Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:27,360
Today is the day my sister
was supposed to get married.
2
00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:32,040
Who was that?
3
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,680
I want to cancel the wedding.
4
00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:38,720
Oh, no!
5
00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:41,920
What's going to happen?
Is Stefan going to leave Lucy?
6
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:45,360
Perhaps he'll join the army,
go to war and die.
7
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:46,840
Lucy might have a rebound fling
8
00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:48,760
with a 23-year-old
driving instructor,
9
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:50,600
get chlamydia and die.
10
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,080
So much jeopardy!
11
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:53,920
What a moment of tension.
12
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,480
I want to cancel the wedding.
13
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,120
Well, you can't.
14
00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:10,120
Oh!
15
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:19,800
And so it came to be that any chance
of drama was dispelled.
16
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:22,320
The happy couple were wed
and live...
17
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:28,120
MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYS
18
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:26,680
Once upon a time, I went to
the wedding of two people I hated,
19
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,880
and I kept crying, even though
I didn't care about them
20
00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:31,280
or their happiness.
21
00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:34,880
The first dance,
22
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,360
children chasing after each other,
23
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,560
proud elderly relatives -
24
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,920
everything moved me.
25
00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:45,440
That's why using a wedding in a
television programme is cheating,
26
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,480
like when a talent show
puts sad music
27
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,880
under a contestant's
boring backstory.
28
00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:52,080
Intellectually, you know,
I don't give a flying shit
29
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,960
about his nan's battle with acne,
30
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,960
but try telling your heart that.
31
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,760
Try telling your blurry eyes.
32
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:01,840
We'll be steering clear
of those synthetic,
33
00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,800
manipulated emotions today.
34
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,800
What we're looking for
is what's real.
35
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:07,840
Why not?
36
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:11,640
Because it's bad luck
to bring a married lover
37
00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:13,000
to your daughter's wedding.
38
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,600
But you said... I changed my mind.
39
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,960
Yeah, but that's not fair...
Are you staying with Yvonne?
40
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,480
It's not that simple.
41
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,040
Well, I think you should tell her.
42
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:25,000
And I think you should get out.
43
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,560
Of here, not there.
44
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,960
Actually, I don't care what you do,
as long as I don't know about it.
45
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,640
But I've taken the day off work.
46
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:33,960
Go, Simon...
47
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:37,000
..before I do something I regret,
48
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,560
like kick you in the balls.
49
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:40,800
Go on!
50
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,240
Goodbye.
51
00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:48,840
HE SIGHS
52
00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,160
Oh, and I blocked you on Facebook,
53
00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,600
so you needn't bother any more
with your aubergine emojis
54
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,040
and your otter videos.
55
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:56,080
I won't see them.
56
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,200
DOOR CLOSES
57
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,880
Weddings and stories are cheating
58
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,400
because they're used
as a full stop -
59
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,560
"And then they got married.
The end."
60
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:25,000
Don't ask any questions
about what happens afterwards
61
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,240
because you won't like the answers.
62
00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:28,720
Happily ever after.
63
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:32,160
We lie repeatedly to children
and then wonder why adulthood
64
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:33,640
is so disappointing.
65
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,880
You know my dad's not rich, right?
66
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,000
Why do you hate me?
67
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,320
I don't.
68
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,320
I don't hate you, I see through you.
69
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,280
You wanted to be more important
in the show,
70
00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:53,320
so you gate-crashed my life
by shagging my dad
71
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,040
in my mum's house. No!
72
00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:56,800
Oh! Excuse me?
73
00:04:58,040 --> 00:04:59,880
Your dad helped me.
74
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:01,880
Said he knew someone
with a spare room,
75
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,000
someone who could do with
a bit of money coming in.
76
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,560
He's lying.
77
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:07,080
I'm lodging with your mum.
78
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:10,360
What?
79
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,720
Your dad's sleeping on the sofa.
80
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:19,520
It's not just you who overlooks me
in their story.
81
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,840
Everybody does.
82
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,960
I work every day,
three jobs for a minimum wage,
83
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,920
where I give other people
what they want,
84
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:30,040
and they forget to say thank you.
85
00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:32,080
How did I get this so wrong?
Oh, come on.
86
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,800
COUPLE GIGGLE
87
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:41,360
OK, now.
88
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,320
OK, good luck. Love you.
89
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,240
Can you pick...?
90
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,200
GLASS CLINKS
91
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:57,280
Hello, and thank you for coming.
92
00:05:57,280 --> 00:06:01,000
Some people say, "Why spend
all this money on a wedding
93
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:04,440
"when there are people sleeping
rough on the streets?"
94
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:05,800
MAN COUGHS
95
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,120
You said that.
96
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:11,880
Yes, I said that,
in the car on the way here,
97
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,960
in a last-ditch attempt
to prove to my sister
98
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,320
how selfish getting married is.
99
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,000
Boo!
100
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,760
Shut up, Steve.
101
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:25,320
What could be more selfish
than trying to own another person,
102
00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,520
making them have your surname,
103
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:29,840
saying that they can't shag
anyone but you.
104
00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:31,440
Tell your dad that.
105
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:33,760
LAUGHTER
106
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,400
But then Lucy told me that Stefan...
107
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,000
HE SOBS
108
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:43,640
I want to cancel the wedding.
109
00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:45,920
What? I wasn't crying.
110
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:46,960
MEN LAUGH
111
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:50,080
Even though
he backed down immediately,
112
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,120
I learned something from Stefan.
113
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,040
When he thought that Lucy
might not love him...
114
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,200
He was wrong!
115
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:57,520
..he tried to free her.
116
00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:58,800
I love him!
117
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,280
THEY LAUGH
118
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:07,040
And, so, I realise now that marriage
is not a form of confinement,
119
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:12,280
of pinning someone down, but an
unselfish offering of yourself.
120
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:14,360
ALL: Aww!
121
00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:18,040
THEY APPLAUD
122
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,360
Give the people what they want.
123
00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,320
But I do mean it.
124
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,040
A toast, then, to not being selfish.
125
00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:31,720
ALL: To not being selfish!
126
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,120
Apart from you.
127
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,120
MAN LAUGHS
128
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,280
All done?
129
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,240
May I sit with you?
130
00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,480
I've been meaning to tell
you something.
131
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:04,680
I've not been...completely honest
about why my wife...
132
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,360
Why...I'm here alone.
133
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,800
She left me.
134
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:15,440
Two years ago.
135
00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:18,920
Suddenly hated our lives together.
136
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,160
Blamed me.
137
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:27,600
She wanted to go to couples therapy,
but I wouldn't. Waste of time.
138
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,040
Load of bloody nonsense.
139
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:30,560
Therapy is theft.
140
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:31,760
Agreed.
141
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,720
But I wanted it to work.
142
00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,920
Because I'd thrown away so much.
143
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:45,400
I lost...
144
00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:48,520
..you...
145
00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:49,880
..and the girls.
146
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:55,800
And it's like you said...
147
00:08:55,800 --> 00:09:00,320
..maybe a happy ending justifies all
the horrible stuff along the way.
148
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,400
I know.
149
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,160
I'm so sorry.
150
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,000
Only took 30 years.
151
00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:21,760
Although, you know, our story
does have a happy ending,
152
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:23,440
you and me.
153
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:24,760
It's today.
154
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:30,440
We made a person,
and she's getting married.
155
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,280
WHISPERS: Oh...
156
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:36,560
ALL: Aww.
157
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:38,080
Don't get distracted by my dad
158
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,200
pretending to be caring
and considerate.
159
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,840
My point is
what it then made Mum do.
160
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,160
I've never thought of it like that.
161
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:50,240
You should feel... It's my big day!
162
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,640
SHE LAUGHS
163
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:57,640
BRIDE GIGGLES
164
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,520
So, you saw him this morning? Mm-hm.
165
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:00,800
Fuck tradition.
166
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:01,880
Yeah.
167
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,320
Yeah, I guess so.
168
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:04,840
Yeah, definitely.
169
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,400
I don't even believe in bad luck.
170
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,920
Ta-da!
171
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,440
SARA GASPS
172
00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:13,800
MUM GIGGLES
173
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,960
And thus, tradition was fucked.
174
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:20,120
LAUGHTER
175
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,840
Well, I paid for all this.
176
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,320
HUBBUB
177
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:24,840
My day.
178
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:29,640
My parents' love lives mean
I can't take any of this seriously.
179
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:33,640
To the mother of the bride!
180
00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:34,960
Oh, that's me!
181
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,360
To the mother of the bride!
182
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,080
THEY CHEER
183
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:44,960
Who, incredibly, is not the most
selfish person in the room.
184
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:46,680
KNOCK AT DOOR
185
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,080
We need to talk.
186
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,280
I know now isn't the greatest time.
187
00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:52,920
I babysit enough as it is, Jim.
188
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,000
You should be at
the registry office!
189
00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,840
We never even tried, you and me.
190
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,480
Maybe we should give it a go,
for Marie.
191
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:04,920
Thank you, Daddy.
192
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:06,560
Wh-why?
193
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,280
Er, oh...
194
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:10,840
Did you get cold feet?
195
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:12,920
I got cold everything.
196
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,760
I don't know, it's like, I'm 35.
197
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,200
What have I achieved?
198
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:19,680
My best friend's getting married.
199
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,360
I just thought it's time that
I grew up and got married as well.
200
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,520
What a drama queen.
He's the male you.
201
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:25,560
Oh, my God.
202
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:28,280
And if I was going to marry anyone,
it would be you.
203
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,200
The same person your best
friend is marrying?!
204
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:31,960
I didn't think through the details.
205
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,360
Is this because of the boobs?
206
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,920
What? These sudden feelings.
207
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:38,640
Er...
208
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,240
I don't know. Maybe.
209
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:41,360
Get up.
210
00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:42,880
And that's how the best man won.
211
00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:44,200
APPLAUSE
212
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,080
Me. I'm be the best man.
213
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,320
No more sharing it.
214
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:50,920
He got relegated to not the best man
with the rest of you losers,
215
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:53,280
because there are no good men here.
216
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,040
How did you outrun an Uber?
217
00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,880
Oh, no. What's going on?
218
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,800
Don't look.
Don't look, it's bad luck.
219
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,880
My best man proposing to my fiancee?
220
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,440
Sorry, mate.
221
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:10,120
Can't say I blame him.
222
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,200
ALL: Aww.
223
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,000
Yucksville.
224
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,440
THEY LAUGH
225
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,080
ALL: Aww.
226
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:24,440
Fucking, "Aww."
227
00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:28,000
This is the bullshit that gives
people false ideals,
228
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:31,920
makes them think that other people
are living lives full of magic
229
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:35,120
and romance rather than
boredom and pain.
230
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:36,520
No, no, don't...
231
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:39,320
Stop talking, right?
Everyone is looking at you.
232
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:42,880
GUESTS MURMUR
233
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:48,000
Surely, the fact that divorce exists
undermines marriage.
234
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:54,400
"Oh, I promise to never leave you.
235
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,800
"Unless, of course, I want to."
236
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,560
"Then I'll move to America
with your mum's friend Bernie."
237
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:01,760
Bernie was a bitch.
"And I'll see you when I see you."
238
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,640
Sara, no.
239
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:07,920
Promising you're going to try
and make someone happy
240
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,920
only means that you're going to try.
241
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,160
And grow.
242
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,000
And learn.
243
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,560
WOMAN: Oh, that's true.
244
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:20,200
And listen.
245
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,480
And try.
246
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:27,920
Not because they can't leave,
but because you hope
247
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:30,400
that if you try your best,
248
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,240
they'll never want to.
249
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,520
ALL: Aww.
250
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,200
Yeah, "Aww."
251
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:42,200
I know you all think that Stefan
is so amazing
252
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,080
and caring and devoted.
253
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:45,600
And, of course, he is,
254
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,120
because I wrote him.
255
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,480
Hmm?
256
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,600
That is a fictional man,
257
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:53,880
invented by a woman, me,
258
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:57,800
trying to imagine what a really
selfless hero might be like.
259
00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,800
This, him,
260
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,400
it's unrealistic.
261
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:03,920
I just want you to be happy.
262
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,040
Carol!
263
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,200
I'll make you a dress.
264
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:08,440
THEY LAUGH
265
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,240
SHE SCREAMS
266
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,040
Carol!
267
00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:14,240
Are you all right?
268
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:16,760
I learned to knit.
269
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,520
How is it four? Ah...
270
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,880
That's why I've never
had a successful relationship,
271
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,600
because I'm too good at
inventing them.
272
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,320
I have too clear an idea
of what I want,
273
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:26,240
and it's clearly too much.
274
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:30,280
Would you like to meet my brother?
275
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:39,560
I knew I had a brother
when I was growing up.
276
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:42,400
I knew it because I missed him.
277
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:46,880
He's the person who would have
stuck up for me and protected me.
278
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,360
When I got a boyfriend,
he'd have threatened.
279
00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:52,360
Treat her well,
or you'll have me to answer to.
280
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,000
And when Craig didn't treat me well,
281
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,760
when he dumped me in a wedding dress
shop at two in the afternoon,
282
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,280
ten days after proposing...
283
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:01,440
I'd have gone round there
and said I was very disappointed.
284
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:02,800
Beaten him up.
285
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,040
I'm a lover, not a fighter.
286
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:06,640
But you look after me.
287
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,640
Of course.
288
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:09,880
Oh, yeah,
289
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:11,160
the reason he's American.
290
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,720
Different parents.
291
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,040
He's sexy. So sexy.
292
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:18,360
And he can't break up with me
because we're technically related.
293
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,960
GUESTS BOO
294
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,800
Oh, shut up.
295
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,080
Shut up.
296
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:32,080
My point is, we all fantasise
about loving someone
297
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,480
who won't leave us,
someone that it's safe to trust.
298
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,080
You call it marriage.
299
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:39,120
I call it... Incest.
300
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,000
GUESTS GASP
301
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,480
Right, that's it.
302
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:45,280
We are all lying to ourselves.
303
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,600
This is not how
an actual person behaves.
304
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,640
All strong and thoughtful
and perfect.
305
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,040
Yeah, no,
306
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,800
Sara's right.
307
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,000
I'm not real.
308
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,320
I made him say that,
because I'm the writer.
309
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,680
I wrote it down,
and then he has to say it.
310
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:02,560
You're the cleverest girl
in all the world.
311
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:05,520
Thank you, myself, for writing
that down for you to tell me.
312
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:06,920
I'm not real, either.
313
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:08,040
MAN: Cut!
BELL RINGS
314
00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:09,520
Just a really good actor.
315
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:13,280
I was insulted when Sara cast me
saying we look like sisters.
316
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,720
Don't worry about that
hurting my feelings.
317
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,280
I wrote that as well.
318
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,240
Oh! Have you come to stop me?
319
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:23,040
Am I destroying the artifice
that we've created?
320
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,600
No, it's still fictional.
321
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,080
I wrote your entrance on a computer.
322
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:31,920
You were cast by a second AD based
on a photograph from an agency.
323
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:33,880
The lovely Lee. I got
sent your measurements
324
00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:36,760
and then got you some dweeby clothes
so that you'd look like crew.
325
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,800
Would you like to say something?
326
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,640
No, you can't reply.
327
00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:45,240
I would have to pay you an extra
£300 as a speaking role.
328
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,840
And we're already over budget
because somebody - me -
329
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,760
scripted an all-cast
episode in a marquee.
330
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,360
ALL: Aww.
331
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:55,280
You do as I tell you,
because I'm in control.
332
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:56,880
I'm better than a best man.
333
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:58,120
I'm God.
334
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,240
MICROPHONE SCREECHES
335
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,160
Sorry. Did that seem arrogant?
336
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,480
MAN: Oh, dear.
337
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,360
Can I talk to you?
338
00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:17,880
Why aren't you saying my lines?
339
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:19,080
BOTH: Stop doing this.
340
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,360
This is the bit
where you apologise to me.
341
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:22,880
I deserve an apology.
342
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,400
Time for the real truth,
don't you think?
343
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,120
GUESTS MURMUR
344
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:31,840
WOMAN: So, we're not at a wedding?
345
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:38,000
There is no one truth.
346
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:41,000
That's what you're finding
unbearable.
347
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:46,800
This struggle is because
you want to be right.
348
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,240
No.
349
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,120
Yes.
350
00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,640
It's because you lie.
351
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,160
It's made me obsessed.
352
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:06,080
What's true?!
353
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:09,640
What can I believe?
354
00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:13,880
You can't ever know
what another person is thinking.
355
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,920
Yeah, I know that.
You can't feel their feelings.
356
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,320
Yes. Can you truly know them?
357
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:20,640
It's not fair.
358
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:24,520
You wrote me,
and still you don't understand me.
359
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,240
Yes.
360
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:27,640
Do you know why?
361
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,760
You're a real person.
362
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:38,960
You created yourself, this world,
and a fake family,
363
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:43,200
hoped, by this point,
your dad would make sense.
364
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,720
Yes.
365
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:50,680
You hoped, if you put it in a story,
with an ending...
366
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,160
..it would stop making you sad.
367
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,520
I thought I could come up
with a sentence, like,
368
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,440
"People are good and bad
all at the same time,"
369
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:13,400
or, "People can leave you
and still love you."
370
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:19,640
Or, "Adulthood is a prison
for children that didn't die."
371
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,520
And I thought...
372
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,280
..it would make everything OK.
373
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:24,760
HE LAUGHS WEAKLY
374
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,880
Lies and stories are very similar.
375
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,400
If you want my advice...
376
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,280
You should've put some jokes
in this bit.
377
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:09,120
MUFFLED PARTY MUSIC
378
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:23,960
SHE SIGHS
379
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:27,160
What I hate about happy endings
is how much I want one.
380
00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:42,520
♪ It's all about you tonight
381
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:45,560
♪ And how love is all around you
382
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:50,240
♪ Finally it found you
383
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:53,840
♪ It's all about you
384
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,280
♪ So take what you need
385
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:58,080
♪ It's all right
386
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:02,200
♪ Just let the love surround you
387
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,760
♪ Finally it found you
388
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:11,000
♪ It's all about you...♪
389
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,040
What's the point of happiness
if it doesn't last?
390
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:47,960
Stupid thing to say.
391
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,960
Of course we have a future.
Everyone has.
392
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:54,080
But your complete refusal to discuss
ours makes me think that we don't.
393
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,320
Are you breaking up with me
at a wedding?
394
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,920
Finally, some delicious drama.
395
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,760
Yeah, break up a wedding.
396
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:05,800
Give me my friend back!
397
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,360
Stop pushing me.
398
00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:10,640
In a month's time,
we are going to have a son.
399
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:12,680
Yes. And we can talk about that
in a month's time.
400
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:14,920
But you're keeping it all
to yourself.
401
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,280
All of the baby, all of you.
402
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:22,080
I'm so lonely.
403
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:23,960
Good! Be lonely.
404
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,360
Loneliness is real.
405
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,640
Yes! More drama.
406
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,480
SIRENS WAIL
407
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,120
SHE LAUGHS
408
00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:35,120
Oh, it's funny how things end up,
isn't it?
409
00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:37,120
It really is.
410
00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:38,400
SHE LAUGHS
411
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:41,880
It's been fun.
412
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:43,280
SIREN WHOOPS
413
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,400
Let go, eh? I'm not a conga.
414
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,000
Lewis?
415
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,560
Where are you going? Oh, shit.
416
00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:03,840
SHE GASPS
417
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,560
He's here!
418
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,320
Have you seen my stepfather?
419
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:08,360
Lewis!
420
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:12,640
I've killed no-one.
But they'll never believe me.
421
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:15,160
GLASSWARE SMASHES
422
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,520
SHE GASPS
423
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:28,960
You're Bernie's son.
424
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:32,520
Yeah.
425
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,520
Yippee!
426
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:40,440
He's my brother,
but we're not related.
427
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,760
She's not using her cards
or passport.
428
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:44,680
Lewis told me she'd gone skiing,
429
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:46,440
but that was four months ago.
430
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:47,640
Are you sure?
431
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,400
I mean, he's a shit husband,
but he never murdered me.
432
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:58,880
He killed her so he could
get back with me.
433
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:00,160
HE GASPS
434
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:01,560
It's not that, Mum.
435
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:04,120
SHE SIGHS
436
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:09,200
Sometimes a revenge body
can be too powerful.
437
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,920
Sara falls in love?
438
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,040
This isn't satisfying, is it?
439
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,120
My dad,
440
00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:28,880
all people,
441
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,040
are good and bad at the same time.
442
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:32,960
GUESTS: Rubbish! Boo!
443
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:37,960
People can leave you
and still love you.
444
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,240
GUESTS BOO
445
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,480
Even I don't believe this.
What a load of crap.
446
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:45,320
Adulthood is
a prison for children who...
447
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:46,360
GUEST: Boo.
448
00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:47,480
Boo.
449
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:49,920
Why couldn't you just let me
have a nice wedding?
450
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:58,560
Because I wanted to be truthful,
didn't I?
451
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:00,800
There's no such thing as
a happy ending,
452
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,520
because the only true
ending is death.
453
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:04,840
What are you doing?
454
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:08,480
Being happy.
455
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:09,520
Get out.
456
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,280
Today was the best day of my life.
457
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,360
Oh, you look so beautiful.
458
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:18,640
She'll get old.
459
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:22,440
Yep.
460
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,160
All of us are going to die one day.
461
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:25,400
Even me?
462
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:31,800
What's the point, Sara?
This won't last forever, so...?
463
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,040
"This omelette won't last
until the end of time,
464
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:35,720
"so I'd better not eat
this omelette."
465
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:38,440
Yeah, "Oh, these socks
are going to wear out,
466
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:40,120
"so I'd better
walk around barefoot."
467
00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:41,440
HE LAUGHS
468
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:43,240
This is bigger than socks and eggs.
469
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:44,360
This is about...
470
00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:46,400
Fear.
471
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:47,920
Yes.
472
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,680
Fear of feeling things.
473
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:57,720
I'm really scared.
474
00:25:57,720 --> 00:25:59,360
Feelings are just chemicals.
475
00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:01,000
You're my family.
476
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,160
Aww.
477
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:05,360
Guess who snogged Bernie's son!
478
00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:07,240
SHE LAUGHS
479
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:08,800
GUESTS: Whoa-ho-ho!
480
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,360
Oh!
481
00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:12,200
Revenge is best served cold.
482
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:13,920
THEY CHEER
483
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:16,120
Please, don't let any of this
undermine the point
484
00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:20,040
I'm trying to make about how the
human experience is mostly misery.
485
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,600
Happiness is fleeting.
486
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,280
OK, everyone, I've got
an announcement.
487
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,640
We mustn't worship it.
We mustn't expect it.
488
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,320
Stefan and I...
489
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:28,680
We're having a baby! No!
490
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:30,200
No!
491
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,000
I can't end on a pregnancy.
492
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,480
This isn't fair.
493
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,320
There is literally nothing
more literally the start
494
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:38,000
than a pregnancy.
495
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,520
Having a baby is really
bad for the environment.
496
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:44,600
Oh!
497
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:46,840
If everybody stops having children,
we can all stop...
498
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,440
Ah, never mind.
499
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:55,680
MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYS
33869
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof