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FUNKY BEAT PLAYS
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Between puberty and menopause,
the female body undergoes
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a monthly cycle of construction
and destruction.
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Around and around.
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The party begins
with the hypothalamus
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and the pituitary gland
in the brain.
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A follicle-stimulating hormone
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is released, stimulating follicles.
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A spike in luteinizing hormone
triggers ovulation.
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And here it is -
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a ripened ovum.
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♪ What will be my destiny?
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♪ Period
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♪ Or pregnancy? ♪
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Stop slapping it.
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Excuse me? Unless you've got
a new career I don't know about
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as a lettuce dominatrix. I'm tossing
it! You're in a terrible mood.
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I'm still not talking to Lucy
cos she wants that stupid boob job.
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Just call her. No way!
I'm too furious.
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Don't make me be a cliche and say,
"I'm coming on my period," yeah,
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but I'm coming on my period,
so stop criticising me!
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Whoa. Don't say "whoa"
when I'm expressing myself!
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I wasn't criticising you,
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I was trying to protect my lunch.
Is it a relief to be pregnant
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and not on the menstrual
merry-go-round?
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00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,520
Oh, God, pregnancy hormones
are so much worse!
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00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,920
That's like Booker Prize-winning.
Sounds like a title.
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"Really? Are they bad, Scoopy?
Tell me about them."
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I know you're being sarcastic,
but you can tell me.
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It might be good for my novel,
The Menstrual Merry-Go-Round.
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OK. Don't take offence.
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Can't promise.
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I've been trying to talk to you
about something
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and, somehow, the conversation
still ends up about you.
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Go on, tell me.
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What do you need to talk about?
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Well, you know,
I guess it's just about...
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00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,640
The baby we're having for me?
What about it?
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Urgh.
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FUNKY BEAT PLAYS
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I have dreams where I'm pregnant,
but always with a cat
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or a litter of puppies.
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And, when I give birth,
they scramble away.
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I can't control them.
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They get run over or starve to death
under hedges.
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And, in the dream, everybody knows
what I did and how bad I was,
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that I couldn't do
the most basic womanly thing
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and keep my babies alive.
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Oh, look at the time!
We're going to be late.
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Sorry! Sorry I'm late!
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Well, you certainly look the part.
Is it crowning?
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Oh, I think I'm going to be sick.
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Even better. Authentic.
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Where is Scoopy? I mean other Sara.
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She won't come.
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She's gone to work. OK.
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Should she be...?
She took an extra shift.
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Why? Why would a pregnant woman
refuse to come to her own NCT class?
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00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,800
And I quote, "I don't want to know
about all the birth stuff.
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"I'll deal with it when I get there.
How hard can breathing be?
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"I do it every day!" Oh, God.
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She's in denial.
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So irresponsible. Mate.
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I'm shitting myself.
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00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,880
You know, sometimes I think
what they need is someone sensible
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00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,480
to take charge
and put their foot down.
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Have you tried that?
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00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:17,680
Oh, no, I wouldn't dare.
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I just keep hoping
someone else will.
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Yeah.
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LAUGHTER AND CHATTER
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Relax. Most cosmetic surgery
consultations don't result
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in anything but reassurance.
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Do you mind if I make a few notes,
then we can discuss what
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00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,880
you'd like to alter?
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I've got a picture I could show you.
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You want to...?
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Sorry, I don't understand.
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I know the one I want.
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I've got it on my phone.
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Sorry, I don't...
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She texted it to my husband,
and, well, he kept it,
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so he must have liked it.
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00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:05,240
I'm afraid I can't just make your
genitals look like somebody else's.
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00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:08,400
Oh. It's my sister's, so there'll be
a family resemblance.
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VIDEO: Just breathe for me and out.
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Getting a baby out of the female
body is like getting
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a Range Rover out of a bus.
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00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,760
Impractical and dangerous.
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00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:27,120
In nature, both bus
and Ranger Rover can die.
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00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,600
SCREAMING
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00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,280
What's this?
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Are you having a gay affair?
Have I caught you?
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00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,320
Bags I get to tell Scoops and Lucy!
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00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:43,200
Shall we all go on Jeremy Kyle?
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00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,080
We watched a video. What?
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They just put it on.
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We weren't prepared.
I don't understand.
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We saw...it.
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00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:54,480
It's not real.
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00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,400
Most clowns don't even kill people.
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No, the lady. They ripped her open,
it was huge.
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00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,480
Do you mean Alien? C-section.
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00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,040
Who's in that?
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00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,440
I can't believe
that's what women have to do.
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00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:09,240
Birth, it's... Gah!
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It's... Women don't have to do it.
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00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:14,360
I'm glad Scoopy wasn't there.
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00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,480
No wonder she's scared. Is she?
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What's she scared of?
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Haven't you asked her?
What kind of husband are you?
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She won't talk about it.
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Well, you have to tell her
she has to! Put your foot down.
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This is important!
Stop laughing, you idiots!
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Leave it with me.
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You could reassure her.
You've done it twice.
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What are you doing? Squeezes.
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Were you scared?
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I loved giving birth.
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I took all the drugs they give me,
plus some magic mushrooms
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I brought myself.
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Just let go.
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Let my body do its thing.
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Wow.
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I was like a barnyard cow.
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Or donkey. Right.
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Just braying and mooing
and getting it done.
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The scary bit came after.
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Don't really like babies
or children.
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I wanted to practise orgasmic birth
when I had your sister. Gross!
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00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,120
But, of course, your dad got
the wrong end of the stick,
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got kicked off the ward.
I think we've gotten off topic.
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99.
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SHE EXHALES
100.
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Done.
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Got to be a seven.
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00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:44,320
No, there's no plastic,
we don't put anything inside you.
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We just cut and stitch
what's already there.
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Oh, I thought the plastic
made it tighter,
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00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,920
like a grippy snake's throat.
141
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,760
Can I ask why this is important
to you?
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00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:59,240
If this is a psychological problem,
then... I've got three young kids.
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OK. My body's been taken over.
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00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,600
I want it back for me.
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00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,200
Is this your first?
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I've performed several
vaginoplasties, usually for
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00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,920
reconstruction after prolapse, or...
Is this your first child?
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Let me give you some advice.
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I presume it is your first child.
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Oh, I'm... I'm not pregnant.
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Well, what are you doing here
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if I'm so un-maternal.
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I didn't say you were un-maternal.
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I said you weren't nurturing.
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I'm your mum.
Can't get more maternal than that.
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Stop being so defensive.
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No!
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I just meant that you were finding
it so hard to understand why Scoopy
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might be worried that, maybe, well,
she's thinking about it a bit more.
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Too much.
She's thinking about it too much.
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What it means to be a mother.
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It means you've got kids.
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Wow, that's it. You've solved it.
Thanks, Mum.
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I'll just tell Scoopy that.
You're welcome.
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Oh, also, she wants a baby shower.
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What? Yeah.
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She was talking about it at
Zumba. Lame.
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Oh, great friend you are!
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I am! Throw her a baby shower, then.
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The only throwing I'll be doing
is up. Urgh.
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If I throw a baby shower, that
proves that I don't make everything
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about me because it will be
about Scoopy and the baby.
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In your face, everyone.
SHE CHUCKLES
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Also, if everyone's talking about
baby stuff, that might help
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Scoopy discuss her fears.
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I'll invite lots of mummy people
and they can share their tips
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on umbilical cords
and their nipples...
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..but I don't want to do it.
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All right, I'll tell Lucy
to throw her one then.
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No. I'm sure she won't mind.
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They've been getting on so well
recently. No, I'll do it.
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She's my friend.
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And Lucy's not invited.
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CRUNCHING
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This is it, adulthood.
Doing things you don't want to do
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to make other people think
you're a good person.
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Mrs Answers,
please will you help me?
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00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,320
What is a baby shower?
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00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:23,760
Baby showers are a fun way
of celebrating a mother to be.
190
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:28,280
Puke. Popular in the US
and Australia.
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00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:33,360
A fun way of announcing
the sex of the babies.
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I'm a girl! Woo!
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A modern and fun take
on the party bag.
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PARTY HORN
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Gifts can be practical for Baby,
or lush and pampering for Mum.
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00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,640
Mm-mm. Play "guess the baby's name",
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"dirty nappies", "who can tear
the paper perineum fastest?"
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00:10:58,360 --> 00:10:59,840
OK. I think that's plenty now.
199
00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:01,200
Biscuits with babies on them.
200
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,640
Cheese in the shape of a buggy.
201
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,360
The stripper should wear a nappy,
202
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,240
and be covered in jam and custard.
203
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:10,160
SHE SIGHS
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00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:12,240
Where was my party
when I had an abortion?
205
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:22,400
I've put on my serious hat
because I don't want you to think
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00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:25,000
I was being flippant
about my termination.
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00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:29,000
Also, I don't want you reading
too much into that.
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00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,360
Oh, I get it.
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00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,600
Half watching me, half scrolling
through Instagram.
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00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,560
Sara Pascoe's weird about her mate's
pregnancy because she once
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00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:37,720
extinguished a foetus.
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00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,080
Those two things
are completely unconnected.
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♪ It's going to hurt like hell
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00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:52,040
♪ On the day that it happens
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00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:55,880
♪ It's going to hurt like hell... ♪
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00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,320
Ooh. That's the kind of thing.
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00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,560
Oh! Ideal.
But it doesn't say where it is.
218
00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:05,040
Oh! Oh! Perfect!
219
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:09,400
Well done, me!
220
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:13,000
♪ It's going to hurt like hell. ♪
221
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,400
Hello!
222
00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:23,920
You work here as well?
223
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,800
Got to get back in the show somehow.
224
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,400
I'm glad to see you, actually.
225
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:28,960
Hey, that's nice. Me too.
226
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,160
Where's my story line? Here it is.
227
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,440
You get to watch me
not being selfish.
228
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:36,600
Lucky me. I'd like to book
this place for a baby shower. Here?
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00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:38,960
It is called Babies.
Except it isn't.
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00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,320
Babes, like babies.
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00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:43,440
Like sexy babes.
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00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,680
Do you hire it out for parties?
300 minimum spend. Fine.
233
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,200
Sunday before we open? Fine.
234
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:50,520
We open at ten. Fine.
235
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,960
So eight. Great.
236
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,240
How far along are you?
237
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,800
Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm not.
238
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:58,200
I'm just... This jumper's
quite thick, and, um,
239
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,920
I'm due on, so I get all swollen.
With the planning.
240
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:04,280
Oh, I still need to get a cake
and a stripper.
241
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,120
It's woeful, isn't it?
242
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,880
My womb's prepping for a baby
who doesn't come.
243
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,280
All that wasted effort.
244
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:14,200
It's like if you arranged a party
on Sunday and then no-one turned up.
245
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:16,200
Then you'd have to pay £300.
246
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,440
It was an analogy.
247
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:20,280
I'm going to need the full amount
as a deposit...
248
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,160
..in case you flake
and don't turn up.
249
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:27,440
Will you do decorations? Nope.
250
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,000
See you at 8am, Sunday.
251
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:33,520
A-M?
252
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:35,760
Shit.
253
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,880
It's not like I see pregnant people
and think, "Oh, yeah,
254
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:42,000
"I could have had a baby." I don't.
255
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,640
And when my sister got pregnant
and didn't know whether to keep it,
256
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:46,960
it didn't feel related
to what had happened to me.
257
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:50,320
Hello. I don't wonder.
258
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:51,840
I don't cry.
259
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,200
I don't exist.
260
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,320
This is very background.
261
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:58,200
I'm always here,
a manifestation of your abortion.
262
00:13:58,200 --> 00:13:59,720
But it's faint.
263
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,200
It was over 16 years ago.
264
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,440
I'm growing up,
even though I didn't happen.
265
00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,160
That's right. OK?
266
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:11,960
What do you mean
what kind of breakfast?
267
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,320
Well, what did the review say?
268
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,440
It just said, "Really, really good."
269
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,480
Three-word review,
they've started doing that
270
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:19,840
in The Guardian, have they?
271
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,720
There was an interesting article,
actually.
272
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:25,840
I'm so hungry! About how some men
273
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:28,840
can feel left out
of their pregnancy.
274
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,840
Right, would you, erm,
save me a copy of that?
275
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:37,240
Sure. Yeah, so I can
wipe my arse with it later.
276
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,280
It was online.
277
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:40,720
You know, at the NCT class,
278
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:43,120
they thought that we were
a gay couple. So?
279
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,240
Well, I'm not cool enough to be gay.
280
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:48,000
Some woman asked me if I knew any
happening clubs, and I just blanked
281
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,280
and said, "Tesco's".
282
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:53,560
Well, next time,
you don't have to go with Stefan.
283
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,640
Are you sure?
Yeah, just go by yourself.
284
00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:00,800
Why have we stopped? I need to eat.
We're here.
285
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,480
SHE SIGHS
286
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:12,280
ALL: Surprise!
287
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:13,640
I arranged all this!
288
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,360
You lied about breakfast.
289
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:19,160
Happy baby shower!
290
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,920
I thought this would be...nice.
291
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:24,280
I'm here now, so you can go.
292
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:26,880
Happy shower!
293
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,360
Is there any food?
294
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:34,440
MUSIC PLAYS
295
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:42,520
Have a cocktail, go on!
There's a minimum spend.
296
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:45,560
Just buy it.
You don't have to drink it.
297
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:48,760
Hi. Mummy's fucking tired.
298
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,520
Do...?
299
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:53,520
Do you want to stay at the party
or wait in the car? Car.
300
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,960
Well, you can't.
Just go and enjoy the party.
301
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:59,000
How come you're here? Mum.
I told you, you weren't invited!
302
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,000
To be fair, that's what she told me,
and the time, and the address.
303
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,640
I am so glad I came.
304
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,360
I needed to see this shit shambles
with my own eyes.
305
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:08,280
You're a shit shambles.
306
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:11,880
Can we just talk about you
being best man?
307
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,160
Not now, Lucy.
308
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,240
I'm being an incredible hostess!
309
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,360
And if you're staying,
there's a minimum spend!
310
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,680
Oh, Sara, I would have to drink
to stay here.
311
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,120
What's wrong with it?
312
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,840
I think I did a really nice thing,
313
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,840
and everyone should be
congratulating me. Excuse me, sorry.
314
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:28,440
Oh, yeah. Don't let Marie
lie on the dance floor.
315
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,360
There's some broken glassy stuff.
I think it's glass.
316
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,400
How do you know all these mums?
317
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,840
I don't. I put up a Post-it
in the library saying that
318
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,840
there's a free show
with a Teletubby.
319
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:39,760
Sara! I wasn't lying.
320
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:42,960
I think he used to
be inside the red one. Is it Dipsy?
321
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:48,000
♪ I've got baby sick in my hair
322
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,280
♪ What's that on your arm?
323
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:50,400
♪ Diarrhoea
324
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,600
♪ I feed all day, can hardly move
325
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,040
♪ Oh, my God, a blimp
326
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:55,240
♪ That's just my boob
327
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:58,040
♪ My email's stuck on autoreply
because I can't talk now... ♪
328
00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,080
Oh.
329
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:17,040
CHATTERING
330
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,800
Is someone chasing you?
I need a wee!
331
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:26,080
Go, go! Can you...?
332
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,840
BABY GURGLES
Yes.
333
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,680
BABY CRIES
334
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,800
You're going to find
this is like nothing...
335
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:42,400
Oh, my God. Mum!
336
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,160
She's not maternal, is she?
337
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:53,640
No.
338
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:07,840
♪ It's going to hurt like hell
339
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:12,120
♪ On the day that it happens
340
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:16,000
♪ It's going to hurt like hell
341
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:20,480
♪ It's going to make
an impression... ♪
342
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,120
MUSIC BECOMES MUFFLED
343
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,440
DISTANT: Did you just decide
it's not for you? Huh?
344
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:38,880
Not for you?
345
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:40,840
I've had three.
346
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:42,760
Oh, I don't like them.
347
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,560
I suppose you wanted to concentrate
on your career.
348
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,040
I don't like the milky smell.
349
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,320
It's the best thing I've ever done!
350
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,160
Look, I feel like a full woman now.
351
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:55,760
Yeah, yogurts don't fill me up.
352
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,360
Did you bring that from home? Have
you got any more? Can I have one?
353
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,880
Are you enjoying yourself?
354
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:07,240
Are you serious?
It's my worst nightmare.
355
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,680
Oh. Sorry, mate.
356
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,240
No, it's fine. It's nearly over.
357
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:12,880
I'll just do the cake, and then...
358
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,360
Sorry, I thought this is
what you wanted.
359
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:18,000
I don't want to be around mums.
360
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,440
I thought you could chat to them,
361
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,440
you know, that stuff
I can't help you with.
362
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:24,120
I have nothing in common
with these people.
363
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:25,160
Oh, thank you!
364
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:37,320
Oh.
365
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,800
BABY CRIES
366
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:58,320
BOTTLE POPS
367
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,200
That's it! Everybody, look at me!
368
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,760
Over here now! If you could
just give me your attention!
369
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,680
Eyes and ears, please!
370
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:08,720
Everybody... Turn the music down!
371
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,560
Turn it off.
MUSIC STOPS
372
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:12,600
That's it. Everybody, look at me!
373
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:18,120
Time for the cake! Gather round!
374
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:21,760
Please, may I have your attention
for the big reveal?
375
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,640
What are you revealing? I haven't
told you what it is! The cake knows.
376
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:28,640
It is going to be a...
377
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,080
..white!
378
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,280
Woo! Don't cheer whiteness!
379
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:42,920
That's a bit of a twist, isn't it?
380
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,000
How will it be white?
381
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,680
Oh, Steve!
Stop forgetting about Steve!
382
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:50,800
Stop having a go at me!
383
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,440
This is because of Steve.
384
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,320
He told me you were scared.
385
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:56,840
And this is supposed to be...
386
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,920
Tell your kid to stop pinching
my arse!
387
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,080
..comforting. I'm not scared.
388
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:05,840
Is there anything I can do to help?
389
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:13,480
Oh, it must be weird thinking,
"There's this big thing inside me
390
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,320
"and I need to push it out."
It's not that.
391
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,800
I'm not worried about the birth.
It's...
392
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,080
Like...
393
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,560
When it's born, after that, like...
394
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:27,240
..I'm a mum. And they're so rubbish.
395
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:28,960
But you won't be like these prats.
396
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:32,840
I want my mum.
397
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:33,880
Oh.
398
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:37,000
It's just not fair...
399
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,480
..to be somebody else's when...
400
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:43,320
..who's going to be mine?
401
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,720
CHILDREN LAUGH
402
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:48,200
I would offer you mine, but...
403
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:49,400
Get off!
404
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,000
Fucking kids!
405
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:07,400
An unfertilised ovum
arrives at the uterus,
406
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,880
triggering a decrease
in progesterone.
407
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,840
The work has been in vain.
408
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:14,560
The endometrial lining, which would
have supported the early
409
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:17,280
foetal growth, will now be shed
over the next few days.
410
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:24,440
For some people,
getting their period is a relief.
411
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:25,880
Thank fuck for that!
412
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:32,360
For others, it is a loss
and a disappointment.
413
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,080
For everyone in between,
it is a...
414
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,520
Bloody inconvenience!
415
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:42,200
POUNDING DANCE MUSIC
416
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,880
None of these pregnant women
has a tampon. Do you? So?
417
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,080
Do you have one?
I stopped using them.
418
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,120
I use a Mooncup. Can I borrow it?
419
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:55,160
It's inside me.
420
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,320
Oh, no, wait.
421
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:03,840
Marie calls it her mermaid.
422
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:06,920
Sorry, mermaid.
423
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,200
You're welcome!
424
00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:19,120
Large Bacardi, please!
425
00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:21,240
Thinking about the thickening lining
426
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:26,160
and the little travelling egg
helps me make sense of the emotion.
427
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:29,440
I get this crushing sadness always.
428
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,560
My body knows something I don't,
429
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:35,280
is mourning the choices
I have made without it.
430
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:38,760
The sadness isn't real,
except I still have to feel it.
431
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,760
I have never wanted a baby.
432
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:44,760
"Oh, you'll change your mind
when you're older," people said.
433
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:50,600
And now I am older, and people
assume I must be sorry, but I'm not.
434
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:52,520
I am the main character.
435
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,840
Why would I give that up
for a supporting role?
436
00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,520
You know the wedding?
I've heard of it, every day,
437
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,520
ever since he proposed, yes.
438
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:06,360
It's so important to me
that you are a part of it.
439
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:08,000
That's what you're not getting, Sar.
440
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,960
You being best man at the front
with me is more important
441
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:12,400
than flowers or dresses
442
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:16,000
or just whether we get a good
Robbie Williams impersonator.
443
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,320
Every girl dreams.
444
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,440
I do like being up at the front.
445
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,720
So, you're back in?
Best man is the main character,
446
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:26,160
when you think about it.
447
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,120
It's the main part of the wedding.
448
00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:32,320
CHEERING
449
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,120
No.
450
00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:35,440
Bride is the main part.
451
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,320
CHEERING
452
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,360
Bride. Oh.
453
00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:42,320
Why does everyone keep having needs?
454
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:45,600
What about my need to not consider
anybody else's needs?
455
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:46,640
Boo!
456
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:49,640
Boo is what ghosts say.
457
00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:00,960
The party only ends
so that another party can start,
458
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:05,040
over and over, every few weeks,
until, one day,
459
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,320
the parties are finished forever.
460
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:09,560
Don't come to me as you say that.
461
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:11,120
I'm not menopausal.
462
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:14,800
Mind over matter.
463
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:17,360
Oh, God.
464
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:21,600
Why am I so drunk?
465
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:23,960
It's the morning.
466
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:28,920
POUNDING BEAT PLAYS
467
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:49,840
I know it's my hormones
and because I drank at 8am.
468
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,280
But I'm not crying.
469
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,600
My body is or something.
470
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,200
Low oestrogen and progesterone.
471
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,320
And high Bacardi. Yeah.
472
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:05,120
I'm sorry if you wanted to be alive,
and you never got the chance.
473
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,040
I'm sorry if you think
I'm really selfish.
474
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:12,280
I'm not here to judge you.
475
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,520
I'm not here at all.
476
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:19,960
I don't regret it.
477
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:21,560
That doesn't mean I don't care.
478
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:25,520
You can feel stuff without
regretting it, you know?
479
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:29,960
I don't know.
480
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:39,880
Five minutes, Marie.
481
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:50,200
I find it so weird, all those people
growing people inside them.
482
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,920
Imagine making teeth in your womb.
483
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:56,000
Do you ever think about
when you got pregnant, Luce?
484
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:57,960
Do you ever wonder about
the opposite?
485
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:00,840
Are you all right?
486
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:06,360
If I'd been a mum
and you'd got your abortion...
487
00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:08,000
Oh, my God, that is too horrible.
488
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,480
..and then there would have been
this other person around.
489
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:13,840
And you were going to get rid of
Marie, and even though I know
490
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:16,880
she wasn't Marie yet, and then
we would never have known Marie.
491
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:18,160
Marie was always going...
492
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:19,880
Why were you going to get rid of me?
493
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:24,280
♪ Baby, baby
494
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:27,160
♪ Oh, my little baby
495
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:30,240
♪ I heard you're a slut
496
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:31,760
♪ You like it sexy
497
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:33,080
♪ You like it rough
498
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,880
♪ Come here, let me fire you up
499
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:37,480
♪ Turn you round, yeah
500
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:38,760
♪ Lick my butt
501
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,520
♪ Ooh, yeah, feel me up
502
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:44,320
♪ I like it sexy
Like it rough
503
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:47,320
♪ Give it to me on your knees
504
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:48,800
♪ Make me squirt
505
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:50,280
♪ Yeah, grill my cheese. ♪
506
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:55,520
Go on, all of your friends
are having one.
507
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,320
What else are you going to do
with your life?
37368
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