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1
00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:05,640
Ugh! Really?
2
00:00:05,648 --> 00:00:07,819
You coming?
3
00:00:07,820 --> 00:00:09,809
(CROWD CHEERING)
4
00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:14,689
(LIVE MUSIC RISING)
5
00:00:14,690 --> 00:00:17,020
_
6
00:00:18,248 --> 00:00:20,330
("ANGEL" BY SARAH MCLACHLAN)
7
00:00:20,340 --> 00:00:22,599
? In the arms ?
8
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:25,497
? Of the angel ?
9
00:00:25,498 --> 00:00:29,537
? Fly away ?
10
00:00:29,538 --> 00:00:31,967
? From here ?
11
00:00:31,968 --> 00:00:34,805
- ? From this... ?
- (TRUCK HONKING)
12
00:00:34,806 --> 00:00:37,869
Tell your mom to stop texting!
13
00:00:37,870 --> 00:00:39,500
(PHONE CHIMING REPEATEDLY)
14
00:00:40,348 --> 00:00:42,117
- (THUD)
- Oh!
15
00:00:42,118 --> 00:00:44,523
Oh... God.
16
00:00:44,524 --> 00:00:46,987
Oh, my God! My sister's having her baby!
17
00:00:46,988 --> 00:00:49,359
Right now! In the kitchen!
18
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:50,863
- (SCREAMS)
- (PHONE CHIMING)
19
00:00:52,028 --> 00:00:53,737
New plan!
20
00:00:53,738 --> 00:00:56,285
My family needs me!
21
00:00:56,286 --> 00:00:58,869
(FAST-PACED ROCK MUSIC)
22
00:00:58,870 --> 00:01:00,479
Does this thing go any faster?
23
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:02,123
My sister's having a kitchen baby!
24
00:01:02,124 --> 00:01:03,959
This was mine. These were mine.
25
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:06,295
Oh, those are mine.
26
00:01:06,296 --> 00:01:09,007
How is it that you're packed so fast?
27
00:01:09,008 --> 00:01:10,799
I've had a runner bag since day one.
28
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:12,885
Well, that speaks volumes, Cale.
29
00:01:12,886 --> 00:01:14,759
Yes. It does.
30
00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:18,079
I feel really bad that I'm missing
the last show of the tour.
31
00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,936
You know how I like to follow
through on things that I start!
32
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,340
I'm never gonna finish this.
33
00:01:24,897 --> 00:01:26,639
Do you think I'm gonna get back press
34
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:27,983
for not being at the show tonight?
35
00:01:27,984 --> 00:01:30,278
I'll spin it so you sound
like a good person.
36
00:01:30,279 --> 00:01:31,899
I'm no doctor,
37
00:01:31,900 --> 00:01:34,340
but considering this is her fourth baby,
38
00:01:34,350 --> 00:01:36,679
she's gonna launch that
thing across the room
39
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,245
like a friggin' t-shirt cannon
at a Flames game.
40
00:01:39,246 --> 00:01:43,079
OK, also, I'm taking the coffee
41
00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:46,700
because it was very expensive
and I bought it in Portland.
42
00:01:46,708 --> 00:01:50,249
Come on, buddy!
Drive it like you stole it!
43
00:01:50,250 --> 00:01:54,927
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)
44
00:02:01,650 --> 00:02:03,430
(INDISTINCT SPEAKING OVER RADIO)
45
00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:08,097
What?!
46
00:02:08,098 --> 00:02:09,859
That woman has issues.
47
00:02:11,670 --> 00:02:13,487
OK. Bye-bye, ding-dong.
48
00:02:13,488 --> 00:02:16,107
Wow.
49
00:02:16,108 --> 00:02:18,449
(DOOR SHUTS)
50
00:02:18,450 --> 00:02:20,103
(BABY COOING)
51
00:02:20,104 --> 00:02:21,497
You couldn't friggin' wait for me?!
52
00:02:21,498 --> 00:02:23,163
(ALL): Jann!
53
00:02:23,164 --> 00:02:24,677
(THEME MUSIC)
54
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:27,001
I bet you could pick me up.
55
00:02:28,180 --> 00:02:29,460
Yeah, I'm sure I could.
56
00:02:29,462 --> 00:02:32,160
Kitten's still got it goin' on.
57
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,801
Hi, guys!
58
00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:37,219
Oh...
59
00:02:37,220 --> 00:02:39,467
you guys still feelin'
kinda hot for each other
60
00:02:39,468 --> 00:02:41,973
after all the... gross stuff
that just went on here?
61
00:02:41,974 --> 00:02:44,040
We don't actually think of it as gross.
62
00:02:45,620 --> 00:02:47,590
- How are you even here?
- I took a bus!
63
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,229
Right, but who told you
what was happening?
64
00:02:49,230 --> 00:02:50,399
I did!
65
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,859
Oh. Group text is a privilege,
not a right, Nora.
66
00:02:52,860 --> 00:02:56,419
Anyway, wanna meet
your little niece... Ivy?
67
00:02:56,420 --> 00:02:58,320
- No.
- That's not it. Mm-mm.
68
00:02:58,324 --> 00:03:00,319
It doesn't have a name yet?
69
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:03,160
No, she doesn't.
She literally just got here.
70
00:03:03,170 --> 00:03:06,149
Do you wanna hold little... Sophie?
71
00:03:06,150 --> 00:03:09,359
- That's not right.
- My two-year rule still applies.
72
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,260
You just Lion King the thing for me?
73
00:03:11,270 --> 00:03:13,422
I don't even start liking until
they can tell their own jokes.
74
00:03:13,423 --> 00:03:15,499
- Knock, knock.
- Not now.
75
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:16,869
Aww.
76
00:03:16,870 --> 00:03:19,119
She really is so cute.
77
00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,221
Congratulations. So, how did...
78
00:03:21,222 --> 00:03:24,477
- How did it go... down there?
- Well, you know.
79
00:03:24,478 --> 00:03:27,018
After a while. I wasn't even
present in my own body.
80
00:03:27,019 --> 00:03:28,893
It's incredible what we're capable of.
81
00:03:28,894 --> 00:03:31,039
Is this the kiddie pool
I bought for the girls?
82
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,479
- Yeah.
- We got one summer out this pool?!
83
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,020
And the baby.
84
00:03:35,027 --> 00:03:37,946
- Did you get us anything?
- Yes, I did.
85
00:03:37,947 --> 00:03:40,699
- OK.
- They're tour crew shirts.
86
00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:42,909
They're XL, but they're
gonna look so cute belted.
87
00:03:42,910 --> 00:03:45,269
And... sugar.
88
00:03:45,270 --> 00:03:46,799
- No. No.
- More throwing. OK.
89
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:50,250
- That's a lot of throwing.
- I'm glad you came.
90
00:03:50,251 --> 00:03:52,543
- (KISSING SOUND)
- Both my girls at home,
91
00:03:52,544 --> 00:03:53,719
and I have a new grand baby.
92
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,548
- Oh, it's a good day.
- I missed you, Mom.
93
00:03:56,549 --> 00:03:59,635
- Oh, I got you something too.
- Are you gonna throw it?!
94
00:03:59,636 --> 00:04:02,839
Wow, a matching leisure suit.
95
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:04,019
- Yeah.
- Oh, a bit flashy,
96
00:04:04,020 --> 00:04:06,058
but if I ever make it back to Reno...
97
00:04:06,059 --> 00:04:07,739
That's the spirit, Mom!
98
00:04:07,740 --> 00:04:10,062
Well, this has been a lot.
99
00:04:11,147 --> 00:04:13,063
I'm gonna let you guys just relax.
100
00:04:13,064 --> 00:04:14,839
You might wanna air this place out.
101
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,235
Maybe you could just leave
the door open when you leave?
102
00:04:17,236 --> 00:04:19,447
Sure. Dave, do you mind
giving me a lift home?
103
00:04:19,448 --> 00:04:21,109
You're being serious?
104
00:04:21,110 --> 00:04:22,989
- Yeah.
- You want me to leave my wife
105
00:04:22,990 --> 00:04:24,285
and newborn to drive you home?
106
00:04:24,286 --> 00:04:25,989
The bus left.
107
00:04:25,990 --> 00:04:28,449
It'll only take us like, 45 minutes.
108
00:04:28,450 --> 00:04:30,899
And... if it'll make you happy,
109
00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:32,919
we can skip the trip
to the grocery store
110
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:34,796
and I'll just take some
stuff from you guys,
111
00:04:34,797 --> 00:04:36,588
like... this casserole.
112
00:04:36,589 --> 00:04:37,749
This is unreal.
113
00:04:37,750 --> 00:04:40,802
It's not like the baby is going
to remember any of this.
114
00:04:40,803 --> 00:04:44,679
I know you think your child
is a genius, but come on.
115
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:45,699
(DOOR OPENS)
116
00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:47,349
Hi!
117
00:04:47,350 --> 00:04:49,518
Congratulations! Aww!
118
00:04:49,519 --> 00:04:51,599
- Hi, Nora!
- Hi.
119
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:54,309
- She's adorable.
- Thank you.
120
00:04:54,310 --> 00:04:56,150
Hey, Cynthia.
121
00:04:57,550 --> 00:04:58,611
Jann.
122
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,613
How did you know I was back?
123
00:05:00,614 --> 00:05:03,529
I didn't. I came because of the baby.
124
00:05:03,530 --> 00:05:04,699
Right.
125
00:05:04,700 --> 00:05:06,451
Well, I didn't want to intrude.
126
00:05:06,452 --> 00:05:09,477
I just wanted to drop this and
see if you guys needed anything.
127
00:05:09,478 --> 00:05:11,707
- Oh, thank you.
- You could drive Jann home!
128
00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:15,459
Anything to help.
129
00:05:15,460 --> 00:05:17,212
I will call you guys
130
00:05:17,213 --> 00:05:19,784
and let you know that I
have arrived home safely.
131
00:05:19,785 --> 00:05:21,459
- Sure.
- I love you, Max.
132
00:05:21,460 --> 00:05:22,884
I think you're absolutely incredible,
133
00:05:22,885 --> 00:05:24,470
and I'm really proud of you.
134
00:05:24,472 --> 00:05:25,800
Thanks for nothing, Dave.
135
00:05:27,690 --> 00:05:29,058
Let's get the lead out, Cynthia.
136
00:05:29,059 --> 00:05:33,562
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)
137
00:05:33,563 --> 00:05:36,308
Why does it seem like
nobody's happy to see me?
138
00:05:36,309 --> 00:05:39,939
Maybe it's because
people are still upset?
139
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,404
Because I went on tour?
140
00:05:41,405 --> 00:05:43,440
Your sister was put on bedrest
141
00:05:43,447 --> 00:05:46,075
and your mother was diagnosed
with Alzheimer's,
142
00:05:46,076 --> 00:05:47,519
but you left anyway.
143
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:50,412
The whole trip was a disaster.
It's not like I had a good time.
144
00:05:50,413 --> 00:05:52,409
That's a shame.
145
00:05:52,410 --> 00:05:54,819
There were days
I was scared for my life.
146
00:05:54,820 --> 00:05:57,099
- I'm sure.
- Everything that could go wrong
147
00:05:57,100 --> 00:05:59,460
- did go wrong.
- Couldn't've been that bad.
148
00:05:59,463 --> 00:06:00,548
Oh.
149
00:06:00,550 --> 00:06:02,089
(RETCHING)
150
00:06:02,090 --> 00:06:04,699
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, no. The chili's bad.
151
00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:05,889
We gotta send some runners out
152
00:06:05,890 --> 00:06:07,346
to get some plastic sheets for the bus.
153
00:06:07,347 --> 00:06:08,431
(STOMACH GURGLING)
154
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:09,977
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
155
00:06:09,978 --> 00:06:13,143
- (WOMAN): Woo! Encore!
- (CROWD GASPING)
156
00:06:13,144 --> 00:06:15,519
? ... of the angels ?
157
00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:17,890
- (CROWD SCREAMING)
- Seriously?!
158
00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:19,730
(SCOFFS)
159
00:06:19,734 --> 00:06:22,278
- That does sound terrible.
- Every day was a fresh hell.
160
00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:24,439
Sarah must be beside herself.
161
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:26,363
She blames the whole run of bad luck
162
00:06:26,364 --> 00:06:28,199
on losing her "lucky scrunchie".
163
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,953
So basically, the woman
has revealed herself to be
164
00:06:30,954 --> 00:06:33,199
a superstitious nutcase.
165
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:34,707
What's a lucky scrunchie?
166
00:06:34,708 --> 00:06:35,875
Exactly!
167
00:06:37,050 --> 00:06:38,999
I need to tell you something.
168
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,045
What's that?
169
00:06:40,046 --> 00:06:42,422
Well, something happened and
it's the reason I stood you up.
170
00:06:42,423 --> 00:06:46,207
The day before I left,
I may have lightly...
171
00:06:46,208 --> 00:06:48,094
- Oh, God!
- Oh!
172
00:06:48,095 --> 00:06:49,930
... made out with my ex, Reggie.
173
00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:51,973
- Stop yourself.
- That's just it! I couldn't.
174
00:06:51,974 --> 00:06:54,976
I was caught up in this tidal
wave of unbridled passion.
175
00:06:54,977 --> 00:06:57,561
It was like that time you and I
got jiggy with it on the Sea-Doo.
176
00:06:57,562 --> 00:06:58,980
- Stop it!
- I absolutely did not mean
177
00:06:58,981 --> 00:07:02,589
for this to happen, but
I was looking so good...
178
00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:04,739
- Oh, my God!
- We didn't go all the way.
179
00:07:04,740 --> 00:07:06,479
- It was close.
- I don't need the details.
180
00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,431
And then, these Christian boys showed up
181
00:07:08,432 --> 00:07:10,323
and everything got really,
really awkward.
182
00:07:10,324 --> 00:07:12,578
- Oh!
- I thought about you the whole time...
183
00:07:12,579 --> 00:07:15,240
Mainly because I knew you'd be pissed.
184
00:07:15,247 --> 00:07:18,977
I once made love on a tour bus.
185
00:07:18,978 --> 00:07:20,807
Please, Mom!
186
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:23,672
- Can I finish my story?!
- (CYNTHIA SIGHS)
187
00:07:23,673 --> 00:07:27,090
(UPBEAT COUNTRY MUSIC)
188
00:07:34,260 --> 00:07:36,949
- (GROANING)
- I truly am sorry
189
00:07:36,950 --> 00:07:39,039
that your feelings were hurt, Cyn.
190
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,523
I really appreciate you
giving me a lift home.
191
00:07:41,524 --> 00:07:43,943
I didn't do it for you.
I did it for Max.
192
00:07:43,944 --> 00:07:45,519
Burn!
193
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,738
Where are you getting
all this stuff from, Mom?
194
00:07:47,739 --> 00:07:51,279
From my grandkids. I am hip. Boo!
195
00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:52,947
What's going on?
196
00:07:52,948 --> 00:07:55,329
Oh, here we go! Ah!
197
00:07:55,330 --> 00:07:58,417
Mom... aren't you gonna stay with me?
198
00:07:58,418 --> 00:08:00,626
Oh, I have a grandbaby to cuddle!
199
00:08:00,630 --> 00:08:04,019
And Cynthia promised that
we'd go to the Dairy Queen
200
00:08:04,020 --> 00:08:05,319
before we get back.
201
00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:07,419
You couldn't have stopped at Dairy Queen
202
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,050
before you dropped me off?
203
00:08:09,051 --> 00:08:10,460
Well...
204
00:08:12,430 --> 00:08:16,976
(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
205
00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,730
(BIRD CHIRPING)
206
00:08:24,110 --> 00:08:27,402
- Can I ask you something?
- (SIRI): Ask away.
207
00:08:27,403 --> 00:08:30,047
How do you know if you're
the person who's right
208
00:08:30,048 --> 00:08:32,039
or the person who is wrong?
209
00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:35,959
I don't know how I know.
I just know. You know?
210
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,230
- Thanks for nothing!
- No problem.
211
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:42,499
Hey, Rhonda!
212
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,789
Oh! Hi, Jann! Welcome home.
213
00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:46,679
Wanna hang out?
214
00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:49,008
Can't. I've got salsa class tonight.
215
00:08:50,009 --> 00:08:51,620
We're making mild.
216
00:08:51,630 --> 00:08:54,040
I gotta hit the rapids.
217
00:08:55,431 --> 00:09:00,099
- (SPLASHING)
- I'm gonna die alone! (ECHOING)
218
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:02,379
- Hey, Jann.
- Hey, Cale.
219
00:09:02,380 --> 00:09:03,819
I was kind of enjoying my alone time.
220
00:09:03,820 --> 00:09:05,619
I could've used a longer
break from you too,
221
00:09:05,620 --> 00:09:06,983
but we've got business to discuss.
222
00:09:06,984 --> 00:09:09,819
- What's in the envelope?
- In a minute.
223
00:09:09,820 --> 00:09:11,113
First...
224
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:15,360
First, we're almost closed on the
spokeswoman gig for Alpine Credit.
225
00:09:15,367 --> 00:09:17,452
- OK.
- Here is your cheque for Burning Woman.
226
00:09:17,453 --> 00:09:19,619
It's your fee minus my 15%.
227
00:09:19,620 --> 00:09:20,919
Yes!
228
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:24,209
Mama's gonna get a new night guard!
229
00:09:24,210 --> 00:09:25,359
I'm not surprised you need one.
230
00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:26,789
Between your teeth
grinding and your snoring,
231
00:09:26,790 --> 00:09:28,790
you sound like a jackhammer
hitting a sewer pipe.
232
00:09:28,798 --> 00:09:32,051
- A lot of people do, Cale.
- Coupled with night terrors.
233
00:09:32,052 --> 00:09:34,379
I'm the one who took baton!
234
00:09:34,380 --> 00:09:35,637
(SCREAMING)
235
00:09:35,638 --> 00:09:38,348
I am not on the pill!
236
00:09:38,349 --> 00:09:39,849
(CRYING)
237
00:09:39,850 --> 00:09:43,269
Yeah, they removed one of the
nipples that was on my back.
238
00:09:43,270 --> 00:09:44,647
Well, don't touch it!
239
00:09:44,648 --> 00:09:45,940
(WHOOSHING SOUND)
240
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,755
So, what's in the envelope?
241
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:50,879
Hot off the presses.
242
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:52,939
It's the first copy of your memoir.
243
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:55,097
Oh, yeah!
244
00:09:55,098 --> 00:09:57,617
I forgot that I had
Todd write this for me.
245
00:09:57,618 --> 00:10:00,078
I Don't Know, You Do It
246
00:10:00,079 --> 00:10:02,080
- is the title of my book?
- Don't ask me.
247
00:10:02,081 --> 00:10:04,081
- This is between you and Todd.
- (PHONE APP RINGING)
248
00:10:04,083 --> 00:10:05,417
_
249
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,329
(TODD): Hey, Jann.
Quick question for you.
250
00:10:09,330 --> 00:10:11,139
What do you want the title
of your memoir to be?
251
00:10:11,140 --> 00:10:13,216
I don't know. You do it.
252
00:10:13,217 --> 00:10:15,093
Oh, that's on me.
253
00:10:15,094 --> 00:10:18,429
My family seems so upset with me, Cale.
254
00:10:18,430 --> 00:10:21,349
Babies are important to
some people. It's odd.
255
00:10:21,350 --> 00:10:22,679
It is odd.
256
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:24,769
Finally, something we can agree on.
257
00:10:24,770 --> 00:10:27,564
Your family probably wishes
you never went on tour.
258
00:10:27,565 --> 00:10:28,899
So selfish.
259
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:31,609
You have trouble reading social cues.
260
00:10:31,610 --> 00:10:33,027
You should take an online quiz
261
00:10:33,028 --> 00:10:35,446
- and see if you're a sociopath.
- I've taken them all!
262
00:10:35,447 --> 00:10:37,867
Not one of them is even
remotely accurate.
263
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:39,739
Are we done?
264
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:42,139
This kind of exchange
depletes my energy.
265
00:10:42,140 --> 00:10:43,409
I am not Todd.
266
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:46,454
- No, you are not Todd.
- The book launch is tomorrow.
267
00:10:46,455 --> 00:10:47,639
Have you decided what passage
268
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:48,752
you're gonna read from the book?
269
00:10:48,753 --> 00:10:50,043
Yeah. I'm... I'm good.
270
00:10:50,044 --> 00:10:51,299
You're just gonna open it
271
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:52,630
and randomly start reading, aren't you?
272
00:10:52,631 --> 00:10:55,593
No! No, I'm not.
273
00:10:58,387 --> 00:11:01,765
(UPBEAT RHYTHMIC MUSIC)
274
00:11:05,769 --> 00:11:07,759
What is all this?
275
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,739
I used some of my Burning Woman money
276
00:11:09,740 --> 00:11:12,299
to buy Max and the
family a bunch of stuff.
277
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:14,260
That's just the kind of
thoughtful person I am.
278
00:11:14,270 --> 00:11:17,739
A 16-gallon jar of
pickles, fireplace tools,
279
00:11:17,740 --> 00:11:19,783
an enormous teddy bear, kiddie pool...
280
00:11:19,784 --> 00:11:21,909
and a CPR dummy?!
281
00:11:21,910 --> 00:11:23,954
It came with its own carrying case!
282
00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:26,579
See this turnout?
283
00:11:26,580 --> 00:11:28,751
Your visibility's up
since Burning Woman.
284
00:11:28,752 --> 00:11:31,009
- Is my family here?
- Doubtful.
285
00:11:31,010 --> 00:11:33,439
Wrong! My family totally supports me.
286
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:34,840
- Hi, Charlie.
- Hi!
287
00:11:34,850 --> 00:11:37,425
Hi... Jann's niece.
288
00:11:37,426 --> 00:11:39,261
I know you know my name, Cale.
289
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:43,089
- Thank you so much for coming!
- Yeah!
290
00:11:43,090 --> 00:11:44,559
You texted. You said
it was an emergency.
291
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:46,601
It is. The Yogo Pops are melting.
292
00:11:46,602 --> 00:11:49,089
Do you mind taking this
stuff to your place?
293
00:11:49,090 --> 00:11:50,522
- Sure.
- Listen, Charlie,
294
00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:52,277
did Max and Dave even mention
295
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:54,109
the possibility of coming
to my book launch?
296
00:11:55,580 --> 00:11:56,609
You know what?
297
00:11:56,610 --> 00:11:59,619
I think they're just... a
little bit tired, you know.
298
00:11:59,620 --> 00:12:02,116
With the baby, they don't
really get any sleep,
299
00:12:02,117 --> 00:12:03,459
- so...
- Yeah.
300
00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:06,530
Well, can you just make sure they
know who bought all this stuff?
301
00:12:06,538 --> 00:12:08,374
I'm pretty sure they'll figure it out.
302
00:12:08,375 --> 00:12:09,708
(JANN): OK.
303
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,839
She's a singer.
304
00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:15,899
She's a songwriter.
305
00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:17,629
And now, she's an author.
306
00:12:17,630 --> 00:12:18,800
Jann Arden!
307
00:12:18,801 --> 00:12:21,303
(APPLAUSE AND SCATTERED CHEERING)
308
00:12:24,056 --> 00:12:26,224
Thank you!
309
00:12:26,225 --> 00:12:28,351
Thank you so much.
It would've been so great
310
00:12:28,352 --> 00:12:31,312
if you'd have been able to bring
some friends with you to fill up
311
00:12:31,313 --> 00:12:33,731
the rest of these seats, but whatever.
312
00:12:33,732 --> 00:12:35,525
Anyway...
313
00:12:35,526 --> 00:12:38,070
just gonna go... plow ahead here.
314
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:42,759
Uh, I'm gonna read you one
of my favourite passages
315
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:44,359
from my memoir.
316
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:45,994
Ahem!
317
00:12:45,995 --> 00:12:49,899
"Many describe my dulcet
voice as angelic,
318
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:53,969
"saying my songs transcended
time and space,
319
00:12:53,970 --> 00:12:57,799
uniting all souls who heard them."
320
00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,173
Wow, that... that does
sound a bit egotistical,
321
00:13:00,174 --> 00:13:03,139
doesn't it? Obviously,
the person who wrote this
322
00:13:03,140 --> 00:13:06,019
thinks very, very highly of me, uh...
323
00:13:06,020 --> 00:13:07,299
which would be me!
324
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:09,679
I think very highly of me because...
325
00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:11,519
I wrote my own memoir.
326
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:17,219
OK. But enough about
my mellifluous... voice.
327
00:13:17,220 --> 00:13:18,568
Not a word I'd use.
328
00:13:18,569 --> 00:13:21,612
Except here, because I used it
329
00:13:21,613 --> 00:13:24,198
when I wrote this book myself.
330
00:13:24,199 --> 00:13:26,451
She's probably just
going to the bathroom.
331
00:13:26,452 --> 00:13:28,202
The flu is going around too.
332
00:13:28,203 --> 00:13:29,912
Could very easily have diarrhea.
333
00:13:29,913 --> 00:13:32,291
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)
334
00:13:34,918 --> 00:13:37,462
Hi, Jann! I saw you
on tour with Sarah...
335
00:13:37,463 --> 00:13:39,922
the night she was
attacked by killer bees.
336
00:13:39,923 --> 00:13:42,379
Right! She was only stung
a couple of times.
337
00:13:42,380 --> 00:13:43,968
I don't know what all
the tears were for.
338
00:13:43,969 --> 00:13:46,471
She had the Jimmy eye for like... a day.
339
00:13:46,472 --> 00:13:49,390
- (NERVOUS CHUCKLING)
- She's kind of pathetic, really.
340
00:13:49,391 --> 00:13:52,810
Is this the line for maple
bacon pierogi samples?
341
00:13:52,811 --> 00:13:55,063
- No.
- Oh. What samples do you have?
342
00:13:55,064 --> 00:13:57,607
- None.
- They don't have to be maple bacon.
343
00:13:57,608 --> 00:14:00,234
Hey, Todd! Great to see you!
344
00:14:00,235 --> 00:14:03,404
- Great to see you!
- You waited in line to see me?
345
00:14:03,405 --> 00:14:05,991
- Didn't buy the express pass.
- Will you sign my book?
346
00:14:05,992 --> 00:14:07,639
Of course.
347
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,179
- How are you?
- Great.
348
00:14:09,180 --> 00:14:11,899
Really great. Been spending
a lot of time with my family.
349
00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:13,839
- Oh, yeah. You have one of those.
- I do, yes.
350
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,751
Plus, I... I have a new client.
351
00:14:15,752 --> 00:14:17,979
Yeah. She's super talented
352
00:14:17,980 --> 00:14:19,560
and, um, she's getting
some real attention.
353
00:14:19,561 --> 00:14:20,964
It's exciting to see her on the rise.
354
00:14:20,965 --> 00:14:22,579
I'm not familiar with her.
355
00:14:22,580 --> 00:14:23,841
I didn't tell you her name yet.
356
00:14:23,842 --> 00:14:25,965
- I don't need to hear it.
- OK.
357
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:28,999
- Anyway, I am so happy for you!
- Thanks, Jann.
358
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,599
That means a lot. And I know
it's not easy for you to say.
359
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,518
It's got nothing on mellifluous.
360
00:14:33,519 --> 00:14:35,929
- (TODD SIGHS)
- (JANN CHUCKLES)
361
00:14:35,930 --> 00:14:38,859
- Quite the word you used there.
- And moment over!
362
00:14:38,860 --> 00:14:40,599
Didn't even know mellifluous.
363
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,694
- Congratulations, Jann.
- Not the Disney girl, right?
364
00:14:42,695 --> 00:14:44,340
- No, way less evil.
- Mellifluous.
365
00:14:45,380 --> 00:14:47,779
So, how was life on tour with Jann?
366
00:14:47,780 --> 00:14:48,789
It was good.
367
00:14:48,790 --> 00:14:50,952
Even her aggressive night gas?
368
00:14:50,953 --> 00:14:52,370
- (FLATULENCE)
- Oh!
369
00:14:52,371 --> 00:14:54,497
(CRYING)
370
00:14:54,498 --> 00:14:57,042
- Didn't smell it.
- (SOFTLY): Really?
371
00:14:58,300 --> 00:14:59,961
I only smell fear.
372
00:14:59,962 --> 00:15:02,120
- I'm gonna go.
- (SNIFFING)
373
00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:08,552
- Ahem!
- (JANN): Hey. What's your name?
374
00:15:08,553 --> 00:15:10,639
Well, Heather, but it's not for me.
375
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:12,307
Could you write,
"congrats on the new baby"?
376
00:15:12,308 --> 00:15:13,830
My book is good for a gift?
377
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:16,079
Definitely! New moms need
something fluffy to read
378
00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:17,396
that doesn't take much mental effort.
379
00:15:17,397 --> 00:15:18,809
Thank you!
380
00:15:18,810 --> 00:15:20,699
- Who had the baby?
- It's one of my clients.
381
00:15:20,700 --> 00:15:21,799
I'm a mother's helper.
382
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:23,983
I get parents through those
really tough early days
383
00:15:23,984 --> 00:15:25,360
when they're barely sleeping.
384
00:15:26,822 --> 00:15:29,239
Heather, I need you to come with me.
385
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:30,840
You gotta trust me on this.
386
00:15:30,850 --> 00:15:33,429
You just have to trust me on this.
387
00:15:33,430 --> 00:15:35,247
- Event over.
- (CROWD GROANING)
388
00:15:36,620 --> 00:15:39,860
- Pierogi samples, aisle 26.
- (WOMAN): Yeah!
389
00:15:40,085 --> 00:15:44,214
(UPBEAT COUNTRY MUSIC)
390
00:15:46,580 --> 00:15:48,610
Oh... my.
391
00:15:48,618 --> 00:15:51,012
- Heh. Someone went all-out.
- That was me.
392
00:15:51,013 --> 00:15:54,679
Yeah. Yeah, this was all
me too. I don't know
393
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:56,219
why this stuff's still out here,
394
00:15:56,220 --> 00:15:58,897
but she just had a baby so
they're gonna bring it in.
395
00:15:58,898 --> 00:16:01,299
Just so you're aware, people
usually want to meet me
396
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,519
- and check my references before...
- Oh, not me, Heather.
397
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:07,340
I go with my gut. They are gonna
be so grateful that I did this.
398
00:16:08,130 --> 00:16:09,300
Yoo-hoo!
399
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,580
- Get the door.
- OK.
400
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,359
Hey, Jann.
401
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,622
You're just coming right in now, huh?
402
00:16:16,623 --> 00:16:17,799
- Cool.
- Hey...
403
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,279
Hey, wow. You look so tired.
404
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,439
Yes, I am aware that I look like
405
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,008
an extra from The Walking
Dead. Thank you.
406
00:16:23,010 --> 00:16:24,829
No, you look like a zombie.
407
00:16:24,830 --> 00:16:27,288
- And, Dave, you look anemic.
- Thanks.
408
00:16:27,289 --> 00:16:28,859
What are we doing here?
409
00:16:28,860 --> 00:16:31,519
I am here to solve all your
problems. This is Heather.
410
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:34,559
She's a mother's helper,
which you clearly need,
411
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:37,239
because you guys are starting
to look like those things
412
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:40,068
that wanna suck Harry Potter's
soul out through his face.
413
00:16:40,069 --> 00:16:41,309
(BOTH): Dementors.
414
00:16:41,310 --> 00:16:43,099
No! This is Heather.
415
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:44,840
I've hired her for a week
416
00:16:44,850 --> 00:16:46,100
and like, at the end of that,
417
00:16:46,110 --> 00:16:47,908
you guys are gonna be OK, right?
418
00:16:47,909 --> 00:16:50,049
You don't need to thank me
419
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:53,280
because your happiness
is all the thanks I need.
420
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:57,119
OK. So I can see that
you're trying to help.
421
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,257
But bringing in a complete stranger
422
00:16:59,258 --> 00:17:02,399
without asking is not how to do it.
Just once, I wish you could...
423
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:04,060
- What?
- Babe.
424
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,044
Oh, my God.
She's loading the dishwasher.
425
00:17:08,045 --> 00:17:09,424
Yeah, and she's doing it right!
426
00:17:10,660 --> 00:17:11,709
Look!
427
00:17:11,710 --> 00:17:13,967
She found a place for the whisk.
That's where the whisk goes!
428
00:17:13,968 --> 00:17:16,308
- We can give her a try. A try.
- I mean, up for it if... yeah.
429
00:17:16,309 --> 00:17:18,119
I had a gut feeling.
And further to that,
430
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,959
I'm going to be back here tomorrow
431
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,271
to pick up our mother and take
her to her hair appointment.
432
00:17:22,272 --> 00:17:23,935
- OK.
- There's probably parking,
433
00:17:23,936 --> 00:17:25,609
but we can go halfers on that.
434
00:17:25,610 --> 00:17:27,068
Heather, you might wanna
call your family,
435
00:17:27,070 --> 00:17:28,279
let 'em know where you are.
436
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,483
God, this feels good!
437
00:17:29,484 --> 00:17:31,360
Thanks for getting the book, Heather!
438
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,908
(SOFT COUNTRY MUSIC)
439
00:17:36,220 --> 00:17:37,450
Thanks.
440
00:17:37,458 --> 00:17:40,955
So Heather has little... Victoria...
441
00:17:40,956 --> 00:17:43,319
- No.
- ... to sleep
442
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,179
and now, she's folding laundry.
443
00:17:45,180 --> 00:17:46,859
Hmm.
444
00:17:46,860 --> 00:17:49,120
I'm thinking sister-wife.
445
00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:51,420
Go on.
446
00:17:52,808 --> 00:17:55,554
- (CHUCKLING)
- Mm-hmm.
447
00:17:55,578 --> 00:17:58,469
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (DOOR SHUTS)
448
00:17:58,470 --> 00:18:00,859
- Hey. You ready, Mom?
- Huh?
449
00:18:00,860 --> 00:18:04,699
Oh. Uh, ready? Where are
we going, sweetheart?
450
00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:06,273
Your hair appointment.
451
00:18:06,288 --> 00:18:10,157
Oh, right. I must have forgotten.
452
00:18:10,158 --> 00:18:12,399
- This'll be fun!
- I'm just gonna go say hey to Max
453
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:15,592
and see if she's relaxed or grateful
or somewhere in that zone.
454
00:18:15,593 --> 00:18:17,492
- Yeah.
- But I'm not holding my breath.
455
00:18:22,670 --> 00:18:25,207
- (SOFTLY): Hey.
- (WHISPERING): Hey.
456
00:18:25,208 --> 00:18:27,461
(SIGH)
457
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:32,466
You know, having Heather
is really helpful.
458
00:18:34,150 --> 00:18:36,136
If I could just name
this little nugget...
459
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:40,819
How about Little Nugs?
It's so contemporary.
460
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:42,699
She'd be the only Little
Nugs in her class.
461
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:45,269
Yeah. Remind me again
why you didn't have kids?
462
00:18:45,270 --> 00:18:47,356
- I don't like 'em.
- Right.
463
00:18:48,380 --> 00:18:50,605
Maybe you could name her after Dad.
464
00:18:50,606 --> 00:18:51,859
That's not a bad idea.
465
00:18:51,860 --> 00:18:53,149
But then,
466
00:18:53,150 --> 00:18:54,959
it's a boy name for a girl.
467
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,741
Literally all your daughters
have boy names:
468
00:18:57,742 --> 00:19:00,451
Charlie, Frankie, Sam.
469
00:19:00,452 --> 00:19:02,248
And so do you, Max.
470
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:04,829
You know, that was totally intentional.
471
00:19:04,830 --> 00:19:08,580
You know, I was just sort of
smashing away at the patriarchy.
472
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,579
I kind of like it.
473
00:19:12,580 --> 00:19:14,260
James.
474
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:16,677
(DOORBELL RINGS)
475
00:19:19,638 --> 00:19:21,089
(DOOR OPENS)
476
00:19:21,090 --> 00:19:22,589
Jann?
477
00:19:22,590 --> 00:19:24,141
What?!
478
00:19:24,142 --> 00:19:25,849
(BABY CRYING)
479
00:19:25,850 --> 00:19:28,647
I didn't even think their hearing
was developed at this point.
480
00:19:28,648 --> 00:19:32,538
- I... I didn't.
- (BABY WAILING)
481
00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:34,820
What are you doing here?
482
00:19:35,780 --> 00:19:37,689
I know you took my lucky scrunchie.
483
00:19:37,690 --> 00:19:39,569
And I want it back.
484
00:19:39,570 --> 00:19:42,499
(HEAVY SIGH) You have
really lost it, McLachlan.
485
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:43,662
I don't know what you're talking about.
486
00:19:43,663 --> 00:19:45,080
(TENSE DRUMMING)
487
00:19:45,686 --> 00:19:46,707
Good day.
488
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,587
I said good day.
489
00:19:50,588 --> 00:19:53,297
(SIREN BLARING)
490
00:19:53,298 --> 00:19:55,209
Liar!
491
00:19:55,210 --> 00:19:57,800
- (SCREAMING)
- (FAST-PACED ROCK MUSIC)
492
00:20:02,610 --> 00:20:04,641
- (MUSIC STOPS)
- (INDISTINCT MUTTERING)
493
00:20:04,642 --> 00:20:07,478
- What is wrong with you?!
- What's wrong with you?!
494
00:20:07,479 --> 00:20:08,770
(MUSIC RESUMES)
495
00:20:10,731 --> 00:20:13,069
(YELPING)
496
00:20:13,070 --> 00:20:15,444
- (GRUNTING)
- Stay down, McLachlan!
497
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:17,696
What the...
498
00:20:19,750 --> 00:20:21,099
I should've stopped this, huh?
499
00:20:21,100 --> 00:20:23,368
Let's just see how this plays out.
500
00:20:24,740 --> 00:20:25,910
(THUD)
501
00:20:26,820 --> 00:20:28,860
- Why won't you die?!
- (SCREAMING)
502
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:37,548
(GRUNTING)
503
00:20:37,549 --> 00:20:40,210
Who's in the arms of
the angel now, bitch!?
504
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:45,119
- Oh, my God!
- (DIRECTOR): Cut.
505
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:46,880
- (GIGGLING): Sorry.
- (DIRECTOR): That's OK.
506
00:20:53,315 --> 00:20:56,860
- (GRUNTING)
- (SARAH LAUGHING)
507
00:20:57,688 --> 00:20:59,149
Oh, (BLEEP)!
508
00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:03,324
(LAUGHING)
509
00:21:03,325 --> 00:21:05,619
(GASPING) Oh, God!
510
00:21:05,620 --> 00:21:07,820
- Sorry, I lost my (BLEEP)!
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
512
00:21:14,169 --> 00:21:16,660
- You will wear pants tonight?
- Obviously!
513
00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:20,517
I should not have stood you up
514
00:21:20,518 --> 00:21:23,160
after I made out with my ex
in front of those young boys.
515
00:21:24,790 --> 00:21:29,959
? You were my smoky little bar ?
516
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:33,839
? You were my hey ?
517
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:34,870
Whoo!
518
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:39,470
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