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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:10,407 HEY, MOM, LOVING THIS NEW POST ON YOUR MOMMY BLOG. 2 00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:11,541 OH, THANKS, SWEETIE. 3 00:00:11,542 --> 00:00:13,512 YEAH, ACCORDING TO THIS 4 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,594 EVERY MORNING AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE, THE DUNCAN FAMILY TAKES TURNS 5 00:00:16,587 --> 00:00:18,687 SAYING WHAT WE'RE GRATEFUL FOR. 6 00:00:20,391 --> 00:00:23,091 ONE PROBLEM-- WE DON'T DO THAT. 7 00:00:24,095 --> 00:00:27,025 WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULD, RIGHT? 8 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,297 THAT WAY ONE THING THAT I WRITE ABOUT IS TRUTHFUL. 9 00:00:30,701 --> 00:00:33,561 I'LL GO FIRST. I'M GRATEFUL GABE'S STILL ASLEEP. 10 00:00:33,564 --> 00:00:35,374 MIGHT BE SOME CIRCLE O'S LEFT. 11 00:00:38,069 --> 00:00:40,569 "WE NEED MORE CIRCLE O'S. GABE." 12 00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:44,283 OKAY, CHARLIE, WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR? 13 00:00:44,275 --> 00:00:46,815 THAT TOBY'S GONNA LIVE WITH GRANDMA. 14 00:00:48,279 --> 00:00:50,049 YEAH, HONEY, HE'S NOT. 15 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,150 NUTS! 16 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:54,493 - OKAY, BOB, YOUR TURN. - AHHH. 17 00:00:54,485 --> 00:00:57,085 DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS EVERY MORNING? 18 00:00:57,088 --> 00:00:59,658 - NO. - WELL THEN, I'M THANKFUL FOR THAT. 19 00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:04,142 OKAY, IF NO ONE ELSE IS GONNA TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY 20 00:01:04,135 --> 00:01:06,735 THEN I WILL. I'M THANKFUL FOR 21 00:01:06,737 --> 00:01:09,637 GOOD HEALTH, FAMILY 22 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,200 - AND FOOD ON THIS TABLE. - AWWW. 23 00:01:15,206 --> 00:01:17,576 "WE ALSO NEED MILK. GABE." 24 00:01:19,510 --> 00:01:21,850 ( theme music playing ) 25 00:01:21,852 --> 00:01:23,652 ♪ TODAY'S ALL BURNT TOAST ♪ 26 00:01:23,654 --> 00:01:25,424 ♪ RUNNING LATE AND DAD JOKES ♪ 27 00:01:25,416 --> 00:01:28,286 ♪ "HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY LEFT SHOE?" ♪ 28 00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:30,189 ♪ I CLOSE MY EYES, TAKE A BITE ♪ 29 00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:31,591 ♪ GRAB A RIDE, LAUGH OUT LOUD ♪ 30 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,562 ♪ THERE IT IS UP ON THE ROOF ♪ 31 00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:38,296 ♪ I'VE BEEN THERE, I SURVIVED ♪ 32 00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:41,469 ♪ SO JUST TAKE MY ADVICE ♪ 33 00:01:41,472 --> 00:01:43,472 ♪ HANG IN THERE, BABY ♪ 34 00:01:43,474 --> 00:01:45,184 ♪ THINGS ARE CRAZY ♪ 35 00:01:45,176 --> 00:01:47,836 ♪ BUT I KNOW YOUR FUTURE'S BRIGHT ♪ 36 00:01:47,838 --> 00:01:49,638 ♪ HANG IN THERE, BABY ♪ 37 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:51,440 ♪ THERE'S NO MAYBE ♪ 38 00:01:51,442 --> 00:01:54,392 ♪ EVERYTHING TURNS OUT ALL RIGHT ♪ 39 00:01:54,385 --> 00:01:56,615 ♪ SURE LIFE IS UP AND DOWN ♪ 40 00:01:56,617 --> 00:02:00,447 ♪ BUT TRUST ME, IT COMES BACK AROUND ♪ 41 00:02:00,451 --> 00:02:04,361 ♪ YOU'RE GONNA LOVE WHO YOU TURN OUT TO BE ♪ 42 00:02:05,356 --> 00:02:08,156 ♪ HANG IN THERE, BABY. ♪ 43 00:02:17,908 --> 00:02:19,908 IVY, LOOK AT THIS NOTE. 44 00:02:19,910 --> 00:02:21,770 I JUST FOUND IT ON MY WINDSHIELD. 45 00:02:21,772 --> 00:02:23,472 IS IT ABOUT THE WAY YOU PARK? 46 00:02:23,474 --> 00:02:25,584 'CAUSE I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT LEAVING YOU A NOTE MYSELF. 47 00:02:25,576 --> 00:02:29,276 NO, IT SAYS, "WATCH YOUR BACK." 48 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,320 IT STILL COULD BE ABOUT THE WAY YOU PARK. 49 00:02:31,322 --> 00:02:33,522 YOU KNOW, THOSE WHITE LINES ARE NOT A SUGGESTION. 50 00:02:35,426 --> 00:02:37,886 IVY, I THINK SOMEONE IS THREATENING ME. 51 00:02:37,888 --> 00:02:40,428 AW, T, RELAX. 52 00:02:40,431 --> 00:02:43,461 IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING. I WOULDN'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT. 53 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,283 "YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED." 54 00:02:56,347 --> 00:02:58,877 SOMEONE IS OUT TO GET YOU. 55 00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,509 ARE YOU BACKING AWAY FROM ME? 56 00:03:00,511 --> 00:03:03,181 NOPE, JUST BEING SUPPORTIVE FROM A DISTANCE. 57 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:11,189 - WELL, THANKS FOR COMING. - OH. 58 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,561 BYE, DEBBIE, BYE, DEEDEE. 59 00:03:13,564 --> 00:03:14,734 BYE, AMY, BYE, CHARLIE. 60 00:03:14,725 --> 00:03:15,965 HEY. 61 00:03:17,728 --> 00:03:19,928 ALL RIGHT, CHARLIE, LITTLE PRINCESS, SWEETHEART, 62 00:03:19,930 --> 00:03:22,530 - PLEASE CLEAN UP YOUR TOYS. - NO! 63 00:03:22,533 --> 00:03:25,683 - I'M SORRY, WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? - YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. 64 00:03:25,676 --> 00:03:28,876 WHA-- YOU PICK UP YOUR TOYS, RIGHT NOW, YOUNG LADY. 65 00:03:28,879 --> 00:03:31,479 - NO, YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME. - WELL-- 66 00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:37,215 DID YOU HEAR WHAT SHE JUST SAID? 67 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,747 SHE JUST LOOKED ME IN THE EYE AND SAID "YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME." 68 00:03:39,750 --> 00:03:41,490 WHAT? ( laughs ) 69 00:03:41,492 --> 00:03:43,992 HONEY, EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU'RE THE BOSS OF EVERYBODY. 70 00:03:46,357 --> 00:03:49,957 YOU KNOW WHAT? SHE ACTED UP LAST WEEK AFTER HER PLAYDATE WITH DEEDEE. 71 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,860 OHH, THAT'S WHERE SHE'S GETTING IT FROM. 72 00:03:52,863 --> 00:03:55,813 THAT KID HAS PROBLEMS. I'M GONNA NEED TO TALK WITH DEBBIE. 73 00:03:55,806 --> 00:03:58,806 WHOA WHOA WHOA, ARE YOU SURE THAT'S THE BEST IDEA? 74 00:03:58,809 --> 00:04:00,539 YES. HONEY, IT WILL BE FINE. 75 00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:02,741 I WILL SIMPLY SIT HER DOWN AND EXPLAIN THAT DEEDEE 76 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,353 HAS SOME BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS SHE NEEDS TO ADDRESS. 77 00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:08,246 YEAH, PEOPLE LOVE GETTING UNSOLICITED ADVICE 78 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,748 - ON HOW TO RAISE THEIR KIDS. - I KNOW, RIGHT? 79 00:04:16,887 --> 00:04:18,787 ( door opens ) 80 00:04:18,789 --> 00:04:20,559 GABE! 81 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:23,331 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - I WAS JUST THINKING, 82 00:04:23,334 --> 00:04:25,744 WE-- WE DON'T EVER HANG OUT. 83 00:04:25,736 --> 00:04:29,666 WE DID SPEND 13 YEARS IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER. 84 00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:32,270 YEAH, BUT DID WE EVER REALLY TALK? 85 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:37,045 - SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? - YOU KNOW, 86 00:04:37,047 --> 00:04:40,377 WHAT BROTHERS DO-- WATCH SOME TV, 87 00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:43,011 PLAY SOME VIDEO GAMES-- OOH, CHECK THE MAIL. 88 00:04:44,014 --> 00:04:46,064 I ALREADY CHECKED THE MAIL TODAY, 89 00:04:46,056 --> 00:04:48,286 AND THERE WAS SOMETHING WEIRD IN IT. 90 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,058 A LETTER FROM THE HAMILTON MIDDLE SCHOOL 91 00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:52,020 ADDRESSED TO THE PARENTS OF GABE DUNCAN? 92 00:04:53,524 --> 00:04:56,504 WHOA WHOA WHOA. YOU WANT TO TELL ME ABOUT THIS? 93 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,827 IT'S, UH, IT'S A CITIZENSHIP AWARD. 94 00:04:58,829 --> 00:05:00,329 - YEAH. - UH-HUH. 95 00:05:00,331 --> 00:05:01,801 I HAD THEM SEND IT HERE, 96 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:04,712 - I DIDN'T WANT MOM AND DAD TO MAKE A FUSS. - MMM. 97 00:05:06,377 --> 00:05:08,937 GABE, I MAY BE THE "DUMB BROTHER" WHO GETS EVERYTHING WRONG, 98 00:05:08,939 --> 00:05:10,909 BUT I THINK YOU'RE LYING HERE. 99 00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:13,941 UNLESS YOU'RE NOT AND I'M GETTING THIS WRONG TOO. 100 00:05:15,045 --> 00:05:17,385 NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. 101 00:05:17,388 --> 00:05:19,348 THAT'S MY REPORT CARD. AND IT'S NOT VERY GOOD. 102 00:05:19,350 --> 00:05:21,890 - WHAT HAPPENED? - I'M IN MIDDLE SCHOOL NOW. 103 00:05:21,892 --> 00:05:25,732 THE GIRLS GOT PRETTIER AND THE GRADES GOT UGLIER. 104 00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:27,356 OOOH! 105 00:05:27,358 --> 00:05:28,858 I CHANGED MY ADDRESS WITH THE SCHOOL 106 00:05:28,859 --> 00:05:30,459 SO ALL THE STUFF WOULD BE SENT HERE. 107 00:05:30,461 --> 00:05:32,901 TOLD THEM YOU WERE MY LEGAL GUARDIAN. 108 00:05:32,903 --> 00:05:35,373 WOW, 109 00:05:35,366 --> 00:05:37,836 THAT'S A HUGE HONOR. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 110 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,868 IT'S NOT AN HONOR AT ALL, IT'S A TRICK. 111 00:05:42,873 --> 00:05:45,123 IT'S STILL AN HONOR TO BE PART OF THE TRICK. 112 00:05:48,379 --> 00:05:50,449 OKAY, I JUST HAVE TO SIGN YOUR NAME TO THIS. 113 00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,481 SHOULDN'T I DO IT? 114 00:05:52,483 --> 00:05:54,663 OH NO, THIS ISN'T THE FIRST THING YOU'VE SIGNED. 115 00:05:58,128 --> 00:06:00,628 WOW, I'VE GOT A GREAT SIGNATURE. 116 00:06:00,631 --> 00:06:03,561 OH LOOK AT THAT, ON THE TAIL OF THE "N" YOU PUT A LITTLE HEART. 117 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,444 YEAH, IT SEEMED LIKE YOU. 118 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,970 THANKS FOR COMING OVER, DEBBIE. 119 00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:14,142 ( Minnesota accent ) I'M ACTUALLY GLAD YOU CALLED. 120 00:06:14,144 --> 00:06:17,384 THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE BEEN WANTING TO DISCUSS WITH YOU 121 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:20,077 - ABOUT CHARLIE. - ABOUT CHARLIE? 122 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,610 YEAH, EVERY TIME MY DEEDEE COMES HOME 123 00:06:22,613 --> 00:06:26,863 FROM A PLAYDATE WITH YOUR CHARLIE, SHE HAS GOT A 'TUDE. 124 00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:32,819 AND THE DOOLEY HOUSE IS A 'TUDE-FREE ZONE. 125 00:06:34,525 --> 00:06:36,495 WAIT A MINUTE. 126 00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,397 YOU THINK CHARLIE'S THE PROBLEM. 127 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,698 OH NO NO NO NO NO. DEEDEE'S THE PROBLEM. 128 00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:44,441 YEAH. THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT. 129 00:06:44,435 --> 00:06:46,635 WELL, IT SEEMS CONVENIENT 130 00:06:46,637 --> 00:06:49,437 YOU CAME UP WITH THAT RIGHT AFTER I SAID IT. 131 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,580 I DIDN'T JUST COME UP WITH IT. 132 00:06:51,582 --> 00:06:53,712 I WAS JUST TALKING TO MY HUSBAND THE OTHER DAY 133 00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,554 ABOUT HOW WE WERE GONNA HAVE THIS TALK. 134 00:06:55,546 --> 00:06:57,186 BOB, HONEY, COULD YOU COME DOWN HERE! 135 00:06:57,187 --> 00:07:00,717 - HE'S AT WORK. - OH. 136 00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:03,951 AGAIN, CONVENIENT. 137 00:07:06,857 --> 00:07:09,527 "YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME"! MM-HMM. 138 00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:12,830 CHARLIE HAD TO GET THAT FROM SOMEONE-- AS IN DEEDEE. 139 00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:15,713 DEEDEE GOT IT FROM CHARLIE. 140 00:07:15,706 --> 00:07:18,436 AND WHERE CHARLIE GOT IT FROM, WELL, 141 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,108 THE APPLE DOESN'T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE. 142 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:32,880 - DID YOU JUST CALL ME A TREE? - OH, YOU BETCHA. 143 00:07:33,984 --> 00:07:35,964 WELL, IF I'M AN APPLE TREE, 144 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,956 YOU ARE... 145 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,628 A LEMON TREE! 146 00:07:40,631 --> 00:07:42,961 YES, YOU ARE A LEMON TREE. 147 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,803 YOU ARE NICE ON THE OUTSIDE AND SOUR ON THE INSIDE. 148 00:07:45,796 --> 00:07:49,636 ( laughs ) THAT WOULD BE THE FRUIT, NOT THE TREE. 149 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,672 I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE. 150 00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:56,214 YES YES, THE DUNCAN HOUSE IS NOW 151 00:07:56,206 --> 00:07:58,606 ( mimics accent ) A DOOLEY-FREE ZONE. 152 00:08:00,711 --> 00:08:04,591 WELL, NOW YOU SOUND MORE LIKE A CRAB APPLE. 153 00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:07,715 OOH, WELL, YOU SOUND LIKE A... 154 00:08:07,718 --> 00:08:09,088 LIKE A... 155 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:14,571 WHOA, THESE FRUIT-TREE INSULTS ARE HARD TO COME BY. 156 00:08:20,631 --> 00:08:23,201 SO I WAS DOING MY HOMEWORK AT LUNCH, 157 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,913 AND THE EQUATION WAS TWO PI R-SQUARED. 