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1
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:10,277
Dear diary, got my
first starring role
on Broadway today!
2
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,611
Okay, even I don't
believe that.
3
00:00:13,584 --> 00:00:15,394
Just wanted to see
how it looked.
4
00:00:16,547 --> 00:00:19,287
Jessie, I can't sleep.
5
00:00:19,290 --> 00:00:22,420
Oh, want me to
tell you one of my
Army sleepy-time stories?
6
00:00:22,693 --> 00:00:24,803
How about
Good Night, Platoon?
7
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,657
I just want to fall asleep,
not die of boredom.
8
00:00:30,801 --> 00:00:32,161
Milk it is.
9
00:00:32,163 --> 00:00:35,473
And tomorrow night,
we're gonna read from the
Big Book of Manners.
10
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,470
Jessie's diary...
11
00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:44,453
No, I shouldn't
read this...
12
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:49,649
(READING)
"Got a smoothie today,
13
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,180
"and they gave me
what was left in
the blender for free!"
14
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,333
Wow, even her
secrets are boring.
15
00:00:57,388 --> 00:00:59,828
"Found the perfect
thank you gift
for Bertram..."
16
00:00:59,830 --> 00:01:01,090
(DOOR OPENS)
17
00:01:03,234 --> 00:01:06,604
Here you go.
Sure you don't want to hear
Are You My Major?
18
00:01:08,439 --> 00:01:09,569
No, thanks. I'm good.
19
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:13,341
How about Cloudy
With a Chance of
Paratroopers?
20
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,314
I'm already asleep!
21
00:01:16,407 --> 00:01:19,647
Well, F-Y-I,
I drank out of the carton.
Enjoy my backwash!
22
00:01:21,752 --> 00:01:25,122
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
23
00:01:25,116 --> 00:01:28,256
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
24
00:01:28,619 --> 00:01:32,189
♪ It feels like a party
every day
25
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:35,603
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
26
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:39,226
♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way
27
00:01:39,230 --> 00:01:42,700
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
28
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:46,383
♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around
29
00:01:46,377 --> 00:01:49,777
♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground
30
00:01:49,780 --> 00:01:53,510
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
31
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:57,324
♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down
32
00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,548
♪ Hey Jessie
33
00:02:00,651 --> 00:02:02,421
♪ Hey Jessie
34
00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:07,855
♪ It feels like a party
every day
35
00:02:07,858 --> 00:02:11,628
♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪
36
00:02:16,907 --> 00:02:21,237
Okay, everyone, I know
we're all excited about
our new morning webcast,
37
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,642
What Up, Walden?
38
00:02:25,216 --> 00:02:26,616
By everyone, do you mean me?
39
00:02:26,617 --> 00:02:28,817
Because we are the
only people here.
40
00:02:29,820 --> 00:02:32,750
And I wouldn't be,
if I hadn't lost rock,
paper, scissors
41
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,833
to the conversational
Spanish teacher.
42
00:02:35,486 --> 00:02:37,686
Curse you, Senora Feinberg!
43
00:02:39,890 --> 00:02:43,860
Hey, guys. I'm here to
audition for the sportscaster.
44
00:02:44,595 --> 00:02:46,465
Talk to the producer, Ravi.
45
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,267
(EXCITED) I am the producer?
46
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:49,899
It was either
you or that chair.
47
00:02:52,243 --> 00:02:53,573
So I got the job?
48
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:56,214
That depends.
What qualifications
do you have?
49
00:02:56,407 --> 00:02:58,277
Well, this...
50
00:02:59,350 --> 00:03:02,880
A really cool
sportscaster name,
Diesel Touchdown,
51
00:03:03,814 --> 00:03:06,524
and charisma for days.
52
00:03:06,857 --> 00:03:10,317
The only thing you
have for days is gas
after you eat sauerkraut.
53
00:03:12,263 --> 00:03:14,333
Seriously, what is
going on in there?
54
00:03:16,727 --> 00:03:19,797
Hi, news team!
This just in.
55
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:20,800
Me!
56
00:03:22,233 --> 00:03:24,643
Emma, are you trying out
for What Up, Walden?
57
00:03:24,635 --> 00:03:26,875
I don't have to try.
I've got this.
58
00:03:27,938 --> 00:03:30,678
So you both have faces.
Mazel tov.
59
00:03:32,683 --> 00:03:36,953
Being on What Up, Walden?
could launch my brilliant
career in infotainment!
60
00:03:36,947 --> 00:03:39,217
Infotainment is
not even a word.
61
00:03:39,450 --> 00:03:41,820
Try telling petite media
giant Kelly Ripa that!
62
00:03:44,995 --> 00:03:46,655
Whoa, babe alert!
63
00:03:46,857 --> 00:03:48,397
Emma!
64
00:03:48,399 --> 00:03:51,229
Bryn "Back-stabbing"
Breitbart,
65
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,601
if you're here, who's taking
care of your flying monkeys?
66
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:58,836
Emma, aren't you
going to introduce
me to your friend?
67
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,409
Diesel Touchdown, sports.
68
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:02,742
Ow!
69
00:04:03,914 --> 00:04:07,324
She's not my friend!
She's the one who tried
to steal all my friends!
70
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:11,948
Look, Emma, I am so sorry.
I was horrible to you.
71
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,722
But I promise
I've learned my lesson,
72
00:04:13,724 --> 00:04:14,894
and I really want
to start over.
73
00:04:15,326 --> 00:04:16,626
Well, I don't.
74
00:04:16,987 --> 00:04:20,827
I'm not asking to be BFF's,
but can we at least be F's?
75
00:04:21,692 --> 00:04:22,932
Well...
Please!
76
00:04:22,933 --> 00:04:24,503
Please, please,
please, please?
77
00:04:24,495 --> 00:04:27,795
Oh, okay! I hate
holding grudges.
78
00:04:28,038 --> 00:04:29,398
The stress gives
me pimples.
79
00:04:30,941 --> 00:04:34,711
Good decision. As the
producer, I cannot put
on people with pimples.
80
00:04:36,006 --> 00:04:37,906
Emma, Bryn, you two
will be co-anchors.
81
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,449
What do you
think, Ms. Devlin?
82
00:04:40,951 --> 00:04:43,681
I think I should get
in my car and just
keep driving.
83
00:04:48,719 --> 00:04:49,959
(SNORING)
84
00:04:50,421 --> 00:04:51,421
Bertram!
85
00:04:51,622 --> 00:04:52,622
(SCREAMING)
86
00:04:52,863 --> 00:04:54,903
Bertram, are you okay?
87
00:04:55,366 --> 00:04:58,996
I will be as soon as
I get my heart started.
(GRUNTING)
88
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,829
And there we go.
89
00:05:00,831 --> 00:05:01,831
(SIGHS)
90
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:04,683
I read something
in Jessie's diary!
91
00:05:04,935 --> 00:05:08,605
(GASPS) Stop right there.
That's invading her privacy.
I don't want to hear it.
92
00:05:08,879 --> 00:05:11,409
She got you a present!
Ooh, ooh, tell me!
93
00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:18,453
It's a CD, Pavarotti
and the Backstreet Boys
Live at the Acropolis!
94
00:05:18,749 --> 00:05:21,889
Really? I've been looking for
one of those CDs for years!
95
00:05:21,892 --> 00:05:24,052
They're harder to find than
a good Yoko Ono song!
96
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,625
JESSIE: Bertram!
97
00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:27,827
Act surprised.
98
00:05:28,499 --> 00:05:31,699
I have a special thank
you gift for helping me
watch the kids the other day.
99
00:05:31,702 --> 00:05:32,862
I wonder what it is?
100
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,944
It's a rare,
limited edition
101
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:37,366
Cheeses of China tie!
102
00:05:38,509 --> 00:05:39,839
They only have three kinds.
103
00:05:40,911 --> 00:05:43,511
Wow! Thanks!
104
00:05:43,914 --> 00:05:45,984
What a total surprise.
