Original subtitles

- Goodnight.

- Night.

Don't stay up too late.

- I won't.

I've got,

I gotta edit tomorrows vlog,

so it shouldn't be more than a couple hours.

- All right.

Can you open the window before you go?

Thank you.

- Yep.

Sleep well.

- I will, you too.

Vince, don't pull my leg.

I'm trying to sleep.

Please don't pull my feet.

Vince?

Vince?

Vince?

- What?

What?

What, what, what, what, what?

- Do you see it?

- See, see what?

- There's someone behind the door.

- What?

- Its shadow is right there.

- I don't see anyone.

- She's looking right at us.

- What?

- No, Vince, no, no, no, no.

- It's nothing.

It is cold in here though.

- Oh, my god, she's right behind you.

No.

No.

- I'm Deanna, I'm Deanna,

I'm Deanna, I'm D, I'm D, I'm Deanna Rocca.

- I'm Vince Rocca.

- Did he say Venti Mocha?

- I'm a filmmaker and a reality TV editor.

- And I am a zoo veterinary tech.

- And together we make

the Travel Show "Life Doesn't Suck."

- I know you're thinking,

"I thought you made cool Rubik's Cube videos,"

well, that's just one of my interests.

My real passion is to capture her bikini collection

in cool tropical locations.

- Sometimes we deviate from our travel videos

and we make silly videos like "Shower Shower Shower"

- And that pretty much sums up who we are.

- The first question we were asked is,

"Where are we staying?"

- Where are we staying?

- We are staying at the beautiful Royal Kona Resort.

- On the big island of Hawaii.

- Big Island!

- It's our first time to the big island.

- Yep, it's pretty cool.

- It's not her first time to the big island.

- Shut up.

Another question we often get asked is,

"How long have we been together?"

- 20 years married.

- 29 years together.

- We met thirty-two years ago in Junior High School.

She was wearing a pink Town & Country shirt and a skirt.

It was like a ray of light had shined upon the school,

just a glow about her.

It was like the first day of summer at the beach.

- The next question I get asked is,

"Do I have any dream vacations?"

And I wanna go to Florida in January

to swim with the Manatees.

- Are you nuts?

That water is freezing.

Like, are you going to wear a bikini?

And those things are giants.

Like they'll totally kill us.

It's bad enough you have us here swimming with stingrays.

- Manta rays.

- Like stingrays are what killed the Croc Hunter!

- Manta rays. - This is nuts.

Why can't we just stay home and buy a classic car?

- You have enough time in your golden years

to go buy a stupid car.

- Here's a question I get asked all the time,

"What's the hardest part about vlogging?"

It's trying to make an entertaining vlog.

To come up with a story that entertains you for the day.

Every morning I wake up and I sit there and I go,

"Well, what am I gonna do today that's going

to be interesting to watch?"

You have to produce your day.

And that's difficult.

Like today, I'm producing the day to go swim with Stingrays.

- Manta rays.

- Wait, I'll record.

Don't pull over.

We don't have time.

We're going to miss it.

Agh, he is obsessed.

He's gotta get the perfect shot.

Right now he's hooking up a GoPro to a tree,

so that he can get a drive by shot.

We've only got 20 minutes to get to the manta rays.

And we're gonna be late.

He always does this.

We're late.

- Slow Down.

Slow up.

I'm coming.

- We're gonna miss it.

- Wait.

- Hurry.

- Okay.

That concludes our,

I say that concludes our trip to the big island and you do.

Okay.

That concludes our trip to the big island.

Try it again.

That concludes our trip to the big island of Hawaii.

Got it, try it again.

And that concludes our trip to the big island.

- Welp, vacation's over.

- So it's time for home improvement.

We're gonna take out this window-

- And install a French door.

- You might notice that this window looks weird.

The whole front of this house is brick,

but under this window is this weird wood accent.

I'm assuming this is because when the house was built,

a French door was an option here.

So today, we're ripping it out.

Jesus Christ!

- Let's get this demo started!

Oaf!

- Harder than that. - Oaf!

Owe.

- Got a nail?

- Yeah.

Whew.

- Oh wow.

There's something in here.

- Yeah, there's a bunch of electricity in there.

- No, there's a box or something.

- What do you mean there's a box?

- Look, there's a box.

- What the hell is it?

There's a cross on it.

- Open it.

Oh, it's a puzzle box.

I think you're suppose to give it a whack.

- What do you mean give it a whack?

- Let me show you.

Line it up just so.

There you go.

Ha, Haaaa.

- Oh, there's a cross in it.

You think it's white gold?

- No.

- Maybe silver? - Hope not.

Oh, but look it's a Portate Cross.

- What the hell is a Portate Cross?

- See how it's angled?

Portate Cross is a cross that when the accused,

the crucifixee-

- Crucifixer.

Crucifixee.

- They were made to drag the cross

over their shoulder to the crucifixion site.

And so the cross, see the angle.

Picture that over the shoulder being drug

up to the crucifixion site before they are crucified.

- I don't know. - It's a Portate Cross.

- I don't know why she knows that.

I don't know how she knows how to open this box.

I'm hoping that maybe this is like white gold

and can pay for...

How do you know it's not white, you know everything?

- Okay, okay.

All right, maybe it is.

- There you go,

it could be white gold and pay

for our entire renovation here.

- Sure.

- All right, which we have to finish.

- Insurance,

and they relocated putting my commute

at like two hours each way.

And I wasn't thrilled working in that industry anyway

so I decided to go back to school

and pursue my RVT and I knew I wanted to work with animals

and I wanted to work in zoo wildlife medicine conservation.

And now, for RVT's,

they offer all different kinds of specialties.

And so I went ahead and I pursued my specialty

in zoo medicine.

But you know, lemme ask you a question.

Does it hurt-

- Boo!

Deanna sometimes talks to herself.

She's done it-

- Don't vlog that.

- She's done it since she was a kid.

Crazy.

I have an event to attend tonight but I've whipped

up some yummy BBQ Chicken salads for dinner.

So, how was your day?

- It was good.

A lot of procedures.

There was an emergency that came up.

It was a little chaotic. - What's the deal with that?

- I think it looks nice.

- Have you ever noticed

that the devil only attacks God-fearing folk?

Look, I don't believe in God, I don't believe in the devil,

I don't believe in ghosts,

goblins, spirits, none of that stuff.

I have nothing to fear, I sleep soundly at night.

- Did you ever think that if you believed,

that it might actually open your mind to new possibilities?

I think we're always surrounded by good, by evil.

There might always be spirits and ghosts around,

but when you don't believe,

you've just shut your mind off to all of that.

- So what you're saying is, if you believe, it can hurt you?

- Or it can help you.

- But if you don't believe,

it can't hurt you or help you,

so you're safe and you've got nothing to fear?

- Sure.

Whatever.

- Love you.

- Love you.

- I'm gonna be home super late,

but you will vlog something?

- Promise.

- You'll vlog something super interesting?

- So spectacular.

- Okay, people want to hear from you.

- I promise it'll be great.

I love you.

- I love you.

Okay, so I'm at a meeting

of a bunch of filmmakers and editors.

I've been here an hour and I haven't vlogged anything yet.

Hopefully Deanna is vlogging some stuff at home,

but maybe she fell asleep on the couch.

Anyway, in case she did, check out this view.

- Are you crazy?

Are you starving?

Did I forget to feed you?

Do you wanna go get something to eat?

Shall we go get...

Are you queen of the mountain?

Okay, lets go.

Come on, you gotta get off of me.

Come on.

Come on, we gotta get going.

What is that?

- Okay, so I wasn't going to vlog this, but...

Just ignore the camera.

So what is your problem with Quentin Tarantino?

- He steals from other movies.

Now it's not homage.

It's out right theft.

- No I think that he is a real big fan of film

and he just wants to share his love

for historical film with his.

- It's theft.

- No, it's more like he borrows.

He rents the ideas? - It's outright theft!

- Oh, my god, can I be in your vlog?

- I think you actually are.

- I love your vlog.

I watch it all the time.

- That is awesome.

- You got a fan?

- Come on, this is a pretty cool shot, right?

Okay, so I'm suppose to be vlogging this whole time,

but I fell asleep on the couch.

And now I'm hungry.

So I'm gonna get myself some cereal.

The extent of my cool shots was what you just saw.

Vince would be getting all the cool shots

of the cereal going in the bowl.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

That scared the crap out of me.

How'd that happen?

Oh, my god.

You know, Vince always told me,

don't stack the glasses that way,

and maybe I should have listened to him.

Oh, my god, that scared the crap out of me.

Oh.

Oh god.

Oh.

Oh, my toe, oh, my toe.

Oh my toe.

Oh my toe.

Oh god.

Oh my toe.

My toe really hurts.

I don't really wanna vlog this,

but Vince will kill me if I don't.

You know, gotta vlog something interesting.

Owe.

Ah, this always burns.

Oh, owe.

Ohhhh.

Now I gotta wait for it to work.

It's pretty numb.

I can't feel that.

Oh, this is gross.

This is really disgusting.

All right, here we go.

Owe.

Oh, my god, it's just all lifting off.

Oh, my god.

Oh.

Oh, that is disgusting.

- It was a great meeting.

I made a lot of great connections.

They had pretzels.

But it is super-late and it's time for me to get home.

- After everything that has happened tonight,

I am really freaking out.

I just...

I'm going crazy.

I set the alarm and I'm just gonna watch some TV

until Vince gets home.

- What, did you pop a Vicodin or something?

- Last night-

- Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute.

All right, so full.

So go ahead, tell your story.

- Last night, I sat down on the couch to watch some TV,

and I look over, and I swear I saw the shadowy figure

of a women sitting next to me.

But that's not her.

Where'd she come from?

- Okay, so full disclosure, I actually added this girl in,

but this is what it looks like without her.

Cracks me up.

- I swear to god, there was a woman sitting there,

shadowy figure, and she had no legs.

- Then she would be easy to run from.

- Whatever.

Well, who is she?

- Oh.

I met her at the mixer last night.

She's an aspiring vlogger.

She watches our vlogs.

And she lives nearby, so I messaged her and she came over.

It turns out that she's kinda slow though.

- What do you mean slow?

- Well, when I met her, I thought she was kinda drunk,

but it turns out she's kinda special.

But not as special as you.

- Wait, I haven't gotten to show you the shadow

I put in the kitchen.

I think that turned out better than this actually.

Don't you wanna see the shadow.

- No.

- But it looks really good.

My ghost turned out okay, right?

- Sure.

- So you don't want to see it?

- No, I saw it in real life.

- You mad at me?

- No, I'm not mad.

- Okay, sorry.

Today we're doing a how to video.

How to replace this broken ceiling fan

with another ceiling fan.

And Michael is here to give me a hand.

Agh, I need a fresh battery.

- I gotcha. - Can you get

me a new battery?

- Owe, Jesus Christ!

- Hey. - I thought I turned that off.

- Mind fixing this for me?

- Why?

Just throw that thing out.

- What for?

- It's kinda a weird thing for an Atheist to have.

- I'm not the Atheist, you're the atheist.

I was always unsure.

And the more I think about it, the more I believe.

- In what?

- A higher power.

- I got your power right here.

- I think you're going to cut your hand.

- No, I'm not.

- What you have the patron saint

of cuts protecting you?

- Yeah.

- Be careful. - Duh!

- So today we are having a BBQ.

This is Deanna in a Bikini, her friend Amy,

Amy's daughter Jenna is back there,

and those are Jenna's 18-year-old friends.

Come on over and say hi, girls.

Hi!

- That's gonna be the thumbnail.

- It can be yours.

- I would love to have this car.

- No.

- But I would rather stay married.

- Chicks dig these things, man.

- Whoa, nice car.

- Maybe you should upgrade to a newer model.

- It's nice.

- Oh, my god.

- Car's so cool.

Don't fall out, okay.

- Oh, my god, I love your bandages,

they're my favorite color.

- Thanks.

Who's the creeper?

He lives next door.

Vince thinks we should be neighborly.

- Bye, I'll see you later mom.

- Now, we have a treat for you.

We're gonna have a seance.

I've got camera's all around this room.

I've got a camera here, I've got a second camera right here.

This is camera number three.

Camera number four.

Plus, I have my vlogging camera.

- Enough cameras, man?

- Actually no, I wanna cover the house

with surveillance cameras, but Deanna won't let me.

- Really strange.

- Oh, you know it is an old house.

- Well, I know, but these aren't like old house noises.

They're more like whispers and groans.

They're not like creeks and cracks.

- You should tell them about your gimpy ghost.

- Ooh.

A couple nights ago,

I saw a dark shadowy figure right where you are now.

- Ahhh, okay.

All right, so you see dead people?

- I saw the dead.

- And if we'd had surveillance cameras all over this place

we'd be able to prove it.

- Yeah, but you just want those cameras

so you can vlog all over the house.

- Okay, I know, let's start the seance.

- Seance?

No.

Not gonna happen.

No seance.

- Dude, why not?

It's not like any of this is real.

- How do you know?

- 'Cause if ghosts exist,

then that means God exists.

And...

...there's no proof that God is real.

- Yeah.

- I agree.

- What about the beauty of nature?

- Yeah, what about the horror of nature,

like famine, and disease, and death?

- Well, I think,

you just have to have some faith in God's plan, you know?

- But faith is the opposite of proof, right?

Faith is actually the belief

in something that can't be proven.

So you can have faith in a God, but doesn't make him exist.

- Well, you know what,

I have faith that there's not gonna be a seance

while I'm sitting.

No, nothing good comes out of a seance.

- Dude, why?

What is the worst that could happen?

- Shush, what's that?

- I like your dogs.

- What the hell is that?

- I like your dogs.

- Hello?

- Boo!

- Bill's still here.

- Come on, Mr. Video, I know who your ghost is.

One night I wake up to all this noise.

- Oh?

- I look over the wall and there's cops everywhere.

I overhear one of the police say

that the guy who lived here shot his wife in the knee caps

and then hung himself.

- Whoa.

- In the knee caps?

- Apparently, he blew her knees off

so that her hobble would always remind her

of what happened that day.

- Oh.

- That's what the cop said.

But she bled out and died,

so I guess his plan didn't work out.

- And these were the people that used to live here?

- Yeah, Jose and Patricia

or something super-Mexican like that.

- And that's why you got such a deal on the house.

- How do you not know this?

- The house was a bank repossession.

- Or was it a po-ssession.

Right, are you with me?

- Vincent,

did your ceiling fan repair fry our electricity?

- I'm at work today and It's time for me to do treatments,

and the way I do that is

I take the medication and I hide them in a food item.

So lets go do that.

Come on.

You want one?

Come on.

She's not gonna come.

Good girl.

Hi baby bear.

Was that delicious?

- Chase me, chase me.

Come on.

- We have a special guest.

Everybody, you remember Christina?

She decided to stalk me.

- I wasn't stalking you.

- You were waiting in my driveway.

- Come on, chase me.

Come on.

Come on, come on.

- Say goodbye to everybody.

- Bye everybody. - Bye.

Vlogs over. See you Christina.

- Bye.

- Definitely an interesting.

Yeah.

- I had fun.

- I'm home.

You're gonna go home?

- Can I play with the dogs more?

- Maybe later.

- Okay.

- Okay, you're gonna go home now though, right?

- Bye.

- Pull up was a total failure.

But at least, it's mail time.

I've been waiting for these for a while.

Not only because I love tech,

but because, well, you know, stalkers.

I wanna stress, we love that you guys watch our videos.

You could spend your entertainment time anywhere

and you spend it with us,

and we really appreciate that.

But there's gotta be boundaries.

And waiting out in front of my house for me,

that's a little weird.

So, hopefully, these will discourage that.

Today, I'm gonna to unbox, review,

and setup these security cameras.

All right, so I've got a camera set up right here.

I've got another one set up right here.

This one here catches the living room.

And with not only one,

but two cameras in the bedroom, it should capture sexy time!

- Hello.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- Check out our new security cameras.

- How much were those?

- Can you really put a price on peace of mind?

- Yeah, it's called an alarm.

- Maybe this will make you feel better?

- Awe, you fixed it!

Oh, wee.

Thank you.

- I bet you're glad we have video cameras now?

- Funny.

Ha ha.

Yeah.

All right, you wanna step up the game?

- No.

No, I was getting you back.

- Nope.

It's on now.

Goodnight.

- Night.

Don't stay up too late.

- I won't.

I've got,

I gotta edit tomorrows vlog,

so it shouldn't be more than a couple hours.

- All right.

Can you open the window before you go?

Thank you.

- Yep

Sleep well.

- I will, you too.

Vince, don't pull my leg, I'm trying to sleep.

Please, don't pull my feet.

Vince!

- What?

What?

What, what, what, what, what?

- Do you see it?

- See, see what?

- There's someone behind the door.

- What?

- Its shadow is right there.

- I don't, I don't see anyone.

- She's looking right at us.

- What?

- No, Vince, no, no, no, no.

- It's nothing.

It is cold in here though.

- Oh, my god, she's right behind you.

No.

No.

- Hun, calm down.

It was nothing.

It's no big deal.

It was just the wind.

- No.

No. - Yeah, watch.

- It was more than that.

It was more than that.

No, no, no. - Watch, watch, here, look.

See the door is fine.

Look.

- But it looked at me.

It looked at me.

- Are you praying?

So last night?

- There was something in that room.

- The house is like 50 years old,

so there's a whole bunch of squeaks and drafts.

- Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

- Lack of sexy time I'm guessing.

- Well, some sexy time tonight?

- Whoo, hoo!

I am on my way to Tom's house for lunch.

So where are you taking me to lunch today?

- So you think that if she believes in God

that she's gonna leave you?

- Well, yeah, yeah, yeah,

I'm afraid that I'll lose her.

- Why?

- Isn't she gonna think I'm a heathen if I don't believe?

- All right, you gonna think she's a zealot if she does?

- Yeah, kind of.

I mean, it's like a vegan and a meat eater,

they're too fundamentally different, they can't be together.

The vegan would never prepare meals

for the meat eater because they're disgusted by it.

- All right, there's more to life than meals,

and yes, there's more to life than faith,

but just keep on making the meals

and have faith she doesn't realize you're a knucklehead.

- So check out the lovely meal I've prepared.

- It's delicious.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

- Hmmmmm.

- More wine please.

That was a full glass.

What, are trying to get me drunk?

Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink.

- Whoa!

Oh, wow.

- Gotta keep up.

- How sexy are you?

- Ooh, so sexy.

- Irresistible.

I should cleanse you,

I should dump this wine on you and cleanse you of all your-

- Oh, no, you don't.

- Impurities. - Not if you want me

to throw my wine on you.

- Like why did you do that?

- I think your shirt looks better on me anyways.

Vince?

Where'd you go?

Are you coming to bed?

- Wine?

- I think we've had enough wine.

- Sexy time?

- Sexy time!

- Ooh.

- Ooh.

- What?

- You have cameras.

- You want me to turn them off?

- Let's make a sex tape!

- All right.

- Yeah, baby, yeah.

- What is that?

- Austin Powers.

- Yeah, don't do that.

What, I got moves.

- What?

It's nothing.

Everything is fine.

It's the dogs.

Everything.

Just relax.

Yeah.

Yeah, what is that?

- I don't know.

- What the hell?

- Holy crap.

- What the hell?

- There's something in this room.

- What?

- Shhhhh.

I can feel it.

- Where you going?

- I'm not sleeping in this room.

First it was the door, now it's the ceiling fan.

I am out of here.

No way.

- So no sex then?

- What am I suppose to do?

She followed us home on the dog walk again.

- All right, well, how would you like it

if some challenged guy followed me home?

- Does he have like super-special strength

or something?

Look, I mean I just,

I don't wanna be mean 'cause she's special.

- She's also very pretty.

- So she's pretty special.

You can't keep coming over here.

It's weird and it's intrusive.

Okay, I mean, we love fans, but you've crossed a line.

- Okay.

- Okay, and no more dog walks.

- Why?

- Well, for one, you don't even have a dog.

- Oh.

Okay.

- Do you understand what I'm saying?

- I crossed a line.

I don't even have a dog.

I shouldn't come over.

- All right, good enough.

Just-

- Okay

- Yeah, okay.

- Bye

- Right.

- Am I being mean?

It's just weird to have some stranger waiting for you

in your driveway.

I think we should get a gun.

- For her?

She's harmless.

- But the next fan might not be,

and you wanna vlog our lives to the world,

so I think we should get some protection.

- We have protection, we have security cameras.

- Those aren't gonna keep out intruders.

- Well, the alarm will.

Look, more importantly,

are you sleeping in the master bedroom

or do I need to call my girlfriend back?

Okay, seriously.

- I don't want to sleep in that room.

It's haunted in there.

- Haunted?

- Things are happening to me that we can't explain.

Can't we just camp out in here?

- Yeah, I suppose we can sleep in here.

Where'd you get a Bible?

- I found it out back, I think it belonged to Christina.

- Huh?

- "Keep this book of the law always on your lips,

meditate on it day and night

so that you may be careful to do everything written in it,

then you will be prosperous and successful."

Joshua 1:08

- What is that?

- I don't know, this page was bookmarked.

Stop it.

- Good night, sweet dreams,

I love you, see you in the morning.

- Night, sweet dreams, I love you,

see you in the morning.

- Don't let the bed bugs bite.

- I won't, you neither.

- I won't unless they have tiny faces of Deanna.

- I wont unless they have tiny faces of Vince.

- Good night, sweetie.

- Good night, honey.

- Sleep well

- You too.

- Why are you paranormal activating me?

- This house is haunted.

- Wait, are you trying to tell me

that you're possessed?

- No!

God no.

But that's the second time

that my leg has been pulled.

- It looks to me like you're kicking.

- No.

Have I ever prayed like that before?

- I don't know.

There's a ton of footage to go through.

- What's that?

- It'll help me sleep.

- You can't keep taking those.

- Well, I can't keep night praying either.

- What do you think?

It's pretty cool, yeah?

- Do you believe in God?

- I don't know.

I don't think I believe God or gods exist.

I'm just unconvinced.

It's kinda like an unfalsifiable hypothesis.

Like Santa and his Elves.

- Awe, man, don't mess with Santa.

- If you can't feel it and you can't see it, does it exist?

- Well, his disciples saw him.

- Yeah, 2,000 years ago.

- Look, I don't know, I can't feel or see a woman's orgasm,

but I'm pretty sure it exists.

- Don't even get me started on that one.

- So how is it?

- It's pretty cool.

Vince, come quick!

- What?

- The gardener fell off the deck.

- Holy crap.

Juan!

Juan!

You okay?

Juan!

Juan!

Well, he's alive.

- What?

- Blower, off.

- What the hell, man?

- What?

Like you have water?

Juan, Juan, are you okay?

Call the police.

- No policia.

- You're hurt.

You need Emergencia.

Pharmacia.

You need.

- No, No.

La migra!

Call Hermano.

- So check this out.

The gardener was blowing the deck and the rail broke

and he fell off of it.

- Shut up!

- Yeah.

But thank God, he's going to be okay.

- Well, wouldn't God have saved him?

- Well, if he would have died, we'd be screwed.

So your God saved us.

- What, what's gotten into you?

You're the one who believes in God?

- I thought you didn't?

- It's not that I believe there isn't a God,

it's just that there is no real evidence that a God exists.

But maybe that's what this is.

- Well, it's not even that I really believe there is a God,

it's that life couldn't exist just by coincidence.

I don't know, maybe it does.

You know, a guy almost died in the back of our yard,

so how can there be a God?

- Almost!

Goodnight?

- Goodnight.

- What's up?

What are you doing?

You okay?

Deanna?

Are you sleep walking?

Oh, my god, your eyes are open.

I don't think I'm suppose to mess with you.

Why would you turn the alarm off?

What?

Game room?

What the hell?

This is like the freakiest thing,

like how does this door open?

- I sleepwalk now?

- Yeah, I don't know.

What I can't explain is the slider?

I mean, wind couldn't do this.

- Tica, Tica.

Come on.

Come here, come on.

Come on.

Hey guys, hi.

Look at the puppies, look at the puppies.

Hi.

Hi.

- What the hell, Christina?

- Wait, but they are playing so good together.

- What are you doing?

- You said if I got a dog I could go on walks.

- No, I said that you coming

over here was inappropriate,

that you didn't even have a dog.

Look, this is trespassing.

We have cameras.

You can't come over here.

- But you need me.

- No, we need viewers,

we don't need people coming over and stalking us.

You have to go.

Oh, my god!

- She tries to take my babies, I'll take care of her.

- What the hell is that?

- Nothing.

- Is that a gun?

Did you bring a gun?

- No, no, no, no.

- Where the hell did you get a gun?

- I bought it.

- You brought a gun into our house?

- We need protection from crazy fans,

and doors opening up in the middle of the night.

I don't know, maybe it was her, maybe she opened the door.

- These things are dangerous.

This thing is loaded.

- The safety was on.

- Look, if you wanna own a gun,

we've gotta learn how to use it.

So how is it?

- It's awesome.

- Deanna?

What the hell?

Deanna?

What are you doing?

- Oh, Jesus!

Deanna?

Are you sleep walking again?

Are you digging my grave?

- This isn't me. That's not real.

- You're right there.

- You faked this.

- How?

Why would I fake this?

- That's not me.

You faked it.

- There's security cameras, there's my vlog camera,

there's holes out back.

How could I fake this?

- Oh, my god!

This is real?

- Yeah, okay.

While you obsess over this,

I'm gonna move some security cameras.

- Well, this camera and this camera doesn't seem

to be doing much good up here.

If she's gonna bury me, I want someone to see it.

- Hey, Vince, come in here.

I pulled up the footage of when I was praying

and of the night the ceiling fan fell.

What do these file names mean?

- Oh, the camera stamps it.

It like the camera name the date and the time.

- Well, both of these have 1:08 a.m.

on different dates.

And here, 1:08, is when we started hearing noises.

- So you wanna have an exorcism

or something at 1:08?

- No, no, no, no.

- We could exorcize the demons!

- No, not where I was going,

we're not messing with this, no.

- We could get a Ouija board too.

- Oh, hell no.

No, no, no, no, no.

Vince, I don't want to do this.

- We already went over this.

What else are we gonna do?

- I don't know, hire someone with more experience.

Like a priest?

- A virgin?

This is not a job for a virgin.

Look, I've seen the "Exorcist" like 100 times,

I have a bible, I totally got this.

Maybe we should shut the lights?

- No!

- Fine, fine.

Ghostly spirit, if you are here move something,

do something.

You feeling okay?

- Something's here.

- Fantastic!

Close the door.

- Do you hear that?

- I cast you out, ghostly spirit!

In the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ!

It is he who commands you!

Be gone from this house.

In the name of the Father, in the name of the Son,

in the name of the Holy Spirit.

It is the power of Christ that compels you.

It is the power of Christ compels you!

Deanna, the response, please.

It is the power of Christ...

- Oh, my god!

Are you okay?

Deanna?

Deanna, are you okay?

- Oh, god.

Oh, thank God, I thought...

Deanna isn't feeling well today, so she's staying home.

I, on the other hand, am on my way to the County...

Register Recorder.

I probably can't record in there,

but I have a hidden microphone, so lets see what we get.

- How can I help you?

- I'd like to do a property search

to find out about the previous owners of my house.

Well, I've got a list of names and addresses,

now it's time to track them down.

Deanna?

Hello.

I think the passcode is ah Venti Mocha.

Yeah, what set it off?

Oh, I changed the code,

I think the wife must have keyed in the wrong code.

Yeah, it's fine.

Yeah, you can cancel the police.

No, it's okay.

Thanks.

Deanna?

Deanna?

Hun?

It's okay.

I changed the code, everything's fine.

According to the county,

the last people to own my house were a Steve

and Loraine Spottiswoode.

Not exactly a Mexican surname.

But I tracked him down

and it turns out he's an accountant working

at this building here.

So I'm gonna take my phone, stick it in my pocket,

see what I can record.

- Now, what can I do for you?

- Well, ah this may sound odd

but I live in your old house.

- Mm-hmm.

- I'm trying to find out

about an incident that happened there.

Yeah.

Well, I've searched all over

and I haven't been able to find anything.

- Yeah, you won't.

Never made the papers.

The economy had tanked.

The headlines were full of falling stocks

and CEO golden parachutes.

Nobody cared about an immigrant suicide.

You have to understand, the economy was rough,

and he came to...

What was his name?

Joe.

I think Joseph.

Joshua!

Joshua Juarez.

Came to me, had plenty of cash,

didn't want a background check.

Seemed like nice enough people.

Houses everywhere were vacant.

Here's a renter, how could I turn the money down?

Apparently, his oldest daughter had killed

her little brother back in Mexico.

Then he took the girls and fled to the United States.

I didn't know any of that stuff

when I rented the house to him.

But his sister lived nearby,

she was in the catering business or something like that.

And a couple months later,

he shoots his wife and then hangs himself in the yard.

- Girls?

- Yeah, two girls.

The eldest, the one the police were looking for,

she just vanished.

And the younger one, I think she went to live with her aunt.

- All right, it's time for me to go.

Hun?

Deanna?

Hello baby.

Where's you mom?

All right, well, where ever your hiding,

I shouldn't be too late.

Hun?

Deanna?

Are you trying to scare me?

Deanna?

Hun?

All right, well, where ever you are,

I shouldn't be too late.

Love you.

Holy Crap!

Oh my god.

- You won't let her, you won't let her.

- You want me to shoot you?

- No, no, I don't know.

You won't let her, and she needs me.

- Who?

What?

God damn it, what the hell is wrong with you?

Deanna?

Deanna?

Deanna!

Deanna, are you okay?

Deanna.

Oh, my god.

Hey, hun.

I'm sorry I didn't believe you.

I wanna stay another night but the nurses won't let me.

I think your roommate is having a fit.

But you'll wake up soon.

What is that?

Why is this happening?

Hey.

- Hey, man.

- How's it going?

- Good, good.

How you doing?

- Eh, I been better.

- Yeah.

- But I really appreciate you taking this for me.

- Awe, no problem.

How's she doing?

- Doctors say that its a reaction to her sleeping pills,

but she'll wake up soon.

- Something's not right in here, man.

- Yeah, tell me about it.

- You need to call Heather, man.

- Who's Heather?

- Heather is a spiritual friend.

- A medium?

- More of a small.

You're judgemental.

- My homicidal wife is in the hospital.

And you think I need a medium?

- She can help you with this.

You feel it.

It's off.

An exorcism or something.

It's possessed.

- Possessed?

Possessed would mean that there is an afterlife.

That there's a God and a devil.

- Exactly.

Dude, maybe God is an alien.

Maybe.

John 17:14, "We are not of this World."

Look, man, some believe that earth is hell,

and then if you have faith, you find salvation in heaven.

But if you don't have faith, then you die here in hell.

An Atheist might live a completely normal life,

but then there's no afterlife for him.

You believe that there's life in other universes, right?

- I don't know.

- Okay, listen.

Just...

...call Heather.

And here, protect yourself.

- You're giving me the cross off your back.

- Yeah, that was my father's.

Don't disrespect him and not wear it.

- I can't take this.

- Yeah, you can.

What kinda Christian would I be if I don't try to save you?

- Hi, I'm Vince.

- Something awful happened here.

Your wife is in mortal danger.

- So do you like perform exorcisms or something?

- Your house is not haunted, it's your wife.

It happened here.

She took her last breath.

- Actually, it happened in the living room.

- There is death in many rooms in this house.

- The hell?

This chick is crazy.

- It doesn't matter what you believe.

Demons are real.

There is a heaven and a hell.

Mr. Rocca, do you love your wife?

- Of course.

- Would you do anything for her?

- Sure, yeah, absolutely.

- Then why don't you help her?

- I am.

That's why you're here.

- Don't turn your back on God.

The answers you are in this book.

You just have to dig.

- That's it?

You just leave?

This is a caterer.

- Hello?

- Hey, Christina, Can you come over and walk the dogs?

- Yeah, I'd love to.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- Is this yours?

- Uh-huh.

- And what about this?

- That's my tia my tio's,

they make food for parties.

- Have you ever seen this before?

How bout this?

- Where did you get that?

- You know what this is?

- Give it.

I need it.

It's mine.

No, no, no.

I'm telling, I'm telling, I'm telling, I'm telling.

- Did she get the cross?

- No, she definitely tried though.

- I knew it was valuable.

- Why you doing that?

- Maybe instead, you should dig.

- Don't you want to catch this on film?

I see you're wearing another cross.

- Yeah, Tom gave it to me.

- Maybe that's not the cross

you should be wearing.

- I don't know why you're shooting this.

- In case you were to spontaneous combust.

- I can't believe I'm buying into this.

- Well, maybe God's gonna be striking you down.

Very anticlimactic.

- I don't know what you thought was gonna happen.

- It's a lot of holes.

- Yeah.

I don't think they're deep enough.

Hey, where did the gardener land?

- Right about there.

- Seems easy to dig.

- Huh, gotta get this on video.

- It's like a cavern.

It's deep.

- Do you really have something in there?

- Yeah, I just...

Holy crap.

What if...

but this...

Maybe we should call the police?

- Oh, that's awesome.

And tell them what?

Hey, we're two guys digging in the yard at 2 a.m.

and we found a vase.

Yeah, run that through your head, how's that gonna sound?

- What if it's a...

- Lets just open it.

Why'd you do that?

- Dude, come on, man.

Hello?

Hun?

Oh crap, she's awake.

- What am I suppose to do?

- I don't...

Go home.

- Owe.

- Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.

- All right, when you're done playing,

you wanna give me a hand with this?

- Hey, everybody.

- Been a long time since we vlogged.

- Sorry about that.

- Yeah, I just haven't really been in the mood to.

But not much has happened.

- No.

A lot of you are wondering what happened.

And we gave the urn back to the police.

- Yep, they are investigating it

and seeing if they can determine DNA from the ashes,

but apparently that's very difficult.

- Yeah, almost impossible.

- Haven't seen Christina since that day.

- No.

- But I did give the business card to the police

and they're looking into it.

- Yeah, we think she's the youngest daughter.

- Yes, what we think happened is that the mother

killed and burned and buried

her oldest daughter, Marisol, in our backyard.

And then the father, distraught, shot the mother

and then hung himself near the grave out back.

- It's pretty grim.

- Yeah, it is grim.

But on the bright side, I forwent the Camero.

And?

- Took this awesome Florida vacation.

Wow, manatees really are some of natures greatest creatures.

- Or maybe some of God's greatest?

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