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Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:07,906
Wait, Bertram hasn't made breakfast yet?
3
00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:09,508
Why didn't someone go get him?
4
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,777
Although we are famished,
we have mixed emotions
5
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:14,813
about encouraging Bertram to cook.
6
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:17,182
Don't worry, I'll whip
up a Fort Tavey specialty.
7
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:19,585
All I need is five kinds of
jalapenos and a gallon of lard.
8
00:00:20,887 --> 00:00:22,321
All: Bertram!
9
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(Whistling)
10
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:25,946
One healthy breakfast, coming up!
11
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:29,595
Wow.
12
00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:38,904
Uh... So Bertram, are you going to
introduce us to your little friend?
13
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:41,907
I'm sure I have no idea
what you're talking about.
14
00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:44,877
Then that toupee glue must
have soaked into your brain.
15
00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:46,578
(Laughing)
16
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,881
Did you guys forget that
tonight is my reunion concert
17
00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:51,216
for my boy band, Badd Direction?
18
00:00:52,952 --> 00:00:55,954
How could we forget? You've been
talking about it for a month!
19
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:58,657
That's longer than the band existed!
20
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:02,428
Hey, Grill Marks on my Heart
went to number five in Finland.
21
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:06,799
To this day, I can still get free
stuffed herring anywhere in Helsinki.
22
00:01:08,868 --> 00:01:13,005
But that does not explain
the hedgehog on your head.
23
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:15,541
Back then I was called "the Hair."
24
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This is what my fans want to see.
25
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Trust me, nobody wants to see that.
26
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:24,383
I better put this away, so it doesn't
get messed up before the show tonight.
27
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:26,585
Also, it might want to
run on its exercise wheel.
28
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:27,653
(All laughing)
29
00:01:29,722 --> 00:01:32,691
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh
30
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♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
31
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♪ It feels like a party every day
32
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:43,502
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
33
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:47,039
♪ But they keep on
pulling me every which way
34
00:01:47,041 --> 00:01:50,442
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
35
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:54,046
♪ My whole world is
changing Turning around
36
00:01:54,048 --> 00:01:57,616
♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking the ground
37
00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:01,753
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
38
00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:04,990
♪ And I don't want to
let them down, down, down
39
00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:08,594
♪ Hey Jessie
40
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:12,030
♪ Hey Jessie
41
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:15,801
♪ It feels like a party every day
42
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:20,005
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie ♪
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00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:27,679
My fortune says, "You will be
blessed with many children."
44
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:28,814
I don't know about blessed.
45
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:36,021
Mine says I have a large
sum of money coming my way.
46
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:37,389
Did something happen to Grandma?
47
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Try to at least sound concerned.
48
00:02:41,095 --> 00:02:43,996
Ooh, I'm going to be on a magazine cover!
49
00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:45,330
That's your fortune?
50
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:46,732
No, I just got an email.
51
00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:49,801
All right, who stole my hair?
52
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,703
Father Time? Mother Nature?
53
00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:55,474
No, I mean my toupee.
54
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:56,875
I already lost my hair once.
55
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,677
I can't lose it again!
56
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,112
Can't you get a new one?
57
00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:02,714
Something more Brad Pitt, less armpit?
58
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,751
No, it was custom made.
59
00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:09,988
My concert's in a few hours, and "the
Hair" can't be the only guy in the band
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00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,623
without any hair!
61
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,358
Don't worry, Bertram.
I'll help you find it.
62
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,561
It'll be perfect practice for my audition.
63
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:17,796
I'm up for the role of
Detective Phyllis Marlowe
64
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,631
in a film noir TV commercial.
65
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:23,735
We know. You've been making us watch
all those 1940s mystery movies.
66
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:27,105
The mystery is how we stayed awake.
67
00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:29,975
And why everyone talked so weird back then?
68
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,743
They sounded totes cray.
69
00:03:34,013 --> 00:03:35,480
So, what's the commercial for?
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00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:37,583
Oh, Legs Up Bug Spray.
71
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:39,551
But it's only gonna air in foreign markets.
72
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,421
Because it was just banned
in the United States.
73
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:45,090
Hey, it was supposed to
kill roaches, and it did.
