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00:00:06,095 --> 00:00:11,095
Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org
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(WIND WHISTLING)
(LIGHT FOOTSTEPS RUSTLING)
3
00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:27,327
(NARRATOR SPEAKING)
4
00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:37,772
(BIRD SCREECHING)
5
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:39,741
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
6
00:00:39,774 --> 00:00:42,275
(MAN PANTING)
7
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:46,513
(FOOTSTEPS THUDDING)
8
00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:12,339
(GUN FIRING)
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All right, all right!
(DRUMMING MUSIC)
10
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I knew she was your sister!
11
00:01:16,711 --> 00:01:21,448
But come on, man, I ain't the
only one been ridin' that bus.
12
00:01:21,481 --> 00:01:23,785
(GUN FIRING)
13
00:01:23,818 --> 00:01:25,787
You're the forest ranger here.
14
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You swore to protect
everything in these woods.
15
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,825
She had to have anal
rejuvenation surgery
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00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:31,759
'cause of you.
(METAL CLANKING)
17
00:01:31,793 --> 00:01:32,592
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
18
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,394
CORY: Forest Ranger Billy
Teal,
19
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:38,498
my childhood friend and
more recently my nemesis.
20
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:39,599
FRAN: What we done...
21
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:41,002
Fran Andersen.
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
22
00:01:41,035 --> 00:01:43,905
Without him, this story would
be a lot more believable.
23
00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:47,742
Was perfectly legal
consensual sexual behavior.
24
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:51,045
(GUN FIRING)
25
00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:53,915
She may be over 21,
but she's not all there
26
00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:55,817
and you know it.
27
00:01:55,850 --> 00:01:59,319
(ANIMAL GRUNTING LIGHTLY)
28
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:03,057
Using your glasses was her
idea.
29
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:10,463
RANGER BILLY: I'm gonna shoot
you
30
00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:11,866
in your smart mouth Andersen
(GUN FIRING)
31
00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:14,367
so you can't tell anyone what
you did.
32
00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:15,837
FRAN: And who the hell am I
gonna tell?
33
00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:18,538
I ain't even from around here.
34
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:19,841
I told you to stay out of
these woods.
35
00:02:19,874 --> 00:02:22,509
(GUN FIRING)
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00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:23,845
And I warned you about my
sister.
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00:02:23,878 --> 00:02:26,479
(GUNS FIRING)
38
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:31,618
(UPBEAT COUNTRY MUSIC)
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00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:32,686
That's my honey.
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(CHUCKLES)
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00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:36,157
(GUN FIRING)
(GLASS SHATTERING)
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00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:37,158
(SQUIRREL SQUEAKING)
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00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:39,392
Dammit, sorry, buddy.
44
00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:41,863
(GUN FIRING)
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00:02:41,896 --> 00:02:43,164
(CORY GRUNTING)
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Relax, killer, feel it.
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(SIGHS)
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00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,403
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
49
00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:53,107
There she is, the
only woman I ever loved.
50
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:54,842
My wife, Carla.
51
00:02:54,876 --> 00:02:56,576
What I can feel, honey,
is you rubbing your junk
52
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:57,410
up against me?
53
00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:58,578
My junk?
54
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,647
Don't you mean my cuddly little
kitty?
55
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,583
(CHUCKLES) Shoot those cans,
tiger.
56
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:04,451
(GUN FIRING)
57
00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:05,585
(CARLA GRUNTING)
58
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,621
(CORY GRUNTING)
59
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,757
You gonna let those cans
have their way with me?
60
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,424
Is that what you want?
61
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:13,995
The mother of your child
passed around and ravaged
62
00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:15,796
by some lecherous cans?
63
00:03:15,830 --> 00:03:16,630
Okay.
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00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:19,967
All right.
65
00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:22,569
(GUN FIRING)
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00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:23,470
(LAUGHING)
67
00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:25,006
CARLA: Oh, Professor.
68
00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,673
(GASPS) You saved me.
69
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,876
There's nothing out here
that'll hurt you now, my love.
70
00:03:28,910 --> 00:03:30,044
(CARLA GIGGLING)
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00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:31,045
(BOTH MOANING)
72
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:31,946
I love you.
73
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:34,749
It's dark.
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00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:36,851
Left brain wants some wine.
75
00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:43,057
You know right brain's
thinking about something else.
76
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,458
Not now, Professor.
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00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:47,228
The law of survival states
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00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:49,063
that if I don't get me some
every day
79
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:51,665
right about this time, I will
die.
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00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:52,900
No, no, no.
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00:03:52,934 --> 00:03:55,002
You're not going to die.
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00:03:55,036 --> 00:03:56,137
You know the woods brings out
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00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:58,672
the beast in me.
(CARLA GIGGLING)
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00:03:58,706 --> 00:03:59,740
Stop.
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00:03:59,774 --> 00:04:00,640
(CORY GRUNTS)
86
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:01,574
You go get some wine.
87
00:04:01,608 --> 00:04:02,542
Go.
88
00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:03,778
How did you ever turn into a
grown ass man
89
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:06,747
with your shit together with
that thing calling the shots?
90
00:04:06,781 --> 00:04:09,150
(CHUCKLES) Go!
91
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:25,833
(ANIMAL GROWLING)
92
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,568
(BIRD CHIRPING)
93
00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:37,078
(ANIMAL GROWLING)
(CARLA GASPING)
94
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:39,814
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
95
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:49,522
(ANIMAL GROWLING)
(STICKS CLATTERING)
96
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,198
(ANIMAL GROANING)
97
00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:58,733
Cory, is that you?
98
00:05:03,838 --> 00:05:04,739
Who's there?
99
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:07,742
Hello?
100
00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:08,943
(DOOR THUDS)
101
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:12,246
Oh, damn, I knew you were gonna
do that.
102
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,314
Where have you been?
103
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:15,049
I was out communing with
nature.
104
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:16,250
What is that?
105
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:17,985
It's a turd.
106
00:05:18,019 --> 00:05:19,686
Gross, why didn't you
just leave it in the woods
107
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,655
like the rest of the forest
creatures?
108
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,325
Why is it so big?
109
00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:25,760
Honey, it didn't come out of
me.
110
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:26,861
CARLA: Oh.
111
00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,062
It also didn't come out of a
bear.
112
00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:29,629
I wanna know what made this.
113
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:32,565
Did you taste it, Professor?
114
00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:35,002
Sweetie, you know I
taste everything out here
115
00:05:35,036 --> 00:05:36,170
except for my own pee.
116
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:37,004
Take the turd.
117
00:05:37,038 --> 00:05:38,105
I don't really wanna take
turd.
118
00:05:38,139 --> 00:05:38,638
CORY: No, take the turd,
it goes with the Merlot.
119
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,041
But I think you...
120
00:05:40,074 --> 00:05:40,941
Take the turd.
121
00:05:40,975 --> 00:05:41,909
Honey, honey, take the turd.
122
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,177
Thanks, you know the drill.
123
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,045
I'm gonna get some firewood.
124
00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:45,012
- Mmm hmm.
- Love you.
125
00:05:45,046 --> 00:05:45,846
- Mmm hmm.
- Love you.
126
00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:46,646
Mmm hmm.
127
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:56,357
(ANIMAL GRUMBLING)
128
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:59,894
You're not gonna scare me again.
129
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:03,297
I'm gonna beat you with this
turd!
130
00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:04,965
Stop messin' around!
131
00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:11,172
(ANIMAL GROWLING)
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
132
00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:13,974
(ANIMAL GROWLING)
133
00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:18,245
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
134
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,258
(CARLA SCREAMING)
(CREATURE SCREAMING)
135
00:06:31,292 --> 00:06:32,793
(CREATURE GROWLING)
(LIVELY COUNTRY MUSIC)
136
00:06:32,827 --> 00:06:34,228
(GUN FIRING)
137
00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:36,696
(CARLA SCREAMING)
138
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:37,630
(GUN FIRING)
(CARLA GRUNTING)
139
00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:40,101
(TURD THUDDING)
140
00:06:43,938 --> 00:06:46,841
(CARLA THUDDING)
(TENSE MUSIC)
141
00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:49,009
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
142
00:06:49,043 --> 00:06:52,146
(LIVELY COUNTRY MUSIC)
143
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:03,858
Carla!
144
00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:05,192
(RIFLE THUDDING)
145
00:07:05,226 --> 00:07:06,060
(CARLA GROANING)
146
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,028
(CARLA THUDDING)
147
00:07:08,062 --> 00:07:08,863
Carla!
148
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:16,003
(EERIE MUSIC)
149
00:07:19,140 --> 00:07:19,940
Carla, no!
150
00:07:21,142 --> 00:07:23,777
(RIFLE FIRING)
151
00:07:26,247 --> 00:07:29,049
(BIRD SCREECHING)
152
00:07:29,083 --> 00:07:30,384
No!
153
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:31,352
You bastard!
154
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,759
(CRYING)
(TENSE MUSIC)
155
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,295
(RAIN PATTERING)
156
00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:48,435
(THUNDER CRACKING)
157
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:58,145
No, you fucking bastard!
158
00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:03,017
(EERIE MUSIC)
159
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,496
(LIVELY MUSIC)
160
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:18,365
♪ They say I'm gonna have to do ♪
161
00:08:18,399 --> 00:08:20,901
♪ And you know it's sad but true ♪
162
00:08:20,935 --> 00:08:22,736
♪ But there's worst things
somebody ♪
163
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:25,973
♪ Mighty love, already know it's
true ♪
164
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:26,840
♪ We said work ♪
165
00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:28,108
♪ I do believe in ♪
166
00:08:28,142 --> 00:08:29,310
♪ Work work ♪
167
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:30,511
♪ Doesn't believe in ♪
(GLASS SHATTERING)
168
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:31,845
♪ Now I don't believe ♪
169
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,480
♪ Said I believe ♪
170
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:37,885
♪ Bigfoot doesn't believe ♪
171
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:42,523
TOOTHLESS HUSSY: Gotta
get your stuff there anyways.
172
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:43,991
CORY: Hey, Gloria!
173
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,026
GLORIA: Let me get you home.
174
00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:48,062
- It's not your fault!
- Hello!
175
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:51,465
- Bye girls.
- Bitch, gimme back my wig!
176
00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:53,267
Bitch, gimme back my wig.
177
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:54,435
♪ Baby ♪
178
00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:55,536
I need my wig back.
♪ How you sing ♪
179
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:57,371
Gimme this damn thing!
180
00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:59,073
(WOMEN SCREAMING)
181
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:00,140
You be nice, huh?
182
00:09:00,174 --> 00:09:01,408
Larry.
183
00:09:01,442 --> 00:09:03,877
- How are ya?
- Oh no you don't.
184
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,382
It's time to go.
185
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:11,151
(GLASS CLANKING)
186
00:09:12,253 --> 00:09:13,420
Gloria Teal,
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
187
00:09:13,454 --> 00:09:15,055
my best research assistant
188
00:09:15,089 --> 00:09:17,524
and the daughter I never had.
189
00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:20,394
And that's her daughter, Cassie.
190
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:23,230
Come on, Cassie, help Mommy.
191
00:09:23,264 --> 00:09:26,133
♪ I like to swing, wear my boots ♪
192
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,936
♪ High heel cowboy boots ♪
193
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:33,007
♪ There's nothing you
can do that I can't ♪
194
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,409
♪ And I believe in sleeping man ♪
195
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:37,878
♪ And crazy plans ♪
196
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,247
(HORN TOOTING)
197
00:09:44,318 --> 00:09:46,287
(DOG BARKING)
198
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,522
Pastor Evans, you're a mess.
199
00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:50,391
Yes, I am.
200
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:53,093
And you peed your pants.
201
00:09:53,127 --> 00:09:54,161
Yes, I did.
202
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,330
(DOG BARKING)
203
00:09:56,363 --> 00:10:00,501
GLORIA: You don't
need any more of that.
204
00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:04,104
CORY: Did I tell you
Casey's coming home?
205
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:07,941
GLORIA: I guess he'll
be staying at the house?
206
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,109
CORY: He can sleep with the
interns.
207
00:10:09,143 --> 00:10:10,110
You sure he's not gonna mind
(TRAIN WHISTLE TOOTING)
208
00:10:10,144 --> 00:10:11,445
us being there?
209
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,346
CORY: You guys are
the best damn assistants
210
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:16,016
I ever had next to Carla.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
211
00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:17,318
GLORIA: (SIGHS) I have
something really important
212
00:10:17,351 --> 00:10:19,386
I need to talk to you about,
okay?
213
00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:20,521
CORY: Okay.
214
00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:21,355
(CORY COUGHING)
215
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:22,189
Oh.
216
00:10:23,324 --> 00:10:24,591
There you go.
217
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:27,928
Yep, right there, let it out.
(CORY GAGGING)
218
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,163
There you go.
219
00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:31,298
Oh, you want me to hold your
hair for you?
220
00:10:31,332 --> 00:10:32,466
(CORY GAGGING AND COUGHING)
221
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:33,367
Easy, Grandpa.
222
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,635
You're gonna break a hip or
something.
223
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:35,502
(CORY GRUNTING)
224
00:10:35,536 --> 00:10:37,905
Hey, Professor Mathis.
225
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,506
I have something really
important to talk to you about.
226
00:10:39,540 --> 00:10:40,207
Just let me sit.
227
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,241
- Let me sit.
- You can sit.
228
00:10:41,275 --> 00:10:42,609
Just sit.
229
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:44,278
CORY: Come on, just tell me.
230
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:46,880
That little girl in there.
231
00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:48,515
CORY: I love that little
girl.
232
00:10:48,549 --> 00:10:50,084
That little girl in there
(DOG BARKING)
233
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,252
might be your granddaughter.
234
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:59,660
(LAUGHING) I knew it!
235
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:00,494
Woo hoo!
236
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,464
- I'm not 100% for sure
- I knew it!
237
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:04,465
- but I'm pretty positive.
- You hear that now?
238
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:05,299
What's happening?
239
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,200
What's going on?
240
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:07,968
This is so freakin' great.
241
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:08,837
(FIST THUDDING)
242
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:12,339
You (LAUGHING) are my
granddaughter.
243
00:11:12,373 --> 00:11:14,007
I knew it all along, honey.
244
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,676
Come here and give grandpa a
hug.
245
00:11:15,710 --> 00:11:17,144
CASSIE: Professor, you smell!
246
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,445
(LIVELY ELECTRIC GUITAR MUSIC)
247
00:11:18,479 --> 00:11:21,949
The first Bigfoot
sighting was awful fantastic
248
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:25,586
made by Leif Ericson, upon
reaching the new world.
249
00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:27,554
But I guess we'll never
really know the truth.
250
00:11:27,588 --> 00:11:29,990
Certainly not this time, my
friends.
251
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,260
So buckle your seatbelt,
our story's about to unfold.
252
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:36,630
I'll tell you a tale
what's never been told.
253
00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:40,134
(WHISTLING)
254
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:43,103
(CORY GRUNTING)
255
00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:46,640
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
256
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:49,276
I am Professor Cory Mathis
257
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:50,244
and I was completely unprepared
258
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:52,980
for the public spectacle
my life would become
259
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,181
after the event.
260
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:59,520
We're never prepared for the
things we expect to happen,
261
00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:02,523
let alone the things we can't
explain.
262
00:12:08,429 --> 00:12:12,032
(LIVELY COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC)
263
00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:24,545
♪ Heaven is when I get back with
my baby ♪
264
00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:26,413
GEORGE: Your a-hole ex was
just here.
265
00:12:26,447 --> 00:12:28,315
He said he'd never come
back to this shit hole.
266
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:32,653
We had to remind him why
this shit hole hates him.
267
00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:35,155
This whole town is insane.
268
00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:36,724
♪ Be online with ♪
269
00:12:36,758 --> 00:12:39,092
GEORGE: Hey, whoa, whoa,
whoa.
270
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:41,595
You better step away from
me, you sad sack of shit.
271
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,263
Have you even considered shit.
272
00:12:43,297 --> 00:12:44,732
I may have let it slip to your
homo ex
273
00:12:44,766 --> 00:12:47,434
about me an' you hookin' up...
274
00:12:47,468 --> 00:12:49,102
(KNEE THUDDING)
(GLORIA GRUNTING)
275
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:51,706
(GEORGE GRUNTING)
276
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,108
(LOUD TAPPING)
277
00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:57,644
GLORIA: Uncle Billy.
278
00:12:57,678 --> 00:13:00,581
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
279
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:06,153
♪ It's no sin and no
lie that I have done ♪
280
00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:07,521
Somebody needs to fix that
rug.
281
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,423
♪ Though we shoot in Hollywood ♪
282
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:12,493
♪ I always stay ♪
283
00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:14,461
Cleanup on aisle three.
284
00:13:16,697 --> 00:13:17,564
Jean.
285
00:13:17,598 --> 00:13:18,599
(CHILD SHOUTING)
286
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:20,534
Coffee please, okay?
287
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,770
I warned you about that Mathis.
288
00:13:22,804 --> 00:13:25,072
Well, hi, nice to see
you, too, Uncle Billy.
289
00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:26,573
Some guy almost got
caught in one of his traps
290
00:13:26,607 --> 00:13:28,375
in the woods, just last week.
291
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,277
Damn near ripped his leg off.
292
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,246
Someone gets really hurt out
there,
293
00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:33,547
you'll be heading to jail.
294
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,215
Why aren't you wearing your
glasses?
295
00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:37,518
I got into a rub with
that skunk Fran Andersen
296
00:13:37,551 --> 00:13:40,420
and I shoved 'em up his ass.
297
00:13:40,454 --> 00:13:42,122
You have been after him for a
year.
298
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,457
Right up in his freakin' ass.
299
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,192
Can you just leave him alone?
300
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:46,593
You want me to leave him
alone?
301
00:13:46,627 --> 00:13:51,164
He's been sneaking into my
house, molesting my sister.
302
00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:52,332
Auntie Sissy?
303
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:57,604
No one's doing anything to
her that she doesn't want.
304
00:13:59,707 --> 00:14:01,408
He gave her the crabs.
305
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:04,077
She didn't want that.
306
00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:05,212
Then I got 'em.
307
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:10,083
Well, maybe you should
stop taking her dirty clothes
308
00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:11,585
out of the laundry hamper.
309
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,287
Yeah well, what do you want me
to do?
310
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,589
She keeps the clean stuff locked
up.
311
00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:17,792
Do you need anything else,
Billy?
312
00:14:17,825 --> 00:14:19,259
Maybe later.
313
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:21,261
(CHEEK CLICKS)
314
00:14:21,295 --> 00:14:23,664
Aren't you gonna say hi to
your daddy?
315
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:24,665
Hey, Frank.
316
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:30,504
CUSTOMER: Jeanie, we're ready
to order.
317
00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:33,373
Okay, so, what about the
Professor?
318
00:14:33,407 --> 00:14:35,108
Can't you at least leave him
alone?
319
00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:36,010
You guys used to be friends.
320
00:14:36,044 --> 00:14:38,378
Look, Gloria, you're my
favorite niece
321
00:14:38,412 --> 00:14:42,282
and I know you work for the
Professor.
322
00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:45,820
But I'm sworn to protect
everything in that forest.
323
00:14:45,853 --> 00:14:47,521
Every bird, squirrel,
324
00:14:48,589 --> 00:14:50,123
tree, rock, gerbil.
325
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,860
- Okay, Uncle Billy.
- Lion, tiger...
326
00:14:52,894 --> 00:14:54,595
I understand.
327
00:14:54,628 --> 00:14:56,229
Mexican.
328
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:57,799
The Professor and
Fran are not gonna stop
329
00:14:57,832 --> 00:14:58,800
until they find the creature
330
00:14:58,833 --> 00:15:00,334
and clear the Professor's name.
331
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:03,470
There's no monster
in those woods, period.
332
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,238
Jeez, this whole town is crazy.
333
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:08,743
♪ I'm working till whatever's on ♪
334
00:15:08,776 --> 00:15:11,244
Crud, there's Andersen now.
335
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:17,819
Andersen!
336
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,703
(TRUCK RUMBLING)
337
00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:49,717
(CASEY GRUNTING)
338
00:15:49,751 --> 00:15:52,185
(GUN FIRING)
339
00:15:52,954 --> 00:15:55,656
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
340
00:15:57,524 --> 00:16:00,260
(DOOR CLATTERING)
341
00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:03,765
I haven't seen you since the
funeral.
342
00:16:03,798 --> 00:16:05,432
And you're not gonna talk?
343
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:09,971
CASEY: No one cares about
your stupid monster hunt, Dad.
344
00:16:10,004 --> 00:16:12,606
Look, I need your help.
345
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,876
I'm that close to proving
my side of the story.
346
00:16:14,909 --> 00:16:15,777
Story?
347
00:16:15,810 --> 00:16:17,511
There is no story.
348
00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:18,545
It's just people thinking
that you're crazy
349
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:22,416
when you start talking
about monsters or UFOs.
350
00:16:23,718 --> 00:16:24,919
Well, they can think I'm
crazy.
351
00:16:24,952 --> 00:16:26,386
I know the truth.
352
00:16:27,621 --> 00:16:29,289
I just don't understand why
you couldn't have just said
353
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,524
it was a bear or something.
354
00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:32,827
It wasn't a bear.
355
00:16:32,860 --> 00:16:34,361
Want some of this?
356
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:36,964
Yeah.
357
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,468
(PUFFS) It doesn't matter
what people think anyway.
358
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:42,269
No, actually, you're wrong.
359
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:43,537
'Cause around here it does
matter
360
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,707
what people think about you.
361
00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:47,474
You know what I think?
362
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,309
I think you take yourself
way too seriously.
363
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,677
It's always, me, me, me, with
you.
364
00:16:50,712 --> 00:16:53,881
And it's always you, you, you,
with me.
365
00:16:56,416 --> 00:17:00,855
Look, I loved your
mother with my whole heart.
366
00:17:00,888 --> 00:17:04,424
You know I never once made her
cry.
367
00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:06,326
She was an amazing woman.
368
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,829
No one believed me.
369
00:17:07,862 --> 00:17:11,298
All the evidence just washed
away.
370
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:14,434
So, you shot a squirrel's tail
off?
371
00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:17,839
CORY: It's out there right
now.
372
00:17:17,872 --> 00:17:18,906
The monster?
373
00:17:20,074 --> 00:17:22,844
CORY: No, the tailless
squirrel.
374
00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:28,850
CASEY: You can't
take anything seriously.
375
00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:31,451
That'll give 'em
something to talk about.
376
00:17:31,485 --> 00:17:33,988
(TRUCK RUMBLING)
377
00:17:51,773 --> 00:17:53,841
People think people like us
are wacko.
378
00:17:53,875 --> 00:17:54,842
Hell, until it happened to me,
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
379
00:17:54,876 --> 00:17:55,642
I thought people
380
00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:56,343
- like us are wacko.
- We're not just
381
00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:58,012
some lazy trailer trash claiming
382
00:17:58,045 --> 00:17:59,814
- to see it, okay.
- Lilly, how do you know
383
00:17:59,847 --> 00:18:00,680
it's just not
(TENSE MUSIC)
384
00:18:00,715 --> 00:18:02,884
a frickin' hunter that didn't
shave?
385
00:18:02,917 --> 00:18:04,684
No, I know a hunter when I see
one.
386
00:18:04,719 --> 00:18:06,419
Went to go get a pizza
when this big thing
387
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,055
crossed the road in front of us.
388
00:18:08,089 --> 00:18:10,624
It was reddish and way
too big for a bear or a dog.
389
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:11,324
- It was walking on two legs.
- When our headlights hit it,
390
00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:12,927
it just dove into the bushes.
391
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:13,928
I was like, oh my God!
392
00:18:13,961 --> 00:18:15,830
I want a picture for my page.
393
00:18:15,863 --> 00:18:17,497
I want a picture for my page.
394
00:18:17,531 --> 00:18:18,866
So, I move forward
395
00:18:18,900 --> 00:18:20,534
thinking I could get a
back shot of whatever
396
00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:21,535
- it was running off.
- And all of the sudden,
397
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:22,602
- the thing jumps forward.
- But it wasn't running.
398
00:18:22,636 --> 00:18:23,470
- It was just hiding
- And then hit the doorknob
399
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:24,604
- In the bushes.
- And knocked my phone
400
00:18:24,638 --> 00:18:27,074
right out of my hands.
(MARGE AND CREATURE SCREAMING)
401
00:18:27,108 --> 00:18:28,810
LI slammed the truck into gear,
402
00:18:28,843 --> 00:18:31,378
but it had hold of the truck.
(WOMEN SCREAMING)
403
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:34,115
I took one of the pizza
boxes, tried beatin' it.
404
00:18:34,148 --> 00:18:35,582
You beat it with a pizza box?
405
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:36,650
That's when he finally let go.
406
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:37,785
(EERIE MUSIC)
407
00:18:37,819 --> 00:18:39,787
(BOXES THUDDING)
408
00:18:39,821 --> 00:18:40,855
(BIRD SCREECHING)
409
00:18:40,888 --> 00:18:42,924
When we drove off, I could
see him standing there
410
00:18:42,957 --> 00:18:43,991
banging on his chest
(CREATURE GROWLING)
411
00:18:44,025 --> 00:18:45,726
and screaming like a wild man.
412
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,028
Hey, did we tell you
(TENSE MUSIC)
413
00:18:47,061 --> 00:18:48,695
about the orange jumpsuit?
414
00:18:48,729 --> 00:18:52,867
LILLY: Yeah, it was wearin'
a big ol' orange jumpsuit.
415
00:18:52,900 --> 00:18:55,903
(FOUR-WHEELER RUMBLING)
416
00:18:55,937 --> 00:18:58,706
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
417
00:19:06,113 --> 00:19:07,480
Let's do it right here.
418
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:08,783
That's the one.
419
00:19:08,816 --> 00:19:09,984
Thanks.
420
00:19:10,017 --> 00:19:10,918
Now stay right there.
421
00:19:10,952 --> 00:19:13,087
(GRUNTING)
422
00:19:16,690 --> 00:19:17,892
There we go.
423
00:19:17,925 --> 00:19:18,793
Okay.
424
00:19:18,826 --> 00:19:19,693
CASSIE: Good?
425
00:19:19,727 --> 00:19:20,627
How's that, is that good?
426
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,964
- Yeah, yeah, it looks good.
- All right.
427
00:19:22,997 --> 00:19:23,865
(CORY GRUNTS)
428
00:19:23,898 --> 00:19:25,632
Hey, whatcha doing?
429
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:29,871
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
(EERIE MUSIC)
430
00:19:29,904 --> 00:19:31,638
We're setting up game cameras.
431
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,174
You're not gonna shoot a
poor little animal, are you?
432
00:19:33,207 --> 00:19:35,442
Oh (CHUCKLES) no, no.
433
00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:38,045
I'm Professor Cory Mathis
from the university.
434
00:19:38,079 --> 00:19:41,015
I'm Professor Cory Mathis
with the university.
435
00:19:41,048 --> 00:19:42,415
I'm researching.
436
00:19:43,818 --> 00:19:45,152
WIG2: Is that your daughter?
437
00:19:45,186 --> 00:19:47,154
Cassie, no, no, that's,
438
00:19:47,188 --> 00:19:49,857
no, that's not my daughter, no.
439
00:19:49,891 --> 00:19:53,426
Grandpa, can I have a
word with you, like now?
440
00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:55,897
Just um, it's good to meet
you.
441
00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:00,835
Seriously, kiddo, you're
cramping my style, okay?
442
00:20:00,868 --> 00:20:02,602
Can't you see she's pretty cool?
443
00:20:02,636 --> 00:20:03,771
Oh, yeah, she's cool all
right.
444
00:20:03,804 --> 00:20:05,572
What color are her eyes?
445
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:06,741
Her eyes?
446
00:20:06,774 --> 00:20:08,009
Can't you see what she's
trying to do?
447
00:20:08,042 --> 00:20:08,876
She's distracting you.
448
00:20:08,910 --> 00:20:12,179
She's trying to dig for
information.
449
00:20:12,213 --> 00:20:16,516
She's probably some,
like, government spy lady.
450
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,119
What?
451
00:20:18,152 --> 00:20:21,822
Sure, she's out here
all alone, not lost,
452
00:20:21,856 --> 00:20:22,990
hiking with a wardrobe
malfunction.
453
00:20:23,024 --> 00:20:24,959
Yeah, that's real easy to
believe.
454
00:20:24,992 --> 00:20:27,128
It's not a wardrobe
malfunction, okay?
455
00:20:27,161 --> 00:20:29,764
She's out here hiking, it's
super hot,
456
00:20:29,797 --> 00:20:32,833
she bent down to unbutton
and cool off a little bit.
457
00:20:32,867 --> 00:20:33,768
A bit?
458
00:20:33,801 --> 00:20:34,668
If she loses another button
459
00:20:34,702 --> 00:20:36,804
something is gonna start nesting
in there.
460
00:20:36,837 --> 00:20:37,872
Get rid of her.
461
00:20:37,905 --> 00:20:38,873
Now!
462
00:20:38,906 --> 00:20:40,041
(COREY SIGHS)
463
00:20:40,074 --> 00:20:42,877
Sissy, I hate to ask you this
and all
464
00:20:42,910 --> 00:20:45,046
but I really need that sack.
465
00:20:47,148 --> 00:20:49,150
You know I can't do that sack.
I mean...
466
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:51,484
Billy would kill me.
467
00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:52,954
That's his prize possession.
468
00:20:52,987 --> 00:20:54,188
This is Sissy Teal,
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
469
00:20:54,221 --> 00:20:57,524
Gloria's aunt and Ranger Teal's
sister.
470
00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,961
The sack they're talking about
once belonged to a Sasquatch.
471
00:20:59,994 --> 00:21:01,996
That's scientific evidence.
472
00:21:02,029 --> 00:21:03,764
It deserves to be in a lab
gettin' tested,
473
00:21:03,798 --> 00:21:06,767
not sittin' on some weirdo's
shelf.
474
00:21:06,801 --> 00:21:08,869
Now, it really means a lot to
me, Sissy.
475
00:21:08,903 --> 00:21:11,072
Please, I'll do anything.
476
00:21:11,105 --> 00:21:12,239
Anything?
477
00:21:12,273 --> 00:21:13,708
FRAN: Anything, just name it.
478
00:21:13,741 --> 00:21:14,607
Marry me?
479
00:21:16,844 --> 00:21:18,112
Hold this.
480
00:21:18,145 --> 00:21:20,881
(SISSY GRUNTING)
481
00:21:26,787 --> 00:21:30,958
Now listen, as soon as
you gimme that sack,
482
00:21:30,992 --> 00:21:33,995
I'll call Pastor Evans
and I will marry you.
483
00:21:34,028 --> 00:21:35,196
Yes, yes, yes.
484
00:21:36,163 --> 00:21:39,599
(LAUGHING AND SCREAMING)
485
00:21:41,235 --> 00:21:44,005
(STREAM RUSTLING)
486
00:22:03,690 --> 00:22:05,026
In the dishwasher?
487
00:22:05,059 --> 00:22:06,761
That's gross.
488
00:22:06,794 --> 00:22:08,996
I am sure we gotta go this
way.
489
00:22:09,030 --> 00:22:09,897
You positive?
490
00:22:09,930 --> 00:22:10,865
- Yeah.
- You're sure.
491
00:22:10,898 --> 00:22:12,199
Yeah, positive.
492
00:22:12,233 --> 00:22:14,001
All right, let's go.
493
00:22:19,807 --> 00:22:21,809
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
494
00:22:21,842 --> 00:22:22,642
LEXI: I think it might work.
495
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:23,444
GLORIA: Stop.
496
00:22:23,477 --> 00:22:24,278
LEXI: I mean it feels
dangerous.
497
00:22:24,311 --> 00:22:24,945
GLORIA: Everything you're
thinking
498
00:22:24,979 --> 00:22:26,747
and feeling right now, stop.
499
00:22:26,781 --> 00:22:27,415
LEXI: You know how they do
that on TV
500
00:22:27,448 --> 00:22:28,315
when they light their farts?
501
00:22:28,349 --> 00:22:29,116
GLORIA: No.
502
00:22:29,150 --> 00:22:30,051
LEXI: Do you think that
works?
503
00:22:30,084 --> 00:22:31,118
GLORIA: No.
504
00:22:31,152 --> 00:22:31,986
- I wanna try it.
- No.
505
00:22:32,019 --> 00:22:32,853
It's just gonna be,
(TENSE MUSIC)
506
00:22:32,887 --> 00:22:33,287
it's just gonna be, it's gonna
be cool.
507
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:34,321
GLORIA: Lexi!
508
00:22:34,355 --> 00:22:35,723
LEXI: Where's your
scientific curiosity?
509
00:22:35,756 --> 00:22:36,991
Come on.
510
00:22:37,024 --> 00:22:37,992
GLORIA: There is no
scientific curiosity.
511
00:22:38,025 --> 00:22:38,759
- I know what happens.
- I'm gonna check it out.
512
00:22:38,793 --> 00:22:39,193
- Check it out.
- Now quit, Lexi.
513
00:22:39,226 --> 00:22:40,161
(LEXI SCREAMING)
514
00:22:40,194 --> 00:22:42,096
GLORIA: Please stop before
you kill us.
515
00:22:42,129 --> 00:22:44,231
LEXI: No, it'll be fine, just
see.
516
00:22:44,265 --> 00:22:45,099
GLORIA: Knock it off.
517
00:22:45,132 --> 00:22:46,267
Don't do it again!
518
00:22:46,300 --> 00:22:47,700
LEXI: I feel a really big one
coming.
519
00:22:47,735 --> 00:22:49,103
Jesus, it stinks!
520
00:22:49,136 --> 00:22:49,937
(GLORIA CRYING)
(LEXI LAUGHING)
521
00:22:49,970 --> 00:22:50,771
LEXI: One more time.
522
00:22:50,805 --> 00:22:52,039
GLORIA: Lexi, don't do it
again!
523
00:22:52,073 --> 00:22:52,840
(GLORIA SCREAMING)
(FLAME WHOOSHING)
524
00:22:52,873 --> 00:22:53,774
(LEXI LAUGHING)
525
00:22:53,808 --> 00:22:54,742
(GLORIA SCREAMING)
526
00:22:54,775 --> 00:22:56,010
LEXI: Oh my God, get out!
527
00:22:56,043 --> 00:22:57,644
Get out, get out, get out!
528
00:22:57,677 --> 00:22:58,813
Now!
529
00:22:58,846 --> 00:23:00,181
GLORIA: Lexi!
530
00:23:00,214 --> 00:23:02,983
LEXI: I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry!
531
00:23:03,017 --> 00:23:03,818
GLORIA: What did I tell you?
532
00:23:03,851 --> 00:23:05,886
- I'm sorry!
- What did I tell you!
533
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,122
- I'm sorry!
- You never listen!
534
00:23:08,155 --> 00:23:10,958
LEXI: Oh my God, I didn't
know it was gonna do that!
535
00:23:10,991 --> 00:23:11,859
Let's see.
536
00:23:11,892 --> 00:23:12,726
What did I say?
537
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:14,195
What did I say?
538
00:23:14,228 --> 00:23:16,730
Just 'cause it's on TV doesn't
mean it's always right!
539
00:23:16,764 --> 00:23:18,332
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
540
00:23:18,365 --> 00:23:19,233
The hell?
541
00:23:19,266 --> 00:23:21,902
(BOTH LAUGHING)
542
00:23:25,072 --> 00:23:26,673
(STREAM TRICKLING)
543
00:23:26,707 --> 00:23:29,176
(LEXI LAUGHING)
544
00:23:29,210 --> 00:23:31,011
♪ Ah ♪
545
00:23:32,413 --> 00:23:34,248
LEXI: Are you sure these
are the right coordinates?
546
00:23:34,281 --> 00:23:36,817
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
547
00:23:36,851 --> 00:23:38,385
♪ Ah ♪
548
00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:41,654
Okay, yeah.
549
00:23:42,689 --> 00:23:43,390
Wow, yeah.
550
00:23:43,424 --> 00:23:44,859
Lexi, look!
(TENSE MUSIC)
551
00:23:44,892 --> 00:23:45,559
Oh my God, look.
552
00:23:45,593 --> 00:23:48,295
It's tracks, it's everywhere.
553
00:23:48,329 --> 00:23:49,296
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
554
00:23:49,330 --> 00:23:51,866
Some sort of Sasquatch patch.
555
00:23:52,900 --> 00:23:53,934
SPIRIT: Ah.
556
00:23:57,371 --> 00:24:01,876
♪ Ah ♪
(BIRD WHOOSHING)
557
00:24:03,277 --> 00:24:06,113
I were you, I would hold
off on making those casts.
558
00:24:06,147 --> 00:24:07,248
GLORIA: Why?
559
00:24:08,782 --> 00:24:10,751
What is that?
560
00:24:10,784 --> 00:24:15,122
That is what's been
making all of your tracks!
561
00:24:15,156 --> 00:24:16,857
We've been hoaxed!
562
00:24:16,891 --> 00:24:18,192
(GLORIA CHUCKLING)
563
00:24:18,225 --> 00:24:20,127
It's not funny, come on.
564
00:24:21,495 --> 00:24:23,864
It's really good!
565
00:24:23,898 --> 00:24:24,732
LEXI: Come on!
566
00:24:24,765 --> 00:24:25,933
It looks real!
567
00:24:27,034 --> 00:24:29,669
(ALARM BLARING)
568
00:24:33,507 --> 00:24:35,376
Kill that alarm.
569
00:24:35,409 --> 00:24:36,710
Gimme some room.
570
00:24:36,744 --> 00:24:37,945
You heard the Professor, back
on up.
571
00:24:37,978 --> 00:24:39,079
What is that?
572
00:24:40,948 --> 00:24:42,883
It moves like a skunk ape.
573
00:24:42,917 --> 00:24:44,418
What's it carrying?
574
00:24:44,451 --> 00:24:47,321
Everybody knows Sasquatch
use tools now, Professor.
575
00:24:47,354 --> 00:24:49,290
It's a sledge hammer.
576
00:24:49,323 --> 00:24:50,157
Oh, shit.
577
00:24:51,425 --> 00:24:52,793
It's the ranger.
578
00:24:54,128 --> 00:24:56,897
There's no monster, you
assholes.
579
00:25:01,802 --> 00:25:03,237
(SIGHS)
580
00:25:03,270 --> 00:25:04,972
(GRUNTS)
(SLEDGEHAMMER THUDDING)
581
00:25:05,005 --> 00:25:06,073
Anybody want a martini?
582
00:25:06,106 --> 00:25:06,974
LEXI: Shit!
583
00:25:07,007 --> 00:25:11,946
♪ Ah ♪
(PHONE RINGING)
584
00:25:11,979 --> 00:25:13,314
Hello?
(TENSE MUSIC)
585
00:25:13,347 --> 00:25:16,984
Uh, hey, it's Gloria.
(CHANTING MUSIC)
586
00:25:17,017 --> 00:25:19,286
I heard you were back in town.
587
00:25:22,122 --> 00:25:22,957
Are you there?
588
00:25:22,990 --> 00:25:23,857
♪ Ah ♪
589
00:25:23,891 --> 00:25:26,093
How'd you know I was back?
590
00:25:26,126 --> 00:25:28,262
GLORIA: Look, I, can
I come by and see you?
591
00:25:28,295 --> 00:25:29,396
I have something I need to tell
you.
592
00:25:29,430 --> 00:25:30,397
What?
593
00:25:30,431 --> 00:25:31,365
Just tell me now.
594
00:25:31,398 --> 00:25:32,266
(CHANTING MUSIC)
595
00:25:32,299 --> 00:25:33,067
How much is this again?
596
00:25:33,100 --> 00:25:33,901
37.50.
597
00:25:34,868 --> 00:25:37,504
Look I'll come by there around
noon, okay?
598
00:25:37,538 --> 00:25:39,473
Listen, I'm really busy right
now.
599
00:25:39,506 --> 00:25:41,141
I'm elbow deep in work.
600
00:25:41,175 --> 00:25:42,943
Can we talk about this later?
601
00:25:42,977 --> 00:25:44,011
(HAND SLAPPING)
602
00:25:44,044 --> 00:25:45,946
Hold on and don't move.
603
00:25:45,980 --> 00:25:47,314
This is gonna hurt.
604
00:25:50,818 --> 00:25:54,355
(GLORIA GRUNTING)
(HAIR RIPPING)
605
00:25:54,388 --> 00:25:55,189
Oh my God!
606
00:25:57,124 --> 00:25:58,459
Look at this thing!
607
00:25:59,593 --> 00:26:01,795
Do you see the face?
608
00:26:01,829 --> 00:26:04,331
Bigfoot would be jealous.
(BIGFOOT GROWLING)
609
00:26:04,365 --> 00:26:07,935
(BIRD CAWING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
610
00:26:07,968 --> 00:26:10,437
(GLORIA SIGHING)
611
00:26:16,277 --> 00:26:18,245
I mean, what about George
Shinehuff?
612
00:26:18,279 --> 00:26:19,580
I mean it coulda been him.
613
00:26:19,613 --> 00:26:22,816
Uh, your father did a
home DNA test a month ago.
614
00:26:22,850 --> 00:26:24,251
CASEY: They have home DNA
tests now?
615
00:26:24,285 --> 00:26:26,887
Yeah, it's kinda like a
pregnancy test.
616
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,256
It's called Who's Your Daddy?
617
00:26:29,290 --> 00:26:30,257
You the daddy.
618
00:26:30,291 --> 00:26:31,392
(LAUGHING)
619
00:26:31,425 --> 00:26:32,459
You the daddy.
620
00:26:33,927 --> 00:26:35,396
And if you have anything
else to ask about it,
621
00:26:35,429 --> 00:26:36,597
why don't you go ahead
and ask her yourself?
622
00:26:36,630 --> 00:26:40,100
She's been following
your page for a month.
623
00:26:41,635 --> 00:26:44,905
If you and Mommy hook up,
I could be the Maid of Honor.
624
00:26:44,938 --> 00:26:46,940
I mean, maybe.
625
00:26:46,974 --> 00:26:47,574
I guess.
626
00:26:54,148 --> 00:26:56,917
I hear you been creepin' on my
page.
627
00:26:56,950 --> 00:26:58,485
Yeah, we all do.
628
00:26:58,519 --> 00:27:00,154
You're funny, Daddy.
629
00:27:00,187 --> 00:27:03,857
But some of the stuff your
friends say is kinda nasty.
630
00:27:03,891 --> 00:27:07,127
Oh, and sorry you broke
up with your girlfriend.
631
00:27:07,161 --> 00:27:10,497
I really don't think
she likes you anymore.
632
00:27:10,531 --> 00:27:13,467
(WATER TRICKLING)
(SLOW TENSE MUSIC)
633
00:27:13,500 --> 00:27:16,904
(MESSAGE ALERTS RINGING)
634
00:27:33,020 --> 00:27:36,123
But you don't look "limp as a
noodle".
635
00:27:36,156 --> 00:27:38,092
Kind of in shape I guess.
636
00:27:39,259 --> 00:27:40,427
(FRAN GRUNTING)
637
00:27:40,461 --> 00:27:41,328
- Knock it off you two.
- Quit strugglin'.
638
00:27:41,362 --> 00:27:42,229
Lexi let him go.
639
00:27:42,262 --> 00:27:43,597
(FRAN GRUNTING)
640
00:27:43,630 --> 00:27:45,432
You know your hair
smells like Bigfoot's dick.
641
00:27:45,466 --> 00:27:47,601
(FRAN GRUNTING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
642
00:27:47,634 --> 00:27:49,136
It's a damn lie.
643
00:27:50,170 --> 00:27:52,206
You're lucky I got manners
644
00:27:52,239 --> 00:27:55,142
otherwise I'd whoop the
shit outta you right now.
645
00:27:55,175 --> 00:27:57,044
With that tiny winky?
646
00:27:57,077 --> 00:27:58,345
I ain't scared.
647
00:27:58,379 --> 00:27:59,880
Keep on talkin'.
648
00:28:00,948 --> 00:28:03,050
♪ Ah ♪
649
00:28:03,083 --> 00:28:03,884
Woo ooh.
650
00:28:07,054 --> 00:28:07,654
Woo ooh.
651
00:28:08,689 --> 00:28:10,057
Shut up!
♪ Ah ♪
652
00:28:10,090 --> 00:28:11,625
You're gonna scare everything
away.
653
00:28:11,658 --> 00:28:13,427
I swear to God, you are
so dumb you would fall
654
00:28:13,460 --> 00:28:17,131
into a barrel of titties and
come out sucking your thumb.
655
00:28:17,164 --> 00:28:17,965
Hoo ooh!
♪ Ah ♪
656
00:28:17,998 --> 00:28:19,533
God!
657
00:28:19,566 --> 00:28:21,101
(LEXI WHISTLES)
(FRAN GRUNTING)
658
00:28:21,135 --> 00:28:22,069
That's what you get!
659
00:28:22,102 --> 00:28:24,972
Come on, just stay focused.
660
00:28:25,005 --> 00:28:26,673
Fuckin' swamp cracker.
661
00:28:29,744 --> 00:28:32,513
Holy shit, that's a big foot.
662
00:28:32,546 --> 00:28:33,981
Let's start with this one.
663
00:28:34,014 --> 00:28:37,151
FRAN: It's the best
one I've seen in a while.
664
00:28:37,184 --> 00:28:39,253
LEXI: Oh my God, they
go all the way up the hill.
665
00:28:39,286 --> 00:28:41,021
FRAN: Imagine that.
666
00:28:48,362 --> 00:28:49,696
(LIVELY COUNTRY MUSIC)
667
00:28:49,731 --> 00:28:51,632
One time, back in 1967
668
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:55,402
a man named Patterson shot some
film
669
00:28:55,436 --> 00:28:57,404
of a hairy beast.
670
00:28:57,438 --> 00:29:00,040
He fooled experts and scholars
alike.
671
00:29:00,073 --> 00:29:02,142
But did he really fool anyone?
672
00:29:02,176 --> 00:29:05,245
And what about our hero,
is he just telling a tale?
673
00:29:05,279 --> 00:29:08,449
There's more story that needs to
be spun.
674
00:29:10,451 --> 00:29:13,620
(WHISTLING)
675
00:29:13,654 --> 00:29:16,256
Where in the hell she go?
676
00:29:16,290 --> 00:29:19,059
CORY: Lexi, Lexi, where are
you?
677
00:29:20,027 --> 00:29:20,627
Lexi!
678
00:29:21,729 --> 00:29:22,963
CORY: Lexi!
679
00:29:25,332 --> 00:29:26,600
Hey there.
680
00:29:26,633 --> 00:29:27,434
Oh.
681
00:29:30,170 --> 00:29:31,004
CORY: Hey, who the hell is
that?
682
00:29:31,038 --> 00:29:34,107
Was that you making all that
noise?
683
00:29:35,108 --> 00:29:37,678
Why you grab your gun for?
684
00:29:37,712 --> 00:29:39,112
I don't know.
685
00:29:39,146 --> 00:29:40,681
I just ain't too keen on
people sneakin' up on me
686
00:29:40,715 --> 00:29:41,648
with a damn rifle.
687
00:29:41,682 --> 00:29:44,719
That's mighty fine
work right there, buddy.
688
00:29:44,752 --> 00:29:46,053
Seen my assistant?
689
00:29:46,086 --> 00:29:47,221
Female, blonde hair.
690
00:29:47,254 --> 00:29:48,355
She's out here somewhere.
691
00:29:48,388 --> 00:29:49,289
She's got a camera in her hand.
692
00:29:49,323 --> 00:29:50,090
- Runnin' around in the woods.
- Hey y'all.
693
00:29:50,123 --> 00:29:52,693
I know every inch of this
forest.
694
00:29:52,727 --> 00:29:55,596
I can help you find her if you
want me to.
695
00:29:55,629 --> 00:29:57,231
CORY: Yeah, thanks.
696
00:29:57,264 --> 00:29:59,099
We would appreciate your help.
697
00:29:59,132 --> 00:30:00,334
FRAN: What you doin' out
here?
698
00:30:00,367 --> 00:30:01,401
I'm a Bigfoot hunter.
699
00:30:01,435 --> 00:30:02,436
FRAN: No shit!
700
00:30:02,469 --> 00:30:03,403
No shit.
701
00:30:03,437 --> 00:30:04,438
FRAN: We doin' the same.
702
00:30:04,471 --> 00:30:05,339
Fran Andersen.
703
00:30:05,372 --> 00:30:07,107
Rick Dyer.
704
00:30:07,140 --> 00:30:08,242
FRAN: This here is Professor
Cory Mathis out of Missouri.
705
00:30:08,275 --> 00:30:09,109
Hey, how you doin'?
706
00:30:09,142 --> 00:30:09,777
I like that hat.
707
00:30:09,811 --> 00:30:11,645
CORY: Thanks.
708
00:30:11,678 --> 00:30:14,081
FRAN: Well, so, you ever
find anything out here?
709
00:30:14,114 --> 00:30:15,182
RICK: All the time, man.
710
00:30:15,215 --> 00:30:16,149
That's why I stay out here.
711
00:30:16,183 --> 00:30:17,785
I been out here a long time.
(TENSE MUSIC)
712
00:30:17,819 --> 00:30:19,386
Anyway, I love that beard.
713
00:30:19,419 --> 00:30:21,789
FRAN: Oh, it's a cum catcher.
714
00:30:27,494 --> 00:30:28,529
FRAN: Lexi!
715
00:30:29,764 --> 00:30:31,532
RICK: Lexi!
716
00:30:31,565 --> 00:30:32,366
CORY: Lexi!
717
00:30:32,399 --> 00:30:33,200
Lexi!
718
00:30:42,609 --> 00:30:45,512
Fran, go up there and
check the outhouse for Lexi.
719
00:30:45,546 --> 00:30:48,081
I'm gonna take the Professor
in here to show him the radios.
720
00:30:48,115 --> 00:30:49,616
Maybe we can get in contact with
a ranger.
721
00:30:49,650 --> 00:30:51,418
She can't be too far away.
722
00:30:51,451 --> 00:30:53,420
Sounds good.
723
00:30:53,453 --> 00:30:55,455
CORY: Fran, hurry back.
724
00:30:59,861 --> 00:31:02,864
RICK: After you, Professor.
725
00:31:02,897 --> 00:31:05,098
CORY: You live in here?
726
00:31:08,569 --> 00:31:10,203
(FLY BUZZING)
727
00:31:10,237 --> 00:31:10,838
Lexi.
728
00:31:12,639 --> 00:31:14,141
Lexi you in there?
729
00:31:15,442 --> 00:31:16,276
(DOOR CREAKING)
730
00:31:16,310 --> 00:31:17,712
(LOUD THUDDING)
731
00:31:17,745 --> 00:31:20,314
(FRAN GAGGING)
732
00:31:23,684 --> 00:31:24,484
Professor.
733
00:31:25,753 --> 00:31:26,553
Rick.
734
00:31:28,522 --> 00:31:31,158
(LOUD KNOCKING)
735
00:31:31,191 --> 00:31:31,793
Professor!
736
00:31:38,766 --> 00:31:40,567
Professor, you in here?
737
00:31:58,218 --> 00:31:59,787
I knew it!
738
00:31:59,821 --> 00:32:03,825
(DART GUN FIRING)
(FRAN GRUNTING)
739
00:32:03,858 --> 00:32:06,560
(DRUMMING MUSIC)
740
00:32:08,562 --> 00:32:09,630
CORY: Fran, shut the hell up.
741
00:32:09,663 --> 00:32:10,932
(COMICAL MUSIC)
742
00:32:10,965 --> 00:32:13,233
FRAN: Professor, that you?
743
00:32:13,266 --> 00:32:15,369
CORY: Who the hell you think
it is, you dumb hillbilly?
744
00:32:15,402 --> 00:32:17,872
(SIGHS) How in the hell
we keep getting caught
745
00:32:17,905 --> 00:32:19,874
in these situations?
746
00:32:19,907 --> 00:32:21,776
RICK: Mornin' fellas.
747
00:32:22,944 --> 00:32:25,379
(FRAN AND CORY GRUNTING)
748
00:32:25,412 --> 00:32:26,380
Here's what I need you to do.
749
00:32:26,413 --> 00:32:27,815
You're gonna take those duds off
750
00:32:27,849 --> 00:32:30,317
and glue this fur all over your
body.
751
00:32:30,350 --> 00:32:32,754
Serial hoaxer, Rick Dyer.
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
752
00:32:32,787 --> 00:32:36,356
I should've let Fran shoot
his ass back in the woods.
753
00:32:36,390 --> 00:32:38,425
Now you don't need to use too
much glue.
754
00:32:38,458 --> 00:32:40,828
That stuff works pretty good.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
755
00:32:40,862 --> 00:32:42,696
We're not gonna glue
this shit all over us.
756
00:32:42,730 --> 00:32:44,464
Have you lost your fuckin' mind?
757
00:32:44,498 --> 00:32:46,199
How 'bout no!
758
00:32:46,233 --> 00:32:48,201
If you don't start gluin'
in the next 10 seconds,
759
00:32:48,235 --> 00:32:50,270
I'm gonna have my way with her
and blow
760
00:32:50,303 --> 00:32:53,273
- her pretty little brains out.
- Help me, Professor.
761
00:32:53,306 --> 00:32:55,542
All right, all right.
762
00:32:55,575 --> 00:32:56,510
We'll do it.
763
00:32:57,678 --> 00:32:58,946
Now start superin'.
764
00:32:58,980 --> 00:33:00,247
LEXI: Please.
765
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:00,915
(LEXI GROANING)
766
00:33:00,948 --> 00:33:02,416
Do a good job.
767
00:33:02,449 --> 00:33:04,317
Cover it all nice and even.
768
00:33:04,351 --> 00:33:07,387
Think teddy bear, nice and
cuddly.
769
00:33:07,421 --> 00:33:10,457
He's got a fake-ass
Bigfoot in that damn freezer.
770
00:33:10,490 --> 00:33:12,359
And trust me, he ain't got no
plans
771
00:33:12,392 --> 00:33:15,863
on letting us tell anybody about
nothin'.
772
00:33:15,897 --> 00:33:17,297
(GENTLE HARP MUSIC)
773
00:33:17,330 --> 00:33:18,766
Pull them sacks off.
774
00:33:23,004 --> 00:33:24,772
FRAN: Pastor Evans?
775
00:33:24,806 --> 00:33:26,573
RICK: Who the hell are you?
776
00:33:26,606 --> 00:33:27,674
You crazy bastard.
777
00:33:27,709 --> 00:33:29,342
You pissed your fur.
778
00:33:30,610 --> 00:33:32,279
Get your ass outta here.
779
00:33:32,312 --> 00:33:32,914
Go, go!
780
00:33:35,282 --> 00:33:37,551
PASTOR EVANS: Beware
of the border patrol.
781
00:33:37,584 --> 00:33:39,286
Come on, get out!
782
00:33:39,319 --> 00:33:41,488
CORY: All right, godammit,
I'm coming.
783
00:33:41,521 --> 00:33:43,925
Get your ass over there, go
on.
784
00:33:43,958 --> 00:33:47,527
CORY: Lexi, Fran, is that
you?
785
00:33:47,561 --> 00:33:48,930
No one's gonna believe
we're real Sasquatch
786
00:33:48,963 --> 00:33:51,431
with this bullshit glued all
over us.
787
00:33:51,465 --> 00:33:53,735
You think I wanna kill
you to have bodies to show?
788
00:33:53,768 --> 00:33:55,335
(LAUGHING)
789
00:33:55,368 --> 00:33:57,304
That's messed up, man.
790
00:33:57,337 --> 00:33:59,506
We're broadcasting a Bigfoot
snuff film.
791
00:33:59,539 --> 00:34:02,476
We have it live all over the
planet.
792
00:34:02,509 --> 00:34:04,045
Snuff film?
793
00:34:04,078 --> 00:34:05,780
I ain't doin' anything with
that nasty cracker down there!
794
00:34:05,813 --> 00:34:07,280
He's probably got
795
00:34:07,314 --> 00:34:08,348
some kinda saber tooth
crotch crickets goin' on.
796
00:34:08,381 --> 00:34:10,417
I see him scratchin' all the
time!
797
00:34:10,450 --> 00:34:12,586
I'd rather do the cameraman.
798
00:34:13,955 --> 00:34:17,390
Snuff films are about murder
not sex, you dumb skank!
799
00:34:17,424 --> 00:34:18,558
We're using our all new
800
00:34:18,592 --> 00:34:21,628
double NOT-76 video encryption
system.
801
00:34:21,661 --> 00:34:23,663
Ain't no one gonna be able
to track us with this shit!
802
00:34:23,697 --> 00:34:26,033
We're gettin' 850 a pop!
803
00:34:26,067 --> 00:34:27,969
Huh, it's at 238 right now.
804
00:34:28,002 --> 00:34:30,004
238, that's only $2,023.
805
00:34:31,638 --> 00:34:34,008
This fucking fur and glue
probably cost that much.
806
00:34:34,041 --> 00:34:37,477
A snuff film with this
kinda production value?
807
00:34:37,511 --> 00:34:39,646
We're gonna make a killin' on
DVD sales.
808
00:34:39,679 --> 00:34:41,414
Ain't that right, fat boy?
809
00:34:41,448 --> 00:34:42,083
Damn, boy, we're gonna be
rich!
810
00:34:42,116 --> 00:34:45,485
(LAUGHING) Yeah, ooh, woo!
811
00:34:45,519 --> 00:34:46,686
(GUN FIRING)
812
00:34:46,721 --> 00:34:49,056
I'll be gettin' payback
on your ass, Dyer,
813
00:34:49,090 --> 00:34:50,590
I guarantee that.
814
00:34:50,624 --> 00:34:52,459
Whatever you say, Andersen.
815
00:34:52,492 --> 00:34:54,762
Now, get your ass going,
dickweed!
816
00:34:54,796 --> 00:34:56,396
(GUN FIRING)
817
00:34:56,429 --> 00:34:58,032
Y'all got 15 minutes
818
00:34:58,065 --> 00:35:00,001
then I'm comin' after ya.
819
00:35:01,535 --> 00:35:02,870
We're gonna be rich!
820
00:35:02,904 --> 00:35:06,673
LEXI: (CRYING) Hold
up, I twisted my ankle.
821
00:35:06,707 --> 00:35:09,342
(FRAN GRUNTING)
822
00:35:10,978 --> 00:35:12,880
I thought they'd find us by now.
823
00:35:12,914 --> 00:35:15,382
FRAN: Those two dumbasses
couldn't find a safe space
824
00:35:15,415 --> 00:35:17,919
on campus at UC Berkeley.
825
00:35:17,952 --> 00:35:20,520
(LEXI PANTING)
826
00:35:24,959 --> 00:35:27,728
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
827
00:35:45,645 --> 00:35:48,682
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
828
00:35:52,519 --> 00:35:53,721
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
829
00:35:53,754 --> 00:35:54,588
You hear that?
830
00:35:54,621 --> 00:35:55,723
Come on, come on.
831
00:35:55,756 --> 00:35:56,791
FRAN: Whoa!
832
00:36:01,996 --> 00:36:02,797
Hey!
833
00:36:05,532 --> 00:36:07,367
FRAN: Help, help us!
834
00:36:08,135 --> 00:36:10,771
(RIFLE FIRING)
835
00:36:27,788 --> 00:36:30,992
(OMINOUS DRUMMING MUSIC)
836
00:36:42,669 --> 00:36:45,940
BILLY: There's no
monster, you assholes.
837
00:36:50,644 --> 00:36:53,047
Was you injuns that stole
the land from the Sasquatch
838
00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:53,881
when you brought your asses
839
00:36:53,915 --> 00:36:57,151
over from Russia 10,000 years
ago.
840
00:36:57,184 --> 00:37:00,087
You killed all of 'em off
and you killed them mammoths
841
00:37:00,121 --> 00:37:01,989
and saber toothed tigers, too.
842
00:37:02,023 --> 00:37:03,824
And that's a fact.
843
00:37:03,858 --> 00:37:05,126
You're an idiot.
844
00:37:05,159 --> 00:37:09,130
(SIGHS) Got them little bitty
titties.
845
00:37:09,163 --> 00:37:10,765
Yours is still little bitty.
846
00:37:10,798 --> 00:37:13,533
I know somebody that likes my
problem.
847
00:37:13,566 --> 00:37:17,138
I ain't gotta force it
in or spit on it as much.
848
00:37:17,171 --> 00:37:18,773
What, do you think you
could just run around my town
849
00:37:18,806 --> 00:37:20,808
intoxicated and naked?
850
00:37:20,841 --> 00:37:22,977
We got decency laws around here.
851
00:37:23,010 --> 00:37:24,812
Some freak in a green suit
darted us
852
00:37:24,845 --> 00:37:26,513
and threw us in that dumpster.
853
00:37:26,546 --> 00:37:27,815
I figured it was some type
854
00:37:27,848 --> 00:37:29,582
of clandestine government agency
855
00:37:29,616 --> 00:37:31,185
trying to cover this shit up.
856
00:37:31,218 --> 00:37:32,987
Now, why would the
government wanna cover up
857
00:37:33,020 --> 00:37:34,956
your dumpster orgy?
858
00:37:34,989 --> 00:37:36,791
We talking about a damn
Bigfoot.
859
00:37:36,824 --> 00:37:38,192
Those Men in Green make the
creatures
860
00:37:38,225 --> 00:37:40,127
wear orange jumpsuits so people
think
861
00:37:40,161 --> 00:37:44,131
they just hunters.
(PHONE RINGING)
862
00:37:50,838 --> 00:37:55,508
Baby, baby, baby.
(TENSE MUSIC)
863
00:37:55,542 --> 00:37:57,144
BILLY: Where are you, you
hairy freak?
864
00:37:57,178 --> 00:37:59,113
I can smell ya from here.
865
00:38:03,650 --> 00:38:05,152
You lookin' for me?
866
00:38:09,757 --> 00:38:11,926
You sure got some purdy lips.
867
00:38:13,928 --> 00:38:16,097
Okay, I'm gonna turn you in
for the $10 million reward,
868
00:38:16,130 --> 00:38:17,131
how you like that, huh?
869
00:38:17,164 --> 00:38:19,734
(GUN CLICKING)
870
00:38:21,035 --> 00:38:23,938
You just as cute as a baby
bunny.
871
00:38:23,971 --> 00:38:26,040
Now, let's you turn around,
872
00:38:28,776 --> 00:38:30,510
drop them draws, baby.
873
00:38:32,679 --> 00:38:34,882
I'll be gentle, just for you.
874
00:38:37,184 --> 00:38:40,021
Nah, I'm just messin' with ya.
875
00:38:40,054 --> 00:38:42,189
What the fuck is...
876
00:38:42,223 --> 00:38:43,791
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
877
00:38:43,824 --> 00:38:46,626
Why ain't you been takin' my
calls?
878
00:38:46,659 --> 00:38:47,660
I thought we may be able
879
00:38:47,694 --> 00:38:49,930
to get to know each other
better.
880
00:38:49,964 --> 00:38:51,664
Maybe go over to Stevie's
Burgers,
881
00:38:51,698 --> 00:38:53,167
you know, hook up.
882
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:54,567
(ENGINE REVVING)
883
00:38:54,601 --> 00:38:56,603
(TIRES SCREECHING)
884
00:38:56,636 --> 00:38:59,206
I, Ranger Billy Teal, have
been harassed
885
00:38:59,240 --> 00:39:00,941
on several occasions,
886
00:39:02,143 --> 00:39:04,712
both mentally and
sexually, in the workplace
887
00:39:04,745 --> 00:39:07,580
by a monster in the woods.
888
00:39:07,614 --> 00:39:10,184
In my section of the forest,
in the past few months,
889
00:39:10,217 --> 00:39:12,720
I have been stalked, terrorized,
890
00:39:12,753 --> 00:39:15,289
and humiliated without
provocation.
891
00:39:15,322 --> 00:39:16,589
Um, yeah.
892
00:39:16,623 --> 00:39:18,025
My big brother keeps getting
beat up
893
00:39:18,059 --> 00:39:18,793
- in the woods by something
- Are you gonna
894
00:39:18,826 --> 00:39:19,592
help me or not?
895
00:39:19,626 --> 00:39:20,995
that technically doesn't
exist.
896
00:39:21,028 --> 00:39:22,730
You're a ranger.
897
00:39:22,763 --> 00:39:24,331
You can't go around talking
about monsters in the forest.
898
00:39:24,365 --> 00:39:25,966
They're gonna fire you, bro.
899
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:26,867
I have to do something.
900
00:39:26,901 --> 00:39:28,269
He can't get away with this.
901
00:39:28,302 --> 00:39:31,038
Look, I rarely ask you for
anything.
902
00:39:31,072 --> 00:39:33,007
Just listen and tell me
903
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,843
if it sounds official, okay?
(TIRES SCREECHING)
904
00:39:35,876 --> 00:39:36,944
What do you want me to do?
905
00:39:36,977 --> 00:39:39,080
I want you to listen and tell
me
906
00:39:39,113 --> 00:39:41,148
if it sounds official!
907
00:39:41,182 --> 00:39:43,050
(GUN FIRING)
908
00:39:43,084 --> 00:39:43,951
If you want me to help you,
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
909
00:39:43,984 --> 00:39:45,886
you gotta tear up this piece of
paper.
910
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:47,388
Okay fine.
(ALARM BLARING)
911
00:39:47,421 --> 00:39:48,756
But if it happens again, I'm
going straight to headquarters
912
00:39:48,789 --> 00:39:50,791
and I'm filing an official
report.
913
00:39:50,825 --> 00:39:51,725
There he is.
914
00:39:53,127 --> 00:39:55,863
Why can't we let the city
guys take care of this?
915
00:39:55,896 --> 00:39:57,298
We have to take care of it.
916
00:39:57,331 --> 00:39:58,232
Scoop him up!
917
00:39:58,265 --> 00:39:59,867
No, that's a city raccoon.
918
00:39:59,900 --> 00:40:00,768
It's a forest creature.
919
00:40:00,801 --> 00:40:04,205
It's our responsibility to scoop
him up.
920
00:40:04,238 --> 00:40:06,941
I'm pretty sure that's a city
raccoon.
921
00:40:06,974 --> 00:40:08,242
Scoop him up.
922
00:40:08,275 --> 00:40:09,110
BOBBY: All right.
923
00:40:09,143 --> 00:40:10,643
Forest creature.
924
00:40:13,948 --> 00:40:14,748
Andersen!
925
00:40:23,023 --> 00:40:25,092
(FRAN WHISTLING)
926
00:40:25,126 --> 00:40:25,926
Andersen!
927
00:40:28,095 --> 00:40:30,798
(BILLY GRUNTING)
928
00:40:32,099 --> 00:40:33,200
Stop!
929
00:40:33,234 --> 00:40:36,237
(BILLY GRUNTING)
930
00:40:36,270 --> 00:40:38,906
(SIREN BLARING)
931
00:40:44,145 --> 00:40:46,313
(ZIPPER ZIPPING)
932
00:40:46,347 --> 00:40:47,882
How the hell are you
doing that, Andersen?
933
00:40:47,915 --> 00:40:49,083
FRAN: I got a big bladder.
934
00:40:49,116 --> 00:40:50,918
I can go all day.
935
00:40:50,951 --> 00:40:52,086
You better stay back.
936
00:40:52,119 --> 00:40:53,921
I'm more than just a ranger
now, okay?
937
00:40:53,954 --> 00:40:55,723
You don't even know who you're
messin',
938
00:40:55,756 --> 00:40:56,857
fuck you, fuck.
939
00:40:58,192 --> 00:41:00,194
Oh, God, God, it stinks.
940
00:41:00,227 --> 00:41:02,029
What the fuck have you been
eating?
941
00:41:02,062 --> 00:41:02,897
(BILLY GRUNTS)
942
00:41:02,930 --> 00:41:05,332
(FRAN PANTING)
943
00:41:10,471 --> 00:41:11,372
What the hell?
944
00:41:11,405 --> 00:41:12,740
I told you coffee and cream.
945
00:41:12,773 --> 00:41:15,075
We don't need no coffee or
cream, man.
946
00:41:15,109 --> 00:41:16,911
We're both gettin' fat.
947
00:41:16,944 --> 00:41:18,746
Now, come on let's get
the hell outta here.
948
00:41:18,779 --> 00:41:19,679
- That little bastard
- Oh shit!
949
00:41:19,713 --> 00:41:20,548
stole something from my room
last night
950
00:41:20,581 --> 00:41:22,416
and I want it back.
(FRAN GRUNTING)
951
00:41:22,449 --> 00:41:24,985
Fran, if you took something
of his, just give it.
952
00:41:25,019 --> 00:41:26,287
What were you doing at his house
anyway?
953
00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:27,288
His sister.
954
00:41:27,321 --> 00:41:28,422
He's got my sack.
955
00:41:28,455 --> 00:41:29,290
CORY: Sack?
956
00:41:29,323 --> 00:41:31,225
My Bigfoot balls.
957
00:41:31,258 --> 00:41:32,092
CORY: You heard him right,
958
00:41:32,126 --> 00:41:33,194
Bigfoot balls.
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
959
00:41:33,227 --> 00:41:35,462
When we were kids, Billy
claimed that he cut the sack
960
00:41:35,496 --> 00:41:38,999
off of a dead Bigfoot
and now Fran has them.
961
00:41:39,033 --> 00:41:40,434
FRAN: Those are scientific
evidence.
962
00:41:40,467 --> 00:41:42,303
They don't need to be sittin'
on some freak's shelf.
963
00:41:42,336 --> 00:41:44,305
They need to be in a lab gettin'
analyzed.
964
00:41:44,338 --> 00:41:45,306
Aw, come on, Billy.
965
00:41:45,339 --> 00:41:48,409
You still have the nut
sack (VOICE ECHOING)?
966
00:41:48,442 --> 00:41:50,311
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
967
00:41:50,344 --> 00:41:54,315
Yeah, it's right around here
somewhere.
968
00:41:54,348 --> 00:41:57,818
Man, Billy, what the
hell's wrong with you?
969
00:41:57,851 --> 00:41:59,353
Why'd you take its balls?
970
00:41:59,386 --> 00:42:01,388
I had to get some proof.
971
00:42:09,029 --> 00:42:12,399
(CHUCKLES) Dude, are
those your underwear?
972
00:42:12,433 --> 00:42:15,135
Yeah, I had to hang them up
so I could find my way back.
973
00:42:15,169 --> 00:42:17,471
Those are girl's underwear.
974
00:42:17,504 --> 00:42:21,408
Wait, you wear your sister's
underwear, don't you?
975
00:42:21,442 --> 00:42:22,309
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
976
00:42:22,343 --> 00:42:25,179
Girls' underwear is more
comfortable.
977
00:42:25,212 --> 00:42:27,915
All right, whatever,
where the hell is it anyway?
978
00:42:27,948 --> 00:42:30,384
I swear, it was right here.
979
00:42:30,417 --> 00:42:32,453
It was laying here dead as shit.
980
00:42:32,486 --> 00:42:35,322
I cut his balls off with this
knife.
981
00:42:36,490 --> 00:42:37,925
Just like the one that attacked
my mom
982
00:42:37,958 --> 00:42:39,493
when I was a kid (VOICE
ECHOING).
983
00:42:39,526 --> 00:42:41,128
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
984
00:42:41,161 --> 00:42:45,933
(WOMAN PANTING AND GROANING)
(MAJESTIC CHORAL MUSIC)
985
00:42:49,203 --> 00:42:54,008
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ooh.
(BED CREAKING)
986
00:42:54,975 --> 00:42:56,143
(DOOR THUDDING)
987
00:42:56,176 --> 00:42:57,244
(BILLY SHOUTING)
988
00:42:57,278 --> 00:42:58,545
- Billy, no, no.
- No, Mommy, we gottta
989
00:42:58,579 --> 00:43:01,482
- kill the monster.
- No, Billy, no!
990
00:43:01,515 --> 00:43:03,517
(RIFLE FIRING)
(RIFLE THUDDING)
991
00:43:03,550 --> 00:43:04,518
Are you okay?
992
00:43:06,287 --> 00:43:07,588
It's okay, Billy.
993
00:43:07,621 --> 00:43:09,323
I know you won't
understand this right now,
994
00:43:09,356 --> 00:43:12,059
but that was your father.
995
00:43:12,092 --> 00:43:13,260
You're 1/4 Bigfoot,
996
00:43:13,294 --> 00:43:15,829
- Bigfoot, Bigfoot, Bigfoot.
- Hey, dipshit,
997
00:43:15,863 --> 00:43:18,098
what the hell's wrong with you?
998
00:43:18,132 --> 00:43:19,433
Hey, what the hell's
wrong with you, dipshit?
999
00:43:19,466 --> 00:43:23,103
Dipshit!
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
1000
00:43:23,137 --> 00:43:24,104
Hey, dipshit!
1001
00:43:26,173 --> 00:43:29,076
Fran would you give him
back his Bigfoot balls?
1002
00:43:29,109 --> 00:43:31,245
They better both be in there.
1003
00:43:31,278 --> 00:43:32,880
Oh, let me see.
1004
00:43:32,913 --> 00:43:34,848
(GRUNTS) Oh, gross!
1005
00:43:34,882 --> 00:43:36,917
Touched my lips.
1006
00:43:36,950 --> 00:43:39,253
Here take this shit, you freak.
1007
00:43:42,256 --> 00:43:43,891
And if I catch you
around my sister again
1008
00:43:43,924 --> 00:43:44,925
you're gonna be sorry.
1009
00:43:44,958 --> 00:43:45,959
(LIVELY COUNTRY MUSIC)
1010
00:43:45,993 --> 00:43:49,096
In 1924, a man was taken
captive.
1011
00:43:49,129 --> 00:43:51,598
The creature carried him some 30
miles
1012
00:43:51,632 --> 00:43:53,567
before he was let go.
1013
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:55,302
They did unspeakable things,
1014
00:43:55,336 --> 00:43:57,037
too ugly to be told.
1015
00:43:57,071 --> 00:44:00,374
Maybe the same for our
forest ranger Billy Teal?
1016
00:44:00,407 --> 00:44:02,509
And when there's none
in the forest to hear,
1017
00:44:02,543 --> 00:44:06,080
do we keep it quiet or squirm
and squeal?
1018
00:44:06,113 --> 00:44:08,315
(WHISTLING)
1019
00:44:16,190 --> 00:44:17,124
Yes, I'm here.
1020
00:44:17,157 --> 00:44:18,292
BIGFOOT JACKSON: Hello, my
little doe.
1021
00:44:18,325 --> 00:44:19,293
How you been?
1022
00:44:20,627 --> 00:44:22,229
Hey, who the hell is this?
1023
00:44:22,262 --> 00:44:25,065
This is a government phone line.
1024
00:44:25,099 --> 00:44:26,300
It's me, baby.
1025
00:44:27,368 --> 00:44:28,936
Your friend from the forest
below.
1026
00:44:28,969 --> 00:44:30,070
I heard you been talking about
me
1027
00:44:30,104 --> 00:44:32,339
even though you promised you
wouldn't.
1028
00:44:32,373 --> 00:44:35,542
Got me feeling all hurt
and betrayed inside.
1029
00:44:35,576 --> 00:44:38,979
I thought I could trust
you with our little secret.
1030
00:44:39,012 --> 00:44:40,147
I didn't tell anyone.
1031
00:44:40,180 --> 00:44:41,382
Don't go lyin'.
1032
00:44:41,415 --> 00:44:43,183
I know right where you live.
1033
00:44:43,217 --> 00:44:46,120
You don't wannna get on my ugly
side.
1034
00:44:47,254 --> 00:44:49,022
Ranger Teal here.
1035
00:44:49,056 --> 00:44:50,324
I'm trapped in a tree.
1036
00:44:50,357 --> 00:44:51,658
My rifle's out of reach and my
sidearm's
1037
00:44:51,692 --> 00:44:52,693
in the truck.
(RIFLE CLACKING)
1038
00:44:52,727 --> 00:44:54,128
I need help here.
1039
00:44:54,161 --> 00:44:55,028
You want your rifle?
1040
00:44:55,062 --> 00:44:56,463
I'm gonna turn you in for that
reward.
1041
00:44:56,497 --> 00:44:57,297
They're not gonna believe you.
1042
00:44:57,331 --> 00:44:58,165
Tell the commander I need
help.
1043
00:44:58,198 --> 00:44:59,400
And I'm just gonna come after
you.
1044
00:44:59,433 --> 00:45:00,534
Ranger Teal.
1045
00:45:00,567 --> 00:45:01,935
Let's talk about how you gonna
keep
1046
00:45:01,969 --> 00:45:03,303
- all these people
- Billy Teal.
1047
00:45:03,337 --> 00:45:05,072
outta my side of the forest.
1048
00:45:05,105 --> 00:45:05,807
What is it with you people?
1049
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:07,007
I've told you a thousand times.
1050
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:08,442
You know who I am.
1051
00:45:08,475 --> 00:45:09,410
As soon as that thing
1052
00:45:09,443 --> 00:45:11,612
caught my scent.
(TENSE MUSIC)
1053
00:45:11,645 --> 00:45:13,715
His thing stuck out from
under his fur full sail.
1054
00:45:13,748 --> 00:45:15,315
- (TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
- She always has this problem
1055
00:45:15,349 --> 00:45:16,583
with the males.
1056
00:45:16,617 --> 00:45:19,153
You know she has the oversized
lady mounds
1057
00:45:19,186 --> 00:45:20,120
or the EECT.
1058
00:45:21,688 --> 00:45:25,025
You know, extremely enlarged
camel toe.
1059
00:45:25,058 --> 00:45:26,326
We think this has something to
do
1060
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:28,629
with all this male attraction.
1061
00:45:30,397 --> 00:45:33,467
I mean, it transmits some sorta
sex signal
1062
00:45:33,500 --> 00:45:34,736
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
1063
00:45:34,769 --> 00:45:37,471
all these male creatures
just find irresistible.
1064
00:45:37,504 --> 00:45:39,473
I mean, we can't hardly go
anywhere.
1065
00:45:39,506 --> 00:45:43,010
When we go to the park and
there's dogs following her around
1066
00:45:43,043 --> 00:45:45,446
trying to hump her leg and I'll
see women
1067
00:45:45,479 --> 00:45:47,749
shielding their children's eyes,
1068
00:45:47,782 --> 00:45:52,019
and a homeless guy tried
to grab at it one day.
1069
00:45:52,052 --> 00:45:53,755
Here's another true story.
1070
00:45:53,788 --> 00:45:55,422
We were out at that park that
day
1071
00:45:55,456 --> 00:45:58,992
and we had our blanket all
out, havin' a nice picnic,
1072
00:45:59,026 --> 00:46:02,129
eatin' our chicken,
everything's going just fine.
1073
00:46:02,162 --> 00:46:05,599
And outta nowhere comes
this tailless squirrel
1074
00:46:05,632 --> 00:46:09,236
and just runs right up and
just starts humpin' it.
1075
00:46:09,269 --> 00:46:11,271
I didn't know what to do!
1076
00:46:11,305 --> 00:46:12,740
I couldn't do anything about
it.
1077
00:46:12,774 --> 00:46:14,608
I mean, it was, it was just
there, and it was goin' at it.
1078
00:46:14,641 --> 00:46:17,578
And it, I couldn't, there was
nothing for me to grab onto.
1079
00:46:17,611 --> 00:46:19,179
It had no tail!
1080
00:46:19,213 --> 00:46:21,014
I, I couldn't even fling it off
of me.
1081
00:46:21,048 --> 00:46:23,250
I just, it kept trying to bite
me
1082
00:46:23,283 --> 00:46:24,251
every time I tried to grab it
1083
00:46:24,284 --> 00:46:26,053
and I, I just had to
wait until it was done.
1084
00:46:26,086 --> 00:46:29,456
I mean (GRUNTS) that was
my favorite pair of jeans,
1085
00:46:29,490 --> 00:46:30,657
I had to throw them away.
1086
00:46:30,691 --> 00:46:31,525
I mean, I, they were ruined.
1087
00:46:31,558 --> 00:46:33,560
GLORIA: I'm gonna fall.
1088
00:46:36,597 --> 00:46:39,199
LEXI: Wow, you really
are strong for a banana.
1089
00:46:39,233 --> 00:46:40,133
JAMES: Just walk!
1090
00:46:40,167 --> 00:46:41,502
Ow!
1091
00:46:41,535 --> 00:46:43,270
LEXI: You wanna come
and help us or something?
1092
00:46:43,303 --> 00:46:44,104
- No.
- Gods sakes, somebody's
1093
00:46:44,137 --> 00:46:45,239
gotta show you dumbasses
1094
00:46:45,272 --> 00:46:47,074
how to put it together.
1095
00:46:48,175 --> 00:46:49,576
Fran's mom is so hairy,
1096
00:46:49,610 --> 00:46:51,378
he almost died of rug burns at
birth.
1097
00:46:51,411 --> 00:46:53,480
(ALL LAUGHING)
1098
00:46:53,514 --> 00:46:54,816
Don't mind Fran.
(EERIE MUSIC)
1099
00:46:54,849 --> 00:46:57,819
He's just mad 'cause his mama's
so hairy
1100
00:46:57,852 --> 00:46:59,119
her titties look like coconuts.
1101
00:46:59,152 --> 00:47:01,221
(ALL LAUGHING)
1102
00:47:01,255 --> 00:47:03,825
Fran's mama is so hairy
that Bigfoot went down on her,
1103
00:47:03,858 --> 00:47:04,658
had to be cut out!
1104
00:47:04,691 --> 00:47:06,093
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
1105
00:47:06,126 --> 00:47:07,494
You need more C4.
1106
00:47:08,595 --> 00:47:10,497
Hell'd you learn to make a bomb
at?
1107
00:47:10,531 --> 00:47:11,665
A drive-thru in Libya?
1108
00:47:11,698 --> 00:47:13,634
Are they gonna blow us all up?
1109
00:47:13,667 --> 00:47:16,069
Oh, I'm sorry, darlin',
I didn't mean to offend.
1110
00:47:16,103 --> 00:47:17,271
Keep touchin' me, keep
touchin' me I'm gonna detonate
1111
00:47:17,304 --> 00:47:18,539
the sumbitch right now.
1112
00:47:18,572 --> 00:47:19,774
Oh, all right.
1113
00:47:19,807 --> 00:47:20,474
- You see these?
- Do what you fuckin' want.
1114
00:47:20,507 --> 00:47:22,476
Those are motion detectors.
1115
00:47:22,509 --> 00:47:24,411
Now, when it comes into the
capture zone,
1116
00:47:24,444 --> 00:47:25,412
it's gonna trigger the charges
1117
00:47:25,445 --> 00:47:26,580
that makes the cage drop down.
1118
00:47:26,613 --> 00:47:28,816
CASEY: Like the ACME Cage
Company?
1119
00:47:28,850 --> 00:47:31,485
Now, when that happens, it's
going to immobilize the beast
1120
00:47:31,518 --> 00:47:33,587
by throwing its tasers out.
1121
00:47:35,355 --> 00:47:36,490
What the hell is that?
1122
00:47:36,523 --> 00:47:37,691
This right here?
1123
00:47:37,725 --> 00:47:41,161
This is dirty gym socks,
bloody menstruation,
1124
00:47:41,194 --> 00:47:43,463
and the sweat of a woman.
1125
00:47:43,497 --> 00:47:45,699
Sasquatch finds it uber sexy.
1126
00:47:46,901 --> 00:47:48,335
Hell, we get it all from Gloria.
1127
00:47:48,368 --> 00:47:50,838
(TONGUE CLICKING)
1128
00:47:50,872 --> 00:47:52,539
(LIGHT TAPPING)
1129
00:47:52,573 --> 00:47:53,741
(EXPLOSIVES FIRING)
1130
00:47:53,775 --> 00:47:56,778
CASEY: (GRUNTS) Oh, ow,
godammit!
1131
00:47:56,811 --> 00:47:59,546
(ALL LAUGHING)
1132
00:47:59,580 --> 00:48:00,414
Crazy bastards.
1133
00:48:00,447 --> 00:48:02,316
- Get this shit outta me!
- Hey guys,
1134
00:48:02,349 --> 00:48:03,183
it's not funny.
1135
00:48:03,216 --> 00:48:04,018
FRAN: What?
1136
00:48:04,052 --> 00:48:05,319
You know those are barbed
tips.
1137
00:48:05,352 --> 00:48:06,653
CASEY: (GRUNTING) Oh fuck!
1138
00:48:06,687 --> 00:48:08,188
I'm gonna have to cut 'em out.
1139
00:48:08,221 --> 00:48:09,857
Hey, can we get just a
little more focus here guys?
1140
00:48:09,891 --> 00:48:11,826
She's right, skankasaurus.
1141
00:48:11,859 --> 00:48:14,294
I told you not be bringing
these damn retards around here.
1142
00:48:14,328 --> 00:48:16,496
Somebody was gonna get hurt!
1143
00:48:16,530 --> 00:48:18,900
You have personal space
issues.
1144
00:48:18,933 --> 00:48:21,335
Okay, knock it off.
1145
00:48:21,368 --> 00:48:22,603
Get you some of that bitch!
Can we please
1146
00:48:22,636 --> 00:48:24,404
get the barbs out of Casey's
leg?
1147
00:48:24,438 --> 00:48:25,305
(CASEY GRUNTING)
1148
00:48:25,339 --> 00:48:25,974
- Maybe?
- All right.
1149
00:48:26,007 --> 00:48:27,140
FRAN: I want to do this.
1150
00:48:27,174 --> 00:48:28,743
LEXI: This is gonna hurt.
1151
00:48:28,776 --> 00:48:29,777
You want something to bite on?
1152
00:48:29,811 --> 00:48:31,445
CASEY: Are you insane?
1153
00:48:31,478 --> 00:48:32,346
You're insane!
1154
00:48:32,379 --> 00:48:33,246
You're crazy!
1155
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:35,282
Everybody's fucking crazy!
1156
00:48:36,350 --> 00:48:38,853
(CASEY GRUNTING)
1157
00:48:41,355 --> 00:48:42,322
Go ahead.
1158
00:48:42,356 --> 00:48:43,725
CASSIE: Check, Grandpa.
1159
00:48:43,758 --> 00:48:44,759
Not this time, kiddo.
1160
00:48:44,792 --> 00:48:46,226
No way.
1161
00:48:46,259 --> 00:48:49,764
Casey get me a martini,
nice and dry, no olives.
1162
00:48:49,797 --> 00:48:52,900
Actually, hold the vermouth,
too.
1163
00:48:52,934 --> 00:48:53,768
I'll get it.
1164
00:48:53,801 --> 00:48:55,335
CORY: Go.
1165
00:48:55,369 --> 00:48:57,739
(ICE RATTLING)
1166
00:49:02,844 --> 00:49:04,678
I like it here.
1167
00:49:04,712 --> 00:49:05,780
I wanna live here.
1168
00:49:05,813 --> 00:49:07,414
I wanna raise my babies here.
1169
00:49:07,447 --> 00:49:08,582
Why didn't you tell me about
the kid?
1170
00:49:08,615 --> 00:49:09,583
The kid?
1171
00:49:09,616 --> 00:49:11,284
Your daughter?
1172
00:49:11,318 --> 00:49:13,353
Her name's Cassie.
1173
00:49:13,387 --> 00:49:15,255
And I don't know, I was 19.
1174
00:49:15,288 --> 00:49:16,323
You wanna know the truth?
1175
00:49:16,356 --> 00:49:18,659
I didn't know if she was yours.
1176
00:49:18,692 --> 00:49:21,662
But your father knew as
soon as he looked at her.
1177
00:49:21,695 --> 00:49:23,664
And I wanted to tell him,
1178
00:49:23,697 --> 00:49:26,366
and I wanted to tell your mom,
1179
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:27,769
but I was scared, and I didn't
wanna ruin
1180
00:49:27,802 --> 00:49:29,336
your precious life.
1181
00:49:31,338 --> 00:49:32,673
You fucking happy?
1182
00:49:32,707 --> 00:49:35,777
Maybe you need to
give me another chance?
1183
00:49:35,810 --> 00:49:38,713
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
1184
00:49:41,783 --> 00:49:44,351
(ICE CLINKING)
1185
00:49:52,894 --> 00:49:57,431
♪ Bought me a blue boutonniere ♪
1186
00:49:57,464 --> 00:50:02,335
♪ Wore a pretty pink gown ♪
1187
00:50:03,370 --> 00:50:06,506
♪ And you promised me pearls ♪
1188
00:50:06,540 --> 00:50:11,411
♪ Match my prom queen crown ♪
1189
00:50:12,814 --> 00:50:14,514
♪ You're a real big man ♪
1190
00:50:14,548 --> 00:50:17,752
♪ In your mama's minivan ♪
1191
00:50:17,785 --> 00:50:21,823
♪ Slipped off my shoes ♪
1192
00:50:21,856 --> 00:50:23,725
♪ Ruined my dress ♪
1193
00:50:23,758 --> 00:50:26,259
♪ Excited I guess ♪
1194
00:50:26,293 --> 00:50:27,829
♪ Still can hold your booze ♪
1195
00:50:27,862 --> 00:50:28,695
Hey!
1196
00:50:28,730 --> 00:50:29,629
Do you mind?
1197
00:50:29,663 --> 00:50:31,298
I am trying to sing a song here!
1198
00:50:31,331 --> 00:50:35,469
♪ 10 years, you still can't get
it right ♪
1199
00:50:35,502 --> 00:50:39,539
♪ We ain't makin' love, we fight ♪
1200
00:50:39,573 --> 00:50:44,411
♪ So, don't you get the
wrong idea about us ♪
1201
00:50:44,444 --> 00:50:47,048
♪ Don't you get the wrong idea ♪
1202
00:50:47,081 --> 00:50:51,585
♪ 'Bout what's going on here ♪
1203
00:50:51,618 --> 00:50:56,456
♪ Just because we're doing this ♪
1204
00:50:57,759 --> 00:50:59,659
♪ Doesn't not make you ♪
1205
00:50:59,693 --> 00:51:03,330
♪ An asshole or make me care ♪
1206
00:51:06,033 --> 00:51:08,770
CASEY: Gloria, what
the hell are you doing?
1207
00:51:08,803 --> 00:51:10,772
What time is it?
1208
00:51:10,805 --> 00:51:11,873
You said you wanted a chance.
1209
00:51:11,906 --> 00:51:13,306
(GENTLE MUSIC)
1210
00:51:13,340 --> 00:51:16,911
♪ Doesn't not make you an
asshole ♪
1211
00:51:16,944 --> 00:51:20,514
♪ Or make me care ♪
1212
00:51:20,547 --> 00:51:21,515
(SLAP THUDDING)
1213
00:51:21,548 --> 00:51:22,049
That's for making me
fall in love with you
1214
00:51:22,083 --> 00:51:24,351
in the first place.
1215
00:51:24,384 --> 00:51:25,585
(SLAP THUDDING)
1216
00:51:25,619 --> 00:51:26,921
And that's for running
off and not coming back.
1217
00:51:26,954 --> 00:51:28,355
(SLAP THUDDING)
1218
00:51:28,388 --> 00:51:29,456
That is for leaving
right after the funeral
1219
00:51:29,489 --> 00:51:30,323
- when your father...
- I swear to God,
1220
00:51:30,357 --> 00:51:33,493
if you slap me one...
(PUNCH THUDDING)
1221
00:51:33,527 --> 00:51:36,329
Okay, so what is all this?
1222
00:51:36,363 --> 00:51:39,633
Is this you giving me a chance
now?
1223
00:51:39,666 --> 00:51:42,569
Well, you want some of this or
not?
1224
00:51:44,806 --> 00:51:49,877
♪ At night passing first the
fool ♪
1225
00:51:49,911 --> 00:51:54,581
♪ You ain't even hear that beat ♪
1226
00:51:54,614 --> 00:51:56,851
CORY: While Gloria and Casey
were getting reacquainted,
1227
00:51:56,884 --> 00:52:01,555
Fran and I slipped off to a
Florida swamp for an interview.
1228
00:52:10,965 --> 00:52:11,766
Woo ooh!
1229
00:52:14,035 --> 00:52:14,836
Woo ooh!
1230
00:52:17,671 --> 00:52:20,107
(MAGICAL MUSIC)
1231
00:52:23,577 --> 00:52:25,612
Man, I remember that
waterfall right there.
1232
00:52:25,645 --> 00:52:26,646
We gettin' close.
1233
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:30,517
The same waterfall we
passed two hours ago.
1234
00:52:30,550 --> 00:52:32,086
No, Professor, it's
a different waterfall,
1235
00:52:32,119 --> 00:52:32,954
I promise you.
1236
00:52:32,987 --> 00:52:35,156
No, that's the same waterfall,
Fran.
1237
00:52:35,189 --> 00:52:35,957
I'm telling you I know
1238
00:52:35,990 --> 00:52:37,024
- what I'm talking about.
- Look.
1239
00:52:37,058 --> 00:52:37,859
Why don't you ever...
1240
00:52:37,892 --> 00:52:38,692
Look.
1241
00:52:41,528 --> 00:52:43,630
Doesn't that belong to you?
1242
00:52:43,663 --> 00:52:45,800
I guess it does.
1243
00:52:45,833 --> 00:52:46,734
Dammit.
1244
00:52:46,767 --> 00:52:49,436
Why couldn't you bury it?
1245
00:52:49,469 --> 00:52:51,438
FRAN: Hey, Professor, if
that old witch catches us
1246
00:52:51,471 --> 00:52:53,774
trying to ambush one of her
swamp apes,
1247
00:52:53,808 --> 00:52:55,877
she gonna put the whammy on us.
1248
00:52:55,910 --> 00:52:56,844
(rifle clacking
1249
00:52:56,878 --> 00:52:57,712
Get them hands
1250
00:52:57,745 --> 00:52:59,579
up in the air.
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
1251
00:52:59,613 --> 00:53:01,949
Drop them packs and rifles.
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
1252
00:53:01,983 --> 00:53:04,584
Francois Andersen, is that you,
boy?
1253
00:53:04,618 --> 00:53:05,953
Hey now listen...
1254
00:53:05,987 --> 00:53:08,622
I told you not to be
coming back here, boy.
1255
00:53:08,655 --> 00:53:11,192
This here is Professor
Cory Mathis out of Missouri.
1256
00:53:11,225 --> 00:53:13,027
He's a Sasquatch researcher
1257
00:53:13,060 --> 00:53:14,628
and he's just got a few
questions for you.
1258
00:53:14,661 --> 00:53:15,462
- That is all.
- I oughta shoot
1259
00:53:15,495 --> 00:53:16,964
your ass right now.
1260
00:53:16,998 --> 00:53:19,967
We don't want any trouble at
all.
1261
00:53:20,001 --> 00:53:22,469
Now, I am a real Sasquatch
researcher.
1262
00:53:22,502 --> 00:53:24,772
I know you call them skunk ape
down here.
1263
00:53:24,805 --> 00:53:27,641
All I really wanna do is
come inside and meet you,
1264
00:53:27,674 --> 00:53:29,710
talk about your pets, that's
all.
1265
00:53:29,744 --> 00:53:31,145
All right then.
1266
00:53:31,178 --> 00:53:32,479
You come on in.
1267
00:53:34,514 --> 00:53:36,984
But don't you do anything
stupid.
1268
00:53:37,018 --> 00:53:39,153
FRAN: How's that for
southern hospitality?
1269
00:53:39,186 --> 00:53:40,620
I think something died up
inside you.
1270
00:53:40,654 --> 00:53:41,521
(ALL LAUGHING)
1271
00:53:41,554 --> 00:53:42,924
Lactose.
1272
00:53:42,957 --> 00:53:44,825
CORY: Oh man.
1273
00:53:44,859 --> 00:53:47,161
Hey, can I ask you a question?
1274
00:53:47,194 --> 00:53:50,798
Why not go after the 10
million bucks bounty?
1275
00:53:52,033 --> 00:53:52,967
You could stay out here forever,
1276
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:55,903
fix this place up and buy a ton
of grapes.
1277
00:53:55,937 --> 00:53:57,705
Is that why you're here?
1278
00:53:57,738 --> 00:53:59,673
No, ma'am, that's not why I'm
here.
1279
00:53:59,707 --> 00:54:01,541
All I really wanna do is expose
the truth.
1280
00:54:01,574 --> 00:54:03,110
That's why he's here.
1281
00:54:03,144 --> 00:54:04,712
Oh, come on now.
1282
00:54:04,745 --> 00:54:05,813
I thought we was past all that.
1283
00:54:05,846 --> 00:54:07,148
Dude, dude, come on.
1284
00:54:07,181 --> 00:54:08,916
Ma'am, no I don't, I don't need
the money.
1285
00:54:08,950 --> 00:54:11,953
I'm, I just wanna show the
truth.
1286
00:54:11,986 --> 00:54:14,722
WITCH: You just enjoy this
tea and eat your chicken.
1287
00:54:14,755 --> 00:54:15,522
CORY: Thank you.
1288
00:54:15,555 --> 00:54:17,691
My babies will be around
shortly.
1289
00:54:17,725 --> 00:54:18,426
Here's to Sasquatch.
1290
00:54:18,458 --> 00:54:19,626
Yes, sir.
(JARS CLINKING)
1291
00:54:19,659 --> 00:54:22,029
(ALL LAUGHING)
1292
00:54:30,171 --> 00:54:31,939
Man, this tea is good!
1293
00:54:35,743 --> 00:54:38,746
(LIVELY FIDDLE MUSIC)
1294
00:55:11,278 --> 00:55:13,546
(CUP CLATTERING)
1295
00:55:13,580 --> 00:55:15,515
- Shh.
- What do you want?
1296
00:55:20,254 --> 00:55:23,656
(EERIE MUSIC)
1297
00:55:23,690 --> 00:55:24,291
(WOOD CLATTERING)
1298
00:55:24,325 --> 00:55:27,061
(FRAN SCREAMING)
1299
00:55:34,068 --> 00:55:36,337
It's got my arm again!
1300
00:55:36,370 --> 00:55:37,905
CORY: Come on.
(FRAN SCREAMING)
1301
00:55:37,938 --> 00:55:39,106
Come on, Fran!
1302
00:55:39,140 --> 00:55:39,940
Fran!
1303
00:55:41,976 --> 00:55:44,045
The creature almost tore
Fran's arm off again
1304
00:55:44,078 --> 00:55:45,645
and we lost all our supplies.
1305
00:55:45,678 --> 00:55:46,579
Come out when
1306
00:55:46,613 --> 00:55:47,281
- they wanna time.
- It was time to limp back
1307
00:55:47,314 --> 00:55:48,149
the the Ozarks.
1308
00:55:48,182 --> 00:55:49,016
Real nice lady.
1309
00:55:49,050 --> 00:55:50,151
Her husband was
1310
00:55:50,184 --> 00:55:52,186
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
a double agent.
1311
00:55:52,219 --> 00:55:54,088
He worked for the CIA
1312
00:55:54,121 --> 00:55:57,058
but he was really working for
the KGB.
1313
00:55:59,026 --> 00:55:59,794
They're here, they're here!
1314
00:55:59,827 --> 00:56:00,627
Come on!
1315
00:56:02,229 --> 00:56:03,297
Grandpa.
1316
00:56:03,330 --> 00:56:04,932
Something's in the trap, we saw
it.
1317
00:56:04,965 --> 00:56:06,167
Oh yeah?
1318
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:07,802
You sure it wasn't a bear?
1319
00:56:07,835 --> 00:56:10,204
CASSIE: It's in the trap!
1320
00:56:10,237 --> 00:56:11,872
I'm bushed.
1321
00:56:11,906 --> 00:56:14,041
Dad and I both saw it
before we lost the video feed.
1322
00:56:14,075 --> 00:56:17,244
It's bipedal but definitely not
a bear.
1323
00:56:17,278 --> 00:56:18,045
CORY: You didn't see it did
you?
1324
00:56:18,079 --> 00:56:19,180
Yeah, I saw it!
1325
00:56:19,213 --> 00:56:20,815
And I can't believe it.
1326
00:56:20,848 --> 00:56:21,916
It's in there and it's trapped
1327
00:56:21,949 --> 00:56:23,884
- and it's getting shocked.
- Okay.
1328
00:56:23,918 --> 00:56:26,653
Fran, I need you to organize the
crew.
1329
00:56:26,686 --> 00:56:27,988
Get the entrapment equipment
together.
1330
00:56:28,022 --> 00:56:30,157
Cassie, call your mom.
1331
00:56:30,191 --> 00:56:32,692
Tell her to prepare the
containment unit.
1332
00:56:32,726 --> 00:56:33,327
Let's go.
1333
00:56:35,062 --> 00:56:38,332
You guys have no idea
what you're going to face.
1334
00:56:38,365 --> 00:56:39,967
This thing has been
trapped and getting shocked
1335
00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:41,969
for the last 20 hours.
1336
00:56:42,002 --> 00:56:44,705
It's gonna be pissed.
1337
00:56:44,738 --> 00:56:48,042
If it's anything like what
Fran and I just encountered,
1338
00:56:48,075 --> 00:56:49,642
we have to be careful.
(INSECTS BUZZING AND CHIRPING)
1339
00:56:49,676 --> 00:56:52,645
I'm here to capture it, not kill
it.
1340
00:56:52,679 --> 00:56:53,747
What are you guys standing
around for?
1341
00:56:53,781 --> 00:56:54,815
Let's go!
1342
00:56:54,849 --> 00:56:57,218
(TENSE MUSIC)
1343
00:57:02,289 --> 00:57:03,124
Cory.
1344
00:57:03,157 --> 00:57:04,058
(EERIE MUSIC)
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
1345
00:57:04,091 --> 00:57:06,693
(BILLY GRUNTING)
1346
00:57:06,727 --> 00:57:09,830
Uncle Billy, hold still so
we can get you disconnected.
1347
00:57:09,864 --> 00:57:12,399
Stop calling me Uncle Billy,
godammit.
1348
00:57:12,433 --> 00:57:14,667
No family of mine is
stupid enough to hang out
1349
00:57:14,701 --> 00:57:17,705
with a bunch of quacks and
hoaxers.
1350
00:57:17,738 --> 00:57:19,840
Billy Teal, what the
hell you doin' in my cage?
1351
00:57:19,874 --> 00:57:21,175
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
1352
00:57:21,208 --> 00:57:23,844
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
1353
00:57:23,878 --> 00:57:24,745
(GUN FIRING)
1354
00:57:24,778 --> 00:57:27,715
(AMMUNITION POPPING)
1355
00:57:32,153 --> 00:57:33,320
(CAGE CREAKING)
1356
00:57:33,354 --> 00:57:35,422
(AMMUNITION FIRING)
1357
00:57:35,456 --> 00:57:36,257
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
1358
00:57:36,290 --> 00:57:39,059
(BILLY SCREAMING)
1359
00:57:42,730 --> 00:57:45,966
No one is going anywhere
except jail.
1360
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:47,468
I'm throwing all the books at
you.
1361
00:57:47,501 --> 00:57:49,203
Like taking 'em all off the
shelves.
1362
00:57:49,236 --> 00:57:50,838
Every single book at the library
1363
00:57:50,871 --> 00:57:54,008
and I'm just chucking 'em right
at ya!
1364
00:57:54,041 --> 00:57:57,945
Well, we're all gonna need
prison names.
1365
00:57:57,978 --> 00:57:59,480
We can call Fran Tossed Salad.
1366
00:57:59,513 --> 00:58:01,081
(LEXI GIGGLING)
1367
00:58:01,115 --> 00:58:03,150
We can use the prison
bitch name generator online.
1368
00:58:03,184 --> 00:58:03,918
(GLORIA LAUGHING)
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
1369
00:58:03,951 --> 00:58:05,186
(BILLY GROANING)
1370
00:58:05,219 --> 00:58:06,921
I'm gonna kill you.
1371
00:58:06,954 --> 00:58:10,357
Will you hold still
so I can frame this up?
1372
00:58:11,358 --> 00:58:12,193
Wait a minute.
1373
00:58:12,226 --> 00:58:13,260
(BILLY GROANING)
1374
00:58:13,294 --> 00:58:14,495
Looks like we got us another
one.
1375
00:58:14,528 --> 00:58:15,296
How the hell'd
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
1376
00:58:15,329 --> 00:58:17,198
you get in there anyway?
1377
00:58:18,866 --> 00:58:20,434
I think he peed on me.
1378
00:58:20,467 --> 00:58:21,001
(PASTOR EVANS GROANING)
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
1379
00:58:21,035 --> 00:58:22,803
Take it off and take...
1380
00:58:22,836 --> 00:58:24,438
Billy, hold still and
we'll get you disconnected.
1381
00:58:24,471 --> 00:58:27,741
PASTOR EVANS: No, no, I love
it!
1382
00:58:27,775 --> 00:58:31,779
(LIVELY COUNTRY MUSIC)
(CAMERA CLICKING)
1383
00:58:31,812 --> 00:58:34,481
I'm covered with electrical
burns and bug bites.
1384
00:58:34,515 --> 00:58:36,450
(CAMERA CLICKING)
1385
00:58:36,483 --> 00:58:38,285
I'm severely dehydrated.
1386
00:58:38,319 --> 00:58:40,821
They've had me off my meds for
two days.
1387
00:58:40,854 --> 00:58:43,424
(CAMERA CLICKING)
1388
00:58:48,195 --> 00:58:51,966
You're supposed to be a
professional, a scholar.
1389
00:58:53,400 --> 00:58:57,071
(FRAN SCREAMING)
1390
00:58:57,104 --> 00:58:59,506
I'm putting you on the U.S.
Forest Service no-use list
1391
00:58:59,540 --> 00:59:01,475
of Mark Twain Forest.
1392
00:59:01,508 --> 00:59:04,511
You brought all this on
yourself, Cory.
1393
00:59:08,549 --> 00:59:11,318
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
1394
00:59:13,053 --> 00:59:14,421
Professor Mathis,
(TENSE MUSIC)
1395
00:59:14,455 --> 00:59:16,523
as you know, Ranger Teal
was seriously injured
1396
00:59:16,557 --> 00:59:17,424
while you were conducting
1397
00:59:17,458 --> 00:59:19,560
your university-sanctioned
experiments
1398
00:59:19,593 --> 00:59:21,528
in the Mark Twain Forest.
1399
00:59:21,562 --> 00:59:24,498
You should be careful
what you say right now.
1400
00:59:24,531 --> 00:59:26,367
You know how I got hurt.
1401
00:59:26,400 --> 00:59:28,535
Gentlemen, please.
1402
00:59:28,569 --> 00:59:32,006
This board hasn't sanctioned
anything in the forest.
1403
00:59:32,039 --> 00:59:35,376
Billy, you've really
taken it too far this time.
1404
00:59:35,409 --> 00:59:37,511
Professor, please.
1405
00:59:37,544 --> 00:59:40,981
You are being indicted
on assault, conspiracy,
1406
00:59:41,015 --> 00:59:43,851
and poaching on federal
property.
1407
00:59:43,884 --> 00:59:45,319
The university has no reason to
believe
1408
00:59:45,352 --> 00:59:47,488
the work you are doing in the
woods
1409
00:59:47,521 --> 00:59:50,124
is for your modified corn
research
1410
00:59:50,157 --> 00:59:52,293
and we are assuming that
you haven't been using
1411
00:59:52,326 --> 00:59:54,561
your funding for that.
1412
00:59:54,595 --> 00:59:56,096
You don't understand.
1413
00:59:56,130 --> 00:59:58,866
Why is a professor of
agricultural genetics
1414
00:59:58,899 --> 01:00:01,035
wasting university funding
to search for turds
1415
01:00:01,068 --> 01:00:02,269
in the forest?
1416
01:00:02,303 --> 01:00:05,406
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
1417
01:00:06,340 --> 01:00:09,076
But it sure as hell
don't belong to Bigfoot.
1418
01:00:09,109 --> 01:00:11,078
Okay, all right, Burns.
1419
01:00:11,111 --> 01:00:13,414
The most compelling
evidence of all involves
1420
01:00:13,447 --> 01:00:18,218
the sequencing of mitochondrial
DNA which proved 100% human.
1421
01:00:18,919 --> 01:00:22,189
My neck was nearly broken in
two.
1422
01:00:22,222 --> 01:00:23,957
My hands are burnt up.
1423
01:00:25,993 --> 01:00:29,296
(SLIDE PROJECTOR HUMMING)
1424
01:00:31,332 --> 01:00:32,499
President Burns, can you do
something
1425
01:00:32,533 --> 01:00:34,435
about the projector please?
1426
01:00:34,468 --> 01:00:36,203
We have no alternative.
1427
01:00:36,236 --> 01:00:38,005
To what?
1428
01:00:38,038 --> 01:00:42,109
We are asking for your
resignation, effective immediately.
1429
01:00:43,110 --> 01:00:44,345
And fire me?
1430
01:00:44,378 --> 01:00:45,479
Just like that?
1431
01:00:47,081 --> 01:00:47,881
Yep.
1432
01:00:54,154 --> 01:00:55,089
BILLY: How'd I do?
1433
01:00:55,122 --> 01:00:56,657
Perfect.
1434
01:00:56,690 --> 01:00:58,992
Blanket the town with these.
1435
01:00:59,026 --> 01:01:02,296
We need to shut the forest down.
1436
01:01:02,329 --> 01:01:03,497
Yes, sir.
1437
01:01:03,530 --> 01:01:07,234
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
1438
01:01:07,267 --> 01:01:09,370
CASSIE: Uncle Billy,
you stop right there!
1439
01:01:09,403 --> 01:01:10,404
What do you want, little boy?
1440
01:01:10,437 --> 01:01:12,039
I would like to speak
to you about the charges
1441
01:01:12,072 --> 01:01:14,508
brought against Professor
Mathis.
1442
01:01:14,541 --> 01:01:16,110
Wait, who are you?
1443
01:01:16,143 --> 01:01:17,144
Are we related?
1444
01:01:17,177 --> 01:01:19,279
Don't act like you
don't know me, Billy Teal.
1445
01:01:19,313 --> 01:01:20,614
I'm here to demand that
you drop the charges
1446
01:01:20,647 --> 01:01:22,583
against my grandfather,
Professor Mathis.
1447
01:01:22,616 --> 01:01:25,452
Mathis is a dangerous
lawbreaker.
1448
01:01:25,486 --> 01:01:27,388
I spent nearly 20 hours
in one of his traps.
1449
01:01:27,421 --> 01:01:29,990
No food, no water, no
sandwiches.
1450
01:01:30,023 --> 01:01:30,759
That was unfortunate.
1451
01:01:30,792 --> 01:01:31,726
He coulda brought me a
sandwich.
1452
01:01:31,760 --> 01:01:33,427
But I know you trapped
yourself on purpose.
1453
01:01:33,460 --> 01:01:35,062
I saw you in the video.
1454
01:01:35,095 --> 01:01:37,364
You're just trying to
sabotage us for no reason.
1455
01:01:37,398 --> 01:01:39,500
I'm a certified agent
of the U.S. government.
1456
01:01:39,533 --> 01:01:41,568
You can't speak to me
like that, all right, kid.
1457
01:01:41,602 --> 01:01:43,337
Now stay out of my forest.
1458
01:01:43,370 --> 01:01:44,338
Missouri Fish
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
1459
01:01:44,371 --> 01:01:46,640
and Ornithology, just
a glorified Girl Scout
1460
01:01:46,673 --> 01:01:49,143
out littering the forest
with no littering signs.
1461
01:01:49,176 --> 01:01:51,044
Do you even have a permit
to post those flyers?
1462
01:01:51,078 --> 01:01:53,180
You are something else!
1463
01:01:53,213 --> 01:01:55,048
Think you know everything, don't
ya?
1464
01:01:55,082 --> 01:01:58,152
Guess what, you don't know
diddly squat!
1465
01:02:01,321 --> 01:02:03,023
Well, I know things
about you, Billy Teal,
1466
01:02:03,056 --> 01:02:04,191
like you do nasty things
1467
01:02:04,224 --> 01:02:06,326
- online, weird things.
- What, what?
1468
01:02:06,360 --> 01:02:07,327
How would you like it
1469
01:02:07,361 --> 01:02:09,062
if I sent this hacked
material to Wikileaks?
1470
01:02:09,096 --> 01:02:10,397
You can't blackmail me.
1471
01:02:10,431 --> 01:02:11,665
I can and I will unless
you drop those charges,
1472
01:02:11,698 --> 01:02:13,467
Billy Teal, and start acting
like family.
1473
01:02:13,500 --> 01:02:15,002
Man, you got a smart mouth.
1474
01:02:15,035 --> 01:02:17,037
What I do in my free time is my
business.
1475
01:02:17,070 --> 01:02:19,106
I'm an adult, K?
1476
01:02:19,139 --> 01:02:21,341
Adults do what they wanna do.
1477
01:02:24,077 --> 01:02:25,446
Smart mouth?
1478
01:02:25,479 --> 01:02:27,147
Yes, I may have a smart
mouth only because I think
1479
01:02:27,181 --> 01:02:28,282
before I speak.
1480
01:02:29,784 --> 01:02:33,120
You do whatever you like,
little fella.
1481
01:02:34,455 --> 01:02:35,289
Hey!
1482
01:02:38,158 --> 01:02:39,393
That's littering!
1483
01:02:44,164 --> 01:02:47,034
I could give you a citation for
that.
1484
01:02:48,502 --> 01:02:49,203
(ENGINE REVVING)
1485
01:02:49,236 --> 01:02:51,773
In 2001, I was a firefighter.
1486
01:02:51,806 --> 01:02:52,774
There was a terrible fire
1487
01:02:52,807 --> 01:02:55,075
on the Arkansas-Missouri border.
1488
01:02:55,108 --> 01:02:55,710
We found an animal
(SIREN BLARING)
1489
01:02:55,743 --> 01:02:57,244
that was badly burned.
1490
01:02:57,277 --> 01:02:58,312
It was big like a bear
1491
01:02:58,345 --> 01:03:00,013
but it wasn't a bear.
1492
01:03:01,716 --> 01:03:03,183
We wrapped it in wet towels.
1493
01:03:03,217 --> 01:03:04,651
We did everything we
could to try and save it
1494
01:03:04,685 --> 01:03:06,453
but it didn't make it.
1495
01:03:08,555 --> 01:03:10,524
The vet got all freaked out
working on it
1496
01:03:10,557 --> 01:03:12,359
like it was just way too human.
1497
01:03:12,392 --> 01:03:14,695
He demanded a doctor to come in.
1498
01:03:14,729 --> 01:03:17,464
He said, "This ain't no animal."
1499
01:03:17,498 --> 01:03:19,533
Was it wearing orange?
1500
01:03:19,566 --> 01:03:21,101
It was nothin' like that
Patterson film.
1501
01:03:21,134 --> 01:03:22,302
(SIRENS BLARING)
1502
01:03:22,336 --> 01:03:24,638
And then they took me to this
room where a medical panel
1503
01:03:24,671 --> 01:03:27,608
tried to explain to me how
burns could disfigure a bear
1504
01:03:27,641 --> 01:03:29,309
to look like a human.
1505
01:03:30,444 --> 01:03:31,779
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1506
01:03:31,813 --> 01:03:32,679
(TIRE POPPING)
1507
01:03:32,714 --> 01:03:33,547
(TIRE FLUTTERING)
1508
01:03:33,580 --> 01:03:36,617
And then these guys in green
showed up
1509
01:03:38,318 --> 01:03:39,721
and forced me to sign paperwork
1510
01:03:39,754 --> 01:03:43,090
that said what I saw indeed a
fried bear.
1511
01:03:44,424 --> 01:03:48,028
You know, kinda like
those Men in Black guys.
1512
01:03:49,162 --> 01:03:51,064
(SIREN BLARING)
1513
01:03:51,098 --> 01:03:53,534
CORY: Why is your car so
loud?
1514
01:03:53,567 --> 01:03:57,170
Driver, shut the vehicle
off and step out now!
1515
01:03:57,204 --> 01:03:58,405
After a while, they started
accusing me
1516
01:03:58,438 --> 01:04:00,140
of starting the fire.
1517
01:04:00,173 --> 01:04:01,843
Do you need me to call the
cops?
1518
01:04:01,876 --> 01:04:03,677
After interrogating me for two
days,
1519
01:04:03,711 --> 01:04:05,178
they finally let me go.
1520
01:04:05,212 --> 01:04:07,180
Driver, shut it off!
1521
01:04:07,214 --> 01:04:09,683
It was a classic coverup.
1522
01:04:09,717 --> 01:04:12,419
(JESSI GRUNTING)
1523
01:04:20,460 --> 01:04:23,798
(JET RUMBLING)
1524
01:04:23,831 --> 01:04:25,632
AGENT SMITH: There's an
urgent top secret mission
1525
01:04:25,666 --> 01:04:27,568
and I think you're ready for it.
1526
01:04:27,601 --> 01:04:30,137
The report here shows that
you deal pretty regularly
1527
01:04:30,170 --> 01:04:32,272
with a special resident in your
forest.
1528
01:04:32,306 --> 01:04:33,340
Resident?
1529
01:04:33,373 --> 01:04:34,876
AGENT SMITH: A special
resident.
1530
01:04:34,909 --> 01:04:38,111
Oh, yeah, you mean Bigfoot.
1531
01:04:38,145 --> 01:04:40,280
I can tell I can count
on you to handle this.
1532
01:04:40,314 --> 01:04:42,349
Anything to be part of the
team.
1533
01:04:42,382 --> 01:04:43,851
Billy, have you seen my blue
underwear?
1534
01:04:43,885 --> 01:04:45,552
Sis, I'm on the phone.
1535
01:04:45,586 --> 01:04:47,654
(SISSY GRUNTS)
1536
01:04:47,688 --> 01:04:50,190
According to our intel
there are two more residents
1537
01:04:50,223 --> 01:04:51,826
expanding their territory.
1538
01:04:51,859 --> 01:04:53,327
I haven't seen...
1539
01:04:53,360 --> 01:04:55,897
For the safety of the
public and the program,
1540
01:04:55,930 --> 01:04:58,298
we need you to take them out.
1541
01:04:58,332 --> 01:04:59,232
Take them out?
1542
01:04:59,266 --> 01:05:02,770
We need you to liquidate the
residents.
1543
01:05:02,804 --> 01:05:05,505
You do this and I'll put a
recommendation
1544
01:05:05,539 --> 01:05:07,307
to bring you into MIG.
1545
01:05:08,475 --> 01:05:11,211
Now, how does that sound, Agent
Teal?
1546
01:05:11,244 --> 01:05:13,513
Did you say agent?
1547
01:05:13,547 --> 01:05:15,182
Don't let me down.
1548
01:05:23,858 --> 01:05:24,792
Hey, dipshit.
1549
01:05:24,826 --> 01:05:27,260
We got a text you needed
You-Ber.
1550
01:05:27,294 --> 01:05:29,797
CASEY: (CHUCKLES) No,
don't need a You-Ber.
1551
01:05:29,831 --> 01:05:30,631
Go away.
1552
01:05:32,265 --> 01:05:34,368
You're still paying
for us driving out here.
1553
01:05:34,401 --> 01:05:36,703
Yeah, and I gave your
service a one-star rating.
1554
01:05:36,738 --> 01:05:39,139
Oh, and driver arrived drunk.
1555
01:05:41,375 --> 01:05:42,609
- Drunk?
- Drunk, my ass!
1556
01:05:42,643 --> 01:05:43,610
I don't like you.
1557
01:05:43,644 --> 01:05:45,612
I don't like you.
1558
01:05:45,646 --> 01:05:48,682
Soon as you go back to
Chicago, me and your girlfriend
1559
01:05:48,716 --> 01:05:49,683
will be laying down together.
1560
01:05:49,717 --> 01:05:51,385
You know that, big boy?
1561
01:05:51,418 --> 01:05:52,787
Leave Gloria out of this.
1562
01:05:52,820 --> 01:05:53,788
Make me.
1563
01:05:53,821 --> 01:05:54,789
(PUNCH THUDDING)
1564
01:05:54,822 --> 01:05:57,624
SIMON: What the hell
did you do that for?
1565
01:05:57,658 --> 01:06:00,594
That was really, really, cold,
man.
1566
01:06:00,627 --> 01:06:01,662
A sucker punch.
1567
01:06:01,695 --> 01:06:03,831
Never saw that shit comin'.
1568
01:06:03,865 --> 01:06:06,199
I think I just got a chubby.
1569
01:06:06,233 --> 01:06:07,969
I think we just saw you grow
into a man
1570
01:06:08,002 --> 01:06:10,637
right here before our eyes.
1571
01:06:10,671 --> 01:06:12,372
CASEY: Okay, I'm sorry.
1572
01:06:12,406 --> 01:06:13,908
I just need a ride.
1573
01:06:13,941 --> 01:06:14,909
I gotta find my dad
1574
01:06:14,942 --> 01:06:17,779
and I said some really
crappy shit to Gloria.
1575
01:06:17,812 --> 01:06:20,213
Well, get in, bro.
1576
01:06:20,247 --> 01:06:20,848
Really?
1577
01:06:22,349 --> 01:06:24,986
Oh, we're all friends now and
shit.
1578
01:06:25,019 --> 01:06:26,687
You know, you gotta be careful
1579
01:06:26,721 --> 01:06:27,922
not to hurt the ones you love.
1580
01:06:27,955 --> 01:06:30,691
(CHUCKLES) See, we're not bad
people.
1581
01:06:30,725 --> 01:06:35,562
(CHUCKLES) We're happy to give
you a ride.
1582
01:06:35,997 --> 01:06:37,698
Good luck, dipshit!
1583
01:06:37,732 --> 01:06:39,666
And we better get a good review
or we're gonna take a dump
1584
01:06:39,700 --> 01:06:41,301
on your front porch.
1585
01:06:43,503 --> 01:06:44,604
Wait, my bag!
1586
01:06:47,374 --> 01:06:49,309
I'm gonna take a dump on your
porch!
1587
01:06:49,342 --> 01:06:54,381
This whole town's crazy.
(LIVELY COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC)
1588
01:06:54,414 --> 01:06:55,315
Get over it.
1589
01:06:56,583 --> 01:06:57,484
#Dipshit.
1590
01:06:58,652 --> 01:07:03,690
♪ When I get back in my baby's
arms ♪
1591
01:07:03,725 --> 01:07:06,593
♪ Hell, that's when I
have to shake the time ♪
1592
01:07:06,626 --> 01:07:08,930
(PEOPLE CHATTERING AND LAUGHING)
1593
01:07:08,963 --> 01:07:12,033
♪ In my years and neon lights ♪
1594
01:07:12,066 --> 01:07:14,334
♪ And all night bars ♪
1595
01:07:14,367 --> 01:07:15,335
CASEY: What are you doing?
1596
01:07:15,368 --> 01:07:19,372
♪ I will get a little
heaven's on my mind ♪
1597
01:07:19,406 --> 01:07:21,475
Feeling sorry for myself.
1598
01:07:23,745 --> 01:07:26,513
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
1599
01:07:28,682 --> 01:07:30,517
Look at those assholes.
1600
01:07:32,652 --> 01:07:34,588
They're talking about me.
1601
01:07:36,456 --> 01:07:38,826
Who gives a shit about them?
1602
01:07:38,860 --> 01:07:41,929
They don't understand what
you're doin'.
1603
01:07:46,600 --> 01:07:47,969
♪ Well I couldn't ♪
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
1604
01:07:48,002 --> 01:07:49,469
♪ I couldn't wait there ♪
1605
01:07:49,503 --> 01:07:51,706
This isn't about proving some
creature
1606
01:07:51,739 --> 01:07:53,440
walks around in the woods, all
right?
1607
01:07:53,473 --> 01:07:56,443
♪ This has been the
life that I've chosen ♪
1608
01:07:56,476 --> 01:07:58,478
This is about the people
that are around you,
1609
01:07:58,512 --> 01:08:01,381
who understand you, and believe
in you.
1610
01:08:01,414 --> 01:08:03,683
I believe in what you're doin'.
1611
01:08:05,720 --> 01:08:07,487
I believe in you, Dad.
1612
01:08:11,424 --> 01:08:13,728
Screw those jealous bastards.
1613
01:08:15,428 --> 01:08:17,064
♪ Well, I know, I couldn't ♪
1614
01:08:17,098 --> 01:08:19,066
You know what?
1615
01:08:19,100 --> 01:08:21,568
I'm gonna find that creature
and I'm gonna kill it.
1616
01:08:21,601 --> 01:08:22,502
Come on.
1617
01:08:22,536 --> 01:08:23,738
♪ This has been the life ♪
1618
01:08:23,771 --> 01:08:26,774
- ♪ That I have chosen ♪
- Go get 'em, Cory.
1619
01:08:26,808 --> 01:08:29,442
(DOOR CREAKING)
1620
01:08:30,677 --> 01:08:33,547
(POWER SAW BUZZING)
1621
01:08:38,853 --> 01:08:43,523
This ignorant no good
piece of fuckin' shit!
1622
01:08:43,557 --> 01:08:47,028
We just bought this
thing like two days ago!
1623
01:08:47,061 --> 01:08:49,864
(SAW CLICKING)
1624
01:08:49,897 --> 01:08:50,697
Mom, I told you
(TENSE MUSIC)
1625
01:08:50,731 --> 01:08:53,968
a hundred times, it's not my
baby.
1626
01:08:54,001 --> 01:08:56,436
(SIGHS) Yeah, all right.
1627
01:08:56,469 --> 01:08:57,537
Love you, bye.
1628
01:08:58,973 --> 01:09:01,541
(SAW CLICKING)
1629
01:09:06,680 --> 01:09:07,380
(SAW BUZZING)
1630
01:09:07,414 --> 01:09:09,917
Dammit, Simon, dammit, Simon.
1631
01:09:11,018 --> 01:09:13,453
Goddammit, look what the hell
you did!
1632
01:09:13,486 --> 01:09:13,988
Damn, you got blood
(ETHEREAL CHANTING MUSIC)
1633
01:09:14,021 --> 01:09:14,989
on my shirt.
1634
01:09:15,022 --> 01:09:15,857
On your shirt!
1635
01:09:15,890 --> 01:09:17,524
You cut off my thumb!
1636
01:09:17,557 --> 01:09:19,392
Go to the truck, some duct
tape, and some super glue.
1637
01:09:19,426 --> 01:09:20,761
It's not the first time
you cut something off.
1638
01:09:20,795 --> 01:09:21,628
I'll cut something
1639
01:09:21,661 --> 01:09:22,129
- of yours off!
- And it sure as hell
1640
01:09:22,163 --> 01:09:24,431
won't be the last.
1641
01:09:24,464 --> 01:09:25,532
And you forgot your thumb.
1642
01:09:25,565 --> 01:09:26,700
Kiss my ass.
1643
01:09:26,734 --> 01:09:28,769
SIMON: Don't be such a pussy
about it.
1644
01:09:28,803 --> 01:09:30,570
Gimme the tape, tape.
1645
01:09:30,604 --> 01:09:32,606
Gimme the damn tape!
1646
01:09:32,639 --> 01:09:34,008
More tape, come on.
1647
01:09:39,013 --> 01:09:40,447
Gimme a damn wipe.
1648
01:09:40,480 --> 01:09:41,082
Hurry up!
1649
01:09:43,117 --> 01:09:45,753
(GRUNTS) There he is with our
money.
1650
01:09:45,786 --> 01:09:47,722
Now I maybe get some stitches.
1651
01:09:47,755 --> 01:09:49,489
Well, well, well.
1652
01:09:49,522 --> 01:09:51,792
If it isn't douche and bag.
1653
01:09:51,826 --> 01:09:52,793
'Bout time you got here.
1654
01:09:52,827 --> 01:09:54,427
What'd you do to your thumb?
1655
01:09:54,461 --> 01:09:56,596
Well, you cut it off,
you glue it back on.
1656
01:09:56,630 --> 01:09:57,732
Same shit, different day.
1657
01:09:57,765 --> 01:09:59,901
(LAUGHING)
1658
01:10:01,869 --> 01:10:03,771
Here you go.
1659
01:10:03,804 --> 01:10:05,538
What the hell is this?
1660
01:10:05,572 --> 01:10:07,607
You said a thousand dollars.
1661
01:10:07,641 --> 01:10:10,677
It's in the bear, asshole.
(LIGHT UPBEAT MUSIC)
1662
01:10:10,711 --> 01:10:13,014
SIMON AND GEORGE: Ah.
1663
01:10:13,047 --> 01:10:15,615
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
1664
01:10:15,649 --> 01:10:17,785
Do you think this is
gonna be big enough?
1665
01:10:17,818 --> 01:10:19,053
Why do you think that green suit
guy
1666
01:10:19,086 --> 01:10:21,722
is so secretive about all this?
1667
01:10:21,756 --> 01:10:23,690
Damn, look what you made me
do.
1668
01:10:23,724 --> 01:10:25,625
You made me sew my fingers
together.
1669
01:10:25,659 --> 01:10:26,660
I didn't do anything.
1670
01:10:26,693 --> 01:10:27,962
You're the one
1671
01:10:27,995 --> 01:10:29,030
- that cut my thumb off!
- You sure as hell did.
1672
01:10:29,063 --> 01:10:31,232
You made me lose my
concentration, that's what!
1673
01:10:31,265 --> 01:10:32,532
The only thing you can
concentrate on
1674
01:10:32,565 --> 01:10:34,135
is pushin' a fart out.
1675
01:10:35,970 --> 01:10:40,607
I don't know why I signed
on on this frickin' job.
1676
01:10:40,640 --> 01:10:43,911
Could be back at home watching
football.
1677
01:10:43,945 --> 01:10:47,081
Instead I'm tramping
around the fuckin' woods
1678
01:10:47,114 --> 01:10:49,250
looking for a goddamn Bigfoot.
1679
01:10:49,283 --> 01:10:50,785
(SQUIRREL SCREECHING)
1680
01:10:50,818 --> 01:10:51,786
What's up, little fella?
1681
01:10:51,819 --> 01:10:52,686
(SQUIRREL CHIRPING)
1682
01:10:52,720 --> 01:10:53,921
What happened to your tail?
1683
01:10:53,955 --> 01:10:54,822
Bigfoot get it?
1684
01:10:54,855 --> 01:10:58,558
(SQUIRREL SCREECHING)
1685
01:10:58,591 --> 01:11:02,063
(RIFLE CLICKING)
1686
01:11:02,096 --> 01:11:03,998
Oh shit, that MIG was right.
1687
01:11:04,031 --> 01:11:05,099
There's two of them.
1688
01:11:05,132 --> 01:11:07,534
I shoulda brought my glasses.
1689
01:11:11,806 --> 01:11:14,507
(RIFLE FIRING)
1690
01:11:14,541 --> 01:11:17,044
(RIFLE CLICKING)
1691
01:11:21,882 --> 01:11:23,951
(RIFLE FIRING)
1692
01:11:23,985 --> 01:11:26,921
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
1693
01:11:28,222 --> 01:11:29,757
Oh, fuck.
1694
01:11:29,790 --> 01:11:30,590
Oh fuck.
1695
01:11:34,061 --> 01:11:34,829
Oh fuck.
1696
01:11:47,041 --> 01:11:48,709
He never smiles.
1697
01:11:48,743 --> 01:11:49,777
Ranger Teal's saying one of
you
1698
01:11:49,810 --> 01:11:51,045
put the Shinehuff's up to it.
1699
01:11:51,078 --> 01:11:52,146
To what, getting shot?
1700
01:11:52,179 --> 01:11:55,149
He said you claim there's
a human-like creature
1701
01:11:55,182 --> 01:11:57,184
living in the woods and
you had the Shinehuffs
1702
01:11:57,218 --> 01:11:59,552
dress up like Bigfoot
1703
01:11:59,586 --> 01:12:02,689
to collect the $10-million
bounty.
1704
01:12:02,723 --> 01:12:04,091
And you're in a big pile of bear
shit
1705
01:12:04,125 --> 01:12:05,926
unless you start answering our
questions.
1706
01:12:05,960 --> 01:12:07,328
Nobody's accusing you of
anything.
1707
01:12:07,361 --> 01:12:08,829
We're just trying to
find out what happened.
1708
01:12:08,863 --> 01:12:11,799
Someone reported seeing Fran
Andersen
1709
01:12:11,832 --> 01:12:13,566
hand the Shinehuff brothers an
envelope
1710
01:12:13,600 --> 01:12:14,902
filled with cash the other day.
1711
01:12:14,935 --> 01:12:16,737
That's the most ridiculous
thing I ever heard.
1712
01:12:16,771 --> 01:12:18,605
An envelope full of cash?
1713
01:12:18,638 --> 01:12:20,741
How 'bout an envelope full of
$23,
1714
01:12:20,775 --> 01:12:24,577
payment for them fools mowing my
lawn.
1715
01:12:24,611 --> 01:12:27,982
You could be headed to federal
prison.
1716
01:12:28,015 --> 01:12:29,884
You know what happens to
a guy like you in prison
1717
01:12:29,917 --> 01:12:31,651
on the first day?
1718
01:12:31,684 --> 01:12:35,790
10 Bigfoot-sized, unshaven
convicts do you up the ass
1719
01:12:37,958 --> 01:12:39,994
just to see the look on your
face.
1720
01:12:40,027 --> 01:12:42,629
Okay, I think we're done here.
1721
01:12:42,662 --> 01:12:45,632
If you hear anything just let us
know.
1722
01:12:53,140 --> 01:12:55,042
FRAN: Fuckin' weasel.
1723
01:13:03,784 --> 01:13:04,885
You know he's crazy, right?
1724
01:13:04,919 --> 01:13:06,253
(CORY CHUCKLES)
1725
01:13:06,287 --> 01:13:09,023
Where do you find these people?
1726
01:13:09,056 --> 01:13:10,024
Next thing you know
(LIVELY COUNTRY MUSIC)
1727
01:13:10,057 --> 01:13:11,358
you start hearing fucking
stick butts and shit
1728
01:13:11,392 --> 01:13:12,059
and you can see his eyes
1729
01:13:12,093 --> 01:13:13,394
and I'm sitting under the tree
1730
01:13:13,427 --> 01:13:16,363
waiting on a Bigfoot to come
out.
1731
01:13:16,397 --> 01:13:17,765
Don't shoot this motherfucker.
1732
01:13:17,798 --> 01:13:18,833
(ROCK THUDDING)
1733
01:13:18,866 --> 01:13:19,666
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1734
01:13:19,699 --> 01:13:20,968
God!
1735
01:13:21,001 --> 01:13:25,840
(ROCK THUDDING)
(TENSE MUSIC)
1736
01:13:29,009 --> 01:13:32,213
(ROCKS THUDDING)
1737
01:13:32,246 --> 01:13:33,414
Ow!
1738
01:13:33,447 --> 01:13:38,285
(FRAN SCREAMING)
(BIGFOOT SHOUTING)
1739
01:13:45,993 --> 01:13:48,762
Police showed up in
time to stop the bleeding
1740
01:13:48,796 --> 01:13:49,597
and they rushed me
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
1741
01:13:49,629 --> 01:13:50,598
to the hospital where them
doctors
1742
01:13:50,630 --> 01:13:54,235
down there, they sewed
my arm back on and such.
1743
01:13:54,268 --> 01:13:55,736
I mean I even got a little bit
of movement
1744
01:13:55,769 --> 01:13:57,738
in my fingers right now.
1745
01:13:57,771 --> 01:13:59,039
RICK: Dude, there's nothin'
wrong with this footage.
1746
01:13:59,073 --> 01:14:01,075
All we need is to hire three
actors,
1747
01:14:01,108 --> 01:14:02,409
fur 'em up, and shoot the
reverse.
1748
01:14:02,443 --> 01:14:03,077
JEREMY: How you figure that?
1749
01:14:03,110 --> 01:14:04,011
We don't even have anything.
1750
01:14:04,044 --> 01:14:06,714
All we have is stuff of them
running off.
1751
01:14:06,747 --> 01:14:07,915
How we gonna pay back our
investor.
1752
01:14:07,948 --> 01:14:09,383
My uncle's pissed!
1753
01:14:09,416 --> 01:14:12,019
You two have to be the
dumbest idiots on the planet.
1754
01:14:12,052 --> 01:14:14,255
A Bigfoot snuff film, really?
1755
01:14:15,990 --> 01:14:18,292
I'm Agent Jones with the
U.S. Secret Forest Service.
1756
01:14:18,325 --> 01:14:19,226
I'm going to give you a chance
1757
01:14:19,260 --> 01:14:21,462
to work for us and avoid going
to prison.
1758
01:14:21,495 --> 01:14:23,864
You don't wanna go to prison do
you?
1759
01:14:23,898 --> 01:14:26,167
Our first target will be Cory
Mathis.
1760
01:14:26,200 --> 01:14:29,069
Some people call him the
Professor.
1761
01:14:29,103 --> 01:14:30,171
Have I told you
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
1762
01:14:30,204 --> 01:14:31,972
about my plan B?
1763
01:14:32,006 --> 01:14:34,241
If my show doesn't blow
up, I will begin production
1764
01:14:34,275 --> 01:14:37,044
of my flatulence filtered
underwear.
1765
01:14:37,077 --> 01:14:39,046
You're gonna make fart
filtering underwear?
1766
01:14:39,079 --> 01:14:40,881
Yeah, just for women.
1767
01:14:42,249 --> 01:14:43,984
Normal lace panties
1768
01:14:44,018 --> 01:14:48,155
with my patented built-in
carbon filtered insert.
1769
01:14:48,189 --> 01:14:50,891
There'll be three flavors to
choose from:
1770
01:14:50,925 --> 01:14:53,994
lavender, lilac, and French
vanilla.
1771
01:14:54,028 --> 01:14:57,865
And who doesn't like French
vanilla?
1772
01:14:57,898 --> 01:14:59,900
(GIGGLING) Chocolate
wouldn't be good, buddy.
1773
01:14:59,934 --> 01:15:01,135
(GIGGLING)
1774
01:15:01,168 --> 01:15:03,370
I'm calling it Dior-deizer.
1775
01:15:04,805 --> 01:15:06,840
I already have the name
trademarked
1776
01:15:06,874 --> 01:15:09,143
and the website secured.
1777
01:15:09,176 --> 01:15:10,744
Here's my tagline.
1778
01:15:10,778 --> 01:15:14,448
Dior-deizer, putting your
best scent out there.
1779
01:15:14,481 --> 01:15:17,284
CORY: He did what with the
rabbit?
1780
01:15:17,318 --> 01:15:19,787
I think I see our target.
1781
01:15:19,820 --> 01:15:20,421
Get ready.
1782
01:15:22,056 --> 01:15:23,023
Holy Jesus.
1783
01:15:24,258 --> 01:15:25,359
(RICK LAUGHING)
1784
01:15:25,392 --> 01:15:26,827
Ya fuckin' lunatic!
1785
01:15:26,860 --> 01:15:28,062
(PLANE ENGINE WHIRRING)
1786
01:15:28,095 --> 01:15:31,232
(TENSE STRUMMING MUSIC)
1787
01:15:36,837 --> 01:15:37,671
What the hell's going on?
1788
01:15:37,706 --> 01:15:39,873
My name is Director Loretta
Best.
1789
01:15:39,907 --> 01:15:42,109
You double crossing weasel.
1790
01:15:43,110 --> 01:15:45,012
He's the one that set me up.
1791
01:15:45,045 --> 01:15:46,447
No one set you up.
1792
01:15:46,480 --> 01:15:48,215
You eliminated the wrong target.
1793
01:15:48,249 --> 01:15:50,117
What the hell is this all
about?
1794
01:15:50,150 --> 01:15:51,318
I'm not a killer.
1795
01:15:51,352 --> 01:15:52,853
We can clean this whole mess
up for you.
1796
01:15:52,886 --> 01:15:55,289
We just need you to be on board.
1797
01:15:55,322 --> 01:15:58,092
We're gonna give you a clean
record, promotion to MIG,
1798
01:15:58,125 --> 01:16:00,094
and a $5-million bonus.
1799
01:16:00,127 --> 01:16:01,262
We still believe in you.
1800
01:16:01,295 --> 01:16:02,796
We're putting in motion a plan
1801
01:16:02,830 --> 01:16:05,266
that will end their monster
hunt.
1802
01:16:05,299 --> 01:16:06,133
What about my brother?
1803
01:16:06,166 --> 01:16:07,468
Same deal for him.
1804
01:16:07,501 --> 01:16:09,436
Mr. Smith here will fill
you in on the details.
1805
01:16:09,470 --> 01:16:11,572
Do you have any questions for
me?
1806
01:16:11,605 --> 01:16:14,308
You're makin' me a Man in
Green?
1807
01:16:15,276 --> 01:16:16,877
Awesome!
1808
01:16:16,910 --> 01:16:18,912
Okay, so if we're the Men in
Green,
1809
01:16:18,946 --> 01:16:21,849
and you're the Woman in Green,
W-I-G,
1810
01:16:21,882 --> 01:16:24,051
that makes you the big wig?
1811
01:16:24,084 --> 01:16:25,586
You're the big wig.
1812
01:16:25,619 --> 01:16:27,488
Get to work, gentlemen.
1813
01:16:27,521 --> 01:16:29,790
She's the big wig, right?
1814
01:16:32,226 --> 01:16:34,461
Is that a poly blend?
1815
01:16:34,495 --> 01:16:35,429
What?
1816
01:16:35,462 --> 01:16:37,831
I just met with the MIG guys.
1817
01:16:37,865 --> 01:16:41,302
We have their guarantee
for full agent status.
1818
01:16:42,303 --> 01:16:43,871
That's $10 million,
1819
01:16:45,372 --> 01:16:47,908
five million each.
1820
01:16:47,941 --> 01:16:51,045
All right, there's no frickin'
way I'm wearing this thing.
1821
01:16:51,078 --> 01:16:53,080
You just need to draw them
out.
1822
01:16:53,113 --> 01:16:55,582
I'll take care of Andersen.
1823
01:16:55,616 --> 01:16:59,420
And MIG, they'll create
a hoax, bump off Mathis,
1824
01:17:00,487 --> 01:17:02,389
take care of the rest.
1825
01:17:02,423 --> 01:17:03,590
What do you mean a hoax?
1826
01:17:03,624 --> 01:17:04,558
That's what they do.
1827
01:17:04,591 --> 01:17:07,594
They cover up everything
by creating hoaxes.
1828
01:17:07,628 --> 01:17:09,596
They create a fake UFO sighting,
1829
01:17:09,630 --> 01:17:11,332
then they cover up the real one.
1830
01:17:11,365 --> 01:17:13,434
It's freakin' brilliant.
1831
01:17:13,467 --> 01:17:14,902
What about Gloria?
1832
01:17:14,935 --> 01:17:16,303
No harm can come to her.
1833
01:17:16,337 --> 01:17:18,572
Hmm, they've guaranteed
immunity for her.
1834
01:17:18,605 --> 01:17:20,607
It's Andersen they want.
1835
01:17:20,641 --> 01:17:22,876
All right, Billy, I'll
do it, but if I get shot,
1836
01:17:22,910 --> 01:17:25,612
you're gonna have to live
with it the rest of your life.
1837
01:17:25,646 --> 01:17:28,115
You wanna get ice cream?
1838
01:17:28,148 --> 01:17:29,950
You're payin' this time.
1839
01:17:29,983 --> 01:17:31,085
Can I borrow five bucks?
1840
01:17:31,118 --> 01:17:31,919
Funny.
1841
01:17:34,121 --> 01:17:37,224
I've got a video on my phone
of a creature in the forest.
1842
01:17:37,257 --> 01:17:40,227
It is most certainly Bigfoot.
1843
01:17:40,260 --> 01:17:44,031
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
1844
01:17:44,064 --> 01:17:44,799
Well, why don't you go ahead
1845
01:17:44,833 --> 01:17:45,366
- and let me take a look
- Yeah?
1846
01:17:45,399 --> 01:17:46,200
at what you got there?
1847
01:17:46,233 --> 01:17:47,968
MIG AGENT SMITH: You see
this?
1848
01:17:48,001 --> 01:17:48,635
(COMICAL MUSIC)
1849
01:17:48,669 --> 01:17:50,270
What is this, boy?
1850
01:17:50,304 --> 01:17:52,005
You mean to tell me you got
footage
1851
01:17:52,039 --> 01:17:54,274
of a Bigfoot takin' a dump?
(AGENT LAUGHING)
1852
01:17:54,308 --> 01:17:55,576
What's the deal with that
rabbit?
1853
01:17:55,609 --> 01:17:57,444
Let me guess.
1854
01:17:57,478 --> 01:17:59,380
Bigfoot used that bunny
to wipe his ass with?
1855
01:17:59,413 --> 01:18:02,316
That's exactly what he did.
1856
01:18:02,349 --> 01:18:06,019
And I know footage like
this is worth a lotta money.
1857
01:18:06,053 --> 01:18:07,454
So, I need to make sure
that I'm sharing it
1858
01:18:07,488 --> 01:18:09,089
with somebody that I can trust.
1859
01:18:09,123 --> 01:18:11,392
Uh, you ever had Missouri
Boiled Beef?
1860
01:18:11,425 --> 01:18:12,459
MIG AGENT SMITH: No, I
haven't.
1861
01:18:12,493 --> 01:18:13,360
You in for a treat, boy.
1862
01:18:13,394 --> 01:18:14,328
Right this way.
1863
01:18:14,361 --> 01:18:16,663
MIG AGENT SMITH: All right,
all right.
1864
01:18:16,697 --> 01:18:19,400
(WATER BUBBLING)
1865
01:18:23,103 --> 01:18:26,240
Why don't you go ahead
and give it a stir.
1866
01:18:26,273 --> 01:18:30,511
There's enough meat in
there to feed an army.
1867
01:18:30,544 --> 01:18:31,412
Almost.
1868
01:18:31,445 --> 01:18:32,613
(LIVELY COUNTRY MUSIC)
1869
01:18:32,646 --> 01:18:37,217
(MIG AGENT SMITH GRUNTING)
(WATER SPLASHING)
1870
01:18:43,323 --> 01:18:44,558
Pastor Evans, Pastor Evans!
1871
01:18:44,591 --> 01:18:45,727
What's going on here?
1872
01:18:45,760 --> 01:18:46,460
- Step aside.
- What is going on?
1873
01:18:46,493 --> 01:18:47,561
What is going on, Pastor Evans?
1874
01:18:47,594 --> 01:18:48,629
Step aside.
1875
01:18:48,662 --> 01:18:49,463
I'm only gonna tell you one
time!
1876
01:18:49,496 --> 01:18:51,165
Pastor Evans, are you all
right?
1877
01:18:51,198 --> 01:18:51,999
Pastor Evans!
1878
01:18:52,032 --> 01:18:52,734
Comment.
1879
01:18:52,767 --> 01:18:54,568
It's racism is what it is.
1880
01:18:54,601 --> 01:18:56,537
- It's religious profiling.
- You get over here!
1881
01:18:56,570 --> 01:18:57,337
The first amendment of the
Bible
1882
01:18:57,371 --> 01:18:59,673
says that a man of God shouldn't
be
1883
01:18:59,707 --> 01:19:01,175
- treated like this.
- Shut your ass up!
1884
01:19:01,208 --> 01:19:06,046
(OFFICER LAUGHING)
(PASTOR EVANS GRUNTING)
1885
01:19:06,815 --> 01:19:09,550
I don't need no fake
news reported on me.
1886
01:19:09,583 --> 01:19:10,984
I'll tell you my story.
1887
01:19:11,018 --> 01:19:12,352
NEWS ANCHOR: Your story.
1888
01:19:12,386 --> 01:19:13,454
Pastor Evans!
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
1889
01:19:13,487 --> 01:19:14,254
You let me out of here!
1890
01:19:14,288 --> 01:19:15,456
Let me outta here!
(LIGHT KNOCKING)
1891
01:19:15,489 --> 01:19:16,490
Pastor Evans!
1892
01:19:18,192 --> 01:19:19,026
Let me out.
1893
01:19:21,595 --> 01:19:23,330
Pastor Evans!
1894
01:19:23,363 --> 01:19:26,333
Pastor Evans, you let me
outta here, Pastor Evans.
1895
01:19:26,366 --> 01:19:27,267
(TENSE MUSIC)
1896
01:19:27,301 --> 01:19:30,337
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1897
01:19:30,370 --> 01:19:31,505
Well, that's not good.
1898
01:19:31,538 --> 01:19:35,409
He's goin' to jail.
(EERIE MUSIC)
1899
01:19:35,442 --> 01:19:38,979
Ranger Bobby, make
sure you wear the suit.
1900
01:19:40,380 --> 01:19:43,718
I want this to be our
best hoax coverup yet.
1901
01:19:46,386 --> 01:19:48,622
I want you to take Mathis out.
1902
01:19:50,691 --> 01:19:52,727
You read me, Dryer?
1903
01:19:52,760 --> 01:19:55,395
We need some of that tracer
ammo.
1904
01:19:56,396 --> 01:19:57,164
Yeah.
1905
01:19:57,197 --> 01:19:59,366
That scares the pee outta
people.
1906
01:19:59,399 --> 01:20:02,402
Hey, Don, tell Melania it's
gonna be fine.
1907
01:20:02,436 --> 01:20:05,138
Nothing to worry about.
1908
01:20:05,172 --> 01:20:07,574
Yeah, we'll get the
kids together sometime.
1909
01:20:07,608 --> 01:20:08,442
Make it great.
1910
01:20:08,475 --> 01:20:09,309
(ALARM BLARING)
1911
01:20:09,343 --> 01:20:10,177
Talk to you later.
1912
01:20:10,210 --> 01:20:13,580
(METAL CREAKING)
1913
01:20:13,614 --> 01:20:18,418
(WEAPON FIRING)
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
1914
01:20:25,559 --> 01:20:27,561
FRAN: Gotcha, you bastard!
1915
01:20:27,594 --> 01:20:30,197
Yes, I'm comin' to get your ass!
1916
01:20:33,267 --> 01:20:35,702
(MAGICAL MUSIC)
1917
01:20:38,305 --> 01:20:39,172
CASSIE: Fran?
1918
01:20:39,206 --> 01:20:40,808
What's goin' on?
1919
01:20:40,842 --> 01:20:42,276
Fran took off alone.
1920
01:20:42,309 --> 01:20:43,210
The camera is down at the trap.
1921
01:20:43,243 --> 01:20:45,145
CORY: Jesus.
1922
01:20:45,178 --> 01:20:47,180
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
1923
01:20:47,214 --> 01:20:49,216
BOBBY: I think my
balls got fused together.
1924
01:20:49,249 --> 01:20:51,652
Suppose you want out of there?
1925
01:20:52,820 --> 01:20:54,187
This better work.
1926
01:20:54,221 --> 01:20:56,089
I got burns all over me.
1927
01:20:56,858 --> 01:20:57,792
Dad's in town.
1928
01:20:57,825 --> 01:20:59,259
We need to act fast!
1929
01:20:59,293 --> 01:21:00,394
Grandpa needs our help!
1930
01:21:00,427 --> 01:21:01,628
Cassie, you are gonna stay
here
1931
01:21:01,662 --> 01:21:02,596
and you're gonna man the
monitors.
1932
01:21:02,629 --> 01:21:03,530
Do you understand?
1933
01:21:03,564 --> 01:21:04,866
Get up here now!
1934
01:21:04,899 --> 01:21:06,700
Thank you, very much.
1935
01:21:06,734 --> 01:21:09,236
- I love you, go.
- We are wasting time here.
1936
01:21:09,269 --> 01:21:11,672
You know what, James,
why don't you shut up
1937
01:21:11,706 --> 01:21:13,640
and make sure this time
you don't get trigger happy
1938
01:21:13,674 --> 01:21:16,310
and shoot something
you're not supposed to.
1939
01:21:16,343 --> 01:21:18,178
Hey, we're not stupid, you
know.
1940
01:21:18,211 --> 01:21:20,280
(JAMAL LAUGHING)
1941
01:21:20,314 --> 01:21:21,448
Who is that?
1942
01:21:21,481 --> 01:21:22,282
LILLY: This?
1943
01:21:22,316 --> 01:21:23,383
Yeah.
1944
01:21:23,417 --> 01:21:24,052
LILLY: This is my boyfriend
Jamal.
1945
01:21:24,084 --> 01:21:25,686
JAMAL: Bring it in, baby.
1946
01:21:25,720 --> 01:21:27,722
His grandmother made it
with a Bigfoot in 1960.
1947
01:21:27,755 --> 01:21:28,555
Nevermind, nevermind.
1948
01:21:28,589 --> 01:21:29,423
Jesus Christ.
1949
01:21:29,456 --> 01:21:30,290
Get in the woods.
1950
01:21:30,324 --> 01:21:31,658
Let's go, come on!
1951
01:21:31,692 --> 01:21:32,659
(SIGHS) Let's find the Professor
1952
01:21:32,693 --> 01:21:36,363
and see what the hell
is going on out there.
1953
01:21:40,334 --> 01:21:41,803
JAMAL: Go, go, go!
1954
01:21:44,638 --> 01:21:46,506
Don't you influence...
1955
01:21:47,875 --> 01:21:49,176
Jesus, get in the truck!
1956
01:21:49,209 --> 01:21:51,879
(PEOPLE GRUNTING)
1957
01:21:51,913 --> 01:21:52,814
Watch the gun!
1958
01:21:52,847 --> 01:21:53,881
Where's James?
1959
01:21:57,184 --> 01:21:58,251
Are you looking down my,
1960
01:21:58,285 --> 01:21:59,219
are you looking down my shirt?
1961
01:21:59,252 --> 01:22:00,253
Jamal!
1962
01:22:00,287 --> 01:22:00,888
- Jamal!
- I just turned my,
1963
01:22:00,922 --> 01:22:02,322
but she's lyin'.
1964
01:22:02,356 --> 01:22:03,758
This perve was looking down my
shirt!
1965
01:22:03,791 --> 01:22:04,625
Control your man.
1966
01:22:04,658 --> 01:22:05,492
(HAND THUDDING)
1967
01:22:05,525 --> 01:22:06,326
(LILLY SCREAMS)
1968
01:22:06,360 --> 01:22:07,260
Go!
1969
01:22:07,294 --> 01:22:09,296
Hey, hey, I didn't do shit!
1970
01:22:09,329 --> 01:22:10,230
No fighting.
1971
01:22:10,263 --> 01:22:10,932
Y'all are some racist shit.
1972
01:22:10,965 --> 01:22:12,399
- That's what it is.
- Really?
1973
01:22:12,432 --> 01:22:14,802
Yeah.
(CAR ENGINE GROANING)
1974
01:22:14,836 --> 01:22:16,303
(GENTLE COUNTRY MUSIC)
1975
01:22:16,336 --> 01:22:18,806
At this point, they're
just a band of renegades.
1976
01:22:18,840 --> 01:22:20,440
This sort of thing happens all
the time
1977
01:22:20,474 --> 01:22:22,442
in the forest around here.
1978
01:22:22,476 --> 01:22:24,378
But there's no time for chillin'
1979
01:22:24,411 --> 01:22:26,580
with that wild animal so near.
1980
01:22:26,613 --> 01:22:29,349
So lock those loads and cock
that nine.
1981
01:22:29,383 --> 01:22:32,619
As I see it there's only
two ways this all plays out.
1982
01:22:32,653 --> 01:22:35,757
That's all I got for now,
you know what I'm sayin'.
1983
01:22:35,790 --> 01:22:38,191
(WHISTLING)
1984
01:22:45,699 --> 01:22:47,467
Green light, green light.
1985
01:22:47,501 --> 01:22:48,970
Proceed with Operation
Peek-A-Boo.
1986
01:22:49,003 --> 01:22:51,505
I repeat, proceed with
Peek-A-Boo.
1987
01:22:51,538 --> 01:22:52,372
(STATIC CRACKLING)
1988
01:22:52,406 --> 01:22:53,507
Roger that.
1989
01:22:53,540 --> 01:22:54,876
Peek-A-Boo's a go.
1990
01:22:56,376 --> 01:22:58,311
I need you to stay here
with the tracking dart.
1991
01:22:58,345 --> 01:22:59,179
(DRUMMING MUSIC)
(BOBBY GRUNTING)
1992
01:22:59,212 --> 01:23:01,548
BOBBY: Damn, bro, what the
fuck?
1993
01:23:01,581 --> 01:23:03,985
(BILLY SIGHS)
1994
01:23:04,018 --> 01:23:06,353
Put the mask back on.
1995
01:23:06,386 --> 01:23:09,456
When they show up, I'll take
Andersen out
1996
01:23:09,489 --> 01:23:11,893
then radio the MIG.
1997
01:23:11,926 --> 01:23:15,395
They'll bring in the hazmat
to clean up the carcass.
1998
01:23:15,429 --> 01:23:17,799
(TENSE MUSIC)
1999
01:23:19,801 --> 01:23:21,234
Shh, shh.
2000
01:23:21,268 --> 01:23:24,271
Come on, I'm getting it tonight.
2001
01:23:24,304 --> 01:23:25,707
Professor.
2002
01:23:25,740 --> 01:23:26,573
Professor come on.
2003
01:23:26,606 --> 01:23:28,508
The GPS says this-a-way.
2004
01:23:29,711 --> 01:23:31,578
Goddammit, nothing.
2005
01:23:31,611 --> 01:23:32,679
BOBBY: Was that necessary?
2006
01:23:32,714 --> 01:23:33,680
I'm bleeding.
2007
01:23:34,916 --> 01:23:36,751
- (TRACKER CHIRPING)
- 202 this is...
2008
01:23:36,784 --> 01:23:38,251
Light it up, boys.
2009
01:23:38,285 --> 01:23:41,555
(WEAPON FIRING)
2010
01:23:41,588 --> 01:23:43,356
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
2011
01:23:43,390 --> 01:23:45,325
Before we go any further,
everyone,
2012
01:23:45,358 --> 01:23:46,894
we should go ahead and split up.
2013
01:23:46,928 --> 01:23:48,930
Make sure to keep your safety's
on though.
2014
01:23:48,963 --> 01:23:50,865
We don't want anybody getting
hurt.
2015
01:23:50,898 --> 01:23:51,766
(RIFLE FIRING)
2016
01:23:51,799 --> 01:23:53,467
(JAMAL GASPING)
2017
01:23:53,500 --> 01:23:54,367
That was me.
2018
01:23:54,401 --> 01:23:55,435
My bad.
2019
01:23:55,469 --> 01:23:56,871
- (GUNS FIRING)
- Geez, golldangit!
2020
01:23:56,904 --> 01:23:58,405
This is Little Boy Blue calling.
2021
01:23:58,438 --> 01:24:00,307
We're taking live fire at our
POZ here.
2022
01:24:00,340 --> 01:24:00,942
What the hell do we do?
2023
01:24:00,975 --> 01:24:02,275
Little Boy Blue,
2024
01:24:02,309 --> 01:24:04,344
you are to proceed with the
operation.
2025
01:24:04,377 --> 01:24:06,313
They are almost on your POZ.
2026
01:24:06,346 --> 01:24:08,415
When you see the Professor, take
him out.
2027
01:24:08,448 --> 01:24:09,316
(BULLET WHIRRING)
2028
01:24:09,349 --> 01:24:10,684
Geez, golldangit!
2029
01:24:11,786 --> 01:24:12,920
(SISSY SHOUTING)
2030
01:24:12,954 --> 01:24:15,757
(FRAN SHOUTING)
2031
01:24:15,790 --> 01:24:18,658
SISSY: You no good
low down skunk of a man.
2032
01:24:18,692 --> 01:24:20,694
Sissy, what the hell are you
doing?
2033
01:24:20,728 --> 01:24:22,764
(GRUNTS) Oh, did you
forget your promise?
2034
01:24:22,797 --> 01:24:24,331
"Oh, I'll go call Pastor Evans
2035
01:24:24,364 --> 01:24:25,665
"as soon as you give me Billy's
sack."
2036
01:24:25,699 --> 01:24:26,399
(ARM CRACKING)
(FRAN SHOUTING)
2037
01:24:26,433 --> 01:24:27,135
Oh, come on I didn't actually
2038
01:24:27,168 --> 01:24:28,335
say it like, oh!
(SISSY SHOUTING)
2039
01:24:28,368 --> 01:24:29,771
Oh God!
2040
01:24:29,804 --> 01:24:30,872
Okay, okay.
2041
01:24:30,905 --> 01:24:32,439
I'm gonna hurt you like you
hurt me.
2042
01:24:32,472 --> 01:24:34,842
(GRUNTING) Sissy,
please just let me, ow!
2043
01:24:34,876 --> 01:24:35,743
(ARM CRUNCHING)
2044
01:24:35,777 --> 01:24:36,676
All right, all right!
2045
01:24:36,711 --> 01:24:37,677
Just let me go.
2046
01:24:37,712 --> 01:24:39,312
I'll call Pastor Evans.
2047
01:24:39,346 --> 01:24:40,815
He's somewhere in these woods.
2048
01:24:40,848 --> 01:24:41,716
Just let me go.
2049
01:24:41,749 --> 01:24:44,752
I promise, I promise, Sissy!
2050
01:24:44,786 --> 01:24:45,753
All right.
2051
01:24:45,787 --> 01:24:46,888
(GUN FIRING)
2052
01:24:46,921 --> 01:24:49,322
(FRAN GRUNTING)
2053
01:24:49,356 --> 01:24:52,994
All right, but you better
not be messing with me.
2054
01:24:54,461 --> 01:24:55,462
FRAN: Fooled ya, heffer!
2055
01:24:55,495 --> 01:24:56,230
(KICK THUDDING)
(SISSY SCREAMING)
2056
01:24:56,264 --> 01:24:57,799
(SISSY GROANING)
(COMICAL MUSIC)
2057
01:24:57,832 --> 01:25:00,534
(SISSY SHOUTING)
2058
01:25:01,969 --> 01:25:06,808
(FLARE HISSING)
(LEXI SHOUTING)
2059
01:25:08,109 --> 01:25:09,543
(BILLY SHOUTING)
2060
01:25:09,576 --> 01:25:10,677
(BIGFOOT SHOUTING)
2061
01:25:10,711 --> 01:25:12,646
(SISSY SHOUTING)
2062
01:25:12,679 --> 01:25:13,647
(SQUIRREL SCREECHING)
2063
01:25:13,680 --> 01:25:16,050
(WOLF HOWLING)
2064
01:25:18,685 --> 01:25:19,921
(GUNS FIRING)
2065
01:25:19,954 --> 01:25:21,454
I am shit balled.
2066
01:25:25,559 --> 01:25:26,928
Hell do?
2067
01:25:26,961 --> 01:25:27,862
Oh shit.
2068
01:25:27,895 --> 01:25:28,963
Rick.
2069
01:25:28,996 --> 01:25:31,899
(EXPLOSION BOOMING)
2070
01:25:33,533 --> 01:25:34,568
(COUGHING)
2071
01:25:34,601 --> 01:25:37,437
(LIVELY COUNTRY MUSIC)
2072
01:25:37,470 --> 01:25:38,572
BOBBY: What?
2073
01:25:39,506 --> 01:25:41,709
It's the creature, Billy!
(BIGFOOT GROWLING)
2074
01:25:41,742 --> 01:25:43,077
Shoot him!
(CAGE CREAKING)
2075
01:25:43,110 --> 01:25:45,612
- Shoot him!
- Bobby!
2076
01:25:45,645 --> 01:25:47,849
We can't, we can't shoot him.
2077
01:25:52,787 --> 01:25:54,088
Right there, Billy.
2078
01:25:54,121 --> 01:25:55,422
Shoot him.
2079
01:25:55,455 --> 01:25:56,791
Bobby, watch out!
2080
01:25:58,625 --> 01:25:59,794
BOBBY: Billy!
2081
01:26:02,163 --> 01:26:07,001
(CAGE CLATTERING)
(GUN FIRING)
2082
01:26:09,003 --> 01:26:10,171
(BIGFOOT GROWLING)
2083
01:26:10,204 --> 01:26:12,974
(TENSE MUSIC)
(GUNS FIRING)
2084
01:26:13,007 --> 01:26:13,841
It's an ambush.
2085
01:26:13,875 --> 01:26:15,109
Come on this way.
2086
01:26:21,448 --> 01:26:22,183
(WOMEN GRUNTING)
2087
01:26:22,216 --> 01:26:22,950
They got us surrounded.
2088
01:26:22,984 --> 01:26:23,784
Stay low!
2089
01:26:25,685 --> 01:26:28,122
You coulda just said
something, Lexi!
2090
01:26:28,155 --> 01:26:30,057
Hey bunny, don't get shot.
2091
01:26:30,091 --> 01:26:31,691
Mom, can you hear me?
2092
01:26:31,726 --> 01:26:33,027
Gloria, get the hell outta
there!
2093
01:26:33,060 --> 01:26:35,562
(GUNS FIRING)
2094
01:26:35,595 --> 01:26:37,430
RICK: I'm gonna kill you,
Andersen.
2095
01:26:37,464 --> 01:26:38,398
(GUN FIRING)
2096
01:26:38,431 --> 01:26:40,433
FRAN: I ain't dyin'
by no serial hoaxer.
2097
01:26:40,467 --> 01:26:41,903
(GUN FIRING)
2098
01:26:41,936 --> 01:26:43,738
I got karma on my side.
2099
01:26:44,805 --> 01:26:45,940
RICK: Leave God out of it.
2100
01:26:45,973 --> 01:26:47,174
This is between me and you.
2101
01:26:47,208 --> 01:26:48,142
(GUNS FIRING)
2102
01:26:48,175 --> 01:26:50,610
FRAN: Fuck you!
2103
01:26:50,644 --> 01:26:53,748
Fuck you three times and plus
five!
2104
01:26:53,781 --> 01:26:56,150
(GUNS FIRING)
2105
01:26:58,719 --> 01:27:00,721
FRAN: What the hell?
2106
01:27:00,755 --> 01:27:01,789
It's racism.
2107
01:27:03,556 --> 01:27:04,158
It's...
2108
01:27:05,592 --> 01:27:06,994
Get the hell outta
here, you drunk bastard.
2109
01:27:07,028 --> 01:27:08,528
You pissed all over yourself.
2110
01:27:08,561 --> 01:27:10,064
Get behind me.
2111
01:27:10,097 --> 01:27:11,631
I'm trying to kill this man!
2112
01:27:11,665 --> 01:27:13,667
(GUN FIRING)
2113
01:27:13,700 --> 01:27:15,970
You shot me, asshole!
2114
01:27:16,003 --> 01:27:18,638
You get what you get, you damn
hoaxer.
2115
01:27:18,672 --> 01:27:20,074
I'm not a hoaxer.
2116
01:27:20,107 --> 01:27:22,209
I'm a entrepreneur.
2117
01:27:22,243 --> 01:27:23,811
I'll give you hoaxer,
Andersen.
2118
01:27:23,844 --> 01:27:26,680
(RIFLE FIRING)
2119
01:27:26,714 --> 01:27:28,015
Let's get the hell outta here.
2120
01:27:28,049 --> 01:27:30,885
Gimme the rifle with the night
scope.
2121
01:27:30,918 --> 01:27:32,686
It's Andersen.
2122
01:27:32,720 --> 01:27:34,587
Holy shit, he's running.
2123
01:27:39,727 --> 01:27:40,660
Professor.
2124
01:27:41,996 --> 01:27:42,830
What are you doing out here?
2125
01:27:42,863 --> 01:27:46,233
What the hell we gonna do now,
Fran?
2126
01:27:46,267 --> 01:27:50,237
It's like we're lost
or something out here.
2127
01:27:50,271 --> 01:27:51,638
(RIFLE FIRING)
2128
01:27:51,671 --> 01:27:52,840
Ow, goddammit.
2129
01:27:54,842 --> 01:27:56,210
Holy shit.
2130
01:27:56,243 --> 01:27:57,878
Someone shot Mathis.
2131
01:27:57,912 --> 01:27:59,512
Shot me in the ass.
2132
01:27:59,546 --> 01:28:00,815
Ahh!
2133
01:28:00,848 --> 01:28:02,183
Jesus, Fran.
2134
01:28:02,216 --> 01:28:04,785
(RIFLE FIRING)
2135
01:28:09,924 --> 01:28:11,792
You were always my favorite son.
2136
01:28:11,826 --> 01:28:12,692
GLORIA: What?
2137
01:28:12,727 --> 01:28:13,894
You can't die on me.
2138
01:28:13,928 --> 01:28:14,795
JAMAL: No, no, no, no.
2139
01:28:14,829 --> 01:28:15,763
You gotta keep his legs up.
2140
01:28:15,796 --> 01:28:16,864
(ETHEREAL CHANTING MUSIC)
2141
01:28:16,897 --> 01:28:18,565
GLORIA: You idiot!
2142
01:28:18,598 --> 01:28:19,266
Lilly!
2143
01:28:19,300 --> 01:28:20,101
LILLY: What?
2144
01:28:20,134 --> 01:28:20,968
GLORIA: What is wrong with
you?
2145
01:28:21,002 --> 01:28:21,902
Call 9-1-1!
2146
01:28:21,936 --> 01:28:23,871
FRAN: What is 9-1-1 gonna do?
2147
01:28:23,904 --> 01:28:25,172
Give the man some morphine.
(GUNS FIRING)
2148
01:28:25,206 --> 01:28:27,742
GLORIA: Keep pressure on it!
2149
01:28:28,776 --> 01:28:31,145
You want some of this?
2150
01:28:31,178 --> 01:28:33,080
It's the Men in Green.
2151
01:28:36,649 --> 01:28:37,684
(GUN FIRING)
2152
01:28:37,718 --> 01:28:38,986
The whole point of the suicide
vest
2153
01:28:39,020 --> 01:28:41,055
is getting a pile of virgins at
the end.
2154
01:28:41,088 --> 01:28:43,891
(SHIRT RIPPING)
2155
01:28:43,924 --> 01:28:46,260
I'm ending this right now.
2156
01:28:46,293 --> 01:28:48,329
BOBBY: Well, what are we
gonna do now?
2157
01:28:48,362 --> 01:28:50,865
Let's head back to the command
post.
2158
01:28:50,898 --> 01:28:53,633
Keep the mask on in case
we come across Andersen.
2159
01:28:53,666 --> 01:28:55,269
What if someone shoots me?
2160
01:28:55,302 --> 01:28:57,104
You have the vest on.
2161
01:28:57,138 --> 01:28:59,940
Just don't take one to the head.
2162
01:28:59,974 --> 01:29:01,574
Fucking family.
2163
01:29:01,608 --> 01:29:02,710
BILLY: Look, I'll be right
behind you.
2164
01:29:02,743 --> 01:29:03,576
Go, go, go!
2165
01:29:05,146 --> 01:29:07,580
(ALL SHOUTING)
2166
01:29:07,614 --> 01:29:10,617
(GUNS FIRING)
2167
01:29:10,650 --> 01:29:11,651
GLORIA: Somebody gimme a
bandaid.
2168
01:29:11,684 --> 01:29:12,820
(ALL SHOUTING)
2169
01:29:12,853 --> 01:29:14,121
What the hell are you people
doing?
2170
01:29:14,155 --> 01:29:16,689
Have you lost your mind?
(GUNS FIRING)
2171
01:29:16,724 --> 01:29:17,624
WIG2: Are we still in control
here?
2172
01:29:17,657 --> 01:29:19,927
(JAMES SHOUTING)
2173
01:29:19,960 --> 01:29:21,862
(TENSE MUSIC)
2174
01:29:21,896 --> 01:29:25,766
He got shot!
(PEOPLE SHOUTING)
2175
01:29:28,969 --> 01:29:31,172
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
2176
01:29:31,205 --> 01:29:33,673
(GUN FIRING)
2177
01:29:33,707 --> 01:29:35,176
Why'd you shoot me?
2178
01:29:37,011 --> 01:29:37,812
GLORIA: He was the one that
did it.
2179
01:29:37,845 --> 01:29:39,679
You people, stay calm.
2180
01:29:39,713 --> 01:29:42,283
(PEOPLE SHOUTING)
2181
01:29:48,222 --> 01:29:49,689
(GUN FIRING)
2182
01:29:49,723 --> 01:29:52,793
(AMMUNITION CRACKLING)
2183
01:29:53,894 --> 01:29:55,863
Let's not lose our heads.
2184
01:29:57,064 --> 01:29:57,898
Oh shit!
2185
01:29:59,166 --> 01:30:03,871
(EXPLOSION BOOMING)
(DIRECTOR JONES SCREAMING)
2186
01:30:09,243 --> 01:30:10,377
BOBBY: Did we get 'em?
2187
01:30:10,411 --> 01:30:12,413
Yeah, man, we got 'em.
2188
01:30:12,446 --> 01:30:13,380
Cool.
2189
01:30:13,414 --> 01:30:15,316
Maybe we can pay back my uncle.
2190
01:30:15,349 --> 01:30:17,751
Hey, bro, I don't think
you're going the right way.
2191
01:30:17,785 --> 01:30:18,651
As long as we're heading
2192
01:30:18,685 --> 01:30:20,721
in the opposite direction we're
good.
2193
01:30:20,754 --> 01:30:22,323
Hey man, what is that smell?
2194
01:30:22,356 --> 01:30:23,290
Check the GPS.
2195
01:30:23,324 --> 01:30:24,191
Find out where we're goin'.
2196
01:30:24,225 --> 01:30:24,859
All right, man I gotta get my
phone.
2197
01:30:24,892 --> 01:30:26,994
It's in the back in my bag.
2198
01:30:27,027 --> 01:30:28,796
BOBBY: Go, fat boy!
2199
01:30:30,464 --> 01:30:31,932
What is that?
2200
01:30:31,966 --> 01:30:32,833
What the hell's that smell?
2201
01:30:32,867 --> 01:30:35,903
French vanilla filtered
underwear, baby.
2202
01:30:35,936 --> 01:30:39,206
BOBBY: Smells like
shit and rotten milk!
2203
01:30:40,708 --> 01:30:42,843
I think I can see a clearing
ahead.
2204
01:30:42,877 --> 01:30:43,744
You're right.
2205
01:30:43,777 --> 01:30:44,778
It's big, black thing.
2206
01:30:44,812 --> 01:30:45,713
It's like a void.
2207
01:30:45,746 --> 01:30:46,413
It's a quarry!
2208
01:30:46,447 --> 01:30:49,116
(TIRES SCREECHING)
2209
01:30:49,150 --> 01:30:52,186
(BILLY SCREAMING)
2210
01:30:52,219 --> 01:30:54,889
(BOBBY WHIMPERING)
2211
01:30:54,922 --> 01:30:56,290
Don't move an inch.
2212
01:30:57,358 --> 01:30:59,692
(BILLY FARTING)
2213
01:30:59,727 --> 01:31:02,129
Your ass filter is making
this shit unbearable, man!
2214
01:31:02,163 --> 01:31:04,465
Just give it a minute to
let the filter do it's work.
2215
01:31:04,498 --> 01:31:05,332
I gotta open up
2216
01:31:05,366 --> 01:31:05,733
- the fuckin' door, bro.
- No, you don't.
2217
01:31:05,766 --> 01:31:07,368
Don't do it.
2218
01:31:07,401 --> 01:31:08,469
BOBBY: I gotta get the fuck
outta here!
2219
01:31:08,502 --> 01:31:09,904
No, let me come back there.
2220
01:31:09,937 --> 01:31:11,338
We can jump out together.
2221
01:31:11,372 --> 01:31:12,173
BOBBY: I'm outta here.
2222
01:31:12,206 --> 01:31:13,040
Fuck you.
2223
01:31:13,073 --> 01:31:14,208
(VAN CLATTERING)
2224
01:31:14,241 --> 01:31:16,143
You can forget about our
partnership!
2225
01:31:16,177 --> 01:31:17,011
(BILLY SCREAMING)
2226
01:31:17,044 --> 01:31:19,747
(VAN CLATTERING)
2227
01:31:22,283 --> 01:31:24,852
(TENSE MUSIC)
2228
01:31:33,227 --> 01:31:35,930
(BILLY PANTING)
2229
01:31:39,433 --> 01:31:42,803
I can't believe I survived that.
2230
01:31:42,836 --> 01:31:45,339
(AIRBAG POPPING)
2231
01:31:48,876 --> 01:31:52,046
(PASTOR EVANS GRUNTING)
2232
01:31:54,915 --> 01:31:56,217
(EXPLOSION BOOMING)
(ROCKET HISSING)
2233
01:31:56,250 --> 01:31:59,019
(BILLY SCREAMING)
2234
01:32:00,221 --> 01:32:02,856
(SOMBER MUSIC)
2235
01:32:13,801 --> 01:32:14,335
Well, I guess
(LIVELY COUNTRY MUSIC)
2236
01:32:14,368 --> 01:32:16,070
this is the end.
2237
01:32:16,103 --> 01:32:17,171
The bad guy's dead
2238
01:32:17,204 --> 01:32:19,540
and our story's done folded.
2239
01:32:19,573 --> 01:32:22,042
But is there ever really
an end to good and evil?
2240
01:32:22,076 --> 01:32:24,812
Certainly not this time, my
friends.
2241
01:32:24,845 --> 01:32:25,813
So ignore the credits.
(ALBUM SCREECHING)
2242
01:32:25,846 --> 01:32:28,482
'Cause our story's got
more secrets to tell.
2243
01:32:28,515 --> 01:32:31,418
The fat lady's got more song as
well.
2244
01:32:33,988 --> 01:32:36,523
(WHISTLING)
2245
01:32:36,557 --> 01:32:37,891
Casey, stop it.
2246
01:32:37,925 --> 01:32:38,525
Daddy?
2247
01:32:41,895 --> 01:32:44,164
None of you get it, do you?
2248
01:32:44,198 --> 01:32:45,466
Grandpa was right.
2249
01:32:45,499 --> 01:32:48,135
The creature's out there
and it might still be.
2250
01:32:48,168 --> 01:32:52,039
If we quit now all of Grandpa's
hard work is just lost.
2251
01:32:52,072 --> 01:32:53,440
You're all just selfish!
2252
01:32:53,474 --> 01:32:54,275
(DOOR CLATTERING)
2253
01:32:54,308 --> 01:32:55,109
Cassie!
2254
01:32:56,477 --> 01:32:59,213
(DOOR CLATTERING)
2255
01:32:59,246 --> 01:33:01,915
(DOOR CLATTERING)
2256
01:33:01,949 --> 01:33:06,787
(TENSE MUSIC)
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
2257
01:33:08,589 --> 01:33:09,523
FRAN: Ah.
2258
01:33:10,891 --> 01:33:12,826
We gonna be rich, baby?
2259
01:33:14,161 --> 01:33:15,829
I'm sick of Missouri.
2260
01:33:15,863 --> 01:33:17,164
You and me both.
2261
01:33:24,538 --> 01:33:28,542
Girl, you gonna have me
harder than a fresh cut 2x4.
2262
01:33:28,575 --> 01:33:30,878
Why don't you go find Gloria
and I'll take care of Casey.
2263
01:33:30,911 --> 01:33:32,079
All right now.
2264
01:33:34,315 --> 01:33:37,151
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
2265
01:33:40,621 --> 01:33:41,422
Lexi?
(GUN FIRING)
2266
01:33:41,455 --> 01:33:43,123
(GLORIA SCREAMING)
2267
01:33:43,157 --> 01:33:45,426
What the hell are you doing?
2268
01:33:46,527 --> 01:33:47,294
(ELBOW THUDDING)
(GLORIA GRUNTING)
2269
01:33:47,328 --> 01:33:47,995
(GUN FIRING)
2270
01:33:48,028 --> 01:33:51,365
What the hell is wrong with you?
2271
01:33:51,398 --> 01:33:52,366
(GLORIA SHOUTING)
2272
01:33:52,399 --> 01:33:53,200
No!
2273
01:33:54,234 --> 01:33:55,069
I said get up.
2274
01:33:55,102 --> 01:33:55,903
(LIVELY COUNTRY MUSIC)
2275
01:33:55,936 --> 01:33:57,037
Why Lexi?
2276
01:33:57,071 --> 01:33:57,971
LEXI: No!
2277
01:33:59,940 --> 01:34:01,508
(LEXI SCREAMING)
2278
01:34:01,542 --> 01:34:04,478
(BOTH GRUNTING)
2279
01:34:04,511 --> 01:34:06,480
(GLORIA SCREAMING)
2280
01:34:06,513 --> 01:34:08,148
GLORIA: No, fuck!
2281
01:34:09,583 --> 01:34:10,417
(BOTH SCREAMING)
2282
01:34:10,451 --> 01:34:11,318
(GLORIA THUDDING)
2283
01:34:11,352 --> 01:34:14,955
♪ Out of every problem ♪
2284
01:34:14,988 --> 01:34:19,293
♪ Comes a way to make it right ♪
2285
01:34:19,326 --> 01:34:20,094
Fuck you!
(LEXI GRUNTING)
2286
01:34:20,127 --> 01:34:22,262
♪ Reach down deep into your soul ♪
2287
01:34:22,296 --> 01:34:22,996
(SNAKE HISSING)
2288
01:34:23,030 --> 01:34:26,200
♪ And stand up to the fight ♪
2289
01:34:26,233 --> 01:34:27,134
(BOTH SCREAMING)
2290
01:34:27,167 --> 01:34:27,968
- ♪ You are strong ♪
- No!
2291
01:34:28,001 --> 01:34:29,203
(SNAKE CRACKING)
2292
01:34:29,236 --> 01:34:30,904
Ah!
2293
01:34:30,938 --> 01:34:32,473
♪ And she came out long ♪
(BOTH GRUNTING)
2294
01:34:32,506 --> 01:34:35,175
(PUNCHES THUDDING)
2295
01:34:35,209 --> 01:34:39,246
♪ If you feel you're heart is
breaking ♪
2296
01:34:39,279 --> 01:34:40,681
I trusted you!
2297
01:34:40,715 --> 01:34:42,383
You're supposed to be my friend!
2298
01:34:42,416 --> 01:34:43,951
(LEXI SCREAMING)
2299
01:34:43,984 --> 01:34:45,486
♪ When the world is ♪
2300
01:34:45,519 --> 01:34:48,021
(BOTH SCREAMING)
2301
01:34:48,055 --> 01:34:50,424
♪ It feels so hard ♪
2302
01:34:50,457 --> 01:34:52,226
LEXI: I'm tired of being
bullied.
2303
01:34:52,259 --> 01:34:53,961
♪ If you believe that you can
make it ♪
2304
01:34:53,994 --> 01:34:55,996
LEXI: Just die already.
2305
01:34:56,029 --> 01:34:57,164
(BITE CRUNCHING)
(LEXI SCREAMING)
2306
01:34:57,197 --> 01:34:59,032
(SCREAMING) My titty!
2307
01:34:59,066 --> 01:35:02,069
(GLORIA GRUNTING)
2308
01:35:02,102 --> 01:35:04,037
♪ Dance ♪
2309
01:35:06,340 --> 01:35:09,676
I'm gonna give you something
to fuckin' remember me by!
2310
01:35:09,711 --> 01:35:10,611
(GUN FIRING)
2311
01:35:10,644 --> 01:35:12,446
No, no!
2312
01:35:12,479 --> 01:35:15,516
By the way I always hated that
dress.
2313
01:35:26,761 --> 01:35:31,598
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
(TENSE MUSIC)
2314
01:35:42,509 --> 01:35:45,345
(CASSIE SCREAMING)
2315
01:35:56,323 --> 01:35:58,225
CASSIE: Help!
2316
01:35:58,258 --> 01:35:59,092
CASEY: Cassie!
2317
01:35:59,126 --> 01:35:59,960
CASSIE: I'm down here.
2318
01:35:59,993 --> 01:36:02,529
Do not move, do not move a
muscle.
2319
01:36:02,563 --> 01:36:05,999
I'll be down there in just a
second, okay?
2320
01:36:06,033 --> 01:36:07,201
CASSIE: Help.
2321
01:36:08,268 --> 01:36:10,170
Gimme your hand.
2322
01:36:10,204 --> 01:36:12,473
Help me down and we'll go get
her.
2323
01:36:12,506 --> 01:36:13,440
(RIFLE THUDDING)
2324
01:36:13,474 --> 01:36:16,243
(CASEY SCREAMING)
2325
01:36:17,812 --> 01:36:20,147
Cassie, hold on, I'm coming.
2326
01:36:22,784 --> 01:36:25,385
(RIFLE FIRING)
2327
01:36:28,121 --> 01:36:30,224
Fran, what the hell are you
doing?
2328
01:36:30,257 --> 01:36:33,393
What the hell does it
look like I'm doing, boy?
2329
01:36:33,427 --> 01:36:35,362
Tying up some loose ends.
2330
01:36:36,630 --> 01:36:38,565
With you out of the way,
I'll be able to collect
2331
01:36:38,599 --> 01:36:40,501
that $10 million all for myself.
2332
01:36:40,534 --> 01:36:41,435
CASSIE: I don't wanna fall.
2333
01:36:41,468 --> 01:36:42,536
(RIFLE FIRING)
2334
01:36:42,569 --> 01:36:45,239
(ROCKS CLATTERING)
2335
01:36:45,272 --> 01:36:47,241
Fran, stop!
(BIGFOOT GROWLING)
2336
01:36:47,274 --> 01:36:50,344
(UPBEAT COUNTRY MUSIC)
2337
01:36:50,377 --> 01:36:52,513
Oh, you want some of this?
2338
01:36:53,580 --> 01:36:55,048
Well, come on and get you some.
2339
01:36:55,082 --> 01:36:58,151
(RIFLE FIRING)
2340
01:36:58,185 --> 01:36:59,821
(PUNCHES THUDDING)
(BIGFOOT GRUNTING)
2341
01:36:59,854 --> 01:37:04,658
(FRAN GRUNTING)
(LIVELY COUNTRY MUSIC)
2342
01:37:07,561 --> 01:37:10,297
(FRAN SCREAMING)
2343
01:37:10,330 --> 01:37:15,168
(PUNCH THUDDING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
2344
01:37:21,308 --> 01:37:22,844
(EXPLOSION BOOMING)
2345
01:37:22,877 --> 01:37:25,512
(FRAN GRUNTING)
2346
01:37:35,823 --> 01:37:38,826
Pastor Evans, what the
hell are you doing here?
2347
01:37:38,860 --> 01:37:40,394
Aw, man, these pants are wet.
2348
01:37:40,427 --> 01:37:41,428
Is this piss?
2349
01:37:41,461 --> 01:37:43,230
I am on vacation.
2350
01:37:43,263 --> 01:37:46,533
I can't find the gerbil
anywhere.
2351
01:37:46,567 --> 01:37:48,502
Aw, you two are freaks!
2352
01:37:52,774 --> 01:37:56,143
(FOUR-WHEELER RUMBLING)
2353
01:37:59,613 --> 01:38:01,849
I think Bigfoot just
stole our four-wheeler.
2354
01:38:01,883 --> 01:38:05,185
(FOUR-WHEELER REVVING)
2355
01:38:13,861 --> 01:38:16,496
(FRAN SHOUTING)
2356
01:38:20,768 --> 01:38:21,836
FRAN: Stop!
2357
01:38:23,170 --> 01:38:24,671
What happened to you, boy?
2358
01:38:24,705 --> 01:38:26,841
Man, I just need to get outta
here.
2359
01:38:26,874 --> 01:38:29,811
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
2360
01:38:30,845 --> 01:38:33,480
(FRAN GRUNTING)
2361
01:38:37,852 --> 01:38:39,386
(PUNCHES THUDDING)
2362
01:38:39,419 --> 01:38:42,322
(WHISTLE WHISTLING)
2363
01:38:55,903 --> 01:38:57,304
(FIRE EXTINGUISHER CLANGING)
2364
01:38:57,337 --> 01:38:59,640
(TENSE MUSIC)
2365
01:39:12,419 --> 01:39:15,522
(PLANK THUDDING)
2366
01:39:15,555 --> 01:39:19,226
(TRUCK RUMBLING)
2367
01:39:19,259 --> 01:39:23,898
(METAL CLANKING)
(LIVELY COUNTRY MUSIC)
2368
01:39:33,640 --> 01:39:36,276
(AIR WHOOSHING)
2369
01:39:42,282 --> 01:39:43,951
(AIR WHOOSHING)
2370
01:39:43,985 --> 01:39:46,687
(TRUCK RUMBLING)
2371
01:39:49,891 --> 01:39:50,657
(METAL CLANKING)
(FRAN GRUNTING)
2372
01:39:50,691 --> 01:39:51,558
(TENSE MUSIC)
2373
01:39:51,591 --> 01:39:54,428
(PUNCHES THUDDING)
2374
01:39:58,432 --> 01:40:00,868
(PIPE CLANKING)
2375
01:40:02,469 --> 01:40:04,772
(FRAN SCREAMING)
2376
01:40:04,806 --> 01:40:07,641
(PUNCHES THUDDING)
2377
01:40:13,480 --> 01:40:18,318
(FRAN GRUNTING)
(SHOVEL THUDDING)
2378
01:40:37,739 --> 01:40:40,607
(SHOVEL CLATTERING)
2379
01:40:44,746 --> 01:40:47,514
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
2380
01:40:50,852 --> 01:40:51,853
CASEY: Cassie, are you okay?
2381
01:40:51,886 --> 01:40:52,754
CASSIE: Yes.
2382
01:40:52,787 --> 01:40:54,756
CASEY: Okay.
2383
01:40:54,789 --> 01:40:58,425
- My fingers are slipping.
- Hold on, hold on tight.
2384
01:40:58,458 --> 01:41:01,428
(CASEY GRUNTING)
2385
01:41:01,461 --> 01:41:03,865
All right.
(CASSIE GRUNTING)
2386
01:41:03,898 --> 01:41:06,633
(CASEY GRUNTING)
2387
01:41:06,666 --> 01:41:07,634
All right, grab on.
2388
01:41:07,667 --> 01:41:08,870
CASSIE: Okay.
2389
01:41:11,072 --> 01:41:13,507
You mean you ain't fell yet?
2390
01:41:15,777 --> 01:41:17,377
Let me help you out.
2391
01:41:19,113 --> 01:41:21,716
(ROCK THUDDING)
(FRAN GRUNTING)
2392
01:41:21,749 --> 01:41:22,549
Fran!
2393
01:41:25,585 --> 01:41:26,921
All right, Ernie.
2394
01:41:26,954 --> 01:41:28,522
It's what you want.
2395
01:41:29,824 --> 01:41:31,726
(FRAN GRUNTS)
(LIGHTHEARTED COUNTRY MUSIC)
2396
01:41:31,759 --> 01:41:34,394
(FRAN SHOUTING)
2397
01:41:35,897 --> 01:41:37,330
Yeah!
2398
01:41:37,364 --> 01:41:40,567
That is how Fran Andersen
messes with Bigfoot!
2399
01:41:41,803 --> 01:41:45,639
(KICK CLANGING)
(FRAN SHOUTING)
2400
01:41:45,672 --> 01:41:47,507
(FRAN SHOUTING)
2401
01:41:47,541 --> 01:41:50,978
(PUNCHES THUDDING)
(BIGFOOT AND FRAN GRUNTING)
2402
01:41:51,012 --> 01:41:52,412
(GLASS TINKLING)
(FRAN GRUNTING)
2403
01:41:52,445 --> 01:41:54,849
(EERIE MUSIC)
2404
01:41:57,384 --> 01:41:59,754
(FRAN PANTING)
2405
01:42:02,023 --> 01:42:02,824
Come on.
2406
01:42:04,959 --> 01:42:06,593
Come on, sir.
2407
01:42:06,626 --> 01:42:07,494
Come on.
2408
01:42:07,527 --> 01:42:10,363
(BIGFOOT GRUNTING)
2409
01:42:13,433 --> 01:42:14,668
(BOTH GRUNTING)
2410
01:42:14,701 --> 01:42:15,870
Yeah, ha!
2411
01:42:15,903 --> 01:42:17,704
Fooled ya, heffer!
2412
01:42:17,738 --> 01:42:18,906
Yeah.
2413
01:42:18,940 --> 01:42:20,875
You wanna get you some of that,
son?
2414
01:42:20,908 --> 01:42:21,709
(BIGFOOT GROWLING)
2415
01:42:21,742 --> 01:42:22,542
Come on.
2416
01:42:23,911 --> 01:42:28,749
(KICKS THUDDING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
2417
01:42:41,428 --> 01:42:43,865
(FRAN GRUNTING)
2418
01:42:45,432 --> 01:42:47,869
(BOTH GRUNTING)
2419
01:42:49,502 --> 01:42:53,975
(PUNCHES THUDDING)
(WIND WHISTLING)
2420
01:42:54,008 --> 01:42:56,744
(BODIES THUDDING)
2421
01:43:00,882 --> 01:43:03,450
(SOMBER MUSIC)
2422
01:43:08,521 --> 01:43:10,925
(FRAN FARTING)
2423
01:43:13,526 --> 01:43:14,762
CASSIE: Oh my gosh,
I wanna go home, Dad.
2424
01:43:14,795 --> 01:43:17,164
It's over all right.
2425
01:43:17,198 --> 01:43:19,599
I'm gonna get you outta here.
2426
01:43:21,102 --> 01:43:23,070
Hold on tight, all right?
2427
01:43:42,123 --> 01:43:43,690
No, Daddy, don't!
2428
01:43:44,926 --> 01:43:46,593
He's here to help us.
2429
01:44:02,243 --> 01:44:05,478
(WEDDING MARCH MUSIC)
2430
01:44:14,587 --> 01:44:15,923
GLORIA: Seriously?
2431
01:44:15,957 --> 01:44:19,693
By the power executed in
me, I now pronounce you...
2432
01:44:21,896 --> 01:44:23,697
(GLORIA GIGGLING)
2433
01:44:23,731 --> 01:44:27,467
(GROUP CLAPPING AND CHEERING)
2434
01:44:29,136 --> 01:44:29,937
LILLY: Oh, you guys, aw.
2435
01:44:29,971 --> 01:44:30,938
JAMAL: Ow!
2436
01:44:42,149 --> 01:44:43,985
(ALBUM SCREECHING)
2437
01:44:44,018 --> 01:44:47,788
This is a hospital, not
a monster truck rally.
2438
01:44:47,822 --> 01:44:50,124
Can someone please pull that
plug out?
2439
01:44:50,157 --> 01:44:51,192
Unplug me?
2440
01:44:51,225 --> 01:44:52,625
Screw you, Cory.
2441
01:44:52,659 --> 01:44:53,593
You still wearing
your sister's underwear
2442
01:44:53,626 --> 01:44:54,996
under those sheets.
2443
01:44:55,029 --> 01:44:57,530
Well, what if I was wearing
my sister's underwear?
2444
01:44:57,564 --> 01:44:58,498
They feel better.
2445
01:44:58,531 --> 01:45:00,267
Pastor Evans just reach down
there and...
2446
01:45:00,301 --> 01:45:01,268
Pastor, don't you dare,
unplug...
2447
01:45:01,302 --> 01:45:02,669
My best bottle if you just...
2448
01:45:02,702 --> 01:45:03,771
- Pastor!
- Just reach down.
2449
01:45:03,804 --> 01:45:04,905
Don't you dare.
2450
01:45:04,939 --> 01:45:06,140
Pastor.
2451
01:45:06,173 --> 01:45:07,875
Don't you dare.
2452
01:45:07,908 --> 01:45:08,743
(MEN GRUNTING)
2453
01:45:08,776 --> 01:45:09,676
(BILLY LAUGHING)
2454
01:45:09,710 --> 01:45:11,979
Here's the Bigfoot (GRUNTS)...
2455
01:45:12,013 --> 01:45:13,613
Oh, ah!
2456
01:45:13,646 --> 01:45:14,647
(MEN GRUNTING)
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
2457
01:45:14,681 --> 01:45:15,916
Stop it, stop it!
2458
01:45:15,950 --> 01:45:17,184
It's coming on.
2459
01:45:17,218 --> 01:45:19,552
What are you going on about,
little boy?
2460
01:45:19,586 --> 01:45:20,154
I'm not a boy!
(LIVELY MUSIC)
2461
01:45:20,187 --> 01:45:21,554
Bigfoot's on TV.
2462
01:45:21,588 --> 01:45:22,689
There's no such thing as
Bigfoot, you...
2463
01:45:22,723 --> 01:45:23,590
GLORIA: Hey!
2464
01:45:23,623 --> 01:45:24,657
Uncle Billy!
2465
01:45:24,691 --> 01:45:25,826
Language!
2466
01:45:25,860 --> 01:45:26,659
Please!
2467
01:45:31,799 --> 01:45:35,736
Here's a frickin' Bigfoot
nutsack for you, Billy.
2468
01:45:40,673 --> 01:45:41,342
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
2469
01:45:41,375 --> 01:45:42,810
AUDIENCE: Larry, Larry,
2470
01:45:42,843 --> 01:45:43,711
- Larry, Larry, Larry.
- Let me introduce
2471
01:45:43,744 --> 01:45:44,779
- our next guest.
- Larry, Larry, Larry,
2472
01:45:44,812 --> 01:45:46,247
Larry, Larry, Larry.
2473
01:45:47,815 --> 01:45:49,116
(LARRY LAUGHING)
2474
01:45:49,150 --> 01:45:50,151
Ho ho.
2475
01:45:50,184 --> 01:45:51,318
Hey.
2476
01:45:51,352 --> 01:45:53,020
How good to see you.
2477
01:45:53,054 --> 01:45:53,954
Have a seat.
2478
01:45:53,988 --> 01:45:57,925
AUDIENCE: Larry, Larry,
Larry, Larry,
2479
01:45:57,958 --> 01:46:01,628
Larry, Larry, Larry, Larry,
Larry,
2480
01:46:01,661 --> 01:46:04,165
Larry, Larry, Larry, Larry,
Larry.
2481
01:46:05,266 --> 01:46:06,400
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Larry, Larry.
2482
01:46:06,434 --> 01:46:09,602
- Calm down, calm down.
- Larry, Larry, Larry, Larry.
2483
01:46:09,636 --> 01:46:10,438
So, tell me what it's like
2484
01:46:10,471 --> 01:46:12,740
having so many people chasing
you.
2485
01:46:12,773 --> 01:46:14,809
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Hey Bigfoot!
2486
01:46:14,842 --> 01:46:15,675
Squatch these!
2487
01:46:15,709 --> 01:46:17,845
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
2488
01:46:17,878 --> 01:46:21,148
Well, that's a topic for
another show.
2489
01:46:21,182 --> 01:46:22,950
How do you manage to stay so
hidden?
2490
01:46:22,983 --> 01:46:25,953
Actually, people find
solid evidence all the time
2491
01:46:25,986 --> 01:46:27,188
but the government swoops in.
2492
01:46:27,221 --> 01:46:30,858
Did you always manage to get
away?
2493
01:46:30,891 --> 01:46:33,160
My mother was regular human.
2494
01:46:34,395 --> 01:46:36,063
My father's, like me.
2495
01:46:37,798 --> 01:46:39,400
AUDIENCE MEMBER: And
what about your kids?
2496
01:46:39,433 --> 01:46:40,868
AUDIENCE: Boo!
2497
01:46:45,139 --> 01:46:47,108
Okay, okay, okay.
2498
01:46:47,141 --> 01:46:49,243
Let's give him a chance to
speak.
2499
01:46:49,276 --> 01:46:50,911
Go on, Jackson.
2500
01:46:50,945 --> 01:46:54,014
Yeah, they don't want people
to know
2501
01:46:54,048 --> 01:46:58,953
there's another line of
humans out there living wild.
2502
01:46:58,986 --> 01:46:59,920
What do you mean?
2503
01:46:59,954 --> 01:47:01,021
Who are they?
2504
01:47:01,055 --> 01:47:03,124
The Government.
2505
01:47:03,157 --> 01:47:05,126
They keep all this covered up.
2506
01:47:05,159 --> 01:47:05,993
I bet this show never...
2507
01:47:06,026 --> 01:47:08,628
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
2508
01:47:21,208 --> 01:47:24,311
(LIVELY COUNTRY MUSIC)
2509
01:47:24,401 --> 01:47:27,773
Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org
2510
01:47:27,848 --> 01:47:31,152
♪ Would you recognize
a monster by his eyes ♪
2511
01:47:31,185 --> 01:47:33,454
♪ Thought I would, too ♪
2512
01:47:33,487 --> 01:47:37,791
♪ And I spent all this
time a-runnin' every lap ♪
2513
01:47:37,825 --> 01:47:40,127
♪ To what I would do ♪
2514
01:47:40,161 --> 01:47:41,929
♪ Hell, I'd take him by the tail ♪
2515
01:47:41,962 --> 01:47:44,231
♪ He would holler, he would wail ♪
2516
01:47:44,265 --> 01:47:46,901
♪ Till he called a truce ♪
2517
01:47:46,934 --> 01:47:48,335
♪ And I told him you were made ♪
2518
01:47:48,369 --> 01:47:50,871
♪ Taking you away ♪
2519
01:47:50,905 --> 01:47:53,174
♪ Now I know it's true ♪
2520
01:47:53,207 --> 01:47:54,975
♪ I was blind ♪
2521
01:47:55,009 --> 01:47:59,880
♪ Then I saw the human
unkind come to call ♪
2522
01:47:59,914 --> 01:48:04,718
♪ If I had a dime for
all man's many faults ♪
2523
01:48:06,487 --> 01:48:09,757
♪ I admit that I was wrong ♪
2524
01:48:09,790 --> 01:48:11,325
♪ Such a shame ♪
2525
01:48:11,358 --> 01:48:12,960
Goin' on here?
2526
01:48:12,993 --> 01:48:14,261
♪ Interviewing monsters ♪
2527
01:48:14,295 --> 01:48:15,930
♪ Monsters ♪
2528
01:48:15,963 --> 01:48:18,866
♪ All along ♪
2529
01:48:18,899 --> 01:48:20,201
(LARRY SCREAMING)
2530
01:48:20,234 --> 01:48:23,137
(AUDIENCE SHOUTING)
2531
01:48:33,280 --> 01:48:35,849
What are you smilin' at?
2532
01:48:35,883 --> 01:48:38,986
(MAN ON COUCH GRUNTING)
2533
01:48:45,926 --> 01:48:47,428
♪ I was blind ♪
2534
01:48:47,461 --> 01:48:52,166
♪ Then I saw the human
unkind come to call ♪
2535
01:48:52,199 --> 01:48:56,971
♪ If I had a dime for
all man's many faults ♪
2536
01:48:59,073 --> 01:49:02,309
♪ I admit that I was wrong ♪
2537
01:49:02,343 --> 01:49:05,279
♪ Such a shame that you're gone ♪
2538
01:49:05,312 --> 01:49:06,914
♪ Interviewing monsters ♪
2539
01:49:06,947 --> 01:49:08,382
♪ Monsters ♪
2540
01:49:08,415 --> 01:49:11,852
♪ All along ♪
2541
01:49:11,885 --> 01:49:13,387
♪ Interviewing monsters ♪
2542
01:49:13,420 --> 01:49:15,122
♪ Monsters ♪
2543
01:49:15,155 --> 01:49:18,359
♪ All along ♪
2544
01:49:18,392 --> 01:49:19,994
♪ Interviewing monsters ♪
2545
01:49:20,027 --> 01:49:21,562
♪ Monsters ♪
2546
01:49:21,595 --> 01:49:24,031
♪ All along ♪
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