All language subtitles for Jessie.S02E10e11_2en

Jessie, I can't use
the new play area.

They're making
a movie over there.

So use the
play structure
behind us.

Been there,
climbed that.

Well, I brought a book
you could read.

No!

Too easy.

I hear it's a big
budget action movie,

Tomb Robbers:
Mayan Mayhem.

Why didn't you audition?

Because I'd prefer to
make my feature debut

in an independent,
character driven film,

where I can really
explore my craft.

So, you auditioned and
didn't get it?

Bingo.

Well, I'm going to go
check it out.

Those extras
are extra-cute.

(CHUCKLES)
Stay close.

Jessie! Help!

Hang on,
I'll save you!

Don't worry!
I'll get you down!

Oh, I can get down.
I just dropped
my sandwich.

But I clothes-lined
a grandma to get up here!

Whoa!

(GRUNTS)

Jessie!
Can you toss up
my sandwich?

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ It feels like a party
every day

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around

♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground

♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town

♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down

♪ Hey Jessie

♪ Hey Jessie

♪ It feels like a party
every day

♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪

(GROANING)

Jessie,
are you okay?

Well, I just plummeted
fifteen feet,

but luckily,
Zuri's sandwich
broke my fall.

Good thing I went
with extra cheese.

Let me help
you up, mate.

Whoa, you're really
strong for a girl.

Actually, you're really
strong for a superhero.

Well, when you're raised
in the outback
with eight brothers,

you learn
to hold your own.
Oh.

And stand upwind.

Hey, now that my eyes
are focusing again,

you look
really familiar.
Aren't you...

Australian accent!
Adorable dimples!

(GASPS) You're
Shaylee Michaels!

You are my most totes
fave actress ever!

Me too! I love your
Tomb Robber movies!

Not as much as
I love my fans!

But I gotta warn you,
I'm a hugger!

I'm a huggee!

(STRAINING) This is great!
I hope I remember it
when I come to.

Sorry, little sprog.
Don't know my own strength.

You don't sound
like you do
in your movies.

Oh, that's because when
I play Professor Pepper,

I use an American accent.

I'll take curly fries
with that, please.

That was brilliant.

I remember how hard
it was to master my
perfect American accent.

What?

ALL: Nothing.

You know, Shaylee,
we have a lot
in common.

My best friend, Kenny,
is from Australia.

Really? What part?

Well, technically,
he was made in China.

He's a stuffed animal,
but he'll still be
the best man at our wedding.

Luke, heel!

Sorry, you'll have
to excuse him.
Raging boy-mones.

Jessie, tell Shaylee
you want to be
in her movie.

Emma, I can't ask
a total stranger for
a part in their movie.

By the way,
my name is Jessie.

Now that we're buds,
can I have a part
in your movie?

Sorry, we're all cast.

Although I do need
a new stunt woman.

Did the last one quit?

Well, that's what she
muttered as they loaded
her into the ambulance.

Well, most of her.

You know,
I have tons of
stunt experience.

No, you...
(MUTTERING)

I thought you might.

Your fall from
that play structure
was very impressive.

And look how fast
your wounds scabbed over.

I do have a gift
for clotting.

Everyone in my family
is very clotty.

Then you've got the job.
I'll send someone over
to get your info.

See you on set.

Right. Got it.
On set.

Ah! I'm going
to be on set!

Jessie, are you crazy?
You're not a stunt woman!

I wasn't a nanny either,
but that didn't stop me!

JESSIE: I love going
to the zoo.

Jessie, it is
wonderful Shaylee
got you in the movie,

but while you are
living out your dream
by falling off tall objects,

who will be
looking after us?

Oh, Bertram.
He didn't want
to do it,

but I know
about this nerve
on the neck.

It's amazing what people
will agree to if you
squeeze it just right.

Zuri, why so sad?

Didn't you have fun
seeing Zeebee at the zoo?

No! Poor Zeebee,
he's a prisoner
in that place!

Stuck behind bars,
wearing stripes...

Uh, he is a zebra.

Zebra's are people too.
And he looked so lonely.
It's not fair!

Ravi and his pet are together
every second of every day!

Yes, and frankly,
it's a little creepy.

Hi, Shaylee.

Jessie! Welcome!

Thanks again for
getting me this job.

Wow, this set
is amazing!

These rocks
look so real!

Ow!

That's because
they are.

Huh. I'm surprised
they didn't teach you
that in stunt school.

Oh, they did.
I got a C-minus
in rocks.

Luke?

Whoa!
I'm seeing double
and I like it.

You've got ten seconds
to explain why
you're not in school,

or else you're going
to need a stunt double.

Well, dad called
the director, McD,

and got permission
for me to do

a behind-the scenes
documentary
for my film class.

So, I get to follow you
around with a camera,

but this time,
not in a creepy,

without-your-knowledge
kind of way.

It might be less creepy
if you weren't
drooling so much.

And if you had that
camera pointed
at our faces.

No, I asked for
a Choco-Doodle!

This is a Choco-Buddy!

Do you know
who my father is?

He is the head
of the studio.

And do you know
why he gave me
this directing job?

Because I know
how to get
what I want!

Ooh! And, it was a
belated Bar Mitzvah gift.

Where's my
stunt woman?

Hi, hi, McD.
I'm right here.

So, how do you want
me to play this scene?

Excited, scared,
excitedly-scared?

I want you standing
on this "X".

(BELL RINGS)

Got it. On the "X",
excitedly-scared.

And action!

Cut!
(BELL RINGS)

Okay, that was
a great rehearsal.

Now let's do it for real.

That felt pretty
real to me.

Giddy-up!

And now, it's a rug.

I miss Zeebee.
I wish he could
come home.

We can't have a
big, smelly animal
in an apartment.

But we have Bertram!

Good point.

I'm gonna call Mom
and Dad and ask if
they can get Zeebee back.

Zuri, Mom and Dad are never
going to let you have
a zebra in the house.

But maybe we can do it
without asking permission.

I love not asking
permission!

Almost as much
as I love not
brushing my teeth.

Yeah, we gotta talk
about that.

Are you sure you're
Christina Ross?

You look like a kid.

Oh, you're too kind.
And you don't look
a day over forty.

I'm twenty-seven.

Yikes.

Anyway,
we'll take
Zeebee now.

It is highly irregular
for donors to ask to
borrow their animals.

It's not like this is
a lending library.

(SNORTS)

Yes, understood.

We're just asking
to get our zebra,

which is housed in the Ross
Family Wild Animal Pavilion.

Which is located
in the Ross Family
African Adventure wing.

I don't know.
I just can't...

B-T-W,
what does it say
on your paycheck?

The Ross Family
Foundation...
Ooh.

Would you like
Zeebee washed first?

We can make him smell
like the rainforest,
or a new car.

Good on you, Jessie!

You rocked it!

Literally,
because I just caught
a boulder with my face.

On the bright side,
it really brings out
the red in your cheeks.

That's blood.

Well, you make it work.

Thanks. You know,
for a big movie star,

you're really
easy to talk to.

Oh, thanks!

(SIGHS) I try, but you know,
it's not that easy to make
friends in this business.

You never know
who you can trust.

You know, I was voted
Most Trustworthy
in my high school class.

Also, Most Likely
to Marry a Rodeo Clown,

which I don't tell
very many people.

It's a good policy.
Probably.

I'm so used to being
around adults on set.

It's really nice to have
a girl my own age to talk to.

And it's really nice for me
to talk to a girl without
ending every sentence

with "because I said so."

Hey, you want
to come hang out
at my place later?

I would love to!
Ooh, could we do
that thing

where a girl goes to sleep
over at another girl's house?

What do you call that?

A sleepover?
Yes, brilliant!

I've never had
one of those.

What about your first movie,
Past Your Dead-time.

Doesn't count.

I got eaten by a werewolf,
before the first pillow fight.

Well, the only hairy,
scary thing

you'll encounter at our
penthouse is our butler
Bertram's back.

Oh, Shaylee,
you were so brilliant

when those boulders
fell on you.

I really
felt your pain.

Actually,
that was my pain.

That's what makes her
such a great actress.

The way that
she used your pain.

I adore you.

You even taste amazing.

Oh, that's chocolate.

I ate the last
Choco-Doodle.

Which you so deserve

because you are
a bright, shining star.

That McD is a giant tool.

He's my boyfriend.
Which is American
for talent!

Zeebee, would you
like some tea?

No! Considering what
I just mopped up,

no more liquids!

Is that Zeebee?
(ZEEBEE NEIGHS)

Uh, no.

Please, sister.
How dumb do you
think I am?

Well, on a scale from
Luke to Einstein...

I think you should
check yourself,

before you proceed
to wreck yourself.

(BOTH SOBBING)

That movie
was so sad.

But at least
Channing Tatum's soul

will live on in
Blake Lively's puppy.

Every time she says "Fetch!",
he'll bring her his heart!

This is really fun.

I'm so busy
being in movies,

I never to just sit
and watch one with a mate.

Whereas I'm so busy
sitting around
watching them,

I never have time
to be in one.

So, how long
have you been acting?

Since I was knee-high
to a wallaby.

Which is not
the best place to be.
They're kickers.

Noted.

You know,
you have had
my dream life.

It hasn't all
been dreamy.

Have you ever played
peek-a-boo with
Christopher Walken?

It's creepy.

Anything with
Christopher Walken
is creepy.

You know, Jessie,
I'm really impressed

with how you handle
your stunts.

You're pretty tough
for a city gal.

Actually, I was raised
on a military base,
which is no picnic.

Except, of course,
for the annual
Officer's Picnic.

See this scar?

Got it crawling
through barbed wire.

Obstacle course?
Nope. Nope.

Sneaking out of my
bedroom window.
Strict dad.

I got that beat.
See this scar?

Croc bite.

Whoa!
That's pretty gnarly.

You should've seen
the one I gave him.

Well, I will toast
to your croc bite.

And I will toast to
your barbed wire scar.

Hmm.

So, on to
emotional scars.

Let's talk about guys.

How long have you
and McD been an item?

Almost a year.
I'm so lucky that
we found each other.

I don't know
what I'd do
without him.

Isn't he a genius?

Well, that's what
he put on the back
of his director's chair.

What about you?
Is there a special
guy in your life?

Two, actually.
My boyfriend Tony,
and the freckled one

that's currently
taping us from
behind that chair.

Hello.

Hey, don't mind me,

but if you guys want
to break out into an
impromptu pillow fight,

I put some on your chairs.

Hey!

Whoa!

Nice shot!
Wait for it.

You have got to teach me
how to do that!

Thanks for helping me
get Zeebee's dinner.

No probs.

Tony's rat guy
knows a goat guy,
who knows a hay guy.

BERTRAM:
♪ I'm making stroganoff

♪ At which those
brats will scoff ♪

Hey! What's with the hay?

Uh, it is a new
health craze.

Zuri has been
irregular.

Hey! Why me?
Why not Emma?

Your zebra,
your constipation.

So, eating hay
is healthy?

Yup.

(HOARSELY) And it doesn't
scratch your throat at all!

Good for you.

They're getting weirder
every day.

McD: Action!

Cut! Print!
Bandage!

(BELL RINGS)

Jessie,
that was awesome!

You bounced so high
after the temple exploded!

You were like a kangaroo
on a sugar bender.

That's what
I was going for.

Hey, did the mic
pick up the ripping
cartilage sound?

Because it was
really loud
in my head.

Out here, too.

So, exciting news!

I spoke to McD last night
and he agreed to write
you a speaking role!

I actually have a speaking
part in a big-time movie?

This is a dream
come true!

(CROWD TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

I can't believe
I'm going to the premiere
of my first movie.

Thank you
so much,
Shaylee!

The popcorn
is on me tonight.

Jessie, at a premiere,
the popcorn is free.

No way!

Could this get any better?

(GASPS) We won
Best Actresses before
the movie even came out?

I guess it can
get better!

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you.
Oh, thank you.

Jessie,
what are you doing?

Uh, this is just
what we do before we
eat a corndog in America.

Thank you.

You know what we do
before we eat food
in the outback?

We kill it.
Fun!

So, what's my part?

Okay, well, there's
a vicious, corrupt,
double crossing spy

with an elaborate
plan to take down
Professor Pepper.

Wow, what an amazing
character!

And you'll be playing
her receptionist!

Oh. Who is also a spy!

No. She's just
a receptionist.

But she plays
by her own rules!
Sold!

I can't believe
I'm going to get to act
with my new best mate.

(IN AN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT)
Oh! Listen to me,
I'm a regular Aussie.

Throw another shrimp
on the...

Don't say it.

(MUFFLED) Barbie.

Do you think Zeebee
liked the movie?

Not as much as
he likes that chair.

BERTRAM:
♪ It's time to watch a flick

♪ No kids to make me sick ♪

It's Bertram!
Zuri, quick,
hide Zeebee!

I'm on it.

Your zebra-hiding skills,

while improving,
are still subpar.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Ravi, why are you
standing there?

Oh, I am just, uh,

admiring this lovely
poly-blend curtain.

It is like
stroking happiness.

I would think that's odd,
if it didn't come from a kid

who bathes
with his giant lizard.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

Um, would you
please move?

I have a date with
Dame Judi Dench.

She's two kinds
of "dames,"

if you know what I mean.
(PURRS)

Thankfully, I do not.

Would you please
stop this?

I'm getting annoyed,
and frankly, kinda sweaty.

Why did he stop?

Tell him he has to move.

How? I don't speak zebra!

Why do I feel
there's something
going on?

Maybe because you
have trust issues.

Who hurt you, Bertram?

Right now I'm trying
not to hurt you!

Now, if you'll
excuse me...

(SCREAMS)

What the...

Who's in there?

Sorry, Bertram.

Why did you just kick me?
And why did it hurt so much?

Oh, blame Jessie.

She's the one
who signed me up
for soccer.

I think it might be safer
to just watch TV in my room.

Come on, "M".
Let's bond.

I better keep Zeebee
in my room from now on.

That is a good idea.

Which I believe
brings you to one
for the week!

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

It's okay,
I got it from here.

Are you sure?

Because for the past hour
you've been calling me Frodo.

I'm fine.
Okay.

Gonna fall.

Whoa!

Wow, Jessie,
I haven't seen you
look this bad ever.

And that includes your
panda bear sweater stage.

On the bright side,
I've lost so much blood,

I think I'm down
a dress size.

Jessie,
maybe you should think
about quitting the movie

before you quit,
you know, breathing.

I can't. McD gave me
a line in the movie.

So, I just have to survive
all of my stunts
until my big scene.

Do you guys hear bells?

(BOTH SCREAM)

Your ear just fell off!

Guy's relax.
It's a fake
from the movie.

I hope.

(SCREAMS)

Channing, stop it.

Oh, you animal.

(GASPS) Ah! Animal!

Found him.

Guys, was there
just a zebra in here
licking my face?

What? Pfft, no!

You must have taken
one too many hits
to the coconut.

But how come
my cheek is wet?

Oh, that was me
licking your face.

Because you're
so darn sweet!

Thank you?

(PHONE RINGS)

(GASPS) I'm late
for the set!

I'm just a few concussions
away from filming my
speaking role!

Bertram, stop!

You can't go in there!

Why not?
I don't know.

No, no, no!

(ZEEBEE NEIGHS)
(BERTRAM GASPS)

Zeebee, stop!

Well, I tried.

What is Zeebee doing?

(SHRIEKING)

Making a new friend.

Why is there a zebra
licking me?

Dressed like that,
you were asking for it.

I'm so sorry that
the kids tricked you,
Ms. Lumpkey.

I knew you weren't
Christina Ross.

And yet,
you forked
over a zebra.

In my defense,
I hadn't spoken to
a human in six months.

Bye, Zeebee.
It was great
having you here.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Except for when you
fertilized Emma's closet.

(CLEARS THROAT)

And tried to make Bertram
your special friend.

(NEIGHS)

Hey, is that a giant
Asian water monitor
in your living room?

No, it's my Aunt Grace,
who just flew in from Florida.

We begged her
to use sunblock.

Do you have the paperwork
to own this animal?

I don't own it.
I just despise it.

Well, if you don't have
the proper paperwork,

I'll have to confiscate
this lizard.

(ALL GASPING)

It's the law.

No, you can't!

For some reason,
the owner is really
attached to it!

Maybe we can work
something out?

Would you take
our brother,
Luke instead?

He's a really
good dancer!

No can do.
We already have
two dancing bears,

and they are divas.

McD?
Go for McD.

Hi, I have a few questions
about my receptionist
character.

Does she ever get
a case of the Mondays?

Or maybe she's
just doing it until her
music career kicks off?

F-Y-I,
I sing a little.

You know what,
Jessie?

How about we work
on the scene tonight,
over dinner?

Oh, sounds great.
I'd love to have dinner
with you and Shaylee.

(CHUCKLES)

Who said anything
about Shaylee?

I'll see you tonight.

Suddenly, I have
a few questions
about his character.

Whoa!

Does Bertram know
you borrowed one
of his shirts?

McD's coming over
and I think he likes me,

so I don't want to
look too attractive.

Well...

Mission accomplished.

(ELEVATOR BELL RINGS)

Hey, Jessie.

Hey, McD.
Good to see you here
as a friend and colleague.

Doing friendly,
colleague-y things.

Okay.

So, here's the scene
that I've written for you.

So, what do you say
we get down to business?

Action!

"You're the most
powerful director
in the world,

"and in no way living
in your father's shadow.

"Kiss me!" What?

I've got a little
rewrite for you.

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

Why'd you do that?

Because your girlfriend
wasn't here to do it.

Okay, well,
if she were here,
that'd be awkward.

It is awkward!

How could you
do this to Shaylee?

She's my friend
and she trusts you.

This is going to
break her heart.

That's true.

Which is exactly
why you're not going
to tell her.

Okay...
(ELEVATOR BELL RINGS)

Maybe I can't tell her,

but there is one
thing I can do.

What?
This.

(SCREAMS)

And this.

And this!

And scene.

(GROANS)
You bruised
my business.

Whoa, Bertram,
you're cooking enough
food to feed a whole family!

Too bad it's this family.

I don't know how to
tell Ravi that Lumpkey
took Mrs. Kipling.

So, to soften the blow,
I've made him
his favorite foods.

Zuri, are you
leading me into a
surprise birthday party?

Your birthday was
two months ago.

That would be
the surprise.

(GASPS)

All my favorite desserts!

Phirni! Shakkarpara!
Laddoo!

What did you do,
Bertram?

It wasn't my fault!
Right, Emma?

Zuri?
You're on your
own, big guy.

Thanks for your support.

Okay, here goes.

When the zookeeper
came to take Zeebee,

she also took
Mrs. Kipling,

because we didn't have
the proper paperwork.

(GASPS)
Laddoo?

Ravi, are you okay?

No.

Is there anything
we can do to help?

Yes. Hold down Bertram
while I beat the
Ladoo-doo out of him!

Ah!
(SCREAMS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(CLATTERING)

Ravi said "doo-doo."

Hey, Jessie!
Hey, Shaylee.

So, I was watching
a rough cut of your stunts,
last night

and they were amazing.

You are one
gigantic tool!
Hey!

Oh. Right.
Thank you.

So, what did you
do last night?

Why, what'd you hear?

I mean, nothing!
Nothing!

Let's go to
craft service.

I'm in the mood
for a grilled cheat...

Cheese. A grilled
cheese sandwich.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Hey, beautiful.

Uh, I need to borrow
Jessie so we can
discuss her next stunt.

I thought I was
done with those.

Yeah, Jessie has her
big speaking role today.

Oh, we'll get
to that.

But first, I added
a few more stunts.

(INHALES)

How are you
at dangling?

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTING)

(HISSING)
(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

And cut.

(BELL RINGS)

That last vine had fangs!

If you can't take it,
then quit.

Oh, that would
be convenient,
wouldn't it?

Because
if you fire me,

Shaylee will get
suspicious.

You're pretty smart
for an actress.

You consider me
an actress?

If you think
I can't take this,

you've never been
camping with my dad.

I won't even tell you
what we use when
we run out of water.

Koko?

I know you have
the map to the
hidden treasure!

(GIBBERING)

No, Koko.
I'll squash you
like a banana!

(SCREAMS)

Cut! Stuntwoman!
(BELL RINGS)

Bring in the
real gorilla!

Wait! What about
the guy in the suit?
He's gorilla-like.

I saw him picking nits
out of the cameraman's hair.

Well, if you don't
want to do it,

I'm sure we can find
a new stuntwoman.

Bring on the ape.

(WHISTLES)

(GORILLA GROWLING)

Hi, Koko.
Who's a good gorilla?

(METAL CLINKING)

Hey, pipe down,

or I'll turn the hose on you,
you big handbag!

Ow!

Mrs. Kipling!

Thank the gods
you are okay!

I will have you out
of here in two shakes
of your own tail.

These documents prove
that my pet came into
this country legally,

and therefore must be
remanded into my custody.

In other words,
leggo my lizard!

Yeah, it also says
this lizard is a male

and anybody can see
that she's a female.

How can you tell?

I'm a trained zoologist.

Plus, her nails
are painted pink.

Hey, I told her to go
with a clear gloss!

Please, Ms. Lumpkey,
can't you overlook
this one tiny mistake?

Ravi loves Mrs. Kipling!

You can't keep her!

Oh, I'm not keeping her.

ALL: Yes!

I'm sending her
back to India.

ALL: No!

You cannot send
my best friend
back to India!

She is a New York
City lizard now.

Well, if she can make it here,
she can make it anywhere.

(MRS. KIPLING GROWLS)

Ow!

That lizard has got to stop
throwing stuff at me!

It was not the lizard.

(GRUNTS)

(SHUDDERING)

Jessie?
(GASPS)

Are you okay?
No.

McD's really put me
through the wringer.

Well, which stunt
has been the worst?

The actual giant wringer
he just put me through.

That's it!
This has got to stop.

No one puts the squeeze
on my squeeze!

Luke... Luke!

Legs numb! Oh!

Yo, McD!

I don't like how
you're treating
my lady!

Who? Jessie?
Isn't she a little
bit old for you?

Hey, I grew an inch
last year!

I'm almost
at chin level!

The point is,
Jessie is the
nicest, sweetest,

coolest girl
in the world!

She means
everything to me!

So don't you dare...

Hey, do you wanna
meet Mila Kunis?

'Cause I can make
that happen.
Awesome! Thanks!

Jessie, guess what
McD is going to do?

Stop making me do all
these dangerous stunts?

No. Actually,
that didn't come up.

But on the bright side,
I get to meet Mila Kunis.

(GRUMBLING)

Hold it
right there.
(ALL GASP)

I know you guys
are about to sneak
into the zoo

to get Mrs. Kipling back.

Uh, why would
you think that?

Uh, because Emma
asked me to press

her favorite
"sneaking around" hat.

Just because
we're trying
not to be seen

doesn't mean
we can't look
our best.

Don't you guys think
Ms. Lumpkey is going
to notice

a seven foot lizard
missing from her
little zoo jail?

No, because we plan to
switch Mrs. Kipling

with another
Asian water
monitor lizard.

Duh.

Where did you get
another giant lizard?

Tony knows a guy.

And yet,
he can't get me a taxi
with two hours' notice.

Look, I can't
let you guys
break into a zoo

to steal
a giant lizard.

Why not?
Please!

Get in my way, Bertram,

and the last thing
you shall see

will be my tiny,
doll-like fists
pummeling you.

Let me finish!
I meant you're not
going without me.

Yes.
Yay!

Thank you, Bertram.

I will put these
bad boys away.

You can't
make me talk,
Pepper.

Arg! Ye can't
make me talk,
Pepper!

Luke, I have my big
scene in five minutes.

Which is better,
Southern receptionist
or pirate receptionist?

Sorry, what was that, Mila?

Jessie.
Jessie.

Ugh. Here comes
that jerk McD.

Don't worry, Jessie.

I will not
leave your side.

Hey, Luke.

The special effects guys
are blowing up a car
on stage seven.

Awesome!

I can't believe
you haven't quit yet.

And by the way,
the gorilla
did not appreciate

the purple nurple
you gave him.

I felt just as weird
about it as he did.

And you'll have to throw me
from a moving train
before I'll quit!

But please don't.

Fine. Let's do the scene.

Shari, I'm going
to need a train.

Jessie, I'm so
excited for you!

You finally get to
speak and act,

instead of falling off
something horrible

onto something
more horrible,
that's on fire.

Yeah, well,

this is the most
amazing thing that's
ever happened to me.

Thank you so much.

It's hug time!

Oh! Bring it on.

At this point, most of
my internal organs have
been liquefied anyway.

Ooh! I do hear
an odd sloshing sound.

That's my pancreas.

I just hope I can
make you really proud
when I do my scene.

You'll be great.
You just have to put
your trust in McD.

I do.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

McD: Shaylee is
the worst actress
I've ever worked with.

She's just lucky to
have me as a director.

You have a great look.

Have you ever thought
about acting?

Oh! That's it!

(THUD)
(KOKO GROWLS)

Oh, get lost, Koko!

And that goes for
you too, sister!
Take a five!

What's your problem?
You're my problem!

Shaylee is
an amazing actress
and a great friend,

and she deserves
so much better than you!

It doesn't get much
better than McD.
(SCOFFS)

I think it McDoes!

You know what?

I'm going to do what
I should have done
in the first place,

and tell Shaylee
the truth about you.

Guys, is everything okay?

No, it's not okay!

Shaylee,
there's something
you need to know.

Wait, wait, wait.

I'm the one who
should tell her.

Shaylee...

Jessie hit on me.
BOTH: What?

No! He hit on me!

Why would I do that?

Look, I didn't want
to tell you, Shaylee,

because you guys
are friends

and I knew
that her betrayal
would break your heart.

Jessie,
is this true?
No! He's lying!

I would never
lie to you!

Oh, yeah?
Well, I called up
the union last night,

and Jessie's not even
a licensed stunt woman!

Ba-boosh! Liar!

Okay, that wasn't a lie,
more like a fib.

But I swear that's
the only time I didn't
tell you the truth!

Well, except that time
when I said I liked

that movie you did
with Katherine Heigl.

And that was more
about her than you!

Jessie, I thought
I'd finally made
a real friend.

I am your friend.

No, you're not.

And you're not
in this movie
anymore, either.

Jessie,
you're fired!

Security,
get her off my set!

What? No! No!
Hey! Ow!

I've got two hands,
and I'm not afraid
to nurple!

Watch it.
You ask Koko
how I bring it!

Well, that was
surprisingly easy.

Yeah, anybody can slip
through a window.

A little help here?

Come on guys, on three.
One, two, three!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(GROANS)

Now, I know how
Bertram's yoga mat feels.

(MRS. KIPLING GROWLING)

Mrs. Kipling!
I am here to rescue you.

Freedom!

Ravi, quiet!

(WHISPERING) Freedom.

Oh, Mrs. Kipling,
you look so thin.

As soon as we get home,
I am going to cook you
ratatouille, with extra rat.

Not with my pots,
you're not.

Do not worry, Gladys.

You will enjoy India.
And remember to write!

Okay, Ravi, you got Mrs. K,
now let's get out of here!

(SECURITY ALARM RINGING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Emma, when you were
opening the door,

did it ever occur to you
there is a reason we came
in through the window!

(SECURITY ALARM STOPS)
(GASPS)

You!
What do you think
you're doing?

The alarm just went off.
How did you get here
so quickly?

Well, it's not
because I was sleeping
in the monkey habitat,

if that's what
you're implying!

No one was
implying that.

I'm calling the cops!

You guys are
going to jail!

No!

Mrs. Kipling,
I have failed you.
Please forgive me.

Look...

Mildred...

Obviously you love animals.
You live with them,
you care for them...

You have slumber parties
with them.

Can't you help out
a fellow animal lover?

Please, please, please
let Ravi keep his lizard.

Yeah, after Mrs. Kipling,
Ravi's best friend is...

Actually, I don't think
he has any other friends.

Can't you do this
for our pathetic brother?

I wish I could.

I'm a big loser
who only gets along
with animals, too.

Okay, people,
now we are
just piling on!

But I absolutely,
positively cannot
break the rules and...

How would you like the
Ross Family Primate Habitat

to be renamed the
"Mildred Lumpkey
Monkey House?"

I'd love it!

And, I'll just send
this lizard back to India
instead of Mrs. Kipling.

So we have a deal!
(SPITS)

Okay,
that's just gross,

and I have to floss
the hippos.

Guess what, Gladys.
You're going home.

How did you know
her name was Gladys?

She just looks
like a Gladys.

And Ms. Lumpkey,
can you promise to give
Zeebee extra carrots

and a kiss every night
before bedtime?

Sure, I'll even
cuddle with him
at night if you like.

That's okay.

You won't believe it!

That slimeball McD
just fired me off the movie!

Ow!

That's horrible!
But I still get a date
with Mila Kunis right?

I mean,
that's horrible!

Ugh. Do we have
to watch this?

I don't need to be
reminded that I just
lost my first movie role,

and the most amazing
friend I've ever had.

Not to mention
messing up
my documentary.

Yeah, I've really
got to work on this
whole empathy thing.

Yeah.

Wait! Wait!
Did you see that?

The prop guy
eating six donuts
simultaneously?

Awesome, right?

I think he unhinged his jaw
to get the last one in.

Not that! That!

This video
will prove to Shaylee
that I wasn't lying

and that McD
is a huge McJerk.

Jessie, wait!
What?

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Just so you know,
if you rewind too far,

you may or may not
see footage of you
sleeping in your bedroom.

Huh, all this time,
I thought that drool
on the pillow was mine.

(GRUNTING)

(SNAKE HISSING)

I hate snakes.
Why does it always
have to be snakes?

Get me out of here.

(GRUNTING)

Cut! No!
(BELL RINGS)

No, no, no!
No, no, no!

Do it again,
and make it better!

More stunty!

Make the whole
thing stuntier!

Oh look!
There's Shaylee.

Great! Now we just
have to run over there
before McD catches us.

(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMS)

It's hard to run
when your feet
aren't on the ground.

Put me down,
you big ape!

It's not the actual
ape again, is it?

No, but that
can be arranged.

(GRUNTING)

(SHRIEKS)

(SCREAMS)
Not the face!

Stop them!
Action!

(ALL GRUNTING)

(LAUGHS)

Wow! Got you!

Come here.

(GRUNTING)

Ha ha! Suckers!

Whoa!

Shaylee!

Wait! Please.

Jessie, I don't
want to hear it.

But I have proof
that McD is the one
you can't trust!

Please, just no more lies!

Hey! Jessie never lies!

Well, she lied about
being a stunt woman,

and about
liking my movie
with Katherine Heigl!

Okay, so she
lies like a rug!

But she's not
lying about this!

Shaylee, the proof
is in this camera.

Look if you want.
But just know,
I am your friend,

and I can't stand
knowing you're
with some guy

who doesn't really
care about you.

That's what McD
does to my hair.

(CHUCKLES)
Big deal!

I do that to everybody!

Hey, big guy.

Great job,
doing whatever
it is that you do.

Jessie, wait!

Who else has
McD hit on?

(GRUNTING)

McD, how could
you do this?

I trusted you.

Shaylee, come on,
let's not blow this
out of proportion.

Technically,
it's just one mistake,

that I keep making
over and over again.

Keep digging, pal.
Okay, keep out of this!

Shaylee, forgive me.

We're at a temple.

Let me worship you.

I'd rather get
kissed by Koko.

No, you wouldn't.

McD, give it up.
We are through!

Fine, whatever.
Let's just move on
to the next shot.

You should get to
the unemployment line,

because you are fired.

What?
You can't do that!

I'm gonna tell
my dad on you!

Go ahead.

My contract states that
I get director approval,

and you are
now un-approved.

Daddy?

Shaylee says she can fire me!
That's not true, is it?

Oh. Not cool, Dad!

(GRUNTS)

And fired!

Please remove
Timmy Finkleberg
from the set.

Who's Timmy Finkleberg?

That's my real name.

There's not a Mc or a D
anywhere in there.

You disgust me!

On second thought,
I'll take care of this.

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

Good distance!
He's not gonna come
flying back, is he?

Jessie, I'm so sorry.
I should have
believed you.

I guess I'm just
new to this whole
best friends thing.

Can you ever forgive me?

Of course. Look,
I know how bad boyfriends
can mess with your head.

I once let this guy
Pete borrow my car.

Haven't seen it since.

Every once in a while,
I get a parking ticket
from Arizona.

Hey, now that
we're besties again,

would you maybe want to
go with me to the premiere

of Chris Hemsworth's
new movie at the
Cannes Film Festival?

Would I!

(GROANS)

There goes
my pancreas.

This would make a great
double feature with my
Jessie sleeping movie.

(CHUCKLES) Which
may or may not exist.

I should take
that camera
away from you,

or start locking
my door.

Hey, if it wasn't for
Luke's creepy camera work,
I'd still be with McD.

Bring it in, sprog!
Come here.

Awesome!

So, did you like
my documentary?
Loved it!

Although I could've done
without the bonus feature

of that gorilla
giving me a noogie.

Hey, Zuri.

I heard about Zeebee's
adventure in the penthouse.

Now that he's
back at the zoo,
are you okay?

Yeah. Ms. Lumpkey said
they're getting a new zebra
to keep Zeebee company.

Plus, I realized it's
silly to keep a zebra
in the apartment.

That's a lesson
I never thought
you would need to learn,

but very sensible.

So, what's with
the bowl of milk?

Oh, this is
for my new kitty.
You want to meet him?

(GASPS) We got a kitty?
Where is the little guy?

He's out here.
Oh!

(GASPS) Whoa!

I am not scooping
that kitty litter.

(WHISTLING)

You have got
to be kidding.

(GROWLING)

(SCREAMING)

Bertram has got
to stop buying
animal print pajamas.