74
00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:46,625
It just didn't stop there.
75
00:03:50,863 --> 00:03:53,899
So, blondie, do you have
anything you'd like to tell me?
76
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,635
Yeah. You're dressing
for the wrong century.
77
00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,172
And why are you talking
like a silent movie?
78
00:04:00,174 --> 00:04:03,175
Nobody talks in silent
mo... Oh, never mind.
79
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:07,646
I am in character. It helps me think.
80
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,915
So, why do you assume I took the toupee?
81
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:13,885
Because I found glittery footprints
leading up to Bertram's room,
82
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,454
a flake of your nail
polish on the wig stand,
83
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,656
and your nameplate necklace
at the scene of the crime!
84
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:19,424
(Scoffs) That's all you've got?
85
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,792
No.
86
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,428
I also found this lock of golden hair.
87
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,563
That's not mine!
88
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:28,100
Good thing, because it's dry,
brittle, and has horrible split ends.
89
00:04:28,102 --> 00:04:29,534
How dare you!
90
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:32,137
I just had a hydrating treatment!
91
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:34,606
So it is yours! Tell
me everything you know.
92
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,088
Including the name of that treatment.
93
00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:39,144
I was only trying to help!
94
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,179
I couldn't let Bertram wear
that wig the way it was.
95
00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:43,114
So, I decided to give it a makeover...
96
00:04:43,145 --> 00:04:46,218
Jessie: And just like that,
she sang like a canary.
97
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:48,086
Emma Ross was a snazzy dame.
98
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:49,788
She knew that if being ugly were a crime,
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00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,757
that toupee would go
straight to the slammer.
100
00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:53,659
Ow!
101
00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:59,498
Oh, that's better.
102
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,133
Jessie: She was only
trying to help the help,
103
00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:03,235
who was up coif creek without a comb.
104
00:05:03,237 --> 00:05:04,870
So she tried some conditioner,
105
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:08,674
and it might've worked, except this
wasn't your run-of-the-mill mop.
106
00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:10,642
No!
107
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:14,012
Why would the big palooka
buy such cheap hair?
108
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:16,748
We really should give the
poor, sweet lug a raise.
109
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,252
Well, that's better.
110
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:25,257
I didn't know the toupee would
react to my conditioner like that!
111
00:05:25,259 --> 00:05:28,160
I can't believe Bertram planned to
make a comeback in synthetic hair!
112
00:05:29,862 --> 00:05:31,530
The man does love his coupons.
113
00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:34,800
So where's the toupee?
114
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,668
I hid it in the living room cabinet.
115
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,503
Where we keep the school supplies?
116
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:41,673
Brilliant! No one would ever
suspect you of opening that.
117
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,842
(Chuckles) I know, right?
118
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:48,013
But when I went back later to see if
the toupee had de-puffed, it was gone!
119
00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:52,217
Wait!
120
00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:53,885
I know who has the toupee!
121
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,887
It was in the school supply cabinet,
122
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:58,557
and the only person who does
schoolwork around here is Ravi!
123
00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:01,626
(Gasps) Of course!
124
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:04,229
So, who has the toupee?
125
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:06,965
We should use your college
fund on a nice vacation.
126
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:14,973
Bertram?
127
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:17,542
You're supposed to be on stage
in Central Park in three hours.
128
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:21,113
Are you rehearsing any dance
steps besides the Sitting Man?
129
00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:25,283
I can't do my moves without my hair.
130
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:26,318
I have nothing to flip.
131
00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:31,323
You dance with your
feet, not your follicles.
132
00:06:31,325 --> 00:06:32,591
C'mon, show me what you got.
133
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:33,939
I'll give you some pointers.
134
00:06:33,970 --> 00:06:36,294
Well, in case Jessie does find my toupee,
135
00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:41,633
I guess I should be ready to dazzle
them with my high-energy funk.
136
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:45,337
Help me up.
137
00:06:50,309 --> 00:06:53,311
(Dance music playing)
138
00:07:09,295 --> 00:07:10,362
(Bones cracking)
139
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:14,966
Wow.
140
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,902
That was great!
141
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:19,204
But maybe you could do it
a little more like this.
142
00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:32,017
If I had my hair, I could do that.
143
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:35,287
Really?
144
00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:36,755
So it had magical powers?
145
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,661
Okay, there's no need to be nervous.
146
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:43,762
I'm just going to ask you a few...
147
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:46,398
I am guilty!
148
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,935
Send me to my room until
college entrance exams!
149
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:52,374
Okay, I appreciate your
honesty, but you confessing
150
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:54,703
so quick really takes the
fun out of this for me.
151
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:57,676
Oh, I apologize, Jessie.
152
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:58,810
Shall I resist more?
153
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,879
Oh, just tell me what you know.
154
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:04,248
This girdle's really tight, and
I have to go to the bathroom.
155
00:08:04,279 --> 00:08:08,320
It was a classic case of being in
the wrong place at the wrong time.
156
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,689
I had just color-coordinated
my kurta closet...
157
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:13,425
Jessie: Ravi folded faster than
a dry cleaner at quittin' time.
158
00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,294
The poor crumb found the toupee
159
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:18,864
while pilfering recreational
homework supplies.
160
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,432
Even his crimes were boring.
161
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:24,169
What is this puzzling puffball?
162
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:25,837
(Croaking)
163
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:29,007
You are right! It is Bertram's toupee!
164
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,375
We must fix this.
165
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,077
(Croaking)
166
00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:34,312
Fine, I will fix it.
167
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:36,882
You know, it would not kill you to
lift a claw around here once in a while.
168
00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:38,149
(Croaking)
169
00:08:39,499 --> 00:08:41,219
Jessie: Ravi wanted
to return the toupee,
170
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,388
but he knew if Bertram
took a gander at it now,
171
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:46,291
it would take him on a one-way
trip over Breakdown Falls.
172
00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:49,461
(Exploding)
173
00:08:51,397 --> 00:08:53,365
Huzzah! Success!
174
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:54,733
(Sniffing) Oh!
175
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,167
(Coughing)
176
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:58,770
Dear gods! Mrs. Kipling, do you smell that?
177
00:09:02,074 --> 00:09:03,708
I will take that as a yes.
178
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:08,947
Jessie: Ravi had no choice but to
take the noxious noggin warmer to...
179
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,882
The Fixer.
180
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,083
(Car swerving and crashing)
181
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:13,485
Aw, lemons!
182
00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:14,920
(Car honking)
183
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:17,155
Are you the Fixer?
184
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:18,456
Who wants to know?
185
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,293
I do. That is why I asked.
186
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,195
How'd you get up here?
187
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:29,000
Remind me to have my doorman rubbed
out, and I don't mean by a masseuse.
188
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,737
Miss Fixer, I need your help.
189
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:35,040
I am desperate to get this problem fixed.
190
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:36,975
So why are you twistin' my nose about it?
191
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:39,377
Because your nickname
and your business card
192
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:42,080
rather strongly imply that you fix things.
193
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,016
(Sniffing) Oh!
194
00:09:43,047 --> 00:09:46,781
Yeah, but that thing stinks
like last week's chop suey.
195
00:09:47,453 --> 00:09:49,788
Perhaps this will help?
196
00:09:55,294 --> 00:10:00,465
Deal. Now beat it, unless you want to
stick around for a knuckle sandwich.
197
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,267
No, thank you. I just ate.
198
00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:05,770
(Knuckles cracking)
199
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:09,040
Oh, I get it. That was a
threat, not a menu item.
200
00:10:10,409 --> 00:10:11,509
(Sniffing) Oh!
201
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,947
So Zuri has the toupee? Yes.
202
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,816
And all of my vacation money.
203
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:20,785
Which, let us face it, I was probably
going to use for college anyway.
204
00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:27,192
(Dance music playing)
205
00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:31,830
(Groaning) This is hopeless!
206
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:34,532
Bertram, the problem isn't your
dancing, it's your attitude.
207
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,301
And also your dancing.
208
00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:40,405
You have to show some confidence on stage.
209
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,007
Think of your fans.
210
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,908
This performance is the
highlight of their lives,
211
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:46,411
which I have to assume
are profoundly empty.
212
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,981
But they're expecting "the Hair,"
213
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:50,623
not "the Scalp."
214
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,884
Well then, maybe you could
have a different nickname.
215
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:54,519
Like what?
216
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:56,821
Like... "The Hoarder!" Or "the Napper."
217
00:10:56,823 --> 00:11:01,493
Oh! Oh! How about "the One with an
Unhealthy Obsession for Nesting Dolls"?
218
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:03,294
That won't fit on a T-shirt!
219
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,464
Maybe you could be...
220
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:08,099
"The Hat"? Yeah!
221
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:11,603
We had "the Hat." He quit the band!
222
00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:13,605
You know nothing about Badd Direction!
223
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:21,880
Hey, all I did was take the
toupee and get the smell out,
224
00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:23,481
just like Ravi wanted.
225
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:26,384
That's a relief. I knew
you were a good kid...
226
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:28,253
Despite what Kenny
Chesney's bodyguard says.
227
00:11:30,122 --> 00:11:31,890
So, where's the toupee?
228
00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:32,924
Up a tree.
229
00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:34,459
Please tell me that's a metaphor.
230
00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:37,162
Nope. See, I tried to wash it,
231
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:39,964
but that did not go so
well. I was just following...
232
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:43,001
Jessie: Everyone knew
the Fixer had many skills,
233
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:44,869
but laundry wasn't one of them.
234
00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:47,605
Aw, nuts!
235
00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:49,374
(Blowing)
236
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:52,077
Maybe five bottles of
bubble bath was too much.
237
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:53,211
(Sniffing)
238
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,280
Smells beautiful, though.
239
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,650
Jessie: The Fixer may
have nixed the stink...
240
00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:01,453
(Bird cawing) ...But she
was about to eat crow.
241
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:02,987
Hey!
242
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:05,223
This job is for the birds!
243
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:13,198
So, let me see if I follow your tune.
244
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,367
Some sticky-taloned Maltese
falcon air-lifted the wacky weave
245
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:19,070
to tall, green, and leafy over here?
246
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:23,341
If you have an English
button, please push it!
247
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,110
Sorry, but I am paying $100
248
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,678
for a dialogue coach for
a 30-second commercial.
249
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,180
I gotta get my money's worth.
250
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:32,917
Now, are you sure you saw the bird
bring Bertram's toupee to this tree?
251
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:36,688
Definitely. I watched the whole
thing through the telescope.
252
00:12:36,690 --> 00:12:38,456
Well, there's no hairpiece up here.
253
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,359
Just some binoculars,
and alarmingly large eggs.
254
00:12:43,195 --> 00:12:45,330
(Cawing) (Gasps) No! No!
255
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:46,965
Jessie: Take that, stupid bird!
256
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:47,632
(Grunting)
257
00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:53,037
My belt is stuck on the branch.
258
00:12:53,039 --> 00:12:54,939
(Laughing) (Camera shutter clicks)
259
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:57,008
Wait, these are Luke's and...
260
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,476
I know this tree.
261
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:01,746
Zuri, you said the bird
snatched the toupee at 4:15?
262
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:03,148
Yeah, why?
263
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:05,083
Because this is where Luke sits
264
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:07,652
to watch the 4:00 p.m.
Ladies Trampoline Practice.
265
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:10,955
He must've been up here when the
bird snatched the toup to its coop.
266
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,690
Thank you, Dr. Seuss.
267
00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:15,326
(Cawing) Oh, no!
268
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,695
He's coming back! Help
me! Get me down, quick!
269
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,670
What? You said "quick."
270
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,410
♪ I'm burned but I am free
271
00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:35,647
♪ No more grill marks on my heart ♪
272
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:41,486
So, what do you think
of our hit music video?
273
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,054
I think people must not have had
274
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:46,324
A lot of entertainment
options back then. (Sighing)
275
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,993
Okay, we've all seen Bertram's...
276
00:13:49,461 --> 00:13:51,396
Talents.
277
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:52,730
So now let's help him rehearse.
278
00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:56,000
Thanks, but I'm not going on.
279
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:58,236
I don't want to be the only
one up there with no hair.
280
00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:00,038
Hey, don't think about that.
281
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:03,208
Just remember you have great hair...
282
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,244
On the inside.
283
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:10,582
I'm sure in your warped
mind that was encouraging.
284
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:13,251
Okay, I'll give it a go.
285
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:18,156
But just like when I tried skinny jeans,
I don't think this is gonna work.
286
00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:21,025
At least this time we won't
have to use the Jaws of Life!
287
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:25,063
Why can I not be the cool one?
288
00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:27,165
Genetics.
289
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:28,733
But don't feel bad.
290
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,495
Luke will never read a
book without pictures.
291
00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:33,404
Okay, ready? And...
292
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:36,574
Five, six, seven, eight.
293
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:39,477
♪ First time I saw you on the street
294
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:41,045
♪ You looked at me... ♪
295
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:41,813
I don't know about this...
296
00:14:41,815 --> 00:14:43,781
C'mon, what could go wrong?
297
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,751
(All moaning)
298
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:50,755
What happened here?
299
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:53,558
All I know is we started cabbage patching.
300
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,226
The rest is a blur.
301
00:14:56,662 --> 00:14:57,902
Here, Luke, let me help you up.
302
00:14:58,364 --> 00:14:59,664
Thank you.
303
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:02,166
A-ha! Look at your arm! I know...
304
00:15:02,168 --> 00:15:04,402
I've been working out.
305
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,571
No, I mean, look at these scratches.
306
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,373
You got these in the nest!
307
00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:09,440
You have the toupee!
308
00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:11,409
Hang on...
309
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,077
All this time you were
trying to convince me
310
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:16,147
I can get by without my hair,
and it was you who stole it?
311
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,615
Hey, wait, I can explain.
312
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:19,450
So Luke took the toupee?
313
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,786
I'm glad I'm not the only one.
314
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:23,621
Wait a minute, you stole it too?
315
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,757
Actually, Luke didn't steal it.
316
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:28,693
He took it from a bird, who stole
it from Zuri, who got it from Ravi,
317
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:31,796
who found it where Emma hid it,
after she took it from you. Ha!
318
00:15:32,231 --> 00:15:33,698
Man, I'm good!
319
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,199
I'm gonna sell so much bug spray.
320
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:38,136
Okay, so I took it!
321
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:41,306
But what was I supposed to
do, leave it in that tree?
322
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,574
I was trying to do Bertram a favor.
323
00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:47,211
See, Melinda had just done a double
backflip, when I noticed the toupee.
324
00:15:49,848 --> 00:15:52,850
Jessie: Luke started yammering
that the toupee was in bad shape
325
00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:54,385
because he had to wrestle it away
326
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:56,421
from a pterodactyl with a temper.
327
00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:58,289
I haven't seen this many feathers
328
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,792
since I got tangled up in that
kick line at the Cotton Club!
329
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:05,463
Jessie: He didn't want to
get caught holding the rug,
330
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,131
but before he could fix it...
331
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,800
(Bertram humming)
332
00:16:12,371 --> 00:16:14,339
Hey, Bertie!
333
00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:16,140
What brings you into
this neck of the woods?
334
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,177
My job, unfortunately.
335
00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:21,879
Oh, cheer up, bub.
336
00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:24,182
The Great Depression is over.
337
00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:25,917
You haven't seen my paycheck.
338
00:16:26,785 --> 00:16:27,852
Out!
339
00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:35,693
I meant to go back and
get the toupee cleaned up,
340
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:38,162
but I've been so busy helping
Bertram with his choreography,
341
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:39,630
I totally forgot about it.
342
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,266
How could you forget you had my toupee?
343
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:44,802
All day I've been talking
about how much I need it.
344
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:47,905
In my defense, your
dancing is very distracting.
345
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,809
Okay, so apparently everyone's guilty.
346
00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:54,445
First thing tomorrow, I'll
issue a mass grounding.
347
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:57,181
But for now, the important thing
is we know where the toupee is!
348
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,383
It's in the freezer!
349
00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:01,285
Well, an icy toupee is fine with me!
350
00:17:01,287 --> 00:17:03,388
It'll thaw out before my first pop 'n lock.
351
00:17:05,257 --> 00:17:08,259
Is he talking about his
dance moves, or his joints?
352
00:17:10,829 --> 00:17:12,330
I don't see it!
353
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:13,965
There it is! My toupee?
354
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:16,334
No, but I solved the mystery
of the missing remote.
355
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:17,735
Yay!
356
00:17:23,763 --> 00:17:26,711
Now, I'm not trying to accuse anyone,
but one of you has the toupee.
357
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,446
Jessie, I do not mean to pick nits,
358
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:30,915
but that is a textbook
example of an accusation.
359
00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:34,886
Now, listen here. You
were all in on the grift.
360
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:37,922
You're all hoodlums, punks,
goons, flimflam artists...
361
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:40,925
If she keeps talking like
this, I'm calling a doctor.
362
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:44,829
Cram it, Jeeves!
363
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:46,964
It's her process. Just go with it.
364
00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:50,668
Now, whoever took that
toupee out of the freezer
365
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:53,237
and isn't coming clean
is the lowest of the low.
366
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:54,705
(Croaking)
367
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:55,973
Can it, Kippy.
368
00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,911
Perhaps Mrs. Kipling is hungry.
369
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:03,481
She can't be. I just gave her
some grub. Two frozen rats.
370
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:04,949
(Croaking)
371
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:09,320
Really? Then that means you were the
last one in the freezer, Jessie.
372
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:12,356
And that's where the
toupee was last seen...
373
00:18:12,358 --> 00:18:15,293
Wait, you guys think I pinched the rug?
374
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,861
That's a bunch of hooey!
375
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,629
I never touched it, see,
and I'll prove it to you.
376
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:19,705
Here's what happened...
377
00:18:19,736 --> 00:18:22,600
Jessie: Rat wrangling was
never my favorite chore...
378
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:25,002
Still, this dame was game.
379
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:29,273
I gave a hungry lizard her
chow, and that's all she wrote.
380
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,542
Anyone who thinks I took
Bertram's toupee is...
381
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:32,610
(Record scratching)
382
00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:37,849
Ugh.
383
00:18:38,917 --> 00:18:42,453
There's a rat in this story, and
it's not the one Kipling ate!
384
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:45,957
You fed Bertram's toupee to Mrs. Kipling?
385
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,725
It was an honest mistake!
386
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,727
I didn't mean to mess up the toupee!
387
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,329
We messed it up.
388
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:52,404
You destroyed it.
389
00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:55,433
And you call yourself a fake detective.
390
00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:57,068
Hey, I'm the one who solved the crime!
391
00:18:57,070 --> 00:18:58,569
You committed the crime!
392
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:00,004
I'm pretty sure those
cancel each other out!
393
00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:02,507
No, no... (All arguing)
394
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:05,476
Stop it! You were all involved in this.
395
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,045
And thanks to you, my
reunion concert is ruined!
396
00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:12,350
Nanny, ground thyself.
397
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,322
Hey, Bertram.
398
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,324
I'm sorry I fed your toupee to the lizard.
399
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:23,094
I tried to find a card
for that, but no such luck.
400
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:27,064
It's okay. You didn't
know what you were doing.
401
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:28,633
Which is kind of par for the course.
402
00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:34,805
Look, Bertram, I really think you
should perform with Badd Direction.
403
00:19:34,807 --> 00:19:37,008
You've waited 25 years for this!
404
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:40,344
I can't. Not without my secret weapon.
405
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:44,649
Well, I've only known you without your
hair, and... I think you're wonderful.
406
00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:46,884
I mean, think of all the
things you're good at.
407
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:48,586
Like what? Well, you can...
408
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,087
Huh?
409
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:51,822
And there's... Uh...
410
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:53,391
(Chuckling)
411
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:55,359
Let's not get bogged down in the details.
412
00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:59,997
The point is, every single one of
those kids went out of their way
413
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:01,866
to make sure you looked great tonight.
414
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,568
I mean, Zuri did laundry for you.
415
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:05,803
(Chuckles) That was sweet.
416
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:07,772
By the way, the new
machine's coming tomorrow.
417
00:20:11,109 --> 00:20:13,411
Look, we all believe in you, Bertram.
418
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:14,812
Really? Luke: Really.
419
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:16,781
(Gasps)
420
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:17,848
Aww...
421
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:20,918
(Chuckles)
422
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,387
We are your secret weapon.
423
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:26,090
And we'll be rooting for you when
you are up on that stage tonight,
424
00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:29,393
showing everyone why you still
get free fish in Finland.
425
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,161
(Laughs)
426
00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:31,662
I appreciate it, guys, but...
427
00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:33,731
No, no, no. No buts.
428
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:37,034
Now you get up on that stage and you give
those fans what they've been waiting for.
429
00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:39,036
Their social security checks?
430
00:20:40,672 --> 00:20:42,406
No!
431
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:47,144
Badd Direction has a new direction,
and it's bigger, better, and bald!
432
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:51,048
You're right! I'm going to go
out there and give it my all!
433
00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:52,817
I just hope they don't laugh at me.
434
00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:54,919
Of course they won't laugh at you!
435
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,822
They paid $65 to see some
middle-aged one-hit wonders.
436
00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:59,557
They have no business laughing at anybody.
437
00:21:03,795 --> 00:21:06,564
♪ First time I saw you on the street
438
00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:09,100
♪ You looked at me so warm and sweet
439
00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:14,138
♪ Frothed me up like a fine souffle
♪ Then brought me down, baby
440
00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:15,206
♪ Don't go!
441
00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:18,476
♪ No matter how I tried Is
that one "the Heartbreaker"?
442
00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:19,577
More like the hip-breaker.
443
00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:25,916
♪ Can't take any more of you
♪ Even with gravy ♪ So dry!
444
00:21:25,918 --> 00:21:30,988
♪ This is the brand new me ♪
Don't mean your fricassee
445
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:36,560
♪ I'm burned but I am free ♪ No
more grill marks on my heart ♪
446
00:21:37,229 --> 00:21:38,496
(Audience cheering)
447
00:21:41,533 --> 00:21:42,967
(Laughing)
448
00:21:44,069 --> 00:21:46,003
Thank you, Central Park!
449
00:21:48,573 --> 00:21:50,241
I'm so happy for Bertram!
450
00:21:50,243 --> 00:21:51,709
Me too!
451
00:21:51,711 --> 00:21:54,211
And I actually enjoyed the concert.
452
00:21:54,213 --> 00:21:57,214
Although, Bertram's crowd
surfing was rather unpleasant.
453
00:21:57,216 --> 00:21:59,684
His heinie is excessively sweaty.
454
00:21:59,686 --> 00:22:01,085
(Audience cheering)
455
00:22:05,190 --> 00:22:08,192
You're all bald, too?
456
00:22:08,194 --> 00:22:11,696
Wow! And I thought the fans
were flipping their wigs.
457
00:22:11,698 --> 00:22:14,665
See? All Bertram needed
was a little confidence.
458
00:22:17,269 --> 00:22:19,937
You are all my disciples!
459
00:22:19,939 --> 00:22:23,174
And I... I'm a golden god!
460
00:22:24,276 --> 00:22:25,543
Wow.
461
00:22:25,545 --> 00:22:29,613
I think we built up his
confidence a little too much.
462
00:22:29,615 --> 00:22:32,149
Oh, no! He's gonna crowd surf again!
463
00:22:32,151 --> 00:22:33,517
Run!
464
00:22:33,519 --> 00:22:35,553
(Thudding) (Glass breaking)
465
00:22:35,555 --> 00:22:38,289
Jessie: So, the bug spray
people told me to bug off.
466
00:22:38,291 --> 00:22:41,192
My career was as dead as those roaches.
467
00:22:41,194 --> 00:22:44,261
But at least I cracked the
Case of the Wandering Wig.
468
00:22:44,963 --> 00:22:46,230
Still...
469
00:22:46,232 --> 00:22:48,933
There was one little
question gnawing at me.
470
00:22:48,935 --> 00:22:50,301
If the lizard ate the hair,
471
00:22:50,303 --> 00:22:52,303
then why hadn't the perp pooped the toup?
472
00:22:57,309 --> 00:22:59,543
(Croaking)
36109
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