Original subtitles

[electric buzzing]

[instrumental music plays]

[elevator dings]

Well that's it.

The last patient in the hospital.

We're ready to start closing this place down now.

Right behind you, Dr. Wheeler.

Just gonna grab the last of the linens.

Be quick about it.

Whoa! Huh?

Whoa!

[chuckles] Okay guys, very funny.

[shuddering]

Joey? Knock it off.

[roars]

[screaming]

[intense music plays]

[scared grunting]

[roars]

[screams]

[effort grunt]

[yells] No!

[effort grunt]

-[screams] -[elevator dings]

[opening theme music playing]

[bats screeching]

♪ Scooby-Dooby-Doo And Guess Who? ♪

♪ We know you're One in a million ♪

♪ Scooby-Doo ♪

♪ We can count on you, Scooby-Doo ♪

♪ To catch and unmask That villain ♪

[Scooby-Doo] Whoa! It's Kristen Schaal.

[instrumental music playing]

[Fred] Well gang, here we are.

Eastside General Hospital.

Hospital? No, no, no, no. I hate shots.

No way. I hate shots!

Hey, relax Scoob. You've had all your shots.

Yeah, silly.

We're investigating the hospital

where there've been several sightings

of the monstrous ghost of Dr. Phineas Phrag.

-[both whimpering] -Dr. Phineas Phra... Who?

The legend of Dr. Phineas Phrag

says that back in the 1950s,

he conducted some highly controversial experiments

at this very hospital.

You see, he suffered from a rare genetic disease

and was attempting to find a cure

by drinking a formula of insect and plant DNA.

-[eerie music playing] -[glass breaking]

-[dramatic music plays] -[low roaring]

[Velma] And, it turned him into a horrible monster.

[roaring]

He disappeared

and has been haunting the hospital ever since.

But, due to recent attacks by the monster,

the hospital's being closed down.

And we're here to investigate.

Yeah. Isn't that great?

I don't know Scooby-Doo.

Like, that makes getting a shot

sound not so bad by comparison.

Yeah, and I hate shots.

[suspenseful music plays]

Hello? Anyone here?

[Daphne] They must have evacuated the hospital already.

Like, dude, hopefully that monster got evacuated, too.

[all screaming]

[eerie music playing]

-[whimpering] -[screams]

Hi there, mystery solving gang.

Hold the phone! It's--

[all] Famous actor, writer, comedian, Kristen Schaal!

Actually, it's famous actor, writer, comedian...

[dramatically] Monster hunter!

[all] Monster hunter?

You know it.

I'm here to capture the Phineas Phrag Monster.

Ooh, I just love monsters.

Love monsters?

That's just wrong.

What a coincidence, Kristen.

We're here to capture the Phineas Phrag Monster, too.

[chuckles] I know.

I know everything about you guys.

I've followed you from the beginning.

From the beginning of this mystery?

-Nope. -You mean since we first started solving mysteries?

No. I mean the beginning-beginning.

[sighs] I just knew you kooky kids

were going to be something special.

[cheerful music plays]

[laughing]

Scooby-Dooby doo!

[Scooby-Doo giggling]

Vroom! Vroom! Vroom!

Roar!

Whoa!

[giggling]

[all] Whoa!

[thuds]

[giggling] You're all so special.

Um, Fred, [chuckles]

I... I actually have something for you. Here.

Is it really Mr. McScoots?

[motor revving]

Vroom...vroom... Vroom... Vroom. Vroom [laughing]

Fred, we talked about Mr. McScoots, remember?

Oop... Sorry, Daph.

-[thuds] -[man] Whoa!

[all exclaiming]

[door hinges creaking]

Monster! [screams]

[elevator dings]

Wow... Okay, that was kinda rude.

So anyway, as I was saying,

we're all monster hunters,

so how about we all join forces for this mystery?

That's a great idea, Kristen.

I was thinking the same thing.

Welcome to the gang.

[chuckles] Wow! This is a dream come true.

Like, Scooby Doo,

this kind of crazy stuff always happens to us.

We just, like, open a door, like this one...

-[low roar] -And everybody starts screaming.

