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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:08,380 Teddy: Hi, Charlie, there you are. 2 00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:10,409 Nine months old and look how cute you are. 3 00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:12,454 - Yeah. - ( Charlie chattering ) 4 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:14,450 And look how cute I am. 5 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:16,422 It's your big sister Teddy here, 6 00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:18,220 and I'm making this video diary 7 00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:19,592 to help you survive our... 8 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:22,390 special family. 9 00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:25,193 Oh, hey. Looks like Dad taught you how to eat bananas. 10 00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:28,596 Oh-ho! 11 00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:30,429 Oh, and there's Mom, 12 00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:32,334 looking lovelier than ever this morning. 13 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,336 Not in the mood. 14 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:37,208 Okay. I think you've had enough bananas. 15 00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:39,608 So we're switching to sweet peas! 16 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,440 You're gonna love 'em. they're so yummy.s 17 00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:44,376 Mmm! 18 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:51,152 Very smart. Always make Mommy try it first, okay? 19 00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:53,445 Oh, and there's your older brother PJ 20 00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,557 doing today's homework at the last minute as usual. 21 00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:57,489 It's not today's homework. 22 00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:59,355 This is yesterday's homework. 23 00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:02,228 There's a chance you two will be 24 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,573 in high school together. 25 00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:07,368 Oh, and there's Dad preparing for another day's work. 26 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,241 He kills bugs for a living. 27 00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,370 Honey, come on. We've been through this. 28 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,105 I don't kill bugs. 29 00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:15,541 I'm a pest control specialist. 30 00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:19,248 Either way-- ( hacks ) 31 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,380 So now you've met the whole family. 32 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,115 Forgetting somebody? 33 00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:25,451 Gabe! No no no. I didn't forget about you. 34 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:27,386 I was just saving the best for last. 35 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:30,361 Charlie, that was your younger older brother Gabe. 36 00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:32,531 You want to say something to Charlie? 37 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,460 You ruined my life. 38 00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:38,126 Okay, so it's taking Gabe a little bit longer 39 00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,566 to get used to you. You were kind of a surprise. 40 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,471 I thought surprises were supposed to be good. 41 00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:46,505 And... cut. 42 00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:49,510 OKAY, GANG, LISTEN UP. 43 00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,413 I'M GOING BACK TO WORK TONIGHT AT THE HOSPITAL 44 00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,175 FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE CHARLIE WAS BORN, 45 00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:54,924 SO I WANT EVERYONE TO STAY AT HOME 46 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,548 - AND HELP DAD WITH THE BABY. - WAIT-- NO, MOM. 47 00:01:56,584 --> 00:01:58,594 I'M NOT GONNA BE HERE TONIGHT. 48 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,419 - I HAVE A STUDY DATE AT THE LIBRARY. - ( groans ) 49 00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,294 DON'T YOU MEAN "STUDLY" DATE... 50 00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:05,133 WITH SPENCER? ( mimics kissing ) 51 00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:09,257 OH, SAVE IT FOR YOUR PILLOW. 52 00:02:09,297 --> 00:02:11,167 I'M SORRY, TEDDY, BUT YOU'RE JUST GONNA 53 00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:12,699 - HAVE TO RESCHEDULE. - BUT, DAD-- 54 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,603 - BOB! - UH, DAD'S NOT AVAILABLE RIGHT NOW. 55 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,171 MOM, DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, 56 00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:20,567 BUT WHY DID YOU GUYS HAVE TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY? 57 00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:23,708 WELL, BECAUSE THREE KIDS WAS JUST TOO EASY. 58 00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,714 THREE'S FOR QUITTERS. ( chuckles ) 59 00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:29,715 AND TEDDY, YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO SCHEDULE 60 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,590 A STUDY DATE WITH A BOY I'VE NEVER MET. 61 00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:33,619 COME ON. AS DAD, IT'S MY RESPONSIBILITY 62 00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,724 TO KNOW EVERY DETAIL OF MY KIDS' LIVES. 63 00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,586 OH YEAH? 64 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,625 WHAT SCHOOL DO I GO TO? 65 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:44,470 UM-- THE ONE NAMED AFTER THAT PRESIDENT. 66 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,598 HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE GOT TO DRIVE YOU KIDS TO SCHOOL. 67 00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:49,674 - Teddy: LET'S GO. - WAIT, I HAVEN'T HAD BREAKFAST YET. 68 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:52,713 - COME ON, LET'S GO. - MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY-- 69 00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:54,610 - NEVER GOT IT. - LET'S GO! 70 00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:57,512 - I'VE GOTTA GET YOU TO... ROOSEVELT? - LINCOLN. 71 00:02:57,545 --> 00:02:59,375 GOT IT. 72 00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,753 ( rock music playing ) 73 00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:02,621 * DAY'S ALL BURNT TOAST 74 00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:04,390 * RUNNING LATE, AND DAD SAYS * 75 00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:06,948 * HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY LEFT SHOE? * 76 00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,617 * I CLOSE MY EYES, TAKE A BITE * 77 00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:10,516 * GRAB A RIDE, LAUGH OUT LOUD * 78 00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,458 * THERE IT IS UP ON THE ROOF * 79 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,657 * I'VE BEEN THERE, I'VE SURVIVED * 80 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:20,327 * SO JUST TAKE MY ADVICE * 81 00:03:20,368 --> 00:03:23,638 * HANG IN THERE, BABY, THINGS ARE CRAZY * 82 00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:26,571 * BUT I KNOW YOUR FUTURE'S BRIGHT * 83 00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,507 * HANG IN THERE, BABY 84 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,512 * THERE'S NO MAYBE 85 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,684 * EVERYTHING TURNS OUT ALL RIGHT * 86 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:35,383 * YOUR LIFE IS UP AND DOWN * 87 00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:39,316 * BUT TRUST ME, IT COMES BACK AROUND * 88 00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:42,723 * YOU'RE GONNA LOVE WHO YOU TURN OUT TO BE * 89 00:03:44,292 --> 00:03:46,692 * HANG IN THERE, BABY. 90 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:57,238 BOB HONEY, I'M LEAVING FOR WORK! 91 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:01,342 OKAY, HONEY, HERE'S CHARLIE'S SCHEDULE. 92 00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:02,605 IT TELLS YOU WHEN TO FEED HER, 93 00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,413 WHEN TO CHANGE HER AND WHEN TO PUT HER DOWN. 94 00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:05,805 SWEETHEART, WOULD YOU RELAX? 95 00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:08,676 BIG DADDY'S GOT THIS ALL UNDER CONTROL. 96 00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:12,416 OKAY, JUST BECAUSE THAT'S ON YOUR BARBECUE APRON 97 00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:14,323 DOESN'T MAKE IT TRUE. 98 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,689 NOW IF CHARLIE GETS FUSSY, HER RUBBER DUCKY 99 00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:19,425 WILL CALM HER DOWN. 100 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,300 THEY'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE. PLEASE BE CAREFUL-- 101 00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:22,859 - THEY'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE. - HONEY... 102 00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,432 YOU SEEM TO FORGET I WAS FULLY INVOLVED 103 00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:27,797 IN THE RAISING OF THREE KIDS. 104 00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:30,395 OH, YEAH? WHEN'S MY BIRTHDAY? 105 00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:33,608 - JULY 12th. - NOVEMBER 23rd. 106 00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,811 GOT IT. 107 00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:39,453 ( gasps ) GOOD LUCK, CHARLIE. 108 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,720 - ( cooing ) - MWAH! BYE. 109 00:04:41,749 --> 00:04:44,349 - ( chuckles ) BYE. - ( Charlie chattering ) 110 00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:45,715 - ( door closes ) - HEY, DAD? 111 00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:47,723 - YEAH? - I HAVE A HOMEWORK QUESTION. 112 00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:49,815 OKAY, FIRE AWAY. 113 00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:52,457 CAN THE AVERAGE HUMAN LICK HIS OWN ARMPIT? 114 00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:54,733 UM-- 115 00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:56,532 ( muttering ) 116 00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:08,609 - YEAH. - THANKS. 117 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,082 SO WHAT WAS THAT, LIKE A SCIENCE QUESTION? 118 00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,780 NOPE. 119 00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:17,623 - ( doorbell rings ) - I'LL GET IT. I'LL GET IT. 120 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,821 I'LL GET IT. NOBODY ELSE GET IT! 121 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,356 - HI. - HI. 122 00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:25,792 HI! 123 00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,704 I'M TEDDY'S DAD. 124 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,629 NICE TO MEET YOU, SIR. 125 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,574 UH, SPENCER AND I ARE STUDYING 126 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,740 - FOR OUR BIOLOGY TEST TOMORROW. - ARE YOU, NOW? 127 00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:40,765 YES. YES, WE ARE, SO CAN EVERYONE PLEASE LEAVE? 128 00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:42,878 NOT YOU. 129 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,378 - TEDDY. - YEAH? 130 00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:47,784 I THOUGHT YOUR MOM SAID NO STUDY DATE. 131 00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:49,645 YEAH, AT THE LIBRARY. 132 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,853 OH, RIGHT. 133 00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:54,655 OKAY, SO THEN YOU'VE TALKED TO HER ABOUT THIS? 134 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,788 OF COURSE I DID. 135 00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:59,694 I MEAN, I'M-- I'M PRETTY SURE I DID. 136 00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,699 IT'S JUST I TALK TO SO MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE 137 00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,931 ABOUT SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS. 138 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:08,466 WHY IS THERE A GIANT BUG IN YOUR HOUSE? 139 00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,842 THAT, MY FRIEND, 140 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,811 IS THE JERUSALEM CRICKET, 141 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,540 BETTER KNOWN TO THE LAYMAN AS THE POTATO BUG. 142 00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,746 - I'M AN EXTERMINATOR. - HERE WE GO. 143 00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:20,778 HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN MY AD ON LOCAL CABLE-- 144 00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,824 "BOB'S BUGS BE GONE"? 145 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:24,850 YEAH, HOW DO WE MAKE BOB BE GONE? 146 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,861 OKAY. YOU'VE GOT HOMEWORK TO DO. 147 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,930 I'VE GOT A DIAPER TO CHANGE. 148 00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:34,629 HERS-- NOT MINE. 149 00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:35,962 ( chuckles ) 150 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:38,796 I AIN'T THAT OLD! ( laughing ) 151 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,743 I'M GONNA BE UPSTAIRS. 152 00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:45,841 - GABE-- OUT. - OKAY, FINE. 153 00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:48,583 BUT WHEN'S THAT HOT GUY GETTING HERE? 154 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,639 OUT! 155 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,682 - KIDS. - YEAH. 156 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,621 OH MAN, I LEFT MY BOOK AT SCHOOL. 157 00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:01,823 OH, THAT'S OKAY, WE CAN JUST SHARE MINE. 158 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,455 ( giggles ) 159 00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:06,592 - IS THAT OKAY? - PERFECT. 160 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,761 GOOD, 161 00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:13,497 'CAUSE I'M ALL ABOUT THE LEARNIN'. 162 00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:16,804 - LET ME JUST GRAB A PENCIL. - OH YEAH, I MIGHT HAVE ONE. 163 00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,537 ( squirts ) 164 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,812 ( sighs ) I THINK I LEFT MY PENCILS AT SCHOOL. 165 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:26,054 ME TOO. ( blows ) 166 00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:31,047 ( giggles ) 167 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,860 PJ over amplifier: Ladies and gentlemen! 168 00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:39,659 - PJ and the Vibe! - ( dissonant rock music blaring ) 169 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,034 WOW, SOUNDS LIKE YOU LIVE RIGHT NEXT DOOR 170 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,903 TO THAT WEIRD P.J. KID. 171 00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:48,242 HMM. YEAH, HE'S NOT NEXT DOOR. 172 00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:50,868 HE'S DOWNSTAIRS... 173 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,914 AND HE'S MY BROTHER. 174 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,910 OH! OH, I'M-- I'M SORRY. 175 00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:56,812 YEAH, ME TOO. 176 00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:02,653 WAIT WAIT WAIT! STOP STOP! 177 00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:05,923 EMMETT, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO OPEN WITH THE DOWNBEAT. 178 00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:07,923 DUDE, I'M PERCUSSION, 179 00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:09,755 LET ME "PERCUSH"! 180 00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:13,728 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, GUYS! 181 00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:18,633 WHAT'S UP? 182 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,300 CAN YOU PLEASE TURN IT DOWN? WE'RE TRYING TO STUDY. 183 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:25,065 NO CAN DO, SIS. THERE'S ONLY ONE LEVEL IN ROCK 'N' ROLL. 184 00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:28,635 - AND THAT IS LOUD! - ( guitar blaring ) 185 00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:30,306 WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA. I THINK WE CAN 186 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,553 - ACCOMMODATE YOUR LITTLE SISTER. - EXCUSE ME, 187 00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,880 BUT THE BAND IS CALLED P.J. AND THE VIBE. 188 00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:37,075 SO WHAT, THE VIBE DOESN'T GET A SAY? 189 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,987 I-- I'M THE VIBE. ( chuckles ) 190 00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:42,958 YEAH, I GOT THAT. 191 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:45,690 OH, SO YOU GOT MY VIBE, HUH? 192 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,895 I'M GONNA BE OVER HERE. 193 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:54,301 - TURN IT DOWN NOW. - YOU WILL NOT CENSOR MY ART. 194 00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,774 I WILL NOT BE SILENT! 195 00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:59,744 ( dissonant electric guitar blaring ) 196 00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:02,343 - ( music stops ) - HEY! 197 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:05,075 IF I HAVE COME DOWN HERE AGAIN, THIS GETS PLUGGED IN SOMEWHERE ELSE. 198 00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:07,622 OKAY? 199 00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:14,719 ( snickering ) YO, WHO'S SHE UP THERE STUDYING WITH ANYWAY? 200 00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,815 IS THERE A SECOND FINE LADY IN THE HOUSE? 201 00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:18,887 SOME GUY SHE'S TOTALLY INTO. 202 00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:21,126 I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S CHEATING ON ME. 203 00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:24,871 SHE'S NOT CHEATING ON YOU. SHE BARELY KNOWS YOU EXIST. 204 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,068 NO, SEE, OUR RELATIONSHIP IS JUST DEVELOPING SLOWLY. 205 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,970 - NO, THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP. - YES, THERE IS. 206 00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:33,013 - NO, IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD! - NO, IT'S NOT, 'CAUSE EVEN MY MOM KNOWS ABOUT IT. 207 00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,676 NOW THEN, WHERE WERE WE? 208 00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:40,806 ( clears throat ) 209 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:45,753 YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, I THINK YOU WERE A LITTLE BIT CLOSER. 210 00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:50,691 ALL RIGHT-- CELLULAR RESPIRATION. 211 00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:55,133 ( yawns ) 212 00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,395 - DO YOU MIND? - NOT AT ALL. 213 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,403 WHILE WE'RE AT IT-- 214 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,766 - ( toy squeaks ) - ( R&B music playing ) 215 00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:16,883 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - OH! GABE! 216 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,047 - WHAT DO YOU WANT? - DINNER! 217 00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:20,916 NOBODY'S FED ME ALL DAY! 218 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,394 AND I AM STILL PART OF THIS FAMILY, RIGHT? 219 00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:26,963 THERE'S A HALF-EATEN SANDWICH IN THE FRIDGE. KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. 220 00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:34,068 ALL RIGHT. NOW MY BROTHERS ARE ALL TAKEN CARE OF. 221 00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:36,841 - GOOD. - AND THERE WILL BE NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS. 222 00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:38,240 - Bob: TEDDY! - OH, GOD! 223 00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:44,108 - WHAT DO YOU WANT?! - I NEED YOU TO WATCH THE BABY FOR A SEC! 224 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:47,854 - WHOA-HO-HO! - ( coos ) 225 00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:50,121 NO! 226 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,990 NO! 227 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,789 - OW! ( grunting ) - MMM! 228 00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:02,658 - ( whimpers ) - ( sighs ) 229 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,240 NOBODY TELLS MOM! 230 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:12,009 - COME HERE, CHARLIE. - ( Charlie chattering ) 231 00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:13,869 OH, YES. 232 00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:16,907 - CHARLIE'S FINE. - OOH! BUT I'M NOT. 233 00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,778 UH, TEDDY, 234 00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,183 TELL P.J. TO FIRE UP THE BUG TRUCK, 235 00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:23,054 I THINK I GOTTA GO TO THE HOSPITAL. 236 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:26,153 OH, AND TEDDY, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WATCH THE BABY. 237 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:29,686 NO! OKAY. 238 00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:41,198 RELAX, WE'LL BE AT THE HOSPITAL IN 10 MINUTES. 239 00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:43,144 OKAY, JUST PLEASE PLEASE HURRY. 240 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:46,870 OH, WOW! MY BUTT IS ON FIRE! 241 00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:49,077 THAT IS SO WEIRD! 242 00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,009 LAST WEEK, EMMETT AND I WROTE A SONG 243 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,754 WITH THAT EXACT SAME TITLE. 244 00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:54,110 THAT'S GREAT, SON. JUST PLEASE DON'T SING-- 245 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,177 - * MY BUTT IS ON FIRE! - STOP IT. 246 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,886 * IT'S THE SIZE OF A TIRE! * 247 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,720 STOP IT! 248 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:06,091 - PUNCH BUGGY! - OW! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! 249 00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:08,156 COULD YOU DRIVE, PLEASE?! 250 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:13,003 - HEY, YOU WANT TO PLAY LICENSE PLATE GAME? - NO! 251 00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:20,811 MICHIGAN. 252 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:25,309 ( Teddy murmuring baby talk ) 253 00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:28,045 - MAYBE I SHOULD GO. - NO! 254 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,781 UM, SHE'S ALMOST DONE WITH BOTTLE 255 00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:32,148 AND THEN SHE'LL GO RIGHT TO SLEEP. 256 00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:34,215 THEN WE CAN STUDLY-- I MEAN STUDY. 257 00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:38,933 NOW, UH, WHERE WERE WE? 258 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:44,164 - OKAY. - ( chattering ) 259 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,927 - YEAH. - WHAT IS CELLULAR RESPIRATION? 260 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,197 THAT'S WHEN GLUCOSE AND OTHER COMPOUNDS 261 00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:51,066 OXIDIZE TO PRODUCE CHEMICAL ENERGY, 262 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,144 - WATER AND CARBON DIOXIDE. - MM-HMM. 263 00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:55,113 ( Charlie passes gas ) 264 00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:58,807 ( chatters ) 265 00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:00,176 ALSO KNOWN AS POOP. 266 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,148 OH, BOY. 267 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:09,087 HANG IN THERE, DAD. 268 00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,062 WOW! WOW! 269 00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:15,861 WOW! BUTT FIRE SPREADING. 270 00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,268 - WHERE'S THE DOCTOR? - I'LL GO SEE. 271 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,569 OKAY, WAIT WAIT WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. 272 00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:24,201 WAIT. WAIT. WE DON'T WANT MOM TO KNOW WE'RE HERE, RIGHT? 273 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:27,137 SO PLEASE BE CAREFUL. 274 00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:29,184 JUST TRY AND BLEND IN. 275 00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:30,979 ( snickers ) DAD, COME ON. 276 00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:33,251 IT'S HARD FOR THIS TO BLEND IN. 277 00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,052 JUST FIGURE SOMETHING OUT. 278 00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,859 "FIGURE SOMETHING OUT." 279 00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:44,159 "FIGURE SOMETHING OUT." 280 00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:46,031 AHA! 281 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:55,140 MOM! 282 00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:00,268 YOU'RE THE DOCTOR? 283 00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:04,343 YES. 284 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,107 I AM. 285 00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:08,176 I AM DOCTOR... 286 00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:11,145 SHH-- CHANDRASOOLEEWAN. 287 00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:17,256 - ARE YOU INDIAN? - WE PREFER TO BE CALLED NATIVE AMERICAN. 288 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,192 ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE A REAL DOCTOR? 289 00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,228 YOU LOOK KINDA YOUNG. 290 00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:25,203 ( laughs ) YOU SOUND LIKE MY WIFE. 291 00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:30,344 OKAY, UH-- 292 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,083 WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM? 293 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:37,948 I HAVE A FISH HOOK IN MY LIP! 294 00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:42,248 - HOW'D THIS HAPPEN? - MY DAD IS NOT A VERY GOOD FISHERMAN. 295 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:47,324 HEY, MINE'S NOT A VERY GOOD WALKING-DOWN-THE-STAIRS MAN. 296 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,293 OH-- 297 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:55,395 I'M GUESSING YOU'RE A 97-POUNDER. 298 00:14:58,966 --> 00:15:00,426 * HUSH, LITTLE BABY 299 00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:02,937 * GO BEDDY-BYE 300 00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:06,470 * TEDDY WANTS TO KISS A REALLY CUTE GUY. * 301 00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:10,211 HOW'S IT GOING? 302 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:13,213 WELL, WE'RE GETTING THERE. ( chuckles ) 303 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,276 ( humming ) 304 00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:26,393 WELL WELL WELL. WHAT HAVE WE HERE? 305 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,256 EMMETT, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? 306 00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,355 WELL, I WAS LOOKING FOR THE KITCHEN, 307 00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:33,397 BUT I SEEM TO HAVE STUMBLED UPON THE BALLROOM. 308 00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:36,441 ( phone ringing ) 309 00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:42,236 - HELLO? - Teddy, it's Mrs. Dabney from next door. 310 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:45,075 NO, I HAVE NOT SEEN YOUR CAT. 311 00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:48,252 I'm calling about your brother; he's eating me out of house and home. 312 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:51,351 Gabe! Step away from the pie! 313 00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:55,391 OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. 314 00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:57,422 ALL RIGHT. SPENCER, I'LL BE BACK IN LIKE TWO MINUTES. 315 00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,327 DON'T GO ANYWHERE. EMMETT, GO SOMEWHERE. 316 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:08,268 - SO WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH MY GIRLFRIEND? - SHE'S NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND. 317 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,301 OKAY, MAYBE ME AND YOU NEED TO STEP OUTSIDE... 318 00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:14,168 SO YOU CAN WALK ME TO MY BIKE. 319 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,553 ( sighs ) 320 00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:25,422 YOU HERE TO GIVE ME MY SPONGE BATH? 321 00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:31,318 - P.J.? - HEY, MOM. 322 00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:33,358 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 323 00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,433 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M NOT DOING HERE-- 324 00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:38,302 GIVING SPONGE BATHS TO BIG HAIRY GUYS. 325 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:42,303 SO, MOM, WHAT'S-- WHAT'S THE HAPPS? 326 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,435 WHAT'S-- 327 00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,543 HEY, HONEY! 328 00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,176 - BOB! - NICE WORK, SON. 329 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,405 OKAY, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? 330 00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:57,347 DAD FELL DOWN THE STAIRS AND BROKE HIS BUTT. 331 00:16:57,384 --> 00:17:00,454 - YOU WEREN'T HOLDING THE BABY, WERE YOU? - UM, YES-- 332 00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:03,317 THEN NO, THEN YES AGAIN. 333 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:07,386 BOB, YOU PROMISED ME YOU WEREN'T GONNA DROP THIS ONE! 334 00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:10,826 HONEY, LOOK, IT WAS JUST A LITTLE ACCIDENT. 335 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:14,403 OH, AND BY THE WAY, FOR THE RECORD-- AN AMAZING CATCH! 336 00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:16,804 I KNEW THIS WAS A HUGE MISTAKE. 337 00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,406 I NEVER SHOULD'VE GONE BACK TO WORK. 338 00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:20,308 SWEETHEART, THIS IS ALL GONNA BE OKAY. 339 00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,180 NO. NO, IT'S NOT. 340 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:24,579 IT'S TOO HARD. I CAN'T DO THIS. 341 00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:27,211 I MEAN, WHAT MADE ME THINK I COULD GO BACK TO WORK FULL TIME 342 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,317 AND TAKE CARE OF FOUR KIDS? 343 00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,519 ( crying ) I'M A TERRIBLE MOTHER. 344 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,421 NO NO, YOU'RE NOT. 345 00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:37,263 - LOOK, IF ANYTHING, I'M A HORRIBLE FATHER. - I KNOW! 346 00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:39,588 WOULD YOU GUYS CHILL? 347 00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:42,196 YOU'RE GREAT PARENTS. 348 00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:43,859 TEDDY, GABE AND ME TURNED OUT PRETTY GOOD. 349 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,396 YEAH, COME ON. 350 00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:47,432 WE'VE GOT TO BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT. 351 00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,597 I MEAN, HEY, LOOK AT THIS-- OUR SON'S A DOCTOR. 352 00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:55,305 I'M SERIOUS. WITH BOTH OF US WORKING, 353 00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:57,482 POOR LITTLE CHARLIE DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE. 354 00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,850 COME ON, NO ONE'S GOING SOLO ON THIS. 355 00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:02,379 ALL US KIDS ARE GONNA HELP OUT. 356 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:05,585 AND IF CHARLIE GETS A LITTLE MESSED UP ALONG THE WAY, 357 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:08,618 WE CAN ALL SHARE THE BLAME. 358 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:11,255 Nurse over P.A.: Dr. Chandrasooleewan to the operating room. 359 00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:13,091 IT NEVER ENDS! 360 00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:18,466 ( Charlie coos ) 361 00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:20,498 GABE! ( snaps ) 362 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,636 SORRY ABOUT THAT, MRS. DABNEY, BUT YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE LET HIM IN. 363 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:29,443 I DIDN'T LET HIM IN. HE CRAWLED THROUGH THE CAT DOOR. 364 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:34,254 GABE, IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO MRS. DABNEY? 365 00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:35,581 YEAH. 366 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,445 WHAT ARE YOU FIXING TOMORROW NIGHT? 367 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,292 THE CAT DOOR. 368 00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:43,261 GONNA MAKE SURE IT'S LOCKED. 369 00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:44,920 OKAY. I THINK WE'RE DONE HERE. 370 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,127 - GOOD NIGHT. - IT IS NOW. 371 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,231 ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. 372 00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:57,497 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - OH, SO NOW YOU'RE SUDDENLY 373 00:18:57,537 --> 00:19:00,537 - INTERESTED IN ME? - GABE, YOU'RE MY LITTLE BROTHER. 374 00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,443 I'VE NEVER BEEN INTERESTED IN YOU. 375 00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:05,513 I'M KIDDING. 376 00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:11,419 WHAT'S GOING ON? 377 00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:13,451 EVER SINCE THE BABY ARRIVED, 378 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,316 EVERYONE'S BEEN IGNORING ME. 379 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:17,485 - ( coos ) - I FEEL LIKE I'M INVISIBLE. 380 00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:22,703 I'M JUST THE LOSER MIDDLE KID... 381 00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:25,269 LIKE YOU. 382 00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:27,528 JUST BECAUSE I'M A MIDDLE KID DOESN'T MAKE ME A LOSER. 383 00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:30,237 THEN WHAT DOES MAKE YOU A LOSER? 384 00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:33,414 - ( Charlie giggles ) - I AM NOT A LOSER. 385 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,610 OKAY? AND I WAS A BABY ONCE. 386 00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:37,512 AND THEN YOU CAME ALONG. 387 00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:40,354 AND I WAS NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. 388 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:41,950 BUT THEN YOU PEED ON P.J. AND I THOUGHT, 389 00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:43,551 "HEY, GIVE THE KID A SHOT." 390 00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:46,715 LOOK, SOMEDAY YOU'RE GONNA FEEL THE SAME WAY 391 00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:48,523 ABOUT CHARLIE THAT I FEEL ABOUT YOU. 392 00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:52,285 WELL, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ME? 393 00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:53,955 LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY-- 394 00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:56,563 THE HOTTEST GUY IN SCHOOL IS AT OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW, 395 00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,596 AND I'M HERE WITH YOU. 396 00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:04,204 LOOK HOW CUTE SHE IS. 397 00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:07,505 ( laughing ) 398 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,450 I AM WARMING UP TO HER ALREADY! 399 00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:20,320 OKAY, CHARLIE'S ASLEEP, GABE'S PLAYING A VIDEO GAME 400 00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:23,423 AND WE ARE FINALLY ALONE. 401 00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:29,597 HEY, EVERYBODY! 402 00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:34,397 I HAVE A BRUISED COCCYX. 403 00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:36,374 ( laughs ) 404 00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:38,613 OH, COME ON! 405 00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:41,408 THAT'S A FUNNY WORD. 406 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,811 COCCYX! ( laughing ) 407 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,613 THE DOCTOR GAVE HIM PAIN MEDICATION. 408 00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:48,346 - ( car horn beeps ) - WHOA! 409 00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:50,581 WAS THAT ME? SORRY. 410 00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:52,817 I'M A LITTLE NUMB DOWN THERE. 411 00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:55,522 UH, ACTUALLY, THAT'S MY RIDE. 412 00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:58,285 OF COURSE IT IS. 413 00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:01,856 IT'S GOOD TO MEET YOU, SON. 414 00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:06,570 OH, GOOD NIGHT, SWEETHEART. 415 00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:11,569 GOOD NIGHT, SIR. 416 00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:16,782 HMM. 417 00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:20,581 ( car horn blares ) 418 00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,721 - GOOD NIGHT. - GOOD NIGHT. 419 00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:30,517 Bob: COCCYX! 420 00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:39,466 So that's how Dad got my first kiss 421 00:21:39,499 --> 00:21:41,499 and how you flew for the first time. 422 00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:43,574 But the good news is-- 423 00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:45,073 nah, there is no good news. 424 00:21:45,104 --> 00:21:47,744 ( phone chimes ) 425 00:21:47,774 --> 00:21:50,684 I take that back! It's a text from Spencer! 426 00:21:50,710 --> 00:21:52,610 He wants to hang out with me tomorrow night-- 427 00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:54,675 at his house! ( giggling ) 428 00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:57,354 Oh! I've gotta go wash your puke out of my jacket. 429 00:21:58,618 --> 00:22:01,348 Oh, and, uh, one more thing-- 430 00:22:01,388 --> 00:22:03,688 when you're my age and you meet a cute boy, 431 00:22:03,723 --> 00:22:06,663 do not, under any circumstances, 432 00:22:06,693 --> 00:22:10,633 ever ever bring him home. 433 00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:12,373 'Cause if you do, well-- 434 00:22:12,399 --> 00:22:14,529 ( snickers ) good luck, Charlie. 435 00:22:20,907 --> 00:22:23,907 ( moaning ) OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL. 436 00:22:23,943 --> 00:22:26,583 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING THIS. 437 00:22:26,613 --> 00:22:29,823 HEY, IF I CAN'T BE THERE FOR MY PATIENTS, 438 00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:32,419 WHAT KIND OF PRETEND DOCTOR AM I? 439 00:22:37,957 --> 00:22:40,727 SO, UH, DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT SHAVING-- 440 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,760 LIKE, EVERYWHERE? 441 00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:47,774 I DID-- LAST WEEK. 442 00:22:49,802 --> 00:22:51,842 OH. 31545

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