158 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:28,536 THEN I DROPPED MY APPLE PIE, AND IT BECAME 159 00:08:28,539 --> 00:08:30,979 TWO APPLE PIE R-SQUARED. 160 00:08:35,786 --> 00:08:38,246 TEDDY, WHAT'S WRONG? YOU ALWAYS LAUGH AT MY MATH JOKES. 161 00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:42,290 I GUESS I'M A LITTLE OUT OF IT. 162 00:08:42,292 --> 00:08:44,192 SOMEBODY AT SCHOOL IS OUT TO GET ME. 163 00:08:44,194 --> 00:08:47,104 WOW. THAT'S THE MOTTO OF THE CHESS CLUB. 164 00:08:48,699 --> 00:08:50,529 THE MOTTO OF THE CHESS CLUB IS 165 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,060 "SOMEONE AT SCHOOL IS OUT TO GET ME"? 166 00:08:52,062 --> 00:08:54,262 IT SOUNDS BETTER IN LATIN. 167 00:08:56,006 --> 00:08:59,806 SO SOMEONE LEFT A NOTE ON MY WINDSHIELD THAT SAID "WATCH YOUR BACK." 168 00:08:59,810 --> 00:09:03,270 THEN I GOT A BUNCH OF DEAD FLOWERS, AND THEN TODAY 169 00:09:03,273 --> 00:09:05,683 SOMEONE PUT THIS IN MY BAG! 170 00:09:05,676 --> 00:09:08,316 WHO WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS? 171 00:09:08,318 --> 00:09:10,278 I DON'T KNOW. I HAVE NO IDEA. 172 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,720 HOW WOULD I KNOW? WELL, GOTTA GO. 173 00:09:12,723 --> 00:09:15,193 WAIT A MINUTE. YOU KNOW SOMETHING. 174 00:09:15,185 --> 00:09:17,555 I KNOW ALMOST EVERYTHING-- BUT NOTHING ABOUT THIS. 175 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,227 VICTOR, YOU ARE A TERRIBLE LIAR. 176 00:09:20,230 --> 00:09:21,990 NOW I WANT YOU TO LOOK ME IN THE EYES 177 00:09:21,992 --> 00:09:24,972 AND TELL ME YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS. 178 00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,795 - I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS. - THAT'S MY CHIN. 179 00:09:27,798 --> 00:09:29,798 I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS. 180 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,300 - THAT'S MY FOREHEAD. - I DON'T KNOW-- 181 00:09:32,302 --> 00:09:35,312 VICTOR, LOOK ME IN THE EYE! IT'S RIGHT ABOVE MY NOSE! 182 00:09:35,305 --> 00:09:38,345 DON'T YELL AT ME! WHEN PEOPLE YELL AT ME, I TEND TO... 183 00:09:43,153 --> 00:09:45,923 SOMEDAY HE'S GONNA COME OVER HERE AND NOT FAINT. 184 00:09:47,017 --> 00:09:49,257 ( sighs ) BUT TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY. 185 00:09:57,868 --> 00:09:59,898 VICTOR, COME ON, WHO'S OUT TO GET ME? 186 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,970 IT'S MY GIRLFRIEND VICTORIA. 187 00:10:01,972 --> 00:10:04,072 VICTORIA? WHY? 188 00:10:04,074 --> 00:10:06,884 - SHE THINKS YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME. - WHAT? 189 00:10:06,877 --> 00:10:09,977 - WHY WOULD SHE THINK THAT? - BECAUSE I TOLD HER YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ME. 190 00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:13,111 EXCUSE ME?! 191 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:16,123 THE OTHER NIGHT VICTORIA AND I WERE HAVING A FUN NIGHT, 192 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,016 DOING WHAT YOUNG COUPLES DO-- 193 00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:21,718 QUIZZING EACH OTHER ON STATE BIRDS-- 194 00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:24,192 WHEN I SENSED HER INTEREST IN ME WANING. 195 00:10:24,194 --> 00:10:26,964 I HAD TO DO SOMETHING TO RE-KINDLE HER PASSION. 196 00:10:26,957 --> 00:10:29,727 SO TO MAKE HER JEALOUS, I TOLD HER YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ME. 197 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:32,730 - OH, VICTOR! - WELL HEY, IT WORKED. 198 00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,673 SHE'S FIGHTING FOR HER TERRITORY! 199 00:10:34,665 --> 00:10:36,905 AND I'M HER TERRITORY. 200 00:10:36,907 --> 00:10:39,037 I'VE NEVER BEEN SOMEONE'S TERRITORY! 201 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,939 VICTOR, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TELL HER THE TRUTH. 202 00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:44,042 THE TRUTH HAS NO PART IN OUR RELATIONSHIP! 203 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,976 OKAY FINE, I'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT. 204 00:10:47,978 --> 00:10:49,378 ON ONE CONDITION-- 205 00:10:49,379 --> 00:10:52,879 YOU DO OUR ENTIRE SCIENCE PROJECT BY YOURSELF. 