Oh, scary, scary...

[both screaming]

Even though the hospital's empty,

we can take a look in the Administrator's office

for clues that can tell us the location

of Dr. Phrag's laboratory.

The mystery is afoot. [giggles]

[both whimpering]

[panting]

Hey, I like your hat, Kristen Schaal.

Looks yummy.

Thanks, Scoobers. I made it myself.

It's my lunchy hat.

Um, don't you mean lucky hat?

Nope. I mean, I had a lucky hat,

but it never brought me any luck.

So I made a lunchy hat instead.

At least if I'm hungry I can eat my hat

which is super lucky

because eating lunch is total awesomeness.

[chomps]

[giggles] Finally,

someone in this crazy messed up world

making total sense.

[chomping]

[gulps]

Your hat is delicious.

Oh man,

like, why's it always gotta be so dark and scary.

I can hardly see anything.

[chuckles] Oh, so exciting.

We can go all stealth mode.

I came extra prepared.

Ta-dah! Night-vision goggles.

Yes, one for you.

And you get a pair

and these will fit right over your glasses, don't worry.

And here you are.

And oh, you know what? I'm out.

[disappointed sigh]

[laughs] Just kidding, guys.

I've got one for you too.

[dramatic music playing]

[suspenseful music plays]

[Fred] Hey that's odd. Somebody's in there.

[screams]

[all screaming]

[all] Whoa!

[chuckles] Oh!

So that's why you take night vision goggles off

before you turn on the lights.

My bad, gang.

Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you kids.

I was just getting ready to leave.

I was hoping to locate Dr. Phrag's old laboratory

to start our investigation.

It's in the basement. Knock yourselves out.

Aren't you upset?

Pfft. You kidding?

I get to retire on full pay.

The only thing I'm upset about is

if I got enough lure for all the fishin' I'm gonna being doing.

[laughs]

[coughs]

Huh, that hospital administrator

definitely needs to go on our list of suspects.

Oh definitely, definitely.

And I have a list of suspects, myself.

Monica,

the captain of the eighth grade cheerleading squad

who was mean to me

because I couldn't do the splits

without crying a little.

And everyone else who was mean to me.

Um, Kristen, I'm not so sure

those are the suspects we're looking for.

[Monster growling]

Like, Scoob, will you tell your stomach

to stop making those freaky noises?

They are stressing me out.

It wasn't me.

[roars]

-Monster! [chuckles nervously] -[Scooby-Doo yelping]

[screaming]

[roaring]

[screaming]

[grunting]

[roaring]

[instrumental music plays]

[all gasp]

[roaring]

[both panting]

[Shaggy] There you are.

Like, monster dude, you're late for your operation.

Let's go. Let's go.

Got a tee time in 20 minutes.

-Feather. -[Shaggy] Feather.

[Scooby-Doo] Feather.

[giggling]

-Rubber chicken. -[Shaggy] Rubber chicken.

-[Scooby-Doo] Rubber chicken. -[squeaks]

-[slapping] -[hooting]

[moaning]

-Seltzer bottle. -[Scooby-Doo] Seltzer bottle.

[Shaggy] Seltzer bottle.

[whooshes]

[thuds]

We've done it! Congratulations, Doctor.

-Well done, Doctor. -Great work, Doctor.

Amazing, Doctor.

Very skillful, Doctor.

-Doctor. -Doctor.

-Thank you, Doctor. -Thank you, Doctor.

[horrific roar]

[whimpering]

[roaring]

[whimpering] Like, wheel faster! It's gaining!

[roaring]

Look out, guys!

-[grunts] -[thuds]

-[screaming] -[moaning]

[all groaning]

[roaring]

Like, Kristen Schaal, dude,

have you got anything on that crazy monster belt

to get us out of this? [wailing]

You know it, Shaggs.

[all exclaiming]

[wailing]

Gang, you have to hold on.

That's just, like, grappling hook 101.

[Monster roaring]

[all screaming]

Ta-dah!

Ha!

Phew! Thanks, Kristen.

[man] How are y'all doing?

[all wailing]

Sorry to scare you kids.

That monster's got me jumping clear out of my skin.

Hey, wait, gang, we know him. It's Big Bob McCallister.

So Mr. McCallister,

what are you doing here at the hospital?

[shuttering] Oh, I came here to visit my mama,

but, uh, they already evacuated her

on account of this terrible monster.

Been walking in circles trying to find my way

out of this huge old building ever since.

Come on, Big Bob,

we'll help you find your way out of here.

I can't thank you kids enough.

Like to return the favor if I can.

Looky here, if I were you,

I'd take a look at that Dr. Wheeler.

Very suspicious indeed.

She just might be your monster.

[engine revs and accelerates]

Interesting. Dr. Wheeler, huh?

Already on my list.

Right under Monica the cheerleader.

Uh... I... Um...

Mm-mm. Dr. Wheeler gave me the worst shot once

and I never forgave her.

Oh yeah, shots are the worst.

Here we are, Dr. Phineas Phrag's laboratory.

[Daphne] Jeepers, it looks like this place

hasn't been touched since Dr. Phrag disappeared.

You know what's really been bugging me?

Which one of you I should be.

I mean, I'm a mystery solver, and I'm kooky.

But, am I a Fred? A Daph?

Could I be a Velma?

Or maybe I'm a Shaggs or Scoobers?

You're a Kristen Schaal.

[chuckles] Don't worry, Scoobers.

I'll figure it out.

-[woman] What are you doing down here? -Huh?

[Kristen] Dr. Wheeler!

The shot doctor.

Hide me, gang. Dr. Wheeler followed me here

to give me another one of her evil shots.

My ears are still damaged

from all of your screaming the last time.

I was an innocent child.

It was last week.

I am an innocent child on the inside.

You and your friends have no business here.

Leave here at once.

You will be in grave danger if you remain in this hospital.

Big Bob was right.

Dr. Wheeler is very suspicious.

All right, gang.

Let's split up and look for clues.

[dramatic music playing]

-Jinkies! -Wah!

Velma, I think I'm a Velma.

I'm flattered, Kristen.

I was secretly hoping you'd be a Velma.

Well, that's interesting.

I wonder what that's a map of.

I wonder why these areas are marked.

Ohhh...

[sizzling]

-[Kristen] Jinkies! -[Velma screams]

[whooshes]

Not so sure, I'm a Velma.

[cheerful music plays]

[chomps]

I think you're a Shaggy or a Scooby, Kristen.

Thanks, Scoobers.

I just didn't know eating like you guys was such hard work.

The trick is don't think.

Just shovel it in.

Ahhh... [chomps and gulps]

You can do this, Kristen Schaal.

Don't think, just shovel.

[intense music plays]

[sighs] Ugh...

[thuds]

[gasps and grunts]

Somehow I just don't think I'm a Scoober or Shaggs either.

[suspenseful music playing]

[door opens]

[Scooby-Doo] [sighs] Another creepy basement.

[Shaggy] Like, I'd hate to be the poor guy

underneath that kooky drill.

That's not for patients, Shaggy.

It's for a whole different kind of operation.

It looks like a portable coring station.

Exactly.

But it doesn't make any sense.

Why would someone be setting up a coring station?

And in the basement of a creepy hospital.

And what exactly are they taking core samples of?

Junipers!

Ooh, that felt right. I think I'm a Daphne.

Actually Kristen, it's jeepers.

Right. Jaloopers!

Jeepers.

Jupiters!

Jee-pers.

Uh, guys, the mystery?

Ugh... I am so not a Daphne.

You know, guys,

this mystery is really starting to come together.

-[roars] -Huh?

-[roaring] -[screams]

[panting]

[screaming]

[growling]

Hurry, gang, it's gaining on us.

Wait a second. Where's Kristen?

[wailing] Like, maybe that crazy insect plant monster got her.

We have to save Kristen Schaal.

[monster roaring]

[screaming]

-[roaring] -[elevator dings]

[all] Huh?

[dramatic music plays]

[engine accelerating]

[shudders]

[thuds]

Huh?

Look, guys! I'm a total Fred.

How did you... I mean where did you...

Less questions, more jumping in the van

before the monster eats you.

[engine revving]

[intense music plays]

-[thuds] -[rumbling]

Like, Kristen,

do you have anything else in that crazy monster belt

to get us out of this mess?

Don't need a monster belt for this.

Just ordinary crazy great driving skills, what-what?

[brakes screech]

[thuds]

[all yelling]

-[grunting] -[thuds]

[screaming]

[thuds]

[tires screeching]

[engine accelerating]

[groaning]

[thuds]

[engine revving]

Okay, gang. On my count, we're all going to jump.

[Fred] We're gonna do what?

One... two... Jump!

[all yelling]

[thuds]

[roars]

[thuds]

Ha! That was so much fun! I want to do it again.

It's kinda like Kristen's a better Fred than Fred.

You know it.

Guys, she just drove the Mystery Machine out

the 14th floor window.

-[groans] -[thuds]

Like, nobody's perfect, Freddy.

Well, one thing's for sure.

This Monster really wants us out of here

and away from the coring station.

I need to make one phone call

but I have a very good idea of what's going on.

We'll need to catch the monster to be sure.

It's time to set a rockin' trap.

Uh, no, Kristen, that's not how I say it.

I say, "It's trappin' time."

I like the way Kristen said it.

Like, Freddy,

maybe you should start saying it like that instead.

[sighs]

[Fred] The monster is bound to come back here

and when it does, we'll be ready.

This is my first trap. [laughs]

So exciting.

Okay, gang. Here he comes.

[sinister chuckling]

[footsteps approaching]

Okay, gang, when I say pull,

everyone pull on your rope.

Ready?

-[stomps] -Pull.

[growling]

Wow. I am really good at this.

[growling]

[dramatic music plays]

-[roars] -[all yelling]

Okay, maybe not so much.

Kristen, what's Plan B?

Oh, shoot. Was there supposed to be a Plan B?

Run!

[roars]

[intense music plays]

[effort grunt]

[roars]

Guys, this way.

[thuds]

[all screaming]

[thuds]

-[crumbling] -[thuds]

I don't want to be a Fred anymore.

You be Fred again.

What do we do?

Run!

[roars]

Oh!

[grunts and screams]

[motor revving]

[motor whirring]

[dramatic music plays]

[all yelling]

I knew it.

-[growling] -[gasps]

[horrific roar]

I got you, girl.

[whimpering]

[dramatic music plays]

[laughing mockingly]

-[grunts] -[motor whirs]

Ta-dah!

[moaning]

Now let's see who this monster really is.

[all] Big Bob McCallister!

Where's Dr. Wheeler?

Is she hiding in your costume?

You tell her to stop being a baby

and come out right now.

Dr. Wheeler's not in there.

It's all Big Bob McCallister.

You see, I sensed something suspicious was going on

with Big Bob when we first ran into him,

and the phone call I made to his mother

confirmed those suspicions.

It turns out his mother is perfectly healthy

and living in Arizona.

She told me Big Bob packed up his equipment

and left Arizona when he heard

there might be oil in this area.

So he created the Dr. Phineas Phrag Monster

so he could scare everyone away.

Force the hospital to close down

and buy up the property before anyone found out.

Wow, that's kind of a genius plan.

If I was a monster,

I could only hope to come up with a plan that genius.

Why thank you, Kristen Schaal.

It was a genius plan.

And I would have gotten away with it, too,

if it wasn't for you meddling kids

and the comedic stylings of famous actor and comedian, Kristen Schaal.

You guys are the best.

It made me so happy to be a part of the gang.

But, now I know why I didn't fit in as a Fred,

a Velma, a Daphne or a Shags and Scoobers.

It's because I'm not supposed to be in the gang.

I'm supposed to be... the monster.

[dramatic music plays]

[screaming and whimpering]

Kristen, don't be silly.

You can't be the monster.

We catch monsters.

Ooh, well, then catch me if you can. [laughs]

[Kristen] Come and get me.

[Kristen laughing slowly]

[Kristen] This is totally my calling.

[Kristen continues laughing]

Well, come on, gang.

Kristen dooby doooo!

[Kristen] Whoo-hoo!