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1
00:00:02,271 --> 00:00:04,375
(truck's reverse
warning signal beeping)
2
00:00:04,442 --> 00:00:06,112
Huh?
(grunts)
3
00:00:06,179 --> 00:00:09,218
Anderson, party of four,
your table's ready.
4
00:00:09,285 --> 00:00:10,220
Ander... Oh!
5
00:00:10,287 --> 00:00:11,857
Hear ye, hear ye.
6
00:00:11,924 --> 00:00:14,128
Big news is afoot, my babies.
7
00:00:14,195 --> 00:00:15,230
CUSTOMER:
Shut up, Randy!
8
00:00:15,297 --> 00:00:16,767
Ha‐ha!
9
00:00:16,834 --> 00:00:21,109
They're building a Lord Lobster
on the 311 bypass.
10
00:00:21,175 --> 00:00:23,380
And so it is written.
11
00:00:23,446 --> 00:00:25,384
- (grunts)
- Ooh! Lord Lobster?
12
00:00:25,450 --> 00:00:27,822
- Cheddar biscuits.
- Lobster and langoustine pizza.
13
00:00:27,889 --> 00:00:30,895
- The Mariner's Platter.
- It's the best.
14
00:00:30,962 --> 00:00:33,300
Well, the Last Supper
has some great dishes, too.
15
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:36,272
Y'all, don't be seduced
by the big corporate butts.
16
00:00:36,339 --> 00:00:37,676
Well, well, well,
17
00:00:37,742 --> 00:00:41,482
sounds pretty tasty
if you like the taste of death.
18
00:00:41,550 --> 00:00:43,921
So... table for one?
19
00:00:43,988 --> 00:00:45,324
Table for nobody,
20
00:00:45,390 --> 00:00:48,229
- once that Lord Lobster
opens up. - Oh,
21
00:00:48,296 --> 00:00:50,300
I think we can handle
a little competition.
22
00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:53,874
That Highway 311 bypass
is already making it real easy
23
00:00:53,941 --> 00:00:56,245
to blow past towns
like this one.
24
00:00:56,312 --> 00:00:57,592
When that Lord Lobster
gets built,
25
00:00:57,616 --> 00:00:58,951
everything changes.
26
00:00:59,018 --> 00:01:00,454
I hail from Delk,
27
00:01:00,521 --> 00:01:03,293
just over yonder,
in Davidson County.
28
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,263
'Twas one of the first towns
to be decimated
29
00:01:05,330 --> 00:01:07,167
by the 311 bypass
30
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:08,904
and the plague
of corporate sprawl.
31
00:01:08,971 --> 00:01:11,342
People love chains,
and that means
32
00:01:11,409 --> 00:01:13,446
the mom and pop places die out,
33
00:01:13,514 --> 00:01:15,918
choked to death.
34
00:01:15,985 --> 00:01:18,323
Delk Country Diner,
35
00:01:18,390 --> 00:01:20,293
RIP when they built
a Country Tub
36
00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:21,360
right off the exit.
37
00:01:21,396 --> 00:01:24,301
J&H Hardware, RIP.
38
00:01:24,368 --> 00:01:27,241
Couldn't compete with
the Hardware Warehouse.
39
00:01:27,307 --> 00:01:29,311
John and Hester
had to move to Pensacola
40
00:01:29,378 --> 00:01:31,717
- to live with their adult son.
- (all gasp)
41
00:01:31,784 --> 00:01:34,288
Soon, you'll all be living
with your adult children.
42
00:01:34,355 --> 00:01:36,359
I don't have any adult children.
43
00:01:36,426 --> 00:01:38,864
That's a choice you made
30 years ago, buddy.
44
00:01:38,931 --> 00:01:41,369
Y'all, don't get all worked up
over this handsome stranger.
45
00:01:41,436 --> 00:01:43,206
I mean, we don't even know
who you are.
46
00:01:43,273 --> 00:01:45,845
- My name is Richard Pyunst.
- What's that, now?
47
00:01:45,912 --> 00:01:49,285
My name is
Richard Chokachee Pyunst.
48
00:01:49,351 --> 00:01:51,322
Well, mister...
How do you say your last name?
49
00:01:51,389 --> 00:01:55,363
- Pyunst.
- Okay, well, Mr. Py‐ounst...
50
00:01:55,430 --> 00:01:58,704
No, put more "oo" into it.
Pyunst.
51
00:01:58,771 --> 00:01:59,706
(whip cracks)
52
00:01:59,773 --> 00:02:00,875
Mr. Pyunst.
53
00:02:00,942 --> 00:02:02,377
- You got it.
- Well, Mr. Pyunst,
54
00:02:02,444 --> 00:02:04,381
I'm here to tell you
that can't happen here.
55
00:02:04,448 --> 00:02:06,452
Everyone loves
the Last Supper in Greenpoint,
56
00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:08,624
and its people are too amazing
57
00:02:08,691 --> 00:02:11,195
to be steamrolled
by a bunch of corporate butts.
58
00:02:11,262 --> 00:02:13,901
Oh, no? Ticktock,
ticktock, Greenpoint.
59
00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:16,540
(all gasp)
60
00:02:16,607 --> 00:02:18,611
♪ ♪
61
00:02:47,702 --> 00:02:48,971
WEBB: Now, I know
62
00:02:49,038 --> 00:02:51,643
we all have concerns
about Lord Lobster.
63
00:02:51,710 --> 00:02:53,881
That's why I called this forum.
64
00:02:53,948 --> 00:02:54,716
We're the walking dead.
65
00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:56,620
Greenpoint's gonna wither
and die.
66
00:02:56,687 --> 00:02:57,956
Everyone's worried!
67
00:02:58,022 --> 00:02:59,425
Even Bud's Babydolls.
68
00:02:59,491 --> 00:03:01,429
And no one pays
to see a worried dancer.
69
00:03:01,495 --> 00:03:02,932
Show 'em, Dawn!
70
00:03:02,999 --> 00:03:05,003
(townspeople groan, exclaim)
71
00:03:06,339 --> 00:03:09,011
The people of Greenpoint
are the dinosaurs
72
00:03:09,078 --> 00:03:13,253
and Lord Lobster's the asteroid
that's gonna wipe us out!
73
00:03:13,319 --> 00:03:14,789
(sniffles) We are done for.
74
00:03:14,856 --> 00:03:16,259
(all gasp)
75
00:03:16,325 --> 00:03:18,463
I got on Daniel's
businessman computer
76
00:03:18,530 --> 00:03:21,269
and looked up Lord Lobster's
latest commercial
77
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:24,308
and I am scared, y'all.
78
00:03:24,375 --> 00:03:25,611
‐(confused noises) ‐Oh, okay.
79
00:03:25,678 --> 00:03:26,780
That's Daniel working out.
80
00:03:26,847 --> 00:03:28,951
Just click out of that one.
81
00:03:29,018 --> 00:03:30,788
There it is, y'all.
82
00:03:30,855 --> 00:03:32,391
ANNOUNCER:
Lord Lobster is sailing
83
00:03:32,457 --> 00:03:34,295
into the triad, opening soon
84
00:03:34,361 --> 00:03:36,967
on Route 311
with The Mariner's Platter.
85
00:03:37,034 --> 00:03:39,773
Succulent shrimp,
mouthwatering lobster,
86
00:03:39,839 --> 00:03:42,679
and the biscuits
you cannot resist.
87
00:03:42,745 --> 00:03:43,847
(indistinct chatter)
88
00:03:43,914 --> 00:03:45,417
So next time
you're on Highway 311,
89
00:03:45,483 --> 00:03:48,657
hit the gas
and sail on past Greenpoint
90
00:03:48,724 --> 00:03:52,331
to Exit 19,
future home of Lord Lobster
91
00:03:52,397 --> 00:03:54,836
and Ye Olde Shoppes
at the Bypass.
92
00:03:54,903 --> 00:03:57,040
It's the end times, my babies!
93
00:03:57,107 --> 00:04:01,315
No one can stop the four
seahorsemen of the Apocalobster!
94
00:04:01,382 --> 00:04:02,785
- Randy!
- That's enough, Randy!
95
00:04:02,852 --> 00:04:04,889
Come on, don't take it out
on Randy.
96
00:04:04,956 --> 00:04:06,994
Okay, people,
this is not over yet.
97
00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:09,431
'Cause you know what
I didn't see in that dumb,
98
00:04:09,498 --> 00:04:11,603
stupid, glitzy
Lord Lobster commercial?
99
00:04:11,670 --> 00:04:14,843
People, and Greenpoint's got
the best people there is.
100
00:04:14,909 --> 00:04:16,613
Didn't you see that commercial?
101
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:18,751
My phone bill's due soon!
102
00:04:18,817 --> 00:04:20,654
Well, what if we made
our own commercial,
103
00:04:20,721 --> 00:04:22,992
showing all
the‐the sweet down‐home faces
104
00:04:23,059 --> 00:04:24,996
at Greenpoint's
favorite seafood restaurant,
105
00:04:25,063 --> 00:04:27,969
where the menu comes straight
out of Louise's family recipes
106
00:04:28,036 --> 00:04:29,939
and‐and 60 years of tradition!
107
00:04:30,006 --> 00:04:31,108
(indistinct chatter)
108
00:04:31,175 --> 00:04:34,348
If we did a commercial, we could
show those corporate butts
109
00:04:34,415 --> 00:04:36,529
- our homegrown southern charm!
- (cheering and applause)
110
00:04:36,553 --> 00:04:38,690
That's a great idea, Jenny.
111
00:04:38,757 --> 00:04:40,895
Directing a commercial's
a big job.
112
00:04:40,961 --> 00:04:43,366
You need somebody who knows
the restaurant, the food,
113
00:04:43,433 --> 00:04:45,437
the people like
the back of her hand.
114
00:04:45,504 --> 00:04:47,909
Ooh, doo‐doo.
115
00:04:47,975 --> 00:04:49,679
But mostly you need someone
116
00:04:49,746 --> 00:04:52,585
who's not wandering
around town in her pajamas.
117
00:04:52,652 --> 00:04:55,524
- Yeah, Jenny can do it!
- (cheering and applause)
118
00:04:55,591 --> 00:04:57,528
What?! Oh, no, no.
119
00:04:57,595 --> 00:04:59,699
We should definitely hire
a professional for this.
120
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:02,370
Greenpoint can't afford
a professional.
121
00:05:02,437 --> 00:05:05,376
We technically don't even have
a police force right now.
122
00:05:05,443 --> 00:05:07,481
We rely on citizen's arrests.
123
00:05:07,548 --> 00:05:09,652
- Oh, what?
- Never mind, forget I said that.
124
00:05:09,719 --> 00:05:13,126
But there is just enough
money left in the till
125
00:05:13,192 --> 00:05:14,996
for you to make the commercial.
126
00:05:15,063 --> 00:05:17,568
I'm not a gambling man,
but I say we put
127
00:05:17,635 --> 00:05:21,375
all the town's
remaining money on Jenny!
128
00:05:21,442 --> 00:05:25,383
ALL (chanting):
Jenny! Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!
129
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,154
Jenny, Jenny,
don't worry, I'll help.
130
00:05:27,220 --> 00:05:28,557
I got you, girl.
131
00:05:28,624 --> 00:05:30,995
ALL (chanting):
Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!
132
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:35,838
Okay, is this anything?
133
00:05:35,905 --> 00:05:38,744
Where you're at the Last Supper,
you're home.
134
00:05:38,810 --> 00:05:40,113
Or is that boring?
135
00:05:40,180 --> 00:05:41,583
(gasps)
Why are you guys filming me?
136
00:05:41,650 --> 00:05:44,421
As a documentarian,
I cannot pass this up.
137
00:05:44,488 --> 00:05:45,791
I want to be the next Ken Burns.
138
00:05:45,858 --> 00:05:47,762
She's even thinking about
rocking his bowl cut.
139
00:05:47,828 --> 00:05:49,966
Well, hello, Madame Director.
140
00:05:50,033 --> 00:05:51,135
You ready to do this?
141
00:05:51,202 --> 00:05:52,872
Wayne, what did you get me into?
142
00:05:52,939 --> 00:05:54,576
Jenny, I know this is stressful,
143
00:05:54,642 --> 00:05:56,646
but I'm gonna help you out
by using my connections
144
00:05:56,713 --> 00:05:58,449
at the Greenpoint
Community Theater.
145
00:05:58,517 --> 00:06:00,453
Oh, my Lord,
just please don't say
146
00:06:00,521 --> 00:06:02,558
community theater legend
Ian David Cole.
147
00:06:02,625 --> 00:06:05,731
A formal offer was already
made and accepted via text.
148
00:06:05,798 --> 00:06:07,109
And in the community
theater world,
149
00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:08,670
that is contractually binding.
150
00:06:08,737 --> 00:06:10,750
Yeah, but isn't he going
through a terrible divorce?
151
00:06:10,774 --> 00:06:13,614
The people in the commercial
have to seem happy and normal.
152
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:16,485
Don't worry, he's gonna do
what all pros do‐‐
153
00:06:16,553 --> 00:06:17,755
channel his marital despair
154
00:06:17,822 --> 00:06:19,559
into the best performance
of his life.
155
00:06:19,626 --> 00:06:21,596
Lucky for you,
we put our heads together
156
00:06:21,663 --> 00:06:23,703
and came up with the perfect
Last Supper commercial.
157
00:06:23,767 --> 00:06:25,436
Now, here's what I'm thinking.
158
00:06:25,504 --> 00:06:27,975
Open on Main Street, cut to
159
00:06:28,042 --> 00:06:31,215
Ian David Cole,
Flavor Sheriff of Greenpoint.
160
00:06:31,282 --> 00:06:33,119
Hunting down
public enemy number one:
161
00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:35,123
- (stomach growls)
- empty bellies.
162
00:06:35,189 --> 00:06:36,593
Hmm.
163
00:06:36,660 --> 00:06:39,164
And that's where
these two lovable idiots
164
00:06:39,231 --> 00:06:41,468
come in... and as per usual,
165
00:06:41,536 --> 00:06:42,972
they are up to no good.
166
00:06:43,039 --> 00:06:45,009
Yep, they're the Flavor Bandits.
167
00:06:45,076 --> 00:06:48,115
(screaming, clamoring)
168
00:06:48,182 --> 00:06:50,654
Curse you, flavor bandits!
169
00:06:50,721 --> 00:06:51,623
They stole our food!
170
00:06:51,690 --> 00:06:53,794
My baby is wasting away!
171
00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:55,597
Don't worry, ma'am.
172
00:06:55,664 --> 00:06:58,002
I'm here to save the day.
173
00:07:01,175 --> 00:07:03,212
WAYNE:
Star‐wipe to glamor shots
174
00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:04,992
of the Last Supper's
delicious dinner entrees.
175
00:07:05,016 --> 00:07:06,629
Bullwhip crack to...
(imitates whip crack)
176
00:07:06,653 --> 00:07:09,057
the sidewalk of hungry patrons.
177
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:14,878
Then Ian David Cole
looks directly
178
00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:16,472
into the camera and says...
179
00:07:16,539 --> 00:07:19,679
You just witnessed the good,
the bad, and the yummy.
180
00:07:19,746 --> 00:07:21,649
Yippie ka‐ya‐yum!
181
00:07:21,716 --> 00:07:23,185
The Last Supper Seafood.
182
00:07:23,252 --> 00:07:24,822
Fade to flavor.
183
00:07:24,889 --> 00:07:26,225
The end.
184
00:07:30,567 --> 00:07:32,505
Can a commercial pitch
win an Oscar?
185
00:07:32,571 --> 00:07:34,842
Oh, my God, I want to be shot
in the mouth with a shrimp.
186
00:07:34,909 --> 00:07:36,646
Everybody just get
the hell out of here.
187
00:07:36,713 --> 00:07:38,517
Now, that's directing.
188
00:07:40,587 --> 00:07:42,123
JESUS:
Ready for the big shoot, Jenny?
189
00:07:42,190 --> 00:07:44,161
Commercials can be
pretty complicated.
190
00:07:44,227 --> 00:07:45,798
Remember those Whassup guys?
191
00:07:45,864 --> 00:07:47,167
Whassup!
192
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:49,572
That commercial took
45 days to shoot.
193
00:07:49,639 --> 00:07:51,709
Okay, yesterday,
I was a nervous wreck,
194
00:07:51,776 --> 00:07:54,615
but I stayed up all night and I
got it all planned out perfect.
195
00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,796
We start with Louise, then
Brenda, then some food stuff,
196
00:07:56,820 --> 00:07:59,224
interview a few
sweet‐faced, loyal customers
197
00:07:59,291 --> 00:08:00,794
and... that's a wrap,
end of day.
198
00:08:00,861 --> 00:08:02,765
Yay, Jenny.
High kick, high kick!
199
00:08:02,832 --> 00:08:04,210
And third high kick,
time permitting.
200
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:07,106
- I totally got this.
- (engine revving)
201
00:08:08,342 --> 00:08:11,783
Time to shoot a commercial,
my babies!
202
00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:13,185
Oh, what?
203
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:18,162
(bell rings)
204
00:08:18,229 --> 00:08:20,834
It's a carnival atmosphere,
babies!
205
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:22,972
We're all gonna be
in the commercial!
206
00:08:23,038 --> 00:08:24,709
Wait, what?
207
00:08:24,775 --> 00:08:26,144
Oh, thank God, Mayor Webb.
208
00:08:26,211 --> 00:08:27,982
You got to help me get
everyone out of here.
209
00:08:28,048 --> 00:08:30,621
This is just too much chaos
for a simple little shoot.
210
00:08:30,687 --> 00:08:33,660
Yeah, can you believe they all
think they're gonna get cast?
211
00:08:33,727 --> 00:08:35,831
We've got that covered,
right, Jenny?
212
00:08:35,898 --> 00:08:39,271
No commercial's complete
without a ditty on my lute.
213
00:08:39,337 --> 00:08:42,745
♪ Gather 'round yon children,let me tell you a tale... ♪
214
00:08:42,811 --> 00:08:45,082
Oh, well, hang on a sec.
215
00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:47,086
Oh, good Lord, keep calm, Jenny.
216
00:08:47,153 --> 00:08:48,255
You got this.
217
00:08:48,322 --> 00:08:49,592
VIOLET:
Or does she?
218
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:51,094
Will Jenny Hart be able to fit
219
00:08:51,161 --> 00:08:52,731
each and every townsperson
220
00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:54,010
in the commercial,
thereby ruining it?
221
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,739
Or will she coldly
turn them all away,
222
00:08:56,806 --> 00:08:58,375
inviting their permanent hatred?
223
00:08:58,442 --> 00:09:00,614
- Violet!
- Jenny, look at this!
224
00:09:00,681 --> 00:09:02,718
- Put me in the commercial!
- Look what I can do!
225
00:09:02,785 --> 00:09:05,089
Hey y'all.
226
00:09:05,156 --> 00:09:06,826
Ugh, how do I say this?
227
00:09:06,893 --> 00:09:09,665
You're all so wonderful
and so talented.
228
00:09:09,732 --> 00:09:11,712
But I‐I just don't think
we're gonna be able to get
229
00:09:11,736 --> 00:09:13,673
everyone in this commercial.
230
00:09:13,740 --> 00:09:15,180
- Oh, no!
- (crowd booing, clamoring)
231
00:09:17,013 --> 00:09:20,854
Is what I would have said if
I was s‐some kind of big jerk.
232
00:09:20,921 --> 00:09:23,258
(chuckles) But I'm not,
so just sit tight,
233
00:09:23,325 --> 00:09:24,965
and I'll get to y'all
as soon as possible.
234
00:09:25,029 --> 00:09:27,735
- (crowd cheering, applauding)
- I'm‐a be famous, y'all!
235
00:09:29,839 --> 00:09:31,141
Okay, so here we go.
236
00:09:31,208 --> 00:09:32,745
Let's get this started.
237
00:09:32,811 --> 00:09:34,156
Can y'all believe
all these whack‐a‐doos?
238
00:09:34,180 --> 00:09:36,653
(gasps)
No, Mother, not the catsuit.
239
00:09:36,719 --> 00:09:37,955
Absolutely not.
240
00:09:38,022 --> 00:09:39,725
I want you to look like you.
241
00:09:39,792 --> 00:09:42,163
If you think you're upset,
at least you're not us,
242
00:09:42,230 --> 00:09:45,771
who had to "help her
pour herself into this."
243
00:09:45,837 --> 00:09:47,775
I think she looks amazing.
244
00:09:47,841 --> 00:09:49,712
Mother, what are you doing here?
245
00:09:49,779 --> 00:09:51,983
I am just here to help you save
246
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:55,957
♪ The Last Supper Seafood ♪
247
00:09:56,024 --> 00:09:58,797
♪ Where friends and fish ♪
248
00:09:58,863 --> 00:10:02,270
♪ Unite. ♪
249
00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:03,973
I got good news and bad news.
250
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:07,113
Bad news: I went to Ian David
Cole's house to pick him
251
00:10:07,180 --> 00:10:09,752
at the time we agreed upon,
and he was not there.
252
00:10:09,819 --> 00:10:11,321
That's fine.
I'm actually relieved.
253
00:10:11,388 --> 00:10:13,693
Good news:
he has been located.
254
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:14,829
He's currently on his way
255
00:10:14,895 --> 00:10:16,833
to the top of the water tower.
256
00:10:16,899 --> 00:10:19,204
Please do not bring
a suicidal man here.
257
00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:22,410
I am 100% sure
he is not suicidal.
258
00:10:22,477 --> 00:10:25,049
He's just up there
doing some vocal warm‐ups
259
00:10:25,116 --> 00:10:28,021
while he gets a bird's‐eye view
of the town he's about to save.
260
00:10:28,088 --> 00:10:29,935
- Heading to the water tower.
- Wayne, no, no, wait!
261
00:10:29,959 --> 00:10:33,332
- (groans)
- Doo, doo‐doo‐doo, I'm ready, Jenny.
262
00:10:33,398 --> 00:10:35,236
First shot of the day‐‐
let's do this.
263
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,406
Okay, so, Louise,
you're just gonna walk up
264
00:10:37,473 --> 00:10:40,246
to the salad bar and say,
"Welcome to the Last Supper.
265
00:10:40,312 --> 00:10:42,785
When you're at the Last Supper,
you're home."
266
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:45,055
Jenny, this is my restaurant.
267
00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:48,095
I think I know
what to say about it.
268
00:10:48,162 --> 00:10:49,899
Doo, doo‐doo‐doo!
269
00:10:49,965 --> 00:10:52,069
Welcome to the Last Supper,
270
00:10:52,136 --> 00:10:54,909
where we have
a nice‐size parking lot
271
00:10:54,975 --> 00:10:58,282
that accommodates everyone,
but if you do park
272
00:10:58,348 --> 00:11:02,089
in the handicapped spot without
a placard, you will be towed.
273
00:11:02,156 --> 00:11:05,262
Okay. L‐Let's try again and just
make sure we get the line,
274
00:11:05,329 --> 00:11:07,233
"At the Last Supper,
you're home."
275
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,068
LOUISE:
Well, Jenny,
276
00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:10,874
the problem with saying
"you're home"
277
00:11:10,941 --> 00:11:14,080
is that we had those nasty
squatters in the parking lot,
278
00:11:14,147 --> 00:11:16,117
who actually did
make this their home
279
00:11:16,184 --> 00:11:18,455
until I had to get
the courts involved.
280
00:11:18,523 --> 00:11:20,527
Okay, fine, let's just go again.
281
00:11:20,594 --> 00:11:22,764
Welcome to the Last Supper,
282
00:11:22,831 --> 00:11:25,904
where if you are a squatter,
know this:
283
00:11:25,971 --> 00:11:28,910
I have got Ricky's Towing
on speed dial.
284
00:11:28,977 --> 00:11:32,483
Ricky's Towing is the absolute
best in Greenpoint, y'all.
285
00:11:32,551 --> 00:11:35,924
Cut. Okay, Louise, uh,
you didn't say anything
286
00:11:35,991 --> 00:11:37,537
about your food, and then
you immediately started doing
287
00:11:37,561 --> 00:11:39,965
a commercial
for another business.
288
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:41,869
We got to keep it
on the Last Supper.
289
00:11:41,936 --> 00:11:43,840
But we're never gonna be able
to save Greenpoint
290
00:11:43,907 --> 00:11:47,079
with parking lots teeming
with nasty squatters.
291
00:11:47,146 --> 00:11:49,852
So don't tell me
what to say, Jenny.
292
00:11:49,919 --> 00:11:52,290
- You've changed.
- BRENDA: Jenny!
293
00:11:52,356 --> 00:11:53,993
(shouts, grunts)
Let's do this.
294
00:11:54,060 --> 00:11:57,834
Brenda, what the hell
happened to you?
295
00:11:57,901 --> 00:11:59,505
- My God.
- Where do you want me?
296
00:11:59,571 --> 00:12:01,441
Well, you were gonna be
my star waitress,
297
00:12:01,509 --> 00:12:04,447
but now you're upsetting
to look at.
298
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:05,850
What in the hell happened?
299
00:12:05,917 --> 00:12:07,921
I wanted to get a suntan
for the commercial,
300
00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:09,424
so I laid out
in my satellite dish
301
00:12:09,490 --> 00:12:12,063
and used a full‐length mirror
to make sure
302
00:12:12,129 --> 00:12:14,500
the sun hit
all my nooks and crannies.
303
00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:18,141
And you were wearing 2010
New Year's Eve sunglasses?
304
00:12:18,208 --> 00:12:19,945
You got it, Nancy Drew.
305
00:12:20,012 --> 00:12:21,816
You know what?
I'm gonna put you in the back.
306
00:12:21,882 --> 00:12:24,087
Jenny, this is
my lifelong dream.
307
00:12:24,153 --> 00:12:26,859
Ever since I saw Sally Field
in those Boniva commercials.
308
00:12:26,926 --> 00:12:27,995
Please.
309
00:12:28,061 --> 00:12:29,932
But aren't you in
excruciating pain?
310
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,836
Not for long.
(laughs)
311
00:12:31,902 --> 00:12:34,340
I just took six Tylenol PMs,
312
00:12:34,407 --> 00:12:37,480
so I'm gonna be in Power Mode
before you know it.
313
00:12:37,547 --> 00:12:40,553
Brenda, that is not
what PM stands for.
314
00:12:40,620 --> 00:12:42,924
(sighs)
You know what? Just... Okay.
315
00:12:42,991 --> 00:12:44,938
Before you pass out,
can you move the hostess stand
316
00:12:44,962 --> 00:12:46,498
into Louise's office
317
00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:48,111
and then go cool off
in the walk‐in for a while?
318
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,905
On it!
(shouts)
319
00:12:49,972 --> 00:12:53,913
My skin's burnt turgid.
(groans)
320
00:12:53,980 --> 00:12:55,349
Deep breaths.
Okay, deep breaths.
321
00:12:55,416 --> 00:12:57,019
Jenny, you got this.
322
00:12:57,086 --> 00:13:00,894
The pressure is mounting as
hometown turns into crazy town.
323
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,432
Greenpoint is pushing her
to her breaking point.
324
00:13:03,498 --> 00:13:06,304
Violet. I swear,
I will spank you.
325
00:13:06,371 --> 00:13:07,541
You better splice that out.
326
00:13:07,607 --> 00:13:09,611
- I'm afraid I can't.
- (groans)
327
00:13:09,678 --> 00:13:11,090
- (door opens, chimes)
- Ian David Cole update:
328
00:13:11,114 --> 00:13:12,216
more good news, bad news.
329
00:13:12,283 --> 00:13:14,387
I'll start with the bad
so we can end on a high note.
330
00:13:14,454 --> 00:13:17,326
The bad news is
it was a suicide attempt.
331
00:13:17,393 --> 00:13:18,963
But the good news is
332
00:13:19,030 --> 00:13:21,234
- he failed!
- (door opens, chimes)
333
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,038
- Oh, no.
- Well, look
334
00:13:23,105 --> 00:13:27,046
who just waltzed in here, all
high and mighty in her tuck.
335
00:13:27,113 --> 00:13:30,052
- Mother, it's tux.
- Well, yeah, when it's more than one.
336
00:13:30,119 --> 00:13:32,891
Jenny, I know the plural form
of tuck, y'all.
337
00:13:32,958 --> 00:13:34,160
Ugh, look at her.
338
00:13:34,227 --> 00:13:36,231
Who even owns
a lady "tuckeedo" anymore?
339
00:13:36,297 --> 00:13:38,435
Did you just say "tuckeedo"?
340
00:13:38,503 --> 00:13:40,439
Is that really how
you think it's pronounced?
341
00:13:40,507 --> 00:13:42,285
And please do not pick a fight
with Crystalynn.
342
00:13:42,309 --> 00:13:43,946
Not today.
We do not have time.
343
00:13:44,013 --> 00:13:46,084
(vocalizing)
344
00:13:46,151 --> 00:13:48,088
Let's go, girls.
345
00:13:48,155 --> 00:13:50,627
Well, let's not.
Didn't say anything.
346
00:13:50,693 --> 00:13:53,331
- Gold.
- Oscar gold.
347
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,271
Okay, Mother, all you have to do
348
00:13:56,337 --> 00:13:58,008
is come out
of the stall and say,
349
00:13:58,074 --> 00:14:00,045
"With facilities so clean..."
350
00:14:00,112 --> 00:14:02,016
and then Crystalynn,
you come out and say,
351
00:14:02,082 --> 00:14:03,553
"I could eat off the floor."
352
00:14:03,619 --> 00:14:06,224
Well, it is more likely
that Betty
353
00:14:06,291 --> 00:14:09,230
would eat off a bathroom floor,
so she should say that line.
354
00:14:09,297 --> 00:14:11,167
- I'm not saying that line.
- Fine.
355
00:14:11,234 --> 00:14:13,238
I'll do it, 'cause I'm a pro.
356
00:14:13,305 --> 00:14:16,444
Whatever. Please,
let's just get through this.
357
00:14:16,512 --> 00:14:19,183
With facilities so clean...
358
00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:21,689
- Betty eats off bathroom floors.
- Oh, what in the hell?
359
00:14:21,755 --> 00:14:24,561
Okay, stop. That wasn't...
(groans)
360
00:14:24,628 --> 00:14:27,534
Here I am, coming out
of this clean bathroom.
361
00:14:27,601 --> 00:14:29,605
Just visiting
this crazy catsuit lady
362
00:14:29,671 --> 00:14:31,942
- who lives in here.
- (Jenny groans)
363
00:14:32,009 --> 00:14:34,615
Here I am,
coming out of this clean...
364
00:14:34,681 --> 00:14:38,121
Help. The elderly lady next door
pooped her tuck.
365
00:14:38,188 --> 00:14:39,725
- So tacky.
- You ho bag.
366
00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:41,127
Ha, ha, great job.
367
00:14:41,194 --> 00:14:44,233
- Aw. Thank you.
- So sweet.
368
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,170
(grunting):
We've got friendly...
369
00:14:46,237 --> 00:14:48,041
service with a smile...
(shouts)
370
00:14:48,108 --> 00:14:52,016
Dang it. Every time I move,
I feel the fabric on my skin.
371
00:14:52,082 --> 00:14:54,186
Please, Jenny,
for the love of God,
372
00:14:54,253 --> 00:14:56,024
let me take my top off.
373
00:14:56,090 --> 00:14:58,663
Brenda, no. And also,
thank you for ruining this shot.
374
00:14:58,729 --> 00:15:00,499
Sorry, Jenny.
375
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:03,973
- Why are all my actors
complete nightmares? - Jenny. Jenny.
376
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,653
Oh, Lord. No more good news,
bad news, Wayne.
377
00:15:05,677 --> 00:15:09,083
Nope, this time we're talking
good news, great news.
378
00:15:09,150 --> 00:15:11,287
Presenting The Flavor Sheriff,
379
00:15:11,354 --> 00:15:15,262
as portrayed by community
theatre's Ian David Cole!
380
00:15:15,329 --> 00:15:16,164
(horse whinnies)
381
00:15:16,230 --> 00:15:18,001
(slurring):
In case you were wondering
382
00:15:18,068 --> 00:15:20,439
if my bitch wife
finally left me,
383
00:15:20,506 --> 00:15:22,343
the answer is yes.
384
00:15:22,409 --> 00:15:23,211
Oh, he's actor drunk.
385
00:15:23,278 --> 00:15:26,985
And he's double‐parked,
so that's a tow.
386
00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:29,524
Roll camera.
Action me.
387
00:15:29,591 --> 00:15:31,762
Stop right there, partner!
388
00:15:31,829 --> 00:15:34,166
There's no room in this town
389
00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:35,411
- for empty bellies.
- (all gasping)
390
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,772
Pew! Pew!
391
00:15:38,441 --> 00:15:39,778
(screaming, gasping)
392
00:15:39,845 --> 00:15:41,565
Oh, my God.
Okay, why did you say "pew, pew"
393
00:15:41,615 --> 00:15:43,184
if it's a real gun?
394
00:15:43,251 --> 00:15:46,124
Sorry, I thought this was
my ex‐wife's house.
395
00:15:46,190 --> 00:15:48,361
And blackout.
396
00:15:48,428 --> 00:15:50,365
(exclaims)
397
00:15:50,432 --> 00:15:52,035
‐(shouts) ‐(clattering)
398
00:15:52,102 --> 00:15:53,672
JENNY:
Okay, great.
399
00:15:53,739 --> 00:15:55,475
Yeah, thanks, Ian.
Wayne, he's fired.
400
00:15:55,543 --> 00:15:57,212
- Get him out of here.
- Oh, come on.
401
00:15:57,279 --> 00:15:59,551
- That was only the first take.
- What is the holdup?
402
00:15:59,618 --> 00:16:01,622
My girls stretched
two hours ago.
403
00:16:01,688 --> 00:16:03,491
They're gonna have
to stretch again.
404
00:16:03,559 --> 00:16:05,328
My adult sons
are getting hungry.
405
00:16:05,395 --> 00:16:07,132
(both grunting)
406
00:16:07,199 --> 00:16:09,170
♪ The Cobblerand the Blacksmith set... ♪
407
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,207
- No.
- (indistinct chatter)
408
00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:13,044
- What the hell?
- (both grunting)
409
00:16:13,111 --> 00:16:15,048
‐(wailing) ‐Okay.
410
00:16:15,115 --> 00:16:17,186
Well, let's take a fiver.
411
00:16:17,252 --> 00:16:20,693
I'm going to go do a thing.
412
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:23,398
And I will be right back.
413
00:16:23,465 --> 00:16:27,039
(shouts)
I'm trying to help these people
414
00:16:27,105 --> 00:16:29,210
and save this town,
and for what?
415
00:16:29,276 --> 00:16:31,113
They're just a bunch of butts!
416
00:16:31,180 --> 00:16:33,220
When this town does die,
I hope they change the name
417
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:35,590
from Greenpoint to Buttpoint.
418
00:16:35,656 --> 00:16:37,594
Population: butts.
419
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:38,772
‐Louise is a big old butt,
‐(gasps)
420
00:16:38,796 --> 00:16:40,499
Mother's catsuit's
a big old butt.
421
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:43,238
Mayor Webb, I'm gonna take
that lute and spank your butt.
422
00:16:43,304 --> 00:16:45,342
Ian David Butt.
423
00:16:45,408 --> 00:16:47,279
And P. S., thank you, Wayne,
424
00:16:47,346 --> 00:16:49,250
for butting in
with your big old butt.
425
00:16:49,316 --> 00:16:51,788
And Brenda's burnt‐ass calendar
face is a big old butt.
426
00:16:51,855 --> 00:16:54,528
‐(grunts) ‐Bunch of idiot butts.
427
00:16:54,594 --> 00:16:57,132
Ugh, every last
one of those butts.
428
00:16:57,199 --> 00:16:59,370
Okay. (exhales)
429
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:02,209
Jenny, pull it together.
Butt, butt.
430
00:17:02,276 --> 00:17:03,211
(blabbers)
431
00:17:03,278 --> 00:17:04,714
(blabbering over P. A. system)
432
00:17:06,117 --> 00:17:07,419
‐(door opens) ‐Okay.
433
00:17:07,486 --> 00:17:09,724
So, let's get back to it.
434
00:17:09,791 --> 00:17:10,726
What?
435
00:17:10,793 --> 00:17:13,097
Mom, the mic was on.
436
00:17:13,164 --> 00:17:17,105
Oh... no...
437
00:17:17,172 --> 00:17:19,611
♪ ♪
438
00:17:21,682 --> 00:17:24,086
I quit.
439
00:17:24,153 --> 00:17:26,457
Aah!
440
00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:35,241
VIOLET:
How are you?
441
00:17:35,308 --> 00:17:36,745
- Mom?
- Not great.
442
00:17:36,812 --> 00:17:38,281
I buckled under the pressure.
443
00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:39,784
No, but it's not all on me.
444
00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:41,764
I mean, I... this commercial
was supposed to be about
445
00:17:41,788 --> 00:17:44,259
a family‐owned restaurant
in a great little town
446
00:17:44,326 --> 00:17:45,830
filled with sweet little people,
447
00:17:45,896 --> 00:17:48,569
and everyone showed up and acted
like a bunch of little freaks.
448
00:17:48,636 --> 00:17:50,773
Mom, I want you to watch this.
449
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,512
I hope this commercial works,
450
00:17:53,579 --> 00:17:55,281
'cause I really love Greenpoint.
451
00:17:55,348 --> 00:17:57,687
There's a reason I moved here
after grad school.
452
00:17:57,754 --> 00:18:01,260
Oh, I've never lived anywhere
else nor would I want to.
453
00:18:01,327 --> 00:18:04,266
Yeah, Greenpoint
sure is a beautiful town.
454
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:07,139
(sighs) Oh, look,
the dogwoods are coming in.
455
00:18:07,205 --> 00:18:09,276
(birds chirping)
456
00:18:13,184 --> 00:18:16,123
I know every Greenpointer's
deepest, darkest secret,
457
00:18:16,190 --> 00:18:19,129
- and I still love these people.
- Me, too.
458
00:18:19,196 --> 00:18:21,902
The only negative thing
I did hear one person say‐‐
459
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,739
and these are not my words‐‐
460
00:18:23,806 --> 00:18:27,279
is "Betty Hart
is a dogface troll."
461
00:18:27,345 --> 00:18:29,784
Now, other than
that one negative comment,
462
00:18:29,851 --> 00:18:31,755
it's all positive here.
463
00:18:31,822 --> 00:18:33,233
BETTY:You've got to love a townwhere everyone
464
00:18:33,257 --> 00:18:36,230
accepts each other
for who they are.
465
00:18:36,297 --> 00:18:39,236
Especially poor old
Crystalynn Poole,
466
00:18:39,303 --> 00:18:41,440
who never learned
to wipe properly.
467
00:18:41,508 --> 00:18:43,211
Hey, Violet, are you filming me?
468
00:18:43,277 --> 00:18:46,818
Okay, well, film this.
Jenny freakin' rules.
469
00:18:46,885 --> 00:18:48,655
Greenpoint freakin' rules.
470
00:18:48,722 --> 00:18:51,862
And anyone who disagrees
is a little bitch.
471
00:18:51,928 --> 00:18:53,565
Aah!
472
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:57,472
Aw, Vi.
What did I do?
473
00:18:57,540 --> 00:19:00,646
MayKay Bueller here
at the Greenpoint Library
474
00:19:00,713 --> 00:19:03,317
where they're kicking off
Fine Forgiveness Week.
475
00:19:03,384 --> 00:19:04,864
Hey, what the heck
do you think you're doing?
476
00:19:04,888 --> 00:19:06,901
Just talk right into the mic
right there, right there.
477
00:19:06,925 --> 00:19:10,165
I have breaking news.
I am a butt, y'all.
478
00:19:10,231 --> 00:19:12,169
A big ol' butt.
479
00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:14,707
(sighs) The whole town of
Greenpoint showed up to help,
480
00:19:14,774 --> 00:19:17,312
and I should have been
thanking you, but instead,
481
00:19:17,379 --> 00:19:19,717
I let all your quirks
drive me crazy.
482
00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:22,289
But those quirks
are exactly what makes this town
483
00:19:22,355 --> 00:19:25,796
so special. (sighs)
I'm sorry I let us down.
484
00:19:25,863 --> 00:19:27,499
I just hope you forgive me.
485
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:29,904
Thank you each and every person
486
00:19:29,971 --> 00:19:32,209
of Greenpoint
for being so special.
487
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,591
I'm really gonna
miss this place.
488
00:19:39,657 --> 00:19:42,362
I guess this time,
David didn't beat Goliath.
489
00:19:42,429 --> 00:19:43,942
- (heavenly music plays)
- You sure about that?
490
00:19:43,966 --> 00:19:44,968
(door opens, chimes)
491
00:19:48,575 --> 00:19:49,744
Y'all came back.
492
00:19:49,811 --> 00:19:51,781
Is Randy still gonna be
in the commercial?
493
00:19:51,848 --> 00:19:54,253
'Cause if I'm gonna blow fire
out of my tooter,
494
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:56,758
there is some
preparation involved.
495
00:19:56,825 --> 00:19:58,762
Well, then,
prep that tooter, Randy,
496
00:19:58,829 --> 00:20:00,341
'cause we're all gonna be
in this commercial.
497
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:01,935
Every last beautiful one of us.
498
00:20:02,002 --> 00:20:04,439
(cheering)
499
00:20:04,507 --> 00:20:05,709
Okay, places, y'all.
500
00:20:05,776 --> 00:20:06,978
Everybody ready?
501
00:20:07,045 --> 00:20:09,316
And... action.
502
00:20:09,383 --> 00:20:11,320
When you're
at the Last Supper...
503
00:20:11,387 --> 00:20:12,657
ALL:
You're home!
504
00:20:12,723 --> 00:20:13,825
She pooped her tuck.
505
00:20:16,898 --> 00:20:18,502
(Jenny shushes)
506
00:20:18,568 --> 00:20:20,673
Everyone, here it is.
507
00:20:20,739 --> 00:20:22,510
Doo, doo‐doo‐doo,
I'm Louise Culp,
508
00:20:22,576 --> 00:20:25,749
and welcome
to the Last Supper Seafood.
509
00:20:25,816 --> 00:20:27,853
A restaurant that does tow.
510
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:30,491
We've got friendly service
with a smile.
511
00:20:30,559 --> 00:20:33,632
- With facilities so clean...- JENNY: You could eat- off the floors.
512
00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:36,470
LOUISE:And you might even seea local celebrity,
513
00:20:36,538 --> 00:20:39,376
like Ian David Cole.
514
00:20:39,443 --> 00:20:40,946
When you're
at the Last Supper...
515
00:20:41,013 --> 00:20:42,817
- ALL: You're home!
- She poo...
516
00:20:42,883 --> 00:20:45,889
LOUISE:The Last Supper Seafoodin Greenpoint, North Carolina,
517
00:20:45,956 --> 00:20:47,058
on South Main.
518
00:20:47,125 --> 00:20:49,530
Two hour parking strictly
enforced, no squatters.
519
00:20:49,597 --> 00:20:51,400
(cheering)
520
00:20:54,439 --> 00:20:57,680
Well, turns out Lord Lobster
never did open that restaurant.
521
00:20:57,747 --> 00:20:59,684
Not because of the commercial,
of course‐‐
522
00:20:59,751 --> 00:21:01,387
the commercial was pure crap‐‐
523
00:21:01,453 --> 00:21:03,391
but because
the CEO of Lord Lobster
524
00:21:03,457 --> 00:21:04,794
turned out to be a pedophile.
525
00:21:04,861 --> 00:21:06,831
So they had bigger fish to fry.
526
00:21:06,898 --> 00:21:10,405
And as for me,
well, I got more towns to save.
527
00:21:14,714 --> 00:21:16,450
What? No.
528
00:21:26,136 --> 00:21:28,107
‐(meows) ‐(horn honks musically)
529
00:21:28,157 --> 00:21:32,707
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