Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

FEMALE RADIO HOST: AND WE'RE BACK.

WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

DAVID: NOTHING.

FEMALE RADIO HOST: DAVID, WE'RE DOING A RADIO SHOW!

DAVID, IS READING THE NEWSPAPER.

DAVID: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS? FEMALE RADIO HOST: WHAT?

DAVID: THE REVIEW OF ROBERT LONGFELLOW'S NEW PLAY.

FEMALE RADIO HOST: WHO? WHO? DAVID: ROBERT LONGFELLOW.

DAVID: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HIS WIFE THE OTHER DAY, REMEMBER?

FEMALE RADIO HOST: OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

ALICE LONGFELLOW, THE PHOTOGRAPHER.

OH, I LOVE HER. SHE'S SO COOL.

DAVID: VERY, YES. FRH: YEAH, WELL, WHAT HAPPENED?

DAVID: WELL, HE GOT REAMED IN "THE TIMES."

JUST, UM, SAVAGED.

FEMALE RADIO HOST: OOPS.

DAVID: NO, I MEAN, WE'RE TALKING... YOU KNOW, BAD.

FEMALE RADIO HOST: HOW BAD? DAVID: LISTEN TO THIS:

"IT HAS BEEN YEARS SINCE LONGFELLOW,

ONCE TOUTED AS A CONTENDER

FOR THE VOICE OF HIS GENERATION,

HAS WRITTEN ANYTHING OF NOTE,

AND, UNFORTUNATELY, HIS LATEST OFFERING,

"AMERICAN EXCURSION,"

WHICH OPENED LAST NIGHT AT THE CHELSEA STAGE,

WILL ONLY CEMENT HIS REPUTATION

AS THAT OF A WRITER FADING INTO IRRELEVANCY."

FEMALE RADIO HOST: OH DEAR. DAVID: OH MY.

FEMALE RADIO HOST: ALICE WON'T BE HAPPY.

DAVID: NOW, I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU FIGURE SHE PULLS IN A YEAR, BECAUSE...

FEMALE RADIO HOST: SHE'D BE PAYING THE BILLS FROM NOW ON, MISTER.

DAVID: I THINK SO.

BOTH:

DAVID: ALL RIGHT, LISTEN. "HIS EARLY..."

OKAY, GOING ON, "HIS EARLY PLAYS

GRACEFULLY WOVE TOGETHER A CRACKLING WIT

WITH DEEP PATHOS."

FEMALE RADIO HOST: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

DAVID: I DON'T KNOW, I'M READING. I'M READING.

THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS:

"WHILE CHARACTERS YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLY CARE ABOUT

SHUFFLED ROBOTICALLY TO THE FOOT OF THE STAGE..."

DAVID: THAT'S GOTTA HURT. GOT TO HURT.

FEMALE RADIO HOST: BIG TIME.

DAVID: WELL, BUT, YOU KNOW, IT KIND OF PERKED UP MY DAY.

FEMALE RADIO HOST: YEAH? WHY?

DAVID: I FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF NOW.

FEMALE RADIO HOST: OH, GOOD, MAKE SOMEBODY ELSE FEEL BAD?

DAVID: DON'T YOU? FEMALE RADIO HOST: YES.

DAVID: NO, BUT I MEAN, ARE YOU KIDDING?

IRENE: OH, HOW ARE YOU, BOBBY? LORD I'VE MISSED YOU!

ROBERT: I'M GOOD, MOM, GOOD. MISSED YOU TOO.

GO, SIT. YOU HUNGRY?

DID YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO EAT?

HOW ABOUT SOME CHEESE AND CRACKERS?

UH... OKAY.

IRENE: YOU WANT A BEER? ROBERT: NO, THANKS.

IRENE: OH, I'VE GOT JUICE. ORANGE OR GRAPEFRUIT?

WATER'D BE GREAT.

IRENE: HOW WAS THE FLIGHT?

OH, TRAFFIC GETTING HERE MUST HAVE BEEN MURDER.

WASN'T TOO BAD.

IRENE: OH, DAMN, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A COON'S AGE, KEVIN.

I MEAN ROBERT.

YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING OUT HERE.

HELLO?

ROBERT: HEY.

ALICE: OH, HI. YOU IN L.A.?

ROBERT: YEAH, I'M AT MOM'S.

LISTEN, HONEY, I WANT TO GIVE UP THE APARTMENT.

REALLY?

ROBERT: YEAH, WE DON'T NEED A PLACE IN NEW YORK.

YOU'RE TELLING ME.

DID YOU READ "THE TIMES"?

ALICE: ROBERT, I HAVEN'T READ A REVIEW IN OVER TEN YEARS.

ROBERT: RIGHT.

ARE YOU OKAY?

I'M FINE, I'M FINE.

JUST SICK OF THE CITY.

WILL THIS MEAN YOU'LL BE HOME MORE?

PROBABLY.

ALICE: YOU SOUND DISAPPOINTED. ROBERT: COME ON, ALICE.

ALICE: ROBERT, YOU HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN HERE

IN ANY MEANINGFUL WAY IN MONTHS.

I KNOW.

THE KIDS ARE SUFFERING, I'M SUFFERING.

MITCH IS CRYING HIMSELF TO SLEEP EVERY OTHER NIGHT.

I KNOW.

ROBERT: LOOK, I'VE GOT TO TAKE THIS MEETING.

LET ME DEAL WITH MOM AND I PROMISE

WE'LL PUT IT ALL BACK TOGETHER WHEN I GET HOME, OKAY?

LET ME CALL YOU LATER, OKAY?

ALICE?

SURE, ROBERT,

CALL ME AFTER YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.

BETTY: OH...

ARE YOU BACK?

UH, YEAH.

DID YOU GET THE TUNA?

OH SHIT.

OH DEAR.

GUS: FUCK.

BETTY: GUS! GUS: SORRY.

BETTY: OH... WE'LL JUST HAVE TO MAKE DO.

I HAD A DREAM ABOUT 1946.

UH-HUH.

BETTY: ISN'T THAT FUNNY?

UH-HUH.

IT WAS SO PEACEFUL.

AND THEN I DANCED A WALTZ WITH TYRONE POWER...

ON A SHIP SOMEWHERE.

HUH.

1946.

I THINK TYRONE POWER WAS A FAG, MOM.

HUH.

IRENE:

BLESSED FOR THY OWN JESUS, HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD,

PRAY US FOR US SINNERS...

LOOKS LIKE GUS IS DOING SOME CHORES.

AIN'T HE SOMETHIN'?

WHAT'S HE BEEN UP TO?

OH, HE'S IN AND OUT OF JAIL HALF THE TIME.

YEAH?YEAH.

DID TIME FOR MANSLAUGHTER.

GEEZ!

BEAT A GUY TO DEATH IN A BAR SOMEWHERE.

GUESS I'VE BEEN AWAY FOR AWHILE.

IRENE: HE CAME BY ONE DAY ASKING WHERE YOU WERE.

ROBERT: HE DID?

I THINK HE WAS DRUNK.

HMM.

HE IS DRIVING BETTY INSANE.

I MEAN, A 57-YEAR-OLD MAN WHO NEVER LEFT HOME?

SO IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU COULD HELP US OUT

WITH THIS SCRIPT.

WE'RE IN NEED OF SOME PASSION.

THERE'S NO PASSION IN THIS SCRIPT.

WE NEED MORE THAN TO HAVE THE AUDIENCE SCREAMING.

WE HAVE THE KILLERS. WE HAVE THE SAVAGE KILLING.

YOU'RE NEVER IN L.A.

NOT IF I CAN HELP IT.

I UNDERSTAND. TWENTY YEARS I'VE BEEN HERE

AND I STILL FEEL A SENSE OF DREAD,

LIKE I AM IN A FOG,

ADRIFT IN A LIFEBOAT

WITH THE SEA MONSTERS CIRCLING.

RIGHT.

SO I THINK THAT WE CAN BRING SOME DIGNITY

TO THE CHARACTERS, YEAH?

NOW WE MEET THEM AND THEY DIE, NOTHING.

NO WAY OF GETTING TO KNOW THEM.

IS THAT LIFE?

IS THAT HOW WE EXPERIENCE LOSS?

I LOVED YOUR PLAY.

YOU DID? WHICH ONE?

THIS ONE PLAYING NOW: "AMERICAN EXCURSION."

I WAS IN NEW YORK AND I CAUGHT A PREVIEW.

LOVED IT.

VERY POWERFUL.

THANK YOU.

VERY WELL DONE.

YOU INVESTED YOUR OWN MONEY IN PUTTING IT UP ON ITS FEET,

IS THAT RIGHT?

YES.

VERY BRAVE OF YOU, ROBERT.

THAT'S COMMITMENT.

THAT'S FAITH IN ONE'S ABILITY.

ROBERT: OH!

HELLO.

HEY.

HOW YOU DOIN', GUS?

OH, HEY, MAN, HOW YA DOIN', HUH?

I THOUGHT I SAW YOU HERE.

HEY, YOU HERE VISITING YOUR MOM?

YEAH, I'M CHECKING IN ON HER, YOU KNOW.

YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S COOL.

YEAH, SO...

HOW YA DOING? EVERYTHING GOOD?

YEAH. OH YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. EVERYTHING'S GOOD.

EVERYTHING IS REAL GOOD.

HEY, YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST TOSSIN' BACK A FEW

AND, UH, I THOUGHT, LIKE, WHOA,

I HAVEN'T TALKED TO ROBERT IN, LIKE, YEARS, DUDE.

AND THEN I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I WAS THINKING THAT YOU AND I SHOULD HAVE A BEER, MAN.

WE SHOULD HAVE A FUCKIN' BEER, MAN!

YOU KNOW, AND JUST... HANG OR SOMETHING.

T-THAT WOULD BE GOOD.

WE SHOULD, UH, HANG SOMETIME.

WE SHOULD DEFINITELY HANG.

FUCK, YES!

HEY, NOW IT DON'T MATTER

THAT YOU'RE YOUNGER THAN ME, RIGHT?

I MEAN, LIKE, SEVENTH GRADE AND TWELFTH GRADE;

THAT'S LIKE FUCKIN' FOREVER.

I MEAN, NOW IT JUST DON'T MEAN SHIT.

SO, YOU CAUGHT UP WITH ME, DUDE!

I'M RIGHT ON YOUR ASS.

YEAH!

YEAH, SO, YOU KNOW,

MAYBE BEFORE I SPLIT THIS TIME

WE COULD, UH, HOIST A COUPLE O' FROSTIES

AND SHOOT THE SHIT.

YEAH! FUCKIN' SHOOT THE FUCKIN' SHIT, MAN!

SHOOT WHATEVER THE FUCK WE WANT!

YEAH, TAKE SOME FUCKING TARGET PRACTICE!

ABSOLUTELY.

YEAH...

WHEW, MAN.

MY EYES ARE WATERING.

WHICH ORIFICE DID THAT COME OUT OF?

ORIFICE? OH MAN!

FUCKING ORIFICE!

OR A FACE, MAN! OR A FUCKIN' FACE!

RIGHT.

HEY, OH NO, PRIMA FACIE!

MY LAWYER'S ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT PRIMA FACIE!

WHAT THE FUCK IS FUCKING PRIMA FACIE, MAN?

IT MEANS YOU'RE FUCKED.

YEAH, PRIMA FACIAL!

I GAVE HER A FUCKIN' PRIMA FACIAL, DUDE!

STEADY, DUDE.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? WE BETTER BE QUIET

'CAUSE MY MOM MIGHT BE SLEEPING.

IF YOU WAKE HER UP, SHE'LL KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS.

OH, OH... KICK MY FUCKIN' ASS.

YEAH.

HEY, MAN, I GOT TO GET SOME SLEEP.

MAN, I'M BEAT. JET LAG, YOU KNOW?

OH, THAT'S COOL, THAT'S COOL.

WE'LL HAVE THOSE MORTAR ROUNDS THOUGH, RIGHT, MY MAN?

SHIT, YEAH.

OH!WHAT?

I HEAR MY MOMMY CALLING. SHE WANTS TO TUCK ME IN.

NIGHTY FUCKING NIGHT.

NIGHT, NIGHT.

GUS:

OH, HEY, MAN!

UH, A PRIORI, EH?

DOMINUS VOBISCUM.

YEAH! PURSUANT TO THE LAW!

ET CUM SPIRITU TUO.

YEAH, THEY'RE ALWAYS PURSUING THE LAW RIGHT UP MY ASS.

OH! OH, OH! HEY, MOTHERFUCKER!

TIME FOR A LITTLE CAVITY SEARCH!

WE'RE PURSUING THE LAW

AND WE THINK IT WENT UP YOUR ASS.

UP MY ASS...

HELLO?

ROBERT: EMMA?

EMMA, IT'S ROBERT...

LONGFELLOW.

OH MY GOD.

WELL, HOW ARE YOU?

I'M SORRY IT'S TAKEN SO LONG.

HOW ARE YOU?

EMMA: OH, I'M FINE.

IT'S GOOD TO HEAR YOUR VOICE AGAIN.

ROBERT: I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW

THAT I GOT THE BOOK YOU SENT ME.

YOU MEAN THE ONE I SENT YOU TWO YEARS AGO?

IT HASN'T BEEN THAT LONG, HAS IT?

EMMA: AT LEAST.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

WELL, I'M IN TOWN

AND I WAS WONDERING WHERE YOU ARE WITH IT.

AM I TOO LATE?

WELL, NO.

I HAD SOME THOUGHTS ON A SCREENPLAY.

I'D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS, ROBERT.

GREAT.

EMMA: WHEN CAN WE MEET?

WELL, THANKS FOR TAKING ME OUT, KEVIN.

I MEAN ROBERT.

DAMN, I'LL GET IT RIGHT ONE OF THESE DAYS.

SO WHO HELPS YOU WITH MOST OF YOUR ERRANDS?

IRENE: JANEY HEWLIT, MOSTLY.

SHE LIVES DOWN THE BLOCK.

IS THAT ALL YOU'RE GONNA EAT?

YUP.

I CAN'T STAND OATMEAL. BLECH!

ROBERT: THEN YOU SHOULDN'T ORDER IT.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN JANEY'S NOT AROUND?

IRENE: YOU SHOULD HAVE SOME PROTEIN.

HAVE SOME EGGS.

I MEAN, ALL THIS FUSS ABOUT CHOLESTEROL.

IT'S FOR THE BIRDS.

I'M HAPPY, MOM.

IRENE: IT'S A LOT OF NONSENSE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

MEDICAL RESEARCH - WHO NEEDS IT?

YOU'RE A REAL SHECKY GREEN, BOBBY.

YOU'RE A REAL COMEDIAN.

YOU KILL ME.

I WORRY ABOUT YOU, MOM.

YOU DO?

I DO.

SHOCKING, ISN'T IT?

WHY YES, IT IS.

I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD BE BY YOURSELF ANYMORE.

NOBODY GIVES A DAMN ABOUT ME.

ROBERT: LOOK, MOM,

WE'VE GOT TO MAKE SOME DECISIONS HERE.

YOU SHOULDN'T BE ALONE.

HOW LONG ARE YOU STAYING, BOBBY?

A COUPLE MORE DAYS.

HELLO.

NICE SPREAD.

THANKS.

LIFE'S A FUNNY THING, ISN'T IT?

BUT NOT "HA-HA" FUNNY.

COME ON, IT'S A LAUGH RIOT.

ARE YOU COMING IN?

SO WHO'S THIS BILLIONAIRE YOU'RE SEEING?

HE'S NOT A BILLIONAIRE.

ACCORDING TO FORBES HE IS.

ARE YOU KEEPING TABS ON ME?

IS IT SERIOUS?

HE WANTS CHILDREN.

YOU'RE READY FOR KIDS?

ARE YOU MAD AT ME?

NO.

MAYBE JUST A LITTLE?

I CALLED YOU, DIDN'T I?

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT'S BEEN

SINCE WE'VE SEEN EACH OTHER?

UH...EIGHT YEARS.

REALLY?

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU.

WELL, HERE I AM.

HEARD ABOUT THE PLAY.

YOU HEARD ABOUT IT? FROM WHO?

A FRIEND. SOMEONE I RESPECT.

WHO?

SHE SAID THERE WERE FLASHES OF THE OLD BRILLIANCE.

"OLD" BRILLIANCE.

SHE'S A BIG FAN.

OF COURSE.

SHE THOUGHT-SHE HATED IT.

NO.LIAR.

SHE THINKS YOU'RE BRILLIANT.

SHE REALLY HATED IT.

I THINK YOU'RE BRILLIANT.

YOU'RE BIASED.

DID YOU READ THE BOOK?

IT'S THE ROLE OF A LIFETIME.

I'M GLAD YOU CALLED, ROBERT.

ME TOO.

I'LL GET STARTED ON A SCREENPLAY.

GREAT.

I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS FOR A LONG TIME.

REALLY?

YES.

THANKS FOR COMING.

RIGHT.

HEY, MAURICE, IT'S ROBERT.

I'M GOOD, GOOD. YOU?

GOOD.

UH, LISTEN, UM, I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT

AND I JUST DON'T THINK I'M THE GUY FOR YOUR SCRIPT.

YEAH.

WELL, IT'S JUST NOT MY GENRE, YOU KNOW?

I'M AFRAID I'LL BOTCH IT,

AND I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT TO YOU.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO WASTE YOUR MONEY EITHER.

RIGHT. RIGHT.

HEY, UH, MAURICE?

I'VE GOT ANOTHER CALL COMING IN.

LET ME TAKE THIS, AND I'LL CALL YOU RIGHT BACK?

OKAY. BYE.

EMMA: HELLO?

HEY.

HI.

ROBERT: EMMA, I THINK WE SHOULD RETHINK THIS.

RETHINK WHAT?

EVERYTHING.

YOU DON'T WANT TO DO IT?

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I WANT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, ROBERT?

IT'S VERY POWERFUL.

WHAT IS?

EMMA: WHAT WE SHARE.

YES, IT IS.

WE KNOW EACH OTHER.

ROBERT: YEAH.

PROFOUNDLY.

I KNOW.

WHY DID YOU CALL ME?

FOR THE JOB?

FOR THE MONEY?

NO.

IT'S AS STRONG AS EVER.

GODDAMNIT.

ISN'T IT?

YES.

I LOVE YOU, ROBERT.

ROBERT: CHRIST...

I CAN BE THERE IN AN HOUR.

I'M HERE.

OH, HEY, MAN.

OH, HEY, ROBERT. HOW YA DOIN'?

GOOD, GOOD. WHAT'S UP?

OH, UM...

WELL, I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT THOSE BEERS WE WERE GONNA HAVE

AND JUST THOUGHT THAT MAYBE WE COULD TOSS BACK A FEW NOW

IF YOU WEREN'T DOING ANYTHING.

I BROUGHT SOME.

OH, YEAH, THE PROBLEM IS

I GOT A THING TO GO TO TONIGHT.

I CAN'T BLOW IT OFF, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

OH, YEAH, THAT'S COOL, THAT'S COOL.

I CAN DIG THAT, MAN.

YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.

YEAH.

YEAH, BUT HOW 'BOUT JUST ONE?

YEAH, IT CAN'T TAKE TOO LONG.

I MEAN, WE'RE NOT GETTING YOUNGER HERE,

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN', DUDE, HUH?

AH, YOU CAN HAVE A FUCKIN' FROSTY BEFORE YOU SPLIT,

AM I RIGHT?

UH... OKAY, A QUICK ONE.

RIGHT ON, MAN, RIGHT ON.

YOU ARE THE FUCKIN' MAN, MAN.

OH, HEY, IS YOUR MOM HOME?

I GOT A FOUL MOUTH, DUDE,

AND I DON'T WANT TO UPSET YOUR OLD LADY.

NO, SHE'S NOT HERE.

SHE WON'T BE BACK FOR AWHILE.

EXCELLENT.

EXCELLENT.

HERE, MAN.

HERE'S TO YA.

WE HAVE LIFTOFF.

SO, HOW'S YOUR MOM?

OH, YOU KNOW, SHE'S GOOD

WHEN SHE'S NOT BEING A RAGING BITCH.

BUT SHE'S OKAY. SHE'S OKAY, YOU KNOW?

SHE'S GOOD PEOPLE.

YOU BEEN WORKIN'?NO.

NO.

FUCK 'EM.

I HEARD THAT.

YEAH, I AIN'T WORKIN' FOR SLAVE WAGES.

NO, SIR.

LET 'EM GO TO CHINA

AND PAY THE CHINKS FIVE CENTS A DAY.

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT...

MM-HMM.

IF THAT'S WHAT THEY WANNA DO.

OH. THANKS.

YUP.

HEY.

SO, WHEN'S YOUR MOM COMING HOME?

NOT SURE. NOT FOR AWHILE, I THINK.

DUDE, I GOT SOME BUD

THAT'LL TAKE THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD OFF.

THINK SHE'D NOTICE IF WE FIRED ONE UP?

OH, NO, MAN, THAT WON'T WORK.

WELL, LET'S GO OUTSIDE.

UH...

YOU GO AHEAD, I'LL PASS.

NO, DUDE, YOU GOTTA TRY THIS.

JUST ONE HIT.

MY BUDDY GOT IT FROM A GUY IN B.C.

MAN, IF I HAD A HIT

YOU'D HAVE TO WIPE ME UP OFF THE FLOOR.

IT WOULDN'T BE GOOD. YOU GO AHEAD.

WELL, LET'S TRY THE GARAGE.

WHY DON'T WE GO TO MY ROOM?

WHO'S THAT LADY?

THAT WOULD BE MARY, THE MOTHER OF GOD,

OUR BLESSED VIRGIN.

RIGHT.

SO...

WHAT'S NEW YORK LIKE?

ENERGETIC.

THAT'S SERIOUS SHIT.

I LIKE IT.

NEVER BEEN TO NEW YORK.

NO?

YOU SHOULD GO.

NO WAY.

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE ANY PROBLEM THERE.

DAMN STRAIGHT, 'CAUSE I AIN'T GOIN'.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU? ARE YOU UH...

ARE YOU DOIN' THEATRE, BROADWAY AND SHIT?

MY MOM SHOWED ME THAT MAGAZINE YOU WERE IN.

YEAH?

YEAH. THAT WAS...

THAT WAS, UH...

I MEAN, UH, THAT WAS...

I'VE NEVER KNOWN ANYBODY FAMOUS.

NO?UNH-UNH.

I BET YOU GET A LOT OF PUSSY.

YOU'RE DREAMIN'.

OH, DUDE.

OH, NO, COME ON. MAN...

YOU'RE IN THE MAGAZINES. YOU'RE GOOD LOOKIN'.

AND MARRIED.

YEAH. UH-HUH.

YEAH, YEAH. UH-HUH.

YEAH, IT MUST BE NICE.

I DON'T THINK SO.

OH, DUDE, LIGHTEN UP. YOU'RE BRINGIN' ME DOWN.

LET ME JUST HAVE A LITTLE TASTE.

SHIT.

OOH...

TELL 'EM EVERYTHING'S COOL.

WHAT THE FUCK, MAN? WHAT'S GOING ON?

JUST TELL 'EM IT'S COOL.

COP: GOOD EVENING, SIR.

I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT WE HAVE AN ARMED SUSPECT

HOLED UP IN HIS HOUSE ACROSS THE STREET.

WE'D LIKE TO POSITION OURSELVES INSIDE YOUR HOME,

AS IT AFFORDS US A SAFE AND UNOBSTRUCTED VIEW

OF HIS HOUSE.

NOW WE DON'T WANT ANYONE TO GET HURT,

SO WE'D LIKE TO ESCORT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

TO SAFETY IMMEDIATELY,

AND WE'D LIKE TO TAKE YOU OUT THROUGH THE BACK.

YOU GOTTA USE OUR HOUSE?

THAT IS CORRECT, SIR.

DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID, SIR?

YEAH, WE GOTTA GO.

I NEED TO ESCORT YOU TO THE REAR OF YOUR HOUSE.

THERE ARE OFFICERS WHO CAN ASSIST YOU.

I'M AFRAID YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIND TEMPORARY SHELTER

UNTIL THIS IS RESOLVED.

OKAY.

WE'RE STAYING PUT.

OH, COME ON, GUS. THIS IS NUTS, MAN.

YOU CAN'T DO THIS!

I MEAN, THIS COULD TURN OUT REALLY BAD!

YOU GOTTA CHILL, DUDE. EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE COOL,

SO JUST SETTLE THE FUCK DOWN.

I'M TRYING, MAN, I'M TRYING,

BUT I'M SCARED TO DEATH RIGHT NOW!

I DON'T DIG THIS SHIT!

WELL, LET'S GET YOU A BEER, MAN;

THAT'LL HELP.

GUS,

YOU GOTTA PROMISE ME THAT YOU'LL STAY COOL, MAN;

THAT YOU WON'T DO SOMETHING STUPID.

JUST CHILL, MAN, JUST CHILL.

AND DO ME A FAVOR?

CHECK THE WINDOWS, SEE IF THEY'RE LOCKED.

COME ON, MAN.

WHAT DID YOU DO, GUS?

WHY ARE THEY HERE?

WHAT HAPPENED?

LET'S TAKE A WALK.

ROBERT: WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, GUS? WHAT'S YOUR PLAN HERE?

GUS: THE PLAN? COME ON, MAN.

THE PLAN IS UH...

OH, THE PLAN IS THAT YOU AND I HOIST A FEW BEERS, MAN.

I SEE.

LET'S KEEP GOIN'.

CHRIST, GUS.

A LITTLE BACKUP.

NA ZDROWIE!

ZIVELI!

SKAAL!

OH, YEAH.

DIGGIN' THAT POT?

YEAH.

MAKIN' ME A LITTLE JUMPY, I THINK.

SERIOUS SHIT.

AIN'T IT?

YEAH.

I MUST BE TRIPPIN'.

I THINK I'M GETTING LOADED WITH A GUY HOLDING ME HOSTAGE.

YEAH?YEAH.

PSYCHO-FUCKIN'-DELIC, MAN!

WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?

I DON'T KNOW, IRENE, BUT THEY MEAN BUSINESS.

SO WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, GUS?

WHAT'S YOUR OBJECTIVE HERE?

WHAT DID YOU DO, GUS?

JESUS.

GUS, MAYBE I...

MAYBE I SHOULD ANSWER THAT.

THAT COULD BE MY MOM, YOU KNOW?

I DON'T WANT HER TO FREAK OUT, HAVE A HEART ATTACK.

YOU MIND IF I ANSWER IT?

HELLO?

OH, YES. YES, SIR.

ROBERT LONGFELLOW.

I'M FINE. YEAH.

HE'S RIGHT HERE.

OKAY.

IT'S FOR YOU. HE WANTS TO HAVE A CHAT.

HIDEY HIDEY HO.

UH-HUH.

NO.

NO.

NO, SIR.

OH!

GOOD.

GOOD.

YEAH, GOOD.

OKEY-DOKEY.

YEAH.

ROGER THAT.

FUCKIN'-A!

HUH?

WELL...

LET ME JUST PUT THAT IN MY PIPE AND SMOKE IT.

WHAT'D HE SAY?

THE USUAL.

OH, LIKE WHAT?

WANTS TO KNOW WHAT HE CAN DO FOR ME.

KNOW WHAT HE CAN DO FOR ME

BEFORE HE FUCKS ME UP THE ASS.

WELL, THAT'S WRONG.

UM... YOU, UH...

YOU SURE YOU WANT TO STAY OUT HERE, MRS. LONGFELLOW?

YOU MIGHT WANT TO FIND A PLACE TO STAY FOR AWHILE,

OR IN THE POLICE VAN. IT'D BE A LOT WARMER.

NO.

AIN'T THIS SOMETHING ELSE?

I GOTTA PEE.

ME TOO.

SWORD FIGHT?

UNH-UNH.

ROBERT: OH. OKAY.

SO, WHAT ARE YOUR PLAYS ABOUT?

UH...

GUS: I HEAR PEOPLE SAY THAT YOU'RE A COMMIE.

THAT RIGHT?

NO. COMMIE?

MY MOM SAID THAT YOU WERE CALLING FOR

THE OVERTHROW OF THE GOVERNMENT.

YOUR MOM SAID THAT?

GUS: YEAH.

AND MY DAD, BEFORE HE DIED,

I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT HE SAID ABOUT YOU.

WOW.

GUS: YEAH, MY DAD HAD HIS OPINIONS.

OLD BASTARD.

ARE YOU GONNA PEE OR WHAT? I AM DYIN' HERE.

I CAN'T.

OH, WHAT'S THE MATTER? CAN'T MAKE IT SQUIRT?

COULD YOU TURN AROUND?

I CAN'T PISS IF YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT ME.

SORRY.

OH, JESUS. I'M SORRY.

ARE YOU SHITTIN' ME?!

I'M NOT GOING TO TRY ANYTHING, GUS.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

ALL RIGHT, DUDE.

HURRY UP!

I'M GONNA PISS MY SHORTS HERE.

ROBERT: THANKS.

DON'T EVER GO TO PRISON, MAN.

BETTY: IRENE?

OH, GOOD LORD, IRENE.

I-I'M SO SORRY.

I TRIED SO HARD WITH HIM. I JUST...

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

HIS FATHER DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO EITHER.

WELL, THERE ISN'T MUCH THAT WE CAN DO, BETTY.

THEY COME OUT BEING WHO THEY'RE GOING TO BE.

THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO.

MAYBE HIS FATHER SMACKED HIM TOO MUCH.

OH, WHO KNOWS?

BUT HE JUST...

HE JUST WOULDN'T SIT STILL.

ROBERT: WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?

A LITTLE PICK ME UP.

UH, NO THANKS.

YOU'LL FEEL BETTER, MAN.

CLEARS THE HEAD AND THEN YOU CAN DRINK MORE.

I'M FINE.

SUIT YOURSELF.

GUS, YOU SURE YOU WANT ALL THAT STUFF

IN YOUR VEINS RIGHT NOW?

YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO KNOW WHAT TO DO

WHEN THE TIME COMES.

YOU TALK TO HIM. GUY IS AN ASSHOLE.

HELLO?

I'M SORRY?

THIS IS ROBERT.

WHO?

OH, HI ELAINE.

YEAH.

YEAH, I'M HERE FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.

MOM'S NOT HERE.

YEAH, EVERYTHING'S GOOD.

YEAH.

YOU DID?

OH, WELL, TH-THAT'S VERY NICE.

THANK YOU.

HE WAS IN NEW YORK?

HE SAW IT? YEAH?

WHAT DID HE THINK?

WELL, TELL HIM THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YEAH.

WELL, LISTEN, THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE IN NEW YORK,

YOU GIVE ME A CALL, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL TELL MOM YOU CALLED.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, BYE.

WHO WAS THAT?

IT WAS ELAINE GIFFORD.

SHE USED TO LIVE NEXT DOOR, REMEMBER?

OH, YEAH. HAD THE RETARDED KID, DAVE.

YEAH.

I THOUGHT SHE DIED.

NO.

YEAH, I THOUGHT SHE UM...

I THOUGHT SHE FELL OVER OR SOMETHING,

HIT HER HEAD.

NO, I THINK YOU'RE THINKING OF, UH... WHAT'S HER NAME

WHO USED TO LIVE ON THE CORNER.

WHO?UM...

LOUISE... WHAT'S HER NAME?

O'CONNER?YEAH, O'CONNER.

OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I DO.

YEAH, LOUISE O'CONNER.

YEAH.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WENT OUT IN THE BACKYARD TO WATER HER FLOWERS...

MM-HMM.

TRIPPED, FELL,

CRACKED HER HEAD OPEN, BLED TO DEATH...

LAID THERE FOR ABOUT FIVE DAYS.

HEY, MAN.

HEY.

THAT, UH, THAT SUCKS.

DUDE.

THAT'S WRONG.

BOTH:

THAT'S REALLY WRONG.

THAT'S REALLY WRONG.

HELLO?

YUP, IT'S ROBERT. YEAH, WE'RE FINE.

YEAH, UH, LET ME ASK HIM.

UH, HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK RIGHT NOW.

WE'RE, WE'RE DOIN' GOOD.

HELLO?

CATHY, HI.

OKAY.

TV ANCHORWOMAN: ...SOME INFORMATION ON THIS.

BREAKING STORY OUT OF THE VALLEY,

RESEDA TO BE EXACT...

OKAY, LET'S BRING IN OUR ENTERTAINMENT REPORTER,

DAVID PIRO, ON THIS.

WE HAVE HIM ON THE PHONE

AND HE HAS SOME INFORMATION ON THIS.

TV ANCHORMAN: DAVID, ALL I KNOW OF ROBERT LONGFELLOW

IS THAT HE WAS...

EXCUSE ME, I SHOULD SAY "IS."

WE WANT TO REITERATE, NOTHING'S HAPPENED YET.

BUT AS FAR AS WE KNOW,

THE SUSPECT, GUS WILLIAMS AND MR. LONGFELLOW ARE ALIVE

AND POLICE HAVE BEEN COMMUNICATING WITH THEM

BY PHONE.

CATHY, I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

TV ANCHORMAN: BUT TO GET BACK TO WHAT WE WERE SAYING,

ROBERT LONGFELLOW IS A WRITER

AND HE'S WRITTEN SOME RATHER CONTROVERSIAL PLAYS.

IS THERE ANY IDEA IF THIS HOSTAGE SITUATION

HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH LONGFELLOW'S WRITING

OR POLITICAL VIEWS?

DAVID PIRO: WELL, AT THIS TIME, DON,

WE DON'T BELIEVE THAT IS THE CASE;

THAT THE SUSPECT HAS ANY QUARREL WITH MR. LONGFELLOW

WITH RESPECT TO HIS WRITING.

YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT THE SUSPECT,

GUS WILLIAMS, IS A NEIGHBOR,

AND FROM WHAT I CAN GATHER

HAS KNOWN LONGFELLOW FROM CHILDHOOD.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT I THINK.

SO YOU'D LIKE TO SEE MORE OF THOSE KIND OF STORIES?

YEAH, I'M SICK OF ALL THE MOVIES

THEY SHOW NOWADAYS.

NOTHIN' THERE.

THERE'S NO REAL PEOPLE IN 'EM.

I HEAR YA.

DO YOU WRITE, GUS?

FUCK NO. I AIN'T A WRITER.

YOU SHOULD TRY.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA WRITE ABOUT?

YOURSELF.

WHAT'D YOU MEAN WRITE ABOUT ME?

ROBERT: HMM?

YOU SAID I SHOULD WRITE ABOUT ME.

IT'S A GOOD PLACE TO START.

I GOT SOME STORIES TO TELL.

I BET YOU DO.

LOTS O' SHIT.

HOW COME YOU WRITE PLAYS?

HOW COME PLAYS AND NOT LIKE BOOKS?

I GUESS I DON'T HAVE THE TALENT FOR BOOKS.

HMM.

HEY, DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM WOULD CARE ANYMORE

ABOUT ME LIGHTING UP INSIDE?

IT'S THE LEAST OF OUR WORRIES NOW.

WHAT? ME WORRY?

I'M STILL RIDING THE FIRST HIT.

HOW DO YOU WRITE?

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO?

DOES IT ALL JUST SIT IN YOUR BRAIN READY TO GO?

DO YOU MAKE IT UP?

I STEAL IT.

STEAL IT FROM WHO?

WHOEVER.

YEAH, BUT I DON'T GET IT.

WHERE DOES ALL THAT SHIT COME FROM?

I DON'T HAVE SHIT LIKE THAT STUFFING UP MY BRAIN PIPES,

THAT'S FOR DAMN SURE.

I'D GO NUTS.

THAT'S WHY I WRITE.

IF I DIDN'T, I'D FLIP OUT.

GOT TO GET IT OUT.

GOT TO GET IT OUT.

RIGHT.

YEAH, BUT...

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'LL SAY?

THAT'S WHAT I REALLY DON'T GET.

USUALLY I JUST START WITH ANY OLD THING

THAT POPS INTO MY HEAD.

THEN, AFTER AWHILE, IF IT'S WORKING,

THE CHARACTERS SORT OF TAKE OVER,

START DOING THE TALKING.

WEIRD.

SAY SOMETHING.

SAY WHAT?

JUST SAY SOMETHING - ANYTHING.

LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS. I'LL SHOW YOU.

OKAY.

UM...

GOD BLESS AMERICA.

WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?

WHY WOULD HE?

BLESS AMERICA?

OH... WAIT, WAS THAT...?

YEAH.

WOW.

THAT'S HOW YOU...?

MORE OR LESS.

LET'S DO ANOTHER ONE.

OKAY.

UM...

I WISH I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS.

MMM, THAT'S NOT MUCH THESE DAYS.

WELL... OH.

MMM...

MAYBE NOT TO YOU, PAL.

DON'T ACT.

WAIT, ARE YOU...?

NO, DON'T ACT. JUST BE YOURSELF;

SAY WHAT YOU THINK.

OKAY.

OKAY, LET'S TRY ANOTHER ONE.

YEAH, BUT HOW DO I KNOW WHEN WE'RE IN...

WHEN WE'RE IN THE PLAY OR NOT?

WAS THAT A LINE?

NO! I GOTTA KNOW WHEN I'M ACTING!

NO ACTING.

OH, COME ON, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, MAN.

OKAY, HOW ABOUT WHEN WE WANT TO DROP OUT OF THE SCENE

WE RAISE OUR RIGHT HAND.

GOOD.

OKAY, YOU READY?

YEAH. YOU GO FIRST THIS TIME.

YOU DIDN'T RAISE YOUR HAND.

OH, COME ON, MAN.

OKAY.

I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

IS THAT RIGHT?

YEAH.

WHERE WOULD YOU GO?

HOME...

TO MY FAMILY. I MISS THEM.

HOW LONG YOU BEEN MARRIED?

ABOUT 12 YEARS.

SHIT.

YEAH.

I DIDN'T GET YOUR NAME.

THAT WAS GOOD!

YEAH?

YEAH, THAT WAS REALLY GOOD!

THAT JUST PIVOTED THE SCENE IN A WHOLE UNEXPECTED WAY.

NICE! AND YOU SEEM RELAXED.

WELL, I FEEL GOOD.

YEAH, SO, UM, WHEN YOU WRITE,

YOU KINDA DO THE SAME THING ONLY BY YOURSELF.

IT'S COOL.

I GOT A HEADACHE.

YOU WANT SOMETHING FOR THAT?

YEAH.

THERE YOU GO.

SO, GUS, WHAT HAPPENED? WHY ARE THE COPS AFTER YOU?

I FUCKED UP.

DID SOMEBODY GET HURT?

IT FEELS LIKE I'M IN A COMPACTOR.

HEY, MAN...

WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT BROAD YOU WERE DOING?

WHO?

THE ONE YOU WERE DOING A WAYS BACK.

WHAT'S HER NAME?

I DON'T KNOW.

OH, SHE'S A BIG STAR NOW, MAN!

YOU KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT!

EMMA STILES?

YEAH, FUCKING EMMA STILES, MAN!

SHE ROCKS.

THAT IS SOME FINE LADY.

I WASN'T DOING HER, MAN.

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I'M SERIOUS!

WELL, WHY NOT?

WELL, I WAS MARRIED WHEN I MET HER FOR ONE THING.

YEAH, LIKE THAT MATTERS.

WASN'T MEANT TO BE.

MAN.

WHAT DOES SHE LOOK LIKE IN REAL LIFE?

IS SHE... LIKE...

SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

WHEN'D YOU TALK TO HER LAST?

A LITTLE WHILE AGO.

NO SHIT!YUP.

OH MAN, THAT IS SO FUCKING COOL!

I WAS AT HER HOUSE YESTERDAY.

NO!MM-HMM.

NICE HOUSE?

OF COURSE.OF COURSE!

WE HAD TEA AND CHOCOLATES.

FUCKING TEA!

YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER?

FUCK YOU!

I'M SERIOUS.

FUCK YOU!

IF I CAN REACH HER, YOU CAN TALK TO HER.

WELL, WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA TALK ABOUT?

TELL HER YOU'RE A FAN. SHE'D LIKE THAT.

UH...I DON'T KNOW.

I'M DIALIN'.

WHOA, SHIT.

AND AFTER THIS WE'LL CALL IT A NIGHT.

YOU AND I WILL WALK OUT OF HERE?

OH, YOU TALK TO HER.

FINE. THEN YOU CAN SAY HELLO.

HELLO?

ROBERT: EMMA? GUS: OOH!

ROBERT!

ROBERT: HEY.

OH MY GOD, WHERE ARE YOU?!

WELL, I'M AT MOM'S HOUSE.

YOU'RE ON TV. I WAS AFRAID TO CALL.

IT'S OKAY, EMMA, EVERYTHING'S FINE.

OH, JESUS, WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON IN THERE?!

ROBERT: WELL, I'M, UH, SITTING HERE WITH GUS

AND WE'RE HAVING SOME BEERS,

UH, SHOOTING THE SHIT, DOING SOME THEATRE GAMES.

ROBERT, DOES HE KNOW YOU'RE ON THE PHONE?

IT'S OKAY, EMMA, REALLY. EVERYTHING'S FINE.

NOBODY'S HURT.

LISTEN, UM, GUS WANTED TO SAY HI.

HE'S A HUGE FAN.

WOULD YOU MIND SAYING HELLO TO HIM?

ARE YOU THERE?

WHAT DO I... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY!

JUST SAY HI.

EMMA?

OKAY.

OKAY.

SHE KINDA KNOWS YOU.

YOU'RE ON TV.

WE'RE BOTH FAMOUS NOW.

UH... HELLO?

HELLO, GUS.

IS THIS REALLY EMMA STILES?

IT SURE IS. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

GUS: MAN, I RECOGNIZE YOUR VOICE.

I RECOGNIZE HER VOICE!

WELL, THAT'S NICE. UM...

SO, WHAT'S GOING ON? YOU GUYS HAVING SOME BEERS?

GUS: YEAH, HAVIN' A FEW,

DOING SOME WRITING.

HEY, UH, EMMA... CAN I CALL YOU EMMA?

ABSOLUTELY, GUS.

HEY, UH, UH, EMMA,

I JUST UM...

HOLY SHIT!

I, UM, UH, SHIT,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY, EMMA.

UM...

I JUST UM...

HEY, I JUST LIKE YOUR MOVIES.

WELL, THAT'S NICE. THANK YOU.

THAT'S VERY NICE.

GUS: I MEAN, I LIKE YOU IN THE MOVIES.

EMMA: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THAT REALLY MEANS A LOT TO ME.

I LIKE THAT ONE WHERE YOU'RE IN THE DESERT.

UM, YOU MEAN "HORIZON"?

GUS: YEAH, I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE A CHICK FLICK,

AND THEN I SAW IT ON CABLE AND, OH,

IT WAS GOOD, MAN. I DUG IT.

HEY, YOU KNOW HOW YOU ACCIDENTLY KILLED A GUY?

UH-HUH.

GUS: AND THEY'RE LIKE, "FRY THE BITCH!"

EMMA: YUP.

GUS: HEY, WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT, MAN?

YEAH, I KNOW.

YEAH. I MEAN, WHO DO THESE PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE?

EMMA: I KNOW.

THEY FUCKIN' THINK THEY'RE JUDGE AND JURY.

YOU'RE RIGHT, GUS.

HOLD ON.

YEAH, HELLO!

YEAH.

YEAH.

LOOK, MAN, I AM BUSY RIGHT NOW.

I CAN'T, MAN, I'M BUSY.

WELL, CALL ME BACK LATER.

I'M TALKING TO EMMA STILES.

EMMA STILES!

EMMA?

I'M HERE.

ROBERT: I AM SORRY ABOUT THAT.

EMMA: NO PROBLEM.

SO...

WHAT WAS I SAYIN'?

FRY THE BITCH?

GUS: YEAH. THAT, THAT, THAT AIN'T WHAT THEY CALL DUE PROCESS,

IS IT?

NO FUCKING WAY.

GUS: THAT AIN'T, UH, UH, WHAT'S IT CALLED?

UH, WHAT? SORRY?

GUS: OH, YOU KNOW.

UH, NOT PRIMA FACIE.

WHAT'S THAT CALLED?

HAYMEE? HAYBEE?

HABEAS CORPUS?

GUS: HABEAS CORPUS.

ROBERT: PRODUCE THE BODY.

YEAH. WHAT BODY?

IT'S LATIN.

WHATEVER. IT'S FUCKED UP. EMMA?

YES, I'M HERE, YES.

GUS: SHIT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M TALKING TO EMMA STILES.

WAIT A SECOND,

I THINK THERE'S ANOTHER CALL COMIN' IN.

WHO'S J HEW...?

ROBERT: I DON'T KNOW.

GUS:

HANG ON, EMMA.

MR. LONGFELLOW'S OFFICE.

HELLO? IT'S GUS.

WHO?

OH, HEY, IRENE.

OH, I'M FINE, FINE. HOW ARE YOU?

IRENE: I'M FINE, GUS. JUST FINE.

UH, WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?

OH, YOU KNOW,

WE'RE HANGIN' OUT, HAVIN' A BEER.

UH-HUH.

GUS: YEAH. HEY, LISTEN, IRENE,

UH, CAN WE JUST CALL YOU BACK IN A SECOND?

I'M ON THE OTHER LINE.

UH, I WANT TO TALK TO ROBERT.

GUS: YEAH, OKAY.

WE'LL CALL YOU BACK IN A MINUTE.

AND YOUR MOM WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

OKAY, WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU GUYS IN A MINUTE.

ALL RIGHT. UH, JANEY, WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER?

NO, THAT'S OKAY, IRENE. NO, WE GOT CALLER I.D. HERE.

WE GOT IT.

OH, OH, ALL RIGHT THEN.

Y-YOU'LL CALL BACK?

IN JUST A MINUTE, OKAY? BYE.

OKAY, BYE.

GUS: EMMA?

I'M HERE.

THAT WAS ROBERT'S MOM.

OH.

OH FUCK, IT'S RINGIN' AGAIN!

IT'S ALICE. WHO'S ALICE?

MY WIFE.

OH, RIGHT.

LET ME TALK TO HER?

BUT WHAT ABOUT EMMA?

LET ME JUST TELL HER I'M OKAY.

OH, ALL RIGHT!

HANG ON, EMMA.

HEY.

ROBERT, OH, GOD! IT'S ON THE NEWS!

LISTEN TO ME, ALICE, I'M FINE.

EVERYTHING'S OKAY, YOU HEAR ME?

EVERYTHING'S OKAY.

WE'RE JUST, UH, SITTING HERE WITH GUS

AND WE'RE HAVING A CHAT AND A BEER.

GUS IS COOL, I'M COOL. EVERYBODY'S COOL,

AND EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE, OKAY?

ALICE: JESUS, ROBERT, I WAS TERRIFIED IF I CALLED YOU

IT WOULD GET YOU IN TROUBLE.

ALICE, IT'S...

ALICE, IT'S OKAY.

WE'RE GONNA BE OKAY. RIGHT, GUS?

GUS SAYS WE'RE GONNA BE OKAY.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM? WHAT DOES HE WANT?

ROBERT: HE JUST WANTS TO HAVE A BEER.

GOD, ROBERT...

ROBERT: LISTEN TO ME, ALICE,

YOU GOTTA HANG IN THERE, OKAY?

I'LL CALL YOU BACK IN A LITTLE BIT, OKAY?

ALICE?

I GOTTA GO, HONEY.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU TOO.

AND TELL THE KIDS I LOVE 'EM.

OKAY, BYE.

ROBERT?

ROBERT: YEAH.

COME HOME.

I WILL.

GUS: EMMA?

YES, I'M HERE.

GUS:

SO, UH,

WHERE WERE WE?

I DON'T REMEMBER.

GUS: OH, YEAH, I KNOW WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY.

WHAT?

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDA GOT THE OSCAR THAT TIME

FOR THAT MOVIE.

"ISTANBUL"?

GUS: YEAH!

YEAH, YOU ROCKED IN THAT.

I SAW IT AT THE CHINESE THEATRE AND YOU WERE-

FUCK!

FUCK! FUCK!

YEAH?!

LOOK, FUCKER, IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE,

I'M GONNA SET THE PLACE ON FIRE AND I'M GONNA SHOOT US BOTH!

SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

ARE YOU STILL THERE, EMMA?

YES, I'M HERE.

GUS: I'M SORRY, EMMA, I JUST...

I JUST LOSE IT SOMETIMES AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.

IT'S OKAY.

I WAS ALWAYS ANGRY.

EMMA: I LOSE IT TOO SOMETIMES.

YEAH?

EMMA: YUP. YEAH, IT'S A BIG PROBLEM. GOT ME FIRED ONCE.

NO SHIT?

EMMA: NO SHIT.

WHAT'D YOU DO?

I RIPPED THIS PRODUCER A NEW ASSHOLE.

EXCELLENT.

EMMA: TOLD HIM HE WAS A SPINELESS CRETIN

IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CREW.

I WAS SCREAMING AT HIM, INCHES FROM HIS FACE.

WHOA.

EMMA: YEAH.

DID HE SHIT HIMSELF?

YEAH, AND THEN HE FIRED ME.

GUS: NO WAY. EMMA: YEAH.

THEY CAN DO THAT?

THEY CAN FIRE EMMA STILES?

EMMA: SURE.

JESUS.

GUS?

YEAH?

YOU'RE NOT GONNA HURT ANYBODY, ARE YOU?

I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU OR ROBERT GET HURT.

YOU'LL BE COOL, WON'T YOU?

PROMISE ME YOU'LL STAY COOL.

GUS?

YEAH?

YOU KNOW ROBERT HAS TWO KIDS AND...

THEY'RE GONNA NEED THEIR DAD.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I GOT TO GO, EMMA.

OKAY, LISTEN, UM,

WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER AND YOU ARE BOTH SAFE,

I'D REALLY LIKE TO MEET YOU.

DO YOU THINK YOU COULD DO THAT?

I GOTTA GO, EMMA.

I LIKED TALKIN' WITH YOU.

YOU'RE REAL NICE. YOU'RE GOOD PEOPLE.

THANKS, GUS, YOU TOO.

OKAY, SO LONG.

DO YOU THINK I COULD SPEAK TO ROBERT FOR A SECOND?

ROBERT: HEY.

OH MY GOD, ROBERT, WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

WELL...

YOU DID GOOD. I THINK YOU MADE GUS'S DAY.

ROBERT?

ROBERT: YEAH?

I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING. IT MIGHT SOUND A BIT...

GO AHEAD.

EMMA: OH, CHRIST, I DON'T KNOW.

IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU.

IT WAS GREAT TO SEE YOU.

EMMA: ROBERT?

YEAH?

WE'RE GONNA MAKE A GREAT FILM TOGETHER.

I THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE THOSE KIDS, EMMA.

I GOTTA GO, EMMA.

GOODBYE, ROBERT.

GOODBYE.

ROBERT: SO, GUS, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

YOU THINK YOU'RE READY TO CALL IT A NIGHT?

I'LL VOUCH FOR YOU, GUS;

I THINK YOU'RE A GOOD MAN.

ANCHORWOMAN: WE HAVE JUST RECEIVED SOME VIDEO

OF MR. LONGFELLOW AND EMMA STILES

THAT HAS BEEN POSTED ON THE INTERNET.

GENE, CAN WE SEE THAT PIECE OF VIDEO?

UH, THERE IT IS RIGHT THERE.

I'M NOT SURE WHEN OR WHERE THIS WAS SHOT.

ANCHORMAN: BUT WE DO KNOW THAT IS... THAT IS ROBERT LONGFELLOW.

HE IS THE MAN BEING HELD HOSTAGE

IN HIS CHILDHOOD HOME

BY GUS WILLIAMS,

A MAN WHO'S DONE TIME IN JAIL.

AND, LESLIE, IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN,

LONGFELLOW IS MARRIED, CORRECT?

ANCHORWOMAN: THAT'S RIGHT. ACCORDING TO DAVID PIRO,

HE HAS TWO CHILDREN WITH HIS WIFE.

AND TO BE FRANK, PHILLIP,

ACCORDING TO SEVERAL OF MY SOURCES,

RUMORS HAVE SWIRLED AROUND LONGFELLOW AND STILES

FOR YEARS.

ANCHORMAN: THAT'S VERY INTERESTING, LESLIE.

AND AS MANY OF YOU MIGHT KNOW,

EMMA STILES' CAREER WAS LAUNCHED

IN NEW YORK SOME YEARS AGO

WHEN SHE STARRED IN THREE OF LONGFELLOW'S PLAYS.

UNFORTUNATELY FOR MR. LONGFELLOW,

HIS LAST COUPLE OF PLAYS HAVE NOT BEEN WELL RECEIVED,

WITH HIS LATEST, "AMERICAN EXCURSION,"

OPENING TO DISASTROUS REVIEWS AND CLOSING LAST NIGHT

AFTER A RUN OF ONLY TWO WEEKS.

ANCHORWOMAN: SO NEEDLESS TO SAY ALL OF THIS ONLY ADDS TO THE...

WELL, IT JUST MAKES A TENSE SITUATION

THAT MUCH WORSE FOR MR. LONGFELLOW'S FAMILY,

OF COURSE, TO KNOW THAT THIS VIDEO HAS BEEN...

I BELIEVED YOU, MAN.

ANCHORMAN: WE ARE GETTING THIS JUST IN, AS WELL.

LOS ANGELES COUNTY SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT,

AS WELL AS THE LAPD ARE NOW CONFIRMING...

THE LIQUOR STORE CLERK, SHOT ALLEGEDLY BY GUS WILLIAMS,

HAS NOW DIED FROM HIS WOUNDS,

WHICH MEANS THE MAN NOW HOLDING ROBERT LONGFELLOW HOSTAGE...

I'VE GOT TO CALL ALICE BACK.

I NEED TO CALL MY WIFE.

ROBERT'S KIDS:

LEAVE US A MESSAGE.

ROBERT: UH... HI, IT'S ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU COULD BE.

I JUST...

WANTED TO TALK TO YOU, ALICE, AND THE KIDS.

I HAVEN'T TALKED TO THE KIDS IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

HEY, MITCH, I HEARD YOU SCORED TWO GOALS IN LAST WEEK'S GAME.

THAT IS AWESOME!

I UH...

I WISH I COULD HAVE BEEN THERE.

DID ANYBODY HAVE THEIR VIDEO CAMERA?

LISTEN, I'M GONNA MAKE IT TO THE NEXT GAME, BUDDY,

I PROMISE.

AND UM...

ROSY, YOU'RE...

YOU'RE MY LITTLE ANGEL GIRL, YOU'RE MY DARLING GIRL.

YOU'RE THE PRETTIEST PRINCESS EVER.

I WISH I WAS THERE RIGHT NOW.

I LIKE TO WATCH YOU SLEEP.

SO UM...

UM, I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU GUYS AND UH...

ANYWAY, I...

I GOTTA GO NOW.

UM...

YOU TAKE CARE.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

AND UM...

YOU TAKE CARE OF MOM FOR ME, WILL YOU?

SHE NEEDS YOUR HELP.

AND, ALICE, UM...

THERE'S NOTHING I CAN SAY TO YOU THAT WON'T SOUND HOLLOW.

LET'S DO ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE...

WHAT DO YOU CALL THEM? THERE'S A WORD.

IT'S OVER, GUS. IT'S TIME TO GO.

WHAT ARE THEY CALLED?

IMPROV. IMPROVISATION!

WELL, LET'S DO ANOTHER FUCKING IMPROVISATION.

GUS, I CAN'T EVEN THINK.

GUS: LET'S JUST DO ONE MORE...

BEFORE YOU SPLIT.

OKAY?

I AIN'T ACTING.

OKAY.

EXCELLENT.

YOU GO FIRST.

YOU'RE GOOD.

OKAY, UM...

EXCUSE ME, SIR,

COULD YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET TO CARNEGIE HALL?

NO, NO, NO, MAN, THAT SUCKS.

LET ME TRY IT.

HI.

I'M HERE TO APPLY FOR THE JOB.

YES, OF COURSE.

COME ON IN AND HAVE A SEAT.

THANK YOU.

SO, UH,

WE'LL HAVE YOU FILL OUT SOME FORMS, OF COURSE,

BUT, UH, FIRST,

WE'LL START WITH A FEW QUESTIONS.

OF COURSE. ASK AWAY.

SO, UH, COULD YOU TELL ME SPECIFICALLY

WHICH JOB YOU HAD IN MIND?

R. MMM, I SEE.

AND YOU'VE WORKED IN THE FIELD BEFORE?

OH YES.

BERTLES AND JAMES, TEN YEARS.

VERY GOOD.

WELL, WE'LL HAVE A LOOK AT YOUR RESUME A LITTLE LATER,

BUT FIRST I'D LIKE TO, UH,

GET A SENSE OF WHO YOU ARE PERSONALLY,

IF YOU DON'T MIND.

FINE.

WHAT DO YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?

DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES, ANY OUTSIDE INTERESTS?

OH, YES.

I PLAY CHESS, DO SOME GARDENING,

CHASE CHICKS.

EXCUSE ME?

I LIKE TO FORNICATE WITH STRANGE WOMEN.

I SEE. THIS IS A HOBBY?

WHAT WOULD YOU CALL IT?

WE'LL MARK IT DOWN UNDER RECREATION.

NOW, WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG,

WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP?

A MARINE LIKE MY DAD.

YOUR FATHER WAS IN THE MILITARY SERVICE?

DAMN STRAIGHT. FOUGHT IN IWO JIMA.

KILLED A LOT OF JAPS.

HMM. WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

MY FATHER FLEW B-29'S OVER JAPAN.

INCINERATED THOUSANDS OF CIVILIANS.

THAT WAS THE GOOD WAR, OF COURSE.

WHAT ABOUT YOU? MILITARY SERVICE?

I WAS REJECTED.

LET ME GUESS.

THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN DURING THE VIETNAM WAR?

YUP.

AND ON WHAT GROUNDS WERE YOU REJECTED?

MENTAL.

I GUESS THEY THOUGHT I WAS NUTS.

AND WERE YOU OR ARE YOU NOW MENTALLY UNSTABLE?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

IT'S NOT FOR ME TO SAY.

HAVEN'T WE MET BEFORE?

I DON'T THINK SO.

YOU DON'T THINK SO?

I THINK WE HAVE.

HAVE WE?

DO YOU HAVE AN OLDER BROTHER?

NO. NO? NO.

I SEEM TO RECALL MEETING YOU AND YOU HAD A BROTHER.

I THINK YOU'RE MISTAKEN.

YOU THINK I'M MISTAKEN?

LOOK...I DON'T THINK SO.

I'M NOT INTO THIS, OKAY?

YOU BROUGHT IT UP, DUDE.

YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE?

YES.

I'M SORRY. WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?

YOU WERE REJECTED

ON THE GROUNDS OF MENTAL INSTABILITY?

WHY WOULD THEY THINK THAT?

?YOU HAVEN'T A CLUE

AS TO WHY THE UNITED STATES MARINES CORPS

THOUGHT YOU UNFIT FOR SERVICE?

I DON'T KNOW.

WERE YOU HAVING TROUBLE IN SCHOOL?

DID YOU GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL?

I GOT THE DIPLOMA.

BUT YOU CHEATED TO GET IT.

THEY TALKED TOO FUCKING FAST IN SCHOOL.

IT MADE MY FUCKING HEAD HUM.

I COULDN'T HEAR WHAT THEY WERE FUCKING SAYING, ALL RIGHT?!

HMM. WERE YOU INGESTING TOXINS?

WHAT?

DRUGS! WERE YOU FUCKED UP?!

I WASN'T DOIN' FUCKIN' DRUGS, MAN!

THEY JUST TALKED A BUNCH OF SHIT

THAT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE!

HMM. SO YOU WERE REJECTED.

YOUR FATHER MUST HAVE BEEN DISAPPOINTED, NO?

WELL, HE GOT DRUNK,

YELLED AT ME FOR A FEW HOURS.

WELL, THAT WAS THOUGHTFUL OF HIM.

I KNEW YOUR BROTHER, MAN.

REALLY?YEAH, MAN.

HE AND I WERE PALS.

I DON'T REMEMBER YOU AT ALL.

WE WENT TO SIGN UP TOGETHER.

WE TALKED ABOUT IT FOR MONTHS BEFORE OUR 18TH BIRTHDAYS.

HIS WAS FIRST,

BUT HE WAITED A MONTH TILL MINE.

HE GOT IN; I DIDN'T. HE DIED WITH HONOR.

HE DIED WITH HONOR?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. KILLED IN ACTION.

KILLED IN ACTION DEFENDING HIS COUNTRY.

DEFENDING HIS COUNTRY FROM WHAT?

DEFENDING THOSE PEOPLE'S FREEDOM!

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

YOU'RE ACTUALLY TRYING TO CLING

TO THAT CROCK OF SHIT?

IT IS TRUE.

THEY FOUND HIM ON A MOUNTAIN OF SPENT SHELLS.

IT TOOK 20 GOOKS TO KILL HIM.

HMM.

WELL, SIR,

I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANY NEED TO LOOK AT YOUR RESUME.

WE HAVE ALL THE INFORMATION WE NEED.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO REJECT YOUR JOB APPLICATION,

I'M AFRAID.

BUT UNLIKE THE MARINES,

NOT ON THE BASIS OF MENTAL INSTABILITY,

BUT RATHER LOW I.Q.

IN A WORD, YOU ARE JUST PLAIN STUPID.

YOU, SIR, ARE A MORON

AND THERE IS NO PLACE FOR YOU IN OUR FIRM.

THANKS FOR COMING IN.

FUCK YOU.

THANKS FOR COMING IN, SIR.

WHAT IS SO STUPID ABOUT WHAT I SAID?

SIR, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME...

CUT THE SHIT! WHY IS THAT STUPID?

BECAUSE THE MAN IN QUESTION DID NOT DIE

DEFENDING HIS COUNTRY.

YOUR BROTHER...

DID NOT DIE DEFENDING OR PROTECTING US

OR ANYONE ELSE FROM ANYTHING.

THE WHOLE THING WAS A SENSELESS ORGY OF VIOLENCE

INITIATED BY THE U.S. TO EXERT POLITICAL CONTROL

OVER ANOTHER COUNTRY.

HMM.

WOW, HUH. I DIDN'T SEE YOU RAISE YOUR HAND.

HMM...

VERY "PATRIOTIC" OF YOU, SIR.

COME ON.

ARE WE ACTING OR NOT?

COME ON, GODDAMNIT.

ROBERT:

GUS: YOU THINK YOU KNOW YOUR SHIT, HUH?

YOU GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT? HUH?

SENSELESS FUCKING SLAUGHTER? YOU TELL HIM THAT!

TELL HIM.

HEY, GUS, GUESS WHAT?

I'M WALKING OUT THE FRONT DOOR.

YOU GO AHEAD AND SHOOT.

UNGH!

YOU STUPID, IGNORANT FUCK!

HE JOINED TO PLEASE THE OLD MAN.

YOU GOT IT?!

BULLSHIT.

BULLSHIT. WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

HE WAS GONNA STAND FOR SOMETHING.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S IT LIKE TO STAND FOR SOMETHING,

ASSHOLE?!

WHAT DO YOU STAND FOR, GUS?

GUS:

ANCHORMAN: EXCUSE ME, LESLIE.

WE ARE GETTING REPORTS SHOTS HAVE BEEN FIRED?

THE SOUND OF GUNFIRE HAS BEEN HEARD

COMING FROM WITHIN THE LONGFELLOW HOUSE.

IS THAT CORRECT, GENE?

SO SHOTS HAVE COME FROM THE HOUSE.

ARE THE POLICE RETURNING FIRE?

OKAY, WE'RE CHECKING ON THAT.

IT'S NOT CLEAR WHO'S DOING THE SHOOTING,

BUT WE DO HAVE CONFIRMATION: SHOTS BEING FIRED.

APPARENTLY THE SHOTS CAME FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE.

HEY, GUS.

THEY'RE GONNA COME AT US NOW.

YOU GOTTA PUT THE GUN DOWN, GUS.

COME ON, GUS.

I DIDN'T MEAN WHAT I SAID, GUS.

YOU WERE ACTING.

ROBERT:

OH GOD.

DETECTIVE: MR. LONGFELLOW?

MR. LONGFELLOW, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: BRAVO!

BRAVO!

BRAVO!