Original subtitles

Subtitle By: MARSH-MARIE

♪ You're all gonna die

♪ Oh you're all gonna die

♪ You're all gonna die tonight

♪ Or another night, yeah

♪ You're all gonna die

♪ Oh you're all gonna die

♪ You better get ready

♪ 'Cause in hell there ain't no spaghetti ♪

♪ You're all gonna die

♪ Oh you're all gonna die

♪ You're all gonna die tonight

♪ Just a bunch of skeletons wrapped in meat ♪

♪ Or another night

♪ Oh yeah, underground by six feet ♪

♪ Tick tick tick tick tock tock tock tock ♪

♪ Life's a joke ♪ You're all gonna

♪ Life's a joke

♪ Die ♪ Everything's a joke

♪ First of all ♪ You're gonna die

♪ You're gonna die, you're gonna die, you're gonna die ♪

♪ And me

♪ You better stop fighting over that chicken wing ♪

♪ Which one

♪ Time's up now

Why not, right?

What's the point of being negative?

Negative Nellie.

- Yeah, I bet. - We are gonna be so late

if we don't make up the time.

I'm gonna take this shortcut.

Shortcut.

- Yep. - No, nothing creepy

ever happens to five hot chicks on a shortcut in the woods.

I've taken it many times,

so this will definitely work.

Just zone out.

You think it's much farther?

I don't know, we are running a little behind.

I think Ashley said she needs to go

to the restroom soon.

Okay.

Yeah, if you can find some.

Hold it best you can because I'm not sure.

- Yeah. - We are far behind.

Looks like we're getting low on gas too.

Okay.

I don't see anything.

I don't know where the next stop would be.

I just know that we just gotta keep going.

Definitely.

Yeah, we can't miss this one.

I know, paychecks.

Yep, we all need it really bad.

If you say I told you so, I'm gonna stick my foot

so far up your ass, it'll look like your tongue.

I'm speechless, Coach.

I do think someone said that it'll be dangerous

taking the shortcut through the woods.

Hey, Brandy, look what's on that tire.

I don't see anything.

Look closer.

Look closer.

I still don't see anything.

Ow, hey, what's the deal with that?

Don't pick on Brandy, Coach.

You want some of this?

No thanks.

So does anyone know how to fix a car?

Not getting any reception.

Here's a shocker, no one has reception.

Maybe we can Google how to fix it.

We would need reception to do that, Einstein.

And we're gonna fix a car with a web search?

Maybe.

Maybe if we wait here, someone can come by and help us.

Yeah, great idea, Ashley.

No, I've taken this shortcut a number of times.

Hardly anyone uses it.

I hear traffic.

Yeah, this place is a gully.

The highway is about 10 miles back.

The cars sound close, but they're not.

Well, what's your idea, wise one?

You know, there's a cabin not too far from here.

It's the opposite direction from the highway.

Unless there's any volunteers to walk 10 miles

back to the highway.

All right, well let's let one person stay at the car,

and the rest of us will go look for the cabin.

Maybe they have a land line.

Here's my idea, why don't we all stay at the car

and you go look for the cabin?

Aren't we near Camp Blood?

Camp Blood?

I saw a sign that says Camp McGa.

Camp Blood sounds like way spookier.

Yeah, it's a legend.

Some serial killer dresses up like a clown

and kills people in the woods.

We passed a sign for it.

This just keeps getting better.

Camp Blood is a ridiculous urban legend.

Wouldn't that be a rural legend?

Whatever.

Not exactly sure where this cabin is,

so it may take the four of us

moving in four slightly different directions to find it.

So I say let's get moving before it gets dark.

I'll stay here.

Lock the doors if spooky things happen.

You guys go do your thing.

I'm going where Ashley's going, she's my bestie.

Yeah, I don't think we have much choice.

Let's do this.

Wait, what if we get hungry or thirsty or something?

Yay, the snack bag.

Hey, leave me something.

There's more stuff to eat and drink in the trunk.

- Here's the key. - Thanks.

I have an extra on in the snack bag.

Cool.

Hey, is that ketchup?

Probably.

Oh yuck, it definitely doesn't taste like ketchup.

Oh my god, Brandy, how many times do I have to tell you

not to eat stuff off the ground?

I don't know, probably like 20 I'd say.

What are you girls doing here?

First of all, we're not girls.

And second of all, our car broke down.

Can you help us fix it?

You all need to leave immediately.

It is not safe here, it's dangerous.

Are you even listening?

We don't want to be here, our car broke down.

Can you help us?

You whores!

When he sees how you are dressed, he will kill

every last one of you just like he always does.

Who?

The killer clown.

This is Camp Blood, you all should know what that means.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Wait, I'm so sorry.

