Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:10,389
You want me
to make you breakfast?
2
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,491
With what?
There's nothing
in the fridge.
3
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:17,296
I'll go to the store
when you get paid.
4
00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:19,865
We can crash dinner
at my mom's tonight.
5
00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:23,435
I'd rather starve.
6
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:34,980
If I had a million dollars,
I'd stay in bed with you
all day.
7
00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:48,594
I'm gonna be late
for work, wife.
8
00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:50,762
You know I'm quick,
husband.
9
00:04:03,509 --> 00:04:05,310
Hey, Pete.
10
00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:13,552
Whoops.
11
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,621
Oh, oh, oh.
12
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:30,435
Hey, fellas.
Good morning.
13
00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:40,812
Good morning.
I have a great new offer
for you today.
14
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,448
Uh-huh.
15
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,385
- Good morning.
Hi, Donna.
- Hi, John.
16
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:51,456
Okay, let's do this.
Let's sell some...
Television warranties.
17
00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:53,992
No, um,
18
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:57,763
I have not had experience
supervising others.
19
00:04:57,765 --> 00:05:01,366
But I am a confident leader,
20
00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:04,536
And I respond very well
to stress and deadlines.
21
00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:11,009
No, um, I have not
had, uh, experience
supervising others.
22
00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:14,746
But I am a confident leader,
23
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:21,420
And I respond well...
very well...
to stress and deadlines.
24
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:23,522
Hi, good morning,
Mr. Sandveg.
Hope I didn't wake you.
25
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:24,890
Hi, auntie.
Are you there?
26
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,958
Uh, no, my name
is John Macy.
27
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,428
Um, sir,
would you be interested
by any chance,
28
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:33,765
what happened is,
we've suddenly started
to hit real well.
29
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:36,001
What's that?
But our pitching
is just terrible.
30
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:40,005
Hello? Hello? Mr. Sandveg?
31
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,506
Hey, what went wrong
on that sale there, John?
32
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:47,346
Um, this sale.
Dementia.
33
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,681
Okay. Think about
what we talked about.
34
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,718
Productivity,
performance, punctuality,
35
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:56,021
The three main pivot points
to you recapturing
your optimal performance level.
36
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,789
Why is this a problem?
37
00:05:57,791 --> 00:06:01,526
Oh, I just think it's honestly
a pretty bad economy right now.
38
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:04,096
Don't tell me economy.
Everyone's blaming the economy.
39
00:06:04,098 --> 00:06:06,465
You gonna blame somebody?
Blame...
40
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,467
The damn republicans?
41
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:11,970
What? Don't sass me.
And don't sass my party.
42
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:14,973
I...
make some calls.
Focus up.
43
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:17,709
Get rid of those
dumb-ass toys.
44
00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:26,551
First I'm here
45
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,920
then I'm there
46
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:32,557
and I know it's a drag
47
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:37,896
and I know it's a drag
but I'm here
48
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,832
I've spent the last
three years finishing
my undergraduate degree.
49
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:43,135
It's been tight,
but worth it...
50
00:06:43,137 --> 00:06:47,739
So I could sit here today,
fully qualified
for my dream job.
51
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:51,576
I'm ahead of the pack
for once.
52
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,412
We have a lot of applicants,
53
00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:56,848
All of whom have
master's degrees...
54
00:06:56,850 --> 00:07:00,085
Or ten years' experience.
55
00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:03,655
Okay.
56
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:07,092
Flower power, minishirts
57
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,461
in the big city
58
00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:20,739
What do you want?
Came by for the rent check.
59
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:23,608
It's not due
for another three days,
arnie.
60
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,843
Well, then
I saved you a stamp.
61
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,178
Ow.
62
00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:46,598
Here. You can't
cash that until Friday.
63
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:51,536
Weren't you, uh,
voted most likely to succeed
in high school, Alice?
64
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:53,138
Yeah. Why?
65
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,942
- Just wondering what happened.
- Oh.
66
00:07:56,944 --> 00:08:01,513
Oopsies.
Oh, yeah, that guy.
67
00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:03,615
Mmm.
You know,
he's getting promoted.
68
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,851
And I'm considering
several job offers
right now.
69
00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:07,719
Oh, that's good.
That's nice.
Yeah.
70
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,221
Arnie.
Yard's a little shaggy.
71
00:08:09,223 --> 00:08:11,623
Oh.
Bang!
72
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:14,192
Ah! Ah! Ah!
73
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:24,703
Hello, darling wife.
Hello, husband.
74
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:31,576
So, this is the part
where you tell me you got
a promotion at work...
75
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:32,978
And a huge bonus.
76
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:41,152
You tell me to go get sexy
because you're taking me out.
77
00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:46,992
I, uh, found
a hoagie time coupon
in the men's room.
78
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:50,262
It's a bogo.
79
00:08:50,264 --> 00:08:53,131
Ooh.
80
00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:56,001
Love when you spoil me.
81
00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:58,803
Get inside.
82
00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:00,872
It's hoagie time.
83
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:07,646
Yes! You die.
84
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:10,849
I think I should just
become a navy seal
or something.
85
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:12,817
'Cause I'm a tactical genius.
86
00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:15,887
Why is it that real blood
makes you pass out,
but this is entertainment?
87
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:19,591
Because I'm killing
drug dealers and pimps.
It's God's work.
88
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:22,861
Hey, which credit card has
no interest until next year?
89
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:25,196
Um, citibank in July.
90
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:30,235
Oh! I died, baby.
91
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,104
So, when Arnie
cashes our check,
92
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,173
We will be left with...
93
00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:42,180
why do you care so much
about what Payton and Ricky
think?
94
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,616
Because
they're our friends, John, and
we went to high school together.
95
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,718
These people tortured me
in high school.
96
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:51,022
Hi, um,
Alice and John Macy.
I see you're on the list. Yeah.
97
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:53,992
Yeah, come on in.
Thank you.
98
00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:59,130
Oh, my God.
99
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:05,170
Honey, was there anything
about a dress code
in the invitation?
100
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:07,939
I wanna die right now.
Yeah.
101
00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:17,015
Seven years ago,
she was copying my trig
and banging all the jocks.
102
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:20,151
Her father gave her a bullshit
six-figure desk job...
103
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:23,722
While holding a solid
"c" average in communications
after seven years of college.
104
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:26,791
Her degree is as authentic
as her bouncy new tits.
105
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:32,330
Shall we go see some of
our good friends now?
106
00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:40,038
Two whiskeys, neat.
Sure.
107
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,707
Hey, Ricky,
what do you say?
108
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,010
Hey... Guy.
109
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:48,179
High five.
110
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,115
It's getting hot outside,
right?
111
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,817
- Real hot around here.
- Here you go.
112
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,786
Walked outside yesterday
my whole...
113
00:10:56,288 --> 00:10:59,057
My whole dick was out
just swingin' around.
114
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:00,392
Louise!
115
00:11:00,394 --> 00:11:03,928
Hi.
I'm so glad
that you're here.
116
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,930
Yes.
Hey.
How are you?
117
00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:07,732
Good. How are you?
You'll have to
excuse me.
118
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:10,301
I'm gonna go to the bar
and drink enough
to kill a horse.
119
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,070
You want anything?
Yes, two beers please.
120
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:14,072
Got it.
Immediately.
121
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:18,777
Hi. So, I guess I didn't
get the memo to wear
something short and shiny.
122
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,445
Hey!
What's up, man?
123
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:23,948
I'm so happy you're here.
I'm so glad you're here.
124
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:26,117
Thought I was gonna have to
spend the whole night
hiding in the bathroom.
125
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,820
Yeah. Yeah,
I tried that one out.
At the vegan barbecue.
126
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,822
Oh, that was you?
That was me.
127
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:34,426
Dude, I spent 45 minutes
shittin' kale into a hat
in the backyard.
128
00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:37,796
My mom got sick again.
So, it's like...
it's okay.
129
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:40,865
It's just that
we had to pay for
all the hospital bills,
130
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,934
And I didn't get
the scholarship.
131
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,436
So it's like...
it's a lot.
132
00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:48,073
I'm really depressed now.
Tell me about it.
133
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:50,975
But good people
win out in the end.
134
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:53,712
Let's go do shots.
Yes, please.
135
00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:56,748
It's a nice theme
they've got going on.
Yeah. Nice theme. Pink.
136
00:11:56,750 --> 00:12:00,051
Looks like
a fuckin' asshole in here.
137
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:09,227
Breakin' rocks
in the hot sun
138
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:12,997
I fought the law
and the law won
139
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:16,201
she's the best girl
that I ever had
140
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:19,137
I fought the law
and the law won
141
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:22,340
I fought the law
and the law won
142
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:25,310
I fought the law
and the law won
143
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:28,847
I fought the law
and the...
144
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:41,226
Why did we drink so much?
145
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,228
Because it was free.
146
00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:48,933
We need to go shopping
if we want to eat today.
147
00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:57,075
How did your,
um, interview
go the other day?
148
00:12:58,344 --> 00:13:00,512
If anything,
I was over-qualified.
149
00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:05,884
Well, maybe you should just,
you know...
150
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:08,419
Set your sights
a little lower.
151
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:12,423
I have a $40,000 degree
in art history.
152
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,826
I really don't want to
work at the mall.
153
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:18,897
Baby, I'm not worried.
You're gonna have
an amazing job one day.
154
00:13:20,065 --> 00:13:22,333
I know.
Things will get better.
Mmm.
155
00:13:31,076 --> 00:13:34,179
Oh!
Son of a bitch.
Are you okay?
156
00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:35,446
Yeah.
You're sure?
157
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:39,884
Yeah, I think so.
Look at me.
You're okay.
158
00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:43,421
Yeah, looks like someone
sawed this thing clear off.
159
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,590
Honestly,
we could've been killed
very easily.
160
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:48,459
That was intentional.
Yeah.
161
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:51,896
That's been happening a lot
in this neighborhood lately.
162
00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:55,466
People comin' around
sawin' off stop signs.
163
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:59,037
- I can't pay for that.
- We can't be held accountable for any of this.
164
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,172
Neither of you are gonna be
paying anything today.
165
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,341
I been here 30 years...
I feel like shopping.
166
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,613
Alice! Hey!
Jesus Christ.
167
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,114
Slow down!
You're speedin' here!
168
00:14:49,321 --> 00:14:52,423
Hello.
Can I help you?
169
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:56,261
No, thank you.
I'm just browsing
right now.
170
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:59,097
Hey, Alice?
I'm back here.
171
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:04,302
I, uh,
I don't think the axle's bent
or anything so...
172
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:07,305
You wanna get out of here
and get some food?
173
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:09,474
Well, the antiques roadshow
is coming this weekend.
174
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:13,177
Why don't we look around?
See if we can find something,
get on tv.
175
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:14,979
You wanna look
around here?
Yeah.
176
00:15:16,548 --> 00:15:18,917
Um, excuse me.
177
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:23,388
Hi. Do you have
any, like, old-fashioned
records or comic books or...
178
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:26,190
Nothing for you.
179
00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:28,993
Nooses?
Shotguns?
Poison?
180
00:15:28,995 --> 00:15:31,996
Okay.
I'm gonna go just...
In the car.
181
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:36,634
This is me, before the war.
182
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,236
You were beautiful.
183
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:44,242
That's the telephone.
184
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,585
Shit.
185
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:03,321
I got the car to work, baby.
Okay, great. Go! Go! Go! Go!
186
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:04,689
Go! Go! Go, now.
187
00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:11,462
Why'd you run out of there
like baby face nelson?
What happened?
188
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,634
Stealing?
Are you kidding me?
189
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:19,070
We're, like,
two steps above white trash
as it already is.
190
00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:22,140
This is so pretty.
Look at it.
191
00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:48,433
- Ow!
- Alice!
192
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,301
What are you doing?
193
00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:53,337
I was fighting in my dream.
194
00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:57,208
Okay.
No more kung fu movies
before bed.
195
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:06,084
I love cats.
They get me much more
than people do.
196
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:09,587
Which reminds me.
Did you know Mr. Tutor
is having an affair?
197
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:12,590
- Mr. Tutor?
- Yeah. He's into some
very kinky, kinky stuff.
198
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,658
Do you wanna see?
Come on.
199
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:16,661
Seriously.
200
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:19,797
Oh, my God.
Where... oh, my...
201
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:22,800
- Hi, Mrs. Tutor. Hi.
- Hi.
202
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:25,536
Nice to see you.
You havin' lunch
with the boss today?
203
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:27,572
Every Friday.
204
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:30,408
You know,
it's little things like that
that keep a marriage special.
205
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:34,512
Have a good day.
You too.
206
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:37,815
I'm calling about
the, uh, position
that you had listed.
207
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:40,118
No, I don't have
my master's,
208
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,487
But I have my bachelor's degree.
209
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:47,158
And I actually graduated
in the top third of my class.
210
00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:52,463
Okay. Um, is there
any other position?
211
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,699
Something entry-level,
maybe?
212
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:55,900
Ow!
213
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:39,177
Ow!
214
00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:47,618
Holy mother of God.
215
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:55,359
Seven hundred dollars.
216
00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:05,836
Oh, shit!
217
00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:07,705
Ow. Ow.
218
00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:29,594
John, I've come
to the realization that...
219
00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:33,264
You may not be
a great salesman.
Okay.
220
00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:36,634
You don't smile
when you speak to clients
on the phone.
221
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:41,539
Right. And-and you think
my clients notice
when I don't smile...
222
00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:42,940
Over the phone?
223
00:20:47,379 --> 00:20:49,680
It's for my wife.
She has great taste.
224
00:20:50,649 --> 00:20:51,716
What?
225
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:56,921
Good for her.
Okay. Listen up.
226
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,823
We're letting people
go, John.
227
00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:00,625
And, uh,
you're the first.
228
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:04,395
- Hold on.
- Me? The first?
229
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:06,864
I've been here longer than
half the people out there.
230
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:08,599
I'm one of two people
with a degree.
231
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,968
And Donna's is from
an animal husbandry school.
232
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:13,437
We're not basing this
on seniority,
number one.
233
00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:15,406
Number two,
don't belittle Donna...
234
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,375
For her passion
for animal insemination,
235
00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:20,344
What it's done for
this community and what
she's done for this company.
236
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:26,050
We're letting you go.
Do you have anything
else to add?
237
00:21:33,659 --> 00:21:36,994
No.
238
00:21:56,548 --> 00:21:58,316
Alice!
239
00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:02,353
Jesus.
What the...
240
00:22:04,756 --> 00:22:05,823
Alice!
241
00:22:08,927 --> 00:22:09,994
Alice.
242
00:22:09,996 --> 00:22:14,332
Hey, baby.
Baby, can you hear me?
243
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:15,833
Alice.
Johnny boy.
244
00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:18,569
What happened to you?
245
00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:21,639
- There's someone in the house.
- What? What do we do?
246
00:22:25,578 --> 00:22:27,011
You're my hero.
247
00:22:29,114 --> 00:22:31,949
You're kidding?
248
00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:35,519
Baby, just tell me
what the hell happened?
249
00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:38,689
- I fell down the stairs.
- We don't have stairs.
250
00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:41,859
Ow.
There we go.
251
00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:45,863
I think...
baby, I think we need to
take you to the hospital.
252
00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:48,499
I'm fine.
253
00:22:48,501 --> 00:22:51,035
Not everybody has to
go to the emergency room
for a mosquito bite.
254
00:22:52,437 --> 00:22:54,004
It was one time.
255
00:22:54,006 --> 00:22:55,773
Thing looked like
a hummingbird.
256
00:22:58,411 --> 00:22:59,744
Are you drowsy
or nauseous?
257
00:22:59,746 --> 00:23:03,681
I feel very awake.
More than I have in years.
258
00:23:05,751 --> 00:23:07,451
I think you're concussed.
Look.
259
00:23:08,587 --> 00:23:10,521
Watch me.
260
00:23:24,736 --> 00:23:27,004
See?
I'm fine.
261
00:23:37,516 --> 00:23:39,750
Why aren't you at work,
baby?
262
00:23:44,956 --> 00:23:47,158
They fired me.
263
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,794
How can they do that?
I'll find another job.
264
00:23:49,796 --> 00:23:52,830
- How hard can that be?
- Seriously?
265
00:23:55,133 --> 00:23:57,668
It doesn't matter.
266
00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:06,510
What?
267
00:24:10,483 --> 00:24:11,015
You feel funny?
268
00:24:13,985 --> 00:24:16,220
Like I might be
having a panic attack.
269
00:24:16,222 --> 00:24:18,122
I'm so sorry
for this, John.
270
00:24:19,591 --> 00:24:21,792
What the...
271
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:24,528
What the hell?
Look! Look.
272
00:24:24,530 --> 00:24:26,497
Look. It's better
than any paycheck.
273
00:24:28,834 --> 00:24:30,201
You're giving me money
so you can hit me?
274
00:24:30,203 --> 00:24:32,036
No, I'm not.
The teapot is.
275
00:24:32,038 --> 00:24:35,239
It gives money
when you hurt yourself.
276
00:24:35,241 --> 00:24:38,142
- What?
- How else can you explain it?
277
00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:41,846
Alice. Alice!
278
00:24:41,848 --> 00:24:45,649
You put the money
in the teapot
before you hit me.
279
00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:48,185
No. No, I didn't.
280
00:24:48,187 --> 00:24:49,753
It's empty.
281
00:24:49,755 --> 00:24:51,555
Empty.
282
00:24:51,557 --> 00:24:52,990
What are you doing?
283
00:24:56,528 --> 00:24:58,729
Abracadabra.
284
00:24:58,731 --> 00:25:02,266
Ow.
I guess that really does hurt.
285
00:25:02,268 --> 00:25:05,135
- Where did that come from?
- Seriously, John?
286
00:25:06,605 --> 00:25:08,205
Okay.
287
00:25:08,207 --> 00:25:10,941
Ow! Ow.
288
00:25:10,943 --> 00:25:12,543
Jesus, Alice.
What the...
289
00:25:13,545 --> 00:25:15,679
Ouch.
290
00:25:18,049 --> 00:25:20,885
Ouch.
291
00:25:22,020 --> 00:25:24,255
Stop doing that.
292
00:25:24,257 --> 00:25:26,724
This is the first time
I've been the breadwinner.
It feels good.
293
00:25:26,726 --> 00:25:31,262
It's not a paycheck!
Alice, this is not a job.
Good.
294
00:25:31,264 --> 00:25:35,599
Most people kill themselves
for decades and get nowhere.
295
00:25:35,601 --> 00:25:38,969
It's a gift from the Gods,
John.
296
00:25:38,971 --> 00:25:43,307
It could end badly.
Very badly.
297
00:25:43,309 --> 00:25:46,844
We can dig ourselves
out of this hole.
298
00:25:46,846 --> 00:25:50,281
Get out of this place.
Get our own house.
299
00:25:50,283 --> 00:25:53,083
Make a million bucks
and never work again.
300
00:25:57,690 --> 00:25:59,890
It came to us for a reason.
301
00:26:17,576 --> 00:26:19,343
John?
302
00:26:21,279 --> 00:26:23,113
John?
303
00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:44,668
No.
No, John!
No!
304
00:27:11,062 --> 00:27:12,630
Are you a gift from the Gods?
305
00:27:36,187 --> 00:27:38,055
Whoo.
306
00:27:39,357 --> 00:27:43,127
So, John,
how did you come upon
this teapot?
307
00:27:43,129 --> 00:27:45,963
I just found it
at a garage sale.
308
00:27:45,965 --> 00:27:49,266
Just sitting there
next to a blender
and an old treadmill.
309
00:27:49,268 --> 00:27:51,035
That's very fortunate.
310
00:27:51,037 --> 00:27:53,804
'Cause I must tell you,
when I saw this vessel
come in,
311
00:27:53,806 --> 00:27:55,205
My heart skipped a beat.
312
00:27:55,207 --> 00:27:57,441
I don't say this often,
on the show,
313
00:27:57,443 --> 00:28:00,310
But I have never seen anything
quite like this before.
314
00:28:00,312 --> 00:28:04,348
Tremendous quality. The alchemy
of the metal is spectacular.
315
00:28:04,350 --> 00:28:07,284
Mostly brass,
but some other metal,
possibly silver.
316
00:28:07,286 --> 00:28:12,022
And notice here
the detail and the artistry
in this 24 karat gold filigree.
317
00:28:12,024 --> 00:28:16,093
It's impeccable. Truly,
truly an amazing find
you have here.
318
00:28:16,095 --> 00:28:18,162
Wow. Where do you think
it came from?
319
00:28:18,164 --> 00:28:20,798
I would guess
the middle east...
320
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:24,835
Or quite possibly
ancient china.
321
00:28:24,837 --> 00:28:28,072
I've seen similar vessels
like this...
322
00:28:28,074 --> 00:28:31,308
With the same structure
of sorts from some of
the earlier dynasties.
323
00:28:31,310 --> 00:28:34,912
But nothing this unique
or well-preserved.
324
00:28:34,914 --> 00:28:39,016
This is truly
as if it hasn't aged
for several, several centuries.
325
00:28:39,018 --> 00:28:43,120
Do you know anything
at all else
about this teapot?
326
00:28:43,122 --> 00:28:45,255
Um, no, I don't, really.
327
00:28:45,257 --> 00:28:48,826
Except for the fact that...
328
00:28:48,828 --> 00:28:51,962
It's traveled across the world,
through the hands of
many important people...
329
00:28:52,931 --> 00:28:54,431
All of whom are now dead.
330
00:28:57,335 --> 00:28:59,336
Okay.
331
00:28:59,338 --> 00:29:03,307
I'm going to estimate
the value of your teapot
at $5,000.
332
00:29:03,309 --> 00:29:06,343
Well done.
Well done.
Thank you.
333
00:29:15,019 --> 00:29:18,789
We have to promise to stop
before it gets out of control.
334
00:29:18,791 --> 00:29:20,390
We make our million
and we stop.
335
00:29:27,398 --> 00:29:29,099
Ready?
336
00:29:35,807 --> 00:29:38,442
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
Aah!
Ow, ow.
337
00:29:38,444 --> 00:29:43,046
Hello.
How are you today?
Good.
338
00:29:43,048 --> 00:29:47,217
Can I take your bag for you?
No, no, I'd rather
keep it here if that's okay.
339
00:29:47,219 --> 00:29:50,354
I'll take the full brazilian.
I want it all gone, okay?
340
00:29:50,356 --> 00:29:51,455
Okay.
341
00:29:54,393 --> 00:29:57,461
You know what?
Let's do this
the old fashioned way.
342
00:29:57,463 --> 00:30:00,030
Sure.
Great.
343
00:30:05,204 --> 00:30:07,070
Oh, my God.
344
00:30:07,072 --> 00:30:10,541
Ow! Ow! Ow!
345
00:30:10,543 --> 00:30:13,243
Yeah,
that's gonna be great.
346
00:30:21,052 --> 00:30:24,087
Are you sure
you don't want to just
take it to the bank?
347
00:30:24,089 --> 00:30:25,889
How would we explain that
to the irs?
348
00:30:26,991 --> 00:30:30,527
- How much is it?
- $194,173.
349
00:30:30,529 --> 00:30:32,429
Yes.
350
00:30:32,431 --> 00:30:33,931
Wow.
351
00:30:40,071 --> 00:30:44,241
Hey. You want to go
for an even 200?
352
00:30:44,243 --> 00:30:47,377
Tonight?
How?
353
00:30:55,253 --> 00:30:57,354
Spank me.
354
00:30:57,356 --> 00:31:00,057
- You want me to spank you?
- Spank me, John.
355
00:31:00,059 --> 00:31:03,227
Huh.
Okay.
356
00:31:08,534 --> 00:31:11,201
- You want me
to spank you with that?
- Yeah, I do.
357
00:31:11,203 --> 00:31:12,636
I don't want to
hurt you.
358
00:31:15,874 --> 00:31:17,474
- You ready?
- Do it.
359
00:31:19,377 --> 00:31:22,512
How was that?
Harder?
360
00:31:22,514 --> 00:31:26,383
- Yeah.
- This is crazy.
361
00:31:26,385 --> 00:31:28,151
Harder!
362
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:30,020
Harder!
363
00:31:30,022 --> 00:31:32,222
This is crazy.
I'm sorry.
364
00:31:32,224 --> 00:31:33,624
You're pathetic.
I'm sorry. I can't.
365
00:31:36,028 --> 00:31:39,196
Hey, wow. Okay.
366
00:31:40,331 --> 00:31:42,199
Oh! Ow.
367
00:31:42,201 --> 00:31:45,969
Jesus Christ.
Ow. Just hit, like
the cushy part.
368
00:31:45,971 --> 00:31:47,371
Don't get my... ow!
Yeah, yeah
369
00:31:47,373 --> 00:31:50,574
Okay, that's enough.
That's enough.
370
00:31:50,576 --> 00:31:52,576
Oh, it's enough?
371
00:31:52,578 --> 00:31:55,112
I've been so fast this day
hmm.
372
00:31:55,114 --> 00:31:56,480
Hands all over your face
373
00:31:56,482 --> 00:31:57,915
Ow.
374
00:31:57,917 --> 00:32:00,050
I'll never leave behind
375
00:32:00,952 --> 00:32:03,020
Where'd you learn all this?
376
00:32:03,022 --> 00:32:05,289
I had moves
before I met you, John.
377
00:32:05,291 --> 00:32:07,958
I met you in high school.
Yeah?
378
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:09,359
You were a stripper
in eighth grade?
379
00:32:10,929 --> 00:32:12,296
Ow.
380
00:32:12,298 --> 00:32:15,032
Read your mind
to save your life
381
00:32:15,034 --> 00:32:17,134
bye
382
00:32:20,405 --> 00:32:24,107
Happened so fast
383
00:32:24,109 --> 00:32:26,076
hands all over your face
384
00:32:26,078 --> 00:32:28,345
you ready for me?
385
00:32:29,415 --> 00:32:31,181
Oh, my God.
386
00:32:32,083 --> 00:32:33,684
Ow.
387
00:32:33,686 --> 00:32:35,285
Whoa.
388
00:32:35,287 --> 00:32:39,156
Wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no, no, no.
389
00:32:42,126 --> 00:32:46,096
Baby, when we go inside...
390
00:32:47,231 --> 00:32:48,665
Will you be nice
to my mom?
391
00:32:50,201 --> 00:32:53,070
Because she's always
so nice to me.
392
00:32:55,106 --> 00:32:57,207
- Be nice, okay?
- Hey, Trudy.
393
00:32:57,209 --> 00:33:00,177
- You look great.
- Oh, God.
394
00:33:00,179 --> 00:33:02,512
Hi, mom. How are you?
395
00:33:04,615 --> 00:33:07,684
We are just so excited
that you both could join us...
396
00:33:07,686 --> 00:33:11,688
For our mostly vegan feast.
397
00:33:11,690 --> 00:33:13,523
- Mostly.
- Thank you so much, sis.
398
00:33:13,525 --> 00:33:16,560
- Yummy.
- So, John, are you still
with the same company?
399
00:33:16,562 --> 00:33:21,598
Actually, no. I'm not.
We switched to
private investing.
400
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:23,133
Looks like
you're doin' all right.
401
00:33:23,135 --> 00:33:26,703
- And you, Joe?
- Still non-profits.
402
00:33:26,705 --> 00:33:30,640
Right now I'm working
on a huge campaign for
the stock island tree snails.
403
00:33:30,642 --> 00:33:33,276
- Tree snails.
- Yup.
404
00:33:33,278 --> 00:33:37,180
Delicious with butter.
405
00:33:37,182 --> 00:33:39,149
We have a lot of snails
and flower fairies
in our garden.
406
00:33:39,151 --> 00:33:41,084
Yes, we do.
407
00:33:41,086 --> 00:33:42,753
Oh, yeah?
Do you like magic?
408
00:33:42,755 --> 00:33:45,055
- Yeah.
- John.
409
00:33:45,057 --> 00:33:48,158
If no one
is going to ask...
410
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:52,062
How have you gotten so far
on the paycheck of a pesky
goddamn telemarketer?
411
00:33:52,064 --> 00:33:54,331
We actually made it big
on an investment, mom.
412
00:33:54,333 --> 00:33:58,402
- What investment?
- Oatmeal futures.
Sexy shit.
413
00:33:58,404 --> 00:34:00,570
If he's pimping you out,
I want you to come home
with me right now.
414
00:34:02,574 --> 00:34:06,610
Yeah, why aren't you
out on the street
turning tricks?
415
00:34:06,612 --> 00:34:08,412
You little... Slut.
416
00:34:08,414 --> 00:34:10,447
I tell you what.
Let's just have
a pleasant dinner...
417
00:34:10,449 --> 00:34:12,382
Minus the language
please.
418
00:34:12,384 --> 00:34:15,752
I'm a white pimp in the suburbs.
That's how we talk. Legit.
419
00:34:15,754 --> 00:34:18,355
I want answers!
Actually,
420
00:34:18,357 --> 00:34:21,525
We're selling Alice's eggs
to sterile mothers.
421
00:34:21,527 --> 00:34:26,229
It's beneficial
for everybody.
Cage free, farm fresh.
422
00:34:26,231 --> 00:34:28,231
But are they organic?
423
00:34:29,300 --> 00:34:30,834
Eggs.
424
00:34:31,569 --> 00:34:34,071
So, Alice,
425
00:34:34,073 --> 00:34:38,542
Have you and John
put any thought into
having a b-a-b-y?
426
00:34:38,544 --> 00:34:40,710
Mmm.
427
00:34:40,712 --> 00:34:43,313
Why is that funny?
428
00:34:43,315 --> 00:34:45,082
Because that's what
you're supposed to do next,
right?
429
00:34:45,084 --> 00:34:47,350
Have a baby?
Well, of course.
430
00:34:47,352 --> 00:34:53,323
Why would I want an organism
growing exponentially
inside of my body...
431
00:34:53,325 --> 00:34:57,627
And then ripping its way out
of my tight, sweet, fresh,
432
00:34:57,629 --> 00:35:00,797
Young,
undamaged v-a-g-I-n-a?
433
00:35:00,799 --> 00:35:04,668
Alice, you are the only one
in our family
who hasn't reproduced.
434
00:35:04,670 --> 00:35:07,170
Having a child...
435
00:35:07,172 --> 00:35:11,641
It's like the essence
of your soul is reflected
back at you.
436
00:35:11,643 --> 00:35:16,480
It is like God
holding up a mirror
to your soul...
437
00:35:16,482 --> 00:35:19,516
Saying "shazam"
and enjoy.
438
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,654
Maybe I should've
just gotten knocked up
in senior year like you.
439
00:35:24,656 --> 00:35:28,258
Well, summer after
senior year.
440
00:35:28,260 --> 00:35:31,795
Mmm.
Oh, yeah. That's right.
441
00:35:31,797 --> 00:35:34,164
I'd forgotten.
442
00:35:34,166 --> 00:35:37,634
Have you tried
the 12-bean salad?
Mmm.
443
00:35:37,636 --> 00:35:40,203
- Time to meet the sidewalk!
- Come on.
444
00:35:40,205 --> 00:35:42,706
Come on!
445
00:35:42,708 --> 00:35:46,309
Baby,
we are officially out of debt.
446
00:35:46,311 --> 00:35:51,481
Well, isn't that good news?
Wow, so that means we'll be
at a million before Christmas.
447
00:35:51,483 --> 00:35:53,550
What's the rush?
Oh.
448
00:35:53,552 --> 00:35:56,520
Don't we want a few of
life's necessities?
Mmm.
449
00:35:56,522 --> 00:35:58,755
Some of the things
we've gone without?
Mm-hmm. Such as?
450
00:35:58,757 --> 00:36:01,558
I want lots of new clothes.
451
00:36:02,627 --> 00:36:06,196
Vodka.
I want my own vodka label.
452
00:36:06,198 --> 00:36:07,364
Premium shit.
453
00:36:07,366 --> 00:36:09,866
Okay.
454
00:36:14,339 --> 00:36:16,540
Who the hell is that?
455
00:36:17,709 --> 00:36:19,242
Coming!
456
00:36:21,412 --> 00:36:23,180
Coming!
457
00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:29,252
Shabbat shalom.
458
00:36:29,254 --> 00:36:30,754
I'm sorry, guys.
We're not religious.
459
00:36:32,390 --> 00:36:36,393
Oh, my God! Baby!
Baby, no!
460
00:36:36,395 --> 00:36:39,696
Oh, baby, no.
461
00:36:39,698 --> 00:36:42,699
Oh, baby!
462
00:36:43,634 --> 00:36:46,236
Hey!
463
00:36:48,339 --> 00:36:51,341
- Where is the teapot?
- Teapot?
464
00:36:51,343 --> 00:36:52,876
Ow!
465
00:36:52,878 --> 00:36:55,579
- Ow!
- The one you had
on the television.
466
00:36:55,581 --> 00:36:57,781
It's a precious
family heirloom.
467
00:36:57,783 --> 00:37:03,853
Our grandmother risked her life
to save that teapot
during the holocaust.
468
00:37:03,855 --> 00:37:06,790
- I bought it from the old lady.
She gave me a really good deal.
- Impossible.
469
00:37:14,732 --> 00:37:17,968
It was the last thing
she talked about
before she passed.
470
00:37:17,970 --> 00:37:21,338
She said
her teapot was missing.
471
00:37:21,340 --> 00:37:21,938
She died?
472
00:37:24,575 --> 00:37:25,308
Aah!
473
00:37:26,777 --> 00:37:28,011
Where is it?
474
00:37:28,013 --> 00:37:31,681
We sold it!
We sold the teapot.
475
00:37:31,683 --> 00:37:34,584
So where's the cash?
We want the money!
476
00:37:34,586 --> 00:37:38,688
Stop it!
477
00:37:38,690 --> 00:37:41,958
Please stop.
It's just five grand,
and you can keep the change.
478
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:43,927
Where did all this
come from?
From my bra.
479
00:37:43,929 --> 00:37:46,429
- It's the rainy day fund.
- Is there more?
480
00:37:46,431 --> 00:37:47,964
No, no. Look.
481
00:37:47,966 --> 00:37:49,933
Oh.
482
00:37:55,439 --> 00:37:57,474
One bad deed for another, huh?
483
00:38:03,347 --> 00:38:06,983
Oh, baby.
Are you okay?
I'm so, so, so sorry.
484
00:38:06,985 --> 00:38:10,053
Is anything broken?
Ow.
485
00:38:10,055 --> 00:38:12,956
We have to find out
what the hell this thing is.
Okay.
486
00:38:20,331 --> 00:38:24,901
Ce30, period,
415g, period.
487
00:38:24,903 --> 00:38:27,304
Wait. Wait.
488
00:38:29,073 --> 00:38:33,043
A practical history of
magical objects and potions.
489
00:38:33,045 --> 00:38:35,979
It's the biggest book
I've ever seen
in my entire life.
490
00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:39,949
The legend
of the brass teapot.
491
00:38:39,951 --> 00:38:41,384
Wow.
492
00:38:43,621 --> 00:38:46,489
The legend of the brass teapot
first appeared in folklore...
493
00:38:46,491 --> 00:38:49,526
Around the time
of Christ’s crucifixion.
494
00:38:49,528 --> 00:38:51,828
That's what the scholar
at the roadshow said,
495
00:38:51,830 --> 00:38:53,997
That it was probably
from first or second century.
496
00:38:53,999 --> 00:38:57,400
It also says...
497
00:38:57,402 --> 00:39:01,838
That the teapot possesses
extraordinary
and inexplicable powers.
498
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,007
- Well, that's one way
of putting it.
- Right?
499
00:39:06,811 --> 00:39:10,513
It's like it just goes on
forever and ever and ever.
500
00:39:10,515 --> 00:39:12,882
Oh, my God.
501
00:39:14,618 --> 00:39:15,719
Oh, here, here.
I have one.
502
00:39:15,721 --> 00:39:17,587
Oh, whoopsie.
503
00:39:22,727 --> 00:39:25,628
- Shh.
- Shh!
504
00:39:25,630 --> 00:39:27,097
There's no one else here.
505
00:39:27,099 --> 00:39:29,733
This book just goes
on and on and on.
506
00:39:29,735 --> 00:39:31,968
All these different temples
and religions.
Let me see.
507
00:39:34,138 --> 00:39:38,842
"Bhardwaj warned that those
associated with ownership
of the teapot...
508
00:39:38,844 --> 00:39:41,077
Were in for
unsavory consequences,
509
00:39:43,381 --> 00:39:44,814
including.."
510
00:39:49,086 --> 00:39:52,622
No! Somebody
ripped out the page.
511
00:39:52,624 --> 00:39:56,526
- What?
- Why would somebody
rip out the page?
512
00:39:56,528 --> 00:39:59,529
No! What do you think
"unsavory consequences" mean?
513
00:39:59,531 --> 00:40:03,700
I don't know.
But it's a really old book,
you know?
514
00:40:03,702 --> 00:40:07,103
And we're probably not gonna
learn that much more from it
right now.
515
00:40:07,105 --> 00:40:09,873
I think we should go
have fun. I think we should
go spend our money.
516
00:40:09,875 --> 00:40:11,875
Can you look at my face
for a second?
517
00:40:11,877 --> 00:40:16,646
Two Hasidic jewish men
came and beat the shit
out of me in my own house...
518
00:40:16,648 --> 00:40:18,481
When I was wearing
a silk, pink robe.
519
00:40:20,651 --> 00:40:23,186
Don't gimme that face right now.
520
00:40:23,188 --> 00:40:25,655
You ever have sex
in a library?
521
00:40:25,657 --> 00:40:28,458
- What?
- Go fuck a headphone
522
00:40:45,443 --> 00:40:50,480
We got a time bomb
we got a time bomb
we got a time bomb
523
00:40:50,482 --> 00:40:51,948
na, na, na, na
524
00:40:51,950 --> 00:40:54,951
time bomb tickin'
time bomb tickin'
525
00:40:54,953 --> 00:40:57,053
got a time bomb tickin', go
526
00:40:58,757 --> 00:41:00,757
We're going sideways
highways
527
00:41:00,759 --> 00:41:04,027
riding on an elevator
cold just like an alligator
528
00:41:04,029 --> 00:41:05,562
now my baby's out of date
529
00:41:05,564 --> 00:41:07,564
fighting and lightning
and tightening
530
00:41:07,566 --> 00:41:10,700
above the buckles
on an atom bomb's time bomb
531
00:41:10,702 --> 00:41:11,901
tickin', tick tick tick
532
00:41:24,915 --> 00:41:27,050
Canape?
Oh, no, thank you.
533
00:41:27,052 --> 00:41:28,785
Guys? Canape?
No, I'm allergic.
534
00:41:28,787 --> 00:41:30,987
Hi, neighbor!
Hi.
535
00:41:30,989 --> 00:41:32,755
You look gorgeous.
536
00:41:32,757 --> 00:41:36,159
When you said the place
next to ours,
537
00:41:36,161 --> 00:41:39,028
I thought you meant
up the street,
not this place!
538
00:41:39,030 --> 00:41:42,031
How did this happen?
539
00:41:42,033 --> 00:41:45,969
Uh... um...
540
00:41:45,971 --> 00:41:48,238
Alice, hey. Hey.
541
00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:50,840
Hi. Hi.
You look amazing.
Hey.
542
00:41:50,842 --> 00:41:53,710
Thank you.
You must have gotten
your dream job.
543
00:41:53,712 --> 00:41:56,646
Dreams are for people
who are sleeping,
not doers.
544
00:41:57,781 --> 00:42:00,049
You could still dream,
I guess.
545
00:42:04,189 --> 00:42:05,989
You like the sound of that?
Yeah.
546
00:42:05,991 --> 00:42:08,558
Sounds nice, doesn't it?
Sounds like
they're really here.
547
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,760
This is my, uh,
favorite part
of the house.
548
00:42:10,762 --> 00:42:13,596
Exclusive invite only.
549
00:42:13,598 --> 00:42:15,665
Try this on for size, huh?
Really?
550
00:42:15,667 --> 00:42:17,600
To hard work.
551
00:42:19,905 --> 00:42:23,973
Ew.
Ooh.
It's a work in progress.
552
00:42:23,975 --> 00:42:26,976
Well, I have to go
and show Payton something
upstairs.
553
00:42:26,978 --> 00:42:29,746
- Okay.
- Come on. Let's go.
554
00:42:29,748 --> 00:42:31,881
Okay.
Yeah. See you around.
555
00:42:31,883 --> 00:42:33,283
Hello.
556
00:42:33,285 --> 00:42:35,985
Hi, I'm sorry.
Were we being too loud?
557
00:42:35,987 --> 00:42:37,887
Dr. Li Ling.
558
00:42:39,990 --> 00:42:43,259
What is
the theosophist society?
559
00:42:43,261 --> 00:42:47,130
We have interest
in antiquities.
Specifically teapots.
560
00:42:47,132 --> 00:42:50,300
I have come from china,
John. May I enter?
561
00:42:50,302 --> 00:42:53,570
We can talk right here.
562
00:42:53,572 --> 00:42:54,637
Are you alone?
563
00:42:54,639 --> 00:42:56,039
Yes.
564
00:42:58,075 --> 00:43:02,011
I'm sorry. Can you just
give us one moment just to
talk amongst ourselves?
565
00:43:02,013 --> 00:43:03,580
Thank you.
566
00:43:03,582 --> 00:43:06,916
We should probably
listen to what he has to say.
567
00:43:06,918 --> 00:43:09,652
Interest in teapots?
Seriously?
568
00:43:12,156 --> 00:43:14,958
If he takes it,
the party will end.
569
00:43:19,129 --> 00:43:23,132
Hi. Dr. Ling,
I wish you would have
called us sooner.
570
00:43:23,134 --> 00:43:25,602
We donated the teapot
to a museum.
571
00:43:25,604 --> 00:43:26,869
Tax write-off.
572
00:43:26,871 --> 00:43:30,173
- We must talk.
- We don't have it.
573
00:43:30,175 --> 00:43:34,344
You are in grave danger.
You must listen to me
before it is too late.
574
00:43:34,346 --> 00:43:37,814
Leave us alone and
get off of our property!
575
00:43:43,154 --> 00:43:45,121
You buy girl scout
cookies once...
576
00:43:47,725 --> 00:43:49,859
The best.
They were the best.
577
00:43:49,861 --> 00:43:53,696
We were so close and then...
we used to come here
with Marcy and Dan.
578
00:43:53,698 --> 00:43:56,966
But they don't splurge
since his dad went
to prison for embezzlement.
579
00:43:59,738 --> 00:44:01,938
Well, we believe in splurging
every once in a while.
580
00:44:01,940 --> 00:44:04,140
Don't we, baby?
581
00:44:04,142 --> 00:44:06,709
We're trapped
in "splurgatory."
582
00:44:06,711 --> 00:44:09,379
So what sort of dog
do you two have?
583
00:44:09,381 --> 00:44:12,315
I heard him howling
last night.
Sounds like a big fella.
584
00:44:12,317 --> 00:44:14,951
Oh, we don't have a dog.
585
00:44:14,953 --> 00:44:17,186
That was just some
really violent sex.
586
00:44:19,023 --> 00:44:22,125
We used to have
an australian shepherd.
Casper.
587
00:44:22,127 --> 00:44:27,230
Beautiful, beautiful dog.
Ran off last year.
588
00:44:27,232 --> 00:44:30,199
- I left the door open.
- I'm not blaming you.
589
00:44:30,201 --> 00:44:31,401
Okay.
590
00:44:33,237 --> 00:44:35,304
Oh, let us get the bill.
Yes, we insist.
591
00:44:35,306 --> 00:44:37,206
No, no, no.
You guys paid last time.
592
00:44:37,208 --> 00:44:41,811
You sure, Alice?
That wasn't boone's
we were drinking.
593
00:44:46,050 --> 00:44:48,117
Holy shit.
594
00:44:48,119 --> 00:44:49,786
No wonder why
it's so dark in this place.
595
00:44:49,788 --> 00:44:51,988
One of us needs to
go to the bathroom,
baby.
596
00:44:51,990 --> 00:44:54,691
We certainly do.
597
00:44:54,693 --> 00:44:57,293
- I went last time.
- I went yesterday.
598
00:44:57,295 --> 00:45:01,230
Hmm. Fine.
599
00:45:01,232 --> 00:45:03,966
But you're going
to the bathroom
the next two times, okay?
600
00:45:03,968 --> 00:45:07,103
Okay. Excuse me.
601
00:45:08,372 --> 00:45:10,173
- John...
- Yes, dear?
602
00:45:10,175 --> 00:45:11,774
Don't forget this.
Oh.
603
00:45:13,377 --> 00:45:15,178
Thank you.
604
00:45:15,180 --> 00:45:17,180
Why does he need your bag?
605
00:45:18,282 --> 00:45:20,016
Hemorrhoid cream.
606
00:45:20,018 --> 00:45:24,187
Oh.
Alice, that's T.M.I.
Yes.
607
00:45:26,356 --> 00:45:29,192
Oh, no!
608
00:45:32,963 --> 00:45:35,064
When do the vodka profits
start rolling in?
609
00:45:37,435 --> 00:45:39,368
What?
Mmm.
610
00:45:43,273 --> 00:45:45,074
I might've
misread the market...
611
00:45:46,243 --> 00:45:48,978
Pretty badly
actually.
612
00:45:48,980 --> 00:45:53,916
It's okay.
As long as we've got the teapot,
everything's gonna be okay.
613
00:45:55,919 --> 00:45:59,455
Why do I get the feeling that,
when the time comes,
614
00:45:59,457 --> 00:46:01,958
I'm going to have to
cut off one of your stubby
little fingers...
615
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:04,393
To throw this thing
into mount doom?
616
00:46:04,395 --> 00:46:05,928
What?
617
00:46:05,930 --> 00:46:08,131
It's a literary reference.
618
00:46:08,133 --> 00:46:10,533
Lord of the rings
is not literature.
619
00:46:10,535 --> 00:46:12,401
It certainly is.
620
00:46:12,403 --> 00:46:15,772
God, you're such a geek.
Ow.
621
00:46:15,774 --> 00:46:17,473
Oh, you're such a slut.
622
00:46:17,475 --> 00:46:18,941
Hey.
623
00:46:18,943 --> 00:46:22,945
I'm a slut?
Ow! Jesus Christ.
624
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:25,081
Not now, please.
Ow.
625
00:46:26,984 --> 00:46:29,852
Ow! Geez.
That's enough. Stop.
626
00:46:31,488 --> 00:46:33,456
I think you, like,
splintered my tibia
or something.
627
00:46:35,827 --> 00:46:38,127
Who is that?
I don't know.
628
00:46:40,097 --> 00:46:41,164
Could've helped you.
629
00:46:44,067 --> 00:46:47,136
Hey, hey! Whoo! Whoo!
630
00:46:47,138 --> 00:46:49,205
- It's a party!
- Holy shit!
631
00:46:49,207 --> 00:46:51,808
- What are you doing here?
- This is awesome!
632
00:46:51,810 --> 00:46:53,476
- What are you doing here,
Arnie?
- Wow!
633
00:46:53,478 --> 00:46:55,812
I was wondering,
634
00:46:55,814 --> 00:47:00,082
Why the hell are you
beating the crap out of each
other and laughing about it?
635
00:47:01,118 --> 00:47:03,286
She hit me first.
Mmm.
636
00:47:03,288 --> 00:47:07,323
That's one question.
Dos question.
637
00:47:07,325 --> 00:47:12,995
How are the world's
two biggest losers livin'
in this neighborhood?
638
00:47:12,997 --> 00:47:15,097
You are wasted, Arnie,
and I think you should go home.
639
00:47:15,099 --> 00:47:17,967
You can't wait
for me to go, can you?
640
00:47:17,969 --> 00:47:20,169
Well, I think it's a little late
to just drop by.
641
00:47:20,171 --> 00:47:22,538
Really. Hold that.
642
00:47:22,540 --> 00:47:24,841
- No! Arnie!
- Still want me to go?
643
00:47:24,843 --> 00:47:26,909
- Don't touch that, Arnie!
- Arnie! Arnie!
644
00:47:26,911 --> 00:47:29,846
Just give it to me.
Please, please.
645
00:47:29,848 --> 00:47:31,180
Do what he says, Arnie!
646
00:47:31,182 --> 00:47:32,982
Give it to me! Please!
647
00:47:32,984 --> 00:47:36,285
No! Get him!
Get him! Get him!
648
00:47:39,023 --> 00:47:42,425
Arnie! Arnie! Arnie!
649
00:47:42,427 --> 00:47:44,327
Arnie,
bring your ass back here!
650
00:47:44,329 --> 00:47:48,231
Arnie,
please give us our teapot!
Arnie!
651
00:47:48,233 --> 00:47:50,867
Please give me back
my teapot, Arnie!
652
00:47:50,869 --> 00:47:53,202
- Why do you even care about this thing so much?
- Because we like it.
653
00:47:53,204 --> 00:47:54,637
This is what we look like
when we like something.
654
00:47:54,639 --> 00:47:57,173
Oh. God, Alice.
655
00:47:57,175 --> 00:48:00,476
You used to be so hot
in high school,
656
00:48:00,478 --> 00:48:03,045
And then this guy
turned you into
some weird freak-o.
657
00:48:03,647 --> 00:48:05,114
Freak-o?
658
00:48:05,116 --> 00:48:07,516
- You're not better than me.
- No.
659
00:48:07,518 --> 00:48:10,920
- Remember that.
- Course not, Arnie.
Look at your truck.
660
00:48:10,922 --> 00:48:14,924
Yeah, I know.
661
00:48:14,926 --> 00:48:18,427
Hey, John, remember when
you tried out for football?
662
00:48:18,429 --> 00:48:19,395
And you sucked?
663
00:48:21,498 --> 00:48:24,066
- Go long.
- Yeah! Yeah.
664
00:48:24,068 --> 00:48:26,435
- Down!
- No, no, no! No, Arnie!
665
00:48:26,437 --> 00:48:28,204
- Set!
- No, no! Don't throw that!
666
00:48:28,206 --> 00:48:30,406
Hike!
667
00:48:30,408 --> 00:48:32,341
Arnie, please be careful!
No!
668
00:48:32,343 --> 00:48:33,910
Arnie!
669
00:48:36,013 --> 00:48:37,446
Arnie!
670
00:48:37,448 --> 00:48:40,116
Arnie! Arnie, don't do it!
Arnie!
671
00:48:42,552 --> 00:48:44,387
Whoo!
Arnie!
672
00:48:48,458 --> 00:48:51,527
- No!
- Enough, Arnie!
673
00:48:51,529 --> 00:48:53,496
No. My teapot!
674
00:48:56,401 --> 00:48:59,268
No, my teapot. My...
675
00:49:10,580 --> 00:49:13,616
It's perfect.
676
00:49:13,618 --> 00:49:15,484
Not even a scratch.
677
00:49:17,087 --> 00:49:19,622
How is that possible?
678
00:49:19,624 --> 00:49:22,024
It's not possible.
679
00:49:22,026 --> 00:49:25,328
It...
what the hell is this thing?
680
00:49:45,349 --> 00:49:48,050
Please, come in.
681
00:49:49,553 --> 00:49:54,390
That teapot has been
around for 2,000 years.
682
00:49:54,392 --> 00:50:00,363
It has gone through the hands of
some of the greatest and worst
characters in history.
683
00:50:00,365 --> 00:50:06,635
Although we have not seen it
since it disappeared from a nazi
concentration camp in 1945.
684
00:50:06,637 --> 00:50:09,572
Our founder,
Dr. A.K. Bhardwaj,
685
00:50:09,574 --> 00:50:13,309
Learned that in the wrong hands,
it could cause great harm.
686
00:50:13,311 --> 00:50:19,281
If there is one ounce of evil
or hatred in either one of you,
687
00:50:19,283 --> 00:50:21,650
The teapot
will draw it out.
688
00:50:21,652 --> 00:50:24,787
We're in total control.
We're good people.
689
00:50:24,789 --> 00:50:27,289
This is how
it always starts.
690
00:50:27,291 --> 00:50:30,426
- John and I know our limits.
- They all did.
691
00:50:30,428 --> 00:50:35,031
So, what do you suggest we do?
692
00:50:35,033 --> 00:50:37,299
Give it to me.
693
00:50:37,301 --> 00:50:40,469
Go back to your lives
and pretend
it never happened.
694
00:50:40,471 --> 00:50:42,104
I told you
this was coming.
695
00:50:42,106 --> 00:50:43,739
I will
rid the world of it.
696
00:50:43,741 --> 00:50:46,342
You can
get rid of it?
697
00:50:46,344 --> 00:50:48,477
It cannot be destroyed.
698
00:50:48,479 --> 00:50:51,714
But it can be hidden
in such a way...
699
00:50:51,716 --> 00:50:53,716
That no one
will find it again.
700
00:50:53,718 --> 00:50:55,551
Ever.
701
00:50:55,553 --> 00:50:59,121
No. Absolutely not.
We are keeping it, John.
702
00:50:59,123 --> 00:51:02,058
Why are we better
than the people
who had it before us?
703
00:51:02,060 --> 00:51:04,693
It's a magic teapot,
704
00:51:04,695 --> 00:51:06,629
Not an atomic bomb.
705
00:51:08,132 --> 00:51:11,167
I didn't believe that guy.
I don't trust him.
706
00:51:11,169 --> 00:51:15,438
He wants it for himself...
Or maybe even North Korea.
707
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:17,640
Did you even
think about that?
708
00:51:17,642 --> 00:51:19,141
Hey.
709
00:51:21,278 --> 00:51:24,113
We're
John and Alice Macy.
710
00:51:25,382 --> 00:51:27,650
We're the salt
of the earth.
711
00:51:27,652 --> 00:51:29,852
Frickin' good guys.
712
00:51:31,154 --> 00:51:33,556
It's not gonna get
out of hand, okay?
713
00:51:40,697 --> 00:51:44,700
I'm so annoyed
you went skiing
and didn't even invite me.
714
00:51:44,702 --> 00:51:46,635
I'm sorry.
715
00:51:46,637 --> 00:51:49,505
You know,
it was Switzerland,
last minute.
716
00:51:49,507 --> 00:51:50,573
Yeah.
717
00:51:50,575 --> 00:51:52,141
Oh, Mr. Smoothie!
718
00:51:52,143 --> 00:51:54,410
I love Mr. Smoothie!
719
00:51:54,412 --> 00:51:55,811
That's so childish, right?
720
00:51:55,813 --> 00:51:58,147
No. It's like
mall gourmet.
721
00:51:58,149 --> 00:51:59,748
I know.
722
00:51:59,750 --> 00:52:01,684
Hello!
723
00:52:01,686 --> 00:52:03,152
Hello?
724
00:52:03,154 --> 00:52:05,554
Hello.
725
00:52:05,556 --> 00:52:08,190
You can never get anyone
to serve you
in these places.
726
00:52:10,327 --> 00:52:12,161
Oh.
727
00:52:12,163 --> 00:52:14,797
I, uh, ducked when
I saw you guys coming...
728
00:52:14,799 --> 00:52:16,398
So we could avoid this.
729
00:52:19,302 --> 00:52:21,237
What happened to you?
730
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:24,540
Uh...
I had a skiing accident.
731
00:52:24,542 --> 00:52:26,475
It's a tough life.
732
00:52:27,511 --> 00:52:29,545
What are you
doing here, Louise?
733
00:52:29,547 --> 00:52:34,216
What am I doing here?
Um, it's a second job,
you know.
734
00:52:34,218 --> 00:52:36,318
And I save money
because I get to eat
smoothies all day.
735
00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:38,220
I have
a chronic brain freeze.
736
00:52:39,623 --> 00:52:41,357
Bit of advice, Louise?
737
00:52:41,359 --> 00:52:42,458
Yeah.
738
00:52:42,460 --> 00:52:45,261
Don't eat the merchandise.
739
00:52:45,263 --> 00:52:46,629
Make it a treat.
740
00:52:47,864 --> 00:52:51,700
Um, could I get
a nonfat yogurt smoothie...
741
00:52:51,702 --> 00:52:53,435
With maraschino cherries?
742
00:52:53,437 --> 00:52:55,804
Why not?
743
00:52:55,806 --> 00:52:57,740
So, you want
the same thing, right?
Yeah.
744
00:52:59,509 --> 00:53:01,944
- Dos.
- You ladies are in luck...
745
00:53:01,946 --> 00:53:04,413
Because we're having
a two-faced special today.
746
00:53:24,801 --> 00:53:26,268
John.
747
00:53:27,637 --> 00:53:29,772
John, there's
someone breaking in.
748
00:53:30,974 --> 00:53:32,875
There's someone
breaking into the house.
749
00:53:33,810 --> 00:53:35,311
Huh?
750
00:53:35,313 --> 00:53:37,880
Yeah. Bet it's 50 ninjas.
751
00:53:37,882 --> 00:53:40,349
Good night.
Are you serious?
752
00:53:40,351 --> 00:53:41,917
Do you not hear that?
753
00:53:41,919 --> 00:53:43,652
They're coming upstairs.
754
00:53:45,222 --> 00:53:47,423
Come on. Come on.
755
00:53:48,291 --> 00:53:49,658
Come on.
756
00:53:50,627 --> 00:53:52,761
Shh, shh.
757
00:53:52,763 --> 00:53:55,364
Amateurs.
758
00:53:55,366 --> 00:53:57,333
They hid it
in the bathroom.
You found it.
759
00:53:58,868 --> 00:54:01,670
It's the brothers again.
What do we do?
760
00:54:01,672 --> 00:54:04,273
They're taking my money.
Shh. Our money.
761
00:54:06,643 --> 00:54:09,511
No. I'm not going
out there.
762
00:54:09,513 --> 00:54:11,013
Alice! Alice!
Go!
763
00:54:13,951 --> 00:54:16,285
What are you going to do,
tough guy?
764
00:54:19,489 --> 00:54:20,556
Oh.
765
00:54:20,558 --> 00:54:21,657
Back off.
766
00:54:21,659 --> 00:54:23,292
Tiny underwear.
767
00:54:23,294 --> 00:54:25,461
Did you shave
the top of your thighs?
768
00:54:30,433 --> 00:54:32,401
Alice, get back inside.
769
00:54:38,875 --> 00:54:41,310
Would it have made
any difference
if we'd warned you?
770
00:54:41,312 --> 00:54:44,346
You knew we had
the teapot the whole time?
771
00:54:44,348 --> 00:54:46,615
You were creating
our rightful inheritance.
772
00:54:46,617 --> 00:54:51,453
So we'll just take the cash,
and you can keep that beast.
773
00:54:51,455 --> 00:54:52,921
You don't even want
the teapot?
774
00:54:52,923 --> 00:54:55,357
If you're smart,
you'll get rid of it
before it's too late.
775
00:54:55,359 --> 00:54:57,459
Bubby waited too long.
776
00:54:57,461 --> 00:55:01,063
A woman of her age,
she should have been relaxing,
playing mahjongg or something.
777
00:55:01,065 --> 00:55:05,034
Instead she was out every night
sawing off stop signs,
hoping for the worst.
778
00:55:05,036 --> 00:55:06,735
Wha...
779
00:55:06,737 --> 00:55:09,004
Don't say
we didn't warn you.
780
00:55:10,340 --> 00:55:13,042
- No one leaves!
- Take it easy now, huh?
781
00:55:13,044 --> 00:55:16,412
Take it easy?
That is my money!
782
00:55:16,414 --> 00:55:18,514
Mine!
783
00:55:21,319 --> 00:55:22,551
Oh!
784
00:55:24,488 --> 00:55:26,822
No, baby!
785
00:55:26,824 --> 00:55:29,692
- No. Don't touch it.
- Oh, my God.
786
00:55:30,827 --> 00:55:32,494
Wait!
Where are you going?
787
00:55:32,496 --> 00:55:34,697
Give that to me.
That's mine!
Come on! Now!
788
00:55:34,699 --> 00:55:37,066
That is my money!
789
00:55:37,068 --> 00:55:39,902
- Give that...
- What are you doing?
790
00:55:39,904 --> 00:55:42,004
Give that to me!
Come on!
791
00:55:42,006 --> 00:55:44,006
It's my money!
792
00:56:12,736 --> 00:56:13,969
Alice.
793
00:56:15,071 --> 00:56:17,139
Alice?
794
00:56:17,141 --> 00:56:19,108
Alice.
795
00:56:19,976 --> 00:56:21,543
Are you okay?
796
00:56:22,645 --> 00:56:25,981
Baby...
they took everything!
797
00:56:25,983 --> 00:56:29,051
Why didn't you stop them?
798
00:56:46,569 --> 00:56:48,170
Seriously?
799
00:56:52,609 --> 00:56:54,076
Hi, honey.
800
00:56:54,078 --> 00:56:56,145
We need to talk
about your lawn.
801
00:56:56,147 --> 00:56:58,414
Now, the block council
sent three letters,
802
00:56:58,416 --> 00:57:00,916
And everyone has been
talking about it.
803
00:57:00,918 --> 00:57:02,851
The gardener didn't show.
804
00:57:05,990 --> 00:57:08,557
It's my office.
I have to take it.
805
00:57:08,559 --> 00:57:10,959
So you'll take care
of this, right?
Of course.
806
00:57:10,961 --> 00:57:12,995
Great. Hey, mar.
807
00:57:14,898 --> 00:57:16,732
Oh, great.
808
00:57:18,568 --> 00:57:19,868
Bitch.
809
00:57:19,870 --> 00:57:22,070
We need
to get to work.
810
00:57:22,072 --> 00:57:23,972
I have been working
since 7:00.
811
00:57:28,778 --> 00:57:30,512
Is it still, uh...
812
00:57:30,514 --> 00:57:32,948
Less today than
it was before?
813
00:57:32,950 --> 00:57:35,818
Yeah. It's only
fives and ones.
814
00:57:35,820 --> 00:57:38,454
The teapot doesn't like
paying like it used to.
815
00:57:47,497 --> 00:57:48,864
I...
816
00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:52,568
We need help.
817
00:57:52,570 --> 00:57:55,003
Living's for the living
818
00:57:55,005 --> 00:57:57,172
dying's for the dead
819
00:57:57,174 --> 00:58:00,209
I'll tell you right now
820
00:58:00,211 --> 00:58:03,145
How's it going?
821
00:58:03,147 --> 00:58:07,249
Who's the toughest,
meanest, baddest motherfucker
in this place right now?
822
00:58:07,251 --> 00:58:08,984
Big fella back there.
823
00:58:10,119 --> 00:58:12,488
He just got out of prison
for murder.
824
00:58:12,490 --> 00:58:13,589
Huh.
825
00:58:14,257 --> 00:58:15,757
Two whiskey shots, please.
826
00:58:26,769 --> 00:58:29,905
I'm telling you
how it is
827
00:58:29,907 --> 00:58:32,941
Call 911.
Hey, babe, wait.
828
00:58:32,943 --> 00:58:34,810
Don't forget that.
829
00:58:34,812 --> 00:58:36,211
Right.
830
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:46,221
Been ridin' with the devil
831
00:58:46,223 --> 00:58:48,657
been such a long time
832
00:58:48,659 --> 00:58:50,192
You are cute.
833
00:58:50,194 --> 00:58:52,294
Oh! Oh!
834
00:58:52,296 --> 00:58:54,062
Whoa!
835
00:58:54,064 --> 00:58:56,265
Whoa!
836
00:59:19,557 --> 00:59:21,123
Heavy flow day, John?
837
00:59:25,328 --> 00:59:27,296
You know, it...
838
00:59:28,698 --> 00:59:30,132
Hello, John.
839
00:59:30,134 --> 00:59:33,135
Jesus Christ! Whoa.
840
00:59:34,337 --> 00:59:36,071
Hi.
841
00:59:36,906 --> 00:59:38,874
You don't look so good.
842
00:59:38,876 --> 00:59:41,677
Feel like a million bucks.
You are changing.
843
00:59:41,679 --> 00:59:45,080
The teapot is consuming
you and your wife.
844
00:59:45,082 --> 00:59:49,318
Trust me.
Your whole life will
be destroyed by this object.
845
00:59:49,320 --> 00:59:53,121
You will have nothing left.
What then?
846
01:00:04,334 --> 01:00:07,135
Charles graves. Hey!
847
01:00:07,137 --> 01:00:10,639
Got time for an old pal?
Barely.
848
01:00:10,641 --> 01:00:12,941
Got you working
pretty hard here, huh?
Yeah.
849
01:00:12,943 --> 01:00:15,811
Pulling 60-hour weeks
so Louise can go back
to school.
850
01:00:15,813 --> 01:00:17,212
But, uh...
Jesus.
851
01:00:17,214 --> 01:00:20,749
How's things
on easy street?
You'd be surprised.
852
01:00:20,751 --> 01:00:22,384
What happened?
Did good luck
finally run out?
853
01:00:22,386 --> 01:00:24,353
Well,
854
01:00:24,355 --> 01:00:27,623
It's not so much bad luck
as it is just...
855
01:00:27,625 --> 01:00:30,025
What the hell happened
to your face?
Your eye is, like, hanging out.
856
01:00:30,027 --> 01:00:32,327
I'm fine.
What is going on
with you, man?
857
01:00:32,329 --> 01:00:34,329
I'm your best friend.
I haven't seen you
in forever.
858
01:00:34,331 --> 01:00:36,365
You show up looking like
the phantom of the opera.
859
01:00:36,367 --> 01:00:38,867
What the hell
is going on here?
Chuck, I would...
860
01:00:38,869 --> 01:00:42,237
I would tell you everything
in a second,
861
01:00:42,239 --> 01:00:44,806
But I just...
I just know for a fact...
862
01:00:44,808 --> 01:00:47,009
That you'd never
ever believe me, and...
863
01:00:47,011 --> 01:00:49,211
Whatever it is
that's going on,
it doesn't matter.
864
01:00:49,213 --> 01:00:52,014
It's not worth it.
Do me a favor.
865
01:00:52,016 --> 01:00:55,183
Relax for a minute
and remember
what's important, okay?
866
01:00:55,185 --> 01:00:57,185
Look, if you need
a job or something,
you can work here.
867
01:00:57,187 --> 01:00:59,655
It pays shit,
but at least
the benefits are...
868
01:00:59,657 --> 01:01:01,156
No, there's no benefits.
869
01:01:02,191 --> 01:01:04,226
Yo, James, Ollie off the curb!
870
01:01:04,228 --> 01:01:05,994
Yeah, but I got it.
871
01:01:05,996 --> 01:01:08,864
Oh, my leg. Ow!
872
01:01:10,401 --> 01:01:12,701
All right,
let me do it again.
873
01:01:12,703 --> 01:01:14,269
That one hurt.
874
01:01:22,945 --> 01:01:25,147
That is not
grown-up behavior.
875
01:01:37,093 --> 01:01:39,261
What are you doing, baby?
876
01:01:39,263 --> 01:01:41,363
Let me ask you
a question.
877
01:01:41,365 --> 01:01:44,800
Why am I gonna end up
like Muhammad Ali?
878
01:01:44,802 --> 01:01:46,935
Just so we could have
a good credit score?
879
01:01:46,937 --> 01:01:49,404
Stop being such a baby.
880
01:01:49,406 --> 01:01:51,406
Move over.
I'm about to do my laps.
881
01:01:51,408 --> 01:01:52,974
Wait, baby.
882
01:01:55,144 --> 01:01:58,447
Jesus Christ.
What, did you get shot?
883
01:01:58,449 --> 01:02:00,415
I'm fine.
884
01:02:01,951 --> 01:02:04,219
Who isn't fine?
885
01:02:04,221 --> 01:02:06,755
Skateboarder.
886
01:02:09,959 --> 01:02:11,827
Ohh!
Yeah! Come on!
887
01:02:13,196 --> 01:02:16,131
Come on!
Tear that pussy apart!
Yeah!
888
01:02:32,014 --> 01:02:33,915
Okay,
you're doing good.
889
01:02:33,917 --> 01:02:36,451
Push!
890
01:02:36,453 --> 01:02:38,420
That's good.
Come on! Push!
891
01:02:38,422 --> 01:02:42,023
Security.
Who the hell are you?
Goddamn it! Oh!
892
01:02:42,025 --> 01:02:43,425
Oh, wow.
893
01:02:55,138 --> 01:02:58,540
Where else is there
awful, horrible pain, John?
894
01:02:58,542 --> 01:03:02,043
Alice, I wanna go home.
I'm done.
No. No.
895
01:03:02,045 --> 01:03:05,947
We have to keep going.
I feel energized.
896
01:03:05,949 --> 01:03:08,150
Ever since
I first touched it,
you know,
897
01:03:08,152 --> 01:03:11,119
Everything's... Louder.
898
01:03:13,055 --> 01:03:16,958
I never wanna lose
this feeling.
899
01:03:18,895 --> 01:03:20,195
There's so much hurt
out there.
900
01:03:21,297 --> 01:03:23,398
Alice. Alice!
901
01:03:23,400 --> 01:03:25,367
Such a nasty world
that we live in.
902
01:03:26,869 --> 01:03:28,436
Alice! Alice!
903
01:03:28,438 --> 01:03:32,374
Hey!
904
01:03:32,376 --> 01:03:34,409
What are you doing?
What the hell was that?
905
01:03:34,411 --> 01:03:36,845
He was crossing
against the light.
906
01:03:36,847 --> 01:03:39,080
So we should kill him?
I...
907
01:03:39,082 --> 01:03:42,250
Alice, we said we'd stop
when it got out of hand.
908
01:03:42,252 --> 01:03:44,419
You're on the verge
of vehicular homicide.
909
01:03:44,421 --> 01:03:48,490
Bearded maniacs are stealing
money out of our toilets.
I'd say it's out of hand.
910
01:03:48,492 --> 01:03:51,359
Goddamn it, John!
911
01:03:51,361 --> 01:03:53,428
I knew that this
was gonna happen.
I knew it.
912
01:03:53,430 --> 01:03:55,063
You...
913
01:03:55,065 --> 01:03:56,398
What?
914
01:03:56,400 --> 01:03:59,401
You can never
go the distance
with anything.
915
01:03:59,403 --> 01:04:02,003
You make all these big plans
and promises,
916
01:04:02,005 --> 01:04:04,339
And you never even took me
on a honeymoon.
917
01:04:04,341 --> 01:04:08,176
Well, I'm sorry.
I've been working my ass off
so you can get your degree.
918
01:04:08,178 --> 01:04:11,346
Well, for as hard
as you work,
you never get ahead.
919
01:04:11,348 --> 01:04:13,248
How is that possible?
920
01:04:13,250 --> 01:04:17,352
Well, maybe if I didn't
have to support a wife
who just sits at home...
921
01:04:17,354 --> 01:04:20,388
Thinking about how
she should start at the top
instead of at the bottom,
922
01:04:20,390 --> 01:04:22,858
Like the rest
of the sane world...
you know what?
923
01:04:24,328 --> 01:04:27,128
Screw you!
Okay, you're gonna
get out of the car?
924
01:04:27,130 --> 01:04:29,064
Yeah, I am.
I hate you right now!
925
01:04:29,066 --> 01:04:31,132
Baby, get back in the car!
I don't wanna be around you!
926
01:04:31,134 --> 01:04:33,368
No. I'm getting
out of the car.
Please come back.
927
01:04:33,370 --> 01:04:35,370
You're losing your mind.
928
01:04:35,372 --> 01:04:37,105
Watch out.
Oh!
929
01:04:39,976 --> 01:04:41,543
Alice.
930
01:04:43,512 --> 01:04:44,980
You okay?
931
01:04:47,583 --> 01:04:49,417
I'm fine.
932
01:04:49,419 --> 01:04:52,254
Where did this come from?
I don't know.
933
01:05:00,363 --> 01:05:03,164
I'm sorry for this
in advance.
934
01:05:05,568 --> 01:05:07,936
Some men are destined
to fail, John.
935
01:05:08,671 --> 01:05:11,673
And you're one of them.
936
01:05:11,675 --> 01:05:15,043
I think the lottery exists
because of guys like you...
937
01:05:15,045 --> 01:05:18,013
Who know deep down
luck is the only way...
938
01:05:18,015 --> 01:05:21,683
They're ever gonna overcome
their spineless, clueless,
939
01:05:21,685 --> 01:05:24,152
Hopeless personalities.
940
01:05:26,088 --> 01:05:27,389
We both know...
941
01:05:29,058 --> 01:05:31,159
That I know...
942
01:05:31,161 --> 01:05:34,362
You know I am too good for you.
943
01:05:38,467 --> 01:05:39,668
Ouch.
944
01:05:56,686 --> 01:05:58,420
Okay.
945
01:05:59,522 --> 01:06:01,156
Now you do me.
946
01:06:03,426 --> 01:06:04,626
What?
947
01:06:04,628 --> 01:06:06,561
Hurt me, John.
948
01:06:06,563 --> 01:06:08,630
No.
John.
949
01:06:08,632 --> 01:06:11,032
Hurt me.
950
01:06:12,702 --> 01:06:15,203
Don't do this here.
951
01:06:15,205 --> 01:06:18,139
It's psychological warfare.
The teapot really likes it.
952
01:06:20,476 --> 01:06:22,377
Hey.
What?
953
01:06:22,379 --> 01:06:24,179
You got secrets, right?
954
01:06:26,415 --> 01:06:28,717
Break my heart, baby.
955
01:06:32,254 --> 01:06:35,123
Uh-uh.
I need a man, John.
956
01:06:42,331 --> 01:06:44,265
New year's eve.
957
01:06:45,101 --> 01:06:47,002
Four years ago.
958
01:06:50,172 --> 01:06:52,674
You were ignoring me
at the party.
959
01:06:55,644 --> 01:06:58,013
And when the ball dropped,
I grabbed Payton...
960
01:06:58,015 --> 01:07:00,148
And I kissed her face off.
961
01:07:05,054 --> 01:07:07,088
And I still think about it.
962
01:07:10,559 --> 01:07:13,194
Sometimes
when I'm kissing you.
963
01:07:20,736 --> 01:07:23,405
Oh.
964
01:07:33,616 --> 01:07:36,317
That was a good one.
965
01:07:37,787 --> 01:07:39,421
Oh, no.
966
01:08:00,576 --> 01:08:02,644
Last spring,
when we were drinking...
967
01:08:02,646 --> 01:08:04,646
And playing cards
with my friends,
968
01:08:04,648 --> 01:08:07,248
The reason why I insisted
that we left...
969
01:08:07,250 --> 01:08:10,752
When they started
playing strip poker wasn't
because I didn't feel well.
970
01:08:10,754 --> 01:08:12,487
Oh, no?
971
01:08:14,090 --> 01:08:16,157
Your flaccid penis
is very small.
972
01:08:20,362 --> 01:08:25,233
Well, it's average size.
You can look it up.
973
01:08:25,235 --> 01:08:26,601
I have.
974
01:08:41,383 --> 01:08:44,486
I still have the sex tape
that I made with the girl
that took my virginity.
975
01:08:47,690 --> 01:08:51,559
It's in a, uh, box
labeled "Captain Ron,"
976
01:08:51,561 --> 01:08:53,728
Next to top gun.
977
01:08:55,798 --> 01:08:58,566
I let Arnie go down on me.
978
01:09:00,636 --> 01:09:03,204
You what?
979
01:09:03,206 --> 01:09:06,407
Arnie? Arnie,
as in landlord Arnie?
980
01:09:06,409 --> 01:09:08,810
It was three years ago,
before we were married.
981
01:09:09,812 --> 01:09:14,482
Oh, my God!
982
01:09:20,389 --> 01:09:23,291
And you did nothing for him?
983
01:09:27,630 --> 01:09:28,897
I'm so sorry.
984
01:09:32,269 --> 01:09:33,868
What?
985
01:09:33,870 --> 01:09:35,403
Arnie?
986
01:09:59,662 --> 01:10:01,729
What do you want?
Oh, nothing.
987
01:10:01,731 --> 01:10:03,865
I've just come
to saw your dick off.
988
01:10:03,867 --> 01:10:05,867
Hi. Hey, guys.
Hey, Alice.
989
01:10:05,869 --> 01:10:07,602
You must be Brandi.
990
01:10:07,604 --> 01:10:09,437
Mm-hmm.
We haven't been
formally introduced.
991
01:10:09,439 --> 01:10:11,873
My name's John.
I screw Alice...
992
01:10:11,875 --> 01:10:15,376
Who apparently...
Blows Arnie...
993
01:10:15,378 --> 01:10:18,713
Who I assume rides you
like a big gorilla.
994
01:10:18,715 --> 01:10:21,649
I will fucking punch you
in the neck!
Hey, this is bullshit!
995
01:10:21,651 --> 01:10:24,385
Stop! Now, listen,
you got all this money,
996
01:10:24,387 --> 01:10:26,421
You think you can come here
and talk to me like this?
997
01:10:26,423 --> 01:10:28,723
Uh, yeah.
998
01:10:30,594 --> 01:10:31,893
Oh!
999
01:10:31,895 --> 01:10:34,696
Baby, hey.
You okay?
1000
01:10:34,698 --> 01:10:37,265
Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine.
1001
01:10:37,267 --> 01:10:39,000
This piece of shit
should be broken.
1002
01:10:39,002 --> 01:10:40,702
Slowly.
1003
01:10:40,704 --> 01:10:43,805
Careful.
1004
01:10:43,807 --> 01:10:45,340
Oh! Ow!
Oh, no!
1005
01:10:48,577 --> 01:10:50,812
Hey, that's mine.
1006
01:10:50,814 --> 01:10:52,914
Hey, Arnie.
1007
01:10:52,916 --> 01:10:55,783
Yard's looking
a little shaggy.
1008
01:10:58,787 --> 01:11:01,789
What the hell is that thing?
Answer me!
1009
01:11:04,861 --> 01:11:07,262
Babe! Listen.
1010
01:11:07,264 --> 01:11:10,331
Who's the slut now?
I will kill you!
1011
01:11:10,333 --> 01:11:11,933
It was one time,
I swear to God.
1012
01:11:23,412 --> 01:11:25,280
You suck at karaoke.
1013
01:11:27,983 --> 01:11:30,451
Ever since I found out
about Arnie,
1014
01:11:30,453 --> 01:11:33,354
I've been thinking about
sleeping with another woman.
1015
01:11:33,356 --> 01:11:36,791
I'm not sure who yet,
but I believe I have
many options.
1016
01:11:40,029 --> 01:11:41,963
That was not me.
1017
01:11:50,039 --> 01:11:52,740
Seventy-two bucks
and change.
1018
01:12:00,884 --> 01:12:04,752
The first time in my life
I've been totally honest
with someone.
1019
01:12:10,326 --> 01:12:12,393
You know,
I really used to believe...
1020
01:12:12,395 --> 01:12:17,765
That people on this side of town
were so much happier and better.
1021
01:12:19,968 --> 01:12:21,936
Wait.
1022
01:12:21,938 --> 01:12:23,705
They have nastier secrets...
1023
01:12:23,707 --> 01:12:26,007
Than you and I
could ever imagine.
1024
01:12:33,650 --> 01:12:37,085
Well, I can't foresee this
ending badly.
1025
01:12:52,468 --> 01:12:55,069
You sure about this?
1026
01:12:55,071 --> 01:12:58,406
Yep.
It's another level.
1027
01:13:00,043 --> 01:13:03,144
Oh, boy.
1028
01:13:03,146 --> 01:13:05,747
Well, hey, guys.
What is this?
1029
01:13:07,649 --> 01:13:09,917
Just open it.
Get it over with.
1030
01:13:19,128 --> 01:13:20,762
Casper?
1031
01:13:20,764 --> 01:13:24,165
Your careless wife
left him in a hot car
for three hours...
1032
01:13:24,167 --> 01:13:26,901
When you were
out of town last summer.
1033
01:13:26,903 --> 01:13:29,070
How could you?
1034
01:13:29,072 --> 01:13:31,139
Ricky.
No! Get away from us!
1035
01:13:40,417 --> 01:13:42,717
Please don't
make me do this.
1036
01:13:46,055 --> 01:13:48,022
Fun.
1037
01:13:50,893 --> 01:13:53,961
Yeah, that's this office
that we're in right now.
1038
01:13:53,963 --> 01:13:58,499
That's your husband's foot
in... in josh the intern's mouth.
1039
01:13:59,636 --> 01:14:02,637
And that's the couch
that we're sitting on.
1040
01:14:06,976 --> 01:14:09,210
That should be all right.
That should be enough.
1041
01:14:09,212 --> 01:14:12,513
Thank you very much.
Um, you can keep that.
1042
01:14:13,850 --> 01:14:17,852
She thinks she can
1043
01:14:17,854 --> 01:14:22,690
but nobody knows
what lies behind
1044
01:14:22,692 --> 01:14:25,993
the days
before the day we die
1045
01:14:25,995 --> 01:14:29,464
da-da-die, da-da-die, die
1046
01:14:29,466 --> 01:14:31,232
da-da-die
1047
01:14:34,837 --> 01:14:37,872
He has no idea
he's not the kid's father?
1048
01:14:37,874 --> 01:14:40,475
She got pregnant
before she met him.
1049
01:14:40,477 --> 01:14:43,778
Told him it was his
and said the baby
was premature.
1050
01:14:43,780 --> 01:14:46,647
Nine pounds, six ounces.
1051
01:14:46,649 --> 01:14:48,816
And Joe believed her.
1052
01:14:48,818 --> 01:14:50,218
Poor bastard.
1053
01:14:58,560 --> 01:15:01,996
Hey, honey, why don't
you go finger-knit
with the other kids...
1054
01:15:01,998 --> 01:15:03,564
In the other room?
1055
01:15:04,199 --> 01:15:05,933
Great.
1056
01:15:05,935 --> 01:15:08,569
See you.
Here's some lemonade.
1057
01:15:08,571 --> 01:15:10,171
Fresh-squeezed.
1058
01:15:15,043 --> 01:15:17,712
Hey, guys.
1059
01:15:17,714 --> 01:15:20,214
So, what brings you?
Are you all
in the neighborhood?
1060
01:15:20,216 --> 01:15:21,883
What is the haps?
1061
01:15:21,885 --> 01:15:24,051
I know.
1062
01:15:24,053 --> 01:15:25,653
You're pregnant.
1063
01:15:25,655 --> 01:15:27,588
That's it, right?
1064
01:15:27,590 --> 01:15:30,791
Oh, honey, let her say it.
We've already said it
five times.
1065
01:15:30,793 --> 01:15:34,128
No. No, I'm not pregnant.
1066
01:15:34,130 --> 01:15:36,531
But we have come here
to say something.
1067
01:15:37,733 --> 01:15:39,133
There's a lie
in this room,
1068
01:15:39,135 --> 01:15:40,902
And we've come
to clear it up.
1069
01:15:40,904 --> 01:15:43,638
What are you talking about?
1070
01:15:44,806 --> 01:15:46,908
I think you know.
1071
01:15:48,710 --> 01:15:50,144
Joe,
1072
01:15:50,146 --> 01:15:53,047
I think
there's something that...
1073
01:15:53,049 --> 01:15:55,316
We need to get out
in the open,
1074
01:15:55,318 --> 01:15:58,119
Something that Alice
told me earlier today...
1075
01:15:58,121 --> 01:16:01,088
That... that, uh,
1076
01:16:01,090 --> 01:16:04,592
I think would be better
if you knew about.
1077
01:16:06,596 --> 01:16:08,296
A while ago,
1078
01:16:11,733 --> 01:16:14,001
You...
I'm jealous
of your family.
1079
01:16:20,275 --> 01:16:22,243
Jealous?
1080
01:16:24,580 --> 01:16:28,616
In the past I've been
such a bitch to you,
and I'm sorry.
1081
01:16:28,618 --> 01:16:32,186
It's just that you
find happiness so easily.
1082
01:16:34,156 --> 01:16:37,158
Life seems so effortless
the way you live it.
1083
01:16:38,694 --> 01:16:41,062
It's amazing.
1084
01:16:41,064 --> 01:16:43,731
Oh! Do you
really mean that?
1085
01:16:43,733 --> 01:16:45,700
Yeah.
1086
01:16:45,702 --> 01:16:47,635
From the bottom of my heart.
1087
01:16:47,637 --> 01:16:50,004
Oh, sister.
1088
01:16:51,673 --> 01:16:54,075
Oh, wow.
1089
01:16:55,877 --> 01:16:59,146
You're gonna get your chance
to have a baby too.
1090
01:17:00,716 --> 01:17:02,717
Also, you guys,
1091
01:17:04,620 --> 01:17:06,687
We're thinking
about going vegan.
1092
01:17:06,689 --> 01:17:08,823
Ahh!
1093
01:17:08,825 --> 01:17:11,359
That's fantastic.
1094
01:17:11,361 --> 01:17:13,394
I'll get the recipe book.
1095
01:17:30,012 --> 01:17:32,380
Uh... what?
1096
01:17:32,382 --> 01:17:34,415
I can't believe
I couldn't go through with it.
1097
01:17:34,417 --> 01:17:37,918
No, that's a good thing.
Human, even.
1098
01:17:37,920 --> 01:17:39,253
It set us back, John.
1099
01:17:42,190 --> 01:17:44,759
I've been thinking.
1100
01:17:44,761 --> 01:17:46,794
One big score,
1101
01:17:46,796 --> 01:17:48,429
We make the million...
1102
01:17:49,998 --> 01:17:52,066
And say good-bye
to the teapot.
1103
01:17:52,068 --> 01:17:54,402
Don't we have enough?
1104
01:17:54,404 --> 01:17:56,804
Especially after today.
1105
01:18:00,308 --> 01:18:01,942
Okay.
1106
01:18:03,345 --> 01:18:05,212
Just say it.
1107
01:18:07,015 --> 01:18:12,153
There are pedophiles
and drug dealers on playgrounds.
1108
01:18:13,755 --> 01:18:16,057
We can take out
just one.
1109
01:18:19,294 --> 01:18:22,029
If we knock off
one low-life scumbag,
1110
01:18:22,031 --> 01:18:26,067
We do the world a favor.
1111
01:18:26,069 --> 01:18:29,303
We knock off two,
and we're heroes.
1112
01:18:29,305 --> 01:18:31,238
Rich heroes.
1113
01:18:38,814 --> 01:18:40,214
Why'd you stop?
1114
01:18:40,216 --> 01:18:42,183
I think I'm done.
1115
01:18:44,019 --> 01:18:47,254
You got to bury a body
at least six feet
underground...
1116
01:18:47,256 --> 01:18:50,324
or somebody will find it.
1117
01:18:50,326 --> 01:18:54,195
Alice, can you just stop
and listen to yourself
for a second?
1118
01:18:54,197 --> 01:18:56,897
You're talking
about killing a man.
1119
01:18:56,899 --> 01:18:59,934
You're talking
about burying him in a grave.
1120
01:18:59,936 --> 01:19:02,136
One big score, John.
1121
01:19:02,138 --> 01:19:04,505
One big score.
1122
01:19:04,507 --> 01:19:07,475
Well, I can't do this.
I can't do this.
1123
01:19:07,477 --> 01:19:10,211
I'm not capable of killing
a person in real life.
1124
01:19:10,213 --> 01:19:13,247
So I have to do it
by myself, as usual.
1125
01:19:13,249 --> 01:19:15,449
No, nobody has
to do anything by themselves.
1126
01:19:15,451 --> 01:19:18,185
You don't have to do anything
by yourself either.
Dr. Ling was right.
1127
01:19:18,187 --> 01:19:21,889
I didn't wanna
listen to him at first,
but I see what he means now.
1128
01:19:21,891 --> 01:19:23,758
You're turning evil.
1129
01:19:23,760 --> 01:19:28,262
There is nothing evil
about wanting more.
1130
01:19:28,264 --> 01:19:32,133
There's nothing evil
about that teapot.
1131
01:19:34,102 --> 01:19:36,137
It's precious.
1132
01:19:36,139 --> 01:19:40,040
What if I ask you to choose
between me and this thing
right now?
1133
01:20:18,213 --> 01:20:20,080
I need your help.
1134
01:20:22,150 --> 01:20:23,517
Come in, John.
1135
01:20:30,926 --> 01:20:32,426
It's bad. It's...
1136
01:20:32,428 --> 01:20:35,262
I should have done
something more,
but I don't know...
1137
01:20:35,264 --> 01:20:37,431
I don't know what else
I could have done.
1138
01:20:42,537 --> 01:20:46,173
My father, his father,
1139
01:20:46,175 --> 01:20:48,876
His father for two centuries
took oath...
1140
01:20:48,878 --> 01:20:54,281
To find a teapot
and hide away forever.
1141
01:20:54,283 --> 01:20:57,585
I have opportunity
they wait lifetime for.
1142
01:20:57,587 --> 01:21:02,857
I found teapot
in hands of average people,
good people.
1143
01:21:02,859 --> 01:21:04,558
Where is Alice, John?
1144
01:21:05,527 --> 01:21:07,361
She will want more.
1145
01:21:07,363 --> 01:21:11,932
Soon not just the bad people,
but those weakest.
1146
01:21:11,934 --> 01:21:14,301
Why wouldn't you just
break into our house
and take the teapot?
1147
01:21:14,303 --> 01:21:17,638
It must be given, not taken.
1148
01:21:17,640 --> 01:21:20,641
That is the only way
to rob it of power.
1149
01:21:20,643 --> 01:21:25,012
Only answer is for you both
to give it to me.
1150
01:21:25,014 --> 01:21:27,214
But...
1151
01:21:27,216 --> 01:21:28,949
That will never happen.
1152
01:21:30,318 --> 01:21:31,986
Dr. Ling.
1153
01:21:31,988 --> 01:21:36,590
Please, just tell me
what I can do
to get her to wake up.
1154
01:21:36,592 --> 01:21:39,526
There is no more hope.
1155
01:21:39,528 --> 01:21:42,196
Most likely
is already too late for you.
1156
01:21:42,198 --> 01:21:44,431
You're giving up on us?
1157
01:21:44,433 --> 01:21:48,502
I will never give up
on the teapot.
1158
01:21:49,437 --> 01:21:52,339
I will wait and wait...
1159
01:21:52,341 --> 01:21:55,242
Until the teapot destroy you,
1160
01:21:55,244 --> 01:21:59,613
And then I will follow it
to the next owner...
1161
01:21:59,615 --> 01:22:01,582
And the next.
1162
01:22:01,584 --> 01:22:05,619
I will knock on their door
and tell them what I told you.
1163
01:22:06,955 --> 01:22:09,924
Maybe they will listen.
1164
01:22:33,115 --> 01:22:35,082
Ugh!
1165
01:22:35,084 --> 01:22:37,217
Ugh!
1166
01:23:01,576 --> 01:23:03,711
What are you doing?
1167
01:23:03,713 --> 01:23:06,013
Just promise me
that you'll end it.
1168
01:23:07,549 --> 01:23:09,116
Give it to Ling,
1169
01:23:10,118 --> 01:23:12,119
And he'll get rid of it.
1170
01:23:13,488 --> 01:23:15,456
Okay.
1171
01:23:15,458 --> 01:23:18,492
Ju... please
come back in.
1172
01:23:18,494 --> 01:23:20,527
Stay back, Alice.
1173
01:23:20,529 --> 01:23:22,229
I didn't kill anyone.
1174
01:23:23,465 --> 01:23:25,199
But you will.
1175
01:23:25,201 --> 01:23:28,102
- We'll get rid of it.
- We'll do it right now.
1176
01:23:29,571 --> 01:23:31,338
Promise?
1177
01:23:31,340 --> 01:23:34,775
I promise.
Yeah.
1178
01:23:46,354 --> 01:23:48,555
You say I never
go through with anything.
1179
01:23:50,458 --> 01:23:52,559
No. No. John!
1180
01:23:52,561 --> 01:23:55,129
No! John!
1181
01:23:56,365 --> 01:23:57,765
Oh, my God.
1182
01:23:57,767 --> 01:23:59,533
John, no, please!
1183
01:23:59,535 --> 01:24:01,168
My God! Oh, my...
1184
01:24:03,438 --> 01:24:06,240
John! John. John.
1185
01:24:06,242 --> 01:24:08,208
Hey. Hey, wake up.
1186
01:24:08,210 --> 01:24:10,244
Please.
1187
01:24:10,246 --> 01:24:15,215
John. John, please wake up.
1188
01:24:15,217 --> 01:24:17,151
Please wake up.
1189
01:24:17,153 --> 01:24:19,053
Please.
1190
01:24:19,055 --> 01:24:22,222
I can't do this without you.
1191
01:24:22,224 --> 01:24:23,824
I love you.
1192
01:24:31,733 --> 01:24:34,234
Wake up, please!
1193
01:24:38,840 --> 01:24:41,275
You're alive?
1194
01:24:42,610 --> 01:24:44,645
Yeah. Wow.
1195
01:24:46,682 --> 01:24:49,316
Now you promise
we'll get rid of it?
1196
01:24:50,618 --> 01:24:52,352
I promise.
1197
01:24:53,188 --> 01:24:55,122
I'm so ready.
1198
01:25:02,130 --> 01:25:06,366
If you find me here
1199
01:25:06,368 --> 01:25:10,504
a wreck upon your shore
1200
01:25:10,506 --> 01:25:15,509
would you hide me
in your arms
1201
01:25:15,511 --> 01:25:19,113
and quell the ocean's roar?
1202
01:25:19,115 --> 01:25:21,748
Hey.
1203
01:25:21,750 --> 01:25:24,184
I hear someone downstairs.
1204
01:25:26,889 --> 01:25:28,589
I got it.
1205
01:25:51,246 --> 01:25:53,680
It's gone.
Yeah?
1206
01:25:53,682 --> 01:25:55,549
Arnie took the teapot.
1207
01:25:56,751 --> 01:25:59,653
Let's just give it
all away...
1208
01:25:59,655 --> 01:26:02,322
The car, the house.
1209
01:26:02,324 --> 01:26:05,492
Everything.
I don't want it anymore.
I miss our pinto.
1210
01:26:05,494 --> 01:26:07,461
Wait.
1211
01:26:07,463 --> 01:26:10,531
Did we just give sauron
his ring back?
1212
01:26:10,533 --> 01:26:13,400
You're such a geek.
No, I'm serious.
1213
01:26:13,402 --> 01:26:15,769
We have to deliver it
to Ling ourselves.
1214
01:26:16,738 --> 01:26:18,939
We have to fix it.
1215
01:26:18,941 --> 01:26:21,642
Because we're
John and Alice Macy,
1216
01:26:21,644 --> 01:26:23,310
The frickin' good guys.
1217
01:26:24,412 --> 01:26:25,579
Yeah.
1218
01:26:25,581 --> 01:26:27,247
Yeah?
Yeah.
1219
01:26:35,523 --> 01:26:38,325
Let's review.
He has at least two guns,
1220
01:26:38,327 --> 01:26:40,894
Probably a collection of knives,
including the kind
that curves...
1221
01:26:40,896 --> 01:26:43,363
Like it
was designed specifically
for cutting out the entrails...
1222
01:26:43,365 --> 01:26:45,899
Of smaller men
with a better developed
sense of humor.
1223
01:26:45,901 --> 01:26:48,202
A bowie knife?
Uh-huh.
1224
01:26:49,337 --> 01:26:50,871
He's the greediest
person we know,
1225
01:26:50,873 --> 01:26:52,706
And he has a magic teapot
that pays for pain.
1226
01:26:52,708 --> 01:26:53,941
And he hates us.
1227
01:26:55,577 --> 01:26:57,844
He certainly does.
1228
01:27:19,834 --> 01:27:21,268
Arnie!
1229
01:27:22,737 --> 01:27:25,305
Let us in!
1230
01:27:25,307 --> 01:27:27,307
We know you have the teapot.
1231
01:27:36,017 --> 01:27:37,017
Arnie?
1232
01:27:54,802 --> 01:27:56,970
Jesus Christ.
1233
01:27:58,640 --> 01:28:00,007
We're too late.
1234
01:28:09,484 --> 01:28:11,652
- Seriously?
- Oh, my God!
1235
01:28:11,654 --> 01:28:14,321
Look at this. Money just
comes walking in my house.
I love it.
1236
01:28:14,323 --> 01:28:16,523
Arnie. Arnie, Arnie, Arnie.
Just relax.
1237
01:28:16,525 --> 01:28:18,992
Put the gun...
Arnie, please put
the gun down.
1238
01:28:18,994 --> 01:28:21,995
Oh, come on.
No one's gonna miss you two.
Put the gun down.
1239
01:28:21,997 --> 01:28:25,499
- Put it down. Listen.
- Stop it. Stop it.
1240
01:28:25,501 --> 01:28:27,934
Just hold on a second, Arnie.
1241
01:28:27,936 --> 01:28:31,071
This is insane.
Look at yourself.
1242
01:28:33,708 --> 01:28:36,810
I almost feel bad
for doing this, you know,
with our history and all.
1243
01:28:36,812 --> 01:28:38,979
- No!
- Arnie!
1244
01:28:38,981 --> 01:28:40,314
Ow!
1245
01:28:40,316 --> 01:28:43,016
God! Ow!
1246
01:28:44,719 --> 01:28:46,386
You almost look
like a man.
1247
01:28:46,388 --> 01:28:48,755
I am a man!
1248
01:28:48,757 --> 01:28:52,559
I've done things to myself
that you can never imagine,
my friend.
1249
01:28:52,561 --> 01:28:56,463
I've burned, I've cut,
I've mutilated...
1250
01:28:56,465 --> 01:28:59,399
Every inch of my body.
1251
01:28:59,401 --> 01:29:03,904
I've gone to the dark side,
and I have no fear.
1252
01:29:03,906 --> 01:29:06,807
Now, give us
the goddamn teapot.
1253
01:29:19,921 --> 01:29:20,954
No!
1254
01:29:21,556 --> 01:29:24,591
No! No! No! No!
1255
01:29:24,593 --> 01:29:25,625
No!
1256
01:29:28,796 --> 01:29:29,963
Settle down!
1257
01:29:29,965 --> 01:29:31,665
Oh, my God!
1258
01:29:31,667 --> 01:29:33,400
Oh, yeah.
1259
01:29:33,402 --> 01:29:34,901
You all right?
1260
01:29:34,903 --> 01:29:37,104
You okay, baby?
1261
01:29:37,106 --> 01:29:38,472
Give me this.
1262
01:29:38,474 --> 01:29:40,374
Okay.
1263
01:29:44,746 --> 01:29:46,513
Get down on your knees.
1264
01:29:46,515 --> 01:29:49,116
Okay. Okay.
1265
01:29:49,118 --> 01:29:51,918
I always wanted to say that.
It's like on cops.
1266
01:29:51,920 --> 01:29:53,487
Hi, Alice.
1267
01:29:55,524 --> 01:29:58,158
You look like shit!
1268
01:29:58,160 --> 01:30:00,994
We're gonna make
so much money off you two.
1269
01:30:00,996 --> 01:30:03,063
- You don't wanna do this.
Trust me.
- Get ready to say good-bye.
1270
01:30:03,065 --> 01:30:04,931
- No.
- Sweet dreams.
1271
01:30:04,933 --> 01:30:08,034
Guys, you don't wanna...
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
1272
01:30:08,036 --> 01:30:09,603
- Hey!
- Oh, my God!
1273
01:30:09,605 --> 01:30:11,037
Wizards!
1274
01:30:11,039 --> 01:30:12,939
Give us the teapot!
1275
01:30:12,941 --> 01:30:15,108
I'm sorry.
Who the hell are you?
1276
01:30:15,110 --> 01:30:19,146
I am God's
holy representative.
1277
01:30:19,148 --> 01:30:23,683
Our grandmother stole
the teapot from Hitler,
1278
01:30:23,685 --> 01:30:26,520
And these sinners
stole it from her.
1279
01:30:26,522 --> 01:30:29,756
So my brother and I
have come to take
what is ours.
1280
01:30:29,758 --> 01:30:32,526
He touched the teapot,
remember?
1281
01:30:32,528 --> 01:30:36,163
- Hell, no. Oh, no.
- Hi. You come in here,
into my house...
1282
01:30:36,165 --> 01:30:37,764
And you threaten
me and my wife?
Uh-uh.
1283
01:30:37,766 --> 01:30:39,966
You come in here,
and you threaten me? Huh?
1284
01:30:39,968 --> 01:30:41,768
No way.
You tell him, baby!
1285
01:30:41,770 --> 01:30:44,971
Give me the teapot,
and I might let you live.
1286
01:30:44,973 --> 01:30:46,640
Give him the teapot.
Give it to him.
1287
01:30:46,642 --> 01:30:49,676
Put your gun down, redneck,
and give us the teapot.
1288
01:30:49,678 --> 01:30:53,113
Excuse me?
What did you just say to me?
1289
01:30:53,115 --> 01:30:55,449
- I'm gonna pop a cap
in your ass.
1290
01:30:55,451 --> 01:30:56,750
Arnie!
1291
01:30:56,752 --> 01:30:58,452
No!
1292
01:30:58,454 --> 01:30:59,786
Oh, sh...
Oh, my God!
1293
01:30:59,788 --> 01:31:01,154
Arnie!
1294
01:31:04,492 --> 01:31:06,059
Give us the teapot!
1295
01:31:07,495 --> 01:31:09,863
Arnie!
Oh, no, you terrorists!
1296
01:31:11,166 --> 01:31:12,599
Yoel!
1297
01:31:27,115 --> 01:31:29,082
What's happening?
Shh.
1298
01:31:46,534 --> 01:31:49,169
Arnie? Guys?
1299
01:31:55,076 --> 01:31:57,077
Oh, my God.
1300
01:32:09,023 --> 01:32:10,991
That could have been us.
1301
01:32:18,533 --> 01:32:20,066
Oh, my God.
1302
01:32:49,997 --> 01:32:51,898
Let's get rid
of this thing.
1303
01:33:54,695 --> 01:33:57,330
Kings, queens,
1304
01:33:57,332 --> 01:34:00,000
Dictators, priests,
1305
01:34:00,002 --> 01:34:02,736
Peasants and generals.
1306
01:34:03,804 --> 01:34:06,640
Thousands before you
have held it.
1307
01:34:07,908 --> 01:34:11,745
So few have had
the strength
to let go.
1308
01:34:12,713 --> 01:34:14,314
Thank you.
1309
01:34:16,684 --> 01:34:18,318
Thank you.
1310
01:34:32,667 --> 01:34:35,935
I'm a man on fire
1311
01:34:35,937 --> 01:34:37,937
walking through your street
1312
01:34:37,939 --> 01:34:40,740
with one guitar
1313
01:34:40,742 --> 01:34:42,442
and two dancing feet
1314
01:34:43,310 --> 01:34:46,112
only one desire
1315
01:34:46,114 --> 01:34:48,848
that's left in me
1316
01:34:48,850 --> 01:34:50,950
I want the whole damn world
1317
01:34:50,952 --> 01:34:52,919
to come dance with me
1318
01:34:55,122 --> 01:34:58,224
ohh, mmm
1319
01:34:59,427 --> 01:35:02,429
come dance with me
1320
01:35:02,431 --> 01:35:05,231
oh, murder and pain
1321
01:35:05,233 --> 01:35:08,134
Oh, my God.
1322
01:35:08,136 --> 01:35:10,837
Chuck! Chuck! Chuck,
chuck, chuck, chuck, chuck.
come set you free
1323
01:35:10,839 --> 01:35:13,039
We're rich. We're rich.
1324
01:35:13,041 --> 01:35:15,442
Oh, the heartache and shame
1325
01:35:18,379 --> 01:35:22,082
I wanna see
your bodies burning
1326
01:35:22,084 --> 01:35:24,951
like old big sun
1327
01:35:27,988 --> 01:35:31,825
I wanna know
what we've been learning
1328
01:35:31,827 --> 01:35:34,461
and learning from
1329
01:35:37,364 --> 01:35:39,399
ooh, ooh, ooh
1330
01:35:39,401 --> 01:35:42,902
everybody want safety
1331
01:35:42,904 --> 01:35:44,471
safety love
1332
01:35:44,473 --> 01:35:48,041
everybody want comfort
1333
01:35:48,043 --> 01:35:49,809
comfort love
1334
01:35:49,811 --> 01:35:53,313
everybody want certain
1335
01:35:53,315 --> 01:35:55,415
certain love
1336
01:35:55,417 --> 01:35:59,252
everybody but me
1337
01:35:59,254 --> 01:36:01,221
I'm a man on fire
1338
01:36:01,223 --> 01:36:04,424
walking down your street
1339
01:36:04,426 --> 01:36:06,893
with one guitar
1340
01:36:06,895 --> 01:36:09,829
and two dancing feet
1341
01:36:09,831 --> 01:36:12,766
only one desire
1342
01:36:12,768 --> 01:36:14,768
that's left in me
1343
01:36:14,770 --> 01:36:17,837
I want the whole damn world
1344
01:36:17,839 --> 01:36:20,507
to come and dance with me
1345
01:36:32,553 --> 01:36:37,791
bah-da, bah-da-da,
bah-da-da, bah-da-da
1346
01:36:37,793 --> 01:36:43,196
bah-da, bah-da-da,
bah-da-da, bah-da-da
1347
01:36:48,402 --> 01:36:53,940
bah-da, bah-da-da,
bah-da-da, bah-da-da-da
1348
01:36:59,113 --> 01:37:02,916
hey, hey
1349
01:37:02,918 --> 01:37:05,285
come dance with me
1350
01:37:06,353 --> 01:37:09,389
oh, the heartache and rage
1351
01:37:12,193 --> 01:37:14,527
come set us free
1352
01:37:15,930 --> 01:37:19,165
oh, the panic and strange
1353
01:37:21,268 --> 01:37:24,838
I wanna see
your bodies burning
1354
01:37:24,840 --> 01:37:27,907
like old big sun
1355
01:37:30,477 --> 01:37:34,214
I wanna know
what we've been learning
1356
01:37:34,216 --> 01:37:36,983
and learning from
1357
01:37:39,553 --> 01:37:41,554
ooh, ooh, ooh
1358
01:37:41,556 --> 01:37:45,058
everybody want romance
1359
01:37:45,060 --> 01:37:46,626
romance love
1360
01:37:46,628 --> 01:37:50,196
everybody want safety
1361
01:37:50,198 --> 01:37:51,931
safety love
1362
01:37:51,933 --> 01:37:55,468
everybody want comfort
1363
01:37:55,470 --> 01:37:57,237
comfort love
1364
01:37:57,239 --> 01:38:03,443
everybody but me
1365
01:38:03,445 --> 01:38:06,179
I'm a man on fire
he's a man on fire
1366
01:38:06,181 --> 01:38:08,514
walking down your street
walking down your street
1367
01:38:08,516 --> 01:38:11,384
with one guitar
with one guitar
1368
01:38:11,386 --> 01:38:13,987
and two dancing feet
two dancing feet
1369
01:38:13,989 --> 01:38:16,556
only one desire
only one desire
1370
01:38:16,558 --> 01:38:19,125
that's still in me
that's left in me
1371
01:38:19,127 --> 01:38:21,961
I want the whole damn world
want the whole damn world
1372
01:38:21,963 --> 01:38:28,001
to come and dance with me
come and dance with me
yeah
1373
01:38:28,003 --> 01:38:30,904
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
1374
01:38:30,906 --> 01:38:33,306
man on fire
1375
01:38:33,308 --> 01:38:35,642
oh, oh, oh, oh
1376
01:38:53,060 --> 01:38:57,096
if you find me here
1377
01:38:57,098 --> 01:39:01,301
a wreck upon your shore
1378
01:39:01,303 --> 01:39:06,139
would you hide me
in your arms
1379
01:39:06,141 --> 01:39:10,076
and quell the ocean's roar?
1380
01:39:12,947 --> 01:39:17,483
Lovely, dark and warm
1381
01:39:17,485 --> 01:39:22,055
fading with the tide
1382
01:39:22,057 --> 01:39:26,326
they sink beneath the waves
1383
01:39:26,328 --> 01:39:29,729
of the night
1384
01:39:37,705 --> 01:39:42,108
listen in the wind
1385
01:39:42,110 --> 01:39:46,579
a voice that I have known
1386
01:39:46,581 --> 01:39:51,351
soft when daylight fades
1387
01:39:51,353 --> 01:39:55,154
now a whispered moan
1388
01:39:57,992 --> 01:40:02,428
lovely, dark and warm
1389
01:40:02,430 --> 01:40:06,699
fading with the tide
1390
01:40:06,701 --> 01:40:11,204
they sink beneath the waves
1391
01:40:11,206 --> 01:40:15,108
of the night
1392
01:40:33,794 --> 01:40:38,231
lovely, dark and warm
1393
01:40:38,233 --> 01:40:42,568
fading with the tide
1394
01:40:42,570 --> 01:40:47,407
we sink beneath the waves
1395
01:40:47,409 --> 01:40:52,145
of the night
99718
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof