All language subtitles for All.Creatures.s01e05

Looks like a good turnout
for the Darrowby fair.

Oh, it does.

Which is why it's the perfect time
to open the surgery

up to the public.

Show ourselves off at our
professional best.

Yes. So you said.

I'm sure we'll still get to see
some of the fun.

Ah, James, all set?

I think so.

Nice badge.

Now, don't forget,
you're representing the practice.

I won't, Siegfried. I'm honoured.

COW MOOS

Come on, Clive.

Mr Herriot.

Right on time, I'm pleased to see.

Of course, Mr Foyle.

Looking forward to it.

Good. Good.

Well, we've a lot to get through.

"Tempus fergit" as they say.

Two bob says he won't last
past lunchtime.

Honestly, Tristan.

Remember when Grier did it?
Drunk by midday.

Threatened to punch Foyle in
the mouth.

Two bob. 3:30.

What do you say, Mrs Hall?

Think he'll make it to the
family pets?

I most certainly do.

And I don't approve of gambling.

Two bob. Six o'clock.

Not a minute sooner.

These are for you.

A map of the show.

You'll see that each area
is numbered.

Two for the bull enclosure,
four for the goats and so forth.

The key is at the bottom.

All seems clear enough.

And here's a full timetable
of events.

I've marked up
your particular responsibilities.

The pony measuring will commence
at 1.30 sharp in area ten.

That's the yard at Skeldale House?

It is.

And then at 5pm, you'll be
required to judge the pet show

in area nine.

Also Skeldale House?

Yes.

At all other times, as attending
vet, you must remain here,

in area one.

So you can be located immediately.

Now, my watch is synchronised with
the village clock.

I would suggest that you do
the same.

Right.

BELL RINGS

Skeldale House is now open!

That's Skeldale House is now open
to the public!

Right, time for our first tour,
I think, Mrs Hall.

How many are we?

Three.

Well, I'm sure things will pick up
as the day goes on.

Lady and gentlemen, welcome.

Today, we shall be lifting the
curtain on the fascinating world

of veterinary science.

If I could ask you to step this way,

that's it.

And please, do refrain from touching
the equipment.

Now this is...

You don't mind if I pop out, do you?

Might see how old James
is getting on.

Don't think I don't know what you're
up to.

You leave him be.

Mrs Hall, I'm offended.

A gentleman never interferes
in a wager.

He's in fine form, Mrs Burton.

I'd be surprised if you don't take
home a ribbon this year.

Watch what you're doing, will you?

I'm so sorry, Mr Dinsdale.

Bloody menace.

James.

- Sorry.
- Mind yourself, lad.

There you are. Thank, God.

Will you have a look at
Jenny's ferret?

I was trying to trim his nails,
but he wouldn't stay still.

- OK.
- And now he's bleeding.

Let's take a look, shall we?
Does he bite?

Not much.

Ow!

Oh, God.

No, Leopold. Let go!

Stop pulling your hand.

If you jump around, he'll just
bite harder.

And I thought vets were supposed
to have a way with animals.

And now you're bleeding and all.

Sorry.

The next tour will be
starting shortly.

Please do help yourself to tea.

Thank you.

Thanks very much.

Any chance of anything stronger?

Dorothy, what are you doing here?

I was hoping to whisk you off
for a spot of lunch,

but I seem to have walked in
on some kind of extravaganza.

It's the Darrowby Show.

You stuck in here all day?

Afraid so.

Well, that's no fun.

Perhaps I can lend a hand?

You'd be bored rigid.

Nonsense, it'll be just like
the old days.

The two of us running the show.

But without the zeppelins

or the rationing.

Ferret emergency.

Great.

The powder will stop Leopold's paw
bleeding in no time.

He won't even need a bandage.

Shame we can't say the same for you.

Oh, you know James.

Happy to risk life and limb for a
damsel in distress.

It's looking better already.

We'll make a vet of you yet.

There you are, good as new.

There we are.

Are you showing Clive today?

We are. Dad's desperate to sell him.

Really?

I thought he was a good earner?

Oh, he is, but he won't be forever.

There's a top breeder coming today,
woman called Southwick,

says she might be interested.

If Clive takes first prize, we could
get a really good price.

Good luck.

In fact, I was hoping I could ask
you to vouch for him,

you know, give him a clean bill
of health, if the deal goes ahead.

Of course, I'd be happy to.

Wonderful.

I'd best go and find my dad.

Wasn't old Clive a little bit slow
off the mark with Dobson's cows?

Nothing a shot of testosterone
didn't sort out.

If that bull wins first prize,
could go for a fortune.

God knows they need it.

So long as you're confident
there's no problem.

After the testosterone
was administered

Clive did start doing his business.

No, I know, I know.

Just the moment there's even the
slightest hint that Clive's no good

for breeding, he'd be
practically worthless,

off to the knacker's yard
for pennies.

Maybe I should give him another
once over?

Well, you've already told Helen
you'll vouch for him.

Now, come on, enough of this,

you've been neglecting your real
duties for far too long already.

That's more like it.

You're starting early.

My good friend here needs
fortification for the day ahead.

So, we'll be wanting two more
when you're ready.

Steady on.

You know I'm on duty.

That's why you need to get them in
while you have the chance.

So, have you had your
invitation yet?

Ah? What invitation?

Tea with the parents.

Now you're sticking around,

she'll be expecting things to get
a little more serious.

What? Maggie?

I don't think so.

Mr Herriot, could you spare
a minute?

It's a veterinary matter, I'd value
your opinion.

Can't it wait?

Sorry, Tris, vet business.

My, she's a little beauty,
isn't she?

A dark roan shorthorn.

Nice wide pelvis.

Level udder.

She's a lovely pedigree specimen.

You know, a cow like this doesn't
come cheap, Mr Rudd.

That she doesn't.

But with your say so and
recommendation...

We've been putting some by.

And I would like to make
the investment in a good breeder.

You know, five year from now,
we could have a pedigree herd.

So, would you buy her?

I would.

Was that Dick Rudd I saw you
talking to out there?

He asked me to look over a pedigree
cow he was thinking of buying.

A testament to his high regard for
your professional opinion.

Can I ask you something?

Mm-hm.

Just because you have to administer
testosterone to a bull

to get it serving the cows,

doesn't necessarily mean there's got
to be an underlying problem?

Oh, no, not necessarily.

He might just need a bit of a lift,

must be exhausting moving from herd
to herd like they do.

Of course, it could also
be lameness.

The only thing that really
matters is

whether the cows are in calf or not.

Right.

Mr Dobson.

Hello, there.

Ah, Mr Herriot.

I've been meaning to ask,

how did your herd get on with the
Alderson's bull in the end?

Oh, yeah, yeah, grand.

Mr Herriot.

So, no problems after I left?

No, no, no. No problems.

Mr Herriot, if you please...

Yes, Mr Foyle. Just one moment.

So, your cows are in calf then?

You're needed at the dog show.

I'll let you get on.

Mr Herriot? Dog show.

Now, if you please.

Now, can anyone tell me
what this is?

No?

Well, we use this to administer
anaesthetic during surgery,

you slip it over the head...

Tighten the strap and slip in
the chloroform.

It's very effective,
and entirely painless.

HE GROANS

So then, once little Tiddles or
Fido is happily asleep...

TRISTAN SNORES

Yes, thank you.

...We move onto our top of the range
surgical equipment.

We have scalpels for making the
initial incision.

Thank you.

We have saws for cutting through
the bone...

HE MIMICS SQUEAKY SAWING

...various sizes for
various thicknesses.

LOUDER SAWING

And of course a whole variety
of forceps

and curettes for really
digging around.

Yes, well.

Moving on.

Right, a quick hiatus, I think,
Mrs Hall.

I might see what refreshments
are on offer.

Oh, hello there.

Mr Farnon.

You remember Dorothy.

Yes, yes, of course. How nice to see
you again.

I hear you're quite the tour guide.

Oh, well, doing our best.

"Very informative" and "not boring
at all" apparently.

Oh, well, high praise indeed.

Anyway, shan't be long.

Oh, Tris, are you coming?

Couldn't you go too, Aud?

I can't leave the
surgery unattended,

as they both well know.

Well, I'm here.

And I'm reasonably trustworthy.

Go on, you're dying to have
a look round.

You can repay me later in gin.

Well, maybe just for a minute.

They won't let us in the show.

I know you need to be careful,
veterinary,

but there's nowt wrong with t'dog.

He has some matter in the corner of
his eye.

Oh, that's just a bit of powder
I was using on him, that's all.

I told that to him.

I don't know why he's being
so fussy.

His temperature's 104.

I'm sorry, I can't allow him into
the show.

But we've shown this dog every year.

Well, you can't show him with
a temperature like that.

But, wait a minute!

He's had a long car journey.

That could put up his temperature,
couldn't it?

Not by that much, it couldn't.

You need to take him home
and see your regular vet.

So, you won't let me
take him inside?

I'm afraid it's out of the question.

I'm sorry.

There you are, come on,
don't dilly dally.

- Sorry?
- Luncheon is served, old boy.

And there's a pint or three with
your name on it.

Now, then, Mr Herriot.

Helen says you'll vouch for
our bull.

Yes, of course.

Much appreciated.

You're welcome, Mr Alderson.

Aye.

Ah, Herriot, just the man.

May I introduce my
god-daughter, Penelope?

Hello, there.

And this here is Binkie.

She's feeling a little nervous about
the pet contest.

Ah, there's no need.

I'm sure Binkie here will
do marvellously.

There you are, Penn.

I told you there was nothing to
worry about.

All right, well...

Helen said that she told you about
their possible buyer.

Yes, she did.

A lot riding on the sale of that
bull for the Aldersons.

Well, yes, I would imagine so.

Wouldn't want anything to scupper
their chances.

No need to go looking for problems,

if you take my meaning?

Right. Well, come on, Pen, let's go
find your mother, shall we?

Here you go, and there's plenty more
where that came from.

You do know you're wasting
your time.

What do you mean?

You can't compete, old chap.

He's got the land, the house,
the pots of cash.

Helen's no gold-digger, but a girl
has to be practical.

He was talking about
Alderson's bull.

Oh, yes?

I got the distinct impression
he was...

...warning me off.

Oh, so you think
he's feeling threatened?

That is not... No.

This is not about Helen.

Come on, drink up and we'll go to
the Drovers.

I can't leave the show.

Course you can.

You've done your bit.
Foyle can measure a few ponies.

Mr Herriot!

Area ten!

Please report to area ten for the
pony measuring!

Ignore him. Stay and have a drink.

Mr Herriot! Area ten!

No, I can't. Sorry.

Jim.

I see James is still going strong.

Lunchtime you said, wasn't it?

Afraid you're out of the running,
little brother.

That's it, names and addresses
in the book

and the next tour will be
starting shortly.

Is everything all right?
Where's Mrs Hall?

She's gone to get some lunch.

Don't worry, I've been keeping
a close eye.

No-one's made off with
the silverware.

So, how was your trip?

Malta, wasn't it?

It was glorious.

Blazing hot with nothing to do but
sun and swim.

Darrowby must seem rather dull
in comparison.

Not at all, I'm really rather
enjoying myself.

Well, I should go and get my coat
and then we should crack on.

Your audience awaits.

Mr Herriot!

Did you not hear me?

You are needed for the ponies.

Yes, yes, I know.

There's just a bull
I need to look at.

Is the animal injured?

Does it require urgent
medical attention?

It does not.

Then I'm afraid it will have
to wait.

13 two.

I'm sorry. He's too big for
that class.

Well, have you allowed for
his shoes?

I have, but as you can see
he's well over 13 two.

He's actually over 14 hands.

He passed the vet at Hickly
without any trouble.

I can't help that.

If you want to compete, he'll need
to be in the higher class.

Next, please.

You really do need to keep them
moving, Mr Herriot.

Tempus fergit, you know.

There was another chap was convinced
his dog was psychic

because it always barked just before
the doorbell rang.

Never occurred to him that

the animal just had better hearing
than he did.

Well, it's true what they say.

You really do see all human life
in a place like this.

Well, I suppose we do.

I think you're a very fortunate man,
Mr Farnon.

You've built a life doing what you
love most.

Not many people manage that.

And, have you?

On the whole.

I've had my share of...

...disappointments.

And loss.

Things don't always work out the way
we expect.

Very true.

But moving forward in hope,
that's the key, isn't it?

There's so much in life to savour.

Audrey, there you are.

You've been missing all the fun.

Oh, yes?

But you two ladies should be out
enjoying the show.

Tristan and I can manage here.

Of course.

What do you say, Aud?

You did promise me a gin.

If you're quite sure?

Absolutely.

Well, it's been a pleasure working
with you, Mr Farnon.

And with you.

Maggie seems thoroughly and
surprisingly enamoured of you.

Does she?

Mm.

Oh, God.

Do I detect that the thrill of the
chase is less exciting than

the actual catch?

Maggie's wonderful, really,

I'm just not sure about
meeting parents.

Because that's what happens next.

I mean, do you think I'm anywhere
near ready to meet parents?

Dorothy left her hat.

I won't have a man under my roof
mess a girl around.

You're better than that, Tristan.

Yes, Mrs H.

Right, I've still an hour or two
to win this bet.

I'm off to the pony measuring, see
if I can't tip James over the edge.

Everything all right?

I've barely had a single animal

that's the right height for the
class they've been entered in.

Ah.

And I had one that stooped down at
the knees every time I came near it.

Pin pricks.

I'm sorry?

They prick them between the
shoulder blades,

so they drop down if you try
and measure them.

- What?
- It's appalling, I know.

You see, this is what
you're up against.

Here.

Get a drink.

And the winner for the best in
show sheep

goes to Mrs Ackroyd for her
Swaledale, Nellie.

Excuse me. Do you know where the
vet is?

I'm sorry, I don't.

- Do you know where the vet is?
- No, no, sorry, I don't.

Siegfried can certainly be
very entertaining.

He has his moments.

You said he was a widower?

He lost his wife four years ago.

I would have thought it was
more recent.

Oh, yes?

Am I to take it you've designs on
our Mr Farnon?

Oh, don't think so.

Reckon I'd scare the poor chap
to death.

Besides, he strikes me as a man who
still thinks of himself as married.

Well, you can't always change how
you feel.

Leaving that brute was the best
and bravest thing you ever did.

Yes.

Well...

...now, I promised Mr Enderby
I'd look in on the produce hall,

he's very keen to show me
his shallots.

Then I shall love you and leave you.

I'll see you soon, Aud.

I'm sorry. I've measured him
three times, he's still over.

What about the shoes?

You have to deduct for shoes.

I know, but even so.

He doesn't have shoes!

Ha!

What's this?

Certificate.

Where's the pony?

Here we go.

You don't need to see him
if I've got a certificate.

The vet's written how tall he
is there.

I'll need to measure him.

Certificate or not.

Well, that's not what my dad says.

Well, I'm afraid your dad's wrong.

We'll see about that.

It's unbelievable, isn't it?

They'll try anything.

If I were you, I'd tell them to
go hang.

Are you sure you don't want to go
and watch the jumping, Siegfried?

No, no. Happy to lend my support.

And the winner for the largest
marrow are the Clough brothers.

Very well done.

Congratulations.

Marvellous effort.

Well done.

That's not right.
These guns ain't right.

Can't you read?

I am a good shot, I am.

No refunds means no refunds.

Not my fault if you can't
shoot straight.

You want to find yourself a lad
with half a brain.

Steady, steady.

DOG WHIMPERS

You've got to accept it.

You don't need any measurements
if you've got a certificate.

Every animal goes under the stick.

And it's not as though your pony
was slightly over the mark.

He's miles over.

Well, let me tell you, he was passed
through that vet at...

Hickly! I know.

And I don't care, he's not going
through here.

Well, really?

You know, we were passed at
Hickly too.

Could you take my dog's
temperature again?

He looks so much better.

Won't you just try him
one more time?

No, I bloody won't.

Just take your damn dog home.

You know, James, if you wanted to
pack it in...

What?

You don't have to put up with this,
this is an outrage.

Mr Farnon, I need you.

Hey, what are you doing with my dog?

What's happened?

Poor thing was hit by a pumpkin.

Pumpkin?

He was tied up safe as houses.
I'd only left him for a minute.

Sometimes a minute is all it takes.

I'll need you to assist me.

If it hadn't been for that other
vet, messing me about.

You'll have to wait there, Mr...?

Happy.

Really?

Yes.

Excuse me.

Right. OK.

There we go.

I'll need chloroform,
sterile dressings

and a fresh set of instruments.

This will provide an excellent
teaching opportunity.

Right.

Well, go on, then.
What are you waiting for?

Oi!

Leave that alone.

Ah. Mr Herriot, finished with
the ponies, are you?

Well and truly.

Good. Good. Hey, hey, hey now,

you've only 25 minutes
till the pet contest.

Don't go wandering off.

Mr Foyle, there is something I have
to do, all right?

But I promise you, I will not be
late for the pet contest.

You'd better not be.

Or there'll be
serious repercussions.

No.

I thought they weren't judging the
bulls till 5:30?

No.

They announce the winners at 5:30.

The judging takes place throughout
the afternoon,

and then the judges retire
to deliberate.

You'd know this if you'd consulted
your timetable.

Mr Dobson!

Mr Dobson.

I need to talk to you.

Good boy. That's it.

Right. Probe and forceps.

There's no point giving them to me.

This one's on you.

It's a compound fracture,

so first you need to check for
bone fragments.

Right.

I can't see any fragments.

Are you certain?

I think so.

I don't need you to think,
I need you to know.

I'm certain, the bone's snapped
clean in two.

Excellent, then if you debride
the wound and sluice it out

with plenty of saline, we can set
the bone and stitch him up.

Now, when you say we...

Come on, we don't want to be here
all day.

Mr Dobson, I am just asking
if you noticed any problems

when the bull was in with your herd.

And I told you, everything
were fine.

So you're certain your cows are in
calf, you've actually examined them?

Would Mr Herriot please report to
area nine?

The family pet contest is about
to commence.

Looks like you're needed.

Damn.

Very nice.

Very nice indeed.

Think I might be getting the hang
of this.

You seemed to be having fun today.

Yes, the tours went rather well,
I thought.

I was thinking more of the
fair Dorothy.

Dorothy?

The pair of you were getting on like
a house on fire.

Oh, I don't know about that.

She's a nice enough woman.

Oh, come on, big brother. I saw
the way you were looking at her.

For God's sake, Tristan, must you be
so tediously adolescent?

Well, what's the problem?

She's a woman, you're a man. There's
clearly an attraction there.

You should've asked her out
to dinner.

Don't be obtuse. You know perfectly
well taking a woman to dinner raises

certain expectations.

Would that be such a bad thing?

- I'm not discussing this.
- Because you know I'm right.

No, because I'm not taking
romantic advice from someone

who's spent the entire day
hiding from a barmaid.

Says the man who runs a mile if a
woman shows the slightest interest.

What utter rot!

I'm right and you know it!

It's like you've given up on having
any life at all.

Oh, well done, lad.

Not long to go now.

You are ten minutes late!

I know, I know, I'm sorry.

Could I just have a word with
Ms Alderson?

No! It'll have to wait.

I'm not saying you need to get
married, just have some blasted fun!

If you had a bit less blasted fun,

you might actually
achieve something!

Now, give me the damn forceps!

Mr Farnon.

What?

There are children on the premises.

Your point being?

I'll thank you to modify
your language.

And I'll thank you to mind your own
bloody business.

In there.

Now.

Well, what a wonderful...

PARROT: Hello, pretty boy!

...And varied turnout.

Well, given the...
given the range of animals,

I'm going to ask the owners to
show me

just how much they know their pets.

Just a couple of questions about
their habits and upkeep.

How does that sound?

Shut your face!

Right then, let's begin.

I miss her too, you know.

What?

Evelyn was...

...she was the absolute best.

No two ways about it.

But, well...

...she isn't here any more,
Siegfried.

If you're going to continue stating
the obvious,

you might as well leave.

I'm just saying, she'd at least want
you to try and be happy.

I mean, you're not entirely
past it.

Good to know.

Bandage.

I'm only thinking of you,
big brother.

Fine, right, point taken.

I should move on and seize the day

and learn to love again.

Now, for God's sake,
will you please shut up?!

Hello, there.

Binkie, isn't it?

And does he eat anything unusual?

He ate a button once.

But it came straight out the
other end.

And what about exercise?

And how old is this little lass?

Speak up, Pen.

And what can you tell me
about this little chap?

He's a goldfish.

Or Carassius auratus.

He's only a year old,

but goldfish have been known to live
up to 30 years in captivity.

His diet mainly consists of fish
food pellets,

but he can also be fed boiled peas
and brine shrimp.

Well, I think we have a winner.

Thank you, Mr Foyle.

Now in third place, number ten,
the kitten.

Well done, love.

In second place, number 15,
the ferret.

And in a very well deserved
first place...

...number six, the goldfish.

Well, my congratulations
to the winners and thank you,

everyone for taking part.

Absolute disgrace.

Oh, sorry. Sorry, if I can...

Sorry, excuse me. Miss Alderson.

Well, I suppose that didn't go
too badly.

I'm sorry, Mr Foyle, I really can't
talk now.

Excuse me. Thank you.

Helen?

It was the pet show that did it
for you.

Don't be too hard on yourself,

it's no mean feat lasting as long as
you did.

It wasn't the pets.

What then?

I'm fairly certain Helen's bull
has a problem

and Dobson won't give me
a straight answer

as to whether his cows are in calf
or not.

Well, if they were, you'd assume
he'd just say?

Exactly.

I gave Helen my word that I'd vouch
for Clive.

Look, there's no guarantee Southwick
will actually want to buy him in.

She only goes for the very
top beasts. Best in show.

Maybe Clive won't win.

Maybe Southwick will buy
some other bull

and you can live to fight
another day.

You're right.

What if you're not?

What if he wins?

Hide in here.

It's what I do whenever there's
someone or something

that I want to avoid.

That seems rather cowardly.

Just because there's a firing squad
lined up,

doesn't mean you have to go and
stand in front of it.

Tristan, where the bloody hell
are you?

Speaking of which.

The prize giving for the
bull contest

will commence in five minutes,

that's five minutes.

Steady on now, Clive, old man.

Steady.

Steady,

that's it,

that's it.

OK.

I just want to take a look at you.

CLIVE HOWLS

Damn.

James.

So, I take it you know?

Dobson was complaining about
his herd.

I just didn't want him to put off
the Alderson's buyer.

They can't sell an animal
that isn't fit.

- Well, we don't know that for sure.
- I'm pretty sure.

All right.

But I'm asking you to keep it
to yourself.

Not for me...

...for Helen.

She trusts you.

And if you care about her at all,
then you won't let her down.

I missed again.

It's cheating,

that's what it is, I'm not paying
sixpence for a broken rifle.

I told you, them's the rules.

What's going on?

My gun didn't work, but he still
won't give me my money back.

Is that right?

That's what they all say.

Makes no difference.

Perhaps I'll take a turn.

That'll be sixpence.

When you're ready.

The plaster must stay on for
two weeks.

By rights, I should keep him
in overnight,

but as you're not local...

Oh, no, no.

I wouldn't know what to do with
myself without him.

Just me and him, see, since the
wife died.

He was her pride and joy, he was.

There's no charge.

I'm so very grateful, Mr Farnon.

Not at all, not at all.

Just, in future, if you must tie
him up,

make sure it's somewhere safe.

Thank you.

Mr Herriot.

Right, I don't know about you,

but I need a drink.

Unless you're still avoiding
the refreshment hall?

I'm sure I'll manage.

Well, I never.

Mrs Hall's a crack shot.

Who'd have thought it?

Where on Earth did you learn to
shoot like that?

What did you think we did in
the WRENS?

Embroidery?

Right, drinks.

Thank you, Mrs Hall.

JUDGE: Mr Alderson with Clive!

APPLAUSE

A round of applause for the winner.

Pint and half of best please.

Coming right up.

Ah.

So, is your friend no longer
with us?

No. She had to get back.

Ah, yes.

I found it lying on the ground,
Mr Herriot.

It was creating a serious
trip hazard.

I'm sorry.

Yes, well, look, I realise this was
your first time, but if I can...

Oh, I'm very sorry to interrupt.

But I'm afraid James is needed
at the bar.

I think you owe me a pint for
that one.

Ah, won't be a minute.

Hello, there, stranger.

How was the open house?

Yes, yes, good. Thanks.

Maggie, I've been thinking and,

this summer has been a lot of fun
and you're a really great girl.

But the thing is, my final exams are
not far off

and I'm going to be working all
hours and...

You're giving me the push?

No, no, no, not at all, far from it,
I just...

Give over, will you?

You're a nice enough lad, Tristan,

but...

...it's not like we'd have ever
been serious.

Right.

Why's that, then?

James?

Ah, there you are, this is
Mr Herriot.

Vet I were telling you about.

How do?

Southwick.

I hear you can vouch for this bull
of theirs, is that right?

Cos I'd like a professional opinion
before I hand over good money.

Right, yes.

Come on, lad, time's money,
just say the word

and we'll have ourselves a deal.

I'd really like to examine
him first,

rule out any possible problems.

What sort of problems?

There are no problems.

Here, you can... you can ask Dobson,
he's got no complaints,

his cows are all pregnant,
like they should be.

Is that right, Mr Dobson?

Can you say for certain that your
cows are in calf?

Well, I don't know about
for certain.

You what?

I'm afraid, I noticed some swelling
on his spine

and some signs of discomfort.

You're saying the beast is lame?

James?

It's most likely intermittent and
very easily missed, yes.

But Mr Dobson, if your cows
weren't in calf, why lie about it?

Do you know something about this?

Hugh?

Dobson was grumbling about his herd
and it occurred to me that

it would be better off all round

if he just kept his complaints
to himself.

So, I slipped him a few bob.

Of all the bloody stupid...

What were you thinking?

Helen, I only wanted to help.

Well, now the sale is off and you've
made my dad out to be a liar.

So, thank you.

I'd say he's cooked his goose,
wouldn't you?

You can't imagine how hard it is,

seeing you so terribly worried about
money all the time...

That's no excuse...

I know, but you won't let me
do anything.

So you thought you'd go behind
my back?

Because having money means you can
interfere in other people's lives?

Because I'm too stupid to make my
own decisions?

Because you're a man and you
know best?

It's because I love you.

Yep, he's a goner.

You can tell from the body
language, see?

I love you, Helen.

And I would do anything in the world
to make you happy.

You've never said that before.

No, I know.

But I should have.

God knows I've wanted to.

I'm just so hopeless at
these things.

Oh, yes.

You are.

Jammy sod.

How'd he manage to talk himself out
of that?

I told him, I'm going to make
a formal complaint, I mean...

You can't just ignore a certificate!

I know my rights!

A bloody goldfish.

Aye, I ask you.

Who's ever heard of a goldfish
winning a competition?

I'll have you know,

all I have done, all day,
and in the face of endless abuse

and insult, I might add, is try to
make fair and just decisions.

And I have to say, I have never in
my life witnessed such an

appalling display of unsportsmanlike
and downright criminal behaviour!

If anyone should be ashamed,
it's you lot!

You might want to put down
the stick.

Haven't you got a pint, young man?

Cheaters shouldn't prosper.

Well, James, I think we can safely
say you're one of us, now.

I suppose so.

I knew you could do it.

Speaking of which.

He's made it to 6:15, so...

Two bob, wasn't it?

You had a bet?

Against me?

More of a sweepstake.

You could've warned me.

Baptism of fire, old chap.

Baptism of fire.

The labours of Hercules pale in
comparison to being a vet

at the Darrowby show.

Cheers.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media