Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:20,436 --> 00:00:21,896
[playground noises]
2
00:00:21,979 --> 00:00:24,941
[Eddie] When I was ten,
my family moved to America.
3
00:00:25,274 --> 00:00:28,694
Shortly thereafter, I learned
a valuable lesson about love.
4
00:00:30,154 --> 00:00:31,155
Hey, new kid.
5
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:33,741
You wanna play a card
came called 52 pickup?
6
00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:36,911
[cards falling]
7
00:00:36,994 --> 00:00:37,995
Pick it up,
8
00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:39,205
dick for brains!
9
00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:42,667
[tender music]
[footsteps approaching]
10
00:00:49,257 --> 00:00:52,301
She was the most
beautiful thing I had ever seen.
11
00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:55,680
I fell instantly
and madly in love.
12
00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:57,932
♪ Take a look ♪
13
00:00:58,599 --> 00:01:01,644
♪ At me ♪
14
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,148
Then she broke my heart.
15
00:01:07,149 --> 00:01:09,610
I vowed never to
let love hurt me again.
16
00:01:10,611 --> 00:01:11,612
Today
17
00:01:11,779 --> 00:01:13,364
I'm a master of love.
18
00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:15,324
Your book '52 Pickup'
19
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:18,578
is basically a how-to
guide for men to pick up women,
20
00:01:18,911 --> 00:01:20,454
-is it not?
-It is, yeah.
21
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:24,125
And you claim that your book
22
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:26,794
will help men pick
up a different woman
23
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,880
every week, for a year?
24
00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,174
Yeah, it's really that simple.
25
00:01:31,215 --> 00:01:32,925
All they have to do is follow
26
00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:34,552
my three simple
rules of engagement.
27
00:01:34,635 --> 00:01:36,220
That is, trigger her interest
28
00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:37,346
play indifferent
29
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:39,682
and then go for the kill.
30
00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:43,603
Are you aware how
degrading that is to women?
31
00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:45,521
I mean, some
could say it reduces us
32
00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:48,691
to mere objects who could
be easily tricked into bed?
33
00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:51,611
I mean, how would you
respond to such allegations?
34
00:01:51,652 --> 00:01:52,778
How do I respond?
35
00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:55,615
[fast-paced music]
36
00:01:55,656 --> 00:01:57,241
Guilty as charged.
37
00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:58,576
[moaning]
[music continues]
38
00:01:58,784 --> 00:02:00,411
♪ Bang, bang, bang ♪
39
00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:03,956
♪ It goes all night long ♪
[moaning]
40
00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:08,336
♪ Clang, clang, clang ♪
[moaning continues]
41
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:11,297
♪ Do that siren song ♪
42
00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:13,007
[grunts]
[moaning]
43
00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:15,551
♪ Are you feeling nervous? ♪
44
00:02:16,969 --> 00:02:19,305
♪ She doesn't feel that way ♪
[grunting]
45
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:20,973
[electronic beeping]
46
00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,142
[bang]
[upbeat music]
47
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:24,310
[sighs]
48
00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:28,064
[music slows]
[sighs]
49
00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:36,322
Oh, what the hell is that?
50
00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:39,784
What is this stuff!
51
00:02:39,992 --> 00:02:42,328
[muttering]
52
00:02:42,995 --> 00:02:46,040
[music continues]
53
00:02:47,708 --> 00:02:50,711
[music continues]
[lawnmower whirring]
54
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:02,139
-Hey, what's up, Ruben?
-Hey, what's... whoa.
55
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,517
-Take it easy, brother.
-Sorry, dude, we just met here.
56
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:05,560
All right.
57
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:07,311
Don't get chopped off.
You're early, aren't you?
58
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:08,437
You got it, bro.
59
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:11,524
[upbeat music]
[traffic sounds]
60
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:19,240
Thank you. How's it going? Good?
61
00:03:19,323 --> 00:03:21,284
[paper rustling]
[music continues]
62
00:03:21,325 --> 00:03:22,326
Very well.
63
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:23,828
There you go. Good luck.
64
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:24,996
Good.
65
00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:26,247
And enjoy it.
66
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:27,665
[woman] Next in line.
67
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:31,878
[music continues]
68
00:03:32,044 --> 00:03:34,046
So good to meet you.
69
00:03:34,088 --> 00:03:35,464
Well, thank you for coming.
70
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:37,633
Dude, you've changed my life.
71
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:39,218
That's the whole point.
72
00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:41,470
I used to live in
my parents' basement
73
00:03:41,637 --> 00:03:42,972
and only thing I'd score
74
00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:44,390
was my Xbox.
75
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,309
But now...
76
00:03:46,767 --> 00:03:48,352
I'm scoring with ladies.
77
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:51,647
That's great. Go get them.
78
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:53,774
[both laugh]
79
00:03:53,816 --> 00:03:54,817
[woman] Next.
80
00:03:54,942 --> 00:03:56,777
Holy shit.
81
00:03:57,695 --> 00:03:58,696
-Hi.
-Hi.
82
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,489
I can't believe it's really you.
83
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:01,574
It's really me.
84
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,326
I owe you so much.
85
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,287
Your book, has
helped me overcome this.
86
00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:08,706
Tiny penis?
87
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:09,749
What?
88
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:10,917
No!
89
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:14,003
I'm talking about
my lack of style.
90
00:04:14,086 --> 00:04:16,339
That's... I meant
your tiny lack of style.
91
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:17,882
-Yes.
-I don't know why I said penis.
92
00:04:18,090 --> 00:04:19,967
That's exactly,
I don't know why I said penis.
93
00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:21,636
-You're an asshole.
-I'm sorry.
94
00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:24,388
I'm... I'm sure
you're packing. I didn't...
95
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:25,765
Baby's arm holding an apple.
96
00:04:25,806 --> 00:04:26,807
Yeah.
97
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:30,394
-What are you doing?
-I don't know. It just came out.
98
00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:33,022
Hi.
99
00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:35,399
[music continues]
[traffic sounds]
100
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,443
What a collection
of losers today, huh?
101
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,903
-Worse than usual.
-Yeah.
102
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:40,655
OK. Those 'losers'
103
00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:42,114
are the reason you live
in a million dollar house
104
00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:43,783
and wear custom-made suits.
105
00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,868
Hey, it's OK,
I still love them, though.
106
00:04:46,118 --> 00:04:47,495
Hence the term, 'lovable loser'.
107
00:04:47,578 --> 00:04:49,080
Yeah. And hey,
hey, you know what?
108
00:04:49,121 --> 00:04:51,165
You should show the man
a little more respect here.
109
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:53,709
OK? He's making your company a
lot of green and you know what?
110
00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:56,212
We haven't signed the contract
for that third book yet. So...
111
00:04:56,295 --> 00:04:57,296
-Don't touch me...
-OK.
112
00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:58,339
It's OK, Steve.
113
00:04:58,422 --> 00:05:00,299
Polly here has a
right to her opinion.
114
00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:01,425
OK, it's Molly.
115
00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:04,303
But Steve is right.
116
00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:06,430
I was out of line.
It won't happen again.
117
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:07,515
It's all good, babe.
118
00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:08,599
It's all good, Molly.
119
00:05:09,183 --> 00:05:11,686
We sold over a hundred copies.
120
00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:13,020
That's great, Nana.
121
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:16,107
Yeah, those losers
really eat this shit up. Ha!
122
00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:17,859
What?
[both laugh]
123
00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:20,027
Here. I wrote my number in it.
124
00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:23,197
You want to get with a
real woman, give me a call.
125
00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:24,282
[growls]
126
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:27,034
[men laugh]
127
00:05:27,159 --> 00:05:28,160
What the...
128
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,538
Don't even think about it.
129
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,458
[music fades]
130
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:36,878
Hey, hey, listen.
I almost forgot.
131
00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:38,337
They asked me if
you want to participate
132
00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:40,131
in this charity fashion show.
133
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,174
-Really?
-Yeah.
134
00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,467
-How much would it pay?
-Nada. It's for charity.
135
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,219
But all the models
are gonna be celebs.
136
00:05:45,344 --> 00:05:46,762
-Oh, interesting.
-Yeah. Yeah.
137
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,222
It's gonna be
some big names there.
138
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,307
You know what?
139
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:51,017
Might allow me to
broaden my fishing pond.
140
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:52,185
[both laugh]
141
00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:54,061
And you've got
quite the pole, huh?
142
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:56,480
-Dude.
-I know.
143
00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:57,899
-That was...
-I know.
144
00:05:57,940 --> 00:05:58,941
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
145
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,067
-We won't--
-Don't worry.
146
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,028
I regretted the second
it came out of my mouth.
147
00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,071
Oh.
[car engine roars]
148
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,406
Hey! Wait a minute.
149
00:06:06,073 --> 00:06:08,326
Hey, don't forget about
this release party tonight!
150
00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:09,744
-Huh?
-I said don't forget...
151
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:10,369
[car engine roars]
152
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:11,996
You're an asshole.
[Eddie laughs]
153
00:06:12,079 --> 00:06:13,080
Asshole!
154
00:06:13,497 --> 00:06:14,498
You hear that?
155
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,126
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Yeah, get out of here.
156
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,794
Fancy car piece of shit.
157
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:22,048
[upbeat music]
158
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:35,895
Take care of it, buddy.
159
00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:39,023
[music continues]
160
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:58,209
-Edison Greenleaf.
-Jesus.
161
00:06:58,876 --> 00:06:59,877
Whoa.
162
00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:01,128
What?
163
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:02,922
Hello.
164
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,090
Hello.
165
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,717
Do I know--
How do you know my name?
166
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,427
Does it really matter?
167
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:13,224
Of... I'm a fool.
Of course, from the
jackets of my book. OK.
168
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,768
-You want an autograph?
-Look, Eddie...
169
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:19,021
I'm here to ask you something.
170
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,483
Yeah... you see,
I don't really carry cash.
171
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,402
I don't want your money.
172
00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:25,778
Then what do you want?
173
00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:28,739
You don't really
respect women, do you?
174
00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,950
I'm sorry, what?
[laughs]
175
00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:33,536
I-- did Steve Burns put
you up to this? Where is he?
176
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:35,329
Women are nothing but notches...
177
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,957
-on your bedpost!
-Yeah, my bedpost.
178
00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:41,002
In fact, I don't even
have bedposts on my bed, so...
179
00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:44,297
That's a metaphor, Eddie.
180
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:46,132
A metaphor...
181
00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:48,092
Oh, I get...
182
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,802
I'm being punked, aren't I?
183
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:50,845
This is brilliant!
184
00:07:50,928 --> 00:07:53,472
Where? Where are they?
All right, you can come out
now. Where's the film crew?
185
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,766
There's no film crew, Eddie!
186
00:07:56,809 --> 00:08:00,271
All right. You know, I'm tired
of this. No more games, OK?
187
00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:02,273
Then give me what I'm here for.
188
00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:04,025
And what are you here for?
189
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:05,359
Kiss me.
190
00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,069
Jeez, I don't think
that's gonna happen.
191
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:10,364
Prove to me that you can
see the beauty in all women.
192
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,033
The beauty beneath the surface.
193
00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:13,910
-Kiss me!
-All right.
194
00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:15,953
No offense,
you crazy old bat, but
195
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,997
I'd rather my dick
dropped off, all right?
196
00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:21,000
-What a--
-Suit yourself.
197
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,836
[mysterious sound]
198
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,964
[contemporary music]
199
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,313
Yeah, so, ah, Molly, listen.
200
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:43,898
-I, uhh--
-Too close.
201
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:44,941
OK.
202
00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:47,652
You're doing that thing kids
do when they like each other--
203
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:48,694
No.
204
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,029
Well, OK, then.
205
00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:51,197
How about we talk business.
206
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,324
Maybe a few
strawberry daiquiris,
discuss that third contract.
207
00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:54,325
What do you say?
208
00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:55,409
[groans] Oh, god.
209
00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:59,080
[music continues]
210
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:03,960
And then, two of
my eight cats, they got
in this really big fight.
211
00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,378
-All right.
-It was just horrible.
212
00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:07,338
I ended up having to
take Mr. Muggles to the vet
213
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,465
and then we had to put
him down. Sorry, I can't talk.
214
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:10,967
All right, I'm
really happy for you.
215
00:09:11,008 --> 00:09:14,095
[music continues]
216
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:18,975
I thought super-models were
required to be anorexic, but
217
00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,269
you look just so
goddamn healthy.
218
00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:22,937
Wait.
219
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:24,730
Are you saying that I look fat?
220
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,440
No, no, that's
not what I'm saying.
221
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,276
I'm saying you
look really healthy.
222
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:29,944
Oh my god.
223
00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:32,864
I shouldn't have eaten
this puffy cheese thing.
224
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,199
Don't be so hard on yourself,
you know. You're only human.
225
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:36,492
Humans are flawed.
226
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,370
Wait, are you
saying I have flaws?
227
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:40,746
No, I'm saying that
228
00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:42,290
I think you're gorgeous.
229
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:44,750
Just don't worry about what
anybody else thinks about you.
230
00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:46,961
Wait. You say people
are talking about me?
231
00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:49,505
Well, you know what
these bitches are like.
232
00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,591
[music continues]
233
00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:59,098
We should think about,
getting out of here soon.
234
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,683
It's getting a little, umm...
235
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:02,351
a little toxic, I think.
236
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:03,644
Tell me about it.
237
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,062
-Uhh.
-Umm.
238
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,272
Uhh?
239
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,356
Hey, umm...
240
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,400
would you like to
come back to my place?
241
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,110
It's like five minutes away.
242
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:13,404
Really, uhh...
243
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:14,822
Oh...
244
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:16,782
Early start in
the morning, uhh...
245
00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:18,284
Oh, please?
246
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:20,203
Well...
247
00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:22,580
I promise to make
it worth your while.
248
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,874
[fast-paced music]
249
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,626
Well, if you insist.
250
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,127
[chuckling]
251
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,546
Let's get out of here quick.
252
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,633
[fast-paced music]
253
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,301
[loud moans]
254
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,598
No. On the bed.
255
00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:04,038
[music continues]
256
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:34,861
[gasps]
What the fuck?
257
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:38,197
[mysterious music]
258
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:39,240
[gasps]
259
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:41,367
Oh my god.
260
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:42,577
Can't be.
261
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:47,206
[mysterious music]
262
00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:48,583
I must be dreaming.
263
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,171
[groans]
264
00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:58,467
[gasps]
265
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:02,430
[rustling]
266
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:06,100
[door creaking]
267
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:11,898
Where are you going?
268
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,775
[light switch clicks]
[gasps]
269
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:16,819
[door closes]
270
00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:20,531
[cellphone buzzing]
271
00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:22,617
Come on, come on.
272
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:24,952
[cellphone buzzing]
273
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:28,748
[grunts]
274
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,752
[sighs]
275
00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:35,046
Hello?
276
00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,380
Steve!
277
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,216
You need to get to
my place right away.
278
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:39,509
Who is this?
279
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:41,552
It's Eddie, dumb-ass.
280
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,930
Really? Who is this?
281
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,264
Umm...
282
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,683
you just need to get to Eddie's
place as soon as you can.
283
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,768
Why?
284
00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:50,353
Uhh...
285
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:53,272
because he wants you
to join us in a threesome.
286
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,982
Really?
[grunts]
287
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:57,735
He's never asked me that before.
288
00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,320
Are you in or what?
289
00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:01,364
I'm in! I'm in! I'm in!
290
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:02,490
I'm in.
291
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,116
[sighs]
292
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:06,285
[sighs]
293
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:09,580
[fast-paced music]
294
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:30,643
[music fades]
295
00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:44,407
[knocks on door]
296
00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:45,449
About time.
297
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:46,993
[knocking on door]
298
00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:49,871
[knocking on door]
299
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:51,622
[door opens]
300
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,665
What?
301
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:53,875
[laughs]
302
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,835
Wow.
[door closes]
303
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,086
Huh, look at you.
304
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:58,504
Well.
305
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,840
Your stud service has arrived.
306
00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:02,466
Huh?
307
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:03,593
I studied Goju Kai karate.
308
00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:04,635
Ha!
309
00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:05,720
Kai,
310
00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:07,054
by the way.
311
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,973
Yeah. Uhh...
312
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,474
So, where is he?
313
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:11,642
Where's Eddie?
314
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,186
Funny thing about that.
315
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:14,979
Eddie?
316
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:16,647
You back here?
317
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:18,649
So where's he?
318
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,026
It's me, Steve. Eddie.
319
00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,153
[laughs]
OK.
320
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:23,487
Yeah?
321
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:24,614
Eddie?
322
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:25,656
You back here?
323
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:28,326
Uhh, he's standing
right in front of you.
324
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:29,952
OK. I get it.
325
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,204
You're hot.
326
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,539
I don't know
what's going on here, but
327
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,541
but if you don't
tell me where Eddie is
328
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:36,876
I'm gonna have to call the cops.
329
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,377
OK, listen to me, Steve.
330
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,421
I really don't
know what happened.
331
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:42,965
Last night I fell
asleep and when I woke up
332
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,300
I was this.
333
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,344
Have it your way.
334
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:49,514
Beth McDonald.
335
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:53,851
What was that?
336
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:55,478
Your crush in middle school.
337
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,688
Beth McDonald,
the one that got away.
338
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,857
OK. Eddie's the
only one who knows that.
339
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:00,942
See?
340
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:03,236
All that proves is
that he told you about her.
341
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,279
OK, how about Jessica Levine?
342
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:08,074
You lost your virginity
to her in tenth grade
343
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,867
and cried like a little baby.
344
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,953
That's cause she bit my dick!
345
00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:15,748
Wait. OK,
what's go-- Did... did...
346
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,875
Did he tell you
my whole life story?
347
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,544
Steve. It's me.
348
00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:22,338
Eddie. Stuck
inside a chick's body.
349
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,381
[sighs]
350
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:24,590
Come on.
351
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,008
[sighs]
352
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,052
OK.
353
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,179
Fine. If you're
Eddie, tell me this
354
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,306
Two years ago,
we took a trip to Vegas.
355
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,600
We got really drunk
with some strippers
356
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,978
and they dared us to do
something really disgusting.
357
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,354
The next day we swore...
358
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:41,357
we swore we would
never talk about it again.
359
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:43,526
-Really?
-Yeah.
360
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:44,861
Really, Steve?
361
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,405
You're gonna make
me say this out loud?
362
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:48,489
Hey.
363
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,699
If you're Eddie...
364
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:51,993
well, you'd know all about it.
365
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:53,953
[sighs]
366
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,497
OK, we gave
each other hand jobs.
367
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:58,082
Uhh...
368
00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,625
excuse me, what was that?
369
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,838
We gave each other hand jobs.
370
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,006
Are you happy?
371
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,048
What?
372
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:07,258
Eddie?
373
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:09,802
I just puked in my mouth.
374
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:11,721
Wait a minute.
375
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:12,930
Wait a minute. Eddie.
376
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,891
This is impossible.
I mean, how...
377
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:16,350
[muttering]
378
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:17,560
How did this happen?
379
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:19,228
I don't know.
380
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,689
Like I said, I fell
asleep at Alexa's last night
381
00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:23,107
after banging her up and down
382
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:24,400
and when I woke up
383
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:25,735
I was a chick.
384
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:32,533
Well...
385
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:34,410
at least you're hot.
386
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:35,828
Shut the fuck up.
387
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:37,455
Wait.
388
00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:39,790
-You think I'm hot?
-Oh yeah, I do.
389
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:42,043
So you would have
sex with me, knowing it's me,
390
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,085
Eddie,
391
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,253
inside this body?
392
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,756
Hey, after Vegas,
what have I got to lose?
393
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:49,050
-Good point.
-Right?
394
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,260
So, if you don't mind, can I...
395
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,387
-See the whole package, maybe?
-What?
396
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,889
You know, minus the clothes.
397
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,807
Dude, I am not taking
my clothes off for you.
398
00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:58,184
OK, fine. Be that way.
399
00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,352
I have to say
400
00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:01,145
my breasts are really perky.
401
00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:04,315
[dream music]
402
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:08,361
Steve!
403
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:11,656
[music continues]
404
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:14,283
Steve!
405
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:16,410
[slap]
[screams]
406
00:17:16,494 --> 00:17:17,578
I'm a First Dan.
407
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,205
[slap]
OK.
408
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:21,624
I said, we need to
figure out what happened to me.
409
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:22,667
OK.
410
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:24,669
Jesus.
411
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:30,967
OK.
412
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,343
Let's figure this out.
413
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:34,887
Let's think about
the last 24 hours, yeah?
414
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,931
-You had the book signing.
-Yeah.
415
00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:38,933
You had the release party.
416
00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,518
You had sex with a super-model.
417
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,561
Nothing unusual.
418
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:42,645
OK, then.
419
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:43,896
-Wait.
-What?
420
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:45,773
The homeless woman.
421
00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:47,191
You had sex
with a homeless woman?
422
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,526
No, dumb-ass.
423
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:51,237
I was outside the
building before the party.
424
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,030
And this homeless
woman came up to me.
425
00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:54,574
She knew my name, said...
426
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,158
said, I don't respect women,
427
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:58,786
didn't see their inner
beauty, some shit like that.
428
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,913
Then, she asked me to kiss her.
429
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:02,164
Wow, how was that?
430
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,626
That's the thing.
I mean, I blew her off.
431
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,295
She was fucking hideous.
432
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:11,632
I would've fucked her.
433
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:14,510
Twice.
434
00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:17,555
She must have put a spell on me.
435
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,223
That's the only
thing that makes sense.
436
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:20,308
OK.
437
00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:21,475
OK. So...
438
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,020
we are looking
for a homeless woman
439
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,688
with magical powers.
440
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,274
I mean...
I don't know. I guess so.
441
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:29,817
Maybe she was a witch.
442
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,694
-A witch?
-Did she have a broom?
443
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,154
-No.
-OK.
444
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:34,572
But...
445
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,908
she did have a
really big walking stick.
446
00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:37,992
Her magic wand!
447
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,161
Kind of magic wand, yeah.
448
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,245
Right. Well...
449
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,290
with all these magical powers,
why was she still so ugly?
450
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:45,833
-What?
-I mean, the first thing you do
451
00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,084
is make yourself hot, right?
452
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,586
What's that got
to do with anything?
453
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,087
Ah. Wait a minute. No!
454
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:51,297
Because if she was hot
455
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,090
it would have been
easy for you to kiss her.
456
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,383
My god, this lady is slick.
457
00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:56,677
Gotta tell you, if she was
here, I'd give her some props.
458
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:57,762
You're an idi--
459
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:00,890
-That's it.
-What?
460
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:02,767
We have to find her.
461
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,435
I mean, if she
turned me into a chick
462
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,229
then she can turn me back again.
463
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,438
Wait a minute. Listen to me.
464
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,233
You know how hard
it's gonna be to find
a homeless woman in this city?
465
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,068
Like trying to find
a virgin in a whorehouse.
466
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:13,402
OK, listen to me, Steve.
467
00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:14,570
We either find her
468
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:17,073
or I'm stuck as a chick
for I don't know how long.
469
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,157
Maybe forever.
470
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:20,409
Doesn't worry me,
because you're kind of hot.
471
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,494
Dude!
472
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:22,620
Me and you
473
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:23,913
not gonna happen.
474
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,915
[upbeat music]
475
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:28,000
Not until I slip
you a few mickeys.
476
00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:30,670
I still say, if
she had magic powers
477
00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:32,171
she'd use them
not to be homeless.
478
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:35,383
Or, maybe searching
for her in homeless
shelters is part of the test.
479
00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:37,051
Yeah, but not the fun part.
480
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:40,179
[music continues]
481
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:46,811
Can I help you?
482
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:49,105
Yeah, hi, we're trying
to find a homeless woman.
483
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,773
This is a homeless shelter.
484
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,024
We have about 40 of them.
485
00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:53,234
She's really old.
486
00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:54,861
There's about 30 of them.
487
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,070
She's really ugly.
488
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,073
Look, this is really important.
489
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:00,950
You see...
490
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,536
I think she took
something of mine.
491
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,580
So let me get this straight.
492
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:08,207
Some poor old homeless woman
493
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,459
who's probably
struggling to survive
494
00:20:10,585 --> 00:20:12,003
took something from you.
495
00:20:13,254 --> 00:20:14,255
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
496
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,132
So what do you want me to do?
497
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,676
I make our clients
line up so you can pick her out?
498
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:20,219
Oh my god,
that would be so great.
499
00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:21,304
-Yeah.
-Thank you.
500
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:22,722
[shelter worker laughs]
501
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:25,183
Have you ever
heard of sarcasm, skippy?
502
00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:29,729
That shit ain't happening.
503
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,647
Well, can we
at least have a look around?
504
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,608
No, you can't be
looking around in here.
505
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:35,318
OK, what do you expect us to do?
506
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:36,861
What I expect you to do
507
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,696
is to take your skinny
508
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:40,948
sorry asses and
get up outta here before I--
509
00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:42,033
Tonya...
510
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:43,993
what's going on here?
511
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:48,998
These two claim that a
homeless woman stole from them.
512
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:51,417
And they want us
to line up our clients
513
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:53,461
like a bunch of criminals
so they can pick her out.
514
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,338
Well, that's not exactly true.
515
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,548
Hi, I'm Jess White.
516
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,674
I'm the manager.
517
00:20:58,758 --> 00:20:59,759
Hi, I'm Ed...
518
00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:01,802
...na Greenleaf.
519
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,680
So why don't you tell
me what's going on here?
520
00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:07,642
OK, the other night,
I ran into this homeless
woman on the street.
521
00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:09,060
She was really ugly.
522
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:10,811
Anyway,
523
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:13,022
I think she might have
taken something of mine.
524
00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:14,065
I see.
525
00:21:14,315 --> 00:21:15,316
Yep.
526
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:18,528
And, what would that be?
If you don't mind my asking.
527
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:23,241
-It was, uhh...
-Her identity.
528
00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:26,285
She took your identity?
529
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:29,497
Oh, it's...
kind of hard to explain.
530
00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:32,041
You... you mean your ID?
531
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,459
That's right. Her ID.
532
00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:36,504
Oh, well, I guess I can
see why you'd want that back.
533
00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:38,130
-Yeah, I know, right?
-So, umm...
534
00:21:38,214 --> 00:21:39,465
can you describe her for me?
535
00:21:39,549 --> 00:21:42,176
Yeah, umm, she's
about 80 years old, with this
536
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:45,346
wild, grey hair, and
this really big crooked nose.
537
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:46,722
Tell her about
the walking stick.
538
00:21:46,764 --> 00:21:48,891
Oh yeah, she had this
massive wooden walking stick.
539
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:50,184
Yeah, like a magic wand.
540
00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:53,187
-Like a magic wand?
-Uhuh.
541
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:55,106
What a plain Jane, huh?
542
00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:56,899
Yeah, I know.
You should have asked her out.
543
00:21:56,983 --> 00:21:58,359
What? She was a five at best.
544
00:21:58,442 --> 00:22:00,111
Yeah, but
together you'd make a ten.
545
00:22:00,194 --> 00:22:01,279
You're an asshole.
546
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:04,156
Five shelters
and no sign of her.
547
00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,908
Buddy, I've got
to tell you I'm starvin marvin,
548
00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:07,118
you know what I'm saying?
549
00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:09,078
This may be
harder than I thought.
550
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:12,248
[sighs]
[door closes]
551
00:22:12,290 --> 00:22:13,291
Look, uhh...
552
00:22:13,875 --> 00:22:16,252
maybe we should eat something.
Maybe get a little Thai food?
553
00:22:16,294 --> 00:22:17,295
-Maybe, just a--
-What?
554
00:22:17,378 --> 00:22:19,297
Some Thai food.
Man, I'm starving, come on.
555
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,339
Sure. Whatever.
556
00:22:22,133 --> 00:22:23,134
OK.
557
00:22:23,968 --> 00:22:24,969
OK.
558
00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:28,139
Look. Listen to me.
559
00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:30,433
We will find
this homeless woman.
560
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:31,601
This witch.
561
00:22:31,642 --> 00:22:33,769
Whatever it is you think
she is, we will find her.
562
00:22:33,811 --> 00:22:35,605
Yeah, but what
do I do until then?
563
00:22:35,646 --> 00:22:36,939
I'm a chick, Steve.
564
00:22:39,192 --> 00:22:40,193
[sighs]
565
00:22:41,944 --> 00:22:43,154
Well, you know what?
566
00:22:43,654 --> 00:22:45,406
-Embrace it.
-Embrace it?
567
00:22:45,573 --> 00:22:46,574
Yes, Eddie.
568
00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:47,950
Embrace it.
569
00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:50,703
I mean, come on,
Eddie, think about it.
570
00:22:50,745 --> 00:22:53,956
A chance for you to see what
it's like on the other side.
571
00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:56,334
Right? Embrace that!
572
00:22:58,252 --> 00:22:59,253
And, hey...
573
00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:03,674
it may be a good time
to do a little research
for your third book.
574
00:23:05,510 --> 00:23:06,511
Yeah.
575
00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:07,720
-Hmm.
-There you go.
576
00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:08,888
Yeah.
577
00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:10,556
I'm starving. Going to eat.
578
00:23:10,598 --> 00:23:13,643
[fast-paced music]
579
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,156
Good morning.
How can I help you?
580
00:23:27,198 --> 00:23:28,366
Hey, guys. Ma'am.
581
00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:29,700
Umm, look.
582
00:23:29,784 --> 00:23:31,827
We're here to get my
sister here some chick clothes.
583
00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:34,539
He, she needs
a little of everything.
584
00:23:35,206 --> 00:23:37,416
Fabulous.
You've come right place.
585
00:23:37,708 --> 00:23:38,793
What is size?
586
00:23:38,835 --> 00:23:40,086
Uhh, 32 regular.
587
00:23:41,295 --> 00:23:42,547
Ha, just kidding.
588
00:23:42,713 --> 00:23:43,714
Umm...
589
00:23:43,798 --> 00:23:44,799
I'm a size...
590
00:23:45,258 --> 00:23:46,926
-Two?
-Yeah, sure, two.
591
00:23:47,009 --> 00:23:48,010
Great.
592
00:23:48,052 --> 00:23:49,053
OK.
593
00:23:49,136 --> 00:23:52,181
[music continues]
594
00:23:55,101 --> 00:23:56,102
So, uhh...
595
00:23:56,519 --> 00:23:58,646
you guys are from Russia, right?
596
00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:00,314
Da, Moscow.
597
00:24:00,481 --> 00:24:02,358
[laughs]
Da . Cool.
598
00:24:03,234 --> 00:24:04,235
In winter
599
00:24:04,318 --> 00:24:05,736
is so cold
600
00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:07,572
we pray, global warming.
601
00:24:07,655 --> 00:24:08,656
[laughs]
602
00:24:08,906 --> 00:24:09,907
Hell, no.
603
00:24:10,199 --> 00:24:11,409
Oh, something wrong?
604
00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:14,203
Yeah, this is messed up.
605
00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:15,454
Wrong size?
606
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,081
You tell me.
607
00:24:18,124 --> 00:24:19,125
[sighs]
608
00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:21,252
Holy shit.
609
00:24:21,836 --> 00:24:22,962
Looks a good fit.
610
00:24:23,045 --> 00:24:27,091
So it's supposed to feel
like someone's cutting you in
half with a rusty butter knife?
611
00:24:27,133 --> 00:24:28,217
Da, pretty much.
612
00:24:29,135 --> 00:24:30,761
I mean, I have to admit...
613
00:24:31,637 --> 00:24:33,848
I do like how this
displays the goods.
614
00:24:33,973 --> 00:24:35,933
Perky, like pair of chipmunks.
615
00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:37,602
[nervous laugh]
616
00:24:38,060 --> 00:24:39,562
Steve, what do you think?
617
00:24:39,896 --> 00:24:40,897
Marry me.
618
00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:42,356
Oh, shut the fuck up.
619
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:43,816
No, I'm serious. Marry me.
620
00:24:43,858 --> 00:24:45,735
Because you and I,
we make a great couple.
621
00:24:45,818 --> 00:24:47,445
What happens when I
go through the change?
622
00:24:47,528 --> 00:24:49,280
I'm not giving you
any more hand jobs.
623
00:24:49,363 --> 00:24:52,783
[sputtering]
She's really not my sister.
624
00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:54,285
Americans.
625
00:24:54,368 --> 00:24:57,496
No, no, no, she's actually
a little more like my brother.
626
00:24:57,580 --> 00:24:58,581
I'm sorry, Eddie.
627
00:24:58,664 --> 00:25:01,584
But, you mind turning
around and give me a
little bit of that rusty butter?
628
00:25:01,626 --> 00:25:03,586
You're an idiot.
[music continues]
629
00:25:04,295 --> 00:25:05,296
OK.
630
00:25:05,630 --> 00:25:08,633
[fast-paced music]
631
00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:16,182
♪ Oh my, oh my ♪
632
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:29,320
♪ You really got my attention ♪
633
00:25:31,489 --> 00:25:34,450
♪ You made me stop
What I was doing ♪
634
00:25:36,452 --> 00:25:39,580
♪ You made me
Look in your direction ♪
635
00:25:39,664 --> 00:25:40,665
♪ Yeah ♪
636
00:25:41,082 --> 00:25:42,083
[music fades]
637
00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:44,293
Hey, Eddy.
638
00:25:44,502 --> 00:25:45,795
How're you doing, man?
639
00:25:45,878 --> 00:25:47,547
-Yeah, good to see you.
-Nice to see you.
640
00:25:47,672 --> 00:25:50,007
Eddy, Ed... Edna. Edna, Eddy.
641
00:25:50,174 --> 00:25:52,468
Edna, my pleasure.
Ooh, firm handshake.
642
00:25:52,635 --> 00:25:55,054
Buddy, she needs
the works. What do you think?
643
00:25:55,137 --> 00:25:56,722
I mean, give her
the works and put your--
644
00:25:56,764 --> 00:25:58,724
We don't need to do
much. We'll just do her hair.
645
00:25:58,766 --> 00:25:59,767
Right, right.
646
00:25:59,851 --> 00:26:02,061
I got an amazing
hair stylist, my wife.
647
00:26:02,144 --> 00:26:03,145
-Your wife?
-Your wife?
648
00:26:03,229 --> 00:26:06,399
She's the best.
Yeah, she's amazing.
You will be more than happy.
649
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,526
That's wonderful, Eddy,
thank you. Thank you so much.
650
00:26:08,609 --> 00:26:09,610
Sweetie.
651
00:26:09,986 --> 00:26:11,946
Come on out, baby.
Someone to meet somebody.
652
00:26:11,988 --> 00:26:14,323
You snapped.
You know what that means?
653
00:26:14,365 --> 00:26:15,783
-I know, I know.
-Excited.
654
00:26:15,867 --> 00:26:16,868
Right?
655
00:26:17,618 --> 00:26:19,745
Edna, this is James.
656
00:26:20,162 --> 00:26:21,247
Edna, James.
657
00:26:21,539 --> 00:26:23,457
-The best.
-Welcome to our salon.
658
00:26:23,541 --> 00:26:25,585
-Only the best.
-Eddy James he starts, I finish.
659
00:26:25,626 --> 00:26:26,794
Always a happy ending.
660
00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:28,379
Well... [laughs]
661
00:26:29,255 --> 00:26:30,590
So are we doing
anything with him?
662
00:26:30,673 --> 00:26:31,674
I'm fine.
663
00:26:31,716 --> 00:26:34,218
-It's all about her.
-It's her today, baby.
664
00:26:36,053 --> 00:26:37,054
-No, no, no.
-Don't.
665
00:26:37,138 --> 00:26:39,140
-Come on, not today.
-Don't even, start with it.
666
00:26:39,182 --> 00:26:40,183
Me, not today?
667
00:26:40,266 --> 00:26:42,643
You snap and look at him,
the way you just looked at him-
668
00:26:42,685 --> 00:26:44,645
-No, it's really about her.
-Yeah.
669
00:26:44,937 --> 00:26:47,023
Which is why
I'm having a co-- ex--
670
00:26:47,064 --> 00:26:48,566
-a conversation--
-I'm sorry.
671
00:26:48,649 --> 00:26:49,650
with my husband.
672
00:26:49,692 --> 00:26:50,693
You're flirting.
673
00:26:50,776 --> 00:26:53,905
Oh, no, I'm not, babe.
You know you're the one for me.
674
00:26:56,324 --> 00:26:57,575
-Anyways.
-I'm sorry.
675
00:26:57,658 --> 00:26:59,076
Yes, that's what I need.
676
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:00,286
And enough of that.
677
00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:01,996
Sweetheart, listen,
let's get you started.
678
00:27:02,079 --> 00:27:03,998
Don't worry about this.
That's between him and I.
679
00:27:04,081 --> 00:27:05,374
We'll take care
of you just fine.
680
00:27:05,416 --> 00:27:08,169
You're in good hands,
magic hands. Come with me.
681
00:27:08,461 --> 00:27:09,462
Do your magic.
682
00:27:09,545 --> 00:27:10,546
You know I do.
683
00:27:11,339 --> 00:27:12,715
[sighs] So...
684
00:27:13,216 --> 00:27:14,759
when the husband snaps
685
00:27:14,884 --> 00:27:17,553
I have magic to perform. So...
686
00:27:17,803 --> 00:27:19,639
I am gonna give you a little...
687
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:21,015
Oh, gosh, I don't know.
688
00:27:21,098 --> 00:27:22,183
You know what I'm gonna do?
689
00:27:22,266 --> 00:27:23,226
I'm gonna give you more waves
690
00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:24,685
than a Hawaiian surf
competition,
691
00:27:24,769 --> 00:27:25,937
how does that sound?
692
00:27:26,020 --> 00:27:28,940
[hair dryer whirring]
693
00:27:29,815 --> 00:27:31,108
-Steve!
-Yo?
694
00:27:31,442 --> 00:27:32,527
What do you think?
695
00:27:34,612 --> 00:27:35,988
That's hot. Hot.
696
00:27:36,447 --> 00:27:37,657
It is hot, Steve.
697
00:27:38,032 --> 00:27:39,158
I mean, look at her
698
00:27:39,325 --> 00:27:40,576
but then look at you.
699
00:27:41,536 --> 00:27:43,204
How about I do
you next, handsome?
700
00:27:43,287 --> 00:27:44,705
OK, I'm good.
701
00:27:45,873 --> 00:27:47,333
-Come on, Steve.
-Come on, Steve.
702
00:27:47,416 --> 00:27:48,793
Let James work his magic.
703
00:27:48,835 --> 00:27:49,836
I'm good.
704
00:27:49,919 --> 00:27:50,920
Steve...
705
00:27:50,962 --> 00:27:52,547
I promise I won't hurt you.
706
00:27:52,630 --> 00:27:53,798
-[nervous chuckle]
-Ah!
707
00:27:53,965 --> 00:27:55,383
Unless you want me to...
708
00:27:55,675 --> 00:27:56,676
OK.
709
00:27:58,052 --> 00:27:59,095
Is it gonna hurt?
710
00:27:59,345 --> 00:28:00,388
Oh, don't worry.
711
00:28:00,429 --> 00:28:02,515
It's like giving
head to a babushka.
712
00:28:02,598 --> 00:28:03,683
Hmm? OK.
713
00:28:04,225 --> 00:28:05,226
One.
714
00:28:05,518 --> 00:28:06,519
Two.
715
00:28:06,686 --> 00:28:07,353
Three!
[ripping sound]
716
00:28:07,436 --> 00:28:08,020
[Edna screams]
717
00:28:08,104 --> 00:28:09,146
[screams]
718
00:28:09,188 --> 00:28:12,233
[fast-paced music]
[panting]
719
00:28:18,072 --> 00:28:19,282
He-- she deserves it.
720
00:28:19,490 --> 00:28:21,200
[music continues]
721
00:28:34,797 --> 00:28:35,798
[door opens]
722
00:28:36,215 --> 00:28:37,216
OK.
723
00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:40,178
Last time I'm
shopping with you, pal.
724
00:28:41,345 --> 00:28:42,346
Here we go.
725
00:28:43,639 --> 00:28:44,640
[sighs]
726
00:28:44,765 --> 00:28:46,517
Look, I gotta get
back to the office.
727
00:28:46,559 --> 00:28:47,602
But listen to me.
728
00:28:47,643 --> 00:28:50,354
I'm meeting Molly
at the GC Marketplace.
729
00:28:50,438 --> 00:28:53,191
We're gonna discuss the
contract of your third book, so
730
00:28:53,274 --> 00:28:55,401
if you care to
join us for a drink...
731
00:28:56,194 --> 00:28:57,570
I'm not hitting on you.
732
00:28:57,653 --> 00:28:59,530
-Right...
-Eddie, look, I get it.
733
00:28:59,572 --> 00:29:01,532
You're Eddie, you're
not Edna. I get that.
734
00:29:01,616 --> 00:29:02,617
-Uhuh.
-I mean...
735
00:29:02,700 --> 00:29:04,619
I must have lost my mind, I mean
736
00:29:04,744 --> 00:29:05,870
you think about it.
737
00:29:05,953 --> 00:29:08,122
The situation's
a little scary, right?
738
00:29:08,414 --> 00:29:10,791
-Yeah, you can say that again.
-OK, so...
739
00:29:11,334 --> 00:29:13,211
we talked about
this. Embrace it.
740
00:29:13,294 --> 00:29:14,295
-Uhuh.
-Maybe
741
00:29:14,337 --> 00:29:15,963
see what it's like
on the other side.
742
00:29:16,047 --> 00:29:17,215
-OK, you're right.
-Cool.
743
00:29:17,298 --> 00:29:18,299
And maybe...
744
00:29:18,424 --> 00:29:20,426
wear the slinky black dress with
the high heels and the thong.
745
00:29:21,093 --> 00:29:24,096
[fast-paced music]
746
00:29:33,481 --> 00:29:36,484
[men whooping]
747
00:29:36,567 --> 00:29:39,654
[upbeat music]
748
00:30:00,967 --> 00:30:04,011
[music continues]
749
00:30:09,392 --> 00:30:11,519
[music slows]
750
00:30:20,236 --> 00:30:21,237
[locker opens]
751
00:30:35,084 --> 00:30:36,085
Hello.
752
00:30:36,919 --> 00:30:37,920
Hi.
753
00:30:38,713 --> 00:30:39,755
Are you new here?
754
00:30:40,673 --> 00:30:42,675
Yeah, I'm all new.
755
00:30:44,385 --> 00:30:46,262
I've never seen you here before.
756
00:30:46,804 --> 00:30:48,806
Can you put some lotion on my
back, please?
757
00:30:48,890 --> 00:30:49,891
OK.
758
00:30:52,393 --> 00:30:53,728
Rub me really good.
759
00:30:53,769 --> 00:30:56,856
[fast-paced upbeat music]
760
00:31:12,288 --> 00:31:13,289
[panting]
761
00:31:15,875 --> 00:31:18,586
-Problem with the machine?
-No, problem with these.
762
00:31:19,295 --> 00:31:21,797
-Not used to running with them.
-You just get them done?
763
00:31:22,673 --> 00:31:25,426
-Yeah, you can say that.
-Well kudos to your doctor.
764
00:31:25,510 --> 00:31:27,512
-They look totally natural.
-You think so?
765
00:31:27,553 --> 00:31:28,888
Yeah, yeah.
I mean that I’d have to feel
766
00:31:28,930 --> 00:31:30,973
-them to know for sure.
-Excuse me?
767
00:31:31,349 --> 00:31:32,725
Yeah.
What do you say after work out,
768
00:31:32,767 --> 00:31:36,437
-we go back to my place, huh?
-Unbelievable.
769
00:31:37,438 --> 00:31:40,900
-Come on, babe.
-I have a penis!
770
00:31:40,983 --> 00:31:41,984
[fun music]
771
00:31:58,459 --> 00:32:00,628
[Frank] Well, so,
I end my set.
772
00:32:00,670 --> 00:32:03,589
I walked off the stage and
started looking for this
young lady.
773
00:32:03,673 --> 00:32:07,468
Well, she’s sitting at this bar,
just like you.
774
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:09,554
And then I walked up holding
775
00:32:09,595 --> 00:32:13,349
this panties, and I say,
"I think this belong to you."
776
00:32:15,643 --> 00:32:18,521
And she says, "Actually,"
but starts laughing though,
777
00:32:18,604 --> 00:32:22,275
"Actually, they are gift
for my grandmother."
778
00:32:22,483 --> 00:32:24,986
So after taking a look at
them, I realized--
779
00:32:25,111 --> 00:32:27,572
-They are granny panties.
-Yeah, big ones.
780
00:32:29,907 --> 00:32:31,284
Well anyway, you’ve got
my number.
781
00:32:31,784 --> 00:32:33,786
Alright, so give me a call.
I’ll see you, gorgeous.
782
00:32:36,414 --> 00:32:38,082
Wait a minute, aren’t you
Frank Stallone?
783
00:32:38,165 --> 00:32:39,166
Sure, kid.
784
00:32:40,626 --> 00:32:42,253
-Who is that guy?
-Frank Stallone.
785
00:32:42,336 --> 00:32:44,463
Right. I knew it.
He doesn’t remember me.
786
00:32:44,630 --> 00:32:46,757
We had this night, I mean,
it was dark and he...
787
00:32:47,133 --> 00:32:50,720
he was... he-- he--
I'll tell you about it some
other time.
788
00:32:50,803 --> 00:32:52,013
Back to business, beautiful.
I just--
789
00:32:52,054 --> 00:32:55,558
-Not gonna happen.
-As in not gonna happen?
790
00:32:55,641 --> 00:32:58,895
-Ever.
-As in never?
791
00:32:58,978 --> 00:33:01,814
Ever. Ever. Ever.
792
00:33:03,316 --> 00:33:05,234
-So I guess that’s a no.
-I would rather die.
793
00:33:05,735 --> 00:33:08,571
Okay.
Get to the point next time.
794
00:33:08,863 --> 00:33:10,615
[upbeat music]
795
00:33:26,506 --> 00:33:29,884
-Holy shit!
-Hi, Molly Morrison.
796
00:33:30,134 --> 00:33:32,220
-Edna Greenleaf.
-Greenleaf?
797
00:33:32,803 --> 00:33:35,973
-Yeah, I am Eddie’s sister.
-Oh!
798
00:33:36,974 --> 00:33:39,560
-Nice to meet you.
-Very nice to meet you.
799
00:33:39,644 --> 00:33:43,231
She is great, great, great.
What the fuck did you do?
800
00:33:44,398 --> 00:33:46,025
What happened sweetheart?
Just a little...
801
00:33:46,108 --> 00:33:47,485
I had a little bit trouble,
you know?
802
00:33:47,527 --> 00:33:50,238
-A little bit?
-Don’t wear makeup much?
803
00:33:50,738 --> 00:33:54,325
It’s my first time.
I mean, me and Eddie,
804
00:33:54,617 --> 00:33:57,036
-we are from Amish country.
-More like clownish country.
805
00:33:57,995 --> 00:34:00,331
-Again.
-Interesting.
806
00:34:00,414 --> 00:34:03,876
No. Hey, look.
What is interesting, ladies.
807
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,711
We don’t care about you.
Go this way.
808
00:34:05,753 --> 00:34:07,922
Okay, umm...
what are we doing?
809
00:34:10,174 --> 00:34:13,135
You ever heard of Van...
D... Gogh.
810
00:34:14,595 --> 00:34:16,472
He’s got no ears!
What do you know.
811
00:34:17,223 --> 00:34:19,559
Hey, how are you guys doing?
Hey dreamboat.
812
00:34:21,352 --> 00:34:23,187
NO, not you, shipwreck.
I was taking to...
813
00:34:23,271 --> 00:34:24,272
[music continues]
814
00:34:36,158 --> 00:34:38,786
-What took you guys so long?
-Rome wasn’t built a day.
815
00:34:38,911 --> 00:34:40,872
What the fuck does that have
to do with anything?
816
00:34:41,873 --> 00:34:45,459
Rome. I like that show.
I watch that show.
817
00:34:46,085 --> 00:34:47,128
Drink?
Let me get the drink.
818
00:34:52,925 --> 00:34:56,053
Hey, isn’t that chick
from homeless shelter.
819
00:34:56,637 --> 00:34:59,765
-Jess something.
-Yeah. I think so.
820
00:35:02,143 --> 00:35:04,478
-I wonder why she is here alone.
-Who cares?
821
00:35:05,479 --> 00:35:07,899
-I think I am gonna go say hi.
-Wh-- why?
822
00:35:08,566 --> 00:35:12,695
-To be polite.
-You? I mean, yeah.
823
00:35:13,696 --> 00:35:15,698
Go ahead.
And I am outta here, ok?
824
00:35:15,740 --> 00:35:17,408
-Sounds good.
-Yeah, me too.
825
00:35:19,493 --> 00:35:21,204
Wait a minute.
How would you like a ride?
826
00:35:21,454 --> 00:35:22,955
-I think I am going right--
-No.
827
00:35:24,415 --> 00:35:26,334
Okay. How about you give me a
ride home
828
00:35:26,417 --> 00:35:30,046
-because I don’t have a car.
-No.
829
00:35:33,007 --> 00:35:35,343
You know,
I saw this article today.
830
00:35:36,552 --> 00:35:38,387
-[Edna] Hi.
-Hi.
831
00:35:38,846 --> 00:35:39,972
[Edna] Do you mind
if I join you?
832
00:35:41,057 --> 00:35:42,600
-Do we know each other?
-Yeah, we met at
833
00:35:42,683 --> 00:35:44,727
the homeless shelter.
I was looking for that
834
00:35:44,810 --> 00:35:47,813
-homeless woman took my ID.
-Oh, that’s right.
835
00:35:47,855 --> 00:35:52,652
-Your name was... Edna.
-Yeah, Edna.
836
00:35:52,985 --> 00:35:55,738
-Sure, have a seat.
-Thanks.
837
00:35:56,948 --> 00:35:58,407
-It’s Jess, right?
-Yup.
838
00:35:59,742 --> 00:36:00,785
So you here alone?
839
00:36:02,161 --> 00:36:04,080
-No.
-Alright.
840
00:36:06,123 --> 00:36:09,001
-You want some?
-I’m good, thanks.
841
00:36:09,460 --> 00:36:12,338
So did you ever find that
woman you were looking for?
842
00:36:12,421 --> 00:36:15,508
-Not yet.
-You got...
843
00:36:17,718 --> 00:36:19,428
-What?
-You got something here.
844
00:36:21,138 --> 00:36:24,267
-Thank you.
-There. All gone.
845
00:36:29,897 --> 00:36:31,440
-Can I ask you something?
-Yeah. Sure.
846
00:36:32,441 --> 00:36:34,861
-Are you hitting on me?
-I am sorry.
847
00:36:35,403 --> 00:36:38,447
I mean, I am flattered and all.
But...
848
00:36:39,115 --> 00:36:41,284
-I am straight.
-Yeah, so am I.
849
00:36:42,702 --> 00:36:45,288
Oh. Oh my gosh.
I am so sorry.
850
00:36:45,663 --> 00:36:47,957
No, it’s fine.
Don’t worry about it.
851
00:36:48,291 --> 00:36:50,376
Well, in fact,
it’s been a while since...
852
00:36:50,710 --> 00:36:52,378
-since anyone hit on me.
-Really?
853
00:36:52,962 --> 00:36:54,338
It’s hard to believe.
854
00:36:56,465 --> 00:36:58,593
Ok. It’s all about confidence.
855
00:36:58,926 --> 00:37:00,678
You have to believe you are
the most attractive,
856
00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:04,098
-desirable person in the room.
-Yeah, that’s not me.
857
00:37:05,224 --> 00:37:08,394
Okay, well, there’s always
liquid confidence.
858
00:37:09,937 --> 00:37:11,439
-Liquid confidence?
-Mhm.
859
00:37:13,691 --> 00:37:14,567
Thank you.
860
00:37:18,529 --> 00:37:19,530
[fun music]
861
00:37:33,127 --> 00:37:34,879
Ok, Jess.
Do you see that guy
862
00:37:34,921 --> 00:37:35,922
over there at the bar?
863
00:37:39,008 --> 00:37:41,093
I want you to go over
and talk to him.
864
00:37:44,430 --> 00:37:46,307
Nope.
No way.
865
00:37:46,432 --> 00:37:47,934
Come on.
What is the worst that’s
866
00:37:47,975 --> 00:37:48,976
gonna happen?
867
00:37:49,477 --> 00:37:53,856
I’ll try to flirt, and he'll
laugh so hard that he...
868
00:37:53,940 --> 00:37:57,276
he falls off his chair,
bangs his head,
869
00:37:57,360 --> 00:37:59,445
and he is in coma.
870
00:38:00,988 --> 00:38:03,658
Wow, you’ve got quite
an imagination.
871
00:38:04,367 --> 00:38:07,537
-I'm just saying, I can’t.
-Come on, Jess.
872
00:38:07,954 --> 00:38:08,955
Come on.
873
00:38:13,459 --> 00:38:16,337
You are a smart,
confident woman.
874
00:38:16,379 --> 00:38:19,382
That guy, he would be so lucky
to date you.
875
00:38:20,299 --> 00:38:23,511
I'm a smart, confident woman...
876
00:38:25,471 --> 00:38:26,722
-Ok.
-Ok. Wait.
877
00:38:27,807 --> 00:38:29,100
Do you need those glasses?
878
00:38:30,601 --> 00:38:33,646
-Only to see.
-OK. That’s fine.
879
00:38:34,605 --> 00:38:36,148
-Okay.
-You look great.
880
00:38:41,487 --> 00:38:42,488
[growls]
881
00:38:43,739 --> 00:38:44,740
[music continues]
882
00:38:54,542 --> 00:38:56,544
-Hi.
-Hey.
883
00:38:58,462 --> 00:38:59,547
Watching the game?
884
00:39:00,089 --> 00:39:01,757
Yeah, I am watching the game.
885
00:39:04,302 --> 00:39:06,137
-I’m Jess.
-Dylan.
886
00:39:08,472 --> 00:39:11,684
So, Dylan, you come here often?
887
00:39:13,060 --> 00:39:16,606
Look. I bet you are really
nice person,
888
00:39:16,898 --> 00:39:20,109
but I have girlfriend, and I’m
a little bit busy right now.
889
00:39:20,276 --> 00:39:23,696
-So I am sorry.
-I am really sorry.
890
00:39:25,198 --> 00:39:28,492
Friggin’ Dodgers.
Biggest payroll in baseball
891
00:39:28,534 --> 00:39:30,161
and they're playing like minor
leaguers.
892
00:39:30,453 --> 00:39:31,704
Tell me about it.
I know.
893
00:39:32,496 --> 00:39:33,915
I bet you can hit better
than Bradley.
894
00:39:34,665 --> 00:39:38,336
-And look better doing it.
-Dylan.
895
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:40,922
-Edna.
-Edna, can I buy you a drink?
896
00:39:41,130 --> 00:39:42,924
-Yeah, sure.
-What would you like to have?
897
00:39:44,634 --> 00:39:47,470
Dirty martini.
Extra dirty.
898
00:39:48,638 --> 00:39:53,518
Papa, can I get a dirty martini.
Extra dirty, please.
899
00:39:54,393 --> 00:39:56,312
So, Edna, how come I’ve never
seen you?
900
00:39:56,896 --> 00:39:59,899
-It’s me first time in here.
-I guess this is my lucky day.
901
00:40:00,316 --> 00:40:01,609
I guess it’s mine too.
902
00:40:02,610 --> 00:40:03,569
Thank you.
903
00:40:05,530 --> 00:40:07,740
-Can I ask you a question?
-Sure. Shoot.
904
00:40:09,450 --> 00:40:12,078
-Are you single?
-As matter of fact, I am.
905
00:40:12,703 --> 00:40:13,704
I see.
906
00:40:16,290 --> 00:40:17,291
[drink splatters]
907
00:40:18,501 --> 00:40:20,169
-What the hell?
-Come on, Jess.
908
00:40:20,253 --> 00:40:22,463
We are going.
He is a right wanker anyway.
909
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:24,841
[laughing]
910
00:40:30,304 --> 00:40:32,849
-That was awesome.
-It really was.
911
00:40:33,057 --> 00:40:34,433
You shot that guy down.
912
00:40:36,269 --> 00:40:37,478
Down to the ground.
913
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:38,521
[Jess snorts]
914
00:40:38,688 --> 00:40:41,440
-You just snorted.
-Oh, I am sorry.
915
00:40:41,732 --> 00:40:43,484
Come on.
It’s really cute.
916
00:40:43,693 --> 00:40:47,405
-Why are hot guys like that?
-What do you mean?
917
00:40:47,905 --> 00:40:51,367
-You know like-- ow!
-I am sorry, Jess.
918
00:40:51,450 --> 00:40:55,121
-Like superficial dirt bags.
-I know, right.
919
00:40:55,913 --> 00:40:59,876
-Why do you think that is?
-I-- I don’t know.
920
00:41:00,209 --> 00:41:02,461
-I mean, men right?
-Men.
921
00:41:02,962 --> 00:41:05,923
Do you want me to give you
a ride back to mine?
922
00:41:08,384 --> 00:41:09,468
Jess, are you ok?
923
00:41:11,846 --> 00:41:12,847
You all right?
924
00:41:13,389 --> 00:41:14,390
[heaving]
925
00:41:17,310 --> 00:41:20,021
Look. It’s cheese fries.
[chuckling]
926
00:41:20,396 --> 00:41:21,981
I mean, are you all right?
927
00:41:23,065 --> 00:41:24,317
I’m going to take you back
to mine.
928
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:25,401
[upbeat music]
929
00:42:11,739 --> 00:42:13,074
Welcome to adult warehouse.
930
00:42:13,115 --> 00:42:15,201
[together] The paradise
for sexually-active adults.
931
00:42:15,743 --> 00:42:18,663
Um, hi.
I was kinda, you know,
932
00:42:18,704 --> 00:42:20,790
wandering outside, and thought
I’d come in have a look.
933
00:42:20,873 --> 00:42:22,166
Don’t worry,
nothing in here bites.
934
00:42:22,250 --> 00:42:25,253
-Unless you want it to.
-Good one.
935
00:42:25,545 --> 00:42:27,421
-Do you have any questions?
-We are here to serve you.
936
00:42:27,505 --> 00:42:29,715
Yeah.
You guys have anything
937
00:42:29,757 --> 00:42:31,759
you recommend if you wanna,
you know.
938
00:42:31,884 --> 00:42:35,680
-Get your Amelia Earhart on?
-I’m sorry?
939
00:42:36,097 --> 00:42:38,933
She means fly solo.
Yeah, yeah, that.
940
00:42:39,141 --> 00:42:40,768
-Wonderful.
-Right this way.
941
00:42:48,234 --> 00:42:50,278
This is where you’ll find your
beaver buzzers,
942
00:42:50,319 --> 00:42:52,572
magic wands, pussy plungers,
hamburger helpers
943
00:42:52,613 --> 00:42:53,781
and wacky wobblers.
944
00:42:54,115 --> 00:42:56,325
Personally, I like
the butterfly.
945
00:42:56,701 --> 00:42:58,202
It really makes me squirt!
946
00:42:58,244 --> 00:42:59,954
And I like the butterfly too.
947
00:43:00,037 --> 00:43:01,873
You can even get
one with a butt plug.
948
00:43:01,956 --> 00:43:04,125
It makes you wonder
why you put up with
guys and all their games.
949
00:43:04,208 --> 00:43:05,209
It really does.
950
00:43:07,962 --> 00:43:08,963
Hey!
951
00:43:09,797 --> 00:43:12,216
That blow-up doll is
for display purposes only!
952
00:43:12,341 --> 00:43:14,135
Yeah, we're talking to you, pal!
953
00:43:15,636 --> 00:43:16,637
[both sigh]
954
00:43:16,929 --> 00:43:18,764
[together] School principals.
955
00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:22,226
Well... have fun.
956
00:43:22,393 --> 00:43:24,020
Find us if you have
any more questions.
957
00:43:24,228 --> 00:43:27,315
[upbeat music]
958
00:43:28,191 --> 00:43:29,442
Holy shit!
959
00:43:29,483 --> 00:43:32,570
[music continues]
960
00:43:40,161 --> 00:43:43,164
[clattering]
961
00:43:47,335 --> 00:43:48,836
[chuckles]
Need some help?
962
00:43:49,045 --> 00:43:50,046
Yeah, thanks.
963
00:43:50,796 --> 00:43:51,964
[grunts]
[Edna chuckles]
964
00:43:52,590 --> 00:43:53,591
Never been here before.
965
00:43:53,883 --> 00:43:56,344
Well, I think
they have a, a policy.
966
00:43:56,427 --> 00:43:58,221
You knock it to
the floor, you bought it.
967
00:43:58,429 --> 00:44:00,097
Well, I guess I'll have
to throw a party, then.
968
00:44:00,139 --> 00:44:01,307
[chuckles]
I'm Matt.
969
00:44:02,099 --> 00:44:03,726
-Edna.
-I'm here to...
970
00:44:04,185 --> 00:44:05,561
find a gag gift for my...
971
00:44:06,062 --> 00:44:07,313
my buddy's bachelor party.
972
00:44:07,605 --> 00:44:09,106
Wow, if you're
looking to gag someone
973
00:44:09,232 --> 00:44:10,274
I think this might do the trick.
974
00:44:10,816 --> 00:44:11,817
Wow.
975
00:44:11,859 --> 00:44:13,110
Think they
modeled that on someone?
976
00:44:13,194 --> 00:44:14,820
[laughs]
Yeah. Sea Biscuit.
977
00:44:15,696 --> 00:44:17,782
[laughs]
978
00:44:17,865 --> 00:44:19,283
A girl who knows her horses.
979
00:44:19,325 --> 00:44:20,785
That's really unusual.
980
00:44:20,868 --> 00:44:21,869
Yeah.
981
00:44:22,203 --> 00:44:23,871
-I'm pretty unusual.
-Really?
982
00:44:24,956 --> 00:44:27,583
OK, I... I know this might
seem forward and all, but...
983
00:44:27,959 --> 00:44:30,294
what would you think
about meeting me for
a cup of coffee some time?
984
00:44:31,587 --> 00:44:33,506
Now, you don't
have to decide right now.
985
00:44:34,257 --> 00:44:35,216
Here's my card.
986
00:44:35,758 --> 00:44:36,759
You get thirsty,
987
00:44:36,843 --> 00:44:37,802
you give me a call.
988
00:44:37,885 --> 00:44:38,886
All right.
989
00:44:40,096 --> 00:44:42,181
And, it doesn't have
to be coffee. It could be tea.
990
00:44:43,432 --> 00:44:44,809
Whatever you like. It's on me.
991
00:44:45,351 --> 00:44:48,437
[music continues]
992
00:44:50,231 --> 00:44:51,983
I think I'm gonna
fix him up with Jess.
993
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:53,401
Uhuh.
994
00:44:54,485 --> 00:44:56,153
-An investment banker.
-Uhuh.
995
00:44:56,195 --> 00:44:58,114
-Not bad.
-He's pretty good looking, too.
996
00:44:59,323 --> 00:45:00,950
OK. Is that
Eddie or Edna talking?
997
00:45:01,033 --> 00:45:02,410
-Umm...
-I'm just saying.
998
00:45:02,660 --> 00:45:03,953
[chuckles]
999
00:45:04,370 --> 00:45:05,746
So, uhh... wow.
1000
00:45:06,622 --> 00:45:07,707
Where'd you meet him?
1001
00:45:08,958 --> 00:45:09,959
Where?
1002
00:45:10,376 --> 00:45:12,253
Yeah, where?
What is it, a secret?
1003
00:45:12,378 --> 00:45:13,546
[chuckles]
Nope.
1004
00:45:15,464 --> 00:45:16,465
So where'd you meet him?
1005
00:45:16,549 --> 00:45:17,550
[Edna sighs]
1006
00:45:20,052 --> 00:45:21,387
Adult Warehouse.
1007
00:45:21,596 --> 00:45:24,307
I mean, I had to get out of here
before I wore out my nipples.
1008
00:45:24,348 --> 00:45:26,100
Oh, really? Yeah,
I get that. The question is
1009
00:45:26,350 --> 00:45:27,685
did you buy anything...
1010
00:45:29,020 --> 00:45:30,021
What?
1011
00:45:30,229 --> 00:45:31,606
-I mean...
-Eddie!
1012
00:45:32,148 --> 00:45:33,983
I mean, really?
I said embrace it, but...
1013
00:45:34,483 --> 00:45:36,152
-I just...
-This, this will kill you.
1014
00:45:36,736 --> 00:45:39,030
I thought it might be useful
for my third book, you know?
1015
00:45:39,322 --> 00:45:41,032
Third book?
Third and final book.
1016
00:45:41,073 --> 00:45:42,325
What are you
doing to yourself here?
1017
00:45:42,617 --> 00:45:43,618
My god.
1018
00:45:43,701 --> 00:45:44,702
-Yeah...
-I mean...
1019
00:45:45,119 --> 00:45:46,162
you embraced it.
1020
00:45:47,455 --> 00:45:49,207
OK, I just gotta tell you.
1021
00:45:49,248 --> 00:45:51,250
This, the whole
thing, I'm not feeling
1022
00:45:51,792 --> 00:45:53,169
too good about, this.
1023
00:45:53,211 --> 00:45:55,463
Well, I just wanted to
test my female parts, you know?
1024
00:45:56,005 --> 00:45:57,006
I'm out of here, pal.
1025
00:45:57,048 --> 00:45:58,216
You've got your
own-- you're home now.
1026
00:45:58,883 --> 00:45:59,967
That's just too much.
1027
00:46:00,051 --> 00:46:03,095
[drum music]
1028
00:46:08,726 --> 00:46:10,811
[buzzing]
1029
00:46:12,146 --> 00:46:14,649
Don't worry, OK? We'll find a
place for you to sleep tonight.
1030
00:46:14,899 --> 00:46:17,026
Even if you have to
come home and stay at mine.
1031
00:46:17,276 --> 00:46:18,319
-OK?
-OK.
1032
00:46:18,402 --> 00:46:19,820
[laughs]
So sweet.
1033
00:46:20,738 --> 00:46:22,281
-Edna. Hi.
-Hi, Jess.
1034
00:46:22,323 --> 00:46:23,991
Why don't you go
wait by there? OK, then?
1035
00:46:24,742 --> 00:46:26,994
Just stopping by,
cause I found you a date.
1036
00:46:27,578 --> 00:46:28,579
You did?
1037
00:46:28,913 --> 00:46:32,124
He's nice-looking,
successful, good sense of humor.
1038
00:46:32,208 --> 00:46:33,209
What do you think?
1039
00:46:33,501 --> 00:46:34,585
I don't know...
1040
00:46:34,669 --> 00:46:37,505
Oh, come on, Jess, you asked
me to introduce you to someone.
1041
00:46:37,797 --> 00:46:38,798
I know.
1042
00:46:39,215 --> 00:46:40,258
So, what's the problem?
1043
00:46:40,591 --> 00:46:41,592
It's just...
1044
00:46:41,717 --> 00:46:44,220
I don't think I can take any
more rejection right now, OK?
1045
00:46:44,554 --> 00:46:47,640
[soft music]
1046
00:46:51,269 --> 00:46:53,980
There are a few things we could
do to improve your chances.
1047
00:46:54,856 --> 00:46:55,898
What do you mean?
1048
00:46:56,190 --> 00:46:57,191
Do you trust me?
1049
00:46:58,818 --> 00:46:59,819
Yes...
1050
00:47:00,152 --> 00:47:01,612
[fast-paced music]
Sweetheart, listen.
1051
00:47:03,114 --> 00:47:04,699
When I get done with you...
1052
00:47:05,283 --> 00:47:06,701
you are going to attract
1053
00:47:06,826 --> 00:47:09,203
more men, than
pre-menopausal Madonna.
1054
00:47:09,579 --> 00:47:11,664
-Oh, you really think so?
-I know so.
1055
00:47:11,998 --> 00:47:12,999
You see these hands?
1056
00:47:14,709 --> 00:47:16,419
These are magical hands.
1057
00:47:16,502 --> 00:47:19,505
And they should be
registered with the
Magicians' Guild of America.
1058
00:47:19,672 --> 00:47:21,215
Trust me, Jess, he's the best.
1059
00:47:21,382 --> 00:47:22,717
That's what he said.
1060
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:23,801
[Jess chuckles]
1061
00:47:23,843 --> 00:47:24,844
Uhuh.
[snaps fingers]
1062
00:47:26,888 --> 00:47:27,889
[upbeat piano music]
1063
00:47:27,972 --> 00:47:29,724
OK, here I come.
1064
00:47:29,765 --> 00:47:32,810
[music continues]
1065
00:47:35,188 --> 00:47:36,189
Wow.
1066
00:47:36,689 --> 00:47:39,734
You've become beautiful moth.
1067
00:47:39,942 --> 00:47:41,152
Don't you mean, butterfly?
1068
00:47:41,485 --> 00:47:42,486
Whatever.
1069
00:47:43,696 --> 00:47:45,990
Are you sure it's not
a little, too revealing?
1070
00:47:46,115 --> 00:47:47,241
No, no.
1071
00:47:47,783 --> 00:47:50,077
It's the, uhh,
perfect amount of revealing.
1072
00:47:50,745 --> 00:47:53,164
Now you are ready,
become trophy wife.
1073
00:47:53,247 --> 00:47:55,541
Oh, that's not my goal.
1074
00:47:57,293 --> 00:47:58,878
All you have to
do is be yourself.
1075
00:47:59,420 --> 00:48:01,172
I mean, there's a lot to like.
1076
00:48:01,839 --> 00:48:02,840
You think so?
1077
00:48:03,466 --> 00:48:04,717
More than you know.
1078
00:48:04,884 --> 00:48:06,052
[music continues]
1079
00:48:06,427 --> 00:48:07,428
Can I ask you something?
1080
00:48:08,304 --> 00:48:09,972
-Sure.
-How come...
1081
00:48:10,515 --> 00:48:12,225
you haven't tried to
fix me up with your brother?
1082
00:48:12,975 --> 00:48:14,310
-With Eddie?
-Uhuh.
1083
00:48:14,644 --> 00:48:15,645
Umm...
1084
00:48:15,811 --> 00:48:16,812
Uhh...
1085
00:48:17,772 --> 00:48:19,398
Because I don't know
when he's coming back.
1086
00:48:19,649 --> 00:48:20,650
Where did he go?
1087
00:48:21,067 --> 00:48:22,068
Eddie...
1088
00:48:22,151 --> 00:48:23,152
went to prison.
1089
00:48:23,236 --> 00:48:25,988
[music continues]
1090
00:48:26,030 --> 00:48:27,949
[laughs]
[snorts]
1091
00:48:28,074 --> 00:48:29,075
Shut up.
1092
00:48:29,367 --> 00:48:31,744
[music continues]
1093
00:48:32,161 --> 00:48:33,162
Oh my gosh.
1094
00:48:33,913 --> 00:48:34,914
I'm so sorry.
1095
00:48:35,248 --> 00:48:36,249
It's OK.
1096
00:48:36,582 --> 00:48:38,084
It must be really
hard on your family.
1097
00:48:38,292 --> 00:48:39,502
Yeah, it is.
1098
00:48:41,254 --> 00:48:42,463
Can I ask what he did?
1099
00:48:44,423 --> 00:48:45,466
Eddie's a fraud.
1100
00:48:46,467 --> 00:48:48,469
I mean like,
he committed a fraud.
1101
00:48:49,136 --> 00:48:50,513
Wow. Really?
1102
00:48:51,347 --> 00:48:54,350
[music continues]
1103
00:48:55,643 --> 00:48:57,520
-Crazy white people.
-Tell me about it.
1104
00:48:58,187 --> 00:48:59,480
I think this one is a lesbian.
1105
00:48:59,647 --> 00:49:00,648
Really?
1106
00:49:00,898 --> 00:49:02,149
Strange vibe.
1107
00:49:02,567 --> 00:49:05,069
Maybe you should fix
her up with your cousin.
1108
00:49:05,194 --> 00:49:07,655
She doesn't like white chicks.
1109
00:49:07,697 --> 00:49:10,783
[both laugh]
1110
00:49:18,666 --> 00:49:21,169
I'm thinking of taking Eddie's
place in the fashion show.
1111
00:49:22,420 --> 00:49:23,588
It's for a good cause, right?
1112
00:49:24,839 --> 00:49:26,632
No, I was out with Jess.
1113
00:49:27,216 --> 00:49:28,676
We went and got pedicures.
1114
00:49:29,552 --> 00:49:31,637
My feet have
never looked so good.
1115
00:49:32,889 --> 00:49:33,890
What?
1116
00:49:34,182 --> 00:49:36,684
I am not sending you
a picture of my feet.
1117
00:49:37,268 --> 00:49:38,436
Goodbye, Steve!
1118
00:49:40,980 --> 00:49:41,981
I mean
1119
00:49:42,023 --> 00:49:43,482
what's the big
deal with this thing?
1120
00:49:43,858 --> 00:49:46,611
[upbeat music]
1121
00:49:47,153 --> 00:49:48,154
Damn.
1122
00:49:49,238 --> 00:49:52,241
[buzzing]
[music continues]
1123
00:49:56,954 --> 00:49:58,873
OK, remember.
If you and Matt hit it off
1124
00:49:58,956 --> 00:50:01,459
just say the code word and
I'll make an excuse to leave.
1125
00:50:01,834 --> 00:50:02,835
Bananas. Hmm?
1126
00:50:03,419 --> 00:50:04,504
All right, we're here.
1127
00:50:05,087 --> 00:50:08,090
[sophisticated music]
1128
00:50:08,341 --> 00:50:09,342
-Hi.
-Hi.
1129
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:11,344
I hope you don't mind, I...
1130
00:50:11,677 --> 00:50:12,762
brought along a friend.
1131
00:50:12,929 --> 00:50:13,930
This is Jess.
1132
00:50:14,514 --> 00:50:16,182
-This is Matt.
-Hi. Nice to meet you.
1133
00:50:16,224 --> 00:50:17,225
Nice to meet you.
1134
00:50:17,558 --> 00:50:19,101
So, what would
you guys like to drink?
1135
00:50:19,185 --> 00:50:20,770
No, no, no. Let me get this.
1136
00:50:20,811 --> 00:50:22,897
No, no. You guys chat
and get to know each other.
1137
00:50:22,980 --> 00:50:23,981
I'll go get the drinks.
1138
00:50:24,690 --> 00:50:26,317
-OK.
-A cappuccino.
1139
00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:27,401
Cool.
1140
00:50:27,777 --> 00:50:30,780
[music continues]
1141
00:50:36,869 --> 00:50:38,037
-Here you go.
-[indistinct]
1142
00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:41,123
[music continues]
1143
00:50:41,916 --> 00:50:44,544
-What can I get started for you?
-Uhh, two cappuccinos, please.
1144
00:50:46,838 --> 00:50:47,839
Here you go. Hey.
1145
00:50:48,464 --> 00:50:49,465
That's for you.
1146
00:50:51,217 --> 00:50:52,218
[chuckles]
1147
00:50:52,343 --> 00:50:55,847
You gotta get those
young ladies used to
getting flowers, you know?
1148
00:50:55,972 --> 00:50:57,890
That's true, that's true.
1149
00:50:57,974 --> 00:50:59,892
It's not gonna be
the last time, hopefully.
1150
00:51:00,852 --> 00:51:01,894
Hopefully not.
1151
00:51:02,311 --> 00:51:03,312
Can I get your name?
1152
00:51:03,729 --> 00:51:04,730
And your number?
1153
00:51:06,524 --> 00:51:08,401
What? What do
you need my number for?
1154
00:51:08,776 --> 00:51:09,777
So I can call you later.
1155
00:51:10,319 --> 00:51:11,320
OK, look.
1156
00:51:11,821 --> 00:51:12,822
I'm a dude.
1157
00:51:13,698 --> 00:51:14,699
You're a dude.
1158
00:51:14,991 --> 00:51:15,992
Yeah, that's right.
1159
00:51:16,826 --> 00:51:18,160
What're you playing?
Hide the banana?
1160
00:51:18,244 --> 00:51:19,287
Yeah, something like that.
1161
00:51:20,288 --> 00:51:21,289
You could've
just said no, thanks.
1162
00:51:22,957 --> 00:51:24,208
You're a fine-ass dude, though.
1163
00:51:25,042 --> 00:51:28,087
[music continues]
1164
00:51:31,465 --> 00:51:33,467
-There you go.
-Oh, thank you.
1165
00:51:33,551 --> 00:51:34,552
Cappuccino.
1166
00:51:36,345 --> 00:51:38,890
Did you know that
Matt volunteers at
a homeless shelter?
1167
00:51:38,931 --> 00:51:40,975
-No.
-Yeah, it's no big deal. I...
1168
00:51:41,392 --> 00:51:43,769
I was raised by a family
who believe in giving back.
1169
00:51:44,270 --> 00:51:45,271
Oh.
1170
00:51:45,646 --> 00:51:48,024
Actually, he's gonna volunteer
at my shelter this weekend.
1171
00:51:48,482 --> 00:51:49,483
Really?
1172
00:51:49,525 --> 00:51:52,236
Yeah, I figure I'm doing my part
no matter which shelter I'm at.
1173
00:51:52,445 --> 00:51:53,446
OK.
1174
00:51:53,738 --> 00:51:55,823
So at what shelter
do you normally volunteer at?
1175
00:51:56,032 --> 00:51:57,491
Uhh, you...
1176
00:51:57,867 --> 00:52:00,036
probably wouldn't know.
It's on the other side of town.
1177
00:52:00,244 --> 00:52:01,245
Actually...
1178
00:52:01,454 --> 00:52:03,456
I know pretty much
every shelter in town.
1179
00:52:03,539 --> 00:52:05,416
-Right.
-[both chuckle]
1180
00:52:05,458 --> 00:52:06,501
Go on, give me a try.
1181
00:52:07,084 --> 00:52:08,085
Uhh...
1182
00:52:08,628 --> 00:52:10,004
OK, umm...
1183
00:52:10,379 --> 00:52:11,714
Well, it's... umm...
1184
00:52:12,882 --> 00:52:13,883
it's on...
1185
00:52:14,342 --> 00:52:17,136
Edna, did you
happen to see if the, umm...
1186
00:52:17,595 --> 00:52:18,763
if they have any bananas?
1187
00:52:19,096 --> 00:52:20,097
I'm sorry?
1188
00:52:20,473 --> 00:52:22,183
You know, bananas.
1189
00:52:22,808 --> 00:52:24,268
My banana's gone AWOL.
1190
00:52:25,311 --> 00:52:26,312
What?
1191
00:52:26,687 --> 00:52:28,814
[music continues]
1192
00:52:29,315 --> 00:52:30,399
I mean, our bananas.
1193
00:52:31,275 --> 00:52:32,610
They don't have any bananas.
1194
00:52:33,486 --> 00:52:34,487
Oh...
1195
00:52:34,529 --> 00:52:37,823
Uhh, I'd be happy to
split my cup cake with you.
1196
00:52:38,533 --> 00:52:40,493
-Oh god.
-Thank you, that's so sweet.
1197
00:52:40,826 --> 00:52:42,537
You know, I'm
gonna really have to go.
1198
00:52:42,870 --> 00:52:44,455
I've got something really
important to take care of.
1199
00:52:44,872 --> 00:52:46,082
-Oh, really?
-Uhuh.
1200
00:52:46,249 --> 00:52:47,291
Yeah, but you guys,
1201
00:52:47,416 --> 00:52:49,001
you guys have fun.
Get to know each other.
1202
00:52:50,378 --> 00:52:51,379
Is that OK with you, Jess?
1203
00:52:51,462 --> 00:52:52,463
I'd like that.
1204
00:52:52,922 --> 00:52:53,923
Great.
1205
00:52:55,049 --> 00:52:56,050
See ya.
1206
00:52:56,175 --> 00:52:57,176
Yeah.
1207
00:52:59,178 --> 00:53:00,179
So...
1208
00:53:00,763 --> 00:53:01,889
tell me a little about yourself.
1209
00:53:02,098 --> 00:53:03,766
Well, umm, as you know I work...
1210
00:53:04,559 --> 00:53:06,310
-You're jealous.
-No, I'm not.
1211
00:53:06,394 --> 00:53:07,395
Bullshit.
1212
00:53:07,687 --> 00:53:09,689
Look, I'm just
a little worried about her.
1213
00:53:10,022 --> 00:53:11,774
Why? You're the one
who set them up, right?
1214
00:53:12,108 --> 00:53:13,317
I thought it'd be different.
1215
00:53:13,818 --> 00:53:16,153
Different? Why? What
do you mean? Like what?
1216
00:53:16,654 --> 00:53:18,072
Different than us.
1217
00:53:18,281 --> 00:53:19,282
What?
1218
00:53:19,949 --> 00:53:22,368
Look. Maybe it's my
female hormones talking, but...
1219
00:53:22,952 --> 00:53:25,997
the idea of tricking
women to get them
into bed, it just seems...
1220
00:53:26,998 --> 00:53:27,999
wrong.
1221
00:53:28,040 --> 00:53:29,125
Is there any other way?
1222
00:53:29,375 --> 00:53:30,376
[groans]
1223
00:53:30,626 --> 00:53:32,587
Besides, you're the one
who wrote the how-to manual.
1224
00:53:32,670 --> 00:53:34,505
-I know.
-Actually, two manuals
1225
00:53:34,714 --> 00:53:36,799
-the blog, the article--
-I said I know.
1226
00:53:37,592 --> 00:53:39,177
-Touchy.
-Hey, you're the one who told me
1227
00:53:39,218 --> 00:53:41,804
I should start looking at stuff
from a female's perspective.
1228
00:53:43,014 --> 00:53:44,140
Damn, I did, didn't I?
1229
00:53:44,515 --> 00:53:47,643
Umm, I'm just starting
to realize there's more
to life than one-night stands.
1230
00:53:47,727 --> 00:53:48,728
Is there?
1231
00:53:49,562 --> 00:53:52,648
I mean, haven't you ever thought
about being in a relationship?
1232
00:53:53,232 --> 00:53:54,525
You know, like getting married?
1233
00:53:55,484 --> 00:53:56,986
Dude, that's messed up.
1234
00:53:57,236 --> 00:53:58,237
Is it?
1235
00:53:58,279 --> 00:53:59,572
I mean, come on, Eddie.
1236
00:54:00,406 --> 00:54:03,075
Please, you're
starting to sound like
an old woman, or an old man
1237
00:54:03,242 --> 00:54:05,536
or, whatever it is that you are.
1238
00:54:06,579 --> 00:54:08,623
-OK, maybe you're right.
-No, I am right.
1239
00:54:09,540 --> 00:54:10,541
It's just...
1240
00:54:10,791 --> 00:54:13,503
you know, Jess,
she's different to
the other girls I've been with.
1241
00:54:15,046 --> 00:54:16,339
What is that
supposed to mean, Eddie?
1242
00:54:16,506 --> 00:54:19,050
She's kind, she's
smart, she's vulnerable.
1243
00:54:19,217 --> 00:54:22,261
And when she laughs,
she does like, you know,
this sort of snort thing.
1244
00:54:22,720 --> 00:54:23,846
It's really cute.
1245
00:54:24,639 --> 00:54:25,640
Oh shit!
1246
00:54:26,390 --> 00:54:27,433
You're falling for her.
1247
00:54:27,558 --> 00:54:28,809
-That's crazy.
-Is it?
1248
00:54:29,268 --> 00:54:31,354
-Hey, we're up next!
-You know I'm right.
1249
00:54:31,521 --> 00:54:32,980
-Yeah?
-I know you're an idiot.
1250
00:54:33,105 --> 00:54:35,024
Yeah, I'm an idiot, but
you're in love with Jess.
1251
00:54:35,191 --> 00:54:36,984
[singing] You're
in love with Jess.
1252
00:54:37,151 --> 00:54:38,653
[singing] You're in love with--
[groans]
1253
00:54:39,070 --> 00:54:40,071
[loud thud]
1254
00:54:43,241 --> 00:54:44,325
You're an idiot.
1255
00:54:44,867 --> 00:54:47,870
[upbeat music]
1256
00:54:49,288 --> 00:54:50,289
[door opens]
1257
00:54:51,499 --> 00:54:52,500
-Hi.
-Hi.
1258
00:54:52,583 --> 00:54:54,001
I was just
actually running a bath.
1259
00:54:54,377 --> 00:54:56,003
Oh. I can go and come back.
1260
00:54:56,087 --> 00:54:57,213
Don't be silly, come on in.
1261
00:54:57,380 --> 00:54:59,257
I can pour you some wine,
we can talk while I soak.
1262
00:54:59,507 --> 00:55:00,716
Oh.
[door closes]
1263
00:55:00,758 --> 00:55:01,843
Something wrong?
1264
00:55:01,926 --> 00:55:02,927
Uh, no.
1265
00:55:03,177 --> 00:55:04,345
Good. So, red or white?
1266
00:55:04,470 --> 00:55:06,138
Uhh, red. Red would be great.
1267
00:55:06,222 --> 00:55:07,223
Red it is.
1268
00:55:07,932 --> 00:55:09,141
This is my kitchen.
1269
00:55:09,225 --> 00:55:10,810
Oh, very nice. I like it.
1270
00:55:10,852 --> 00:55:12,061
Sorry, it's a
little bit of a mess.
1271
00:55:12,144 --> 00:55:13,145
No, no.
1272
00:55:13,938 --> 00:55:15,815
Oh, this is all that's left.
1273
00:55:19,861 --> 00:55:20,862
Oh.
1274
00:55:21,153 --> 00:55:22,154
Thirsty?
1275
00:55:22,864 --> 00:55:23,865
Yeah.
1276
00:55:24,657 --> 00:55:25,741
All right, then.
1277
00:55:26,325 --> 00:55:27,326
Follow me.
1278
00:55:27,577 --> 00:55:30,663
[sophisticated music]
1279
00:55:31,998 --> 00:55:33,165
[door closes]
Have a seat right there.
1280
00:55:34,542 --> 00:55:35,751
I'd invite you
to join me, but...
1281
00:55:35,835 --> 00:55:38,838
[laughing hysterically]
1282
00:55:40,006 --> 00:55:41,215
Are you all right, Edna?
1283
00:55:42,383 --> 00:55:43,384
What?
1284
00:55:44,343 --> 00:55:45,344
I'm good.
1285
00:55:45,928 --> 00:55:46,929
OK.
1286
00:55:46,971 --> 00:55:50,016
[music continues]
1287
00:55:51,434 --> 00:55:53,060
So, you said you wanted to talk?
1288
00:55:53,561 --> 00:55:56,981
Yeah, yeah, I'm just
kind of curious about
how things with you and Matt go.
1289
00:55:57,231 --> 00:55:58,232
Really well.
1290
00:55:58,357 --> 00:55:59,859
We've been talking
every day on the phone.
1291
00:55:59,942 --> 00:56:01,152
Oh, so you're
gonna see him again?
1292
00:56:01,569 --> 00:56:03,487
Tomorrow, when he
volunteers at the shelter.
1293
00:56:03,821 --> 00:56:04,822
Right.
1294
00:56:05,114 --> 00:56:07,450
You know,
he seems like a great guy.
1295
00:56:08,326 --> 00:56:10,745
Yeah, I mean, he does
seem that way, doesn't he?
1296
00:56:11,162 --> 00:56:13,581
Plus, he is so dreamy.
1297
00:56:13,831 --> 00:56:14,832
OK, Jess.
1298
00:56:15,124 --> 00:56:16,542
Promise me you'll
be careful again.
1299
00:56:16,918 --> 00:56:17,960
What do you mean?
1300
00:56:18,127 --> 00:56:20,171
I just don't
know Matt that well.
1301
00:56:20,379 --> 00:56:21,631
And sometimes, guys...
1302
00:56:22,048 --> 00:56:23,257
they can be snakes.
1303
00:56:23,716 --> 00:56:24,717
You're so sweet.
1304
00:56:24,842 --> 00:56:25,843
Yeah.
1305
00:56:26,093 --> 00:56:27,220
I'm a lot of things.
1306
00:56:27,845 --> 00:56:30,723
So, how come you didn't
go after Matt yourself?
1307
00:56:31,474 --> 00:56:32,642
He's not really my type.
1308
00:56:33,059 --> 00:56:34,560
-No?
-Nah.
1309
00:56:35,019 --> 00:56:36,020
Plus...
1310
00:56:36,354 --> 00:56:37,939
kind of have my
eye on someone else.
1311
00:56:39,023 --> 00:56:41,150
Oh, is it that guy you
came by the shelter with?
1312
00:56:41,275 --> 00:56:42,318
-Steve?
-Yes.
1313
00:56:42,944 --> 00:56:44,529
No. He wishes.
1314
00:56:45,071 --> 00:56:46,072
Nah, not him.
1315
00:56:47,198 --> 00:56:48,199
Someone who...
1316
00:56:48,449 --> 00:56:50,117
doesn't really know
how I feel about them.
1317
00:56:50,826 --> 00:56:52,203
Then why don't
you just go for it?
1318
00:56:52,286 --> 00:56:55,289
[music continues]
1319
00:56:55,414 --> 00:56:56,749
-Edna.
-Umm...
1320
00:56:57,792 --> 00:56:58,793
I can't.
1321
00:56:59,377 --> 00:57:00,378
Come on.
1322
00:57:00,628 --> 00:57:02,213
You're a smart, confident woman.
1323
00:57:02,547 --> 00:57:04,006
Any guy would be
lucky to date you.
1324
00:57:04,131 --> 00:57:05,800
[Edna chuckles]
Touché.
1325
00:57:06,592 --> 00:57:07,593
[both laugh]
1326
00:57:09,262 --> 00:57:12,348
[upbeat music]
1327
00:57:19,397 --> 00:57:20,398
[door opens]
1328
00:57:20,481 --> 00:57:21,482
So I said,
1329
00:57:21,649 --> 00:57:23,025
"How about a little notice."
1330
00:57:23,401 --> 00:57:25,236
-What a concept.
-I know, right?
1331
00:57:30,575 --> 00:57:31,576
Excuse me.
1332
00:57:33,786 --> 00:57:35,955
I noticed you came out
from Lewis, Brown and Anderson.
1333
00:57:36,163 --> 00:57:37,957
-Yeah?
-Do you know Matt Flannery?
1334
00:57:38,249 --> 00:57:39,625
-I work for him.
-You do?
1335
00:57:39,834 --> 00:57:40,835
Yeah, why?
1336
00:57:40,877 --> 00:57:43,045
I met him the other
day and he asked me out.
1337
00:57:45,173 --> 00:57:46,841
-He asked you out?
-Yeah.
1338
00:57:47,049 --> 00:57:49,135
-I don't think so, honey.
-What do you mean?
1339
00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:52,346
-Matt's happily married.
-With three kids.
1340
00:57:53,181 --> 00:57:56,225
[fast-paced music]
1341
00:58:00,271 --> 00:58:03,232
[Steve laughs]
How do you know
the guy was married?
1342
00:58:03,316 --> 00:58:04,609
I talked to his secretary.
1343
00:58:05,276 --> 00:58:06,360
Damn, you're good.
1344
00:58:06,527 --> 00:58:08,404
Yeah? And Matt's a scumbag.
1345
00:58:09,572 --> 00:58:10,573
Huh.
1346
00:58:10,865 --> 00:58:11,866
What?
1347
00:58:12,033 --> 00:58:13,701
Come on, you gotta give
this guy some props, right?
1348
00:58:13,784 --> 00:58:14,869
It's quite
the scam he pulled off.
1349
00:58:14,952 --> 00:58:16,704
I'd like to give him
something, but it ain't props.
1350
00:58:16,787 --> 00:58:18,539
Well, you know what? Old
Eddie would have been impressed.
1351
00:58:18,623 --> 00:58:21,000
Yeah, well, new Eddie would
like to kick old Eddie's ass.
1352
00:58:21,042 --> 00:58:23,961
Yeah? I'd put my
money on old Eddie, cause
new Eddie seems a little gay.
1353
00:58:25,505 --> 00:58:26,589
You're an idiot.
1354
00:58:27,715 --> 00:58:28,716
I know.
1355
00:58:30,218 --> 00:58:31,219
[sighs]
1356
00:58:33,846 --> 00:58:34,847
This is complicated.
1357
00:58:34,931 --> 00:58:37,975
[fast-paced music]
1358
00:58:45,191 --> 00:58:48,194
[music fades]
1359
00:58:51,864 --> 00:58:52,865
Oh, Edna!
1360
00:58:52,949 --> 00:58:54,909
Hi, Jess, you made it.
1361
00:58:55,034 --> 00:58:56,202
Thanks for inviting me.
1362
00:58:56,702 --> 00:58:58,704
-And for the backstage pass.
-Sure.
1363
00:58:59,747 --> 00:59:00,748
Did you come alone?
1364
00:59:01,415 --> 00:59:04,669
Yeah, I invited Matt,
but he, uhh, he had to
go out of town for work.
1365
00:59:04,919 --> 00:59:06,045
-Really?
-Yeah.
1366
00:59:06,546 --> 00:59:08,422
OK, you're all set. You should
report to the staging area.
1367
00:59:08,506 --> 00:59:09,507
OK, thanks.
1368
00:59:09,757 --> 00:59:12,426
Edna, I have to tell you,
Matt is such a great guy.
1369
00:59:12,760 --> 00:59:13,886
After we got done at the shelter
1370
00:59:13,970 --> 00:59:16,472
he took me for
a ride on his motorcycle.
1371
00:59:17,223 --> 00:59:19,559
And then, after
dinner, we stopped
by his boat for a nightcap.
1372
00:59:19,642 --> 00:59:20,643
He has a boat?
1373
00:59:20,935 --> 00:59:22,937
Well, actually Matt
says it's called a sloop
1374
00:59:23,271 --> 00:59:24,522
because it has three masts.
1375
00:59:24,647 --> 00:59:25,731
Damn, he's good.
1376
00:59:26,274 --> 00:59:27,275
Well, I wouldn't know that.
1377
00:59:27,316 --> 00:59:29,193
I have this rule,
no sex until the third date.
1378
00:59:29,569 --> 00:59:32,113
But, I will say
he is a very good kisser.
[chuckles]
1379
00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:34,073
OK, listen, I need to
tell you something, Jess.
1380
00:59:34,574 --> 00:59:35,575
What is it?
1381
00:59:36,617 --> 00:59:37,827
OK, how do I put this?
1382
00:59:38,119 --> 00:59:39,120
Just say it.
1383
00:59:39,453 --> 00:59:41,080
Matt is, umm...
1384
00:59:41,706 --> 00:59:42,707
Yeah?
1385
00:59:42,832 --> 00:59:43,833
married.
1386
00:59:44,625 --> 00:59:46,627
-You're wrong.
-I spoke to his secretary.
1387
00:59:47,420 --> 00:59:48,546
Why are you doing this?
1388
00:59:48,629 --> 00:59:49,922
To protect you, Jess.
1389
00:59:50,214 --> 00:59:52,717
You deserve to be with someone
who really cares about you.
1390
00:59:52,884 --> 00:59:54,343
Not someone
who's running a scam.
1391
00:59:54,927 --> 00:59:56,137
I knew it! You're a lesbian!
1392
00:59:56,262 --> 00:59:59,015
What? No, I'm not a lesbian.
1393
00:59:59,348 --> 01:00:01,434
I am just a man
trapped in a woman's body.
1394
01:00:01,475 --> 01:00:02,476
What?
1395
01:00:03,144 --> 01:00:05,938
Look, I know this is gonna
sound crazy, but the thing is...
1396
01:00:06,731 --> 01:00:08,191
I ran into a
homeless woman the other day.
1397
01:00:08,482 --> 01:00:09,650
She asked me to kiss her.
1398
01:00:10,484 --> 01:00:13,029
Said it would
prove that I could see
the beauty in all women.
1399
01:00:13,571 --> 01:00:16,199
I refused. The next day
I wake up, I am no longer Eddie.
1400
01:00:16,365 --> 01:00:17,366
I am Edna.
1401
01:00:18,159 --> 01:00:19,452
And so, I need to find her.
1402
01:00:19,493 --> 01:00:20,661
Because all I can figure is,
1403
01:00:20,703 --> 01:00:22,538
you know, she's put
some kind of spell on me.
1404
01:00:22,997 --> 01:00:24,081
And so, once I find her
1405
01:00:24,123 --> 01:00:26,167
she can change me
back into being Eddie.
1406
01:00:28,961 --> 01:00:30,338
Come on, say something.
1407
01:00:31,547 --> 01:00:33,216
I don't ever
want to see you again.
1408
01:00:34,008 --> 01:00:36,511
-What?
-Don't call me, don't
1409
01:00:36,719 --> 01:00:38,763
text me, don't
just stop by and see me!
1410
01:00:39,096 --> 01:00:40,473
You're a sick, sick person!
1411
01:00:41,098 --> 01:00:42,517
Just, leave me alone.
1412
01:00:43,559 --> 01:00:44,644
Jess, come back!
1413
01:00:44,810 --> 01:00:47,897
[melancholic music]
1414
01:00:53,945 --> 01:00:56,989
[sobbing]
[music continues]
1415
01:01:06,415 --> 01:01:07,416
[screams]
1416
01:01:11,504 --> 01:01:14,549
[music continues]
[bottles clinking]
1417
01:01:22,014 --> 01:01:25,017
[music fades]
1418
01:01:28,688 --> 01:01:29,689
The thing is,
1419
01:01:29,856 --> 01:01:32,316
ever since the show
I haven't been able
to control my emotions.
1420
01:01:32,775 --> 01:01:35,194
Like, someone cuts me
off, I bawl my eyes out.
1421
01:01:36,404 --> 01:01:39,031
Ketchup spills on my
shirt, I bawl my eyes out.
1422
01:01:39,824 --> 01:01:40,867
That's messed up.
1423
01:01:41,659 --> 01:01:45,079
I'd rather be a little
bit emotional than a cold,
heartless bastard like you.
1424
01:01:46,539 --> 01:01:47,540
Ouch.
1425
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:49,041
Oh shit.
1426
01:01:49,292 --> 01:01:50,293
I'm sorry.
1427
01:01:50,710 --> 01:01:51,794
That's all right.
1428
01:01:52,336 --> 01:01:53,588
I was born out of wedlock.
1429
01:01:54,422 --> 01:01:56,716
I mean, I know I've been
hurting over Jess, but this...
1430
01:01:57,341 --> 01:01:58,759
this feels like more than that.
1431
01:01:59,260 --> 01:02:00,928
Hey, maybe it's
your female hormones.
1432
01:02:02,346 --> 01:02:03,347
Yeah, maybe.
1433
01:02:03,806 --> 01:02:05,016
Well, hey,
look. It's still early.
1434
01:02:05,099 --> 01:02:06,767
What do you say we
go out, hit a club or something?
1435
01:02:07,143 --> 01:02:08,853
While I'm an emotional wreck?
1436
01:02:09,353 --> 01:02:11,689
How self-centered
can you be, Steve?
1437
01:02:12,523 --> 01:02:13,524
I mean... what?
1438
01:02:14,483 --> 01:02:15,484
What?
1439
01:02:16,152 --> 01:02:17,778
You'd think we're
fucking already or something.
1440
01:02:22,158 --> 01:02:23,159
[sighs]
1441
01:02:28,164 --> 01:02:29,457
[sighs]
1442
01:02:31,709 --> 01:02:33,336
-Shit, I did it again.
-Uhuh.
1443
01:02:34,462 --> 01:02:36,047
[sighs]
I really have a problem.
1444
01:02:36,506 --> 01:02:37,507
Yeah?
1445
01:02:37,590 --> 01:02:38,591
Well...
1446
01:02:38,633 --> 01:02:41,594
My best friend has
turned into a really hot chick
1447
01:02:41,677 --> 01:02:44,013
and every night I've been
having sex dreams about him.
1448
01:02:44,722 --> 01:02:45,973
[laughs] Her.
1449
01:02:46,807 --> 01:02:48,893
See, you're not the only
one with problems here, pal.
1450
01:02:49,810 --> 01:02:51,103
I'm sorry, I didn't know.
1451
01:02:51,729 --> 01:02:53,523
Yeah, well, I'm not
too proud of that one.
1452
01:02:53,856 --> 01:02:54,857
[sighs] Right.
1453
01:02:56,859 --> 01:02:58,861
Come on, Eddie, let's
just change the subject.
1454
01:02:58,945 --> 01:02:59,946
Yeah.
1455
01:03:00,029 --> 01:03:02,198
Do me a favor,
pass me the controls, maybe
there's a game on or something.
1456
01:03:05,535 --> 01:03:06,536
[sighs]
1457
01:03:06,869 --> 01:03:08,120
[TV playing]
1458
01:03:08,829 --> 01:03:10,331
-You know what?
-What?
1459
01:03:11,249 --> 01:03:12,834
-Let's do it.
-Do what?
1460
01:03:13,584 --> 01:03:15,169
Like, let's do it.
1461
01:03:15,211 --> 01:03:16,212
[sputters]
1462
01:03:18,381 --> 01:03:20,758
-Are you fucking serious?
-Yes, I'm fucking serious.
1463
01:03:21,050 --> 01:03:24,512
I mean, I should
really take my female
equipment out on a test drive.
1464
01:03:25,012 --> 01:03:26,848
And who better
to lose my virginity to
1465
01:03:27,014 --> 01:03:28,975
-than my best friend?
-Because I can drive!
1466
01:03:30,059 --> 01:03:32,728
I can drive. And you are
serious. You are serious, right?
1467
01:03:32,812 --> 01:03:35,273
I'm as serious as
pink on a pregnancy test.
1468
01:03:35,356 --> 01:03:36,482
OK, that's great!
1469
01:03:36,858 --> 01:03:38,734
That is great. That is so sweet.
1470
01:03:39,193 --> 01:03:41,028
Don't be fucking with me, cause
if you're fucking with me...
1471
01:03:41,487 --> 01:03:42,864
Mate, I'm being serious.
1472
01:03:43,239 --> 01:03:44,282
I'm gonna go and freshen up.
1473
01:03:44,657 --> 01:03:45,658
Afterward...
1474
01:03:45,992 --> 01:03:46,993
me and you...
1475
01:03:47,243 --> 01:03:48,244
are gonna do the nasty.
1476
01:03:48,744 --> 01:03:49,829
I love the nasty.
1477
01:03:49,912 --> 01:03:51,247
[upbeat music]
1478
01:03:51,330 --> 01:03:52,456
I love the nasty.
1479
01:03:53,332 --> 01:03:55,209
Wait a minute. You
do have a vagina, right?
1480
01:03:55,751 --> 01:03:56,919
-Yes.
-Good.
1481
01:03:57,086 --> 01:03:58,087
Important.
1482
01:03:58,504 --> 01:04:00,548
For the old in and outie.
[whistles]
1483
01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:03,885
[music continues]
1484
01:04:08,347 --> 01:04:09,348
[sighs]
1485
01:04:12,602 --> 01:04:13,603
[sighs]
1486
01:04:13,686 --> 01:04:14,687
OK, umm...
1487
01:04:15,146 --> 01:04:16,939
You, like, make
yourself comfortable.
1488
01:04:18,441 --> 01:04:19,442
I'll be right back.
1489
01:04:19,525 --> 01:04:22,528
[music continues]
1490
01:04:30,244 --> 01:04:31,245
[slap]
1491
01:04:34,707 --> 01:04:37,752
[farting]
1492
01:04:42,256 --> 01:04:43,257
Ugh.
1493
01:04:47,053 --> 01:04:48,763
-[Edna screams]
-[Steve shouts]
1494
01:04:51,891 --> 01:04:52,892
What's wrong?
1495
01:04:56,312 --> 01:04:57,313
You OK?
1496
01:05:00,942 --> 01:05:03,194
Oh! What the fuck? What...
1497
01:05:03,402 --> 01:05:05,071
what, what, what did you do?
1498
01:05:05,279 --> 01:05:06,489
I think I'm dying!
1499
01:05:06,531 --> 01:05:08,032
There's so much blood, Eddie!
1500
01:05:08,282 --> 01:05:09,742
Call 911!
1501
01:05:10,117 --> 01:05:12,662
[grunting]
[vomiting]
1502
01:05:14,080 --> 01:05:15,164
Hey. Hey, excuse me.
1503
01:05:15,748 --> 01:05:16,749
Thanks for the tampon.
1504
01:05:17,166 --> 01:05:19,418
[emergency sirens]
1505
01:05:24,841 --> 01:05:25,842
[sighs]
1506
01:05:27,176 --> 01:05:29,262
-Well, that was embarrassing.
-Yes.
1507
01:05:30,221 --> 01:05:31,222
Yes, it was.
1508
01:05:31,514 --> 01:05:34,225
-Umm... thanks for the...
-No problem.
1509
01:05:34,767 --> 01:05:35,726
No problem.
1510
01:05:36,811 --> 01:05:37,812
OK.
1511
01:05:38,521 --> 01:05:39,522
OK.
1512
01:05:41,274 --> 01:05:42,900
So you know that thing
that we were gonna do--
1513
01:05:42,984 --> 01:05:44,819
Don't worry about that.
Do not...
1514
01:05:45,236 --> 01:05:46,445
worry about that. I am...
1515
01:05:46,529 --> 01:05:49,198
I, I, I will not be having any
more of those kind of dreams.
1516
01:05:49,240 --> 01:05:50,241
[chuckles] Right.
1517
01:05:50,324 --> 01:05:52,034
Yeah. I'm, uhh...
1518
01:05:53,578 --> 01:05:54,787
I'm totally cured.
1519
01:05:55,371 --> 01:05:56,372
I get it.
1520
01:05:57,373 --> 01:05:59,417
Yeah, I'll tell you
what, I should get going.
1521
01:05:59,625 --> 01:06:01,043
Got to get back
to the office. I've got to...
1522
01:06:01,627 --> 01:06:02,628
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
1523
01:06:04,005 --> 01:06:05,298
I'll, uhh... I'll uhh...
1524
01:06:05,506 --> 01:06:07,466
I'll, I'll talk to you later.
1525
01:06:08,551 --> 01:06:10,761
-See you later, Steve.
-I'm good. I'll see you.
1526
01:06:11,387 --> 01:06:14,390
[upbeat music continues]
1527
01:06:15,975 --> 01:06:17,685
Oh, wait. Do I have
something on my face?
1528
01:06:17,935 --> 01:06:18,936
I'll see you.
1529
01:06:19,020 --> 01:06:22,023
[music continues]
1530
01:06:25,109 --> 01:06:28,446
Look, how many times
do I have to tell you?
I don't do full-frontal.
1531
01:06:29,405 --> 01:06:30,948
What? How much does it pay?
1532
01:06:31,699 --> 01:06:32,742
Oh yeah. I'm in.
1533
01:06:33,284 --> 01:06:34,285
Call me back.
1534
01:06:34,577 --> 01:06:35,578
Can I help you?
1535
01:06:35,620 --> 01:06:37,955
Yeah, I'll have
a small latte, and uhh...
1536
01:06:38,164 --> 01:06:39,874
let me get whatever the
young lady here would like.
1537
01:06:39,957 --> 01:06:40,958
No thanks.
1538
01:06:41,042 --> 01:06:43,878
I insist. I'm trying to live
my life by paying it forward.
1539
01:06:44,212 --> 01:06:46,797
OK, that's great
and all, but I'd rather
just pay for my own drink.
1540
01:06:47,465 --> 01:06:48,466
Come on, babe.
1541
01:06:48,633 --> 01:06:49,800
It would really make my day.
1542
01:06:50,218 --> 01:06:51,844
OK, look, I know
what you're doing.
1543
01:06:52,386 --> 01:06:53,804
I used to be just like you.
1544
01:06:54,222 --> 01:06:55,932
So trust me when
I say, scamming women
1545
01:06:55,973 --> 01:06:58,935
to get them into
bed is a shallow,
meaningless way to live.
1546
01:06:59,227 --> 01:07:00,269
At the end of the day
1547
01:07:00,478 --> 01:07:01,938
it's love that really matters.
1548
01:07:02,188 --> 01:07:03,189
Uhuh.
1549
01:07:03,523 --> 01:07:04,524
You go, girl.
1550
01:07:04,982 --> 01:07:06,859
[musical flash]
I'll be damned...
1551
01:07:08,319 --> 01:07:09,320
Dude...
1552
01:07:09,779 --> 01:07:10,780
you just dodged a bullet.
1553
01:07:11,489 --> 01:07:12,615
Chick is hiding a banana.
1554
01:07:14,033 --> 01:07:15,826
She's got, balls.
1555
01:07:15,910 --> 01:07:18,913
[fast-paced music]
1556
01:07:37,765 --> 01:07:40,810
[music fades]
1557
01:07:42,562 --> 01:07:44,272
-Wow.
-I know, right?
1558
01:07:44,981 --> 01:07:46,566
It's a little different
to your first two books.
1559
01:07:46,858 --> 01:07:48,568
Well, I mean,
I'm a little different.
1560
01:07:48,609 --> 01:07:49,610
True.
1561
01:07:50,736 --> 01:07:52,822
-True.
-So, what do you think?
1562
01:07:53,197 --> 01:07:55,283
I don't know, Eddie.
I don't know, I mean...
1563
01:07:56,200 --> 01:07:57,660
all this stuff about intimacy
1564
01:07:57,743 --> 01:07:59,245
respect, romance...
1565
01:07:59,453 --> 01:08:02,665
I mean, come on. You really
think sex is better between
two people who are in love?
1566
01:08:03,291 --> 01:08:04,542
Yeah. I do.
1567
01:08:06,252 --> 01:08:07,253
Hm.
1568
01:08:08,296 --> 01:08:09,547
Love is the answer, pal.
1569
01:08:13,134 --> 01:08:14,594
Your ass is the answer, Eddie.
1570
01:08:15,178 --> 01:08:16,846
Edna. God, I gotta stop.
1571
01:08:16,888 --> 01:08:19,932
[fast-paced music continues]
1572
01:08:29,734 --> 01:08:31,569
[mystical sound]
1573
01:08:32,195 --> 01:08:33,196
Hey!
1574
01:08:34,322 --> 01:08:36,699
You don't
respect elders, do you?
1575
01:08:37,074 --> 01:08:38,117
[coins clink]
1576
01:08:38,159 --> 01:08:39,160
Fuck off.
1577
01:08:39,243 --> 01:08:40,369
You...
[music continues]
1578
01:08:42,371 --> 01:08:44,040
[mystical sound]
1579
01:08:46,959 --> 01:08:49,712
[music fades]
1580
01:08:57,261 --> 01:08:58,262
[grunts]
1581
01:09:01,557 --> 01:09:03,226
[yawns] Yeah.
1582
01:09:04,018 --> 01:09:05,061
[urine spraying]
1583
01:09:05,811 --> 01:09:08,731
Oh! Shit! Shit! Shit!
1584
01:09:09,273 --> 01:09:10,775
[laughs] Shit!
1585
01:09:11,192 --> 01:09:14,570
Shit! Shit! [laughs]
1586
01:09:14,904 --> 01:09:17,156
[laughs] Yeah!
1587
01:09:17,281 --> 01:09:19,116
Fuck, yes!
1588
01:09:19,450 --> 01:09:20,743
Yes! Phone!
1589
01:09:21,035 --> 01:09:22,036
Phone.
1590
01:09:22,662 --> 01:09:23,955
Phone. Come on.
1591
01:09:24,497 --> 01:09:25,790
OK, OK.
1592
01:09:26,040 --> 01:09:28,167
[upbeat music]
1593
01:09:28,417 --> 01:09:29,585
Steve! It's Eddie.
1594
01:09:29,877 --> 01:09:30,920
Listen to me, it's Eddie.
1595
01:09:30,962 --> 01:09:32,547
I'm back, man. I'm back!
1596
01:09:32,964 --> 01:09:34,173
Fuck yes!
1597
01:09:34,215 --> 01:09:37,260
[music continues]
1598
01:09:42,473 --> 01:09:44,308
[music fades]
1599
01:09:45,476 --> 01:09:48,521
[tender music]
1600
01:09:55,862 --> 01:09:58,322
I think Chapter Seven,
you'll really like it.
1601
01:09:58,573 --> 01:09:59,574
[woman] Next.
1602
01:09:59,615 --> 01:10:00,616
All right. Bye.
1603
01:10:02,326 --> 01:10:03,703
-Hello.
-Hi.
1604
01:10:05,246 --> 01:10:07,957
Can I just say,
you are the perfect man.
1605
01:10:08,374 --> 01:10:10,668
Well, that's very
kind of you, but I am...
1606
01:10:10,877 --> 01:10:12,086
far from perfect.
1607
01:10:12,378 --> 01:10:15,089
I don't know. You
understand and respect women.
1608
01:10:15,756 --> 01:10:17,341
Plus, you're so damn handsome.
1609
01:10:17,800 --> 01:10:20,511
[chuckles]
That's very kind of you.
Thank you very much.
1610
01:10:21,179 --> 01:10:22,597
I appreciate that. I do.
1611
01:10:23,139 --> 01:10:24,140
Thank you.
1612
01:10:24,599 --> 01:10:25,600
Thank you.
1613
01:10:25,975 --> 01:10:27,810
Thank you.
Steve Burns, I'm his agent.
1614
01:10:28,978 --> 01:10:30,897
-I always introduce myself.
-Next.
1615
01:10:32,398 --> 01:10:33,399
-Hi.
-Hi.
1616
01:10:34,650 --> 01:10:35,651
Right here.
1617
01:10:36,444 --> 01:10:38,529
You really liked it?
That was good.
1618
01:10:39,280 --> 01:10:40,448
Here he is. Hey, pal.
1619
01:10:40,573 --> 01:10:41,574
Hey, buddy.
1620
01:10:41,657 --> 01:10:43,618
Hey, listen. We've
got to get going. We've got a...
1621
01:10:43,951 --> 01:10:47,121
dinner reservation
tonight to celebrate our
six-month anniversary, actually.
1622
01:10:47,205 --> 01:10:48,873
-Six months already?
-Yeah.
1623
01:10:49,165 --> 01:10:51,042
-Wow, congrats.
-Thank you.
1624
01:10:51,501 --> 01:10:53,586
Are you sure you won't let me
set you up with my roommate?
1625
01:10:53,628 --> 01:10:55,796
Yeah... no, no...
1626
01:10:56,589 --> 01:10:57,965
I really think
you'd hit it off.
1627
01:10:58,007 --> 01:10:59,759
[chuckles]
1628
01:10:59,842 --> 01:11:01,802
I appreciate the
offer, but no, thank you.
1629
01:11:02,512 --> 01:11:04,180
All right, if you change
your mind, let us know?
1630
01:11:04,222 --> 01:11:05,389
-Will do.
-OK?
1631
01:11:05,473 --> 01:11:06,766
-Go on.
-If you change your mind.
1632
01:11:06,891 --> 01:11:08,726
-If I change my mind. Have fun.
-See you, pal.
1633
01:11:08,768 --> 01:11:09,769
See ya.
1634
01:11:09,852 --> 01:11:12,855
[tender music]
1635
01:11:14,440 --> 01:11:17,235
[emotional music]
1636
01:11:17,568 --> 01:11:18,528
Eddie.
1637
01:11:19,820 --> 01:11:20,821
Jess.
1638
01:11:22,031 --> 01:11:23,699
-Hi.
-Hi.
1639
01:11:24,951 --> 01:11:26,494
Wow, you look amazing.
1640
01:11:26,786 --> 01:11:28,412
Oh. Thanks.
1641
01:11:30,581 --> 01:11:31,707
So, umm...
1642
01:11:32,583 --> 01:11:33,960
Uhh...
1643
01:11:34,418 --> 01:11:36,087
-Read your book.
-You did?
1644
01:11:36,462 --> 01:11:37,463
Uhuh.
1645
01:11:37,880 --> 01:11:39,882
-I really liked it.
-I'm glad.
1646
01:11:41,926 --> 01:11:43,135
You dedicated it to me.
1647
01:11:43,553 --> 01:11:44,554
Yeah.
1648
01:11:44,887 --> 01:11:47,348
Well, you know, you played
a big role in helping me change.
1649
01:11:49,016 --> 01:11:50,476
Yeah. About that.
1650
01:11:51,602 --> 01:11:52,603
So...
1651
01:11:52,812 --> 01:11:54,814
you and Edna...
1652
01:11:54,856 --> 01:11:55,940
One and the same.
1653
01:11:56,983 --> 01:11:57,984
Oh.
1654
01:11:58,234 --> 01:11:59,694
-Wow.
-Crazy, huh?
1655
01:12:00,570 --> 01:12:01,571
Yes...
1656
01:12:02,864 --> 01:12:03,865
and no.
1657
01:12:05,408 --> 01:12:06,534
You know, I've got an idea.
1658
01:12:07,785 --> 01:12:10,079
Why don't we start
this thing all over?
1659
01:12:10,580 --> 01:12:11,581
[clears throat]
1660
01:12:12,623 --> 01:12:13,624
Hello.
1661
01:12:13,708 --> 01:12:14,709
I'm Eddie Greenleaf.
1662
01:12:15,042 --> 01:12:16,544
-Jess White.
-Jess White?
1663
01:12:16,752 --> 01:12:17,753
-Uhuh.
-Wow.
1664
01:12:18,504 --> 01:12:19,547
So are you seeing anyone?
1665
01:12:20,339 --> 01:12:21,340
Uh, no.
1666
01:12:21,757 --> 01:12:24,260
Not since I discovered the last
guy I was dating was married.
1667
01:12:24,510 --> 01:12:25,970
-I'm sorry to hear that.
-Yeah.
1668
01:12:26,554 --> 01:12:28,556
A friend tried to warn
me, but I wouldn't listen.
1669
01:12:29,098 --> 01:12:30,766
In fact, I was
really mean to her.
1670
01:12:31,767 --> 01:12:32,977
You know, I think
she forgives you.
1671
01:12:36,397 --> 01:12:38,608
So, how about you? Are you...
1672
01:12:39,817 --> 01:12:40,818
seeing anyone?
1673
01:12:40,985 --> 01:12:41,986
Actually...
1674
01:12:42,570 --> 01:12:45,656
I kind of fell in love for the
first time in my life last year.
1675
01:12:47,533 --> 01:12:48,534
You did?
1676
01:12:48,784 --> 01:12:49,785
Yeah.
1677
01:12:49,952 --> 01:12:52,288
The timing, though,
it wasn't right, unfortunately.
1678
01:12:53,998 --> 01:12:54,999
Well...
1679
01:12:55,249 --> 01:12:56,876
maybe you should
give it another shot.
1680
01:12:58,002 --> 01:13:00,046
I was just thinking
exactly the same thing.
1681
01:13:02,006 --> 01:13:03,090
So, can I buy you a latte?
1682
01:13:03,674 --> 01:13:04,926
-I'd really like that.
-Yeah?
1683
01:13:05,009 --> 01:13:06,886
-Yeah.
-Let's get out of here then.
1684
01:13:06,969 --> 01:13:09,972
[fast-paced music]
1685
01:13:16,270 --> 01:13:19,315
[upbeat music]
1686
01:13:31,494 --> 01:13:32,495
[crew chattering]
1687
01:13:33,287 --> 01:13:34,288
[crew] Mark.
1688
01:13:35,581 --> 01:13:36,832
-You had the book signing.
-Uhuh.
1689
01:13:36,916 --> 01:13:37,917
The release party.
1690
01:13:38,125 --> 01:13:40,753
-Sex with a homeless model--
Oh fuck, a homeless model.
-[woman laughs]
1691
01:13:41,462 --> 01:13:43,214
[indistinct chattering]
1692
01:13:43,923 --> 01:13:44,882
[indistinct chattering]
1693
01:13:45,633 --> 01:13:47,593
[laughs]
1694
01:13:47,969 --> 01:13:49,512
I love the
homeless kind of look.
1695
01:13:49,595 --> 01:13:50,596
It's just, you know...
1696
01:13:50,638 --> 01:13:51,722
The book signing.
1697
01:13:51,973 --> 01:13:53,933
Sex with a homeless-
Oh for fuck's sake!
1698
01:13:54,016 --> 01:13:55,351
That homeless
woman's in my head.
1699
01:13:55,643 --> 01:13:56,936
Buddy, let me
tell you something.
1700
01:13:56,978 --> 01:13:58,437
I'm, I'm starving, ok.
1701
01:13:58,813 --> 01:14:00,106
This may be
harder than I thought.
1702
01:14:01,858 --> 01:14:03,985
OK, we might
have to go back to [indistinct]
1703
01:14:04,360 --> 01:14:05,820
[door rattling]
1704
01:14:06,279 --> 01:14:07,280
Knock, knock!
1705
01:14:07,488 --> 01:14:10,533
[music continues]
1706
01:14:16,038 --> 01:14:18,082
[together] This is where you
find your beaver buzzers
1707
01:14:18,165 --> 01:14:21,669
magic wands, pussy
punchers, hamburger
helpers and wacky wobblers.
1708
01:14:22,128 --> 01:14:24,255
Personally,
I like the butterfly.
1709
01:14:25,548 --> 01:14:26,549
Fuck.
1710
01:14:26,924 --> 01:14:30,011
[music continues]
1711
01:14:48,821 --> 01:14:49,947
-Well?
-This stuff is good.
1712
01:14:50,031 --> 01:14:51,240
-Not bad, right?
-Yeah, what is it?
1713
01:14:51,407 --> 01:14:52,909
-[pronounces] Bocelios.
-Hmm.
1714
01:14:53,326 --> 01:14:54,327
[crew pronounces] Dos celios.
1715
01:14:54,368 --> 01:14:55,661
This stuff's good. What is it?
1716
01:14:55,870 --> 01:14:57,163
[pronounces] Dos selios.
1717
01:14:58,664 --> 01:14:59,957
This stuff is good.
1718
01:15:00,082 --> 01:15:01,083
What is it?
1719
01:15:02,835 --> 01:15:03,836
[both laugh]
1720
01:15:04,378 --> 01:15:07,423
[music continues]
1721
01:15:10,760 --> 01:15:12,011
[sighs] The thing is...
1722
01:15:13,304 --> 01:15:14,639
Oh. For fuck's sake.
1723
01:15:14,931 --> 01:15:16,474
Yes, I'm fucking serious.
1724
01:15:16,682 --> 01:15:19,352
I mean, I really should take
my female equipment out with...
1725
01:15:19,936 --> 01:15:21,270
-What am I doing?
-[both laugh]
1726
01:15:23,105 --> 01:15:24,315
Hey, hey. Hey, excuse me.
1727
01:15:24,774 --> 01:15:27,151
Thanks for the cond--
Not the condom, fuck.
1728
01:15:27,443 --> 01:15:28,444
[all laugh]
1729
01:15:29,195 --> 01:15:32,198
[music continues]
1730
01:15:35,576 --> 01:15:36,577
[panting]
1731
01:15:37,203 --> 01:15:38,204
Come on.
1732
01:15:40,164 --> 01:15:41,165
OK.
1733
01:15:42,375 --> 01:15:43,376
Eddie!
1734
01:15:43,751 --> 01:15:45,336
No, I'm fucking Eddie. Fuck!
1735
01:15:45,378 --> 01:15:46,379
Back.
1736
01:15:46,754 --> 01:15:47,755
[crew laugh]
1737
01:15:47,964 --> 01:15:49,674
Make yourself
comfortable and I'll...
1738
01:15:51,342 --> 01:15:52,343
be right back.
1739
01:15:52,593 --> 01:15:55,555
[laughs]
1740
01:15:56,180 --> 01:15:57,640
Yes! [laughs]
1741
01:15:58,057 --> 01:16:01,102
[music continues]
1742
01:16:04,397 --> 01:16:06,065
She must have put a spell on me.
1743
01:16:06,274 --> 01:16:07,942
That's the only
thing that makes sense.
1744
01:16:08,568 --> 01:16:09,986
OK. So...
1745
01:16:10,528 --> 01:16:11,988
we're looking for this magical
1746
01:16:12,780 --> 01:16:14,574
mystery kind of
homeless woman, right?
1747
01:16:14,866 --> 01:16:16,367
I mean, I don't
know. I guess so.
1748
01:16:17,702 --> 01:16:18,703
OK.
1749
01:16:19,579 --> 01:16:20,621
Maybe she was a witch.
1750
01:16:20,872 --> 01:16:22,456
-A witch.
-All right, did you see it yet?
1751
01:16:22,540 --> 01:16:23,541
Because the gig's up.
1752
01:16:23,583 --> 01:16:24,750
[crew laugh]
1753
01:16:25,126 --> 01:16:26,544
Can I ask you a question?
1754
01:16:27,336 --> 01:16:28,337
[laughs]
1755
01:16:28,504 --> 01:16:29,505
[both laugh]
1756
01:16:34,302 --> 01:16:35,303
[snorts]
1757
01:16:37,638 --> 01:16:38,639
I'm so sorry.
1758
01:16:39,515 --> 01:16:41,767
[beeping]
1759
01:16:41,851 --> 01:16:42,852
Not in.
1760
01:16:45,813 --> 01:16:46,814
Uhuh.
1761
01:16:48,107 --> 01:16:49,901
[crew laughing]
1762
01:16:49,984 --> 01:16:53,070
[ending music]
111439
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof