Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,639 --> 00:00:10,639
When are you guys
gonna be finished?
2
00:00:10,641 --> 00:00:13,341
We wanna use the table.
3
00:00:13,344 --> 00:00:18,324
Zuri, chess is a noble game
of strategy and patience.
4
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:22,089
We could be here for hours,
days, even weeks.
5
00:00:22,093 --> 00:00:23,693
Ugh! I'm out.
6
00:00:25,596 --> 00:00:28,656
Finally! You know,
you could have
won five minutes ago.
7
00:00:28,659 --> 00:00:30,529
And what makes you
say that?
8
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:33,031
If you would've moved
your horsey to that space,
9
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,213
he would've
had to move
his castle here,
10
00:00:35,206 --> 00:00:38,306
which would've left him open
for one royal butt-whoopin'.
11
00:00:38,309 --> 00:00:41,539
Dear Gods,
you are correct!
12
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:44,652
Whoa. Zuri,
how do you know
so much about chess?
13
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:46,045
I dunno.
14
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,116
I just picked it up while
I was waiting for you.
15
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:51,520
What?
Like it's hard?
16
00:00:51,522 --> 00:00:55,592
Well then, perhaps you might
care to test your luck
against a master.
17
00:00:57,188 --> 00:00:58,558
Or I could play you.
18
00:01:00,691 --> 00:01:04,201
What I do not get is
how you were able
to think so far ahead.
19
00:01:04,195 --> 00:01:07,535
It's easy. Like when
I want to stay up
past my bedtime.
20
00:01:07,538 --> 00:01:10,698
At breakfast,
I tell Jessie she's
the best nanny ever,
21
00:01:10,701 --> 00:01:13,741
then I give her
some lame gift
I made in art class,
22
00:01:13,744 --> 00:01:17,584
and bam! I'm up late
watching TV.
23
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:22,078
Hey, I thought you made me
that dream catcher
because you love me.
24
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,592
I do.
I also love
Charlie Rose.
25
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:28,187
What do you say
when you win?
26
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:29,719
Well, if you were to win,
27
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,690
(SCOFFS) which is unlikely,
28
00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:34,302
you would say,
"Checkmate."
29
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:36,395
That's lame.
I'm going with,
30
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,627
"You lose, sucka!"
31
00:01:41,732 --> 00:01:43,332
You gotta admit,
that is catchier.
32
00:01:44,675 --> 00:01:47,675
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
33
00:01:47,678 --> 00:01:51,178
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
34
00:01:51,182 --> 00:01:54,622
♪ It feels like a party
every day
35
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:58,515
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
36
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:02,189
♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way
37
00:02:02,193 --> 00:02:05,333
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
38
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:08,796
♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around
39
00:02:08,799 --> 00:02:12,829
♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground
40
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:16,543
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
41
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:19,667
♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down
42
00:02:19,670 --> 00:02:21,240
♪ Hey Jessie
43
00:02:23,414 --> 00:02:24,784
♪ Hey Jessie
44
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:30,617
♪ It feels like a party
every day
45
00:02:30,621 --> 00:02:34,561
♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪
46
00:02:38,789 --> 00:02:40,629
MAN ON TV:
Twenty-five years ago,
47
00:02:40,631 --> 00:02:42,891
this man stole
a priceless diamond
necklace from a yacht,
48
00:02:42,893 --> 00:02:45,703
then escaped using
scuba gear.
49
00:02:45,696 --> 00:02:47,866
Diamonds?
(GIGGLING)
50
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:50,438
Please! Everyone
knows you should
wear pearls
51
00:02:50,441 --> 00:02:52,901
when you're
on the water.
52
00:02:52,903 --> 00:02:55,483
And there's Emma's
useless tip of the day.
53
00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:00,878
MAN ON TV: Police believe
the Scuba Bandit
then went into hiding.
54
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,251
Here is a computer
rendering
55
00:03:02,253 --> 00:03:03,783
of what he would
look like today.
56
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:06,724
Hey. That picture
kind of reminds me of...
57
00:03:06,717 --> 00:03:09,317
Here is what
investigators believe
he would look like
58
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:10,760
if he spent the
last 25 years
59
00:03:10,761 --> 00:03:12,861
complaining all the time
and eating cheese.
60
00:03:14,365 --> 00:03:17,825
(GASPS) Bertram!
He's the Scuba Bandit!
