Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

- [laughing]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- Mary, please. This is supposed to be your show.

- But it's so funny.

- Fine, I'll read your part.

[sighs]

Secret footage was leaked today of a late night video chat

between Swellview's own Captain Man

and Swellview's own Jeff.

That's right, Captain Man...

[chanting] all: Captain Man! Captain Man!

- Captain Man to the Man Cave.

Captain Man emergency.

- You're Captain Man!

- And you are correct.

- And Jeff.

- Oh, it's Jeff!

- I'm a real criminal.

That was my last hammer.

- Jeff! Jeff! - Jeff! Jeff! Jeff!

- We've got the video,

but we should warn you that it involves

grown men wearing very tiny shorts.

- [laughs]

- Oh, man.

What is it about eating peanut butter and jelly

right off your fingers, straight out of the jar

while also playing "Fortnite" at 3:00 a.m.

that makes it taste so good?

- I think it's the peanut butter

and the jelly

and the fingers and the jar

and the "Fortnight."

And I just killed you, bro!

Yeah! - What?

Oh, come on! This game is rigged.

- Oh, now some six-year-old just killed me!

- [laughs]

Yeah!

- Go! Go!

- Mm-hmm. - Go! Come on! Take it!

Take it all! Go! Go!

Yeah! Yeah!

He did it. - Yeah!

- I can't believe he did it.

- Boom. - [laughs]

You want me to teach you this new ClickClock dance

I learned last night?

- Uh, yes.

- Yeah, you do.

- Are you kidding me? - Pop, pop, pop, pop.

- I'm doing it. Pop, pop, pop. - No, come on, Pecs.

You can pop better than that.

- Don't objectify me.

Unless it's a compliment, then that's fine.

Come on! - You don't wanna pop it.

- It's so hard. - You know you wanna pop it.

I can see you wanting to pop it.

- [grunting] - Back, back,

poppin' it back, back, back.

- [shouting] - Pop it!

- [yells] - Pop it!

- Ah!

[groaning]

How long were we practicing that dance?

- 90 seconds. Oh, God.

- I mean,

I could be a bad guy.

- Yes. Do it.

- I'd make a great bad guy!

- You'd be the second best criminal

this town has ever seen.

- Oh, yeah? Who's the best?

- You're lookin' at him.

[laughs] Yeah.

- I'll call Drex and tell him you said that.

- No! Don't call Drex.

No, no, no, no! - Too bad.

I'm gonna call him right now. - No, don't call him.

- Hello, Swellview Prison? - No, hang up.

Hang up.

- Any response to that video, Jeff?

- Only that I apologize to Drex.

I'm sorry.

And also, I'm single.

And these shorts look even better in person

than they do on video.

Huh? Check that out. Yeah.

Okay, bye!

- Captain Man, any response to the fact

that you eat peanut butter and jelly

with your hands... - Gross

- And wear very tiny shorts in the privacy of your own home?

- See, actually, I didn't mind that part.

- Well, Captain Man?

- When I find out who leaked those videos, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna...

- What? - Yeah, what?

- What are you gonna do?

- You're stuck in quarantine like the rest of us.

- So what are you gonna do? - What?

- Yeah, what?

- Something bad!

♪ ♪

- Well...

which one of you leaked it?

Hmm? - We didn't leak anything, man.

- We already told you-- - Dude, chill out.

[overlapping chatter]

- Ah, you're all lying.

- We're not lying.

- Yeah, man. Usually, you and Schwoz

are the ones lying to us.

- [gasps]

When have we ever lied to any of you?

- [scoffs]

- Where you going? - I gotta take my aunt

to the cleaners. - She' so huge

she needs to be cleaned in a car wash.

- Who was that? - My hairdresser.

I'm late for my appointment

at the haircut store.

What are you doing here? - What are you doing here?

- Fighting crime.

- That's funny.

I thought you were at the haircut store

getting frosted tips. - Mm.

- Okay, fine.

- I know one of you leaked it.

- Why would we leak embarrassing videos of you?

- Uh, because I'm handsome and I'm strong

and I'm hilarious, everyone loves me,

and I'm humble

and I'm very self-efficient. - Ray, where are you going

with this?

- You guys leaked the video 'cause you're jealous.

- Of what?

- Of me! Because I'm handsome. - Oh, my God.

- Okay. - I'm strong, I'm hilarious.

[overlapping chatter]

- Stop!

- Okay, all right.

Okay, okay. We'll play your way.

You guys don't wanna tell me who leaked the video?

Okay, fine.

But I'll tell you what,

you're all gonna pay.

All of you.

- Mm, I've got...

58 cents. Will that cover it?

- No.

[rock music]