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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,108 ( intro music playing ) 2 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:12,575 AH. 3 00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:14,323 HA HA! EXTRA POINT. 4 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,548 PUT SOME OVER THERE. STORE SOME OVER THERE. 5 00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:19,224 - HEY HEY HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? - WHAT? 6 00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:22,063 FLAG ON THE PLAY. FLAG ON THE PLAY. EXCESSIVE CELEBRATION. 7 00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:24,430 THERE'S NO PENALTIES IN PAPER FOOTBALL. 8 00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:26,588 THERE SHOULD BE 'CAUSE THAT WAS REALLY ANNOYING. 9 00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:29,397 WAIT, HOLD ON. WHICH POINT WAS ANNOYING? THIS RIGHT HERE? 10 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,430 YOU DIDN'T LIKE THAT? WHAT IF I SLOW IT DOWN FOR YOU? 11 00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:33,325 - YOU LIKE THAT? - NO. 12 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,197 - YOU DON'T LIKE THAT? - NO, STILL ANNOYING. 13 00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:36,266 SPEED IT UP. SPEED IT UP! 14 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:37,414 WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? 15 00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:40,508 - WE'RE PLAYING PAPER FOOTBALL. - OH, PAPER FOOTBALL. 16 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,241 EXCELLENT TOPIC. OKAY. 17 00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:45,247 PAPER FOOTBALL IS AN AMERICAN TRADITION 18 00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:47,479 ALLOWING BOYS TO ENTERTAIN THEMSELVES WITH NOTHING MORE 19 00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:50,245 THAN A PIECE OF PAPER AND A FLAT SURFACE. 20 00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:52,094 WHAT? 21 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,260 ON THE OTHER HAND, 22 00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:57,488 PAPER FOOTBALL REQUIRES NO ATHLETIC ABILITY AND NO THINKING, 23 00:00:57,525 --> 00:01:00,385 THEREFORE MAKING IT A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME... 24 00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,555 AND PAPER. 25 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:06,567 - WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - I'M ON THE DEBATE TEAM. 26 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:10,540 I HAVE TO PREPARED TO ARGUE ANY TOPIC, NO MATTER HOW STUPID. 27 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:14,141 SO WHAT ELSE DO YOU GUYS LIKE TO DO? 28 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:18,380 ( theme music playing ) 29 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,612 * TODAY'S ALL BURNT TOAST 30 00:01:19,647 --> 00:01:21,477 * RUNNING LATE, AND DAD SAYS * 31 00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:24,245 * "HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY LEFT SHOE?" * 32 00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:25,885 * I CLOSE MY EYES, TAKE A BITE * 33 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,619 * GRAB A RIDE, LAUGH OUT LOUD * 34 00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,555 * THERE IT IS UP ON THE ROOF * 35 00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:34,125 * I'VE BEEN THERE, I'VE SURVIVED * 36 00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:37,432 * SO JUST TAKE MY ADVICE * 37 00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:40,895 * HANG IN THERE, BABY, THINGS ARE CRAZY * 38 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,504 * BUT I KNOW YOUR FUTURE'S BRIGHT * 39 00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,607 * HANG IN THERE, BABY 40 00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:47,609 * THERE'S NO MAYBE 41 00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:50,181 * EVERYTHING TURNS OUT ALL RIGHT * 42 00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:52,481 * YOUR LIFE IS UP AND DOWN * 43 00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:56,453 * BUT TRUST ME, IT COMES BACK AROUND * 44 00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:59,694 * YOU'RE GONNA LOVE WHO YOU TURN OUT TO BE * 45 00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:03,619 * HANG IN THERE, BABY. 46 00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:17,572 P.J., WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? AT THE DENTIST. TO BE 47 00:02:17,605 --> 00:02:20,365 TOTALLY FORGOT. WHY DIDN'T YOU REMIND ME? 48 00:02:20,408 --> 00:02:21,678 I DID REMIND YOU. 49 00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:24,679 I PUT A NOTE ON YOUR PILLOW, I TEXTED YOU AND... 50 00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:30,582 MOM, YOU DID EVERYTHING YOU COULD. 51 00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:32,288 NO ONE'S BLAMING YOU HERE. 52 00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:35,958 P.J., HONEY, YOU ARE 17 YEARS OLD. 53 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,729 WHEN ARE YOU GONNA STOP BEING AFRAID OF THE DENTIST? 54 00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:40,628 WHEN HE STOPS COMING AT ME WITH THOSE POINTY TOOLS. 55 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:45,530 BESIDES, MY TOOTH IS FEELING A LOT BETTER. 56 00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:46,726 - OH, REALLY? - YEAH. 57 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,697 OKAY, HANG ON ONE SEC. 58 00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:52,206 YEAH, BITE IT. 59 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,210 SURE. 60 00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:57,707 MMM! 61 00:02:57,745 --> 00:03:00,205 MMM, DELICIOUS. 62 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:02,418 NOW... 63 00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:04,250 IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME. 64 00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:08,763 OW! 65 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:15,399 YOU WANT ME TO WEAR A GRASS SKIRT 66 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:18,499 IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS? 67 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,572 ( sighs ) 68 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:23,441 JO, YOU NEED TO PUT ON THE ENTIRE COSTUME. 69 00:03:25,273 --> 00:03:27,383 GABE, LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU: 70 00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:29,778 YOU'RE AN IDIOT. 71 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:32,780 YOU'RE AN IDIOT, IDIOT! 72 00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,323 - IDIOT! - IDIOT! 73 00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:35,978 - IDIOT! - WHOA! 74 00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:37,986 HO! WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE? 75 00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:41,518 JO AND I HAVE TO DO THIS STUPID PROJECT TOGETHER ON ONE OF THE STATES. 76 00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:42,785 WE GOT HAWAII. 77 00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:45,693 THE MOST BORING OF ALL THE STATES. 78 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,526 I KNOW. 79 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,431 WHY COULDN'T WE HAVE GOTTEN ONE OF THE COOL STATES 80 00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:51,803 LIKE NEBRASKA? 81 00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:54,672 I HAD A GREAT IDEA FOR THAT ONE. 82 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:57,612 LET ME GUESS: DRESS UP LIKE A CORN-STALK? 83 00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:02,011 NO. 84 00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:06,452 ALL RIGHT, LOOK, IT MAY NOT BE AS GLAMOROUS AS NEBRASKA, 85 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,720 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? HAWAII'S A PRETTY COOL STATE. 86 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,779 NAME ONE COOL THING ABOUT IT. 87 00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:13,688 WELL, IT'S THE ONLY STATE MADE UP ENTIRELY OF ISLANDS. 88 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,589 OKAY. 89 00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:20,785 IT HAS LOTS OF UNIQUE FLORA AND FAUNA. 90 00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:25,598 DAD, WE CAN'T JUST FILL UP OUR REPORT WITH A BUNCH OF FACTS. 91 00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:28,443 ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? 92 00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:29,839 HAWAII'S GOT AN ACTIVE VOLCANO. 93 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:32,540 HEY, WE COULD BUILD A VOLCANO. 94 00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:34,713 I LIKE THINGS THAT EXPLODE. 95 00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:39,554 I DON'T KNOW. SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF WORK. 96 00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:42,320 OKAY, WELL, I DO HAVE ANOTHER IDEA. 97 00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:47,593 VOLCANO IT IS. 98 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,291 ( hits chord ) 99 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:56,827 P.J., YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT? 100 00:04:56,864 --> 00:05:00,804 REMEMBER WHEN WE USED TO HAVE A MOMMY-AND-P.J. DAY? 101 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,506 WE SHOULD DO THAT AGAIN. 102 00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:05,868 WE HAVEN'T DONE THAT SINCE I WAS SEVEN. 103 00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,876 HOW ABOUT TOMORROW? WE'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. 104 00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,738 YOU KNOW WHAT'D BE FUN? 105 00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:12,577 NOT HAVING A P.J.-AND-MOMMY DAY. 106 00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:16,583 THAT MAKES MOMMY SAD. 107 00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:18,647 MOM, I'LL HANG OUT WITH YOU IF YOU WANT. 108 00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:20,386 WE CAN HAVE A MOMMY-AND-TEDDY DAY. 109 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:23,461 YEAH, MOMMY DOESN'T WANT THAT. 110 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:26,791 OKAY, AH! TOMORROW AFTER SCHOOL, 111 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,797 WE ARE HAVING A P.J.-AND-MOMMY DAY. 112 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,800 AND YOU ARE GONNA LOVE IT. 113 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:35,842 MOM, YOU CAN MAKE ME GO, BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE ME LOVE IT. 114 00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:38,805 OKAY, I'LL LOVE IT. 115 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,912 I THOUGHT MOMMY-AND-TEDDY DAY WOULD BE FUN, 116 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:45,484 BUT APPARENTLY NOT. 117 00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:48,683 HONEY, IT'S ACTUALLY P.J.-AND-DENTIST DAY. 118 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:50,876 OH, SNEAKY. 119 00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:53,748 THE ONLY WAY FOR ME TO GET HIM THERE IS FOR ME TO TRICK HIM. 120 00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,787 SO WHAT'S THIS "TAKE GABE TO LASER TAG"? 121 00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:56,823 HAIRCUT. 122 00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:03,932 ( makes popping sound ) 123 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:05,504 WHAT'S THIS? 124 00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:07,503 I WAS CLEANING OUT MY DESK DRAWER, 125 00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:09,135 CAME ACROSS THIS GIFT CERTIFICATE TO A DAY SPA. 126 00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,539 I THINK I FORGOT TO GIVE IT TO YOU, LIKE, ON VALENTINE'S DAY 127 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,172 OR SOMETHING. I DON'T KNOW. 128 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,636 DAD, WAS THERE ANYTHING FOR ME IN THE MAGIC DRAWER? 129 00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:17,676 UH, YES-- 130 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:21,551 A FLYER TO YOUR FOURTH-GRADE PRODUCTION OF "THE SOUND OF MUSIC." 131 00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:23,982 I LOOK FORWARD TO ATTENDING. 132 00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:29,187 BOB HONEY, THIS GIFT CERTIFICATE EXPIRES TOMORROW. 133 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,832 - WELL, LET'S GO TOMORROW. - I CAN'T. 134 00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:33,759 I HAVE TO TAKE P.J. TO THE DENTIST. 135 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:36,664 MOM, GO. I'LL GET P.J. TO THE DENTIST. 136 00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:37,767 HOW YOU GONNA DO THAT? 137 00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:39,728 I'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT. 138 00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:42,197 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE NOTICED, BUT I'M SMARTER THAN HIM. 139 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,935 WHAT ABOUT CHARLIE AND GABE? 140 00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:47,982 YEAH, THEY'RE SMARTER THAN HIM TOO. 141 00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:56,952 VOLCANO'S LOOKING GREAT, DAD. 142 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:02,189 DO YOU THINK IT'S BIG ENOUGH? 143 00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:04,732 GOOD POINT. LITTLE BIGGER, DAD. 144 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,558 THIS IS JUST THE FRAME. IT'S GONNA BE A WHOLE LOT BIGGER 145 00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:09,455 AFTER IT'S BEEN PAPIER-MACHED. 146 00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:11,727 YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL US. JUST DO IT. 147 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,865 GABE, THIS IS MY HOUSE. 148 00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:17,572 I DON'T TAKE ORDERS FROM YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE. 149 00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:18,935 BOB, TIME TO GO TO THE SPA. 150 00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,472 COMING, HONEY. 151 00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:23,238 OKAY, KIDS, LET'S LISTEN UP. 152 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:27,816 NOW THE VOLCANO IS GOING TO ERUPT WHEN YOU PRESS THIS BUTTON. 153 00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,878 IF YOU WANTED IT TO ERUPT AGAIN, 154 00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:31,747 YOU'D HAVE TO TAKE THE WHOLE THING APART. 155 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,985 THEREFORE-- AND I CANNOT STRESS THIS STRONGLY ENOUGH-- 156 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:36,791 DO NOT PRESS THE BUTTON. 157 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,634 WHAT'D HE JUST SAY? 158 00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:46,233 SOMETHING ABOUT A BUTTON. 159 00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:49,866 ( phone ringing ) 160 00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,273 THIS IS BOB. 161 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,514 YEAH. NO, I GOT IT. 162 00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:57,242 I GOT IT. OKAY. YEAH, WE'LL SEE YOU THERE IN ABOUT 20 MINUTES. 163 00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,777 SORRY, HONEY, IT'S AN EXTERMINATION CALL. 164 00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,983 WE GOTTA MAKE ONE LITTLE STOP BEFORE WE GET TO THE SPA. 165 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:02,975 REALLY? 166 00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:05,286 HONEY, IT'S A 313-- CODE YELLOW. 167 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,048 - WHAT'S THAT? - POSSUM. 168 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:11,587 WOULDN'T IT BE FASTER TO JUST SAY "POSSUM"? 169 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:15,495 WELL, SURE, YOU WANT TO TAKE ALL THE MAGIC OUT OF IT. 170 00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:23,297 - WHAT'S THIS STUFF CALLED AGAIN? - NEWSPAPER. 171 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,106 IT'S HOW PEOPLE IN THE OLDEN DAYS GOT THEIR NEWS. 172 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:31,311 UH, GABE, JO, LISTEN UP. 173 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:34,854 SO P.J. AND I HAVE TO LEAVE, BUT I'LL BE BACK IN LIKE 15 MINUTES. 174 00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:36,852 THAT MEANS YOU'RE GONNA BE ALONE WITH CHARLIE. 175 00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:39,294 NOW SHE'S TAKING A NAP UPSTAIRS. SHE PROBABLY WON'T BOTHER YOU. 176 00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:41,519 BUT IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH CHARLIE, JUST GIVE ME A CALL ON MY CELL. 177 00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:48,025 WHAT'D SHE SAY? 178 00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,531 SOMETHING ABOUT CHARLIE. 179 00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:00,141 OW, P.J.! 180 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:06,305 OH! OW, P.J.! 181 00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:08,076 WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG? 182 00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:10,015 I THINK I BROKE MY TOOTH. 183 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,320 LET ME SEE. EW! 184 00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:15,792 IT'S A BLOODY MESS IN THERE. 185 00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:18,133 AND THERE'S SEEDS. 186 00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:20,788 YEAH, WELL, CAN YOU TAKE ME TO THE DENTIST? 187 00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:22,898 HA, SO AWESOME. 188 00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,930 WHAT? THAT I BROKE MY TOOTH? 189 00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,095 NO, THAT I GOT OUT OF MOMMY-AND-P.J. DAY. 190 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,106 THIS IS SO COOL. 191 00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:38,652 I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU IN ACTION DOING YOUR BUG-CATCHING "THANG." 192 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:41,349 OKAY, LOOK, THE "THANG" THAT WE'RE CATCHING 193 00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:43,381 IS NOT A BUG, IT'S A POSSUM. 194 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,786 MM-HMM. 195 00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:46,648 WHICH RHYMES WITH AWESOME. BAM! 196 00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:47,987 OW! 197 00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,991 WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT? 198 00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,963 I'M ON DUTY. THANK YOU. 199 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:54,762 OKAY. ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. 200 00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:02,841 I THINK WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM. 201 00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:05,810 OH WELL, GUESS I'LL HAVE TO SEE YOU DO YOUR "THANG" SOME OTHER TIME. 202 00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,369 COME ON. LET'S GO GET MASSAGES. 203 00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:10,637 UM, OR... 204 00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:14,848 POP! NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH! 205 00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:15,952 OH NO. 206 00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,393 PLEASE? I WOULD DO THIS FOR YOU. 207 00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:23,018 WELL, THIS IS OFFICIALLY OUR SECOND-WORST DATE EVER. 208 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,026 WHAT WAS THE WORST? 209 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:27,658 HOT TUBBING WITH YOUR GRANDPARENTS. 210 00:10:27,695 --> 00:10:31,965 NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. THAT WAS A BAD IDEA. 211 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,166 - OW OW. - OH, EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME. 212 00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:41,165 UH, MY SISTER NEEDS TO SEE THE DENTIST. HER MOUTH IS ALL BLOODY. 213 00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:44,008 IT'S REALLY BAD. THERE'S SEEDS. 214 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,875 LAST NAME? 215 00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:48,224 DUNCAN. 216 00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:51,218 OH OKAY. YEAH, WE HAVE YOU RIGHT HERE. 217 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,891 P.J. DUNCAN, 3:00. 218 00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:56,191 WHAT? BUT THAT-THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT. 219 00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:59,133 NO, THAT IS RIGHT. 220 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,989 HELLO, P.J. 221 00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:02,728 EMMETT? 222 00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,033 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 223 00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:05,704 I ASKED HIM TO COME. 224 00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:07,233 WHY AREN'T YOU HOLDING YOUR MOUTH ANYMORE? 225 00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:10,237 BECAUSE I'M NOT SEEING THE DENTIST TODAY. 226 00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:11,970 YOU ARE. 227 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:16,205 P.J., IT'S TIME. 228 00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:20,248 NO! 229 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,850 OW! 230 00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:33,186 ( muttering ) 231 00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:35,056 - I CAN'T DO THIS. - Both: NO! 232 00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:37,995 YES, YOU CAN. OKAY? YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, 233 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,831 BUT WE'RE GONNA HELP YOU THROUGH IT. 234 00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:41,497 WE ALL WANT WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU, MAN. 235 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:45,274 LOOK, WHAT IF I PROMISE TO START FLOSSING? 236 00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:48,805 OKAY, WE'VE HEARD THOSE PROMISES BEFORE. 237 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,113 COME ON, MAN, BE STRONG. 238 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:53,875 YOU'RE RIGHT. 239 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:55,924 IT'S JUST A LITTLE TOOTH. 240 00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:58,019 IT'S JUST A LITTLE TOOTH. 241 00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,291 THATTABOY. 242 00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,789 - NO NO NO! - GET HIM, GET HIM! 243 00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:06,761 P.J., LET GO! LET GO, LET GO. 244 00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:11,058 - OUR FIRST HUG. - OH, NOT NOW! 245 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,937 DON'T MAKE ME BRUSH YOU! 246 00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:28,776 OH NO. WHERE ARE MY... 247 00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:30,116 ( crunching ) 248 00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:32,520 ...GLASSES? 249 00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:36,562 OH! NOW MY TOOTH IS REALLY BROKEN. 250 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,859 OH! 251 00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:40,561 P.J., LET'S GO. 252 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,163 I SAID, "LET'S GET A FISH TANK." 253 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:47,096 HE SAID, "NO, THE BIG TOOTHBRUSH WILL BE FUN." 254 00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:50,095 ( Charlie crying ) 255 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:56,042 CHARLIE, GO TO SLEEP, PLEASE. JUST STOP. 256 00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:59,846 GABE, UNLESS THAT KID CAN PAINT, GET HER OUT OF HERE. 257 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:05,093 ( phone ringing ) 258 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:08,058 TEDDY, WHEN ARE YOU GETTING HOME? 259 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:10,888 I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID TOOTH. 260 00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,994 YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH CHARLIE. 261 00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:16,256 WAIT, TEDDY! OH. 262 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,126 YOU'RE NOT ALONE, GABE. 263 00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:21,195 I'M NOT GONNA HELP YOU, BUT YOU'RE NOT ALONE. 264 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,566 WHAT'S THAT SMELL? 265 00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:28,135 IT'S COMING FROM THE BUSINESS END OF THAT KID. 266 00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,275 YOU GOTTA CHANGE IT. 267 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:33,350 I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE A DIAPER. 268 00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:36,020 IT'S JUST LIKE TAKING APART A BURRITO 269 00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:38,389 AND THEN PUTTING IT BACK TOGETHER. 270 00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:42,258 I THINK I'VE EATEN MY LAST BURRITO. 271 00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:54,067 YOU LOOK ADORABLE. 272 00:13:54,101 --> 00:13:54,971 SHUT UP. 273 00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:59,367 OKAY, HONEY, LOOK, THE POSSUM'S IN THE TRAP. 274 00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:01,306 ALL YOU GOTTA DO-- YOU JUST GOTTA TIE THE ROPE TO IT 275 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:05,051 - AND I'LL PULL IT RIGHT OUT. - OH. 276 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,947 - I LOVE YOU. - WHATEVER. 277 00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:13,188 OH MY GOSH. 278 00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:14,290 WHAT DO YOU SEE, HONEY? 279 00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:17,621 DIRT, COBWEBS, BUGS. 280 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,927 I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO THIS ALL DAY, BOB. 281 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,960 THAT'S 'CAUSE I KNOW I'M COMING HOME TO YOU, SWEETIE. 282 00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,395 OH, SHUT UP. 283 00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:27,900 OKAY, I SEE THE TRAP. 284 00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:30,635 BOB, I'M NOT SO SURE THIS IS A POSSUM. 285 00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:34,270 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? - WELL, ARE POSSUMS BLACK WITH A WHITE STRIPE? 286 00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:37,677 WHAT? NO, GET OUT. THAT'S NOT A POSSUM. THAT'S A-- 287 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,210 - ( screams ) - --SKUNK. 288 00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:48,061 Gabe: AH, CHARLIE, STAY STILL. 289 00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:51,258 STUPID DIAPERS. 290 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:55,132 CAN YOU PLEASE KEEP IT DOWN BACK THERE? 291 00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:56,662 I'M TRYING TO WORK HERE. 292 00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:59,196 OKAY. 293 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:02,242 YOU KNOW, THIS WOULD BE A LOT EASIER IF YOU HELPED ME. 294 00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:06,069 YES, IT PROBABLY WOULD, PUT WE HAD AN AGREEMENT. 295 00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:09,206 I'LL HANDLE MY THING THAT EXPLODES AND YOU'LL HANDLE YOURS. 296 00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:14,354 WELL, WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM. 297 00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,321 I'M ALL OUT OF CLEAN DIAPERS. 298 00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:19,319 NOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO? 299 00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:22,962 OKAY, CHARLIE, ALL BETTER NOW. 300 00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:30,464 IS THAT A SHIRT... AND DUCT TAPE? 301 00:15:30,497 --> 00:15:32,967 YES. 302 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,300 OH. 303 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:38,014 SEE, I CALL IT "THE SHIRT DIAPER." 304 00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:40,968 THE GOOD THING IS THAT SHE'S PROTECTED 305 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:43,308 AND IT'S NOT MY SHIRT. 306 00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:50,245 OH, NOW WHAT? 307 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,993 WHY CAN'T SHE JUST SIT STILL? 308 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:57,020 I BET SOME MORE DUCT TAPE WOULD MAKE HER SIT STILL. 309 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:04,364 HEY, I'M GONNA NEED TO PRACTICE FOR MY DEBATE LATER. 310 00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,397 - COULD YOU GIVE ME A TOPIC? - OKAY. 311 00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:08,273 HOW ABOUT, WHY WON'T YOU GO OUT WITH ME? 312 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:12,341 NO, I NEED A TOPIC I CAN ARGUE FROM BOTH SIDES. 313 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:17,180 OKAY, HERE WE GO. 314 00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:20,410 IS THIS REAL LIFE? 315 00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:23,547 THE DOCTOR GAVE HIM SOME ANESTHESIA. 316 00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:26,223 TEDDY, COME ON BACK. 317 00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:28,093 TEDDY? 318 00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:31,591 I HAVE A SISTER NAMED TEDDY. 319 00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:40,597 OKAY, SO YOU DIDN'T LIKE CARROTS. 320 00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:46,313 HOW ABOUT SOME YUMMY PEACHES? 321 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:50,140 THERE YOU GO. 322 00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:53,077 - ( Charlie cries ) - OH! 323 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:55,323 THAT'S IT. YOU'RE IN TROUBLE NOW. 324 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,378 JO, GET IN HERE! 325 00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:01,517 WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW? 326 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,094 SHE WON'T EAT. 327 00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:06,263 - NOT MY PROBLEM. - HEY! 328 00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:08,333 DON'T WALK AWAY WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU. 329 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,331 I HAVE WORK TO DO. 330 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,533 I DON'T CARE. 331 00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:14,334 I'M HAVING A REALLY BAD DAY 332 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:18,467 AND ALL I'M ASKING FOR IS A LITTLE RESPECT. 333 00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:22,505 OH, SO WHAT I DO ISN'T IMPORTANT? 334 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,482 STOP PUTTING WORDS INTO MY MOUTH. 335 00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:26,081 YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S IT. 336 00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:28,223 I'M OUTTA HERE. 337 00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:30,078 YOU CAN'T LEAVE. 338 00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:31,477 OH YEAH? WATCH ME. 339 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:34,088 JO, WAIT, DON'T GO. 340 00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:36,421 IT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE BEEN LEFT ALONE WITH CHARLIE. 341 00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,156 I'M BLOWING IT. 342 00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,431 I CAN'T DO THIS BY MYSELF. 343 00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:47,532 ALL RIGHT, I'LL HELP YOU WITH THE BABY. 344 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:51,497 BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW, EVERY DOLL I'VE EVER HAD ENDED UP WITHOUT ITS HEAD. 345 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:03,222 WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT? YOU'RE REALLY GOOD WITH BABIES. 346 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,390 YEAH, I GUESS I AM. 347 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:08,418 IF YOU EVER TELL ANYONE, I'LL HURT YOU. 348 00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:11,517 P.J.: WE'RE BACK. 349 00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:14,488 OH, HERE WE GO, CHARLIE. HERE YOU GO. 350 00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,669 AM I IN HAWAII... 351 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:23,403 WITH GRANDMA? 352 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,536 I TOLD YOU, THESE ARE MY GRANDMA'S GLASSES. 353 00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:28,142 JUST BECAUSE I'M WEARING THEM DOESN'T MAKE ME GRANDMA. 354 00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:30,635 YOU'RE CRANKY, OLD LADY. 355 00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:33,547 HEY, EMMETT, WHERE'S TEDDY? 356 00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,520 DROPPED HER OFF AT HER DEBATE. 357 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:39,288 OKAY, BUDDY, HOW ABOUT WE HAVE A SEAT? 358 00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:43,489 THIS THING FOLLOWED ME ALL THE WAY HOME. 359 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:48,297 - HEY KIDS. - HEY DAD. 360 00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:50,298 WHY IS CHARLIE WEARING A SHIRT DIAPER? 361 00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:53,570 UH, LONG STORY. WHERE'S MOM? 362 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,440 LONGER STORY. 363 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:59,169 HI, EVERYBODY. 364 00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:02,176 MOMMY GOT STUNG. 365 00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,479 IT WAS ALL DADDY'S FAULT. 366 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:08,551 UH, HONEY, CAN YOU GET THAT THING BEHIND YOU? 367 00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:10,451 RIGHT BACK THERE. 368 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,325 - LOVE YOU. - SHUT UP. 369 00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:21,728 HONEY, JUST SCRUB YOURSELF REAL GOOD WITH THAT TOMATO JUICE FOR ABOUT TWO HOURS. 370 00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:25,731 IT'LL GET THE SMELL RIGHT OUT... I HOPE. 371 00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:30,235 KIDS, DON'T EVER GO TO THE SPA WITH DADDY. 372 00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:32,940 HEY HEY HEY. 373 00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:35,442 HEY, BABY GIRL. I TELL YOU WHAT: 374 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:37,435 LET'S GET YOU A REAL DIAPER, OKAY? 375 00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:40,247 - ( horn honks ) - OH, THAT'S MY RIDE. 376 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,710 I'M STARVING. 377 00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:44,318 ARE YOU HUNGRY? 378 00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:49,456 I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GONNA SAY THIS, 379 00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:52,629 - BUT I HAD FUN. - ME TOO. 380 00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:55,299 AND WE FINISHED A PRETTY AWESOME PROJECT TOO. 381 00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:57,558 I KNOW. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THAT VOLCANO ERUPT. 382 00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:59,497 - I KNOW. - OKAY. 383 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:02,342 NO! NO! WAIT, DON'T DON'T DON'T! 384 00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:17,383 VOLCANO MADE A BOOM BOOM. 385 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,715 AND THAT IS WHY 386 00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:27,427 FOR THE SAFETY OF OUR STUDENTS 387 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:30,030 AND THE PEACE OF MIND OF OUR PARENTS, 388 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,432 I WOULD ARGUE THAT CELL PHONE USE IN SCHOOL 389 00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:34,325 SHOULD NOT ONLY BE ALLOWED, 390 00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:37,437 IT SHOULD BE ENCOURAGED. 391 00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:38,670 THANK YOU. 392 00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:40,505 ( applause ) 393 00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:43,010 Man: MISS DUNCAN, YOUR REBUTTAL? 394 00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:45,612 AHEM. 395 00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:47,805 ( mumbled ) CELLULAR PHONE USAGE 396 00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:50,417 IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM 397 00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:53,720 THAT PRESENTS MANY CHALLENGES FOR THE CONSUMER. 398 00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:54,823 WHAT? 399 00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:56,624 I SAID, 400 00:20:56,656 --> 00:21:01,456 CELLULAR PHONE USAGE IS A SERIOUS ISSUE... 401 00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:04,504 ( spitting ) I CONCEDE. 402 00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,574 HEY, CHARLIE, GABE HERE. 403 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,676 AND I'M DOING THE VIDEO DIARY TONIGHT 404 00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:18,578 BECAUSE TEDDY'S HAVING SOME TROUBLES WITH HER WORDS. 405 00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,581 ( mumbled ) NOTHING SERIOUS. 406 00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:25,076 YEAH. 407 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:28,857 ANYWAY, TODAY WAS THE FIRST DAY I TOOK CARE OF YOU. 408 00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:30,718 IT WENT TOTALLY PERFECT. 409 00:21:30,757 --> 00:21:32,587 WHAT? 410 00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:36,325 OKAY, THERE WERE A FEW PROBLEMS. 411 00:21:36,363 --> 00:21:40,873 BUT, I MEAN, YOU'RE FINE. 412 00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:45,340 SO THEY'RE PROBABLY GOING TO MAKE ME TAKE CARE OF YOU AGAIN. 413 00:21:45,372 --> 00:21:47,912 YEAH. GOOD LUCK, CHARLIE. 414 00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:02,360 I'VE GOT TO SAY, GABE, I WASN'T SURE ABOUT THESE THINGS, 415 00:22:02,389 --> 00:22:04,359 BUT THEY ARE REALLY COMFORTABLE. 416 00:22:04,391 --> 00:22:05,761 YEAH. 417 00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:16,674 WHOO! 418 00:22:16,703 --> 00:22:18,473 I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH TIME I'M GOING TO SAVE 419 00:22:18,505 --> 00:22:19,765 BY NOT HAVING TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. 420 00:22:19,806 --> 00:22:22,376 DUDE, HA! 421 00:22:22,409 --> 00:22:25,579 I'M SAVING TIME RIGHT NOW, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 422 00:22:27,547 --> 00:22:29,647 NICE. 423 00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:32,722 - HEY, DAD, GAME'S ON. - YEAH. WHOO! 424 00:22:42,729 --> 00:22:45,799 LOOKING GOOD, DAD. 425 00:22:45,832 --> 00:22:48,702 OH, FEELIN' GOOD, SON. 426 00:22:48,735 --> 00:22:50,665 WHOO! WHOO. 30096

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