206 00:10:52,883 --> 00:10:54,933 DEAL. 207 00:10:56,186 --> 00:10:57,886 BOY, THAT WAS EASY. 208 00:10:57,888 --> 00:10:59,888 ( chuckles ) OH, TEDDY, 209 00:10:59,890 --> 00:11:01,890 IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN THAT WAY ANYWAY. 210 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:08,267 - ( door closes ) - Bob: HEY. 211 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,798 - HELLO. - I THOUGHT I'D TAKE THE KIDS TO THE PARK. 212 00:11:11,802 --> 00:11:14,852 - OH GREAT, THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN. - CAN DEEDEE COME? 213 00:11:14,845 --> 00:11:16,975 NO. 214 00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:19,747 - WHY NOT? - BECAUSE DEEDEE'S MOMMY 215 00:11:19,750 --> 00:11:22,950 SAID SOME VERY MEAN THINGS ABOUT YOUR MOMMY. 216 00:11:22,953 --> 00:11:25,723 ( clears throat ) DID CHARLIE'S MOMMY 217 00:11:25,716 --> 00:11:29,056 FIRE BACK WITH SOME CHOICE WORDS OF HER OWN? 218 00:11:30,260 --> 00:11:32,960 CHARLIE'S MOMMY DEFENDED HERSELF. 219 00:11:32,963 --> 00:11:35,033 CHARLIE'S DADDY SAID 220 00:11:35,025 --> 00:11:36,995 THE WHOLE IDEA OF TALKING TO DEEDEE'S MOMMY 221 00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:38,927 WAS A BAD IDEA TO BEGIN WITH. 222 00:11:38,929 --> 00:11:42,369 IS CHARLIE'S DADDY SAYING "I TOLD YOU SO"? 223 00:11:43,774 --> 00:11:45,784 ARE YOU KIDDING? DOES CHARLIE'S MOMMY 224 00:11:45,776 --> 00:11:49,376 KNOW HOW LONG CHARLIE'S DADDY'S BEEN MARRIED TO HER? 225 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,454 P.J., WE HAVE A PROBLEM. 226 00:11:57,447 --> 00:12:00,287 NOTHING YOU AND YOUR LEGAL GUARDIAN CAN'T HANDLE. 227 00:12:00,290 --> 00:12:03,150 HAVE A SEAT, LITTLE BUDDY, LET'S HASH THIS OUT. 228 00:12:03,153 --> 00:12:05,963 YOU'RE NOT REALLY MY GUARDIAN. 229 00:12:05,956 --> 00:12:08,996 - IT IS JUST PRETEND! - GABE, YOU'VE BEEN MY BROTHER FOR A LONG TIME NOW. 230 00:12:08,999 --> 00:12:12,159 YOU SHOULD KNOW I TAKE "PRETEND" VERY SERIOUSLY. 231 00:12:12,162 --> 00:12:15,812 MY COUNSELOR WANTS TO COME OVER AND TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY GRADES. 232 00:12:15,806 --> 00:12:17,066 GREAT. 233 00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:19,507 I'VE BEEN WORKING ON MY SWEDISH ACCENT. 234 00:12:20,911 --> 00:12:22,971 - WHAT? - I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS 235 00:12:22,973 --> 00:12:26,153 "LEGAL GUARDIAN" AND I SEE HIM AS SOMEONE 236 00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:29,346 WHO SPENT SOME TIME IN SWEDEN. 237 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:31,979 P.J., IT'S MR. ROSE. 238 00:12:31,982 --> 00:12:34,992 HE KNOWS YOU! HE WAS YOUR COUNSELOR TOO. 239 00:12:34,985 --> 00:12:37,055 OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS? 240 00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:39,927 WHAT IF I MOVED TO SWEDEN RIGHT AFTER HIGH SCHOOL, 241 00:12:39,930 --> 00:12:42,460 PICKED UP THE ACCENT AND NOW I CAN'T SHAKE IT? 242 00:12:44,034 --> 00:12:46,204 NO. NO SWEDISH ACCENT. 243 00:12:46,196 --> 00:12:49,536 THEN WHY DID I LEARN HOW TO MAKE SCHWARZWALDER KIRSCHTORTE? 244 00:12:58,178 --> 00:13:00,148 VICTORIA, WE NEED TO TALK. 245 00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,781 OKAY. 246 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,023 YOU WIN. IT'S OVER. 247 00:13:06,016 --> 00:13:07,456 IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR? 248 00:13:07,457 --> 00:13:10,117 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - VICTOR, 249 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:14,090 THE FINEST SPECIMEN OF MANHOOD TO EVER WALK THE HALLS OF SOUTH HIGH. 250 00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,934 AND SADLY, IN THIS BATTLE, 251 00:13:16,927 --> 00:13:19,297 YOU'RE THE VICTOR, VICTORIA. 252 00:13:21,031 --> 00:13:22,901 I WAS NEVER WORRIED. 253 00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:25,043 I MEAN, SURE, YOU'RE PRETTY, 254 00:13:25,035 --> 00:13:28,075 HAVE GOOD HAIR AND A NICE SMILE, 255 00:13:28,078 --> 00:13:31,238 BUT BENEATH ALL THAT, THERE'S AN UNDER-PERFORMING BRAIN. 256 00:13:32,282 --> 00:13:34,182 UNDER-PERFORMING? 257 00:13:34,184 --> 00:13:36,594 ( sighs ) SYNONYMS WOULD INCLUDE 258 00:13:36,586 --> 00:13:39,446 LACKLUSTER, SUBPAR, INFERIOR... 259 00:13:40,891 --> 00:13:42,591 NOD WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND. 260 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,063 THE POINT IS 261 00:13:45,055 --> 00:13:47,095 YOU'RE GOING TO STOP THREATENING ME, RIGHT? 262 00:13:47,097 --> 00:13:48,927 THREATENING YOU? 263 00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:51,029 YEAH, THE NOTES, 264 00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,831 THE DEAD FLOWERS IN MY LOCKER? 265 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,012 I NEVER DID ANY OF THAT. 266 00:13:55,005 --> 00:13:58,005 I DON'T HAVE TO. I HAVE VICTOR WRAPPED AROUND MY FINGER 267 00:13:58,008 --> 00:14:00,138 LIKE A DOUBLE PEPTIDE WRAPPED AROUND A PROTEIN. 268 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:02,410 ( laughs ) 269 00:14:02,412 --> 00:14:05,022 IF YOU WERE SMART YOU'D BE LAUGHING TOO. 270 00:14:06,516 --> 00:14:08,946 THEN WHO'S BEEN LEAVING ME THE NOTES? 271 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,949 I THINK I KNOW. 272 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:14,022 START TALKING, WHATEVER-YOUR-NAME-IS. 273 00:14:14,024 --> 00:14:15,234 IT'S PETEY. 274 00:14:15,225 --> 00:14:17,485 WE'VE BEEN IN THE SAME CLASS FOR 12 YEARS. 275 00:14:18,628 --> 00:14:20,028 JUST START TALKING. 276 00:14:20,030 --> 00:14:21,960 I MAY HAVE 277 00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,992 TOLD MY GIRLFRIEND YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ME. 278 00:14:23,994 --> 00:14:25,474 UNBELIEVABLE. 279 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:27,365 DID YOU GET THIS IDEA FROM VICTOR? 280 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,397 NO. I GOT IT FROM MYRON. 281 00:14:29,399 --> 00:14:32,999 - WE'RE IN CHESS CLUB TOGETHER. - CHESS CLUB, IT'S ALWAYS CHESS CLUB. 282 00:14:33,003 --> 00:14:34,873 COME ON, PAULIE. 283 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,246 OKAY, HOW MANY OF YOU 284 00:14:39,249 --> 00:14:42,079 TOLD YOUR GIRLFRIEND I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU? 285 00:14:46,056 --> 00:14:48,156 ALL RIGHT, NOW HOW MANY OF YOU TOLD 286 00:14:48,158 --> 00:14:51,288 A GIRL YOU WERE INTERESTED IN THAT I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU? 287 00:14:54,124 --> 00:14:57,174 RIGHT. NOW HOW MANY OF YOU 288 00:14:57,167 --> 00:15:00,067 DON'T HAVE ANYONE INTERESTED IN YOU WHATSOEVER, 289 00:15:00,070 --> 00:15:02,070 YOU BARELY KNOW WHAT A GIRL IS, 290 00:15:02,072 --> 00:15:05,082 BUT YOU STILL TOLD SOMEONE I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU? 291 00:15:08,178 --> 00:15:11,078 - YES. - ARE MOMS INCLUDED IN THIS? 292 00:15:11,982 --> 00:15:14,042 YES, MOMS TOO. 293 00:15:15,445 --> 00:15:18,015 YOUR HAND SHOULD BE UP, LEON. 294 00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:23,951 HAS ANYONE NOT TOLD A GIRL I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU? 295 00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:29,096 THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MISS A MEETING, OLLIE. 296 00:15:36,206 --> 00:15:39,106 - HEY, BOB. - HEY, DEPUTY DOUG. 297 00:15:39,109 --> 00:15:41,039 THANKS FOR COMING BY. YOU KNOW WHAT? 298 00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:44,111 LET'S... LET'S TALK OUTSIDE, 299 00:15:44,114 --> 00:15:47,054 - AWAY FROM THE LADYFOLK. - RIGHT. 300 00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,617 SO... 301 00:15:48,618 --> 00:15:51,018 IT SEEMS LIKE OUR WIVES ARE HAVING A PROBLEM. 302 00:15:51,021 --> 00:15:53,081 BET YOU'VE BEEN GETTING AN EARFUL OF THAT. 303 00:15:54,124 --> 00:15:56,464 ( Minnesota accent ) YOU BETCHA. 304 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:59,526 ANYWAY, I FIGURED YOU AND I COULD GET TOGETHER 305 00:15:59,529 --> 00:16:01,229 AND WORK THINGS OUT. 306 00:16:01,231 --> 00:16:04,091 THE GALS GET SO EMOTIONAL, DON'T THEY? 307 00:16:04,094 --> 00:16:05,404 - HEY, BUT NOT US MEN. - EHH. 308 00:16:05,395 --> 00:16:07,495 WE'RE PROBLEM SOLVERS, IT'S WHAT WE DO. 309 00:16:07,497 --> 00:16:11,267 IT'S NOT ALL WE DO. WE ALSO HAVE THE TWO BEST LAWNS ON THE STREET. 310 00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:14,001 CURB APPEAL. UP TOP. 311 00:16:16,346 --> 00:16:18,206 ALL RIGHT, SO LET'S SETTLE THIS. 312 00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:20,548 JUST HAVE DEBBIE COME ON OVER, APOLOGIZE TO AMY 313 00:16:20,550 --> 00:16:22,580 AND THEN THE WHOLE THING WILL JUST GO AWAY. 314 00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:24,482 HOLD UP. 315 00:16:27,017 --> 00:16:29,287 SHOULDN'T AMY BE APOLOGIZING TO DEBBIE? 