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1
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:10,407
HEY, MOM,
LOVING THIS NEW POST
ON YOUR MOMMY BLOG.
2
00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:11,541
OH, THANKS, SWEETIE.
3
00:00:11,542 --> 00:00:13,512
YEAH, ACCORDING TO THIS
4
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,594
EVERY MORNING
AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE,
THE DUNCAN FAMILY TAKES TURNS
5
00:00:16,587 --> 00:00:18,687
SAYING WHAT WE'RE
GRATEFUL FOR.
6
00:00:20,391 --> 00:00:23,091
ONE PROBLEM--
WE DON'T DO THAT.
7
00:00:24,095 --> 00:00:27,025
WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULD, RIGHT?
8
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,297
THAT WAY ONE THING THAT
I WRITE ABOUT IS TRUTHFUL.
9
00:00:30,701 --> 00:00:33,561
I'LL GO FIRST.
I'M GRATEFUL GABE'S
STILL ASLEEP.
10
00:00:33,564 --> 00:00:35,374
MIGHT BE SOME
CIRCLE O'S LEFT.
11
00:00:38,069 --> 00:00:40,569
"WE NEED MORE CIRCLE O'S.
GABE."
12
00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:44,283
OKAY, CHARLIE,
WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?
13
00:00:44,275 --> 00:00:46,815
THAT TOBY'S GONNA LIVE
WITH GRANDMA.
14
00:00:48,279 --> 00:00:50,049
YEAH, HONEY, HE'S NOT.
15
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,150
NUTS!
16
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:54,493
- OKAY, BOB, YOUR TURN.
- AHHH.
17
00:00:54,485 --> 00:00:57,085
DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS
EVERY MORNING?
18
00:00:57,088 --> 00:00:59,658
- NO.
- WELL THEN,
I'M THANKFUL FOR THAT.
19
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:04,142
OKAY, IF NO ONE ELSE IS
GONNA TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY
20
00:01:04,135 --> 00:01:06,735
THEN I WILL.
I'M THANKFUL FOR
21
00:01:06,737 --> 00:01:09,637
GOOD HEALTH, FAMILY
22
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,200
- AND FOOD ON THIS TABLE.
- AWWW.
23
00:01:15,206 --> 00:01:17,576
"WE ALSO NEED MILK.
GABE."
24
00:01:19,510 --> 00:01:21,850
( theme music playing )
25
00:01:21,852 --> 00:01:23,652
♪ TODAY'S ALL BURNT TOAST ♪
26
00:01:23,654 --> 00:01:25,424
♪ RUNNING LATE
AND DAD JOKES ♪
27
00:01:25,416 --> 00:01:28,286
♪ "HAS ANYBODY
SEEN MY LEFT SHOE?" ♪
28
00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:30,189
♪ I CLOSE MY EYES,
TAKE A BITE ♪
29
00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:31,591
♪ GRAB A RIDE,
LAUGH OUT LOUD ♪
30
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,562
♪ THERE IT IS
UP ON THE ROOF ♪
31
00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:38,296
♪ I'VE BEEN THERE,
I SURVIVED ♪
32
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:41,469
♪ SO JUST TAKE
MY ADVICE ♪
33
00:01:41,472 --> 00:01:43,472
♪ HANG IN THERE, BABY ♪
34
00:01:43,474 --> 00:01:45,184
♪ THINGS ARE CRAZY ♪
35
00:01:45,176 --> 00:01:47,836
♪ BUT I KNOW
YOUR FUTURE'S BRIGHT ♪
36
00:01:47,838 --> 00:01:49,638
♪ HANG IN THERE, BABY ♪
37
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:51,440
♪ THERE'S NO MAYBE ♪
38
00:01:51,442 --> 00:01:54,392
♪ EVERYTHING
TURNS OUT ALL RIGHT ♪
39
00:01:54,385 --> 00:01:56,615
♪ SURE LIFE
IS UP AND DOWN ♪
40
00:01:56,617 --> 00:02:00,447
♪ BUT TRUST ME,
IT COMES BACK AROUND ♪
41
00:02:00,451 --> 00:02:04,361
♪ YOU'RE GONNA LOVE
WHO YOU TURN OUT TO BE ♪
42
00:02:05,356 --> 00:02:08,156
♪ HANG IN THERE, BABY. ♪
43
00:02:17,908 --> 00:02:19,908
IVY, LOOK AT THIS NOTE.
44
00:02:19,910 --> 00:02:21,770
I JUST FOUND IT
ON MY WINDSHIELD.
45
00:02:21,772 --> 00:02:23,472
IS IT ABOUT THE WAY
YOU PARK?
46
00:02:23,474 --> 00:02:25,584
'CAUSE I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT LEAVING YOU
A NOTE MYSELF.
47
00:02:25,576 --> 00:02:29,276
NO, IT SAYS,
"WATCH YOUR BACK."
48
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,320
IT STILL COULD BE ABOUT
THE WAY YOU PARK.
49
00:02:31,322 --> 00:02:33,522
YOU KNOW, THOSE WHITE LINES
ARE NOT A SUGGESTION.
50
00:02:35,426 --> 00:02:37,886
IVY, I THINK SOMEONE IS
THREATENING ME.
51
00:02:37,888 --> 00:02:40,428
AW, T, RELAX.
52
00:02:40,431 --> 00:02:43,461
IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING.
I WOULDN'T EVEN WORRY
ABOUT IT.
53
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,283
"YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED."
54
00:02:56,347 --> 00:02:58,877
SOMEONE IS
OUT TO GET YOU.
55
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,509
ARE YOU BACKING AWAY
FROM ME?
56
00:03:00,511 --> 00:03:03,181
NOPE, JUST BEING SUPPORTIVE
FROM A DISTANCE.
57
00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:11,189
- WELL, THANKS FOR COMING.
- OH.
58
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,561
BYE, DEBBIE,
BYE, DEEDEE.
59
00:03:13,564 --> 00:03:14,734
BYE, AMY,
BYE, CHARLIE.
60
00:03:14,725 --> 00:03:15,965
HEY.
61
00:03:17,728 --> 00:03:19,928
ALL RIGHT, CHARLIE,
LITTLE PRINCESS, SWEETHEART,
62
00:03:19,930 --> 00:03:22,530
- PLEASE CLEAN UP YOUR TOYS.
- NO!
63
00:03:22,533 --> 00:03:25,683
- I'M SORRY,
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
- YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
64
00:03:25,676 --> 00:03:28,876
WHA-- YOU PICK UP YOUR TOYS,
RIGHT NOW, YOUNG LADY.
65
00:03:28,879 --> 00:03:31,479
- NO, YOU'RE NOT
THE BOSS OF ME.
- WELL--
66
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:37,215
DID YOU HEAR
WHAT SHE JUST SAID?
67
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,747
SHE JUST LOOKED ME
IN THE EYE AND SAID
"YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME."
68
00:03:39,750 --> 00:03:41,490
WHAT?
( laughs )
69
00:03:41,492 --> 00:03:43,992
HONEY, EVERYBODY KNOWS
YOU'RE THE BOSS
OF EVERYBODY.
70
00:03:46,357 --> 00:03:49,957
YOU KNOW WHAT?
SHE ACTED UP LAST WEEK
AFTER HER PLAYDATE WITH DEEDEE.
71
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,860
OHH, THAT'S WHERE
SHE'S GETTING IT FROM.
72
00:03:52,863 --> 00:03:55,813
THAT KID HAS PROBLEMS.
I'M GONNA NEED TO TALK
WITH DEBBIE.
73
00:03:55,806 --> 00:03:58,806
WHOA WHOA WHOA,
ARE YOU SURE THAT'S
THE BEST IDEA?
74
00:03:58,809 --> 00:04:00,539
YES.
HONEY, IT WILL BE FINE.
75
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:02,741
I WILL SIMPLY SIT HER DOWN
AND EXPLAIN THAT DEEDEE
76
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,353
HAS SOME BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS
SHE NEEDS TO ADDRESS.
77
00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:08,246
YEAH, PEOPLE LOVE
GETTING UNSOLICITED ADVICE
78
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,748
- ON HOW TO RAISE THEIR KIDS.
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
79
00:04:16,887 --> 00:04:18,787
( door opens )
80
00:04:18,789 --> 00:04:20,559
GABE!
81
00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:23,331
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I WAS JUST THINKING,
82
00:04:23,334 --> 00:04:25,744
WE-- WE DON'T EVER HANG OUT.
83
00:04:25,736 --> 00:04:29,666
WE DID SPEND 13 YEARS
IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER.
84
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:32,270
YEAH, BUT DID WE EVER
REALLY TALK?
85
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:37,045
- SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
- YOU KNOW,
86
00:04:37,047 --> 00:04:40,377
WHAT BROTHERS DO--
WATCH SOME TV,
87
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:43,011
PLAY SOME VIDEO GAMES--
OOH, CHECK THE MAIL.
88
00:04:44,014 --> 00:04:46,064
I ALREADY CHECKED
THE MAIL TODAY,
89
00:04:46,056 --> 00:04:48,286
AND THERE WAS SOMETHING
WEIRD IN IT.
90
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,058
A LETTER FROM THE HAMILTON
MIDDLE SCHOOL
91
00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:52,020
ADDRESSED TO THE PARENTS
OF GABE DUNCAN?
92
00:04:53,524 --> 00:04:56,504
WHOA WHOA WHOA.
YOU WANT TO TELL ME ABOUT THIS?
93
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,827
IT'S, UH, IT'S
A CITIZENSHIP AWARD.
94
00:04:58,829 --> 00:05:00,329
- YEAH.
- UH-HUH.
95
00:05:00,331 --> 00:05:01,801
I HAD THEM SEND IT HERE,
96
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:04,712
- I DIDN'T WANT MOM AND DAD
TO MAKE A FUSS.
- MMM.
97
00:05:06,377 --> 00:05:08,937
GABE, I MAY BE
THE "DUMB BROTHER"
WHO GETS EVERYTHING WRONG,
98
00:05:08,939 --> 00:05:10,909
BUT I THINK
YOU'RE LYING HERE.
99
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:13,941
UNLESS YOU'RE NOT
AND I'M GETTING THIS WRONG TOO.
100
00:05:15,045 --> 00:05:17,385
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.
101
00:05:17,388 --> 00:05:19,348
THAT'S MY REPORT CARD.
AND IT'S NOT VERY GOOD.
102
00:05:19,350 --> 00:05:21,890
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- I'M IN MIDDLE SCHOOL NOW.
103
00:05:21,892 --> 00:05:25,732
THE GIRLS GOT PRETTIER
AND THE GRADES GOT UGLIER.
104
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:27,356
OOOH!
105
00:05:27,358 --> 00:05:28,858
I CHANGED MY ADDRESS
WITH THE SCHOOL
106
00:05:28,859 --> 00:05:30,459
SO ALL THE STUFF
WOULD BE SENT HERE.
107
00:05:30,461 --> 00:05:32,901
TOLD THEM YOU WERE
MY LEGAL GUARDIAN.
108
00:05:32,903 --> 00:05:35,373
WOW,
109
00:05:35,366 --> 00:05:37,836
THAT'S A HUGE HONOR.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
110
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,868
IT'S NOT AN HONOR AT ALL,
IT'S A TRICK.
111
00:05:42,873 --> 00:05:45,123
IT'S STILL AN HONOR
TO BE PART OF THE TRICK.
112
00:05:48,379 --> 00:05:50,449
OKAY, I JUST HAVE TO SIGN
YOUR NAME TO THIS.
113
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,481
SHOULDN'T I DO IT?
114
00:05:52,483 --> 00:05:54,663
OH NO, THIS ISN'T
THE FIRST THING
YOU'VE SIGNED.
115
00:05:58,128 --> 00:06:00,628
WOW, I'VE GOT
A GREAT SIGNATURE.
116
00:06:00,631 --> 00:06:03,561
OH LOOK AT THAT,
ON THE TAIL OF THE "N"
YOU PUT A LITTLE HEART.
117
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,444
YEAH, IT SEEMED LIKE YOU.
118
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,970
THANKS FOR
COMING OVER, DEBBIE.
119
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:14,142
( Minnesota accent )
I'M ACTUALLY GLAD YOU CALLED.
120
00:06:14,144 --> 00:06:17,384
THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE BEEN
WANTING TO DISCUSS WITH YOU
121
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:20,077
- ABOUT CHARLIE.
- ABOUT CHARLIE?
122
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,610
YEAH, EVERY TIME MY DEEDEE
COMES HOME
123
00:06:22,613 --> 00:06:26,863
FROM A PLAYDATE
WITH YOUR CHARLIE,
SHE HAS GOT A 'TUDE.
124
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:32,819
AND THE DOOLEY HOUSE
IS A 'TUDE-FREE ZONE.
125
00:06:34,525 --> 00:06:36,495
WAIT A MINUTE.
126
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,397
YOU THINK CHARLIE'S
THE PROBLEM.
127
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,698
OH NO NO NO NO NO.
DEEDEE'S THE PROBLEM.
128
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:44,441
YEAH. THAT'S WHAT I WANTED
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.
129
00:06:44,435 --> 00:06:46,635
WELL, IT SEEMS CONVENIENT
130
00:06:46,637 --> 00:06:49,437
YOU CAME UP WITH THAT
RIGHT AFTER I SAID IT.
131
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,580
I DIDN'T JUST
COME UP WITH IT.
132
00:06:51,582 --> 00:06:53,712
I WAS JUST TALKING
TO MY HUSBAND THE OTHER DAY
133
00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,554
ABOUT HOW WE WERE GONNA
HAVE THIS TALK.
134
00:06:55,546 --> 00:06:57,186
BOB, HONEY, COULD YOU
COME DOWN HERE!
135
00:06:57,187 --> 00:07:00,717
- HE'S AT WORK.
- OH.
136
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:03,951
AGAIN, CONVENIENT.
137
00:07:06,857 --> 00:07:09,527
"YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME"!
MM-HMM.
138
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:12,830
CHARLIE HAD TO GET THAT
FROM SOMEONE-- AS IN DEEDEE.
139
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:15,713
DEEDEE GOT IT
FROM CHARLIE.
140
00:07:15,706 --> 00:07:18,436
AND WHERE CHARLIE
GOT IT FROM, WELL,
141
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,108
THE APPLE DOESN'T
FALL FAR FROM THE TREE.
142
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:32,880
- DID YOU JUST CALL ME A TREE?
- OH, YOU BETCHA.
143
00:07:33,984 --> 00:07:35,964
WELL, IF I'M AN APPLE TREE,
144
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,956
YOU ARE...
145
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,628
A LEMON TREE!
146
00:07:40,631 --> 00:07:42,961
YES, YOU ARE A LEMON TREE.
147
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,803
YOU ARE NICE ON THE OUTSIDE
AND SOUR ON THE INSIDE.
148
00:07:45,796 --> 00:07:49,636
( laughs )
THAT WOULD BE THE FRUIT,
NOT THE TREE.
149
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,672
I'M GONNA HAVE
TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE.
150
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:56,214
YES YES,
THE DUNCAN HOUSE IS NOW
151
00:07:56,206 --> 00:07:58,606
( mimics accent )
A DOOLEY-FREE ZONE.
152
00:08:00,711 --> 00:08:04,591
WELL, NOW YOU SOUND
MORE LIKE A CRAB APPLE.
153
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:07,715
OOH, WELL,
YOU SOUND LIKE A...
154
00:08:07,718 --> 00:08:09,088
LIKE A...
155
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:14,571
WHOA, THESE FRUIT-TREE INSULTS
ARE HARD TO COME BY.
156
00:08:20,631 --> 00:08:23,201
SO I WAS DOING MY HOMEWORK
AT LUNCH,
157
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,913
AND THE EQUATION WAS
TWO PI R-SQUARED.
158
00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:28,536
THEN I DROPPED MY APPLE PIE,
AND IT BECAME
159
00:08:28,539 --> 00:08:30,979
TWO APPLE PIE R-SQUARED.
160
00:08:35,786 --> 00:08:38,246
TEDDY, WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU ALWAYS LAUGH
AT MY MATH JOKES.
161
00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:42,290
I GUESS I'M A LITTLE
OUT OF IT.
162
00:08:42,292 --> 00:08:44,192
SOMEBODY AT SCHOOL IS
OUT TO GET ME.
163
00:08:44,194 --> 00:08:47,104
WOW. THAT'S THE MOTTO
OF THE CHESS CLUB.
164
00:08:48,699 --> 00:08:50,529
THE MOTTO
OF THE CHESS CLUB IS
165
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,060
"SOMEONE AT SCHOOL IS
OUT TO GET ME"?
166
00:08:52,062 --> 00:08:54,262
IT SOUNDS BETTER IN LATIN.
167
00:08:56,006 --> 00:08:59,806
SO SOMEONE LEFT A NOTE
ON MY WINDSHIELD THAT SAID
"WATCH YOUR BACK."
168
00:08:59,810 --> 00:09:03,270
THEN I GOT A BUNCH
OF DEAD FLOWERS,
AND THEN TODAY
169
00:09:03,273 --> 00:09:05,683
SOMEONE PUT THIS
IN MY BAG!
170
00:09:05,676 --> 00:09:08,316
WHO WOULD DO
SOMETHING LIKE THIS?
171
00:09:08,318 --> 00:09:10,278
I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE NO IDEA.
172
00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,720
HOW WOULD I KNOW?
WELL, GOTTA GO.
173
00:09:12,723 --> 00:09:15,193
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING.
174
00:09:15,185 --> 00:09:17,555
I KNOW ALMOST EVERYTHING--
BUT NOTHING ABOUT THIS.
175
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,227
VICTOR, YOU ARE
A TERRIBLE LIAR.
176
00:09:20,230 --> 00:09:21,990
NOW I WANT YOU TO LOOK ME
IN THE EYES
177
00:09:21,992 --> 00:09:24,972
AND TELL ME YOU DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.
178
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,795
- I DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.
- THAT'S MY CHIN.
179
00:09:27,798 --> 00:09:29,798
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT THIS.
180
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,300
- THAT'S MY FOREHEAD.
- I DON'T KNOW--
181
00:09:32,302 --> 00:09:35,312
VICTOR, LOOK ME IN THE EYE!
IT'S RIGHT ABOVE MY NOSE!
182
00:09:35,305 --> 00:09:38,345
DON'T YELL AT ME!
WHEN PEOPLE YELL AT ME,
I TEND TO...
183
00:09:43,153 --> 00:09:45,923
SOMEDAY HE'S GONNA COME
OVER HERE AND NOT FAINT.
184
00:09:47,017 --> 00:09:49,257
( sighs )
BUT TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY.
185
00:09:57,868 --> 00:09:59,898
VICTOR, COME ON,
WHO'S OUT TO GET ME?
186
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,970
IT'S MY GIRLFRIEND VICTORIA.
187
00:10:01,972 --> 00:10:04,072
VICTORIA? WHY?
188
00:10:04,074 --> 00:10:06,884
- SHE THINKS YOU'RE
IN LOVE WITH ME.
- WHAT?
189
00:10:06,877 --> 00:10:09,977
- WHY WOULD SHE THINK THAT?
- BECAUSE I TOLD HER YOU WERE
IN LOVE WITH ME.
190
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:13,111
EXCUSE ME?!
191
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:16,123
THE OTHER NIGHT VICTORIA AND I
WERE HAVING A FUN NIGHT,
192
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,016
DOING WHAT YOUNG COUPLES DO--
193
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:21,718
QUIZZING EACH OTHER
ON STATE BIRDS--
194
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:24,192
WHEN I SENSED HER INTEREST
IN ME WANING.
195
00:10:24,194 --> 00:10:26,964
I HAD TO DO SOMETHING
TO RE-KINDLE HER PASSION.
196
00:10:26,957 --> 00:10:29,727
SO TO MAKE HER JEALOUS,
I TOLD HER YOU WERE
IN LOVE WITH ME.
197
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:32,730
- OH, VICTOR!
- WELL HEY, IT WORKED.
198
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,673
SHE'S FIGHTING
FOR HER TERRITORY!
199
00:10:34,665 --> 00:10:36,905
AND I'M HER TERRITORY.
200
00:10:36,907 --> 00:10:39,037
I'VE NEVER BEEN
SOMEONE'S TERRITORY!
201
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,939
VICTOR, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO TELL HER THE TRUTH.
202
00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:44,042
THE TRUTH HAS NO PART
IN OUR RELATIONSHIP!
203
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,976
OKAY FINE, I'LL FIGURE
SOMETHING OUT.
204
00:10:47,978 --> 00:10:49,378
ON ONE CONDITION--
205
00:10:49,379 --> 00:10:52,879
YOU DO OUR ENTIRE
SCIENCE PROJECT
BY YOURSELF.
206
00:10:52,883 --> 00:10:54,933
DEAL.
207
00:10:56,186 --> 00:10:57,886
BOY, THAT WAS EASY.
208
00:10:57,888 --> 00:10:59,888
( chuckles )
OH, TEDDY,
209
00:10:59,890 --> 00:11:01,890
IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN
THAT WAY ANYWAY.
210
00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:08,267
- ( door closes )
- Bob: HEY.
211
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,798
- HELLO.
- I THOUGHT I'D TAKE
THE KIDS TO THE PARK.
212
00:11:11,802 --> 00:11:14,852
- OH GREAT,
THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
- CAN DEEDEE COME?
213
00:11:14,845 --> 00:11:16,975
NO.
214
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:19,747
- WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE DEEDEE'S MOMMY
215
00:11:19,750 --> 00:11:22,950
SAID SOME VERY MEAN THINGS
ABOUT YOUR MOMMY.
216
00:11:22,953 --> 00:11:25,723
( clears throat )
DID CHARLIE'S MOMMY
217
00:11:25,716 --> 00:11:29,056
FIRE BACK WITH SOME
CHOICE WORDS OF HER OWN?
218
00:11:30,260 --> 00:11:32,960
CHARLIE'S MOMMY
DEFENDED HERSELF.
219
00:11:32,963 --> 00:11:35,033
CHARLIE'S DADDY SAID
220
00:11:35,025 --> 00:11:36,995
THE WHOLE IDEA OF TALKING
TO DEEDEE'S MOMMY
221
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:38,927
WAS A BAD IDEA
TO BEGIN WITH.
222
00:11:38,929 --> 00:11:42,369
IS CHARLIE'S DADDY SAYING
"I TOLD YOU SO"?
223
00:11:43,774 --> 00:11:45,784
ARE YOU KIDDING?
DOES CHARLIE'S MOMMY
224
00:11:45,776 --> 00:11:49,376
KNOW HOW LONG
CHARLIE'S DADDY'S
BEEN MARRIED TO HER?
225
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,454
P.J., WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
226
00:11:57,447 --> 00:12:00,287
NOTHING YOU AND YOUR LEGAL
GUARDIAN CAN'T HANDLE.
227
00:12:00,290 --> 00:12:03,150
HAVE A SEAT, LITTLE BUDDY,
LET'S HASH THIS OUT.
228
00:12:03,153 --> 00:12:05,963
YOU'RE NOT REALLY
MY GUARDIAN.
229
00:12:05,956 --> 00:12:08,996
- IT IS JUST PRETEND!
- GABE, YOU'VE BEEN MY BROTHER
FOR A LONG TIME NOW.
230
00:12:08,999 --> 00:12:12,159
YOU SHOULD KNOW I TAKE
"PRETEND" VERY SERIOUSLY.
231
00:12:12,162 --> 00:12:15,812
MY COUNSELOR WANTS TO COME OVER
AND TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY GRADES.
232
00:12:15,806 --> 00:12:17,066
GREAT.
233
00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:19,507
I'VE BEEN WORKING
ON MY SWEDISH ACCENT.
234
00:12:20,911 --> 00:12:22,971
- WHAT?
- I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS
235
00:12:22,973 --> 00:12:26,153
"LEGAL GUARDIAN"
AND I SEE HIM AS SOMEONE
236
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:29,346
WHO SPENT SOME TIME
IN SWEDEN.
237
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:31,979
P.J., IT'S MR. ROSE.
238
00:12:31,982 --> 00:12:34,992
HE KNOWS YOU!
HE WAS YOUR COUNSELOR TOO.
239
00:12:34,985 --> 00:12:37,055
OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS?
240
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:39,927
WHAT IF I MOVED TO SWEDEN
RIGHT AFTER HIGH SCHOOL,
241
00:12:39,930 --> 00:12:42,460
PICKED UP THE ACCENT
AND NOW I CAN'T SHAKE IT?
242
00:12:44,034 --> 00:12:46,204
NO.
NO SWEDISH ACCENT.
243
00:12:46,196 --> 00:12:49,536
THEN WHY DID I LEARN HOW TO MAKE
SCHWARZWALDER KIRSCHTORTE?
244
00:12:58,178 --> 00:13:00,148
VICTORIA,
WE NEED TO TALK.
245
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,781
OKAY.
246
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,023
YOU WIN.
IT'S OVER.
247
00:13:06,016 --> 00:13:07,456
IS THAT WHAT YOU
WANTED TO HEAR?
248
00:13:07,457 --> 00:13:10,117
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- VICTOR,
249
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:14,090
THE FINEST SPECIMEN OF MANHOOD
TO EVER WALK THE HALLS
OF SOUTH HIGH.
250
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,934
AND SADLY, IN THIS BATTLE,
251
00:13:16,927 --> 00:13:19,297
YOU'RE THE VICTOR, VICTORIA.
252
00:13:21,031 --> 00:13:22,901
I WAS NEVER WORRIED.
253
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:25,043
I MEAN, SURE,
YOU'RE PRETTY,
254
00:13:25,035 --> 00:13:28,075
HAVE GOOD HAIR
AND A NICE SMILE,
255
00:13:28,078 --> 00:13:31,238
BUT BENEATH ALL THAT,
THERE'S AN UNDER-PERFORMING
BRAIN.
256
00:13:32,282 --> 00:13:34,182
UNDER-PERFORMING?
257
00:13:34,184 --> 00:13:36,594
( sighs )
SYNONYMS WOULD INCLUDE
258
00:13:36,586 --> 00:13:39,446
LACKLUSTER, SUBPAR,
INFERIOR...
259
00:13:40,891 --> 00:13:42,591
NOD WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND.
260
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,063
THE POINT IS
261
00:13:45,055 --> 00:13:47,095
YOU'RE GOING TO STOP
THREATENING ME, RIGHT?
262
00:13:47,097 --> 00:13:48,927
THREATENING YOU?
263
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:51,029
YEAH, THE NOTES,
264
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,831
THE DEAD FLOWERS
IN MY LOCKER?
265
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,012
I NEVER DID ANY OF THAT.
266
00:13:55,005 --> 00:13:58,005
I DON'T HAVE TO.
I HAVE VICTOR WRAPPED
AROUND MY FINGER
267
00:13:58,008 --> 00:14:00,138
LIKE A DOUBLE PEPTIDE
WRAPPED AROUND A PROTEIN.
268
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:02,410
( laughs )
269
00:14:02,412 --> 00:14:05,022
IF YOU WERE SMART
YOU'D BE LAUGHING TOO.
270
00:14:06,516 --> 00:14:08,946
THEN WHO'S BEEN
LEAVING ME THE NOTES?
271
00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,949
I THINK I KNOW.
272
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:14,022
START TALKING,
WHATEVER-YOUR-NAME-IS.
273
00:14:14,024 --> 00:14:15,234
IT'S PETEY.
274
00:14:15,225 --> 00:14:17,485
WE'VE BEEN IN THE SAME
CLASS FOR 12 YEARS.
275
00:14:18,628 --> 00:14:20,028
JUST START TALKING.
276
00:14:20,030 --> 00:14:21,960
I MAY HAVE
277
00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,992
TOLD MY GIRLFRIEND
YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ME.
278
00:14:23,994 --> 00:14:25,474
UNBELIEVABLE.
279
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:27,365
DID YOU GET THIS IDEA
FROM VICTOR?
280
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,397
NO.
I GOT IT FROM MYRON.
281
00:14:29,399 --> 00:14:32,999
- WE'RE IN CHESS CLUB TOGETHER.
- CHESS CLUB, IT'S ALWAYS
CHESS CLUB.
282
00:14:33,003 --> 00:14:34,873
COME ON, PAULIE.
283
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,246
OKAY, HOW MANY OF YOU
284
00:14:39,249 --> 00:14:42,079
TOLD YOUR GIRLFRIEND
I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU?
285
00:14:46,056 --> 00:14:48,156
ALL RIGHT, NOW HOW MANY
OF YOU TOLD
286
00:14:48,158 --> 00:14:51,288
A GIRL YOU WERE INTERESTED IN
THAT I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU?
287
00:14:54,124 --> 00:14:57,174
RIGHT.
NOW HOW MANY OF YOU
288
00:14:57,167 --> 00:15:00,067
DON'T HAVE ANYONE
INTERESTED IN YOU WHATSOEVER,
289
00:15:00,070 --> 00:15:02,070
YOU BARELY KNOW
WHAT A GIRL IS,
290
00:15:02,072 --> 00:15:05,082
BUT YOU STILL TOLD SOMEONE
I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU?
291
00:15:08,178 --> 00:15:11,078
- YES.
- ARE MOMS INCLUDED IN THIS?
292
00:15:11,982 --> 00:15:14,042
YES, MOMS TOO.
293
00:15:15,445 --> 00:15:18,015
YOUR HAND SHOULD
BE UP, LEON.
294
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:23,951
HAS ANYONE NOT TOLD A GIRL
I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU?
295
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:29,096
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
YOU MISS A MEETING, OLLIE.
296
00:15:36,206 --> 00:15:39,106
- HEY, BOB.
- HEY, DEPUTY DOUG.
297
00:15:39,109 --> 00:15:41,039
THANKS FOR COMING BY.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
298
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:44,111
LET'S...
LET'S TALK OUTSIDE,
299
00:15:44,114 --> 00:15:47,054
- AWAY FROM THE LADYFOLK.
- RIGHT.
300
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,617
SO...
301
00:15:48,618 --> 00:15:51,018
IT SEEMS LIKE OUR WIVES
ARE HAVING A PROBLEM.
302
00:15:51,021 --> 00:15:53,081
BET YOU'VE BEEN GETTING
AN EARFUL OF THAT.
303
00:15:54,124 --> 00:15:56,464
( Minnesota accent )
YOU BETCHA.
304
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:59,526
ANYWAY, I FIGURED YOU
AND I COULD GET TOGETHER
305
00:15:59,529 --> 00:16:01,229
AND WORK THINGS OUT.
306
00:16:01,231 --> 00:16:04,091
THE GALS GET SO EMOTIONAL,
DON'T THEY?
307
00:16:04,094 --> 00:16:05,404
- HEY, BUT NOT US MEN.
- EHH.
308
00:16:05,395 --> 00:16:07,495
WE'RE PROBLEM SOLVERS,
IT'S WHAT WE DO.
309
00:16:07,497 --> 00:16:11,267
IT'S NOT ALL WE DO.
WE ALSO HAVE THE TWO BEST
LAWNS ON THE STREET.
310
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:14,001
CURB APPEAL.
UP TOP.
311
00:16:16,346 --> 00:16:18,206
ALL RIGHT,
SO LET'S SETTLE THIS.
312
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:20,548
JUST HAVE DEBBIE
COME ON OVER,
APOLOGIZE TO AMY
313
00:16:20,550 --> 00:16:22,580
AND THEN THE WHOLE THING
WILL JUST GO AWAY.
314
00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:24,482
HOLD UP.
315
00:16:27,017 --> 00:16:29,287
SHOULDN'T AMY BE
APOLOGIZING TO DEBBIE?
316
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:31,659
AND HOW DO YOU GET THAT?
317
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:37,273
THE WRONGDOER APOLOGIZES
TO THE WRONGDO-EE.
318
00:16:37,267 --> 00:16:40,467
WRONGDO-EE IS
NOT EVEN A WORD.
319
00:16:40,470 --> 00:16:43,000
WHO WENT TO
THE ACADEMY HERE?
320
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,232
WHAT, THE WORD ACADEMY?
321
00:16:48,138 --> 00:16:49,608
( laughing )
322
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,339
MR. ROSE, I WANT
TO ASSURE YOU I'M GOING
323
00:16:51,341 --> 00:16:53,641
TO RIDE HERD ON THIS LITTLE GUY
TO GET THOSE GRADES UP.
324
00:16:53,643 --> 00:16:55,493
- RIGHT, GABE?
- YES.
325
00:16:55,485 --> 00:16:57,685
- YES, WHAT?
- OH, YES, GUARDIAN.
326
00:16:57,687 --> 00:17:00,787
MMM.
I ALSO WOULD HAVE
ACCEPTED "YES SIR."
327
00:17:02,352 --> 00:17:05,332
WELL, I GUESS EVERYTHING
IS IN ORDER.
328
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:07,495
P.J., IT WAS REALLY NICE
SEEING YOU AGAIN.
329
00:17:07,497 --> 00:17:10,557
- YOU TOO, MR. ROSE.
- SO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN
UP TO LATELY?
330
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:14,030
WELL, AFTER HIGH SCHOOL,
I SPENT A YEAR IN SWEDEN.
331
00:17:15,665 --> 00:17:19,065
REALLY?
I'M SURPRISED YOU DIDN'T
PICK UP THE ACCENT.
332
00:17:19,069 --> 00:17:21,069
I AM TOO.
333
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:24,773
OH, AND ONE MORE THING.
334
00:17:24,774 --> 00:17:27,424
I JUST NEED YOU
TO SIGN A FORM SAYING
335
00:17:27,417 --> 00:17:30,347
WE HAD THIS HOME VISIT.
336
00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:32,380
- BUT I LEFT IT IN THE CAR.
- AH.
337
00:17:32,382 --> 00:17:33,822
- BE RIGHT BACK.
- SURE.
338
00:17:38,188 --> 00:17:40,828
- WELL, THAT WENT WELL.
- NO, IT DIDN'T!
339
00:17:40,830 --> 00:17:42,790
- YOU CAN'T SIGN THAT FORM!
- WHY NOT?
340
00:17:42,792 --> 00:17:46,302
BECAUSE YOUR SIGNATURE
WON'T MATCH THE ONE
I'VE BEEN SIGNING!
341
00:17:46,296 --> 00:17:49,136
( Swedish accent )
OH YAH, DAT'S A PROBLEM.
342
00:17:59,109 --> 00:18:01,709
LET GO OF ME,
YA BIG GOON!
343
00:18:01,711 --> 00:18:05,161
JUST AS SOON
AS YOU UNCUFF ME,
YOU SMALLER GOON!
344
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:11,217
- WHAT ARE YOU TWO GOONS DOING?
- HE'S ASSAULTING A DEPUTY!
345
00:18:11,221 --> 00:18:14,421
YEAH WELL,
HE'S ASSAULTING
AN EXTERMINATOR!
346
00:18:14,424 --> 00:18:17,404
- PRETTY SURE THAT'S DIFFERENT!
- ( grunting )
347
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:19,427
OH MY!
WHAT IS THIS?!
348
00:18:19,429 --> 00:18:22,129
- STAY OUT OF IT, DOOLEY!
- DIAL IT DOWN, DUNCAN!
349
00:18:23,273 --> 00:18:25,583
Mrs. Dabney:
HEY, KEEP IT DOWN OVER THERE!
350
00:18:25,575 --> 00:18:28,105
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS,
MRS. DABNEY!
351
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,877
YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!
352
00:18:33,483 --> 00:18:37,153
DID SHE JUST SAY
"YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME"?
353
00:18:37,147 --> 00:18:39,117
SHE DID.
354
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,288
THAT'S WHAT DEEDEE
SAID THE OTHER DAY.
355
00:18:41,291 --> 00:18:42,821
CHARLIE TOO.
356
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:46,562
WELL, THIS IS AWKWARD.
357
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,800
UH, IN A SCISSOR-HOLD HERE!
358
00:18:53,803 --> 00:18:56,213
OH, I'M SORRY.
359
00:18:56,206 --> 00:18:59,166
YOU KNOW, DEEDEE'S
NOT A PROBLEM.
360
00:18:59,169 --> 00:19:01,469
MRS. DABNEY'S A PROBLEM.
361
00:19:02,812 --> 00:19:05,652
- I'M SO SORRY.
- I'M SORRY TOO.
362
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,145
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
I'M SORRY ABOUT:
363
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,817
I HAVE NO IDEA
364
00:19:09,819 --> 00:19:11,779
WHERE I PUT THE KEY
TO THOSE HANDCUFFS.
365
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,864
NO, SERIOUSLY.
366
00:19:21,831 --> 00:19:23,531
HE'S ALMOST HERE.
ARE YOU READY?
367
00:19:23,533 --> 00:19:24,793
- Gabe: READY.
- ALL RIGHT.
368
00:19:24,794 --> 00:19:27,744
- I'M BACK.
- HELLO.
369
00:19:28,898 --> 00:19:30,438
COME ON IN.
370
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,914
- WHERE DID GABE GO?
- UH...
371
00:19:38,908 --> 00:19:40,878
OH, I REMEMBER NOW.
372
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,580
I REMEMBER.
HE WENT TO VISIT A FRIEND...
373
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:44,953
UPSTAIRS.
374
00:19:47,417 --> 00:19:49,217
OKAY, UM...
375
00:19:49,219 --> 00:19:50,789
HERE'S THE FORM.
376
00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,890
AND HERE'S A PEN.
377
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:53,962
THANK YOU.
378
00:19:53,963 --> 00:19:56,303
I'M GONNA TAKE MY PEN
379
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,466
FROM MY LEFT HAND
AND PUT IT IN MY RIGHT HAND.
380
00:19:58,468 --> 00:19:59,828
THAT'S MY SIGNING HAND.
381
00:20:01,331 --> 00:20:02,831
WHY ARE YOU
TALKING LIKE THAT?
382
00:20:03,933 --> 00:20:06,483
I DON'T KNOW.
383
00:20:06,476 --> 00:20:08,906
NOW LET'S GET TO SIGNING.
384
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,738
UM, IT'S JUST RIGHT
ON THE DOTTED LINE.
385
00:20:11,741 --> 00:20:13,641
RIGHT... RIGHT THERE!
386
00:20:13,643 --> 00:20:15,953
RIGHT--
NO, RIGHT HERE.
PERFECT, YES.
387
00:20:15,945 --> 00:20:17,815
RIGHT THERE.
OR...
388
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,587
AH, ALL OVER THE FORM.
389
00:20:19,589 --> 00:20:21,889
GOOD.
AND A LITTLE ON THE TABLE TOO.
390
00:20:23,993 --> 00:20:26,533
THERE YOU GO.
391
00:20:27,997 --> 00:20:30,797
- THANKS, P.J.
- AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
392
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:32,830
I'M GOING TO SHAKE
YOUR HAND NOW.
393
00:20:36,366 --> 00:20:38,866
I'M SORRY,
SORRY SORRY.
394
00:20:38,868 --> 00:20:40,838
IT'S JUST AFTER
SO MUCH TIME IN SWEDEN,
395
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,910
I'VE FORGOTTEN
THE AMERICAN CUSTOMS.
396
00:20:42,912 --> 00:20:44,812
I'LL JUST BOW.
397
00:20:49,619 --> 00:20:51,919
UH, WELL, BYE-BYE NOW.
398
00:20:54,524 --> 00:20:56,464
OH, YOU KNOW,
THERE IS ONE MORE THING.
399
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:59,326
- WHAT'S THAT?
- GABE, YOU WANT A RIDE HOME?
400
00:20:59,329 --> 00:21:01,259
I'M ON MY WAY TO TALK
TO YOUR PARENTS.
401
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:13,539
Well, Charlie,
the mysterious warnings
have stopped.
402
00:21:13,543 --> 00:21:16,583
Although I'm not
exactly sure who did it.
403
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:18,046
I've narrowed it down to
404
00:21:18,047 --> 00:21:20,977
Petey's girlfriend,
Myron's girlfriend
405
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:23,480
or Leon's mother.
406
00:21:24,854 --> 00:21:27,824
The point is
no nerds are using me
407
00:21:27,817 --> 00:21:30,817
as a romantic pawn,
as it were.
408
00:21:30,820 --> 00:21:33,490
That's a chess joke.
409
00:21:33,493 --> 00:21:35,973
And therefore
not funny.
410
00:21:37,026 --> 00:21:38,966
Ooh, I wanna
show you something.
411
00:21:40,930 --> 00:21:43,370
Oh, this might be it.
412
00:21:44,404 --> 00:21:45,884
Not this one.
413
00:21:47,537 --> 00:21:50,007
Ah, not this one.
414
00:21:51,481 --> 00:21:53,411
Dad's been handcuffed
to this bench
415
00:21:53,413 --> 00:21:55,823
for six hours.
416
00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:57,745
Hey, Bob,
417
00:21:57,747 --> 00:22:00,617
can we take a break?
I need to use the bathroom.
418
00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:03,020
So do I, Doug.
419
00:22:04,394 --> 00:22:06,364
Oh, sugar-hooey!
420
00:22:06,356 --> 00:22:09,456
Now I have
to start all over.
421
00:22:12,502 --> 00:22:15,642
Better wish Dad
some good luck, Charlie.
422
00:22:21,771 --> 00:22:23,641
OKAY, CHARLIE,
THAT'S ENOUGH TV.
423
00:22:23,643 --> 00:22:26,483
( Mrs. Dabney's voice )
YOU DID NOT JUST TURN THAT OFF!
424
00:22:27,877 --> 00:22:30,047
UM, I'M SORRY, WHAT?
425
00:22:30,049 --> 00:22:32,519
I WAS TRYING
TO WATCH THE GURGLES!
426
00:22:32,522 --> 00:22:35,932
P.J., DID YOU LET HER
PLAY IN THE BACKYARD?
427
00:22:35,925 --> 00:22:38,785
- YEAH, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
- WHENEVER SHE STAYS
OUT THERE TOO LONG
428
00:22:38,788 --> 00:22:40,588
SHE STARTS
TALKING LIKE MRS. DABNEY.
429
00:22:40,590 --> 00:22:43,830
SOMEONE GONNA GET ME
A JUICE BOX OR WHAT?
430
00:22:43,833 --> 00:22:46,773
- SEE?
- OH, RELAX, MOM,
431
00:22:46,766 --> 00:22:48,496
WE WEREN'T BACK THERE
FOR VERY LONG.
432
00:22:48,498 --> 00:22:50,368
WE WENT OVER TO THE DOOLEYS'
FOR A LITTLE WHILE TOO,
433
00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:53,439
- RIGHT, CHARLIE?
- ( Mrs. Dooley's voice )
OH, YOU BETCHA.
32473
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