61
00:03:17,828 --> 00:03:20,498
That picture
looks just like him.
62
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:23,731
So does a walrus.
That doesn't mean
he's a master criminal.
63
00:03:26,877 --> 00:03:30,837
Bertram,
totally random question.
64
00:03:30,841 --> 00:03:33,611
Where were you on the night
of August 12, 1987?
65
00:03:35,446 --> 00:03:37,386
Well, you kids
weren't born yet,
66
00:03:37,388 --> 00:03:39,848
so I was probably
someplace being happy.
67
00:03:41,552 --> 00:03:44,862
I was just curious
what you did before
you came to work for us.
68
00:03:44,855 --> 00:03:45,895
I'll tell you one thing.
69
00:03:45,896 --> 00:03:47,826
I had a lot less
acid reflux.
70
00:03:51,862 --> 00:03:53,802
Luke,
did you hear that?
71
00:03:53,804 --> 00:03:55,544
He was ducking
my questions!
72
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,636
That proves Bertram
is the Scuba Bandit!
73
00:03:57,968 --> 00:03:59,768
Why?
74
00:03:59,770 --> 00:04:01,670
Just because
he can't remember
what he was doing
75
00:04:01,672 --> 00:04:03,712
on some random day
25 years ago?
76
00:04:03,714 --> 00:04:05,884
You're being stupid.
77
00:04:05,876 --> 00:04:09,246
Said the boy
who thought eggplants
came from planting eggs.
78
00:04:15,526 --> 00:04:18,726
Man, what is up
with the nerd herd
in the park today?
79
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,930
Hmm.
80
00:04:21,932 --> 00:04:23,962
They are signing up
for the Central Park
Chess Tournament.
81
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:27,274
The prize is two
first-class tickets
to Paris.
82
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,397
Paris? That's the most
romantic city in the world!
83
00:04:30,401 --> 00:04:31,941
It's always been
my dream to go there.
84
00:04:31,942 --> 00:04:33,772
(SHUSHING)
85
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,984
(FRENCH ACCENT)
I am trying to concentrate.
86
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:39,646
Now, make like a mime
and shut your pie hole!
87
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:45,691
Well, on behalf
of me and mimes
everywhere...
88
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:49,616
You know what, Jessie?
I'm going to win
that trip for you.
89
00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:50,920
You deserve a vacation.
90
00:04:50,921 --> 00:04:53,791
And I deserve
a nice break from school.
91
00:04:54,765 --> 00:04:56,825
That is Clement Brulee.
92
00:04:56,827 --> 00:04:58,827
He is the best player
in Central Park.
93
00:04:58,829 --> 00:05:02,299
Zuri does not
stand a chance
against him.
94
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,542
I think the girl
with the loud hair
95
00:05:04,535 --> 00:05:08,905
would do well to listen
to the boy in the loud shirt.
(SCOFFS CONDESCENDINGLY)
96
00:05:10,881 --> 00:05:12,011
Oh, yeah?
97
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,742
Well, my Zuri's
going to enter,
98
00:05:13,744 --> 00:05:15,694
and she's going to beat
the baguette out of you!
99
00:05:15,686 --> 00:05:17,516
You bet your beret I am!
100
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,048
Mmm. That's right.
101
00:05:19,049 --> 00:05:21,889
She's going to practice
every single second until
that competition.
102
00:05:21,892 --> 00:05:23,392
I am?
103
00:05:23,394 --> 00:05:25,404
But tonight Charlie Rose
is interviewing
104
00:05:25,396 --> 00:05:28,056
the head
of the International
Monetary Fund!
105
00:05:28,058 --> 00:05:29,628
TV rots your brain.
106
00:05:33,404 --> 00:05:34,814
Emma, this is crazy.
107
00:05:34,805 --> 00:05:36,865
If Bertram's
the Scuba Bandit,
108
00:05:36,867 --> 00:05:38,967
I'll kiss Mrs. Kipling.
109
00:05:42,112 --> 00:05:44,882
(SOFTLY) Better pucker up
and get some breath spray.
110
00:05:45,816 --> 00:05:47,376
Bertram!
Oh!
111
00:05:47,378 --> 00:05:49,078
What are you doing?
112
00:05:49,079 --> 00:05:51,519
This is how
I always clean Luke's room.
113
00:05:51,522 --> 00:05:53,022
The air is dangerous.