What are you warning us?

Mock me at your own risk.

You have been warned.

Get out before it's too late!

That wasn't creepy at all.

You think?

Should I run after him?

Maybe he knows something that can help us.

I'm quite sure he wouldn't help us if he could.

We stick to the plan.

So which way is this cabin?

I'm not sure.

If two of us go that way and two of us go this way,

we're sure to find it.

I call Ashley as a travel buddy.

Yay.

Okay, so you two go that way.

And if you don't find anything in an hour,

then come back this way and meet us by the ketchup.

Yuck.

I'm really pretty sure it's not ketchup.

♪ I'm so bored and tired of those crazy bitches ♪

♪ Someone come pick me up

Someone in our woods?

Yes.

You have Momma's permission to have your fun with them.

Wait.

Come closer, baby.

You like taking care of the trespassers, don't you?

Gets you hot.

You don't understand, my simple one.

No one will ever take care of you like your momma does.

Go and get it done.

Be back for supper.

Oh, don't tell me you need to rest.

I thought you were in the best shape of all the girls.

Why are you doing this?

Well, I told you, if we find the cabin,

maybe there's a good chance there's a landline.

I mean why coach this ridiculous volleyball tournament?

No one's good.

It doesn't work as T&A anymore.

I mean, they dropped the show in Vegas.

And we're headed to, what, Utah?

Yeah, well the Mormons don't get that much exposure

to the female body, especially not females with good bodies.

And they're willing to pay.

Why, do you have something better to do?

Renee wants to be the next big singer.

Ashley wants to be a fortune-teller.

Hm, I didn't know that.

And aren't you gonna be the next big stand-up comic?

Sure, yeah, I'll just stand up and find that cabin.

See, that's hilarious.

Can't wait for the big stage.

Oh man, I'll start working on my Mormon jokes now.

Guys, is that you?

Holy shit, who the fuck are you?

Get out of here.

I'll hurt you!

Shit!

Ow, Coach kicked my butt really hard.

You tired, Brandy?

I just wanna go play our game at the beach.

I never signed up for a hike in the woods.

We'll get there, this is just a setback.

I wish my mom was here, she'd know what to do.

Oh, I'm sorry, Ash.

It's okay, it was a long time ago.

I don't really remember her much.

I was four when she disappeared.

That must have been so hard

not ever knowing what happened to her.

Yeah, I don't really like to talk about it much.

Oh my god, how'd you get here?

We must have a psychic link.

How did I get here, like right here you mean?

Well, our car broke down and then don't you remember?

No, no, no, no, no, I'm talking to the stranger.

Derek.

I'm Ashley, this is Brandy.

Can you help us get out of here?

Afraid not.

I've been dead for about five years now.

Oh my god, I'm seeing visions again.

I'm not exactly a vision.

More like a ghost.

Don't you see this man, Brandy?

He's right here.

You know, I don't, but maybe he's a ghost.

See, even she knows I'm a ghost and not a vision.

What do you want?

I'm here to warn you.

Great, take a number.

What do you mean?

You're not the first person to warn us

without offering any help.

We need to get out of here.

Exactly, you need to get out of here.

Did the ghost tell us how to get out of here?

No, just that we need to get out of here.

He doesn't seem like a really useful ghost.

No.

Okay, let's find this gosh darn cabin.

Whoa, what's that?

Someone's following us.

Wait, you brought a knife with us

to our volleyball tournament in Utah?

You can never be too careful.

Hey, easy there, lady.

Why are you following us?

You're not that crazy killer clown, are you?

You guys know about the clown?

Wait, I thought that was some sort

of fake news kinda thing?

Fake news?

You two shouldn't be hiking out here.

We're lost, we're not hiking by choice.

Do you have a way for us to call for help?

The name's Fred, I'm a survivalist.

What do you two fine ladies call yourselves?

This is Melinda, and I'm Dolly.

Why hello, Dolly!

Wow, I've never heard that one before.

Can you help us or not?

I'm here by choice, cut off from the world.

It's a cruel place out there if you know what I mean.

No, do you have a way to get us out of here or not?

You sound like a broken record, if you know what I mean.

Right, I'm a broken record, so I'll say it again.

Can you help us get out of here?

Can you help us get out of here?

No, you should leave.

We would if we could.

Are you a little dense?

Dense?

Well, I have been working out if that's what you mean.

Do you know how to fix a car?

What do I look like, a Pep Boy?

Is that a no?

That's a big N-O, you comprephend me?

N-O, no fix-a the car-a, sorry.

Well, do you know if there's a cabin around here?

With a landline.

Cabin, did you say cabin?

Yes.

You guys should get out of here.

Now get out of here.

- Leave! - Wait.

- Get the hell out of here. - Wait!

Let him go.

Clearly he's not playing with a full deck.

Hey, I see a building.

Come on, let's go.

What is this place?

I don't know, maybe someone's inside.

Hello, is anyone in here?

Hello?

Let us out of here.

I'm so sorry I got us stuck in here, Ashley.

It's not your fault, Brandy.

I just thought maybe we'd find someone in here.

Looks pretty abandoned.

A band, oh, you think bands play in here?

Maybe that was the plan when they started.

Not such a great plan unless bands just want to get away

in the wilderness and jam.

You're so smart, Ashley.

Not really, I got us stuck in here as much as you did.

What are we gonna do?

We'll figure something out.

Oh, maybe you can do your voodoo thing.

It's not voodoo, it's parapsychology.

A para what?

We'll get out of here.

I think you should call the ghost again.

It doesn't work like that.

Hopefully he'll show up with a plan to help us out of here,

but hopefully everyone's okay.

Wake up, sleeping beauty.

I'm Sheila, I see you've met my son Clowny.

You, no!

What's your name?

Get me the fuck out of here.

That's a very unusual name.

Son, how many times have I told you you gotta clean 'em off

before you drag 'em in here on my carpet?

This one's the worst yet.

Why are you doing this?

Well, I'm no shrink, but I'm pretty sure the crazy gene

runs in my family.

I've got it, my daddy had it, my son's got it.

You saw that firsthand.

He had a sister, I had her when I was 13.

I don't know where she ended up.

She's the one that got away.

My momma stashed her somewhere before I killed her.

Yeah, I killed my momma, get over it.

Hey, boy, don't get any ideas about killing your momma.

It's only the ladies in the family who get to do that.

You better let me go right now or my friends are gonna

find me, and they're gonna give you a world of shit!

World of shit?

I like that expression,

but you're too young to be using those dirty words.

Were there others with this one?

Yes.

Go after 'em.

Take the handcuffs.

I'll take care of this one.

I'm a grownup, I get to use potty words.

But if I ever hear them coming out of your mouth again,

I'll wash it out with soap or worse.

Why don't you...

Choose your words carefully.

I'm sorry, I won't curse anymore.

That's a good girl.

Ghost, are you here?

Oh my god, you're here.

Well, of course I'm here, silly.

No, the ghost is here.

Where?

Right next to you.

The other way.

Can you help us get out of here?

What'd he say?

Nothing, he's lame.

I want to help, but I cannot open that door either.

Can you tell us who he is?

Not by name, but I can tell you he's bad.

You should avoid him at all costs.

You aren't very helpful, Derek.

Can you at least tell us where he is?

I'll go find him.

Too bad we didn't get more snacks from Dolly.

I'm getting kinda hungry.

I wish this door wasn't so solid.

If you got three wishes, would that be one of them?

I think I'd wish for a tan.

I think I'm too white.

I wish we could get out of here.

Yeah, yeah, that's a better wish than getting a tan.

Man, we could get old waiting in here.

I was thinking about having kids someday, and you know

that'd be really hard if we're stuck in here for years.

We won't be stuck in here for years.

How do you know that?

Well, without food or water,

if we don't get this door open...

What?

We will get out of here.

Maybe that crazy clown guy will come and open the door.

Do you really believe that Camp Blood legend?

Okay, I heard from Cindy Davis

that her mother's sister's niece once went hiking

up around here and was never heard from again, so.

I heard she didn't really like her family.

Maybe she was trying to get away from them.

You shouldn't say that.

Okay, your mom didn't just leave you when you were four.

She wouldn't.

I don't really remember my mom much.

Isn't that crazy?

We've known each other since we were four.

I remember your mom.

I think she came around here.

She liked to hike or something.

Something happened to her, trust me.

She wouldn't just leave you.

I know I wouldn't leave you.

You look sad.

Don't be sad, okay?

We're gonna find a way out of here.

You know, I know he doesn't seem very useful, but I think

that ghost is gonna come and just get us out of here soon.

Okay, okay if someone comes in and he's bad,

we need to have a plan.

What do you mean bad?

If he wants to hurt us.

You think the clown wants to hurt us?

I don't know, maybe.

If this person comes in and he has a knife or an ax

or something, we need to be prepared for that.

Okay, clowns don't usually carry axes, silly.

They usually have those horns

or those flowers that spray water everywhere.

I don't know.

Let's imagine for a second that this person

does have an ax or some kind of weapon.

You lure him into that corner, okay?

And I'll knock him over the head, then we can both run out.

What do you mean lure?

Do something sexy to get him to come to you.

Something sexy, like this?

Maybe try shaking your butt a bit more.

Okay.