105
00:05:51,922 --> 00:05:54,022
There, our set
is complete.
106
00:05:54,024 --> 00:05:56,894
But lose those paintings.
They are an eyesore.
107
00:05:56,887 --> 00:05:58,027
I painted them!
108
00:05:58,889 --> 00:06:03,929
I mean, I sor-t
of love them!
109
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:08,496
Especially the one
of the adorable monkey.
110
00:06:10,841 --> 00:06:12,101
That's a self-portrait.
111
00:06:14,144 --> 00:06:15,814
Okay.
112
00:06:17,708 --> 00:06:21,848
Ah, my intrepid news
team! So, what stories
do you have for me?
113
00:06:21,852 --> 00:06:24,762
Hand dryers in the
girls' bathroom
are dangerously hot!
114
00:06:24,755 --> 00:06:26,855
We want our hands
dried, not fried!
115
00:06:26,857 --> 00:06:29,957
I like it! Emma, what is
your hard-hitting story?
116
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,160
I think we should
ban goggles in chemistry.
117
00:06:32,162 --> 00:06:33,822
Even I can't make
those work.
118
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:37,765
Eh. I like Bryn's better.
You can do weather.
119
00:06:37,768 --> 00:06:39,128
But...
Hold your "but."
120
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:41,901
We are on in one minute!
121
00:06:43,974 --> 00:06:47,544
So, Ms. Devlin, any last
words of advice for us?
122
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:50,078
Yes, scooch down,
you're blocking
my paintings.
123
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,781
Oh, and mention they're
for sale on my website!
124
00:06:54,084 --> 00:06:56,694
Okay, Luke,
in three, two...
125
00:06:56,987 --> 00:07:00,787
Hey, this is
Diesel Touchdown, with your
Walden sports report!
126
00:07:00,791 --> 00:07:03,851
Last night the basketball
team lost again.
127
00:07:03,854 --> 00:07:06,004
The only dribbling
they were doing was
from their mouths!
128
00:07:05,996 --> 00:07:07,126
(LAUGHS)
129
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,657
(HORN BLARING)
130
00:07:10,601 --> 00:07:12,931
And now here's Bryn.
131
00:07:14,104 --> 00:07:17,574
You guys can't tell
this on television, but
she smells like happiness.
132
00:07:21,512 --> 00:07:22,612
Thanks, Diesel.
133
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,143
This is Bryn Breitbart here.
134
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:27,584
Reporting on the
hot hand dryer horror
in the girls' bathroom.
135
00:07:27,918 --> 00:07:30,648
This is the worst thing
to happen to the
ladies' restroom
136
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:33,151
since the great seat-cover
shortage of 2010.
137
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,894
And now, here's Emma Ross
with the weather.
138
00:07:38,088 --> 00:07:41,028
Well, it's room
temperature, because
139
00:07:41,031 --> 00:07:42,031
we're in a room.
140
00:07:42,032 --> 00:07:44,572
Cut! And we are out!
141
00:07:44,935 --> 00:07:48,135
What about my paintings?
Great show, everyone!
142
00:07:48,138 --> 00:07:51,238
Not for me! I don't want
to do the weather.
143
00:07:51,241 --> 00:07:52,941
It's not info,
or tainment!
144
00:07:53,804 --> 00:07:57,984
If you wish to get more
air time, bring me a real
news story, like Bryn's.
145
00:07:58,949 --> 00:08:01,009
I'm sure you'll come up
with something great, Emma.
146
00:08:01,011 --> 00:08:02,481
Help!
147
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:09,686
I assume that was
just good-natured
rough housing?
148
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,060
That's what I'm going with,
otherwise I have to do
a lot of paperwork.
149
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,898
Hey, Bertram.
Why aren't you wearing
the new tie I bought you?
150
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:24,272
Oh, because... I...
151
00:08:24,274 --> 00:08:27,284
Wait, why am I trying
to spare your feelings?
I hate it. It's hideous.
152
00:08:29,039 --> 00:08:32,209
Okay, here's a tip.
Don't start drowning if
I'm the only one around.
153
00:08:34,044 --> 00:08:35,054
I'm sorry, Jessie.
154
00:08:35,045 --> 00:08:36,985
It's just that Zuri said
you were getting me
155
00:08:36,987 --> 00:08:39,947
Pavarotti and the
Backstreet Boys
Live at the Acropolis!
156
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,220
Oh, I wanted to,
but I couldn't afford it.
157
00:08:42,793 --> 00:08:45,563
Oh, I didn't know you
could put a price
on my happiness...
158
00:08:46,657 --> 00:08:49,227
I can. It's anything
under $20.
159
00:08:51,161 --> 00:08:52,901
Wait a minute, how would
Zuri even know that?
160
00:08:52,903 --> 00:08:55,573
She read your diary.
(GASPS) She did!
161
00:08:55,906 --> 00:08:57,966
Well, thank goodness
I have no life!
162
00:08:59,970 --> 00:09:01,070
Of course you do!
163
00:09:01,071 --> 00:09:04,781
In fact, you should think
of turning that smoothie
adventure into a movie.
164
00:09:05,976 --> 00:09:07,916
It was awesome.
I got like a glass
and a half!
165
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:13,921
I still can't believe
Zuri would invade
my privacy like that!
166
00:09:14,284 --> 00:09:15,994
Hmm, welcome to my world.
167
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:19,087
At least she didn't go
through your Hope Chest.
168
00:09:19,089 --> 00:09:22,129
You still have hope?
Not much.
It's a very small chest.
169
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,774
Okay, we gotta teach
Zuri a lesson.
170
00:09:26,637 --> 00:09:28,897
I just wish I could
do what my dad did
when I was bad.
171
00:09:28,899 --> 00:09:29,869
Well, why can't you?
172
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:32,300
I don't think you're
allowed to dig latrines
in Central Park.
173
00:09:40,010 --> 00:09:41,350
Dear diary...
174
00:09:44,254 --> 00:09:47,694
It's getting harder
and harder to keep
my big secret.
175
00:09:51,361 --> 00:09:52,921
Boy, am I thirsty.
176
00:09:53,664 --> 00:09:55,874
I think I'll go make
myself some tea,
177
00:09:55,866 --> 00:09:59,896
which should take
at least five minutes
and all my attention.
178
00:10:03,674 --> 00:10:04,914
What secret?
179
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,139
(GASPING)
180
00:10:10,881 --> 00:10:12,911
No way!
181
00:10:15,085 --> 00:10:18,145
So all of those
lame entries were
just a cover!
182
00:10:18,148 --> 00:10:19,948
I knew no one
could be that boring!
183
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,652
I'll show her
who's boring.
184
00:10:23,654 --> 00:10:25,704
Ooh, it's 8:30,
my knitting show is on!
185
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:30,959
Okay, I'm here.
What do you need?
186
00:10:30,961 --> 00:10:33,131
For you to get
in that trash can!
Okay.
187
00:10:38,108 --> 00:10:39,838
By the way,
why am I in here?
188
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:44,111
Because someone texted me
that evidence of a big,
breaking news story
189
00:10:44,114 --> 00:10:45,884
would be left in
this garbage can.
190
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,176
Do you see
anything evidence-y?
191
00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:51,919
Nah. Just orange peels,
half a retainer,
192
00:10:51,922 --> 00:10:53,922
what I'm hoping is not vomit,
193
00:10:53,924 --> 00:10:56,164
and this envelope marked
"evidence."
194
00:10:56,787 --> 00:10:59,687
(GASPS) Give me
that! Nimrod.
195
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,973
O-M-G!
196
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:08,135
When I bring Ravi this story,
I'll never have to do
the weather again!
197
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,169
Glad I could help!
198
00:11:10,801 --> 00:11:11,901
(CRUNCHING)
199
00:11:12,102 --> 00:11:14,172
And I think
something just bit me.
200
00:11:14,905 --> 00:11:16,275
Oh, hey!
(MUFFLED SCREAM)
201
00:11:18,909 --> 00:11:22,049
Ravi, I've got a scoop!
I live for scoops!
202
00:11:22,713 --> 00:11:25,093
Ms. Devlin, can I do
a special report?
203
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:28,015
Who cares? Someone
wants to buy my art!
204
00:11:28,018 --> 00:11:30,188
And not just for the
picture frame this time!
205
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,733
Okay people,
we are going live!
206
00:11:34,725 --> 00:11:37,865
Emma, get to the desk.
Luke, stop staring at Bryn.
207
00:11:38,268 --> 00:11:40,398
I wasn't! Okay,
I totally was.
208
00:11:41,932 --> 00:11:44,402
Good luck with
your story, Emma.
I'm so proud of you.
209
00:11:44,905 --> 00:11:47,005
Thanks, Bryn.
That is so sweet...
210
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:50,937
Ladies, can the chit-chat!
You can braid each
other's hair later!
211
00:11:53,443 --> 00:11:56,123
Okay, people
in three, two...
212
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,249
This is Emma Ross with
"Crisis in the Cafeteria."
213
00:12:02,252 --> 00:12:05,932
I've uncovered shocking
proof that Walden's
hamburgers are actually
214
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:07,156
horseburgers!
215
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:12,428
This is a signed receipt
for 200 pounds of certified,
Grade (NEIGHS) horse meat
216
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:15,274
delivered here yesterday.
217
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,966
Remember that pony
you wanted for Christmas?
218
00:12:17,968 --> 00:12:20,138
Chances are, it's stuck
between your teeth.
219
00:12:21,872 --> 00:12:24,012
More on this breaking
story as it develops.
220
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,054
And we are out!
221
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:27,376
That was brilliant!
222
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:30,850
What?
223
00:12:31,221 --> 00:12:33,421
Don't tell me, you're
all vegetarians?
224
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,485
We are now.
225
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,942
Bertram, Jessie
is an alien!
226
00:12:44,935 --> 00:12:48,895
Now, Zuri, Texas
may be strange, but
it is part of this country.
227
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:53,470
She's not from Texas,
she's from the
planet Tsuris!
228
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:57,054
She's here to gather
information so
they can invade Earth!
229
00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,807
Really? Well, that would
explain who she's
texting all the time.
230
00:13:00,811 --> 00:13:02,511
We know she doesn't
have any friends.
231
00:13:03,854 --> 00:13:07,094
It also explains
those tennis rackets
she calls feet!
232
00:13:08,158 --> 00:13:09,158
(LIFT DOOR BEEPS)
233
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,268
(SLURPING)
234
00:13:26,336 --> 00:13:27,336
(BELCHES)
235
00:13:30,941 --> 00:13:34,181
Did you see that?
She drinks through
her finger!
236
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,915
I'd hate to see
where it comes out.
237
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,891
(APPLAUDING)
238
00:13:43,093 --> 00:13:45,503
Emma, look, they're
applauding for you!
239
00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:48,026
I haven't seen this
many smiling faces
240
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:49,958
since that health
class video mix-up.
241
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:50,960
(LAUGHS)
242
00:13:51,201 --> 00:13:53,831
Emma Ross! You are
in big trouble,
young lady!
243
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,973
You have ruined
the reputation of
What Up, Walden?
244
00:13:56,967 --> 00:14:00,837
What are you talking about?
It turns out your
big scoop was poop!
245
00:14:02,572 --> 00:14:05,922
The meat in the
cafeteria, while oddly
grey and repellent,
246
00:14:05,916 --> 00:14:08,516
is in fact cow, not horse!
247
00:14:08,518 --> 00:14:11,218
But I found
a receipt in the garbage!
What else do you want?
248
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:14,351
Uh, lab reports,
witnesses, you know,
249
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,634
anything that resembles
actual journalism.
250
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:20,958
Principal Rodriguez
is furious!
251
00:14:21,431 --> 00:14:22,931
He took away
my bus pass!
252
00:14:25,495 --> 00:14:28,995
Emma, I am afraid
I must fire you from
What Up, Walden?
253
00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:33,040
(GASPS) But you can't!
I'm a rising star in the
infotainment universe!
254
00:14:34,644 --> 00:14:37,054
If Emma is kicked
off the show, then
I'm quitting, too!
255
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:41,108
Thanks, Bryn, but
there's no reason for
both of us to be punished.
256
00:14:41,451 --> 00:14:42,481
Okie-doke.
257
00:14:48,318 --> 00:14:51,618
I just want to thank you,
Ms. Devlin, for not bringing
your wrath down on me
258
00:14:51,621 --> 00:14:53,391
for Emma's gross negligence.
259
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,033
By the way,
we are not that close.
260
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,296
Luke, I just wanted to
say how impressed
I am that you're here.
261
00:14:59,669 --> 00:15:02,329
It's no biggie, I just
remember to turn left
at the water fountain.
262
00:15:02,332 --> 00:15:03,402
(GIGGLING)
263
00:15:04,074 --> 00:15:05,284
Funny and cute!
264
00:15:05,976 --> 00:15:09,006
In fact, I think
you're awesome.
265
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,080
You do?
266
00:15:12,983 --> 00:15:15,193
Okay, people,
in three, two...
267
00:15:18,488 --> 00:15:20,118
(WHISPERING)
Luke! Talk!
268
00:15:23,994 --> 00:15:25,134
Thank you, Diesel.
269
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,525
Bryn Breitbart here with
your Walden news!
270
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,628
Luke, are you okay?
271
00:15:30,060 --> 00:15:31,930
Smells nice.
272
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:39,466
Ew! Ew!
273
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,640
Eww!
274
00:15:43,213 --> 00:15:46,153
I can't believe I have
to work as a janitor
for my punishment.
275
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:47,976
Murderers get cuter
jumpsuits!
276
00:15:51,381 --> 00:15:54,151
Huh, somebody
lost a phone.
277
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:55,164
(BEEPING)
278
00:15:55,986 --> 00:15:58,326
Hey, Emma, whoever
had this texted you.
279
00:15:58,528 --> 00:15:59,958
Let me see that.
280
00:16:01,491 --> 00:16:04,131
Hey, someone used
this phone to text me
281
00:16:04,134 --> 00:16:06,504
that bogus story tip
about the horse meat!
282
00:16:07,237 --> 00:16:09,097
This could lead me to
the person who destroyed
283
00:16:09,099 --> 00:16:11,269
my reputation as
a serious infotainer!
284
00:16:13,703 --> 00:16:16,213
You can keep on saying it,
it's still not a word!
285
00:16:21,751 --> 00:16:23,981
Hi, guys. What's up?
The jig!
286
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,464
Yes, Jessie.
We know the truth!
287
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:31,056
Okay. So my hair needs
a little help getting this
red. It's not a crime.
288
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:36,572
I'll tell you what's a crime,
being an alien spy
from outer space!
289
00:16:37,567 --> 00:16:41,127
Well, actually, I'm not
sure if that's a crime,
but it's still not good!
290
00:16:43,033 --> 00:16:44,533
Admit it, or else!
291
00:16:44,774 --> 00:16:49,314
Zuri, I am not an alien.
I put my pants on one
tentacle at a time...
292
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:50,509
(GASPS)
...just like everyone...
293
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:51,710
(GASPS)
294
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:54,142
Did I say that out
loud? Gleep glork!
295
00:16:55,585 --> 00:16:57,045
I knew it!
296
00:16:57,047 --> 00:17:00,487
So now you know.
What do you plan on
doing about it, Earth scum?
297
00:17:01,051 --> 00:17:02,791
Well, there's no need
for name calling.
298
00:17:04,394 --> 00:17:07,804
We are going to
stop you, you evil
alien-type space thing!
299
00:17:09,599 --> 00:17:13,359
Ha! Now you've been
caught in my freeze ray,
you nurling floog!
300
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,313
You pathetic humans
can't stop me.
301
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,366
Who you callin' human?
302
00:17:18,708 --> 00:17:21,408
News-flash!
I am also an alien,
303
00:17:21,411 --> 00:17:26,221
sent to Earth as a baby from
the planet Mmm-Hmm 1138.
304
00:17:28,118 --> 00:17:30,818
Okay. Nice try, Zuri. Now
let's stop playing games,
305
00:17:30,820 --> 00:17:34,050
and have a little chat about
respecting people's privacy.
306
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:38,163
We can chat on the mothership,
after I destroy this planet.
307
00:17:38,688 --> 00:17:40,728
Zuri, that toy does
not scare me.
308
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:46,104
Okay, it scares
me a little.
309
00:17:54,844 --> 00:17:58,154
Bertram, do something!
You don't have to pretend
to be frozen anymore.
310
00:17:58,148 --> 00:18:00,578
I'm not pretending,
I'm petrified!
311
00:18:02,112 --> 00:18:03,852
Have a seat, Jessie.
312
00:18:06,816 --> 00:18:09,786
Jumpin' J.J. Abrams!
What is going on?
313
00:18:14,424 --> 00:18:16,234
How is this happening?
314
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,296
I'm making it happen.
315
00:18:19,169 --> 00:18:21,299
I always knew there was
something weird about her!
316
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,101
No offense,
alien overlord.
317
00:18:24,874 --> 00:18:28,444
On my planet,
you'll be my slaves!
318
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,778
Oh, so not much
is gonna change?
319
00:18:32,342 --> 00:18:35,822
This is ridiculous!
There is no way
Zuri is an alien!
320
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:37,316
Oh, yeah?
321
00:18:40,190 --> 00:18:42,220
Don't probe me!
You were always
my favorite!
322
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:44,853
Suckers!
323
00:18:45,295 --> 00:18:46,655
She's got suckers?
324
00:18:46,656 --> 00:18:48,826
She's gonna suck
our faces off!
325
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,830
I meant you guys are
suckers! I'm not an alien.
326
00:18:57,467 --> 00:18:58,567
You're not?
327
00:18:58,768 --> 00:19:00,868
But then how do you
explain the zap,
328
00:19:00,870 --> 00:19:03,210
and the boom,
and the whoosh
and the...
329
00:19:04,874 --> 00:19:08,924
Well, after I saw
your lame finger-slurping
trick,
330
00:19:08,918 --> 00:19:11,278
I realized you and Bertram
were punking me.
331
00:19:11,681 --> 00:19:16,461
So I paid Dad's special
effects guy to rig this
place with invisible wires.
332
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:19,558
See?
333
00:19:23,393 --> 00:19:25,443
Okay, her allowance
is way too big.
334
00:19:26,436 --> 00:19:29,636
So you can manage
to set up this whole
elaborate scam,
335
00:19:29,639 --> 00:19:31,599
but you can't manage
to hang up your coat?
336
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:32,871
Weird, huh?
337
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,284
So much for teaching
you a lesson.
338
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:39,906
I know. I never
should've read your diary.
339
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:41,880
I'm really sorry, Jessie.
340
00:19:42,312 --> 00:19:45,322
I accept your apology,
but promise you'll
never do it again.
341
00:19:45,315 --> 00:19:46,855
I promise.
342
00:19:46,856 --> 00:19:49,856
And I promise no
more special effects.
343
00:19:50,260 --> 00:19:51,620
Oh, thank goodness.
344
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:53,792
(SCREAMING)
345
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:57,465
(CRASHING)
(BERTRAM SCREAMS)
346
00:19:57,467 --> 00:19:58,827
Starting now.
347
00:20:02,232 --> 00:20:03,972
I got your
text to meet.
348
00:20:04,574 --> 00:20:07,884
Aww, Emma,
you look so cute in your
garbage girl outfit.
349
00:20:08,878 --> 00:20:10,578
You're the one
who's garbage, girl!
350
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,810
Ooh, things
just got real!
351
00:20:13,243 --> 00:20:14,843
Emma, let me
hold your hoops!
Come on.
352
00:20:17,987 --> 00:20:20,387
Bryn, I know
you set me up.
353
00:20:20,650 --> 00:20:21,750
Why would you think that?
354
00:20:21,951 --> 00:20:24,791
Because this phone has your
make-up shade all over it.
355
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,734
Who else wears
Vampire White?
356
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,897
How dare you! It happens
to be Apparition Eggshell.
357
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,862
I can't believe I
actually thought you
had changed.
358
00:20:34,864 --> 00:20:38,414
Please! Like I would ever
share the spotlight with you.
359
00:20:38,808 --> 00:20:40,868
Face it, Emma,
I always get what I want.
360
00:20:41,571 --> 00:20:44,311
And what I want
is to have the show
all to myself.
361
00:20:44,814 --> 00:20:47,784
That's it! You are
officially off my
fantasy girlfriend list.
362
00:20:48,978 --> 00:20:50,918
That's right,
I have a list!
363
00:20:52,682 --> 00:20:54,352
You Rosses are finished.
364
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:58,934
All I have to do is get your
wimpy little brother fired,
and the show is all mine.
365
00:20:59,489 --> 00:21:01,529
RAVI: That will not
happen, you she-devil!
366
00:21:03,833 --> 00:21:07,573
You have been
caught like a sleepy
turtle in a coracle's net!
367
00:21:09,539 --> 00:21:13,839
That is a type of Indian
boat! Stop texting, and
start traveling, people!
368
00:21:15,405 --> 00:21:16,475
Ba-boosh!
369
00:21:16,806 --> 00:21:19,806
Too bad for you
our brother fits
comfortably inside a locker.
370
00:21:20,350 --> 00:21:23,310
My knees are in my arm-pits.
Do I look comfortable?
371
00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:27,994
So, here's what's going
to happen next, Bryn.
372
00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:30,957
Either you confess to
Ms. Devlin so I get back
on What Up, Walden?
373
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,420
or I play this video
to the whole school.
374
00:21:33,823 --> 00:21:35,063
You would
actually do that?
375
00:21:35,495 --> 00:21:38,395
Duh, that's why we
crammed our little
brother in a locker.
376
00:21:38,398 --> 00:21:39,898
We wouldn't do
that for no reason.
377
00:21:39,899 --> 00:21:41,369
But Luke gave no
reason last week...
378
00:21:41,371 --> 00:21:43,871
Ravi, we're busy blackmailing
Bryn right now. Focus.
379
00:21:45,905 --> 00:21:47,305
Fine, you win.
380
00:21:47,537 --> 00:21:48,907
I'll go tell Ms.
Devlin the truth.
381
00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:53,378
And speaking as the producer,
we will not miss you at
What Up, Walden?
382
00:21:53,983 --> 00:21:55,893
Fine. I'll just take
over the yearbook!
383
00:21:55,885 --> 00:21:59,445
And I don't care how many
clubs you join, none
of you are making it in.
384
00:21:59,449 --> 00:22:00,449
Peace!
385
00:22:00,690 --> 00:22:01,690
(SCREAMING)
386
00:22:02,852 --> 00:22:03,992
Are you
all right, Ravi?
387
00:22:04,454 --> 00:22:07,404
Not really. I am sitting
on an umbrella.
388
00:22:07,927 --> 00:22:09,997
Which just opened.
389
00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:17,614
So, I am now the
sole anchor of
What Up, Walden?
390
00:22:17,607 --> 00:22:19,507
and Bryn is
on garbage detail.
391
00:22:19,509 --> 00:22:21,009
I'm just glad
everything worked out
for you guys.
392
00:22:21,471 --> 00:22:24,411
Me too. Hey, would
you guys like
a snack?
393
00:22:24,714 --> 00:22:25,724
ALL: Sure!
394
00:22:32,722 --> 00:22:33,722
(ALL SCREAMING)
395
00:22:36,125 --> 00:22:37,555
This is fun.
30728
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