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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:04,596 --> 00:01:06,557 Hey! Hi, there! 2 00:01:07,558 --> 00:01:10,529 Oh, boy, look at this. 3 00:01:13,418 --> 00:01:15,503 Ah. 4 00:01:16,525 --> 00:01:18,454 Pretty as ever. Ha! 5 00:01:18,485 --> 00:01:20,456 Oh, exciting! 6 00:01:21,624 --> 00:01:23,522 Ohh... 7 00:01:24,429 --> 00:01:26,483 Did you pack your bowling ball collection in here? 8 00:01:26,514 --> 00:01:28,547 Oh, my God! He's in a good mood. 9 00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:32,520 Who do I love, huh? Who do I love? You know I love you. 10 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:34,522 Yeah, I love you, too, Mom. 11 00:01:36,598 --> 00:01:39,580 Senior year, huh? I mean, this is the one. 12 00:01:39,611 --> 00:01:41,645 They're all important but, boy, this is the one 13 00:01:42,427 --> 00:01:45,524 that really takes you to the finish line. What do I always tell you? 14 00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:48,568 - I got this. - You got this. 15 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,561 Tell you what I won't miss - paying 28 grand a year. 16 00:01:51,592 --> 00:01:52,624 - Oh. - Dad! 17 00:01:52,656 --> 00:01:54,481 Don't listen to him. 18 00:01:54,512 --> 00:01:56,576 He just likes to squeeze the coin purse. 19 00:01:58,474 --> 00:01:59,621 I just love it here. 20 00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:02,447 I love being back at our alma mater, right, honey? 21 00:02:02,478 --> 00:02:04,798 Well, technically, it's my alma mater. You didn't graduate. 22 00:02:05,450 --> 00:02:07,494 He loves it. 23 00:02:08,536 --> 00:02:10,633 Oh, boy, here come the waterworks. 24 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:12,510 - Mom! - You know what? 25 00:02:12,541 --> 00:02:16,514 I think I just need some cheese or something. I'm a little snackish. 26 00:02:16,545 --> 00:02:18,683 OK, traffic. We got traffic. 27 00:02:19,465 --> 00:02:20,653 - Aww. - OK. OK. 28 00:02:20,685 --> 00:02:22,572 All right. We're gonna release, OK? 29 00:02:24,657 --> 00:02:26,649 You're a remarkable young lady. 30 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,476 And my love for you is very, very fierce. 31 00:02:30,507 --> 00:02:33,635 What? I'm only 22 minutes away! 32 00:02:33,666 --> 00:02:35,710 That's 22 minutes too far for me. 33 00:02:36,492 --> 00:02:39,506 Have so much fun in Italy, guys. It's gonna be amazing. 34 00:02:39,537 --> 00:02:40,673 Arrivederci! That's Italian. 35 00:02:40,705 --> 00:02:42,488 - Have fun. - Thanks. 36 00:02:42,519 --> 00:02:44,637 Save your receipts. Just kidding, but save 'em. 37 00:02:44,668 --> 00:02:46,502 OK. 38 00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:48,504 - Hatchback. - Oh. 39 00:02:48,537 --> 00:02:50,674 Yup. Oh, boy. 40 00:02:52,686 --> 00:02:54,511 Ciao, honey! 41 00:02:54,543 --> 00:02:55,596 Ciao! 42 00:02:55,710 --> 00:02:58,536 We're both fluent. I'm coming, Dan. 43 00:02:58,567 --> 00:03:00,642 Beep beep yourself, mister. 44 00:03:00,674 --> 00:03:03,750 Somebody trying to get me in the car all to himself, huh? 45 00:03:04,657 --> 00:03:07,608 Oh, boy. Four weeks in Italy. Mm? 46 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:09,620 Are you ready? I'm ready. 47 00:03:09,651 --> 00:03:11,653 I've always enjoyed our staycations 48 00:03:11,685 --> 00:03:15,595 but I think I'm ready for a little gondola ride with my fella. 49 00:03:15,626 --> 00:03:17,659 Oh, wait, wait, wait! 50 00:03:17,691 --> 00:03:19,609 I wanna see our girl go in. 51 00:03:19,641 --> 00:03:22,571 Oh-ho, look at that! 52 00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:23,771 Oh-ho-ho! 53 00:03:25,658 --> 00:03:27,566 I want a divorce. 54 00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:30,778 - What? - I want a divorce. 55 00:03:32,686 --> 00:03:34,729 God, it feels good to say that out loud. 56 00:03:34,761 --> 00:03:37,722 I wanna be completely transparent with you, Deanna. 57 00:03:37,753 --> 00:03:40,590 I am in love with someone else. 58 00:03:41,726 --> 00:03:43,613 Who are you in love with? 59 00:03:43,645 --> 00:03:44,771 Marcie. 60 00:03:45,699 --> 00:03:47,586 Marcie Strong. 61 00:03:48,618 --> 00:03:49,786 The realtor? 62 00:03:50,714 --> 00:03:52,685 The one on the bus benches? 63 00:03:52,716 --> 00:03:55,573 She's also on a series of small billboards downtown 64 00:03:55,605 --> 00:03:57,806 and she has a pretty respectable social media following. 65 00:03:58,587 --> 00:03:59,662 Oh, my God! 66 00:03:59,693 --> 00:04:01,695 - Don't... Please... - Don't touch me! 67 00:04:01,726 --> 00:04:04,594 - Stay in the car, please. - I'm gonna be sick! 68 00:04:04,625 --> 00:04:07,774 Look, I know this seems mean but I'm doing it to facilitate a clean break. 69 00:04:07,805 --> 00:04:11,653 Like ripping a Band-Aid off quickly. This is better for you. 70 00:04:13,603 --> 00:04:16,658 Don't you dare tell me that this is better for me. 71 00:04:16,793 --> 00:04:19,744 Also in the interests of complete transparency, 72 00:04:19,775 --> 00:04:21,663 I'm gonna sell the house. 73 00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:23,696 You can't do that. That's not how it works. 74 00:04:23,727 --> 00:04:26,699 Marcie already started the paperwork and it's all in my name. 75 00:04:30,714 --> 00:04:33,832 Stop it! This is a lease. We still have ten months' payments. 76 00:04:34,613 --> 00:04:36,741 - Stop it, please! - I don't care if it's a lease. 77 00:04:37,815 --> 00:04:40,610 Please, get back in the car. 78 00:04:42,674 --> 00:04:43,832 Oh, that's gonna cost. 79 00:04:44,687 --> 00:04:46,647 We'll talk about this later. 80 00:04:46,678 --> 00:04:47,857 Just go, Dan. 81 00:04:48,639 --> 00:04:50,662 Now I gotta use Waze. 82 00:05:05,697 --> 00:05:07,836 23 years of marriage, just down the tubes. 83 00:05:07,867 --> 00:05:09,880 I mean, can you believe that? 84 00:05:10,661 --> 00:05:13,675 No. I'm just... I'm so disappointed in Dan. 85 00:05:13,706 --> 00:05:16,855 And what's Maddie gonna do? I mean, you've gotta cancel the trip to Italy. 86 00:05:17,815 --> 00:05:20,859 You know, I honest to God... I didn't see it coming. 87 00:05:20,891 --> 00:05:23,800 You always hear that but I didn't see it coming. 88 00:05:23,831 --> 00:05:25,812 Let me tell you this, Dan doesn't deserve you. 89 00:05:25,843 --> 00:05:27,856 You're such a great lady, Deanna. 90 00:05:27,887 --> 00:05:30,880 Thank you. That's very nice of you. 91 00:05:31,662 --> 00:05:34,884 This is it. My parents' house is just up here on the right. 92 00:05:37,876 --> 00:05:39,826 Thanks, Dale. And, uh... 93 00:05:39,857 --> 00:05:41,881 From the bottom of my heart... 94 00:05:41,913 --> 00:05:43,915 I'm gonna give you a great Uber review. 95 00:05:44,696 --> 00:05:46,376 Well, I hope your day gets better, Deanna. 96 00:05:46,677 --> 00:05:47,877 I'm sure it will. 97 00:05:57,741 --> 00:05:59,899 Can I make you a sandwich? 98 00:05:59,931 --> 00:06:03,726 No, thanks, Mom. I'm just... I'm not hungry. 99 00:06:03,757 --> 00:06:06,854 What about a tuna salad sandwich or egg salad? 100 00:06:06,885 --> 00:06:09,847 - You like egg salad. - I do like egg salad. 101 00:06:09,878 --> 00:06:15,749 But, I promise you, I'll let you know, but I'm really not hungry right now. 102 00:06:15,780 --> 00:06:18,836 Well, at least... at least Marcie is attractive. 103 00:06:18,867 --> 00:06:20,859 - Mike! - Dad! Oh, my God! 104 00:06:20,890 --> 00:06:24,779 What did I say? I mean, it'd be even worse if she was homely. 105 00:06:24,811 --> 00:06:26,935 - No! No, it would not! - Yeah, OK, well, you know what? 106 00:06:26,959 --> 00:06:28,908 That Dan, no good. 107 00:06:28,940 --> 00:06:32,777 I knew that the first time he tried to make you drop out of college. 108 00:06:32,808 --> 00:06:37,792 What kind of man makes his pregnant wife drop out of college with one year to go? 109 00:06:37,824 --> 00:06:39,815 Mike, lower your voice. 110 00:06:39,847 --> 00:06:41,765 You're upsetting Razzles. 111 00:06:41,796 --> 00:06:42,954 I'm sorry, Razzy. 112 00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:45,790 He didn't make me drop out of school. 113 00:06:45,821 --> 00:06:48,772 Dan and I decided that together. We were having a baby! 114 00:06:48,803 --> 00:06:50,795 We needed to save money. 115 00:06:50,826 --> 00:06:53,788 We could only afford one of us to finish school 116 00:06:53,819 --> 00:06:55,936 and he thought it was more important that he went. 117 00:06:55,968 --> 00:06:57,782 - OK. - OK? 118 00:06:57,813 --> 00:06:59,969 I was always supposed to go back. It just never happened. 119 00:06:59,993 --> 00:07:02,777 You were just so close to graduating. 120 00:07:02,808 --> 00:07:04,883 I think it just kind of sticks in his craw. 121 00:07:04,914 --> 00:07:07,980 - Yeah, it just sticks in my craw a bit. - Yeah. 122 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,785 I've got an idea, honey. 123 00:07:11,004 --> 00:07:13,819 What about a ham sandwich? 124 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:16,780 Sandy, she doesn't want a ham sandwich. 125 00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:17,948 But she likes ham, Mike. 126 00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:21,003 Of course she likes ham. Everybody likes ham! 127 00:07:21,785 --> 00:07:24,017 But the point is that she's too upset to eat! 128 00:07:24,799 --> 00:07:27,802 You know what's upsetting me? It's that my marriage has collapsed 129 00:07:27,833 --> 00:07:30,784 and you two keep screaming about ham! 130 00:07:30,815 --> 00:07:33,819 - I'm not screaming about ham. - You are screaming about ham! 131 00:07:33,850 --> 00:07:36,009 - Yeah, stop it! - You think I'm screaming about ham? 132 00:07:36,791 --> 00:07:38,551 Right now, your voice is going up with "ham"! 133 00:07:38,814 --> 00:07:40,951 Fine! I'm screaming about ham! I can't help it! 134 00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:43,881 I'm up on the roof there! I'm blowing through the roof! 135 00:07:43,913 --> 00:07:47,875 I feel like... like I'm gonna blow like a hot water heater! 136 00:07:47,906 --> 00:07:49,825 I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go right now. 137 00:07:49,856 --> 00:07:52,859 I'm making everyone a sandwich. 138 00:07:54,048 --> 00:07:56,884 Mom, am I the only one that didn't see it coming? 139 00:07:56,915 --> 00:07:59,021 Oh, yeah. I'm gonna shoot Dan. 140 00:07:59,053 --> 00:08:00,825 - Mike. - Yeah! 141 00:08:00,857 --> 00:08:03,004 Put the gun down. You are not shooting Dan. 142 00:08:03,037 --> 00:08:04,934 Dad, stop waving that gun around. 143 00:08:04,966 --> 00:08:07,020 I know exactly what I'm gonna do. 144 00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:09,971 Oh, my gosh! You almost hit Razzles! 145 00:08:10,002 --> 00:08:11,994 Michael, you put a hole in the stairs! 146 00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,985 Oh, shit! 147 00:08:14,016 --> 00:08:15,977 You know what? Dan's fault! 148 00:08:16,008 --> 00:08:18,041 This was Dan's fault. 149 00:08:58,937 --> 00:09:00,877 Ow! Shit! 150 00:09:21,982 --> 00:09:23,963 Whoa! Whoa! 151 00:09:26,935 --> 00:09:29,000 You can't call this racquetball. 152 00:09:29,031 --> 00:09:30,950 That's a disgrace to the game. 153 00:09:31,085 --> 00:09:33,953 You know what? I know I fought you on it 154 00:09:33,984 --> 00:09:36,121 but thank you for getting me out of the house. 155 00:09:36,153 --> 00:09:38,155 Come on. What do you think best friends are for? 156 00:09:38,937 --> 00:09:40,115 Hey! Hey! 157 00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:42,982 Excuse me, there's no alcohol on the courts. 158 00:09:43,024 --> 00:09:45,016 Oh, suck it, Eugene! 159 00:09:45,047 --> 00:09:46,131 Go easy on the kid, huh? 160 00:09:46,163 --> 00:09:48,133 You know what? How many of those have you had? 161 00:09:48,166 --> 00:09:51,074 - I had three on the way over here. - Yeah. 162 00:09:51,106 --> 00:09:53,056 I made Frank drive me. 163 00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:57,029 - You've had four here. You've had seven? - I've had seven. 164 00:09:57,060 --> 00:09:59,121 What are we supposed to do, wait around here all day? 165 00:09:59,145 --> 00:10:03,035 OK, let's just show them how it's done, OK? 166 00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:05,172 Ohh! 167 00:10:05,954 --> 00:10:07,988 - Oh, my God! - I'm sorry. 168 00:10:08,019 --> 00:10:09,969 Right in the lady business. 169 00:10:10,052 --> 00:10:11,960 It's not funny! 170 00:10:11,992 --> 00:10:13,962 - Shut up! - It's not funny. 171 00:10:13,994 --> 00:10:17,956 - Oh, my! Oh, that's like a pain. - I'm really sorry. 172 00:10:17,987 --> 00:10:23,023 I think I was thinking about Dan's face or maybe... his crotchal area. 173 00:10:23,055 --> 00:10:25,015 - No, but you're good. - I kind of let loose. 174 00:10:25,046 --> 00:10:26,205 You got good aim. Wow! 175 00:10:26,986 --> 00:10:29,051 What am I doing? I am drinking alcohol 176 00:10:29,083 --> 00:10:31,137 on a racquetball court and yelling at old men. 177 00:10:31,168 --> 00:10:32,982 I mean, what am I gonna do? 178 00:10:33,014 --> 00:10:36,162 Go get a studio apartment or start taking spin classes? 179 00:10:36,194 --> 00:10:39,030 Oh, God! I don't wanna start a blog. 180 00:10:39,061 --> 00:10:42,012 - I don't know how to do that. - Please don't do that. 181 00:10:45,088 --> 00:10:47,215 I should have just fought more. 182 00:10:47,997 --> 00:10:50,124 - You know? - Don't do that to yourself. 183 00:10:50,156 --> 00:10:52,116 You did great. 184 00:10:52,147 --> 00:10:54,066 What about Maddie? 185 00:10:55,161 --> 00:10:57,194 - She's so great. - She's so great. 186 00:10:57,225 --> 00:11:00,176 I don't regret that at all, I mean... 187 00:11:00,208 --> 00:11:02,210 That's the best, I mean, being her mom. 188 00:11:02,242 --> 00:11:04,233 I even liked being a wife. 189 00:11:05,014 --> 00:11:07,028 I just wanted to also have a career. 190 00:11:07,059 --> 00:11:10,031 I didn't see why I couldn't have all of those things. 191 00:11:10,187 --> 00:11:14,139 Hey, yo! We don't have time for your heartfelt conversations! 192 00:11:15,036 --> 00:11:16,235 They're so ornery. 193 00:11:17,017 --> 00:11:19,165 OK, let's razzle-dazzle, and show... 194 00:11:19,196 --> 00:11:22,262 - Oh, God, we have to move again? - ..show the Muppet judges, right? 195 00:11:23,044 --> 00:11:25,098 My sciatica's kicking. 196 00:11:25,129 --> 00:11:27,142 Oh, God! Wow! 197 00:11:27,173 --> 00:11:29,269 The pain, it's blinding! 198 00:11:30,051 --> 00:11:32,651 I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry I did that. I didn't mean to hit you. 199 00:11:33,054 --> 00:11:36,151 You don't need to apologise to me. Just apologise to my vagina. 200 00:11:38,142 --> 00:11:40,176 I'm so sorry. 201 00:11:40,208 --> 00:11:42,063 Stacey accepts your apology. 202 00:11:42,095 --> 00:11:44,149 - Who's Stacey? - She's my vagina. 203 00:11:44,180 --> 00:11:47,152 You know what? I shouldn't say anything. Mine is LeVonne. 204 00:11:47,183 --> 00:11:50,166 - What? - I thought it sounded French. 205 00:11:55,296 --> 00:11:57,235 Oh, my God. 206 00:11:59,143 --> 00:12:00,248 Oh-ho! 207 00:12:07,151 --> 00:12:09,174 That was not good hair. 208 00:12:10,102 --> 00:12:12,314 Too short. Too short, Deanna. 209 00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:39,174 A-boo! 210 00:12:39,205 --> 00:12:41,197 - Oh, God! - Mom! 211 00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:44,221 I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to actually scare you. 212 00:12:44,252 --> 00:12:46,170 - Hi! - Surprise! 213 00:12:46,202 --> 00:12:48,152 What are you doing here? 214 00:12:48,183 --> 00:12:51,354 Well, I was just bringing you some mini toiletries 215 00:12:52,135 --> 00:12:55,149 and I got you some more of that shampoo that I know you like so much. 216 00:12:55,180 --> 00:12:58,152 Mom, I've only been here a week. I don't need more shampoo. 217 00:12:58,183 --> 00:13:01,332 Oh, I always think everyone can use shampoo 218 00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:05,211 and floss and frozen vegetable medleys. 219 00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:07,245 Always a good thing to have around. 220 00:13:07,276 --> 00:13:11,207 That's why I stopped by and also to tell you that 221 00:13:11,238 --> 00:13:13,334 your father and I are getting a divorce. 222 00:13:13,365 --> 00:13:16,170 But if you want me to take the shampoo back... 223 00:13:16,201 --> 00:13:17,327 Wait, what? 224 00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:20,299 Yeah, honey. 225 00:13:22,322 --> 00:13:25,148 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just blurt that out. 226 00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:26,254 I'm sorry. 227 00:13:26,285 --> 00:13:28,182 - Oh, my God! - Come here. 228 00:13:29,393 --> 00:13:32,198 I didn't mean to do it like that. 229 00:13:32,229 --> 00:13:35,388 You know that this has nothing to do with how much we love you. 230 00:13:36,170 --> 00:13:40,195 Because we love you. We love you so much. So much, OK? 231 00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:42,301 Oh, my God. 232 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,408 What happened? 233 00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:47,254 I guess in a nutshell, I would have to say 234 00:13:47,286 --> 00:13:51,227 that he is currently having an intimate sexual relationship 235 00:13:51,258 --> 00:13:52,416 with somebody named Marcie. 236 00:13:53,198 --> 00:13:54,386 I'm so sorry, Mom. 237 00:13:54,418 --> 00:13:57,264 No, I'm... I'm sorry. 238 00:13:57,296 --> 00:13:58,378 I mean, this was not my plan. 239 00:13:58,402 --> 00:14:04,304 I did not mean to come over here and just dump bad news on you. 240 00:14:04,335 --> 00:14:06,285 I wish I was... 241 00:14:06,316 --> 00:14:08,266 I wish I knew how to do this better. 242 00:14:08,297 --> 00:14:09,434 Dad is such an ass! 243 00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:12,218 Yeah. But I'll tell you this. 244 00:14:12,249 --> 00:14:15,440 I'm not even really a full week in but I'm feeling... 245 00:14:17,233 --> 00:14:18,318 ..peppier about it. 246 00:14:18,349 --> 00:14:19,469 Top of the week was... Whoo! 247 00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:23,333 ..really, really spiralling down there but I feel like 248 00:14:23,364 --> 00:14:26,346 there's some big wheels in motion here. 249 00:14:26,378 --> 00:14:30,267 Exciting, big, semi-truck-size wheels. 250 00:14:30,298 --> 00:14:32,259 Yes, big wheels! 251 00:14:32,290 --> 00:14:34,428 Come on, seize the day! Go for the gold! 252 00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:37,390 Yeah, at least medal, right? 253 00:14:37,421 --> 00:14:41,321 That's why I'm gonna go back to college and get my archaeology degree. 254 00:14:41,352 --> 00:14:43,385 Right here, my alma mater. 255 00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:45,450 I'm gonna finish what I started! 256 00:14:46,232 --> 00:14:47,327 - No. - Yes! 257 00:14:47,358 --> 00:14:50,340 Mom, you really gotta take a moment and think about this. 258 00:14:51,310 --> 00:14:54,313 Hm. I love it. 259 00:14:54,344 --> 00:14:57,305 Oh... OK. Oh, boy. 260 00:14:57,337 --> 00:14:59,287 OK. OK. 261 00:14:59,318 --> 00:15:00,413 Oh, boy. 262 00:15:00,444 --> 00:15:03,291 I overwhelmed my gal. 263 00:15:03,322 --> 00:15:05,355 Mom came in and overwhelmed her. 264 00:15:05,386 --> 00:15:06,429 Yes, I did. 265 00:15:06,460 --> 00:15:09,496 No, this is... this is good news. 266 00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:12,300 Yeah, good news. Mm-hm. 267 00:15:12,331 --> 00:15:13,468 Good news. 268 00:15:14,376 --> 00:15:17,379 I'll tell you what. I would hate to have to clean all these spindles. 269 00:15:17,410 --> 00:15:19,506 - I think you could do it. - I know I could. 270 00:15:20,434 --> 00:15:22,269 You doing OK? 271 00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:24,292 - Yeah, I'll be OK. - OK. I know. 272 00:15:24,323 --> 00:15:26,367 Yeah, you're a tough cookie. 273 00:15:27,336 --> 00:15:28,421 Ohh! 274 00:15:28,452 --> 00:15:30,423 Hey! Hello! 275 00:15:30,454 --> 00:15:32,456 Look who's here. The gang's all here. 276 00:15:32,487 --> 00:15:35,282 - Hi! - Hi, Mrs Miles! 277 00:15:35,313 --> 00:15:38,285 Look at this. Oh, it's a study group. Study buddies already. 278 00:15:38,316 --> 00:15:40,476 - You should be down here studying. - Please stop, Mom. 279 00:15:40,527 --> 00:15:43,467 Look at you. Boy, a sight for sore eyes, huh? 280 00:15:43,498 --> 00:15:47,367 Hello to my fellow Tigers, fellow students, 281 00:15:47,398 --> 00:15:51,298 because somebody's mom just enrolled in college! 282 00:15:51,330 --> 00:15:53,395 I'm referring to myself. 283 00:15:53,426 --> 00:15:55,355 Wait, you're going to school here now? 284 00:15:55,386 --> 00:15:57,513 She's thinking about it. It's not for sure yet. 285 00:15:57,545 --> 00:16:00,516 It's pretty for sure. I don't think I'm gonna change my mind. 286 00:16:00,548 --> 00:16:04,520 And, you know, it made me start wondering when I was signing up today. 287 00:16:04,552 --> 00:16:09,421 I thought, "Wasn't Amanda talking about switching to the archaeology department?" 288 00:16:09,452 --> 00:16:12,382 - Was that you? - No, I'm art history. 289 00:16:12,414 --> 00:16:13,561 No. How about you? 290 00:16:14,343 --> 00:16:15,385 No, it's not me. 291 00:16:15,417 --> 00:16:19,327 No. I'm so sorry, we haven't met. I haven't had the pleasure. 292 00:16:19,358 --> 00:16:21,391 - I'm Helen. Hi! - Did I get lucky? 293 00:16:21,423 --> 00:16:25,354 Are you possibly an archaeology major? There's usually two of us in a room. 294 00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:26,564 I'm undeclared. 295 00:16:27,346 --> 00:16:28,586 There's still time. 296 00:16:29,338 --> 00:16:30,482 There's still time. Check into it. 297 00:16:30,506 --> 00:16:33,384 Now, I couldn't help noticing 298 00:16:33,415 --> 00:16:35,615 that you're a little whisper older than the other girls. 299 00:16:36,355 --> 00:16:38,503 Are you a TA or maybe a grad student? 300 00:16:38,534 --> 00:16:41,548 No, I'm a sophomore. But I started college a little bit later 301 00:16:41,579 --> 00:16:43,508 because I was in a coma for eight years. 302 00:16:43,539 --> 00:16:45,427 Oh, my gosh! 303 00:16:45,458 --> 00:16:49,389 If I may, I'm just wondering, how did it... how did that happen? 304 00:16:49,420 --> 00:16:50,567 Yes, I was skydiving. 305 00:16:50,599 --> 00:16:52,403 Boy! 306 00:16:52,434 --> 00:16:54,580 One minute you're falling out of a plane, then the lights go out. 307 00:16:54,604 --> 00:16:57,387 Next thing I know, I wake up. I think it's the next day 308 00:16:57,418 --> 00:16:59,609 but I've grown four inches and suddenly I have C cups. 309 00:17:00,390 --> 00:17:01,506 It was eight years gone. 310 00:17:01,538 --> 00:17:04,530 I also have C cups. But I didn't have to go into a coma for them. 311 00:17:04,561 --> 00:17:07,439 Mom! I think that's your cue. 312 00:17:07,471 --> 00:17:09,514 I think, maybe, you've gotta hit the road. 313 00:17:09,546 --> 00:17:11,558 - Yes, I'm sorry. - Yeah. 314 00:17:11,589 --> 00:17:15,614 Yes. Put a fork in me. I'm done. So sorry. 315 00:17:16,396 --> 00:17:18,461 I'm gonna toddle off, on that note. 316 00:17:18,492 --> 00:17:19,545 So nice meeting you. 317 00:17:19,576 --> 00:17:23,455 So nice to meet you, Helen. Girls, what a delight to see you again. 318 00:17:23,487 --> 00:17:25,562 OK, all right. 319 00:17:25,593 --> 00:17:29,493 Well, I'll see you around campus or on the quad. 320 00:17:29,524 --> 00:17:31,505 - Nobody says that, Mom. - Nobody says that? 321 00:17:31,536 --> 00:17:33,623 I'll bring it back. See you in the quad, Tigers. 322 00:17:34,404 --> 00:17:35,500 Bye, Mrs Miles! 323 00:17:35,531 --> 00:17:37,523 And welcome. 324 00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:46,155 So, here's your class schedule. 325 00:17:46,186 --> 00:17:48,262 Wow! I am pumped! 326 00:17:48,294 --> 00:17:50,369 - Thank you so much! - You're so welcome. 327 00:17:52,152 --> 00:17:54,237 - All right, take care. - Bye now. 328 00:17:54,268 --> 00:17:57,188 I already got senioritis. Kidding! 329 00:17:58,168 --> 00:17:59,211 Yes! 330 00:18:06,145 --> 00:18:08,189 Ooh! Yes! 331 00:18:19,305 --> 00:18:22,329 Oh, did you see these in there? They're tiny footballs! 332 00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:25,342 - Aren't they so cute? - No idea what I'm gonna do with them. 333 00:18:25,373 --> 00:18:29,284 I guess I'll find tiny football players. 334 00:18:32,307 --> 00:18:35,206 Let me just get my grip. 335 00:18:36,228 --> 00:18:37,388 You're a sight for sore eyes. 336 00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:40,263 If you could just maybe grab that... 337 00:18:41,285 --> 00:18:43,277 I guess chivalry's dead. 338 00:18:43,308 --> 00:18:46,217 Wearing sweatpants in broad daylight. 339 00:18:46,248 --> 00:18:48,188 There's another one. 340 00:18:48,219 --> 00:18:50,398 Future Dans of America. 341 00:18:55,205 --> 00:18:56,312 Hello? 342 00:18:57,249 --> 00:18:59,209 Hi! Oh... 343 00:19:05,425 --> 00:19:07,406 - Don't turn on the lights. - Ohh! 344 00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:10,242 Oh! 345 00:19:10,273 --> 00:19:12,223 Hi, there. 346 00:19:12,453 --> 00:19:17,426 I'm Deanna and you must be Lenore or is it Leonor? 347 00:19:21,378 --> 00:19:24,319 OK, well, I'm sure we'll get into that. 348 00:19:25,341 --> 00:19:27,280 So we're roomies, huh? 349 00:19:27,426 --> 00:19:29,418 Fun to be roomies. 350 00:19:29,450 --> 00:19:31,326 Bunkmates. 351 00:19:33,286 --> 00:19:35,414 It's dark in here. Were you asleep? 352 00:19:35,445 --> 00:19:38,302 I don't sleep. I'm scared of the dark. 353 00:19:38,334 --> 00:19:40,388 Oh, boy. 354 00:19:40,419 --> 00:19:44,444 I'm scared of a lot of things. I'm scared of crowds, books, flying, 355 00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:47,364 people, ants, ketchup. 356 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:49,334 Oh, ketchup's a tough one for me. 357 00:19:49,366 --> 00:19:54,423 I mean, I like a moutarde but I'm kind of a ketchup gal. 358 00:19:54,454 --> 00:19:56,445 I like to dunk my taters. 359 00:19:56,477 --> 00:19:58,447 OK. I like that. 360 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:02,451 OK, well, we are gonna get along just great. 361 00:20:02,483 --> 00:20:04,349 Ohh! 362 00:20:04,381 --> 00:20:06,362 Look at that spring back. 363 00:20:06,393 --> 00:20:10,304 I'll tell you what, I did not expect that kind of resilience. 364 00:20:17,499 --> 00:20:20,377 Oh! First day at school! 365 00:20:20,408 --> 00:20:21,492 - Shut up! - Sorry. 366 00:20:21,524 --> 00:20:23,411 First day at school. 367 00:20:24,339 --> 00:20:27,373 Hey, guys. Go Tigers, right? 368 00:20:27,498 --> 00:20:29,427 Oh, man. 369 00:20:29,459 --> 00:20:31,492 Oh! I want it. Yes! 370 00:20:31,523 --> 00:20:34,495 I'd love a brainstorming session, I've got one. 371 00:20:34,526 --> 00:20:36,486 Hit it high! There we go. 372 00:20:37,352 --> 00:20:38,436 Hey, Mondays, huh? 373 00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:42,473 Oh, this is amazing! 374 00:20:57,456 --> 00:21:00,418 OK. Let's do this. 375 00:21:00,449 --> 00:21:02,461 Good seats. Good pick. 376 00:21:02,493 --> 00:21:05,433 I'm gonna go a little further up because of my progressives. 377 00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:08,353 You want a study buddy? I'll give you my landline. 378 00:21:08,384 --> 00:21:10,438 Maybe we could kind of... Oh! Oh! 379 00:21:10,469 --> 00:21:11,564 - Hi! - Hi! 380 00:21:12,398 --> 00:21:15,401 I hate to do this. God, there's always that one, right? 381 00:21:15,433 --> 00:21:17,435 It's, like, "I gotta sit in the centre-centre." 382 00:21:17,466 --> 00:21:20,386 Ooh, look at you. Real big feet. 383 00:21:20,418 --> 00:21:21,429 Ohh! 384 00:21:21,461 --> 00:21:23,588 Sorry, let me give you that back. You got it. 385 00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:25,444 - Hi! - Hi. 386 00:21:25,475 --> 00:21:27,477 Hi, there. Oh, God, I'm sorry. 387 00:21:27,508 --> 00:21:29,448 Sorry. I apologise. 388 00:21:29,479 --> 00:21:32,451 You got hit by school spirit. 389 00:21:32,482 --> 00:21:35,537 Wow! Look at you, all decked out. 390 00:21:35,568 --> 00:21:38,488 You know what? I am excited to be in this class. 391 00:21:38,519 --> 00:21:41,533 Now, I have to say, I'm surprised to see you in here. 392 00:21:41,564 --> 00:21:45,453 Well, after I met you, I watched Indiana Jones. 393 00:21:45,485 --> 00:21:47,393 The best. 394 00:21:47,424 --> 00:21:50,417 - Then, scuttlebutt on the street is... - What is that? 395 00:21:50,448 --> 00:21:53,420 Everything's already been dug up, so this is a really easy class. 396 00:21:53,451 --> 00:21:54,575 No, I gotta agree to disagree. 397 00:21:54,599 --> 00:21:57,570 But good news, this means we're both Jurassic junkies. 398 00:21:59,614 --> 00:22:01,564 Oh, look at this place. Oh. 399 00:22:01,595 --> 00:22:03,472 Oh, boy. 400 00:22:05,401 --> 00:22:08,425 Excuse me, I think your bag's got a case of the dropsies. 401 00:22:08,456 --> 00:22:10,542 It went through the chute there. 402 00:22:10,573 --> 00:22:14,535 Farther in than I thought. You know what? 403 00:22:14,567 --> 00:22:15,568 That tip. 404 00:22:15,599 --> 00:22:17,632 The little tip of that cracked right off. 405 00:22:18,414 --> 00:22:21,480 But, luckily for you, I got a whole haul of mechanical pencils 406 00:22:21,511 --> 00:22:23,544 so the lead keeps replenishing as you twist. 407 00:22:23,576 --> 00:22:25,641 You want in on this, huh? 408 00:22:26,422 --> 00:22:28,466 - No, thank you. - No? 409 00:22:28,571 --> 00:22:30,542 But I love your sweater. 410 00:22:30,573 --> 00:22:32,471 Ohh! 411 00:22:32,502 --> 00:22:35,453 Thank you so much. Yeah, I thought it really popped. 412 00:22:35,484 --> 00:22:36,663 Yeah, I was kidding. 413 00:22:37,445 --> 00:22:38,581 It's a horrible sweater. 414 00:22:38,612 --> 00:22:41,584 It's a horrible, super-sad mom sweater. 415 00:22:45,547 --> 00:22:47,455 OK. 416 00:22:47,486 --> 00:22:48,609 I see we're still doing that. 417 00:22:48,633 --> 00:22:52,491 Girls being mean to other girls for no apparent reason. 418 00:22:52,522 --> 00:22:57,496 There is a reason. You're not a girl, you're 1,000 years old. 419 00:22:57,527 --> 00:22:59,686 You're ancient. A relic. 420 00:23:00,572 --> 00:23:02,595 She's pleased with herself over that one. 421 00:23:02,627 --> 00:23:07,486 Well, guess what? If I'm a relic, then I guess I'm in the right class. 422 00:23:07,517 --> 00:23:09,499 Whoo! 423 00:23:09,530 --> 00:23:10,645 Swoosh. 424 00:23:10,677 --> 00:23:12,637 It's an archaeology jam. 425 00:23:12,668 --> 00:23:16,610 Who made jam out of that mess of berries? Me. 426 00:23:16,641 --> 00:23:18,560 Good afternoon, everyone. 427 00:23:18,591 --> 00:23:22,532 Welcome to Archaeology 301. 428 00:23:23,554 --> 00:23:24,587 Oh, my God. 429 00:23:24,618 --> 00:23:26,682 I think that's Wayne Truzack. 430 00:23:26,714 --> 00:23:29,654 He was a classmate of mine 20 years ago. 431 00:23:29,685 --> 00:23:34,638 First of all, I wanna tell you that your satisfaction in this class is guaranteed 432 00:23:34,669 --> 00:23:37,579 or you'll get double your mummy back. 433 00:23:42,668 --> 00:23:44,566 "Mummy back." 434 00:23:44,597 --> 00:23:46,672 - Oh! - I don't get why that's funny. 435 00:23:46,703 --> 00:23:49,665 It is funny but it's also punny. 436 00:23:50,634 --> 00:23:53,512 Hey, freaks, shut up! 437 00:24:02,573 --> 00:24:03,699 No! No! No! 438 00:24:10,634 --> 00:24:12,531 No. No. No. 439 00:24:21,562 --> 00:24:23,564 I brought snacks! 440 00:24:26,557 --> 00:24:29,539 I don't know. I'm loving my classes. 441 00:24:29,570 --> 00:24:31,739 They're amazing. I feel like I'm learning. 442 00:24:31,770 --> 00:24:34,596 I think I felt for so long like my brain was in a freezer 443 00:24:34,627 --> 00:24:36,650 and now I've really come room temp. 444 00:24:36,681 --> 00:24:37,766 It's just great! 445 00:24:38,548 --> 00:24:40,766 - Can I say something? - You could say whatever you want, Debbie. 446 00:24:40,790 --> 00:24:43,751 - You don't have to ask. - Thanks, Amanda. 447 00:24:43,782 --> 00:24:46,702 I think it's really great you had something bad happen to you 448 00:24:46,733 --> 00:24:48,799 and that you're making lemons out of lemonade. 449 00:24:49,705 --> 00:24:53,616 I think you did kind of flip-flop that saying. 450 00:24:53,647 --> 00:24:55,628 It's supposed to be "lemonade out of lemons". 451 00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:58,756 You take something sour and you turn it into something sweet. 452 00:24:58,788 --> 00:25:01,687 Pretty sure it's "make lemons out of lemonade". 453 00:25:01,718 --> 00:25:04,596 It's kind of the idea that something bad happened to you, 454 00:25:04,627 --> 00:25:08,610 like your husband leaving you and squashing you to make lemonade. 455 00:25:08,641 --> 00:25:11,749 Then pulling yourself back together again and now you're a whole lemon. 456 00:25:11,780 --> 00:25:15,680 Huh! That was a very visual story. 457 00:25:15,711 --> 00:25:17,755 Very painful visual 458 00:25:17,786 --> 00:25:22,697 but then the whole lemon really does bring it back around to the flip side. 459 00:25:22,728 --> 00:25:23,803 So thank you for that. 460 00:25:23,835 --> 00:25:27,660 I appreciate the sentiment and I appreciate these cheeks. 461 00:25:27,693 --> 00:25:30,644 Oh, my God! I can't let go! 462 00:25:30,675 --> 00:25:32,666 Deanna, you wanna stick around and hang out? 463 00:25:32,698 --> 00:25:35,815 I would love to hang. My first college hang. 464 00:25:35,847 --> 00:25:39,611 I am free as a bird. I'm down to clown. 465 00:25:39,642 --> 00:25:41,665 Deanna's such a mouthful. 466 00:25:41,696 --> 00:25:42,856 What if I called you Dee Dee? 467 00:25:43,677 --> 00:25:45,638 I have always wanted a nickname. 468 00:25:45,669 --> 00:25:47,713 What about Dee Rock or Dee Train? 469 00:25:47,744 --> 00:25:48,787 Or Glenn? 470 00:25:48,818 --> 00:25:50,695 Why would we call her Glenn? 471 00:25:50,726 --> 00:25:54,741 Just cos I love Glenn Close and I was thinking about her. 472 00:25:54,772 --> 00:25:56,847 - I love Glenn Close. - You do? 473 00:25:57,629 --> 00:25:58,773 Fatal Attraction, best movie ever. 474 00:25:58,797 --> 00:26:00,852 - That the one where she boiled a rabbit? - It is. 475 00:26:01,633 --> 00:26:04,667 I think I showed that to Maddie a little too early on 476 00:26:04,699 --> 00:26:06,795 because she urinated in her underpants. 477 00:26:06,826 --> 00:26:07,827 Mom! 478 00:26:07,859 --> 00:26:11,884 And would not eat anything out of a stew pot for a good six to eight months. 479 00:26:12,666 --> 00:26:16,711 Or she would just keep re-urinating in her underpants. 480 00:26:16,743 --> 00:26:17,765 Mom, stop! 481 00:26:17,796 --> 00:26:20,663 Let's watch it. Let's rent it. Movie night. 482 00:26:20,695 --> 00:26:23,677 Yeah, you know... I love a good movie night. 483 00:26:23,708 --> 00:26:27,681 But I think... my mom does not want to hang out here. 484 00:26:27,712 --> 00:26:31,664 She's just stopping by. She's not gonna hang out with her daughter's friends. 485 00:26:31,695 --> 00:26:33,907 That would be so weird. That would be weird. 486 00:26:35,678 --> 00:26:38,797 Maddie's right. I can't hang out right now. 487 00:26:38,828 --> 00:26:42,749 I've gotta get home and get in some good hang time with my new roomie. 488 00:26:42,780 --> 00:26:45,814 - What's her name? - You know what? It's Leonor or Lenore. 489 00:26:45,846 --> 00:26:46,857 I'm not really sure. 490 00:26:46,888 --> 00:26:49,902 We're just kind of getting used to each other, I'm sure. 491 00:26:50,684 --> 00:26:52,870 She kind of mutters around the room, talking to herself. 492 00:26:52,894 --> 00:26:56,773 I just kind of get a Voldemort vibe from her. 493 00:26:56,805 --> 00:27:00,694 But I will take a rain check on the movie, if that... Or not. 494 00:27:00,850 --> 00:27:02,779 - Rain check. - OK. Rain check. 495 00:27:02,811 --> 00:27:03,832 Aw! 496 00:27:03,864 --> 00:27:06,825 I'll make the popcorn. I got a sweet and savoury one. 497 00:27:06,856 --> 00:27:07,888 - Great! - Bye. 498 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:09,724 - Bye, Mom. - Bye, Dee Rock. 499 00:27:09,755 --> 00:27:10,871 - She's amazing. - Yeah. 500 00:27:10,903 --> 00:27:14,792 That was very nice of her to bring food for you guys. 501 00:27:14,824 --> 00:27:16,805 I love your mom. 502 00:27:16,836 --> 00:27:19,901 Last thing. You're not gonna... Thunder dunder clouds up ahead. 503 00:27:19,933 --> 00:27:22,884 And I just said rain check. It's like I conjured it. 504 00:27:22,915 --> 00:27:26,804 - Oh, great. - OK. Bye-bye. Last hug. 505 00:27:26,836 --> 00:27:27,857 - OK. - I love you. 506 00:27:27,889 --> 00:27:29,776 Look at her dancing me out! 507 00:27:29,807 --> 00:27:31,747 We're like Fred and... OK. 508 00:27:37,857 --> 00:27:39,817 You're a bookworm, huh? 509 00:27:41,757 --> 00:27:43,915 Oh, my God. How long have you been there? 510 00:27:43,946 --> 00:27:45,813 Six minutes. 511 00:27:49,932 --> 00:27:51,966 You're a quiet one. 512 00:27:52,747 --> 00:27:53,884 You get good grades, huh? 513 00:27:53,916 --> 00:27:55,803 Uh... well... 514 00:27:55,834 --> 00:27:59,776 I try. I really enjoy the subject matter and... 515 00:27:59,807 --> 00:28:02,820 I don't know, I just find archaeology a constant wonder. 516 00:28:02,852 --> 00:28:05,855 You like to dig up stuff? I like to bury stuff. 517 00:28:05,886 --> 00:28:07,763 OK. 518 00:28:07,794 --> 00:28:09,994 Look at us! Kind of yin and yang... 519 00:28:10,776 --> 00:28:13,008 having our first conversation, huh? 520 00:28:13,790 --> 00:28:14,864 Fun. 521 00:28:14,895 --> 00:28:18,951 Listen, while we're gabbing, I was just kind of wondering... 522 00:28:18,982 --> 00:28:21,839 It's been a few weeks. 523 00:28:21,871 --> 00:28:23,988 I'm thinking, "I wonder if she's ever gonna go... 524 00:28:24,020 --> 00:28:26,792 outside the room?" 525 00:28:26,824 --> 00:28:29,921 Maybe for a class or a... you know, a coven meeting. 526 00:28:30,870 --> 00:28:31,913 I'm kidding. 527 00:28:31,944 --> 00:28:33,946 I've gone on the other side of that door. 528 00:28:33,977 --> 00:28:34,989 Oh, yeah... 529 00:28:35,020 --> 00:28:37,971 I find you behind that door all the time 530 00:28:38,002 --> 00:28:40,797 but that's inside my closet. 531 00:28:40,828 --> 00:28:42,851 So, I was just wondering... 532 00:28:42,882 --> 00:28:47,919 are you ever gonna go out of maybe that door... into the, let's say, hallway? 533 00:28:48,044 --> 00:28:50,807 I'll probably stick to that door. 534 00:28:50,838 --> 00:28:52,819 - You wanna stick to my closet? - Yeah. 535 00:28:52,851 --> 00:28:53,966 OK. 536 00:28:54,988 --> 00:28:56,990 - I like you. - Ohh! 537 00:28:59,837 --> 00:29:00,964 And we're friends. 538 00:29:00,995 --> 00:29:02,840 I certainly hope so. 539 00:29:02,872 --> 00:29:04,032 I'm might go back to my room. 540 00:29:05,948 --> 00:29:07,001 OK. 541 00:29:14,008 --> 00:29:16,886 Mm! Wow! That smells great. What is that? 542 00:29:16,917 --> 00:29:19,044 Yes, it's Fiori Antichi Della Novella. 543 00:29:19,076 --> 00:29:21,067 Remember? We got it a Firenze. 544 00:29:21,849 --> 00:29:23,069 Mi piace. 545 00:29:23,851 --> 00:29:25,019 - It turns me on. - Yeah. 546 00:29:26,062 --> 00:29:29,889 Mm! 547 00:29:30,848 --> 00:29:32,026 What is that smell? 548 00:29:32,933 --> 00:29:35,915 It's probably garlic and Dial. 549 00:29:35,947 --> 00:29:37,886 And a little mayo. 550 00:29:37,918 --> 00:29:39,900 I had an Italian sandwich. 551 00:29:39,931 --> 00:29:41,088 They're lovers. 552 00:29:41,870 --> 00:29:43,035 No, they're not. They're jealous. 553 00:29:43,059 --> 00:29:45,092 No, we're best... best friends. 554 00:29:45,874 --> 00:29:48,012 - Yes. - I can't believe you brought her. 555 00:29:48,043 --> 00:29:50,076 I can't believe you brought Christine. 556 00:29:50,108 --> 00:29:52,996 I can't believe you shacked up with a bitch! 557 00:29:53,027 --> 00:29:54,080 Hey! Hey! 558 00:29:54,112 --> 00:29:57,115 - That is not gonna be useful today. - This bitch... 559 00:29:57,897 --> 00:29:59,961 has a lot of reason to be here. 560 00:29:59,993 --> 00:30:02,964 I am an excellent negotiator. I am a realtor. 561 00:30:02,996 --> 00:30:05,978 Yes. Not only do you destroy homes, you also sell them. 562 00:30:06,009 --> 00:30:08,095 - Isn't that come full circle? - Oh, good burn! 563 00:30:08,127 --> 00:30:09,919 OK. 564 00:30:09,950 --> 00:30:11,098 Hello, all. As you know, 565 00:30:11,130 --> 00:30:15,113 this mediation is here to help facilitate the terms of your divorce. 566 00:30:15,895 --> 00:30:17,063 So, just so you know, 567 00:30:17,094 --> 00:30:19,013 this is not a court of law, all right? 568 00:30:19,044 --> 00:30:23,058 You will all be civilised and you will please address all speech to me. 569 00:30:23,089 --> 00:30:24,143 - To you. - To you. 570 00:30:24,925 --> 00:30:26,009 - No crosstalk. - No. 571 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:30,076 Even if we wanna talk to one another, we can't. If I wanted to say, "Dina..." 572 00:30:30,107 --> 00:30:32,912 - You'd look at me. - I'd look at you, I'd say, "Dina... 573 00:30:32,943 --> 00:30:36,019 I am going to have... a beautiful life with your husband... 574 00:30:36,050 --> 00:30:37,072 Dina." 575 00:30:37,103 --> 00:30:41,014 - If I were to say, "Marky..." - Marcie. 576 00:30:41,045 --> 00:30:43,933 "..you're gonna be very disappointed in bed 577 00:30:43,965 --> 00:30:46,072 cos Dan's downstairs is not gonna do the trick." 578 00:30:48,063 --> 00:30:51,066 I don't know why you're laughing. Frank's not great downstairs, either. 579 00:30:51,098 --> 00:30:53,089 - To me. - We play tennis together. 580 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:56,040 - Frank is no big deal down there. - He's right. Frank is not. 581 00:30:56,071 --> 00:30:57,166 I have a question, Dan. 582 00:30:57,948 --> 00:31:01,108 Why is it that you're playing tennis with Frank pantsless? 583 00:31:01,139 --> 00:31:04,079 - This is not helping our process. - Thank you. 584 00:31:04,111 --> 00:31:08,063 - OK. Can we proceed? - She's not signing anything, Your Honour. 585 00:31:08,094 --> 00:31:09,116 If I may. 586 00:31:09,147 --> 00:31:12,056 I'm not a judge. Remember, I said this isn't a court of law. 587 00:31:13,015 --> 00:31:16,967 My name is Christine Davenport, good friend to Deanna. 588 00:31:16,999 --> 00:31:18,145 And I am here as a support. 589 00:31:18,177 --> 00:31:25,070 And also I have been studying lots of documents on legalzoom.com. 590 00:31:25,101 --> 00:31:28,021 Thank you. Thank you for that. I just want to get this over with. 591 00:31:28,052 --> 00:31:29,074 Terrifying! 592 00:31:29,105 --> 00:31:35,049 I want it on the record that the accused are currently in the process 593 00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:40,106 of selling my client's home... and not splitting the proceeds. 594 00:31:40,137 --> 00:31:45,226 Because the house was 100 per cent in Daniel's name. So... 595 00:31:46,008 --> 00:31:49,000 That was our house, Dan. You know that was our house. 596 00:31:49,032 --> 00:31:52,191 I understand, but we're gonna settle this, and that's why we're here, OK? 597 00:31:52,222 --> 00:31:54,068 - Daniel... - Don't interject. 598 00:31:54,099 --> 00:31:56,165 - Don't be a weenie. - I'm not being a weenie. 599 00:31:56,196 --> 00:31:58,041 - OK... - I'm not being a weenie. 600 00:31:58,072 --> 00:32:00,242 Well, that's debatable. This is not... 601 00:32:01,024 --> 00:32:02,157 This is not helping our process. 602 00:32:02,181 --> 00:32:06,102 There is no probable clause to implicate this witness. 603 00:32:06,133 --> 00:32:08,041 I move to dismiss. 604 00:32:08,072 --> 00:32:12,097 I just want to say for the record, I just needed an upgrade in my life, Deanna. 605 00:32:12,129 --> 00:32:14,256 - You son of a... - OK. To me, please. 606 00:32:15,038 --> 00:32:17,050 I'm sorry. You son of a bitch. 607 00:32:17,081 --> 00:32:20,043 - No, you're the son of a bitch. - You're the son of a bitch! 608 00:32:20,074 --> 00:32:22,139 - You're the son of a bitch. - I object! 609 00:32:22,170 --> 00:32:24,266 I object! I'm not even a judge. OK? 610 00:32:25,048 --> 00:32:26,195 I'm just gonna take... 611 00:32:26,226 --> 00:32:29,083 I'm just gonna take a break. Gotta strategise. 612 00:32:29,114 --> 00:32:30,194 Are you coming back? 613 00:32:30,219 --> 00:32:34,036 I refuse to disclose information about my client. 614 00:32:36,164 --> 00:32:37,280 Case adjourned. 615 00:32:38,260 --> 00:32:40,126 Deanna! 616 00:32:40,158 --> 00:32:42,201 We know what room she's in. We don't need to yell. 617 00:32:42,232 --> 00:32:45,069 - I like to yell! - Let her yell. 618 00:32:45,100 --> 00:32:47,133 Guys, why are we going to see my mom right now? 619 00:32:47,165 --> 00:32:49,292 Because we haven't seen her all week and we miss her. 620 00:32:55,173 --> 00:32:56,299 Hey, Mom. What's up? 621 00:32:57,081 --> 00:33:00,073 Hey, what are you guys doing in here? 622 00:33:00,105 --> 00:33:02,065 What's wrong? 623 00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:05,203 We filed our paperwork today, 624 00:33:05,235 --> 00:33:09,155 so your dad and I are officially getting divorced. 625 00:33:10,220 --> 00:33:12,118 Oh, my God! I'm so sorry. 626 00:33:12,149 --> 00:33:15,204 I'm sorry. I don't even like talking to you about this stuff. 627 00:33:15,235 --> 00:33:17,143 No, don't worry at all. 628 00:33:17,175 --> 00:33:20,167 I just know he's gonna fight me on, like, every little thing. 629 00:33:20,199 --> 00:33:22,253 So it's just... it's a little frustrating is all. 630 00:33:22,284 --> 00:33:25,276 - That looks really good. - Yeah, it used to be in a can. 631 00:33:25,308 --> 00:33:27,174 Can I say something? 632 00:33:27,206 --> 00:33:28,646 - Just say it, Debbie. - Just say it. 633 00:33:29,114 --> 00:33:30,209 Yes, honey. 634 00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:33,232 We need to get you jackhammer blasted. 635 00:33:34,119 --> 00:33:37,247 I just am not really in the mood to kind of, you know, hang out. 636 00:33:37,278 --> 00:33:40,271 - And I don't want to impose, so... - Come on! 637 00:33:41,282 --> 00:33:43,128 You're not imposing, Mom. 638 00:33:43,159 --> 00:33:45,192 - I am imposing. - No, you're not. 639 00:33:45,225 --> 00:33:46,351 You're not imposing. 640 00:33:47,132 --> 00:33:50,115 You just got some really rough news and to be honest, 641 00:33:50,146 --> 00:33:51,300 we both got really rough news. 642 00:33:51,324 --> 00:33:55,235 But, you're in college now. You gotta learn how to party through it. 643 00:33:55,266 --> 00:33:58,248 All right, girl. I'm gonna go to a party with my mom. 644 00:33:58,279 --> 00:34:00,292 Let's do it. I'm gonna be that girl! 645 00:34:00,323 --> 00:34:03,190 Come on. I wanna... ♪ Party with my mama 646 00:34:09,374 --> 00:34:13,273 - All right. I'm down to clown! - Dee Rock's down to clown! 647 00:34:13,305 --> 00:34:15,338 I am also down to clown. I'm always down to clown. 648 00:34:15,369 --> 00:34:17,372 It's just something that I do all the time. 649 00:34:18,153 --> 00:34:19,364 - I like your vibe. - Why? 650 00:34:23,461 --> 00:34:26,600 - Oh, it's pretty lively! - Yeah, it's a party, Mom. 651 00:34:26,631 --> 00:34:28,633 Well, it's also a school night. 652 00:34:29,415 --> 00:34:31,542 Dee, I think those guys just checked you out. 653 00:34:31,574 --> 00:34:33,430 - No, they weren't! - Yes, they were. 654 00:34:33,461 --> 00:34:36,620 They're probably just looking at my smock. It tends to catch the light. 655 00:34:36,652 --> 00:34:39,436 Oh, they're so young. 656 00:34:39,561 --> 00:34:41,500 I think I'm too old to be here. 657 00:34:41,532 --> 00:34:43,471 No, come on! It'll be so fun. 658 00:34:43,502 --> 00:34:45,662 Let's rock out with our lady dongs out. 659 00:34:46,443 --> 00:34:47,653 That's not a thing. 660 00:34:49,561 --> 00:34:51,428 Shots! Shots! Shots! 661 00:34:51,459 --> 00:34:54,462 - What do we want? - Full velocity! 662 00:34:56,495 --> 00:35:00,520 Oh, it's so loud in here! I can barely hear myself think. 663 00:35:02,501 --> 00:35:03,544 Hey! 664 00:35:03,575 --> 00:35:06,505 There's your boyfriend. Doesn't he look sharp? 665 00:35:06,537 --> 00:35:08,507 - Yeah, let's go get a drink. - Oh, stairs! 666 00:35:08,539 --> 00:35:09,581 Yep. 667 00:35:09,613 --> 00:35:12,574 I just wish you would have let me bring a covered dish. 668 00:35:12,605 --> 00:35:16,453 - That would have been so weird. - No, it's weird to not bring something. 669 00:35:16,484 --> 00:35:17,695 - Hell, no. - Hell, no. 670 00:35:18,476 --> 00:35:21,479 Maddie, you're not bringing old people to this party. 671 00:35:21,510 --> 00:35:23,690 Absolutely not. No moms allowed. 672 00:35:24,471 --> 00:35:27,569 I will break your face. No-one will recognise you. 673 00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:30,572 - You'll die in a ditch. - OK, OK, OK. 674 00:35:30,603 --> 00:35:32,532 OK, my mom needs a drink. 675 00:35:32,564 --> 00:35:35,650 So back up before I back you up! 676 00:35:36,589 --> 00:35:37,662 Hop out! 677 00:35:38,705 --> 00:35:41,656 I'm so proud of you for owning your power. 678 00:35:41,687 --> 00:35:43,564 Don't escalate it. 679 00:35:43,596 --> 00:35:45,556 But, wow! Impressive. 680 00:35:45,587 --> 00:35:47,652 God, I don't know what's sadder, 681 00:35:47,683 --> 00:35:51,572 the mom perm... or the mom boobs. 682 00:35:51,697 --> 00:35:55,555 Mom perm! I gotta tell... Time-out, guys. 683 00:35:55,587 --> 00:35:57,736 God-given curls. All I'm doing is a little... 684 00:35:58,517 --> 00:36:00,739 maybe a foam mousse, a little spray, hot roller 685 00:36:01,521 --> 00:36:03,564 and I set it, and I forget it. 686 00:36:03,596 --> 00:36:07,568 And secondly, these allowed this one to suckle at these teats 687 00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:09,000 - for 28 wonderful... - We're not... 688 00:36:09,508 --> 00:36:12,511 - We're not... - ..wonderful tender months. 689 00:36:12,542 --> 00:36:15,701 - I wear them around my waist proudly. - This isn't the time. 690 00:36:16,713 --> 00:36:18,569 I just feel like... 691 00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:21,760 I don't know if it's more pathetic to party with your mom... 692 00:36:22,542 --> 00:36:24,606 or to party with your daughter. 693 00:36:25,607 --> 00:36:28,548 Come on. Let's do something cool. 694 00:36:28,579 --> 00:36:30,717 Real cool. Bye, nerds. 695 00:36:36,651 --> 00:36:39,643 OK, this was a lot of fun. 696 00:36:39,674 --> 00:36:43,699 Um, but I want you to enjoy yourselves tonight, so I'm just gonna go. 697 00:36:43,730 --> 00:36:44,763 No, no, no. 698 00:36:45,545 --> 00:36:47,745 - We're gonna have a good time. - I should not be here. 699 00:36:47,776 --> 00:36:50,644 This is not a party for me. 700 00:36:50,675 --> 00:36:52,594 If you go, evil wins! 701 00:36:52,625 --> 00:36:56,608 OK, you know what? I have an idea. Let's go to the bathroom. 702 00:36:56,639 --> 00:36:58,673 - Oh, I don't have to tinkle. - I think you do. 703 00:36:58,704 --> 00:37:02,645 I think I'd know if I had to tinkle. Except that one time. 704 00:37:02,677 --> 00:37:05,565 All right. Let's go. 705 00:37:05,596 --> 00:37:07,588 Please tell me you're not doing the cocaine. 706 00:37:07,619 --> 00:37:08,756 Oh, my God! No! Come on. 707 00:37:09,737 --> 00:37:13,657 No, I already told you. I do not have to go to the bathroom. 708 00:37:13,689 --> 00:37:17,578 Mom, you're a college girl now and we gotta make some changes. 709 00:37:17,818 --> 00:37:19,653 What does that mean? 710 00:37:19,684 --> 00:37:21,613 - Let's start with these glasses. - No! 711 00:37:21,644 --> 00:37:23,667 - You gotta start wearing contact lenses. - No! 712 00:37:23,699 --> 00:37:25,607 This is horrible! 713 00:37:25,638 --> 00:37:28,641 Then this, this is just... Let's get this off. 714 00:37:28,672 --> 00:37:31,644 - Come on, Mom. - Oh, my God! What has gotten into you? 715 00:37:31,675 --> 00:37:34,824 Don't fight it, Mom! It's like a Band-Aid. You gotta rip it off quickly. 716 00:37:35,606 --> 00:37:37,827 - All I have on is my undershirt. - Yeah! 717 00:37:38,714 --> 00:37:40,747 I'm gonna unbutton. 718 00:37:40,778 --> 00:37:42,749 Not one, not two... 719 00:37:42,781 --> 00:37:44,636 but three. 720 00:37:44,667 --> 00:37:46,681 Not three buttons, no! 721 00:37:46,712 --> 00:37:47,838 Look at your breasts! 722 00:37:48,620 --> 00:37:50,727 - Mom! - What? I don't know what's happening. 723 00:37:50,758 --> 00:37:53,625 - Those are gorgeous! - They're all right. 724 00:37:53,657 --> 00:37:56,753 Maybe how about we just do something about that hair just a little bit? 725 00:37:56,785 --> 00:37:59,788 No! Oh, God, it's full of hair. 726 00:37:59,819 --> 00:38:02,624 Come on, it'll be fine. Let me have it. 727 00:38:02,655 --> 00:38:04,678 No! Oh, God, don't! No! 728 00:38:04,709 --> 00:38:07,775 Hey, what's up? You're that girl in the coma, right? 729 00:38:07,806 --> 00:38:09,631 Not any more. 730 00:38:09,662 --> 00:38:12,655 - Yeah, I follow you on Twitter. - I don't date fans. 731 00:38:13,770 --> 00:38:14,803 OK. 732 00:38:15,878 --> 00:38:17,701 So beautiful. 733 00:38:18,661 --> 00:38:19,774 Oh, God. Now I've got a bare... 734 00:38:19,798 --> 00:38:21,821 You know what I can't wear is a bare lip. 735 00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:24,762 What is that? 736 00:38:24,793 --> 00:38:26,670 It's mauve. 737 00:38:27,869 --> 00:38:30,674 You know I love mauve. 738 00:38:33,781 --> 00:38:36,867 No, I'm not a fan, I just... I got a lot of respect for comas. 739 00:38:37,775 --> 00:38:39,808 I like sleeping pretty long, too, I guess. 740 00:38:41,862 --> 00:38:43,749 Whoa! 741 00:38:43,781 --> 00:38:45,751 Oh, God! Are you in a coma again? 742 00:38:45,783 --> 00:38:47,785 Oh, God, I gotta get help. 743 00:38:50,788 --> 00:38:51,883 Can I look? Can I look now? 744 00:38:51,915 --> 00:38:53,833 Yes! I think you're done. 745 00:38:58,849 --> 00:39:00,819 Hey! Wow! 746 00:39:01,841 --> 00:39:04,709 My God! "What are you, 20?" 747 00:39:04,844 --> 00:39:07,691 - OK. I wouldn't go that far. - I'm 21. 748 00:39:07,722 --> 00:39:08,775 OK. 749 00:39:08,807 --> 00:39:10,850 You know, I used to wear my hair like this. 750 00:39:10,881 --> 00:39:12,831 Eons ago... 751 00:39:12,863 --> 00:39:15,741 when you were in here. 752 00:39:15,772 --> 00:39:17,722 You look so beautiful, Mom. 753 00:39:17,888 --> 00:39:19,734 Wow! 754 00:39:19,765 --> 00:39:21,861 You know what? OK. 755 00:39:21,892 --> 00:39:23,822 I think you're ready, college girl. 756 00:39:24,823 --> 00:39:27,794 - Are you sure? - Yeah, let's go. But let's leave this. 757 00:39:27,826 --> 00:39:30,735 Let's never touch... or talk about that brush again. 758 00:39:30,766 --> 00:39:31,851 OK. 759 00:39:31,935 --> 00:39:33,864 - Thank you. - Of course. I love you. 760 00:39:33,895 --> 00:39:35,845 I love you, too. 761 00:39:35,876 --> 00:39:36,898 Boom. 762 00:39:39,745 --> 00:39:40,871 - Hey. - Hey! 763 00:39:42,873 --> 00:39:44,750 Get a room! 764 00:39:44,781 --> 00:39:47,847 Just kidding, don't. L-O-L. Hashtag. 765 00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:50,881 - Hey, Ms Miles. - Hi, how are you? 766 00:39:50,912 --> 00:39:52,820 Good. You guys both look amazing! 767 00:39:52,852 --> 00:39:54,822 - Thank you. - Charmer. 768 00:39:54,854 --> 00:39:56,884 I heard you're back at school now, which is awesome. 769 00:39:56,908 --> 00:39:58,878 - It is. - You get to party with all of us. 770 00:39:58,910 --> 00:39:59,963 Uh, well... 771 00:40:00,745 --> 00:40:03,873 How about a drink or something? Let me introduce you to my friend Jack. 772 00:40:03,904 --> 00:40:04,979 Hi, I'm Jack. 773 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:06,960 Deanna. Hi. 774 00:40:07,940 --> 00:40:09,786 Wow, that's... 775 00:40:09,817 --> 00:40:12,779 You have wonderfully intricate hair. 776 00:40:13,842 --> 00:40:15,782 - Thank you. - Yeah. 777 00:40:15,938 --> 00:40:17,930 Well, can I get you something to drink? 778 00:40:17,961 --> 00:40:22,945 Oh... OK. I would love a Chardonnay, maybe something oaky. 779 00:40:23,915 --> 00:40:25,771 Um... 780 00:40:26,772 --> 00:40:27,947 Did you pick up the Chardonnay? 781 00:40:27,971 --> 00:40:32,788 - We have some boxed wine. - We have some boxed wine. 782 00:40:32,820 --> 00:40:33,966 - In a box? - I don't know. 783 00:40:33,998 --> 00:40:35,906 I'm sure it tastes real cardboardy. 784 00:40:35,937 --> 00:40:38,024 I'm sure it tastes very cardboardy! 785 00:40:38,805 --> 00:40:42,028 Really, it comes in a plastic bladder, so it's not touching the cardboard. 786 00:40:42,809 --> 00:40:45,249 I told him we should not get anything that comes in a bladder. 787 00:40:45,813 --> 00:40:48,826 - I'm the only one who likes wine. - Oh, I love wine! 788 00:40:48,857 --> 00:40:50,974 But I don't like drinking it out of bladders. 789 00:40:51,850 --> 00:40:53,050 I don't blame you. 790 00:40:53,915 --> 00:40:55,885 She'll just have a shot and a beer, please. 791 00:40:55,917 --> 00:40:56,938 - Perfect. - There we go. 792 00:40:56,970 --> 00:41:01,015 Why not? I'm here to get the full college experience. 793 00:41:01,047 --> 00:41:04,050 So... what is the spirit du jour? 794 00:41:04,832 --> 00:41:06,990 This is 100 per cent agave tequila. 795 00:41:07,021 --> 00:41:10,890 Agave! I use that when I bake muffins. 796 00:41:10,921 --> 00:41:11,953 - OK. - She loves to bake. 797 00:41:11,985 --> 00:41:13,903 - I do. - All right, let's do it. 798 00:41:14,946 --> 00:41:18,065 - What do we want? - Full velocity! 799 00:41:18,846 --> 00:41:20,953 And equal work for equal pay. 800 00:41:23,925 --> 00:41:25,864 Oh, God. 801 00:41:25,895 --> 00:41:28,033 - Oh, God. - That is aggressive. 802 00:41:29,034 --> 00:41:30,953 That's just burning. 803 00:41:30,984 --> 00:41:33,059 It's burning all the way down. 804 00:41:33,841 --> 00:41:35,926 Just follow my lead and we'll do this again, OK? 805 00:41:35,958 --> 00:41:38,940 We'll try it again. 806 00:41:39,962 --> 00:41:41,984 All right. What do we want? 807 00:41:42,016 --> 00:41:44,091 Full velocity! 808 00:41:44,873 --> 00:41:49,097 Oh, and cleaner oceans. Our coral reefs are dying, guys. 809 00:41:50,013 --> 00:41:52,922 No, er... Ms Miles... 810 00:41:56,093 --> 00:42:01,964 Look, Ms Miles, coral reefs and equal work for equal pay, all great things. 811 00:42:01,995 --> 00:42:03,111 But at our parties... 812 00:42:03,893 --> 00:42:08,105 when somebody says "What do we want?" we just say "Full velocity." 813 00:42:08,887 --> 00:42:10,083 You don't need to say anything else. 814 00:42:10,107 --> 00:42:11,974 It's more of a party tradition. 815 00:42:12,005 --> 00:42:15,905 OK. So, it's just a flat answer of full... 816 00:42:16,124 --> 00:42:18,887 - Velocity. - Velocity. 817 00:42:18,918 --> 00:42:20,993 - OK. - You ready? 818 00:42:21,024 --> 00:42:22,891 Well... 819 00:42:22,922 --> 00:42:24,087 Third time's the charm, right? 820 00:42:24,111 --> 00:42:27,979 - What do we want? - Full velocity! 821 00:42:28,011 --> 00:42:32,912 And full maternity leave for non-gender-specific working parents. 822 00:42:34,966 --> 00:42:36,937 And full velocity! 823 00:42:49,158 --> 00:42:51,014 Where's my mom? 824 00:42:51,045 --> 00:42:53,954 Oh, she's over there busting it out. 825 00:42:56,957 --> 00:42:58,010 Hi, honey! 826 00:42:58,042 --> 00:43:00,012 Hi! 827 00:43:01,107 --> 00:43:04,049 Ohh! I feel that in my C-section scar! 828 00:43:04,986 --> 00:43:06,134 - Are you OK? - Ooh, yeah! 829 00:43:21,170 --> 00:43:24,965 It's not over. It's full velocity! Let's go! Come on, guys! 830 00:43:38,136 --> 00:43:40,981 Oh... Oh, my God! 831 00:43:41,076 --> 00:43:42,181 Oh, my God! Mom! 832 00:43:44,100 --> 00:43:46,133 OK, OK, OK. You don't have to make a big deal. 833 00:43:46,164 --> 00:43:49,147 Don't jump to conclusions. You don't know what's happening here. 834 00:43:49,178 --> 00:43:53,182 Really? It looks like my mother is doing the walk of shame out of a frat house. 835 00:43:55,007 --> 00:43:58,166 OK, I guess technically that's... what's happening. Let's just go. 836 00:43:58,197 --> 00:44:00,178 Let's get out of here. Oh, my God! 837 00:44:01,159 --> 00:44:03,202 I don't think you've gotta rub it in. Oh! 838 00:44:03,234 --> 00:44:06,018 Fella, close your robe. 839 00:44:06,049 --> 00:44:08,041 Can we please just get out of here? 840 00:44:08,072 --> 00:44:09,432 Aren't they gonna serve breakfast? 841 00:44:10,022 --> 00:44:12,422 No, they're not gonna serve breakfast. This isn't the Hilton. 842 00:44:13,025 --> 00:44:16,059 I knew that. But I thought maybe they'll have a bagel spread or something. 843 00:44:16,090 --> 00:44:17,155 My God! 844 00:44:18,019 --> 00:44:21,200 Oh, my God! My foot keeps charley horsing. 845 00:44:21,232 --> 00:44:24,110 I'm telling you, I can't even get my boots back on. 846 00:44:24,141 --> 00:44:27,227 I guess that's what I get for getting my toes curled last night. 847 00:44:27,259 --> 00:44:29,229 And I mean cu-urled. 848 00:44:29,261 --> 00:44:31,127 Mom, please stop! 849 00:44:31,158 --> 00:44:35,267 I think it was mutually enjoyable... for both parties. 850 00:44:36,049 --> 00:44:37,258 I mean, I had fun. 851 00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:41,137 He enjoyed himself. He kept yelling, "Please, more!" 852 00:44:41,168 --> 00:44:44,276 I thought he was doing a scene from Oliver! "Please, more." 853 00:44:45,058 --> 00:44:47,143 I heard that through the wall 854 00:44:47,174 --> 00:44:49,209 and I thought he was saying, "Cheese store." 855 00:44:49,240 --> 00:44:51,126 And I was very confused. 856 00:44:51,159 --> 00:44:54,151 One time we were playing kind of a cheesemonger 857 00:44:54,182 --> 00:44:56,122 and I was a poor peasant girl but... 858 00:44:56,153 --> 00:44:57,290 That's disgusting, Mom. 859 00:44:58,072 --> 00:45:00,115 - No! It was fun. - Mom! 860 00:45:00,147 --> 00:45:01,158 And I love cheese. 861 00:45:01,189 --> 00:45:03,108 I love you so much. 862 00:45:03,139 --> 00:45:06,226 Have I asked you once about any of this? No. You just keep blabbing. 863 00:45:06,257 --> 00:45:10,084 I'm asking you to please be quiet and stop talking. 864 00:45:10,115 --> 00:45:13,201 OK. I think we should keep communication lines open. 865 00:45:14,067 --> 00:45:16,152 You know what? I'm older, I'm wiser. I... 866 00:45:16,309 --> 00:45:19,155 This, essentially a Google. 867 00:45:20,125 --> 00:45:23,159 Right down here, where you came from. 868 00:45:23,191 --> 00:45:25,151 I'm like the Google of vaginas. 869 00:45:25,182 --> 00:45:27,237 "Ask me anything, please." 870 00:45:27,268 --> 00:45:29,082 Turn off your vagoogle. 871 00:45:29,114 --> 00:45:31,106 - It can't be turned off. - OK, I don't like it. 872 00:45:31,137 --> 00:45:34,328 You're scaring me... and you're scaring everyone around you. 873 00:45:35,110 --> 00:45:38,248 I think... I think my vagoogle scared Jack last night. 874 00:45:38,279 --> 00:45:40,313 - Oh, my God! - But in a good way. 875 00:45:41,095 --> 00:45:43,274 Like when you intentionally go through a haunted house. 876 00:45:43,305 --> 00:45:45,182 Eww! 877 00:45:45,214 --> 00:45:46,298 Not saying... 878 00:45:47,226 --> 00:45:48,342 You know what I mean. 879 00:45:49,124 --> 00:45:51,272 Please, I just don't wanna talk about your vagoogle. 880 00:45:58,332 --> 00:46:03,159 All right. I've got a little pop quiz for you here. 881 00:46:03,191 --> 00:46:06,350 But don't worry, I promise to grade it pharaoh and squaraoh. 882 00:46:11,209 --> 00:46:16,339 Hey, I've got to tell you, your work so far is impeccable. 883 00:46:16,371 --> 00:46:18,373 This department is lucky to have you back. 884 00:46:19,155 --> 00:46:23,221 Oh, my gosh. Wayne, thank you so much. You know, it's still my passion. 885 00:46:23,253 --> 00:46:26,193 I guess once a dighead, always a dighead, huh? 886 00:46:26,224 --> 00:46:29,175 - Yes, you certainly are. - Guess that makes me a dighead, too. 887 00:46:29,206 --> 00:46:32,168 OK, my advice to you is to crack a book, all right? 888 00:46:32,199 --> 00:46:35,317 You are failing this class in spectacular fashion. 889 00:46:38,269 --> 00:46:40,364 And I would love to see you on a dig one day. 890 00:46:40,396 --> 00:46:44,170 That makes two of us wanting to see me on a dig. 891 00:46:44,202 --> 00:46:46,360 That's... Thank you. It's a lovely sediment. 892 00:46:48,362 --> 00:46:51,229 No. I did not. I did it, though. 893 00:46:53,169 --> 00:46:55,265 You're gonna make me become Stone-unhinged. 894 00:46:59,258 --> 00:47:01,281 No, you get out! 895 00:47:01,312 --> 00:47:04,357 Anyway, I can't wait to see your mid-term presentation. 896 00:47:04,388 --> 00:47:06,338 I'm pretty excited for you to read it. 897 00:47:06,369 --> 00:47:09,206 No, no. It's an oral presentation. 898 00:47:09,237 --> 00:47:11,208 It's a... What is it? 899 00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:14,399 Instead of with your hands, you present your work with your mouth and tongue. 900 00:47:16,224 --> 00:47:18,257 OK. You're gonna be great. 901 00:47:18,289 --> 00:47:20,228 Just keep up the good work. OK. 902 00:47:24,263 --> 00:47:25,327 What's the matter? 903 00:47:25,358 --> 00:47:29,331 I'm just not fond of speaking in public. 904 00:47:30,228 --> 00:47:35,254 OK, let's get started on those quizzes. You have 15 minutes, so do not dally. 905 00:47:42,281 --> 00:47:43,366 Dee Dee. 906 00:47:43,397 --> 00:47:46,317 - Hey, Jack. - Hey! I um... 907 00:47:46,348 --> 00:47:51,228 I saw Maddie and she said that you were gonna be in here studying. 908 00:47:51,260 --> 00:47:52,438 So, I got you a coffee. 909 00:47:52,470 --> 00:47:55,306 Thank you, Jack. That's so nice of you. 910 00:47:55,337 --> 00:47:57,297 I couldn't find any Chardonnay, so... 911 00:47:57,329 --> 00:47:59,435 It's probably for the best. 912 00:48:00,446 --> 00:48:03,470 Hey, have you, uh... been getting my texts? 913 00:48:04,409 --> 00:48:06,275 Oh, um... 914 00:48:06,306 --> 00:48:07,443 You know what? I usually... 915 00:48:07,474 --> 00:48:10,425 I turn off my little chimey alert. 916 00:48:10,456 --> 00:48:14,356 Yeah. You gotta be quiet in the library, right? 917 00:48:14,387 --> 00:48:15,461 Oh. 918 00:48:16,389 --> 00:48:18,277 Wow, that's... 919 00:48:18,391 --> 00:48:20,341 That's a lot of texts, Jack. 920 00:48:20,373 --> 00:48:23,334 - Now that I'm here... - Yeah. 921 00:48:23,365 --> 00:48:25,305 Yeah, I can just tell you. 922 00:48:26,359 --> 00:48:28,298 I um... 923 00:48:28,329 --> 00:48:30,425 I kind of can't stop thinking about you. 924 00:48:32,333 --> 00:48:33,459 Jack, that is so sweet. 925 00:48:34,367 --> 00:48:36,431 You wanna know what I can't stop thinking about? 926 00:48:36,462 --> 00:48:39,434 Us. Me and you, we leave this school. 927 00:48:39,465 --> 00:48:42,448 We can go backpacking across Europe. 928 00:48:42,479 --> 00:48:44,408 Me and you - Eat Pray Love style. 929 00:48:44,439 --> 00:48:48,516 I-I can... I can bartend, we'll make it work... 930 00:48:49,298 --> 00:48:50,351 Jack. 931 00:48:51,300 --> 00:48:54,293 Years ago, somebody asking me to do that with them 932 00:48:54,324 --> 00:48:56,410 would have been an absolute dream. 933 00:48:56,441 --> 00:48:59,528 But I can't travel with a backpack any more. 934 00:49:00,529 --> 00:49:03,313 I need luggage with wheels. 935 00:49:03,345 --> 00:49:04,408 I mean, I... 936 00:49:04,439 --> 00:49:06,525 Even my carry-on has wheels, Jack. 937 00:49:07,494 --> 00:49:10,445 My hips can't really sustain a backpack. 938 00:49:10,477 --> 00:49:13,490 They're never the same after a childbirth, you know, but... 939 00:49:14,345 --> 00:49:17,338 But it's such a wonderful offer 940 00:49:17,369 --> 00:49:19,381 and you're such a terrific guy but... 941 00:49:20,435 --> 00:49:22,468 I think what we had the other night 942 00:49:22,499 --> 00:49:26,534 was really kind of a one-time special thing. 943 00:49:35,513 --> 00:49:37,463 Uh-oh! 944 00:49:39,475 --> 00:49:42,395 - That was amazing! - That was so nice. 945 00:49:43,427 --> 00:49:44,564 Oh, my God! 946 00:49:46,409 --> 00:49:47,567 Oh, my God! 947 00:49:48,349 --> 00:49:49,475 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God. 948 00:49:49,506 --> 00:49:51,508 You are my sexual Dumbledore. 949 00:49:51,539 --> 00:49:53,541 - I mean... - What does that mean? 950 00:49:53,573 --> 00:49:56,430 Dumbledore, he's from Harry Potter. 951 00:49:56,461 --> 00:49:59,475 You know, Harry Potter's, like, mentor... 952 00:49:59,506 --> 00:50:01,591 he's got the beard, and he's got the hat. 953 00:50:02,373 --> 00:50:05,397 - Dumbledore. - I'm gonna stop you right there. 954 00:50:07,503 --> 00:50:09,464 Um... this is just... 955 00:50:09,495 --> 00:50:11,488 This will ride you through life. 956 00:50:11,519 --> 00:50:15,554 I don't think ever there's a woman that's gonna want you to say 957 00:50:15,585 --> 00:50:17,546 that during a sexual encounter 958 00:50:17,577 --> 00:50:22,384 you're thinking of her as an old, grey, grizzled wizard. 959 00:50:22,415 --> 00:50:23,541 Aww! 960 00:50:23,572 --> 00:50:25,460 - Yeah. - Aww! Um... 961 00:50:25,491 --> 00:50:28,525 - OK. I'm sorry. - So good up until... 962 00:50:28,557 --> 00:50:31,580 until you called me an old, grey, male wizard. 963 00:50:31,612 --> 00:50:33,447 Wizard talk's gone. 964 00:50:33,478 --> 00:50:35,407 - Well... - All right. 965 00:50:35,637 --> 00:50:37,607 OK, well, um... 966 00:50:38,577 --> 00:50:40,642 - I'd better... - See you later? 967 00:50:41,424 --> 00:50:43,635 No, no, no. That was the last... 968 00:50:44,416 --> 00:50:46,429 That was the last time... 969 00:50:46,460 --> 00:50:48,515 - You said that earlier. - I know. 970 00:50:48,546 --> 00:50:53,551 I know, but your wrist got involved and I got distracted, so... 971 00:50:54,563 --> 00:50:56,429 Last time. OK. 972 00:50:57,503 --> 00:50:59,578 OK, that's it. And we're done. 973 00:50:59,609 --> 00:51:01,611 It's a clean... clean break. 974 00:51:02,633 --> 00:51:04,646 You know what? Just a finale. 975 00:51:08,577 --> 00:51:10,485 OK. I'll text you. 976 00:51:12,612 --> 00:51:14,604 OK, I'll miss that. I'll miss that. 977 00:51:14,635 --> 00:51:17,555 OK. You go that way. I'll go this way. 978 00:51:18,545 --> 00:51:19,662 Damn it, man. 979 00:51:22,581 --> 00:51:24,457 Oh, my God! 980 00:51:24,490 --> 00:51:25,501 Ohh! 981 00:51:25,532 --> 00:51:26,575 Come on, come on, come on. 982 00:51:26,606 --> 00:51:27,670 Hello? 983 00:51:28,452 --> 00:51:29,547 What are you doing? 984 00:51:29,578 --> 00:51:32,539 I think my forks have oxidised. 985 00:51:32,571 --> 00:51:34,531 I'm just... I'm trying to get it off. 986 00:51:34,562 --> 00:51:36,644 - What are you doing? - I just had sex in the library. 987 00:51:36,668 --> 00:51:39,505 - What? - I just had sex in the library. 988 00:51:39,536 --> 00:51:40,620 You had what? 989 00:51:41,475 --> 00:51:43,467 I... I just had sex in the library. 990 00:51:43,498 --> 00:51:46,491 You had sex in a library? 991 00:51:46,522 --> 00:51:47,666 - Frank! - No, don't tell Frank. 992 00:51:47,690 --> 00:51:50,682 - Deanna just had sex in a public place. - What? Where? 993 00:51:50,714 --> 00:51:53,623 - In the stacks! - In her slacks? 994 00:51:53,654 --> 00:51:55,774 No. Shut up, Frank. 995 00:51:56,501 --> 00:51:57,711 Hang on for one second. 996 00:52:01,538 --> 00:52:03,675 You know what? I have to go. I'll call you later. 997 00:52:05,709 --> 00:52:07,648 Can you believe this, Frank? 998 00:52:07,679 --> 00:52:09,588 Good for Deanna. 999 00:52:10,547 --> 00:52:11,673 Oh, Frank? 1000 00:52:11,704 --> 00:52:13,560 Hm? 1001 00:52:15,615 --> 00:52:17,721 Why don't we ever have sex in public? 1002 00:52:18,618 --> 00:52:20,724 Because, honey, last time you blew your knee out 1003 00:52:21,506 --> 00:52:23,675 and I had to carry you out of Six Flags. 1004 00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:26,553 Oh... 1005 00:52:27,533 --> 00:52:29,566 But I do like those fuzzy socks. 1006 00:52:29,597 --> 00:52:31,610 Oh, Frank. 1007 00:52:33,601 --> 00:52:35,708 Thanks for coming, Mom. Debbie's really freaking out. 1008 00:52:35,739 --> 00:52:38,680 It sounded serious. I'm gonna make my lasagne. 1009 00:52:40,744 --> 00:52:41,850 OK... 1010 00:52:42,767 --> 00:52:44,634 Hey, Debbie. 1011 00:52:44,665 --> 00:52:47,647 Do you think you're ready to maybe start talking about it now? 1012 00:52:47,678 --> 00:52:49,758 She went to a job fair and now she's all freaked out. 1013 00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:53,643 I thought fairs were supposed to be fun. This one wasn't fun at all. 1014 00:52:53,674 --> 00:52:55,864 I don't even know what I really wanna do with my life. 1015 00:52:56,646 --> 00:52:58,846 - Why did I study kinesiology? - That's uh... 1016 00:52:59,628 --> 00:53:01,860 I mean, that's basically like physical therapy, right? 1017 00:53:02,641 --> 00:53:03,800 Kind of, but not as useful. 1018 00:53:03,831 --> 00:53:05,875 It's the theoretical study of human movement. 1019 00:53:06,792 --> 00:53:08,721 OK. Wow. 1020 00:53:08,753 --> 00:53:12,704 I can see that does feel slightly limited 1021 00:53:12,736 --> 00:53:15,770 in employment opportunities. 1022 00:53:16,667 --> 00:53:20,754 I took out $45,000 in student loans and what am I ready for? Nothing. 1023 00:53:20,785 --> 00:53:24,675 OK, come on. You can't make such a big deal out of everything. 1024 00:53:24,706 --> 00:53:26,791 Ladies, you gotta have a little faith in yourselves. 1025 00:53:26,823 --> 00:53:31,776 I spent 20 years just giving it all away. I worried about what other people thought. 1026 00:53:31,807 --> 00:53:34,758 I worried about what they thought I should be doing. Never what I thought. 1027 00:53:34,789 --> 00:53:37,677 Look at me now. I'm living in a dorm with a roommate 1028 00:53:37,709 --> 00:53:39,679 that I'm pretty sure watches me while I sleep. 1029 00:53:39,711 --> 00:53:41,880 I got the clothes on my back. I got nothing. 1030 00:53:41,912 --> 00:53:44,748 The last 20 years of my life have been a real shit show. 1031 00:53:44,779 --> 00:53:45,853 Thank you. 1032 00:53:46,750 --> 00:53:48,710 Not meaning you... I mean... 1033 00:53:48,741 --> 00:53:50,754 You know... You know what I mean. I just... 1034 00:53:50,785 --> 00:53:51,869 Give me those fingers. 1035 00:53:51,901 --> 00:53:55,696 Every single little thing about you is a dream. 1036 00:53:55,728 --> 00:53:56,861 I wouldn't change any of that. 1037 00:53:56,885 --> 00:53:59,825 The rest, I would like to rewind that clock 1038 00:53:59,857 --> 00:54:03,892 and 20 years ago start speaking up for myself, so that's my point. 1039 00:54:03,923 --> 00:54:06,739 You gals are terrific. You're not quitters. 1040 00:54:06,770 --> 00:54:08,831 I'm afraid I'm never gonna be in a real relationship. 1041 00:54:08,855 --> 00:54:10,743 Amanda! Come on! 1042 00:54:10,774 --> 00:54:12,880 - Come on! - I'm so sorry. 1043 00:54:12,911 --> 00:54:16,948 Honey, if you can't use what the good Lord made you and make that work, 1044 00:54:17,729 --> 00:54:19,846 then what the hell hope do any of us have? 1045 00:54:19,878 --> 00:54:22,881 - None. - You're all amazing. I mean, look at you. 1046 00:54:22,912 --> 00:54:26,728 You're all lovely here and you're smart and you're wonderful 1047 00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:28,960 and you're weird, in the best, best way. 1048 00:54:29,742 --> 00:54:30,917 I just... I mean, if you look... 1049 00:54:30,941 --> 00:54:32,922 My God! Look at Carol's legs. 1050 00:54:32,953 --> 00:54:34,778 Legs for days. 1051 00:54:34,809 --> 00:54:35,890 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 1052 00:54:35,914 --> 00:54:37,896 Just enjoy 'em, for God's sakes. 1053 00:54:37,927 --> 00:54:41,733 Just... We all have to realise everybody's great, right? 1054 00:54:41,764 --> 00:54:42,963 And this is good. OK? 1055 00:54:43,745 --> 00:54:45,859 And this is good, and this is good, and these are good. 1056 00:54:45,883 --> 00:54:48,792 - And this is... My God! - Mom, do not touch Amanda's butt! 1057 00:54:48,823 --> 00:54:50,223 You know what it makes me think of? 1058 00:54:50,857 --> 00:54:52,901 It's like a three-day-old loaf of bread. 1059 00:54:52,932 --> 00:54:55,863 It's firmer, but it's kept its original shape. 1060 00:54:55,894 --> 00:54:58,949 Now, I... I think I've just been looser structurally. 1061 00:54:58,980 --> 00:55:02,765 Oh, you know, I could explain to you the differences in your bodies. 1062 00:55:02,797 --> 00:55:03,972 But only as it pertains to movement. 1063 00:55:03,996 --> 00:55:07,781 Look what's happening right now. Look what's happening right... 1064 00:55:07,812 --> 00:55:08,966 You're using your degree. 1065 00:55:08,990 --> 00:55:11,826 - You're doing it! - I am. 1066 00:55:11,858 --> 00:55:14,934 You guys, there's a party tonight at Deltas and it's '80s themed. 1067 00:55:14,965 --> 00:55:17,895 So, ladies, time to crush a party. 1068 00:55:17,926 --> 00:55:19,991 Oh, I brought my dress-up trunk. 1069 00:55:36,811 --> 00:55:39,835 I told you we should have done Dynasty. 1070 00:55:39,866 --> 00:55:41,982 Why do they all look so good? 1071 00:55:42,014 --> 00:55:44,840 - Welcome to the '80s! - Thank you. 1072 00:55:44,871 --> 00:55:46,831 Hey! Theta Gammas! 1073 00:55:46,862 --> 00:55:49,990 Hi, there! Oh, well, I'm not officially a member. 1074 00:55:50,022 --> 00:55:52,024 I'm a little too young to join a sorority. 1075 00:55:54,015 --> 00:55:55,944 No! 1076 00:55:56,820 --> 00:55:58,019 - Don't drink that. - Oh. 1077 00:55:58,051 --> 00:56:01,044 This is a 2017 Italian Chardonnay. 1078 00:56:01,825 --> 00:56:03,912 - Jack... - Yeah, it's truly one of a kind. 1079 00:56:03,943 --> 00:56:05,882 Very oaky, very buttery. 1080 00:56:05,914 --> 00:56:07,999 Because it was a hot and dry fall this year in Italy. 1081 00:56:08,030 --> 00:56:11,012 So, the grapes are very, very succulent. 1082 00:56:11,044 --> 00:56:14,944 Well, far be from me to turn down a succulent grape. 1083 00:56:14,975 --> 00:56:17,884 You're being really weird with the grape descriptions. 1084 00:56:17,915 --> 00:56:20,011 It's lovely. It really is. 1085 00:56:20,042 --> 00:56:21,846 Hey, Grandma. 1086 00:56:22,847 --> 00:56:25,934 Hey, Jack, could you help me track down a drink? 1087 00:56:27,018 --> 00:56:29,854 OK, Jennifer, there's a keg out back. 1088 00:56:29,886 --> 00:56:31,877 There's also boxed wine. 1089 00:56:32,033 --> 00:56:35,005 You know what? I think we're gonna go take a little spin around, 1090 00:56:35,036 --> 00:56:36,976 try to figure out who shot JR. 1091 00:56:38,009 --> 00:56:39,083 Someone was shot? 1092 00:56:39,864 --> 00:56:42,858 No. No! God, no, it's from Dallas. 1093 00:56:42,889 --> 00:56:44,036 It's a television programme. 1094 00:56:44,067 --> 00:56:46,862 OK, I'll explain it. 1095 00:56:47,998 --> 00:56:51,898 Hey, if there's anything else I can get for you... 1096 00:56:51,929 --> 00:56:53,911 Seriously, anything. More wine... 1097 00:56:53,942 --> 00:56:56,976 Anything, honestly, just, just... just let me know. 1098 00:56:57,007 --> 00:56:58,060 OK, thanks, Jack. 1099 00:56:59,927 --> 00:57:02,033 I love what's left of your top. 1100 00:57:02,961 --> 00:57:04,077 Ha! 1101 00:57:06,068 --> 00:57:07,935 So, what's your deal, man? 1102 00:57:07,966 --> 00:57:09,958 I don't know. 1103 00:57:10,083 --> 00:57:13,003 She makes me so nervous. Can you tell? 1104 00:57:13,951 --> 00:57:15,058 Yeah. 1105 00:57:28,019 --> 00:57:29,124 I know this one. 1106 00:57:29,906 --> 00:57:31,074 - No, Mom. - I know this one. 1107 00:57:31,105 --> 00:57:33,096 - Uh-oh. - Get it! 1108 00:57:43,159 --> 00:57:45,088 - Your mom can dance? - I guess so. 1109 00:57:58,018 --> 00:57:59,134 Whoo! 1110 00:58:18,977 --> 00:58:20,051 It's a car! 1111 00:58:20,082 --> 00:58:23,002 Yeah, I can see that. Yes, Mom! 1112 00:58:23,033 --> 00:58:24,118 What a woman! 1113 00:58:24,149 --> 00:58:27,080 - You're doing so well! - I'm so hot. 1114 00:58:27,111 --> 00:58:29,019 You know so many moves! 1115 00:58:29,186 --> 00:58:31,177 Get back in there. Go get her! 1116 00:58:35,025 --> 00:58:36,161 - Oh! - Boo! 1117 00:58:36,193 --> 00:58:37,986 I got hair hit. 1118 00:58:47,204 --> 00:58:49,081 I'm good! 1119 00:58:54,117 --> 00:58:55,222 I'm so happy you're here. 1120 00:58:56,004 --> 00:58:57,141 I am too, honey! 1121 00:58:59,185 --> 00:59:00,999 OK. 1122 00:59:05,066 --> 00:59:08,069 Hi! You need some friends and some vitamin D. 1123 00:59:08,101 --> 00:59:10,207 OK, pal. Sunscreen's on my desk. 1124 00:59:12,063 --> 00:59:14,190 Thank you, best friend. 1125 00:59:15,201 --> 00:59:16,244 Come on, girls! 1126 00:59:17,131 --> 00:59:19,039 This is our moment! 1127 00:59:21,062 --> 00:59:22,198 Oh! 1128 00:59:22,229 --> 00:59:24,075 - Hi, Deanna! - Hi, guys! 1129 00:59:24,106 --> 00:59:26,171 Rebecca, I'll see you in lab. 1130 00:59:26,202 --> 00:59:28,089 - There she is. - Hey! 1131 00:59:28,256 --> 00:59:30,196 Whoo! 1132 00:59:30,227 --> 00:59:32,093 No legs! 1133 00:59:42,188 --> 00:59:44,044 Yes! 1134 00:59:47,109 --> 00:59:48,235 Hey, Dee! 1135 00:59:49,257 --> 00:59:51,134 Have a good day. 1136 00:59:52,052 --> 00:59:54,075 Bye, Jack. 1137 01:00:02,187 --> 01:00:04,064 Ssh. Be careful. 1138 01:00:04,095 --> 01:00:05,215 I can't see out of my holes! 1139 01:00:05,242 --> 01:00:07,202 Guys, why did I have to do this? 1140 01:00:07,234 --> 01:00:09,246 Just hold her up, so we can get her head in there. 1141 01:00:12,093 --> 01:00:14,283 - Oh, my God! - Aw, kidnapping? 1142 01:00:14,315 --> 01:00:16,244 - No! Leonor! - Come on. 1143 01:00:16,275 --> 01:00:17,318 No! 1144 01:00:20,206 --> 01:00:21,259 Hello? 1145 01:00:22,177 --> 01:00:24,200 Is there... Oh. 1146 01:00:26,108 --> 01:00:29,100 Deanna Miles, welcome to your trial by fire. 1147 01:00:29,257 --> 01:00:33,094 What is that device that's making your voice so strange? 1148 01:00:33,125 --> 01:00:34,230 It's a voice modulator! 1149 01:00:34,262 --> 01:00:36,159 Everybody, take off your masks. 1150 01:00:38,318 --> 01:00:41,164 Oh, my face got so hot under there. 1151 01:00:41,196 --> 01:00:44,147 Oh, God, Debbie, what's wrong with your face? 1152 01:00:44,178 --> 01:00:45,336 Oh, I'm allergic to latex. 1153 01:00:46,117 --> 01:00:47,517 Then why would you put the mask on? 1154 01:00:48,119 --> 01:00:50,289 - I just wanted to be a team player. - Oh... 1155 01:00:51,175 --> 01:00:56,118 Deanna Miles, are you ready to become an honorary member of Theta Mu Gamma? 1156 01:00:57,348 --> 01:01:00,268 Really? Is that what this is about? 1157 01:01:00,299 --> 01:01:02,249 Wow, ladies! I mean, as long as it's... 1158 01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:04,209 Is that OK with Maddie? 1159 01:01:04,241 --> 01:01:06,201 It was my idea, Mom. 1160 01:01:08,172 --> 01:01:10,257 Maddie Miles, please untie your mother. 1161 01:01:11,133 --> 01:01:13,197 Am I supposed to act scared or anything or can I... 1162 01:01:13,229 --> 01:01:14,261 - No. - OK. 1163 01:01:14,292 --> 01:01:15,335 - Just be yourself. - OK. 1164 01:01:15,366 --> 01:01:17,201 Thank you, honey. 1165 01:01:18,307 --> 01:01:21,268 Linda, please bring forth the candle. 1166 01:01:21,300 --> 01:01:23,145 Where's Linda? 1167 01:01:23,176 --> 01:01:24,241 Oh. 1168 01:01:24,272 --> 01:01:27,212 - Welcome. - Thank you, Linda. 1169 01:01:27,244 --> 01:01:31,321 Now you will be presented with the sacred paddle. 1170 01:01:31,352 --> 01:01:34,209 Welcome, Dee Rock. 1171 01:01:35,210 --> 01:01:36,375 Carol, oh, my... your brushwork 1172 01:01:36,399 --> 01:01:39,204 is absolutely lovely. 1173 01:01:39,235 --> 01:01:41,310 They're actually just stickers, but... 1174 01:01:41,341 --> 01:01:45,303 Maddie, please spank your mother with the ceremonial paddle. 1175 01:01:46,179 --> 01:01:48,390 No, I'm not... I'm not paddling my mother. 1176 01:01:49,172 --> 01:01:50,256 Oh, come on, Maddie. 1177 01:01:50,288 --> 01:01:51,320 Maddie, team player! 1178 01:01:51,351 --> 01:01:55,334 You know what? I have to ask. Has everybody else been paddled? 1179 01:01:55,365 --> 01:01:58,191 Because I don't wanna be the stick in the mud. 1180 01:01:58,223 --> 01:02:01,289 Should I crouch? I'm assuming I should take a crouched position. 1181 01:02:01,320 --> 01:02:02,405 I crouched. 1182 01:02:03,187 --> 01:02:05,373 I want the full Greek experience because I've always wondered... 1183 01:02:05,397 --> 01:02:07,389 Ow! Ow! 1184 01:02:10,236 --> 01:02:11,351 God, that hit bone! 1185 01:02:11,382 --> 01:02:12,425 - Mom. - Maddie! 1186 01:02:13,207 --> 01:02:14,427 I'm sorry. 1187 01:02:15,209 --> 01:02:16,283 Mom. 1188 01:02:16,315 --> 01:02:17,441 Is someone still hitting me? 1189 01:02:18,223 --> 01:02:21,205 - I'm not touching you! - Ohh, I feel it! 1190 01:02:21,236 --> 01:02:24,323 They're like phantom pains except they're real! 1191 01:02:25,428 --> 01:02:27,305 Get off of me! 1192 01:02:28,347 --> 01:02:30,214 Oh, God. 1193 01:02:30,360 --> 01:02:32,351 I thought I was gonna vomit. 1194 01:02:33,353 --> 01:02:34,375 No. 1195 01:02:34,406 --> 01:02:36,315 I'm sorry... 1196 01:02:36,346 --> 01:02:39,255 if I may have raised my voice. 1197 01:02:39,286 --> 01:02:41,431 - Are you OK, Dee Rock? - It's like when you stub a toe. 1198 01:02:41,455 --> 01:02:44,302 You just... You skyrocket 1199 01:02:44,333 --> 01:02:48,420 and then 30 seconds later, you didn't lose the toe, 1200 01:02:48,452 --> 01:02:51,246 which you swore 30 seconds earlier... 1201 01:02:51,278 --> 01:02:52,383 "I'm gonna lose the toe." 1202 01:02:52,414 --> 01:02:55,469 Right? We've all been at that bedpost. 1203 01:02:56,251 --> 01:02:58,295 - Are you ready to continue? - I'd love to. 1204 01:02:58,326 --> 01:02:59,348 All right. 1205 01:02:59,379 --> 01:03:03,415 By the power vested in me by this great state and educational facility, 1206 01:03:03,446 --> 01:03:07,367 I declare you a member of Theta Mu Gamma. 1207 01:03:11,476 --> 01:03:13,321 Oh, my gosh! 1208 01:03:13,353 --> 01:03:17,492 I just wanna say, I mean, pound sign, hashtag gratitude. 1209 01:03:18,274 --> 01:03:19,307 Right here. 1210 01:03:19,338 --> 01:03:21,402 And there's cake upstairs! 1211 01:03:23,415 --> 01:03:24,468 Cake! 1212 01:03:26,512 --> 01:03:28,378 She's allergic. She... 1213 01:03:28,409 --> 01:03:29,504 Honey, you're allergic. 1214 01:03:30,286 --> 01:03:31,392 Not tonight! 1215 01:03:36,438 --> 01:03:37,512 All right. 1216 01:03:38,294 --> 01:03:40,286 Exciting day. Hello to you, class. 1217 01:03:40,317 --> 01:03:43,498 I am very much looking forward to discovering the treasure 1218 01:03:43,530 --> 01:03:45,417 of your mid-term presentations. 1219 01:03:46,533 --> 01:03:49,306 - You're not gonna laugh at that? - It's funny. 1220 01:03:49,338 --> 01:03:51,475 I'm just... I'm too nervous about this presentation. 1221 01:03:51,506 --> 01:03:53,373 - I can't. - OK, tell you what. 1222 01:03:53,404 --> 01:03:56,397 Why don't we start off with... No offence to the rest of you! 1223 01:03:56,428 --> 01:03:58,347 ..my favourite student? 1224 01:03:58,378 --> 01:03:59,449 Oh, God. I gotta get some air. 1225 01:03:59,473 --> 01:04:02,486 Oh, don't worry about it. It's me. I'm clearly his favourite. 1226 01:04:02,517 --> 01:04:03,550 Excuse me. Sorry. 1227 01:04:04,332 --> 01:04:07,397 Deanna Miles, would you get us started, please? 1228 01:04:09,368 --> 01:04:10,484 Oh, God! 1229 01:04:12,329 --> 01:04:13,445 I'm um... 1230 01:04:16,385 --> 01:04:17,533 - You wanna... - No. 1231 01:04:19,525 --> 01:04:22,559 - I know you're gonna knock our socks off. - Thank you. 1232 01:04:23,340 --> 01:04:25,500 Deanna Miles is gonna start us off, everybody. Lights. 1233 01:04:26,501 --> 01:04:28,357 Ohh! 1234 01:04:28,388 --> 01:04:30,348 Oh, I didn't expect that. 1235 01:04:31,443 --> 01:04:32,548 Hello. 1236 01:04:34,457 --> 01:04:35,541 Oh, God. 1237 01:04:35,572 --> 01:04:37,418 Sorry. 1238 01:04:44,571 --> 01:04:47,386 I didn't... Is it a crank? 1239 01:04:47,417 --> 01:04:48,491 It's a crank. 1240 01:04:48,523 --> 01:04:50,525 I'm sorry, I just need to... 1241 01:04:52,412 --> 01:04:53,528 We are gonna... 1242 01:04:54,582 --> 01:04:57,438 I'm here to... Oh, God! 1243 01:04:57,470 --> 01:04:58,513 I'm sorry. 1244 01:04:59,503 --> 01:05:00,556 I'm so sorry. 1245 01:05:00,588 --> 01:05:05,593 Is it part of the core curriculum that I must use the podium? 1246 01:05:06,375 --> 01:05:07,519 Of course not. No, not at all. 1247 01:05:07,543 --> 01:05:12,527 OK. I'm going to opt to not use that. 1248 01:05:16,458 --> 01:05:18,397 She's totally pitting out. 1249 01:05:18,429 --> 01:05:19,586 She's gonna be fine. 1250 01:05:23,538 --> 01:05:24,612 I'm here... 1251 01:05:25,394 --> 01:05:26,530 Too loud, too loud. 1252 01:05:26,562 --> 01:05:28,553 I'm here to discuss... 1253 01:05:28,584 --> 01:05:33,412 not an exciting find but rather an exciting truth. 1254 01:05:34,560 --> 01:05:37,501 The tomb of Attila the Hun, 1255 01:05:37,626 --> 01:05:42,537 thought to be in Budapest, Hungary, in 2014, 1256 01:05:42,568 --> 01:05:44,466 but was in fact a hoax. 1257 01:05:44,497 --> 01:05:45,697 But how do we know? 1258 01:05:47,636 --> 01:05:49,492 How do we know? 1259 01:05:49,523 --> 01:05:51,431 Ms Miles, are you OK? 1260 01:05:51,463 --> 01:05:53,558 Oh, yes. I'm fine. Just... 1261 01:05:53,590 --> 01:05:57,656 You know what? If I could just maybe get into a couple of those tissues... 1262 01:05:58,438 --> 01:05:59,627 Oh, of course. 1263 01:06:03,527 --> 01:06:04,580 - I'm sorry. - No. 1264 01:06:04,611 --> 01:06:10,545 You may wanna check with your HVAC guy because something's going on in here. 1265 01:06:13,465 --> 01:06:14,545 - Thank you. - You've got... 1266 01:06:18,480 --> 01:06:19,637 Thank you. That's better. 1267 01:06:21,462 --> 01:06:22,515 Tissue. 1268 01:06:23,569 --> 01:06:25,477 Oh, my God. 1269 01:06:28,459 --> 01:06:29,585 Oh, my God. 1270 01:06:34,590 --> 01:06:36,498 Historically... 1271 01:06:36,529 --> 01:06:38,699 Historically, the Huns have... 1272 01:06:41,576 --> 01:06:46,655 Could I just have a small... small sip of water from someone? 1273 01:06:47,646 --> 01:06:49,512 Can I... Do you mind if I just... 1274 01:06:49,543 --> 01:06:51,629 Thank you so much. Thank you. 1275 01:06:53,693 --> 01:06:55,612 Don't be a dick now. 1276 01:07:03,662 --> 01:07:06,665 That is surprisingly challenging my body. 1277 01:07:06,696 --> 01:07:08,740 - Wayne! - Deanna. 1278 01:07:10,637 --> 01:07:12,556 Oh, girl. 1279 01:07:14,516 --> 01:07:16,612 I think it's OK now. 1280 01:07:18,636 --> 01:07:20,543 So sorry for that. 1281 01:07:21,701 --> 01:07:25,737 Rümschtein discovered a tomb, 1282 01:07:26,519 --> 01:07:30,638 - allegedly that had many human... - skeletons, 1283 01:07:30,669 --> 01:07:34,652 and many various different kinds of horse skeletons, 1284 01:07:35,653 --> 01:07:37,582 ie, carcasses, 1285 01:07:38,677 --> 01:07:41,721 to enable them to come into the next dimension. 1286 01:07:42,722 --> 01:07:44,683 Are there any questions...? 1287 01:07:46,726 --> 01:07:48,749 - Deanna? - No. OK... 1288 01:07:49,709 --> 01:07:51,544 Ms Miles! Ms Miles! 1289 01:07:51,575 --> 01:07:52,618 Dee Rock! 1290 01:07:53,682 --> 01:07:55,600 How did I do? 1291 01:07:55,632 --> 01:07:57,738 Girl, you sweat through your pants. 1292 01:07:57,770 --> 01:08:00,794 Oh, no. I love these pants. 1293 01:08:06,706 --> 01:08:09,719 It was the first time I've taken a look at his entire portfolio. 1294 01:08:09,750 --> 01:08:16,570 And I looked at him and I said, "Tom, your 401 is 401 not OK." 1295 01:08:17,665 --> 01:08:18,707 Interesting. 1296 01:08:18,739 --> 01:08:20,647 Sounds like a really exciting business. 1297 01:08:20,678 --> 01:08:22,597 I'm glad to see you. 1298 01:08:22,628 --> 01:08:24,609 - Yeah, me, too. - I'm glad you called me. 1299 01:08:24,640 --> 01:08:26,653 You're being quiet tonight. What is it? 1300 01:08:26,684 --> 01:08:29,740 No, I'm enjoying the wine, and the neat banter. 1301 01:08:29,771 --> 01:08:32,733 Oh, my God. We're too old and boring for you now. 1302 01:08:32,764 --> 01:08:35,652 - Don't say that. That's not true. - I knew it. Don't dump me. 1303 01:08:35,684 --> 01:08:37,164 - I'm not gonna dump you. - I mean it. 1304 01:08:37,613 --> 01:08:40,626 I will leave Frank. In a heartbeat. 1305 01:08:40,657 --> 01:08:43,660 I don't give two rats' asses about Amy and Bill. 1306 01:08:43,827 --> 01:08:46,643 - Excuse me? - Your jokes make me wanna kill myself. 1307 01:08:46,674 --> 01:08:47,758 They're not very good. 1308 01:08:47,789 --> 01:08:48,843 No, they're the worst. 1309 01:08:49,625 --> 01:08:50,761 That's... That's fair. 1310 01:08:51,616 --> 01:08:54,640 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. 1311 01:08:54,671 --> 01:08:56,673 - Those pricks are here. - Who? 1312 01:08:56,705 --> 01:08:58,655 - They can't see me. - Where are you going? 1313 01:08:58,686 --> 01:09:01,647 - What are you doing? - Maybe they're going the other... 1314 01:09:01,836 --> 01:09:04,734 I can't believe... I did not know they were gonna be here. 1315 01:09:05,682 --> 01:09:07,790 - Well... - Here it is. Found my contact. 1316 01:09:07,821 --> 01:09:09,802 - Hey, gang. What's the good word? - Hi! 1317 01:09:10,751 --> 01:09:11,856 Oh... 1318 01:09:12,638 --> 01:09:14,682 What a surprise! I didn't know you were here. 1319 01:09:14,713 --> 01:09:16,193 - You guys know Marcie, right? - Yeah. 1320 01:09:16,642 --> 01:09:18,644 - I don't think I introduced you. - Hi. Hello. 1321 01:09:18,676 --> 01:09:19,843 Pleasure. It's great. 1322 01:09:19,875 --> 01:09:24,640 - What is... What is on your lobe, Dan? - Oh. 1323 01:09:24,807 --> 01:09:26,871 It's an earring. It works for Harrison Ford. 1324 01:09:27,653 --> 01:09:28,675 Sure does. 1325 01:09:28,706 --> 01:09:30,906 Harrison Ford blew up the Death Star and freed a galaxy. 1326 01:09:31,657 --> 01:09:32,700 What have you done, Dan? 1327 01:09:32,731 --> 01:09:35,849 Six-minute abs. He completed the 30-day challenge of six-minute abs. 1328 01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:37,799 My goal is to have a washboard. 1329 01:09:37,830 --> 01:09:40,886 Now, Deanna, what are you up to? You still pretending to go to college? 1330 01:09:41,667 --> 01:09:43,806 Because you know, Dan can't foot that bill forever. 1331 01:09:43,837 --> 01:09:47,674 What was the word we learned in Italy for "pathetic"? 1332 01:09:47,706 --> 01:09:50,667 - I don't remember any more. - I do. It was Deanna. 1333 01:09:50,698 --> 01:09:52,888 Pathetico in Italian. Pathetic, pathetico. 1334 01:09:53,670 --> 01:09:59,697 Bill, you look like Orson Welles had a stroke and stayed that way. 1335 01:09:59,728 --> 01:10:01,730 Not the first time I've heard it. 1336 01:10:01,761 --> 01:10:04,858 God, I hate him so much. I hate him so much. 1337 01:10:04,889 --> 01:10:06,787 He's hateable. 1338 01:10:06,818 --> 01:10:09,717 Deanna, I wanted to speak to you privately for a second. 1339 01:10:09,748 --> 01:10:14,691 No. I don't have any time for you and I will never have any time for you again. 1340 01:10:14,722 --> 01:10:18,779 Fine. I was going to say, Marcie and I have some big news. 1341 01:10:18,904 --> 01:10:20,781 We're getting married next week. 1342 01:10:20,813 --> 01:10:22,804 Small ceremony but super classy. 1343 01:10:22,835 --> 01:10:23,868 Mazel tov! 1344 01:10:23,899 --> 01:10:25,890 Shut up, Bill! 1345 01:10:25,922 --> 01:10:27,840 What the hell is wrong with you? 1346 01:10:27,872 --> 01:10:31,771 They said they were getting married. We should... Mazel tov! 1347 01:10:31,803 --> 01:10:33,857 Read the room, Bill. 1348 01:10:33,888 --> 01:10:35,775 Thank you. That was very kind. 1349 01:10:35,807 --> 01:10:37,007 I'm not Jewish, but thank you. 1350 01:10:37,736 --> 01:10:38,848 This is a bona fide shit show. 1351 01:10:38,872 --> 01:10:40,791 Oh, jeez. 1352 01:10:40,822 --> 01:10:42,803 I was hoping for a "congratulations". 1353 01:10:42,835 --> 01:10:44,764 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 1354 01:10:44,795 --> 01:10:47,725 - Can I get you any starters, appetisers? - Jack! 1355 01:10:48,768 --> 01:10:49,821 - What...? - Deanna. 1356 01:10:49,852 --> 01:10:53,836 Wow, you look... stunning. 1357 01:10:53,867 --> 01:10:55,838 Oh, I don't know. 1358 01:10:55,869 --> 01:10:58,914 - Oh, um... this is my mom. - What? 1359 01:10:58,945 --> 01:11:00,958 Mom, this is who I was telling you about. The girl. 1360 01:11:01,740 --> 01:11:02,762 - No. - What? 1361 01:11:02,793 --> 01:11:04,899 - No! - What am I hearing? 1362 01:11:04,930 --> 01:11:05,963 What's happening? 1363 01:11:06,745 --> 01:11:10,853 Jack, you told me you were seeing a college girl named Dee Dee. 1364 01:11:10,884 --> 01:11:14,815 Yeah, she came to the frat house and we met at a party. 1365 01:11:15,775 --> 01:11:17,891 That's not what you meant. 1366 01:11:17,923 --> 01:11:18,976 Oh, gosh! 1367 01:11:19,758 --> 01:11:21,895 She had sex with your son! 1368 01:11:21,927 --> 01:11:24,763 She had sex with your son and she called me right after. 1369 01:11:24,794 --> 01:11:25,994 Because we are friends! 1370 01:11:26,775 --> 01:11:28,841 Oh, my goodness! 1371 01:11:28,872 --> 01:11:33,001 Everybody, she slept with her son in a library! 1372 01:11:35,817 --> 01:11:37,933 This is the greatest thing I've ever been a part of. 1373 01:11:37,964 --> 01:11:38,976 - I get it. - Cheers. 1374 01:11:39,007 --> 01:11:41,896 It's just a cruel joke. It's cruel, and you're right. 1375 01:11:41,927 --> 01:11:44,940 You know what? I might deserve it. I've been rough on you, but come on, 1376 01:11:44,971 --> 01:11:48,934 seriously, did you have intercourse with my son? 1377 01:11:49,924 --> 01:11:51,822 Did you? 1378 01:11:54,001 --> 01:11:59,799 In terms of your question of like, did anything happen between us? 1379 01:11:59,830 --> 01:12:01,832 Have we slept together? 1380 01:12:01,863 --> 01:12:04,023 Yeah. Yeah, we have. 1381 01:12:04,804 --> 01:12:06,932 And I rocked... his world. 1382 01:12:06,963 --> 01:12:08,882 - Oh, my God! - Come on. 1383 01:12:08,913 --> 01:12:11,822 Well, best night of my life. 1384 01:12:11,958 --> 01:12:13,835 I'll drink to that. 1385 01:12:14,992 --> 01:12:16,900 All right. Bye, Jack. 1386 01:12:17,912 --> 01:12:22,844 Whoa! That's my girl! That's my lady! 1387 01:12:23,918 --> 01:12:25,158 Nice to finally meet you, Jack. 1388 01:12:25,847 --> 01:12:27,828 I love you! 1389 01:12:27,859 --> 01:12:31,018 I love you! You're my hero! Whoa! 1390 01:12:31,050 --> 01:12:33,917 I need... I'm gonna check on Dee Dee. 1391 01:12:38,776 --> 01:12:39,935 - Dee Rock! - Dee! 1392 01:12:40,716 --> 01:12:41,902 Dee, where are you? Oh, there she is! 1393 01:12:41,926 --> 01:12:43,918 - Hi! How are you? - I heard you had sex in here! 1394 01:12:43,949 --> 01:12:46,785 - So good to see you. - Oh, my God, you guys. Ssh. 1395 01:12:46,817 --> 01:12:49,799 - What are you doing here? - We're here to get you out of here. 1396 01:12:49,830 --> 01:12:50,925 No. Why? 1397 01:12:50,956 --> 01:12:53,792 Your ding-dong ex-husband's getting married tonight. 1398 01:12:53,824 --> 01:12:55,930 You were here for our girl when she was freaking out. 1399 01:12:55,961 --> 01:12:57,838 You've been there for all of us. 1400 01:12:57,869 --> 01:12:59,767 Let us be there for you. 1401 01:12:59,798 --> 01:13:02,854 My friend Lance who I was in a coma with is having a gathering this evening. 1402 01:13:02,885 --> 01:13:04,918 His place is kind of a dump, but it'll be fun! 1403 01:13:04,949 --> 01:13:07,806 No. You know what? I'm pretty much partied out. 1404 01:13:07,838 --> 01:13:09,788 I just wanna stay in for the night 1405 01:13:09,819 --> 01:13:10,890 - and hit the books. - Please! 1406 01:13:10,914 --> 01:13:12,989 I'm sorry, Dee. I'm sorry. I'm not taking this. 1407 01:13:13,771 --> 01:13:15,291 You should not be alone tonight, so... 1408 01:13:15,752 --> 01:13:17,754 - No! - I'm afraid you don't have an option. 1409 01:13:17,785 --> 01:13:20,145 Yeah, this is not like those other parties. It's jazz night! 1410 01:13:20,883 --> 01:13:22,791 OK. You know what? 1411 01:13:22,822 --> 01:13:24,783 You're right. If I stay here any longer, 1412 01:13:24,814 --> 01:13:26,868 I'm just gonna keep thinking about that wedding. 1413 01:13:26,899 --> 01:13:29,829 Yeah, she's probably getting her dress on. 1414 01:13:29,861 --> 01:13:31,821 Hair and make-up, going over her vows. 1415 01:13:31,852 --> 01:13:33,917 OK, you know what? Let's just go. 1416 01:13:33,948 --> 01:13:35,940 Yeah! 1417 01:13:35,971 --> 01:13:37,848 No! No! 1418 01:13:37,983 --> 01:13:38,995 Oh... 1419 01:13:39,777 --> 01:13:44,010 You know, Lance, I have to say, you know, you have a lovely, lovely home here. 1420 01:13:44,792 --> 01:13:45,936 Are you sure tonight is a party? 1421 01:13:45,960 --> 01:13:48,014 Sorry. Lance, what's going on? Where is everybody? 1422 01:13:48,796 --> 01:13:49,971 - You promised me a jazz party. - I know. 1423 01:13:49,995 --> 01:13:53,010 You got people doing role-playing games. And Tuesday night is jazz. 1424 01:13:53,791 --> 01:13:55,926 - Thursday night is role-playing. - I know. It's my bad. 1425 01:13:55,950 --> 01:13:58,849 I tried to combine them and I'm regretting that choice now 1426 01:13:58,880 --> 01:14:00,872 because I feel like I'm losing the jazz crowd 1427 01:14:00,903 --> 01:14:02,863 and I've also lost the role-playing crowd. 1428 01:14:02,895 --> 01:14:04,845 Uh. Taking a ding on both sides. 1429 01:14:04,876 --> 01:14:06,396 Yeah, it's like a double loss, really. 1430 01:14:06,815 --> 01:14:08,890 You know what? I'm having a wonderful time 1431 01:14:08,922 --> 01:14:14,031 and I have to say, uh-oh, I cannot stay out of this unbelievable choc... 1432 01:14:14,813 --> 01:14:16,919 You are quite a gifted chocolatier. I mean... 1433 01:14:16,950 --> 01:14:19,891 - They're really good. - I don't usually like chocolate. 1434 01:14:19,922 --> 01:14:22,925 I just started eating because I was nervous but it's really good. 1435 01:14:22,956 --> 01:14:24,906 It is a weed bark. So, maybe... 1436 01:14:24,938 --> 01:14:27,003 I would probably hold off from having any more. 1437 01:14:28,025 --> 01:14:29,828 - Just cos... - What is it? 1438 01:14:29,859 --> 01:14:33,885 I have a medicinal marijuana card for early-onset glaucoma. 1439 01:14:34,834 --> 01:14:35,991 - No. - Yeah. 1440 01:14:36,022 --> 01:14:38,056 - No, it's not. - Oh, no, it most certainly is. 1441 01:14:38,838 --> 01:14:41,966 Lance, damn it! Why'd you put out chocolate weed bark? You gotta label that. 1442 01:14:41,997 --> 01:14:43,864 I am so sorry. It is... 1443 01:14:43,895 --> 01:14:46,940 I've had 14. I've eaten a lot of bark. 1444 01:14:46,971 --> 01:14:48,942 - I've eaten a lot of bark too. - So much bark. 1445 01:14:48,973 --> 01:14:50,850 So much bark. 1446 01:14:50,881 --> 01:14:53,008 I just wanted to hear some Miles Davis, you know. 1447 01:14:53,039 --> 01:14:54,885 I'm sorry. 1448 01:14:55,083 --> 01:14:59,025 Is that it? Because I'm starting to feel a little fungly. 1449 01:14:59,056 --> 01:15:00,995 Yeah, it's pretty powerful stuff. 1450 01:15:01,027 --> 01:15:04,041 Fungly. Fun-Fungle. Fungl-y. 1451 01:15:04,072 --> 01:15:06,876 You have such pretty eyes. 1452 01:15:08,921 --> 01:15:10,933 Thank you. 1453 01:15:12,935 --> 01:15:14,927 My tongue is so big. 1454 01:15:22,998 --> 01:15:25,083 That was recognisable. 1455 01:15:25,114 --> 01:15:27,127 Really good jam. I'm just gonna... 1456 01:15:27,909 --> 01:15:29,011 - Can I get in here? - Please. 1457 01:15:29,035 --> 01:15:30,088 Oh, it's so comfy. 1458 01:15:30,119 --> 01:15:32,069 OK, wait. I... 1459 01:15:32,100 --> 01:15:34,029 was thinking about something... 1460 01:15:34,061 --> 01:15:37,001 and if I do marry Jack... 1461 01:15:37,032 --> 01:15:38,982 No! Just listen. Wait, wait. 1462 01:15:39,014 --> 01:15:42,038 That would make Marcie my stepmom... 1463 01:15:42,070 --> 01:15:45,949 and that would make Dan my new stepdad. 1464 01:15:45,980 --> 01:15:50,964 And then I would have to say things like, "Nuh-uh, Dan. You're not my real dad. 1465 01:15:50,995 --> 01:15:52,108 You can't tell me what to do. 1466 01:15:52,132 --> 01:15:54,102 Give me the car!" 1467 01:15:56,011 --> 01:15:58,106 Or, wait a minute... Or... 1468 01:15:58,138 --> 01:16:00,056 I could flip it. 1469 01:16:00,984 --> 01:16:02,264 And I could make peace with Dan. 1470 01:16:02,945 --> 01:16:06,114 What a great teaching lesson, right, that would be for Maddie 1471 01:16:06,146 --> 01:16:10,035 to see forgiveness and truly being the better person. 1472 01:16:10,066 --> 01:16:12,048 - That's better. - You're so smart. 1473 01:16:12,079 --> 01:16:14,029 You gotta go to that wedding. 1474 01:16:15,083 --> 01:16:16,136 Are we doing it? 1475 01:16:16,167 --> 01:16:18,180 Oh, my God. We're doing it! 1476 01:16:21,130 --> 01:16:27,074 Dan, when I first saw you, I thought the kerb appeal wasn't great, 1477 01:16:28,085 --> 01:16:30,087 the layout was a bit dated 1478 01:16:30,119 --> 01:16:33,090 and the kitchen a little small for my liking. 1479 01:16:33,122 --> 01:16:35,082 Dee Rock, good for you. 1480 01:16:35,113 --> 01:16:36,990 You're being the better person. 1481 01:16:37,021 --> 01:16:38,144 Thank you. That's the whole plan. 1482 01:16:38,168 --> 01:16:40,160 I'm gonna see Dan, I'm gonna shake his hand, 1483 01:16:40,191 --> 01:16:43,205 I'm gonna extend an olive branch to him and... 1484 01:16:43,987 --> 01:16:48,001 What? He... He's taking her name! 1485 01:16:48,032 --> 01:16:49,075 Who does... 1486 01:16:49,106 --> 01:16:51,182 Men don't do that. 1487 01:16:51,214 --> 01:16:55,072 I tried to do that and he told me it was silly. 1488 01:16:57,188 --> 01:17:00,014 That is a very alarming picture. 1489 01:17:00,045 --> 01:17:02,141 Hey! I mean, is... 1490 01:17:02,172 --> 01:17:04,008 Is that a shot at me? 1491 01:17:04,039 --> 01:17:05,113 - Uh... yeah. - I think so. 1492 01:17:05,144 --> 01:17:08,012 Hm. 1493 01:17:15,081 --> 01:17:17,177 You know what? Dan just lost his olive branch. 1494 01:18:12,078 --> 01:18:13,193 One second. 1495 01:18:16,144 --> 01:18:18,198 Deanna, what the hell is wrong with you? 1496 01:18:18,230 --> 01:18:20,096 Oh, my God! 1497 01:18:20,232 --> 01:18:21,285 Oh, my God! 1498 01:18:22,234 --> 01:18:25,091 Hey, Dan. 1499 01:18:26,279 --> 01:18:29,157 Marcie... You're... 1500 01:18:29,189 --> 01:18:31,222 a big Beetlejuice fan, huh? 1501 01:18:31,253 --> 01:18:33,099 Mom! 1502 01:18:33,224 --> 01:18:36,164 Hey, honey. That's uh... 1503 01:18:37,250 --> 01:18:41,243 I think we may have just gotten slightly... 1504 01:18:41,274 --> 01:18:45,278 You know, I think... I think if we all kind of work together... 1505 01:18:45,310 --> 01:18:48,188 we can have this shipshape and... 1506 01:18:48,219 --> 01:18:51,139 you won't even know, or it will be better. 1507 01:18:51,170 --> 01:18:53,297 - Mom, why did you do this? - Um... 1508 01:18:53,328 --> 01:18:57,249 You know, it's a great um... question. 1509 01:18:57,280 --> 01:19:00,116 I mean, I actually came here... 1510 01:19:00,148 --> 01:19:03,130 fully with the intention of offering an olive branch. 1511 01:19:03,161 --> 01:19:07,144 Then I don't know if it was the crazy wedding propaganda in the hallway 1512 01:19:07,175 --> 01:19:10,357 or, you know, was it the bark high that I'm on? 1513 01:19:11,138 --> 01:19:15,351 Shut up. You are, as of this moment, completely financially cut off. 1514 01:19:16,132 --> 01:19:19,188 - What? - Not one more penny for you. 1515 01:19:19,303 --> 01:19:21,263 - Dad. - Ssh. 1516 01:19:22,212 --> 01:19:23,328 Would it help if I just... 1517 01:19:23,359 --> 01:19:25,247 You know, you... 1518 01:19:25,278 --> 01:19:27,165 You did a good job. 1519 01:19:27,196 --> 01:19:28,322 - It looks good. - It did. 1520 01:19:28,354 --> 01:19:30,366 - It did look good. - It was pretty. 1521 01:19:31,148 --> 01:19:33,307 - I think you all should leave. - OK. 1522 01:19:39,177 --> 01:19:40,376 The other way. 1523 01:19:46,352 --> 01:19:48,280 Get out! 1524 01:19:49,208 --> 01:19:50,314 Thank you. 1525 01:19:51,274 --> 01:19:53,223 The cake was really good. 1526 01:19:53,255 --> 01:19:55,267 Oh, you got a blender. 1527 01:20:06,195 --> 01:20:09,396 Hey! Look! I got your favourite. 1528 01:20:11,231 --> 01:20:13,233 You haven't been returning any of my calls. 1529 01:20:13,264 --> 01:20:15,545 Yeah, I've been pretty busy destroying hotel banquet rooms 1530 01:20:16,205 --> 01:20:18,373 - and crashing weddings. - OK. I get you're upset. 1531 01:20:18,405 --> 01:20:20,418 No, Mom. I don't think you do. 1532 01:20:21,335 --> 01:20:24,455 Is this why you went back to college? So you could act like some dumb frat guy? 1533 01:20:25,193 --> 01:20:27,279 Cos I actually thought you wanted to learn something. 1534 01:20:27,311 --> 01:20:30,386 But you've just been getting stoned and sleeping with guys half your age. 1535 01:20:30,418 --> 01:20:33,389 OK, Jack is not half my... age. 1536 01:20:33,421 --> 01:20:36,403 Oh, my God, I think he's less than half my age. 1537 01:20:36,434 --> 01:20:39,448 OK, I hear you and you're right. 1538 01:20:40,230 --> 01:20:42,253 Which is why I'm leaving school. 1539 01:20:42,284 --> 01:20:44,213 What? 1540 01:20:44,286 --> 01:20:46,340 I'm gonna drop out of school, honey. 1541 01:20:47,268 --> 01:20:50,313 You know, it wasn't that easy for me getting used to you being here. 1542 01:20:50,344 --> 01:20:52,450 And now I actually did and you're just giving up? 1543 01:20:53,232 --> 01:20:55,286 You said the one thing you regret most in your life 1544 01:20:55,318 --> 01:20:58,395 is not finishing school and now you're gonna do it again? 1545 01:20:58,426 --> 01:21:00,345 You know what I regret? 1546 01:21:00,376 --> 01:21:03,368 I regret that when you look back on your senior year of college, 1547 01:21:03,400 --> 01:21:07,279 all you're gonna think about is your mom's crazy mid-life crisis. 1548 01:21:07,310 --> 01:21:08,394 That's what I regret. 1549 01:21:08,425 --> 01:21:12,409 The worst part is I don't think I was being a very good mom to you lately. 1550 01:21:12,440 --> 01:21:15,401 And I'm so... I'm so sorry about that. 1551 01:21:15,432 --> 01:21:16,486 No, it's OK. 1552 01:21:17,268 --> 01:21:18,488 It's not OK, actually. 1553 01:21:19,270 --> 01:21:22,262 Not one bit. Not with me, shouldn't be with you. 1554 01:21:22,419 --> 01:21:24,441 And I'm... I'm gonna do better. 1555 01:21:24,473 --> 01:21:26,496 - I love you, Mom. - I love you, too. 1556 01:21:27,424 --> 01:21:29,280 You're so great. 1557 01:21:29,311 --> 01:21:31,303 - What are we gonna do? - Well... 1558 01:21:31,448 --> 01:21:33,325 You can start by drinking that. 1559 01:21:33,357 --> 01:21:36,465 Let's go round up the girls and... tell them all about it. 1560 01:21:38,373 --> 01:21:40,500 I don't get it. Why are you leaving school? 1561 01:21:41,282 --> 01:21:45,318 Well, I'm in a bit of a tricky position, financially. 1562 01:21:45,349 --> 01:21:49,509 So, for right now I can't cover my tuition and it's over. 1563 01:21:50,291 --> 01:21:51,386 It's never over! 1564 01:21:51,417 --> 01:21:53,409 Was it over when I fell into a coma? 1565 01:21:53,440 --> 01:21:55,411 Well, for eight years, it was. 1566 01:21:55,442 --> 01:21:57,361 That's an awesome point, Amanda. 1567 01:21:57,392 --> 01:21:59,363 But now I'm back and I'm kicking ass. 1568 01:21:59,394 --> 01:22:00,499 Just like Dee Rock here. 1569 01:22:00,531 --> 01:22:04,316 She's gonna kick ass and graduate and get a job 1570 01:22:04,347 --> 01:22:06,391 and become the next Indiana Jones. 1571 01:22:07,350 --> 01:22:08,550 - Come here. - Please don't go. 1572 01:22:10,343 --> 01:22:12,663 You guys, we can't let this happen to my mom a second time. 1573 01:22:13,314 --> 01:22:15,359 She deserves to graduate. We gotta help her. 1574 01:22:15,390 --> 01:22:19,321 OK, in order to finish, Dee Rock needs in the neighbourhood of... 1575 01:22:19,353 --> 01:22:20,541 No, it's almost $12,000. 1576 01:22:21,323 --> 01:22:23,398 - Oh, my God! - I don't have that kind of money. 1577 01:22:23,430 --> 01:22:27,402 You know what? This isn't your problem to solve, ladies. You can let this go! 1578 01:22:27,434 --> 01:22:30,416 - Can I say something? - Yes, Debbie, just say it. 1579 01:22:30,447 --> 01:22:31,479 Say it. 1580 01:22:31,510 --> 01:22:34,524 OK, we throw a party to raise money to keep Glenn in school. 1581 01:22:34,555 --> 01:22:37,423 Deb, we can't raise that much money from a party. 1582 01:22:37,454 --> 01:22:39,414 We don't throw just any party. 1583 01:22:39,446 --> 01:22:42,438 We throw the best party this school has ever seen. 1584 01:22:42,469 --> 01:22:44,566 If we charge $40 a head... 1585 01:22:45,410 --> 01:22:47,444 - 1,000 students... - OK. 1586 01:22:47,475 --> 01:22:51,552 ..that is $4,000. 1587 01:22:52,418 --> 01:22:55,494 - No, it's not. - No. That's $40,000. 1588 01:22:55,525 --> 01:22:57,444 What? Done! 1589 01:22:57,475 --> 01:23:02,397 A bunch of kids are not gonna pay $40 to keep some divorcée in college. 1590 01:23:02,428 --> 01:23:03,596 No, but they might pay 20. 1591 01:23:04,378 --> 01:23:05,577 Which is $200,000. 1592 01:23:06,359 --> 01:23:08,434 No, $20,000. 1593 01:23:08,465 --> 01:23:09,536 - Helen, come on. - No, honey. 1594 01:23:09,560 --> 01:23:12,511 But that's way more money than we need to keep Mom in school. 1595 01:23:12,542 --> 01:23:14,377 What do you say, Mom? 1596 01:23:14,409 --> 01:23:15,555 - Come on, Glenn. - Please. 1597 01:23:17,599 --> 01:23:20,456 I say you ladies are pretty remarkable. 1598 01:23:20,488 --> 01:23:21,604 I mean, to be this age 1599 01:23:22,385 --> 01:23:25,399 and to have your whole world turned upside down 1600 01:23:25,431 --> 01:23:27,600 and to come out with friends like you on the other side 1601 01:23:28,382 --> 01:23:30,530 is quite a thing, really. 1602 01:23:30,561 --> 01:23:32,563 And I'm proud to be your sister. 1603 01:23:32,594 --> 01:23:35,556 And I'm so proud to be your mom and I'm proud of you. 1604 01:23:35,587 --> 01:23:37,516 I'm proud of you. 1605 01:23:38,507 --> 01:23:42,604 And I'm so worried about the math skills in this room. 1606 01:23:43,501 --> 01:23:44,614 I don't mean to single you out 1607 01:23:44,638 --> 01:23:48,517 but, Helen, I'm staring right down the barrel at you. 1608 01:23:49,611 --> 01:23:54,575 And I'm starting to think that maybe this party plan just might work! 1609 01:23:55,492 --> 01:23:56,545 Come on, Mom. 1610 01:23:56,578 --> 01:23:58,422 No! I don't know! 1611 01:23:58,454 --> 01:23:59,614 All right, I'm down to clown! 1612 01:24:02,563 --> 01:24:05,566 This is going to be epic! 1613 01:24:10,581 --> 01:24:12,656 OK. No one wants to show up first to a party. 1614 01:24:13,438 --> 01:24:15,607 I'm sure lots of people are gonna come. 1615 01:24:15,638 --> 01:24:18,589 Guess everyone's at the Christina Aguilera concert. 1616 01:24:18,620 --> 01:24:21,457 - What? That's tonight? - Yeah. 1617 01:24:21,488 --> 01:24:23,469 Oh, my God. We don't stand a chance. 1618 01:24:23,584 --> 01:24:25,492 All right, ladies, 1619 01:24:25,523 --> 01:24:27,473 we gotta do something drastic. 1620 01:24:27,650 --> 01:24:30,507 Because this is not working. 1621 01:24:30,665 --> 01:24:33,605 You know, I don't wanna be a negative Nelly 1622 01:24:33,636 --> 01:24:35,659 but that is a tough pic, guys. 1623 01:24:35,691 --> 01:24:37,682 You look happy and scared. 1624 01:24:38,464 --> 01:24:39,695 I do, don't I? 1625 01:24:40,477 --> 01:24:41,592 - All right. - I like it. 1626 01:24:41,624 --> 01:24:43,480 Screw this. Give me your phone. 1627 01:24:43,511 --> 01:24:44,679 Why? What do you want? 1628 01:24:45,461 --> 01:24:47,671 I'm gonna tweet out a juicier carrot. 1629 01:24:51,477 --> 01:24:52,697 - Maddie! - You're crazy. 1630 01:24:53,479 --> 01:24:54,626 What is it? What did you do? 1631 01:24:54,657 --> 01:24:57,546 I just tweeted to Helen's three million followers 1632 01:24:57,577 --> 01:25:01,487 that Christina Aguilera is gonna come to the party after her concert tonight. 1633 01:25:01,519 --> 01:25:04,522 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 1634 01:25:04,553 --> 01:25:05,711 I love Christina Aguilera! 1635 01:25:06,492 --> 01:25:08,536 She's the only person I ever had a poster of. 1636 01:25:08,672 --> 01:25:10,654 She's not actually coming, Debbie. 1637 01:25:10,685 --> 01:25:12,562 But nobody needs to know that. 1638 01:25:12,593 --> 01:25:14,647 How do you have three million followers? 1639 01:25:15,586 --> 01:25:17,609 Coma Girl. I'm a medical mystery. 1640 01:25:17,640 --> 01:25:20,643 Now, Maddie, I don't know. There's a real... 1641 01:25:20,674 --> 01:25:23,656 fibbing element to that that I don't like. 1642 01:25:25,710 --> 01:25:27,577 Do you think it'll work? 1643 01:25:28,547 --> 01:25:29,631 I believed it. 1644 01:25:35,741 --> 01:25:37,691 I think it's definitely working. 1645 01:25:37,722 --> 01:25:39,599 Hell yeah, it is. 1646 01:25:40,590 --> 01:25:42,561 Hey, here you go. Have fun! 1647 01:25:42,592 --> 01:25:45,532 Thanks for posting about Christina. I couldn't get tickets. 1648 01:25:45,564 --> 01:25:46,764 - Coma Girl rules. - Thank you! 1649 01:25:47,545 --> 01:25:48,557 All right. 1650 01:25:48,588 --> 01:25:50,726 - Thank you. - It's amazing. 1651 01:25:50,757 --> 01:25:52,634 I'm tired of doing this. 1652 01:25:52,665 --> 01:25:53,729 No, Helen, we can't all... 1653 01:25:53,760 --> 01:25:55,637 Hey! When's Christina getting here? 1654 01:25:55,668 --> 01:25:56,721 - Guys... - Yeah. 1655 01:25:56,753 --> 01:25:59,683 Christina's coming. She's the voice of our generation. 1656 01:25:59,714 --> 01:26:01,612 - True. - We can wait for her. 1657 01:26:05,762 --> 01:26:07,649 - Cheers. - Cheers. 1658 01:26:08,744 --> 01:26:09,766 Mm. 1659 01:26:10,548 --> 01:26:11,702 - Oh, it's good! - It's not bad! 1660 01:26:11,726 --> 01:26:13,738 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1661 01:26:13,770 --> 01:26:15,782 Do you wanna meet in the garage in 20 minutes? 1662 01:26:16,564 --> 01:26:18,608 - Yes, I do. - Yes, you would. 1663 01:26:18,724 --> 01:26:20,610 No, no, no! 1664 01:26:21,569 --> 01:26:22,780 God, make better choices. 1665 01:26:23,561 --> 01:26:25,699 Um... hey, come on back. 1666 01:26:25,731 --> 01:26:27,764 That popped right out of my mouth 1667 01:26:27,795 --> 01:26:30,809 when actually I meant to say we're not gonna do that. 1668 01:26:31,664 --> 01:26:33,739 The... That's... You don't like the wine? 1669 01:26:35,584 --> 01:26:37,816 No, the wine is great and... 1670 01:26:38,785 --> 01:26:40,652 and you're great and... 1671 01:26:41,601 --> 01:26:44,625 I just think when you meet the right person, 1672 01:26:44,656 --> 01:26:45,771 which is not me, 1673 01:26:46,658 --> 01:26:48,827 she's gonna be really, really lucky 1674 01:26:49,609 --> 01:26:52,601 but I think that we're... 1675 01:26:52,633 --> 01:26:55,625 Yeah, we should just really be good friends. 1676 01:26:55,656 --> 01:26:57,732 I don't think I can get on board with this, Dee. 1677 01:26:57,764 --> 01:26:59,828 Well, I think it's for the best. 1678 01:27:00,746 --> 01:27:01,799 - OK. - OK? 1679 01:27:01,830 --> 01:27:03,759 Yeah, if you say so. 1680 01:27:03,790 --> 01:27:05,834 Hey, Mom, look who's here! 1681 01:27:06,616 --> 01:27:08,743 - Hi! - Hi, what are you doing here? 1682 01:27:08,775 --> 01:27:11,788 Well, I started following Coma Girl on Twitter 1683 01:27:11,819 --> 01:27:13,738 and I came to see... 1684 01:27:14,687 --> 01:27:15,834 Xtina! 1685 01:27:16,616 --> 01:27:17,763 Oh, yeah! 1686 01:27:17,794 --> 01:27:20,776 Oh, hi, Jack. I'm Christine. 1687 01:27:20,807 --> 01:27:22,664 We met at the restaurant. 1688 01:27:22,695 --> 01:27:26,626 - Yeah, hi. I remember you... both. - My man. 1689 01:27:27,847 --> 01:27:29,870 God, I just... I wanna go back to college so bad. 1690 01:27:30,651 --> 01:27:31,827 Just go back to Frank. Go back to Frank. 1691 01:27:31,851 --> 01:27:34,677 Hey, hey! We're here. 1692 01:27:34,864 --> 01:27:37,753 Oh, my God! What are they doing here? 1693 01:27:37,784 --> 01:27:39,755 I don't wanna be at a party with my mom and dad. 1694 01:27:39,786 --> 01:27:41,829 Yeah, that must be so weird for you, Mom. 1695 01:27:42,789 --> 01:27:45,750 - Mom. - Sweetheart! 1696 01:27:45,781 --> 01:27:47,742 Hi. Hey, Dad. 1697 01:27:47,773 --> 01:27:49,702 We heard you were having a party. 1698 01:27:49,733 --> 01:27:50,870 So I made a taco salad. 1699 01:27:51,652 --> 01:27:53,817 Yeah, I told her a bunch of kids don't want a taco salad. 1700 01:27:53,841 --> 01:27:56,855 - I would love to have some taco salad. - Please, yeah! I love taco salad. 1701 01:27:56,886 --> 01:27:59,702 - See, I told you! - OK. All right. 1702 01:27:59,733 --> 01:28:00,744 Your parents? 1703 01:28:00,776 --> 01:28:03,758 Yeah. This is my mom and dad, Mike and Sandy. 1704 01:28:03,789 --> 01:28:04,853 - Yeah. - Hello. 1705 01:28:05,802 --> 01:28:07,710 Wow! OK. Um... 1706 01:28:07,741 --> 01:28:10,724 Wow! A lovely, lovely couple. 1707 01:28:10,755 --> 01:28:12,757 It's... It's such a pleasure to meet you. 1708 01:28:12,789 --> 01:28:16,751 You've raised... wow! What an incredible woman! 1709 01:28:16,845 --> 01:28:18,722 Sorry, I'm Jack Strong. 1710 01:28:18,753 --> 01:28:21,766 We've been seeing each other for a little bit now. 1711 01:28:21,798 --> 01:28:24,790 Well, I guess we're kind of on a break. Pretty recent. 1712 01:28:24,821 --> 01:28:26,875 But I want you both to know 1713 01:28:26,907 --> 01:28:30,921 that I'm gonna take the best care of your daughter that I can. 1714 01:28:31,703 --> 01:28:33,820 - She means the world to me. - OK. 1715 01:28:33,851 --> 01:28:36,792 I uh... I gotta... I have a gun, son. 1716 01:28:36,823 --> 01:28:37,886 - OK, OK. - No. 1717 01:28:37,918 --> 01:28:39,732 We're just gonna walk off. 1718 01:28:39,763 --> 01:28:41,734 - Are you kidding me? - All right. No. 1719 01:28:41,765 --> 01:28:44,749 Taco salad train. Choo-choo! 1720 01:28:48,784 --> 01:28:50,848 Hey, where's Christina Aguilera? 1721 01:28:50,880 --> 01:28:52,819 This is false advertising! 1722 01:28:52,850 --> 01:28:54,727 Guys, she's coming, OK? 1723 01:28:54,759 --> 01:28:55,864 She's gonna be here soon. 1724 01:28:55,895 --> 01:28:58,929 Hey, uh... I saw your tweet. 1725 01:28:58,961 --> 01:29:00,890 Where's Xtina? 1726 01:29:00,921 --> 01:29:02,850 She's not gonna show up, is she? 1727 01:29:02,881 --> 01:29:04,779 You guys suck! 1728 01:29:04,810 --> 01:29:06,812 If Christina doesn't show soon... 1729 01:29:08,773 --> 01:29:10,868 ..I'm gonna put your ass in another coma. 1730 01:29:10,900 --> 01:29:12,818 Count of three, bitch. 1731 01:29:12,850 --> 01:29:14,779 One, two... 1732 01:29:22,944 --> 01:29:25,770 Look, honey, we love you. 1733 01:29:25,801 --> 01:29:27,793 We want you to graduate. 1734 01:29:27,824 --> 01:29:29,774 This is for you. 1735 01:29:30,785 --> 01:29:31,963 What is... 1736 01:29:32,860 --> 01:29:34,841 - No. - Yep. 1737 01:29:34,873 --> 01:29:36,833 I love you so much, but I'm not gonna let you 1738 01:29:36,864 --> 01:29:38,804 take apart your 401 for this. 1739 01:29:38,835 --> 01:29:39,878 I got this. 1740 01:29:39,909 --> 01:29:41,807 Honey, come on... 1741 01:29:43,840 --> 01:29:45,863 Hey! Hey! 1742 01:29:46,947 --> 01:29:48,959 - Eat gluten! - I ain't allowed to have gluten! 1743 01:29:48,991 --> 01:29:50,784 Oh, my God! 1744 01:29:50,816 --> 01:29:51,910 Frank, do something! 1745 01:29:51,943 --> 01:29:54,778 - What am I gonna do? - I don't know! Do something. 1746 01:29:54,809 --> 01:29:55,832 Come on, girls! 1747 01:29:55,863 --> 01:29:57,803 Ladies! Hey! Let's break it up! 1748 01:30:00,795 --> 01:30:01,880 You! 1749 01:30:05,029 --> 01:30:08,803 Her skull is so strong. 1750 01:30:08,835 --> 01:30:10,878 Sweetheart, you were so brave. 1751 01:30:10,910 --> 01:30:13,933 That's my brave man. Come on, let's go make love in the bathroom. 1752 01:30:13,965 --> 01:30:17,802 OK. I can't see, so... just lead me. 1753 01:30:17,833 --> 01:30:18,897 There we go. 1754 01:30:19,814 --> 01:30:21,921 No! Stop fighting, girls! 1755 01:30:21,952 --> 01:30:23,943 - Say night-night. - No! No! 1756 01:30:23,975 --> 01:30:25,997 No! 1757 01:30:29,824 --> 01:30:30,951 Oh, boy! 1758 01:30:30,983 --> 01:30:33,005 - Oh, my God, Mom! - Dee Dee! 1759 01:30:33,037 --> 01:30:35,821 - She got me in the biscuits! - Oh, my God! 1760 01:30:35,852 --> 01:30:37,009 I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! 1761 01:30:37,041 --> 01:30:39,898 You punched Dee Rock? I'm gonna squish you like a grape! 1762 01:30:39,929 --> 01:30:43,839 Guys, stop it! Stop it! Stop it! God! 1763 01:30:43,871 --> 01:30:46,842 Ladies, we have enough stuff to worry about as women. 1764 01:30:46,874 --> 01:30:49,877 - You shouldn't be fighting each other. - I'm sorry, Dee Rock. 1765 01:30:49,908 --> 01:30:51,952 I'm sorry I punched you in the mom boob. 1766 01:30:51,983 --> 01:30:53,974 - Tell each other sorry. - I'm sorry, Dee Rock. 1767 01:30:54,006 --> 01:30:55,080 Thank you. 1768 01:30:55,987 --> 01:30:57,978 Would you care for a Kahlúa and cranberry? 1769 01:30:58,865 --> 01:30:59,949 Ew. That... 1770 01:30:59,980 --> 01:31:02,067 I would do it. I would do it. Yeah. 1771 01:31:02,942 --> 01:31:03,964 - OK. - OK. 1772 01:31:03,996 --> 01:31:05,091 I want one. 1773 01:31:05,967 --> 01:31:07,853 Mom, are you OK? 1774 01:31:07,885 --> 01:31:09,205 She popped me right in the bosom. 1775 01:31:09,856 --> 01:31:11,858 I really got T-boned. 1776 01:31:11,889 --> 01:31:13,078 - Oh, Mom. - You know, what... 1777 01:31:13,860 --> 01:31:15,038 What am I doing here? 1778 01:31:15,956 --> 01:31:18,948 I'm lying to these kids. I'm taking their money. I... 1779 01:31:19,908 --> 01:31:21,002 I got this. 1780 01:31:21,034 --> 01:31:23,036 Hey, everybody, you know what? 1781 01:31:23,067 --> 01:31:24,099 Party's over. 1782 01:31:24,881 --> 01:31:27,005 Head on back to the door. We're gonna give you a refund. 1783 01:31:27,029 --> 01:31:29,010 Christina Aguilera is in no way... 1784 01:31:29,042 --> 01:31:31,054 Can I see you for a second? 1785 01:31:31,085 --> 01:31:32,994 God bless! 1786 01:31:34,067 --> 01:31:36,123 Leonor or Lenore... 1787 01:31:36,904 --> 01:31:38,062 you gotta stop doing that. 1788 01:31:38,093 --> 01:31:40,095 Can I see you for a second? 1789 01:31:40,127 --> 01:31:42,035 Now is not really a good time. 1790 01:31:42,066 --> 01:31:43,130 Outside! Now! 1791 01:31:43,912 --> 01:31:45,987 Don't make eye contact. 1792 01:31:46,101 --> 01:31:49,115 Look at me. Look me in my eyes. 1793 01:31:49,897 --> 01:31:51,093 - Look me in my eyes now. - Debbie. 1794 01:31:51,117 --> 01:31:52,910 I'm scared. 1795 01:31:52,942 --> 01:31:54,975 Look. Look, look. 1796 01:31:55,006 --> 01:31:56,070 Come outside. 1797 01:31:56,101 --> 01:31:58,103 - Let's go! - If I'm going, you're going. 1798 01:31:58,906 --> 01:32:00,786 - I don't wanna go. - We're stronger as a group. 1799 01:32:01,462 --> 01:32:03,370 Leonor. 1800 01:32:05,445 --> 01:32:08,323 Leonor, what is going on? 1801 01:32:11,399 --> 01:32:13,328 Hey, guys. I'm Christina. 1802 01:32:15,392 --> 01:32:16,435 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! 1803 01:32:16,466 --> 01:32:19,344 - I love you. I love you so much! - I love you, too. 1804 01:32:19,376 --> 01:32:20,491 How is this happening? 1805 01:32:21,273 --> 01:32:24,464 I knew she wasn't playing at your party cos Christina's my cousin. 1806 01:32:25,434 --> 01:32:27,352 We're more like sisters. 1807 01:32:27,384 --> 01:32:29,438 She always says that, but we're just cousins. 1808 01:32:29,469 --> 01:32:30,512 Isn't she so funny? 1809 01:32:31,440 --> 01:32:35,475 That's what I'm always saying to you. I'm always saying you're so funny. 1810 01:32:35,507 --> 01:32:38,500 I just can't kind of figure out why you're doing this. 1811 01:32:39,281 --> 01:32:41,378 Because you're a good lady. 1812 01:32:41,409 --> 01:32:44,297 I mean, you're a sad, older lady 1813 01:32:44,329 --> 01:32:47,373 but you're still a good lady that needs help. 1814 01:32:47,405 --> 01:32:49,045 Us ladies gotta stick together. 1815 01:32:49,302 --> 01:32:51,461 She filled me in about, you know, you being here. 1816 01:32:51,492 --> 01:32:55,350 - I support your cause. I wanna do this. - Thank you. God, you're cool! 1817 01:32:55,381 --> 01:32:56,494 Where are we doing this thing? 1818 01:32:56,518 --> 01:32:58,530 Backyard. We just put up some twinkle lights. 1819 01:32:59,312 --> 01:33:00,498 Love twinkle lights but I've got my own lights. 1820 01:33:00,522 --> 01:33:02,472 Boys, bring 'em out. Let's go! 1821 01:33:02,503 --> 01:33:06,371 Donald, Craig, Jerry, let's go. 1822 01:33:08,498 --> 01:33:13,441 Ladies and gentlemen, my cousin, Christina Aguilera. 1823 01:33:13,473 --> 01:33:15,339 Get it, girl! 1824 01:33:36,559 --> 01:33:38,436 Oh, my God! 1825 01:34:08,383 --> 01:34:10,469 Yeah! We got it! You got the money! 1826 01:34:21,417 --> 01:34:23,419 This is the best night of my life! 1827 01:34:45,588 --> 01:34:46,610 Just a minute. 1828 01:34:46,641 --> 01:34:48,622 It seems... I got it now. 1829 01:34:48,654 --> 01:34:50,447 - Got it? - Yeah. 1830 01:34:51,469 --> 01:34:53,513 May I just have a minute? 1831 01:34:53,544 --> 01:34:57,569 I just... I wanted to thank you for giving me a second chance. 1832 01:34:57,600 --> 01:34:58,665 It means a lot to me. 1833 01:34:59,446 --> 01:35:02,501 Of course. It's only because it's a requirement to pass the course. 1834 01:35:02,533 --> 01:35:04,483 That and the fact you're my favourite student. 1835 01:35:04,514 --> 01:35:06,641 - Well... - Break a leg. 1836 01:35:06,673 --> 01:35:08,560 - Well... - Let's hope not. 1837 01:35:08,591 --> 01:35:09,634 Yeah, sorry. 1838 01:35:09,665 --> 01:35:12,554 Um... Deanna Miles, everybody. 1839 01:35:13,440 --> 01:35:14,483 Thank you. 1840 01:35:16,589 --> 01:35:19,529 Also, this is here if you need it. 1841 01:35:19,561 --> 01:35:20,645 Thank you. 1842 01:35:25,473 --> 01:35:26,578 Hello. 1843 01:35:32,521 --> 01:35:37,474 March 25th, 2014, historian Albert... 1844 01:35:37,652 --> 01:35:44,472 Albrecht Rümschtein announced that the burial tomb of Attila the Hun 1845 01:35:44,503 --> 01:35:46,682 had been discovered in Budapest, Hungary. 1846 01:35:47,537 --> 01:35:48,695 Now, the... 1847 01:35:51,531 --> 01:35:53,710 - Sorry about your eye. - Yeah, it's fine. 1848 01:35:54,492 --> 01:35:55,504 Hi! 1849 01:35:55,535 --> 01:35:57,506 - It's for her. - That's my mom. 1850 01:35:57,662 --> 01:36:00,550 It's important for her. It's emotional support. 1851 01:36:00,582 --> 01:36:01,656 I'll give you five bucks. 1852 01:36:01,687 --> 01:36:03,647 OK, thanks. OK. 1853 01:36:04,638 --> 01:36:06,577 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1854 01:36:08,631 --> 01:36:10,592 I'm so sorry for the interruption. 1855 01:36:10,623 --> 01:36:12,741 - These are my sorority sisters. - Oh. 1856 01:36:13,522 --> 01:36:14,743 Hey. It's me, Helen. 1857 01:36:15,525 --> 01:36:16,557 I know. 1858 01:36:16,588 --> 01:36:17,735 He knows that. 1859 01:36:19,591 --> 01:36:21,510 You got this, Mom. 1860 01:36:26,692 --> 01:36:30,696 A group of archaeologists using carbon dating 1861 01:36:30,727 --> 01:36:34,575 proved that the grave was in fact a hoax. 1862 01:36:34,606 --> 01:36:37,734 There were so many scientists involved that it was... 1863 01:36:40,612 --> 01:36:42,750 ..it was standing tomb only. 1864 01:36:43,532 --> 01:36:45,659 Whoo! 1865 01:36:47,557 --> 01:36:50,549 Thank you. I wasn't sure about that one. 1866 01:36:50,769 --> 01:36:53,783 Now I hope that you're all Hungary... 1867 01:36:54,565 --> 01:36:55,701 ..for some facts 1868 01:36:55,732 --> 01:37:00,550 because I'm about to give you the thrilla about Attila. 1869 01:37:00,581 --> 01:37:02,667 Guys, that's my mom. She's killing it! 1870 01:37:02,698 --> 01:37:04,648 Go, Dee! 1871 01:37:12,749 --> 01:37:14,772 OK, guys, thanks. 1872 01:37:15,732 --> 01:37:18,641 Number one, there was no Professor Rümschtein. 1873 01:37:18,672 --> 01:37:19,810 Complete, complete hoax. 1874 01:37:20,591 --> 01:37:22,572 This person didn't exist, PR fact. 1875 01:37:22,603 --> 01:37:24,669 I know. I was shocked when I found out, too. 1876 01:37:25,711 --> 01:37:27,818 These young men and women comport themselves 1877 01:37:28,600 --> 01:37:30,633 with astounding grace and wisdom. 1878 01:37:30,664 --> 01:37:32,791 Every one of them brings tremendous pride 1879 01:37:32,823 --> 01:37:35,586 to this hallowed institution. 1880 01:37:35,617 --> 01:37:36,743 And on a personal note, 1881 01:37:36,774 --> 01:37:40,716 I will say that the future of this world is in pretty good hands. 1882 01:37:40,747 --> 01:37:44,616 You may now move your tassels to the left. 1883 01:37:44,647 --> 01:37:50,663 Congratulations to Decatur University's graduating class of 2018. 1884 01:37:52,697 --> 01:37:53,812 Whoo! 1885 01:37:55,847 --> 01:37:57,849 - Hey, Christine! - Hey! 1886 01:37:58,630 --> 01:38:00,673 - Congratulations! - Proud of you! 1887 01:38:00,706 --> 01:38:01,738 - Thank you. - I love you. 1888 01:38:01,769 --> 01:38:02,812 I love you, too. 1889 01:38:02,843 --> 01:38:04,835 Come on. Let's go make love in the science lab. 1890 01:38:05,617 --> 01:38:06,805 OK. Be right back. 1891 01:38:06,837 --> 01:38:07,848 OK. 1892 01:38:08,630 --> 01:38:09,861 Hey, Mom! Hi. 1893 01:38:10,643 --> 01:38:12,780 - I'm so proud! - Congrats, baby. 1894 01:38:12,811 --> 01:38:14,813 - Thank you for coming. - Look at our girl. 1895 01:38:14,845 --> 01:38:16,784 Sweetheart! 1896 01:38:16,815 --> 01:38:18,745 - Congrats. - Thank you, honey. 1897 01:38:18,776 --> 01:38:19,847 - I'm ready. - You look great! 1898 01:38:19,871 --> 01:38:21,706 I'm so proud of you guys. 1899 01:38:21,737 --> 01:38:24,855 You two have made an old man very happy. 1900 01:38:25,637 --> 01:38:28,765 My daughter, my granddaughter, both got a degree today. 1901 01:38:28,796 --> 01:38:30,694 Screw you, Dan! 1902 01:38:30,725 --> 01:38:31,768 - Dad! - Grandpa! 1903 01:38:31,799 --> 01:38:33,666 - What? - Hey. 1904 01:38:33,697 --> 01:38:35,843 I'm starving. Can we please go to Mike and Sandy's house? 1905 01:38:35,867 --> 01:38:38,828 You know what? We'll catch up with you in a minute. 1906 01:38:38,859 --> 01:38:41,852 But I just want... just a moment here with my girl. 1907 01:38:41,883 --> 01:38:43,823 - OK, babe. - Sure, honey. 1908 01:38:44,897 --> 01:38:46,867 - Bye. - You get out. 1909 01:38:52,780 --> 01:38:55,751 Look at us! Couple of college grads, huh! 1910 01:38:55,783 --> 01:38:57,868 Mom, you did it. You got your degree. 1911 01:38:57,899 --> 01:38:59,859 I'm so proud of you. 1912 01:39:00,840 --> 01:39:02,675 I'm proud of me, too. 1913 01:39:02,706 --> 01:39:04,677 But I'm really proud of you. 1914 01:39:04,708 --> 01:39:06,783 I hope you soak it all in. This is your big day. 1915 01:39:06,814 --> 01:39:09,713 I will. Wait, you didn't throw your hat! 1916 01:39:09,744 --> 01:39:11,883 I think there were so many people 1917 01:39:11,914 --> 01:39:14,896 and I just want to keep it as a memento for my alma mater. 1918 01:39:14,928 --> 01:39:16,846 You can keep it, but you gotta throw it. 1919 01:39:16,877 --> 01:39:20,725 - You don't wanna jinx it. - OK. I don't wanna jinx myself. 1920 01:39:20,756 --> 01:39:22,316 - Yeah, already. - All right, here goes! 1921 01:39:22,706 --> 01:39:23,749 Whoo! 1922 01:39:26,867 --> 01:39:28,754 - Oh, my God. - Who did that? 1923 01:39:28,785 --> 01:39:30,891 Marcie, the earring. It's gone. 1924 01:39:30,923 --> 01:39:32,768 That's a half-carat. 1925 01:39:32,800 --> 01:39:34,812 - Don't move. - You're such a fool. 1926 01:39:34,843 --> 01:39:35,907 - We should go. - OK. 1927 01:39:35,938 --> 01:39:37,857 Excuse me! 144356

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