to it.
382
00:16:43,491 --> 00:16:45,024
I gotta get to work.
383
00:16:46,093 --> 00:16:47,726
- You work?
384
00:16:47,728 --> 00:16:48,727
- Sure do.
385
00:16:48,729 --> 00:16:50,996
I'm in the music business.
386
00:16:50,998 --> 00:16:52,431
Yeah.
387
00:16:53,968 --> 00:16:56,902
♪ Here I am sitting here
388
00:16:56,904 --> 00:17:01,006
♪ Waiting for some
loose change ♪
389
00:17:01,008 --> 00:17:03,475
♪ Here to remind you
390
00:17:03,477 --> 00:17:07,012
♪ That everyday is a good day
391
00:17:07,014 --> 00:17:07,646
- Hi.
392
00:17:07,648 --> 00:17:09,014
♪ Let me here you smile
393
00:17:09,016 --> 00:17:09,948
Thank you.
394
00:17:09,950 --> 00:17:12,151
- Stage, obviously.
395
00:17:12,153 --> 00:17:13,685
Mic stand.
396
00:17:13,687 --> 00:17:16,255
Control nook.
397
00:17:16,257 --> 00:17:18,090
Dressing rooms.
398
00:17:21,162 --> 00:17:21,794
- Glamorous.
399
00:17:21,796 --> 00:17:24,263
- That's why I'm in it.
400
00:17:24,265 --> 00:17:26,298
- Yeah, why are you in it?
401
00:17:27,201 --> 00:17:27,900
For real.
402
00:17:27,902 --> 00:17:30,869
- If we're doing for
real questions...
403
00:17:32,106 --> 00:17:33,172
- Oh.
404
00:17:33,174 --> 00:17:35,040
Cerebral Palsy.
405
00:17:35,042 --> 00:17:36,175
It's not contagious,
406
00:17:36,177 --> 00:17:40,245
just neurological
childhood stuff.
407
00:17:40,548 --> 00:17:44,883
Shit happens and this is the
shit that happened to me.
408
00:17:46,053 --> 00:17:46,618
- Okay.
409
00:17:46,620 --> 00:17:50,389
I'm doing it because Mikey has
this whole grand master plan
410
00:17:50,391 --> 00:17:54,093
of me breaking into
breakfast radio, so...
411
00:17:54,495 --> 00:17:55,961
- Swept along.
412
00:17:55,963 --> 00:17:57,629
- A little bit.
413
00:17:58,966 --> 00:18:00,833
- And you two?
414
00:18:00,835 --> 00:18:02,367
- Like rabbits.
415
00:18:02,670 --> 00:18:03,769
- But it's not the dream?
416
00:18:03,771 --> 00:18:07,439
- Fucking like rabbits or
working in breakfast radio?
417
00:18:07,441 --> 00:18:08,240
- Either.
418
00:18:08,242 --> 00:18:09,575
- The money's good.
419
00:18:09,577 --> 00:18:12,611
In radio but...
420
00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:14,079
- But what?
421
00:18:14,448 --> 00:18:18,917
- Do you know what it is to
want something in your bones
422
00:18:18,919 --> 00:18:22,254
even if it doesn't make sense?
423
00:18:24,859 --> 00:18:25,859
- Maybe.
424
00:18:28,863 --> 00:18:29,461
- Come on.
425
00:18:29,463 --> 00:18:31,597
I'll show you mine
if you show me yours.
426
00:18:56,891 --> 00:18:57,990
Behold!
427
00:18:57,992 --> 00:18:59,091
The dream.
428
00:18:59,460 --> 00:19:01,326
- My favourite apprentice.
429
00:19:01,328 --> 00:19:02,961
Who's this, huh?
430
00:19:02,963 --> 00:19:03,962
Finally come to your senses
431
00:19:03,964 --> 00:19:06,398
and get rid of that
little beardy finochio?
432
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,033
- No, Mario.
- I'm just...
433
00:19:08,035 --> 00:19:08,967
- This is...
- Yeah.
434
00:19:08,969 --> 00:19:09,902
- Travis.
- I'm just...
435
00:19:09,904 --> 00:19:11,537
- He's my friend.
436
00:19:11,539 --> 00:19:12,738
- Yeah.
437
00:19:12,740 --> 00:19:14,940
- What happened to your legs?
438
00:19:14,942 --> 00:19:15,674
- Uh.
439
00:19:15,676 --> 00:19:18,177
What happened to your teeth?
440
00:19:19,980 --> 00:19:21,079
- You need something fixed?
441
00:19:21,081 --> 00:19:23,282
- Nah, I just, I came
to show him around.
442
00:19:23,284 --> 00:19:25,951
- You know, I actually,
I do have a car.
443
00:19:25,953 --> 00:19:27,019
- You do?
444
00:19:27,021 --> 00:19:28,086
- Yeah.
445
00:19:28,455 --> 00:19:31,256
It's a '85 Nissan Skyline.
446
00:19:31,258 --> 00:19:33,659
- Oh, ironically hip.
447
00:19:33,661 --> 00:19:34,426
- It's a shit box.
448
00:19:34,428 --> 00:19:35,794
- Oh, don't say that.
449
00:19:35,796 --> 00:19:37,262
Bring her in.
450
00:19:37,264 --> 00:19:37,863
- Uh.
451
00:19:37,865 --> 00:19:42,634
I kinda don't have a licence
and it's a little banged up.
452
00:19:42,636 --> 00:19:44,136
Long story.
453
00:19:44,138 --> 00:19:45,337
- Shorten it.
454
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,240
- I may have allegedly
intended to run
455
00:19:48,242 --> 00:19:52,778
some kids over and kinda
crashed into a flag pole.
456
00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:55,047
- You brought down the flag?
457
00:19:55,049 --> 00:19:57,115
You are a rebel.
458
00:19:57,117 --> 00:19:58,050
- Am I famous now?
459
00:19:58,052 --> 00:20:00,319
- No, it's just I go to...
460
00:20:00,321 --> 00:20:01,520
- You know,
461
00:20:01,522 --> 00:20:02,387
I hate
462
00:20:02,389 --> 00:20:06,725
those little remedial
learning shits, man.
463
00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:08,360
Spawn of Satan.
464
00:20:09,496 --> 00:20:10,162
- Wow.
465
00:20:10,164 --> 00:20:12,297
You're really a pinata
full of crazy, aren't you?
466
00:20:12,299 --> 00:20:16,702
Just crack you open
and out it pours.
467
00:20:18,372 --> 00:20:19,171
Come on.
468
00:20:19,173 --> 00:20:20,872
Now you show me yours.
469
00:20:23,210 --> 00:20:26,411
One day I want a
workshop just like that.
470
00:20:27,548 --> 00:20:28,447
What's your dream?
471
00:20:28,449 --> 00:20:29,648
- I don't dream.
472
00:20:29,650 --> 00:20:32,384
- Bullshit, everyone
has a dream.
473
00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:34,119
Why don't you bring her in?
474
00:20:34,121 --> 00:20:37,623
Mario and I will do her
up like new, pro bono.
475
00:20:37,625 --> 00:20:39,925
- Mario seems like
a really cool guy.
476
00:20:39,927 --> 00:20:40,993
- Yeah, beyond.
477
00:20:40,995 --> 00:20:43,362
I wanna be that
guy when I grow up.
478
00:20:43,364 --> 00:20:44,696
Only with teeth.
479
00:20:45,866 --> 00:20:50,736
- So that's a pass on
the radio and rabbits?
480
00:20:51,038 --> 00:20:54,773
- Well, cushy life
might be nice, you know?
481
00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:57,042
But I don't always
wanna be defined
482
00:20:57,044 --> 00:20:58,744
by my inability to make toast.
483
00:20:58,746 --> 00:21:00,145
Don't forget to tune in
484
00:21:00,147 --> 00:21:01,780
for "Mikey In the Morning."
485
00:21:01,782 --> 00:21:02,681
7 A.M. weekdays!
486
00:21:02,683 --> 00:21:03,815
Who says that men
487
00:21:03,817 --> 00:21:04,750
never help around the house?
488
00:21:04,752 --> 00:21:05,851
When my girlfriend's vacuuming...
489
00:21:05,853 --> 00:21:06,885
- Is that him?
490
00:21:06,887 --> 00:21:07,753
- That's him.
491
00:21:07,755 --> 00:21:09,288
Is that not helping?
492
00:21:09,290 --> 00:21:10,022
You tell me.
493
00:21:10,024 --> 00:21:11,790
- He has a catchphrase.
494
00:21:11,792 --> 00:21:13,292
Really?
495
00:21:13,294 --> 00:21:14,593
Is that lame?
496
00:21:14,595 --> 00:21:15,595
You tell me.
497
00:21:16,864 --> 00:21:18,130
- You don't think he's funny?
498
00:21:18,132 --> 00:21:20,399
- Uh, no.
499
00:21:23,771 --> 00:21:24,836
- Okay.
500
00:21:28,075 --> 00:21:29,107
- Frankly, I could live without
501
00:21:29,109 --> 00:21:30,709
all the grease tracked
into the house.
502
00:21:30,711 --> 00:21:31,910
- Yeah, I shower
at the workshop.
503
00:21:31,912 --> 00:21:34,279
- Oh, I'm sure Mario
would love that.
504
00:21:34,281 --> 00:21:36,748
- He is a hundred years old.
505
00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:37,549
- He's still a man.
506
00:21:37,551 --> 00:21:39,685
Oh God, listen to
me, I sound like mom.
507
00:21:39,687 --> 00:21:41,620
- Mario's is part of my study
508
00:21:41,622 --> 00:21:44,022
and I have to come up
with a major project
509
00:21:44,024 --> 00:21:44,990
for Mechanics anyhow.
510
00:21:44,992 --> 00:21:47,426
I don't have to do
this comedy thing.
511
00:21:47,428 --> 00:21:48,427
- Yeah you do!
- Yeah you do!
512
00:21:48,429 --> 00:21:51,396
- Darling, you could
have a career in radio.
513
00:21:51,398 --> 00:21:53,498
It's perks a plenty,
premium money.
514
00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:54,232
For what?
515
00:21:54,234 --> 00:21:55,467
I sit in a studio a
couple hours a day
516
00:21:55,469 --> 00:21:56,568
and I make people laugh.
517
00:21:56,570 --> 00:21:58,637
- What's the worst
that could happen?
518
00:21:58,639 --> 00:21:59,571
You buy me a house.
519
00:21:59,573 --> 00:22:01,740
- Yeah, how do you think
I've afforded this place?
520
00:22:01,742 --> 00:22:04,009
- Fine, I'll do it
until they see me.
521
00:22:04,011 --> 00:22:04,976
- That's my girl.
522
00:22:04,978 --> 00:22:06,978
- But as soon as
they realise I suck,
523
00:22:06,980 --> 00:22:08,513
you'll both quit hassling me
524
00:22:08,515 --> 00:22:11,149
and I can just get on
with my mechanic stuff.
525
00:22:11,151 --> 00:22:11,850
- Sure.
526
00:22:11,852 --> 00:22:13,352
- Babe, you'd got
a real shot here.
527
00:22:13,354 --> 00:22:16,121
- Don't I get to
choose what I shoot at?
528
00:22:45,452 --> 00:22:48,520
Okay, so what do we do now?
529
00:22:48,522 --> 00:22:50,956
How do I learn to
do what you did?
530
00:22:52,393 --> 00:22:54,326
- I don't know.
531
00:22:54,628 --> 00:22:57,329
I just insulted myself, really,
532
00:22:57,331 --> 00:23:00,198
and I did it better than he did.
533
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,868
- Yes, there's nothing
funnier than a bit of
534
00:23:02,870 --> 00:23:05,470
good old fashion self-hate.
535
00:23:05,472 --> 00:23:06,037
- Well,
536
00:23:06,039 --> 00:23:08,006
you're shit out of luck then.
537
00:23:08,375 --> 00:23:10,142
- Are you saying
that I'm not riddled
538
00:23:10,144 --> 00:23:12,477
with festering self-loathing?
539
00:23:12,479 --> 00:23:13,378
Moi?
540
00:23:13,380 --> 00:23:15,247
- Well, what's to love?
541
00:23:16,850 --> 00:23:18,049
- Story time.
542
00:23:19,553 --> 00:23:22,687
Once upon a time, there
was a little girl.
543
00:23:22,689 --> 00:23:26,258
Everyone said this little
girl was very pretty.
544
00:23:26,260 --> 00:23:30,195
Especially Mr. Henry
from over the back.
545
00:23:30,197 --> 00:23:33,331
When Mummy and Daddy were away,
546
00:23:33,634 --> 00:23:36,134
Mr. Henry would come and
visit the little girl
547
00:23:36,136 --> 00:23:39,104
and he'd give her
special treats.
548
00:23:39,106 --> 00:23:41,473
Special secret treats.
549
00:23:41,475 --> 00:23:42,307
- Don't.
550
00:23:42,309 --> 00:23:43,074
- Fine.
551
00:23:43,076 --> 00:23:45,143
I got messed around
with as a kid.
552
00:23:45,145 --> 00:23:46,945
My parents never figured it out,
553
00:23:46,947 --> 00:23:48,713
I fucking hated them for it.
554
00:23:48,715 --> 00:23:50,749
I made them pay.
555
00:23:50,751 --> 00:23:51,650
- Do they know now?
556
00:23:51,652 --> 00:23:53,819
- If I run into them, I'll ask.
557
00:23:56,123 --> 00:23:59,491
I've been living with my
sister since I was 15.
558
00:23:59,493 --> 00:24:03,195
I guess they figured
out something was wrong
559
00:24:03,197 --> 00:24:06,498
when I was hospitalised
with bulimia.
560
00:24:07,501 --> 00:24:08,133
- Bulimia?
561
00:24:08,135 --> 00:24:10,535
- Yeah, fun game,
have you ever played?
562
00:24:10,537 --> 00:24:11,736
It's easy.
563
00:24:11,738 --> 00:24:14,473
You start by wanting to be loved
564
00:24:14,475 --> 00:24:17,642
and then you do something
that makes you feel like
565
00:24:17,644 --> 00:24:18,977
you don't deserve that love,
566
00:24:18,979 --> 00:24:21,913
so you withhold
reward from yourself.
567
00:24:21,915 --> 00:24:25,217
Till one day, something snaps.
568
00:24:25,219 --> 00:24:26,985
You can't live
without love, right?
569
00:24:26,987 --> 00:24:31,790
Or in my case, you can't live
without chocolate cheesecake.
570
00:24:31,792 --> 00:24:32,491
So you binge
571
00:24:32,493 --> 00:24:35,160
but it never fills that
spot that's really empty
572
00:24:35,162 --> 00:24:37,596
and now you really
fucking hate yourself,
573
00:24:37,598 --> 00:24:39,898
you must be punished
and you've gotta offload
574
00:24:39,900 --> 00:24:41,867
all that undeserved love
575
00:24:44,171 --> 00:24:45,370
down the toilet.
576
00:24:46,974 --> 00:24:50,976
- Well now who's the
pinata full of crazy?
577
00:24:52,045 --> 00:24:56,314
You game to take that up there
and whack at it with a stick?
578
00:25:00,187 --> 00:25:02,921
- Food is important
because it's the one thing
579
00:25:02,923 --> 00:25:05,023
that can take your
mind off relationships.
580
00:25:05,025 --> 00:25:08,426
- Yeah, is that the
whole horrible truth?
581
00:25:09,129 --> 00:25:09,928
- What do you mean?
582
00:25:09,930 --> 00:25:13,665
- What's really taking
your mind off what?
583
00:25:14,268 --> 00:25:15,400
- Relationships.
584
00:25:15,402 --> 00:25:17,435
Relationships are
incredibly important
585
00:25:17,437 --> 00:25:18,937
because they're the
one thing in life
586
00:25:18,939 --> 00:25:21,706
that can stop you
spending 24 hours a day
587
00:25:21,708 --> 00:25:22,908
thinking about food.
588
00:25:24,278 --> 00:25:25,110
- Yeah!
589
00:25:25,112 --> 00:25:25,710
Yeah.
590
00:25:25,712 --> 00:25:29,247
Therapy is basically paying
someone to be your friend.
591
00:25:29,249 --> 00:25:31,016
It's one step away from
592
00:25:31,018 --> 00:25:33,184
having your mom hang a
chop around your neck
593
00:25:33,186 --> 00:25:35,020
so the dog will play with you.
594
00:25:35,022 --> 00:25:37,689
- Except the chop
doesn't cost 180 per hour
595
00:25:37,691 --> 00:25:41,793
and the therapist doesn't
try to hump your leg after.
596
00:25:41,795 --> 00:25:42,795
Mostly.
597
00:25:43,897 --> 00:25:46,798
- Whoa, what happened
to the toaster bit?
598
00:25:47,067 --> 00:25:50,235
- I just, I feel like
it's a little bit dated.
599
00:25:50,237 --> 00:25:50,802
- Dated?
600
00:25:50,804 --> 00:25:51,803
I wrote that for you.
601
00:25:51,805 --> 00:25:53,204
You always burn the toast.
602
00:25:53,206 --> 00:25:54,139
It's your thing, Sunny.
603
00:25:54,141 --> 00:25:55,540
- Yeah, and it was really,
it was funny at the time.
604
00:25:55,542 --> 00:25:57,042
- Is this your stuff?
605
00:25:57,044 --> 00:25:59,277
- I made some suggestions
606
00:25:59,279 --> 00:26:01,513
but Sunny has the final say.
607
00:26:01,515 --> 00:26:04,950
- Sunny has assertiveness
issues, don't you, babe?
608
00:26:04,952 --> 00:26:05,952
- If you say so.
609
00:26:08,455 --> 00:26:09,521
- What?
610
00:26:12,125 --> 00:26:13,858
Mate, ditch the personal stuff.
611
00:26:13,860 --> 00:26:15,060
That's not what
I'm paying you for.
612
00:26:15,062 --> 00:26:16,795
I've got radio execs coming
to to the open mic night
613
00:26:16,797 --> 00:26:20,398
and that nihilistic shit
is not breakfast radio.
614
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:21,232
Capisce?
615
00:26:21,234 --> 00:26:22,067
- Yeah.
616
00:26:22,069 --> 00:26:23,134
- Good.
617
00:26:31,812 --> 00:26:34,112
- The toaster bit.
618
00:26:34,114 --> 00:26:35,580
Why?
619
00:26:35,582 --> 00:26:36,781
- It's good.
620
00:26:36,783 --> 00:26:37,682
It's you.
621
00:26:37,684 --> 00:26:38,750
It...
622
00:26:38,752 --> 00:26:40,318
And it's relatable.
623
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:43,021
Everybody burns toast.
624
00:26:46,860 --> 00:26:47,792
- Bella?
625
00:26:47,794 --> 00:26:48,493
- Huh?
626
00:26:48,495 --> 00:26:50,662
- Can you get me
a torque wrench?
627
00:26:53,500 --> 00:26:55,767
You come up with a project yet?
628
00:26:55,769 --> 00:26:56,835
- Mmmm.
629
00:26:57,571 --> 00:27:00,071
Do you think it would
be possible to put
630
00:27:00,073 --> 00:27:02,207
training wheels on my scooter?
631
00:27:02,876 --> 00:27:03,942
- Why?
632
00:27:04,511 --> 00:27:06,511
- Bathroom, hang on one sec.
633
00:27:31,838 --> 00:27:33,138
- And so the terrorist says,
634
00:27:33,140 --> 00:27:35,206
does my bomb look big in this?
635
00:27:37,377 --> 00:27:38,043
Okay.
636
00:27:38,045 --> 00:27:39,177
All right, next up,
we've got a girl
637
00:27:39,179 --> 00:27:40,979
who's spent more
time behind bars
638
00:27:40,981 --> 00:27:45,050
than Schapelle Corby,
our own Sunny O'Hara.
639
00:27:50,157 --> 00:27:51,122
Just remember what I told you.
640
00:27:51,124 --> 00:27:54,325
You'll be fine, you're adorable.
641
00:27:54,995 --> 00:27:56,161
- Is there anything funnier
642
00:27:56,163 --> 00:27:59,064
than a girl with
an eating disorder?
643
00:27:59,066 --> 00:28:00,265
I don't think so.
644
00:28:01,835 --> 00:28:02,834
You know what's weird though?
645
00:28:02,836 --> 00:28:04,669
It's weird how proud
some people are
646
00:28:04,671 --> 00:28:06,371
to tell you they're bulimic.
647
00:28:06,373 --> 00:28:07,806
Like it's a badge of courage.
648
00:28:07,808 --> 00:28:09,974
It's not, it's just
a disgusting illness.
649
00:28:09,976 --> 00:28:13,545
I mean, who in their right
mind goes around bragging,
650
00:28:13,547 --> 00:28:18,750
yep, yes, yes I do, I
suffer from haemorrhoids.
651
00:28:18,752 --> 00:28:20,018
I blame the fashion industry.
652
00:28:20,020 --> 00:28:22,320
They're always always
pushing the image
653
00:28:22,322 --> 00:28:23,922
that a woman is only attractive
654
00:28:23,924 --> 00:28:26,791
with enormous lumps
bulging out of her anus.
655
00:28:28,562 --> 00:28:29,227
Ugh.
656
00:28:29,229 --> 00:28:32,363
I mean, fashion magazines,
they made me bulimic.
657
00:28:32,365 --> 00:28:33,064
No they didn't.
658
00:28:33,066 --> 00:28:34,466
Stop kidding yourself.
659
00:28:34,468 --> 00:28:38,036
Vogue could fill its covers
with fat chicks tomorrow,
660
00:28:38,038 --> 00:28:40,071
it's not gonna cure one binger.
661
00:28:40,073 --> 00:28:43,374
You wanna know how
I became bulimic?
662
00:28:43,376 --> 00:28:44,442
Okay.
663
00:28:47,647 --> 00:28:48,713
Sorry.
664
00:28:52,085 --> 00:28:55,987
Sorry, I think I
just swallowed a bug
665
00:28:55,989 --> 00:28:58,289
and what's really
disturbing about that
666
00:28:58,291 --> 00:29:01,793
is that is the first time
I've eaten in front of anyone
667
00:29:01,795 --> 00:29:02,961
in three years.
668
00:29:04,531 --> 00:29:06,030
- You could eat me!
669
00:29:08,435 --> 00:29:09,501
- Um...
670
00:29:10,137 --> 00:29:11,336
I could eat you, yes.
671
00:29:11,338 --> 00:29:13,972
Thank you, sir, I
suppose I could.
672
00:29:13,974 --> 00:29:16,374
But I'd fucking just
throw up afterwards.
673
00:29:20,514 --> 00:29:21,780
- It's good, it's well handled.
674
00:29:21,782 --> 00:29:23,114
- Not bad.
675
00:29:23,116 --> 00:29:24,015
- She's very good.
676
00:29:24,017 --> 00:29:25,483
- Does she write
her own material?
677
00:29:25,485 --> 00:29:26,651
- No, I've been helping her.
678
00:29:26,653 --> 00:29:27,886
- I've spent years
679
00:29:27,888 --> 00:29:31,723
trying to make myself
look like a Barbie doll
680
00:29:31,725 --> 00:29:33,391
until it hit me.
681
00:29:33,393 --> 00:29:35,627
The reason Barbie is so thin
682
00:29:35,629 --> 00:29:39,731
is because she can't
bend her elbows.
683
00:29:40,033 --> 00:29:45,436
Have you ever tried to get
food in your mouth like this?
684
00:29:46,439 --> 00:29:47,505
Here we go.
685
00:29:50,210 --> 00:29:51,242
Oh.
686
00:29:52,012 --> 00:29:53,077
And...
687
00:29:57,350 --> 00:29:58,583
- She's great.
688
00:30:00,253 --> 00:30:01,753
- It takes all kinds of dreams
689
00:30:01,755 --> 00:30:03,822
to make the world go round.
690
00:30:03,824 --> 00:30:07,192
Pipe dreams, heroic dreams,
691
00:30:07,194 --> 00:30:08,293
wet dreams.
692
00:30:08,295 --> 00:30:10,662
Travis had them all
and he found a way
693
00:30:10,664 --> 00:30:12,030
to live them
through someone else
694
00:30:12,032 --> 00:30:14,165
without ever showing his face.
695
00:30:14,167 --> 00:30:15,967
- Want to be your friend.
696
00:30:16,636 --> 00:30:19,971
- Mikey tells us radio's
always been your dream.
697
00:30:19,973 --> 00:30:21,372
- That and the reoccurring one
698
00:30:21,374 --> 00:30:23,942
where I'm trapped
in a sinking car.
699
00:30:24,644 --> 00:30:25,476
- That's funny.
700
00:30:25,478 --> 00:30:26,344
- See, told you.
- You...
701
00:30:26,346 --> 00:30:27,612
- Told you.
- Don't need to joke with us.
702
00:30:27,614 --> 00:30:28,913
- What's she saying
is, no pressure.
703
00:30:28,915 --> 00:30:31,583
All right, 'cause we've met
all the great comedians, so...
704
00:30:31,585 --> 00:30:33,585
- So nothing really
makes us laughing.
705
00:30:33,587 --> 00:30:34,586
- Right.
- Okay.
706
00:30:34,588 --> 00:30:35,486
- Look at me.
707
00:30:35,488 --> 00:30:36,254
- Loot at him.
708
00:30:36,256 --> 00:30:37,522
- Here's the 411.
709
00:30:38,725 --> 00:30:40,024
We love you.
- We like you.
710
00:30:40,026 --> 00:30:41,659
- You've got the talent, right?
711
00:30:41,661 --> 00:30:43,428
You've obviously got the looks.
712
00:30:43,430 --> 00:30:44,395
You've got the sincerity.
713
00:30:44,397 --> 00:30:45,663
- So important in radio.
714
00:30:45,665 --> 00:30:47,298
- Got terrific material.
715
00:30:47,300 --> 00:30:48,399
- The material was good.
716
00:30:48,401 --> 00:30:51,236
- So we're gonna have a talk
about putting you on air now.
717
00:30:51,238 --> 00:30:54,706
- You could be the contemporary
edge this show needs.
718
00:30:54,708 --> 00:30:56,407
- Between us, no one else,
719
00:30:56,409 --> 00:30:57,442
ratings are down.
720
00:30:57,444 --> 00:30:58,309
- They've dipped a bit.
721
00:30:58,311 --> 00:31:00,044
- A dip means its temporary.
722
00:31:00,046 --> 00:31:01,446
- Temporary.
- Okay?
723
00:31:01,448 --> 00:31:04,749
And I, we, can sell
the shit out of you.
724
00:31:04,751 --> 00:31:05,750
- Absolutely.
725
00:31:05,752 --> 00:31:06,718
- Yeah?
726
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:07,852
- Yeah.
727
00:31:07,854 --> 00:31:09,687
- Because what I'm seeing
728
00:31:10,790 --> 00:31:12,557
is that face on a bus.
729
00:31:12,559 --> 00:31:13,658
- Wow.
730
00:31:14,995 --> 00:31:16,561
- That's my card.
731
00:31:16,563 --> 00:31:18,263
- Do you have a card?
732
00:31:18,265 --> 00:31:18,963
- No, I don't.
733
00:31:18,965 --> 00:31:20,131
I don't, I don't, what
would I put on it?
734
00:31:20,133 --> 00:31:21,366
- You get on it...
- It's very important.
735
00:31:21,368 --> 00:31:22,367
- And get her a card!
736
00:31:22,369 --> 00:31:23,902
- Everyone in radio has a card.
737
00:31:23,904 --> 00:31:25,136
- You're on our shortlist.
738
00:31:25,138 --> 00:31:26,137
- You're on our list.
739
00:31:26,139 --> 00:31:27,305
- Well you won't
be, dear, you're a star.
740
00:31:27,307 --> 00:31:29,340
- We'll see, we'll see.
741
00:31:30,577 --> 00:31:33,278
- What do you see in that guy?
742
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,079
- Okay, rude.
743
00:31:35,348 --> 00:31:38,182
- I mean, you could
just do so much better.
744
00:31:38,184 --> 00:31:38,816
- Right.
745
00:31:38,818 --> 00:31:42,053
He is funny, famous,
good looking.
746
00:31:42,055 --> 00:31:43,821
Doesn't think I'm certifiable.
747
00:31:43,823 --> 00:31:46,758
I am totally lowering
my standards.
748
00:31:47,060 --> 00:31:49,093
- And he's really shallow.
749
00:31:49,462 --> 00:31:50,795
- Only on the surface.
750
00:31:52,232 --> 00:31:54,399
You know what the radio
guys really liked?
751
00:31:54,401 --> 00:31:56,834
It wasn't me, it was your jokes.
752
00:31:56,836 --> 00:31:57,502
- Your life.
753
00:31:57,504 --> 00:31:59,037
- That you made funny.
754
00:31:59,439 --> 00:32:01,172
You should be up there.
755
00:32:01,908 --> 00:32:02,674
- Oh, why not?
756
00:32:02,676 --> 00:32:05,777
You'd be fucking incendiary.
757
00:32:06,246 --> 00:32:08,379
- Some people are better
behind-the-scenes.
758
00:32:08,381 --> 00:32:11,316
- You really have
no idea, do you?
759
00:32:11,318 --> 00:32:13,818
- About what?
760
00:32:13,820 --> 00:32:15,453
- About you.
761
00:32:37,177 --> 00:32:37,976
- Pass me loofah?
762
00:32:37,978 --> 00:32:39,077
- What the hell?
763
00:32:39,079 --> 00:32:39,744
- The loofah.
764
00:32:39,746 --> 00:32:41,746
The big scrubby sponge thingy.
765
00:32:41,748 --> 00:32:42,847
You do have a loofah.
766
00:32:42,849 --> 00:32:44,949
- What are you doing in my bath?
767
00:32:44,951 --> 00:32:45,917
- Nothing nasty.
768
00:32:45,919 --> 00:32:48,019
I'm just having a spa.
769
00:32:48,021 --> 00:32:48,987
With my friends.
770
00:32:48,989 --> 00:32:51,556
I needed to wash off
the sticky residue.
771
00:32:51,558 --> 00:32:52,357
- Of what?
772
00:32:52,359 --> 00:32:55,026
- Of unrequited dreams.
773
00:32:55,028 --> 00:32:55,827
- In my tub?
774
00:32:55,829 --> 00:32:57,628
- Well, if there's one thing
I learned from last night
775
00:32:57,630 --> 00:32:59,664
it's when you want
something you don't have,
776
00:32:59,666 --> 00:33:01,299
you use someone else's.
777
00:33:02,035 --> 00:33:03,001
Hi,
778
00:33:03,003 --> 00:33:04,135
I'm Sunny.
779
00:33:04,137 --> 00:33:06,270
I'm cute and perky
780
00:33:06,573 --> 00:33:08,773
and I'll say all your
funny shit for you
781
00:33:08,775 --> 00:33:09,774
so you don't have to show
782
00:33:09,776 --> 00:33:12,343
your hideously disfigured
self in public.
783
00:33:12,345 --> 00:33:13,444
But what's in it for me?
784
00:33:13,446 --> 00:33:15,646
Other than your hand up my ass.
785
00:33:17,517 --> 00:33:19,450
- You think I'm using her?
786
00:33:20,353 --> 00:33:23,788
- Did you ever stop
to ask what I want?
787
00:33:25,558 --> 00:33:26,657
- Ugh.
788
00:33:30,563 --> 00:33:33,631
- All right, here's to
the successful completion
789
00:33:33,633 --> 00:33:34,332
of stage one.
790
00:33:34,334 --> 00:33:35,233
- There are stages now?
791
00:33:35,235 --> 00:33:36,701
What am I, the moon landing?
792
00:33:36,703 --> 00:33:38,202
- Hey, mock not, we've
piqued their interest.
793
00:33:38,204 --> 00:33:41,272
Now we just have to make it
impossible for them to say no.
794
00:33:41,274 --> 00:33:42,040
- Say no to what?
795
00:33:42,042 --> 00:33:44,042
It's not like I'm asking
them for anything.
796
00:33:44,044 --> 00:33:47,345
- That's exactly the
attitude I'm looking for.
797
00:33:47,347 --> 00:33:50,148
- Is it what she's looking for?
798
00:33:50,150 --> 00:33:52,617
- Put a falafel
in it, wobbly boy.
799
00:33:52,619 --> 00:33:55,286
- What're we talking
about here, Mikey?
800
00:33:57,057 --> 00:33:57,955
- "Bring the Funny."
801
00:33:57,957 --> 00:33:59,891
The biggest comedy
festival on the planet.
802
00:33:59,893 --> 00:34:03,694
We're gonna enter you into
the unsigned open mic contest.
803
00:34:03,696 --> 00:34:06,197
You win this and you
are breakfast radio.
804
00:34:06,199 --> 00:34:08,633
- Oh wow, you say it like
it's such an easy thing.
805
00:34:08,635 --> 00:34:10,501
There's actually gonna be
funny people doing this.
806
00:34:10,503 --> 00:34:12,437
- All you need is
one good routine.
807
00:34:12,439 --> 00:34:13,271
It's three heats.
808
00:34:13,273 --> 00:34:15,640
The winner gets a slot in
the closing night showcase.
809
00:34:15,642 --> 00:34:16,307
Televised live.
810
00:34:16,309 --> 00:34:18,709
- Shouldn't we ask if
it's what she wants?
811
00:34:18,711 --> 00:34:20,344
- Celebrity judges.
812
00:34:20,346 --> 00:34:21,846
Rumour?
813
00:34:21,848 --> 00:34:23,448
Barry Humphries.
814
00:34:23,450 --> 00:34:24,415
- No way.
815
00:34:24,417 --> 00:34:25,016
- Who?
816
00:34:25,018 --> 00:34:26,884
- Only Dame Edna Everage.
817
00:34:26,886 --> 00:34:29,253
An Australian cultural icon.
818
00:34:29,656 --> 00:34:31,289
- Anyone in comedy
knows who he is.
819
00:34:31,291 --> 00:34:31,856
- Yeah.
820
00:34:31,858 --> 00:34:32,723
Where did you hear this?
821
00:34:32,725 --> 00:34:33,958
- I move in circles.
822
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:35,393
- Do you get dizzy?
823
00:34:36,062 --> 00:34:37,028
- So I want you guys together
824
00:34:37,030 --> 00:34:39,530
working on seven
minutes of comedy gold.
825
00:34:39,532 --> 00:34:43,101
From now on, you
two are inseparable.
826
00:34:43,103 --> 00:34:44,168
Okay?
827
00:34:46,406 --> 00:34:47,605
You were saying?
828
00:34:50,543 --> 00:34:51,543
- Nothing important.
829
00:34:59,219 --> 00:35:02,787
♪ I can see that you
are leading her on ♪
830
00:35:02,789 --> 00:35:05,022
♪ I think I know what you are
831
00:35:05,024 --> 00:35:06,190
- Thank you!
832
00:35:06,192 --> 00:35:07,091
- Thank you very much!
833
00:35:07,093 --> 00:35:09,694
♪ I can see that you
are leading her on ♪
834
00:35:09,696 --> 00:35:12,830
♪ Yeah, I know what you are
835
00:35:12,832 --> 00:35:16,234
♪ You can't see that
you're just the same ♪
836
00:35:16,236 --> 00:35:20,004
♪ As all the stupid
people who you hate ♪
837
00:35:20,006 --> 00:35:23,141
♪ I'm not saying I'm
free from blame ♪
838
00:35:23,143 --> 00:35:26,244
♪ Because I need all
the friends I can get ♪
839
00:35:26,246 --> 00:35:28,579
- Who needs 20 wheels?
840
00:35:29,048 --> 00:35:31,449
- I'm Evel fucking Knievel.
841
00:35:41,060 --> 00:35:41,626
Therapy.
842
00:35:41,628 --> 00:35:45,029
♪ A long distance call
to a mystery blond ♪
843
00:35:45,031 --> 00:35:47,965
♪ It wasn't good for business
844
00:35:47,967 --> 00:35:51,936
♪ You say that she cried when
she heard the bird's song ♪
845
00:35:51,938 --> 00:35:53,237
- On thing in
life that can stop you
846
00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:55,973
spending 24 hours a day
thinking about food.
847
00:35:55,975 --> 00:35:59,043
Dieting, for a girl
with body image issues,
848
00:35:59,045 --> 00:36:04,048
the ultimate aim is to
end up looking like this.
849
00:36:04,050 --> 00:36:05,116
But with boobs.
850
00:36:05,118 --> 00:36:06,083
- Whoa, I thought we agreed
851
00:36:06,085 --> 00:36:07,552
to stay away from
the personal stuff.
852
00:36:07,554 --> 00:36:09,987
- You agreed, Mikey, but
if you want me to do this
853
00:36:09,989 --> 00:36:11,956
you have to at least
let me do it as me.
854
00:36:11,958 --> 00:36:14,592
- Sweetie, bulimia is not funny.
855
00:36:14,594 --> 00:36:16,794
I'm just trying to
tell you what works.
856
00:36:16,796 --> 00:36:18,162
- What works for you.
857
00:36:18,164 --> 00:36:20,131
You can get away the
superficial chit chat
858
00:36:20,133 --> 00:36:23,634
and the cute catchphrases.
- Hey, I'm not superficial.
859
00:36:23,636 --> 00:36:24,802
I do all the telethons.
860
00:36:24,804 --> 00:36:26,904
Those things go all night.
861
00:36:26,906 --> 00:36:27,805
Look, all I'm trying to do...
862
00:36:27,807 --> 00:36:30,374
- Is mould me to fit your image.
863
00:36:32,345 --> 00:36:33,010
- Fine.
864
00:36:33,012 --> 00:36:34,812
Yeah, yeah, I should
be at the studio.
865
00:36:34,814 --> 00:36:36,581
I've got stuff to do.
866
00:36:38,952 --> 00:36:41,719
You know, I didn't
have to choose you.
867
00:36:43,656 --> 00:36:45,022
I mean, you know what I mean.
868
00:36:45,024 --> 00:36:47,124
- Yeah, you mean that
you had better options
869
00:36:47,126 --> 00:36:49,193
and that I should feel lucky.
870
00:36:49,195 --> 00:36:49,827
- No.
871
00:36:49,829 --> 00:36:50,861
- And I do, Mikey.
872
00:36:50,863 --> 00:36:52,830
You make me feel
lucky to be with you
873
00:36:52,832 --> 00:36:55,066
like I'm this broken thing
874
00:36:55,068 --> 00:36:58,736
and you're the only one on
the planet that can fix me.
875
00:36:58,738 --> 00:37:01,372
Maybe if I'm lucky.
876
00:37:03,476 --> 00:37:04,875
- I don't need this.
877
00:37:13,486 --> 00:37:17,121
- "Charlotte and Davo forever."
878
00:37:17,123 --> 00:37:19,924
Sorry, kids, it was
never gonna last.
879
00:37:19,926 --> 00:37:25,830
Davo is too fond of dope
and Charlotte is a dope.
880
00:37:26,132 --> 00:37:27,932
Maybe they do have a chance.
881
00:37:30,770 --> 00:37:31,836
Hello?
882
00:37:33,439 --> 00:37:35,373
Campus is closed!
883
00:37:38,678 --> 00:37:40,244
- My secret's out.
884
00:37:43,783 --> 00:37:46,083
I'm one of the spawn of Satan.
885
00:37:46,619 --> 00:37:49,086
- How long have
you been in there?
886
00:37:49,088 --> 00:37:50,454
- Since lunchtime.
887
00:37:52,191 --> 00:37:53,291
- Want a Tic Tac?
888
00:37:53,293 --> 00:37:55,693
- Why, does my
breath, does it reek?
889
00:37:55,695 --> 00:37:56,360
- No.
890
00:37:56,362 --> 00:37:58,229
I just don't have
a handkerchief.
891
00:38:03,269 --> 00:38:04,402
What's wrong?
892
00:38:06,205 --> 00:38:07,538
- Life.
893
00:38:08,107 --> 00:38:08,773
I decided I,
894
00:38:08,775 --> 00:38:13,711
I might as well stay in
there and just die of misery.
895
00:38:13,713 --> 00:38:15,680
Or the stench, whichever
got me first really
896
00:38:15,682 --> 00:38:19,784
and then you came along,
you made me laugh and kinda,
897
00:38:19,786 --> 00:38:22,453
you spoiled my whole
wallowing thing.
898
00:38:27,527 --> 00:38:31,395
Can you believe the sad shit
that people write up here?
899
00:38:37,003 --> 00:38:39,170
- There's a spare roller here.
900
00:38:40,907 --> 00:38:42,039
- Thanks.
901
00:38:42,542 --> 00:38:45,142
- I'm about as socially
desperate as it gets,
902
00:38:45,144 --> 00:38:48,346
but even I don't want
my name in a heart
903
00:38:48,348 --> 00:38:50,014
on the back of a toilet door.
904
00:38:56,789 --> 00:38:59,690
- "Donna is a towel-head skank."
905
00:38:59,692 --> 00:39:01,092
Not anymore.
906
00:39:02,095 --> 00:39:04,462
- "Britney sucks dogs."
907
00:39:04,464 --> 00:39:05,796
No she does not.
908
00:39:05,798 --> 00:39:08,833
- Look at that, just wiping
out racial disharmony
909
00:39:08,835 --> 00:39:13,003
and unsavoury bestial
practises in one stroke!
910
00:39:13,439 --> 00:39:16,173
- And these
are the normal people.
911
00:39:16,175 --> 00:39:17,007
- I know, right?
912
00:39:17,009 --> 00:39:20,244
How did we become
the social outcasts?
913
00:39:20,246 --> 00:39:22,146
- It's not fair, is it?
914
00:39:23,182 --> 00:39:26,650
- If the world was fair,
ice cream would be slimming.
915
00:39:26,652 --> 00:39:27,551
- If the world was fair,
916
00:39:27,553 --> 00:39:31,322
small furry animals would
wear coats of super models.
917
00:39:31,324 --> 00:39:34,425
- And chocolate
would cure pimples.
918
00:39:35,361 --> 00:39:37,094
- Beer would improve driving.
919
00:39:37,096 --> 00:39:40,498
- Neurosis would be
irresistibly attractive.
920
00:39:40,500 --> 00:39:41,500
- Mmmm.
921
00:39:49,075 --> 00:39:50,241
I think I need training wheels.
922
00:39:50,243 --> 00:39:52,076
- No, you're fine.
923
00:39:52,478 --> 00:39:55,813
Hey, why don't
you take her home?
924
00:39:56,416 --> 00:39:58,015
- You think?
925
00:39:58,017 --> 00:39:58,783
- Yeah.
926
00:39:58,785 --> 00:40:00,050
Live dangerously.
927
00:40:06,859 --> 00:40:07,925
- Um.
928
00:40:24,477 --> 00:40:26,043
- What the fuck are you doing?
929
00:40:26,045 --> 00:40:27,244
- I am peeing.
930
00:40:28,114 --> 00:40:29,113
- You just gonna be a smart ass
931
00:40:29,115 --> 00:40:30,114
little bitch your whole life?
932
00:40:30,116 --> 00:40:32,750
- Okay, this situation
is a little vulnerable
933
00:40:32,752 --> 00:40:33,984
for this particular game.
934
00:40:33,986 --> 00:40:35,219
Can we just have a
temporary delay in play?
935
00:40:35,221 --> 00:40:37,054
- You expect me to
be considerate of you
936
00:40:37,056 --> 00:40:38,389
but you don't think
about the affect
937
00:40:38,391 --> 00:40:40,991
of your actions on anyone else.
938
00:40:40,993 --> 00:40:43,060
It feels good so you do it.
939
00:40:43,062 --> 00:40:44,662
- Okay, this is fun.
940
00:40:44,664 --> 00:40:46,897
- You've got a boyfriend
who's kinda hot
941
00:40:46,899 --> 00:40:48,299
and kinda famous, but no,
942
00:40:48,301 --> 00:40:49,667
you decided it
would be a good idea
943
00:40:49,669 --> 00:40:52,069
to make out with
the little spastic.
944
00:40:52,071 --> 00:40:53,771
- Good job, neighbourhood watch.
945
00:40:53,773 --> 00:40:55,706
- What're you thinking?
946
00:40:55,708 --> 00:40:57,308
- I don't know, maybe I...
947
00:40:57,310 --> 00:40:58,375
Maybe I made one mistake.
948
00:40:58,377 --> 00:41:00,344
Let's not turn this
into something...
949
00:41:00,346 --> 00:41:01,178
- One mistake?
950
00:41:01,180 --> 00:41:04,815
Sunny, this is
your fucking life!
951
00:41:05,151 --> 00:41:08,486
You do these things because
it feels, I don't know,
952
00:41:08,488 --> 00:41:10,521
exciting or naughty.
953
00:41:10,523 --> 00:41:13,190
You invite people to use you
954
00:41:13,192 --> 00:41:14,258
and when it all turns ugly,
955
00:41:14,260 --> 00:41:16,627
you expect someone else
to come in and pick up
956
00:41:16,629 --> 00:41:17,962
all your broken little pieces.
957
00:41:17,964 --> 00:41:21,999
- If you're talking about what
I think you're talking about,
958
00:41:22,702 --> 00:41:24,468
you can't blame me
for what that man did.
959
00:41:24,470 --> 00:41:26,570
He was an adult
and I was a child.
960
00:41:26,572 --> 00:41:28,372
- You could've done what I did.
961
00:41:28,374 --> 00:41:29,874
You could've said no.
962
00:41:30,409 --> 00:41:32,009
- He...
- Yeah, he tried.
963
00:41:32,011 --> 00:41:33,244
Before you.
964
00:41:33,246 --> 00:41:34,612
You're not so special.
965
00:41:34,614 --> 00:41:37,248
You just don't
know how to say no.
966
00:41:37,250 --> 00:41:39,383
- I was 12, you cunt.
967
00:41:39,385 --> 00:41:40,584
- So was I.
968
00:42:06,245 --> 00:42:07,244
- This is it.
969
00:42:07,246 --> 00:42:09,079
Initiate launch procedure.
970
00:42:09,081 --> 00:42:11,081
- Ever heard of Apollo 13?
971
00:42:21,661 --> 00:42:22,493
You okay in there?
972
00:42:22,495 --> 00:42:24,628
- Go away, please.
973
00:42:32,038 --> 00:42:34,138
- 'Cause I'm
talking to an idiot...
974
00:42:34,140 --> 00:42:34,905
- Oh shit.
975
00:42:34,907 --> 00:42:35,973
I took her to Chinese for lunch.
976
00:42:35,975 --> 00:42:38,509
For a girl who usually
eats a fork-full of moo goo
977
00:42:38,511 --> 00:42:39,410
and half a fortune cookie,
978
00:42:39,412 --> 00:42:42,279
she made a pretty
decent dent in the menu.
979
00:42:42,281 --> 00:42:43,981
It's the MSG I bet.
980
00:42:44,584 --> 00:42:47,151
Well, whatever it
is, we're screwed.
981
00:42:47,153 --> 00:42:49,086
All that hard work for nothing.
982
00:42:49,088 --> 00:42:51,689
Guess she won't be
needing you anymore.
983
00:43:04,236 --> 00:43:05,603
What're you doing?
984
00:43:05,605 --> 00:43:09,707
- Taking some advice
I got from a bath mitt.
985
00:43:30,262 --> 00:43:31,428
Um.
986
00:43:37,370 --> 00:43:40,704
Believe it or not,
I've been in therapy.
987
00:43:42,174 --> 00:43:43,040
Therapy, right?
988
00:43:43,042 --> 00:43:46,844
It's basically paying
someone to be your friend.
989
00:43:46,846 --> 00:43:49,313
But with therapy, what
you're really paying for
990
00:43:49,315 --> 00:43:52,449
is not for someone to
listen to you problems.
991
00:43:52,451 --> 00:43:54,752
No, what you're
paying for is so that
992
00:43:54,754 --> 00:43:57,488
you don't have to listen
to their shitty problems.
993
00:44:01,293 --> 00:44:03,927
Yeah, I have issues.
994
00:44:04,497 --> 00:44:06,964
The paper bag gave it away, huh?
995
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:08,766
I have cerebral palsy.
996
00:44:08,768 --> 00:44:12,436
Yeah, I'm a full-time spastic.
997
00:44:12,438 --> 00:44:13,404
Not just recreationally.
998
00:44:13,406 --> 00:44:15,406
I don't need beer
to walk like this.
999
00:44:15,408 --> 00:44:16,974
This is all me.
1000
00:44:18,611 --> 00:44:20,878
You know, when you
got cerebral palsy,
1001
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:23,013
it's hard to pick up a girl.
1002
00:44:23,015 --> 00:44:25,249
It's hard to pick up a drink.
1003
00:44:26,619 --> 00:44:29,586
I mean, I met this
girl, I like her,
1004
00:44:29,588 --> 00:44:31,522
but what do I say?
1005
00:44:31,524 --> 00:44:34,124
I promise I won't try
to get in your pants.
1006
00:44:34,126 --> 00:44:37,428
I have enough trouble
getting in my own.
1007
00:44:40,266 --> 00:44:42,733
But don't feel bad for me.
1008
00:44:42,735 --> 00:44:43,667
There is an upside.
1009
00:44:43,669 --> 00:44:46,937
Girls like guys
they can fix, right?
1010
00:44:47,873 --> 00:44:48,806
So, right her, right?
1011
00:44:48,808 --> 00:44:51,275
This is catnip to the ladies.
1012
00:44:59,251 --> 00:45:00,017
My boss...
1013
00:45:00,019 --> 00:45:01,051
Thank you.
1014
00:45:01,053 --> 00:45:05,989
My boss tells me I
also have anger issues.
1015
00:45:11,597 --> 00:45:12,796
- You went on?
1016
00:45:14,734 --> 00:45:15,532
- You don't mind?
1017
00:45:15,534 --> 00:45:17,434
- No, I couldn't be happier.
1018
00:45:17,436 --> 00:45:20,104
- Yeah, well hold that thought.
1019
00:45:20,106 --> 00:45:21,271
You're out.
1020
00:45:21,974 --> 00:45:23,173
He's in.
1021
00:45:23,175 --> 00:45:24,174
He won the heat.
1022
00:45:24,176 --> 00:45:26,076
He's through the next round.
1023
00:45:26,078 --> 00:45:26,977
Who freaking knew?
1024
00:45:26,979 --> 00:45:27,778
- I told you!
1025
00:45:27,780 --> 00:45:28,645
Did I tell you?
1026
00:45:28,647 --> 00:45:29,346
- I'm sorry.
1027
00:45:29,348 --> 00:45:30,280
- No, you did me a favour.
1028
00:45:30,282 --> 00:45:31,882
It was never me, it
was you, you know that.
1029
00:45:31,884 --> 00:45:33,951
And now I can spend
more time at Mario's.
1030
00:45:33,953 --> 00:45:35,519
- Great, more
greasy fingernails.
1031
00:45:35,521 --> 00:45:36,420
Who doesn't find that hot?
1032
00:45:36,422 --> 00:45:38,288
- You're gonna
keep going, right?
1033
00:45:38,290 --> 00:45:39,089
- I guess.
1034
00:45:39,091 --> 00:45:40,290
- Yes you are!
1035
00:45:40,626 --> 00:45:42,426
You've got two more
rounds, you win those,
1036
00:45:42,428 --> 00:45:43,660
you're in the big show.
1037
00:45:43,662 --> 00:45:44,528
And Mikey will help you.
1038
00:45:44,530 --> 00:45:47,231
- Yeah because Mikey's
a freaking prince.
1039
00:45:48,434 --> 00:45:49,900
- Yeah, I might, I might just...
1040
00:45:49,902 --> 00:45:51,135
- Yeah, you do that, champ.
1041
00:45:51,137 --> 00:45:54,371
They want a photo before
you go, poster shot.
1042
00:45:56,442 --> 00:45:57,975
- Just like that, perfect.
1043
00:45:58,944 --> 00:46:00,077
One more?
1044
00:46:01,013 --> 00:46:02,079
Okay.
1045
00:46:06,752 --> 00:46:08,285
- I feel rank.
1046
00:46:09,021 --> 00:46:10,287
- Oh, you feel bad now,
1047
00:46:10,289 --> 00:46:12,156
just try having a barium enema.
1048
00:46:12,158 --> 00:46:12,856
- Oh, retard.
1049
00:46:12,858 --> 00:46:15,592
- Oh, we're not gonna
do this again, are we?
1050
00:46:15,594 --> 00:46:16,226
- What's up?
1051
00:46:16,228 --> 00:46:17,761
You run out of jokes, have you?
1052
00:46:17,763 --> 00:46:18,395
- No.
1053
00:46:18,397 --> 00:46:19,930
I just don't think it's fair
to have a battle of wits
1054
00:46:19,932 --> 00:46:22,132
with an unarmed opponent.
1055
00:46:22,902 --> 00:46:25,502
What does that mean, huh?
1056
00:46:31,811 --> 00:46:32,376
Huh?
1057
00:46:32,378 --> 00:46:33,911
Now that's fucking funny!
1058
00:46:34,747 --> 00:46:35,379
Smartass!
1059
00:46:35,381 --> 00:46:36,380
- Come on, let's
not fight, okay?
1060
00:46:36,382 --> 00:46:39,483
- I'm not fighting, Mikey, I'm
just not agreeing with you.
1061
00:46:39,485 --> 00:46:40,884
Don't...
1062
00:46:40,886 --> 00:46:41,952
Travis?
1063
00:46:43,522 --> 00:46:45,722
Oh my God, Travis, shit!
1064
00:46:45,724 --> 00:46:48,358
Are you, Travis, are you okay?
1065
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:49,993
- Rough crowd.
1066
00:46:50,696 --> 00:46:53,230
- Jesus, nice face period, mate.
1067
00:46:53,232 --> 00:46:54,064
I'll call an ambulance.
1068
00:46:54,066 --> 00:46:55,999
- No, no, no, no, no.
1069
00:46:56,001 --> 00:46:56,633
I'm fine.
1070
00:46:56,635 --> 00:46:57,501
- Okay, come on.
1071
00:46:57,503 --> 00:47:00,938
I'm gonna, I'm gonna
take you home, okay?
1072
00:47:00,940 --> 00:47:01,638
- You what?
1073
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:03,941
- I'm gonna, Mikey, I'm
gonna take him home.
1074
00:47:03,943 --> 00:47:04,975
Okay?
1075
00:47:04,977 --> 00:47:06,009
- Sunny.
1076
00:47:13,485 --> 00:47:14,852
- Oh.
1077
00:47:14,854 --> 00:47:16,887
- You know you don't
have to do that.
1078
00:47:16,889 --> 00:47:18,956
- Well, you don't know me.
1079
00:47:19,725 --> 00:47:21,692
- I'm trying to.
1080
00:47:21,694 --> 00:47:22,559
- It's not that hard.
1081
00:47:22,561 --> 00:47:24,428
Some people would say
the real challenge
1082
00:47:24,430 --> 00:47:25,996
is getting me to back off.
1083
00:47:25,998 --> 00:47:27,698
- Some people are fuckwads
1084
00:47:27,700 --> 00:47:33,103
and especially ones with
tiny beards and catchphrases.
1085
00:47:33,906 --> 00:47:36,173
- Do you have anything to drink?
1086
00:47:37,776 --> 00:47:38,976
- Yeah.
1087
00:47:38,978 --> 00:47:40,344
Just cans.
1088
00:47:42,915 --> 00:47:46,650
You know, I get the
shakes sometimes,
1089
00:47:48,454 --> 00:47:50,287
break bottles
1090
00:47:50,289 --> 00:47:52,623
and chipped a tooth.
1091
00:47:57,429 --> 00:47:58,262
- Well,
1092
00:47:58,264 --> 00:48:00,097
here is
1093
00:48:00,099 --> 00:48:01,965
to following your dreams.
1094
00:48:02,201 --> 00:48:04,334
- To knowing your limitations.
1095
00:48:08,507 --> 00:48:14,544
- Hey, did you mean what
you said tonight on stage?
1096
00:48:14,947 --> 00:48:15,879
Uh-oh.
1097
00:48:15,881 --> 00:48:16,647
- No.
1098
00:48:16,649 --> 00:48:18,382
About needing therapy?
1099
00:48:18,384 --> 00:48:21,752
- No, about wanting to
say something to a girl
1100
00:48:21,754 --> 00:48:23,253
and not knowing how.
1101
00:48:23,789 --> 00:48:26,523
- Yeah, I'll get over it.
1102
00:48:28,727 --> 00:48:29,793
- Don't.
1103
00:48:34,433 --> 00:48:37,834
- Why did you,
why'd you do that?
1104
00:48:39,805 --> 00:48:40,938
- Why not?
1105
00:49:01,627 --> 00:49:03,527
♪ Come
1106
00:49:03,529 --> 00:49:06,363
♪ Husk your limbs
1107
00:49:06,365 --> 00:49:11,735
♪ To my floor
1108
00:49:12,805 --> 00:49:14,838
♪ Bones
1109
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:17,741
♪ Sucking stones
1110
00:49:17,743 --> 00:49:23,213
♪ Her coming storm
1111
00:49:23,449 --> 00:49:26,216
♪ Under the lights you went
1112
00:49:26,218 --> 00:49:31,788
♪ Chemical ashes head down
1113
00:49:34,626 --> 00:49:37,361
♪ Heart on a diamond thread
1114
00:49:37,363 --> 00:49:43,000
♪ Fennel and lashes wet down
1115
00:49:46,605 --> 00:49:51,174
♪ Young star, haunted lynx
1116
00:49:51,176 --> 00:49:56,580
♪ Ring of sliver
1117
00:49:58,050 --> 00:50:02,085
♪ I want your bones
1118
00:50:02,087 --> 00:50:07,591
♪ Inside my bones
1119
00:50:09,361 --> 00:50:11,762
♪ Ooo
1120
00:50:11,764 --> 00:50:14,831
♪ Oooooo
1121
00:50:14,833 --> 00:50:17,200
♪ Oooooo
1122
00:50:25,944 --> 00:50:27,010
- Mikey?
1123
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:29,080
- Yep.
1124
00:50:32,317 --> 00:50:33,383
- So,
1125
00:50:33,986 --> 00:50:35,786
what're you gonna do now?
1126
00:50:37,856 --> 00:50:39,523
- I'm not exactly sure.
1127
00:50:41,293 --> 00:50:43,427
I'm gonna have to talk to him.
1128
00:50:45,731 --> 00:50:47,397
I need you to trust me.
1129
00:50:57,309 --> 00:50:58,508
Can you do that?
1130
00:51:16,862 --> 00:51:17,994
What's this?
1131
00:51:23,102 --> 00:51:24,334
- It's trust.
1132
00:51:31,143 --> 00:51:33,877
This is gotta be the
best idea you ever had.
1133
00:51:37,282 --> 00:51:38,482
Left turn coming up.
1134
00:51:38,484 --> 00:51:40,884
In three, two, one, turn.
1135
00:51:45,791 --> 00:51:48,592
- So you're gonna
be like famous now.
1136
00:51:48,594 --> 00:51:49,626
On TV?
1137
00:51:49,995 --> 00:51:52,329
You're gonna be like
a poon tang magnet.
1138
00:51:52,331 --> 00:51:52,929
- No.
1139
00:51:52,931 --> 00:51:54,231
It's just a contest.
1140
00:51:54,233 --> 00:51:56,333
And there's two more heats.
1141
00:51:56,335 --> 00:51:57,200
- Which if you win.
1142
00:51:57,202 --> 00:51:59,503
- Then I'm in the showcase.
1143
00:51:59,505 --> 00:52:01,972
That, that's televised.
1144
00:52:01,974 --> 00:52:03,640
- And that's exciting, right?
1145
00:52:03,642 --> 00:52:04,441
For you?
1146
00:52:04,443 --> 00:52:05,475
- Yeah.
1147
00:52:05,477 --> 00:52:06,243
- I don't get TV.
1148
00:52:06,245 --> 00:52:08,979
To me it's just an
expensive fucking radio.
1149
00:52:10,082 --> 00:52:10,981
But seriously though,
1150
00:52:10,983 --> 00:52:13,950
I can't focus on driving
when I smell on you like...
1151
00:52:16,021 --> 00:52:17,988
ripe peaches and, and...
1152
00:52:19,892 --> 00:52:20,857
fresh sex.
1153
00:52:20,859 --> 00:52:21,558
- Oh, God.
1154
00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:23,493
- Oh, someone should market
that as a breakfast cereal.
1155
00:52:23,495 --> 00:52:26,730
Like, Snatch Krispies or...
1156
00:52:26,732 --> 00:52:27,464
Pussy Puffs!
1157
00:52:27,466 --> 00:52:29,533
- Dude, you're a bad person,
you know that, right?
1158
00:52:29,535 --> 00:52:32,235
And, you just missed our turn.
1159
00:52:32,237 --> 00:52:33,303
- So what?
1160
00:52:33,305 --> 00:52:34,938
I'm not in control.
1161
00:52:34,940 --> 00:52:36,640
You're not in control.
1162
00:52:36,642 --> 00:52:37,574
No one is.
1163
00:52:37,576 --> 00:52:39,042
It's an illusion.
1164
00:52:39,044 --> 00:52:41,044
You have to learn to go with it.
1165
00:52:41,046 --> 00:52:42,646
But like I always say,
1166
00:52:42,648 --> 00:52:43,880
trust in the universe
1167
00:52:43,882 --> 00:52:45,722
and then the good
things will happen.
1168
00:52:46,485 --> 00:52:49,619
- For the
record, I never say that.
1169
00:52:49,621 --> 00:52:52,189
I'm blind, I'm not stupid.
1170
00:52:52,191 --> 00:52:53,957
I don't believe
in happy endings.
1171
00:52:53,959 --> 00:52:57,227
- You're making the biggest
mistake of your life.
1172
00:52:57,229 --> 00:52:58,061
This is so you.
1173
00:52:58,063 --> 00:52:59,296
- What does that
supposed to mean?
1174
00:52:59,298 --> 00:53:01,831
- Oh look, a stray dog is
so cute, can I keep it?
1175
00:53:01,833 --> 00:53:02,732
- How fucking dare you.
1176
00:53:02,734 --> 00:53:04,000
- No, how fucking dare you!
1177
00:53:04,002 --> 00:53:05,602
- Bella, you
want me to do something?
1178
00:53:05,604 --> 00:53:07,837
- Hey, butt out, old man!
1179
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:09,606
I'm not joking.
1180
00:53:09,608 --> 00:53:11,074
- Fine, Mario, I'm fine.
1181
00:53:11,076 --> 00:53:12,142
This is not the place, okay.
1182
00:53:12,144 --> 00:53:13,076
We can finish this...
1183
00:53:13,078 --> 00:53:14,844
- No, we're finished!
1184
00:53:15,047 --> 00:53:16,513
I'll see you in a few
days when you realise
1185
00:53:16,515 --> 00:53:19,449
what a massive fucking
mistake you've made.
1186
00:53:19,451 --> 00:53:20,984
This is real life,
1187
00:53:20,986 --> 00:53:23,286
not some cutesy fairytale.
1188
00:53:23,555 --> 00:53:27,424
You kiss a frog, in the morning
it's still gonna be a frog.
1189
00:53:47,613 --> 00:53:48,178
- Hey.
1190
00:53:48,180 --> 00:53:49,746
- You gonna invite us in?
1191
00:53:50,082 --> 00:53:52,549
- Why don't we take
her for a spin?
1192
00:53:52,551 --> 00:53:53,250
- Like this?
1193
00:53:53,252 --> 00:53:56,253
- Yeah, I mean, she
should run fine.
1194
00:53:57,723 --> 00:53:58,655
Let's go.
1195
00:53:58,657 --> 00:53:59,856
- Okay.
1196
00:54:03,195 --> 00:54:04,195
- Hey.
1197
00:54:05,597 --> 00:54:07,564
You look after her, okay?
1198
00:54:08,033 --> 00:54:09,432
- I'm not driving.
1199
00:54:09,434 --> 00:54:10,634
- Not the car.
1200
00:54:11,069 --> 00:54:12,569
Don't be an asshole.
1201
00:54:12,571 --> 00:54:14,871
She don't need another asshole.
1202
00:54:14,873 --> 00:54:16,906
- Okay.
1203
00:54:16,908 --> 00:54:18,541
- Okay.
1204
00:54:38,730 --> 00:54:40,964
- Trav, are
you gonna rap or what?
1205
00:54:40,966 --> 00:54:42,265
Come on, Trav.
1206
00:54:42,267 --> 00:54:43,867
- This is everyday.
1207
00:54:51,943 --> 00:54:53,677
- Oh!
1208
00:54:53,679 --> 00:54:54,778
Queen!
1209
00:54:54,780 --> 00:54:56,813
- Here you go, bro.
1210
00:54:59,851 --> 00:55:03,753
- You're just going in circles!
1211
00:55:03,755 --> 00:55:05,055
- Yay!
- Yeah!
1212
00:55:05,057 --> 00:55:06,690
- Yes!
1213
00:55:07,826 --> 00:55:11,227
- You look like a
praying mantis on crack!
1214
00:55:57,676 --> 00:56:01,077
Oh my God, Mario,
it's beautiful.
1215
00:56:01,079 --> 00:56:02,812
Let's put the windshield on.
1216
00:56:02,814 --> 00:56:04,647
Let's finish this.
1217
00:56:05,350 --> 00:56:06,816
Hey.
1218
00:56:06,818 --> 00:56:07,484
Mario.
1219
00:56:07,486 --> 00:56:10,720
Old man, it's a little early
for a siesta, isn't it?
1220
00:56:10,722 --> 00:56:11,821
Mario?
1221
00:56:16,595 --> 00:56:17,660
Mario.
1222
00:56:18,463 --> 00:56:20,130
- Il mio cuore.
1223
00:56:35,580 --> 00:56:37,213
- You're gonna be okay.
1224
00:56:37,215 --> 00:56:37,981
- Sorry, Bella.
1225
00:56:37,983 --> 00:56:38,982
- No don't need to be.
1226
00:56:38,984 --> 00:56:41,084
- I'm just a useless old man
1227
00:56:42,888 --> 00:56:44,954
who can't look after you.
1228
00:56:54,666 --> 00:56:57,033
- Oh, come on, people.
1229
00:57:01,907 --> 00:57:05,508
- Hey, Travis, can you call me?
1230
00:57:06,611 --> 00:57:09,212
There's something
I need to tell you.
1231
00:57:09,214 --> 00:57:11,381
Actually, don't call.
1232
00:57:11,383 --> 00:57:14,617
I should tell you in person.
1233
00:57:22,694 --> 00:57:23,760
- Hey.
1234
00:57:43,682 --> 00:57:45,215
- Oh.
1235
00:57:45,217 --> 00:57:46,249
You.
1236
00:57:46,251 --> 00:57:47,884
- Yep.
1237
00:57:48,186 --> 00:57:50,453
- You think I don't
know what's going on?
1238
00:57:50,455 --> 00:57:52,722
- You think I care
what you know?
1239
00:57:52,724 --> 00:57:53,490
- You should.
1240
00:57:53,492 --> 00:57:56,559
She's a student at the
school where you work.
1241
00:57:58,230 --> 00:57:58,928
Oh,
1242
00:57:58,930 --> 00:58:00,497
so you do care.
1243
00:58:00,799 --> 00:58:02,732
- You know, I didn't
come here to play games.
1244
00:58:02,734 --> 00:58:05,034
Sunny needs to
tell me something.
1245
00:58:13,612 --> 00:58:16,212
- What did you think
was gonna happen?
1246
00:58:17,382 --> 00:58:19,382
That she'd end up with you?
1247
00:58:22,921 --> 00:58:23,953
Oh.
1248
00:58:35,267 --> 00:58:36,699
Life tries to show us
1249
00:58:36,701 --> 00:58:38,334
what we need to see
1250
00:58:38,336 --> 00:58:40,703
but it's never completely clear.
1251
00:58:42,207 --> 00:58:45,241
It's hard to look at
yourself objectively.
1252
00:58:49,114 --> 00:58:53,449
And what you see depends on
what you're willing to believe.
1253
00:58:54,019 --> 00:58:55,118
- All right.
1254
00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:56,352
All right, all right,
all right, all right.
1255
00:58:56,354 --> 00:58:59,756
This next guy is competing for
a slot in the closing night
1256
00:58:59,758 --> 00:59:01,157
of the "Bring the
Funny" showcase.
1257
00:59:01,159 --> 00:59:03,226
I want you to go absolutely
nuts for our next contestant.
1258
00:59:03,228 --> 00:59:05,161
Give it up for a very funny guy,
1259
00:59:05,163 --> 00:59:06,396
Mysterious Bag Man.
1260
00:59:06,398 --> 00:59:07,830
Yes!
1261
00:59:08,633 --> 00:59:12,635
- You know, I had this
girlfriend, it didn't work out.
1262
00:59:12,637 --> 00:59:13,637
She left me.
1263
00:59:14,773 --> 00:59:18,641
She said, I can never
tell what you're thinking.
1264
00:59:18,643 --> 00:59:20,743
I'm like, what do you want?
1265
00:59:20,745 --> 00:59:23,012
This is the only
expression I can draw.
1266
00:59:36,795 --> 00:59:42,198
I'd kiss her and she'd
complain about paper cuts.
1267
00:59:42,200 --> 00:59:42,966
When we made love,
1268
00:59:42,968 --> 00:59:46,002
she said it was like
humping a Happy Meal.
1269
00:59:58,516 --> 01:00:00,083
The whole time it's all about
1270
01:00:00,085 --> 01:00:02,485
what she wants, what she needs.
1271
01:00:02,487 --> 01:00:05,021
Banging on my door
day and night.
1272
01:00:05,423 --> 01:00:07,824
Eventually, I had
to let her out.
1273
01:00:33,418 --> 01:00:35,184
- Come back out
here, dude, come on!
1274
01:00:35,186 --> 01:00:36,786
Very good, now...
1275
01:00:36,788 --> 01:00:38,287
So you just won your way
through to the final round,
1276
01:00:38,289 --> 01:00:40,556
a shot at the big
time, how's it feel?
1277
01:00:40,558 --> 01:00:41,758
How's it feel?
1278
01:00:43,161 --> 01:00:43,960
- Kinda dirty.
1279
01:00:43,962 --> 01:00:45,128
- Oh, okay.
1280
01:00:45,130 --> 01:00:47,697
Guys, give it up for
this guy one more time.
1281
01:00:47,699 --> 01:00:49,632
Mysterious Bag Man.
1282
01:00:49,634 --> 01:00:50,233
Huh?
1283
01:00:50,235 --> 01:00:52,535
Thanks for coming out!
1284
01:01:45,557 --> 01:01:46,622
- Hey.
1285
01:01:48,393 --> 01:01:49,425
Busted.
1286
01:01:54,432 --> 01:01:55,898
- What're you doing here?
1287
01:01:55,900 --> 01:01:59,168
- I was just looking
for some paper and...
1288
01:01:59,170 --> 01:01:59,902
I...
1289
01:01:59,904 --> 01:02:02,105
- Who said you
could look at that?
1290
01:02:02,107 --> 01:02:04,540
- Travis, is this you?
1291
01:02:04,542 --> 01:02:07,376
- I said, that's private.
1292
01:02:08,379 --> 01:02:09,779
- Sorry, I just...
1293
01:02:09,781 --> 01:02:10,913
I wanted to pop...
1294
01:02:10,915 --> 01:02:11,981
- You know,
1295
01:02:11,983 --> 01:02:12,849
you just...
1296
01:02:12,851 --> 01:02:15,184
you just can't barge in
and out of people's lives
1297
01:02:15,186 --> 01:02:16,419
whenever you feel like it!
1298
01:02:16,421 --> 01:02:20,356
- Wow, okay, that's not
what's happening here, Travis.
1299
01:02:20,959 --> 01:02:21,824
I tried to call you.
1300
01:02:21,826 --> 01:02:25,728
There's something
I need to tell you.
1301
01:02:26,297 --> 01:02:28,030
- Yeah, I know.
1302
01:02:28,032 --> 01:02:30,833
What makes you think
I fucking care?
1303
01:02:34,506 --> 01:02:38,741
- I don't know what happened
to make you like this
1304
01:02:39,077 --> 01:02:40,276
but it wasn't me, okay?
1305
01:02:40,278 --> 01:02:42,078
I didn't do this!
1306
01:02:42,781 --> 01:02:43,913
- Get out!
1307
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:19,849
♪ Was our love
1308
01:03:19,851 --> 01:03:24,420
♪ Just a song
1309
01:03:24,422 --> 01:03:27,423
♪ I went to bed
1310
01:03:27,425 --> 01:03:32,161
♪ Thinking everything
was wrong ♪
1311
01:03:36,701 --> 01:03:38,267
- Travis.
1312
01:03:38,269 --> 01:03:39,969
We need to talk.
1313
01:03:41,239 --> 01:03:42,271
Now!
1314
01:03:42,607 --> 01:03:45,408
Now you told me that you
were gonna talk to somebody
1315
01:03:45,410 --> 01:03:47,109
about your issues.
1316
01:03:47,946 --> 01:03:49,011
- I've been talking
1317
01:03:49,013 --> 01:03:51,080
to a lot of people.
- Well, we both know
1318
01:03:51,082 --> 01:03:53,883
that this is not what I meant.
1319
01:03:55,119 --> 01:03:58,621
How many second chances do
you think I'm gonna give you?
1320
01:03:58,623 --> 01:03:59,856
- Technically just one.
1321
01:03:59,858 --> 01:04:02,625
After that would be a
third and fourth and...
1322
01:04:02,627 --> 01:04:05,962
- You have been accused
of getting students drunk
1323
01:04:05,964 --> 01:04:08,664
in the toilets after hours.
1324
01:04:08,666 --> 01:04:10,466
- Student, just one.
1325
01:04:10,468 --> 01:04:11,868
I thought I'd start
slow and work my way up.
1326
01:04:11,870 --> 01:04:14,403
- Of trying to run
over a student?
1327
01:04:14,405 --> 01:04:19,408
Of making sexual
advances with a student?
1328
01:04:19,410 --> 01:04:22,111
- They started it
and she kissed me.
1329
01:04:22,113 --> 01:04:23,212
- The girl's sister told me
1330
01:04:23,214 --> 01:04:26,182
that she's been spending
nights in your apartment.
1331
01:04:26,184 --> 01:04:27,383
Is that true?
1332
01:04:29,687 --> 01:04:31,087
- Well, not anymore.
1333
01:04:31,089 --> 01:04:32,955
So everybody happy now?
1334
01:04:41,532 --> 01:04:42,498
Gordo, can we talk?
1335
01:04:42,500 --> 01:04:44,967
- Hey, Trav, long
time no see, man!
1336
01:04:44,969 --> 01:04:46,168
Oh, well, ever.
1337
01:04:46,170 --> 01:04:47,069
- Yeah, ha.
- Really but...
1338
01:04:47,071 --> 01:04:48,070
- Yo, can you stop playing that,
1339
01:04:48,072 --> 01:04:49,305
I need to tell you something.
1340
01:04:49,307 --> 01:04:50,306
- Yeah, so tell me.
1341
01:04:50,308 --> 01:04:53,109
- Not why you're playing
that stupid goddamn song.
1342
01:04:53,111 --> 01:04:54,111
- Fine.
1343
01:04:54,812 --> 01:04:56,679
- I said stop it, all right!
1344
01:04:58,783 --> 01:04:59,582
- What the fuck?
1345
01:04:59,584 --> 01:05:02,051
What was that for?
1346
01:05:02,053 --> 01:05:03,920
- Shit, man, I...
1347
01:05:03,922 --> 01:05:05,454
Here, I'm sorry.
1348
01:05:16,501 --> 01:05:18,134
Just say something.
1349
01:05:18,136 --> 01:05:19,135
She went back to him.
1350
01:05:19,137 --> 01:05:22,071
- Well what did you
expect, you asshole?
1351
01:05:22,073 --> 01:05:24,040
- What, because I'm like this?
1352
01:05:24,042 --> 01:05:24,840
- No.
1353
01:05:24,842 --> 01:05:27,743
Because you're such a
fucking Nancy Hofstetter!
1354
01:05:27,745 --> 01:05:28,878
- A what?
1355
01:05:29,314 --> 01:05:30,346
- Nancy Hofstetter, man.
1356
01:05:30,348 --> 01:05:32,281
She's a girl I knew
in high school.
1357
01:05:32,283 --> 01:05:36,252
She wanted me to fuck her but
not put it in all the way.
1358
01:05:36,254 --> 01:05:37,586
Just the tip.
1359
01:05:37,588 --> 01:05:38,788
But that's you!
1360
01:05:39,090 --> 01:05:41,257
- I don't want you
to fuck me with any...
1361
01:05:41,259 --> 01:05:43,025
- Not me, fool!
1362
01:05:43,027 --> 01:05:44,093
Life!
1363
01:05:44,462 --> 01:05:46,629
You want life but
you won't let it in
1364
01:05:46,631 --> 01:05:49,131
in all its throbbing,
meaty glory.
1365
01:05:49,133 --> 01:05:52,068
You want life to fuck
you but with just the tip
1366
01:05:52,070 --> 01:05:53,602
and that's bullshit, my friend.
1367
01:05:53,604 --> 01:05:58,107
You gotta let life stick it
to you all the way, ball deep!
1368
01:05:58,109 --> 01:06:01,243
You gotta deep throat the
whole fucking catastrophe,
1369
01:06:01,245 --> 01:06:02,078
swallow and smile,
1370
01:06:02,080 --> 01:06:05,481
because what's life without
the fucking money shot?
1371
01:06:05,483 --> 01:06:07,283
It's all just
meaningless foreplay
1372
01:06:07,285 --> 01:06:09,885
and you end up jacking off.
1373
01:06:09,887 --> 01:06:11,087
Alone.
1374
01:06:28,406 --> 01:06:29,572
When you hit that point
1375
01:06:29,574 --> 01:06:32,908
at which everything
seems at its crappest...
1376
01:06:33,511 --> 01:06:34,543
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
1377
01:06:34,545 --> 01:06:35,778
- You might just find that
1378
01:06:35,780 --> 01:06:38,247
breaking your ukulele
can be the best thing
1379
01:06:38,249 --> 01:06:40,082
that ever happened to you.
1380
01:06:40,084 --> 01:06:40,950
- My fault.
1381
01:06:40,952 --> 01:06:42,284
- Oh no, my fault.
1382
01:06:42,286 --> 01:06:43,486
What was that?
1383
01:06:44,155 --> 01:06:45,454
- My ukulele.
1384
01:06:45,456 --> 01:06:47,056
It was shattered already.
1385
01:06:47,058 --> 01:06:47,890
- Aw.
1386
01:06:47,892 --> 01:06:48,958
- Yours?
1387
01:06:51,062 --> 01:06:52,428
- I'm all good.
1388
01:06:52,430 --> 01:06:54,196
- Well, sorry.
1389
01:06:54,198 --> 01:06:56,632
- Happens to me all the time.
1390
01:06:56,634 --> 01:06:58,367
- Yeah, same.
1391
01:07:05,543 --> 01:07:06,675
I'm Gordo.
1392
01:07:07,345 --> 01:07:08,744
- Eve.
1393
01:07:08,746 --> 01:07:11,213
- Nice to meet you, Eve.
1394
01:07:16,287 --> 01:07:19,388
- And you are listening
to all the nonstop hits
1395
01:07:19,390 --> 01:07:20,289
with Mikey and Sunny
1396
01:07:20,291 --> 01:07:22,725
and when we're back we'll
be taking some calls.
1397
01:07:22,727 --> 01:07:24,727
What's on the
agenda today, Mikey?
1398
01:07:24,729 --> 01:07:26,462
- Well, girls, I wanna hear
1399
01:07:26,464 --> 01:07:29,565
about the wrongest
guy you've ever dated.
1400
01:07:30,368 --> 01:07:31,567
Let's start with you, Sunny.
1401
01:07:31,569 --> 01:07:33,302
Who's your wrongest guy?
1402
01:07:34,105 --> 01:07:35,571
- Uh.
1403
01:07:35,573 --> 01:07:36,605
Em.
1404
01:07:36,974 --> 01:07:39,909
Why don't we go to a song
while I think about that?
1405
01:07:54,592 --> 01:07:56,459
- Babe, this is what
we signed on for.
1406
01:07:56,461 --> 01:07:58,260
You've got your face
on a thousand buses.
1407
01:07:58,262 --> 01:08:01,230
- Oh wow, eat your heart
out, Helen of Troy.
1408
01:08:01,232 --> 01:08:02,264
- What more do you want?
1409
01:08:02,266 --> 01:08:03,299
- I don't want that.
1410
01:08:03,301 --> 01:08:04,166
I don't want you to...
1411
01:08:04,168 --> 01:08:05,501
- Oh, come on, don't
flake out on me now.
1412
01:08:05,503 --> 01:08:06,902
Stick with the programme.
1413
01:08:06,904 --> 01:08:07,870
Smile in the voice.
1414
01:08:07,872 --> 01:08:09,538
They can hear it, okay?
1415
01:08:10,141 --> 01:08:14,910
And we are back with Mikey
and Sunny in the morning.
1416
01:08:14,912 --> 01:08:15,711
Keeping it real.
1417
01:08:15,713 --> 01:08:18,414
First up, we have
our next caller.
1418
01:08:26,858 --> 01:08:27,590
- Thank you.
1419
01:08:27,592 --> 01:08:30,659
When we return, the moment
you've all been waiting for.
1420
01:08:30,661 --> 01:08:32,361
The "Hunger Games" of funny.
1421
01:08:32,363 --> 01:08:34,230
The final
winner-takes-it-all round
1422
01:08:34,232 --> 01:08:37,166
of the BTF unsigned
open mic competition.
1423
01:08:54,585 --> 01:08:56,152
- Travis.
1424
01:08:56,154 --> 01:08:57,419
Aren't you doing well?
1425
01:08:57,421 --> 01:08:58,754
It's great to see you, man.
1426
01:08:58,756 --> 01:09:00,222
It's great to see you.
1427
01:09:00,224 --> 01:09:02,258
- Mikey, on in five.
1428
01:09:02,560 --> 01:09:03,926
- All right, well I'll
leave you kids to catch up.
1429
01:09:03,928 --> 01:09:06,829
You've got plenty to
talk about, no doubt.
1430
01:09:10,601 --> 01:09:11,734
- Hey.
1431
01:09:16,007 --> 01:09:18,207
- I heard you on the radio.
1432
01:09:18,209 --> 01:09:19,775
- What did you think?
1433
01:09:21,279 --> 01:09:23,212
- You have to ask?
1434
01:09:25,283 --> 01:09:26,549
- Money's good.
1435
01:09:27,518 --> 01:09:28,717
- Yeah, I bet.
1436
01:09:29,754 --> 01:09:30,786
- Well,
1437
01:09:31,889 --> 01:09:34,523
good luck out there.
1438
01:09:40,331 --> 01:09:41,130
- So I've gotta go.
1439
01:09:41,132 --> 01:09:42,665
There's a girl waiting
for me backstage
1440
01:09:42,667 --> 01:09:45,601
with a monkey wrench
and a grease gun.
1441
01:09:45,603 --> 01:09:46,769
- Yeah!
1442
01:09:46,771 --> 01:09:51,140
The lesbolicious Rebecca
Talay, ladies and gentlemen!
1443
01:09:51,142 --> 01:09:51,707
Yeah!
1444
01:09:51,709 --> 01:09:54,076
All right, our next
contestant is also bent
1445
01:09:54,078 --> 01:09:56,412
but not sexually,
he's just plain bent.
1446
01:09:56,414 --> 01:09:59,748
Welcome to the stage,
the Mysterious Bag Man.
1447
01:10:03,020 --> 01:10:05,054
Now I love Bag Man,
we've shared a lot,
1448
01:10:05,056 --> 01:10:07,690
but I should warn you,
he's an angry young dude
1449
01:10:07,692 --> 01:10:08,490
and why shouldn't he be?
1450
01:10:08,492 --> 01:10:09,458
He's got cerebral palsy?
1451
01:10:09,460 --> 01:10:12,261
No, that's not just
a bad hangover.
1452
01:10:12,663 --> 01:10:15,064
Now, he's just come here
straight from therapy.
1453
01:10:15,066 --> 01:10:16,031
Therapy, what is that?
1454
01:10:16,033 --> 01:10:17,700
Is that just paying
someone to be your friend?
1455
01:10:17,702 --> 01:10:18,734
With therapy,
1456
01:10:18,736 --> 01:10:19,868
what're you paying for, really?
1457
01:10:19,870 --> 01:10:22,404
Are you paying for someone
to listen to your problems
1458
01:10:22,406 --> 01:10:25,574
or are you paying so you don't
have to listen to theirs?
1459
01:10:25,576 --> 01:10:26,576
You tell me.
1460
01:10:27,144 --> 01:10:28,611
- What do you
think you're doing?
1461
01:10:28,613 --> 01:10:30,379
- What, you don't
like those jokes?
1462
01:10:30,381 --> 01:10:31,814
- Yeah, they're great.
1463
01:10:31,816 --> 01:10:33,682
I know because I wrote them.
1464
01:10:33,684 --> 01:10:36,285
- Yeah, for me, I
paid you actually.
1465
01:10:36,287 --> 01:10:39,088
Awkward.
1466
01:10:39,090 --> 01:10:40,256
- Well then,
1467
01:10:41,592 --> 01:10:45,894
I guess I can't do
this one or this one
1468
01:10:45,896 --> 01:10:47,162
or this one!
1469
01:10:47,164 --> 01:10:48,931
Or these!
1470
01:10:48,933 --> 01:10:49,999
Screw it!
1471
01:10:50,635 --> 01:10:52,735
You know, congratulations.
1472
01:10:53,638 --> 01:10:54,703
You win.
1473
01:10:55,306 --> 01:10:56,705
Don't you have enough already?
1474
01:10:56,707 --> 01:10:58,607
And now you want this too?
1475
01:10:58,609 --> 01:11:00,709
- Come on, man, surely
you got something else.
1476
01:11:00,711 --> 01:11:02,378
What about one of
those fun stories
1477
01:11:02,380 --> 01:11:05,281
about what an
angry dude you are?
1478
01:11:05,283 --> 01:11:06,348
No?
1479
01:11:06,350 --> 01:11:07,049
Awkward.
1480
01:11:07,051 --> 01:11:09,351
Okay, folks, we might
just take a little break.
1481
01:11:09,353 --> 01:11:11,620
- You know, wait,
1482
01:11:11,622 --> 01:11:12,688
sure.
1483
01:11:13,491 --> 01:11:14,623
All right.
1484
01:11:14,959 --> 01:11:17,626
Here's a story, just for you.
1485
01:11:18,562 --> 01:11:21,964
It's about a kid,
three years old,
1486
01:11:21,966 --> 01:11:24,333
loved playing in the
rain with his dog.
1487
01:11:24,335 --> 01:11:26,869
- I hope it's got
a good punchline.
1488
01:11:28,406 --> 01:11:34,276
- So this kid is out
playing in the rain,
1489
01:11:34,779 --> 01:11:37,413
jumping from puddle
to puddle with his dog
1490
01:11:37,415 --> 01:11:38,747
and he lives in this old house
1491
01:11:38,749 --> 01:11:42,618
with like a million stairs going
all the way up to the door.
1492
01:11:42,620 --> 01:11:45,287
And they run inside,
dripping wet.
1493
01:11:45,656 --> 01:11:48,023
Puddles all over the floor.
1494
01:11:48,459 --> 01:11:50,592
The dog, he runs
up to the kid's dad
1495
01:11:50,594 --> 01:11:54,830
sitting in his favourite
chair watching TV.
1496
01:11:56,634 --> 01:11:58,634
And just shakes.
1497
01:12:01,038 --> 01:12:02,738
As dogs do.
1498
01:12:05,543 --> 01:12:06,241
And this dad,
1499
01:12:06,243 --> 01:12:09,078
he's got a bit of a temper.
1500
01:12:09,980 --> 01:12:11,880
Yeah, a bit of a temper.
1501
01:12:13,084 --> 01:12:14,883
And he grabs the dog
1502
01:12:15,686 --> 01:12:17,920
and he throws it
out into the rain,
1503
01:12:17,922 --> 01:12:20,756
down the stairs.
1504
01:12:21,492 --> 01:12:24,293
The kid is upset.
1505
01:12:25,096 --> 01:12:26,995
Starts hitting the dad.
1506
01:12:27,298 --> 01:12:30,699
Maybe he's inherited
a bit of his anger.
1507
01:12:32,370 --> 01:12:35,270
So the dad picks
up the little boy,
1508
01:12:35,539 --> 01:12:38,974
he picks him up and
he throws him out too.
1509
01:12:38,976 --> 01:12:41,310
Down the stairs,
out into the rain.
1510
01:12:41,312 --> 01:12:44,313
Breaks his arm,
bone sticking out.
1511
01:12:44,315 --> 01:12:46,315
Fractures his vertebrae,
1512
01:12:46,317 --> 01:12:47,716
cracks his skull.
1513
01:12:47,718 --> 01:12:49,718
The mom, the mom sees this,
1514
01:12:49,720 --> 01:12:53,522
she sees this and she tries
to help the little boy.
1515
01:12:53,858 --> 01:12:55,858
But the dad, he stops her.
1516
01:12:55,860 --> 01:12:58,327
He makes her go back inside
1517
01:12:58,329 --> 01:13:01,130
because it's raining after all.
1518
01:13:04,001 --> 01:13:05,834
So here's this boy,
1519
01:13:06,370 --> 01:13:07,369
lying in the mud,
1520
01:13:07,371 --> 01:13:10,939
brain bleeding on the
inside of his head,
1521
01:13:11,976 --> 01:13:13,208
he could die.
1522
01:13:14,779 --> 01:13:16,478
But he's not that lucky.
1523
01:13:16,881 --> 01:13:20,082
He gets to live
with brain damage
1524
01:13:20,084 --> 01:13:21,984
in steel bolts and crews
1525
01:13:21,986 --> 01:13:27,122
and tests and scans
and operations and...
1526
01:13:27,124 --> 01:13:28,457
and pain.
1527
01:13:30,694 --> 01:13:34,129
And nobody wanting
to play with him
1528
01:13:34,131 --> 01:13:35,898
because he can't keep up
1529
01:13:37,535 --> 01:13:39,234
and he's a freak.
1530
01:13:43,174 --> 01:13:46,008
And he will spend
the rest of his life
1531
01:13:46,010 --> 01:13:49,077
scaring off anybody
who gets too close
1532
01:13:49,447 --> 01:13:53,482
so he can pretend
that's what he wants.
1533
01:13:59,123 --> 01:14:01,590
- Okay, we might
just leave it there.
1534
01:14:01,592 --> 01:14:02,424
- You know that saying,
1535
01:14:02,426 --> 01:14:04,293
when they made him
they broke the mould?
1536
01:14:04,295 --> 01:14:08,897
Well I'm the guy they made
after him with a broken mould.
1537
01:14:09,233 --> 01:14:14,336
And that's why I get to tell
these jokes and you don't!
1538
01:14:14,738 --> 01:14:17,973
You know, yeah, I've
been to therapy.
1539
01:14:17,975 --> 01:14:20,142
They say I have anger problems.
1540
01:14:20,144 --> 01:14:22,811
Well I don't actually
think I have a problem.
1541
01:14:22,813 --> 01:14:24,379
I think it's this guy
who's about to have
1542
01:14:24,381 --> 01:14:26,482
this microphone stand
jammed up his ass
1543
01:14:26,484 --> 01:14:28,217
who's go the problem!
1544
01:14:28,486 --> 01:14:30,853
So is that enough of a
punchline for you, fuck face?
1545
01:14:30,855 --> 01:14:32,020
You tell me!
1546
01:14:36,293 --> 01:14:36,925
Ugh, see?
1547
01:14:36,927 --> 01:14:39,161
I don't need a girl to
knock me off my feet,
1548
01:14:39,163 --> 01:14:40,662
I can do it all by myself.
1549
01:14:40,664 --> 01:14:41,663
- Hey, come on.
1550
01:14:41,665 --> 01:14:42,665
- Fuck off!
1551
01:14:43,534 --> 01:14:44,466
Back off!
1552
01:14:44,468 --> 01:14:45,734
I don't need you!
1553
01:14:45,736 --> 01:14:47,102
I don't need anyone!
1554
01:15:13,330 --> 01:15:14,897
- Go have another beer, freak!
1555
01:15:14,899 --> 01:15:16,632
- This guy's off his tits.
1556
01:15:16,634 --> 01:15:17,933
- Ugh, he's trying to grope me!
1557
01:15:17,935 --> 01:15:21,837
- Hey, what're you doing
grabbing her, buddy?
1558
01:15:21,839 --> 01:15:22,504
Woo!
1559
01:15:22,506 --> 01:15:23,939
Hit the pole.
1560
01:15:25,175 --> 01:15:27,042
Oi, he's taking a spill!
1561
01:15:27,044 --> 01:15:28,343
- Hey, stop it!
1562
01:15:28,345 --> 01:15:29,378
Piss off, you animals!
1563
01:15:29,380 --> 01:15:31,380
What're you staring
at, leave him alone!
1564
01:15:31,382 --> 01:15:32,648
- All right, then.
- Oh my God.
1565
01:15:32,650 --> 01:15:34,883
- Hey, Travis, it's Sunny.
1566
01:15:34,885 --> 01:15:36,151
It's okay, you're okay.
1567
01:15:36,153 --> 01:15:37,886
You're okay, you're okay.
1568
01:15:40,057 --> 01:15:40,989
Get off!
1569
01:15:40,991 --> 01:15:42,357
- I'm just calling an ambulance.
1570
01:15:42,359 --> 01:15:44,793
- Please, tell them to hurry.
- Ambulance.
1571
01:15:44,795 --> 01:15:46,028
- Are you Dame Edna?
1572
01:15:46,030 --> 01:15:46,828
- Not at the moment.
1573
01:15:46,830 --> 01:15:48,463
We've got a crisis here.
1574
01:15:48,465 --> 01:15:50,632
- Give me that, give me it.
1575
01:15:50,634 --> 01:15:51,934
Yes.
- Can I have your photo?
1576
01:15:51,936 --> 01:15:54,369
- We're on the corner of
Bray and King's Street.
1577
01:15:54,371 --> 01:15:56,705
Please hurry.
1578
01:15:58,976 --> 01:16:00,075
- Is he okay?
- He's calming down.
1579
01:16:00,077 --> 01:16:01,743
- I think so.
1580
01:16:01,745 --> 01:16:02,511
- Yeah, yeah.
1581
01:16:02,513 --> 01:16:06,748
- What that bastard
did was unacceptable.
1582
01:16:34,211 --> 01:16:35,911
- Thanks for checking on me.
1583
01:16:35,913 --> 01:16:38,680
- Well, you gave
us all quite a scare.
1584
01:16:38,682 --> 01:16:39,381
- Yeah.
1585
01:16:39,383 --> 01:16:41,984
- You know, I shouldn't
have been so hard lined.
1586
01:16:41,986 --> 01:16:44,219
It's your life after all.
1587
01:16:44,922 --> 01:16:46,855
- Yeah, sad but true.
1588
01:16:46,857 --> 01:16:48,056
- What about last night?
1589
01:16:48,058 --> 01:16:49,825
How're you feeling?
1590
01:16:49,827 --> 01:16:52,194
- I don't know,
I don't remember.
1591
01:16:52,496 --> 01:16:55,330
- You don't remember
any of this?
1592
01:16:56,066 --> 01:16:57,899
- Last thing I remember,
1593
01:16:58,168 --> 01:17:00,802
I was on stage telling
the world things
1594
01:17:00,804 --> 01:17:02,738
I never tell anybody.
1595
01:17:04,875 --> 01:17:09,811
- Well, there was a bit of a
commotion after your seizure.
1596
01:17:10,648 --> 01:17:12,648
Sunny was there for you.
1597
01:17:14,318 --> 01:17:15,751
- Where is she now?
1598
01:17:17,821 --> 01:17:19,354
- I'm sorry, Travis.
1599
01:17:21,358 --> 01:17:22,357
- You said that already.
1600
01:17:22,359 --> 01:17:25,093
- No, about what
happened to you as a kid.
1601
01:17:26,497 --> 01:17:28,964
It was a terrible thing.
1602
01:17:30,267 --> 01:17:32,734
- I'll be all right from here.
1603
01:17:46,216 --> 01:17:49,317
- Wondered when
I'd see you again.
1604
01:17:49,319 --> 01:17:51,953
- Yeah, I've been
staying at Mikey's.
1605
01:17:52,656 --> 01:17:54,623
- And how's that working out?
1606
01:17:54,625 --> 01:17:57,092
- Well, it's no party
being in a relationship
1607
01:17:57,094 --> 01:18:00,395
with someone that wants
you to be somebody else.
1608
01:18:01,065 --> 01:18:03,565
- I'll add that to the list.
1609
01:18:03,567 --> 01:18:04,232
- The list?
1610
01:18:04,234 --> 01:18:06,902
- Things I
need to say sorry for.
1611
01:18:06,904 --> 01:18:09,571
- It's really not your fault.
1612
01:18:09,573 --> 01:18:10,772
- Are you sure?
1613
01:18:11,075 --> 01:18:13,241
I think I was the
number one cheerleader
1614
01:18:13,243 --> 01:18:15,644
for team Mikey from the get-go.
1615
01:18:15,646 --> 01:18:16,812
- Well, as you
said the other day,
1616
01:18:16,814 --> 01:18:18,814
I'm not your responsibility.
1617
01:18:19,116 --> 01:18:21,216
- I said a lot of shit
that wasn't right.
1618
01:18:21,218 --> 01:18:23,051
- Yeah, so did I.
1619
01:18:23,821 --> 01:18:26,688
- I didn't warn
you about that man
1620
01:18:27,324 --> 01:18:30,826
because I thought what he
did to me was my fault.
1621
01:18:31,261 --> 01:18:33,895
Because I was a bad person.
1622
01:18:34,198 --> 01:18:40,302
I never thought it could happen
to someone good, like you.
1623
01:18:41,538 --> 01:18:43,438
- You're not a bad person.
1624
01:18:44,508 --> 01:18:46,441
- When Mario died,
1625
01:18:46,443 --> 01:18:48,944
I let Travis see you with Mikey.
1626
01:18:50,547 --> 01:18:52,380
He took one look and bailed.
1627
01:18:53,383 --> 01:18:54,316
It was a shitty thing to do.
1628
01:18:54,318 --> 01:18:56,985
- Travis could've trusted
me, he could've spoken to me.
1629
01:18:56,987 --> 01:18:59,187
- Do you think you
could explain it?
1630
01:18:59,189 --> 01:19:00,722
Maybe you could still...
1631
01:19:00,724 --> 01:19:01,356
- What?
1632
01:19:01,358 --> 01:19:04,926
Just delay the inevitable?
1633
01:19:04,928 --> 01:19:05,994
Flic...
1634
01:19:06,530 --> 01:19:07,696
I can't be in a relationship
1635
01:19:07,698 --> 01:19:09,397
with someone that
doesn't trust me.
1636
01:19:09,399 --> 01:19:11,500
I think I'm done.
1637
01:20:04,621 --> 01:20:07,889
♪ I know you're headed
in the right direction ♪
1638
01:20:07,891 --> 01:20:11,159
♪ I gotta tell you
I'm so proud of you ♪
1639
01:20:11,161 --> 01:20:16,998
♪ Found your demons
and let them go ♪
1640
01:20:17,334 --> 01:20:20,402
♪ I hope you let it
all rest in peace ♪
1641
01:20:20,404 --> 01:20:23,638
♪ 'Cause I still pass
by your lonely home ♪
1642
01:20:23,640 --> 01:20:28,343
♪ You let it behind
and hit the road ♪
1643
01:20:55,105 --> 01:20:58,573
♪ So are you happy
with your reflection ♪
1644
01:20:58,575 --> 01:21:01,810
♪ Never wonder
where you belong ♪
1645
01:21:01,812 --> 01:21:07,549
♪ Because the open
road is your home ♪
1646
01:21:07,918 --> 01:21:11,386
♪ Even safe without
my protection ♪
1647
01:21:11,388 --> 01:21:14,222
♪ I gotta tell
you I feel alone ♪
1648
01:21:14,224 --> 01:21:19,461
♪ Even though you
will never know ♪
1649
01:21:24,968 --> 01:21:25,968
- Gordo!
1650
01:21:27,371 --> 01:21:29,871
- What the fuck?
1651
01:21:32,509 --> 01:21:34,509
Is this your idea of a joke?
1652
01:21:35,812 --> 01:21:38,680
It was supposed to be a
gift to say I'm sorry.
1653
01:21:38,682 --> 01:21:42,884
- Who leaves a surprise gift
on the doorstep of a blind man?
1654
01:21:43,220 --> 01:21:45,754
- Dude, I think I messed up.
1655
01:21:45,756 --> 01:21:46,388
- You think?
1656
01:21:46,390 --> 01:21:48,890
I'm wearing a freaking
ukulele for a shoe.
1657
01:21:48,892 --> 01:21:50,659
- No, not that.
1658
01:21:50,661 --> 01:21:52,594
This is serious.
1659
01:21:54,298 --> 01:21:55,730
- What is it?
1660
01:21:55,732 --> 01:21:56,698
- Mario.
1661
01:21:56,700 --> 01:21:59,567
He's dead, that's what
she wanted to tell me
1662
01:21:59,569 --> 01:22:04,773
and I saw her hugging
Mikey and just assumed.
1663
01:22:05,575 --> 01:22:08,510
I gotta be the dumbest
person on the planet.
1664
01:22:08,512 --> 01:22:09,778
- No.
1665
01:22:09,780 --> 01:22:11,846
But you are a spiky asshole.
1666
01:22:11,848 --> 01:22:13,281
- I don't think so.
1667
01:22:14,084 --> 01:22:15,583
- Hello?
- Fuck off!
1668
01:22:15,852 --> 01:22:18,887
- Oh, I've obviously
come to the right place.
1669
01:22:18,889 --> 01:22:21,022
Look, I believe these are yours.
1670
01:22:21,024 --> 01:22:22,824
- I don't need them anymore.
1671
01:22:22,826 --> 01:22:23,692
- You might.
1672
01:22:23,694 --> 01:22:24,559
- I won't.
1673
01:22:24,561 --> 01:22:25,460
- You might.
- I won't.
1674
01:22:25,462 --> 01:22:26,227
- You might.
1675
01:22:26,229 --> 01:22:28,596
- Can somebody tell me
what's going on here?
1676
01:22:28,598 --> 01:22:31,266
- The MC stole all his material.
1677
01:22:31,268 --> 01:22:32,567
- Mikey!
1678
01:22:32,569 --> 01:22:34,803
Oh that fucking cock.
1679
01:22:34,805 --> 01:22:37,105
- Well, you may say that.
1680
01:22:37,607 --> 01:22:39,040
I couldn't possibly comment.
1681
01:22:39,042 --> 01:22:40,442
- So what, is he the winner now?
1682
01:22:40,444 --> 01:22:45,113
- No, but the judges have
agreed to give your friend here
1683
01:22:45,115 --> 01:22:48,583
a spot in the showcase
as a wildcard.
1684
01:22:48,585 --> 01:22:49,250
- Awesome.
1685
01:22:49,252 --> 01:22:51,019
Ah, you are the man.
1686
01:22:51,021 --> 01:22:52,554
- I best be off.
1687
01:22:52,556 --> 01:22:54,422
See you at the theatre later.
1688
01:22:54,424 --> 01:22:55,490
Sorry about the short notice
1689
01:22:55,492 --> 01:22:58,994
but pulling strings takes a
bit longer than I thought.
1690
01:23:00,163 --> 01:23:00,929
- Yes!
1691
01:23:00,931 --> 01:23:02,330
You hear that, bro?
1692
01:23:02,332 --> 01:23:03,665
That dude got you a wildcard.
1693
01:23:03,667 --> 01:23:05,700
You're back in the game!
1694
01:23:06,470 --> 01:23:07,335
- I don't care anymore.
1695
01:23:07,337 --> 01:23:09,704
- But you care about
her, don't you?
1696
01:23:10,907 --> 01:23:11,873
Hey, numbnuts!
1697
01:23:11,875 --> 01:23:13,375
You want to talk to her?
1698
01:23:13,377 --> 01:23:15,510
This could be your last shot.
1699
01:23:59,256 --> 01:24:00,522
For Narnia!
1700
01:24:22,579 --> 01:24:23,278
- Tickets?
1701
01:24:23,280 --> 01:24:25,747
- We don't have
any tickets, Scott.
1702
01:24:25,749 --> 01:24:27,048
- Oh, then I can't admit you.
1703
01:24:27,050 --> 01:24:30,251
- Oh, no, he's in
the show, Scott.
1704
01:24:30,253 --> 01:24:31,052
- Really?
1705
01:24:31,054 --> 01:24:31,953
Congratulations.
1706
01:24:31,955 --> 01:24:32,620
- Thank you.
1707
01:24:32,622 --> 01:24:34,222
So you gonna let us in?
1708
01:24:34,224 --> 01:24:35,490
- No.
1709
01:24:35,492 --> 01:24:36,424
- But you just said.
1710
01:24:36,426 --> 01:24:38,993
- You can go to the stage
door then onto the stage
1711
01:24:38,995 --> 01:24:42,263
but you cannot go
into the auditorium.
1712
01:24:42,265 --> 01:24:43,331
- Where's the stage door?
1713
01:24:43,333 --> 01:24:44,966
- Back down the concourse,
around the side,
1714
01:24:44,968 --> 01:24:47,268
around the back,
down the stairs.
1715
01:24:48,004 --> 01:24:50,038
- Can't we just go
through here, Scott?
1716
01:24:50,507 --> 01:24:52,740
- Do you have a ticket?
1717
01:24:52,742 --> 01:24:53,908
- Oh, Scott.
1718
01:24:56,113 --> 01:24:57,645
Trav?
1719
01:24:57,647 --> 01:24:58,947
Trav?
1720
01:24:58,949 --> 01:25:01,149
- Come on, come on.
1721
01:25:01,151 --> 01:25:02,517
Come on.
1722
01:25:02,519 --> 01:25:05,720
- Tickets.
1723
01:25:05,722 --> 01:25:06,855
- Sign in.
1724
01:25:10,260 --> 01:25:11,192
There's no plus ones.
1725
01:25:11,194 --> 01:25:12,360
Your friend can't
come backstage.
1726
01:25:12,362 --> 01:25:14,696
- Oh, he's disabled,
I'm his carer.
1727
01:25:14,698 --> 01:25:15,430
- You're blind.
1728
01:25:15,432 --> 01:25:17,966
He's an equal
opportunity employer.
1729
01:25:22,372 --> 01:25:23,271
What're you gonna say?
1730
01:25:23,273 --> 01:25:25,206
- I have absolutely no clue.
1731
01:25:25,208 --> 01:25:27,108
- Cue the dancing girls.
1732
01:25:27,110 --> 01:25:28,676
- Oh, dancing girls.
1733
01:25:29,946 --> 01:25:30,879
- Who are you?
1734
01:25:30,881 --> 01:25:32,580
- Oh, he's the wildcard.
1735
01:25:32,582 --> 01:25:34,649
The judge personally
came over to let him know
1736
01:25:34,651 --> 01:25:36,584
he had a slot on tonight's show.
1737
01:25:36,586 --> 01:25:38,052
Some unconscionable shit happen.
1738
01:25:38,054 --> 01:25:40,755
And bottom line, he
was freaking sabotaged.
1739
01:25:40,757 --> 01:25:41,956
- Yeah, I heard about that.
1740
01:25:41,958 --> 01:25:43,091
I saw it on Twitter.
1741
01:25:43,093 --> 01:25:44,292
Man, that was so uncool.
1742
01:25:44,294 --> 01:25:46,728
- Yeah, that Mikey guy's a dick.
1743
01:25:46,730 --> 01:25:48,329
- And he's not good in bed.
1744
01:25:48,331 --> 01:25:49,164
Really bad.
1745
01:25:49,166 --> 01:25:50,398
- You're on here
but you're late.
1746
01:25:50,400 --> 01:25:52,901
You missed your
slot, you're cut.
1747
01:25:52,903 --> 01:25:54,002
- Come on, I just need like...
1748
01:25:54,004 --> 01:25:54,869
- It's live television.
1749
01:25:54,871 --> 01:25:57,539
Everybody gets seven
minutes, that's how it goes.
1750
01:25:57,541 --> 01:25:58,339
It's a tough break.
1751
01:25:58,341 --> 01:25:59,641
You gotta get here on time.
1752
01:25:59,643 --> 01:26:00,742
- Come on!
1753
01:26:00,744 --> 01:26:02,577
Where's your fucking heart?
1754
01:26:02,579 --> 01:26:03,511
Can't you see this guy's
1755
01:26:03,513 --> 01:26:06,548
all twisted up emotionally
and physically?
1756
01:26:06,883 --> 01:26:11,219
He's in love and his
girl is out there.
1757
01:26:11,221 --> 01:26:12,220
And...
1758
01:26:12,222 --> 01:26:13,354
And this is his last shot.
1759
01:26:13,356 --> 01:26:15,056
- I'm sorry, I
can't just make time.
1760
01:26:15,058 --> 01:26:17,225
- Do you really love
this girl, for real?
1761
01:26:17,227 --> 01:26:18,227
- Yes, for real.
1762
01:26:20,664 --> 01:26:21,196
- Well,
1763
01:26:21,198 --> 01:26:23,498
can he have two of my minutes?
1764
01:26:23,500 --> 01:26:24,098
- I guess.
1765
01:26:24,100 --> 01:26:26,134
- There you go, I'll do five.
1766
01:26:27,404 --> 01:26:29,137
- Fine, I'll do
five minutes too.
1767
01:26:29,139 --> 01:26:30,238
You can have two of my minutes.
1768
01:26:30,240 --> 01:26:33,942
- All right, I guess I
could cut alarm clock enema.
1769
01:26:34,344 --> 01:26:36,177
You can have two
of my minutes too.
1770
01:26:36,179 --> 01:26:36,878
- Thank you!
1771
01:26:36,880 --> 01:26:39,547
Thank you so much!
1772
01:26:39,549 --> 01:26:40,589
- You good to go now?
1773
01:26:58,702 --> 01:27:01,135
- Hey man, where's
your paper bag?
1774
01:27:01,404 --> 01:27:03,304
- I'm not doing that anymore.
1775
01:27:03,306 --> 01:27:04,272
- Our next act,
1776
01:27:04,274 --> 01:27:05,940
he's our wildcard surprise,
1777
01:27:05,942 --> 01:27:08,142
it's the Bag Man, himself!
- Just get out there, man!
1778
01:27:08,144 --> 01:27:09,444
Kill it, you're
gonna be so good!
1779
01:27:09,446 --> 01:27:10,612
- Yeah, you go get 'em, bud.
1780
01:27:10,614 --> 01:27:11,512
- It's a good audience, man.
1781
01:27:11,514 --> 01:27:12,714
- Yeah, it's great.
1782
01:27:12,716 --> 01:27:13,716
- You got this!
1783
01:27:19,756 --> 01:27:20,588
- What the fuck?
1784
01:27:20,590 --> 01:27:21,322
I thought he lost.
1785
01:27:21,324 --> 01:27:23,625
Some people just don't
know when to quit.
1786
01:27:30,767 --> 01:27:31,767
- Um.
1787
01:27:33,903 --> 01:27:35,203
Could I...
1788
01:27:35,639 --> 01:27:39,874
- Somebody is about to
eat a big shit sandwich.
1789
01:27:39,876 --> 01:27:41,075
- No, uh...
1790
01:27:41,344 --> 01:27:43,578
Do you mind raising your
hands if you're cool
1791
01:27:43,580 --> 01:27:47,215
with me telling some jokes
about disabled people?
1792
01:27:50,654 --> 01:27:54,489
All right, well that's fucking
great, you sick bastards.
1793
01:27:58,361 --> 01:28:01,296
Why'd you all laugh at that?
1794
01:28:01,931 --> 01:28:05,667
People like to make
fun of the disabled
1795
01:28:07,037 --> 01:28:08,136
and why not?
1796
01:28:08,138 --> 01:28:08,870
You know, right?
1797
01:28:08,872 --> 01:28:10,872
They say laughter is
the best medicine.
1798
01:28:10,874 --> 01:28:12,440
Well, if that's the case,
1799
01:28:12,442 --> 01:28:13,775
the only reason why I'm
still walking like this
1800
01:28:13,777 --> 01:28:17,045
is because you people aren't
making fun of me enough.
1801
01:28:17,047 --> 01:28:19,013
You gotta lift up your game.
1802
01:28:22,819 --> 01:28:23,985
Why did God make spastics?
1803
01:28:23,987 --> 01:28:27,889
I mean, You're
omnipotent, right?
1804
01:28:27,891 --> 01:28:29,590
And this is the best You can do?
1805
01:28:29,592 --> 01:28:34,562
This body is like a
1985 Nissan Skyline.
1806
01:28:34,931 --> 01:28:37,632
It'll get you to
where you need to go
1807
01:28:37,867 --> 01:28:39,500
but you wouldn't
recommend it to anyone
1808
01:28:39,502 --> 01:28:41,202
and you're not gonna
get a lot of chicks
1809
01:28:41,204 --> 01:28:42,403
lining up for a ride.
1810
01:28:45,308 --> 01:28:46,074
You know?
1811
01:28:46,076 --> 01:28:48,276
When you've got Cerebral Palsy,
1812
01:28:48,278 --> 01:28:51,045
you know, it's hard
to pick up a girl.
1813
01:28:51,281 --> 01:28:53,881
It's hard to pick up a glass.
1814
01:28:54,184 --> 01:28:56,884
You know, when I meet a
girl for the first time
1815
01:28:56,886 --> 01:28:57,952
I always get the same look
1816
01:28:57,954 --> 01:29:00,655
and they always ask
me that same question.
1817
01:29:00,657 --> 01:29:03,624
How did you get into my room?
1818
01:29:05,695 --> 01:29:06,661
So I met this girl.
1819
01:29:06,663 --> 01:29:09,130
Yeah, yeah.
1820
01:29:09,132 --> 01:29:10,898
That wasn't the joke.
1821
01:29:11,334 --> 01:29:15,336
But she was smart and beautiful
1822
01:29:15,338 --> 01:29:16,971
and funny and...
1823
01:29:16,973 --> 01:29:21,876
And smelled like the
best breakfast cereal.
1824
01:29:22,879 --> 01:29:26,180
And she didn't look at
me like everyone else.
1825
01:29:26,182 --> 01:29:29,083
In fact, she fell for me.
1826
01:29:30,186 --> 01:29:30,952
Which was new.
1827
01:29:30,954 --> 01:29:34,055
Usually I'm the one
doing the falling.
1828
01:29:37,427 --> 01:29:38,793
I gotta confess,
1829
01:29:39,362 --> 01:29:41,863
I felt a little self-conscious.
1830
01:29:41,865 --> 01:29:45,400
So I started wearing
a bag over my head,
1831
01:29:45,402 --> 01:29:47,402
which some of you saw that, huh?
1832
01:29:48,371 --> 01:29:52,607
I thought it might had the
fact that I had problems.
1833
01:29:53,643 --> 01:29:56,077
Well, that was a mistake.
1834
01:29:56,079 --> 01:29:57,211
Who knew?
1835
01:29:57,881 --> 01:29:59,680
Oh yeah, you all did.
1836
01:30:01,351 --> 01:30:01,883
Yeah.
1837
01:30:01,885 --> 01:30:06,788
Is anyone in this room that's
not self-conscious or insecure?
1838
01:30:07,490 --> 01:30:08,322
Oh.
1839
01:30:08,324 --> 01:30:09,957
This guy's got his hand up.
1840
01:30:09,959 --> 01:30:12,627
Sir, do you not own a mirror?
1841
01:30:14,697 --> 01:30:16,864
Like, I can talk.
1842
01:30:16,866 --> 01:30:18,166
When God made me He must've left
1843
01:30:18,168 --> 01:30:22,570
the instructions upside down
going through his Ikea phase.
1844
01:30:23,840 --> 01:30:25,873
I got a spare nut in
the drawer at home.
1845
01:30:25,875 --> 01:30:28,242
I don't know where
that fucker goes.
1846
01:30:29,612 --> 01:30:31,112
- You can't beat
a good ball joke.
1847
01:30:31,114 --> 01:30:32,747
- You sure can't, my friend.
1848
01:30:32,749 --> 01:30:33,314
- Yeah.
1849
01:30:33,316 --> 01:30:35,616
- But she picked right away
1850
01:30:35,618 --> 01:30:37,418
that I had a disability.
1851
01:30:37,420 --> 01:30:38,820
No,
1852
01:30:38,822 --> 01:30:39,787
not this.
1853
01:30:39,789 --> 01:30:43,891
I also suffer from a
debilitating condition
1854
01:30:43,893 --> 01:30:47,261
called Premature Rejeculation.
1855
01:30:48,364 --> 01:30:52,133
You know how some
men come too soon?
1856
01:30:52,135 --> 01:30:54,869
Well I leave too soon.
1857
01:30:54,871 --> 01:30:57,038
Stare at me, I leave.
1858
01:30:57,640 --> 01:30:59,373
Ignore me, I leave.
1859
01:30:59,375 --> 01:31:01,676
Rub me the wrong way, I leave.
1860
01:31:01,678 --> 01:31:05,513
You know, a typical relationship
goes something like,
1861
01:31:05,515 --> 01:31:08,149
hello, lovely to meet you.
1862
01:31:08,151 --> 01:31:09,151
Fuck off!
1863
01:31:13,022 --> 01:31:14,088
So...
1864
01:31:14,824 --> 01:31:17,492
So I meet this girl and I think,
1865
01:31:18,328 --> 01:31:19,460
soulmate.
1866
01:31:19,729 --> 01:31:24,632
All my sins absolved,
all my flaws redeemed.
1867
01:31:24,634 --> 01:31:27,101
You complete me,
1868
01:31:27,103 --> 01:31:28,536
right?
1869
01:31:29,539 --> 01:31:30,539
Wrong.
1870
01:31:32,809 --> 01:31:36,677
I was a spiky asshole
before I met her,
1871
01:31:37,080 --> 01:31:40,081
I was a spiky asshole
while I was with her
1872
01:31:40,416 --> 01:31:43,217
and after I lost her,
1873
01:31:43,820 --> 01:31:44,719
you got it,
1874
01:31:44,721 --> 01:31:46,621
I was a spiky asshole.
1875
01:31:48,525 --> 01:31:51,526
Falling in love
is a lot of things
1876
01:31:51,528 --> 01:31:53,628
but there's no magic bullet.
1877
01:31:54,931 --> 01:31:57,899
No one can change who you are.
1878
01:32:01,004 --> 01:32:01,969
Maybe,
1879
01:32:01,971 --> 01:32:04,572
maybe I'll always walk funny.
1880
01:32:04,574 --> 01:32:06,574
Maybe I'll always talk funny.
1881
01:32:06,576 --> 01:32:09,577
Maybe my ass will
always be spiky.
1882
01:32:11,681 --> 01:32:16,117
Maybe my hands will always
shake when she touches me.
1883
01:32:16,853 --> 01:32:18,553
Maybe I'll always
skate in circles
1884
01:32:18,555 --> 01:32:22,056
and dance like a
praying mantis on crack.
1885
01:32:24,594 --> 01:32:29,463
Maybe I'll always
be the wrongest guy
1886
01:32:29,465 --> 01:32:31,465
but if she's okay with that
1887
01:32:32,168 --> 01:32:34,402
and can love me anyway,
1888
01:32:36,806 --> 01:32:39,807
there's gotta be something
wrong with her too.
1889
01:32:42,445 --> 01:32:44,779
Right?
1890
01:32:49,485 --> 01:32:50,618
Screw it.
1891
01:32:51,087 --> 01:32:52,687
There's something wrong with me
1892
01:32:52,689 --> 01:32:54,956
and there's something
wrong with you.
1893
01:32:54,958 --> 01:32:55,823
And you.
1894
01:32:55,825 --> 01:32:58,159
And definitely something
wrong with you.
1895
01:32:59,796 --> 01:33:02,563
There's something
wrong with all of us.
1896
01:33:02,966 --> 01:33:06,167
We're all a bunch of
emotional cripples.
1897
01:33:06,169 --> 01:33:08,469
Emotional spastics.
1898
01:33:08,805 --> 01:33:13,774
But if someone has the
courage to love us anyways,
1899
01:33:15,745 --> 01:33:18,412
then what fucking
excuse have we got?
1900
01:33:19,449 --> 01:33:20,715
So,
1901
01:33:20,717 --> 01:33:21,983
here's my tip,
1902
01:33:22,585 --> 01:33:25,953
whatever bag you
have over your head,
1903
01:33:27,357 --> 01:33:28,456
lose it now.
1904
01:33:28,458 --> 01:33:30,925
Stop hiding who you are.
1905
01:33:31,594 --> 01:33:35,229
And find the courage
to love yourself.
1906
01:33:35,832 --> 01:33:38,833
Spare nut, spiky ass and all.
1907
01:34:00,056 --> 01:34:01,555
- Woo!
1908
01:34:04,460 --> 01:34:07,061
So that's my friend
1909
01:34:07,063 --> 01:34:09,497
and that was his story.
1910
01:34:11,467 --> 01:34:12,700
- Good job!
1911
01:34:23,046 --> 01:34:26,047
- Sunny!
- Sunny, just you!
1912
01:34:27,583 --> 01:34:29,884
Yeah, one more!
- Aye.
1913
01:34:34,457 --> 01:34:35,923
- Oh!
1914
01:34:35,925 --> 01:34:36,991
Hey!
1915
01:34:38,494 --> 01:34:39,527
Hey.
1916
01:34:44,133 --> 01:34:48,069
Look, I just wanted
to say I'm sorry.
1917
01:34:48,404 --> 01:34:51,205
- Yeah, I think I got that.
1918
01:34:52,375 --> 01:34:53,441
And...
1919
01:34:54,110 --> 01:34:56,110
I just wanted to say...
1920
01:35:04,787 --> 01:35:06,020
- What the fuck?
1921
01:35:10,560 --> 01:35:11,592
- Yeah.
1922
01:35:11,594 --> 01:35:14,729
Remember I said I don't
believe in happy endings?
1923
01:35:16,232 --> 01:35:18,766
But I do believe in
happy beginnings.
1924
01:35:20,336 --> 01:35:24,672
♪ My head is a box
filled with nothing ♪
1925
01:35:24,674 --> 01:35:27,942
♪ That's the way I like it
1926
01:35:27,944 --> 01:35:29,276
Next time you feel
1927
01:35:29,278 --> 01:35:31,112
like you're doing it tough,
1928
01:35:31,114 --> 01:35:34,548
just remember your
life is a joke.
1929
01:35:34,817 --> 01:35:36,884
So you better start laughing.
1930
01:35:37,153 --> 01:35:41,255
♪ Your body's a dream
that turns violent ♪
1931
01:35:41,257 --> 01:35:43,390
♪ That's the way I like it
1932
01:35:43,392 --> 01:35:45,359
♪ That's the way I like it
1933
01:35:45,361 --> 01:35:47,161
♪ She tells me she loves me
1934
01:35:47,163 --> 01:35:49,730
- You can
bet your ass everybody else is.
1935
01:35:49,732 --> 01:35:52,433
♪ That's the way I like it
1936
01:35:52,435 --> 01:35:56,570
♪ So please
1937
01:35:56,572 --> 01:36:00,407
♪ Baby, please
1938
01:36:00,409 --> 01:36:04,278
♪ Open your eyes
1939
01:36:04,280 --> 01:36:09,049
♪ Catch my disease
1940
01:36:09,051 --> 01:36:13,053
♪ So please
1941
01:36:13,055 --> 01:36:17,291
♪ Baby, please
1942
01:36:17,293 --> 01:36:20,761
♪ Come on
1943
01:36:20,763 --> 01:36:23,631
♪ Catch my disease
1944
01:36:30,706 --> 01:36:34,708
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la
1945
01:36:43,286 --> 01:36:47,354
♪ They play RY X on the radio
1946
01:36:47,356 --> 01:36:51,325
♪ That's the way I like it
1947
01:36:51,327 --> 01:36:55,796
♪ They play Heath
Cullen on the radio ♪
1948
01:36:55,798 --> 01:36:58,265
♪ That's the way I like it
1949
01:36:58,267 --> 01:36:59,767
That's the way I like it.
1950
01:36:59,769 --> 01:37:03,537
♪ I hear Hazel
English on the radio ♪
1951
01:37:03,539 --> 01:37:07,808
♪ That's the way I like,
that the way I like it ♪
1952
01:37:07,810 --> 01:37:12,246
♪ They play Camera
Obscura on the radio ♪
1953
01:37:12,248 --> 01:37:15,349
♪ And that's the way I like it
1954
01:37:15,351 --> 01:37:19,253
♪ So please
1955
01:37:19,255 --> 01:37:23,057
♪ Baby please
1956
01:37:23,059 --> 01:37:27,194
♪ Open your heart
1957
01:37:27,196 --> 01:37:30,564
♪ Catch my disease
131531
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