All language subtitles for Embrace

[woman]
35-year-old taryn brumfitt
is making waves

online for her series
of post-baby body photos.

she learned to love
her own body,

and now she's on a mission
to help others do the same.

she's baring all
to encourage women

to accept and appreciate
their bodies.

taryn posted the pictures
as part of her campaign

to tackle negative
body images.

she says that after the birth
of her third child

she became obsessed
with getting back

to her pre-pregnancy body.

it was just this
ordinary sunday

and i was hanging out
with some girlfriends

and we were talking
about our bodies.

and they were saying
that they were struggling

with their changing body
and their aging body.

and as i was driving home
i was thinking,

what could i do
to help them?

so later that night, i put
a before and after photograph

on facebook.

well, traditional before
and after photographs,

there's a woman before,

she's heavier
than the after photograph,

and she's not very happy,
and then she loses weight,

and then she's
miraculously happy.

so my before,
i swapped them.

i knew as soon as i posted it
that it hit a note,

because all of the computers
and the phones in the house

were going ping ping
ping ping ping.

and my husband, matt,
who was in the lounge room,

yells out,
"what's going on?"

i'm like, "oh, nothing.
nothing's happening."

yeah, the next minute
taryn's going,

"it's going viral."

i'm like, "what do you mean
it's going viral?"

so, yeah, i ran in the office
and i saw the picture,

i'm like, "what have you
done with that?"

and she's like, "oh, well,
i put it on facebook

and now it's gone viral."

"what do you mean
you put it on facebook?

and what do you mean
it's gone viral?"

there was thousands
of people liking it

and sharing it
and commenting it.

i'm like, "you seriously,
you put that--"

because essentially it was,
i mean, taryn in stark.

essentially, like,
tastefully stark,

but stark none the less.

[taryn]
that before and after
photograph went everywhere.

it was headline news
in paris, in london,

it was in lebanon,
it was in canada,

it was in the u.s.,
it was in korea.

it was everywhere.
it broke people's brains

to think that a woman could
love her body afterwards.

i mean, for me,
living this really normal life

with my three kids,
working as a photographer,

and then having
a russian film crew

ruck up and spend
two days with me?
i mean, that's weird.

hi, i'm taryn brumfitt.

[translation
in foreign language]

to the outside world,
it appeared like i was

in a media whirlwind.

were you shocked
at the reaction that you got

-when you posted
that before and after?
-i was.

but what no one saw
was what was happening
behind closed doors,

and that was me
on my email

until two or three
in the morning

just trying to read through
the thousands of emails

that i received from women,
and from men, too.

and their stories were--

gosh, their stories
were quite heartbreaking.

"i have a four year old
daughter and i've never
swum with her,

because i don't want to wear
a pair of bathers."

"i've not been intimate
with my husband

for three years,

because i think
i look disgusting.

he tells me he loves me,

but i just can't bring myself
to be naked in front of him."

"i was sexually abused
as a child

and never told anyone.

i've eaten as a way
to numb the pain,

but now i'm just fat.

and no one knows my story

and everyone judges me
as if i'm a lazy pig,

and i'm not.

i'm just trying to survive."

so many people ask me
the question,

"how did you learn
to love your body

and what did you do?"

and for me,
i guess it wasn't
always like that.

i didn't always
love my body.

i grew up like most women,
dieting, losing weight,

gaining weight, thinking,

"oh, i wish i didn't have
that cellulite,"

or, "i wish
i was smaller here,"

whatever it was,
but it was always

a relatively healthy
body image that i had.

but after i had
my first child,

it all changed for me.

being pregnant
was the best thing ever.

i loved growing a baby.

i loved everything about it.

[man]
20 to three?

-[woman] it's a boy.
-[mathew] hello, baby.

there you go.
there you are.

i remember showering
just a few hours afterwards,

and the bump
that i had grown to love
for all that time,

i looked down,
i was like, "what the--
has happened here?"

it was just this
jelly belly mess.

yeah, well, at first
when i saw it i thought,

"taryn, you've just
given birth.

don't worry
about it for now,

and it'll get better."

i expected it to get better,

but i remember when oliver
was around six weeks old,

i thought, okay, it's time
to get my body back.

yeah, i jumped on the court
and played pretty hard,

and then there was this
one intercept that i took,

where i felt something
warm running down my legs.

it was like,
"oh, my god."

and i'd wet myself.

it was devastating.

over the next three years,
i had another two beautiful
and healthy children,

but in terms of my body,
things went from bad to worse.

i had nipples the size
of dinner plates.

during intimate moments,
my breasts would leak.

and then there was the time
i pooed myself

in front of matt because
my pelvic floor was shot.

i ended up hating my body.

i felt like my body
was broken.

heading to the surgeon
was a really obvious choice
as a quick fix.

and we booked in the surgery,

and everything
i'd been through,

the hating and the loathing
of my body,

it was all going to be fixed.

it was so exciting.

and then i was watching
mikaela playing

and i just had this moment of,
"how am i going to
have surgery?"

like, what-- what message
will that send mikaela?

what will that do for her?

mikaela!

-hi!
-cheese.

[taryn]
cheese.

i wanted her to embrace
and love her body
just as it was.

and it actually broke
my heart as a mother

to think that my choice
to change my body

may set mikaela up to want
to change her body, too.

and i look at her
and i go, "you're perfect

no matter what you look like."

so i couldn't go ahead
with the surgery.

i couldn't do it.

i wanted to make
that choice for her,

but i was still left
in a body that i hated.

from that moment
i hit rock bottom.

i'm stuck in this hideous body
for the rest of my life.

i had a friend who was
a personal trainer,

and i said to her one day,

"i just can't get
this thought out of my head.

what does it feel like
to have the perfect body?

would it change me?
would it make me happy?"

and she said,
"why don't you train

and enter a body building
competition?"

i was like,
"are you kidding me?"

and then before i knew it,
5 a.m. i was at the gym
every morning

training, training, training.

[grunts]

and i changed my whole diet
and the way i lived.

there was a lot
of personal sacrifice,

but there was a lot
of sacrifice from matt

and the kids, too.

for 15 long weeks
i watched what i ate

and i trained hard.

and, you know what?
i made it.

[announcer]
number five, taryn brumfitt.

[cheering]

so standing there on stage,
i expected to feel

like i had arrived
at the place

that i had worked
all of my life to get to.

i had the perfect bikini body.

it's what so many women
think about

and are driven to have.

and in that moment,
all i could think was,

"to have what
i've got right now

has taken too much
sacrifice,

too much time,
too much energy,

too much obsession,
and it's just not worth it."

i remember being backstage

and listening
to the conversations

that other women
were having.

"i wish i had more of this.
i wish i had less of that.

this bit's not great."
it was shocking.

it was like, "gosh,
you guys think this, too."

[announcer]
muscle nutrition
adelaide classic.

so i'm standing there
in my moment to shine

in my perfect body,
and i'm not happy.

and some
of the women around me
weren't happy either.

and it got me thinking,
"how the heck is anyone else

gonna be happy
with their body?"

this was a big
revelation for me,

and a major turning point
in my life.

so the next day i got up

and just started
my life again,

but with the flick
of the switch inside my head,

which was,
"this body of mine,
it's not an ornament.

it's a vehicle."

so i wanna fuel it well,

and i wanna move it
and be healthy,

but i wanna do it
on my terms.

so running up a hill
and getting to the top

was great because
of the endorphins

and how great it feels
to be in nature

and not so much about how many
calories have i burnt?

and food became
just joyous again.

i love food
and i love good food.

it was really freeing.
it was really liberating.

in fact, it was the best
time of my life

was after the competition,

just being, and moving,
and being happy,

and being balanced.

by this stage, the before
and after photo

had been seen by over
a hundred million people.

the response was overwhelming,

and it became clear to me
that this issue

was much bigger
than i ever realized.

can you give me
a couple of words
to describe your body?

um...

not perfect.

wobbly.

stumpy.

very average.

short.

i don't like my thighs.
i think my thighs
are a bit big.

not nice to look at.

it's very--
i don't like this body,

like, now, really.

wish i could cut this off
or something.

i hate it.
i feel disgusting.

disgusting.

i feel disgusting.

[taryn]
that was heartbreaking,

and such a familiar story.

although i know
what worked for me,

and how i made peace
with my body,

i don't have the answers
for everyone.

not only have people
who are struggling

reached out to me,

but some really unexpected
and fascinating people
have as well.

so i'm heading out
into the world

on a nine-week journey
to meet some of them.

be safe.

i feel compelled
to try and understand

why so many people
are hating their body,

and what we can do about it.

first stop, sydney.

i've come to see
mia freedman.

she was the youngest editor
of "cosmopolitan" magazine,

and has been tackling
the issue of body image
for years.

i was always obsessed
with magazines.

i absolutely loved them,
because in the '70s
and the '80s,

that's the only kind
of women's media there was,

and that was the only kind
of place that you could read

about women's issues
and see pictures of women--

outside of men's
magazines, i guess.

i knew what it felt like
to get to the end

of this magazine
that i loved,

and feel like
i wasn't enough.

i wasn't tall enough,
i wasn't skinny enough,

i wasn't blond enough,
i wasn't...

anything enough.
i just wasn't enough.

and then when i became
an editor myself,

i really wanted
to make some changes.

so, the first thing i did
was get rid of diets.

then i started using models
of different shapes,

sizes, and skin colors.

the first thing i did
was a lingerie fashion shoot

with a model
who was about a size 16.

at that time women's magazines
did maybe one token

big girl shoot per year,

and it would be,
usually, some girl dressed
in frumpy cardigans.

and i wanted--
i was the editor of "cosmo,"

i wanted to dress her
in a "cosmo" way.

i wanted to make her
look sexy

in the same way that the girl
on the cover would be dressed,

in the same way
that a size 8 girl
would be dressed.

my fashion editor
was horrified,

and then she kept
coming to me and saying,
"i can't get any clothes."

and i went, "what, they don't
make clothes for size 16s?

i think that they do."
and she said, "no, they do,

but clothing designers
don't want their brand

associated with anyone
larger than a size 8."

so i was so shocked
by the hypocrisy of that,

that they were happy
to take the money of women

of all sizes up to size 22
or even beyond,

but they didn't want
anyone to know.

that was their dirty
little secret.

so i just said,
"well, find someone
who will send us clothes."

and eventually she did it,
and the photographer

didn't want his name
on the shoot,

the makeup artist didn't want
her name on the shoot.

it was a real battle,
and it continued to be
a real battle

throughout
the next seven years

as i edited that magazine.

[taryn]
so, mia, why was
bringing body diversity

into your magazine
so important?

you know, if you just look
at women's magazines

in the last 30, 40, 50 years,
you could be forgiven
for thinking that

there's only one type
of woman who exists
in the world,

and she is six-foot tall,
about 17 years old,

usually blonde, blue-eyed,

skin like plastic.

and, in fact,
she's an alien,

because she's created
on a computer.

and women consciously
and subconsciously
compare themselves.

and if you're always
comparing yourself

to something that doesn't
actually exist,

how can you possibly feel good
when you look in the mirror

or when you look
down at yourself?

and you have to be hot
and skinny all the time.

when you're pregnant,
you have to look hot.

you just are only allowed
to have a bit of a bump.

the minute you give birth,
you have to be a yummy mommy,

you have to be a cougar,

you have to be hot
at every age at every stage.

and that's a shocking burden
and a shocking indictment

of how our culture
devalues women

by just how we look.

[taryn]
we've become so used to seeing
the one type of body.

it's everywhere.
it's all around.

buses, billboards,
magazine covers.

but as it turns out,
even the girl in the magazine

doesn't look like the girl
in the magazine.

it's no wonder so many women
are dissatisfied

with their bodies.

maybe we've forgotten what
the average body looks like.

[woman]
it took me a long time to break
into the modeling industry.

my size had a big thing
to do with it,

because i was
considered too big.

i was a size 10.
i'm currently a size 12.

and agency after agency
turned me down,

and i was told that i would be
considered a plus size model.

what they call
plus size models
often get ridiculed

by designers and other
straight size models

for being curvier.

and we're often
looked at as second best

and used as a gimmick almost.

people outside
the modeling industry

that see models like myself
or bigger dress sizes

all labelled as plus size,

it sends a skewed
body image perspective,

because then a young girl
will look at that woman

that's the same size as her
labeled as plus size,

and that's sending the message
that she's not slim enough.

it's extremely damaging,

especially with the mannequins
they use in stores

which are impossibly tiny.

very few women
are naturally that size.

so for a woman
walking into a store
and seeing the clothing

on the mannequin
looking beautiful,

and she's wanting
to wear it,

and she goes and tries it on
in the changing room

and it doesn't hang
on her properly,

it doesn't flatter
her figure,

it's very damaging.
it's very upsetting.

it's frustrating.

you end up thinking
you're the problem.

the woman
trying the clothes on
is not the problem,

it's the clothing
and the designers.

i have seen so many women
struggle with body image.

when you hate your body,

it eats away at every
aspect of your life.

it eats away at your work,
it eats away at your schooling,

it eats away at your family,
your relationships.

that is a main thought
so many girls have is,

"i hate my body,
i hate my body,"

and they can't
focus on anything.

i went through
depression and anxiety

from hating my body.

i didn't leave my room,

i tortured myself
by looking at girls
in magazines.

i wanted to get
an eating disorder.

i wanted to get anorexia.

i wanted to be skinny.

and in the modeling industry
there's so much pressure,

even for
the smaller sized girls

to stay within
those tiny measurements.

and i've seen crazy things.

i've seen girls
faint behind stage.

i've seen girls--

they eat cotton balls
to fill up their stomachs.

-they--
-you've seen girls
eat cotton balls?

cotton balls.

they put them in gatorade
and eat them. yeah.

you've seen that
with your own eyes?

yeah, they do it.
they do it,

and they faint, as well,
and they're angry.

and their main topic
of conversation is food.
they're so obsessed with it.

because when they
start out modeling,

they're naturally very slim
because they're 14-15, say.

and then they hit puberty
and they start getting hips

and they start
getting curves.

but their only option to stay
within the modeling industry

is to get an eating disorder,
because they're not naturally

going to stay that size
they were when they started.

* this is how i do it,
do it, do it, do it *

* this is how i do it
and you wonder how *

* everybody tells me
i'm so hot right now *

[taryn]
when i see models like this
on the catwalk

at australian fashion week,
it really angers me,

because it's perpetuating
the myth that a thin body

is the ideal.

and if models have to go
to such extreme measures

to stay this size,
is it any wonder

so many women are unhappy
with their body?

[woman]
i don't know, it's sort of

been going on and off
since primary school.

i'd skip out
on lunch some days

and purposely
not bring anything,

see how long you can
go without food.

you make it a day and think,
"well, that's pretty awesome,

i'll go two days now."

and, i don't know,
it sort of just--

in a way, it sort of
empowers you and think,

"oh, i've accomplished
something."

i think you just get a bit
harder on yourself,

and, i don't know,
bring in strenuous exercise

and it gets harder
and harder.

my oldest brother talking
with his mates about girls

that they saw at a party,

talking about them and being,
"oh, her, she's a fat chick."

you know, you don't
wanna be that one.

i just-- i wish they'd come up
with some magical thing

that you could take
that would make you
never gain weight.

you could just not
worry about it

and eat whatever,
and do whatever, and be fine.

we shouldn't have
to live like it.

nobody should have to starve
themselves to fit in

with how a magazine looks.

i mean, i'm not
naturally this thin,

and lots of models aren't
naturally that thin.

they have to really
watch what they're doing,

and it takes up
your life, you know?

[taryn] it's heartbreaking
to know that there are
pro-anorexic websites

that support
and encourage
a growing number

of young girls
and women in making
life threatening choices.

what would you tell
a young girl

who was feeling like
they hated their body

and they wanted
to stop eating and live
the life that you live?

what would you say
to that girl?

please don't stop eating.

don't put yourself
into it because you--

it's too hard to get out of,
and it just gets worse.

the current rhetoric around
obesity contributes to this,

because if you paint fat
as really bad and thin as good,

then thinner
has gotta be better,

and thinnest
has gotta be best.

collectively,
we've somehow been fed a line

that basically
thin is healthy,

fat is unhealthy,
by definition.

and this is simply
not the case.

there are lots of thin
people who are unhealthy

by many criteria.

they eat badly,

they have high
blood pressure,
whatever it is.

and there are
numbers of fat people
who are very healthy.

this idea of having
a thin body and how you look,

it's become really important.

mostly, this is attributed
to the globalization of media.

even in a place like fiji,

that traditionally
valued a larger fatter body,

presumably as a sign
of wealth and health,

very soon after
the introduction of television,

young women now
are wanting to be thin,

and they had
eating disorders observed
for the first time.

and all this happens
really rapidly.

well-meaning parents
are trying to praise
their children,

particularly
their girl children,

and tell them
they're pretty and so on.

and, really,
this is probably
not a good idea,

because this again focuses
the importance of appearance.

it doesn't really matter
whether it's positive
or negative,

it's saying that appearance
is pretty important.

so it would be useful,
particularly with girls,

if parents could really
conscientiously

make their praise
and commentary

on what the girls do
more than what they look like.

[taryn] for years, society
has been telling our girls
to be pretty

and women to be beautiful,

as if that's the most
important thing they can be.

for the sake of my daughter
and for all of our kids,

this has to change.

* this is how i do it
and you wonder how *

* everybody tells me
i'm so hot right now *

i've come to the states
to meet a few people,

and the first person i'm meeting
is a cosmetic surgeon.

i'm going to ask him
what he thinks of my body.

the normal breast shape
is more like that.

in other words, the nipples
are at the center
of the breast.

so typically,
in order to give you
that youthful look,

a little bit of a projection,

what we need to do
is place an implant

to give you the volume
that you need,

and also a small
nipple lifting,

which would bring
the nipple up

to where it's supposed to be--
at the center of the breast

rather than on the lower
part of the breast.

so you need a breast
augmentation,

plus what we call
a nipple lifting.

probably about 65%
of my practice is body work.

and then the remaining
is face, eyes, nose,

fillers, botox,
eyelash transplants.

we can easily remove
all this fat from the sides

upper abdomen,
lower abdomen,

and give you more of
a slimmer and trimmer look.

definitely able to put
that fat into the lips,

if you wanna have
a little more fuller lips,

especially when you look
closely in the mirror,

which i'm sure you're gonna do
when you get home tonight,

your upper left lip
is a little bit smaller
than your right side.

we can put a little bit
more in there,

and give you-- actually,
let me give you a mirror

so i can show you.

give you a little
more fullness.

so we can take some of this
fat that we talk about,

and actually inject it inside
your buttocks here

to give you more
of an uplift.

we can definitely
get rid of these areas,

the inner thigh,
to kind of get rid of that

and then give you more
of smaller, shapelier legs.

so the thighs may not
be able to be gapped,

but definitely will not be
touching like they are now.

we've had a lot of ladies
that they came in

and said, "oh, my god,
i was watching certain movies.

mine doesn't
look like that."

and they wanna look
a little bit better
down below.

a lot of young females
that we've had

never had any intercourse
because they felt
self-conscious.

they have little
extra tissue.

and we've had
some ladies that

probably have had maybe
five or six times more
than what you have here.

and the goal is to basically
make that extra skin go away

and make it look
less bulky, so to speak.

women never get to see
their own vulva.

or rarely, anyway.

men get to see
their penises.

they play with them
and do whatever they need
to do with them,

but women never see
another woman's vulva.

once we get past
that vulnerability,

once we have
the courage to share,

"wow, your vulva
is different than mine,

and mine's different
than yours,

and it's not what
we see in pornography.
it's life!"

we're all so beautiful
and so different.

[taryn]
so when you
looked at my body,

did you think it looked
healthy or unhealthy?

you look good, but again,
you could definitely use

a little bit of a help
with the breasts.

as i said, your breasts
are never gonna come up.

they're not slinkys
that you pull it down

and just go back up again.

[taryn]
of course they're
not slinkys.

they provided 4,000 meals
to my three children

and they don't deserve
a hard time.

they deserve a gold star
on hollywood boulevard.

go, boobs!

and whilst i can have
a laugh at the absurdity

of injecting my butt fat
into my lips,

it really worries me
that there's this notion

of how a woman's body
should look.

and i'm sure positive
role models exist.

in fact, i remember seeing
the movie "hairspray,"

in which ricki lake
plays the unlikely hero.

she had a body shape
that we're just not

used to seeing
on the big screen.

i've had a very complex,
complicated relationship--

a love hate relationship
with my body, as i think
most women have.

my whole career started
because john waters chose me

to be the fat girl
in his movie.

oh, corny, do you really
think i'm good enough?

what do you think, kids?

i was the original
tracy turnblad,

and what an amazing character
and amazing role model.

i'm big, blond,
and beautiful.

i get why he chose me.

the film subverts
the hollywood narrative

of one size fits all--

the big girl that gets the guy
and wins the dance contest.

let's dance!

but i also had all these
internal insecurities

about my body
and what i looked like.

and i was very young
and i was not someone

that boys were drawn to,

and, you know,
i was a sexual abuse
survivor,

so i had all of that
mixed up, that i didn't want
to be attractive to men.

so i think i was eating
as a way to kind of
protect myself,

and i felt like i was
a walking contradiction.

on the one hand, publicly,

i became a star
as this adorable fat girl.

but yet, inside, i was still
trying to find myself

and feel comfortable
in my skin.

and i think much
of my adult life
has been about that.

and being a famous person
and having that struggle

being so public
is really a mixed bag, too.

and i felt for a long time,
because i got skinny

i'd get big again,
i'd have the baby, i'd get--

you know,
it was a rollercoaster.

i mean, i've been 120 pounds
and i've been 260 pounds.

right now, today,
i'd love to lose 20 pounds.

i just turned 46
a couple of days ago

and i have it all.
i really have it all.

but it's still--
i look in the mirror

and i pinch my arm,
and i-- you know.

it's like i wish
that i could be like

one of those women
that can just get over it

and not-- and just be okay
with what i have today.

and i felt implicated
for a long time,

because here i was
when i lost all the weight,

and i'm on the cover of
a magazine in a bathing suit.

i mean, what message
am i sending?

but i was really
proud of myself.

it's a huge, huge
accomplishment for me.

and that was one
of their number one selling
covers of all time,

was me-- me!
i mean i wasn't even
that famous.

but i get it.
there was part of me

that wasn't totally surprised,
because i'm that person, too,

that wants to know
"how did she do it?"

but i also wonder
if it's doing a disservice

by being so public
about something that's so,
really, so trivial.

we should be talking
about the environment
and world peace.

[taryn]
so, ricki, have you
ever wondered

what it would feel like to not
worry about your weight?

i have no idea
what that would feel like,

because that is just not
my existence.

i can't even think--

my mother was so food
and diet obsessed.

that's what i grew up with.

i was always
self-conscious about eating
that extra plate of food,

or having dessert felt like
such a guilty pleasure.

um, you know,
but that's my norm,

and that's most
women's norms.

it's a real struggle,
and i resent the fact

that so many days and hours
and time has been spent

hating what i look like
when i look in the mirror.

i'm still striving
to get to a place

where i'm completely 100%
comfortable in my skin.

i'm almost there.
i'm getting better.

and i better hurry up,
because i'm not getting
any younger, you know?

[taryn]
it's refreshing
to hear someone

with such a public profile
sharing experiences

everyone can relate to.

someone i connected with
through twitter

was amanda de cadenet.

she was the youngest
female photographer

to shoot the cover of "vogue,"

and was keen to share
her thoughts on body image.

everyone has a story
about her body, right?

it's just whether
they're willing
to be honest about it.

it's an issue
and a subject that affects

practically every woman
and girl that i know.

when my body
started changing

from being a girl
into a young woman,

and literally within
three months

i went from being
a completely boy body

to having like double-d boobs
and curves,

suddenly i was getting
unwanted sexual advances

from complete strangers,

and i started to not want
the body that i had.

and i began to not eat so much
so that i would lose weight

and that my body
wouldn't be so curvy.

you're viewed a certain way
if you've got a body like mine.

i could wear a potato sack.

but if it's not a long enough
potato sack or a potato sack

that doesn't
cover me up enough,

it can be construed
as a sexual outfit.

i'm in city clocks
in islington with flavor flav
from public enemy.

i got pregnant
when i was 18.

at the time,
i was on television
in the u.k.,

and people
publically commented
on how different i looked

and how much weight
i had put on

and getting really shamed
for having a pregnant body,

and then even more shamed for
having a post pregnant body.

that was really
painful for me.

yet again, i got the message
that if you're thinner,

you're better.

unfortunately, our society
doesn't mirror back

many options for us,

so we sort of feel like
we have to fit into

what is presented to us.
but you know what?

when i'm on the beach
in barbados,

a girl with no bum
and no ass is--

no one's looking at.

that's not desir--
that's not beauty

to them in the bahamas.

culturally around the world,
the ideal of beauty

is different,

and i think it has to be
like that for us.

our ideals of beauty
have to be different

depending on who we are.

every time i have to do
something that's super public,

whether it's like
launching a new tv show

or i have a big round
of press to do,

a bunch of photo shoots,

i know it's going to be
a nightmare for me,

because none
of the clothes will fit,

i will get body shamed
by whoever's on the shoot,

of like, "oh, can you try
that sample size on?"

don't try to get me
to put on a top

that is a size 32,

because i'm 38 double-d,

so my nipples
are not even gonna--

one of my nipples
will not fit in that thing.

i know what's gonna happen,

and i think, "oh, i should
just drop some weight."

and then i think,
"you know what?

no, that is just some
old crazy thinking.

no, i'm not gonna do that,

and i'm not gonna
torture myself."

and a friend said to me
before my last show
just launched,

he said, "amanda, people
don't turn on the tv

to look at what
you're wearing

or what your weight is,

or how big
or small you look,

people turn on the tv
because of what's
in your mind.

and if you don't eat properly,
your mind isn't gonna work."

when i was at my thinnest,

people said, "oh, my god,
you look amazing.

what are you doing?"
and what i wanted to say is,

"i've never been
so miserable in my life,

i feel completely devastated."

i was having
the worst time in my life,

and i was the thinnest,
because i just couldn't eat.

i know what it takes
for my body type

to be a medium size.

it takes obsession.

it takes all my focus
away from my children.

it takes me out of my life.

it takes me
obsessing about food,
exercise, calories,

whether i can't eat that
and i can eat that,

and what time can i eat that,
and, oh, i can't eat that

because that's
cooked with that,
and i can't have that

because that's got
that on in it.

it's hell.
hell on earth.

so, you know what?
if i wanna eat a fucking
cookie that my kid bakes,

i'm gonna eat
the fucking cookie
my kid bakes.

[taryn]
i couldn't agree more.

you know, we've been fed
this idea that if you diet
and have a thin body,

then you're healthy
and you must be happy,

but that simply isn't true.

i couldn't believe the things
people wrote about my body

when i posted the before
and after photo.

[matthew]
i mean, anything sexual,
especially when

they're talking
about your wife,

that really gets me going.

i didn't marry taryn
because of her thigh gap
or her boob size.

i married her
because of the joyous,
loving person that she is.

[taryn]
i can't even begin
to tell you how wrong

the body shamers are.

just because my body
doesn't conform to society's

narrow ideals
of how a body should look

doesn't mean i'm unhealthy.

i'm pretty sure you can't run
a marathon and be a lazy pig.

and despite what
the body shamers think,

my body is fit,
capable, and strong.

and i want my daughter
to grow up loving

and appreciating her body
for all the things it can do,

not just how it looks.

girls are just bombarded
with very stereotyped

and normative ideas
of what it is to be female,

and they think they should
look like that.

and if they don't,
they're irrelevant,

they have nothing
to offer the world.

they may as well crawl up
into a hole and disappear.

when we sexualize girls,
when we reduce them

to the sum of their
sexual parts,

when we tell them they have
to be thin, hot, and sexy

and that nothing else counts,

we contribute to a raft
of negative, physical,

and mental health outcomes.

the way that we style them

and present them
in advertising,

the way we suggest
that little girls

are perhaps sexually
interesting, sexually mature,

sexually available,

we suggest that girls
are much older,

much more mature
than they really are.

and boys are being trained
to have a sense of entitlement

to the bodies
of women and girls.

let's go somewhere
more romantic.

"grand theft auto 5,"

where boys pay
for a prostituted woman,

they have sex with her,
and then they murder her
to get their money back.

primary school boys
are playing this.

-hello?
-[gun cocks]

and the thing with a game
like "grand theft auto 5"

is that it's not passive.

the boy's not passively
watching something.
he engaging in it,

he's doing it.
he's acting it out.

he's feeling the car rock
back and forth during the sex.

he's feeling himself
kill her with the weapon,
the impact of that.

he's seeing her
bleed and die.

so if we really genuinely care
about our young people,

we would be doing
something to address

the cultural landscape
in which many of us

are struggling to raise
happy, healthy,

resilient children.

why should the vested
interest of advertisers

come before the well-being
of children and young people?

[taryn]
everywhere i go, there is
a common sense of despair.

parents are worried
about the impact

that the sexualization
of young girls

and objectification of women

is having on their children.

in an ideal world,
the messages conveyed
to my daughter

would be so different.

they would be inclusive
of every body type,

including our own body type--
hers and mine.

and in ideal world,

i wouldn't have
to constantly play--

what's the word?

damage control.

damage control.
i feel like i'm getting
emotional, but i feel like

i'm putting out
a thousand fires every day

just by, um, the media,
the messages, television--

all of it.

i'm drowning
in a sea of media.

* you suck me in,
i'm hooked on you *

* i can't win
no matter what i do *

* all around me,
everywhere i look *

* it's not fair

* you're a snake

* setting traps
all over the place *

* nary showing your face

* killing us slowly,
sometimes quickly *

* don't you care?

* and that's how you
wanna live your life *

* you want me hungry
and horny *

* crawling up to you
and begging *

* for another spoon of it

* you want me stupid
and lonely *

* but i think we've both had
just about enough of it *

[taryn]
as demoralizing
as all of this is,

there is hope--
people like jes baker,

who are pushing back
against these toxic ideals

of how we should look,
feel, and behave.

a few years ago i was just
starting out blogging

and the media was all abuzz

about abercrombie
and fitch's ceo.

he had said some quotes
about how they didn't sell

extra large clothing
for women...

because they only sold
to the cool kids

and didn't find
larger women valuable.

so in response to that,
i just decided to collaborate

with a local photographer
and another model,

to recreate an abercrombie
and fitch advertisement.

it broke people's brains.

people did not know
what to do with it.

they absolutely loved it,
they absolutely hated it,

they everything in-between

and on all sides
of the spectrum.

it was just really incredible
to see that much emotion

coming from one image.

the world wants it,
they love it, they need it.

they love
the shock factor of it.

and that is how
we recondition our brains,

is we see new images,

different images
to replace old ones,
to balance the old ones.

so, jes, diets,
what do you think of them?

well, they're mostly
unsuccessful.

they are usually
soul draining.

they tend to fuck
with your body
in negative ways.

and they have been
something that has caused

a lot of emotional
and physical suffering
my entire life.

so i am not pro-diets.
i'm very anti-diets.

and the diet industry makes
billions of dollars every year.

it's amazing to me
that so much research
shows that 90 plus percent

of diets don't work.

[taryn]
that is so true.

in fact, i've learned to never
trust a four letter word

when the first
three letters spell "die."

[woman]
in the beginning of your diet,
you feel a lot of hope,

because you're so excited
and so determined to eat less.

and you probably notice
that you're losing weight.

the next thing
that you probably notice

is that it's getting
a little bit harder
to maintain.

now you're thinking
about food all the time,

you're more conscious
of smells,

and you really wanna
break your diet.

when your body gets
deprived of calories,

it makes you think about food.

it makes sure that you
concentrate less

on other things
so that you're focused

on getting food
and taking care of yourself.

it even changes
the taste perception
in your mouth,

so that a wider range
of flavors

might be interesting to you,

so that you're more willing
to eat anything

just to get calories.

but then your body
could slow down

your metabolism
a little bit,

so you spend
a little bit less energy.

and so even though
you're eating less,

your diet is now
causing you to gain weight.

it's not that people
are failing,

it's that diets
are failing them.

we don't stop to think

at just how incredibly
awesome this body is.

instead, we just focus in
on one narrow detail,

and that's weight.

[taryn]
i have to say,
throwing the diet book away

was one of the most liberating
things i've ever done.

occasionally, you see
someone's work that really
makes an impact.

after years of emailing
fellow photographer jade beall,

i was so excited to finally
meet her in person.

since i was 10 years old,
i've been obsessed with imagery,

specifically of thin women
that appeared poreless

and appeared
unobtainably beautiful.

and i did
some photos of myself

trying to find peace

with not being
a photoshopped person.

i'd just given birth.
i was at an all-time low,
a failure.

i was fat. i was ugly.

i was suffering
from pretty severe
post-partum depression,

and i took some images
of myself nude

and i called them beautiful.

revolutionary.

i posted them on my website

and on my facebook
photography page,

and people loved them
just as they were.

highlighting my cellulite.

highlighting the dark circles
from trying to figure out

this new life,
from feeling scared

and sad and joyous,
and not erasing away

all the details
of that moment.

those little details,
they're beautiful.

they make us
irreplaceably beautiful.

i was a teenager
with pretty severe acne.

and, oh, how i craved
to see a girl, a teenager,

with some blemishes
on her skin

on the cover of "seventeen"
being called beautiful.

i couldn't look at myself
in the mirror for three years

because of these blemishes,
and i felt disgusting,

absolutely disgusting,

just because
of the texture of my skin.

the first woman
i photographed

after i did my self portrait
that i put out there,

she never had shown
her belly before.
she's a dancer.

and she revealed her
embarrassing stretch marks.

and her kids love
their mama so much.

and it was just like
this perfect moment.

and she was very proud
of that photo.

and that photo went everywhere
all over the world.

i also like to call
this kind of photography
therapeutic photography

because it's a process.

it's a practice,
kinda like yoga.

you gotta practice at it
to really start
to feel the pose.

you gotta practice
seeing yourself

in many different lights
with your wrinkles,

with the pimple of the day.
so many people are like,

"oh, jade, can you just remove
that pimple because--"

and i get it.
it's temporary.

but it's also just
a sign of how life
is constantly changing.

and, no, i'm not gonna
take the pimple away.

the majority of them
have left really joyous,

maybe email me
the next day,

like, "i feel
a little vulnerable."

a little vulnerability
hangover happening.

some women immediately
they leave and, like,

"for the first time,
i love myself."

and they wanna come back,

they're like,
"let's do another shoot."

yeah, they're pretty awesome.

we definitely don't see
a celebrated body diversity,

ethnicity, um, body shape.

limbs, no limbs--

all the different ways
that we arrive on this planet,

or that we become,
how we change on this planet,

and how amazing that is.

no two bodies are alike,

and all these little things
make us unique.

and to be seen
is incredibly empowering.

when we look at
photoshopped imagery,

we're like, "oh, my,
i wanna look like that,

but i have no idea
how to get there."

instead of, "oh, wow.

she looks like me,
and that's beautiful."

[phone ringing]

-hello?
-hi, miki.

-hi, mama.
-how are you?

[mikaela]
i got another--

[taryn]
traveling as much as i am
can get a little tiring,

but the best part of my day
is checking in with the family.

[mathew]
so how did it go
meeting jade?

it was good.
she was so positive.

we had lots of fun
and we spoke for hours.

one thing that really
puzzles me

is the amount of time
and money women spend

attempting to defy their age.

and in a world where so many
are trying to eradicate

their lines and wrinkles,

i've come to meet someone
who has grown to love them.

[woman]
and, renee, i'm going
to ask you to make

several movements
of your face.

and i'm going to ask you
to do each movement twice.

i want you to hold
each position

until i tell you
to release it.

okay.

-ready?
-yep.

the first one
is raise your eyebrows.

[woman]
i started modeling
when i was 12.

it was my aspiration, really,
to be a supermodel,

like the linda evangelistas,
and the cindy crawfords,

and the claudia schiffers.

and then all of a sudden,
when i'm 29,

i'm just writing
in my journal one day,

and i write,
"there's something
really wrong with you."

you are going to die.

many months later
and many doctors later,

i remember standing
in front of the x-ray machine,

and i looked up
and was completely stunned

to see my head
with a huge brain tumor.

you know, the doctor saying,
"well, the good news

is these types of tumors
are never cancerous.

but the bad news is,
this is one of the most

dangerous forms
of massive brain surgery,

and you have to get
immediate surgery."

i woke up about 13 hours
after the brain surgery,

hearing people around me
talking that something
had happened,

something had gone wrong.

the only thing holding
my facial nerve together

was the tumor itself.

so as soon as they started
taking out the tumor,

my facial nerve
just fell apart.

on one side of my face,

zero wrinkles, zero lines.

and on this side of my face,

i saw the person that i knew
myself to be my whole life.

and i saw...

i saw like my smile lines

that i had worked very hard
to get those smile lines

because i had lived so much.

and i just felt
all of my life experience

on one side of my face,

and on the other side
of my face was just nothing.

[woman]
and release.

down and together.

try it once more.
down and together. hold.

[renee]
every day i just got
in front of the mirror

and i would just stare
in my own eyes

and tell the right side
of my face

to act like the left-hand
side of my face.

and then, just gradually,
i would be able to see

like part of one little tooth
first when i smiled,

and then like
another one would come.

and then finally
two teeth would come

when i would run into people

and they're like "oh, my god!
it's a miracle."

and i would say,
"yes, oh, my god!
it is a miracle."

and then i would kind
of retreat and say,

"it's a miracle
and i'm grateful,

but i don't feel
that good about it."

like, i miss myself.

i miss walking into a room
with a group of friends,

and just how i would feel
when my smile would beam.

and i just thought,
"renee, you can either
be depressed about this

the rest of your life,

or you can figure out a way
to still continue to shine

the brightness
that you are inside."

i started, actually,
making social media videos.

i mean, to me that was
one of the gutsiest things
that i could do,

just, boom,
share my face on camera.

at the beginning,
i thought that i was just
doing it for myself.

and through the process
of me sharing so openly
and vulnerably,

i could see peoples hearts
starting to open.

i could see my story
and my flaws touching them.

you know, flipping
the flaws is great.

accepting them is wonderful.

and then actually celebrating?

when we do that, we allow
the same space for others.

we stop judging
other people so much.

other people stop
judging us so much.

it's really a path to peace.

[taryn]
i loved that idea
of not judging,

and on my travels,
i've heard so many stories
of inspiration

and defiance
and determination,

but not everyone
is on that path to peace.

i'd like to be thinner.

i don't like.

too big. too fat.

maybe i'm a little bit fat.

there's some days
when i want to cry.

[taryn]
it seems unbelievable
that so many of us

have lost perspective
on what matters.

it reminds me of a woman i met
who sets the story straight

on what's really important.

[reporter]
at 24, this bright
mining engineer

signed up for a 100-kilometer
outback marathon.

this is turia on the course
in september 2011.

she's powering
through the kimberley.

but just a few hours later,
she'd be fighting for her life

after being trapped
in a raging bushfire.

it was a shock time,
'cause you wake up

every day of your life
and you look at yourself

in the morning
when you brush your teeth,

and then all of a sudden
something happens to you

and the next time you
look in the mirror,

you don't know who's
staring back at you.

it's sort of like, the person
who was in the mirror,

that wasn't me.

that wasn't
who i saw myself as.

but now when i look
in the mirror, i see me.

which sounds really ridiculous,
because who else would i be?

maybe it was the best thing
to ever happen to me,

because i've been able
to create a life for myself

that i'm really
passionate about.

my accident gave me a voice,

and it gave me
the opportunity to be heard

and it gave me the resources
to put my energy

into something that
i was passionate about,

like working with interplast
and my foundation.

so it could be the worst thing
that ever happened to me

or it could be
the best thing.

i don't know.
i don't think anyone does.

i remember someone
stopped michael in town

and they asked him why
he was still with me.

after i found that out,
i was really crushed
'cause i thought,

"oh, is that all that
anyone ever thought of me?

was i just
a pretty girl?

like, i'm so much more
than just what i look like.

i'm really lucky to have him.

i suppose it's not
really luck, though.
i'm pretty awesome.

with the "women's weekly" cover,

i got a lot of emails
and they went--

you know, they said,
"i hate my body,
i hate my face,

i hate my legs,
i hate my arms."

it's a waste of energy
that people spend

all of that time worrying
about how they look

as opposed to what
they can contribute.

i really think
it's all in the mind.

if you're self-conscious
about something,

other people will notice it.

but if you just own it,
people don't care.

people are too busy being
wrapped up in their own lives

to actually care
about what you're doing.

and i've gone through
something so huge

that most people don't
go through, so i think,

"well, i've managed to start
my life again from scratch,

i'm not sure why
other people can't."

that probably sounds
a little bit harsh,

but it's just how i feel.

[taryn]
no matter who you are,
having to face

your inner critic
can be one of life's
greatest challenges.

i've come to london
to meet someone

who's managed
to overcome the criticism

and accept and love
themselves just as they are.

so one day i just looked
in the mirror and i thought,

"oh, gosh." then we went
to the doctor's.

they diagnosed me
with polycystic ovaries,

which did lead me
to grow lots and lots
of facial hair.

so i used to go
to the beauticians,
and they used to wax it,

and it grew back
with a vengeance,

and it came back
all over my face.

yeah, and it was darker,
it's thicker, it's longer

than what it used
to be before.

i spent years and years
removing my facial hair.

and i hated my body
for the way it looked.

so, i was harming it,
and i was punishing my body
by self harming it.

it was excruciating.

my bedroom was my safe haven,
so i would go to school,

and then come back
straight to my bedroom,

and i didn't go out.
i didn't have a social life.

i wasn't able to meet
new people or make
new friends.

my turning point
was the day that i decided

to actually end my life.

i don't think people
realize how much strength

it takes for you to one day
wake up and say,

"do you know what? today,
i just want to end myself."

it takes a lot of energy,

and for me it was a lot
of negative energy.

and i thought--
well, literally,

i was sat there on my bed

and i was ready
to go ahead with this act.

and i thought--
in a split second,

i thought, "well, why don't
you turn this negative energy

into positive energy
and actually grasp hold

of your life and actually
learn to be happy?"

i remember sitting
on my bed one day

and going through all
of these negative labels,

and actually plastering
positive labels on myself,

so when someone
called me ugly,

i would say,
"no, i'm beautiful."

if someone called me fat,

i'd be like,
"no, i'm quite sexy."

i think that's all
women need to do.

i think women need to start
finding positive words

about their bodies
and actually embedding them

in their heart.

you have to feel beautiful.

you have to feel
love for yourself.

you have to feel
compassion for yourself.

that's the turning point.

internally, you have
to change first.

i love my beard.

yeah, i get all
different reactions.

some are quite intrigued
and some are quite nasty.

and they call me things like,
"she man" or "she male."

why don't you just tell me
straight up to my face

that "you need to shave,
you look ugly."

but to me, i don't feel ugly,
i feel really beautiful.

so, when people do come to me
with comments like that,

i just sort of
brush them away because
i know they're not true,

and i know that's
their opinion of me.

and for them that opinion
might be true,

but, to me, it's not.
i live a different life

than them and it's fine.
i'm happy with that.

there's no definite answer
to what beauty is.

beauty is what you make it.

we're all so different.

we need to celebrate the fact
that we are different.

and that in itself
is beauty.

love your bodies
for the way that they are,

because your body
is the only body
that you have,

and why are you complaining
about such a beautiful body?

[taryn]
i've been on the road
for a long time.

i miss home, my bed,
and most of all
i miss my kids.

through social media,
i've been able to connect
with some amazing people.

one woman who
shares my passion

for changing attitudes
about body image

is german actress
nora tschirner.

she's invited me to vienna
to attend a red carpet event,

and i'm excited to go
behind the scenes

and to hear her insights
into this world.

i think-- i'm not sure,
but i think you're supposed
to have a long dress.

you didn't tell you
it was long dress.

it's a robe. isn't that
a ball gown thing?

-isn't that a--
-that's kind of ball gown-ish.

maybe in australia!

aw, shit.

[nora] to focus so much
on your looks,

it's a race that you can win
for a couple of years,

and then that's it,
because then you start to age.

like, i have not heard of
a person winning it so far.

but then, still, if you're
starting to be an actor

and your face is on the screen
and it's, like, very big,

there's moments when
you start to think,

"well, i mean,
this side does just look
better," and stuff.

and i really had
to force myself to not be
too strict about it.

no, but seriously, actually,
i really tried to not go

on these events a lot
because it's so much--

"oh, my god. do you see
who's over there?"

this whole
"gossip girl" scenario,

since i'm not 16 anymore,
it's just--

it's super stressful for me.

-yeah.
-i think.

[sighs]
i've done photoshoots
where i thought it was funny

to, "oh, my god,
i look like

i've never smiled
in my whole life,

and everything's
just super intense.

and i have pain
all over my body and stuff."

and i know how to do that
and i've done it,

but i was super young,
and now i'm also like,

"holy shit, why did
i like that so much?"

if i look at it now,
i feel a bit stupid.

the most successful films
i was in, i was playing

this ugly duckling
that kind of never turns
into the beautiful swan.

and she's
an amazing character.

i love her--
anna gotzlowski.

and she's
kind of this nerd

who wears these big
knitted jackets.

she's such a nerd.

and these glasses,
but she chose that style.

and there was talk
in the beginning

to let her change
during that story

and to make her wear
contact lenses,

but then we got rid
of that idea

and let her stay the same,

and every time
she's starting to dress up

and becomes another person
for a date or something,

everything goes wrong.
so that was kind of cool.

[speaking german]

[taryn]
so, nora, you spent
a lot of time

in the media spotlight,

what does it feel like
to be judged?

if it happens to me,
it's not such a big problem.

i get-- i tend to get
very emotionally involved

if i see it happening
on television,

like, on casting shows,

where grown up people
who must know

that they're role models

tell people about their
thigh gaps,

that will lead to
the next generation of people

who are even more focused

on stuff that is
so unimportant.

[speaking german]

i felt that i was
always happiest

when i just went walking
through the winter and had
a big jacket on,

and my face was red
because it was so cold,

and i didn't wear any makeup

and i smelled like
a very old fox.

best dressed and worst dressed
2000 something

from this german newspaper.

and i was like,
"okay, she is-- yeah,
that's not so good."

and then all of a sudden
i saw myself.

and what were you?
what side of the list?

i have to disappoint you.
not the good one.

and the thing is, she said,
"the way she's working,

she's wearing that makeup
and that hair,

that undone look,

that's a slap on the face
of the designer."

-you're joking.
-no, seriously.

it's horrible.

-this is nora.
-slapping people.

-slapping people in the face.
-this isn't nora.

honestly, today's like
win or lose forever.

it's "game of thrones" here.
i might die.

because if i slap one more
designer on the face

with not wearing makeup
or the right makeup.

danke.

[taryn]
nora!

nora, what have you
brought me to?

[nora]
i don't know,
they didn't tell me.

i thought it was a cat show.

stealing my thunder, again?

[chattering]

you're just standing there,

and 20 people
are shouting at you

and trying to make you
do something,

and you're trying to do it,
and you're like,

"they're frightful people."

and then it ends
with them being like--

"oh, man!"

so i always feel like
i let them down.

for the most popular actress,

it's nora tschirner.

* i can be a woman,
i can be a man *

* i can be the watcher
from the grandstand *

[taryn]
i'm thrilled to be
in new york for a photo shoot

which celebrates
body diversity.

behind the camera is the man
who shoots for ralph lauren,

gucci, victoria's secret--
the list goes on.

[man]
some of these women
that you see in the movies

or in commercials
or in magazines,

and you think,
god, they're flawless.

well, in their minds,
they're not.

they're concerned
that you don't shoot them
from certain angles,

that you don't shoot them
in ways that they think
are unflattering

because they have
body image issues.

and everybody
carries that around.

everybody has those
inner critics

that really inhibit them
and act as an obstacle

to fulfillment
and happiness.

[woman]
i'm gonna make them
a lot bigger than hers.

[madoff]
what struck me
about being here

with these women tonight,

and there was
an assortment of people--

a woman who
was quite heavy,

a woman who was
physically impaired...

that looks really nice.

...a model,

a transgendered person,

the common denominator
was affection,

and acceptance of each other.

good.
you guys look great.

you really do.

and i think that if there
was more affection

and acceptance,
rather than criticism

and vitriol and pointing,

the world would be
a better place.

one, two, three.

[woman] often, people
with visible disabilities

are constantly stared at,

and so putting yourself
in front of the camera

controls the gaze
and gives a sense
of empowerment,

so that, yes, you are
staring at my body.

and i'm going to control
how you're staring at my body,

and have the commentary
of what i feel about my body,

and not put your perceptions
of my body onto me.

i am going to control
what you're seeing

and how you perceive me.

just recasting the gaze

and being empowered
by putting our bodies

in front of the camera.

[woman]
it was a new
experience for me.

when i first heard about it,
immediately my mind said,

"no, absolutely not.
it's not an option."

and then i kept
thinking about it

that it could help people.

then i started thinking
that it isn't--

my insecurities
don't really matter.

i would hope that
it could inspire

other trans questioning
people in the world

to love their bodies,
i guess.

that's been a journey for me
i'm still working on.

tonight, it just changed me.

it changed the way
i see myself completely.

seeing many other women
with different body types

feeling comfortable
and confident

about their bodies,
that empowered me today.

it's not about us
versus them.

it's about women
coming together as one

and saying, "look,
we're all beautiful.

we're all confident.
let's work together.

let's show the world
that we can all be
beautiful together."

i'm hoping that there's
a woman out there
that's plus size

that really doesn't like
her body too much

and sees me in my bra
and underwear

and is like,
"hey, it's not that bad."

especially for moms,
you know?

weight comes
with having children.

some stretch marks,
a little cellulite.

at the end of the day, no one
looks at you like, "ew."

it's you that tears
yourself apart

and sets the stage
for people to frown at you,

but the more
that you love it,

everybody else
will love it, too.

i don't have
a problem at all.

it's okay to love yourself
exactly where you are.

i have a rule of thumb.
if you're in my presence,

you're not allowed to talk bad
about yourself at all.

it's contagious.

we can either make
the negative contagious

or we can make
the positive contagious,

so we'll just go ahead and make
the positive contagious.

no choice.

[madoff]
the feeling that one gets
from being accepted,

of being embraced,
is a wonderful feeling.

so i think if you want to go
through life feeling better,

then you open your arms
to embrace others.

[taryn]
so i'm heading
back to australia.

first stop sydney,
then onto home.

i'm so excited,
i just can't wait.

i received this phone call
from a guy called nigel marsh.

he invited me to take part
in his nude swimming event

in the sydney harbor.

and i was like,
"who are you?"

i almost hung up on him

because i thought
he was a stalker.

but after meeting him,

i decided taking part
in the sydney skinny

seemed like a really
great idea.

[nigel]
it involves you getting naked,

but it's nothing to do
with nudism.

it's a liberating thing
where you go, "ah, wow.

just maybe i should stop
agonizing about my muffin top

or losing an extra seven--"
it makes no difference.

get fit, don't get fit.
no one cares.

it's not
the main point of life

to spend your
whole life agonizing

about not having
a body shape

that the media insists
that you should be
worried about.

so, here we go! whoo!

[nigel]
people don't properly reflect
on what's important to them.

not because they're nasty,
they're just rushed.

you know what it's like
to have kids and jobs
and things.

and it takes one of the big four
before they properly reflect.

so death, disease,
divorce, redundancy.

and we all know people
who have been--

had tragedy in their life
and then they go,

"do you know what,
i've had a think,

and what's important,
really, is these things."

but if they hadn't had
those events in their life,

they wouldn't have
stopped and paused,

and the point of the swim,
is it might help somebody

do the reflection without
having to get to the big four.

don't wait until
your wife has left you

or you get some awful
illness or whatever.

how about have a think.

am i living the type
of life that i want?

[woman]
i love it!

[taryn]
well, i've just
finished the swim

and i feel completely
exhilarated and really happy,

and i just met two women
on the beach.

one was standing next to me

and she was
a complete stranger

and she just squeals and says,

"ah! there's another woman
with one boob! just like me!"

and she ran over
and she hugged the woman
who'd also lost a boob.

and these women
love their bodies,

even with one boob.

and they were courageous,
and they were beautiful,

beautiful women,
and that for me was gold.

i was diagnosed
with breast cancer
four years ago

when i was pregnant
with my second baby.

i'm turning 40 this year,

and it was just a perfect
opportunity to embrace

who i am and my body now
as a mom and a woman,

and this is a kinda new me,

and i don't really care.

a lot of it was my husband.

he said, "what does it matter?
it's just a boob."

and my kids don't care.
i've got two boys.

they think it's kinda funny,
and a bit kinda cool

that their mom's
only got one boob.

-it's been a bit of a brag--
-oh, boys!

and we've got a saying, like,
if i get out of the shower
or something at home.

i say, "oh, where's
my boob gone?"

and i say, "oh, it's
in a jar somewhere."

[taryn]
over two months ago,

i set out to discover
why so many people

hate their bodies
and what we can do about it.

you know,
i think i found some answers,

and i've been
really lucky to connect
with some incredible people.

magazine editors are criticized
for what they put on the cover

and their use of models
and photoshopping
and everything,

and they say,
"but that's what women want."

it's not what women want,

because magazine circulation
is in the toilet.

women wholeheartedly
do not want that.

and they're voting with
their wallets now.

we get to be the new magazine.

we get to define
what true beauty is,

what it's like to really feel
comfortable in our own skin,

what it's like to have
a positive body image.

it starts with people
sharing their stories.

it's starts with people
alleviating their own shame.

it starts with people
really accepting others
the way that they are.

and not just-- not actually
just tolerating them

or just accepting them,
but truly finding that thing

about another individual
that you see as being quirky

or different or unique,
and just loving them for that.

now being
in the state that i am
and that i love my body

and i can say,
"hey, it's gorgeous
and i'm proud of it,"

i can focus on more important
things in life.

look at yourself naked.

call it beautiful even if
you don't believe yourself.

fake it till you make it.

so, i would say
my body is luscious.

it is soft, and it is--

it's comforting to my children
and to my husband.

i'd like to have
a shape shifter.

i'm soft.

and i smell good.

it's mine.
it's my home.

it's my friend.

it's my soul's mate.

it's big,

it's beautiful,

and it's dangerously curvy.

[taryn]
there is so much
goodness in the world,

and i can't wait to share
with you everything
i've learnt.

in your lifetime,
there will be people who will

try to tell you that you need
to change, but you don't.

the purpose of your life
is not to be an ornament

to be looked at,
but rather to do and feel

and accomplish
and contribute.

darling girl, don't
make my mistakes.

don't waste a single day
of your life being at war
with your body.

just embrace it.

* you are beautiful

* the way that you are

* the way
that you are *

* fuck what they all say

* you are beautiful

* the way that you are

* the way
that you are *

* you are beautiful

* the way that you are

* the way
that you are *

* oh

* you are beautiful

* the way that you are

* the way
that you are *

* you are beautiful

* the way that you are

* whoa

*

* when i look in the mirror

* those voices
inside my head *

* where did they come from

* and why do i believe
the things they said? *

* they always tell me
i'm not good enough *

* so i'm not
listening anymore *

* unless the voice is love

* 'cause i am the best

* that i could ever be

* when i say i love

* every single part of me

* how long have
i been trying *

* to be like someone else

* when the only thing
i have to change *

* is the way i see myself?

* when the magazine's open

* perfection is all we see

* who decided that's what

* beauty really means?

* we're always striving

* to be something
that's not even real *

* so i'm not
looking there anymore *

* that's not how
i wanna feel *

* 'cause i am the best

* that i can ever be

* when i say i love

* every single part of me

* how long have
i been trying *

* to be like someone else

* when the only thing
i have to change *

* is the way i see myself?

* ooh, look
in your subconscious *

* ooh

* the answer is inside us

* ooh

* with a little
more awareness *

* ooh

* i believe that
we can change this *

* when you look
at your sisters *

* brothers, parents,
children, too *

* sometimes projecting

* the judgments
we put ourselves through *

* you gotta remember

* kindness is
a magical spell *

* our love can reach
the rest of the world *

* if we truly love ourselves

* you do the best thing

* you could ever do

* when you say i love

* every single part of you

* how long have i been
judging everybody else *

* when the only thing
i have to do is learn *

* learn to love myself?

* ooh, oh, yeah

* hey

* how long
have i been trying *

* to be like someone else

* when the only thing
i have to change is *

* whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

* we're in this together

* together, together

* learn to love ourselves

* we're in this together

* together

* to love ourselves

* we're in this together

* together

* we're in this together

* learn to love ourself

* learn to love ourself