This is called twerking.

Oh, I love twerking, I could do this all day.

Do you think clowns like twerking?

I'm sure all clowns like twerking.

What'd you find out?

That I love twerking.

No, no, no, Derek is here.

The clown is on his way.

My presence is slipping way though.

I don't know how long I can help you.

Okay, Brandy?

Huh?

It's all up to us now.

Okay.

Hey, Mr. Clown, look at me, I'm sexy.

Run, Brandy, run!

Ashley, I can't leave you.

You're never getting out of here.

You're locked in here just like me.

And guess what?

My friend is gonna come back here with the police,

and you will be locked up behind bars

for the rest of your life or worse.

I know your face.

What?

You don't know me.

My father killed your mother.

Face same as hers.

I know your face.

It's crazy that...

You're crazy!

I go kill your friend now.

Don't let the door close.

What are you doing here?

I couldn't just leave you here.

I told you to go get help.

If I think long enough,

maybe I'll just come up with something.

Go.

You don't think that I can come up with a plan that,

I don't know, saves both of us?

I mean, I know people think that I'm stupid,

but well I'm not quite sure what I was gonna say.

I'm counting on you, Brandy.

Okay, I can do it.

For good luck.

Thank you.

Did Brandy get away?

Yes, I saw her leave.

She made it out.

Okay, I know this is a big ask, but can you please

follow Brandy and let me know how she does?

I can't get too far from someone

who doesn't have a connection to the afterlife.

No offense, but Brandy does barely have a connection

to this present life.

Just see what you can do, please?

For you, I will try.

I lost you, Clown.

I'm the brave one.

I'm the one who's gonna rescue my best friend.

Hey, Dolly.

I prefer you call me Coach.

Can I have some of that water, Coach?

I have pretty good instincts,

and I have a bad feeling about this.

Don't tell me you believe that Camp Blood crap.

Our car broke down in the woods, we don't have reception,

we split up, it just seems like a bad formula.

Don't worry, we'll be playing in that tournament

before it gets dark.

Come on and eat your applesauce, dear.

I'm not hungry.

You know it's no good disobeying me.

Ow, stop it, you freak.

I ought to get the belt, get my freak on.

Fine, I'll eat your applesauce.

It's good, right?

Yes.

I made it myself.

It looks like you bought...

It looks like what?

I mean it looks like you make

really good homemade applesauce is what I was going to say.

With a little training, you could be such a good girl.

I really miss not having a daughter.

My boy can be such a chowderhead, wouldn't you agree?

I don't really know how to respond to that.

Want to make out?

What?

Quick flash, heat check.

Woo!

Have you ever heard about Camp Blood?

I guess the other girls were talking about it.

Girls?

Tell me more about Camp Blood.

My son will take care of the other girls

while I tell you about Camp Blood.

It all started with my man, my boy's daddy.

He liked to put on clown makeup

and kill trespassers in our woods.

My son, he couldn't figure out how

to put on the clown makeup, so he just wears a mask.

But that doesn't make him any less of a man

than it did his daddy, or maybe it does.

Is he gonna kill me?

Not as long as you amuse me.

I haven't had a girlfriend in a while.

You're getting the first tryout.

It's been a long time.

What's he gonna do with the others?

Well, that will be up to him now, won't it?

Can we please stop?

Come on, we gotta keep going.

We can find it.

My feet hurt, I'm tired, it's cold.

Please.

I know it is, but we're gonna be stuck out here all night

if we don't find it, and I know it was around here.

Come on, buck up.

- Fine. - Hey, wait a minute.

I think I see something.

Do we knock?

I suppose.

What if there's a killer clown inside?

Well maybe it's just that crazy guy we ran into.

Oh, well that's comforting.

Who is it?

Oh, it's you two again.

We asked you about the cabin earlier.

Yeah, you didn't tell us it was yours.

That's the point, I didn't tell you anything.

You know what I mean?

Are you gonna let us in?

Well, maybe if you promise not to whip out

that big knife again.

Oh, I'm sorry, that sounded dirty.

Come on in, ladies, come on, come on.

Oh, there's a few challenges of being a survivalist

if you know what I mean.

Well, he was right about one thing, no landline.

In case I didn't introduce myself, the name's Fred.

I'm a poet and I didn't know it.

What do you two fine fillies call yourselves?

Fillies?

No wonder you're out here all alone.

I think we told you when we first met,

this is Melinda and I'm Dolly.

Oh, why hello, Dolly.

I'm sorry, I'm a little forgetful sometimes

if you know what I mean.

You can't really help us, can you?

What do you know about that Camp Blood story?

You said it was real.

I've lived out here since I was a little kid.

I managed to stay out of the way of the makeup clown.

Now I manage to stay out of the way of the mask clown.

We stay out of each other's way if you know what I mean.

Do you know if the newer clown has a mother?

As far as I know, everybody has a mother.

Have you seen her?

Here and there maybe.

Tell me everything you know about her.

Why?

I need you to tell me everything

you know about her right now.

All right, all right, easy, I'll tell you.

This is my best shirt.

I'd wear this to church if I went.

The mother.

Yeah, she's kinda pretty.

I've seen her here and there in the woods.

What's so funny?

I've seen her out in the woods peeing.

I've also seen her out there making a number two.

What does she look like?

Well, she's pretty.

She looks kinda like you but with blonde hair.

She looks like Dolly?

He probably thinks all females look alike.

That's not true.

If he doesn't have a landline, we should be going.

Listen, it's far too dark and dangerous out now.

You guys should stay here for the night

and go out in the morning when it's safe.

Do you know where she lives?

Why do you want to know so much about this lady?

Maybe she has a landline.

As far as I know, she's got a house near the edge

of the woods, but it's far too dark out.

You're never gonna find it.

I say we go back to the car

and try something else when it's light out.

I'm gonna go try to find the house.

I don't care what you do.

At least let me get you guys some flashlights.

Great, that would be appreciated.

Wait a minute, they're out in the shed.

Where's the shed?

It's about a mile that way.

I'll go get 'em, you guys stay here.

Hey, wait.

I guess we can wait until he gets back.

Stay there, guys, I'm gonna go.

I'll be back, I'll be back.

I got two beautiful ladies in my cabin

and I'm getting a flashlight.

Did you find Brandy?

What is wrong with you?

What's wrong with you?

Did you really see my mother?

She was very pretty like you.

I was sad when...

You were sad when what?

She said something before my father...

What did your father do to my mother?

Is that what you do, hurt people?

Was my mother nice to you?

You can be nice to me just like my mother was nice to you.

You can let me out of this thing.

Where's your father?

Gone, he gone.

Do you live by yourself?

My mother, she teach me.

Your mother's here, where?

At the house.

She love me.

Does your mother know what you're doing?

My mother teach me.

What did my mother say to you?

Do you remember what my mother said to you

all those years ago?

I remember what she said to my papa.

What did she say to your papa?

Don't hurt me, I have a little daughter.

She needs me.

What did you do to Brandy?

Same as always.

What, say it!

I'm not gonna wait here much longer.

I mean, it's gonna take a while before Fred gets back.

You're gonna walk in the woods when can't even see?

Yeah, I need to find that house he was talking about.

Why are you so obsessed with this house and the clown?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, come on, just tell me.

What difference would it make?

I suppose you're right.

Okay, I'll tell you.

A while ago I found out a little secret about myself.

For years, I've been struggling with my apathy.

I mean, I didn't care if people lived or died

or felt pain or not.

I mean, I thought something was wrong with me,

but I found out it was genetics.

Wait, are you saying you're related to that clown?

Yeah, I traced it back.

I was abandoned as a baby, left here to die in these woods.

But somebody found me and took me to social services,

and then I grew up in the system.

All right, I've heard enough, I'm out of here.

Hey, you wanted to hear this, so listen.

Feels good to get it off my chest.

Come on, this isn't you, Dolly.

All right, all right, I'm listening.

I always knew I had a destiny.

And when I found the social worker who told me about

being abandoned in the woods, it all clicked for me.

My destiny is to find the woman who left me to die

in the woods and to get my revenge.

And I looked up her file.

She has a son, the murdering clown.

He dies too.

All right, that's nice for you and all,

but I'm not really any part of this.

It's a great story.

I feel for you.

But please just step aside and let me get out of here,

and I'll keep this all to myself.

I can't do that.

Oh, Fred, you're back finally.

Dolly, come on, you don't have to do this.

You're my friend, you're my coach.

You're supposed to look out for me.

Sorry, I quit, I'm not a coach.

And you know what that means?

That you suck.

No, that's not what it means, but you'll get the point.

It looks like someone got a little head.

I'm jealous.

Oh my god, you're not crazy too, are you?

Crazy, I'm the one who just saved your life.

Thank you.

Here's the flashlight I promised you.

Where are you gonna go anyway?

Back to the car, hopefully find the others.

Do you have a car?

What do I need a car for?

I don't need one.

What about when you take your tips to town?

I walk into town, it's only like 10 miles.

You can walk in the morning when it's light out if you want.

Renee has a set of keys at the car.

We can lock ourselves in until it's light out.

Hopefully the others are back by now.

Oh god, they will not believe what happened to Dolly.

Hey, thank you for your help.

Well, I can walk you to your car if you'd like.

I mean, it's not like I'm weird or anything.

Well, maybe I'm a little weird, but I'm harmless.

Well, I mean unless is trying to kill

my best friend, right Melanie?

I'm Melinda.

I mean, well maybe we're not best friends,

but I mean I'm probably the only person today

that actually saved your life.

Yeah, okay, thank you.

I could use the company.

So what's your favorite color panties?

Pretty nice boobs for a momma, huh?

Yes, they're very nice.

I'll bet you want to touch 'em.

I can't, my wrists are tied.

Don't you try to trick me, young lady.

I'm not untying you, not yet, not until I can trust you.

I won't run, you can believe me.

Well, I really like to get to know a girl first anyway.

Why don't you tell me about yourself?

Well, my name's Renee.

That's a very pretty name.

Don't walk away, Renee.

I like to sing.

You want to be a singer?

Yes, if I can, that's what I'd like to be.

Sing me a song.

Well, I could if I could stand up.

Don't you mess with me, young lady.

You can sing me a song from right there.

Now sing me a song, Renee.

I don't know what to sing.

Sing a song about clowns.

No, no, sing a song about my tits.

That's it, you are going to sing a song to my tits.

Please don't make me do this.

You're gonna sing a song to my tits

or I'm gonna go get my spiked paddle

and put a hurtin' on that pretty little ass of yours.

Now sing and make it good.

♪ I put on my gloves and took off my mitts ♪

♪ I made up this song with all of my wits ♪

♪ It gives this MILF lady real fits ♪

♪ 'Cause it's all about her beautiful tits ♪

Oh, Renee, that's the most beautiful song I've ever heard.

Nobody's sang a song to my tits before.

I think I was almost gonna cry.

You got talent, Renee.

You might be a keeper.

Have you lived in the woods all of your life?

Pretty much.

Don't you think we can wait a minute and catch our breaths?

I mean, shouldn't we keep a move on

if there's a killer clown around?

I'm not sacred, he doesn't mess with me.

His dad doesn't mess with me.

His mom doesn't mess with me.

Don't you ever get lonely?

Are you asking me if I've ever had sex?

I mean, of course I've had sex before

if that's what you mean.

Ew, no, I'm not asking if you've ever had sex.

Just if you ever need people to talk to.

All right, I'll answer your question

if you'll answer mine, all right?

Okay.

Would you ever consider marrying me?

I don't even know you.

Hypothetically.

I mean, you're heading somewhere, right?

Utah, beach volleyball.

Now I may not be the smartest person,

but I'm pretty sure Utah doesn't really have many beaches.

It's a showcase match.

Are you any good?

Not really.

So you're pretty much just going around

in skimpy wardrobes and outfits for a bunch of Mormons

who are just watching you.

Is that all you're doing?

Yeah, pretty much.

So you didn't answer my question.

Do you think that I might have a shot with you?

I mean, sure, why not?

I think we should get a move on now.

Not so fast.

You wanted to know if I get lonely.

Well, it's not really any of my business.

I think we should just start walking.

No, I mean I meet lots of people.

I go into town all the time.

I'm sure you can hear all the cars.

We're on a major road.

So I always meet and talk to people.

Yeah, Dolly said that it's far away

but that we could hear it.

You mean the one that was trying to kill you?

I guess we should've had someone head towards the road.

It's still far enough to be isolated out here

in case the big one happens and everyone gets zapped.

And you know what, I'll still be here.

I'll be fine.

And you know what, don't tell anyone this,

but I have an underground bunker under the cabin.

I just don't get the whole survivalist thing.

So you stay out here all alone all these years.

And say the big one does happen.

Then you keep on living without anyone else around

except for maybe a killer clown and his mother?

Well, I suppose if I really like someone

that I'm talking to, well, then maybe I would try and

help them and stop the person that's trying to kill them.

Although that person might not be too happy

that I'm trying to help the person they're trying to kill.

You saying that they might want to hurt you?

I'm a survivor.

I'm the brave one.

I'm not afraid of some stupid clown.

Brandy?

Oh my god, oh my god.

Oh my god, Brandy.

I know you're out there, clown.

I'm gonna fucking kill you for what you did!

Your song was so great, I got you a little treat.

More applesauce.

I really, really need to pee.

I suppose you want me to loosen your ropes

and let you use my bathroom.

Please, I'll write you another song.

Could you sing one about my ass next time?

Whatever you want.

How about my lady hole?

Anything, just let me pee.

Normally I just let the girl piss her own pants.

It's fun to watch.

But I like you and I want to trust you.

I can trust you, can't I?

Definitely.

I'm stronger than I look.

And I don't know if you picked up on this about me,

but I'm a little crazy.

Crazy, you?

No.

I can get really rough if things don't go my way.

You catch my drift?

You taught me well, I'll be a good girl.

Okay, what the hell?

Come on.

I need my hands to wipe.

I can help you wipe.

Please.

Such little hands.

Bathroom's that way.

Please, I can explain.

- It was an accident. - No excuses, bitch.

- I'm sorry! - I'm done with you.

I just really had to pee.

Stupid girl.

Now your last words are gonna be I really had to pee.

It won't stop you from listening to me though.

Maybe you can go on a date with my son tonight.

No, maybe tomorrow night.

It'd be better for that when you're riper.

Maybe I'll date him tonight.

Seems like you'll have to wait till tomorrow, clown.

I bet you didn't know I could talk

for this long, did you Renee?

But I have this theory about good and evil.

It is evil to be good and it's good to be evil.

Seriously, what is the difference really?

It's a fine line.

Hello, son, did you take care of Renee's friends?

One.

How many are left?

Two.

I had to kill neighbor.

Well, I trust your judgment.

He tried to help them.

Then he had it coming, didn't he?

How'd you do it?

Oh yeah, your trusty machete.

She's resting.

We should rest too.

You can get after them as soon as it's light out.

They can't get away from you in the dark.

You can go before breakfast even.

Momma.

What, boy?

I want to wear makeup.

Makeup?

Like Renee here wears?

Like Papa wore.

You want to wear clown makeup?

In the morning, I think it help me.

I'm not so sure that's a good idea.

Please.

What do you think, Renee?

Will my boy seem scarier in real clown makeup

or that mask he likes to wear now?

Hm, yeah, I'll tell him.

She thinks the mask looks better.

I didn't hear her.

Well, who cares what she thinks anyway?

We should sleep on it tonight.

You can sleep with me tonight, boy.

No, you cannot sleep with her.

I am feeling frisky now.

She can wait another night.

I feel so close to you right now.

Leave the mask on.

Son, I know you want to be more like your daddy,

but you don't have to put on makeup to be more like him.

Tonight you will be a man,

but you will be a killer once the sun comes up.

Oops, I thought you were the killer clown.

You should've said something.

You thought I was a huge clown?

I'm sorry.

You saw him too, huh?

He killed Brandy.

He tried to kill me too, but I got away.

He just killed Fred.

Who's Fred?

A survivalist.

What about Dolly?

She's dead too.

The clown killed her, huh?

Actually Fred did.

What?

She was trying to kill me,

so technically Fred saved my life.

Wait, why was Dolly trying to kill you?

She's crazy too.

She brought us out here on purpose.

I think she did something to stall the car too.

But why would she do that?

I told you, she's crazy.

She's somehow related to that clown.

Oh my god.

Wait, wait, where's Renee?

I don't know, but the clown has a crazy mother as well

who has a house around here.

Maybe he's with her.

We've got to find her.

Yeah, I think Fred said there's a town

about 10 miles from here.

Okay, but we shouldn't split up again.

Are you saying that we should together

go try to find Renee?

Yes, I mean, if Renee is still alive,

she probably doesn't have much time left.

We got to find her together.

So you're saying that together either we go back

into town where we know it's safe and we can get help

or together we go back into that thick forest

where there's a killer clown to some unknown house

where we might be able to save Renee from his crazy mother.

Yes, we need to find Renee together.

I was afraid you were gonna say that.

Okay.

What the hell, let's find Renee.

Okay.

Chew your food, dear.

He didn't wear his mask this morning.

He put on real clown makeup just like his daddy used to.

What do you think of that?

I don't know if I agree.

Well, I do see your point though.

My boy's growing up so fast, isn't he?

Okay.

We could be walking to our deaths.

When we get out of this, what do you plan on doing?

What do you mean?

Are you going to keep playing in these ridiculous

volleyball tournaments for basically minimum wage?

Beats my old job.

Stripper?

Worse, waitress.

I was a secretary before Vegas showgirl

beach volleyball called.

You should be a stand-up comic.

Everyone knows that's what you really want to do.

Worst kept secret.

No, that would be Renee's singing career.

Oh, come on, what would you want to do?

Maybe I'll go back to school.

I could be a good counselor.

Right, didn't you want to study parapsychology?

For a minute.

What now?

A different kind of counselor.

Which one?

Whose problems do you want to solve?

Kids, I would love to work with kids.

Simple minds.

That explains how you're best friends with Brandy.

Hello.

You look different.

Where's your mask?

Did you hurt Renee?

No.

Is she still alive?

Your mother didn't hurt her?

Maybe a little.

She's asleep.

How long has she been sleeping?

Long time.

Is she moving?

Not since yesterday.

Did your mother kill Renee?