316 00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:31,659 AND HOW DO YOU GET THAT? 317 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:37,273 THE WRONGDOER APOLOGIZES TO THE WRONGDO-EE. 318 00:16:37,267 --> 00:16:40,467 WRONGDO-EE IS NOT EVEN A WORD. 319 00:16:40,470 --> 00:16:43,000 WHO WENT TO THE ACADEMY HERE? 320 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,232 WHAT, THE WORD ACADEMY? 321 00:16:48,138 --> 00:16:49,608 ( laughing ) 322 00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,339 MR. ROSE, I WANT TO ASSURE YOU I'M GOING 323 00:16:51,341 --> 00:16:53,641 TO RIDE HERD ON THIS LITTLE GUY TO GET THOSE GRADES UP. 324 00:16:53,643 --> 00:16:55,493 - RIGHT, GABE? - YES. 325 00:16:55,485 --> 00:16:57,685 - YES, WHAT? - OH, YES, GUARDIAN. 326 00:16:57,687 --> 00:17:00,787 MMM. I ALSO WOULD HAVE ACCEPTED "YES SIR." 327 00:17:02,352 --> 00:17:05,332 WELL, I GUESS EVERYTHING IS IN ORDER. 328 00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:07,495 P.J., IT WAS REALLY NICE SEEING YOU AGAIN. 329 00:17:07,497 --> 00:17:10,557 - YOU TOO, MR. ROSE. - SO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO LATELY? 330 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:14,030 WELL, AFTER HIGH SCHOOL, I SPENT A YEAR IN SWEDEN. 331 00:17:15,665 --> 00:17:19,065 REALLY? I'M SURPRISED YOU DIDN'T PICK UP THE ACCENT. 332 00:17:19,069 --> 00:17:21,069 I AM TOO. 333 00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:24,773 OH, AND ONE MORE THING. 334 00:17:24,774 --> 00:17:27,424 I JUST NEED YOU TO SIGN A FORM SAYING 335 00:17:27,417 --> 00:17:30,347 WE HAD THIS HOME VISIT. 336 00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:32,380 - BUT I LEFT IT IN THE CAR. - AH. 337 00:17:32,382 --> 00:17:33,822 - BE RIGHT BACK. - SURE. 338 00:17:38,188 --> 00:17:40,828 - WELL, THAT WENT WELL. - NO, IT DIDN'T! 339 00:17:40,830 --> 00:17:42,790 - YOU CAN'T SIGN THAT FORM! - WHY NOT? 340 00:17:42,792 --> 00:17:46,302 BECAUSE YOUR SIGNATURE WON'T MATCH THE ONE I'VE BEEN SIGNING! 341 00:17:46,296 --> 00:17:49,136 ( Swedish accent ) OH YAH, DAT'S A PROBLEM. 342 00:17:59,109 --> 00:18:01,709 LET GO OF ME, YA BIG GOON! 343 00:18:01,711 --> 00:18:05,161 JUST AS SOON AS YOU UNCUFF ME, YOU SMALLER GOON! 344 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:11,217 - WHAT ARE YOU TWO GOONS DOING? - HE'S ASSAULTING A DEPUTY! 345 00:18:11,221 --> 00:18:14,421 YEAH WELL, HE'S ASSAULTING AN EXTERMINATOR! 346 00:18:14,424 --> 00:18:17,404 - PRETTY SURE THAT'S DIFFERENT! - ( grunting ) 347 00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:19,427 OH MY! WHAT IS THIS?! 348 00:18:19,429 --> 00:18:22,129 - STAY OUT OF IT, DOOLEY! - DIAL IT DOWN, DUNCAN! 349 00:18:23,273 --> 00:18:25,583 Mrs. Dabney: HEY, KEEP IT DOWN OVER THERE! 350 00:18:25,575 --> 00:18:28,105 MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, MRS. DABNEY! 351 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,877 YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME! 352 00:18:33,483 --> 00:18:37,153 DID SHE JUST SAY "YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME"? 353 00:18:37,147 --> 00:18:39,117 SHE DID. 354 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,288 THAT'S WHAT DEEDEE SAID THE OTHER DAY. 355 00:18:41,291 --> 00:18:42,821 CHARLIE TOO. 356 00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:46,562 WELL, THIS IS AWKWARD. 357 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,800 UH, IN A SCISSOR-HOLD HERE! 358 00:18:53,803 --> 00:18:56,213 OH, I'M SORRY. 359 00:18:56,206 --> 00:18:59,166 YOU KNOW, DEEDEE'S NOT A PROBLEM. 360 00:18:59,169 --> 00:19:01,469 MRS. DABNEY'S A PROBLEM. 361 00:19:02,812 --> 00:19:05,652 - I'M SO SORRY. - I'M SORRY TOO. 362 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,145 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M SORRY ABOUT: 363 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,817 I HAVE NO IDEA 364 00:19:09,819 --> 00:19:11,779 WHERE I PUT THE KEY TO THOSE HANDCUFFS. 365 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,864 NO, SERIOUSLY. 366 00:19:21,831 --> 00:19:23,531 HE'S ALMOST HERE. ARE YOU READY? 367 00:19:23,533 --> 00:19:24,793 - Gabe: READY. - ALL RIGHT. 368 00:19:24,794 --> 00:19:27,744 - I'M BACK. - HELLO. 369 00:19:28,898 --> 00:19:30,438 COME ON IN. 370 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,914 - WHERE DID GABE GO? - UH... 371 00:19:38,908 --> 00:19:40,878 OH, I REMEMBER NOW. 372 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,580 I REMEMBER. HE WENT TO VISIT A FRIEND... 373 00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:44,953 UPSTAIRS. 374 00:19:47,417 --> 00:19:49,217 OKAY, UM... 375 00:19:49,219 --> 00:19:50,789 HERE'S THE FORM. 376 00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,890 AND HERE'S A PEN. 377 00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:53,962 THANK YOU. 378 00:19:53,963 --> 00:19:56,303 I'M GONNA TAKE MY PEN 379 00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,466 FROM MY LEFT HAND AND PUT IT IN MY RIGHT HAND. 380 00:19:58,468 --> 00:19:59,828 THAT'S MY SIGNING HAND. 381 00:20:01,331 --> 00:20:02,831 WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE THAT? 382 00:20:03,933 --> 00:20:06,483 I DON'T KNOW. 383 00:20:06,476 --> 00:20:08,906 NOW LET'S GET TO SIGNING. 384 00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,738 UM, IT'S JUST RIGHT ON THE DOTTED LINE. 385 00:20:11,741 --> 00:20:13,641 RIGHT... RIGHT THERE! 386 00:20:13,643 --> 00:20:15,953 RIGHT-- NO, RIGHT HERE. PERFECT, YES. 387 00:20:15,945 --> 00:20:17,815 RIGHT THERE. OR... 388 00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,587 AH, ALL OVER THE FORM. 389 00:20:19,589 --> 00:20:21,889 GOOD. AND A LITTLE ON THE TABLE TOO. 390 00:20:23,993 --> 00:20:26,533 THERE YOU GO. 391 00:20:27,997 --> 00:20:30,797 - THANKS, P.J. - AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 392 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:32,830 I'M GOING TO SHAKE YOUR HAND NOW. 393 00:20:36,366 --> 00:20:38,866 I'M SORRY, SORRY SORRY. 394 00:20:38,868 --> 00:20:40,838 IT'S JUST AFTER SO MUCH TIME IN SWEDEN, 395 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,910 I'VE FORGOTTEN THE AMERICAN CUSTOMS. 396 00:20:42,912 --> 00:20:44,812 I'LL JUST BOW. 397 00:20:49,619 --> 00:20:51,919 UH, WELL, BYE-BYE NOW. 398 00:20:54,524 --> 00:20:56,464 OH, YOU KNOW, THERE IS ONE MORE THING. 399 00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:59,326 - WHAT'S THAT? - GABE, YOU WANT A RIDE HOME? 400 00:20:59,329 --> 00:21:01,259 I'M ON MY WAY TO TALK TO YOUR PARENTS. 401 00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:13,539 Well, Charlie, the mysterious warnings have stopped. 402 00:21:13,543 --> 00:21:16,583 Although I'm not exactly sure who did it. 403 00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:18,046 I've narrowed it down to 404 00:21:18,047 --> 00:21:20,977 Petey's girlfriend, Myron's girlfriend 405 00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:23,480 or Leon's mother. 406 00:21:24,854 --> 00:21:27,824 The point is no nerds are using me 407 00:21:27,817 --> 00:21:30,817 as a romantic pawn, as it were. 408 00:21:30,820 --> 00:21:33,490 That's a chess joke. 409 00:21:33,493 --> 00:21:35,973 And therefore not funny. 410 00:21:37,026 --> 00:21:38,966 Ooh, I wanna show you something. 411 00:21:40,930 --> 00:21:43,370 Oh, this might be it. 412 00:21:44,404 --> 00:21:45,884 Not this one. 413 00:21:47,537 --> 00:21:50,007 Ah, not this one. 414 00:21:51,481 --> 00:21:53,411 Dad's been handcuffed to this bench 415 00:21:53,413 --> 00:21:55,823 for six hours. 416 00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:57,745 Hey, Bob, 417 00:21:57,747 --> 00:22:00,617 can we take a break? I need to use the bathroom. 418 00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:03,020 So do I, Doug. 419 00:22:04,394 --> 00:22:06,364 Oh, sugar-hooey! 420 00:22:06,356 --> 00:22:09,456 Now I have to start all over. 421 00:22:12,502 --> 00:22:15,642 Better wish Dad some good luck, Charlie. 422 00:22:21,771 --> 00:22:23,641 OKAY, CHARLIE, THAT'S ENOUGH TV. 423 00:22:23,643 --> 00:22:26,483 ( Mrs. Dabney's voice ) YOU DID NOT JUST TURN THAT OFF! 424 00:22:27,877 --> 00:22:30,047 UM, I'M SORRY, WHAT? 425 00:22:30,049 --> 00:22:32,519 I WAS TRYING TO WATCH THE GURGLES! 426 00:22:32,522 --> 00:22:35,932 P.J., DID YOU LET HER PLAY IN THE BACKYARD? 427 00:22:35,925 --> 00:22:38,785 - YEAH, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? - WHENEVER SHE STAYS OUT THERE TOO LONG 428 00:22:38,788 --> 00:22:40,588 SHE STARTS TALKING LIKE MRS. DABNEY. 429 00:22:40,590 --> 00:22:43,830 SOMEONE GONNA GET ME A JUICE BOX OR WHAT? 430 00:22:43,833 --> 00:22:46,773 - SEE? - OH, RELAX, MOM, 431 00:22:46,766 --> 00:22:48,496 WE WEREN'T BACK THERE FOR VERY LONG. 432 00:22:48,498 --> 00:22:50,368 WE WENT OVER TO THE DOOLEYS' FOR A LITTLE WHILE TOO, 433 00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:53,439 - RIGHT, CHARLIE? - ( Mrs. Dooley's voice ) OH, YOU BETCHA. 32473

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