Original subtitles

Hey, Dad, you think maybe we could go to Build-A-Bear today?

Butters, for the last time, you can't go to Build-A-Bear.

But they said they were open again, so I --

Yes, they're open, but we are not the Johnsons,

and we do not go to non-essential businesses

when it's non-essential!

Hey, do you people mind?!

You're supposed to wear your mask over your nose.

Looks like you're wearing a diaper for your chin.

Chin diapers don't help.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

What the?

What's going on now?!

Something at the town square! Everyone's gathering!

What's going on now?!

Well, are we protesting, or are we rioting?

What's going on now?!

No, no. It's something to do with the pandemic!

What's going on now?!

Something big's going on.

What's going on now?!

Stay here, Butters.

What's going on now?!

Randy: Hey, everybody. Can everyone hear me okay?

What's going on now?!

Thanks for turning out, everyone.

What's going on now?!

You know, we've all been through a lot these past several months.

What's going on now?!

We've shut down, and people have lost their businesses,

What's going on now?!

lost their livelihoods.

What's going on now?!

I also own a small business.

What's going on now?!

I sell weed.

What's going on now?!

And I have to say I...

What's going on now?!

I'm actually doing pretty good.

What's going on now?!

Amazing, really.

What's going on now?!

Tegridy Farms' weed has seen a 400% increase in sales

What's going on now?!

since the shutdown in March.

What's going on now?!

I see Thomas Turner out there.

What's going on now?!

Thomas opened a restaurant in SoDoSoPa.

What's going on now?!

Doesn't seem like such a good idea now, does it, Turner?

What's going on now?!

And there's Marley Jarvis,

What's going on now?!

who owned and operated her own tanning salon.

What's going on now?!

Whoops.

What's going on now?!

But I can't just stand here and gloat

What's going on now?!

because Tegridy Weed is about giving back to people.

What's going on now?!

And that's why I'm very proud to announce

What's going on now?!

that Tegridy Weed is having a Pandemic Special!

What's going on now?!

An all-new hybrid of our best weed

What's going on now?!

sold at nearly 10% off our usual price.

What's going on now?!

Not only that, but when you buy three pounds or more

What's going on now?!

of the Pandemic Special,

What's going on now?!

you get a complimentary Pandemic 2020 bong.

What's going on now?!

We are a community.

What's going on now?!

Let's all be together with Tegridy.

What's going on now?!

I think people are really excited.

What do you think?

I think people are really excited.

A Pandemic Special, Randy? Really?

I think people are really excited.

What?

I think people are really excited.

People are hurting.

I think people are really excited.

People are dying, Randy.

I think people are really excited.

And all you can think about is making a special about it?

I think people are really excited.

I'm doing something positive to try and help.

I think people are really excited.

People really need this right now.

I think people are really excited.

You are a child, Randy!

I think people are really excited.

These are very serious times, and nobody wants

I think people are really excited.

or cares about your stupid special right now!

I think people are really excited.

We'll see if they like my special.

We'll see if they like my special.

We'll see if they like my special.

Wow!

We'll see if they like my special.

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

I love you, social distancing

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

No one's around, no one's talking to me

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Social distancing, I'm free

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Don't have to brush my teeth or shower

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

For what?

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

I can sit on the toilet for hours

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

As long as I want!

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

'Cause no one's saying to me

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

You kids should get outside and do something

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

[ Cellphone chirps ]

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Oh! 9:00 a.m. Time for school!

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Mrs. Nelson: Good morning, guys.

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Everyone ready to start school?

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

-Good morning! -Hi!

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Hello! -I'm -- I'm here!

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Okay, I think we're all here.

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

I see Jimmy and Clyde are on now.

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Eric, are you there?

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Yes, Teacher, I'm here!

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

I can't wait to start schoo-- schoo--

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

schoo-- eh...eh...

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Oh, no, Eric, I think your computer is freezing up again.

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Oh, no. Really? Can you guys hear me?

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

I just said -- Eh.

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Eh. Eh. Eh.

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Eric, you'll just have to listen again, okay?

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Best you can. So let's start today, guys,

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

by going over yesterday's grammar examples.

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Wendy, can you read the first one?

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

I'm cut off from the world

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Isolated, alone

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

This is what I call existancing

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

No one can touch me or boss me around

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Social distancing

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Eric, aren't you supposed to be on your Zoom call?

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Stay away from me, Mom, yeah

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

You got to keep your social distance

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

'Cause all I'm gonna do is sing

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

About how much I love you and I need you

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Social distancing

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Sweetie, I know these are challenging times.

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Yeah, social distancing, Mom

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

But we all still have to try and do our work.

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Computer keeps freezing, Mom.

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Maybe if you were an essential worker,

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

we could afford faster Internet.

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

I at least need you to get some of your homework done, okay?

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

And then m-maybe take a shower.

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Oh, what a folly a shower seems

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

when my generation is being denied their lives!

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

I can't see my friends. I can't even go to school.

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

How I miss Kyle. Heh heh heh heh.

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

Sweetie, it's all going to be over soon.

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

They're actually talking about school opening up again

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

in a few days!

Another day inside, don't have to do a thing

What the fuck are you talking about?

There's going to be a big meeting.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Sounds like they're trying to get you kids back to school!

What the fuck are you talking about?

We can't go back to school. There's a fucking pandemic!

But they're talking about maybe staggering you kids

We can't go back to school. There's a fucking pandemic!

every other day -- They can't do that!

We can't go back to school. There's a fucking pandemic!

Eric, you're going to be able

We can't go back to school. There's a fucking pandemic!

to be with all the other kids again!

We can't go back to school. There's a fucking pandemic!

Oh, no, I see! There's all this horrible stuff going on

We can't go back to school. There's a fucking pandemic!

in the world, but apparently Cartman's life doesn't matter!

We can't go back to school. There's a fucking pandemic!

-Eric, you can't -- -Ahp! Get back! Get back!

We can't go back to school. There's a fucking pandemic!

Six feet, Mom! Six fucking feet!

We can't go back to school. There's a fucking pandemic!

Randy: Okay. Thank you very much!

Hope you enjoy the Pandemic Special!

Hi! You here for the special? Here you go.

How was school, Stanley?

It's not school. It's a frickin' joke.

How was school, Stanley?

We're not even learning anything.

How was school, Stanley?

I know this has all been really hard on you, Stanley.

How was school, Stanley?

Do you want to talk about it?

How was school, Stanley?

No. I'm fine, Mom. You know, I'm strong.

How was school, Stanley?

I'm just worried about how this all affecting

How was school, Stanley?

weaker kids like -- you know, like Butters.

How was school, Stanley?

Yeah. Well, it's nice you care about your friend.

How was school, Stanley?

But if you need to talk --

How was school, Stanley?

I know this is really hard on everyone.

How was school, Stanley?

Well, that's it, guys.

How was school, Stanley?

We have run out of weed for the day.

How was school, Stanley?

Oh, hang on. Sorry. Uh, didn't somebody say

How was school, Stanley?

the Pandemic Special was a bad idea?

How was school, Stanley?

I wasn't saying you wouldn't make money.

How was school, Stanley?

I was saying maybe that's not what should matter right now.

How was school, Stanley?

Oh, come on. Think about it.

How was school, Stanley?

Do you even know anyone personally who's dying of COVID?

How was school, Stanley?

Yes! My brother Jimbo, who is in the hospital!

How was school, Stanley?

Yeah. Uncle Jimbo.

How was school, Stanley?

Jimbo's a fat alcoholic who'd be in the hospital anyway.

How was school, Stanley?

All I'm saying is that we can't let

How was school, Stanley?

some dirty virus from "China"

How was school, Stanley?

completely upend our lives and shut us down!

How was school, Stanley?

Please do not quote the President in front of our child!

How was school, Stanley?

Sharon, I went to China. Remember? Last season?

How was school, Stanley?

I went there to sell our weed, and I ended up hanging out

How was school, Stanley?

with Disney and Mickey Mouse. You remember all that?

How was school, Stanley?

I know what China's like.

How was school, Stanley?

Doesn't surprise me all this shit came from there.

How was school, Stanley?

Shelly: We're going back to school! What?

How was school, Stanley?

They're gonna let us go back to school!

How was school, Stanley?

News reporter: The Park County School District is holding

How was school, Stanley?

an all-parent meeting tomorrow, and officials are hopeful

How was school, Stanley?

that students can return to school on Monday.

How was school, Stanley?

Oh, that's great!

How was school, Stanley?

Oh, I don't know if this is a good idea.

How was school, Stanley?

The openings come on the heels of news

How was school, Stanley?

that scientists are getting closer to finding the origins

How was school, Stanley?

of the COVID pandemic.

How was school, Stanley?

Y-Yes, we've been able to trace the virus

How was school, Stanley?

and confirm that it did, in fact, come from

How was school, Stanley?

a seedy part of China.

How was school, Stanley?

Ha! Told ya!

How was school, Stanley?

And, in fact, we've pinpointed the virus

How was school, Stanley?

to a certain bat in Wuhan.

How was school, Stanley?

A bat in Wuhan?

What we still don't understand is,

A bat in Wuhan?

how did a transmitted disease get from a bat to a human?

A bat in Wuhan?

How can a virus jump species like that?

A bat in Wuhan?

We just don't know.

A bat in Wuhan?

A bat in Wuhan?

Hello.

A bat in Wuhan?

Oh! Oh, hey!

A bat in Wuhan?

[ Handcuffs clicking ]

A bat in Wuhan?

You could use some tegridy, China!

A bat in Wuhan?

-Here's to China! Ha ha! -To China!

A bat in Wuhan?

Boy, you sure know how to party, Mick!

A bat in Wuhan?

Oh, my God! Look at her! Ha ha!

A bat in Wuhan?

She is so hot!

A bat in Wuhan?

I think that's a bat.

A bat in Wuhan?

Yeah! It's a bat!

A bat in Wuhan?

It's a mouse with wings!

A bat in Wuhan?

Hey, Mick? Where'd ya go?

A bat in Wuhan?

Ha ha! Ha ha! Ooh, boy!

A bat in Wuhan?

-Ohh! -Ha ha!

A bat in Wuhan?

Randy, you gotta try it! Go ahead. Take a turn.

A bat in Wuhan?

Ohh-oh-oh-oh!

A bat in Wuhan?

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!

A bat in Wuhan?

Stan: If they're letting us go back to school,

A bat in Wuhan?

then soon we can get back to everything.

A bat in Wuhan?

I mean, doesn't this mean things are finally

A bat in Wuhan?

going back to normal? Dad?

A bat in Wuhan?

I gotta go!

A bat in Wuhan?

A bat in Wuhan?

[ Telephones ringing ] Then sell fucking Epcot Center!

A bat in Wuhan?

If we can't get people on the rides,

A bat in Wuhan?

then sell the fucking thing!

A bat in Wuhan?

No, no, no! I said more "Mandalorian"!

A bat in Wuhan?

Jesus Christ! We're fucking dying here!

A bat in Wuhan?

[ Beep ] What?! Fucking what?! Ha ha.

A bat in Wuhan?

Hey. It's Randy Marsh. From -- From Tegridy Farms?

A bat in Wuhan?

What do you want, Marsh?! I'm in the fucking weeds here!

A bat in Wuhan?

Look. Um... Do you remember

A bat in Wuhan?

when we fucked that bat in Wuhan?

A bat in Wuhan?

I've fucked a lot of bats!

A bat in Wuhan?

Well, I've only fucked one!

A bat in Wuhan?

I remember -- right after, I got really sick,

A bat in Wuhan?

and this was all back in October.

A bat in Wuhan?

Jesus Christ, you fucker! You started all this!

A bat in Wuhan?

You told me to fuck the bat!

A bat in Wuhan?

You didn't quarantine yourself after you got home?!

A bat in Wuhan?

Nobody knew anything about COVID when I fucked the bat!

A bat in Wuhan?

I thought I just came back from China with the flu!

A bat in Wuhan?

Look. We can't let scientists find that bat.

A bat in Wuhan?

My wife is crazy.

A bat in Wuhan?

If she finds out I started the pandemic,

A bat in Wuhan?

she's gonna be a total bitch about it.

A bat in Wuhan?

[ Banging ]

[ Glass shatters ]

[ Banging ]

Dude, you are not gonna believe this.

[ Banging ]

What are you doing here?

[ Banging ]

Is your dad home, Kyle? We need to talk to a lawyer.

[ Banging ]

-Mr. Broflovski?! -Dude, get outta my house!

[ Banging ]

If you wanna talk, we can go outside!

[ Banging ]

They're gonna try and make us go back to school.

[ Banging ]

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

Maybe you didn't hear me, Kyle.

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

They want us to go back to school!

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

-So?! -"So?" What the fuck?

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

You really wanna go back to that slavery?!

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

I want an education!

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

I want to be able to compete for a job when I'm older.

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

You crazy, psychotic... Kyle, we need to get a lawyer

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

to stop the schools from forcing us back.

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

Now, whatever your messed-up beliefs are

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

about wanting to go to school --

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

You really wanna spend the next year on Zoom?

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

You don't have to be on Zoom.

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

There's a million ways around it!

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

Mark my words, Kyle. First, they'll force us back to school,

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

then they'll take social distancing away from us completely,

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

and I'll be out of my room having to hang out with you!

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

You're out of your room hanging out with me now.

Dude, you could be spreading germs!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

[ Stroller wheels squeaking ]

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

[ Woman sobbing ]

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Hey! Excuse me!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Y-You're Randy Marsh, right?

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Uh...m-maybe.

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Yeah. Look, man. I just wanna say thanks. You know?

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

The Pandemic Special is really amazing.

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Oh, yeah. Cool. Thank you.

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

No, no, listen. You -- You're awesome.

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

All this horrible stuff going on, and...

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

well, you come along and try to fight it!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Okay. Thanks.

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Y-You see, I...

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

I lost my wife. To the virus.

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

My kids, I -- I don't even know how to talk to them.

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

You know? Just...

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Just thank God for your Pandemic Special.

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Thank God.

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

It's a great special. It really is.

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

-Okay. -No, it's an awesome special.

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

A-And it was a great idea to do a special.

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Okay, okay! Just stop!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

M'kay, welcome, parents, to this all-school town meeting

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

to talk about how we're gonna get your kids

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

back into the classroom.

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Can everyone hear me m'kay?

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

[ Parents all replying ]

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

M'kay, well, parents, we've made

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

some amazing adjustments and hirings, m'kay.

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

We believe we can welcome students back on Monday. M'kay?

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

How are you going to do this?

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Yeah, what happens when my son is sitting in a room

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

with Craig Tucker, whose father

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

doesn't even wear a mask outside?

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Oh, here we fucking go again! Stop mask shaming, Stotch!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Well, it's really not a mask if you wear it

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

down around your chin. That's a chin diaper.

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

There's no real proof that a mask

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

even fucking does anything!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Spoken like a true redneck!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Oh, fuck you!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

[ Parents clamoring ]

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

M'kay, m'kay, everyone! Alright!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

That's not fair!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

[ Clamoring stops ] M'kay!

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

I just muted everybody! M'kay?

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

Now, if we don't get along,

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

I'll just sit here with you all on mute.

Oh, my God. They won't get away with this!

M'kay. Now, let's try this again.

I saw Wendy's mother not wearing a mask

M'kay. Now, let's try this again.

in the changing room at Ross.

M'kay. Now, let's try this again.

The fuck are you doing

M'kay. Now, let's try this again.

spying on me in the changing room?!

M'kay. Now, let's try this again.

-I was at Ross! -[ Parents clamoring ]

M'kay. Now, let's try this again.

[ Clamoring stops ] M'kay! Boom! You're all muted!

M'kay. Now, let's try this again.

M'kay? I can do this all day!

M'kay. Now, let's try this again.

Now, we've made changes at the school,

M'kay. Now, let's try this again.

and we feel prepared to welcome your students back.

M'kay. Now, let's try this again.

Mr. Donovan.

I don't care what changes you've made.

Mr. Donovan.

My son Clyde is not going to class!

Mr. Donovan.

And that is your prerogative. Mute!

Mr. Donovan.

M'kay. Mrs. Marsh.

Mr. Donovan.

I thought that the issue was the teachers not coming back.

Mr. Donovan.

That is correct.

Mr. Donovan.

Our teaching staff does not feel safe to return.

Mr. Donovan.

But...we have hired all new teachers. M'kay.

Mr. Donovan.

These are people who have recently lost their jobs

Mr. Donovan.

due to recent events and are desperate for work.

Mr. Donovan.

M'kay. So they'll do just about anything.

Mr. Donovan.

What new teachers?

Mr. Donovan.

Mr. Donovan.

Det. Harris: Alright, men!

Mr. Donovan.

As you all know, due to recent events

Mr. Donovan.

totally beyond our control, we have lost most of our funding.

Mr. Donovan.

But this new venture will be great,

Mr. Donovan.

and I know we will all thrive as elementary schoolteachers.

Mr. Donovan.

This might be our last chance at a job,

Mr. Donovan.

so I don't want any unnecessary deaths.

Mr. Donovan.

[ Officers groan ]

Mr. Donovan.

Ahp! Ahp! No unnecessary deaths!

Mr. Donovan.

And let's show this town just what great leaders we can be.

Mr. Donovan.

This is gonna be great.

Mr. Donovan.

All over South Park this morning,

Mr. Donovan.

children are getting ready for their first day of class.

Mr. Donovan.

And as they do, scientists say

Mr. Donovan.

they're closer to finding a vaccine.

Mr. Donovan.

Oh, cool! Turn it up!

Mr. Donovan.

Reporter: Tom, I'm standing in front of the newly built

Mr. Donovan.

viral research center where scientists say they have found

Mr. Donovan.

the animal which started the coronavirus.

Mr. Donovan.

The creature was located in China

Mr. Donovan.

and then flown to the facility here

Mr. Donovan.

where scientists are studying it thoroughly.

Mr. Donovan.

Hey, hey, hey! W-Whoa! W-What are you guys doing?!

Mr. Donovan.

They think they're about to find a vaccine.

Mr. Donovan.

Yes, now that we have the animal in our possession,

Mr. Donovan.

we'll finally be able to unlock what caused a virus

Mr. Donovan.

to jump from it to humans.

Mr. Donovan.

Does it matter what started coronavirus?!

Mr. Donovan.

Who cares what started coronavirus?!

Mr. Donovan.

You guys are being racist!

Mr. Donovan.

We don't need to watch this! Where's the remote?

Mr. Donovan.

This is -- This is racist television,

Mr. Donovan.

and we're not gonna watch it!

Mr. Donovan.

-I want to hear this, Randy! -No!

Mr. Donovan.

No. You know what? You guys are horrible!

Mr. Donovan.

Just -- Just stop it right now!

Mr. Donovan.

You traced the virus to Wuhan,

Mr. Donovan.

but what you found was not a bat. Is that correct?

Mr. Donovan.

No, no, the virus did not come from a bat.

Mr. Donovan.

You guys -- What? What'd he say?

Mr. Donovan.

We were able to break down the virus enough

Mr. Donovan.

to see there was actually no bat involved.

Mr. Donovan.

No bat involved. No bat involved!

Mr. Donovan.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah

Mr. Donovan.

It wasn't a bat, it wasn't a bat

Mr. Donovan.

It wasn't a bat, in your face!

Mr. Donovan.

In your face, it wasn't a bat

Mr. Donovan.

When we tracked the virus, we found it did originate

Mr. Donovan.

in Wuhan, but from a species called pholidota.

Mr. Donovan.

And what exactly is pholidota?

Mr. Donovan.

It's a pangolin. And here it is right over here.

Mr. Donovan.

[ Scratching ]

Mr. Donovan.

-What's a pangolin, Mom? -I'm not even sure.

Mr. Donovan.

Do you know what a pangolin is, Randy?

Mr. Donovan.

[Echoing] Randy?

Mr. Donovan.

Stan: Do you know what a pangolin is, Dad?

Mr. Donovan.

Mr. Donovan.

Ha ha! Ha ha!

Mr. Donovan.

Dude, I still can't believe you fucked that bat.

Mr. Donovan.

Ha ha!

Mr. Donovan.

-Okay, okay. Shh! -Ha ha!

Mr. Donovan.

You really let her have it! Oh, boy!

Mr. Donovan.

Okay! I don't wanna think about that right now, Mickey.

Mr. Donovan.

I'm just impressed, that's all.

Mr. Donovan.

I mean, if you can handle a bat, then...

Mr. Donovan.

Then what?

Mr. Donovan.

You ever have sex with a pangolin?

Mr. Donovan.

What the fuck is a pangolin?

Mr. Donovan.

[ Speaks native language ]

Mr. Donovan.

[ Tires screech ]

Mr. Donovan.

Ha ha! Ha whoa! Ho ho!

Mr. Donovan.

Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Mr. Donovan.

Shit!

Det. Harris: Alright, children, welcome back to class.

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

and this is our homeroom teacher's assistant,

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

Officer Johnston.

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

Let's start the day off with some math.

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

Does anyone understand math?

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

Who would like to lead the class with some math?

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

[ Pig squealing ]

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

[ Cartman shouting gibberish ]

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

Pandemic! There's a pandemic! You can't make me go to school!

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

You can't -- Arghh! Aaaghh! No, no, no!

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

Oh, no, no! You can't make me!

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

I don't know if I can do this, Mitch.

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

I fucking hate kids. I can't be a teacher.

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

It's all we got, sir. Let me try.

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

Kids! Alright! Come on! Let's settle down!

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

Now we're gonna do some fingerpaints. You got that?

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

You're gonna fingerpaint... "a marsupial of your choice

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

or a fun thing you did over the summer."

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

Cartman: You can't make us stay here!

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

This is a violation of our freedom! Who's with me, guys?!

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

Now, listen! We're gonna start fingerpaintin' right now!

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

Oh, my God! I forgot how much it sucks to be around everybody!

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

I think I'm gonna be sick! All over Kyle!

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

Bluggggh! [ Coughing ]

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

Fuck you!

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

[ Cartman screaming ]

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

[ Children cheering ]

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

That's enough!

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

[ Guns cock ]

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

[ Rapid gunfire ]

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

[ Bullets ricocheting ]

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

[ Cheering stops ]

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

Got 'im!

I'm your new teacher, Detective Harris,

[ Scratching ]

[ Beeping ]

Head scientist: And here it is.

This is the pangolin we tracked down in China,

Head scientist: And here it is.

the animal that could lead us to a vaccine.

Head scientist: And here it is.

The mysteries of COVID can be unlocked

Head scientist: And here it is.

by our studies of this creature.

Head scientist: And here it is.

I'll just ask you all to keep a good distance away.

Head scientist: And here it is.

Obviously we can't let anything happen to this pangolin.

Head scientist: And here it is.

You see, this pangolin's DNA has mutated,

which is what we believe started it all.

You see, this pangolin's DNA has mutated,

Scientist 1: The pangolin has mutated how?

You see, this pangolin's DNA has mutated,

We're not completely sure,

You see, this pangolin's DNA has mutated,

but we believe now that something somehow...

You see, this pangolin's DNA has mutated,

got its DNA up into the pangolin.

You see, this pangolin's DNA has mutated,

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

Well, i-it's almost like another creature

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

somehow inserted its DNA up into the pangolin.

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

Scientist 3: Perhaps some other species

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

somehow mated with the pangolin?

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

Scientist 2: Oh, come on! What kind of animal

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

would have sex with a pangolin?

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

Scientist 1: Yeah! Look how ugly that thing is!

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

-[ Scientists chuckling ] -Yeah. Yeah!

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

Randy: Okay. Okay.

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

Again, what really matters is that we decode

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

the foreign DNA inside the pangolin.

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

That would be the key to a vaccine, perhaps even a cure.

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

We have to know what raped the pangolin.

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

Randy: Oh. So now it was "rape."

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

Excuse me, sir. Who are you?

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

This tour is for scientists that specialize in pandemics.

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

Are you... a pandemic specialist?

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

Yeah, I'm a pandemic specialist. I'm making one right now.

Scientist 2: How exactly could that happen?

O-kay. Anyway, if you all follow me now to the micro labs,

I can show you the containment system

O-kay. Anyway, if you all follow me now to the micro labs,

for once a vaccine is able to be tried.

O-kay. Anyway, if you all follow me now to the micro labs,

O-kay. Anyway, if you all follow me now to the micro labs,

[ Whooshing ]

O-kay. Anyway, if you all follow me now to the micro labs,

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Feedback whines ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

M'kay. M'kay, parents?

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Can everyone hear me m'kay?

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Everyone listen up. [ Conversations stop ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

We don't want anyone to panic, m'kay,

[ Indistinct conversations ]

but there has been a COVID exposure here at the school.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Parents gasp ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

M'kay. One of our fourth graders

[ Indistinct conversations ]

was taken to the hospital a couple hours ago, m'kay?

[ Indistinct conversations ]

But we -- we think Token's gonna be okay.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Now, due to county protocol, everyone that was in the school

[ Indistinct conversations ]

now has to quarantine for two weeks.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

So we will be keeping your kids here,

[ Indistinct conversations ]

and the teachers will be staying with them.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Parents shouting ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Det. Harris: Alright, students, shut up.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Conversations stop ] I know this situation is not ideal,

[ Indistinct conversations ]

but we all have to quarantine together for two weeks.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Cartman: This is bullshit!

[ Indistinct conversations ]

You don't want to infect your families, do you?

[ Indistinct conversations ]

You were all exposed to a student here

[ Indistinct conversations ]

who was taken to the hospital due to COVID.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Yes?

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Stan: Uh, we were there, and Token was actually

[ Indistinct conversations ]

taken to the hospital because you guys shot him.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Yes, due to COVID.

If it weren't for COVID, all the previous teachers

Yes, due to COVID.

would have still been here,

Yes, due to COVID.

we wouldn't have been in the class,

Yes, due to COVID.

and nobody would have gotten shot.

Yes, due to COVID.

Therefore the young man is in the hospital due to COVID.

Yes, due to COVID.

It was COVID-related.

Yes, due to COVID.

Stan: That doesn't make any sense!

Yes, due to COVID.

Reporter: And scientists are asking all South Park County residents

Yes, due to COVID.

to keep an eye out for the creature.

Yes, due to COVID.

Once again, the pangolin

Yes, due to COVID.

escaped from the facility yesterday,

Yes, due to COVID.

and many people are fearing the worst.

Yes, due to COVID.

Scientists say that even though

Yes, due to COVID.

they have samples from the pangolin,

Yes, due to COVID.

they now don't have what they need for a vaccine.

Yes, due to COVID.

Yes, you see, what we needed was the foreign DNA

Yes, due to COVID.

that was up inside the pangolin.

Yes, due to COVID.

It's whatever that DNA was that was our key to a cure.

Yes, due to COVID.

Man: [ Whistles ] Hello?! Anyone home?!

Yes, due to COVID.

Yes, due to COVID.

Got a delivery here. Needs a signature.

Yes, due to COVID.

Oh, okay.

Yes, due to COVID.

Oh, h-hey. If you're gonna come any closer,

Yes, due to COVID.

would you mind wearing a, you know, chin diaper?

Yes, due to COVID.

Oh. Sorry.

Yes, due to COVID.

Here you go. Just sign right there.

Have a nice day.

Here you go. Just sign right there.

Oh, and, hey. I'm really loving the Pandemic Special.

Here you go. Just sign right there.

Yeah, thanks.

Here you go. Just sign right there.

Here you go. Just sign right there.

[ Gasps ]

Here you go. Just sign right there.

Here you go. Just sign right there.

Why did you send that to me?

Ha ha! Because you're a dead man, Marsh!

Why did you send that to me?

It's your DNA that they need for a vaccine! Ha ha!

Why did you send that to me?

Yeah, I know, but I can't just turn myself in!

Why did you send that to me?

This isn't personal, Marsh. It's business.

Why did you send that to me?

I'm having you killed, then secretly we'll send your DNA

Why did you send that to me?

to the scientists for the vaccine. Ha ha.

Why did you send that to me?

This is all your fault, Mickey Mouse!

Why did you send that to me?

You made the deal with the devil

Why did you send that to me?

when you sold your "Mulan" shit to China!

Why did you send that to me?

And then you took me out and sold me on how great China was

Why did you send that to me?

and how we should all suck their dick!

Why did you send that to me?

You made me lose my tegridy and anything special that I had --

Why did you send that to me?

Special. Wait a minute.

Why did you send that to me?

That's it.

Why did you send that to me?

What's it? Ha ha.

Why did you send that to me?

The special. The Pandemic Special!

Why did you send that to me?

That's how we can get my DNA into people!

Why did you send that to me?

We can vaccinate them without them even knowing!

Why did you send that to me?

What are you talking about?

Why did you send that to me?

Just give me a couple more days before you have me killed.

Why did you send that to me?

I-I think I know a way out of this.

Why did you send that to me?

[ Monitors beeping, ventilators hissing ]

[ Pounding ]

[ Pounding ]

[ Wind whistling ]

[ Wind whistling ]

Randy?

Shh! Hey, Jimbo.

Randy?

W-What are you...?

Randy?

It's okay, Jimbo. I think I might have a cure for COVID.

Randy?

You're just gonna have to trust me, okay?

[ Squishing ]

[ Moans ]

[ Squishing ]

Unh.

[ Squishing ]

[ Soft smacking ]

[ Squishing ]

Ohhhhhhh.

[ Squishing ]

-Uh -- Uh -- -Shh!

This is gonna be great. -No, uh -- [Muffled]

-Uh -- Uh -- -Shh!

It's okay. It's okay. Just breathe.

-Uh -- Uh -- -Shh!

Br-e-e-e-eathe.

-Uh -- Uh -- -Shh!

-[ Muffled coughing ] -It's okay.

-Uh -- Uh -- -Shh!

It's okay. Breathe.

-Uh -- Uh -- -Shh!

We miss ya, honey!

We can't wait for quarantine to be over! Heh.

We miss ya, honey!

[ Whistle blows ]

[ Alarm blares ]

Officer: Group 4! Your meal is over!

[ Alarm blares ]

Back to your class!

[ Alarm blares ]

Alright. Group 5, it's now mealtime!

Come in but keep your social distance!

Alright. Group 5, it's now mealtime!

Yeah, that's good social distancing. Real good.

Butters: March 16th! It was March 16th!

That's how long it's been!

Butters: March 16th! It was March 16th!

It was supposed to be a party!

Butters: March 16th! It was March 16th!

A big, happy gathering at Build-A-Bear

Butters: March 16th! It was March 16th!

to celebrate me being a big boy at the dentist!

Butters: March 16th! It was March 16th!

Then they shut it all down.

Butters: March 16th! It was March 16th!

They said I'd have to wait until April.

Butters: March 16th! It was March 16th!

And then it was May. And then they said wait until summer!

Butters: March 16th! It was March 16th!

It's fucking October now! [ Dish shatters ]

Butters: March 16th! It was March 16th!

Why doesn't anyone tell me the truth?!

Butters: March 16th! It was March 16th!

That I'm never going to Build-A-Bear!

Butters: March 16th! It was March 16th!

That I'm never going ever again!

Butters: March 16th! It was March 16th!

Butters, Butters, you gotta calm down.

Butters: March 16th! It was March 16th!

I'm never going to Build-A-Bear, am I?!

Butters: March 16th! It was March 16th!

Oh, hey, Teachers. Sorry. W-Wait. I'm sorry.

Butters: March 16th! It was March 16th!

I don't need to go to Build-A-Bear! Fellas?

Butters: March 16th! It was March 16th!

Sharon: Randy. Where are the car keys?

Randy!

Sharon: Randy. Where are the car keys?

Huh? Uh -- What? What?

Sharon: Randy. Where are the car keys?

Where are the car keys?

Sharon: Randy. Where are the car keys?

They're probably in my pants pocket. Why?

Sharon: Randy. Where are the car keys?

I have to get over to the hospital.

Sharon: Randy. Where are the car keys?

The hospital? For what?

Sharon: Randy. Where are the car keys?

It's Jimbo. Doctor said he's better, so I can take him home.

Sharon: Randy. Where are the car keys?

-Jimbo's better? -They said he doesn't have

any symptoms, and his tests are showing negative.

-Jimbo's better? -They said he doesn't have

Holy shit.

-Jimbo's better? -They said he doesn't have

-Jimbo's better? -They said he doesn't have

It works. It can help!

-Jimbo's better? -They said he doesn't have

[ Unzipping ]

[ Soft smacking ]

[ Unzipping ]

[ Moans ]

[ Unzipping ]

Unh.

[ Unzipping ]

[ Unzipping ]

Oh, boy.

[ Unzipping ]

[ Unzipping ]

Kyle, I need to talk to you.

[ Unzipping ]

Hey, dude. I'm really worried...

[ Unzipping ]

about Butters. I think he's sick.

[ Unzipping ]

You think he got the virus?

[ Unzipping ]

No! It's all the other stuff.

[ Unzipping ]

The isolation and the uncertainty.

[ Unzipping ]

I'm just really worried what all the stuff

[ Unzipping ]

around COVID is doing to some kids.

[ Unzipping ]

You know, not every kid is like us.

[ Unzipping ]

There's some kids who really can't take it anymore.

[ Unzipping ]

I know. This bullshit sucks.

[ Unzipping ]

But Butters'll be okay.

[ Unzipping ]

And what if he's not?

[ Unzipping ]

What if Butters is actually starting to lose his mind?

[ Unzipping ]

What if he feels his body shutting down right now?

[ Unzipping ]

You really think it's that bad?

[ Unzipping ]

It's time for us to ask for help,

[ Unzipping ]

from someone who has more authority

[ Unzipping ]

at this school than these cops.

[ Unzipping ]

[ Unzipping ]

Mr. President! The CDC is on the line.

[ Unzipping ]

They need to speak with you urgently!

[ Unzipping ]

Tell them to suck my asshole.

[ Unzipping ]

Mr. President, Dr. Fauci is on line two,

[ Unzipping ]

and FDA chief is on line three.

[ Unzipping ]

Ooh! Tell Fauci to shove it up his ass

[ Unzipping ]

and let the FDA chief know he can eat shit off my balls.

[ Unzipping ]

Sir! Sir, you have an urgent call on line four

[ Unzipping ]

from a Mr. Slave.

[ Unzipping ]

Mr. Slave?

Okay, go! Go, go, go!

Mr. Slave?

[ Clears throat ]

Mr. Slave?

Yes? This is the President of the entire United States.

Mr. Slave?

Uh, hi. It's Stan Marsh.

Mr. Slave?

Stan Marsh? Where's Mr. Slave?

Mr. Slave?

I'm sorry. We had to get your attention.

Mr. Slave?

Listen, we're being kept at the school,

Mr. Slave?

and one of the students here is really sick.

Mr. Slave?

Oh, for Pete's sake, here we go again.

Mr. Slave?

Just deal with it. I am busy.

Mr. Slave?

No, no, Mr. President, please!

Mr. Slave?

You gotta come back to South Park.

Mr. Slave?

Our teachers are shooting people!

Mr. Slave?

Everyone's arguing, and -- and there's a facility

Mr. Slave?

outside of town that found the pangolin

Mr. Slave?

and are working on a vaccine.

Mr. Slave?

You might be able to stop the pandemic!

Mr. Slave?

Why would I do that?

Mr. Slave?

Huh?

Mr. Slave?

Stan, this is gonna be very difficult

Mr. Slave?

for a child to understand,

Mr. Slave?

but I made a promise to the American people --

Mr. Slave?

to get rid of all the Mexicans.

Mr. Slave?

But the pandemic isn't just killing Mexicans.

Mr. Slave?

It's killing a lot of them.

Mr. Slave?

I've gone over the statistics, Stan.

Mr. Slave?

All I have to do now is sort of guide the avalanche

Mr. Slave?

in right direction, and I'm fulfilling my promises

Mr. Slave?

to the American People.

Mr. Slave?

I was doing a crap job until this pandemic happened.

Mr. Slave?

You're just going to sit there and not do anything?

I am going to actively not do anything.

You're just going to sit there and not do anything?

And you can eat shit off my balls and die.

You're just going to sit there and not do anything?

[ Phone clicks ]

You're just going to sit there and not do anything?

God dammit!

You're just going to sit there and not do anything?

[ Horns honking ]

You're just going to sit there and not do anything?

[ Groaning ]

You're just going to sit there and not do anything?

Okay, there you go.

You're just going to sit there and not do anything?

That's all I can sell you right now.

You're just going to sit there and not do anything?

Just make sure you smoke it, okay?

You're just going to sit there and not do anything?

Enjoy the special.

You're just going to sit there and not do anything?

H-Hang on, guys!

You're just going to sit there and not do anything?

I gotta prep some more. Just give me like four minutes.

You're just going to sit there and not do anything?

[ Moaning ]

Randy?!

[ Moaning ]

Oh! Randy!

[ Moaning ]

Just-- what?!

[ Moaning ]

Randy, you've gotta get in here!

[ Moaning ]

I'm doing something important, Sharon!

[ Moaning ]

People need this right now!

[ Moaning ]

Come upstairs. Something's wrong with Jimbo!

[ Moaning ]

He's just been sleeping for days.

[ Moaning ]

They said he was getting better.

[ Moaning ]

Last night, his fever came back.

[ Moaning ]

And then a few hours ago, this thing appeared on his face.

[ Moaning ]

What thing?

[ Moaning ]

[ Eerie music plays ]

[ Moaning ]

[ Moaning ]

Jimbo's never been able to grow a mustache.

[ Moaning ]

Huh. That's weird.

[ Moaning ]

Should I call the doctor?

[ Moaning ]

No! No, no, no! Don't call the doctor!

[ Moaning ]

They're busy. These are unprecedented times.

[ Moaning ]

W-We have no idea what caused this.

[ Moaning ]

Special...

[ Moaning ]

What, Jimbo?

[ Moaning ]

Pandemic... uh...Special...

[ Moaning ]

Why's he talking about your special?

[ Moaning ]

Everyone's talking about the special, Sharon.

[ Moaning ]

It's a big deal. He obviously needs it right now.

[ Moaning ]

I'm gonna get the thermometer.

[ Moaning ]

Just fucking shut up!

You have no idea if it's because of the special!

Just fucking shut up!

You could just be sick again

Just fucking shut up!

'cause you're a fat fucking alcoholic,

Just fucking shut up!

and I am not going to jail for you!

Just fucking shut up!

[ Smack ]

Just fucking shut up!

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

No! Never!

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

It just came outta nowhere!

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

How can this happen, doctor?

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

Have you put anything toxic in your body lately?

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

Any drugs or alcohol?

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

No! I mean...

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

I've enjoyed a little of the Pandemic Special...

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

Oh, no, no no. That -- That's totally fine.

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

Nurse: Doctor!

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

You better come to the emergency room!

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

Holy shit.

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

Another strain of COVID,

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

or simply more COVID-related symptoms?

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

A reported one in 10 people in Park County

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

are experiencing mustaches and nobody seems to know why.

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

The mayor has called for help from infectious disease experts,

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

and Dr. Anthony Fauci arrived

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

at South Park Hospital today to give his advice.

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

We aren't sure why some people are getting a mustache

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

and some aren't, but we have to do all we can

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

to avoid it becoming fashionable.

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

Will our chin diapers keep us safe?

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

Yes, but we must wear them where the mustache would be.

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

We need to wear them over our mouth and nose.

And you say you've never had a mustache before?

Are you out of your mind?

You expect people to wear a diaper over their nose?

Are you out of your mind?

That's disgusting. Fuck you, Fauci!

Are you out of your mind?

Citizens are asked to stay indoors

Are you out of your mind?

and just try and relax

Are you out of your mind?

and maybe enjoy some of the Pandemic Special.

Are you out of your mind?

No! Shit!

Are you out of your mind?

Nice.

Butters...? Butters?

Wha? Don't worry.

I'm going to save you!

Okay. Save me from what?

Guys! Guys!

[ Clapping ]

Guys! Guys!

What? Who is it?

Guys! Guys!

You guys, we have to get Butters out of here.

Guys! Guys!

Who else can we call, Stan?

Guys! Guys!

No. We have to get him out of here -- now.

Guys! Guys!

We need to take him to Build-A-Bear.

Guys! Guys!

Are you nuts?

Guys! Guys!

He has to go out and do something normal!

Guys! Guys!

Stan, Build-A-Bear is currently by appointment only.

Guys! Guys!

And a only maximum party of four can visit at one time.

Guys! Guys!

We can't sit around and wait for people

Guys! Guys!

to figure things out, okay?!

Guys! Guys!

It's not gonna happen.

Guys! Guys!

They just keep taking everything from him

Guys! Guys!

and saying it's for his own good.

Guys! Guys!

But who's to say he can't go out and have a little goddamn fun?!

Guys! Guys!

If we want things to go back to normal,

Guys! Guys!

then we just gotta go do it!

Guys! Guys!

Stan's right. If we want things

Guys! Guys!

to go back to normal, we have to do it ourselves.

Guys! Guys!

They're just gonna keep making more restrictions

Guys! Guys!

and more rules, and who's gonna fight

Guys! Guys!

to go back to the way things were?

Guys! Guys!

I sure as hell will!

Guys! Guys!

We can make things normal for Butters again

Guys! Guys!

and make school the way it was.

Guys! Guys!

The way it was! Online, in our own rooms!

Guys! Guys!

Wait. What?

Guys! Guys!

No, in a class, with real teachers!

Guys! Guys!

Wait. What? What normal are you talking about?

Guys! Guys!

I'm talking about normal, like back in March.

Guys! Guys!

What normal are you talking about?

Guys! Guys!

I'm talking about normal like three days ago

Guys! Guys!

when everything was awesome.

Guys! Guys!

Look, it doesn't matter.

Guys! Guys!

We just gotta break the fuck outta here.

Guys! Guys!

Timmy!

[ Bolt cutters click, chains rattle ]

Timmy!

[ Door slams, children screaming, laughing ]

Timmy!

The new outbreak in South Park is spreading rapidly,

Timmy!

and as highways into town close

Timmy!

and governments consider a full lockdown,

Timmy!

one question is on everyone's mind --

Timmy!

Where is the damn pangolin?

Timmy!

Some speculate the pangolin took its own life

Timmy!

while others think that -- Sorry.

Timmy!

Sorry, we're getting some breaking news!

Timmy!

Oh, God.

Timmy!

Students at South Park Elementary School

Timmy!

have broken quarantine and are now out on the loose!

Timmy!

The fugitives broke out sometime last night.

Timmy!

Teachers are reporting there's no cause for alarm

Timmy!

except that these children have all been exposed to COVID

Timmy!

and could Be running around spreading mustaches right now!

Timmy!

[ Screams ]

Timmy!

[ All screaming ]

Timmy!

Super spreaders!

Timmy!

[ Screaming continues ]

Timmy!

One can of shaving cream per family!

Timmy!

[ Glass shattering ]

Timmy!

Butters?!

Timmy!

Butters, you get back to quarantine

Timmy!

or you are gonna be grounded!

Timmy!

Thomas: Hey, Stotch!

Timmy!

You heard what the scientist said!

Timmy!

Get your diaper up over your mustache area!

Timmy!

I'm not wearing a damn diaper over my nose!

Timmy!

Don't you care about people?!

Timmy!

Yeah, we care way more about what's right than you do, bitch!

Timmy!

[ All shouting ]

[ Car horns honking, people shouting ]

[ All shouting ]

For Christ's sake -- the entire town is in chaos!

[ All shouting ]

How the hell did you let those kids out of quarantine?!

[ All shouting ]

Don't blame this on us teachers!

[ All shouting ]

You opened the school and gave us barely enough resources

[ All shouting ]

to do our job!

[ All shouting ]

Everyone is terrified of catching something

[ All shouting ]

from these super spreaders!

[ All shouting ]

Well, I don't know what you're gonna do, Mayor.

[ All shouting ]

You took all our funding away.

[ All shouting ]

You said our equipment was too extreme.

[ All shouting ]

Now, if we had some of that stuff back...

[ All shouting ]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Tsst-tst-tst!

[ All shouting ]

We certainly don't want you teachers

to be without every resource available.

We certainly don't want you teachers

I'll write an executive order to get you

We certainly don't want you teachers

everything you need.

We certainly don't want you teachers

We certainly don't want you teachers

Boys... we are back in business!

We certainly don't want you teachers

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

We certainly don't want you teachers

We certainly don't want you teachers

[ Motorcycles revving ]

We certainly don't want you teachers

We certainly don't want you teachers

[ Dogs barking ]

We certainly don't want you teachers

We certainly don't want you teachers

Possible COVID exposure at four o'clock!

We certainly don't want you teachers

We certainly don't want you teachers

You there!

We certainly don't want you teachers

You are violating a mandated safer-inside order!

We certainly don't want you teachers

Put down the snowball and get back to quarantine!

We certainly don't want you teachers

We certainly don't want you teachers

We've got a runner!

We certainly don't want you teachers

[ Gunfire ]

We certainly don't want you teachers

We certainly don't want you teachers

[ Gunfire continues ]

We certainly don't want you teachers

We certainly don't want you teachers

Okay, all clear.

We certainly don't want you teachers

Come on. Go, go, go!

We certainly don't want you teachers

All right, you ready to have some fun, Butters?

We certainly don't want you teachers

I sure am, fellas! Okay!

We certainly don't want you teachers

Shit, shit, get back! Back, back, back, back!

We certainly don't want you teachers

[ Gears squeaking ]

We certainly don't want you teachers

We certainly don't want you teachers

Okay, all good. Come on.

We certainly don't want you teachers

We certainly don't want you teachers

Dude, we made it!

We certainly don't want you teachers

Butters, Butters -- look!

We certainly don't want you teachers

Butters: Whoa!

We certainly don't want you teachers

Is it really for reals?

We certainly don't want you teachers

Yeah, it's real. Come on!

We certainly don't want you teachers

We got an appointment!

We certainly don't want you teachers

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

Oh, no, sorry. We're closed.

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

But I called.

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

You said you were open today for appointments!

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

Yeah, we had to shut down again!

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

Somebody came into the store with a mustache.

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

A mustache?

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

Please, my friend has to build a bear.

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

I'm sorry! These are unprecedented times!

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

Oh, just give us one minute!

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

Oh, good job, Stan!

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

Thanks for getting my hopes up, you asshole!

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

Come on, dude, we better get outta here before we're spotted.

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

We can't go. What do you mean?

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

We don't have a choice. We're gonna have to break in.

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

And then do what?

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

And then build him a bear!

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

Without any employees?

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

What, do you expect us to just...build our own bear?

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

If we have to, yes.

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

Dude, you need people to help you do the stuffing and the closing.

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

You don't -- You don't actually build your own bear--

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

I don't care! I'm not following the rules anymore.

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

[ Breathing heavily ]

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

[ Bottles clattering ]

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

[ Groaning ]

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

What the hell are you doing?

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

I just gotta take all the Pandemic Special

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

over to Thompson Lake and dump it.

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

Dump it?!

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

Why are you worrying about this right now?!

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

Because the Pandemic Special needs to end.

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

A special has to end, Sharon,

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

or else it's not really a "special," is it?

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

God dammit, Randy, our son is out in this chaos!

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

This is not the time for you to be dealing with

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

your fucking marijuana!

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

Somebody's gotta find him! [ Engine starts ]

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

No, no! Okay! Okay, okay, hold on, I'm coming!

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

Maybe we can just stop the special by the lake on the way.

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

Fuck you!

Oh. Hey, excuse me. We have an appointment.

[ Banging ]

[ Glass shatters, crashing ]

[ Banging ]

Here we are, Butters! Look -- you made it!

[ Banging ]

Oh, boy! Is this a dream?

[ Banging ]

No, it's not a dream!

[ Banging ]

We are really here, and we are gonna build you a bear!

[ Banging ]

Which one you want? You want the panda?

[ Banging ]

You want the Bronco koala?

[ Banging ]

The Cabellero Grizzly.

[ Banging ]

Cabellero Grizzly.

[ Banging ]

Okay, we just find the shell, and the, uh -- the outfit...

[ Banging ]

Stan you really need employee assistance with this.

[ Banging ]

It's gonna fucking work! Just fucking shut up!

[ Banging ]

Okay. Okay, Butters look!

[ Banging ]

We're gonna put the stuffing in!

[ Banging ]

Wow!

[ Banging ]

Okay, uh, um...

[ Banging ]

[ Button clicking ]

[ Banging ]

[ Machine beeping ]

[ Banging ]

Butters: Aaaah! God!

[ Banging ]

It's okay! We can start over! We can start over!

[ Banging ]

There's a do-over machine right over there! Look!

[ Banging ]

[ Machine whirring ]

[ Banging ]

[ People screaming ]

[ Banging ]

Sharon: Stanley!

[ Banging ]

St-a-a-a-a-an!

[ Banging ]

What if he's dead, Randy?!

[ Banging ]

He's not dead, Sharon.

[ Banging ]

Then why hasn't he even called?!

[ Banging ]

[ Pounding on windshield ]

[ Banging ]

Hey, can we have some of that Pandemic Special?

[ Banging ]

No!

[ Banging ]

Nobody needs the special right now!

[ Banging ]

It's not helping!

[ Banging ]

Oh, my God.

[ Banging ]

Oh, God, no. What?!

[ Banging ]

They got Applebee's, too.

Drive me back to the farm, Sharon.

They got Applebee's, too.

I need to get something.

They got Applebee's, too.

[ Air blowing intermittently ]

They got Applebee's, too.

God dammit!

[ Air blowing loudly ]

Dude, just let it go.

[ Air blowing loudly ]

No, Kyle, we can't let Butters down!

[ Air blowing loudly ]

Stan, are you sure this is about Butters?

[ Air blowing loudly ]

'Cause you seem really desperate to build a bear.

[ Air blowing loudly ]

Det. Harris: Attention protesting looters!

[ Air blowing loudly ]

[ Air blowing loudly ]

Protesting slash looting is a violation

[ Air blowing loudly ]

of the mayor's health order.

[ Air blowing loudly ]

You have five minutes to come out

[ Air blowing loudly ]

or we will have to take action.

[ Air blowing loudly ]

[ Air blowing loudly ]

We gotta surrender, fellas!

[ Air blowing loudly ]

I'm honestly not having that much fun anyways.

[ Air blowing loudly ]

No! I'm not giving up!

[ Air blowing loudly ]

All right, that was about five minutes.

[ Air blowing loudly ]

Okay, boys, light 'em up!

[ Air blowing loudly ]

[ Machinery whirring ]

[ Air blowing loudly ]

[ Beeping ]

[ Air blowing loudly ]

Wait!

[ Air blowing loudly ]

Everyone just stop!

[ Air blowing loudly ]

Who the hell is that?

I have something that might change all of this.

Who the hell is that?

[ Choir vocalizing ]

[ Pangolin chittering ]

[ Choir vocalizing ]

It's the pangolin! Look!

[ Choir vocalizing ]

He found it! The pangolin!

[ Choir vocalizing ]

He's found it!

[ Choir vocalizing ]

This is what you've all been looking for, right?

[ Choir vocalizing ]

Well, here!

[ Choir vocalizing ]

Go ahead and do all the tests you want on it.

[ Choir vocalizing ]

You'll find out...

[ Choir vocalizing ]

everything you need to know.

[ Choir vocalizing ]

[ Crowd murmuring ]

[ Choir vocalizing ]

Oh, no! You're not ending this pandemic!

[ Choir vocalizing ]

Hey! Cartman, no!

[ Choir vocalizing ]

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

Your only chance! For your normal, not mine!

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

I am not going back to school!

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

You guys were right, okay?

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

This hasn't been about Butters.

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

I've been acting like this because I can't take

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

these shutdowns anymore,

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

and I'm scared what it's doing to me.

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

I'm looking for who to blame.

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

Saying I'm trying to help people

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

to make myself feel better, because the truth is...

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

I just want to have fun again.

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

I wanted to see that I could go out in the world

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

and do things that I used to do, but I can't.

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

I'm not any better, and I don't care any more

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

than anyone else.

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

And I did all this because I just want my life back.

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

I just want my life back...

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

I don't believe it.

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

So -- So what happens now?

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

Now we have hope.

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

We've learned that we might never get back to our old lives,

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

but by working together, we just might find a new way to--

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

Aargh! Ohh!

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

[ People screaming ]

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

[ Flamethrower roaring ]

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

[ Screaming continues ]

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

Don't forget to get out and vote, everybody!

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

Big election coming up.

Don't do it, Cartman! That thing is our only chance.

Radio announcer: And since the students broke quarantine,

all South Park residents are now exposed

and under complete lockdown for the unforeseeable future.

How do I even begin to apologize?

You guys we were right.

I think all the marijuana really did go to my head.

You said it -- a drug is a drug, and I'm not who I used to be.

It's time for me to own up to everything.

It's time everyone knew what started this pandemic.

Hey, Sharon, I need to talk to you.

I'm not as strong as you are, Sharon.

I can't deal with hard times the way that you can.

If you're ready to talk, I'm ready to listen, Randy.

What?

You want nothing to do with the Pandemic Special.

What?

No. I don't smoke marijuana, Randy.

What?

Uh-huh.

What?

What did you want to talk to me about?

What?

I just...think maybe I'm gonna do a few more specials.

What?

You got some shit on your face.

What?