114
00:05:53,023 --> 00:05:56,133
Last time I went
in there unprotected,
I woke up three days later,
115
00:05:56,126 --> 00:05:58,556
and I could hear colors.
116
00:05:58,559 --> 00:05:59,959
Wait, that's
not normal?
117
00:06:01,892 --> 00:06:02,992
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
118
00:06:05,896 --> 00:06:09,366
I can't believe it,
but you might be right!
119
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,369
I also can't believe
my first kiss is gonna be
with a reptile.
120
00:06:13,844 --> 00:06:14,954
I can.
121
00:06:21,752 --> 00:06:25,622
Guys, Bertram
is way too lazy
to be a jewel thief!
122
00:06:25,616 --> 00:06:26,886
He does so little work
around here,
123
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:30,087
the only thing
he's guilty of stealing
is a paycheck.
124
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:33,890
Oh, yeah? What do you
think about this?
125
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,774
Well, it doesn't really
go with what you're
wearing, but...
126
00:06:35,766 --> 00:06:37,996
No!
127
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,628
I found it
in Bertram's room,
128
00:06:39,630 --> 00:06:40,930
behind his collection
of onions
129
00:06:40,931 --> 00:06:42,701
that look like
The Three Tenors.
I don't...
130
00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:47,705
Jessie, you have
to call the fuzz right now
131
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:50,608
and tell 'em
we just blew
the lid clean off this caper!
132
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:53,741
Hold it, Mugsy.
Just because Bertram
had that necklace in his room
133
00:06:53,744 --> 00:06:55,724
doesn't mean
he's a criminal.
134
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:56,886
The man could
just like his bling.
135
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,948
Well, here's more proof.
136
00:06:59,950 --> 00:07:02,020
Look what I found online.
137
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,862
"When the Scuba Bandit
dove off the yacht
with the jewels,
138
00:07:04,855 --> 00:07:06,995
"a passenger spotted
a heart-shaped birthmark
139
00:07:06,997 --> 00:07:08,957
"on the bottom
of his right foot."
140
00:07:08,959 --> 00:07:10,799
Okay, so?
141
00:07:10,801 --> 00:07:13,801
So, all we have to do
is trick Bertram
into removing his shoes
142
00:07:13,804 --> 00:07:16,044
and see if he has
the same birthmark.
143
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,166
Are you with us?
144
00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:18,967
(SCOFFS) Not a chance.
145
00:07:18,969 --> 00:07:20,939
A world where
I look at Bertram's feet
on purpose
146
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,811
is a world
I don't want to live in.
147
00:07:26,977 --> 00:07:29,547
Ravi, I have
some exciting
chess news!
148
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:33,780
Ha! There's one sentence
that's never been
spoken before.
149
00:07:33,784 --> 00:07:35,764
I spoke to
the Central Park
Chess Committee
150
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,726
and got you a job
as the emcee
of the tournament!
151
00:07:37,728 --> 00:07:40,788
(SQUEALS) Really?
That is amazing, Jessie!
Thank you!
152
00:07:40,791 --> 00:07:42,131
(LAUGHS)
153
00:07:42,132 --> 00:07:43,962
And they'll be
broadcasting
over the Internet
154
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:46,004
to literally dozens
of people!
155
00:07:45,996 --> 00:07:47,896
(GASPS)
156
00:07:47,898 --> 00:07:50,998
How did you convince them
that I was the right man
for the job?
157
00:07:51,001 --> 00:07:54,881
Oh, it was easy.
Apparently, you really appeal
to their target demographic.
158
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,105
Smart and sophisticated?
159
00:07:57,107 --> 00:07:58,977
Young and nerdy.
160
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,149
Right now the average age
of most of their fans is...
161
00:08:01,151 --> 00:08:02,711
Well, dead.
162
00:08:07,958 --> 00:08:11,188
Now's our chance
to find out for sure if
Bertram is the Scuba Bandit.
163
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,091
We just have
to be subtle.
164
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,803
Got it.
165
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:15,965
(ROARING) Charge!
166
00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:17,667
(EXCLAIMING)
167
00:08:20,030 --> 00:08:22,100
Unhand my foot!
168
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:25,612
Luke! If I've told you once,
I've told you
a thousand times.
169
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:27,206
Tackle the Butler
is an outdoor game!
170
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,708
Aha!
171
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:32,010
Jessie, look!
Can you believe it?
172
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,012
Believe what?