She wouldn't do that.

She lets me touch the girls after they've been sleeping

for a couple days.

Renee's dead, we have to get out of here.

You go around, I'll distract him.

Okay.

Have you heard the one about the horse and the clown

in the bar?

So the horse goes into the bar, goes up to the bartender,

asks him if he could have sex with anybody in the bar.

The bartender says,

why don't you try one of the farms nearby?

Well, the horse confesses that he prefers

to have sex with humans, so the bartender points over

to where a sumo wrestler and a clown are sitting.

He says, you could have sex with the clown.

The horse says, I'm not really into clowns,

but I'm desperate.

So okay, but nobody else can know.

The bartender says, well,

four people are gonna have to know.

First of all, you are gonna have to know.

Second, I will know.

And of course the clown will know.

That's only three, says the horse.

Well, the sumo wrestler will have to know,

says the bartender.

The horse does want the sumo wrestler to know.

He says, why does the sumo wrestler have to know?

The bartender says, well,

the clown's not really interested in horses

because the sumo wrestler will need to hold down the clown.

You could've helped Brandy.

I'm sorry, but I've got an idea to help you.

What?

There is a cabin that direction.

The clown is not too bright.

You can trick him.

There is something inside the cabin.

You can make it think like he sees you.

Set up a trap.

What kind of a trap?

My time is fading.

You know what to do.

Ew.

Die, die, die!

Something has happened to my boy.

I can sense it.

Little boy needs his momma.

Momma's coming, boy.

Son?

Where are you, son?

You need your momma, boy.

Momma's here for you, son.

What'd you do to my son?

I killed him.

Then it's your turn to die!

Well, only one problem for you.

What's that?

You brought a knife to a machete fight.

Say hello to your son.

You're still here!

You need to leave!

It's you again.

I was trying to leave.

Oh.

Well, I'm going to town shortly.

Do you want a ride?

Yes, oh fuck yes.

You don't need to curse, young lady.

Where are the others?

It's just me.

They're all dead.

Okay, let's go.

If you say I told you so, I'll fucking kill you.

Don't get any blood on the seat.

♪ Welcome to the moon

♪ Bet you didn't guess we'd get here so soon ♪

♪ Well welcome to the moon

♪ Hey, there is cheese here, wow ♪

♪ And look over there, it's Richard Gare ♪

♪ I think it's Gere

♪ Hey, Richard Gere, what are you doing here ♪

♪ There's moon gerbils walking around ♪

♪ Let's all do the moon wiggle, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Do you know the moon wiggle

♪ You just wiggle like you're on the moon ♪

♪ Yeah, like that

Wait, wait, wait, neighbor.

People always say you aren't real,

but I've always believed in you.

How would you like to join our cult?

♪ Moon wiggle

♪ Let's do the moon boogie

♪ Let's do the moon boogie, yeah ♪

♪ The moon boogie and the moon wiggle ♪

♪ Are two very different dances ♪

♪ But you can learn to do both of them if you want, yeah ♪

You know, all the Camp Blood stuff

with like this and that, none of it's true.

There is no clown out there in makeup and a mask

and killing people.

That's all like fake news.

None of that's true, that's not even a thing.

It's just some crap that kids come here,

they say this and that, all this BS, and it's not true.

You know, little fairytales, little things.

And I believe in aliens and stuff and ghosts and Peter Pan

and leprechauns, but I don't believe in no killer clowns.

None of that stuff's true.

It's a safe place to go to.

It's all fine.

Come here, camp, roast marshmallows, have s'mores.

Have a good time, drink beers, have sex.

You're not gonna get killed, it's totally cool.

You know what I'm saying?

It's totally fine.

♪ I hope you enjoy your time on the moon ♪

♪ It's really nice this time of year on the moon ♪

♪ Screw the sun ♪ Yeah

Through technology, we seek to align this cult.

And we believe you will be the perfect leader.

We just need people to believe in your existence.

♪ It's really nice this time of year on the moon ♪

♪ Screw the sun ♪ Yeah

♪ The moon wiggle

♪ Moon

♪ Moon

♪ Yummy, I love cheese

So hi, I'm Dave Sterling.

I do these B movies.

I've done 'em for a few years now.

You might've known some of my films

that I can't even think of because there's so many.

But I'm thinking there's like this legend.

Is it Blood Camp or Camp Blood or camp where the blood is

or something like that.

So I'm thinking about doing this movie.

And then if it's good, maybe I'll do more.

You know, us B guys, we like to do what the studios do.

Like, you know, if they're working on

the eighth Mission Impossible or whatever that movie is

or the Avengers or whoever,

so just one after another after another after another.

And that's showbiz.

Subtitle By: MARSH-MARIE