Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
2
00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,243
I'm sure you're all wondering
3
00:00:12,245 --> 00:00:14,345
why I'm not up for
"Most Likely to Succeed".
4
00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:17,715
As editor of this paper,
I had to recuse myself.
5
00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:19,317
I got nominated for "Whitest".
6
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:21,619
Is that bad? It's not, right?
7
00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:23,488
How could it be bad, you know?
8
00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:26,157
I mean, look at how cool
the sword you're drawing is.
9
00:00:26,159 --> 00:00:28,459
It's not just any sword. It's Excalibur,
10
00:00:28,461 --> 00:00:30,401
the most famous sword of all time.
11
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:45,679
Ohh...
12
00:00:48,648 --> 00:00:52,383
Should we be starting
to shut up now, Boss?
13
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:54,887
One, two, three, four!
14
00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:18,543
I'm up for "Most Original",
15
00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:21,613
the category formerly
known as "Biggest Freak".
16
00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:23,915
Eduardo and I have been nominated
17
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,283
for "Best Friends" again
18
00:01:25,285 --> 00:01:28,120
but we don't need a trophy
to confirm our bond.
19
00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:29,721
Yeah, that's 'cause you
know you're gonna lose
20
00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:32,290
to Ashley Dorfman and Amanda Jackson.
21
00:01:32,292 --> 00:01:35,493
Ashlanda! Ugh, love them.
22
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:37,695
I didn't get nominated for anything.
23
00:01:37,697 --> 00:01:39,365
Me neither.
24
00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:41,968
But Craig Donovan made
the list for "Best Singer".
25
00:01:41,970 --> 00:01:44,235
Sure, if you like a tenor who pushes!
26
00:01:44,237 --> 00:01:47,672
These, uh, superlatives
will never matter.
27
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:49,640
Nothing matters.
28
00:01:49,642 --> 00:01:52,577
We're all just rapidly
decaying meat bags
29
00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:54,278
we patch together with duct tape
30
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,646
till the bottom falls out.
31
00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:59,350
Is your meat bag okay, Mr. G?
32
00:01:59,352 --> 00:02:01,619
Well, we'll find out
after my colonoscopy.
33
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,821
I don't know if I have, like,
a family history of anything
34
00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:05,356
'cause I don't speak to my dad.
35
00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:06,724
So to be safe,
36
00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:09,794
I gotta drink this muck for 24 hours
37
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,430
then get my butt probed.
38
00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:14,732
I'm surprised that you're
opening up to us, Mr. Griffin.
39
00:02:14,734 --> 00:02:16,601
Yeah, well, you guys
don't count, you know.
40
00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:18,436
I'm hiding it from adults,
41
00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:19,871
people who don't play Pogs all day
42
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:22,473
while wondering who shot Mr. Burns.
43
00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:24,676
It's clear from your tone
that we've been savaged.
44
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:27,712
But I wonder if you could do it
again with updated references.
45
00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:29,280
I cannot.
46
00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:30,481
And now...
47
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:32,717
I must leave you.
48
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,655
Buckle up, people.
49
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,657
Amanda and Ashley have had a fight!
50
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:41,426
They're off the ballot.
51
00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:43,428
This could be our year!
52
00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:46,431
We could go down in Whitlock history.
53
00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:48,299
Secret handshake time?
54
00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:49,901
Gimme that knuckle candy.
55
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,769
One, two, three.
56
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,541
- Hmm?
- I like his new boyfriend.
57
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:59,577
- Hey, uh, Mary.
- Hey.
58
00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:01,679
Do you remember a few months back
59
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,581
when, uh, we made your grandma believe
60
00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:05,750
that I was a firefighter named Cash
61
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:07,585
and we were getting married
in a Catholic ceremony?
62
00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:09,654
- Yeah.
- Yeah, well, um,
63
00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:11,689
you kinda owe me. I need a ride.
64
00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:13,624
- Yeah, sure.
- Okay.
65
00:03:13,626 --> 00:03:16,327
- Where do you need to go?
- Well, I don't wanna say.
66
00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:18,663
Oh, hey, psst, I know I'm
not in this conversation,
67
00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:21,399
but why can't you drive yourself?
68
00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:22,834
I'm omitting that as well.
69
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:24,535
- Oh.
- I'm obviously gonna know
70
00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:25,937
once we get to the destination.
71
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:27,839
Unless it's a nondescript building.
72
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,774
It's a nondescript building.
73
00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:31,542
You know, the more closed off you are,
74
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,845
the more I just wanna
take my nails and just...
75
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,813
pry you open.
76
00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:38,649
You're like that one closed pistachio.
77
00:03:38,651 --> 00:03:41,352
You know what happens
to the open pistachios?
78
00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:43,189
They get eaten.
79
00:03:43,191 --> 00:03:44,522
Well, see, that's the point.
80
00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:46,358
Let us eat you, little pistachio.
81
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,600
We will gain your powers!
82
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:57,368
Who do you think you are, Ellen's DJ?
83
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:02,405
_
84
00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:24,827
_
85
00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:31,703
Ralph, you look pretty!
86
00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:33,606
Ooh, ya smell nice too.
87
00:04:33,608 --> 00:04:35,506
Oh, well, you look
pretty spiffy yourself.
88
00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:36,541
Is that a new shirt?
89
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:39,110
Oh, gosh, no, this is my
grandfather's favorite shirt.
90
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,479
He was buried in it.
91
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:42,447
But then they reopened
the murder case, so...
92
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:44,015
Ooh! There you are!
93
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:46,517
Hi, Helen, hi, Ralph!
94
00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:49,754
I like it, so I'm gonna
put a class ring on it.
95
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:55,026
- I better squeeze you!
- Oh, you better!
96
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:57,562
How are you? Look at your hair!
97
00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:59,297
Hey, Marjorie, Marjorie,
98
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,631
so weird you dropped by
99
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,668
just as I... was gettin' my twirl on!
100
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:05,137
Ralph, are those devil sticks?
101
00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:06,904
Yep. I got 'em in the divorce.
102
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:08,639
I am as single as a $1 bill.
103
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:09,974
- Mm!
- Mm-hmm.
104
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,777
What is that wonderful
scent that I'm smelling?
105
00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:14,579
Dark Temptation XL Body Spray.
106
00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:16,567
Ha ha! I knew it was you.
107
00:05:16,569 --> 00:05:18,783
I'm gonna get that for
my mailman next Christmas.
108
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,451
- That is so yummy on you.
- Yeah, yeah.
109
00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:22,053
- Look at this.
- Ooh!
110
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,554
- Lookit. Lookit.
- Oh, I can tell.
111
00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:24,989
That looks like something very special.
112
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,425
- It's so special.
- Uh...
113
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,059
What you are looking
at is a lock of hair
114
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:29,927
of the legendary
115
00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:31,829
- Weird Al Yankovic.
- Ooh.
116
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,831
Marjorie, l-look, this is a new trick.
117
00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:35,967
I call this The Body Scan... watch this.
118
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:38,936
Whoa! And then... yaaaah...
119
00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:41,072
- Opa!
- Ooh! Ah, that was great!
120
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:44,542
- Been workin' on it.
- I was in line at JoAnn Fabrics,
121
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:47,712
and who walks up but the Bard himself?
122
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:49,722
So I cut a little bit of his mane
123
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:51,224
when he wasn't paying attention.
124
00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:52,850
Oh, wow!
125
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,686
This has truly made my day.
126
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,654
Oh, thank you. Your
hands have made my day.
127
00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:58,556
They're soft. They're real soft.
128
00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,275
Okay! Well, I gotta go
129
00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:02,060
and peddle my wares.
130
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:04,095
Ah, it's so good.
131
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:06,631
I didn't want that to end.
132
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,709
_
133
00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:28,456
Here you go.
134
00:06:30,575 --> 00:06:33,510
Don't return forms until
they're fully complete.
135
00:06:33,512 --> 00:06:35,993
I-I prefer to discuss
some of these privately
136
00:06:35,995 --> 00:06:37,786
- with the doctor.
- Excuse me,
137
00:06:37,788 --> 00:06:39,272
is this where you donate the urine?
138
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:41,032
- I'm a universal donor!
- What are you... doing?
139
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,867
What are you doing?
140
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:45,028
You should have told me it
was a doctor's appointment.
141
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:47,739
I've got a great butt guy.
Well, he's not a doctor,
142
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,774
but he knows what he's doin' back there.
143
00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:52,371
Sir, your forms!
144
00:06:52,373 --> 00:06:54,145
First blank question.
145
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:56,147
When was your last evacuation?
146
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,849
- Oh, this...
- Yeah, when was that thing?
147
00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:58,950
Come on, don't...
148
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,685
I think we'd all like to know.
149
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:02,754
This morning, on the drive over.
150
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,555
- What... at the gas station?
- Yep.
151
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:06,091
You said you were buying gum,
152
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,592
- you little liar!
- I did buy gum!
153
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:08,893
Ma'am!
154
00:07:08,895 --> 00:07:10,862
Be quiet!
155
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,181
Everything in this waiting room
156
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:16,701
must be orderly.
157
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:18,424
Select a crayon.
158
00:07:18,426 --> 00:07:22,940
Draw your stool so that
I can get on with my day.
159
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,610
Draw it?
160
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,780
Oh, my God.
161
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,581
Hey.
162
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:34,886
Hey, Mary, I'm actually
pretty glad that you're here.
163
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,689
Thanks for keeping this a secret, so...
164
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,891
Seacrest.
165
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,793
Ryan Seacrest.
166
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,128
I would never tell Seacrest.
167
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,731
I mean, I think he's
got enough on his plate.
168
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:48,933
You didn't tell Lynette, did you?
169
00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:51,002
'Cause... I just want...
170
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:53,204
I just want my butt to be romantic.
171
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:56,207
No, for the 15th time,
I did not tell Lynette.
172
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,176
Okay, good.
173
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:01,612
So you're the only one
that knows that... good.
174
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,400
Knows what? About your butt surgery?
175
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:06,818
Why is he face-up?
176
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,219
Hey, no, no.
177
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:13,091
No one else knowing... my Seacrests...
178
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,534
Can I ask you guys a serious question?
179
00:08:21,536 --> 00:08:23,737
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
180
00:08:23,739 --> 00:08:25,136
Is this where the baby comes out?
181
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:27,872
Errrr... pffft!
182
00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:31,410
You ladies are being very loud.
183
00:08:31,412 --> 00:08:32,546
- Ooh.
- Sorry.
184
00:08:32,548 --> 00:08:35,300
Only the patient's ride
needs to be in here.
185
00:08:35,302 --> 00:08:36,723
No, actually, we are the ride,
186
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:37,749
- all three of us.
- Mm-hmm.
187
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,751
Well, maybe you'd be more comfortable
188
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,819
waiting someplace more appropriate
189
00:08:41,821 --> 00:08:44,188
like a McDonald's Play Place.
190
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:47,158
Ooh, I know she did not
just tell this Burger Queen
191
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,826
to go to McDonald's.
192
00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:50,061
- Mm-mm.
- Mm-mm.
193
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,263
You said something about a lollipop.
194
00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:54,899
- Oh, there's our big guy!
- Aw.
195
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:56,300
Oh, are you okay?
196
00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:58,770
- No.
- You're with Mr. Griffin?
197
00:08:58,772 --> 00:08:59,954
- Yeah.
- I have some images
198
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,005
from today's exam.
199
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:02,840
W-what... w...
200
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:05,910
So what you're looking
at is the ascending colon.
201
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:09,147
You're gonna see some swelling,
especially in that photo.
202
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:10,915
Pass that down and make
sure everyone sees it.
203
00:09:10,917 --> 00:09:12,984
Everyone doesn't need
to see it, that's...
204
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,587
Wait, but doctor, why does this one
205
00:09:14,589 --> 00:09:16,054
have a question mark drawn on it?
206
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,056
That spot is where I
found a small polyp.
207
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,493
- Wait, a polyp?
- Most polyps are harmless.
208
00:09:20,495 --> 00:09:22,960
We'll run some tests and call
you with the results tomorrow.
209
00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:26,931
W-w-w-w... for sure there's a polyp?
210
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:28,434
- Here, y'all wanna see?
- What are you doing?
211
00:09:28,436 --> 00:09:30,237
Don't pass it to her!
Gimme, gimme, gimme!
212
00:09:30,239 --> 00:09:33,805
Passing... ugh. And
why are you taking it?
213
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,039
That's crazy.
214
00:09:39,374 --> 00:09:41,174
Ah-ah-hem!
215
00:09:41,176 --> 00:09:42,878
We'd like to talk to you all today
216
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,147
about our friendship.
217
00:09:44,149 --> 00:09:47,085
We are hoping that our
words will inspire you
218
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,170
to vote for us for
Whitlock's "Best Friends".
219
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,338
"Friendship.
220
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:52,308
Webster's Dictionary defines it
221
00:09:52,310 --> 00:09:54,410
as a person whom one knows
222
00:09:54,412 --> 00:09:56,979
and with whom one..."
223
00:10:01,319 --> 00:10:03,052
Friends!
224
00:10:03,054 --> 00:10:04,120
Friends!
225
00:10:06,925 --> 00:10:08,458
Friends!
226
00:10:08,460 --> 00:10:10,259
Besties!
227
00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:12,228
Friends!
228
00:10:20,238 --> 00:10:21,971
They're campaigning
as write-in candidates,
229
00:10:21,973 --> 00:10:23,206
and they're going hard!
230
00:10:23,208 --> 00:10:26,943
Frickin' do-si-do... now!
231
00:10:39,547 --> 00:10:42,291
It's called The Serendipity.
232
00:10:42,293 --> 00:10:44,961
Oh. Now, by that do you mean this moment
233
00:10:44,963 --> 00:10:46,229
or the ring?
234
00:10:46,231 --> 00:10:47,698
I can't with you!
235
00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:49,701
I'm sorry that I'm being
so funny and awesome
236
00:10:49,703 --> 00:10:52,004
while you're trying to work.
Tell me about the ring.
237
00:10:52,006 --> 00:10:55,238
Not until you tell me
more about these plates.
238
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,173
Oh, my...
239
00:10:57,175 --> 00:10:59,242
Princess Di plates. Well,
240
00:10:59,244 --> 00:11:01,110
I just always really admired, you know,
241
00:11:01,112 --> 00:11:03,179
her stance on landmines.
242
00:11:03,181 --> 00:11:04,280
Against.
243
00:11:04,282 --> 00:11:06,082
Hmm. Yeah.
244
00:11:06,084 --> 00:11:08,517
I just started collecting them
245
00:11:08,519 --> 00:11:10,520
around the same time that my, uh...
246
00:11:10,522 --> 00:11:13,356
Parents started arguing.
247
00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:18,961
You poor, sweet man.
248
00:11:18,963 --> 00:11:22,265
Would you teach me Instagram?
249
00:11:22,267 --> 00:11:26,202
Oh! Somebody help me!
250
00:11:26,204 --> 00:11:28,204
- Helen, are you okay?
- Oh!
251
00:11:28,206 --> 00:11:30,273
I just bopped my face on my monitor,
252
00:11:30,275 --> 00:11:32,309
and I knocked my tooth out!
253
00:11:32,311 --> 00:11:34,277
Thank heavens it's your fake tooth
254
00:11:34,279 --> 00:11:36,145
which can be replaced.
255
00:11:36,147 --> 00:11:38,114
Well, this one isn't.
256
00:11:38,116 --> 00:11:39,842
Oh, Helen, what are you doin'?
257
00:11:39,844 --> 00:11:41,711
You're a wild one, aren't you?
258
00:11:41,713 --> 00:11:44,353
Marjorie, Marjorie,
I-I wrote a new song!
259
00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:45,388
Listen to this.
260
00:11:45,390 --> 00:11:47,023
♪ Foot on the gas ♪
261
00:11:47,025 --> 00:11:48,558
♪ And I'm goin' too fast ♪
262
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:50,560
♪ It's a rock n' roll car, yeah ♪
263
00:11:50,562 --> 00:11:52,161
No, don't got in there, Marjorie.
264
00:11:52,163 --> 00:11:54,063
Stay with me, and
I'll tell you the story
265
00:11:54,065 --> 00:11:55,666
about when I came out to my grandpa
266
00:11:55,668 --> 00:11:57,869
in the Denny's parking
lot and it went just fine.
267
00:11:57,871 --> 00:12:01,571
What has gotten into you two goofs, huh?
268
00:12:01,573 --> 00:12:04,107
Because I want whatever
y'all are havin'.
269
00:12:23,331 --> 00:12:24,965
Stef, what are you doing?
270
00:12:24,967 --> 00:12:26,497
Well, I'm making sure you're okay
271
00:12:26,499 --> 00:12:28,464
while also testing out
some baby products.
272
00:12:28,466 --> 00:12:30,623
Wait a minute... I wasn't
wearing pajamas before.
273
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,068
Did you change me?
274
00:12:32,070 --> 00:12:35,104
Yes, we changed you. Don't get weird.
275
00:12:35,106 --> 00:12:38,274
Jack, you own "Fifty Shades of Grey"?
276
00:12:38,276 --> 00:12:41,043
Ooh! Freaky-deaky!
277
00:12:41,045 --> 00:12:44,046
All right, okay, there was a
month where everyone got it!
278
00:12:44,048 --> 00:12:46,048
I-I didn't get the other shades!
279
00:12:46,050 --> 00:12:48,860
Look, can you guys just
stop poking around my home?
280
00:12:48,862 --> 00:12:50,019
I'm feeling a little...
281
00:12:50,021 --> 00:12:52,388
Oh, um... vulnerable?
282
00:12:52,390 --> 00:12:54,701
- Whoops.
- Actually, those are mine.
283
00:12:54,703 --> 00:12:56,092
Those are my gym panties.
284
00:12:56,094 --> 00:12:57,460
They must have fallen
outta my coat pocket.
285
00:12:57,462 --> 00:12:59,422
- Oh, is that...
- Look, enough!
286
00:12:59,424 --> 00:13:01,925
Look, this day has been a nightmare
287
00:13:01,927 --> 00:13:04,128
from start to finish, okay?
I just wanna be alone.
288
00:13:04,130 --> 00:13:05,998
Well, we're not leaving you alone, okay?
289
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,001
We're gonna stay here and tease you
290
00:13:08,003 --> 00:13:10,279
and help you forget
about that scary test.
291
00:13:10,281 --> 00:13:13,016
When Keith gets scared, I sing to him.
292
00:13:13,018 --> 00:13:15,278
♪ Don't you cry, little doggie ♪
293
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,340
Stop! No!
294
00:13:18,516 --> 00:13:20,317
Okay, we get it.
295
00:13:20,319 --> 00:13:21,620
You don't like to be goofed on.
296
00:13:21,622 --> 00:13:24,353
You don't like dog songs.
What do you like?
297
00:13:24,355 --> 00:13:28,524
I like getting revenge on
those who've wronged me.
298
00:13:34,132 --> 00:13:36,399
Oh, yeah, that woman's got to pay.
299
00:13:38,269 --> 00:13:40,605
Leave your name and
number after the beep
300
00:13:40,607 --> 00:13:43,272
and try not to mumble like a moron.
301
00:13:43,274 --> 00:13:45,108
Oh.
302
00:13:45,110 --> 00:13:47,110
Hi, I'm a mermaid.
303
00:13:47,112 --> 00:13:48,611
My name is...
304
00:13:48,613 --> 00:13:50,881
Eeeeeeeee! Eee-ee-ee...
305
00:13:50,883 --> 00:13:53,752
Hello. I am snow saleswoman.
306
00:13:53,754 --> 00:13:57,653
I will put you in igloo today, uh...
307
00:13:57,655 --> 00:14:01,624
No, I... I'm... I wanna
order a pizza, actually.
308
00:14:01,626 --> 00:14:03,459
And, um, with, um...
309
00:14:03,461 --> 00:14:06,095
I can't think of any toppings!
310
00:14:06,097 --> 00:14:09,098
I was referred to you by...
311
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:11,167
Arrrrrhhhhh...
312
00:14:11,169 --> 00:14:14,019
Hello, my name is Peabody J.
313
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:16,272
Taco of the hard shell Tacos.
314
00:14:16,274 --> 00:14:18,141
Would you accept
315
00:14:18,143 --> 00:14:19,575
a Groupon that expired in
316
00:14:19,577 --> 00:14:22,512
Urr! Uhh-Ooh-Oohhhh!
317
00:14:22,514 --> 00:14:25,515
It is saleswoman of the snow.
318
00:14:25,517 --> 00:14:27,617
And I sell the snow by the flake.
319
00:14:27,619 --> 00:14:31,320
Everyone is different.
Oh, no, pepperoni!
320
00:14:31,322 --> 00:14:34,190
Pepperoni! Pep, please... Oh, ah... bye.
321
00:14:34,192 --> 00:14:36,359
Oh, my God.
322
00:14:36,361 --> 00:14:38,628
Oh, Molly, I love ya.
323
00:14:38,630 --> 00:14:41,197
Come to da poob and tip da pint!
324
00:14:41,199 --> 00:14:42,598
What kind of accent is that?
325
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,200
Irish.
326
00:14:44,202 --> 00:14:46,436
Uh-uh, girl, that was full-on pirate.
327
00:14:46,438 --> 00:14:48,693
This is Horace T. Taco
328
00:14:48,695 --> 00:14:50,473
of the soft shell Tacos.
329
00:14:50,475 --> 00:14:52,142
Perhaps you know my arch nemesis...
330
00:14:52,144 --> 00:14:53,609
The mailbox is full and cannot accept
331
00:14:53,611 --> 00:14:55,279
- any messages at this time.
- It's full.
332
00:14:55,281 --> 00:14:56,948
- Good-bye.
- It's full... we did it.
333
00:14:56,950 --> 00:14:59,215
- Yes!
- Yes!
334
00:14:59,217 --> 00:15:00,583
Ah!
335
00:15:00,585 --> 00:15:02,718
Nice.
336
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:05,388
You guys wearing my sweatpants?
337
00:15:05,390 --> 00:15:08,558
_
338
00:15:12,664 --> 00:15:15,234
You think you're bester friends than us?
339
00:15:16,335 --> 00:15:18,403
- We challenge you to a duel
- _
340
00:15:18,405 --> 00:15:20,139
that we hope that we will win.
341
00:15:20,141 --> 00:15:21,941
- Fine.
- Sounds good.
342
00:15:23,741 --> 00:15:25,408
- All right, everybody,
- _
343
00:15:25,410 --> 00:15:27,643
just three questions left.
344
00:15:27,645 --> 00:15:29,679
Let's take a little trip to Tinseltown.
345
00:15:29,681 --> 00:15:33,550
Victor, what is
Eduardo's favorite movie?
346
00:15:33,552 --> 00:15:35,672
Oh, that's an easy one. It
used to be "Shanghai Noon",
347
00:15:35,674 --> 00:15:37,253
but now he can't fall asleep at night
348
00:15:37,255 --> 00:15:39,223
without watching "Pitch Perfect 2".
349
00:15:39,225 --> 00:15:41,838
Wait... does that mean
he hates "Pitch Perfect 2"
350
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,007
because it puts him to sleep?
351
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:44,794
I'm gonna need a final answer, buddy.
352
00:15:44,796 --> 00:15:47,463
Uh, "Shanghai Noon". Final answer.
353
00:15:47,465 --> 00:15:49,365
Eduardo.
354
00:15:49,367 --> 00:15:51,467
- Oh, my God!
- Come on, man!
355
00:15:51,469 --> 00:15:53,402
We talked a bunch about
how the young women
356
00:15:53,404 --> 00:15:55,139
really find their stride in the sequel.
357
00:15:55,141 --> 00:15:58,808
All right, Grace, it is
time to ride the rainbow.
358
00:15:58,810 --> 00:16:01,410
What's Anthony's favorite color?
359
00:16:01,412 --> 00:16:04,814
Um, his shirt is blue,
360
00:16:04,816 --> 00:16:07,417
so... blue?
361
00:16:07,419 --> 00:16:08,651
Yes!
362
00:16:08,653 --> 00:16:09,786
You literally see me!
363
00:16:09,788 --> 00:16:11,487
I love my BFF!
364
00:16:11,489 --> 00:16:13,556
My man!
365
00:16:13,558 --> 00:16:15,558
It's time for the last question.
366
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:18,973
Eduardo, let's talk grub, bub.
367
00:16:18,975 --> 00:16:21,184
What is Victor's favorite food?
368
00:16:21,186 --> 00:16:23,087
- Pot pie.
- What?
369
00:16:23,089 --> 00:16:24,696
Pot pie... you said just Friday
370
00:16:24,698 --> 00:16:26,602
that my mother's pot pie
was the best in the world.
371
00:16:26,604 --> 00:16:28,738
It's pizza. It's pizza!
372
00:16:28,740 --> 00:16:30,373
It's always pizza!
373
00:16:30,375 --> 00:16:31,774
- Ooh!
- Ooh...
374
00:16:31,776 --> 00:16:33,476
Eduardo, we're teens!
375
00:16:33,478 --> 00:16:35,645
We're like two decades
out from lovin' pot pie.
376
00:16:35,647 --> 00:16:37,828
Then why did Victor
say that to my mother
377
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,248
about her pot pie?
378
00:16:39,250 --> 00:16:41,384
I was being nice!
379
00:16:41,386 --> 00:16:43,319
Let's give it up for our best friends...
380
00:16:50,201 --> 00:16:53,663
Helen, I know it's been awkward, so...
381
00:16:53,665 --> 00:16:55,598
I'm just gonna come out and say it.
382
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,601
Today is Marjorie's last day and...
383
00:16:58,603 --> 00:17:00,503
I think you should ask her out.
384
00:17:00,505 --> 00:17:01,737
I mean, your eyes light up
385
00:17:01,739 --> 00:17:03,439
whenever she walks into the room!
386
00:17:03,441 --> 00:17:06,409
Yes, Marjorie makes my nether regions
387
00:17:06,411 --> 00:17:08,320
thump the "Law & Order" theme,
388
00:17:08,322 --> 00:17:10,580
but I couldn't do that to you, Ralph.
389
00:17:10,582 --> 00:17:13,382
This is the first time that
you've flirted with anyone
390
00:17:13,384 --> 00:17:15,618
since your divorce.
391
00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:17,653
I would rather die again.
392
00:17:17,655 --> 00:17:19,290
Oh, hi, Helen!
393
00:17:19,292 --> 00:17:22,325
I have an extremely
important question to ask you.
394
00:17:22,327 --> 00:17:24,360
If I said you had a nice body,
395
00:17:24,362 --> 00:17:25,661
would you hold it against me?
396
00:17:25,663 --> 00:17:27,563
Oh, it's a riddle?
397
00:17:27,565 --> 00:17:29,599
Oh, uh... of course I would
398
00:17:29,601 --> 00:17:32,635
hold my body against you, Marjorie,
399
00:17:32,637 --> 00:17:34,272
and so would Ralph!
400
00:17:34,274 --> 00:17:36,706
Ah! Both of you, huh?
401
00:17:36,708 --> 00:17:39,642
'Cause that sounds like my kinda party!
402
00:17:39,644 --> 00:17:41,878
Well, maybe I'll swing
by later and we can, uh,
403
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,547
get into some trouble together?
404
00:17:50,622 --> 00:17:52,555
♪ Dun-dun ♪
405
00:17:52,557 --> 00:17:55,725
Did she just propose
what I think she did?
406
00:17:55,727 --> 00:17:57,527
I think so.
407
00:17:57,529 --> 00:17:59,529
A three-way at work.
408
00:17:59,531 --> 00:18:01,798
Well, it's official. I'm turning
into my mother.
409
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,566
But we... we... we can't!
410
00:18:03,568 --> 00:18:05,135
I mean, right?
411
00:18:05,137 --> 00:18:07,572
No! I mean, we can't
look at each other naked.
412
00:18:07,574 --> 00:18:10,473
We're gonna say, "Marjorie,
we'll do things with you,
413
00:18:10,475 --> 00:18:12,909
but not with each other?"
That's just weird!
414
00:18:12,911 --> 00:18:15,634
Dear Marjorie, here's 102 rules
415
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:17,180
before we start smoochin'.
416
00:18:17,182 --> 00:18:19,255
I mean, we could do less rules, but...
417
00:18:19,257 --> 00:18:21,191
No, forget it!
418
00:18:21,193 --> 00:18:23,161
Oh, no, that's crazy, right?
419
00:18:23,163 --> 00:18:24,491
- Whoo!
- Ha ha ha ha.
420
00:18:24,493 --> 00:18:26,327
What?
421
00:18:40,572 --> 00:18:45,081
Hi, um, I'm calling for the
results of my colonoscopy.
422
00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:46,150
Jack Griffin.
423
00:18:46,152 --> 00:18:47,252
Mr. Griffin,
424
00:18:47,254 --> 00:18:50,813
I received 127 messages
425
00:18:50,815 --> 00:18:54,517
from what sounded like
you and your loud friends.
426
00:18:54,519 --> 00:18:56,086
Unfortunately,
427
00:18:56,088 --> 00:18:58,621
all of those messages flooded our system
428
00:18:58,623 --> 00:19:01,791
and deleted your test
results to make space.
429
00:19:01,793 --> 00:19:03,260
Wait, wait, wait.
430
00:19:03,262 --> 00:19:05,862
Voicemails deleted a test result?
431
00:19:05,864 --> 00:19:07,227
H... that can't be a thing.
432
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:09,599
You'll need to get another colonoscopy
433
00:19:09,601 --> 00:19:12,502
tomorrow morning to
be absolutely certain
434
00:19:12,504 --> 00:19:13,704
you're cancer-free.
435
00:19:13,706 --> 00:19:17,907
I hope you and your
friends had fun, Mr. Taco.
436
00:19:21,846 --> 00:19:24,914
She knows it was us
who did the prank calls.
437
00:19:24,916 --> 00:19:26,749
She's making me do the test again.
438
00:19:26,751 --> 00:19:29,020
- That sucks!
- Damn!
439
00:19:29,022 --> 00:19:30,753
Well, I guess she won.
440
00:19:30,755 --> 00:19:33,890
Or maybe not.
441
00:19:33,892 --> 00:19:36,993
But it's gonna cost me
my last shred of dignity.
442
00:19:46,604 --> 00:19:49,504
Aren't you forgetting something?
443
00:19:54,078 --> 00:19:56,612
In the end,
444
00:19:56,614 --> 00:19:58,948
the winners of the
"Best Friends" category
445
00:19:58,950 --> 00:20:00,817
were the write-in candidates.
446
00:20:00,819 --> 00:20:03,286
Yes! You do the work,
you get the reward!
447
00:20:03,288 --> 00:20:05,488
- Oh!
- Actually, I meant Ashley
448
00:20:05,490 --> 00:20:07,890
- and Amanda.
- Yes! Ohh!
449
00:20:07,892 --> 00:20:09,525
They're back, baby.
450
00:20:16,868 --> 00:20:18,968
Here, you take these.
451
00:20:18,970 --> 00:20:22,038
Ours was a sham friendship anyways.
452
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,107
You two are the real BFFs.
453
00:20:24,109 --> 00:20:26,642
We don't deserve your used hats.
454
00:20:26,644 --> 00:20:28,845
I said pot pie.
455
00:20:28,847 --> 00:20:30,913
Come on, you're Victuardo.
456
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,754
During last night's closing statements
457
00:20:37,756 --> 00:20:39,623
of "Bunkbed Breakdown",
458
00:20:39,625 --> 00:20:41,493
we agreed that you guys could be, like,
459
00:20:41,495 --> 00:20:43,826
actual best friends.
460
00:20:43,828 --> 00:20:47,130
It seems like you have a
real special thing gestating.
461
00:20:47,132 --> 00:20:49,762
Then my brother threw up
and Victor had to go home.
462
00:20:50,902 --> 00:20:52,735
Okay.
463
00:20:57,675 --> 00:21:00,109
Although I am thrilled
464
00:21:00,111 --> 00:21:02,745
that your loud, obnoxious
friends aren't here,
465
00:21:02,747 --> 00:21:04,847
you do need to have a ride present,
466
00:21:04,849 --> 00:21:07,583
so you'll have to continue to fast
467
00:21:07,585 --> 00:21:10,394
and come back tomorrow
and take the test again.
468
00:21:10,396 --> 00:21:12,330
Yeah, no.
469
00:21:12,332 --> 00:21:13,932
I have a ride.
470
00:21:16,027 --> 00:21:18,694
I have a ride!
471
00:21:18,696 --> 00:21:20,763
Whoo-hoo!
472
00:21:20,765 --> 00:21:23,032
- Ah!
- Oh, no...
473
00:21:23,034 --> 00:21:26,068
Oh, this is not... No, this is it.
474
00:21:26,070 --> 00:21:28,805
- No, no, no, no.
- These are my friends.
475
00:21:28,807 --> 00:21:30,773
This is completely illegal.
476
00:21:30,775 --> 00:21:32,642
You can't just come in here like this.
477
00:21:32,644 --> 00:21:34,177
No!
478
00:21:34,179 --> 00:21:35,945
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
479
00:21:35,947 --> 00:21:37,780
This is illegal!
480
00:21:40,718 --> 00:21:42,151
- No! Enough!
- No?
481
00:21:42,153 --> 00:21:43,663
- Enough!
- Oh.
482
00:21:43,665 --> 00:21:45,188
Stop!
483
00:21:45,190 --> 00:21:47,590
You want your results? Fine.
484
00:21:49,727 --> 00:21:52,662
Everything was clear.
485
00:21:52,664 --> 00:21:55,832
And I'm happy to share it with everyone.
486
00:22:01,039 --> 00:22:04,207
Please stop. Just go.
487
00:22:04,209 --> 00:22:06,876
No, no. Please go away.
488
00:22:06,878 --> 00:22:08,644
Ohh...
489
00:22:08,646 --> 00:22:09,912
- Hi!
- Wow.
490
00:22:09,914 --> 00:22:11,282
Oh, so glad you made it.
491
00:22:11,284 --> 00:22:13,082
So that's you there, huh?
492
00:22:13,084 --> 00:22:15,118
- That's me!
- Mmm!
493
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:16,819
- Well, I'm glad you're healthy.
- Mm-hmm.
494
00:22:16,821 --> 00:22:19,272
Maybe next time I could
give you a ride, huh?
495
00:22:19,274 --> 00:22:20,508
Okay.
496
00:22:20,510 --> 00:22:22,511
Hey, um, you wanna know something
497
00:22:22,513 --> 00:22:24,794
that's even more humiliating than this?
498
00:22:24,796 --> 00:22:26,062
What?
499
00:22:26,064 --> 00:22:27,964
I own "Fifty Shades of Grey".
500
00:22:29,801 --> 00:22:31,167
We all bought it that month.
501
00:22:31,169 --> 00:22:33,202
- Yeah.
- You...
502
00:22:33,204 --> 00:22:35,774
you did buy it that month, right?
503
00:22:37,041 --> 00:22:39,642
Yeah!
504
00:22:39,644 --> 00:22:42,025
Hey, the whole school's having a party
505
00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:44,247
at my gastroenterologist's
and I'm not even invited?
506
00:22:44,249 --> 00:22:45,982
Oof!
507
00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:49,719
Y'all rascals here?
508
00:22:49,721 --> 00:22:51,581
I'm heading out.
509
00:22:52,724 --> 00:22:54,257
Oh.
510
00:22:55,994 --> 00:22:58,127
Mmm.
511
00:22:58,129 --> 00:23:01,609
Dearest Marjorie, it's me, Ralph.
512
00:23:01,611 --> 00:23:04,847
And me, Helen. I'm the purple pen.
513
00:23:04,849 --> 00:23:07,870
We think you're the best
thing since sliced ham.
514
00:23:07,872 --> 00:23:09,238
And you've made me excited
515
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,707
about the idea of being single.
516
00:23:11,709 --> 00:23:14,778
But because we are long-time
friends and coworkers...
517
00:23:14,780 --> 00:23:16,712
We respectfully decline your offer
518
00:23:16,714 --> 00:23:18,749
of a sex three-way.
519
00:23:18,751 --> 00:23:20,552
You could just say three-way.
520
00:23:20,554 --> 00:23:22,156
Well, you could just tell me that
521
00:23:22,158 --> 00:23:23,524
instead of writing it down.
522
00:23:23,526 --> 00:23:24,693
Let's just start over!
523
00:23:24,695 --> 00:23:27,090
This is my only piece
of stationary, Ralph.
524
00:23:27,092 --> 00:23:28,858
What about the stationary with the cat
525
00:23:28,860 --> 00:23:29,892
dressed as Shakespeare?
526
00:23:29,894 --> 00:23:31,095
Well, that's tucked
527
00:23:31,097 --> 00:23:33,131
under the copier so it doesn't rattle.
528
00:23:33,133 --> 00:23:34,434
Hey, are you hungry?
529
00:23:34,436 --> 00:23:36,439
I could use a bowl of chili right now.
530
00:23:36,441 --> 00:23:37,771
Shall we?
531
00:23:45,515 --> 00:23:49,515
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
37155
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.