Bertram has so much
hair on his foot
173
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,124
he could be
a hobbit?
174
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,946
No! It's the heart-shaped
birthmark!
175
00:08:38,949 --> 00:08:40,949
Bertram is
the Scuba Bandit!
176
00:08:40,951 --> 00:08:43,251
What? No, I'm not!
177
00:08:43,253 --> 00:08:46,603
Then how do you explain
that mysterious birthmark
on your foot?
178
00:08:46,597 --> 00:08:48,697
That's not a birthmark.
179
00:08:48,699 --> 00:08:51,729
It's a scar from
stepping on a glass
that Luke broke
180
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:54,062
and never cleaned up!
181
00:08:54,064 --> 00:08:57,774
Huh. That does
sounds like me.
182
00:08:57,768 --> 00:09:00,138
Then what about
this priceless necklace
Luke found in your room?
183
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:03,040
That's a birthday present
for my mother!
184
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:07,053
And it's not priceless.
It's a knock-off I bought
from a guy on Canal Street,
185
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:09,017
Larry Winston.
186
00:09:09,019 --> 00:09:10,949
Ugh! I bought a bracelet
from him once,
187
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:12,051
it turned
my whole arm green.
188
00:09:13,924 --> 00:09:18,734
You kids need
to stay out of my room,
and out of my business!
189
00:09:18,729 --> 00:09:20,789
Can't you control
these hooligans?
190
00:09:20,791 --> 00:09:23,631
You are the world's
worst nanny!
191
00:09:23,634 --> 00:09:26,604
Okay, just because
it says that on the coffee mug
you got me for Christmas
192
00:09:26,597 --> 00:09:28,097
doesn't make it true!
193
00:09:30,701 --> 00:09:32,071
What's all this?
194
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:35,352
A special tea party
for Chubbs.
195
00:09:35,345 --> 00:09:37,745
I don't play with him
for 24 hours,
196
00:09:37,748 --> 00:09:41,278
and suddenly he thinks
I'm not invested
in our relationship.
197
00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,213
But the chess tournament
is tomorrow.
198
00:09:44,214 --> 00:09:45,994
You should be practicing.
199
00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:48,956
Jessie, I want to win
that trip to Paris for you,
200
00:09:48,959 --> 00:09:53,689
but I don't want
to spend all day playing
checkers' snobby cousin.
201
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:55,204
But think about
all the fun we'll have!
202
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:57,765
We'll see the Eiffel Tower,
and the Louvre,
203
00:09:57,768 --> 00:09:59,068
and the Eiffel Tower...
204
00:09:59,069 --> 00:10:00,069
You already said that.
205
00:10:00,070 --> 00:10:02,770
I don't know much
about Paris.
206
00:10:02,773 --> 00:10:04,843
But that's why I want to go!
So come practice!
207
00:10:05,335 --> 00:10:07,205
Sorry, Chubbs!
208
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:10,077
Now he's going
to withhold cuddling
until I apologize!
209
00:10:14,344 --> 00:10:16,224
EMMA: Why is it
so dark in here?
210
00:10:18,849 --> 00:10:20,619
(SCREAMING)
211
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:24,350
Bertram?
Don't you mean
the Scuba Bandit?
212
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,025
It was you!
213
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:28,057
I told you!
214
00:10:29,660 --> 00:10:32,260
I always knew you kids'd
find me out eventually.
215
00:10:32,262 --> 00:10:34,262
I just thought it would be
one of the smart ones.
216
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,166
Hey!
217
00:10:38,168 --> 00:10:39,638
Actually,
that's fair.
218
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:44,142
I started
my life of crime
when I was three.
219
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,884
Stole another kid's
pacifier,
220
00:10:45,876 --> 00:10:50,216
and became known
as the Binky Burglar.
221
00:10:50,220 --> 00:10:55,190
Now, if you kids
don't want to get arrested
for harboring a fugitive,
222
00:10:55,185 --> 00:10:58,055
you're going to help me
rob the jewelry store
across the street.
223
00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:00,058
Why do you need us?
224
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:02,190
Because my days of
crawling through tiny vents
225
00:11:02,192 --> 00:11:05,172
are 25 years
and 2,500 baby back ribs ago.
226
00:11:07,197 --> 00:11:09,797
But we've
never stolen anything
in our lives!
227
00:11:11,101 --> 00:11:13,301
I've never stolen
anything in my life!
228
00:11:16,106 --> 00:11:17,706
Don't worry,
229
00:11:17,708 --> 00:11:21,378
I'm gonna give you kids
a crash course in thievery.
230
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:25,361
Now, meet me tomorrow
in the living room,
231
00:11:26,216 --> 00:11:28,016
or else.
232
00:11:28,018 --> 00:11:32,118
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
233
00:11:32,122 --> 00:11:34,162
(CRASHING)
(SCREAMING)
234
00:11:34,164 --> 00:11:36,704
BERTRAM: And keep
your stuff off the stairs!
235
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:39,198
(MOANING)
236
00:11:43,974 --> 00:11:46,444
You, pawn!
237
00:11:46,436 --> 00:11:49,706
(SCOLDING) Why
aren't you practicing?
238
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,779
You must defeat
the evil king
239
00:11:51,782 --> 00:11:54,312
so your queen
can get to Paris.
240
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,154
I want to meet some
cute French guys!
241
00:11:57,447 --> 00:11:58,947
Ooh, la, la!
242
00:11:59,790 --> 00:12:01,050
Don't tell the bishop.
243
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:03,792
I'm sorry,
Your Highness,
244
00:12:03,794 --> 00:12:06,004
I was just playing
with Chubby the Bear.
245
00:12:05,996 --> 00:12:09,196
No! So long, Chubby!
Time to hibernate!
246
00:12:09,199 --> 00:12:11,199
No!
247
00:12:11,201 --> 00:12:13,331
I don't wanna
play chess anymore!
248
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,943
Stop her!
249
00:12:15,305 --> 00:12:16,735
Halt!
250
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:17,966
(MIMICS NEIGHING)
251
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:23,239
Get thee to your board
or it is off with your head!
252
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,483
No! Stop it! Please!
253
00:12:27,217 --> 00:12:28,517
I command you,
254
00:12:28,518 --> 00:12:30,978
show me your moves!
255
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:35,232
Not you two! Her!
256
00:12:38,288 --> 00:12:40,488
Is that the best
you can do?
257
00:12:40,490 --> 00:12:43,060
(SCREAMING)
258
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:46,204
Zuri, what is the matter?
259
00:12:46,196 --> 00:12:49,166
I just had a terrible
chess nightmare.
260
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:50,999
Jessie was dressed
as the queen
261
00:12:51,001 --> 00:12:53,141
and she was putting
all this pressure on me
262
00:12:53,143 --> 00:12:55,113
to win her
that trip to Paris.
263
00:12:55,105 --> 00:12:56,775
What do you think
that means?
264
00:12:58,548 --> 00:13:03,378
Well, a dream like that
can be interpreted
many different ways.
265
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,223
Really?
No!
266
00:13:07,257 --> 00:13:10,387
It is clear that Jessie
is freaking you out.
267
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:13,420
Perhaps
you should withdraw
from the tournament.
268
00:13:13,423 --> 00:13:15,873
But that trip
means so much to her.
269
00:13:15,866 --> 00:13:18,496
I can't let her down.
That's Luke's job.
270
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,201
Then all you can do
is try your best,
271
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,283
and let the pawns
fall where they may.
272
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:28,176
Yeah, I guess you're right.
273
00:13:28,178 --> 00:13:29,578
Thanks, Ravi.
274
00:13:29,579 --> 00:13:31,279
Night!
Night, Zuri.
275
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:35,323
(RAVI SCREAMING)
276
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,145
What's wrong?
277
00:13:37,147 --> 00:13:39,317
Every once in a while,
it slips my mind
278
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:42,389
that I have a giant,
man-eating lizard in my room.
279
00:13:48,298 --> 00:13:50,828
This is burglary
boot camp.
280
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:54,500
Your mission is to steal
that necklace on the terrace
in under one minute.
281
00:13:54,504 --> 00:13:56,544
Ready, set, go!
(TIMER BEEPS)
282
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:58,566
Take out the guard!
Ha-ya!
283
00:13:58,568 --> 00:13:59,968
(GROANS)
284
00:13:59,970 --> 00:14:01,510
Hey, watch it!
285
00:14:03,013 --> 00:14:05,623
Oh, no! Guard dogs!
Guard dogs!
Guard dogs!
286
00:14:06,977 --> 00:14:08,377
Quick, quick,
through the vents!
287
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,379
Okay, hurry,
through the laser grid!
288
00:14:11,381 --> 00:14:12,481
Go! Go!
289
00:14:15,485 --> 00:14:18,625
(ALARM BLARING)
290
00:14:18,628 --> 00:14:21,528
Time's up!
That was pathetic.
291
00:14:21,531 --> 00:14:24,291
You're not good
at school or crime?
292
00:14:24,294 --> 00:14:25,944
It's a good thing
you're rich.
293
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:34,370
Check it out!
I got us matching berets
for our trip to Paris!
294
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:38,984
After the tournament,
everyone will be wishing us,
"Bon fromage!"
295
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:42,079
Why would they wish us,
"Good cheese"?
296
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:45,962
Whatever. I'll have plenty
of time to practice my French
on the way over there.
297
00:14:45,956 --> 00:14:48,356
What makes you
so sure about that?
298
00:14:48,358 --> 00:14:51,388
Well, it's a long flight
and I have this great
new translating app.
299
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:54,021
No, I meant about
the little one winning.
300
00:14:54,024 --> 00:14:57,134
You have a better chance of
making a "best dressed" list
301
00:14:57,127 --> 00:14:58,327
than she does
of beating me.
302
00:15:01,171 --> 00:15:05,181
Welcome to the Central Park
Chess Tournament!
303
00:15:05,175 --> 00:15:08,135
I am your handsome host,
Ravi K. Ross.
304
00:15:08,138 --> 00:15:13,378
I will be your guide through
this white-knuckled world
of sitting and thinking!
305
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:21,087
Ooh! Pawned him
like a gold watch!
306
00:15:23,453 --> 00:15:25,533
Zuri! Zuri! Zuri!
307
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:30,197
And you are done, son!
308
00:15:33,003 --> 00:15:38,943
Checkmate!
309
00:15:39,609 --> 00:15:41,109
Checkmate.
310
00:15:42,112 --> 00:15:44,472
Checkmate!
Ba-boosh!
311
00:15:44,474 --> 00:15:47,154
We have our finalists!
312
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:50,977
It is cantankerous
oldster Clem Brulee,
313
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:56,592
versus surprising
newcomer Zuri Ross!
314
00:15:58,388 --> 00:16:00,658
Whoo, Zuri! Yeah!
315
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,630
Wave time, people!
316
00:16:04,394 --> 00:16:05,604
(SIGHS) You guys
are no fun.
317
00:16:09,299 --> 00:16:10,299
(SNORTS)
(GASPS)
318
00:16:14,604 --> 00:16:15,684
Ah!
(BOTH SCREAM)
319
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,607
You guys know the hardest
thing about skydiving?
320
00:16:19,609 --> 00:16:21,049
(NERVOUSLY) What?
321
00:16:21,051 --> 00:16:22,211
The ground.
322
00:16:23,153 --> 00:16:25,593
(SNIGGERING)
323
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:27,685
We're really
gonna jump off
the building?
324
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:30,157
The jewelry store is
right across the street.
325
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,120
Why can't we just walk?
326
00:16:32,122 --> 00:16:34,322
The only access point
is on the roof.
327
00:16:34,324 --> 00:16:38,074
Plus, you don't get
a cool nickname
by taking the stairs.
328
00:16:38,068 --> 00:16:42,328
It's time to become
The Flying Scoundrels!
329
00:16:42,332 --> 00:16:43,502
Ready?
330
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,483
One, two,
331
00:16:46,476 --> 00:16:48,136
three!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
332
00:16:48,138 --> 00:16:49,508
We don't want
to become criminals!
333
00:16:51,081 --> 00:16:53,681
And not just because
I have a parachute wedgie!
334
00:16:53,683 --> 00:16:55,753
(CHUCKLING) Gotcha!
335
00:16:55,745 --> 00:16:58,545
Guys, I'm not
the Scuba Bandit.
336
00:16:59,349 --> 00:17:00,449
You're not?
337
00:17:00,450 --> 00:17:03,350
No! In the summer of 1987,
338
00:17:03,353 --> 00:17:05,563
I was a counselor
at Camp Chub-Away.
339
00:17:07,157 --> 00:17:09,697
Why didn't you just
say so in the first place?
340
00:17:09,699 --> 00:17:12,529
One, would you admit
to that?
341
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:15,642
And two,
I was tired of you kids
invading my privacy
342
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:18,605
and accusing me
of being a criminal.
343
00:17:18,608 --> 00:17:21,738
So, I pretended
to be the Scuba Bandit
to scare you.
344
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,041
(GIGGLING)
345
00:17:23,773 --> 00:17:25,823
Well, it totally worked.
346
00:17:25,815 --> 00:17:27,615
Yeah.
347
00:17:27,617 --> 00:17:30,117
Only one problem.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
348
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:33,620
We were so scared,
we kind of called the cops.
349
00:17:33,623 --> 00:17:34,723
(RADIO CHATTER APPROACHING)
What?
350
00:17:35,725 --> 00:17:37,785
Hey! Stop! Wait!
I'm innocent!
351
00:17:41,231 --> 00:17:43,361
LUKE: Sorry, Bertram!
352
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:46,203
Don't worry,
we'll be waiting for you
when you get out!
353
00:17:46,196 --> 00:17:48,396
How is that supposed
to make me feel better?
354
00:17:48,398 --> 00:17:50,498
(SOBBING)
355
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,805
I must admit,
I did not expect
356
00:17:57,807 --> 00:18:00,377
someone so young
and inexperienced
357
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:03,510
to be so talented.
358
00:18:03,513 --> 00:18:06,593
Thanks.
And I didn't expect
someone so old
359
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:10,186
to go this long without
going to the bathroom.
360
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,520
Who says I have not, eh?
361
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:13,522
Ew!
362
00:18:16,466 --> 00:18:20,396
Hey,
I brought you some fruit
to keep your energy up.
363
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,170
Send his king
to the guillotine.
364
00:18:23,673 --> 00:18:26,343
You play well, little girl,
but your lack of training
365
00:18:26,336 --> 00:18:29,406
(IN SING-SONG VOICE)
is starting to show. Ah!
366
00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:31,539
Hey, you like apples?
367
00:18:31,541 --> 00:18:33,641
Oh, merci.
I love apples.
368
00:18:34,584 --> 00:18:37,824
Good. Because
I took your queen.
369
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:39,717
How do you like
them apples?
370
00:18:42,852 --> 00:18:45,302
"Boom!" goes
the knightamite!
371
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,496
Zuri has set him up.
He is finished.
372
00:18:49,499 --> 00:18:50,829
In no more
than six moves,
373
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:52,760
she will have him
in checkmate.
374
00:18:52,762 --> 00:18:54,402
(GASPS)
That's incredible!
375
00:18:54,404 --> 00:18:55,744
Or, as they
say in Paris,
(BEEPS)
376
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:58,705
(SPEAKING NONSENSICAL FRENCH)
377
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:01,739
Jessie, nobody in Paris
378
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,711
says "the chickens
are shining their shoes."
379
00:19:06,176 --> 00:19:07,346
Stupid free app.
380
00:19:09,419 --> 00:19:11,479
You know, I was
just about your age
381
00:19:11,481 --> 00:19:14,681
when I start
to play this sport.
382
00:19:14,684 --> 00:19:17,594
See? I told you,
it is a sport!
383
00:19:17,587 --> 00:19:20,657
But my family,
they put too much
pressure on me,
384
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,660
so I quit and ran away.
385
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:28,343
Ever since, my soul
has been heavier
than my mother's souffle.
386
00:19:28,338 --> 00:19:29,668
She is not
a very good cook.
387
00:19:32,602 --> 00:19:34,642
That's a sad story.
388
00:19:34,644 --> 00:19:36,654
You should really go see
your family.
389
00:19:37,647 --> 00:19:40,207
That is why I play
this tournament.
390
00:19:40,210 --> 00:19:41,710
If I win this trip,
391
00:19:41,711 --> 00:19:44,211
I can go
and make my peace
with them. Mmm?
392
00:19:45,815 --> 00:19:47,285
This is it.
393
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:48,617
She has
his king trapped.
394
00:19:48,618 --> 00:19:51,558
All she has to do
is move her queen.
395
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:56,703
RAVI: (SHOUTING) Do you
believe in miracles?
396
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:57,696
Huh?
397
00:19:59,529 --> 00:20:00,569
Checkmate!
398
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:05,512
Do you believe
in completely
predictable outcomes?
399
00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:08,375
Clem Brulee, the expert,
has won!
400
00:20:08,978 --> 00:20:10,408
(APPLAUSE)
401
00:20:12,582 --> 00:20:13,682
Adios, Paris.
402
00:20:15,945 --> 00:20:18,415
I'm sorry, Jessie.
403
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:20,618
It's okay, I know
you did your best.
404
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,720
Actually, uh,
she let me win.
405
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:25,802
What? You didn't
do your best?
406
00:20:25,795 --> 00:20:29,695
She threw the match
so that a poor, old man
could go and see his family.
407
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,530
You have done
good job with this one.
408
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:34,733
Merci, Zuri.
409
00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:38,967
Au revoir.
410
00:20:38,968 --> 00:20:40,538
Bye, Clem.
411
00:20:42,572 --> 00:20:44,742
I'm sorry
I let you down, Jessie.
412
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:45,824
(CHUCKLING)
Let me down?
413
00:20:45,815 --> 00:20:47,845
You just did
a very amazing thing,
414
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:49,717
and I am incredibly
proud of you.
415
00:20:50,780 --> 00:20:52,650
I just wish
I could be proud of you
416
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:55,662
while stuffing
my face with croissants
on the Chomps-Elissies.
417
00:20:57,987 --> 00:21:01,627
Don't worry, I will get
to Paris eventually.
(GIGGLES TREMULOUSLY)
418
00:21:01,631 --> 00:21:04,331
You get travel discounts
when you're over 65, right?
419
00:21:05,595 --> 00:21:06,795
(SOBBING)
420
00:21:07,997 --> 00:21:09,667
(BEEPS)
421
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:12,999
Hey, Dad! Listen,
Jessie's never been to Paris.
422
00:21:13,002 --> 00:21:15,712
Can we take the jet
this weekend?
423
00:21:15,705 --> 00:21:17,845
Awesome! Thanks, Dad!
(GASPING)
424
00:21:19,549 --> 00:21:21,879
Now for the love of Pete,
425
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:23,751
can we have
a tea party, already?
426
00:21:25,755 --> 00:21:27,455
Oui, oui.
427
00:21:27,457 --> 00:21:28,457
(SQUEALING IN DELIGHT)
428
00:21:29,689 --> 00:21:30,789
Oh, Ravi,
429
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,790
who are your new friends?
430
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:35,602
Chess babes!
431
00:21:35,595 --> 00:21:36,795
(IN SING-SONG VOICE)
Score!
432
00:21:41,070 --> 00:21:42,730
Checkmate, Ravi.
433
00:21:46,576 --> 00:21:50,776
Thanks for bailing me out
and clearing things up
with the police, Jessie.
434
00:21:50,780 --> 00:21:52,810
And thank you
even more for this.
435
00:21:55,785 --> 00:21:59,585
Now, remember,
whatever Bertram wants,
he gets.
436
00:21:59,589 --> 00:22:01,749
May I suggest
you have them massage
437
00:22:01,751 --> 00:22:03,651
that "mysterious birthmark"
on your foot?
438
00:22:03,653 --> 00:22:06,003
Oh, yes.
(SIGHS IN ANTICIPATION)
439
00:22:05,995 --> 00:22:07,595
That's cruel
and unusual punishment!
440
00:22:08,758 --> 00:22:10,628
Speaking of unusual,
441
00:22:10,630 --> 00:22:14,360
I have this giant bunion
shaped like Barbra Streisand.
442
00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:18,565
You'll wanna pay her
extra attention.
443
00:22:18,568 --> 00:22:20,638
(CHUCKLING)
BOTH: Ew!
444
00:22:22,612 --> 00:22:25,112
Anyway, I hope you two
have learned your lesson.
445
00:22:25,114 --> 00:22:26,854
Oh, totes.
446
00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:30,916
We're never going
to let our imaginations
get the best of us again.
447
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,380
MAN ON TV: Next on
Unresolved Felonies,
448
00:22:33,383 --> 00:22:36,393
police continue their hunt
for the elusive
"Sweetheart Bandit."
449
00:22:36,386 --> 00:22:37,586
Here is the last known
photo of her.
450
00:22:39,829 --> 00:22:41,589
BOTH: Jessie!
(DISHWARE CLINKING)
451
00:22:41,591 --> 00:22:43,991
(SPUTTERING)
452
00:22:43,993 --> 00:22:46,103
You call the cops, I'll get
some duct tape and a rope!
453
00:22:46,896 --> 00:22:48,496
No, stop!
454
00:22:49,499 --> 00:22:51,899
(WHINING) You didn't
bring me napkins!
33760
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof