Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,640
Are you ready to be reborn?
2
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,520
ALL: Yes we are.
3
00:00:04,679 --> 00:00:06,639
Defo!
4
00:00:06,719 --> 00:00:10,479
Then step through the walls of the
vagina, baby first, placenta second.
5
00:00:10,599 --> 00:00:12,719
Baby holding placenta's hand.
6
00:00:13,199 --> 00:00:15,799
And become.
7
00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:19,320
Lovely.
8
00:00:19,559 --> 00:00:20,919
(quietly) ..placenta second. Lovely.
9
00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:23,479
Slow. Hi guys, congratulations.
10
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:27,120
Gorgeous. Hi Mags, how are you? Baby
first, placenta second.
11
00:00:27,399 --> 00:00:29,479
Eh, no placenta?
12
00:00:29,719 --> 00:00:31,399
Oh, my placenta bailed on me.
13
00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:33,839
Can I still be reborn?
14
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,879
Oh, well we don't recommend it.
You'll be lacking the nutrition.
15
00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:39,959
I mean we could try?
Ehh.
16
00:00:40,039 --> 00:00:41,759
Please?
Ohh...
17
00:00:41,759 --> 00:00:44,719
No. (chuckles)
It's just it's kinda hard to a...
18
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:48,200
( makes beeping noise) back up the
birth canal.
19
00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:50,599
(sighs) Ok, fine.
20
00:00:51,679 --> 00:00:52,559
Be reborn.
21
00:00:53,759 --> 00:00:55,679
22
00:00:56,079 --> 00:00:57,359
Look, what if you made a mistake?
23
00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:01,400
Aidan, we've tried and tried to make
this work.
24
00:01:01,679 --> 00:01:03,399
Look, I love you, you love me,
25
00:01:03,479 --> 00:01:05,519
so why does it feel like it isn't
enough?
26
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,200
Maybe it isn't enough.
27
00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:23,560
Look, I think it's best for us both
if we move on.
28
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,560
Now you are reborn. You feel
completely different, don't you?
29
00:01:31,079 --> 00:01:33,079
That's 187 euro.
30
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,320
You can pay on your way out.
31
00:01:36,799 --> 00:01:38,799
32
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:47,120
Back in and back out, and back in
again. (laughing)
33
00:01:47,519 --> 00:01:49,599
It's gas.
Stan!
34
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,280
I brought you along on my solo
freelance adventure
35
00:01:52,359 --> 00:01:55,079
to help me build a brand, not to
watch me be born,
36
00:01:55,159 --> 00:01:56,759
and unborn and reborn all over again.
37
00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:58,959
That's not what I'm paying you for.
You're not paying me.
38
00:01:59,239 --> 00:02:01,239
Exactly.
39
00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,400
And why is that?
Because you've no money.
40
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,600
And why would that be Stan?
41
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,520
Because you left the job you
actually were being paid for.
42
00:02:09,599 --> 00:02:11,119
And why would that be?
Ok,
43
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:14,039
I don't know the answer to that one.
Refreshing, well done Stan.
44
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,920
You make a beautiful baby Joy.
Aw, thank you Emer.
45
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,960
But it's also a major rebirth
metaphor.
46
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:21,799
Is it still a metaphor if that's
literally what's happening?
47
00:02:24,719 --> 00:02:25,239
Yeah.
Yes?
48
00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:26,319
100 percent of the audience are
gonna get this. Ok.
49
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:29,360
Guys, I got on board with this
paired back Joy,
50
00:02:29,439 --> 00:02:32,079
2.0 set up because it's all about
control.
51
00:02:32,159 --> 00:02:35,119
Ok? We need to reclaim our vaginas
from the patriarchy.
52
00:02:35,159 --> 00:02:37,839
Absolutely. My penis is the worst.
53
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:42,720
Ok, and without further ado...
54
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,480
Are these bum wipes?
55
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,240
Wipes, yeah.
56
00:02:48,319 --> 00:02:50,519
They're sponsoring this week's
rebirthing piece on your channel.
57
00:02:50,599 --> 00:02:51,839
Sponsor, love that, so cool.
58
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,200
Yeah, a sponsor is cool but Emer,
59
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:57,640
do you think that we could get like
better... Sponsors?
60
00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,719
Yeah.
Like, glowy skin care stuff?
61
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,680
Yeah, like eyelash serum.
Eyelash serum!
62
00:03:02,759 --> 00:03:05,159
Eyebrow serum.
Eyebrow serum!
63
00:03:05,159 --> 00:03:07,519
Face serum.
Face serum, absolutely.
64
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:10,360
Just get your subscriber numbers up.
Ok? No pressure.
65
00:03:10,599 --> 00:03:13,359
Let's all hope you were reborn a
workaholic, Joy.
66
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,200
Cos we all need to get paid.
67
00:03:15,199 --> 00:03:16,799
Otherwise it's curtains.
68
00:03:18,159 --> 00:03:20,159
69
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,000
(laughs)
70
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,400
Stan.
Yeah.
71
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,400
Oh my God Emer, look at this.
72
00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:34,599
Yeah, I'm just gonna go.
73
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,520
Emer, look.
Joy.
74
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,640
I'm on this desk today.
Yeah, no. I know we did discuss it,
75
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,999
and I take your point that it's a
desk rotation space.
76
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,720
But I don't think that means that we
need to rotate the desks.
77
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,800
It's just that I've got an important
project on Joy,
78
00:03:46,879 --> 00:03:49,279
and I'm under a bit of pressure, and
I need a desk.
79
00:03:50,599 --> 00:03:51,999
This desk is rubbish.
80
00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:53,320
If I sit here,
81
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,160
I've to go all the way over there to
pick up my photocopies.
82
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,720
And I've got 4 hours to find a way
of marketing scallions
83
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,440
in a sexy way that doesn't objectify
them.
84
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,040
Are they lady scallions?
Yes.
85
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,360
So I am under pressure.
86
00:04:05,439 --> 00:04:07,599
Time is money.
Scallions are money.
87
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:09,800
Scallions, plus time divided by
money.
88
00:04:09,879 --> 00:04:11,999
Oh my God, just kiss already.
89
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,120
The sexual tension's too much.
90
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,080
Emer.
91
00:04:17,319 --> 00:04:19,439
There's literally no sexual tension.
92
00:04:19,639 --> 00:04:20,679
STAN: Great.
Yeah Emer.
93
00:04:20,759 --> 00:04:23,599
I mean it's not as if I've ended up
sharing a tiny office space
94
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,920
with someone I had a really awkward
one night stand with.
95
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:28,600
Bloody knew it.
96
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,360
Well isn't that Dublin for you guys.
97
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:35,240
She did say that she thought that it
was in, but like just for a minute.
98
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,080
Maybe less.
Emer.
99
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:39,679
Emer!
Sorry guys.
100
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:43,000
Emer.
What? Too much.
101
00:04:44,759 --> 00:04:48,119
Ok next up, finding your roots.
102
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:51,160
Genealogy.
Nah, I don't wanna do that.
103
00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:53,440
My mum is convinced
104
00:04:53,519 --> 00:04:56,719
that her great-grandfather murdered a
couple of people from...
105
00:04:58,759 --> 00:05:00,399
from the countryside.
106
00:05:00,399 --> 00:05:03,359
Maybe they were farmers.
I'd say they were farmers.
107
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:06,120
Or shepherds. Shepherds or farmers I
guess.
108
00:05:06,519 --> 00:05:08,879
I just feel that could get awkward
for old Joy face here.
109
00:05:08,879 --> 00:05:11,399
What if we got a nice hair dye
sponsor link in?
110
00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:13,719
You know, back to your roots.
You know,
111
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,560
that was so long ago and I'm obsessed
with roots.
112
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:19,200
I'll ask my mum if it's ok.
Why d'ya need to ask your mum?
113
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,600
Isn't your great-grandfather dead?
114
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,160
He's beyond dead.
Legally you're fine then I'd say.
115
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:25,640
Ok cool.
Ok thanks Karen,
116
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,360
if you could just...
117
00:05:27,519 --> 00:05:29,559
So other challenges from the
viewers.
118
00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:33,119
Yeah.
Wear a cat in a papoose. Shite.
119
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:36,000
Sing everything you say for a day.
Yes! Yeah.
120
00:05:36,079 --> 00:05:37,599
I'm walking down the street
121
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,520
And now I'm going to the toilet
122
00:05:40,519 --> 00:05:41,839
Clearly doesn't work.
123
00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:44,639
Em, play kiss chase with total
randomers on the street.
124
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:48,600
Ok, what I will say is that that is
just completely illegal
125
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,600
for adults under EU, on account that
is sexual assault.
126
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,120
And even worse than that,
127
00:05:53,199 --> 00:05:57,519
I don't know if any of those hold the
key to lasting life long happiness.
128
00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,320
Those are dares Emer.
My idea.
129
00:05:59,399 --> 00:06:00,879
Ok.
130
00:06:00,879 --> 00:06:03,199
dramatic music
School.
131
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,240
You're going back to your old school
Joy.
132
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:08,760
Oh my. Do you know,
133
00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:12,839
I would love to go back to there.
Are you sure?
134
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,440
Yes I'm sure.
You don't sound sure.
135
00:06:15,439 --> 00:06:18,839
Yes.
Great. Because it's an amazing idea.
136
00:06:29,439 --> 00:06:32,239
Do you like eggs?
I like scrambled eggs.
137
00:06:32,639 --> 00:06:34,159
Coming right up.
138
00:06:35,759 --> 00:06:37,759
(laughter)
139
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,160
That's more like a fried egg.
140
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,960
I'm sorry, did I get your order
wrong?
141
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,360
No.
142
00:06:49,079 --> 00:06:51,079
143
00:06:51,519 --> 00:06:53,519
Thanks Becky.
144
00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:55,359
Did she just breathe?
145
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:09,000
(gagging)
For the DNA piece,
146
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:12,040
it's gonna take at least a week to
get the results back.
147
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:19,720
But for now, you're going back to
school. Yes. Yes!
148
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:20,880
(laughs)
Yes.
149
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,720
Facing your past, facing your future
everyone.
150
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:27,000
The new Joy 2.0, literally born
yesterday.
151
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:29,920
That's what this is about. More
subscribers,
152
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,600
and getting loads of free stuff.
153
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:33,000
Come on Philip!
154
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,200
Make scallions sexy again!
155
00:07:35,199 --> 00:07:36,759
Yep.
Freelance legal Karen,
156
00:07:36,839 --> 00:07:40,239
what have you got for me? Come on,
come on Karen!
157
00:07:40,319 --> 00:07:43,359
Just trying to get a court
injunction over the line
158
00:07:43,439 --> 00:07:45,239
in relation to child human slavery.
159
00:07:46,839 --> 00:07:48,439
Come on.
160
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,600
I'd-I'd cut that.
161
00:07:51,879 --> 00:07:54,959
I'm sorry, I don't control the
cards!
162
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,200
(sobbing)
It's not an exact science.
163
00:07:57,439 --> 00:07:59,439
(sobbing loudly)
164
00:07:59,959 --> 00:08:02,719
I told her her husband was never
gonna leave her.
165
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:05,000
Some people just don't wanna hear
the truth.
166
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,680
Speaking of which, hi landlady.
167
00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:08,920
Hiya.
(tires screeching)
168
00:08:09,319 --> 00:08:13,279
Oh, I also predicted difficulty
crossing the road to be fair.
169
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,240
She ok?
She'll be fine.
170
00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,160
(sighs)
171
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:19,640
You know Christie,
172
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:23,560
if I had know that reading tarot was
your only source of income,
173
00:08:23,639 --> 00:08:26,559
I might have been a little bit more
worried about
174
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:28,679
you being able to pay the rent.
175
00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,319
And eating all my yoghurts!
What's in your future,
176
00:08:31,399 --> 00:08:33,359
is me replacing them by tomorrow.
Promise.
177
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:38,040
Christie, being freelance is so hard.
I understand that. But I need rent.
178
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:40,719
And I really need my bifidus
actiregularis.
179
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,360
What's more important?
180
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,400
Yoghurt.
181
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,320
How 'bout I make it up to you by
reading your cards?
182
00:08:47,399 --> 00:08:49,039
No, no way. No, absolutely no way.
183
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:52,320
Also, if my cards are bad I'm just
gonna follow you around the house
184
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:54,239
looking really sad and really worried
like this.
185
00:08:54,879 --> 00:08:56,439
Ok, you've got a point there.
186
00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,400
I've never lived with one of my
patients before.
187
00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:00,960
You know the way you said patients
there,
188
00:09:01,039 --> 00:09:03,959
you do know that tarots like not
medical. It is!
189
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,320
It's like when they say laughter is
the best medicine.
190
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,480
(inhales deeply)
191
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,920
That is a metaphor, Christie.
192
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:14,720
Next you'll be saying Dr. Phil is a
doctor, and not an actor.
193
00:09:14,799 --> 00:09:16,239
Oh no, he is.
194
00:09:16,519 --> 00:09:17,799
A doctor.
Huh?
195
00:09:17,799 --> 00:09:19,439
Yeah, he's a head doctor.
196
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,000
Oh no wait, no maybe he's a really
good...
197
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,080
Is he an actor? Maybe he is an actor.
198
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:25,680
Is he an actor?
Ok,
199
00:09:25,759 --> 00:09:28,719
so the key to understanding Dr. Phil
is in his name.
200
00:09:28,799 --> 00:09:32,199
In fairness, there are some actors I
would let... Dr. Phil. ..examine me.
201
00:09:32,279 --> 00:09:33,599
No, it's not actor Phil.
202
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,720
like George Clooney, only because...
Do you understand?
203
00:09:35,799 --> 00:09:38,919
He has played a doctor. Anyway, that
is not the point.
204
00:09:38,919 --> 00:09:40,439
Look, the future is your thing.
205
00:09:40,519 --> 00:09:41,759
The present is my thing.
206
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:43,640
Dealing with the now! That's my
thing.
207
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,080
The now is looking a little low on
rent.
208
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,080
209
00:09:48,399 --> 00:09:49,359
See, look at you.
210
00:09:49,519 --> 00:09:52,359
You handled that so well.
211
00:09:53,039 --> 00:09:54,639
Beautiful.
George Clooney,
212
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,600
I would allow him give me a routine
examination.
213
00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:01,079
Just like a standard smear.
214
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:11,920
Ah, don't be nervous Joy,
you'll be deadly.
215
00:10:11,919 --> 00:10:13,439
I'm not nervous Stan, honestly.
216
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,880
You're wide of the mark there.
Pfft.
217
00:10:15,879 --> 00:10:20,039
It's just like any public speaking,
you have to imagine them all naked.
218
00:10:20,039 --> 00:10:22,799
Wait, it's a school, so...
children.
219
00:10:22,799 --> 00:10:25,879
Maybe you're naked cos that's
not illegal.
220
00:10:25,879 --> 00:10:28,079
For you to be naked.
In someone else's head.
221
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:31,760
Wait, if you're naked, in my head...
No...
222
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:38,760
You speak, I'm naked, you talk...
I'm the camera... Stan...
223
00:10:48,879 --> 00:10:50,879
(LIGHT COUGHING IN AUDIENCE)
224
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:55,120
(HIGH PITCHED)
This is such an incredible honour...
225
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,680
(NORMAL VOICE)
This is such an incredible honour...
226
00:10:57,679 --> 00:10:59,799
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)
...to be here.
227
00:10:59,799 --> 00:11:02,679
I mean yeah, I get recognised on the
bus sometimes
228
00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:08,039
and I'm like, guys, but I don't see
myself as a success
229
00:11:08,039 --> 00:11:13,119
because of these things, but to be
invited back to your old school
230
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:18,640
it really feels like one of those,
'you've made it girl' moments.
231
00:11:18,639 --> 00:11:23,999
Just to be clear, your producer
called us and asked could you come
back.
232
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,680
Said you'd be dynamic.
233
00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:27,199
Said you'd be wise.
234
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,840
There's some lovely words there,
thank you.
235
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:35,080
Yes, so as you all know, my YouTube
channel is about Finding Joy,
236
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:38,200
an enjoyable pun for all you English
heads out there.
237
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:42,520
And I get it guys, being a teenager
is one of life's biggest challenges.
238
00:11:42,519 --> 00:11:46,679
I'm with yis all, I'm on team
'you guys'.
239
00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:52,279
Just last year I also faced a massive
upheaval and I overcame it
240
00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:54,879
to set up my own business as an
online entrepreneur
241
00:11:54,879 --> 00:11:58,199
and thankfully a l-l-lot of
subscribers.
242
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:02,200
Clara's channel has 1 million
subscribers.
243
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:07,960
Hey guys, hit me up for some top
tips on fashion, cooking, makeup and
interiors.
244
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,960
Interiors?
Interiors.
245
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:15,600
Well that's a lot of people but you
know I find that it's more about
246
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,960
qu-quantity, quality, oh quant...
hang on sorry,
247
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:20,520
quantity is what you have
248
00:12:20,519 --> 00:12:24,039
but I think it's about quality so
basically what I'm saying is,
249
00:12:24,039 --> 00:12:26,479
just keep trying guys, keep trying.
250
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,760
Except for you Clara, cos you could
nearly take your foot off the gas
there,
251
00:12:28,759 --> 00:12:30,039
you're doing so much.
252
00:12:30,039 --> 00:12:33,199
How do you even have time to study?
I mean... Nerd!
253
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:34,200
(LAUGHTER)
254
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,200
Sorry, old habits.
255
00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:42,879
Or you know, a joke.
256
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,840
Yeah, let's call it a joke.
257
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:47,840
Continue.
258
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,200
Just some fun banter there between me
and Ms. Glynn.
259
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,560
Like the good old days, eh?
260
00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:56,199
I have missed that Ms. Glynn.
261
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,520
Have you though?
(STUDENTS GIGGLE)
262
00:12:58,799 --> 00:13:02,039
I really doubt that.
(STUDENTS LAUGH LOUDER)
263
00:13:02,039 --> 00:13:04,599
(JOY FAKE LAUGHS)
Yes I have.
264
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,400
I have yeah, you've got a real crowd
going here.
265
00:13:06,399 --> 00:13:09,399
Real mob, fair play to ye.
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)
266
00:13:09,399 --> 00:13:12,719
Em, I know that being a teenager is
a strange time.
267
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:17,480
People wrestling with their emotions,
their physical urges.
268
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:24,520
But I think it's really important not
to let these define you.
269
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:30,880
We have to reclaim our vaginas from
the patriarchy.
270
00:13:34,879 --> 00:13:36,479
Are you volcel?
Yeah, no, loads of people are
volcel.
271
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:39,960
Yeah everyone is volcel.
It's the new thing.
272
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,280
Well yeah, I am exactly.
273
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:45,359
So what would be really cool at this
point is
274
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,120
if you could describe volcel for me
in your own words
275
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,240
for my subscriber base.
276
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,120
Voluntary celibacy.
277
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:56,040
People who don't have sex for
a year. (STUDENTS LAUGH)
278
00:13:56,039 --> 00:13:58,039
Excellent.
(LAUGHS FEEBLY)
279
00:13:58,399 --> 00:14:00,399
(STUDENTS LAUGH)
280
00:14:00,399 --> 00:14:05,439
So yeah, I mean basically, it is
a challenge, it's going to...
281
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:10,240
...it is a challenge but I think that
challenges are good for your brain.
282
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:12,680
What will you do with all that
energy, Miss?
283
00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:15,559
Well I think it's really important to
keep that energy for yourself,
284
00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:19,079
you know just express it as self
care. Self love even.
285
00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:22,760
Are you talking about wanking, Miss?
(STUDENTS LAUGH)
286
00:14:22,759 --> 00:14:25,439
Well I guess that's one way
expressing self care.
287
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:28,480
We're not actually allowed to talk
about that without a consent form.
288
00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:33,240
Well I think we should be teaching it
in classrooms, actually.
289
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,120
Masturbation?
(STUDENTS LAUGH)
290
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,320
< Will you teach us, Miss?
291
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,560
Yeah, help us 'Find Joy'.
(STUDENTS LAUGH)
292
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,000
That went well.
293
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,360
I'd say you're not used to being
outside the principals office,
294
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:48,640
are you Joy?
295
00:14:48,639 --> 00:14:53,639
Oh no, Stan, you see, the thing about
me is, I was really bold.
296
00:14:53,639 --> 00:14:55,239
I was bold to the bone.
297
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,560
Me and Becky Glynn, boldies.
298
00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,840
Psst.
299
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,880
(WHISPERS)
What are you in for?
300
00:15:04,159 --> 00:15:11,559
I got snared cartwheeling in the
corridor doing this cool move for
Becky and the guys.
301
00:15:11,559 --> 00:15:17,599
But I clipped Mr. Murphy in the face
with my shoe. That's so cool.
302
00:15:17,599 --> 00:15:18,799
What are you in for?
303
00:15:18,799 --> 00:15:22,559
I didn't do anything, I just prefer
being in here than out there.
304
00:15:22,559 --> 00:15:24,239
She loves me.
305
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:25,920
And to get out of hockey.
306
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,920
Hockey is so scary.
307
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:31,240
People charging at you with sticks.
308
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:32,800
Getting whacked on your kneecaps.
309
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,799
(TOGETHER)
Freezing cold hands.
310
00:15:34,799 --> 00:15:36,639
(TOGETHER)
Jinx!
311
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,640
(BOTH LAUGH)
312
00:15:39,079 --> 00:15:41,079
I'm Trish.
Joy.
313
00:15:41,079 --> 00:15:44,359
You're both complete nerds.
Shush!
314
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:59,000
C'mere Joy, did you really mean that
stuff about becoming a nun?
315
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,040
Yeah, I've been thinking about it
for ages.
316
00:16:01,039 --> 00:16:03,079
Such a co-incidence that it came
up today.
317
00:16:03,079 --> 00:16:05,079
I'm so blessed.
318
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:07,839
Oh hey guys.
319
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,280
Adults are such knobs, guys.
320
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,680
Grownups are dicks.
321
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,720
I know, yeah(!)
322
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:22,560
This was so me, back in the day, at
the bike sheds.
323
00:16:22,559 --> 00:16:26,719
It's OK if I scab a bit off you?
324
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,640
Ugh, school.
325
00:16:36,279 --> 00:16:38,279
(INHALES TOO DEEPLY)
326
00:16:42,039 --> 00:16:44,039
(COUGHS)
327
00:16:46,079 --> 00:16:48,079
(MAKES VERY STRANGE NOISES)
328
00:16:49,799 --> 00:16:51,799
(COUGHS)
329
00:16:51,799 --> 00:16:53,799
(LAUGHS FEEBLY)
330
00:16:53,799 --> 00:16:56,239
(HOARSELY)
Is it pommegranate or peach?
331
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,240
It's actually weed.
332
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,400
Pure THC.
333
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:01,560
Very strong.
334
00:17:01,559 --> 00:17:02,719
Yes!
335
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,840
I was just thinking that I would like
that and now it's inside me.
336
00:17:05,839 --> 00:17:07,679
Which is chill.
337
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,680
(WHISPERS)
Drugs!
338
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,720
Oh my God, sketch, sketch!
339
00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:20,359
(GIDDY LAUGHING)
340
00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:24,759
Oh my gosh that was so cailin dana!
(LAUGHS)
341
00:17:24,759 --> 00:17:28,039
Stan, have you got any fizzy jellies?
I need fizzers.
342
00:17:28,039 --> 00:17:32,799
Hey! Yeah maybe I did feel like
I had to try harder to fit in but
343
00:17:32,799 --> 00:17:35,079
not anymore nun features!
344
00:17:35,079 --> 00:17:37,079
Cos I've been reborn.
345
00:17:38,279 --> 00:17:40,599
Do you see a nun?
346
00:17:40,599 --> 00:17:42,039
No?
347
00:17:42,039 --> 00:17:45,759
(SCREAMS)
Skkkeeetttccchhh!
348
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,480
Hiya burger guy!
< Hi.
349
00:17:57,519 --> 00:18:03,519
So burgers with cheese and bacon and
thick cut fries and waffle fries
350
00:18:03,519 --> 00:18:05,239
and crunchy fries.
351
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:09,360
Super size of all the drinks and
cheese on everything.
352
00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:13,519
Nuggies, nuggies, I'll have 6
nuggies. OK. 12 nuggies.
353
00:18:13,799 --> 00:18:17,919
Eh 24, 36 nuggets I guess. OK.
354
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:23,640
We'll literally see you in a second.
Yes you will! OK! OK. Thanks.
355
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,640
(LAUGHS)
356
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:31,880
Is it just you two? I thought there
was a rugby team coming through.
357
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,480
Is it just you two? I thought there
was a rugby team coming through.
358
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,360
Why would you think that I have
something to do with rugby?
359
00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:40,959
Oh my God, look how high you are!
360
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:43,720
(LAUGHS)
Your eyes are like saucers!
361
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,040
You're like a cartoon stoner.
362
00:18:46,039 --> 00:18:49,639
That doesn't even mean anything.
Nothing to you, grandma!
363
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:53,520
I'm actually not older than you!
You're fucking ancient!
364
00:18:53,519 --> 00:18:56,119
I'm in a car, it ages me.
365
00:18:56,119 --> 00:19:00,039
You think the lighting in here is
soft? Why are we fighting?
366
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:02,799
Would you like curry sauce?
Obviously!
367
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,680
(Fuck!)
368
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,119
Thank you.
369
00:19:20,799 --> 00:19:22,799
Sorry!
370
00:19:22,799 --> 00:19:24,799
(SIGHS)
371
00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:30,639
I told her her mother in law was
going to survive. So...
372
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,960
Your flat mate is so...
373
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,160
...fascinating.
374
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,080
Hey, was that your friend Stan out
there? Yes, it was.
375
00:19:51,079 --> 00:19:54,759
Oh my God, you should totally
tap that.
376
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:57,759
Yum.
377
00:19:57,759 --> 00:20:02,879
I am his boss and I don't want to be
like Don Draper. Why not?
378
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:06,560
Also, I think he likes you.
Ah yeah(!)
379
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:11,560
Also, I'm volcel.
Voluntarily...
380
00:20:11,759 --> 00:20:13,759
Celibate.
381
00:20:13,759 --> 00:20:15,679
What will you do with all that
energy?
382
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:16,560
Why do people keep saying that?
383
00:20:16,559 --> 00:20:18,559
(DOOR BELL RINGS)
Ah!
384
00:20:18,559 --> 00:20:20,519
Oh my God!
385
00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:22,439
I think he's called back for you!
386
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,400
This is so romantic!
I don't...
387
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,400
(GIGGLES)
388
00:20:27,599 --> 00:20:29,599
Are you ready?
OK.
389
00:20:30,759 --> 00:20:32,759
Ah!
(DISAPPOINTED) Oh.
390
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:41,599
Are there anymore babies in here?
No.
391
00:20:41,599 --> 00:20:44,239
Is there loads and loads of wine?
Yeah.
392
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:45,720
Then get out of my way.
393
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,720
Oh!
394
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,200
I met you earlier, a past you.
395
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,200
Past me is dead.
396
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:57,120
Here, let me take your...
Take my baby Joy.
397
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,160
What are we watching?
398
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:04,560
Oh, Game of Thrones, it's pretty
violent and has a lot of shagging.
399
00:21:04,559 --> 00:21:08,759
Um, Trish, yeah it is, it's over 18s
so in front of the baby...
400
00:21:08,759 --> 00:21:10,919
I'm actually looking for ideas on
how to kill my husband
401
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:12,040
so it's kind of perfect.
402
00:21:12,039 --> 00:21:14,039
Turn it up.
OK.
403
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:21,240
I'm just hoping that they have sex
symbols with leaky boobs
404
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:25,200
and stitched vaginas because we are
under represented on the screen.
405
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:26,480
Sorry, am I being too loud?
406
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:27,520
Hmm? No.
407
00:21:27,519 --> 00:21:29,679
Where's that wine that I've heard so
much about?
408
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:35,200
Oh Trish, should you be drinking wine
with your sexy leaky boobs?
409
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,200
I'm bottle feeding now.
Yeah? Absolutely.
410
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,760
And this is the only thing I've
watched this week
411
00:21:40,759 --> 00:21:44,799
apart from 5 little ducks and I am
sorry but that story is crap.
412
00:21:44,799 --> 00:21:48,479
Every duck going over the hill,
so repetitive.
413
00:21:48,519 --> 00:21:51,279
And the mother duck never learns.
414
00:21:51,279 --> 00:21:54,319
Every duck!
Like, come on!
415
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,640
Yeah.
416
00:22:03,519 --> 00:22:05,519
I feel amazing now.
417
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:10,320
I've been through a sort of
a rebirthing process myself.
418
00:22:10,319 --> 00:22:14,119
I think what Joy is trying to say
is, why don't you go upstairs
419
00:22:14,119 --> 00:22:17,359
and have a nice long bath.
Yeah.
420
00:22:19,039 --> 00:22:22,719
Go and run a bath Joy.
Oh, absolutely.
421
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:26,280
Make sure it's the fancy bubbles!
< Yeah! OK.
422
00:22:26,279 --> 00:22:27,439
(BABY CRIES)
423
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:30,960
And I will exercise everything I've
learned from watching
424
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:36,400
Hollywood Nanny on E and I will get
you to sleep. OK? OK.
425
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:40,600
Who runs the bath? Girls?
Who runs the bath? Girls!
426
00:22:40,599 --> 00:22:42,599
Also dogs, ladies please.
427
00:22:42,599 --> 00:22:47,519
The only wrinkles I wish I had more
of, bath wrinkles.
428
00:22:47,519 --> 00:22:49,159
Oh let me read your palm.
429
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:52,120
Oh my God you're going to have 7
more kids you mentalist.
430
00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:53,879
Oh. Jokes!
431
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:55,640
I'm way better at cards, let me do
your cards.
432
00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:58,520
Oh not a chance, I've had a bath and
a litre of wine and I don't need
433
00:22:58,519 --> 00:23:01,279
anyone telling me that a bus is
going to drive into my face.
434
00:23:01,279 --> 00:23:04,079
Go on then, I'll do it.
Ah, yes!
435
00:23:04,079 --> 00:23:05,839
Oh my God Joy, you're going to go on
a journey!
436
00:23:05,839 --> 00:23:07,519
So generic!
437
00:23:07,519 --> 00:23:09,399
You're going to meet a person from
a far away land.
438
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,280
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Mmm.
439
00:23:11,279 --> 00:23:13,799
Ooh, someone's going to have
a threesome.
440
00:23:13,799 --> 00:23:16,719
Well I'm volcel so
(IN FRENCH) impossible!
441
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,720
(EERIE MUSIC)
442
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:22,160
Oh go on, I know this one.
Death card.
443
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,400
Everyone always freaks out about it
but it's really good isn't it?
444
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,640
No, you're thinking about the
reaper card.
445
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:30,800
No, this is the death card.
This is bad.
446
00:23:30,799 --> 00:23:32,679
Someone close to you is going
to die.
447
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:34,680
(EERIE MUSIC CONTINUES)
448
00:23:37,759 --> 00:23:39,759
(LAUGHS)
449
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:43,560
Come on Christie, I believe in
actual science.
450
00:23:43,559 --> 00:23:46,999
Things like the Bermuda Triangle
and stuff.
451
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,000
(EERIE MUSIC)
452
00:23:49,799 --> 00:23:52,119
(BABY CRIES)
I'll get it!
453
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,200
THEME TUNE
454
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,440
Subtitles:
RTE 2020
34703
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof