All language subtitles for Spree.2020.English

Hey, guys, what's up?
Kurt here from Kurt's world.

Hey, guys, how's it going?
It's Kurt from Kurt's world.

Hey, guys, how's it going?
Kurt from Kurt's world here.

Hey, what's up, guys?
Kurt here from Kurt's world.

Hi, everybody.
This is Kurt from Kurt's world.

And today I'm going to
draw my life.

Something in these videos
that I really appreciate

is everybody's complete honesty
in telling their life story.

And where does
this story take place?

Los Angeles...
That's where I was born,

although shortly after, my
parents had to move out to azusa

'cause it's just a little bit
more affordable

and better for raising a family.

Hey, dozier.

Mom's gone, so I'm in charge.

I remember it
like it was yesterday,

and we watched the planes
crash into the buildings

millions of times.

People jumping
out of the windows,

running around,
the dust, the fire.

And even though I didn't fully
understand everything back then,

I knew that no one could ever
forget an event like that,

real or fake.

[I up-tempo music playing I

hey, what's up guys?
It's Kurt from Kurt's world.

I'm here with my dad.
We're in the studio.

Working on this dope
new track for bezar.

- Kurt: Really?
- Yeah yeah.

Kurt: Well, check...
Yeah check this out, though.

Kurt's world.
Dad, seriously put the hat on.

Alright. [ Groans I

there you go.

After the divorce,
mom was really upset,

so I decided to stay home
with her and be a good son.

And I don't know
how it happened,

but one thing led to another,

and I started really
getting into online gaming.

I'm gonna fuck you h... so...

I'm gonna fuck you so hard.

In 2009, I officially
started Kurt's world,

kicking off the empire
you know today.

That's pretty cool huh?

This is a program
where I've made all

of some of the most
influential beats

and some of my top beats.

Control-shift.

That's my favorite shortcut.

Life hacks, reviews,

and all the little things
in between

that make life really cool
and so much fun.

That's where
all the magic happens.

Just kidding. Um...

What I like about these
right off the bat is that...

Is how they seem.

The mouthfeel
on this... otherworldly.

And that's also
when I started babysitting.

You know, 'cause
it's important to stay current.

Those kids were a great source
for new content.

And I'm still friends
with most of them today.

Shout-out to my friend
Bobby bud Lee @bobbybasecamp.

You tell them, Bobby.

Oh, fuck you, fuck you,
fuck you.

God fucking damn it!

What's up, guys?
Here from Kurt's world.

- What's up?
- Oh, my fucking god.

Here with bobbybasecamp.

- Fuck! I just died.
- What's up?

Kurt, do not fucking
double-dip my stream.

- Okay?
- Sorry.

These values have followed me

all the way to my new job,
a spree driver.

And the cool thing about spree

is that you're interacting
with people all the time.

It's amazing for content
and for just in general.

Wow, that is an old
smart & final right there.

But it's not always easy making
great content day after day.

Sometimes it's just you,
yourself, and your brain.

And that can be frustrating.

I haven't made a video
in a long time

because it's... things aren't
really awesome for me right now.

And it's been kind of hard
for me to find Kurt.

Especially in these videos,

it's been really tough
for me to find...

It's been really tough for me
to find Kurt, and I'm just...

It's been really tough
for me to find Kurt...

I don't even know why
I'm making these videos.

Metrics.

It is a numbers game,
and right now...

I just feel like a zero.

But that's usually when you come
up with your best breakthroughs.

I know I did.

Yo, guys, what's going on?

It's me, Kurt from Kurt's world,

and I just realized
something big.

And I'm calling it "the lesson."

This is a surefire way for me
to go viral, and guess what.

The best part being
I can do it all

from the front seat of my spree.

So you guys stayed tuned,
buckle up,

and I'll show you the ropes.

Alright? Peace out.
Much love, you guys.

♪ Peaceqout.

Peace out. Peace out.

Make sure to follow...
Follow me for "the lesson."

Peace out.

[ Squeaking I

hey, guys, how's it going?
It's Kurt from Kurt's world.

And welcome to "the lesson."

For all of you out there
who don't know me, get ready,

'cause you're about to know me.

I'm Kurt.

[ Drill whirring I

step one...
Organizing your bottles.

If you check out the video
that I uploaded last week

on Kurt's world,
you're already gonna know

how to prepare them
before your ride.

You've got to remember, guys,

what we're doing here
is important.

You're creating a brand.

Actually, hold up.

Real step one...
Get... your... rig... together.

If you're not documenting
yourself, it's simple.

You just don't exist.

And for my premium subscribers,

if you hop on to Kurt's world,
you can choose your own angles.

Plus, I'll be screen-sharing
my phone all night

for unlimited
behind-the-scenes access.

So don't sleep on that.

[I horn blares I

okay, guys, well, I guess...
I guess that's it.

I hope you guys enjoyed
this live stream,

and make sure to share
and comment on all your socials

using the hashtag ♪thellesson.

- Thanks, Kurt.
- Shit, I almost forgot.

Mom.

Hey, mom.

[I beeping I

let's go!

I know that we all
have our issues.

So let me just say this.

There's a trigger warning
in place.

I'm not gonna be offended
if you can't watch.

But, yeah, for all my real ones
out there,

uh, it's time to go viral, baby.

Okay, guys, so we're here
at the first passenger's house.

Uh, here to pick up Frederick.

And here he comes.

Alright, guys, now, the record
for a rideshare driver is six.

So you're gonna want to
at least top that number

if you want to hit it big-time.

- Frederick.
- That's me.

Kurt: Hey. I'm Kurt,
your spree driver.

And you're going to
grand castle banquet hall.

- Highland park, right?
- You got it, brother.

Let's go.

Uh...

Hey?

Kurt: What's up, dude?

What's, uh, going on here?

What?

Lot of fucking cameras
in here, brother.

Oh, yeah, right.

Hey, guys. Hope that's okay.

And what if I say it isn't?

It's for my protection.

Oh, right, got you.

Oh, there's some water
back there if you want some.

I'm good.

Got a charger, though?

You bet.

Abc. [ Chuckles I

- always be charging.
- Frederick: Uh-huh.

Well, I've been working
on a speech all day,

so this sucker's drained.

A speech? Big event?

About 3,000 people.

3,000 people?
That's a lot of eyeballs on you.

Yeah.
Lot of people are excited, so...

Actually, you want
to tell my followers

how you greet your audience?

That would be great.

Frederick:
What do you mean your followers?

Right, yeah, no, I'm actually
just recording a tutorial.

That's cool. About what?

Oh, I'm giving people tips
on how to, like, you know,

up their social-media game.

- Lmfaoq.
- Very cool.

- While you're driving, huh?
- Yeah, yeah.

Frederick:
It's good to see men like us

trying to master this, you know,
social-media stuff.

We're gonna need it.

Kurt: Yeah.

What do you mean men like us?

White men.

You are white, aren't you?

Yeah.

Yeah, you are.

It's good. Say it with me.

I'm white and I'm proud.

Uh... no.

Wait, are you Jewish?

Whites, blacks, asians, latinos,
we're all the same.

Okay.

Have you read the IQ studies?

Do you know what's going on
in Chicago right now?

Bobby, don't worry.
It's all good.

Frederick: Who's Bobby?

Your gender-queer, uh, partner?

It's actually Bobby bud Lee.

@bobbybasecamp.
You don't know Bobby bud Lee?

What's up, guys? I'm out here
on my influencer bullshit.

I'm on the...
I'm on the hover board.

Look at this place. It's crazy.

So you all know what happens
when I get bored.

And... secured. You got got.

Just regarding, like, the party

that went down in my pad
last night,

that girl who got thrown
off the balcony

and hit her ankle on the pool,
not my fault.

That dude who threw her off
clearly wasn't strong enough.

What's up, basecamp?
Today we are feeling grateful.

I'm in my home fucking theater
right now, basecamp.

And that is all
thanks to you guys.

Actually, can I borrow it?

I actually really need
to use it for something.

Yeah, dude, what's up? Fucker!

He give it back to me, dude.

Phone king!
Hey, I'm zooming out of here.

Okay, well, he's huge,

and he's promoting my stream
on his channel tonight.

But he might not do it
if there's too much racist shit

on here, so...
You mean authentic shit?

Yo, everyone,
being racist is not cool.

Alright? It's toxic.

Like Bobby, he's authentic.

And he gets free hotel rooms
and swag,

so take a page out of his book.

Thanks for the tip, snowflake.

Oh, Jesus Christ.
A lot of fucking stop signs.

Hey, I don't see
any cops around.

Should I blow this next one?

Frederick:
You're gonna run the stop sign?

Oh, shit!

Fucking a, dude. You're crazy.

Just trying to spice
things up for my fans.

Right, right. Wow.

Kurt: Remember, there's water
back there if you need it.

Yeah, alright.
I am a little parched.

Yeah, you know,
for your big speech.

Yeah. You know,
you're okay for a libtard.

Thanks.

You just need to wake up.

I'm really trying
to get ready for my speech.

Do you mind?

Kurt: Hey, are there a lot
of members in your group?

Yeah. How far away are we?

Hey, you should let them know
that you're not gonna make it.

[ Coughs I

what?

Does this water have,
like, a taste to it?

Am I crazy?

What are you talking about?
It's just pure water.

Just gonna want to make sure

that you remove
all the air bubbles.

Not really.
I just like to do that.

And then we're gonna inject this
right on the label,

because that way
the passenger will never notice.

Simple as that.

Take your glue gun.

It's been heating up
for a second.

And all you got to do,
just a little tap.

[ Blowing I

[ coughing continues I

airtight.

Well, watertight.

[I Frederick coughs, gasps I

It's perfect.

Check this out.

I've already got a bunch done.

One down, lots more to go.

Okay, next we are
picking up Andrea.

[ Cellphone chimes I

yeah, okay, Bobby, sure.
Yeah, that's fake news.

That's actually a pretty good
point, though, guys.

No one should be able to tell

what you're doing is real
at first.

Because you want to get
as many done undetected

for maximum attention
down the road.

♪ Thel.esson.

Legacy.

Okay, here we go.

She should be right here.

Is Andrea with her friends?

Oh, looks like Andrea is alone.

I like that, though, you know.

One-on-one,
get to know the person.

Slice of life.

Oh, you know, guys,
technically that's litter,

but I think she'll
get away with this one.

Tell him to fuck off.

[I knock on window I

- Kurt: It's open.
- Yeah, maybe.

I'll see what she says.

Kurt: Hey, Andrea.

- Andrea: Yeah.
- Kurt: Oh.

Andrea: No, no, no, no.

We got some good nibbles.
We did. Mm-hmm.

I'm going to Lincoln heights.

Yeah, there was this one
investment property

you would cream your jeans over.

Oh, I got these cameras set up.
Hope that's okay.

No, I think the cactuses
are creating the perfect vibe.

Yeah, it's like that cheesy
L.A. thing that we talked about.

On to the next
future yoga studio.

No. Obviously I would never
actually say that to a client.

Michael, I'm so tired of you
second-guessing me.

Well, I don't see you out here
fucking doing this.

Yeah. Look, I am in my spree.

I am going to be on the red-eye
in a few hours.

Let's just figure this out
when we see each other.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah.

[ Chuckles I

[ cellphone ringing I

- what's up, beat master?
- I can't... I cannot ta...

- I can't talk right now. Bye.
- Wait, wait, wait.

[ Cellphone ringing I

stop.

- Don't hang up on me, dick.
- I cannot talk right now.

- I can't talk right now.
- I need a ride!

Bye. Bye.

Okay, guys, okay.

Just like the last guy,

we're gonna want to
get in their phone,

but it's not always...

Looks like this is
a newer phone,

so you can't always
use the thumb.

Sometimes you have to
use their face.

Usually takes a couple tries.

Yes, got it.

First open your spree app.

Perfect. Rate your driver.

Five stars, I think.

And here it just
asks you for a tip.

Usually I do something
kind of in the middle.

So I'll leave $2. Submit.

Next to tie up loose ends.

Michael says, "sorry.
Can't wait to see you later."

What shall we tell Michael?

Uh...

"Fuck off.

Canceling my red-eye.

No one even reposts
your stuff anymore."

Send. Perfect.

Alright, you guys,

you're not gonna have to
worry about things like this

when it comes
to the final stretch.

But for now, it really helps
to fend off suspicion.

I beep I

[I up-tempo music plays I

Hey, man, you like this music?

It works.

Slaps, man.

I made this beat.

This is my soundtrack.

Why does rush hour start at
2:00 P.M. in this fucking city?

You know, it just depends.
Where we are...

Stop. I don't want your opinion.

- Well, you just ask... you...
- Stop.

I'm just fucking saying.
I got to be somewhere asap.

Okay, so, like, fix it
or shut the fuck up.

[I horn honks I

I beep I

where... where the fuck
are you going, dude?

Wait, you just...
You passed our exit.

We're going to pick up
another passenger.

Mario: Dude, this is already
taking forever.

Are you serious?

Well, I'm sorry.

You requested spreesocial.

I have a female waiting for me,
you incel.

Well, there is a female
waiting for me to pick her up.

And her name is Jessie.

Okay? This is spreesocial.

This is what you signed up for.

Mario: You gonna drive around

this fucking parking lot
for five minutes?

Where is she?

Got her.

Oh, shit. Okay.
Here we fucking go.

Kurt: Jessie. Jessie.

Hey, Jessie.

- Yeah?
- I'm your spree driver, Kurt.

- Yo, what up, girl?
- No, thanks.

Kurt: What?

Mario: Fuck.
Dude, don't be such a bitch.

Get her in here.

Go. She's getting away.

- Go, go, go.
- Okay.

Mario:
Careful, careful, careful.

Kurt: Jessie, Jessie.

Hey. Hey, listen

- I'm a five-star-rated driver.
- I already canceled.

Listen, I can see where
you're going on the map,

and it's just
right around the bend.

Just get in the car.
This ride could be on me.

But I canceled,
so is that gonna, like...

Oh, that's okay. I don't mind.

I don't do this just for money.

Jessie: Uh, okay.

Yeah. It's okay. Get in.

Hey.

Knocked my camera off.

Hope you guys like music.

Oh, my god.

Oh. You a fan of music?

What body part did you just hit?

What? “What... what...

Dude, can you turn off
the shitty music?

- [ Volume decreases I
- Fully, fully off.

Oh, yeah, totally.

But you were just telling me
how much you like it, though.

- Yeah, no, I wasn't.
- Um...

So, Jessie, I already
told him this,

but I got these cameras in here
set up for everyone's safety.

Full disclosure, fyi,

I'm totally
and completely transparent.

Yeah, watch out for him.
He's a fucking psycho.

But like I was saying,
my name is Mario,

and, uh, you must be Jessie.

He has ears.

And eyes. And... and three legs.

Jessie: Wouldn't be surprised
if you had rabies, too.

Wait, hold up, hold up.
I know you.

- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.

Hey, "mar-io" or "mare-io"
or whatever your name is,

just grab a water and chill out.

Shut the fuck up.
Yo, she's a comedian.

Oh, my god. Yeah.

No, you do the, uh,
"hey, everybody look at me."

It's, "all eyes on me."

I fucking knew it.

Yeah, yeah, you're like,
"all eyes on me.

All eyes on me.
I said all eyes on"...

- I fucking knew it.
- Kurt: Wait, wait, wait.

Hold on. You're famous?

No, I'm not famous.

If I was, I wouldn't be
taking spreesocial.

No, dude, she's got
a mega following.

- She's legit, man.
- Wait, wait a second.

- You have a huge following?
- Mariqo: Yeah, dude.

That's amazing.
How did you grow your audience?

Um... I'm, like, funny.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

I mean,
having a big following...

I can... I mean, yeah, all
those notifications coming in.

I mean, I get it. I do, too.

So, Jessie, it's super nice
to meet you.

Follow for follow, and if you
post anything on my spree,

just make sure to tag me.

I'm kurtsworld96.

Sir, are you a Twitter bot,

or is there a real live
human boy in there?

Do not touch me.

I'm as real as you. I don't...

Yo, yo, I got to say,
you were...

You were one of the better
sets that night.

- Just very pro, I thought.
- Jessie: Wow, thank you.

- Thank you so much.
- Mario: Don't... don't be...

Jessie: Glad you think I'm pro,

even though I was doing
a professional gig.

Okay. Yo, yo, what up?

It's your boy Mario,
and we out here.

Guess who.

Hot chick comedian Jessie Adams
in the house.

Stop! Do not point
that phone in my face.

- What is wrong with you?
- Yeah, point it at me,

your driver, Kurt's world.

- Kurt's world. Follow me.
- You shut the fuck up.

Kurtsworld96. You come on.

Give me a little smile.

Oh, my god, are all the tanning
oils getting to your head?

I thought all you frat boys
didn't like black people?

What the...
Why would you say that?

That's not fucking true.
Now I can't even post this.

Oh, no.

Squirt's world,
just let me out here.

What? Are you serious?
You are pissing me off.

Honestly, man, I'm about ready
to drop you off

on the side of the road, okay?

You're pissing off Jessie Adams.

Just grab a water and get ready
to call another spree.

On the side
of the fucking highway?

Are you nuts?

No, no, I'm not.
And you know what?

You just got yourself
a one-star rating, bitch.

And you, you should really use
that beautiful smile

a little bit more often.

Oh, wow. Okay, alright. Yeah.

Jessie: Hey, guys, I'm stuck
in a spreesocial

with this defective clown.

He's been nagging me
and asking me to smile.

If you see him on the street,
just cross to the other side.

Or just push him in traffic.
That'd be better for everybody.

- He goes by the name of Mario.
- Hey, everyone, what's going on?

Kurtsworld96 here.

Follow me for "the lesson."
Link's in the bio.

- And I always follow back.
- Jessie: Oh, my god.

Why do I keep
doing this to myself?

I'm in a fucking spreesocial
to save 3 bucks?

For this headache?
This ever happen to you guys?

I'm just saying that you
becoming insta famous

has really gone to your head,
'cause you're a total bitch.

- [ Tires screech I
- Jessie: Oh.

- Out.
- Me?

She's the one being
all fucking mean and shit.

No, fuck this. I'm getting out.

No, no, no, wait. Are you sure?

Fuck you.

And you just, like,
reel it in a little bit.

No one says "follow for follow"
out loud.

Wait, no, you...
You can't take that.

- Why? 'Cause the ride was free?
- Kurt: No, you just...

- You cannot take that.
- Seriously?

Hey, maybe don't be
such a bitch next time.

Jessie: Oh, how's this
for being a bitch?

Just drive, faggot.

You know what?

The only way to fix this
is with some pussy.

Yo, where the fuck
are we going right now?

It's a shortcut.

This is not a fucking shortcut.
Are you serious?

Yeah, it is a shortcut.

I know this park like
the back of my hand.

Mario: Got to be kidding me.

Jessie: Cross to the other side.

Or just push him in traffic.
That'd be better for everybody.

He goes by the name of Mario.

Oh, fuck, I...

I don't feel so good.

You don't... you don't...
Do you need me to pull over?

Oh, yo, she's got
like 200k followers.

I'm getting all this hate
already.

Don't vomit in my car.

Oh, god! Fuck.

This fucking...
Got to be kidding me.

What the fuck, man? Keep going.

No, if you're gonna barf,
get out of my car.

I have some dumb bitch
waiting for me.

And I need to go fuck her
right fucking now!

I need to keep my car clean!

So if you're gonna hurl,
get outside and do it. Go.

Alright, you know what?
I got to take a piss anyway.

That's the only reason
I'm doing this right now.

You fucking beta.

Zero stars for you.

» ooh, I'm a gummy bear &

j yes, I'm a gummy bear j

js oh, I'm a yummy, tummy, funny,
lucky gummy bear j

j I'm a jelly bear
'cause I'm a gummy bear j

j oh, I'm a movin', groovin',
jammin', singin' gummy bear j»

j I'm a gummy, gummy, gummy,
gummy, gummy bear j&

j gummy, gummy, gummy,
gummy, gummy bear &

wow, are you guys seeing this?

Fun.

J oh, I'm a gummy bear j

js oh, I'm a yummy, tummy, funny,
lucky gummy bear j

j I'm a jelly bear
'cause I'm a gummy bear j

j oh, I'm a movin', groovin',
jammin', singin' gummy bear j»

j oh, yeah j

okay, look, I know this
face mask looks this way

because it's a charcoal mask.

I know that.

But doesn't it feel like maybe,
just maybe,

this was created so people
could try out blackface

for 10 to 15 minutes at a time?

Look at this white lady.
Look at how happy she is.

She knows she's getting away
with something.

I'm just saying.

Shit.

Gummy bear j»

j oh, I'm a gummy bear j

you think I would
let "the lesson"

continue in the dark?

Check that.

Perfect.

She's got good content.

She needs me.

Like, if a woman's
not smiling all the time

or looking happy all the time,
she looks like a bitch?

No, bitch, that was me.

Damn, girl, your carpet
looking ratchet.

Bew-bew-bew!

I been scammed, bruh.

[I laughter I

His dick was out.

Learned my lesson.

I don't tell anyone the time
anymore.

That's my active bitch face.

What time is it?

Time for you
to go fuck yourself.

That's what time it is.

Alright, thank you very much.

Hmm.

Doing a show tonight.

Joke bros.

Big presence.
Joke bros are huge.

Too bad I can't go.

It's funny how the stars
will align like that.

Me and Jessie, two big things...

Two big things happening
on the... on the same night.

It's universal coincidence.

Never miss an opportunity
for branding.

Are you with me on this, Bobby?

I mean, I knew
this was going to work.

I knew it.

Uh, what does that mean?

Dude, I'm literally, like,
the only one watching.

Yeah, Bobby, that's because
everybody knows

we're taking a break right now.

I'm tipping off my tank.

And they were...
It was double digits before.

Less than 10
equals single digits.

How is this even possible?

I'm literally out here
giving everything I've got.

I'm picking people up
and dropping them off.

Dropping them off.

No one wants to watch a white
guy drive around and whatever.

Whatever?

I...

Dude, I'm literally out here,
like, live...

Killing people.

No, Bobby,
it's not stale content.

It's authentic. Alright, it's...

It's like, um, homeless hero,
y-you know?

Watch it again lol.

Now, you guys know
I usually prank the homeless.

Homeless prank 17.

Here we go, guys.
Check this out.

It's not even real money, bro.

But today we're doing
something different.

Your boy had a little
change of heart,

and I'm really glad that I did.

I wanted to know what an
authentic homeless guy would do

if he found a real $100 bill
on the street.

So I set it up and secretly
followed him around.

Let's go.

Liquor store. Pathetic.

How many 40s can $100 get you?

Now let's see where he's headed
with his big score.

Oh, wait. What's going on?

Oh, my god, it looks like
he just gave them food

wow. Looks like this guy
really is a homeless hero.

This guy went out
and made a huge difference

for his community,
and you can, too.

Drop a like and smash
that "subscribe" button.

It makes a huge difference.

Okay, okay, okay, Bobby. Fine.

You're right.
I promise to spice things up.

But what about
your promise to me, Bobby, huh?

What about your promise?

You promised that you would
share "the lesson" tonight.

I don't see... I haven't
seen anything from you.

Not anything.

It's not fucking evil.
It's awesome content.

Add some wtf moments or gtfo.

Okay.

[I dance music playing I

“woman: What the fuck?

Stop! Stop!

Fuck youl! “What the fuck?

I got it, I got it, I got it!

I got it! I've got it!

- I've got it.
- What the fuck are you doing?

Oh, my god, okay. So boring.

Oh, my gosh.
Check this out. Ohh.

No one cares about your fucking
stupid lights, dude.

You almost just killed us.

No, I didn't.

Come on, you guys,
this is what we said we wanted.

- An adventure.
- No, London.

Things that we can put
on the gram, that's it.

You know what? Whatever.

Next time why don't you guys
just buy a fucking groupon

and count me out, you pussies.

She's mad.

Is this okay?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Don't listen to them, because
I think you're a badass.

Your lips are so pretty.

- Thanks, babe.
- I need pretty lips.

Hold on. What the fuck is that?

- Oh, what's this, Mr. fix-it?
- Kurt: No, no!

No! No. No.

- Don't touch his drill.
- Don't touch his drill.

It's cute, though.
You know what?

I think... I actually think
I know what you guys want.

Get people to think you're
having, like, a big adventure,

like, a total wtf moment,
am I right?

Yeah.

Well, honestly, I know this...

I know this spot
that not a lot of people know.

And it's a really
incredible view,

and it'll be empty right now.

- What if we go hit it up?
- Yeah, that sounds cool.

Yeah? What do you guys
think about that?

Would you guys want to go?

Fucking incredible spot.

Fuck it, sure.

Let's fest. Yeah.

[I dog barking I

[ whirring I

alright, guys, get your phones
out, get up there.

- Go for it.
- Up there?

Are you being serious?
Put our heads up there?

Live a little.

Okay, let's do it.

Feel like prom.

- Oh, we're prom queens.
- Kurt: Get up there, guys.

We're both prom queens.
Okay, stop yelling at us.

Hey, guys, it's so random.

I want to take a picture

looking, like,
this super pretty,

against, like, the ugly stuff.
Yes.

Hey, you guys, make sure
to take some selfies,

and if you do,
tag it ♪thellesson, one word.

Bless... ♪blessings.

- No, ♪thellesson.
- No, ♪thellesson, one word.

- ♪Thellesson.
- ♪Thel.Esson.

- ♪Thellesson.
- London: Oh, my god, Kurt.

This place is so funky.

But so beautiful.

Thanks, yeah.

Yeah, my mom's dad
used to own this place.

- So I practically grew up here.
- Really?

Oh, my god, there's for sure
a dead body here.

It smells like there's, like,
several dead bodies here.

My mom actually found this here.
She gave it to me.

That's so sweet.

She must really love you.

Yeah, she ditched my dad
right after that.

She used to be
a major star fucker.

Hmm. That sucks, I guess.

No, it's okay.
My dad's a fucking loser anyway.

I kind of feel like
I'm having déja vu.

Did you know that means

you're exactly
where you're supposed to be?

It's 'cause I am exactly
where I'm supposed to be.

Fuck.

[I up-tempo music plays I

Oh, my god, oh, my god.
Kurt! Guys!

[ Laughs I

- aah, London, what the fuck?
- London: Are you okay?

Oh, my god, bitch,
this is amazing!

Driver,
you're getting five stars.

Hey, roll your window down
and get your phone out.

You're not gonna
want to miss this.

Whoo!

Wait, stop, stop.

Fuck, fuck. Ow!

Aah!

[ Laughs I

oh, my god, Kurt, be careful.

Kurt: Oh, sorry.
I'm just trying to give you guys

oh, my god, look how many likes
I'm getting.

Oh, show me.

Aah! Ah!

Oh, my god! Roll the window up!

Roll the window up.

Roll up the window.

[ Drill whirring I

Bobby: What's up, dude?

Yo, yo, did you
just fucking see that?

Bobby: See what?

I just got, like,
the most epic fucking kill ever.

It was a triple ko. Bobby.

Bobby: Well, if a tree falls
in the forest

and there's no one there
to see it,

like, does it even
actually fall, dude? No.

Kurt: What the fuck is wrong
with everybody?

This should be
going viral by now.

I just got seven.

Bobby I got seven
rideshare kills.

Why... why isn't this trending?

Bobby: 'Cause you're not
fucking good at this.

Wake up. Okay, some people
are born with influencer vibes.

And some people are not.

Okay, like that comedian girl

who was in the back
of your spree, Jessie Adams,

I checked out her shit,

and she's got great energy
and an authentic brand.

Why don't you take
a look at her story

and see how it's done, retard?

No 'roids here.

Oh, my gosh,
it's a puppy parade.

Can I pet them? Yeah.

Oh, my goodness.
This is how I want to die.

Yes, yes, hi.

Can I have one of these,
maybe two of these?

Oh, my god.

The love of my life.

He's been nagging me
and asking me to smile.

If you see him on the street,
just cross to the other side.

Or just push him in traffic.
That'd be better for everybody.

- He goes by the name of Mario.
- Hey, everyone, what's going on?

Kurtsworld96 here.

Follow me for "the lesson."
Link's in the bio.

- And I always follow back.
- Jessie: Oh, my god.

It's in the past.
It's not gonna ruin my day.

Silver linings playbook...

Got to get your steps in
wherever you can.

Everything happens for a reason.

Okay, so you know
how I was saying

tonight is gonna be
a very special night?

Well, the joke bros
are coming to my show,

and they're
live-streaming my set

for their
midnight madness thing.

Like a million people are gonna
be watching this tonight.

She doesn't even
film her stories vertically.

For one of my toughest critics.

Do all of her fans
have neck problems?

- You ready?
- She's going live.

And this is vertical?

That's totally inconsistent,

and consistency's
the first ground rule.

Do you have any
brand identity at all?

Makes me upset when
you're not being uniform.

Jessie:
You fell asleep during my jokes.

Was you telling jokes?

I don't think I would
have closed my eyes

if I had heard jokes.

Jessie Adams, if you're
listening, you disappoint me.

If you think it's so easy,
then you say something funny.

Something funny.

Jessie: Okay, now you all see
where I get it from.

It's one of the oldest tricks
in the book.

- But it still works.
- But it still works.

Jessie: Oh, my god,
like a broken record.

Kurt: This is not
very relatable to me.

My fans think you're a snack.

How would... how... how would
everyone relate to this?

She's gonna get
a million views tonight.

And I'm gonna get nothing?

- The dog filter.
- No.

I'm not letting that happen.

I wish I could
hang out all night

with this strong,
beautiful queen.

But instead
I have to go hang out

with you bozos
coming to my show.

Don't be using me
as no ticket bait, either.

- Damn, gram.
- That should be my audience.

And if I can't have it,
why can she have it?

When you get to be my age

and you just a few feet away
from the grim reaper,

- you don't have no choice.
- Should be my audience.

Please don't talk
about the grim reaper.

You're gonna live forever. Okay?

I don't know
what I would do without you.

Kurt: Things have to be fair.

Okay, now is the moment
you've all been waiting for.

Kurt:
Things have to be fair, Jessie.

Jessie: Don't go anywhere.

It's my house.

[ Jessie laughs I

why would I go anywhere?

Jessie
yeah, that's a good point.

Oh, that's so sweet, jonesy.
That means a lot to me.

Yeah, let me know what you guys
think of the set tonight.

It's gonna be a weird one.

Grandma: That phone's
making you act foolish.

Jessie:
Thanks for ironing, grandma.

Hope you're watching this,
Bobby.

What do you think
of these pants?

Too Ronald McDonald?

Honk, honk.

Not trying to be
a clown tonight.

Maybe this.

I like this.
Maybe some "kill bill" yellow.

Like a little Bumblebee.

Who the fuck is that?

Grandma.

Grandma, are you
expecting somebody?

Grandma: I told you
the reaper was close.

Jessie: Oh, my god.

Who would come here
at this hour?

I thought I was
your only friend.

- Your chariot awaits.
- What are you doing here?

Jessie: I told you
I'd meet you at the show.

Yeah, no, I saw your story.

I figured you could
use some help.

Like, I think we should talk.

Are you streaming me
in your fucking shit right now?

Kurt: Sorry. It's important.

I knew I shouldn't have
told you where I moved.

Dude, you need to go, okay?

I don't want to be part
of your dumb evil shit, alright?

Kurt:
No, you are part of it, okay?

'Cause we're... we're...
We're collaborators.

- We're big-time collaborators.
- No, no.

For the record,
we're definitely not.

- Alright, later, Kurt.
- Kurt: No, no.

No.

Alright,
you asked for this, man.

[I beeping I

what is up, basecamp?
It's that time again.

Bobby court, where I am the
judge, jury, and executioner.

Today I actually wanted to set
the record straight on something

that's been bugging me
for a minute, y'all.

See this motherfucker
right here?

This guy's name is Kurt.

And just because
he used to babysit me

when I was, like, fucking 2,
he thinks I owe him something.

I don't owe you shit dude, okay?

Now Kurt's up to some super,
super-evil shit,

and he's trying to pin it on me.

You see, guys,
the thing about Kurt is,

he really wants attention,
and he needs it, too.

Fucking medical attention, dude.
You legally insane.

That's my verdict.

Dude, should I call you
an ambulance right now?

Maybe they can
take you out of here.

No. Honestly, Bobby,
I just wanted to...

I wanted to... I wanted to tell
you that I had figured it out,

something so important.

Well, tell basecamp
something super important

and then get out my fucking face
before I report your account.

And quit fucking
filming me, dude.

I don't want to be
on your fucking stream.

You fuck... you asked for it.

You... okay.

I fucking... I figured out the
last two steps of "the lesson."

Step one... hijack Jessie Adams'
comedy show.

It's a shortcut
to a huge audience.

A lot of people
are gonna be there.

She's huge.
She has a huge following.

Yeah, it's a really
good idea for you,

being someone with no sense
of humor and no social skills.

The face of an inbred dog.
What's step two, retard?

Become the fucking president?

What are you gonna do?

[ Grunts, breathing heavily I

what the fuck, dude?

This shit isn't
supposed to be real.

Kurt: Bobby.

- Wait.
- Get the fuck off me.

[I gunshot I

[I gunshot I

what the fuck?
I'll kill you, motherfucker!

[I gunshot I

U got got.

Oh, my god, miles,
stop trying to be vin diesel.

You sound like a fucking hyena.

"Thanks for the ride, miles."

I didn't ask for
the ride, miles.

You were stalking my grandma's
house for some reason.

Fucking freak.

Yeah, well,
I just didn't want you

to be late for joke bros, okay?

You don't have to
worry about me.

- You're not my manager.
- I know I'm not your manager,

but someone needs to manage you,
and I guess I nominate myself.

Okay, it's not
a nomination process.

Miles: I'm just...
What I'm saying is, like,

Jessie, you could be,
like, the next Chris rock.

You know what I mean?
You got that, like, classic

black-comic thing
written all over you.

- Chris rock?
- Yes. "All eyes on me."

I'm telling you,
next Chris rock, for real.

More like Chris pebble.

See, that's what I'm saying.

That wasn't even funny.

You're quick.

Jessie, like, you know I know

the comedy central scouts,
right?

I can help you.

I wa... I want to help you.

I'm just... I'm just saying,
you're in the right place.

It's happening, Jessie.
So, like, now's the time.

I'm saying, like pull the trigger.

Jessie: Miles, shut the fuck up.

- What?
Jessie: You talk too much.

That's... that's what
they pay me to do.

You know they do not pay you.

Miles: Yeah.

They be paying me.

Alright, alright.

You guys.

Holy shit, holy shit.

Triple digits, you guys.

It's happening, you guys.

You're following me, you guys.

Yes, yes, you're watching me.

Here I am. Hello.

Oh, see, that wasn't that hard.

And honestly, guys, thank you.

Thank you so much for watching,

all you guys who have been
with me this entire time.

And guess what.
You will not believe this.

I just bought tickets...
Up-my-ass prices...

To the Jessie Adams
comedy show tonight.

So stay tuned. You guys are not
gonna want to close out.

Just keep it open all night.

I promise you guys
will not regret it, okay?

Hey, I'm feeling pretty jacked
right now.

You guys want to, I don't know,

check out my...
Check out my boner?

I'm just kidding.

You guys will have to
stick around till the end

for that piece.

Hey, and also for all you
basecampers out there,

if you guys are confused,
that's totally chill.

Welcome to Kurt's world.
This is "the lesson."

Sick.

Oh, oh, my god, guys.

Bobby's swag cam.

Do not tell me. He...

Oh.

Oh, hell, yeah.

Alright, basecampers,
all you guys out there,

I know you must be
kind of confused and stuff.

But do not worry.
Spread the word.

Because this... this right here,
this is an official takeover.

Alright, you guys,
I'm redirecting the feed

to my channel.

Oh, guys, what's up?

Hey, guys, hey, guys.

Honestly, guys, the thing that
I always wondered about is,

like, if all these swags
are free for Bobby,

then, like, how do they
know his size?

Is it just me, or is it, like...

It must be just
pure guessing game.

[ Chuckles I

[ cellphone chimes I

fucking dad's texting me.

Fuck.

Anyways, tonight's gonna be
crazy with, like, the gun

and killing Jessie Adams,
and I might even wear this...

Fuck.

Dad is texting me again.

[ Cellphone chimes I

okay, this deadbeat is trying
to fuck up "the lesson."

Jessie Adams' show
is in like two hours,

and this douche is texting me

and he wants me to go
to this deejay show with him.

Pbht!

Dj... dj uno.

[ Cellphone chimes I

wait, you guys know who this is?

What, you guys like dj uno?

Yeah dude. You stupid?

Take us to uno right fuckin now.

It's open.

It was open.

Wasn't open.

Kurt: Fucking late.

Hello, dude.

Get in the car. I'm in a hurry.

Plastic? Really?

Kurt: Get in the car.

Such a rookie move.

Thanks for the ride.

You're really coming through
in the clutch.

Whoa, you're not gonna
let your dad

get his fucking
seat belt on, bro?

Kurt: Sorry, we don't have time,
and I'm charging you.

Go on your spree app
and request a ride.

- What?
- Do you think this is for free?

Seriously?

Can you imagine me charging you

for every meal
I fucking gave you?

I wonder what
that would account to.

One cheeseburger?

Because mom pretty much
took care of everything.

Ohhh.

So you want to get into details
about me and your mother?

Because I got fucking details

we can get into
about me and your mother.

I like the fucking cameras
and the lights.

Action.

Do they change color?

No.

Well, they should.

Red light.

What the fuck?

What the fuck is that?

Dumbass.

[ Coughs I

fuck this.

Hey, hey, hey, what the fuck?

What the fuck was that?

The bpas, bro, they're not good.

The bpa from the plastic
seeps into the water.

You're gonna get fucking
estrogen in your testes.

I'm getting a lot of anti-bpa
activism on my networks.

- On your networks?
- Yeah, on my networks.

Oh.

Where's that mixtape
we made of those beats?

I don't know.

What the fuck is this?!

It's a fucking gun.

Kurt, Kurt,
I told you about guns,

- me and guns, all my stories.
- I know.

I thought we were on the same
page about gun control, Kurt.

Listen, I have a gun, alright.

- I'm smart, unlike you, okay?
- That's crazy.

No, it's not crazy.

You're gonna fuckin'
kill yourself.

No, you don't know
what this job's like.

Put that fucking gun away.
You don't know... no.

You don't know what type
of thug or gangbanger

is gonna get
in the back of my car.

Kris: Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, Kurt.

There's a police officer.
Put away your gun.

Put it down.
Put it down. Put it down.

It's my fucking gun.
I use it for safety.

Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, the...

The police officer. Oh, my god.

Ah.

Why do you have a gun?

What the fuck?

Another red light.
And a fucking gun.

Why are you fiending through
my shit anyway, you junkie?

Kurt, amigo.

Are you trying to downgrade
my confidence before my set?

Well, yeah, I found
your baggies today.

Wait, what?

Yeah, I was helping mom
move some shit for the house.

And behind a dresser,
shoved in the wall,

there were your baggies.

Yeah, you must have been
so fucking high

that you put them there
and then you just,

I don't know,
must have forgotten.

Classic.

Kris: Come on, Kurt.
Can we just have some fun?

Some real fucking fun.

Not, like,
an unboxing tutorial video fun.

Real fun.

If you don't rock out with
your fucking cock out tonight,

uno is never gonna
tag you on her socials, alright?

You better get
a personality pronto, dude.

'Cause right now,
Kurt's world is fucking wack.

Yo, we're at club dirt,
calm before the storm.

Tell all your friends
get down here.

We got bottle service.

We got Winston
and Bernardo in the house.

Yeah.

Here he is. Here's my boy.

What do you think?
It's nice, huh?

Uh, breaking news, dad.
This is a strip club.

This is not a dance club.

Well, you know,
they gave me a residency.

Every other Friday, so I'm not
gonna look a gift in the mouth.

Kurt: I don't care, dad.
How about I'm clear?

This place feels sad to me.

Oh, yeah, all the empty poles.

- Kurt: That's not what I mean.
- It is sad.

But it costs more
to get girls here.

It's gonna be fun. Come on, bro.

Kurt: St-stop. Where's uno?

[I speaking native language I

- Kurt: Just be fucking cool.
- Brittany.

Kurt: That is my hat.

[I speaking native language I

Kurt: You can't...
I don't think you...

Hey, uno. Hi.

Okay.

[I speaking native language I

[ smooching I

[ chuckles I

"follow me."

Her necklace says "follow me.”

Hey, uno.

Thank you so much.

You know, kris. Remember?

This is my son, Kurt.
He's a big fan of yours.

Kurt: What's up?
I'm a musician, too.

And I just also want
to say to you,

congratulations
on all your followers.

He'd love it if you
tagged him on your social.

- He's...
- Oh, no, no offense,

but I cannot do that on
the same night as a deejay set.

Oh, okay.

Sorry, bro. We tried.

- It was nice, though.
- Kurt: Hey, listen, uno.

Uh, influencer to influencer,
and I know it's a huge ask,

but if you could just, like,
pop me onto your story,

I got a huge audience
watching right now.

And everybody loves you,
and it would just be huge.

- You are live right now?
Kurt: I'm live.

I actually have a brand
that could go viral,

and you would really
push me over the edge.

- What do you think?
- Okay.

Kurt: Yeah? You don't...
You don't mind?

What's your name?

Kurt: It's kurtsworld96.

Okay? Say hi to everyone.

Hi.

- Kurt: Sick.
- Kris: Dope, dope.

Okay, 90...

Kurt: 96. K-u-r-t-s-w-0-r-l-d.

- Got it, got it, got it.
- Kurt: Okay.

Got it. Yeah.

Kurt got got.

And just to let you know, uno,
I still haven't gotten...

Hey, why is the club dirt
so empty?

The promoter's
not working hard enough?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

They'll start coming in
about halfway through my set.

They just...
They come out late sometimes.

You know. Yeah.

But there'll be
plenty of people for you.

And I still haven't gotten
that notification quite yet.

So when that goes through,
though, I will let you know.

It's alright. You tried, bro.

She ain't gonna tag u bro.
She lyin. Lul.

Kris:
How do you like Los Angeles?

Uno: Yeah, it's good.

Do you know where is taco truck?

Honestly, you guys?

You guys fucking suck,
and I predicted this.

- Oh, come on, Kurt. Sorry
- Have a good night, honestly.

You guys don't know how much...
Important this day is to me.

I don't know what to say, guys.

Bobby cam is canceled
because it was not lucky to me.

And honestly,
you guys led me astray.

Let's just move on.
I'm not angry at anybody.

I don't have to harbor a...

[I knock on window I

uno?

Oh, do you know
where something is?

Kurt: Uh, do I know
where something is?

Oh, you know
Los Angeles taco truck?

There... there's a lot of
taco trucks in Los Angeles.

Okay, take me
to L.A. taco truck.

And I will tag you, really.
“What time...

I'm kind of in a hurry?
What time is it?

I don't know.

- I mean, what do you...
- Okay, I'm in a hurry, too.

Need to take pictures
at L.A. taco truck.

- Kurt: Okay, are we good?
- Uno: No.

Okay.

Kurt: Alright, cool.

Great.
Okay, want to get some food?

- Uno: Yeah.
- Kurt: Okay.

Well, hey, what are you doing?

You don't want to come?

I don't want to wait line.
You go.

Me? Okay.

What do you want?

Just, like, a...
Like, a carne asada burrito?

Get me most famous.

What does that mean?
Like, nachos or...

Get me most famous.

Okay, then you're gonna
tag me, right?

You're gonna tag me after that?

- Yes, I already make a promise.
- Okay, I know.

I'm just checking because
you can't always count...

I told...

Hey, I'm... I'm sorry.
Hey, do you know...

Do you know what, like...
What's the thing to get?

I'm not sure.
It's my first time.

Kurt: Okay, yeah.
Me too, me too.

Yeah. It's... yeah, I heard...

But I've heard the carne asada
fries frigging slap.

You want... say something.

You got a lot of people looking
at the back of your head.

[ Chuckles I

hey, everyone,
my name's Daisy, and I'm 23.

Kurt: Whoa. I'm 23.
That's crazy.

That's, like...
That's, like, fate, right.

- So you're a streamer?
- Kurt: Bull's-eye, yeah.

I'm actually...
I'm here with a deejay.

A Korean...
Yeah, she's a Korean deejay.

Where? Kurt: She's in the car.

She just keeps it
on the down-low.

She's famous.

She actually got famous
from a sex tape.

But, yeah, it's like...
It's like I have experience.

Like, I've... like, I've done
some, like, sex tapes myself.

And it's like when
I put them out there,

I always feel like
I have a real, like,

huge boom in my numbers.

It's like I could, like,
make a sex tape at any time.

I could feel like
I'm making a sex tape tonight.

You get what I'm saying?

I'm just gonna go.

Kurt: Okay, yeah, that's cool.

Daisy: Hi.
One carne asada burrito, please.

- Woman: $4.25.
- Also, like, if...

If you want to hang
at the Jessie Adams show,

like, you... you know...
You know who's gonna be there.

You... you are? Yeah.

Fuck Daisy right now!

Kurt's world.

Woman: Thank you.
Muchas gracias.

- Daisy: Alright.
- Kurt: Think about it.

- Daisy: Have fun at the show.
- Kurt: Yeah, see you later.

Okay, bye-bye. Kurt's world.

Hey, four tacos with each meat.

And then the carne asada fries,
please.

- Ahh!
- Woman: How many fries?

Just one. Thank you.

Ahh.

I'm gonna drink some of this.

You're the worst streamer
of all time.

Alright, get... get in the...

[ Police radio chatter I

[ Bottle thuds, window whirs I

officer: Fuck's this guy doing?

Friday nights.
You got to love them.

Hi. What's up guys?

It's... it's Kurt.

Welcome to Kurt's world.

Want to check it out? Yeah.

Uno asked me to do a takeover.

So that's what's up.

[I knock on window I

- hey, can I help you, officer?
- Yeah, everything alright today?

- Uh, we've seen better nights.
- Mm-hmm.

My girlfriend, she had
a little bit too much to drink.

I pulled over.
It's not a big deal.

She's okay, you know.

I'm just giving her some food,
sober her up, get her home.

Officer: License
and registration, please.

Of course. Uh...

- She's just sleeping.
- Mm-hmm_

You a spree driver?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

Uh, yeah, not...
Not tonight, though.

No, no, I'm just hanging...
Just hanging with my girl, yeah.

Officer:
But you have driven today?

No, I-1 don't...
I don't work on weekends.

Officer: Friday's
a weekday, last I checked.

Alright, Kurt, can I have you
step out the car slowly

and show us both
your hands, please?

- Is that necessary?
- Officer: Yes, sir, it is.

Kurt, please step
out the car, please.

Okay, that's not good, buddy.

I just close it?

Officer: Yeah, go ahead.

Just go ahead and stand
in front of the car.

- Sorry.
- Yeah, don't worry about it.

We're gonna do
a standard sobriety test here.

So I'm gonna need you
to stand with your feet together

and your arms to your side
like this, please.

And when we start, I'm gonna
ask you to lift your right foot,

point your toe,
and count like this.

One, one thousand,
two, one thousand,

three, one thousand,
four, one thousand.

- Alright?
- Let's go, buddy.

One, one thousand,
two, one thousand,

three, one thousand,

four... four, one thousand,
five, one thousand.

Officer: Should we make him
touch his nose?

- Jake, shut up.
- Kurt: Seven, one thousand,

eight, one thousand.

Hey, your girlfriend's
pretty hot.

Kurt: Eleven, one thousand.

She's awake now. “What the fu...

[I gunshot I

Jesus fucking Christ.

[I people screaming I

officer down. I need backup.

Kurt: Thank you, god.

Woman: Any units in the vicinity
of 105 westbound at inglewood.

Oh, fuck.

[I horns honking I

whoa.

[ Tires screech I whoa.

[ Police radio chatter I

- what is he doing?
- Tell me you got that.

- I got that. I got that.
- Did you get that?

If you guys had told me
that this is what "the lesson"

would be like before,
I would have n...

I could have never
believed that.

This is crazy.

[ Sirens wailing I

[I horns honking I

oh, my god. “Whoa.

[ Police radio chatter I

Kurt: I got to lose these cops.

[ Thudding I

Do... are you seeing
all these homeless people?

It's pathetic.

[I horn honking I

zero social-media presence.

They don't even care
that the whole world

doesn't even know
that they exist.

If I ran over their tent
and killed them all,

no one would even care
right now.

Yes.

Cops can't stop me.

Dad can't stop me.

Mom can't stop me.

Bobby can't stop me.

The homeless can't stop me.

What's up?

Guys, I'm starting
to feel unstoppable.

Pumpkin emoji, pumpkin emoji,
pumpkin emoji.

Birthday hat emoiji.

I just think...
I think it's all fucking...

I this it's like... I think
parents are doing it on purpose.

You have to call them.

You have to call them
to figure it out.

That's what they're... it's like
all they want is a phone call.

So they send you these weird-ass
coded text messages.

It's like, "you're getting
the phone call, mom."

[ Light laughter I

fucking porn is crazy.

You know, I always
think about, like,

who are these people who are,
like, commenting on porn?

Do you know what I mean?

Like, they've got to, like,
fucking, like, sign up

to be like, "who's she?

Where is this place?
I like this apartment.”

I think it's bad that I fucking
beat off to this shit so much.

But I don't have a profile.
It's just porn.

Man: Where's Jessie?

Alright, well, I guess
that's enough about me.

Woman: All eyes on me!

What do you say we bring up our
final performer of the night?

You know her.

Her holiness of hashtags.

The reaper of reposts.

The queen of all social media.

She's the reason you guys
bought your tickets

three weeks in advance,
I'm sure.

Please welcome the amazing,

the sexy, the hilarious
Jessie fucking Adams.

Give it up.

Hello, everyone.

Thank you, thank you.
Thank you, miles.

Wow, what you lack
in personality

you really make up for in puns.

Give it up for white guys, huh?

Yeah.

Can't live with them,

and, well, there they are
all over the place.

I'm so glad you think I'm
hilarious and sexy, miles.

Thank you. That means a lot
coming from a guy

whose ideal woman
is a hentai body pillow.

Let's redirect back to me.
This is my show.

And I am the real Jessie Adams.

We got the joke bros
in the house from Chicago.

Hell, yeah.

Yeah, we're going out live to
a million neck beards right now.

Wow, such a big show,
so many eyeballs.

I should probably
play it safe, right?

- Crowd: No.
- No?

You don't want me
to play it safe?

I mean, why would I?
I am the real Jessie Adams.

Are you ready? Yeah.

All eyes on me.
I want to be seen.

Crowd: All eyes on me
I want to be seen.

I said, all eyes on me
I want to be seen.

All: All eyes on me
I want to be seen.

Jessie: Great. Get your phones
out like we do every time.

This is our favorite part,
right?

You trying to see me?
You trying to see me?

You got me in focus?

You got me in that good light?

Woman: I got you.

Do I look good?

Thank you, baby.

So if you follow me
on social media,

you probably know I had to
put some skeezy bozo

in his place
during a spree ride today.

He was the one who was all like,

"come on, girl,
give me a smile."

Ugh. I mean, that's not breaking
news to any woman in this room.

We go through that every day.

- Woman: Fuck that guy.
- Right? Fuck that guy.

He was a date-rape drug
in a person.

And I was angry at this guy,
but then I got sad.

Because of the driver,
the spree driver.

He was all like, "how'd you get
such a big following?

We should share tips.”

And then he was kind of, like,
soft begging,

like, "oh, please, lord,
tag me."

And it was so sad and pathetic.

And it was just like me.

I went to my granny's house
after, my... my safe place,

like, my pre-show sanctuary.

And I could not shake that ride.
Like, I was so pissed.

And I was thinking
about that guy

and that "please tag me" energy.

And I was like, "ugh,
god, that was pure me."

Like, he was me.
I've done that shit before.

And then I just, like,
reckoned with myself.

For the last two years, I've
been saying, "all eyes on me."

Now I finally have what I want,
and I am creeped the fuck out.

I'm serious.

It's like whether you have
20 million followers

or 20 followers, we're all being
watched and judged and hated.

And you love it, you love it.

You need it.
You're all addicted to it.

And you're addicted
to other people.

You're not doing you.

You're doing somebody else
for somebody else.

How are we supposed to know
who we are as people

if we're just
hamming it up all the time?

Okay, I can read the energy.

It's very quiet in this room.
I can hear a long-held fart.

And I'm sure you're like,
"Jessie, why so serious?

Where are the jokes?"

We're living in it.

You, me, that spree driver,
we're all punking ourselves.

And that's why
when I wake up tomorrow,

I'm going cold Turkey.

No more social media for me.

Okay.

Do we have any angels
in the house?

Do I have any angels
in the house?

So you ready for your log-off?

♪ Kurtmegafail.
You want me to smash this shit?

You ready?
Are you ready for this?

Okay, all eyes on this, bitch!

Yeah!

[ Microphone thuds I

miles: Hell, yeah, Jessie.

That was crazy cool.
I got all that shit.

That was tight.

Miles, get out of my face.

Miles: Hey, come on.

This is a historical moment.

Jessie Adams off social media.
I got to document this.

Why don't you pay me on time?
That would be historic.

I hooked us up. Joke bros, baby.

- God.
- Joke bros in here.

Miles manderville.
Jessie motherfucking Adams.

- That...
- I got to get some air.

- Get the fuck out of my way.
- Okay. Jesus.

We're in this! Fuck, yeah!

[ Cellphone chimes I

[ Car door opens I

[ car door closes I

are you Kurt?

I'm Kurt. That's me.

Okay.

Yeah, that's me.

Don't you recognize my name?
Kurt kunkle?

Miles: I just want to say
I've known Jessie

for, like, over five years,

and she has always
been killing it.

This is not a sur... come on.

You still fixated
on that 700 bucks?

- Come on, Jessie.
- Fixated?

You owe me 700 bucks.

- And put the fucking phone down.
- Miles: Do you have any idea

how many people
are watching this, Jessie?

I'm not gonna
lose this audience.

What's up, people?

[ Slow music playing I

do sumthin.

You got a dash cam
and everything, huh?

Yes. You can never be too safe.

Yeah, I got one, too.

Miles: Come on, we should be
fucking celebrating.

Celebrating what?

Miles: The... the fact that
your set is gonna go viral.

All the right people
saw that, Jessie.

You're made. I would...

I would... I would kill
for that, Jessie.

Honestly, that was...
That was crazy.

- Let me buy you a drink.
- Fine.

Kurt:
Pretty fucking cool, right?

Okay, just so you know,

I'm not the crazy driver
driving around tonight.

[ Laughs I

[ laughs I

I know.

Miles: Dang, Jessie, you're
getting a little drunk.

- Can I take you home?
- No. Just order me a spree.

Miles: No doubt.

Uh, weird. Spree's down.

You know I could just give you
a ride in my car, right?

Oh, my god, no.
You're too drunk to drive.

You're not killing me
in your death trap.

Miles: It's not like that.
Just order us a gogo.

- Miles: Order us? Okay.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We go... we going to...
We going to my place?

- Or what's happening here?
- No, go to my place.

Oh, damn, okay.

Uh, alright, yeah.

Get a gogo for sure.

Sweet. Yeah, there's one...
There's one down the block.

What kind of car is it?

Miles: It's a white coupe.

Okay, cool.

Miles: Alright, cool. Alright.

Give me... give me one second.

I'm live-streaming all night,
by the way, folks.

- Alright.
- Okay.

- What's up, miles?
- Nice one, miles.

Miles: Hey, what's up?
Hey, yo, hey, je...

Excuse me. Hey, Jessie, wait up.

Jessiel

- Jessie, wait up!
- Jessie: Drive, drive, drive.

Miles: Oh, sucks.

- Man: Nice one, miles.
- Fuck you.

[ Slow music playing I

Jessie: Wait, what address
did he give you?

375 south Hobart.

- Okay, good.
- Good.

Hey.

Hey.

What, man?
I'm about to pass out.

I liked your set tonight.
It was... it was inspirational.

- You saw it?
- Hell, yeah.

I was there. It was awesome.

Jessie, I think
you're actually a genius.

Jessie: Thanks, man.

I'm so glad you didn't take
that water bottle earlier.

That would have been...

What water?

The water from earlier.
Seat pouch.

I eft side.

Wait ku... kurtis?

Try again.

Kurtis? Kurt.

- Kurt.
- Kurt's world, remember?

- Squirt's world, yeah, yeah.
- Follow me.

Kurtsworld96.

Uh...

Okay, this is really weird.
Yeah.

Isn't this weird?
I know. It's amazing.

I just, like... I pick you up
today, and then I go online.

I buy a ticket to support you,
and it's like,

what are the odds?

I mean, uh, okay.

- Thanks for your support.
- Totally.

Uh...

Did you like the set?

I didn't mean to rag on you
that hard.

Rag on me? Yeah.

Sticks and stones, Jessie Adams.

No, no, no, no, no.
I'm fine. I liked it.

I liked all what you did.

Because when you were
talking up there,

I realized inside me,
it was like this activator.

And it, like...
Whoa, all of a sudden,

the things that you were saying,
I realized they were in my head,

but I just had not
thought them yet.

Okay, yeah. And that to me...

That to me...
That's not gonna work.

What?

That's not gonna work, Jessie.

Hee hee hee.

Your phone, you broke it
during the set, remember?

- Yeah, I remember.
- Of course.

Oh, my gosh,
how could you forget?

How could I forget?
How could anyone forget?

Oh, my gosh, I had this, like,
crazy breakthrough today, too.

Jessie: Why are we going east?
We need to be going west?

You know what I'm
all about now, Jessie?

I'm all about love.
I'm a man of love.

You can just... just pull
over here and let me out.

Okay, just listen to me.

I'm just trying to, like,
make myself heard by you.

So, like, check this out.

Love is more powerful
than anything.

That's something that I figured
out back there at the show.

- It's like love...
- Just let me out, man.

- Just please...
- Love is more powerful

than anything.

- You know what I mean?
- No.

It could break down
any sort of barrier

between any type of person.

It's like, man, how can
something that's so powerful

also just be such
a good branding tool?

Kurt, please let me
out of the car.

Do you know what I mean?
And it's like

imagine the audience
that you and me could get

if we just plussed
our audiences together.

Oh, my gosh,
can you imagine the numbers...

You are freaking me out
right now.

From a leaked sex tape?

That would be unbelievable.
“What?

And it's like having sex?

We're beyond having sex
at that point.

We're, like, making love.

Like, real love, though,
not, like, disingenuine love.

- It's cool, right?
- Where are we going?

I'm taking you home.

This is not the way
to my fucking house, Kurt.

Oh, no, not your home.

My home.

My home.

[ Turn signal clicking I

[ grunts I

[ choking I

aah!

Aah! Let go!

What is wrong with you?

Didn't you listen to me?
I said I'm all about love now.

Okay.

Sorry, Jessie.

[ Car dings I

can't believe you got out
of the car bro

what a fucking dumb-ass.

Shit.

[ Tires screech I

oh, my god.

Run.

Aah!

[ Door opens I

Why are you doing this?

Jessie, we could have
been a power couple!

No! Aah!

Sis you're doing frickin great!

Whoever the fuck is watching
this, you are sick!

What is wrong with you?
This is not a fucking TV show.

If you know where we are,
call the cops.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit.

What the hell happened here?!

Who are you?

What did you do?

I-I didn't do anything.

You're really
fucked up right now.

And I'm sorry if you're drunk
or high or...

I'm gonna have to call the cops.

Call them!
Tell them the address!

There's a fucking psycho
running around.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god, Angela.

Did you do this?
Did you kill her?

What did you do to her?

Why don't you just kill me, too?

Angela's dead.
Nobody showed up to my set.

So come on! Take me out.

Ah!

Kurt.

Did you do this?

Did you kill your mother?

Thanks, Kurt.

Shit, almost forgot.

Mom.

Tell me you didn't
kill your mother.

Kurt: Hey, mom.

No.

Kurt, seriously.

[I gunshots I

[I gunshot I

[I gunshot I

[I gunshot I

Kurt: Wow.

Thanks for watching.

And hopefully a lot of you
now follow me.

What a crazy day for me.

Jessie please go see
if Kurt is still alive.

So many emotions.

Highs and lows.

And here we are,
the end of "the lesson."

I really hope you guys
learned something.

I mean, I know
you learned something.

And as for me?

50,000 people watching.

I guess I got what I wanted.

J doo-doo doo-doo-doo
doo-doo-doo j

grab a selfie with him! Yol oo!

J doo-doo-doo
doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo j

j love him, I love him,
I love him j&

j and where he goes I'l follow I

j I'll follow, I'll follow j

j I will follow him j

j follow him
wherever he may go j

j there isn't
an ocean too deep j

j a mountain so high
it can keep me away j

looks like someone fucked up

and put your girl
in a fancy hotel. What?

J' follow him j -

j ever since he touched my hand,
I knew j

all eyes on me!
I want to be seen!

J that near him
I always must be j

j and nothing
can keep him from me j

j he is my destiny j

j destiny j

j I love him, I love him,
I love him j&

j and where he goes I'l follow I

j I'll follow, I'll follow j

j he'll always be my true love j

j my true love, my true love j

j from now until forever j

j forever, forever j

j I will follow him j

but the thing about me is that
I'l continue to find Kurt.

I will continue to dig
until I get...

Until I get the...
Until I get real Kurt.

And that's why you're...
That's why you'll subscribe.

J it can keep me away j

j away from my love j

j I love him, I love him,
I love him j&

j and where he goes I'l follow I

j I'll follow, I'll follow j

j he'll always be my true love j

j my true love, my true love j

j from now until forever j

j forever, forever j

j I will follow him j

j follow him I

j follow him
wherever he may go j

j there isn't
an ocean too deep j

j a mountain so high
it can keep j

j keep me away j

j away from my love j

j and where he goes I'l follow I

j I'll follow, I'll follow j

j I know I'll always love him j

j I love him, I love him j

hey, guys, what's up?

It's Kurt here
from Kurt's world.

J I'll follow, I'll follow j

j I know I'll always love him j

j I love him, I love him j

j and where he goes I'l follow I

[I up-tempo music plays I

[ Volume increases I

[I down-tempo music plays I

j goodbye, dream world j

j go root my dreams j