All language subtitles for Teachers 2x13 - Dire Straights (English)

Tap and touch very light,

just like in life.

Tap and touch with everything.

Where is this going?

And we're just gonna finish up here

with a couple of happy little birds,

and we are done, friends.

Another mountain landscape
out of nothing.

Carl Fromm, from what magic
are you made?

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

Mrs. Adler?

I didn't know you smoked cigarettes.

You look really cool.

- I wasn't smoking, Max.
- Yes, you were.

I smell smoke,

and smoke just came out of your mouth,

and there's a cigarette in your hand.

Okay, you got me,

but smoking is not cool.

Yes, it is. Obama smokes, and so do you.

Both my heroes smoke.

Yeah!

I have some very disturbing news.

I found a marijuana cigarette
on school grounds this morning.

Oh, please.

I don't roll my weed.

That combined with the fact that
I don't smoke cannabis at all

makes it impossible
for that to be my bone...

J...

marijuana cigarette.

Obviously. It couldn't be a teacher.

It goes without saying that

no faculty member at Fillmore
has ever smoked dope.

So you've never gotten high?

Only if you count
sunshine on my shoulder...

like my man John Denver?

Anyway, I've already called

Drug Information
and Resistance Education.

A DIRE officer will be visiting

every class at Fillmore
over the next week.

I don't need
some narc up my butt all week.

I can teach the kids drugs myself.

No one is teaching drugs.

You hear that, guys?
No teaching drugs, okay?

Great, now I have to listen to some pig

oink about how drugs
make you lazy and unmotivated,

which is total bullshit.

Caroline, are you still
coming to church with me?

There will be lots
of nice, young single men.

Last night on match.com,

I matched with someone named Gub,

so, yeah, I'll be there.

- I quit smoking.
- Congratulations. When?

Five minutes ago.

- What?
- The last time you tried to quit,

you told me to hide your cigarettes

and then freaked out
and threatened to...

and I quote... "rip out my trachea"

if I didn't tell you where they were.

That was just locker room talk.

Anyway, it's different this time.

One of my students caught me
smoking in the parking lot.

I am never letting my kids
see my smoke again.

- Good luck.
- Don't need it.

Willpower and self-control
are wicked virtues.

She's the worst.

So, for homework,
everyone can just complete

the even-numbered review questions

at the end of the chapter. Okay.

Why don't we do the odd questions, too?

Because that would be too much homework.

But isn't the purpose of the questions

to review the chapter?

Yes, yes, it is.

So then why don't we answer
all the questions?

Because then I'm gonna have
twice as much work to grade,

and I have a life,
which you wouldn't understand,

because you think
that the horses that you ride

- are your best friends!
- Uh, Deb? Uh...

Huh?

I think you might need to
satisfy your oral fixation.

Maybe you'd like a piece of gum.

Maybe you'd like to get a razor

so that the rest of us don't have to see

your armpit hair poke out
the side of your crocheted tops.

Okay...

um, let's go ahead and begin our lesson.

What you got, Picasso?

Last night I got super high
and went on Groupon.

Now I got to play trampoline
basketball in Winnetka

and glow-in-the-dark
WhirlyBall in Skokie.

Hello, ladies.

I'd like you to meet Officer Chuck.

He'll be doing the DIRE
presentations this week.

Hi, thanks for having me.

Did you say something?

I thought I heard something.

I-19.

This is great!

And you thought that
Old Testament reading was fun.

Did I?

Hey, that guy's cute.

- I'm gonna go talk to him.
- Oh, we're in the middle of a game.

- You can't distract him.
- B-2.

Fine, but as soon as
this lame game's over,

I'm introducing myself.

That's a $175 Brooks Brothers sweater.

N-36.

Is that bingo?

- Oh.
- Oh, my God, I've got bingo!

Bingo! This is amazing!

Yes! I win!

Bingo! Oh, yeah, b-b-bingo!

Better luck next time.

Wow, Caroline, you did great.

I was sure you were going to stop

after that cute guy in
the Blues Brothers sweater left.

Brooks Brothers?

I was going to,
but then I was only two squares

away from bingo, so...

I'm single, not stupid.

Oh, okay, well, I'm glad you had fun.

I think I'd like to come to
church with you more often,

you know, to, like, pray and...

stuff.

Okay!

Amen.

And at the end of our talk,

I'm gonna ask all of you
to take the DIRE pledge

to be completely drug-free

- and to spread the DIRE message.
- Just like the Hitler oath.

I'm sorry, did you say
something, Ms. Feldman?

- No, go ahead.
- Okay.

- Nazi.
- Excuse me?

Just do your presentation, dude.

- Okay.
- Okay.

All right.

Now, I think you all know why I'm here.

Your principal found
marijuana on your campus,

and marijuana's illegal.

In some states, it is legal for adults.

Yeah, but in all states,
it's illegal for minors.

Just like tobacco and alcohol,

but they don't send off
Sir Friendly around

to talk to the kids about that,

because those drugs
are controlled by corporations.

Actually, I am gonna talk
about alcohol and tobacco.

Oh, very good.

So I'm sure you'll talk
about how each year,

alcohol kills 88,000 people.

- That's right.
- And tobacco...

480,000 people.

- Yeah.
- And then there's marijuana.

My Google must be broken,
'cause it's saying zero.

Okay, we're gonna take
a ten-minute break.

- What are you doing in there?
- What are you doing in there?

I'm trying to save these kids' lives.

I'm trying to save their freedom.

I believe in freedom
just as much as you do.

- Oh, you're a fascist.
- You're an anarchist!

N-42.

- Bingo.
- You got to be kidding me!

I play 16 cards without
winning a single round,

while Grandma Moses over here
gets three bingos

on just two cards?

What's going on?

Is that your nephew working the tumbler?

What are you trying
to pull here, Granny?

Caroline, you can't talk
to Mrs. Willis like that.

She waters the church plants.

Hey, look, that cutie patootie
is over by the snacks.

Maybe you could go talk to him.

He's wearing embroidered lobster shorts.

Are you crazy? They're about
to do another round.

Hey, loan me a 20.

That last trip to the ATM maxed me out.

- I don't have any cash.
- Oh.

Oh, okay.

Who here wants a Cartier watch
for 20 bucks?

Huh?

The kids were exactly
the motivation I needed

to quit smoking.

The combination of a noble goal

and an iron will
has made me unstoppable.

Nicotine is my bitch.

Hey, you got another piece of that gum?

I want to punch her in her smug face,

but it is pretty impressive
how well she's doing.

Actually, it's not.

I've been dosing her with nicotine gum.

Ooh, sneaky, Cecelia,

like teaching kids about the Bible

using cartoon vegetables.

Guess who's going on a date tonight.

What? I didn't know your vagina worked.

- With who?
- Officer Chuck.

We made out in the hallway. No big deal.

- I thought you hated cops?
- So did I.

But he kept coming back at me,

and no matter how hard I argued,

he wouldn't give an inch.

It was so wrong, yet...

So right.

I know exactly what you mean,

and so do the two Mormon missionaries

who recruit in my neighborhood.

Has anyone seen Caroline this morning?

G, 48.

Bingo! I'm back!

Can we play something else, Ms. Watson?

Don't be a sore loser, Alyssa.

Everybody, clear your grids.
We're going again.

This time we're playing for lunch money.

Caroline?

Are you wearing
the same clothes as yesterday?

I am.

I found a bingo game in the back
of a fish market in Chinatown

and stayed there
till 6:00 in the morning.

Do you want to go to church later?

We could play bingo after.

I actually think
we should take the night off.

I'm a little worried about you.

Mary Louise,

I play it because
it's good wholesome fun.

- Bingo!
- That doesn't count, Alyssa.

I was distracted.

Get out of here, you mush.

Carl Fromm? Are you kidding me?

- I know. It's weird.
- No, no, no, no, I love him.

It's like he's doing these brushstrokes,

and it doesn't look like anything,

and then it all just comes together.

Yes.

Listen, you get me a Checkers pizza

and some Carl Fromm,
and I'm a happy camper.

Oh, you just described
my perfect evening.

- Well...
- I'm so happy we did this.

I've never met anybody
quite like you, A.J.

Okay, I'm gonna outside
and blaze up before dinner.

You know that I'm an actual
police officer, right?

Uh, yeah, that's why
I didn't invite you.

See, if you tell me
that you're gonna go get high,

then my job is to arrest you.

Okay, message received.

I'm gonna go to the ladies' room.

What I'm saying is...

I cannot date somebody who gets high.

- You're serious?
- Yeah.

I can't believe I'm about to do this,

but I haven't felt this way in so long,

and I want to give it a shot.

Officer Chuck,

for you, I'm going to take
the DIRE pledge.

- Hey, what's going on here?
- He took the ball from me!

Did not! I saw it first.

- Problem solved, twerps.
- The gum's wearing off.

I brought reinforcements.

Nicotine patches.

Here.

I'm going in.

Godspeed.

- Deb?
- What?

It's so good to have such a strong woman

on playground duty with me.

- Come here.
- What are you doing?

- You're my hero.
- Stop!

- You're my hero, you're my hero.
- Get off of me!

What are you doing? Don't touch me!

I just really admire

your incredible strength of character.

Yeah, I know.

Come on, guys, let's go get that ball.

B-11.

I thought you said
you were gonna skip church.

I did. I'm at bingo.

Hi, I'm sorry to bother you,
but I've, um...

I've been noticing you all week.

Do you summer in Nantucket?

Because my family's got a house there.

Buzz off, preppy,

I'm one square away
on six different cards.

Holy moly. She's an addict.

I've only been eating condiment packets?

How am I still alive?

Why am I hiding my apartment key
inside my apartment?

The first song on this album's
been playing for an hour.

Holy crap. It's the last song.

All the song's sound the same.

This band sucks.

My life sucks.

Thank you all for coming
to Caroline's intervention.

Are you sure you can't
squeeze me into this?

I could really use some guilt and shame

to help keep off the weed.

Am I the only one
who didn't get the memo

that this is National Pussy Week?

Oh, my God,
are you guys playing Telephone?

Caroline, we're here to intervene.

This is an intervention.

I'll start.

Chelsea, I think you constantly
degrade yourself

by having one-night-stands.
A sex addict...

It's not for me. It's for you.

"Dear Caroline, I think
you're sexually repressed,

"anal retentive, and you have
an arrested sense of style.

"I have attempted
to take you on as a project,

but now I am done with you."

Chelsea, this is supposed to
be about her bingo addiction.

- Oh.
- What are you talking about?

I don't have a bingo problem.

"Dear Caroline,
you have a bingo problem.

"Your sinful weakness
is blocking your path

- to communion with your stu..."
- I'm not addicted to bingo!

And thanks to your stupid intervention,

I may miss my lunchtime game
at the Newsom Senior Center.

Those old bitches have $100 of my money,

and I got to get it back.

Well, that was a complete waste of time.

Actually, Deb, it wasn't.

- "Dear Deb"...
- Hold on, she gets letters?

Wait, what's going on?
I already quit smoking.

"You only think you've quit smoking,

because we've been dosing you
with nicotine."

Well, that's bullshit.
I quit cold turkey.

No, you didn't.

What... No. Wha.. Oh, Chelsea...

You got dosed, girl.

I should've known.

Nobody ever hugs me.

Screw you, guys. I can quit on my own!

A.J. Just who I'm looking for.

How's it going with the pledge?

I can honestly say I'm seeing
things in a whole new light.

A lot of people who take
the pledge say the same thing.

And they stick with it?

- What?
- Nothing.

Hey, I thought maybe I would
come by your place tonight.

You order the Checkers pizza,
and I will bring...

Oh, "Carl Fromm: The Lost Episodes"?

- I'm in. Okay.
- Okay.

- All right, I'll see you later.
- Okay, I'll see you later.

I can do this.

Don't need any help. I can do this.

Oh, damn it.

I knew you didn't quit.

It's because smoking's cool, right?

These aren't real cigarettes, Max.

This is a candy cigarette.

Then eat it.

You see? Candy.

What about the rest of them?

Uh...

Oh, hello, Mary Louise.
Are you playing tonight?

Be careful.
You don't want to get addicted.

Actually, I'm setting up for both of us.

Oh, looks like you realized

you were the one with a problem...

with me winning.

B-3.

That's B-3.

Mary Louise, this dabber
doesn't have any ink.

- Let's share.
- No.

If you don't have a problem,
then you can miss one round.

O-59.

I-32.

I-17.

Does anyone have an extra dabber?

Grandma Moses, what about you?

Hello?

I need to dab, people.

Someone just give me
a dabber that works!

You Christians always want
to help someone in need, right?

Well, here I am!

Give me your freakin' dabber,
you motherf...

Any kind of style you want to paint in,

you let me know, except portraits.

I think I've seen this one.

No, they pulled these
after his Vespa accident.

- Oh.
- My portrait teacher said...

he said, "Carl, you should
stay in the woods."

But what is talent?
It's what we feel inside.

That's what it is.
It's what we feel inside.

Does Checkers pizza
always taste like this?

Yeah.

Okay, I got to tell you
something, Officer Chuck.

- What?
- I really like you,

but everything
outside of school without weed

is a turd sandwich.

Look where I live.

I got to get high.

So can you deal with that?

I really appreciate your honesty,

but as I said before,

I cannot be with somebody
who uses drugs.

So I guess I'm asking you
to choose between me

and marijuana.

All right.

All right.

- Uh...
- Mm...

I'll be seeing you.

Wait.

Did you just choose marijuana?

Uh-huh. Yeah.

So I should...

- I should... I should just go?
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- All right.
- All right.

I think we're about done.

Well, it's been a week.
I've officially quit smoking.

- Good for you, girl.
- How'd you do it?

Aversion therapy.
I ate an entire pack of cigarettes.

If there's something
you really want, you find a way.

Let me tell you how I define willpower.

Okay, I have to go.

I told you. She's the worst.

Mary Louise, I'm not going in there.

Caroline, please. It's one meeting.

They're gamblers, too.
They can help you.

- Get lost.
- Huh?

Hello, boys! Let the healing begin.