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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:08,778 UH-OH! 2 00:00:08,779 --> 00:00:10,309 DAD'S HERE. DONUTS! 3 00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:11,641 RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! 4 00:00:14,385 --> 00:00:16,385 UP TOP. 5 00:00:16,387 --> 00:00:17,517 IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE. 6 00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,048 DAD'S LOST A BUNCH OF WEIGHT. 7 00:00:19,050 --> 00:00:20,690 THANKS A LOT, DAD. YOU GOT SKINNY 8 00:00:20,691 --> 00:00:22,551 AND KILLED ALL MY BEST MATERIAL. 9 00:00:23,554 --> 00:00:25,734 ACTUALLY, I'VE LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT, 10 00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:28,496 I GOTTA START BUYING MY CLOTHES IN A REGULAR STORE NOW. 11 00:00:28,499 --> 00:00:30,699 NO MORE "BENNY'S HUGE AND BALD"? 12 00:00:32,703 --> 00:00:34,713 "LENNY'S BIG AND TALL." 13 00:00:36,367 --> 00:00:37,667 BUT I LOVE LENNY'S. 14 00:00:37,668 --> 00:00:40,608 IT'S THE ONLY STORE WITH STEEL-REINFORCED DRESSING ROOMS. 15 00:00:42,673 --> 00:00:45,183 THE ONLY STORE WHERE THE FREIGHT ENTRANCE 16 00:00:45,176 --> 00:00:47,116 IS ALSO THE MAIN ENTRANCE. 17 00:00:47,118 --> 00:00:49,448 ( laughing ) OKAY, WAIT WAIT. OKAY, I GOT ONE. 18 00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:52,280 IT'S THE ONLY STORE WHERE THE LARGE SIZES ARE BIG 19 00:00:52,283 --> 00:00:55,133 AND THE SMALL ONES... 20 00:00:55,126 --> 00:00:56,156 AREN'T. 21 00:00:59,130 --> 00:01:00,290 YEAH, I GUESS I DON'T GOT ONE. 22 00:01:01,592 --> 00:01:03,662 ALL RIGHT. I'M OFF TO THE MALL. 23 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,374 WOW. SHOPPING WITHOUT SHAME. 24 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,537 THIS IS GONNA BE DIFFERENT. 25 00:01:08,539 --> 00:01:09,669 HEY, DAD. 26 00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,700 JUST DON'T GET A HAIRPIECE. 27 00:01:11,702 --> 00:01:13,372 I MEAN, YOU GOTTA LEAVE ME SOMETHING. 28 00:01:15,706 --> 00:01:18,446 WHERE THE BIG PEOPLE ARE SO FAT-- 29 00:01:18,449 --> 00:01:20,279 - P.J., WE'RE DONE. - OKAY. 30 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:23,211 ( rock music playing ) 31 00:01:23,214 --> 00:01:24,624 ♪ TODAY'S ALL BURNT TOAST ♪ 32 00:01:24,615 --> 00:01:26,585 ♪ RUNNING LATE AND DAD JOKES ♪ 33 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,457 ♪ "HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY LEFT SHOE?" ♪ 34 00:01:29,460 --> 00:01:31,360 ♪ I CLOSE MY EYES, TAKE A BITE ♪ 35 00:01:31,362 --> 00:01:32,762 ♪ GRAB A RIDE, LAUGH OUT LOUD ♪ 36 00:01:32,763 --> 00:01:34,773 ♪ THERE IT IS UP ON THE ROOF ♪ 37 00:01:36,367 --> 00:01:39,467 ♪ I'VE BEEN THERE, I SURVIVED ♪ 38 00:01:39,470 --> 00:01:42,630 ♪ SO JUST TAKE MY ADVICE ♪ 39 00:01:42,633 --> 00:01:44,643 ♪ HANG IN THERE, BABY ♪ 40 00:01:44,635 --> 00:01:46,335 ♪ THINGS ARE CRAZY ♪ 41 00:01:46,337 --> 00:01:49,207 ♪ BUT I KNOW YOUR FUTURE'S BRIGHT ♪ 42 00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:50,840 ♪ HANG IN THERE, BABY ♪ 43 00:01:50,841 --> 00:01:52,641 ♪ THERE'S NO MAYBE ♪ 44 00:01:52,643 --> 00:01:55,593 ♪ EVERYTHING TURNS OUT ALL RIGHT ♪ 45 00:01:55,586 --> 00:01:57,616 ♪ SURE LIFE IS UP AND DOWN ♪ 46 00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:01,648 ♪ BUT TRUST ME, IT COMES BACK AROUND ♪ 47 00:02:01,652 --> 00:02:05,662 ♪ YOU'RE GONNA LOVE WHO YOU TURN OUT TO BE ♪ 48 00:02:06,657 --> 00:02:09,597 ♪ HANG IN THERE, BABY. ♪ 49 00:02:16,867 --> 00:02:18,237 ( Teddy shrieks ) 50 00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:19,369 GREAT NEWS! 51 00:02:19,370 --> 00:02:20,210 REMEMBER THAT PLAY I WROTE? 52 00:02:20,211 --> 00:02:21,911 - "THE DANCING PRINCESS"? - YEAH. 53 00:02:21,912 --> 00:02:23,912 MY THEATER GROUP IS DOING THE PRODUCTION 54 00:02:23,914 --> 00:02:25,254 AND IVY'S DIRECTING. 55 00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,376 AND I'M STARRING? 56 00:02:27,878 --> 00:02:29,718 - NO. - OH. 57 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:31,220 THEN WHAT'S THE GREAT NEWS? 58 00:02:31,222 --> 00:02:34,232 WELL, YOU'RE NOT IN THIS ONE, MOM, 59 00:02:34,225 --> 00:02:35,855 BUT GUESS WHO IS. 60 00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:37,226 CHARLIE! 61 00:02:37,228 --> 00:02:38,688 I'M GONNA BE A PRINCESS. 62 00:02:40,391 --> 00:02:41,891 GOOD FOR YOU. 63 00:02:41,892 --> 00:02:43,562 HOPE SHOW BUSINESS DOESN'T BREAK YOUR HEART 64 00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:44,904 AS IT DID MINE. 65 00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:50,369 HEY, CHARLIE. WHY IS THAT BEAR STILL ON THE FLOOR? 66 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,271 I ASKED YOU TO PICK THAT UP AN HOUR AGO. 67 00:02:54,305 --> 00:02:56,605 HEY, PRINCESS. I'M NOT GONNA ASK YOU AGAIN. 68 00:02:56,607 --> 00:02:58,507 PICK UP THE BEAR NOW. 69 00:02:58,509 --> 00:02:59,509 NO. 70 00:03:01,352 --> 00:03:03,282 SHE'S BEEN LIKE THIS ALL DAY. 71 00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:04,924 MOM. IF I MAY... 72 00:03:04,915 --> 00:03:06,815 CHARLIE, SWEETIE. 73 00:03:06,817 --> 00:03:08,357 COULD YOU PICK UP THAT BEAR 74 00:03:08,359 --> 00:03:10,359 FOR YOUR BIG SISTER, PLEASE? 75 00:03:10,361 --> 00:03:11,361 OKAY. 76 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,400 IF YOU NEED HER TO DO ANYTHING ELSE, 77 00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:23,302 JUST LET ME KNOW. 78 00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:24,484 ( scoffs ) 79 00:03:24,475 --> 00:03:26,705 SHE'S THREE YEARS OLD. YOU GOT LUCKY. 80 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,407 NO NO. IT'S NOT LUCK. 81 00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,709 CHARLIE AND I HAVE A SPECIAL SISTER BOND. 82 00:03:31,782 --> 00:03:33,282 I GUESS YOU COULD CALL ME 83 00:03:33,284 --> 00:03:35,294 "THE CHARLIE WHISPERER." 84 00:03:35,286 --> 00:03:37,586 ( weak chuckle ) "THE CHARLIE WHISPERER." 85 00:03:37,588 --> 00:03:39,448 OKAY. WELL, IF YOU'RE SO GOOD, 86 00:03:39,450 --> 00:03:41,320 WHY DON'T YOU GET HER TO COME OUT OF YOUR ROOM? 87 00:03:48,459 --> 00:03:51,329 I DID THAT ONE WITH MY MIND. 88 00:03:59,510 --> 00:04:01,010 WHAT YOU WORKING ON? 89 00:04:01,011 --> 00:04:02,371 OH, IT'S FOR ENGLISH. 90 00:04:02,373 --> 00:04:04,423 I HAVE TO WRITE A REPORT ABOUT AN OLD PERSON. 91 00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:10,678 "MY NEIGHBOR BERT: BY GABE DUNCAN." 92 00:04:10,681 --> 00:04:13,681 "BERT DOOGAN: HUSBAND, FATHER... 93 00:04:13,684 --> 00:04:15,534 ASTRONAUT"? 94 00:04:15,526 --> 00:04:17,026 WHOA! 95 00:04:17,027 --> 00:04:19,687 I DIDN'T KNOW GRUMPY OLD BERT WAS AN ASTRONAUT. 96 00:04:22,293 --> 00:04:23,763 NEITHER DOES GRUMPY OLD BERT. 97 00:04:25,796 --> 00:04:27,466 I MADE THE WHOLE THING UP. 98 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,638 IT WAS EITHER THAT OR ACTUALLY TALKING TO THE OLD DUDE. 99 00:04:31,542 --> 00:04:33,402 "WHENEVER I MOW BERT'S LAWN, 100 00:04:33,404 --> 00:04:36,054 HE TELLS ME STORIES ABOUT HIS ADVENTURES IN SPACE. 101 00:04:36,046 --> 00:04:37,876 THERE WAS THIS ONE TIME WHERE HIS ROCKET 102 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,378 SPRUNG A LEAK AND HE FIXED IT 103 00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:41,480 WITH TOOTHPASTE AND MOON ROCKS." 104 00:04:42,653 --> 00:04:43,813 ( chuckling ) COME ON, DUDE! 105 00:04:43,814 --> 00:04:44,864 NO ONE'S GONNA BELIEVE THAT. 106 00:04:44,855 --> 00:04:46,015 WHAT, THE MOON ROCKS? 107 00:04:46,016 --> 00:04:47,356 NO, THAT YOU MOWED SOMEBODY'S LAWN. 108 00:04:47,358 --> 00:04:48,358 OH! 109 00:04:54,465 --> 00:04:55,925 OH, THERE'S MY FAVORITE PLAYWRIGHT. 110 00:04:55,926 --> 00:04:58,426 THERE'S MY FAVORITE DIRECTOR! 111 00:04:58,429 --> 00:04:59,569 - AH! - HEY! 112 00:04:59,570 --> 00:05:01,070 THIS IS SO EXCITING. 113 00:05:01,071 --> 00:05:02,871 I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU WANTED TO DIRECT. 114 00:05:02,873 --> 00:05:04,413 ARE YOU KIDDING? 115 00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:06,935 I TALK LOUD, I LIKE TO BOSS PEOPLE AROUND-- 116 00:05:06,937 --> 00:05:08,437 I'M A NATURAL. 117 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:10,980 NOW LET'S TALK ♪ CASTING. ♪ 118 00:05:10,981 --> 00:05:12,641 YES! 119 00:05:12,643 --> 00:05:13,643 OKAY. 120 00:05:13,644 --> 00:05:15,394 WELL, UH, 121 00:05:15,386 --> 00:05:17,516 AT LEAST WE KNOW WHO'S GONNA PLAY THE YOUNG PRINCESS-- 122 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,548 - CHARLIE. - WHOA. 123 00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:20,690 LET'S NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES. 124 00:05:20,691 --> 00:05:23,421 CHARLIE'S GOT TO AUDITION LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. 125 00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:26,404 OKAY, I GET IT. 126 00:05:26,397 --> 00:05:30,427 YOU WANT ME TO BRING CHARLIE IN FOR AN "AUDITION." 127 00:05:31,462 --> 00:05:33,502 YES, I "DO." 128 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,505 IVY, LOOK. IT'S JUST ONE LINE 129 00:05:36,507 --> 00:05:37,767 AND I WROTE IT FOR CHARLIE. 130 00:05:37,768 --> 00:05:39,668 AND IF SHE CAN SAY IT, SHE GETS THE PART. 131 00:05:39,670 --> 00:05:41,670 ( cellphone ringing ) 132 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:43,743 HELLO. 133 00:05:45,516 --> 00:05:47,516 MRS. DUNCAN, PLEASE STOP CALLING ME. 134 00:05:47,518 --> 00:05:48,818 YOU CANNOT BE IN THE PLAY. 135 00:06:01,131 --> 00:06:02,131 HEY, GUYS. 136 00:06:07,598 --> 00:06:08,968 WHAT WAS THAT? 137 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:11,639 UH... BOB, HONEY? 138 00:06:11,642 --> 00:06:13,672 COULD YOU COME OUT HERE PLEASE? 139 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,951 WHATCHA WEARIN'? 140 00:06:25,115 --> 00:06:26,515 WHAT, THIS? 141 00:06:26,517 --> 00:06:28,387 GOT IT AT THE MALL. 142 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,118 YEAH, SOME REGULAR STORE. WHATEVER. 143 00:06:31,462 --> 00:06:32,922 OH, THE PLACE WAS CALLED 144 00:06:32,923 --> 00:06:34,733 "CLOZ", WITH A "Z." 145 00:06:34,725 --> 00:06:36,895 CLOZ? 146 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,027 I SHOP THERE. 147 00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:42,671 AT LEAST I USED TO. 148 00:06:42,673 --> 00:06:44,483 ( clears throat ) QUESTION 149 00:06:44,475 --> 00:06:46,475 ABOUT THIS "CLOZ" WITH A "Z"-- 150 00:06:46,477 --> 00:06:49,677 UM, DO THEY HAVE MIRRORS OR LIGHTS? 151 00:06:51,542 --> 00:06:52,512 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, FINE. 152 00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:53,913 I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. 153 00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,624 HEY, AT FIRST, I WASN'T SURE 154 00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:56,616 ABOUT THIS NEW LOOK EITHER. 155 00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:57,617 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 156 00:06:57,618 --> 00:06:59,418 EVERYBODY KEPT COMPLIMENTING ME. 157 00:07:00,491 --> 00:07:01,651 REALLY? 158 00:07:01,652 --> 00:07:03,622 YEAH, THEY SAID I WAS "MAKING IT WORK," 159 00:07:05,496 --> 00:07:07,856 "ROCKIN' THAT OUTFIT." 160 00:07:07,858 --> 00:07:11,628 OH, YEAH-- "KILLIN' THOSE JEANS." 161 00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:14,742 NOT SURE THAT LAST ONE WAS A COMPLIMENT. 162 00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:23,641 "AND THOSE ARE THE KIND OF UPLIFTING STORIES 163 00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:26,654 MY NEIGHBOR BERT TELLS ME WHENEVER MY BROTHER P.J... 164 00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:28,547 MOWS HIS LAWN." 165 00:07:33,524 --> 00:07:35,594 GABE, THAT WAS WONDERFUL. THANK YOU. 166 00:07:35,586 --> 00:07:38,086 NO, THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE ASSIGNMENT. 167 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,690 YOU KNOW, BERT SOUNDS LIKE AN INCREDIBLE MAN. 168 00:07:42,693 --> 00:07:44,773 DO YOU THINK HE COULD COME IN AND SPEAK TO THE CLASS? 169 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,497 UM... YOU KNOW, 170 00:07:48,499 --> 00:07:50,499 ( stammering ) I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. 171 00:07:50,501 --> 00:07:52,671 HE'S NOT MOVING AROUND VERY WELL ANYMORE. 172 00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:56,153 ASTRONAUTING IS VERY HARD ON THE KNEES. 173 00:07:57,648 --> 00:07:59,978 WELL, IF YOU BRING HIM IN, I'LL GIVE YOU EXTRA CREDIT 174 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,580 AND IT COULD BRING YOUR GRADE UP TO AN "A." 175 00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:04,522 HUH. AN "A" IN ENGLISH. 176 00:08:04,515 --> 00:08:07,555 WHOO! CAN'T ASK FOR MORE BETTER THAN THAT. 177 00:08:14,264 --> 00:08:15,704 NEXT! 178 00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:19,696 OKAY. FOR THE ROLE OF THE YOUNG PRINCESS, 179 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:22,770 - PRESENTING CHARLIE DUNCAN. - HI, CHARLIE. 180 00:08:22,773 --> 00:08:25,113 OKAY, CHARLIE, SAY THE LINE. 181 00:08:28,579 --> 00:08:30,579 CHARLIE, HEY. 182 00:08:30,581 --> 00:08:32,741 CHARLIE, REMEMBER, YOUR LINE IS 183 00:08:32,743 --> 00:08:36,093 "YOUR MAJESTY, I WAS BORN TO DANCE." 184 00:08:36,086 --> 00:08:38,216 OKAY? NOW YOU SAY IT. 185 00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:40,218 I TURNED MY EARS OFF. 186 00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:45,303 - HERE, JUST-- CAN YOU GIVE US A MINUTE? - OKAY. 187 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:48,297 WHO'S NEXT? 188 00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,061 HI, I'M TAMMY. 189 00:08:52,062 --> 00:08:53,732 HI, TAMMY. WHENEVER YOU'RE READY. 190 00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:56,044 ( inhales and exhales ) 191 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,036 YOUR MAJESTY, 192 00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,908 I WAS BORN TO DANCE. 193 00:09:13,624 --> 00:09:15,694 TAMMY, THAT WAS VERY GOOD. 194 00:09:17,928 --> 00:09:20,088 WOW. WHAT DID YOU THINK? 195 00:09:20,090 --> 00:09:23,260 A LITTLE SHOW-OFFY FOR MY TASTE. 196 00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,743 OH, COME ON! SHE'S FANTASTIC. 197 00:09:25,736 --> 00:09:27,766 YEAH, I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN, YEAH SURE, 198 00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:30,338 SHE CAN ACT AND DANCE AND SAY THE LINE, 199 00:09:30,340 --> 00:09:33,740 BUT ONCE YOU TAKE THAT AWAY, THEN WHAT DO YOU HAVE? 200 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,005 CHARLIE. 201 00:09:44,655 --> 00:09:45,985 OKAY. 202 00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:47,986 WE HAVE GOT TWO GREAT CANDIDATES 203 00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,588 FOR THE ROLE OF THE YOUNG PRINCESS. 204 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,219 LET'S JUST COMPARE THEM OBJECTIVELY. 205 00:09:52,222 --> 00:09:55,072 CHARLIE VERSUS... 206 00:09:55,065 --> 00:09:56,265 HAMMY. 207 00:09:57,828 --> 00:09:58,928 TAMMY. 208 00:09:58,929 --> 00:10:00,629 OH, IT'S TOO LATE. 209 00:10:00,631 --> 00:10:01,931 I ALREADY WROTE "HAMMY." 210 00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:06,014 OKAY! FIRST CATEGORY: 211 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:07,176 CUTENESS. 212 00:10:07,177 --> 00:10:08,877 WELL, CHARLIE GETS A 10. 213 00:10:08,879 --> 00:10:11,339 ( chuckles ) NO-- NO QUESTION THERE. 214 00:10:11,341 --> 00:10:14,011 AND, UH, TAMMY-- 215 00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:16,324 LET'S BE GENEROUS AND GIVE HER A FIVE. 216 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,286 A FIVE? 217 00:10:18,288 --> 00:10:20,618 IS THAT TOO HIGH? I'LL MAKE IT A FOUR. 218 00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,852 NEXT CATEGORY: PERSONALITY. 219 00:10:23,854 --> 00:10:25,264 TAMMY HAS A NICE SMILE. 220 00:10:25,255 --> 00:10:27,625 WITH DEAD SHARK EYES. 221 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,300 I'LL MAKE IT ANOTHER FOUR. 222 00:10:31,301 --> 00:10:32,831 CHARLIE GETS A 10. 223 00:10:33,864 --> 00:10:36,644 HOW ABOUT THE ABILITY TO SAY LINES? 224 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,106 OH. YEAH. THERE IS SOME, UH-- 225 00:10:39,109 --> 00:10:40,809 THERE IS SOME DEBATE THERE. 226 00:10:40,811 --> 00:10:42,271 YOU KNOW WHAT? 227 00:10:42,272 --> 00:10:43,942 LET'S JUST GIVE THEM EACH A FIVE. 228 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,976 AND THERE YOU HAVE IT! CHARLIE IS THE CLEAR-CUT WINNER! 229 00:10:50,821 --> 00:10:52,351 OH, TEDDY! COME ON! 230 00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:55,432 BUT THE NUMBERS DON'T LIE. I DIDN'T JUST MAKE THEM UP. 231 00:10:55,425 --> 00:10:56,785 YES, YOU DID! 232 00:10:58,228 --> 00:11:01,058 IVY, I WILL GET HER TO SAY THE LINE. 233 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,061 I'M THE CHARLIE WHISPERER. 234 00:11:04,935 --> 00:11:08,065 ALL RIGHT. SHE'S GOT THE PART. 235 00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,998 I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA EXPLAIN THIS TO TAMMY. 236 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:10,970 DON'T WORRY ABOUT TAMMY. 237 00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:12,141 SHE'S GONNA GET TONS OF PARTS. 238 00:11:12,142 --> 00:11:14,072 SHE'S AMAZING. 239 00:11:19,049 --> 00:11:20,049 OOH, COOKIES. 240 00:11:20,050 --> 00:11:21,380 HEY, THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU. 241 00:11:23,153 --> 00:11:24,153 THEY'RE FOR BERT. 242 00:11:24,154 --> 00:11:25,164 BERT'S COMING OVER? 243 00:11:25,155 --> 00:11:26,855 YEAH, AND CAN YOU STICK AROUND? 244 00:11:26,857 --> 00:11:28,317 YOU HAVE A WAY WITH OLD PEOPLE. 245 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:33,160 USUALLY, IT CREEPS ME OUT, BUT NOW I NEED YOU. 246 00:11:33,163 --> 00:11:34,833 ( doorbell rings ) 247 00:11:37,928 --> 00:11:40,098 HEY! BERT! COME ON IN. 248 00:11:42,132 --> 00:11:43,832 I'VE BEEN LIVING ACROSS THE STREET 249 00:11:43,834 --> 00:11:45,844 FROM YOU PEOPLE FOR 20 YEARS 250 00:11:45,836 --> 00:11:48,136 AND I'VE NEVER BEEN INVITED OVER. 251 00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:51,479 WE'RE SHY. 252 00:11:51,481 --> 00:11:54,851 SHY? I HEAR THAT MOTHER OF YOURS 253 00:11:54,845 --> 00:11:56,485 SINGING AND DANCING ALL THE TIME! 254 00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:58,988 WOMEN, HUH, BERT? 255 00:11:58,989 --> 00:12:02,119 HEY, TELL ME ABOUT IT. 256 00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:03,122 COOKIE? 257 00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:03,993 YEAH, SURE. 258 00:12:03,994 --> 00:12:07,064 THAT IS A NICE CARDIGAN. 259 00:12:07,057 --> 00:12:08,827 THEY DON'T MAKE THEM LIKE THAT ANYMORE. 260 00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:12,230 YOU GOT THAT RIGHT. ( chuckles ) 261 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,102 NOW YOU, I LIKE. 262 00:12:15,265 --> 00:12:16,435 ANYHOO, BERT. 263 00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:18,436 I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD COME TO MY CLASS 264 00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,438 AND TALK ABOUT YOUR AMAZING CAREER. 265 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,970 AMAZING? 266 00:12:21,972 --> 00:12:23,272 I WAS A MAILMAN. 267 00:12:25,415 --> 00:12:27,775 GOOD STUFF. GOOD STUFF. 268 00:12:27,778 --> 00:12:30,418 BUT LET ME JUST SUGGEST ONE SMALL-- 269 00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:32,780 A LITTLE TINY TWEAK. 270 00:12:32,783 --> 00:12:34,253 INSTEAD OF MAILMAN, 271 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,064 LET'S USE A DIFFERENT WORD. 272 00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:38,056 LETTER CARRIER? 273 00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:40,358 I WAS THINKING ASTRONAUT. 274 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,060 YOU WANT ME TO LIE? 275 00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:45,173 WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING A MAILMAN? 276 00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:46,465 NOTHING. 277 00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:48,466 IT'S JUST THAT THE KIDS THESE DAYS, 278 00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,038 THEY'RE NOT AS EASILY ENTERTAINED, 279 00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:52,301 WHAT WITH THE VIDEOGAMES, 280 00:12:52,302 --> 00:12:54,142 THE GIZMOS AND THE GADGETS. 281 00:12:55,445 --> 00:12:57,105 WE'RE LOSING OUR COUNTRY, BERT. 282 00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:02,349 THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS SAY WHEN I'M TALKING TO MY RADIO. 283 00:13:04,014 --> 00:13:05,264 SO-- SO YOU'LL DO IT? 284 00:13:05,255 --> 00:13:08,085 NO! I'M NOT GONNA LIE ABOUT MY JOB. 285 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,388 WHAT WILL YOU LIE ABOUT? 286 00:13:11,021 --> 00:13:13,021 YOUR VACATIONS? AND COULD ONE OF THEM 287 00:13:13,023 --> 00:13:14,493 POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN TO JUPITER? 288 00:13:16,366 --> 00:13:18,196 ARE YOU OFF YOUR NUT? 289 00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:20,028 - WHO RAISED YOU ANYWAY? - ( door opens ) 290 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,044 HEY, BERT. 291 00:13:33,083 --> 00:13:35,093 OKAY, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. 292 00:13:40,390 --> 00:13:42,320 CHARLIE, IT'S JUST ONE LINE. 293 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,022 SAY IT WITH ME. 294 00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,334 "YOUR MAJESTY, 295 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:48,055 I WAS BORN TO DANCE." 296 00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:54,032 CHARLIE, COME ON, PLEASE. 297 00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:56,044 HEY, GIRLS. WHAT'S GOIN' ON? 298 00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:58,166 I CAN'T GET CHARLIE TO SAY HER LINE. 299 00:13:58,168 --> 00:14:00,508 WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO IT WITH YOUR MIND? 300 00:14:03,073 --> 00:14:05,553 IF YOU'RE DONE MOCKING ME, I COULD REALLY USE YOUR HELP HERE. 301 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:08,145 OH, SWEETHEART. 302 00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:09,978 I'LL NEVER BE DONE MOCKING YOU. 303 00:14:13,323 --> 00:14:15,033 OKAY, RELAX. I HAVE AN IDEA. 304 00:14:16,026 --> 00:14:17,186 OKAY, CHARLIE. 305 00:14:17,187 --> 00:14:19,327 WE'RE GONNA READ A FUN NEW BOOK. 306 00:14:19,329 --> 00:14:21,189 IT'S CALLED 307 00:14:21,191 --> 00:14:25,171 "YOUR MAJESTY, I WAS BORN TO DANCE." 308 00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:27,936 OHH! 309 00:14:27,938 --> 00:14:29,238 THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT TITLE. 310 00:14:29,239 --> 00:14:30,639 YOU WANNA SAY THAT? 311 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:34,170 YEAH, DO YOU WANNA SAY IT LIKE THE PRINCESS IN THE BOOK? 312 00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:36,214 THAT'S A DOG. 313 00:14:37,247 --> 00:14:39,547 WELL, IT'S A DOGGY PRINCESS 314 00:14:39,549 --> 00:14:41,309 WITH AN INVISIBLE TIARA. 315 00:14:42,652 --> 00:14:44,612 I WANT ANOTHER BOOK. 316 00:14:46,256 --> 00:14:48,216 COME ON, CHARLIE. 317 00:14:48,218 --> 00:14:50,258 YOU CAN SAY THE LINE. 318 00:14:50,260 --> 00:14:53,490 "YOUR MAJESTY, I WAS BORN TO DANCE." 319 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:57,003 "YOUR MAJESTY, I WAS BORN TO DANCE." 320 00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,567 OH! ( chuckles ) 321 00:14:58,568 --> 00:15:00,198 WHO'S THE CHARLIE WHISPERER NOW? 322 00:15:05,375 --> 00:15:06,535 ALL RIGHT, HERE HE IS-- 323 00:15:06,536 --> 00:15:08,606 BERT DOOGAN, FAMOUS ASTRONAUT. 324 00:15:21,251 --> 00:15:23,921 WELL, BERT. 325 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,563 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING US. 326 00:15:25,555 --> 00:15:27,495 WHY DON'T YOU TELL US A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOURSELF? 327 00:15:27,497 --> 00:15:30,127 ( mumbling ) 328 00:15:32,102 --> 00:15:34,132 COULD BERT TAKE OFF HIS HELMET? 329 00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,214 UH, NO. NEXT QUESTION. 330 00:15:36,206 --> 00:15:39,006 SO WE HAVE A SPEAKER WHO CAN'T ACTUALLY SPEAK? 331 00:15:42,172 --> 00:15:44,172 OKAY, KIDS. LET'S ALL LINE UP 332 00:15:44,174 --> 00:15:45,684 AND WE CAN ALL TOUCH BERT'S HELMET 333 00:15:45,675 --> 00:15:47,345 AND THEN HE'LL BE ON HIS WAY. 334 00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:49,277 I'LL GO FIRST. 335 00:15:49,279 --> 00:15:52,119 ( makes hissing noise ) 336 00:15:52,122 --> 00:15:54,052 GABE, WHO IS THIS? 337 00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:55,494 IT'S BERT, MY NEIGHBOR. 338 00:15:55,485 --> 00:15:57,455 BERT LOOKS SURPRISINGLY YOUNG. 339 00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,457 OH, THANK YOU, DEAR. THAT'S SWEET OF YOU TO SAY. 340 00:16:01,231 --> 00:16:02,531 GABE, I WANT THE TRUTH. 341 00:16:02,532 --> 00:16:04,532 ( sighs ) OKAY. 342 00:16:04,534 --> 00:16:07,074 THE TRUTH IS THAT... 343 00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,967 ON HIS LAST MISSION, BERT WENT THROUGH A WORMHOLE 344 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,269 SENDING HIM BACK IN TIME. 345 00:16:14,544 --> 00:16:17,254 GABE DUNCAN, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER. 346 00:16:17,247 --> 00:16:18,747 YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE. 347 00:16:18,748 --> 00:16:21,348 WELL, I SHOULD GET GOING. 348 00:16:21,351 --> 00:16:24,551 TO INFINITY AND BEYOND! 349 00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:37,996 OH HEY, HON'. 350 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,227 HEY! 351 00:16:39,229 --> 00:16:41,229 THERE'S MY BABY BOY. 352 00:16:42,272 --> 00:16:44,402 ( clears throat ) BOB, HON', YOU-- 353 00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:45,614 YOU MISSING SOMETHING? 354 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:48,175 WHA-- OH! THIS? 355 00:16:48,178 --> 00:16:49,308 AW, I JUST DECIDED 356 00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:50,439 TO UPDATE THE WORK THREADS. 357 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:52,140 WELL, SWEETIE. 358 00:16:52,142 --> 00:16:55,452 YOU'RE AN EXTERMINATOR. ISN'T THE POINT OF YOUR UNIFORM 359 00:16:55,445 --> 00:16:59,185 TO PROTECT YOU FROM THINGS THAT STING AND BITE? 360 00:16:59,189 --> 00:17:00,649 HEY, 361 00:17:00,650 --> 00:17:03,090 THESE CANNONS ARE MY PROTECTION. 362 00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:08,357 OH. 363 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:11,530 DADDY'S GONE CRAZY. 364 00:17:13,063 --> 00:17:14,703 MAMA'S GONNA FIX IT. 365 00:17:20,770 --> 00:17:22,440 - HEY. - WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 366 00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,472 - ( sighs ) - AND WHERE'S CHARLIE? 367 00:17:24,474 --> 00:17:25,654 SHE'S AT HOME. 368 00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:26,675 WHAT?! 369 00:17:26,676 --> 00:17:28,346 SHE REFUSED TO COME. 370 00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:30,378 AND THEN WHEN I ASKED HER NICELY, 371 00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:32,520 SHE TURNED OFF HER EARS AND SHE RAN AWAY FROM ME. 372 00:17:34,424 --> 00:17:36,564 HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? 373 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:39,386 LOOK, IT'S NOT COMPLETELY MY FAULT. 374 00:17:39,389 --> 00:17:42,289 OKAY? A GOOD DIRECTOR WOULD HAVE CHOSEN TAMMY! 375 00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,443 TEDDY, THE-- 376 00:17:45,435 --> 00:17:47,465 THE YOUNG PRINCESS GOES ON IN TWO MINUTES. 377 00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,297 WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? 378 00:17:49,299 --> 00:17:51,469 ( sighs ) I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. 379 00:17:54,304 --> 00:17:55,654 ( high-pitched ) YOUR MAJESTY, 380 00:17:55,645 --> 00:17:58,475 I WAS BORN TO DANCE! 381 00:18:14,324 --> 00:18:17,334 ( cheers and applause ) 382 00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:25,783 HEY. WHAT'S GOIN' ON? 383 00:18:25,775 --> 00:18:28,675 VERN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 384 00:18:28,678 --> 00:18:30,508 I'M HERE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, MAN. 385 00:18:32,342 --> 00:18:34,342 UH-OH. 386 00:18:34,344 --> 00:18:36,654 BOB, HONEY. COME HERE. HAVE A SEAT NEXT TO ME. 387 00:18:42,652 --> 00:18:44,822 NOW, SWEETIE, WE HAVE SOME THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SAY, 388 00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:47,534 SO PLEASE JUST HEAR US OUT. 389 00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:49,227 TEDDY? YOU START. 390 00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:50,529 ( sighs ) DAD, 391 00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:53,530 I MISS THE OLD YOU. 392 00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:54,863 YOU KNOW, THE NORMAL GUY 393 00:18:54,864 --> 00:18:57,374 WHOSE CLOTHES AREN'T TIGHTER THAN MINE. 394 00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:02,739 OKAY. P.J. 395 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:04,912 DAD, 396 00:19:04,914 --> 00:19:08,184 I WANT US TO SHOP AT DIFFERENT STORES. 397 00:19:08,178 --> 00:19:10,178 I DON'T WANT US TO HAVE THE SAME PANTS. 398 00:19:12,782 --> 00:19:14,452 FOR THE RECORD, 399 00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:16,494 I LOVE YOUR NEW LOOK! 400 00:19:16,486 --> 00:19:18,526 IT'S A COMEDIC GOLD MINE. 401 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,259 FOR INSTANCE-- 402 00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:22,561 UH, UH, THANK YOU, GABE. 403 00:19:23,833 --> 00:19:25,503 VERN? 404 00:19:25,495 --> 00:19:26,765 WOULD YOU LIKE TO SHARE? 405 00:19:28,398 --> 00:19:29,468 LOOK AT ME, BOSS. 406 00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:33,400 I HAD TO EXPOSE MY FLESH TO THE ENEMY 407 00:19:33,403 --> 00:19:36,483 JUST SO YOU COULD SHOW OFF YOUR GUNS. 408 00:19:38,548 --> 00:19:40,248 WHAT'S GOING ON, BOB? 409 00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:42,750 ARE YOU HAVING SOME SORT OF A MID-LIFE CRISIS? 410 00:19:42,752 --> 00:19:43,752 NO! 411 00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:47,515 ( groans ) 412 00:19:47,517 --> 00:19:49,817 I-- ( groans ) 413 00:19:49,819 --> 00:19:51,519 ALL RIGHT. 414 00:19:51,521 --> 00:19:52,661 A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO 415 00:19:52,662 --> 00:19:54,192 I'M IN THE PARK WITH TOBY 416 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,533 AND, UH-- 417 00:19:56,526 --> 00:19:57,666 ( sighs ) 418 00:19:57,667 --> 00:20:00,497 SOMEBODY THOUGHT I WAS HIS GRANDFATHER. 419 00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,500 SO YOU WENT THROUGH ALL OF THIS 420 00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:05,242 BECAUSE OF SOME OFF-HANDED COMMENT FROM A STRANGER? 421 00:20:05,235 --> 00:20:06,805 YEAH! 422 00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:09,336 BUT IT-- GUYS, IT INSPIRED ME 423 00:20:09,339 --> 00:20:10,709 TO LOSE WEIGHT, GET IN SHAPE. 424 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,410 AND YOUR NEW BODY IS GREAT. 425 00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:17,423 WHAT YOU'VE CHOSEN TO PUT ON YOUR NEW BODY-- 426 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:19,317 NOT SO GREAT. 427 00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:21,420 DAD. 428 00:20:22,652 --> 00:20:25,962 WILL YOU ACCEPT OUR HELP AND RETURN THOSE CLOTHES TODAY? 429 00:20:25,955 --> 00:20:27,455 THERE'S A CAR WAITING OUTSIDE 430 00:20:27,457 --> 00:20:29,457 TO TAKE YOU TO AN AGE-APPROPRIATE STORE. 431 00:20:32,462 --> 00:20:35,512 ALL RIGHT, FINE. I'LL GO. 432 00:20:35,505 --> 00:20:37,635 BUT, UM-- YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GIVE ME 20 MINUTES 433 00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:38,767 TO GET OUT OF THESE PANTS. 434 00:20:48,678 --> 00:20:50,548 Well, Charlie. 435 00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:51,850 Dad returned all the clothes, 436 00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:54,551 so there's one less teenager in the house. 437 00:20:54,554 --> 00:20:56,564 And in other news-- 438 00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:58,856 Bert: Hey! Keep it down in there! 439 00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:01,028 Gabe got in trouble at school, so now he has to interview 440 00:21:01,030 --> 00:21:02,790 our neighbor Bert for real. 441 00:21:02,792 --> 00:21:04,792 Now where was I? 442 00:21:04,794 --> 00:21:06,674 1983. 443 00:21:08,037 --> 00:21:09,537 1983. 444 00:21:09,539 --> 00:21:12,699 The first-class stamp cost 20¢ 445 00:21:12,702 --> 00:21:15,882 and the zip plus-four code was established. 446 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:18,545 - ( mouthing ) - Now the Z.P.4. code 447 00:21:18,548 --> 00:21:21,708 was originally supposed to be just a Z.P.3. 448 00:21:21,711 --> 00:21:23,711 Now this is where it gets complicated, 449 00:21:23,713 --> 00:21:24,713 so just stay with me. 450 00:21:26,316 --> 00:21:28,486 It looks like Gabe's gonna be there a while. 451 00:21:28,488 --> 00:21:30,488 Wish him good luck, Charlie. 452 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,434 ALL RIGHT, VERN. YOU WANNA LOOK GOOD IN THAT UNIFORM, 453 00:21:37,427 --> 00:21:38,927 WE GOTTA GET YOU INTO SHAPE. 454 00:21:40,670 --> 00:21:42,370 ALL RIGHT. 455 00:21:42,372 --> 00:21:44,372 NOW BEFORE WE BEGIN, 456 00:21:44,374 --> 00:21:47,944 WE NEED TO STRETCH OUT. 457 00:21:47,937 --> 00:21:49,337 YOU ARE LIMBER! 458 00:21:49,339 --> 00:21:51,309 ALL RIGHT, LET'S TRY SOME SIT-UPS. 459 00:21:52,342 --> 00:21:53,642 NOW WATCH MY TECHNIQUE. 460 00:21:58,348 --> 00:21:59,488 ALL RIGHT, YOUR TURN. 461 00:22:04,354 --> 00:22:06,534 - ( groans ) - VERN? YOU OKAY? 462 00:22:06,526 --> 00:22:10,026 I THINK I DID A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH TOO FAST, BOSS. 463 00:22:14,364 --> 00:22:15,544 ( exhales ) 464 00:22:19,739 --> 00:22:21,909 ( sharply exhaling ) 465 00:22:21,911 --> 00:22:23,441 ( grunts ) 31261

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