All language subtitles for Desperate.Living.1977.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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[orchestral music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[boy #1]
'Let's go! Come on!'

Come on.

Yeah!

Let's go!
Let's go!

Come on!

[vacuum cleaner whirring]

[children yelling]

You must realize, Bosley

your wife is one of the most
neurotic women

I've ever examined.

I still think
a few more months

in the sanitarium
would be helpful.

It may be too early to trust her
in her natural environment.

Oh, doc, be optimistic.

Peggy's breakdown
is part of the past now.

I don't want her
in another mental hospital.

I want her home
with me and the kids.

Dr. Evans, the road
to mental health

is just around the corner.

[children yelling]

[boy #2]
'Come on! Yeah!'

[glass shatters]

[woman screaming]

I knew they'd try it!

Trying to kill me
in my own home!

[sobbing]

It's like war.

Don't tell me I don't know
what Vietnam is like.

Brats! Brats! Brats!

Oh, mom.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Gravel.

I'll pay for the window
out of my allowance.

How about my life?

Do you get enough allowance
to pay for that?

I know you were trying
to kill me!

What's the matter
with the courts?

Do they allow this lawlessness
and malicious destruction

of property to run rampant?

I hate the Supreme Court!

Oh, God. God..

[glass shatters]

Go home to your mother!

Doesn't she ever watch you?

Tell her this isn't some
communist day care center!

Tell your mother I hate her!

Tell your mother I hate you!

[phone ringing]

Oh, God!
Oh. Oh.

Hello?
What number are you calling?

You've dialed the wrong number!

Sorry?What good is that?

How can you ever repay
the 30 seconds

you have stolen from my life?

I hate you, your husband,
your children

and your relatives!

Oh, God!
God! God! God!

What have I done
to deserve this?

Miss Gravel, what's the matter?
You having another fit?

Can't my husband
watch the children?

Can't that lazy moron
do one thing?

The kids are just outside.
They're okay.

Let me get you
some of your fit medicine.

Grizelda, my life is in danger.

Please don't let
anybody hurt me.

Aw, there, there.
You've gotta keep calm, woman.

- You're just imagining things.
- That's what you think.

One of the neighborhood children
just tried to murder me.

I was sitting in my room,
applying nail polish

and one of them
fired a rifle at me.

- Oh, Miss Gravel.
- It's true.

I must get the children
before they're kidnapped.

Good God Almighty.

Beth? Bosley Jr.?

Breathe in. Do it again.

Now let me do it.

Breathe in. Again.

Sodomites!
Caught right in a sex orgy!

Filthy!

Dirty!
Filthy!

'Is that what you
learned in private school?'

Mom, we were only playing!
We're only play..

Oh, nude! Nude! Nude!

You could be pregnant, Beth!

And as for you..

...I never thought
you would rape your own sister!

Oh, God!
The children are having sex!

[Peggy groaning]

Peggy?

Peggy?

Thirsty, Grizelda?

You'd better go see
about your wife.

She's having
another mental fit.

I thought you'd been
stealing my liquor.

Ain't nobody stealing
nothing from you, Mr. Gravel.

We'll see about that.

You didn't know
I marked these, did you?

Here. Look here.
See this pencil line?

That was marked
just yesterday.

You've had
quite a few cocktails.

Haven't you, Grizelda?

What else have you pilfered?
I'll have a look in that purse.

You ain't looking in my purse.

Why not?
Got something to hide?

Don't you know men
aren't supposed to look

in a lady's handbag?

Lady? You're fired, Grizelda.

No wonder you people are always
in the unemployment line.

Now give me that bag!

I don't want no white man
looking at my Tampax!

I wouldn't worry about
your Tampax if I were you.

Well, look at this.

My savings account book
with withdrawal slips.

My lottery ticket.

And two rolls
of toilet paper.

I'm placing you
under citizen's arrest.

I'm gonna call
the police and report you.

Get off of me, milkhead!

Well, I see you're finally here.

It's a little late, isn't it?

The children are having sex.
Beth is pregnant.

I narrowly missed
an assassination attempt

a few moments ago.
Will you please do something?

Honey, it's just
your mind playing tricks.

Oh, get off me.

My skin crawls
when you touch it.

I could rip your lips off!

That miserable man.

When I think of the abuse
that I have taken..

Peggy. Peggy.

Am I living in hell?

Is that it?
Have I gone straight to hell?

Don't leave
this kitchen, Grizelda.

I'm going to give Peggy
her medication

and then I'll be back
to deal with you.

Pfft.

[gasping]

Peg?

Get out!

Let's have a little
medication, alright?

You're just upset.
Now, what's the matter?

Everything was going so well.

Get out of here,
you stinking piece of flesh!

Don't say
those things, Peggy.

Come on. This will make you
feel better. Give me your arm.

Oh, you touched me!
Now my flesh is rotting.

The touch of scum!

Stop it, Peggy.
Don't make me use force.

Let me give
you your shot.

- Or I'll call the hospital.
- Stay away!

Oh, God! Peggy, I'm going
to have to commit you again!

[glass shatters]

Ow! Ow!

Help!

Grizelda,
he's trying to kill me!

Help!

[Peggy]
'Somebody, help me.
Help me! Please help me!'

Back off, asshole!

Ah!

Are you alright, Mrs. Gravel?
Did he hurt you?

No, but he tried.
Look! Look, he's attacking!

Down, boy! Down! Down! Down!

Down, down, down, down.

Down, down.

[Peggy]
'Oh. Oh, God! Oh.'

[grunting]

He-he's dead, isn't he?

- Oh!
- Damn. O-oh!

We're in big trouble now,
Mrs. Gravel!

Oh, my God!
He's dead! Oh, God!

[fast-paced music]

Hurry!

[engine revving]

[music continues]

Why did you tell me
to come this way?

You know I hate nature.

Look at those disgusting trees,
stealing my oxygen.

[Peggy]
'Oh, I can't stand
this scenery another minute.'

'All natural forests'

should be turned into
housing developments.

I want cement covering every
blade of grass in this nation.

Don't we taxpayers
have a voice anymore?

Do you ever shut up?

The police are out
looking for us, you know.

We're gonna camp out
here overnight.

Camp out? Oh, not me.

Now, you listen to me,
Ms. Peggy Gravel.

You better calm yourself down

before I haul off and smack you
upside your wide, wide head.

We killed your husband and I
ain't your maid anymore, bitch.

I'm your sister in crime.

Please, don't sit on me.

[grunts]

[motorcycle engine sputtering]

Uh-oh, here come
the honkers already.

Okay, witches. Up against
the car. Arms up on the car.

One false move and your heads
will fly through them trees.

What is this?
Are you kidding me?

Does it looking like
I'm kidding, mau-mau?

Officer, I am an outpatient
from the hospital

and I'm very prone
to anxiety attacks.

So please treat me
with therapeutic courtesy.

Ha! I know who you are.

There's an all-points bulletin
out for both of you.

You're Peggy Gravel
and you killed your husband.

Why, that's preposterous!
We were about to have a picnic.

Don't give me that shit. You're
trying to escape to Mortville.

I've never heard of
no town called Mortville.

Well, you should have.
You belong there.

It's a special town
for people like you two.

People who should be embarrassed
by what they've done.

I just might let you go there.
That is if you cooperate.

What do we have to do
for you, Sheriff ShitFace?

Sit on that car hood,
you'll see.

I've got something
to show you first.

[breathing heavily]

You like lingerie?

[male #1]
'How do you like
these little numbers?'

I sent away to 'em
from Frederick's.

They was expensive.

I love the feel of
cold nylon on my big butt.

Will you please stop it?

I have never found
the antics of deviants

to be one bit amusing.

What I like best
is a French kiss

when I'm all dressed.

Don't expect no kiss
from me, Liverlips.

Come, on. Take off your
underpants. Hand 'em over.

I knew cops was sick, but..

Ah! These are big ones.
A little plain for my taste.

Now...I think I'll slip 'em on.

[laughing]

How does that look?
Pretty sexy, huh?

Now how about that kiss?

If I kiss you,
will you let us go?

You bet. I want
a real wet one now.

Goddamn gum. Now, that
was a real soul kiss.

Okay, buster,
you've had your fun.

Now, which way to Mortville?

I ain't through yet.

Mrs. Gravel, I'd like
to examine your underpants.

I will not!

I thought you wanted
to go to Mortville.

They let killers
live there scot-free.

I have never been
so mortified in my entire life.

Here, Blossom.

[grunts]

That's more like it. Ah,
these are from Bloomingdales.

You've got good taste.

I think I'll try to fit
my big business into them.

[laughs]

O-oh!

They're tight,
but they sure feel good.

Now do I get
my little kiss-kiss?

No! Please, not a kiss.
I swear I'll gag.

Mount me if you must,
but not a kiss!

Come on, now, I'm all dressed up
in my pretty underthings

and I need a little lip suction.

And now for that mouth.

I'd like to stick
my whole head in your mouth

and let you suck out
my eyeballs.

I bet you'd like that,
wouldn't you?

[male #1 groaning]

What are you hogs looking at?
The show's over! Beat it!

Mortville is up that way!
Follow that dirt road.

Go ahead before
I haul your ass to jail!

[eerie music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[indistinct chattering]

[chattering continues]

I'll take a slice, please.

You want lemon meringue
or chocolate?

- Chocolate, honey.
- Okay.

That'll be ten cents.

Could you recommend
a rooming house

where we could
spend the night?

[man laughing]

I don't think I like it here.

It's filthy and the people
are repulsive.

We have no choice, Peggy,
and it's better than jail.

I'll tell you, Grizelda,
there is something wrong here.

Look around you.
It's a village of idiots.

[female #1]
'Somebody help me.'

Can't you act normal?
Just act normal for a change.

Please. There must be
a Quality Court or something.

I can't go in that hog pen.

Oh, shut up.

[knocking]

Oh!

- Can I help you?
- We were raped.

- Please, give us shelter.
- You were raped?

Look, don't pay
no attention to her.

- We need to rent a room.
- You got money on you?

I am a very wealthy woman.

Yeah and I'm Cybill Shepherd.

Come on in here.
We might work something out.

That is, if you got money.

My name's Mole, Mole McHenry.

I'm Peggy Gravel.
It's nice to meet you.

I'm Grizelda, Grizelda Brown.
I'm Peggy's psychiatric nurse.

Room's out back.

Nothing fancy,
but it's a roof over your head.

Come on, I'll show you.

Shh! My girlfriend's
sleeping.

Yeah, you're lucky it's empty.

My last tenant shot himself
in here last night.

That dumb fuck
left a mess everywhere.

[water gurgling]

Oh!

Ah, damn! It stinks in here.

What do you think?
Do you want it?

Will he be removed?

Yeah, I'll get
the stiff outta here

but don't think I got time for
all the chores in the world.

No linens until
I soak these in cold water.

And we ain't got
no toilets in Mortville.

How do we..

I guess you'll just have
to use your imagination.

I see.
I see.

How much cash you got?
Give me that!

Six bucks.
Hey, you are a rich one.

A lottery ticket.
I'll take that and I'll win it.

What's this? A bank book?

A lot of good
that'll do you here.

[Peggy]
There-there aren't any banks
in Mortville?

There ain't nothin'
here, lady.

Nobody's got one red cent
in Mortville

except for that queen.

The queen? Can she help us?

You got a lot to learn
about living in Mortville.

I think we'd like
to take the room.

It's all yours, sweetheart.

- You hungry?
- Yeah.

I think I'm gonna eat some chow
and I got a little extra.

Looks like you
got a big appetite.

I'd be happy to help
with the preparation.

Well, this one takes
the cake.

You both sure are ugly bitches.

Go on, sit down.

Hey, Muffy. We got company.

We really hadn't planned
on coming here.

We're from the Guilford
neighborhood in Baltimore.

I been to Baltimore a few times.
Bumburg, I hate it.

All them hillbilly fucks
looking at you.

Well, if you want
to know the truth

we had no choice,
but to come to Mortville.

We're in a lot of trouble.

You see, I'm quite prominent

and we...accidentally
killed my husband.

I don't care what you did.

Nobody's in Mortville
for a vacation.

We all did something,
or we wouldn't be here

in the first place.

Dinner's served.

I'm really not that hungry.

I invited you to dinner
and you accepted.

Now you'll eat this if I
have to jam it down your throat.

Muffy, I called you to dinner.

Do I have to come in there
and smack you?

[Muffy yawning]

You don't have
to shout the house down.

I heard you alright already.

This is my-y girlfriend

Muffy St. Jacques.

The most beautiful woman
in all of Mortville.

Hi.

This is Grizelda and, uh,
I forget your name.

Peggy, Peggy Gravel.
It's a pleasure.

We rent the room out back

so I guess
we'll be neighbors.

Oh, really?

Well, I sleep in the room
right next to you. Naked.

You're five minutes late
for dinner, Muffy.

Don't you remember our little
talk about your laziness?

I was having an erotic dream.

[Mole]
'I warned you about
thinking about men'

before your afternoon nap.

Dirty thoughts about dirty men
bring on dirty dreams

and you're a dirty girl, Muffy.

Mole, I can't help
what I think about.

After all, it's not my fault

Mr. Sandman is not
a bulldozer like you.

I'm warning you, Muffy.

Mole, sometimes I need a man.

I'm a man, Muffy.

A man trapped in a woman's body.

Yeah, Mole, but you don't
have the same big deal.

[Muffy screaming]

[Mole]
'Take it back!'

Take it out!
It hurts!

Take back what you said to me!

Okay, Mole, you're the only one.

I love you. You're my man.
I'm only queer..

[gasps]

That's better.

You see, Muffy knows
how I feel about men.

I'm not one to be pushed
over my limit.

That hurt!

[male #2]
'Go!'

Come on, come on.

There they are.
Don't move, scags.

You're both under arrest
by the order of Queen Carlotta.

Anything you say could put you
in front of the firing squad.

Take it easy!
We ain't fighting you!

Help us! Please, help us!

Oh, don't worry.
Standard procedure in Mortville.

Officer, would you like
a cup of gin or something?

- Stay back, peasant woman!
- Oh! Oh.

- Right up here.
- Hold it right there.

[Peggy sobbing]

- Right there.
- Come on.

Come on, you fatso.
Get up in there.

[sobbing continues]

Oh, Peggy.

Peggy.
Peggy.

[moaning]

Oh, Grizelda, I can't.

Oh, Peggy. Peggy.

[intense music]

- Let's go! Come on!
- Get out of there. Let's go.

- Come on. Come on.
- Let's go.

[male #2]
Come on, get up there.
Let's go.

- Come on!
- Move it!

Come on!

[indistinct chattering]

Hey, boys,
look what I brought you!

[men hooting]

[music continues]

We brought you
some fresh meat.

Fresh meat.

[male #2]
'Get on your knees.'

[male #3]
'We got something
good for you, girl.'

Don't be crying, crybaby.

Daddy's not going
to leave you now.

Asshole.
Asshole.

[trumpet blaring]

Her Majesty, the Honorable
Queen Carlotta of Mortville.

[instrumental music]

Welcome to Mortville, ladies.

I read in the big city papers
that you are wanted for murder.

The murder of a certain
Mr. Bosley Gravel.

We only--

You are interrupting
my flow of power!

Give these peasants a little
dinner, Lieutenant Wilson.

I bet they're hungry after
a long day of breakin' laws.

- Here. Nice live roaches.
- Oh, no. No.

Come on,
eat these fucking things!

Come on, eat 'em !
Eat 'em.

Eat 'em, goddamn it!
Eat 'em.

Eat these things!
Eat these roaches!

Plenty left for you too, honey.

Come on, eat 'em ! Eat 'em.
Swallow those goddamn things.

Eat 'em !

[coughing]

Now listen to me, riffraff.

Every word I ever utter

is to be taken as
a direct royal proclamation

or face death
by the firing squad.

- Yes, ma'am.
- 'Ma'am?'

I'm your Royal Highness

and I demand that you
address me as such!

Yes, Your Royal Highness.

Let's show them
we're not kidding.

Bring in the prisoner,
Lieutenant Wilson.

Come on, you rotten
son of a bitch.

You bastard.

Any last words, goon face?

You can lick my royal
hemorrhoids, you fat pig.

Oh, ready, aim, fire!

[gunshots]

[screams]

I advise you to listen
carefully, rubbish.

Royal proclamation number one.

[trumpet blaring]

As long as you
live in Mortville

you must always
consider me your God.

And if you ever
see me on the streets

fall to your knees and shout,
"I honor you, Queen Carlotta!"

Royal proclamation number two.

[trumpet blaring]

You must live here
in constant mortification

solely existing to bring me
and my tourists

moments of royal amusement.

I'm not responsible
for your income

your living conditions,
or your personal happiness.

Have I made myself
perfectly clear?

Yes, Your Royal Majesty.

And you, Mrs. Gravel,
murderess?

You've made yourself
quite clear.

Your..

Your Royal Majesty.

So be it!

Lieutenant Williams,
take them to our ugly expert

and give them
a complete overhaul.

And when you walk down
the streets of Mortville

make sure you're dressed
like what you really are.

Trash!

Remove them!

[Williams]
'Come on!
We're through here!'

- Up. Up on your feet!
- Come on! Out!

Out. Come on.
Out, out, out.

Are my duties of discipline
ever over, Lieutenant Wilson?

Remove me from this contraption.

I honor you, Queen Carlotta.

[clapping]

Yes, I know, I know.

Get me into my royal cot
and be quick.

Come on, come on.
I haven't got all day.

Come on. Hurry, hurry.

Come on. Yes.
Come on..

If it pleases the queen,
Royal Security has reported

that the Princess Coo-Coo
has returned to the castle.

She's been out all night again
with that garbage man.

That child of mine
will be the death of me.

- Take me to her chambers.
- I honor you, Your Majesty.

Be quick, come on, let's go.
Get out of the way! Come on!

[Carlotta]
Hurry! Come on! Out of the way!

Come on, get out of the way.
Come on, hurry up.

- I honor you, Queen Carlotta.
- Come on, be quick. Come on.

Alright,
get out of the way.

Come on. Hurry.

[cuckoo clock chiming]

I'll call you when I need you,
Lieutenant Wilson.

I honor you,
Your Majesty.

Coo-Coo, I must have
a little talk with you.

Oh, leave me alone, mummy.

I've had a wonderful evening

and I don't want it spoiled
with your nosy nagging.

A wonderful evening
with a garbage man?

He's not a garbage man.

He just helps pick up trash
at the nudist colony.

I hardly think
that a nudist janitor

is the proper escort
for a royal princess.

I'm 38 years old
and I can date who I please.

You've no right
to order me around

like one of your subjects.

You may not realize it, Coo-Coo

but you have
an awesome responsibility

on your shoulders.

One day, all Mortville
will be yours

and you must learn
to rule with dignity.

I don't want to be
queen of anywhere.

Mother, I want
to marry Herbert!

- Herbert? Is that his name?
- It's a beautiful name.

You would step down from your
throne for the love of a mutant?

- But, mummy, I love him.
- Well, I won't have it!

I'm afraid I'm going to
have to punish you, Coo-Coo.

You're forbidden to leave your
room until your 40th birthday!

I won't stay in this castle.

I love Herbert. I'm gonna marry
him and you won't stop me!

Now you've given me
another nosebleed!

I hate this stupid town.
Get out of here.

- Leave me in peace.
- Excuse me, Your Highness..

Take me to my bedroom and
lock Coo-Coo for the night.

No, no, no.
No, no-o!

Come on.
Hurry up, hurry up.

That daughter of mine
is a delinquent.

I'm gonna have to take
drastic steps with her.

I honor you, Queen Carlotta.

[grunting]
Can you make it, Your Highness?

I suppose so.

I believe it's your night to
service me, Lieutenant Wilson.

I'm always eager,
Your Highness.

Oh, that love muscle.
Whip it out and shove it hard.

Oh, come on, daddy.
Fuck me, come on.

'Ooh! Glow, little inchworm.'

Oh, look at those balls!

Oh, daddy, come on.

Ooh! Look at that pout. Yeah!

'Oh, come on, come on.'

Oh, come on, Lieutenant.
I haven't got all night.

Come on. Oh, come on.

[moaning]

Don't bother
with the head.

The "V" in my crotch
is what needs the attention.

But I can fuck like a bandit,
Your Highness.

Rob my safety deposit box then.

Dig for gold, dig for gold.

Oh, Your Highness.
I'm entering..

Go, daddy, go all night.
Get it.

Get it, get it, get it.

[Mole]
'Pretty outfits.'

[laughing]

Funny, is it?

Well, let me tell you

I wouldn't wear
this outfit to a dog fight.

Maybe you two
have resigned yourselves

to a subhuman life
in this slum of a town

but I, Peggy Gravel,
have not.

You better hush up before Mole
loses her temper and smacks you.

Just shut up, Peggy.

No, I won't shut up.
You shut up!

I'll tell you, my blue blood
is about ready to boil.

Hey! You listen to me, wacko.

See this fist?

I'm about ready to use
that hatchet-face

of yours as
a punching bag.

Now sit down and shut up!

[Grizelda]
'Mole's right, Peggy.'

I am sick of listenin'
to your bitchin'.

The next time you feel a fit
comin' on, go outside and bitch.

Bitch at the air.
Bitch at the trees.

But don't bitch at us.

But bitching isn't relief
if there's no one to hear it.

Well, we can't all
be your psychiatrist, honey.

We've got problems
of our own.

Well, why are you in Mortville?

Oh, it's a long ugly story.

Go ahead, Muffy.
Tell her.

Maybe she'd stop
feeling sorry for herself.

I wasn't always like this.

Oh, I mean, of course,
I was always visually stunning.

But I was married to a man
and I had a baby named Freddy.

It was about two years ago

and my husband and I were just
returning from a cocktail party.

[xylophone music]

[tires screeching]

[Muffy]
'Let me drive.'

Get off, I can drive.
Always trying to boss me around.

- You're drunk...as per usual.
- Ah!

Every time we step out of
the house, you get dead drunk.

When you're married to a nag,
a man's gotta drink.

First I have to be mortified
in front of our friends.

Now I have to be mortified
in front of the baby-sitter.

I suppose I'll
have to drive her home.

I'll take her.

Yeah, you'll take her
straight to the graveyard.

- Let me drive.
- Get off, I'll take her.

[male #4]
'Check it out.'

[music on stereo]

[indistinct yelling]

[male #5]
This motherfucker
is having a little party.

[screaming]

[Muffy]
What are you doing here?

[male #5]
What is this?

[screaming]

[music continues]

Who are you?
Get out of my house.

[clatters]

Where's my baby?

[indistinct chattering]

- My Freddy!
- 'Get out of my liquor!'

Oh, Freddy.

Oh, my God.
He's gone.

[sobbing]

Oh, my God.

What have you done
with my baby?

- I don't know, I'm trippin'.
- Trippin'? Where's Freddy?

I think I put him
in the kitchen.

The kitchen?
Oh, Freddy, Freddy.

[screams]

Oh, Freddy, Freddy.

Little Freddy.
Oh, baby.

Hey, got any downers?

My baby.
You little tramp.

My baby was in
the refrigerator.

So don't pay me.
Don't pay me, then.

Don't pay you?
You little snip.

[baby crying]

'Oh, that's alright.'

[crying continues]

[clangs]

Ah!

'Come on, bitch.
Eat some dog food.'

No.

Eat it!

Eat it.

Eat it, you bitch.

Put my baby
in the refrigerator.

Eat it.

[baby crying]

Murderer.

[grunts]

Oh, good Christ.

Are you crazy?
Are you trying to kill her?

Get your stinkin' liquor breath
out of my face, you drunken..

Ah. Oh-ho-ho.

[Muffy crying]

[engine revving]

You..

You crazy woman,
you crazy..

Open this window.

You're crazy, you should be
in a mental hospital.

[Muffy]
'You drunk! Get away
from me. Take your ass to AA.'

Get out of here, you slob.
Get out of here, don't touch me.

[screaming]

I'm sorry.

[intense music]

[screaming continues]

[crying]

I've never seen
my baby again.

The press still calls me
"The Dog Food Murderess."

'I can never go back.'

I couldn't bear the shame.

[sniffs]

And you, Mole,
what happened to you?

Well, I've been in Mortville
for ten long years

and I'll tell ya,
it isn't very pretty

what a town
without pity can do.

What brought me here was
a championship wrestlin' match.

It was back in 1966.

And I was fightin' under
the name of Rastlin' Rita.

My challenger was Big Jimmy
Dong the Human Blockhead.

[xylophone music]

Good evening,
Ladies and gentlemen.

[crowd cheering]

Welcome to Ringside Arena.

Tonight's main event

featuring, Big Jimmy Dong,
The Human Blockhead.

[crowd cheering]

And in the opposite corner

his opponent, Rastlin' Rita.

[crowd booing]

[screaming]

Fuck you!

[crowd booing]

[indistinct yelling]

[cheering continues]

[crowd booing]

[thwacking]

[crowd screaming]

[crowd cheering]

That ended my professional
rastlin' career

and I've been here
ever since

sittin' in my own stink
and tryin' to figure a way out.

But our luck's gonna
be changin'. Right, Muff?

Right, Mole. We're gonna
win that lottery.

I believe that was
our lottery ticket.

It was yours, but you
rented a room, asswipe.

That ticket's mine now.

Well, you better
give us our share.

We need money.
We're not trash like you.

We're not used to this
low-class life.

I'll wipe the floor
with you.

Break it up.
Break it up.

Rip her head
right off.

Those lottery tickets
ain't no good no way.

The odds are
a million to one.

Don't say that. You'll
hex our good luck.

I'm warnin'
you both.

You better stay
out of my way.

'Cause when old
Mole gets mean

there's no tellin'
what she'll do.

Peggy, I think it's
time for bed now.

We both need
a good night's sleep.

Oh, I'll sleep,
alright.

Maybe in my dreams, I can forget
about this rotten little town

and it's disgusting population.

As far as I'm concerned,
you two belong in Mortville.

Oh!

[howling]

[soft music]

Oh, those bosoms
drive me berserk, baby.

That was an uh-uh!

[moaning]

Peggy. Oh, Peggy.

Go, Peggy, go!

Get it, Peggy. Get it!

Get it! Oh, Peggy.

Grizelda, it's so unnatural.

Oh, get it!
Just get it, Peggy!

[Peggy]
'But I don't know how.'

Just eat it, Peggy.
Eat it, eat it!

'If it's good enough
for Gertrude Stein.'

Eat it, Peggy!

Ooh! Ah, ah.

Ah, ah!

[all]
Wake up! Wake up!

[yelling]

Let's go!

[snoring]

- 'Come on, let's go!'
- 'Get out of bed!'

What the fuck is that now?

[men yelling and pounding]

- 'Come on, wake up.'
- 'Royal proclamation.'

All residents must read
the royal proclamation.

Here, stupid.
Ha ha ha.

[growls]

Huh?

You won't believe this, Muffy.

That cow has gone
too far this time.

Listen to this shit.

"Royal proclamation.

"Queen Carlotta has proclaimed
today as Backwards Day.

"All residents must wear
their clothes backwards

"and walk backwards
at all times.

"Anyone who fails
to perform for the tourists

will be immediately executed."

Oh, God! You mean, we have to
walk around backwards all day?

Looks that way, Muffy.

Oh, and I'm on empty
stomach yet.

Mole, I'm starving to death.

Hmm, ditto, doll face.

[groaning]

The cupboard's bare, Muffy.

Oh, it ain't right
to wake up

hearin' your own
stomach growlin'.

I guess we'll just have
to wait for the food dump.

Everywhere I look's
a big nothing.

I'd eat anything.

I know, Mole. I'm so hungry
I could eat cancer.

[Mole gasps]

Isn't this a godsend?

Pussy brought daddy
some breakfast.

I hope those other
two aren't expecting

a continental breakfast.

'Cause old Mole's gonna chomp
this down in one big bite.

Oh.

Ooh, look, marshmallow.
Oh, that looks good.

Mmm, and Cheez-its
for my little tummy.

Mmm.

Mmm, this is so, it's so good.

[chuckling]

Well, good morning,
little birdy.

You're a cute little fella.
Want some pizza?

I bet you're hungry.

Yes, birdy,
birdy, birdy.

I bet you flew
all the way to Mortville

just to see Backwards Day,
didn't you?

Well, you flew
into the right window

'cause I'm your Queen.

'Yeah.'

Excuse me, Your Highness,
but Princess Coo-Coo

has just escaped
from her royal bedroom.

She what?

That little M.F. Come on
and get me into my cot.

- Be quick, too. Come on.
- I honor you, Your Majesty.

Come on, you goons.
Come on.

Get me into that cot.

Come on. Let's hurry,
let's hurry.

Come on.
Let's go, let's go.

'Come on, come on.'

Come on, you big ape.
Hurry up, hurry up.

Come on.

[gasps]

Why, that ungrateful
little whippersnapper.

She escaped by shimmying
down this rope of sheets.

On Backwards Day yet?

I want you morons to find her

and as for that garbage man,
I want him shot on sight.

Damn that hellcat
of a daughter of mine.

That good-for-nothing,
simple-minded scallywag.

Damn, damn, damn it.

Oh, Christ.

- Oh.
- Pardon me.

- Watch it, clown.
- Sorry.

Hi, Mr. Paul.

Hi, doll face!

This Backwards Day's
a lot of shit, ain't it?

Sure is, Mr. Paul.
It sure is.

Can we come?

Oh, fuck.

[laughing]

[Grizelda]
'Wait, wait!'

Wait for us!

Come on.

[knocking]

Sorry, nudists only.
No tourists.

'Shina, it's me Muffy.'

'Well, why didn't you say
it was the most'

beautiful woman
in Mortville?

- Hi, darlin'.
- Hey, Mr. Mole.

This is Grizelda and Peggy.
They're new in Mortville.

It's nice
to meet you.

Shina, you got
today's paper around?

We wanna see if we won
the Maryland lottery.

You know newspapers
are contraband.

But I sure hope
you do win.

This town could stand
a little glamour.

I tell you,
I'm gettin' fed up.

We're all fed up, Shina.

At least you don't have
to participate in Backwards Day.

I know, I'm surprised
the Queen didn't order me

'to wear my vagina backwards.'

[everyone laughing]

Excuse me, but I must see
Herbert. Herbert, my love.

- I honor you, Princess Coo-Coo.
- I honor you.

Oh, you don't have to do that.
I'm not like my mother.

I'm a normal person.
Come on, now.

Get up.
Please, get up.

Herbert's out there searchin'
for garbage as usual Princess.

But I tell you, if you two are
havin' an affair, be careful.

That Queen will
cut off your ears.

Let her do it. Herbert doesn't
care if I have ears.

He only cares about my mind.

- Herbert.
- Coo-Coo, Coo-Coo.

Oh, Coo. I worship
the ground you walk on.

I couldn't keep my mind
on my work all mornin'.

Every piece of trash I had
to pick up reminded me of you.

An old candy wrapper made me
think of how sweet you are.

A snotty Kleenex made me
realize how much I'd cry

if we ever had to part.

An old rubber made me think
of all the nights of Eros

we have before us.

- I love you, Coo-Coo.
- Oh, Herbert.

I masturbated 14 times last
night just thinkin' of you.

And when I finally
did fall asleep

my dreams were
not exactly dry.

Take me now, Herbert.

Take me in front
of the whole town.

Oh, my God.
Oh, no, no.

[Female #1]
'Oh, Jesus.'

Oh, no. What hell lays
in store for us now?

I don't know, Peggy.
Just keep up with Mole.

[people chattering]

[female #2]
How do you like that,
you pervert?

[indistinct chattering]

Get him, girl. Yay!

What kind of a bar is this?

Who asked you to sit
with us, anyway?

Well, I have to use
the ladies room.

- The piss hole's out back.
- I'll save your seat for you.

- Oh!
- 'Over here, baby.'

- Oh, no.
- 'Sit on my face.'

- Stop it. No! Oh, God.
- 'Sit on my face over here.'

[Peggy]
'No, Stop. Leave me alone.'

Oh, lookin'
for some action?

- Oh, no.
- Come on.

- Leave me alone.
- It won't hurt.

- Just leave me alone.
- Come on.

'No, go away!
Leave me alone.'

- We'll have a good time.
- Leave me alone, stop!

'Stop, stop, stop.'

- I wanna--
- Go away.

- Leave me alone.
- Freak.

Please, just go away.

Go away.

[screaming]

Oh, God. Oh, please just go
away. Just leave me alone.

Just leave me alone, please.

Just leave me alone.

Oh, God. No, no.

[crowd cheering]

[female #3]
'Flipper, yeah.'

[Peggy]
'Oh, God, get off.'

I'm not trying
to be rude, really

but I can't stay
in here any longer.

Oh, what's the matter?
Don't you like fun?

This is not
my idea of fun.

Grizelda, please walk me
back to the house.

Oh, loosen up a bit.

I have no desire
to be a loose person

and you should stop drinking
before you get dead drunk.

Oh, come on.
I'll walk you back.

I don't get you, Peggy.

Yeah, you leech onto us and
then all you do is complain.

Let the little
babies go home.

Boy, if you
don't like this bar

there is really
something wrong with you.

Kill him, Flip.

[indistinct chattering]

Get him, Flipper.

[whooping and cheering]

Hit him.
Come on, you guys.

[yelling]

Bye-bye, sweetie.

See you next Tuesday.
Same time, same place.

Bye!

You lazy bitch.

I'm out workin'
my tail off all day

and you're in there
fuckin' midgets.

Isn't that the pits?

Oh, Flipper, now.
Don't start that shit.

She's just an old
friend of mine.

Come on, now.
Get in here.

Old friend, my ass.

You've turned my apartment
into your own private

passion pit, haven't you?

You better cram it, Flipper.
Not in front of company.

Sorry if we
interrupted anything.

You didn't interrupt
anything, Mole.

Flipper's so jealous

she thinks the toilets
I sit on is her competition.

'What can I do for ya?'

Tryin' to find today's paper.
You got one, Shotsie?

'Yeah, I got one
around here somewhere.'

'Just wait a minute here.'

'Hey, alright.
Here you go.'

- There it is.
- Oh, there it is.

"Maryland lottery listings."
Here they are.

"08555321."
We did it, Muffy.

- We're rich.
- I want my own chauffeur.

- We won $1,000.
- Thank you, God.

Shut up, Muffy.
Shut up.

Look at all those dummies.

Come on you apes, hurry up.

Hurry up.

Come on, let's be quick.

'Look at those dummies.'

- Gimme that. It's mine.
- It's mine.

[male #1]
'Attention, attention.'

'The Honorable Queen Carlotta
of Mortville.'

- We honor you, Queen Carlotta.
- Hail Queen Carlotta.

[all muttering]

Hey, morons, you got
your clothes on backwards.

[laughing]

Oh, gosh. This is fun.

Hi, stupid.

Hi, ugly.

Oh...ew.

That senile old cunt.

I wish I had a rifle with
a telescopic lens in it.

I'd help you pull
the trigger, Mole.

Squeaky Fromme, where are
you when we need you?

I can't resist.

That hog face is too much
of a moving target to ignore.

God damn it.
Who threw that?

God damn it.

Oh, Herbert. We're safe now.

I'm sorry I had to drag
you all that way

but those silly nudists
wanted to bury you.

Oh, I love you too,
my darling.

Mother can't hurt us now.

We'll get married tonight.

Oh, you don't look so well.

I hope you perk up
for our honeymoon.

What the hell is this?

I'm sorry. I know it's rude
to bring my lover here

especially since
I don't even know you.

But my mother's army's
trying to kill my Herbert.

Young woman, that man
is already dead.

No, he's not.
He's just asleep.

Aren't you, Herbert?
Say hi to the nice ladies.

You'd better get
your lilly-white ass

out of here before
we all get shot.

Please don't kick me out. Those
soldiers are looking for me.

My mother'll lock me up
in the castle if she finds me.

You obviously belong
in a mental hospital.

Oh, look who's callin'
the kettle black.

She's just upset.
Now be easy on her.

I will not!

I don't want some renegade
necrophile princess

as my roommate.

It's just for a few days.

Don't be so selfish.

Selfish?
I'll show you selfish.

Get out of here, mongoloid!

Take your stinking corpse
of a boyfriend with you.

[sobbing]
Oh, Herbert, this lady's
being so mean to me.

Don't cry, princess.

I'll try and help
you some way.

There, there. Everything's
gonna be alright.

Go ahead. Feel her up.
Just like you did to me.

Find 'em, feel 'em,
fuck 'em, forget 'em!

Is that your new motto?

Zip that gaping hole
of a mouth up, Peggy

before I plug it up
with my fist.

You're just like all the rest of
the common dykes in this town.

What the hell do you mean, dyke?

A fat dyke! Fat dyke!

Help, police!
The princess is in my house!

You're under arrest
by order of Her Highness

the Queen Carlotta.

Okay..

[gunshot]

Out. Ah!

What's going on in here?

[yelling]

What's happening in here?

[screaming]

Ah!

[male #5]
'Oh. Ah.'

[Princess sobbing]

Come on, you little bitch.

- Get out of there.
- 'Get up.'

Your mother's
waiting to see you.

Oh, Herbert.

Come on.

Those snotty bitches
got a lot of nerve

wrecking our guest house.

I should've gotten a security
deposit from those assholes.

Yeah. You let riffraff
in and they bring

the neighborhood
down every time.

Look, baby, I got to get
my ass into Baltimore

to claim our money
and do some shoppin'.

Will you be alright
while I'm gone?

Oh, sure. I'll be fine,
but you be careful.

Alright, then. Lock those doors.
And don't fuck any men.

Oh, go! Go take it off.
Let's see some ass.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Strip faster!
Let's see some private areas.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, I see London.
Oh, I see France.

'Oh, spread those legs, baby!'

Oh, yessiree.
A Hollywood love.

'Come on.'

That love muscle
I want to see it.

Oh.

Come on over here
with that thing.

You're a wicked little boy.

Gettin' me all heated up,
aren't you?

I'm gonna have
to give you a spankin'.

I've been a bad little boy,
haven't I, Your Highness?

You certainly have, Grogan.

Now, get up here
with that behind.

Come on, over my knee,
you little bastard!

This'll teach you
to arouse royalty.

Harder. Harder.

Ah.

[Queen Carlotta sighing]

- May I get up, Your Majesty?
- Yes, get up, stupid.

I hope you didn't leave
no pecker tracks on my gown.

May I get dressed,
Your Majesty?

Yes, please do.

Your body has a certain
odor about it

that always annoys me!

- An odor, Your Majesty?
- Yes, a wretched stench.

- I wash daily, Your Majesty.
- Wash harder in the future.

There is a noticeable odor
zone somewhere on your body

and I'd appreciate it
if you could locate it

and deodorize it.

I'll try and correct it,
Your Majesty.

Oh, we can't all be perfect,
Lieutenant Grogan.

Come on over here
and sit besides my feet.

I honor you, Queen Carlotta.

'You honor me'

but certain commoners in
this town obviously don't.

Someone threw a mudball
at me today.

If only I had a little
pink button to push

that could wipe out this town.

Tell me, is it possible
to get me a hydrogen bomb?

I doubt it, Your Majesty.

How about germ warfare?

'Do you know anything
about that?'

You mean poisoning
the population?

Yes, that sounds
like a fun project.

How about rabies?

Could we spread that
disease inexpensively?

I think so, Your Majesty.

All we need is some rabid
bat pus to make a serum.

Fine! Let's try it.

Rabid bat pus
and let's put in

a little rat piss
for good luck.

You're a genius, Your Majesty.

I know. I know.

You let me out of here, mummy!
You murderess! You rat!

Stinking fascist slug!

Swine.

Quiet with the crying.

Your Majesty, Herbert
the garbage man is dead.

And thanks to this
noble peasant woman

we have captured Coo-Coo
and returned her to the castle.

Release the prisoners!

Oh, thank you.
Your Wonderful Majesty.

You bilious ball of blubber.

You rotten, stinking..

[male #5]
'Come on, get back here!'

That's the last straw, Coo-Coo!

I hereby proclaim--

[trumpet blaring]

Oh, shut up.

I hereby proclaim

that you are no longer
the Princess of Mortville.

You'll be gang-raped
by my soldiers

injected with rabies

and exiled to the streets
of Mortville where you belong.

I consider that an honor,
Your Royal Hogness

to once and for all be freed
from this mockery of a monarchy.

I will never live down
the shame of my inherited name

but I will do my best to see
that you topple from the throne.

[spits]

Seize her and fuck her!

[all together]
Yeah.

[soldiers whooping and cheering]

That was a courageous
decision, Your Majesty.

You may stand, Mrs. Gravel.

I appreciate your help
in capturing my daughter.

Loyalty to the Queen
sometimes results in rewards.

Let me be the new princess,
Your Majesty.

I have seen the human
trash of Mortville

and I share your
contempt for this town.

My subjects are beneath
contempt, Mrs. Gravel.

Dealing with the poor people
is a waste of time.

Only the rich should
be allowed to live.

I like your politics,
Mrs. Gravel.

And to tell the truth

I need a woman like yourself
to follow in my footsteps.

If you looked all over
this land, Your Majesty

I doubt you'd find
a woman as vicious as I.

We'll give you a trial run.

Your first duty will be
to help my soldiers

spread rabies
to everyone in town.

Do you think you
can handle that?

Oh, yes, Your Majesty.

And I know just the person
I want to give it to first.

[piano music]

[woman on microphone]
'Dr. Robbie Singer.
Dr. Kate Purcell..'

[door closes]

[whistling]

- May I help you?
- Yeah, I want a sex change.

Uh, step over here, please.

Hey, look. I'm in a rush.

So I'd appreciate it if you took
me before these other turkeys.

- Do you have an appointment?
- No, I don't.

I'm sorry

but we don't see anyone here
without an appointment.

Well, you do now, Nurse Nancy.

Come on, bitch!
Cut these tits off!

I'm only the nurse!
The doctor is not in.

Like hell he isn't!

- Sorry, Dr. Freedman.
- Come on, quack.

I want the sex change,
and I want it now.

Why, Madam, the sex change
is a long, complicated process.

We just can't--

Just give me the basics,
or I'll cut her head off.

Look, why don't you just
fill out the necessary forms

and we'll see if--

Cut the sermon
and give me my wang!

I want a wang,
and I want it now.

I can only do so much
under the circumstances.

If you don't
give me a sex change

I'll cut off your peter
and sew it on me, myself!

Uh...I'll see what
I can do, Madam.

Hi, big boys.

I'll bet you didn't know that
mommy won the Maryland lottery.

Yes!

I'm gonna be buying you
lots of new push-up bras.

So get ready
for your new home.

Things are gonna be
looking up for you two.

- Well, howdy, Miss Muffy!
- Oh, Mole, you made it!

I missed you.
I was worried about you.

You got the money?

I sure do, honey.
Look at those greenbacks.

Oh, thank God, Mole.
Money at last.

Good old germ-carrying
American currency.

What you got
in the shopping bag?

Presents, Muffy.
Presents fit for a queen.

Can I open them?

You sure can,
you big hunk of beauty.

Come on, hurry up, honey.

Ah. Oh.

Oh.

Oh, a new bra!
It's beautiful!

Try it on, honey.
Let me help you. Quick.

- Get them boys in there.
- Just a minute.

Oh, hook it.
Hook it for me, Mole.

- Got 'em in there?
- Yeah, hook it.

- Ooh, yum, yum.
- That support feels heavenly.

- Hold still, now.
- Ooh, hook it. Hook it.

- Hold still.
- Oh, tie a knot. Anything.

- Ooh.
- Oh, my God.

What else you got for me?
What else?

- Ah.
- Just a second.

Oh, a mink coat. A mink coat!
What else? What else you got?

- Try this one, gorgey.
- Oh, what is it?

You'll love it.

I feel just like a little
girl on Christmas morning.

A gown! It's stunning.

Oh, it makes me glad
I was born a woman.

Oh, you'll have
to help me with this.

Oh, I'm too nervous.

Just a minute.
There it goes.

Take them goddamn panties
off for a change.

[panting]

Oh, I'm beginning to feel
like a queen already.

You will be queen, Muffy.
I promise you.

Look at these huggers.

Oh, firearms!
Goody, goody gumdrops.

This one's mine, and this
little .38 is all for you.

Oh! You're so good to me, Mole.

I don't know what
I'd do without you.

I got another surprise
for you, Muffy.

A real big surprise.

Something you never
even asked for.

- A Chihuahua?
- No. You'll see.

Close your eyes.
No peeking, now.

You won't believe this, Muffy.
I can't wait.

Well, hurry. The suspense
is killing me.

Oh, yeah!

You can open 'em now.

[Muffy screaming]

What have you done
to yourself, Mole?

Well, I got the sex change
just for you, Muffy.

[screaming]

Get away from me
with that deformed worm!

You're sick, Mole!
You're a weirdo pervert!

Oh, just let me try it once.

I gotta see if it works.
It's a brand-new model.

I got it at
Hopkins Hospital, Muffy.

Ah! Cut it off, Mole!

Rid your body of that
disgusting transplant!

It never goes soft, Muffy.

[screaming continues]

[retching]

Oh, cut it off, Mole!

Alright, then. If that's
what you really want.

- 'Cut it off. Cut it off.'
- Alright.

[Muffy crying]

So much for science, Muffy.

[both screaming]

[Mole whimpering]

[Peggy]
'Ah.'

A lovely potion.

[laughing]

Ah, yes.

But it needs something.

A lovely bat.

And a touch of rat.

[gurgling]

Ah. A little rat urine.

Just what the doctor ordered.

That ought to give
it a little kick.

Goons, bring in
Princess Coo-Coo

and tell her,
her medicine's ready.

Get off me with those
semen-stained hands you big ape.

I can walk by myself.

Well, if it isn't
commoner Coo-Coo

the grave robber.

All ready for your
little injection?

You ass-kissing little snitch.

One day I'll get
my hands on you.

I doubt you'll have the time.

For you are now..

...the proud owner of rabies.

[Princess Coo-Coo screaming]

Come on, you little bitch.
Get your ass out here.

- On the streets, scumbag!
- Don't bite anybody, dog face!

[goons laughing]

Oh, ah.

Ouch.

[screaming]

Be brave, sugar. Be brave.

I'll fix you all up.

I thought you'd like it, Muffy.

I thought you wanted a man.

I just said that
to make you jealous.

I like your organs
just the way they were.

Now..

Now I won't have any organs.

It'll be like having
a Barbie-doll crotch.

When I get through
with these stitches

it'll be close
enough in my book.

Careful. This is gonna hurt.

Will, will you ever be able
to love my operation?

Oh, I'll love it, Mole.
I'll feel it. I'll love it.

I'll eat it.
Just like old times.

Now, hold it.
This is gonna hurt.

[Mole screaming]

[knock on the door]

Who the hell is that?

Come in.

Hi, Your Majesty.

Holy shit, Mole.
What happened to you?

Muffy just gave me an abortion.

You were pregnant, Mole?

Well, I wasn't
gonna tell anybody

but I was raped by those
lottery officials

when I picked up my money.

Men are such cunts.

Oh, men, women, they're all okay
with me as long as they're nude.

All that sunshine must've
rotted your brain, Shina.

Yeah, there's nothing more
disgusting than a nude man.

How many times I gotta tell
you, men are genetic rejects.

And all that gristle they got
hanging down between their legs

was God's first big mistake.

And us woman have been
paying for it ever since.

What is she doing
in my home, anyway?

Be easy on her, Mole.
She's been through hell.

When we found her, she was
regurgitating in the street.

Her mother the hog
had her gang-raped.

The poor thing's had
a terrible time.

You know that Gravel woman
you were hanging out with?

Well, she works
for the Queen now.

She shot Coo-Coo up
with a rabies potion.

I'm not surprised.

That snotty little
social climber.

I knew I should've
fractured her skull.

Can I get you anything, Coo-Coo?
Are you infectious, honey?

I don't know.

My saliva tastes funny
and I-I itch a lot.

Well, under the circumstances,
we'll have to ask you

to refrain from using
our kitchen utensils.

I won't breathe
on anything. I promise.

But please help me
kill my mother.

How's Project Rabies
coming along, Peggy?

Oh, I feel just like Jonas Salk.

Tomorrow is the first day
of mass immunization

or at least that's what
the morons of Mortville think.

Won't it be funny when they
start collapsing on the street?

It'll be like walking
through a human sewer.

I hope I get a chance

to kick every one of 'em
right in the head

just as they gasp
for their last breath.

It'll be beautiful.

A symphony of death rattles.

History will not forget
this holiday of death.

[Mole whispering]
'Come on, girls.'

'Now, be quiet. Muffy?'

'Come on.'

Hey, Officer cutie pie?

There's someone
down here to see you.

What do you want, slut?

Oh, I'm just looking
for a little fun.

Can I come up and see
the inside of your bedroom?

Mmm..

I've had a hard-on for this
bitch for a long time.

You know you horny pigs
aren't supposed to come

cruising 'round the castle.

But, Officer, you're so cute
I just couldn't resist.

You're a shapely little mama,
aren't ya?

[screaming]

- One down, girls.
- Score, Muffy!

Shh. Be quiet. Quietly, now.

[indistinct chattering]

Shut up!

Shh.

Eat lead, motherfuckers.

[gunshots]

[Mole]
'Have we got 'em, girls?'

What was that, Your Majesty?

It's probably the dumb soldiers
playing Russian roulette.

I'll go check it out,
Your Highness.

[male #6]
'Who is it? Who's out here?'

[gunshot]

Hold it right there,
you royal asshole!

Get out of my chambers,
lesbians!

Hey, you are through
giving orders, meatball.

You've humiliated us for
the last time, warthog!

Let me bite her.

Let me sink my fangs
into her fat little legs.

Go right ahead, honey.
Give her the chomp of life.

Get away, child. Listen to me.
I'm your mother.

I'm warning you!

Ah!

Oh, thank heavens.
You've rescued me.

I thought I'd never
get out of here alive.

Oh, come off it,
pretty little Peggy.

I hope you're ready for your
little debutante party in hell

'cause that's
where you're going!

You wouldn't kill a sister!

[all laughing]

Oh, yes, we would.
How about it, girls?

[all together]
Yeah.

Should we give our sister
a little rectal reminder

that we don't like

social climbers in Mortville?

I'm gonna blow
your bowels out.

Go ahead.

A single gunshot can never
destroy the beauty of fascism.

You're so low.

You make white trash look
positively top drawer.

Oh, blow it out your ass.

[gunshot]

[screaming]

You filthy muff divers
will pay for this!

Shut your fucking mouth.

- No dyke gives me orders.
- Oh, yeah, Queenie?

Well, how does this grab you?

Royal proclamation number one.

Kiss my ass!

- Woo.
- Yeah.

You heard the new Queen.

Kiss it.

[all together]
Kiss it. Kiss it. Kiss it.

[all laughing]

That's more like it, peon!

How about it, girls?

I think this town deserves

a little feast to celebrate
this great day of independence.

We got ourselves the biggest
turkey in the world.

So, why not eat her?

[all together]
Yeah. Yeah.

Cook her and eat her. Cook her.

Attention all
Mortville residents.

Queen Carlotta is dead.

'Your days of humiliation
have come to an end.'

To celebrate this
joyous occasion

I invite you to join me
in a victory feast

'in honor of our
newly-found independence.'

Let the ring of freedom
be heard all over this land.

Mortville is at last..

...a free city.

[crowd cheering]

[yelling and cheering]

[orchestra music]

[screaming and cheering]

[male #2]
'The queen is dead!'

[music continues]