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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:34,199 --> 00:00:35,935 So we have aisle seats, we have 2 00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:38,070 a couple of drinks, and we get to the airport. 3 00:00:38,071 --> 00:00:40,272 Neither of us speaks a word of Italian, by the way. 4 00:00:40,273 --> 00:00:42,007 So this guy thinks he'll be able to 5 00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:45,177 - find his luggage if he speaks Pig Latin. - Ah. 6 00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:47,212 Yeah, that's right. I said "Looking for bags." 7 00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:50,983 But it came out "Ook-in-lay or-fay ags-bay." 8 00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,386 That is too funny. 9 00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:57,156 - I said "That's it. I'm never leaving the country again." - Ugh! 10 00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:59,158 Joel can't even leave the Upper West Side of Manhattan. 11 00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:01,026 That's true. For me, the perfect vacation 12 00:01:01,027 --> 00:01:04,463 is getting a cheese danish from Zabar's and curling up with the Sunday Times. 13 00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:07,499 So do you still read The Times? 14 00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,101 Oh, boy. Kyle thinks The Times has gone downhill. 15 00:01:09,102 --> 00:01:10,436 Now, I beg to differ. 16 00:01:10,437 --> 00:01:12,271 It's nothing but a worthless yellow rag. 17 00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:14,306 We've been having this fight since the day we met. 18 00:01:14,307 --> 00:01:16,108 - Well, it probably seems that way. - Hmm. 19 00:01:16,109 --> 00:01:18,277 No, we literally met when we were both on a panel 20 00:01:18,278 --> 00:01:20,612 at the Guggenheim debating the merits of the New York Times. 21 00:01:20,613 --> 00:01:22,514 And I said, "Who is this know-it-all girl?" 22 00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:24,516 And I thought, "Who is this pompous guy?" 23 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:29,288 Anyway, our heated discussion continued over a bottle of merlot. 24 00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:33,692 Let's just say the discussing part stopped, but the heated part continued. 25 00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:36,495 Okay. 26 00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:38,731 For better or worse, we've been together ever since. 27 00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:40,332 Probably worse, right? 28 00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:43,567 Oh, definitely for worse. It's awful. 29 00:01:47,574 --> 00:01:50,576 So, Joel, Molly, how'd you two meet? 30 00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:52,511 - Oh, boy. That's a long story. - Yeah. 31 00:01:52,512 --> 00:01:55,114 Oh, we've got time. Waiter! More wine. 32 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:58,017 Well, it's kind of a corny, romantic comedy kind of story. 33 00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:01,020 - That's true. That is true. - Really? How so? 34 00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,589 Well, Joel is kind of a typical romantic comedy leading man. 35 00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:05,691 He's handsome, but in a non-threatening way. 36 00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:09,128 - Yeah, I can see that. - Vaguely but not overtly Jewish. 37 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:13,298 - You're right. He's just Jewish enough. - And Molly is the kind of cute, klutzy 38 00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:15,401 girl that sometimes will drive you a little crazy, 39 00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:16,802 but you can't help but fall in love with her. 40 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,570 Guilty. 41 00:02:18,571 --> 00:02:20,739 - Okay. So we have our main characters. - Not quite. 42 00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:24,209 There is another character that was just as important as the two of us. 43 00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:26,145 - Mmm. - New York City. 44 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,113 Ah! Mmm. 45 00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:30,714 So New York City is like another character? 46 00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:31,583 Yeah. 47 00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:35,254 So if there was a movie about your relationship, 48 00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:38,323 it would probably start with aerial shots of the Manhattan skyline. 49 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,059 Exactly. 50 00:02:50,502 --> 00:02:53,138 I was living in a loft on Broadway and 86th Street, 51 00:02:53,139 --> 00:02:57,109 and I had a girlfriend at the time, Tiffany. She worked in the fashion industry. 52 00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:59,378 Very put together. Never had a hair out of place. 53 00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:01,747 But there was something cold about her. 54 00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,082 Hey, you. 55 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,416 Hey. 56 00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:05,751 I love you. 57 00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:09,486 Mmm, and I admire your spirit. 58 00:03:11,423 --> 00:03:13,792 Thanks. 59 00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:16,195 And I was just getting over a break-up, 60 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,797 so the closest thing I had to a boyfriend was my dog, Charlie. 61 00:03:18,798 --> 00:03:21,300 Hey, handsome! 62 00:03:21,301 --> 00:03:23,335 I wasn't all put together like Tiffany. 63 00:03:23,336 --> 00:03:26,604 In fact, as Joel said earlier, I was a real klutz. 64 00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:29,341 Klutz is the understatement of the century. 65 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,977 Oh, no! 66 00:03:34,146 --> 00:03:35,779 Oh, no! 67 00:04:04,910 --> 00:04:06,644 Oh! 68 00:04:07,746 --> 00:04:09,613 Ugh! 69 00:04:12,618 --> 00:04:15,487 See, New York is such an important part of our lives, 70 00:04:15,488 --> 00:04:17,355 it's almost like another character in our story. 71 00:04:17,356 --> 00:04:18,591 Right. You said that. 72 00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:21,326 I really didn't feel like I needed a love life, you know? 73 00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:23,729 In fact, New York City was almost like a boyfriend to me. 74 00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:25,397 Oh, right. 75 00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:27,332 - That is so good. - Very good. 76 00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:29,700 That's very good. That's very cool. 77 00:04:38,510 --> 00:04:42,648 Most importantly, I had my little candy shop, Upper Sweet Side. 78 00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:44,750 I was living my dream, of owning a shop that was 79 00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:48,420 charming and adorable, and impossible not to like. 80 00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:52,491 You guys have not lived until you've tried my Creamy Caramel Clusters. 81 00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:54,793 They're better than sex! 82 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:56,728 When you've been married as long as we have, 83 00:04:56,729 --> 00:04:59,565 taking a stinky shit is better than having sex. 84 00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,733 Only in New York, right? 85 00:05:01,734 --> 00:05:04,269 Anyway, I was in no rush to meet someone new. 86 00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:07,839 I was mainly concerned about trying to keep my business afloat. 87 00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:10,742 So many mom and pop shops being elbowed out 88 00:05:10,743 --> 00:05:14,044 by faceless evil conglomerates like CSR. 89 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,716 - Wait a minute. - That's right. 90 00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:20,319 I was an executive at Candy Systems and Research. 91 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:24,489 I was the bad guy! I didn't think of myself as a corporate raider. 92 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,992 I thought of myself as a nice guy with a great job. 93 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:30,662 So he went down on me, and I came in one second. 94 00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:32,397 Morning, Melanie. 95 00:05:32,398 --> 00:05:34,399 Oh, my boss is here. I'll call you later. Bye, Dad. 96 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,368 I had everything there, corner office, 97 00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:38,570 the expense account, the sexy girlfriend. 98 00:05:38,571 --> 00:05:40,505 I felt like I was ready to take the next step. 99 00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:43,575 - Bob, my best friend! - Joel, my best buddy! 100 00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:48,247 Guess what? After years of dating Tiffany, I'm finally popping the question. 101 00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:50,782 Wow. So I guess you're finally dealing with those commitment issues you have. 102 00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:52,651 Yeah, I even bought her a ring and everything. 103 00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:56,455 Amazing. Because until now the only thing you've been willing to commit to 104 00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:59,323 are your commitment issues. 105 00:06:02,027 --> 00:06:03,495 It's true. 106 00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:05,564 - I'm happy for you, buddy. - Thanks, man. 107 00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:06,932 Hey, catch! 108 00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,334 He's got it! 109 00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:10,902 - He's got a football! - Think quick! 110 00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:13,538 - Boom! Boom! - Right there! Down and out, buttonhook! 111 00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:15,707 Go deep! Go deeper! 112 00:06:17,477 --> 00:06:18,910 Holy shit, Bob! 113 00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:20,679 Joel! Oh, God! 114 00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:23,782 - Grab my hand! - Pull me up! 115 00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:25,450 - Grab my hand! - Hey, Joel. 116 00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:26,785 Joel? 117 00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:28,053 What do you want, Trevor? 118 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:31,054 Congrats on snaggin' the Dickricker account. 119 00:06:31,056 --> 00:06:32,624 Yeah, right. Sure. 120 00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:34,860 You ready for the big meeting with Roland? 121 00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:37,963 I'd hate for you guys to screw everything up again, like you did last time. 122 00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:43,367 So now I'm in line for the big promotion. Not you. Pretty funny, huh? 123 00:06:44,603 --> 00:06:47,372 - Joel? A little help here, buddy. - Oh, Joel... 124 00:06:47,373 --> 00:06:49,741 Is your girlfriend Tiffany home right now? 125 00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:51,775 Yeah, she should be. Why? 126 00:06:54,546 --> 00:06:56,180 No reason. 127 00:06:57,082 --> 00:06:58,583 What the... 128 00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:01,420 Sounds like this Trevor guy's trying to get it on with your girlfriend. 129 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,589 Well, in retrospect, I agree with you, but at the time it seemed like he was just 130 00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:08,392 grabbing a condom out of the rubber bowl and headin' over to meet my girlfriend. 131 00:07:17,035 --> 00:07:20,972 So, as you all know, we begin construction today 132 00:07:20,973 --> 00:07:25,811 on our next Candy Systems and Research Superstore. 133 00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:29,047 First order of business, to suss out the competition. 134 00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:32,983 Are there any other nearby candy stores we need to 135 00:07:34,353 --> 00:07:36,888 "know about"? 136 00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:39,991 The only one we could find is just this really small 137 00:07:39,992 --> 00:07:42,728 quirky candy shop across the street from our location. 138 00:07:42,729 --> 00:07:47,933 - It's called Upper Sweet Side, NYC. - Kind of a dumb name for a store, huh? 139 00:07:55,674 --> 00:07:58,443 That's so stupid. 140 00:07:58,444 --> 00:08:01,945 - No, I think it's kind of clever. I like it. - What was that, Joel? 141 00:08:02,714 --> 00:08:04,583 Nothing, sir. 142 00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:10,220 That'll be $100,000 dollars. I'm just kidding. It's all free. 143 00:08:12,557 --> 00:08:15,527 Oh, I love my little shop, Wanda. 144 00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:18,697 It's what I've always dreamed of, ever since I was a little girl. 145 00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:22,667 And it's never going anywhere. Nothing is ever going to threaten it. 146 00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,603 - Oh, no. - What? 147 00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:26,838 They're building a Candy Systems and Research Superstore 148 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:29,074 directly across the street from us. 149 00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:32,511 Oh, my God! They'll put us out of business! 150 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:36,615 Discovering this information is a huge turn of events. 151 00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:39,751 You weren't kidding. Your story really is like a corny movie. 152 00:08:39,752 --> 00:08:43,353 I know. The only difference is it's not a movie. It's our real life. 153 00:08:44,823 --> 00:08:49,060 So with a Superstore going up across the street, I went to go see my accountant. 154 00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:50,962 - Hi, Molly. - Hi, Mr. Flaps. 155 00:08:50,963 --> 00:08:55,066 - Oh, Please. My friends call me Eggbert. - Then they must not be very good friends. 156 00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:58,170 No, that's just my name. Eggbert. Or Eggman, for short. 157 00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:01,907 I know. It's kind of a lame name, but what can you do? 158 00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:04,509 How about we take a gander at those documentos? 159 00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:06,590 - Yes, please. - Right. 160 00:09:10,615 --> 00:09:13,951 So, Molly, how is your love life? 161 00:09:15,487 --> 00:09:17,022 You livin' la vida loca? 162 00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:20,091 Um, well, not really, Eggman. I'm guessing 163 00:09:20,092 --> 00:09:22,093 you heard that Frank and I finally broke up. 164 00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:24,062 I did hear. Yeah. 165 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:26,064 I heard about your divorce. I'm sorry. 166 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,733 Apology accepted. 167 00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:30,569 - I... - It's just one of those things. 168 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,904 We wanted different things. 169 00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:36,007 I wanted a family, settle down, start a life together. 170 00:09:36,008 --> 00:09:37,742 - And what did she want? - Who can say? 171 00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:39,478 I guess you'd have to ask my brother. 172 00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:41,144 Oh. 173 00:09:45,617 --> 00:09:48,520 - Is he here? Can I ask him? - Yes. Keith. 174 00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:50,622 - You have a second? - What's up? 175 00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:52,724 Hey, Keith. I was just wondering, 176 00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:55,260 what did Hillary want that was different than what Eggbert wanted? 177 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,496 Uh, she just wanted to travel more, she wanted 178 00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:59,231 to focus on her photo-journalism career. 179 00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:01,032 And marriage just wasn't conducive to that. 180 00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:03,602 - Thanks, Keith. - Thanks, Keith. 181 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:07,105 Listen, I am lookin' over these numbers, 182 00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:09,673 and just goin' off this data... 183 00:10:11,042 --> 00:10:13,512 - You have breast cancer. - What? 184 00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:14,679 Corporately speaking. 185 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,915 Oh. Oh. 186 00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:20,118 Your business has, at best, six months to live. 187 00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:23,387 - Oh, my God, are you serious? - See for yourself. 188 00:10:24,789 --> 00:10:26,758 Wow. You are serious. 189 00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:30,562 Listen, Molly, would this be an awkward time to 190 00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:34,798 ask if maybe you'd like to go out with me sometime? 191 00:10:34,799 --> 00:10:37,002 Um... 192 00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:39,237 Don't answer. Just think about it. 193 00:10:39,238 --> 00:10:43,240 That's very sweet of you, Eggfart, but I think I'm just gonna focus on me for now. 194 00:10:44,776 --> 00:10:48,111 Totally. You've gotta take time for yourself, you know. 195 00:10:50,949 --> 00:10:54,853 - I think maybe I should go... - No, please. I think I'm gonna go... 196 00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:56,575 - Oh, you're gonna go? - Yeah. 197 00:10:57,989 --> 00:11:00,959 Before I proposed to Tiffany, I wanted to run it by my buddies 198 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:05,196 that I play ball with at the local playground. They always tell it like it is. 199 00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:06,932 Basketball, basketball, basketball... 200 00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:08,700 Hey, guys. Looks like our buddy Joel here 201 00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:10,068 is finally gettin' ready to pop the question. 202 00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:11,504 Pretty great, right? 203 00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:14,673 Hey, don't ask me. I can hardly commit to a second date half the time. 204 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,514 If you know what I mean! Watch out! 205 00:11:17,042 --> 00:11:18,743 Swish! 206 00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:21,079 I think love is really abstract, you know? 207 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:24,983 It's like a summer breeze. You can't see it, but you can feel it. 208 00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:29,955 Mr. Poet. Look at you, always with your head in the clouds. 209 00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:32,724 Gloves make a poor present for a man with no hands. 210 00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:34,259 Okay, that's enough. 211 00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:35,827 Come on. Are you guys kiddin' me? 212 00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:37,629 The point of love is to get laid, 213 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:39,331 if you catch my meaning. 214 00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:42,300 And I'm talkin' about sexual intercourse. Two points! 215 00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:43,835 Swish! 216 00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:45,770 Do not listen to Mr. Chronically-single- 217 00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:47,772 always-dating-some-new- hot-chick guy! 218 00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:50,709 Being married is great. That's the point of view I represent. 219 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,611 Deb and I have been married for eight years, 220 00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:54,853 and it's better now than when we first met. 221 00:11:55,213 --> 00:11:56,848 Swish! 222 00:11:56,849 --> 00:11:58,283 Oh, okay, Mr. Has-to-go-home-early- 223 00:11:58,284 --> 00:11:59,951 'cause-he-can't-hang-out- with-the-boys- 224 00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:01,086 'cause-he's-gotta- spend-time-with-his-wife guy. 225 00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:02,954 Yeah, that's right. 226 00:12:02,955 --> 00:12:05,890 You get it now, Mr. Combines-traits- that-each-of-us-represents- 227 00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:07,258 and-all-you-need-to-do- is-put-it-all-together 228 00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:10,028 -and-you'll-be-just-fine guy? 229 00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:14,197 You know what? You guys make a lot of sense. I'm gonna go propose. 230 00:12:15,867 --> 00:12:17,035 Swish! 231 00:12:17,036 --> 00:12:18,735 Hey, wait! 232 00:12:20,105 --> 00:12:21,805 Thanks, guys. 233 00:12:30,281 --> 00:12:31,782 Hello? 234 00:12:33,418 --> 00:12:35,085 Tiffany? 235 00:12:38,089 --> 00:12:40,258 Hello? 236 00:12:43,862 --> 00:12:45,829 Hello? 237 00:12:46,364 --> 00:12:48,199 Tiffany? 238 00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:53,670 Hello? 239 00:12:57,909 --> 00:12:59,509 Tiffany? 240 00:13:04,015 --> 00:13:06,284 Hello? 241 00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:09,821 Ah! Tiffany? 242 00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:11,990 Uh... 243 00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:14,793 I've been thinking a lot about our relationship. 244 00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:19,064 Oh, like that. And 245 00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:23,234 I think we have hit that point where it's time to talk about the next step. 246 00:13:23,235 --> 00:13:25,036 Oh, God! Oh, God! 247 00:13:25,037 --> 00:13:26,803 A little nervous. 248 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:33,343 Tiffany Amber Thigpen, will you marry me? 249 00:13:34,112 --> 00:13:36,047 - Joel? - Tiffany? 250 00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:38,116 - Hey, Joel. - Trevor? 251 00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:41,753 Joel, I've been having an affair with Trevor for over a year now. 252 00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:43,755 How could you do this to me? 253 00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:46,458 Look, I didn't want you to find out like this. I can explain. 254 00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:48,658 It's not what it looks like. 255 00:13:49,194 --> 00:13:50,829 Wait! Joel! 256 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,529 Shit! 257 00:14:08,913 --> 00:14:10,547 Taxi! 258 00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:21,177 Hey, give me another one. And make it a double. 259 00:14:24,896 --> 00:14:28,133 - You look like you've had a bad day. - Yeah. Tell me about it. 260 00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:31,136 Well, you came in here looking like crap, and you haven't said very much. 261 00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:32,470 You can say that again. 262 00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:35,940 Well, you came in here looking like crap, and you haven't said very much. 263 00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:37,809 Tell me about it. 264 00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:41,146 Well, you came in here looking like crap, and you haven't said very much. 265 00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:42,480 Yeah, you can say that again. 266 00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:46,017 Well, you came in here looking like crap, and you haven't said very much. 267 00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:47,519 Tell me about it. 268 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:51,222 Well, you came in here looking like crap, and you haven't said very much. 269 00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:52,557 Yeah, you can say that again. 270 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:56,261 Well, you came in here looking like crap, and you haven't said very much. 271 00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:57,796 Tell me about it. 272 00:14:57,797 --> 00:15:01,332 Well, you came in here looking like crap, and you haven't said very much. 273 00:15:01,333 --> 00:15:02,901 Yeah, you can say that again. 274 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:06,204 Well, you came in here looking like crap, and you haven't said very much. 275 00:15:06,205 --> 00:15:07,572 Tell me about it. 276 00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,908 Well, you came in here looking like... 277 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:13,845 Okay. We get the point. So what happened next? 278 00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:16,014 I was just devastated. So the next morning 279 00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:19,083 I went for a jog with my crazy younger brother, Jake. 280 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,920 Huge bummer about Tiffany, bro'. If you're really hurting 281 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,923 I can stay at your place for a few more months, just to make sure you're okay. 282 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:28,259 Little brother, when are you gonna get your act together and get a job? 283 00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:31,529 I do have a job. I'm the President and CEO of The Bacon Boot. 284 00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:35,066 We're the fastest-growing edible boot company in the whole entire country! 285 00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:37,836 Your Bacon Boot company consists of you 286 00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:40,939 and the business cards you printed up, funded by yours truly. 287 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:44,475 Aw, for Pete's sake! Why are you always tryin' to shoot me down, big brother? 288 00:15:44,476 --> 00:15:46,911 Look, I've gotta start somewhere, don't I? 289 00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:49,113 Hey, look, it's okay to dream big, 290 00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:50,481 but dreams aren't gonna put cash in your pocket. 291 00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:52,483 - Yes, but big brother... - Hey, no "buts." 292 00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:55,320 Look, I have a dream, too. I want to open my own coffee shop. 293 00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:58,521 But at least I understand that money doesn't grow on trees. 294 00:15:59,224 --> 00:16:01,259 What... 295 00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:04,861 It's not always so easy when your big brother is Mr. Perfect. 296 00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:08,900 Hey, wait up, would you? 297 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,268 Joel, you're not gonna like this. 298 00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:12,570 Roland gave Trevor the Dickricker account. 299 00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:16,207 And now you're the point person on that new candy Superstore venture. 300 00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:20,245 That rat! First he steals my girlfriend, then he steals the Dickricker account! 301 00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:23,581 Oh, hey, Joel. Sorry about the Dickricker account. 302 00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:26,417 Looks like you won't be getting that promotion after all. 303 00:16:26,418 --> 00:16:28,386 Why don't you just take a jerk, you hike! 304 00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:31,389 Oh, and Tiffany wanted me to say hi. We live together now. 305 00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:33,358 She really said hi? 306 00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:36,027 What she actually said was, "Oh, God, Trevor, don't stop. 307 00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:37,962 "Your dick is so fat and greasy and amazing." 308 00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:39,931 "Greasy and amazing," and then he went on to say, 309 00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:42,433 "Trevor, you have such a hot, throbbing cock" 310 00:16:42,434 --> 00:16:43,766 "and I want to get all juicy on your cock." 311 00:16:43,767 --> 00:16:46,037 Okay. So when is the part where the two of you meet? 312 00:16:46,038 --> 00:16:48,606 Ah, right. That was the same day that I got 313 00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:50,975 a phone call from my best friend, Brenda. 314 00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:52,377 - Hello? - Hi, Molly. 315 00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:56,314 I just wanted to tell you that Bob and I are having a Halloween party on Saturday, 316 00:16:56,315 --> 00:17:00,018 and the fun part is, Bob's inviting a friend of his who's the Triple Crown, 317 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,654 he's straight, single and cute. You should totally come. 318 00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:06,357 Plus Brenda's bringing a friend who's apparently very cute and very single. 319 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:09,460 I don't know, Bob. I'll tell you, Halloween scares me. 320 00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:12,130 Ghosts I'm fine with, ghouls and goblins, not so much. 321 00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:14,198 You're full of it, buddy. I'll see you at the party. 322 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:18,102 All right. Look, Bob. Here's the real truth. 323 00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:21,706 About three years ago, I was attacked by a group of trick-or-treat-ers. 324 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,342 About 30 of them. 325 00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:27,944 They pinned me down, and they said, 326 00:17:31,182 --> 00:17:35,518 "Dick or teat?" It was obviously a play on, you know, "Trick or treat?" 327 00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:37,722 Yeah. 328 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:40,324 They made me choose between their dicks and their teats. 329 00:17:40,358 --> 00:17:42,260 It was awful. 330 00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:46,197 Joel, I know that. It was all over the news that year. 331 00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:48,865 But come on, man. You've gotta get over it, buddy. 332 00:17:50,668 --> 00:17:52,369 Let me think about it, okay? 333 00:17:52,704 --> 00:17:54,072 Yeah. 334 00:17:57,642 --> 00:18:00,111 It's Halloween, Joel. Why don't you go to that party? 335 00:18:00,112 --> 00:18:02,313 I'm just not into the whole "Halloween costume" thing. 336 00:18:02,314 --> 00:18:04,048 You know, I mean, what's the point? 337 00:18:04,049 --> 00:18:05,984 You go to a party, people say, "Who are you?" 338 00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:08,551 I say, "I'm Ben Franklin," and they say, "Great!" 339 00:18:09,354 --> 00:18:11,322 And then you're you again. 340 00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:14,325 Except now I've got knickers and a bald cap. And for what? 341 00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:18,428 - Because it's fun, Joel. - Forget it. I'm not going. 342 00:18:19,998 --> 00:18:23,034 I don't know, Wanda. I just don't think I can go to that Halloween party. 343 00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:26,504 And what if I see Frank? And Mia, the yoga teacher? 344 00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:29,107 You can't let stupid old Frank run your life. 345 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,576 You've gotta go to that party and you gotta be fierce! 346 00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:34,312 But even if I wanted to go to the party, I don't have a costume. 347 00:18:34,313 --> 00:18:36,714 Well, guess what? You do now, 348 00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:38,082 because you can have my costume. 349 00:18:39,218 --> 00:18:41,252 Oh, my God, Wanda! Thank you! 350 00:18:41,253 --> 00:18:43,686 No. Thank you. 351 00:18:44,222 --> 00:18:46,424 You're welcome. 352 00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:49,058 Now, get out of here! I got a party to go to! 353 00:18:52,296 --> 00:18:53,863 Wait! 354 00:18:54,499 --> 00:18:56,032 Thanks. 355 00:18:57,735 --> 00:18:59,202 Wait! 356 00:19:00,571 --> 00:19:02,038 Shit. 357 00:19:23,327 --> 00:19:24,328 My bobbing apples! 358 00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:26,731 My party tomatoes! 359 00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:28,332 Watch where you're going! 360 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,134 Like it was my fault! 361 00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:32,136 Yeah, well, I didn't run into myself. 362 00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:33,837 Wow. You're rude. 363 00:19:34,372 --> 00:19:35,673 You're a jerk. 364 00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:38,242 Look Mister Thang, you bumped into me. 365 00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:40,378 - Hardly. - Oh, please! 366 00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:42,613 You're so lucky that I am late for a party right now 367 00:19:42,614 --> 00:19:44,715 where my friends are gonna introduce me to an exciting new woman! 368 00:19:44,716 --> 00:19:46,684 Let me tell you something. I'm about to go to a party 369 00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:50,121 where I'm gonna meet an exciting new guy! So see you later. 370 00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:52,021 Yeah, see you never! 371 00:19:53,157 --> 00:19:56,761 - Well, I'm going this way, so see you later! - I'll see you later. I'm going this way. 372 00:19:59,297 --> 00:20:01,532 Oh, great! Your party is in the same building as mine. 373 00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:03,701 Well, luckily, we will be separating momentarily 374 00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:07,805 - when we go to our different parties. - Luckily, yes. 375 00:20:07,806 --> 00:20:11,309 Oh, Great. Looks like our parties are on the same floor, too. 376 00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:13,244 Talk about bad luck. 377 00:20:20,451 --> 00:20:22,819 Oh, God damn it! 378 00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:26,657 Joel! Molly! 379 00:20:26,658 --> 00:20:28,526 - They came together. - Oh. 380 00:20:28,527 --> 00:20:30,194 No, we didn't. 381 00:20:30,195 --> 00:20:31,661 Nice. Come on. 382 00:20:44,842 --> 00:20:46,744 So, I guess you guys already met, huh? 383 00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:48,613 Unfortunately, yes. 384 00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:50,847 To my great chagrin. 385 00:20:52,183 --> 00:20:55,151 Chagrin? Who even says that? 386 00:20:55,753 --> 00:20:57,155 Uh, Roland! 387 00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:01,359 - Hello, man. - Oh. How did you know? 388 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:02,693 Great costume! 389 00:21:02,694 --> 00:21:04,195 Thanks. Yours, too. 390 00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:05,730 Vampires. 391 00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:07,665 Where's the bathroom? 392 00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:10,268 Oh, yeah. Straight through that door on the right. 393 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:13,903 - Yeah. I think I ate something weird. - Don't worry. 394 00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:32,288 Who designed these stupid things? 395 00:21:33,691 --> 00:21:37,862 No, no, no, no... 396 00:21:37,863 --> 00:21:41,130 So, uh, what do you do? 397 00:21:42,233 --> 00:21:45,603 I'm an entrepreneur. I own my own business. 398 00:21:45,604 --> 00:21:48,771 I'm a development exec over at Candy Systems and Research. 399 00:21:49,307 --> 00:21:50,441 You ever heard of it? 400 00:21:50,442 --> 00:21:53,511 Candy Systems and Research? CSR? 401 00:21:53,512 --> 00:21:55,745 Yeah. What of it? 402 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,749 Unbelievable. 403 00:21:58,750 --> 00:22:00,585 - Can I ask you a question? - Yeah. 404 00:22:00,586 --> 00:22:03,621 How do you sleep at night? 405 00:22:03,622 --> 00:22:07,724 I usually have to jack off, and then I can sleep pretty soundly. 406 00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:18,201 El baño esta ocupado! 407 00:22:27,579 --> 00:22:31,314 So, um, Bob tells me you're an amateur birdwatcher. 408 00:22:33,818 --> 00:22:36,019 What's your favorite bird? 409 00:22:36,554 --> 00:22:38,354 The turkey. 410 00:22:39,957 --> 00:22:41,859 Good. 411 00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:45,863 Do you watch a lot of TV? What's your favorite show? 412 00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:48,666 I don't watch TV. I think it brutalizes the senses. 413 00:22:48,667 --> 00:22:51,035 Okay. 414 00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:53,836 I can see this is going nowhere fast. 415 00:22:59,910 --> 00:23:01,512 So, uh, Molly... 416 00:23:01,513 --> 00:23:03,447 Listen, before you ask me any more questions 417 00:23:03,448 --> 00:23:04,682 from the Icebreaker Handbook, 418 00:23:04,683 --> 00:23:06,651 here's the 411. 419 00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:10,288 Upper Sweet Side, NYC. Does the name ring a bell? 420 00:23:10,289 --> 00:23:11,922 - Yeah. Little candy shop? - Ding! Ding! Ding! 421 00:23:11,923 --> 00:23:13,658 Give the man a prize. He's a winner! 422 00:23:13,659 --> 00:23:15,626 "What has he won, Johnny?" "A new car!" 423 00:23:15,627 --> 00:23:18,529 Yes, that is my store. And I put my whole life into it. 424 00:23:18,530 --> 00:23:20,631 Molly, I had no idea. 425 00:23:20,632 --> 00:23:22,300 The only line you care about is the bottom line. 426 00:23:22,301 --> 00:23:25,369 Look, are you the kind of person that I feel a strong connection to? Yes. 427 00:23:25,370 --> 00:23:27,538 Do I find you cute and funny? Yes. 428 00:23:27,539 --> 00:23:30,074 Could you be the guy that I could fall for and live with forever? Yes. 429 00:23:30,075 --> 00:23:32,710 But the point is, you're a corporate robot. 430 00:23:32,711 --> 00:23:37,481 And so, it is with great pleasure that I say to you, go jump in a lake, meathead! 431 00:23:40,918 --> 00:23:42,919 Molly! Wait, Molly! 432 00:23:44,723 --> 00:23:46,322 Shit. 433 00:23:50,895 --> 00:23:54,598 I'll have what she's having. 434 00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:58,102 You are having what she's having. It's all the same food. 435 00:23:58,103 --> 00:24:00,737 The pasta and the beans and the lentils. 436 00:24:07,412 --> 00:24:09,580 Hey, Roland? 437 00:24:09,581 --> 00:24:11,749 You wanna tell me why your super-hero costume 438 00:24:11,750 --> 00:24:14,817 is lyin' on the bathroom floor filled with shit? 439 00:24:15,886 --> 00:24:17,088 What? 440 00:24:17,089 --> 00:24:19,455 Oh, my God. What did you do? 441 00:24:20,358 --> 00:24:21,926 I didn't do anything. 442 00:24:21,927 --> 00:24:25,096 You shit your pants. And then you took a shower. 443 00:24:25,097 --> 00:24:27,431 And you just left your costume lyin' on the floor, didn't you? 444 00:24:27,432 --> 00:24:30,034 - Did not! - Roland, that is disgusting! 445 00:24:30,035 --> 00:24:32,902 Whoa. Wait a minute. Let me explain. 446 00:24:35,072 --> 00:24:40,044 My costume was itching me, so I went into the bathroom 447 00:24:40,045 --> 00:24:44,448 and changed into Mr. Taking-a-shower-guy costume 448 00:24:44,449 --> 00:24:46,617 and just left the costume in there. 449 00:24:46,618 --> 00:24:48,753 Why is there shit all over the washcloths, too? 450 00:24:48,754 --> 00:24:50,388 The washcloths are just for show! 451 00:24:50,389 --> 00:24:52,523 - Those are brand new washcloths. - Oh. 452 00:24:52,524 --> 00:24:54,959 The only thing I can guess 453 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:59,897 is somebody else must have gone into the bathroom, 454 00:24:59,898 --> 00:25:04,667 put my costume on, shit in it, 455 00:25:04,668 --> 00:25:06,504 and left it there. 456 00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:10,339 That is the only logical explanation. 457 00:25:13,644 --> 00:25:17,681 All right, which one of you people went into the bathroom 458 00:25:17,682 --> 00:25:19,949 put my costume on, and shit in it? 459 00:25:24,088 --> 00:25:26,222 Wow. I'm disappointed in you people. 460 00:25:28,660 --> 00:25:30,359 I gotta go. 461 00:25:31,996 --> 00:25:34,430 I'm disgusted with everyone. 462 00:25:38,769 --> 00:25:40,970 Who do you think it was? 463 00:25:42,606 --> 00:25:44,975 So, what did you think of Molly? 464 00:25:44,976 --> 00:25:47,511 What a nightmare! God! 465 00:25:47,512 --> 00:25:50,047 Yeah, she's attractive and smart and funny. 466 00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:53,083 She's exactly the type of person I could see myself falling in love with. 467 00:25:53,084 --> 00:25:56,906 But boy, with an attitude like that, it's no wonder she can't find a date. 468 00:25:57,087 --> 00:25:58,554 Molly. 469 00:26:02,460 --> 00:26:04,560 Wait! He didn't mean what... 470 00:26:07,198 --> 00:26:09,133 Shit. 471 00:26:09,134 --> 00:26:12,069 So it wasn't love at first sight, was it? 472 00:26:12,070 --> 00:26:14,905 Are you really asking us that? Were you not listening to the story? 473 00:26:14,906 --> 00:26:18,742 No, I'm... Forget it. 474 00:26:18,743 --> 00:26:22,146 Anyway, after that debacle, I assumed I'd never see him again. 475 00:26:22,147 --> 00:26:25,816 But then, a few days later, I was browsing in my favorite used bookshop 476 00:26:25,817 --> 00:26:28,050 and guess who was there? 477 00:26:28,986 --> 00:26:30,586 Who? 478 00:26:31,655 --> 00:26:32,823 Joel. 479 00:26:32,824 --> 00:26:34,390 Me. 480 00:26:35,025 --> 00:26:37,761 Wanda, that's him! 481 00:26:37,762 --> 00:26:40,522 That's the jerk I met at Bob and Brenda's Halloween party. 482 00:26:41,031 --> 00:26:44,166 Oh, Lordy. Ooh, this could get ugly. 483 00:26:44,635 --> 00:26:46,270 - Hey. - Hi. 484 00:26:46,271 --> 00:26:50,098 - Howdy. - Hi. Again. 485 00:26:50,324 --> 00:26:51,942 What are you doing here? 486 00:26:51,943 --> 00:26:54,745 What am I doing here? Looking for a book. What are you doing here? 487 00:26:54,746 --> 00:26:58,949 - I'm a regular here. - Yeah. Regular beanbag. 488 00:26:58,950 --> 00:27:00,718 You know, maybe you'd feel more comfortable 489 00:27:00,719 --> 00:27:03,020 in a corporate mega-bookstore chain like Brams and Nerbils. 490 00:27:03,021 --> 00:27:04,855 Why don't you just calm down. 491 00:27:04,856 --> 00:27:08,792 Don't tell me to calm down! What if I don't want to calm down? Stop trying to fix me! 492 00:27:08,793 --> 00:27:11,629 Okay. I'm going to step out of the crossfire here. 493 00:27:11,630 --> 00:27:14,098 Yeah. Me, too. 494 00:27:14,099 --> 00:27:17,034 Look, Missy, my brother and I are here to buy something for our bubby. 495 00:27:17,035 --> 00:27:19,603 Oh, your... Bubby? 496 00:27:19,604 --> 00:27:23,073 Yeah. My bubby. My grandmother. 497 00:27:23,074 --> 00:27:26,210 I had a grandmother. Her name was Arlene Crabtree. 498 00:27:26,211 --> 00:27:29,111 She died recently. We were very close. 499 00:27:29,713 --> 00:27:30,915 I'm sorry for your loss. 500 00:27:30,916 --> 00:27:32,648 Thank you. 501 00:27:35,286 --> 00:27:37,688 Can I help you find something for your bubby? 502 00:27:37,689 --> 00:27:41,524 Well, uh, I'm looking for maybe a fiction book. 503 00:27:42,092 --> 00:27:44,628 You like fiction books? 504 00:27:44,629 --> 00:27:48,198 Just because I work for a big corporation doesn't mean I don't like fiction books. 505 00:27:48,199 --> 00:27:50,200 In fact, fiction books is one of my favorite kinds of books. 506 00:27:50,201 --> 00:27:52,937 - You have to be kidding me! - Do you like fiction? 507 00:27:52,938 --> 00:27:55,039 Like it? Try "love it"! 508 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:56,941 Oh, my God. That's crazy! 509 00:27:56,942 --> 00:28:01,812 I've never met anyone else who likes fiction! That is too funny. 510 00:28:01,813 --> 00:28:04,253 That is literally too funny. 511 00:28:07,117 --> 00:28:08,584 Well, uh... 512 00:28:10,287 --> 00:28:12,089 I should probably get going. 513 00:28:12,090 --> 00:28:15,257 Yeah, sure. We've got... I've got books. 514 00:28:15,793 --> 00:28:18,260 Yeah. All right. 515 00:28:20,064 --> 00:28:21,665 - Joel, wait! - Hmm. 516 00:28:21,666 --> 00:28:23,100 Yeah? 517 00:28:23,101 --> 00:28:25,736 I might have judged you too harshly at the party. 518 00:28:25,737 --> 00:28:29,605 I know this sounds crazy, but would you like to have a me of coffee with cup? 519 00:28:30,140 --> 00:28:31,875 What? 520 00:28:31,876 --> 00:28:35,012 Do you want a cup of me with koo-fie? 521 00:28:35,013 --> 00:28:38,015 Would you like to have a cup of moffie with kee? With me. 522 00:28:38,016 --> 00:28:39,216 A cup of coffee. With hoo. 523 00:28:39,217 --> 00:28:40,985 What the fuck are you saying? 524 00:28:40,986 --> 00:28:43,721 Do you want to have coffee with me? 525 00:28:43,722 --> 00:28:46,924 I think you're asking me if I'd like to have a cup of coffee with you. 526 00:28:46,925 --> 00:28:49,827 Yes. Thank you. That's what I'm trying to ask. 527 00:28:50,895 --> 00:28:53,964 Coffee sounds great. Half-caf decaf. 528 00:28:53,965 --> 00:28:56,033 No foam, hold the foam, no cream... 529 00:28:56,034 --> 00:28:57,968 What happened to just a good old fashioned cup of coffee? 530 00:28:57,969 --> 00:29:01,405 - I know. It's all so confusing! - It is! It is so confuse. 531 00:29:03,074 --> 00:29:05,274 That's how you say "confusing" in France. 532 00:29:10,881 --> 00:29:12,716 What are we doin'? 533 00:29:12,717 --> 00:29:15,184 Oh, my God, this is all happening so fast. 534 00:29:17,087 --> 00:29:18,654 I can't. 535 00:29:19,390 --> 00:29:21,125 My Aunt Flo is visiting. 536 00:29:21,126 --> 00:29:23,694 You're on your period? 537 00:29:23,695 --> 00:29:26,763 No. My Aunt Flo is visiting me from Florida. 538 00:29:26,764 --> 00:29:28,230 Hey, Aunt Flo. 539 00:29:31,402 --> 00:29:33,669 How about we get that coffee, huh? 540 00:29:41,245 --> 00:29:43,180 So what will you have? 541 00:29:43,181 --> 00:29:46,450 Um, I'll have a low-fat, sugar-free banana yogurt muffin. 542 00:29:46,451 --> 00:29:47,363 Okay. 543 00:29:47,364 --> 00:29:49,820 But if they don't have that, I'll have half a poppy-seed muffin, 544 00:29:49,821 --> 00:29:51,321 if they can take out all the poppy seeds and heat it up. 545 00:29:51,322 --> 00:29:53,323 - Okay. - Hold on! 546 00:29:53,324 --> 00:29:55,325 If they can't heat it up, then leave half the poppy seeds in 547 00:29:55,326 --> 00:29:58,729 and sprinkle the other half of the poppy seeds on one half of a blueberry muffin 548 00:29:58,730 --> 00:30:01,065 and then cut both halves in half, and throw them both away. 549 00:30:01,066 --> 00:30:02,966 - Oh. - In either scenario, 550 00:30:02,967 --> 00:30:05,002 I want a lemon-chocolate loaf, but this is very important, 551 00:30:05,003 --> 00:30:06,937 it must be shrink-wrapped. And more importantly, 552 00:30:06,938 --> 00:30:09,339 it must smell more like lemon than chocolate. Got it? 553 00:30:09,340 --> 00:30:11,742 That's how you order a muffin? 554 00:30:11,743 --> 00:30:15,079 What? I want things the way I want them. 555 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,681 You're pretty adorable when you get all fussy like that. 556 00:30:18,782 --> 00:30:20,217 May I help who's next? 557 00:30:20,218 --> 00:30:25,122 Yes. Okay, so she'll have a low-fat, sugar-free banana yogurt muffin. 558 00:30:25,123 --> 00:30:27,057 If you don't have that, then half of a poppy-seed muffin 559 00:30:27,058 --> 00:30:29,126 with the poppy seeds taken out and heated up. 560 00:30:29,127 --> 00:30:31,929 If you can't heat it up, then take half the poppy seeds out 561 00:30:31,930 --> 00:30:35,065 and sprinkle the other half on top of the half of a blueberry muffin, 562 00:30:35,066 --> 00:30:37,000 cut both halves in half, and then throw them both away. 563 00:30:37,001 --> 00:30:39,236 In either scenario, she'll have a lemon-chocolate loaf, 564 00:30:39,237 --> 00:30:42,031 but, and this is really important, only if it's shrink-wrapped. 565 00:30:42,032 --> 00:30:44,975 And even more importantly, if it smells more like lemon than chocolate. 566 00:30:44,976 --> 00:30:46,243 And I'll have a coffee, please. 567 00:30:46,244 --> 00:30:49,245 Great. Coffee to number three! 568 00:30:54,084 --> 00:30:55,818 Who are you? 569 00:30:57,454 --> 00:30:58,822 - You know what I like? - What? 570 00:30:58,823 --> 00:31:00,758 Q-tips. 571 00:31:00,759 --> 00:31:02,526 - Me, too. - You do? 572 00:31:02,527 --> 00:31:04,528 The kind with the pieces of cotton at each end? 573 00:31:04,529 --> 00:31:06,196 Yeah, those are the only kind I know. 574 00:31:06,197 --> 00:31:07,998 What's your favorite color? 575 00:31:07,999 --> 00:31:10,000 Blue. What's your favorite TV show? 576 00:31:10,001 --> 00:31:11,468 Oh, God, you know which one I can't stand, 577 00:31:11,469 --> 00:31:14,104 but watch all the time and kind of love secretly? 578 00:31:14,105 --> 00:31:15,839 "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous." 579 00:31:17,976 --> 00:31:20,110 Look at these two right here. "Hey, look. I got a brand new phone." 580 00:31:20,111 --> 00:31:22,312 "What is that, an iPhone?" "Yeah, I've gotta go to the Apple Store..." 581 00:31:22,313 --> 00:31:24,381 - You're good at that. - "...and wait in line." 582 00:31:24,382 --> 00:31:28,185 Communism could work. It really could. But what they're doing now isn't communism, 583 00:31:28,186 --> 00:31:30,920 it's totalitarianism dressed up as communism. 584 00:31:31,522 --> 00:31:33,090 I agree. 585 00:31:33,091 --> 00:31:34,124 Have you ever given yourself a pap smear? 586 00:31:34,125 --> 00:31:35,392 No. 587 00:31:35,393 --> 00:31:38,929 - I was just... Because of the Q-tips. - Mmm. That's sweet. 588 00:31:38,930 --> 00:31:40,998 - Let me try it. - All right, you go. 589 00:31:40,999 --> 00:31:42,631 "Hey..." 590 00:31:43,934 --> 00:31:45,002 I can't do it. 591 00:31:45,003 --> 00:31:47,938 You know, I have a dream that someday I wanna 592 00:31:47,939 --> 00:31:52,176 have my own coffee place, "A Cup of Joel." 593 00:31:52,177 --> 00:31:55,279 You know, as in "Cup of Joe", but I would say "Joel"... 594 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,281 - Right. - Because everyone knows "Cup of Joe",... 595 00:31:57,282 --> 00:31:59,049 - Sure. - ...but it's "Cup of Joel" because my name is Joel. 596 00:31:59,050 --> 00:32:01,485 - Smart. I get it. - So Joel instead of Joe. 597 00:32:01,486 --> 00:32:04,288 I don't know. It's probably just wishful thinking, right? 598 00:32:04,289 --> 00:32:06,156 It's kind of stupid. 599 00:32:06,157 --> 00:32:08,892 No! It's not stupid, it's great! You should do that. 600 00:32:08,893 --> 00:32:11,428 Tiffany always said that was a dumb idea. 601 00:32:11,429 --> 00:32:13,931 Well, I don't know Tiffany, but she sounds like a stupid bitch. 602 00:32:16,066 --> 00:32:17,666 Uh... 603 00:32:18,268 --> 00:32:19,336 Forget it. 604 00:32:19,337 --> 00:32:20,404 - What? - No, I... 605 00:32:20,405 --> 00:32:21,905 No. Come on, tell me. 606 00:32:21,906 --> 00:32:23,373 Are you hungry? 607 00:32:23,374 --> 00:32:26,343 Hungry? Why don't you try "starving." 608 00:32:26,344 --> 00:32:28,478 Why don't I have you over for dinner. 609 00:32:28,479 --> 00:32:30,813 I'll make my world-famous Mac 'n Cheese. 610 00:32:31,582 --> 00:32:33,250 'Kay. 611 00:32:33,251 --> 00:32:36,053 I like how you say "'kay." 612 00:32:36,054 --> 00:32:38,787 I like how you say, "I like how you say "'kay.'" 613 00:32:50,068 --> 00:32:52,502 Molly, where have you been? I've been worried sick. 614 00:32:52,503 --> 00:32:54,171 Who are you? 615 00:32:54,172 --> 00:32:56,373 Joel, this is my older sister, Katherine. 616 00:32:56,374 --> 00:32:58,342 - Katherine, this is Joel. - Hi. 617 00:32:58,343 --> 00:33:01,078 Don't "hi" me, Joel. You're just like all the others. 618 00:33:01,079 --> 00:33:03,380 Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. 619 00:33:03,381 --> 00:33:05,015 - Hi, Mommy. - Hi! 620 00:33:05,016 --> 00:33:06,483 You have a kid? 621 00:33:06,484 --> 00:33:08,452 Don't worry, Joel. His dad's out of the picture. 622 00:33:08,453 --> 00:33:11,655 He's doing T-I-M-E in jail. 623 00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:14,091 Tucker, this is my friend, Joel. 624 00:33:14,092 --> 00:33:16,493 Hi, Mr. Joel. Are you my new daddy? 625 00:33:16,494 --> 00:33:18,395 Oh! 626 00:33:18,396 --> 00:33:21,231 Hey, buddy, I see you've got on some Pokemon pajamas. 627 00:33:21,232 --> 00:33:23,166 Yeah. 628 00:33:23,167 --> 00:33:25,502 My favorite one is Smeargle. You know why? 629 00:33:25,503 --> 00:33:28,038 Because he can defend Butterfree's Hyper Reverse Attack 630 00:33:28,039 --> 00:33:29,573 with two double colorless energy cards 631 00:33:29,574 --> 00:33:31,375 and only get 10 damage points. 632 00:33:31,376 --> 00:33:34,144 You know about Pokemon? You're cool, Mr. Joel! 633 00:33:34,145 --> 00:33:35,512 I think you're cool, Tucker. 634 00:33:35,513 --> 00:33:37,681 What is... Wait a minute. 635 00:33:37,682 --> 00:33:40,316 What is that in your ear? What? 636 00:33:41,018 --> 00:33:42,386 That's for you. 637 00:33:42,387 --> 00:33:44,354 Wow! A cheeseburger, Mommy! 638 00:33:44,355 --> 00:33:47,024 Wow! Go eat that in bed. 639 00:33:47,025 --> 00:33:49,391 Goodnight, Mom. Goodnight, Daddy. 640 00:33:51,228 --> 00:33:52,963 I mean "Joel". 641 00:33:52,964 --> 00:33:54,430 Oh! 642 00:33:56,633 --> 00:33:58,867 Oh. 643 00:34:01,238 --> 00:34:03,073 I think he likes you. 644 00:34:03,074 --> 00:34:05,040 I think I like him. 645 00:34:06,443 --> 00:34:08,944 Dinner was delicious, Molly. 646 00:34:10,047 --> 00:34:12,081 Here. A little chilly... 647 00:34:13,984 --> 00:34:15,385 Joel, can I tell you something? 648 00:34:15,386 --> 00:34:17,955 Sure. What is it? 649 00:34:17,956 --> 00:34:21,091 If I was ever about to marry someone, and then realized 650 00:34:21,092 --> 00:34:24,094 that I didn't want to do it, you know where I would go? 651 00:34:24,095 --> 00:34:28,165 Ah, random guess, but Boston? 652 00:34:28,166 --> 00:34:31,635 No. The Brooklyn Promenade. Where I can look out over the city. 653 00:34:31,636 --> 00:34:33,036 It's very comforting. 654 00:34:33,037 --> 00:34:35,505 What you're saying to me is that if you were to ever get married 655 00:34:35,506 --> 00:34:38,275 and then decide at the last minute that you didn't want to marry that person 656 00:34:38,276 --> 00:34:41,078 - you would go to the Brooklyn Promenade. - Yes. You see where I'm going with this? 657 00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:43,347 I think so. Yeah. 658 00:34:43,348 --> 00:34:45,482 I believe in fate, Joel. 659 00:34:45,483 --> 00:34:48,484 And If we were meant to be together, then we will be. 660 00:34:49,152 --> 00:34:52,155 - Hi. - Hey. 661 00:34:52,156 --> 00:34:53,423 I can't do this. 662 00:34:53,424 --> 00:34:54,424 Why? What did I do? 663 00:34:54,425 --> 00:34:56,426 I'm sorry. 664 00:34:56,427 --> 00:35:00,564 It's just that Tiffany, my ex, used to say that exact same thing to me. 665 00:35:00,565 --> 00:35:04,601 - She used to say "hey"? - Yeah. 666 00:35:04,602 --> 00:35:06,670 And I'm not so sure I'm ready for this kind of thing... 667 00:35:06,671 --> 00:35:09,373 No, I understand. I didn't want to kiss you anyway. 668 00:35:09,374 --> 00:35:12,409 I like you. It's just the way you said "hey" like that... 669 00:35:12,410 --> 00:35:13,677 Goodnight, Joel. 670 00:35:13,678 --> 00:35:16,413 Hey, no, look, Molly... Molly, wait... Look. 671 00:35:16,414 --> 00:35:18,749 I think you're great. I just need a little time. 672 00:35:18,750 --> 00:35:21,385 You think you're the only person that's ever been hurt? 673 00:35:21,386 --> 00:35:24,254 Do you think it was easy for me to watch Frank go Downward Dog 674 00:35:24,255 --> 00:35:27,224 on the yoga instructor while they were lying on my mat? 675 00:35:27,225 --> 00:35:29,159 - My mat, Joel. - I didn't know. 676 00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:33,061 You don't know anything! I can't even do yoga any more. I only do Pilates. 677 00:35:33,597 --> 00:35:34,798 Good night. 678 00:35:34,799 --> 00:35:36,465 Molly... 679 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:38,867 Molly, wait! 680 00:35:41,471 --> 00:35:43,138 Shit! 681 00:35:49,546 --> 00:35:53,784 I knew at that very moment that I had screwed up big-time. 682 00:35:53,785 --> 00:35:57,120 And then walking home, I had this realization 683 00:35:57,121 --> 00:36:00,357 that my inability to open my dream coffee shop was in many ways 684 00:36:00,358 --> 00:36:02,726 a metaphor for my inability to follow through in my romantic life. 685 00:36:02,727 --> 00:36:04,795 Ah. 686 00:36:04,796 --> 00:36:07,097 And once I figured that out, I didn't want to waste another moment 687 00:36:07,098 --> 00:36:09,666 before rushing back to Molly and asking for another chance. 688 00:36:09,667 --> 00:36:11,101 So that's what you did? 689 00:36:11,102 --> 00:36:14,204 Not right away. This buddy of mine who was super into boogie-boarding 690 00:36:14,205 --> 00:36:15,572 invited me down to his place in Miami to check it out, 691 00:36:15,573 --> 00:36:17,607 so I went down there for the weekend. 692 00:36:17,608 --> 00:36:19,609 But as soon as I got back, I headed straight to Molly's store. 693 00:36:19,610 --> 00:36:21,812 I didn't want to screw it up again, 694 00:36:21,813 --> 00:36:24,114 so I practiced what I was going to say until it was perfect. 695 00:36:24,115 --> 00:36:26,149 Hey Molly, I had such a great time the other night. 696 00:36:26,150 --> 00:36:29,219 I'm sorry I got weird there at the end. I was just so... 697 00:36:29,220 --> 00:36:31,854 I was just so hamburgies and hotdoggies. 698 00:36:33,490 --> 00:36:36,293 No, that sounds stupid. That sounds so stupid. 699 00:36:36,294 --> 00:36:39,162 Hey Molly, I had a great time the other night. 700 00:36:39,163 --> 00:36:41,431 Sorry it got weird at the end there. 701 00:36:41,432 --> 00:36:44,234 I've been going through a lot recently, and I was just feeling all... 702 00:36:44,235 --> 00:36:46,001 Green beans! 703 00:36:46,770 --> 00:36:50,640 No! Hey, Molly. Pancakey. 704 00:36:50,641 --> 00:36:54,111 Molly! I think your friend Joel is here. 705 00:36:54,112 --> 00:36:57,114 And it looks like he's rehearsing an apology speech. 706 00:36:57,115 --> 00:37:00,317 Oh, no, Wanda! I look terrible! I look like a chimney sweep. 707 00:37:00,318 --> 00:37:01,852 Okay, quick! I'll help you find something better. 708 00:37:01,853 --> 00:37:03,585 Come on, let's hurry, then! 709 00:37:13,530 --> 00:37:15,097 Molly? 710 00:37:17,601 --> 00:37:19,568 Guess she's not here. 711 00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,180 Is that you? Hey, Joel, I... 712 00:37:33,416 --> 00:37:35,217 Where'd he go? 713 00:37:35,919 --> 00:37:37,653 Was that you? 714 00:37:41,324 --> 00:37:43,593 Oh, hey, big brother. Did you go apologize to Molly? 715 00:37:43,594 --> 00:37:46,530 Oh, hey. I went by her store, but she wasn't there. 716 00:37:46,531 --> 00:37:49,164 - Well, did you leave her a note? - No. Should I have? 717 00:37:50,934 --> 00:37:55,172 You know, for a smart guy, big brother, you sure are an idiot. 718 00:37:55,173 --> 00:37:58,575 You know what, Jake? I've had it up to here with your little comments. 719 00:37:58,576 --> 00:38:00,877 You've got a bone to pick with me, then spit it out. 720 00:38:00,878 --> 00:38:03,346 What? Is this about rent, Joel? 721 00:38:03,347 --> 00:38:05,882 Because you can have your stupid money. 722 00:38:05,883 --> 00:38:10,453 No. It's not about money, Jake. It's never been about money! 723 00:38:10,454 --> 00:38:13,723 But you know what? If you have a little rent, then, sure, I'd gladly take it! 724 00:38:13,724 --> 00:38:16,726 - I was being rhetorical! - Of course you were! 725 00:38:16,727 --> 00:38:18,327 Of course you were! 726 00:38:19,596 --> 00:38:21,298 You're like a child. 727 00:38:21,299 --> 00:38:23,733 Well, if being a grown-up means 728 00:38:23,734 --> 00:38:27,470 being a corporate drone like you, then no thanks! 729 00:38:27,471 --> 00:38:29,339 I've got dreams, man! 730 00:38:29,340 --> 00:38:31,675 Well, your dreams don't pay for the rent! 731 00:38:31,676 --> 00:38:35,812 - This corporate drone does! - Do you remember the tire swing? 732 00:38:35,813 --> 00:38:37,981 I don't have time for this. No, I don't have time... 733 00:38:37,982 --> 00:38:40,349 I know you remember it, Joel! 734 00:38:41,384 --> 00:38:44,254 The old maple tree. 735 00:38:44,255 --> 00:38:48,525 We used to spend hours in that thing. Where'd it go, Joel? 736 00:38:48,526 --> 00:38:50,560 You sold it, didn't you? 737 00:38:50,561 --> 00:38:54,396 You traded in our fun for, what, a few greenbacks? 738 00:38:58,001 --> 00:39:02,539 When Mom and Dad died, I had to sell that tire 739 00:39:02,540 --> 00:39:05,841 to put food in your belly and a shirt on your back. 740 00:39:07,510 --> 00:39:12,747 It was for you, Jake. All of it. 741 00:39:13,850 --> 00:39:15,851 It was always for you. 742 00:39:17,721 --> 00:39:19,955 I really miss Mom and Dad. 743 00:39:20,523 --> 00:39:22,090 Me, too. 744 00:39:22,692 --> 00:39:24,259 Me, too. 745 00:39:30,367 --> 00:39:32,035 Call Molly. 746 00:39:32,036 --> 00:39:33,837 Call her, man. 747 00:39:33,838 --> 00:39:35,771 Tell her how you feel. 748 00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:39,074 I'm gonna go run some errands. 749 00:39:40,944 --> 00:39:42,411 Hey, Jake. 750 00:39:43,446 --> 00:39:44,980 Yeah? 751 00:39:46,549 --> 00:39:48,717 Thanks, little brother. 752 00:39:53,056 --> 00:39:55,025 Hey, Joel? 753 00:39:55,026 --> 00:39:56,559 Yeah? 754 00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:58,193 Go get 'em, Tiger. 755 00:40:01,865 --> 00:40:03,066 Hey, Jake? 756 00:40:03,067 --> 00:40:04,800 Yeah? 757 00:40:05,769 --> 00:40:07,269 Thanks. 758 00:40:08,838 --> 00:40:10,407 Joel, one last thing. 759 00:40:10,408 --> 00:40:11,973 What's up? 760 00:40:12,609 --> 00:40:14,477 Thanks. 761 00:40:14,478 --> 00:40:15,712 Jake! 762 00:40:15,713 --> 00:40:17,245 Yo. 763 00:40:17,881 --> 00:40:19,347 Thanks. 764 00:40:22,385 --> 00:40:24,821 Okay, I'm lost. What's going on? 765 00:40:24,822 --> 00:40:27,390 Basically he sold the tire swing to feed his brother. 766 00:40:27,391 --> 00:40:29,659 I get that, but what does it have to do with the two of you? 767 00:40:29,660 --> 00:40:31,561 Um, I think the idea is that 768 00:40:31,562 --> 00:40:33,396 - after they meet up... - Right. 769 00:40:33,397 --> 00:40:35,365 They both realize, you know, how short life is. 770 00:40:35,366 --> 00:40:39,336 And so the brother told him to call her to say he was sorry. 771 00:40:39,337 --> 00:40:41,471 And then he went and ran errands. 772 00:40:41,472 --> 00:40:42,739 Is it something like that? 773 00:40:42,740 --> 00:40:44,107 Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want. 774 00:40:44,108 --> 00:40:45,542 So I called her right away. 775 00:40:45,543 --> 00:40:47,544 Hello? 776 00:40:47,545 --> 00:40:49,079 Hey, Molly, it's Joel. How's it going? 777 00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:50,680 Hi. 778 00:40:50,681 --> 00:40:52,649 Uh, look, I wanted to call you and apologize 779 00:40:52,650 --> 00:40:55,819 for the way that I behaved the other night. I've learned that my inability to 780 00:40:55,820 --> 00:40:57,987 follow through on my dream coffee shop 781 00:40:57,988 --> 00:41:03,059 is a metaphor for my inability to follow through on my romantic life. 782 00:41:03,060 --> 00:41:05,362 Listen, I wanna clear something up before we go any further. 783 00:41:05,363 --> 00:41:06,930 I really appreciate your apology about the other night, 784 00:41:06,931 --> 00:41:10,367 but why did you come over to my store and then leave without coming in? 785 00:41:10,368 --> 00:41:12,702 - I did come in, but I couldn't find you. - Oh, Really? 786 00:41:12,703 --> 00:41:14,398 I came there to apologize to you, 787 00:41:14,399 --> 00:41:15,805 - because I was a jerk. - Oh. 788 00:41:15,806 --> 00:41:17,506 Okay, good. Well, good. 789 00:41:19,476 --> 00:41:22,010 Molly, are you free for dinner tonight? 790 00:41:23,146 --> 00:41:25,682 Sure. 791 00:41:25,683 --> 00:41:27,884 Wanda, I really like this guy, Joel, 792 00:41:27,885 --> 00:41:29,819 but I just don't know if he's the one. 793 00:41:29,820 --> 00:41:33,757 I mean, I wish there was some sort of sign that proved it. 794 00:41:33,758 --> 00:41:35,925 Well, how about this? 795 00:41:35,926 --> 00:41:37,761 When you meet up with him tonight, change the way you look. 796 00:41:37,762 --> 00:41:42,490 Just a tiny little bit. But if he notices, then that's how you'll know he's the one. 797 00:41:42,999 --> 00:41:44,601 Oh. 798 00:41:44,602 --> 00:41:48,138 Change the way I look and see if he notices. 799 00:41:48,139 --> 00:41:50,673 Wanda, thank you. You're the best. 800 00:41:50,674 --> 00:41:52,140 You are. 801 00:41:54,978 --> 00:41:56,513 No. 802 00:41:56,514 --> 00:41:58,475 I just felt like I was gettin' a vibe. 803 00:42:09,025 --> 00:42:10,926 - Hey. - Hi, there. 804 00:42:11,661 --> 00:42:12,829 You look different. 805 00:42:12,830 --> 00:42:14,164 Really? You think so? 806 00:42:14,165 --> 00:42:16,364 You've got Groucho glasses on. 807 00:42:18,735 --> 00:42:21,438 You noticed. 808 00:42:21,439 --> 00:42:24,399 Of course. You must have gone to a gag store or something, huh? 809 00:42:25,742 --> 00:42:27,309 You're something. 810 00:42:27,977 --> 00:42:29,444 Come on, let's eat. 811 00:42:33,117 --> 00:42:35,485 Bonjour. May I take your coat? 812 00:42:35,486 --> 00:42:36,853 No, thank you. I'll keep mine. 813 00:42:36,854 --> 00:42:38,521 We're okay. 814 00:42:38,522 --> 00:42:40,590 Well, in that case, 815 00:42:40,591 --> 00:42:45,061 may I then suggest you try the greasy diner on Columbus and 67th. 816 00:42:45,062 --> 00:42:49,833 I think you will find their cuisine and service up to your standards. 817 00:42:49,834 --> 00:42:52,502 Boy, does that guy have a pole up his ass or what? 818 00:42:52,503 --> 00:42:54,037 Yeah. 819 00:42:54,038 --> 00:42:56,398 Watch out, Joel! He does! 820 00:43:02,078 --> 00:43:04,247 Care to hear our specials? 821 00:43:04,248 --> 00:43:05,982 That's not necessary. 822 00:43:05,983 --> 00:43:08,224 I'm feeling adventurous tonight. Surprise me. 823 00:43:08,685 --> 00:43:10,887 What? Really? 824 00:43:10,888 --> 00:43:12,522 You're willing to just throw caution to the wind like that? 825 00:43:12,523 --> 00:43:14,224 Sure. 826 00:43:14,225 --> 00:43:17,126 Very well, madame. For the fish, we have... 827 00:43:17,127 --> 00:43:19,895 Uh, wait! Whatever it is, I'll have it. 828 00:43:20,230 --> 00:43:22,499 Very good, madame. 829 00:43:22,500 --> 00:43:23,967 And for monsieur? 830 00:43:26,570 --> 00:43:29,172 I'll have the steak plate. 831 00:43:29,173 --> 00:43:31,741 Molly, really, you don't even need to hear what the fish is? 832 00:43:31,742 --> 00:43:33,109 I'm sure. 833 00:43:33,110 --> 00:43:34,744 I am more sure of this decision 834 00:43:34,745 --> 00:43:37,212 than anything ever in my entire life. 835 00:43:37,947 --> 00:43:39,614 Who are you? 836 00:43:40,283 --> 00:43:42,519 A steak for monsieur, 837 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:46,121 and for madame, the stinky doo-doo fish special. 838 00:43:51,528 --> 00:43:54,062 Dinner was great, Molly. I agree. 839 00:43:54,764 --> 00:43:57,465 Well, this is me. 840 00:43:58,668 --> 00:44:00,535 And this is me. 841 00:44:02,639 --> 00:44:04,707 I mean, this is me. This is where I live. 842 00:44:04,708 --> 00:44:06,543 I know. And this is where I live. 843 00:44:06,544 --> 00:44:09,110 And it's where you live, too. With me. 844 00:44:09,646 --> 00:44:11,147 Oh, Joel... 845 00:44:11,148 --> 00:44:13,316 Look, I'm just gonna throw my cards 846 00:44:13,317 --> 00:44:15,818 out on the table, really go for broke. 847 00:44:15,819 --> 00:44:17,287 I had a great time tonight. 848 00:44:17,288 --> 00:44:20,056 Would you like to go for a burrito sometime with me? 849 00:44:20,057 --> 00:44:22,625 No. I'm sorry, no. I wouldn't. 850 00:44:22,626 --> 00:44:24,761 Oh, wow, I wasn't expecting that. That's harsh. 851 00:44:24,762 --> 00:44:27,063 It came out wrong. I just don't like Mexican food. 852 00:44:27,064 --> 00:44:28,331 I'm sorry. 853 00:44:28,332 --> 00:44:30,199 You're sorry? Thought you were Joel. 854 00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:32,769 - Actually, Joel is my middle name. - Sorry is your first name? 855 00:44:32,770 --> 00:44:34,304 Billy is my first name. 856 00:44:34,305 --> 00:44:35,905 Your name is Billy Joel? 857 00:44:35,906 --> 00:44:41,878 Hmm... I never really thought about that before, but yeah. I guess it is. 858 00:44:41,879 --> 00:44:43,611 I should probably get going. 859 00:44:44,747 --> 00:44:46,215 Have a good night. 860 00:44:46,216 --> 00:44:48,049 - Bye now. - Wait... 861 00:44:48,585 --> 00:44:49,919 Yeah! 862 00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:54,656 If you wanna come up, uh, you know, you can. 863 00:44:56,159 --> 00:44:58,093 Shh. 864 00:44:58,695 --> 00:45:00,930 Don't say another word. 865 00:45:00,931 --> 00:45:02,664 I would love to come upstairs. 866 00:45:07,837 --> 00:45:09,704 Keep going. 867 00:45:18,815 --> 00:45:20,515 Where's your sister? 868 00:45:21,651 --> 00:45:23,186 She and Tucker went fly-fishing. 869 00:45:23,187 --> 00:45:25,288 They won't be back until tomorrow. 870 00:46:15,738 --> 00:46:17,439 Thirsty. 871 00:46:59,749 --> 00:47:01,416 Oh! 872 00:48:13,790 --> 00:48:16,359 Whoo! 873 00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:18,127 Wow, what a terrific song! 874 00:48:18,128 --> 00:48:20,363 Is there anywhere we can get our own copy? 875 00:48:20,364 --> 00:48:22,865 Oh, all the Internet download services will have it, I-tones... 876 00:48:22,866 --> 00:48:23,900 - Rhapsory. - Amasong. 877 00:48:23,901 --> 00:48:25,600 Svandorga. 878 00:48:27,203 --> 00:48:30,840 I'm so happy that we're driving up to the country to see my parents. 879 00:48:30,841 --> 00:48:34,876 - I'm afraid they're not gonna like me. - You're crazy. They're gonna love you. 880 00:48:39,248 --> 00:48:41,484 - Hey! Hi! - Hey! 881 00:48:41,485 --> 00:48:42,852 Oh. 882 00:48:42,853 --> 00:48:44,220 - Hi, Daddy. - Hi, sweetheart. 883 00:48:44,221 --> 00:48:45,855 This is Joel. 884 00:48:45,856 --> 00:48:47,356 - How you doin'? - Hello, sir. 885 00:48:47,357 --> 00:48:50,059 He's so cute, Molly. Look at those dimples. 886 00:48:50,060 --> 00:48:52,228 Yeah, I know. 887 00:48:52,229 --> 00:48:56,599 So, Joel, this is where we'll be dining tonight. 888 00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,968 Hmm, I guess that's why they call it 889 00:48:58,969 --> 00:49:01,970 "the dining room". Isn't that funny? 890 00:49:02,905 --> 00:49:05,441 You know, yeah, it is funny. 891 00:49:05,442 --> 00:49:07,043 Want to see me naked, Joel? 892 00:49:08,111 --> 00:49:09,811 See anything you like? 893 00:49:10,580 --> 00:49:12,215 Take me, Joel. 894 00:49:12,216 --> 00:49:14,350 Shag me rotten. 895 00:49:14,351 --> 00:49:17,086 But I'm in love with your daughter, Mrs... 896 00:49:17,087 --> 00:49:18,720 Whatever Molly's last name is. 897 00:49:19,422 --> 00:49:22,291 Good answer! You did it, Joel. 898 00:49:22,292 --> 00:49:24,227 He did it, you guys! 899 00:49:24,228 --> 00:49:26,329 Yeah. 900 00:49:26,330 --> 00:49:28,531 You're the first boyfriend I ever had to pass the test! 901 00:49:28,532 --> 00:49:30,967 I'm very impressed, Joel. Very impressed. 902 00:49:30,968 --> 00:49:32,969 Uh, thanks. 903 00:49:32,970 --> 00:49:35,304 I have watched many, many of Molly's boyfriends 904 00:49:35,305 --> 00:49:37,139 bend my wife over that sideboard 905 00:49:37,140 --> 00:49:40,309 - and flunk the hell out of this test! - Oh. 906 00:49:40,310 --> 00:49:41,644 Can I take the test again? 907 00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:46,549 Please? Come on, I wanna fuck your mom. 908 00:49:59,295 --> 00:50:01,496 I think I like you, Joel. 909 00:50:03,065 --> 00:50:05,334 I think I like you, too. 910 00:50:05,335 --> 00:50:07,970 I think they like you. 911 00:50:07,971 --> 00:50:11,440 I want to make a toast. To my beautiful white daughter, Molly. 912 00:50:11,441 --> 00:50:13,009 Hear, hear. 913 00:50:14,111 --> 00:50:15,611 Wait, what? 914 00:50:15,612 --> 00:50:18,214 She is beautiful, isn't she, Joel? 915 00:50:18,215 --> 00:50:21,050 Skin pure as the driven snow. 916 00:50:21,051 --> 00:50:23,084 Completely unmongrelized. 917 00:50:23,619 --> 00:50:25,121 Uh... 918 00:50:25,122 --> 00:50:27,922 My beautiful Aryan princess, Molly. 919 00:50:28,591 --> 00:50:30,326 To Molly. 920 00:50:30,327 --> 00:50:31,959 Thanks, Mama. 921 00:50:33,162 --> 00:50:34,964 What the fuck? 922 00:50:34,965 --> 00:50:38,000 Joel, have you ever thought about how white people 923 00:50:38,001 --> 00:50:40,736 should be proud of their heritage, just like other people are? 924 00:50:40,737 --> 00:50:41,971 No. 925 00:50:41,972 --> 00:50:44,040 Do you realize because of the race mixers 926 00:50:44,041 --> 00:50:46,774 white people are now the minority in this country? 927 00:50:48,311 --> 00:50:50,313 It's a good point. 928 00:50:50,314 --> 00:50:53,981 Guys, let's not bore Joel. Justin, how's school? 929 00:50:57,053 --> 00:50:59,155 How could you not tell me that your parents were white supremacists? 930 00:50:59,156 --> 00:51:02,458 - I didn't think it was important, Joel. - Not important? Are you kidding? 931 00:51:02,459 --> 00:51:04,560 "Oh, hi, Mom. It's me, Joel. Guess what? I'm dating this great girl. 932 00:51:04,561 --> 00:51:05,591 "Her name's Molly. 933 00:51:05,592 --> 00:51:09,131 - By the way, she's a Nazi." - So they're a little eccentric! 934 00:51:09,132 --> 00:51:11,300 I love you for who you are, Joel. Why can't you do the same? 935 00:51:11,301 --> 00:51:12,668 Let me guess. The next thing you're about to say 936 00:51:12,669 --> 00:51:14,670 is that it's really hard making this work 937 00:51:14,671 --> 00:51:17,206 because my job entails running your business out of business! 938 00:51:17,207 --> 00:51:19,141 Yes, that is exactly what I was going to say. 939 00:51:19,142 --> 00:51:21,711 Tiffany, would you just calm down for a second! 940 00:51:21,712 --> 00:51:25,314 Oh, my God! You just called me by her name. 941 00:51:25,315 --> 00:51:26,649 You are so not over her! 942 00:51:26,650 --> 00:51:28,617 - Okay, all right, please... - Oh, my God! 943 00:51:28,618 --> 00:51:31,119 Just... Tiffany... 944 00:51:32,121 --> 00:51:33,389 Oh, damn it! 945 00:51:33,390 --> 00:51:36,759 - I think you should leave, Joel. - What? 946 00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,680 I think you should take your briefcase, take your suitcase, 947 00:51:40,329 --> 00:51:45,001 and your squash racquet, and all your magic markers, 948 00:51:45,002 --> 00:51:49,772 and your toothbrush, and your U2 CDs... 949 00:51:49,773 --> 00:51:53,709 And don't forget your clompy slippers and your floppy hat! 950 00:51:53,710 --> 00:51:54,777 And get out! 951 00:51:54,778 --> 00:51:56,644 - But, I... - Go! 952 00:52:13,763 --> 00:52:15,264 Hi, Joel. 953 00:52:15,265 --> 00:52:17,700 Tiffany, what are you doing here? 954 00:52:17,701 --> 00:52:21,137 Oh, it's a long story. 955 00:52:21,138 --> 00:52:25,408 Trevor moved out today, and I'm just really upset. 956 00:52:25,409 --> 00:52:28,744 And, well, I'll admit it, horny. 957 00:52:28,745 --> 00:52:31,347 Ew. She said that? Give me a break. 958 00:52:31,348 --> 00:52:34,750 I know. It sounds transparent, but she sounded really sincere. 959 00:52:34,751 --> 00:52:36,652 Well, great story. 960 00:52:36,653 --> 00:52:39,188 - Yeah. We should get together again very soon. - Yes. 961 00:52:39,189 --> 00:52:41,223 - We're not done. - Yeah, sit down. 962 00:52:41,224 --> 00:52:43,259 Well, actually, it's getting so late, and I have to run... 963 00:52:43,260 --> 00:52:46,828 Sit your fuckin' ass down, Karen. We're not done with the story. 964 00:52:52,802 --> 00:52:54,403 You know, you really hurt me, Tiff. 965 00:52:54,404 --> 00:52:57,506 I know. But I can't ever change that. 966 00:52:57,507 --> 00:53:00,076 What's done is done. 967 00:53:00,077 --> 00:53:01,744 I can't go back to the way things were. 968 00:53:01,745 --> 00:53:03,646 Things are gonna be different this time, right? 969 00:53:03,647 --> 00:53:07,548 Oh, probably not, Joel. Old habits die hard. 970 00:53:10,319 --> 00:53:12,521 Okay, but promise me that you're not here just because 971 00:53:12,522 --> 00:53:15,091 Trevor dumped you and you're feeling sorry for yourself. 972 00:53:15,092 --> 00:53:19,095 No. I can't promise you that, Joel, because that is why I'm here. 973 00:53:19,096 --> 00:53:21,130 I'm not gonna candy-coat it. 974 00:53:21,131 --> 00:53:24,165 If I were you, I would be very wary of my motives. 975 00:53:24,834 --> 00:53:26,534 Okay. 976 00:53:27,303 --> 00:53:29,238 You've convinced me. 977 00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:31,506 Let's give our relationship another try. 978 00:53:58,367 --> 00:54:00,236 I'm not sure Molly needs to hear this. 979 00:54:00,237 --> 00:54:01,871 Certainly not in that level of detail. 980 00:54:01,872 --> 00:54:03,405 Joel, that last move. 981 00:54:03,406 --> 00:54:04,773 Mmm! 982 00:54:04,774 --> 00:54:06,542 How did you hold her up with your feet and 983 00:54:06,543 --> 00:54:08,777 let her fall right down on you man? That's cool. 984 00:54:08,778 --> 00:54:11,180 What are you talking about? Who said anything about that? 985 00:54:11,181 --> 00:54:14,183 I'm sorry, man. I guess I was picturing details in my mind's eye 986 00:54:14,184 --> 00:54:17,353 as you were verbally describing what happened. But man, Joel... 987 00:54:17,354 --> 00:54:18,754 Mmm! 988 00:54:18,755 --> 00:54:20,890 You're gettin' in that pussy hole. 989 00:54:20,891 --> 00:54:23,859 You can have the pussy. Just save me the hole. 990 00:54:28,597 --> 00:54:30,699 Nobody talk to me. 991 00:54:30,700 --> 00:54:32,700 Joel and I broke up last night. 992 00:54:33,402 --> 00:54:35,136 And my store is doomed. 993 00:54:35,671 --> 00:54:37,273 I'm a mess. 994 00:54:37,274 --> 00:54:40,509 Honestly, Moll, I never liked that Joel anyway. 995 00:54:40,510 --> 00:54:43,277 I love him. But I hate him! 996 00:54:44,213 --> 00:54:46,182 But I love him. 997 00:54:51,555 --> 00:54:53,220 Hello? It's for you. 998 00:54:54,423 --> 00:54:55,724 Who's this? 999 00:54:55,725 --> 00:54:57,426 Hey, Molly. It's Egg-flaps. 1000 00:54:57,427 --> 00:55:01,297 Oh. Ah... Hi, Eggbert. How are you? 1001 00:55:01,298 --> 00:55:02,765 I know you're worried about your store closing down, 1002 00:55:02,766 --> 00:55:04,567 but I have some great news. 1003 00:55:04,568 --> 00:55:06,902 I happen to have reservations for two 1004 00:55:06,903 --> 00:55:09,705 at La Senora Enchilada at 7:00, 1005 00:55:09,706 --> 00:55:11,907 so do you wanna join me? 1006 00:55:11,908 --> 00:55:14,210 That's very sweet of you to ask, but I... 1007 00:55:14,211 --> 00:55:15,978 You're not interested. I get it. 1008 00:55:15,979 --> 00:55:18,813 Story of my life. At least I tried, right? 1009 00:55:21,250 --> 00:55:22,718 Okay, Eggbert. 1010 00:55:22,719 --> 00:55:24,687 Really? That's great! 1011 00:55:24,688 --> 00:55:26,922 Reservations are at 7:00, so I'll pick you up at 5:30. 1012 00:55:28,325 --> 00:55:30,392 A chimichanga for the señor. 1013 00:55:30,393 --> 00:55:31,894 Y para la señorita... 1014 00:55:31,895 --> 00:55:35,364 A hot beef and cheese burrito. 1015 00:55:35,365 --> 00:55:37,800 Yummy, yummy, in my tummy! 1016 00:55:37,801 --> 00:55:39,635 Muchas gracias, Armando. 1017 00:55:39,636 --> 00:55:41,369 De nada, Señor Flaps. 1018 00:55:50,579 --> 00:55:52,246 It's hot, hot, hot! 1019 00:55:52,781 --> 00:55:54,416 So Molly. 1020 00:55:54,417 --> 00:55:59,220 What kinds of things are you passionate about? 1021 00:56:01,724 --> 00:56:04,959 I love fiction books. Do you? 1022 00:56:05,494 --> 00:56:06,994 No, I don't. 1023 00:56:08,664 --> 00:56:10,131 They're not real. 1024 00:56:12,268 --> 00:56:13,936 I like things that are real. 1025 00:56:13,937 --> 00:56:16,739 Oh. I like fiction books because I think 1026 00:56:16,740 --> 00:56:19,308 - it takes you to a different world. - Uh-huh. 1027 00:56:19,309 --> 00:56:21,510 - And people create a story... - Sure. 1028 00:56:21,511 --> 00:56:24,380 And characters that you fall in love with. 1029 00:56:24,381 --> 00:56:28,417 Yeah, but they're not real. You know that, right? 1030 00:56:28,418 --> 00:56:31,053 I remember in high school, they made us read The Great Gatsby, 1031 00:56:31,054 --> 00:56:33,555 and I asked my teacher, "Did this happen?" 1032 00:56:33,556 --> 00:56:36,458 And he was like, "No." 1033 00:56:36,459 --> 00:56:39,495 And I was like, "Then why did they write it down?" 1034 00:56:39,496 --> 00:56:41,563 Jesus! What a douchebag! 1035 00:56:41,564 --> 00:56:44,400 Well, he meant well. So we started seeing each other. 1036 00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:47,736 Meanwhile CSR's Superstore was becoming a reality 1037 00:56:47,737 --> 00:56:50,104 and there was nothing I could do to stop it. 1038 00:56:51,340 --> 00:56:53,008 We're gonna obliterate it! 1039 00:56:54,611 --> 00:56:56,645 Molly and I weren't speaking, 1040 00:56:56,646 --> 00:56:59,748 and I was back with my old girlfriend, my old life. 1041 00:56:59,749 --> 00:57:01,850 And then the holiday season started. 1042 00:57:01,851 --> 00:57:04,787 Oh, hey. Brenda and I are having a series of three holiday parties, 1043 00:57:04,788 --> 00:57:07,089 - Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve. - Mmm-hmm. 1044 00:57:07,090 --> 00:57:09,024 - Three parties. - Got it. 1045 00:57:09,025 --> 00:57:11,593 We'd love it if you and Tiff could come. 1046 00:57:11,594 --> 00:57:14,096 Well, I've gotta talk to Tiff, but I'm sure she'll wanna go. 1047 00:57:14,097 --> 00:57:16,932 Great. The first one, of course, is Thanksgiving. 1048 00:57:16,933 --> 00:57:18,967 - Happy Thanksgiving, Brenda. - Happy Thanksgiving. 1049 00:57:18,968 --> 00:57:21,704 Hey, everybody! I'm a Thanksgiving turkey. 1050 00:57:27,776 --> 00:57:29,310 Mmm. 1051 00:57:32,781 --> 00:57:35,551 Dessert's almost ready. Who wants coffee? 1052 00:57:35,552 --> 00:57:38,654 - I would love a double-cream, no coffee. - I'll have a half mocha macchiato. 1053 00:57:38,655 --> 00:57:42,591 I'll have a caf, half latte caramel venti frappacino. 1054 00:57:42,592 --> 00:57:46,060 Boy, whatever happened to just good old regular coffee? 1055 00:57:48,464 --> 00:57:50,331 - Asshole. - Cunt. 1056 00:57:52,034 --> 00:57:53,769 - Christmas! - Now it's Christmas! 1057 00:57:53,770 --> 00:57:55,838 Christmastime charades! Tiffany, it's your turn. 1058 00:57:55,839 --> 00:57:57,519 - My turn. - It's your turn. 1059 00:57:58,941 --> 00:58:00,809 On your mark. Get set. Go. 1060 00:58:00,810 --> 00:58:04,813 Okay. Uh... 1061 00:58:04,814 --> 00:58:07,116 For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf! 1062 00:58:07,117 --> 00:58:08,384 Yes! 1063 00:58:08,385 --> 00:58:09,985 Yeah! 1064 00:58:09,986 --> 00:58:12,087 - It's Chariots of Fire. - Whoa, whoa, whoa... 1065 00:58:12,088 --> 00:58:14,490 - Chariots of Fire. - No, no, hon... 1066 00:58:14,491 --> 00:58:15,924 Yay, Brenda! 1067 00:58:15,925 --> 00:58:19,059 - You got it! She got it! - Wow! That was great, babe! 1068 00:58:19,628 --> 00:58:20,796 Movie. Movie. 1069 00:58:20,797 --> 00:58:22,498 - Paws! - Laws! 1070 00:58:22,499 --> 00:58:23,599 - Jizz! - Jews! 1071 00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:24,967 Time's up. Jaws. 1072 00:58:24,968 --> 00:58:26,502 I was doing Jaws. 1073 00:58:28,505 --> 00:58:30,145 Told you I wasn't good at this. 1074 00:58:30,639 --> 00:58:32,339 You're great at this. 1075 00:58:36,678 --> 00:58:38,180 - Now it's New Year's! - Now it's New Year's Eve! 1076 00:58:38,181 --> 00:58:39,581 Two minutes until the New Year! 1077 00:58:39,582 --> 00:58:40,783 New Year's Eve. 1078 00:58:48,624 --> 00:58:50,224 - Hey. - Hi. 1079 00:58:53,128 --> 00:58:54,862 You look great. 1080 00:58:55,631 --> 00:58:57,699 Thanks. So do you. 1081 00:58:57,700 --> 00:59:01,136 All right, everybody, get ready. It's one more minute. 1082 00:59:01,137 --> 00:59:02,871 I'm gonna get a drink. Do you want one? 1083 00:59:02,872 --> 00:59:05,239 Oh, uh... I'm all right. 1084 00:59:11,079 --> 00:59:12,981 Everybody, listen up! 1085 00:59:12,982 --> 00:59:15,017 I got somethin' to say. 1086 00:59:15,018 --> 00:59:17,085 I wasn't gonna do this tonight, but 1087 00:59:17,086 --> 00:59:19,620 I was just thinkin' about it, and what the heck? 1088 00:59:20,656 --> 00:59:22,356 Hey, Molly. 1089 00:59:24,194 --> 00:59:26,260 Will you marry me? 1090 00:59:34,837 --> 00:59:36,505 Yes. 1091 00:59:36,506 --> 00:59:38,105 Yes? 1092 00:59:38,807 --> 00:59:40,576 Yes? 1093 00:59:40,577 --> 00:59:42,042 Yes. 1094 00:59:43,011 --> 00:59:46,715 Eight, seven, six... 1095 00:59:46,716 --> 00:59:47,950 - Oh, happy day! - Five, four, 1096 00:59:47,951 --> 00:59:51,053 three, two, one. 1097 00:59:51,054 --> 00:59:53,522 Happy New Year! 1098 00:59:55,024 --> 00:59:57,960 Why did you say yes? He's so clearly wrong for you. 1099 00:59:57,961 --> 00:59:59,962 It's one of those weird ones. 1100 00:59:59,963 --> 01:00:02,598 I guess that's just what it is, one of those weird ones, huh? 1101 01:00:02,599 --> 01:00:05,501 Shall we just chalk it up to that and move on? 1102 01:00:09,172 --> 01:00:11,038 Happy New Year! 1103 01:00:11,573 --> 01:00:13,242 Do you love me? 1104 01:00:13,243 --> 01:00:15,744 I love Saturdays. 1105 01:00:15,745 --> 01:00:19,513 I know you love Saturdays, but do you love me? 1106 01:00:20,749 --> 01:00:24,786 I think you're A-okay. 1107 01:00:24,787 --> 01:00:27,289 How many times do I have to say it before you believe me? 1108 01:00:27,290 --> 01:00:30,626 Look, there's something I need to tell you. 1109 01:00:30,627 --> 01:00:34,296 Ever since you and I got back together, something hasn't felt right. 1110 01:00:34,297 --> 01:00:39,167 I think deep down, you're a horrible person. 1111 01:00:39,168 --> 01:00:41,136 Granted, you're smoking hot. 1112 01:00:41,137 --> 01:00:43,305 And that's something no one could ever take away from you. 1113 01:00:43,306 --> 01:00:46,675 Except of course, Father Time, who will most certainly take that away from you 1114 01:00:46,676 --> 01:00:48,810 sooner rather than later. But that's not my point. 1115 01:00:48,811 --> 01:00:49,878 What is your point? 1116 01:00:49,879 --> 01:00:51,545 My point is... 1117 01:00:53,115 --> 01:00:55,918 I'm sorry, but it's over. 1118 01:00:55,919 --> 01:00:58,587 Are you breaking up with me? 1119 01:00:58,588 --> 01:01:02,558 Yes. And I should have done it a long time ago. 1120 01:01:02,559 --> 01:01:05,025 You and I are like rain-proofing on a wooden deck. 1121 01:01:05,561 --> 01:01:06,862 Finished. 1122 01:01:06,863 --> 01:01:08,730 Well, fine. 1123 01:01:08,731 --> 01:01:11,600 And you want to know something? I always faked it. 1124 01:01:11,601 --> 01:01:13,635 Faked what? Your orgasms? 1125 01:01:13,636 --> 01:01:16,570 No, Joel. I'm not who you think I am. 1126 01:01:21,944 --> 01:01:23,111 Judge Judy? 1127 01:01:23,112 --> 01:01:24,846 That's right. And for the record, 1128 01:01:24,847 --> 01:01:27,681 those orgasms were as real as they get. 1129 01:01:28,884 --> 01:01:31,585 Now get your shit together, Joel. 1130 01:01:36,326 --> 01:01:38,193 It all fell apart that night. 1131 01:01:38,194 --> 01:01:39,595 As the weeks and months passed, 1132 01:01:39,596 --> 01:01:41,330 I tried to move on with my life. 1133 01:01:41,331 --> 01:01:44,333 I tried to focus on my work, started exercising, 1134 01:01:44,334 --> 01:01:46,935 and got married, but it didn't pan out. 1135 01:01:46,936 --> 01:01:50,097 By the time Spring came, I thought I might finally be over Molly. 1136 01:01:50,906 --> 01:01:53,273 Then I noticed something on my fridge. 1137 01:02:42,257 --> 01:02:44,793 - Are you okay, bubela? - Hmm... 1138 01:02:44,794 --> 01:02:47,528 Oh, yeah. I'm good. I'm just 1139 01:02:48,930 --> 01:02:51,066 thinking about some stuff. 1140 01:02:51,067 --> 01:02:52,868 Let me tell you a little story. 1141 01:02:52,869 --> 01:02:54,870 Wait! Who is this person? 1142 01:02:54,871 --> 01:02:56,738 My bubby. 1143 01:02:56,739 --> 01:02:58,840 The lady I was talking about that likes fiction books? 1144 01:02:58,841 --> 01:03:02,210 - Oh, your grandmother. - Yeah. 1145 01:03:02,211 --> 01:03:06,248 Let me tell you a little story. It's about bagels. 1146 01:03:06,249 --> 01:03:08,116 Wait, say no more. I've got it. 1147 01:03:08,117 --> 01:03:10,419 You were gonna say the bagels are a metaphor for the circle of life. 1148 01:03:10,420 --> 01:03:11,853 No, I wasn't gonna say that. 1149 01:03:11,854 --> 01:03:12,988 Oh, my God, of course! 1150 01:03:12,989 --> 01:03:14,856 How could I have not seen it? 1151 01:03:14,857 --> 01:03:17,926 I let my desire to land the Dickricker account cloud my judgment! 1152 01:03:17,927 --> 01:03:20,128 I know exactly what to do! Thank you, Bubby! 1153 01:03:20,129 --> 01:03:23,730 Oh, Joel, I'm so proud of you! 1154 01:03:34,476 --> 01:03:36,144 What are we doin'? 1155 01:03:36,145 --> 01:03:38,278 I don't know, but it feels so right. 1156 01:03:39,848 --> 01:03:42,417 Oh, God, Bubby, I wanna fuck you so bad. 1157 01:03:42,418 --> 01:03:45,819 Do it. Do it, Joel. Don't overthink this. 1158 01:03:50,992 --> 01:03:53,462 Oh, no. I... 1159 01:03:53,463 --> 01:03:54,996 I should go. 1160 01:03:54,997 --> 01:03:57,197 Yeah, I get it. 1161 01:04:02,437 --> 01:04:04,172 Hey, Bubby. 1162 01:04:04,173 --> 01:04:05,906 Yes, bubela? 1163 01:04:08,944 --> 01:04:10,644 Thanks. 1164 01:04:17,986 --> 01:04:19,955 All those in favor of demolishing Upper 1165 01:04:19,956 --> 01:04:22,090 Sweet Side once and for all, say "aye." 1166 01:04:22,091 --> 01:04:23,325 Aye. 1167 01:04:23,326 --> 01:04:24,392 Wait! 1168 01:04:24,393 --> 01:04:26,027 Joel? What are you doing here? 1169 01:04:26,028 --> 01:04:27,362 We can't do this. 1170 01:04:27,363 --> 01:04:29,297 Oh, yes, we can. And we are. 1171 01:04:29,298 --> 01:04:30,832 - It's wrong. - "Wrong"? 1172 01:04:30,833 --> 01:04:31,833 Yeah. It's wrong. 1173 01:04:31,834 --> 01:04:34,002 "It's"? 1174 01:04:34,003 --> 01:04:35,537 It's terribly wrong, and I'm gonna explain why. 1175 01:04:35,538 --> 01:04:36,838 "Why"? 1176 01:04:36,839 --> 01:04:38,240 Trevor, let me speak. 1177 01:04:38,241 --> 01:04:41,343 - What... - Let him speak. 1178 01:04:41,344 --> 01:04:45,914 Look, we didn't get into the candy game to make money, did we? 1179 01:04:45,915 --> 01:04:49,184 We got into the candy game to make candy 1180 01:04:49,185 --> 01:04:51,052 for kids of all ages to enjoy. 1181 01:04:51,053 --> 01:04:53,887 Because we're not money people, people. 1182 01:04:54,956 --> 01:04:56,490 We're candy people. 1183 01:04:57,793 --> 01:04:59,459 We're candy people. 1184 01:05:01,363 --> 01:05:03,764 Used to be a time when we all believed that. 1185 01:05:04,900 --> 01:05:06,700 Remember those days, Habermeyer? 1186 01:05:08,203 --> 01:05:09,903 Martinson? 1187 01:05:12,040 --> 01:05:15,210 Isn't there room in New York City for two candy stores, Roland? 1188 01:05:15,211 --> 01:05:18,013 Don't be seduced by his word jazz. 1189 01:05:18,014 --> 01:05:19,580 Shut up, Trevor. 1190 01:05:20,448 --> 01:05:22,649 You may have a point, Joel. 1191 01:05:24,152 --> 01:05:25,686 Keep going. 1192 01:05:27,489 --> 01:05:31,092 If we lock the trunk and throw away the key on Molly's little candy shop, 1193 01:05:31,093 --> 01:05:32,561 aren't we really locking the trunk 1194 01:05:32,562 --> 01:05:34,995 and throwing away the key on ourselves? 1195 01:05:37,232 --> 01:05:40,502 Saving Molly's candy shop isn't about saving the shop. 1196 01:05:40,503 --> 01:05:42,404 Saving that little candy shop 1197 01:05:42,405 --> 01:05:46,240 is about saving life on Earth as we know it! 1198 01:05:48,143 --> 01:05:51,678 That's all I've got. I'm sorry to have wasted your time. 1199 01:05:52,214 --> 01:05:53,880 He's right. 1200 01:05:57,953 --> 01:06:00,887 Well, well, well. 1201 01:06:02,424 --> 01:06:05,327 You just got yourself a big promotion and a corner office. 1202 01:06:05,328 --> 01:06:07,262 What? 1203 01:06:07,263 --> 01:06:10,565 Oh, my God. I'm so shocked. I wasn't expecting that to happen at all. 1204 01:06:10,566 --> 01:06:14,169 This is ridiculous. That corner office was mine! 1205 01:06:14,170 --> 01:06:16,371 I'm sorry, Trevor. Didn't you hear? You're fired! 1206 01:06:16,372 --> 01:06:19,140 And if your desk isn't empty by tomorrow morning, 1207 01:06:19,141 --> 01:06:21,176 I am gonna have your license revoked. 1208 01:06:21,177 --> 01:06:22,277 What license? 1209 01:06:22,278 --> 01:06:23,979 It's over, Trevor. 1210 01:06:23,980 --> 01:06:26,181 Now get out of here before I change my mind! 1211 01:06:26,182 --> 01:06:29,384 No, I want you to change your mind. Then I'll still have a job. 1212 01:06:29,385 --> 01:06:30,285 Go! 1213 01:06:33,622 --> 01:06:36,790 And one more thing. John, come on in here! 1214 01:06:38,627 --> 01:06:40,095 John Dickricker? 1215 01:06:40,096 --> 01:06:42,964 That's right, Joel. This is John Dickricker, 1216 01:06:42,965 --> 01:06:47,002 and the Dickricker account is yours again. 1217 01:06:48,004 --> 01:06:49,104 Wow! 1218 01:06:49,105 --> 01:06:51,640 I'm overwhelmed. 1219 01:06:51,641 --> 01:06:54,175 - But I'm sorry, I can't accept your offer. - What? 1220 01:06:54,176 --> 01:06:56,945 I'm tendering my resignation, Roland. 1221 01:06:56,946 --> 01:06:59,547 That's right, everybody. I quit. 1222 01:06:59,548 --> 01:07:01,149 Effective immediately. 1223 01:07:01,150 --> 01:07:02,584 I'm gonna pursue my dream and open 1224 01:07:02,585 --> 01:07:05,120 my own coffee shop, "Cup of Joel". 1225 01:07:05,121 --> 01:07:08,623 You've probably all heard of "cup of joe". This is a play on that. 1226 01:07:08,624 --> 01:07:10,659 - 'Cause of my name being Joel. - Oh... 1227 01:07:10,660 --> 01:07:14,296 Yeah. So you get it. "Cup of Joel," "cup of joe," "Cup of Joel." 1228 01:07:14,297 --> 01:07:15,630 Oh, cute. 1229 01:07:15,631 --> 01:07:17,964 I'll help you, Joel. I quit, too. 1230 01:07:19,935 --> 01:07:22,337 It's okay. I've got it. But thank you. 1231 01:07:22,338 --> 01:07:23,972 Oh... 1232 01:07:23,973 --> 01:07:25,106 All hail Joel! 1233 01:07:28,977 --> 01:07:30,777 Here's to you, Joel. 1234 01:07:33,548 --> 01:07:35,550 Where's Bob? 1235 01:07:35,551 --> 01:07:38,653 Oh, Bob's at that woman Molly's wedding. 1236 01:07:38,654 --> 01:07:42,324 Oh... Oh, Joel, I'm so sorry. I thought you knew. 1237 01:07:42,325 --> 01:07:44,958 She's getting married in, like, 20 minutes. 1238 01:07:46,661 --> 01:07:48,895 I have to do something. 1239 01:08:07,749 --> 01:08:09,985 Uptown! And step on it! I'm in a huge hurry! 1240 01:08:09,986 --> 01:08:11,720 I can't do it, man. I'm off duty. 1241 01:08:11,721 --> 01:08:14,222 Damn it, I'm screwed! 1242 01:08:14,223 --> 01:08:16,558 But in your case, brother, I'll make an exception. 1243 01:08:16,559 --> 01:08:18,493 Jake. 1244 01:08:18,494 --> 01:08:20,595 Finally got that job, huh? 1245 01:08:20,596 --> 01:08:23,831 You're not the only one in this family who's getting his shit together. 1246 01:08:25,000 --> 01:08:26,601 Now let's go get you that girl. 1247 01:08:39,481 --> 01:08:42,584 I'm terrified, Daddy. Am I doing the right thing? 1248 01:08:42,585 --> 01:08:45,185 Oh, Honey, if Eggbert's the one, you'll know. 1249 01:08:46,254 --> 01:08:47,322 Let's go, let's go! 1250 01:08:47,323 --> 01:08:48,390 We're almost there! 1251 01:08:48,391 --> 01:08:50,657 Oh, God, come on, come on! 1252 01:08:53,294 --> 01:08:55,095 You may be seated. 1253 01:09:05,573 --> 01:09:07,742 Hey, pretty lady. 1254 01:09:07,743 --> 01:09:11,579 Eggbert, do you notice anything different about me? 1255 01:09:11,580 --> 01:09:13,046 Anything at all? 1256 01:09:15,583 --> 01:09:18,452 No. You look incredible. 1257 01:09:18,787 --> 01:09:21,121 Oh, I knew it. 1258 01:09:22,424 --> 01:09:25,427 Eggbert, I'm sorry. You're a very nice man. 1259 01:09:25,428 --> 01:09:29,729 But I would rather be alone and happy than with you and unhappy. 1260 01:09:31,299 --> 01:09:32,700 What are you saying? 1261 01:09:32,701 --> 01:09:35,270 It's not you. It's me. 1262 01:09:35,271 --> 01:09:37,572 I'm sorry, Eggbert. Thank you for showing me 1263 01:09:37,573 --> 01:09:40,907 what a big mistake it would be if I married you today. 1264 01:09:46,648 --> 01:09:48,248 Molly, where are you going? 1265 01:09:59,360 --> 01:10:00,994 Hey, Aunt Flo! 1266 01:10:01,796 --> 01:10:04,097 Molly, I love you! 1267 01:10:04,799 --> 01:10:07,100 She's not here, Joel! 1268 01:10:08,203 --> 01:10:10,170 What? Where is she? 1269 01:10:11,339 --> 01:10:12,874 Your guess is as good as mine. 1270 01:10:12,875 --> 01:10:17,545 She was here at the altar, and then she left, 1271 01:10:17,546 --> 01:10:21,047 and we don't have any way to know where she might be. 1272 01:10:23,118 --> 01:10:24,584 I think I know. 1273 01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:26,586 Follow me! 1274 01:10:27,689 --> 01:10:29,155 What? 1275 01:10:33,394 --> 01:10:34,596 - Sox! - Celtics! 1276 01:10:34,597 --> 01:10:36,162 Ben Affleck! 1277 01:10:36,865 --> 01:10:39,200 She's not here. 1278 01:10:39,201 --> 01:10:41,001 Are you sure that's what she said? 1279 01:10:41,703 --> 01:10:44,137 I know where she is! Follow me! 1280 01:10:54,816 --> 01:10:56,683 She's not here. 1281 01:10:57,218 --> 01:10:58,453 Joel! 1282 01:10:58,454 --> 01:10:59,621 You are here! 1283 01:11:03,358 --> 01:11:04,792 I've come for you. 1284 01:11:04,793 --> 01:11:07,195 - It's too late. - What? 1285 01:11:07,196 --> 01:11:08,897 There's nothing left for me here. 1286 01:11:08,898 --> 01:11:12,400 My flight leaves in an hour. I have to leave. 1287 01:11:12,401 --> 01:11:13,668 Wait! 1288 01:11:13,669 --> 01:11:15,570 Molly. 1289 01:11:15,571 --> 01:11:17,170 I love you. 1290 01:11:17,872 --> 01:11:20,642 I don't know what you want me to say. 1291 01:11:20,643 --> 01:11:22,443 You ran my business into the ground. 1292 01:11:22,444 --> 01:11:23,878 No, he didn't! 1293 01:11:23,879 --> 01:11:26,681 No, he did not. 1294 01:11:26,682 --> 01:11:30,251 Molly, not only did Joel save your candy shop, 1295 01:11:30,252 --> 01:11:33,153 but he also made it possible for it to flourish 1296 01:11:33,688 --> 01:11:35,155 forever. 1297 01:11:36,558 --> 01:11:38,193 Forever. 1298 01:11:38,194 --> 01:11:40,628 This is the same guy who pooped in his costume at the Halloween party? 1299 01:11:40,629 --> 01:11:42,195 That's right. 1300 01:11:44,332 --> 01:11:45,600 Thank you, Joel. 1301 01:11:45,601 --> 01:11:47,067 I misjudged you. 1302 01:11:47,602 --> 01:11:49,637 Give me another chance! 1303 01:11:49,638 --> 01:11:51,372 I don't know how I'm supposed to respond to that. 1304 01:11:51,373 --> 01:11:55,410 By saying, "Yes, Joel, I'll give you another chance." 1305 01:11:55,411 --> 01:11:58,213 Oh, come on, Molly. Give him another chance. 1306 01:11:58,214 --> 01:11:59,681 I'm sorry. I have to go. 1307 01:11:59,682 --> 01:12:02,650 Wait! Then how about this? 1308 01:12:02,651 --> 01:12:05,553 I love how you make a goofy face every time you don't know what to say. 1309 01:12:07,423 --> 01:12:09,224 I love how you order a muffin. 1310 01:12:09,225 --> 01:12:10,658 Joel. 1311 01:12:10,659 --> 01:12:13,428 Oh, Molly, I guess what I'm trying to say is, 1312 01:12:13,429 --> 01:12:17,699 I saw those Groucho glasses stuck to your face 1313 01:12:17,700 --> 01:12:21,167 and I promise I'll notice them every single time you put them on. 1314 01:12:21,803 --> 01:12:23,571 Listen to me. If you're asking me 1315 01:12:23,572 --> 01:12:25,873 to give you a second chance, the answer... 1316 01:12:25,874 --> 01:12:27,709 Wait! 1317 01:12:27,710 --> 01:12:29,444 Molly. 1318 01:12:29,445 --> 01:12:31,512 Frank? 1319 01:12:31,513 --> 01:12:33,815 - Frank, my old boyfriend. Remember? - Right. 1320 01:12:33,816 --> 01:12:37,619 What are you doing here? Where's Mia, the yoga instructor? 1321 01:12:37,620 --> 01:12:39,487 Thought you two had eloped and gone to Paris. 1322 01:12:39,488 --> 01:12:41,321 She died, so that's over. 1323 01:12:42,490 --> 01:12:44,759 Marry me, Molly. 1324 01:12:44,760 --> 01:12:48,027 No, Frank. It's too late for that. 1325 01:12:49,464 --> 01:12:51,164 Okay. 1326 01:12:54,302 --> 01:12:57,438 - Anyway, my answer is... - Molly! Molly! 1327 01:12:57,439 --> 01:13:01,042 - Oh, my sister. - Molly! 1328 01:13:01,043 --> 01:13:05,513 Spike, your ex-husband and Tucker's dad, just got released from jail. 1329 01:13:05,514 --> 01:13:08,283 And he knows about Joel, and he's really pissed, and he's coming now! 1330 01:13:08,284 --> 01:13:09,884 What? 1331 01:13:09,885 --> 01:13:12,045 Oh, shit! Look out, Joel! He's got a sword! 1332 01:13:15,356 --> 01:13:21,062 Oh, I'm gonna kill you. You can't take my family away from me! 1333 01:13:21,063 --> 01:13:22,397 Joel, duck! 1334 01:13:34,008 --> 01:13:35,709 Yeah! 1335 01:13:51,025 --> 01:13:53,428 Good job, Joel. 1336 01:13:53,429 --> 01:13:55,363 You ain't seen the last of me, Billy Joel! 1337 01:13:55,364 --> 01:13:56,998 You ain't seen the last of me! 1338 01:13:56,999 --> 01:13:58,733 Tell it to the judge, Spike. 1339 01:13:58,734 --> 01:14:00,535 You're going back to prison where you belong. 1340 01:14:00,536 --> 01:14:04,105 I always loved you, bitch! 1341 01:14:04,106 --> 01:14:07,041 And "good job" for Molly's sister Katherine, too, for alerting us. 1342 01:14:08,644 --> 01:14:10,310 Thanks, everybody! 1343 01:14:12,447 --> 01:14:15,950 Oh, for cryin' out loud, Molly, will you marry me? 1344 01:14:15,951 --> 01:14:18,586 And don't anyone interrupt me this time, okay? 1345 01:14:22,090 --> 01:14:23,624 Joel. 1346 01:14:23,625 --> 01:14:26,527 I think maybe we're getting ahead of ourselves. 1347 01:14:26,528 --> 01:14:28,796 Let's go get a cup of coffee. 1348 01:14:28,797 --> 01:14:32,599 Yeah. Coffee. That sounds good. 1349 01:14:32,600 --> 01:14:33,868 That sounds great! 1350 01:14:53,454 --> 01:14:55,556 Ladies and gentlemen, presenting 1351 01:14:55,557 --> 01:14:57,357 Cup of Joel! 1352 01:15:17,445 --> 01:15:19,046 That is a crazy story! 1353 01:15:19,047 --> 01:15:20,481 Told ya! 1354 01:15:20,482 --> 01:15:21,949 It's like a corny romantic comedy. 1355 01:15:21,950 --> 01:15:23,117 It is. 1356 01:15:23,118 --> 01:15:25,186 It was such a great beginning, 1357 01:15:25,187 --> 01:15:27,388 why did you guys decide to get a divorce? 1358 01:15:28,122 --> 01:15:31,125 Well, things got pretty rough after that. 1359 01:15:31,126 --> 01:15:33,895 Roland's promise to keep my store flourishing forever, 1360 01:15:33,896 --> 01:15:36,864 well, it turned out to be a little bit more complicated than we thought. 1361 01:15:36,865 --> 01:15:39,000 Long story short, the store is gone. 1362 01:15:39,001 --> 01:15:42,804 And Cup of Joel basically crashed and burned after a week. 1363 01:15:42,805 --> 01:15:44,772 I mean, it really wasn't anything. 1364 01:15:44,773 --> 01:15:47,508 And as much as little Tucker loved havin' a new dad around, 1365 01:15:47,509 --> 01:15:51,045 he was pretty traumatized seein' his real dad get shot in the face by the police. 1366 01:15:51,046 --> 01:15:53,514 The debts started to pile up and 1367 01:15:53,515 --> 01:15:55,750 I started taking pills to numb the pain. 1368 01:15:55,751 --> 01:15:57,483 And then... 1369 01:15:59,153 --> 01:16:01,889 I started sleeping with Frank again. 1370 01:16:01,890 --> 01:16:03,624 But enough of our sob stories. 1371 01:16:03,625 --> 01:16:05,560 The bottom line is, we mutually decided 1372 01:16:05,561 --> 01:16:08,029 that we were better off as friends than spouses. 1373 01:16:08,030 --> 01:16:10,198 - Yeah. - There's no need to belabor it. 1374 01:16:10,199 --> 01:16:12,867 Let's talk about something happier, shall we? 1375 01:16:12,868 --> 01:16:15,568 Karen, hearing this story makes me realize that 1376 01:16:16,471 --> 01:16:18,840 I want out. 1377 01:16:18,841 --> 01:16:21,809 Seriously, I don't ever want to see you again. 1378 01:16:21,810 --> 01:16:24,679 He's joking. You're joking, right, Kyle? 1379 01:16:24,680 --> 01:16:27,114 Of course I'm joking! 1380 01:16:27,115 --> 01:16:29,584 What? 1381 01:16:29,585 --> 01:16:31,618 You are the love of my life. 1382 01:16:32,854 --> 01:16:35,121 That was such a good joke. 1383 01:16:38,961 --> 01:16:41,594 - Stop. - I'm gonna leave you, you knucklehead. 1384 01:16:44,765 --> 01:16:47,869 Well, what do you think? 1385 01:16:47,870 --> 01:16:50,003 Should we give it another shot? 1386 01:16:53,508 --> 01:16:54,876 Why not? 1387 01:17:01,549 --> 01:17:03,983 I told you it was gonna be a crazy day. 1388 01:17:07,823 --> 01:17:09,724 Have you guys seen that new exhibit at the museum? 1389 01:17:09,725 --> 01:17:12,627 - Oh, it's so special. - Oh, we missed it. 1390 01:17:12,628 --> 01:17:14,662 You can take the subway there. One of the lines. 1391 01:17:14,663 --> 01:17:17,397 Only in New York, right?106177

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