Original subtitles

GUESS WHO HAS--

WAIT, I ACTUALLY DON'T HAVE ANY BIG NEWS TO ANNOUNCE.

WEIRD.

WHY AM I EVEN HERE?

BECAUSE WE'RE FRIENDS?

NO, THAT'S NOT IT.

HERE, I'VE GOT NEWS.

GUESS WHO FINISHED A SONG FOR MY NEW ALBUM.

-OOH, LET ME SEE IT. -DON'T TOUCH MY BOOK!

UH, WHAT'S THIS?

A BOOKMARK AUSTIN MADE ME.

LOOK, IT'S GOT A PICTURE OF HIM

WITH LITTLE HEARTS INSTEAD OF EYES,

BECAUSE HE'S LOOKING AT ME WITH LOVE.

AND THAT'S WHY I'M HAPPY BEING SINGLE.

OH, I REMEMBER WHY I CAME IN HERE.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING FOR THE '70s DANCE PARTY TONIGHT?

NOT SURE, BUT I KNOW AUSTIN AND DEZ ARE PSYCHED ABOUT THEIR COSTUMES.

WHOO-HOO!

(groans)

(laughing)

70s PARTY, HERE WE COME!

HEY, GEEZERS, IT'S A 1970s PARTY.

YOU DRESS LIKE YOU'RE FROM THE '70s, NOT IN YOUR 70s.

(hoarsely) HUH? I CAN'T HEAR YOU, YOUNG LADY?

TALK INTO MY GOOD EAR.

WELL, I GUESS WE BETTER GO GET SOME NEW COSTUMES AFTER DINNER. LET'S GO.

BUT DINNER? IT'S ONLY 4:00.

WE DON'T WANNA MISS THE EARLY BIRD SPECIAL.

IT'S HALF-PRICE FOR SENIOR CITIZENS!

(exclaiming groggily)

(both groaning)

(theme music playing)

♪ WHEN THE CROWD WANTS MORE ♪

♪ I BRING ON THE THUNDER ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU'VE GOT MY BACK ♪

♪ AND I'M NOT GOING UNDER ♪

♪ YOU'RE MY POINT, YOU'RE MY GUARD ♪

♪ YOU'RE THE PERFECT CHORD ♪

♪ AND I SEE OUR NAMES TOGETHER ON EVERY BILLBOARD ♪

♪ WE'RE HEADED FOR THE TOP, WE'VE GOT IT ON LOCK ♪

♪ WE'LL MAKE 'EM SAY "HEY!" ♪

♪ AND WE'LL KEEP ROCKIN' ♪

♪ OH, THERE'S NO WAY I COULD MAKE IT WITHOUT YA ♪

♪ DO IT WITHOUT YA, BE HERE WITHOUT YA ♪

♪ IT'S NO FUN WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT SOLO ♪

♪ WITH YOU IT'S LIKE, "WHOA," YEAH, AND I KNOW ♪

♪ I OWN THIS DREAM ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I GOT YOU WITH ME ♪

♪ THERE'S NO WAY I COULD MAKE IT WITHOUT YA ♪

♪ DO IT WITHOUT YA, BE HERE WITHOUT YA ♪

(disco music playing)

THIS IS A GREAT COSTUME IDEA, DEZ.

YEAH, "GROOVY GOAT AND THE MYSTERY BUNCH" IS MY FAVORITE '70s CARTOON.

MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IS REGGIE.

(mimicking) "CACHOINKERS, GROOVY. IT'S A REAL WHODUNNIT."

MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IS BRENDA.

"HEY, GUYS! IT'S ME, BRENDA!"

BRENDA REALLY NEEDS A BETTER CATCHPHRASE.

IT'S SO COOL THAT YOUR COUSIN LET YOU BORROW HIS GOAT TO PLAY GROOVY.

YEAH, TOO BAD WE HAD TO SMELL HIM ON THE RIDE OVER HERE.

WHAT THE HECK DOES HE EAT?

EVERYTHING. HE'S A GOAT.

COME ON, LET'S DANCE.

YEAH, I'VE GOT DISCO FEVER!

OKAY, GROOVY, WILL YOU WATCH OUR STUFF FOR A GROOVY TREAT?

(bleating)

FINE. TWO GROOVY TREATS.

MAN, HE'S A GOOD BUSINESS GOAT.

(song ends)

WHOO! DISCO DANCING REALLY MAKES ME HUNGRY.

WHY ARE YOU EATING GROOVY TREATS? THEY'RE FOR THE GOAT.

ACTUALLY, THE PACKAGE ONLY SAYS IT'S RECOMMENDED FOR GOATS.

NO, NO, NO, THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!

UGH, I KNOW.

SOMEONE NEEDS TO TELL KEVIN THAT WEARING SKIN-TIGHT BELL-BOTTOMS WAS A BAD CHOICE.

NO, MY SONGBOOK IS MISSING!

IT WAS IN THIS BAG AND NOW IT'S GONE!

CACHOINKERS, THAT'S HORRIBLE! WE HAVE TO FIND OUT "WHO DUNNIT."

AWESOME! WE GET TO SOLVE A CASE, JUST LIKE THE REAL MYSTERY BUNCH!

WELL, GROOVY SAW WHO TOOK IT. WHAT HAPPENED, GROOVY?

(bleating)

UH-HUH.

OH!

I SEE.

GROOVY SAID TO FOLLOW HIM. HE SAW WHICH WAY THE THIEF WENT.

REALLY? YOU GOT ALL THAT FROM... (bleating)?

UH-- YEAH!

HE ALSO SAID A FEW THINGS ABOUT YOUR ATTITUDE,

BUT I WON'T GO INTO THAT NOW.

LET'S GO!

WHAT IS THIS STRANGE PLACE?

IT'S THE SCHOOL LIBRARY.

IS IT NEW? I'VE NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE.

QUIET, THIS IS A LIBRARY.

AND WE HAVE A VERY STRICT "NO FOOD, DRINKS, OR GOATS" POLICY.

SORRY, MRS. KRAVITZ. WE'RE LOOKING FOR ALLY'S SONGBOOK.

WE THINK SOMEONE STOLE IT.

(gasps) OH, NO, WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?

IT IS THE ULTIMATE MANIFESTATION OF LOVE, PASSION, AND EVERY EMOTION

I'VE EVER FELT IN MY 18 YEARS ON THIS BEAUTIFUL EARTH.

IT'S A RATTY BROWN BOOK WITH AN "A" ON IT.

OH, I JUST SAW SOMEONE RUN THROUGH HERE CARRYING THAT VERY SAME BOOK!

REALLY? WHO WAS IT?

I DIDN'T GET A GOOD LOOK AT THEIR FACE,

BUT THEY HAD A LARGE BLOND AFRO WIG AND WORE A WHITE DISCO SUIT.

THEY WERE HEADED BACK TO THE PARTY.

CACHOINKERS!

ALL RIGHT, GANG, LET'S GO!

OR AS MY CHARACTER, CHAZ, WOULD SAY,

(mimicking) "LET'S BOOGIE ON OUT OF HERE, MY FUNKY FRIENDS!"

YEAH! OR AS MY CHARACTER, STACY, WOULD SAY,

"HEY, GANG! IT'S ME, STACY!"

MAN, THEY REALLY GIVE THE GIRL CHARACTERS THE WORST CATCHPHRASES.

(disco music playing)

ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE WHO HAS A BLOND AFRO WIG AND A WHITE DISCO SUIT.

GO LOOK FOR CLUES, GROOVY.

OOH, I FOUND HIM!

THE THIEF IS CHUCK! HE'S ALWAYS OUT TO GET US.

THAT'S TRUE, HE IS! IT MUST BE CHUCK!

NO, LOOK, IT'S KIMMY THE CHEERLEADER.

ALLY BEAT HER OUT FOR PROM QUEEN AND SHE STILL HOLDS A GRUDGE.

THAT'S TRUE, SHE DOES! IT MUST BE KIMMY!

NO, IT'S MILES! IT'S ALWAYS THE QUIET ONES.

Dez: THAT'S TRUE, HE'S VERY QUIET!

IT MUST BE MILES.

WELL, ALL THREE ARE WEARING THE EXACT OUTFIT THE LIBRARIAN DESCRIBED.

SO THE WAY I SEE IT, WE HAVE...

ONE... TWO... THREE SUSPECTS!

WOW, HOW'D YOU FIGURE THAT OUT?

IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE. I GAVE EACH SUSPECT A NUMBER AND--

ALL RIGHT, WE GET IT!

GUYS! SOMEONE PUT THIS IN MY PURSE.

"I HAVE YOUR SONGBOOK. YOU HAVE SOMETHING I WANT.

I'LL TEAR UP A PAGE A DAY UNTIL I GET IT."

(exclaiming frantically)

(both shrieking)

(bleating)

IT'S A PAGE FROM MY SONGBOOK!

WE HAVE TO FIND OUT WHO STOLE IT BEFORE THERE'S NOTHING LEFT OF IT!

HMM, SO THAT MEANS THE THIEF MUST BE STRONG ENOUGH TO RIP PAPER.

THAT NARROWS IT DOWN TO...

THREE SUSPECTS!

I CAN'T BELIEVE SOMEONE STOLE MY SONGBOOK.

I AM SO UPSET.

OOH, I SHOULD WRITE ABOUT IT IN MY... SONGBOOK.

BUT, YOU SEE, YOU CAN'T, ALLY. BECAUSE SOMEONE STOLE IT.

LET'S SPLIT UP AND INVESTIGATE EACH SUSPECT.

ALLY AND I WILL TAKE CHUCK.

GOOD IDEA. I'LL GO AFTER MILES.

AND GROOVY AND I WILL GO AFTER KIMMY.

WAIT, WHERE'S GROOVY?

OOH, GROOVY MUST'VE DISCOVERED A CLUE IN THE POPCORN BOWL.

YEAH, HE DISCOVERED HE LIKES POPCORN.

IT THAT ALLY'S BOOKMARK?

OOPS. SORRY.

THIS IS ALLY'S BOOKMARK!

SO YOU ARE THE THIEF!

(gasps) LOOK, GROOVY!

IT'S THE LETTER "A".

(bleating)

EXACTLY! THE VERY SAME KIND OF LETTER "A" FROM THE NOTE ALLY GOT FROM THE THIEF.

(gasps) AND THERE'S MORE!

THEY LEAD RIGHT TO A LOCKER.

(bleating)

THIS JUST MAY BE KIMMY'S LOCKER.

I KNEW IT! KIMMY IS THE THIEF!

THAT EVIL, MENACING, NO GOOD--

HEY, DEZ. WANT A SUGAR-FREE CUPCAKE?

OOH, THANKS.

I'M ONTO YOU.

♪ YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GRABBED MY HEART ♪

♪ NOW IT'S TIME FOR A FRESH START ♪

♪ PUT YOUR HAND IN MINE AND SAY ♪

♪ YOU'LL NEVER LET ME GET AWAY ♪

(groans)

THAT'S MY NEW SONG!

CHUCK WAS SINGING MY NEW SONG!

THAT'S GREAT! IT'S CATCHING ON.

NO! I HAVEN'T RELEASED IT YET.

IT WAS THE ONE FROM MY SONGBOOK.

WHICH MEANS CHUCK IS DEFINITELY THE THIEF!

GUYS! MILES IS DEFINITELY THE THIEF!

LOOK! HE HAD ALLY'S BOOKMARK!

GUYS! KIMMY IS DEFINITELY THE THIEF!

SHE WROTE THE RANSOM NOTE TO ALLY!

AND SHE SAID THESE CUPCAKES ARE SUGAR FREE, BUT THAT'S A LIE.

THEY JUST TASTE WAY TOO GOOD.

WE NEED MORE ANSWERS.

LET'S PUT ALL THE SUSPECTS IN THE SAME ROOM

AND THEN INTERROGATE THEM UNTIL SOMEONE CRACKS.

I'LL HANDLE IT. I HAVE A VERY GENTLE WAY OF COAXING THE TRUTH OUT OF PEOPLE.

ONE OF YOU LYING DIRTBAGS STOLE ALLY'S BOOK

AND NO ONE IS LEAVING UNTIL I GET A CONFESSION!

HELLO, MILES. LOOK FAMILIAR?

(softly) NO. I'VE NEVER SEEN IT.

HUH?

YOUR LITTLE QUIET GUY ROUTINE AIN'T GONNA WORK WITH ME.

NOW WE CAN DO THIS THE EASY WAY

OR THE HARD WAY!

EASY WAY, PLEASE.

(sighs) LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M HERE.

BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.

UM... YOU DIDN'T, HUH?

WHAT ABOUT LYING ABOUT THOSE CUPCAKES?

THERE'S NO WAY THEY WERE SUGAR FREE.

DEZ! FORGET ABOUT THE CUPCAKES!

KIMMY, WHAT ABOUT THE CUT-OUT LETTERS BY YOUR LOCKER?

OH, THOSE?

I USED THEM TO MAKE A COLLAGE FOR SPIRIT WEEK.

GO MANATEES!

UH, IS THIS GONNA TAKE LONG?

'CAUSE I REALLY NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

SURE, CHUCK. YOU CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM.

IN JAIL!

WHAT'RE YOU GETTIN' AT?

AND, RED, WHY DO YOU HAVE A GOAT?

I COULD ASK YOU THE SAME THING.

YOU CAN'T, BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A GOAT.

CHUCK, WE HEARD YOU SINGING ALLY'S NEW SONG EARLIER.

WHAT? YOU MEAN THIS?

I FOUND IT IN MY LOCKER.

I THOUGHT IT WAS A LOVE SONG FROM MY SWEET SUN HEE.

WE BROKE UP AGAIN

AND I THOUGHT THIS WAS HER LOVING, TENDER WAY OF TELLING ME

THAT SHE WANTED ME BACK.

WELL, IT WASN'T.

THIS IS A SONG FOR MY NEW ALBUM.

(voice breaking) YOU MEAN, MY SWEET SUN HEE

DOESN'T WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH ME?

(sobbing)

(sighing deeply)

LOOKS LIKE I'M BACK ON THE MARKET, TRISH-KABOB.

YEAH, THAT'S ONE MARKET I'M NOT SHOPPING IN.

SO, WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

WELL, WE HAVE THREE... TWO... ONE...

ZERO SUSPECTS.

(bleating)

CHUCK IS GONE!

HE MUST BE GUILTY.

LET'S GO FIND HIM!

(cellphone chimes)

"COME ALONE TO THE PHOTO BOOTH IN FIVE MINUTES

IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR BOOT AGAIN."

MY BOOT?

(cellphone chimes)

"YOUR BOOK. SORRY. STUPID AUTO-CORRECT"

DON'T TOUCH MY BOOK!

OH! HEY!

THAT'S ANOTHER PAGE FROM MY SONGBOOK!

OH!

(gasps) IT'S YOU!

(banging)

HELP! HELP!

LET ME OUT! I'M TRAPPED!

-(camera clicking) -HELP! LET ME OUT!

DEZ, YOUR STUPID GOAT LED US TO THE LIBRARY AGAIN.

WOW, I'VE BEEN IN HERE TWICE IN ONE DAY.

(mocking) LOOK AT ME, I'M A NERD!

WAIT. WHERE'S ALLY? I THOUGHT SHE WAS RIGHT BEHIND US.

BACK AGAIN I SEE.

HEY, MRS. KRAVITZ, HAS ALLY BEEN IN HERE?

OH, I DON'T KNOW. I WAS IN THE BACK.

AUSTIN, WHY DON'T YOU AND I SEARCH THE LIBRARY FOR HER,

WHILE YOUR TWO FRIENDS AND THAT FARM ANIMAL SEARCH THE REST OF THE SCHOOL?

GOOD IDEA, REALLY OLD LIBRARIAN LADY.

ALLY COULD BE IN TROUBLE. THERE'S NO TIME TO LOSE.

YOU'RE RIGHT. COME ON, YOU STINKY ANIMAL. YOU TOO, GROOVY.

GROOVY LED US TO THIS TRASH CAN.

HE MUST BE ONTO SOMETHING.

YEAH. HE'S ONTO WHERE THE BUFFET IS, SHERLOCK. GOATS LOVE TRASH.

-(thudding) -(shushing)

I THOUGHT I HEARD SOMETHING.

-Ally: GUYS, HELP! -(bleating)

ALL I HEAR IS YOUR STUPID GOAT.

-Ally: HELP! -(bleating)

QUIET, GOAT!

Ally: TRISH! DEZ! I'M TRAPPED IN HERE!

WOW, GROOVY! YOU SOUND JUST LIKE ALLY.

IT IS ALLY.

CACHOINKERS, GROOVY ATE ALLY!

DON'T WORRY, ALLY, I'M COMING FOR YOU!

SHE'S NOT IN THE GOAT, GENIUS,

SHE'S IN THE PHOTO BOOTH.

THANK GOODNESS YOU SAVED ME.

YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS. THE PERSON WHO PUSHED ME IN HERE WAS--

WHO?

I WAS ABOUT TO SAY. IT WAS--

WHO? WHO? I CAN'T HANDLE THE SUSPENSE.

I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU. IT WAS--

WHY WON'T YOU JUST TELL US?

IT WAS MRS. KRAVITZ, THE LIBRARIAN!

THEN SHE MUST ALSO BE THE PERSON WHO STOLE YOUR SONGBOOK!

OH, NO, AUSTIN'S ALONE WITH HER NOW!

WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM! LET'S GO!

ONE SEC. LET ME JUST GET SOME QUICK PHOTOS WITH GROOVY.

(camera clicking)

-HELLO, AUSTIN. -(shrieking)

(sighs) SORRY, MRS. KRAVITZ, YOU SCARED ME.

I SEARCHED THE ENTIRE LIBRARY.

STILL NO SIGN OF ALLY, HER SONGBOOK, OR CHUCK.

AW. WELL, I'M SURE THEY'LL TURN UP.

IN THE MEANTIME, WHY NOT TAKE A LITTLE BREAK?

UH... I THINK I'LL JUST KEEP LOOKING FOR ALLY.

BUT I MADE YOUR FAVORITE... PANCAKES.

OOH, PANCAKES!

AUSTIN, YOU'RE IN DANGER!

WE'RE HERE TO SAVE YOU FROM THE MAD LIBRARIAN!

HUH?

MRS. KRAVITZ LOCKED ALLY IN THE PHOTO BOOTH!

AND SHE ALSO STOLE MY SONGBOOK!

AND SHE USED STORE-BOUGHT PANCAKE MIX INSTEAD OF MAKING IT FROM SCRATCH!

SHE'S DESPICABLE!

SHE'S TRYING TO ESCAPE!

(disco music playing)

GUYS, COME ON!

OH! WE LOST HER!

DARN YOU, DISCO FEVER!

THERE SHE IS! GO GET HER, GROOVY!

(bleating)

GREAT JOB, GROOVY!

I GUESS THAT GOAT'S NOT SO USELESS AFTER ALL.

(groaning) OKAY, I CONFESS. I STOLE THE BOOK!

WAIT A MINUTE. THERE'S SOMETHING WEIRD ABOUT HER FACE.

THEY'RE CALLED WRINKLES, ALLY.

IT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE GET OLD.

NO, IT'S A MASK!

NOW TO FIND OUT WHO THE REAL THIEF IS.

I BET IT'S CHUCK!

-I BET IT'S KIMMY! -I BET IT'S MILES!

I BET IT'S CHANNING TATUM!

All: BROOKE!

THAT'S RIGHT! AND I WOULD'VE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT, TOO,

IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU MEDDLING KIDS... AND YOUR GOAT!

BROOKE, WHY DID YOU STEAL MY BOOK?

BECAUSE I KNEW I COULD USE IT TO DISTRACT YOU

AND GET MY BELOVED AUSTIN ALL TO MYSELF.

BUT WHAT ABOUT CHUCK, MILES AND KIMMY?

THEY WERE SIMPLY PAWNS IN MY MASTER PLAN.

I PLANTED ALLY'S BOOKMARK ON MILES,

USED THE CLIPPINGS FROM KIMMY'S SPIRIT COLLAGE FOR THE RANSOM NOTE,

AND STUFFED ALLY'S SONG IN CHUCK'S LOCKER,

LEADING YOU ALL ON A WILD GOAT CHASE,

WHILE I STOLE AUSTIN'S HEART.

(laughing maniacally)

BUT IT DIDN'T WORK.

BUT IT COULD HAVE.

-NO, IT COULDN'T HAVE. -WELL, IT SHOULD HAVE.

-BUT IT DIDN'T. -SAYS YOU.

I BELIEVE YOU HAVE SOMETHING THAT BELONGS TO ALLY.

(sighs)

(exclaiming happily)

DID SHE HURT YOU? MOMMY'S HERE. MOMMY'S HERE.

CACHOINKERS! ANOTHER JOB WELL DONE

BY GROOVY GOAT AND THE MYSTERY BUNCH.

GOOD JOB, GANG!

NOW, LET'S BOOGIE ON OUT OF HERE, MY FUNKY FRIENDS!

WHOO!

NOT YOU.

DID YOU GUYS ALSO GET A TEXT SAYING YOU WON A FREE FRO-YO?

(softly) I GOT THAT TEXT, TOO.

SPEAK UP, MAN!

HEY, GUYS. WE SENT YOU THOSE TEXTS.

WE WANTED TO APOLOGIZE FOR CALLING YOU THIEVES.

YEAH. IT TURNS OUT IT WAS BROOKE.

SHE FRAMED ALL OF YOU.

SHE CRAY-CRAY.

WELL, I WOULDN'T CALL HER CRAY-CRAY.

SHE'S JUST A WOMAN IN LOVE.

AND WHO WOULDN'T BE IN LOVE WITH THIS DREAM BOAT?

BUT JUST ONE THING,

SINCE YOU WERE INNOCENT, WHY'D YOU RUN?

I TOLD YOU, I REALLY HAD TO PEE.

I DRANK A LOT OF PUNCH LAST NIGHT... LOT OF PUNCH.

WELL, LET US MAKE IT UP TO YOU WITH SOME FRO-YO.

AWESOME!

FRO-YO ROCKS!

(softly) SORRY, I JUST GET REALLY EXCITED ABOUT FROZEN YOGURT.

AFTER WE GET OUR FRO-YO,

WE CAN FEED IT TO EACH OTHER

AND THEN STARE INTO EACH OTHER'S EYES FOR HOURS AND HOURS.

WAIT A MINUTE...

(all gasping)

-BROOKE? -(laughing maniacally)

CACHOINKERS!

HEY, GUYS, WHY'D YOU LEAVE WITHOUT ME?

LOVE YOU. BYE.