Original subtitles

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

[chuckles] This weekend.

Boy.

Top of the morning to you, Ed.

And the bottom of it to you, Wilbur.

Well, somebody's feeling very chipper today.

I'm excited, Wilbur.

My favorite niece is coming to town.

Is she coming alone or with your brother?

She's a race horse.

Here's a picture of her in the paper.

Let me have a look.

Hey, she's beautiful.

Yeah. The spitting image of me.

Let's have a look.

Yes, there is quite a resemblance.

Where? Around my eyes?

No, around your legs. You both have four of them.

- Read the story, Wilbur. - Okay.

"Colonel William Bradford will arrive at Hollywood Park

this weekend with his promising two-year-old Edwina."

This is exciting, Ed.

I hope your niece wins her race.

Is she fast?

Fast? When she was born, she beat the stork in

by four lengths.

It's too bad you won't be in town this weekend.

We could watch her run.

Whoa, boy.

Who won't be in town?

Carol and I are going to Pine Lake Lodge,

and you're going with us.

My niece will expect to see me, Wilbur.

We're a very close family.

Ed...

She's never been away from home before,

and I promised my brother

I'd look after her here in Hollywood.

Oh, come on, Ed.

You love Pine Lake Lodge, you know?

Remember the fun we had last year

with that big sleigh that we rented?

Yeah, some fun.

You just sat there. I did all the pulling.

Sorry, but we are not leaving you here alone.

And horse-sitters are hard to find.

But Edwina needs her Uncle Eddie

to keep an eye on her.

She's just a small-town filly in a big, wicked city.

Oh, stop worrying.

Nothing is going to happen to her.

Suppose she meets one of those fast Hollywood horses?

Wilbur, we've never had a scandal in our family.

I don't want to discuss this anymore.

Tomorrow, I'm hitching your little trailer to the back of our car,

and you are going to Pine Lake Lodge with us.

Now eat your breakfast.

Come on, Ed, eat your breakfast.

Okay, okay. I'll clean it up.

Wilbur, I just called the lodge.

No snow.

But the clerk said that the ski slope at Thompson's Peak

is in perfect condition.

Oh, great. I hope I have better luck than I had last year.

Remember coming down that long hill,

I slid 50 feet on my skis,

and 50 feet on the seat of my pants.

Then another 50 feet.

How about the Addisons?

Have they made up their mind about joining us?

No, they're still battling it out.

Same old story, huh?

Rog wants to go, but Kay insists on coming along.

Oh, Wilbur.

Hello. Is this Hollywood Park?

[Man] Yes, sir.

May I talk, sir, to Edwina's trainer?

Hello.

This is Colonel William Bradford, sir.

Hello, Colonel Bradford, sir.

How did my little filly take the trip?

Oh, fine, Colonel.

She was a little sluggish in her workout today,

but I finally got her to respond to the whip.

The whip?

You listen here, Yankee.

These are my orders.

No whips, no spurs, and skinny jockeys.

Yes, Colonel.

And one more thing, sir.

What horses you all got in the stalls right next to her?

She's right in between Lover Boy and Casanova.

Oh, no!

Something wrong, Colonel?

You change her stall, sir.

Put her between a couple of nice old lady horses from Pasadena.

What's going on?

Uh-oh.

Oh, Wilbur, I'm worried about my little niece.

Do I have to go to Pine Lake?

What are you worried about? Nothing can happen to her.

Between Casanova and Lover Boy.

I should be down there teaching her judo.

Well, Kay, I've packed all my gear, and I'm ready.

We are not going.

That's what I'm ready for-- our argument.

You can put all that stuff back in the garage.

Oh, now, darling, come on.

There's nothing more exhilarating

than skiing down a snowy slope

with the wind in your hair and a touch of Jack Frost in your cheek.

Last year, you never set foot outside that lodge.

All you did was sit there and play cards.

So I played a few hands of poker.

A few hands?

You were glued so long to that card table,

we had to feed you through a tube.

But, darling, don't forget, I won $38.20.

I hardly saw you the whole three days.

People thought I was a lonely widow up there looking for a man.

- I'm sorry. - So am I.

Sorry I couldn't find one.

Come to think of it, so am I.

- What? - Sorry.

Now, darling, let's go.

Let's go up there and have a wonderful time.

We'll make it a second honeymoon.

No thanks.

It's hard to cuddle up to a man who's trying to fill an inside straight.

All right, I'll admit that last year,

I might have been a little inconsiderate.

But this year, I promise you,

I will not leave your side during our entire vacation.

- Promise? - We'll be the Bobbsey Twins.

- All right, doll. - Wonderful.

You go upstairs and pack.

Fine.

But I warn you-- you get into one poker game up there,

and this little joker is going to lose his queen.

We got to check out of this pneumonia trap, Joe.

I don't think anyone around here ever heard of poker.

How about those two fellas over there?

They're playing chess.

Stiffs. I tried to set them up

for a friendly little game after lunch.

No luck, huh?

The guy with the glasses wanted to play...

for matches.

How about the other one?

He doesn't smoke.

Oh, easy, honey. Don't trip.

All right, darling. This way. That's right.

Watch the door. Come in.

That's a girl. Take it easy.

Addison, you could give me a hand.

Darling, I told you my hands were frozen.

You've got gloves on.

Well, nice to see you again, folks.

We have your rooms all ready for you.

Fine. How about my horse's sleeping quarters?

The horse?

Yes, we can give him the same stall he had last year, Mr. Post.

Fine.

No, I don't think he was happy with that.

Do you have something overlooking the lake?

My horse would like a room with a view.

Over...

I'll try to get something, yes, sir.

Also, the stall didn't have a plug-in socket.

Plug-in socket?

My horse sleeps with an electric blanket.

He gets kind of cold during the night in the feet.

Yes, it does--

Why didn't you buy him some Dr. Dentons?

Maybe they didn't have his size.

A suggestion.

Get a king-sized bed, and let him sleep between you.

I'll put him in that stall.

Yes, that will be nice, sir.

While we're sleeping under an electric blanket,

our horse's feet will be freezing.

Sign, please.

[cards shuffling]

Oh, no.

No, Mr. Addison. Actually, I haven't been playing poker too long.

Either have I. I never could quite get the hang of it.

It's a very simple game. You'll love it.

You see, two pair beat one pair.

But three of a kind beat two pair.

Now, gentlemen, perhaps later, we can--

we can take a walk out in the air together.

Darling. I want you to meet Mr. Haskell and Mr. Johnson.

Gentlemen, this is Mrs. Addison.

Darling, why don't you go upstair s and unpack?

I'll join you later.

You'll excuse us.

We're on our second honeymoon.

The both of us.

Come, dear.

You see, two pair beats one pair.

It's a miracle.

It's too cold up here for eagles,

but I think we found ourselves a nice, little pigeon.

Operator.

Hello, operator.

Get me the Hollywood Park race track.

This is Wilbur Post. Charge it to my room.

They say there's plenty of snow on Thompson's Peak.

It's just seven miles away.

Why don't we stay here and have it delivered?

Oh, Mr. Addison?

Excuse me, Wilbur. Here.

Good morning, gentlemen.

Mr. Addison, I wonder if you'd help us settle a little argument.

Does a straight beat a full house?

Certainly not.

There, you see, Joe. That last pot's mine. You owe me five dollars.

It's only money.

Fortunately, my hardware store is doing well.

Deal, Joe, deal.

It's no fun playing two-handed.

He's right, absolutely right.

Now, gentlemen, if I can lose my wife,

I'll join you later.

Do you think that's quite the proper thing to do?

No, but I'll do it.

Pardon me, gentlemen.

I'm expecting a backache.

Thank you so much.

Hi.

Well, how do you like it?

Beautiful. What kept you kids so long?

Each year, it takes me a little bit longer

to get into my stretch pants.

How do you like my outfit?

Yeah, no doubt about it.

You are a girl.

Then you like it?

What are we waiting for?

Come on, it's a beautiful day for skiing.

- Rog, what's the matter? - Sprained my sacroiliac.

I guess we can forget about skiing.

No, please, you folks go right ahead and enjoy yourself.

I'll just stay here and--

Play poker.

Play poker--

No, that's not true.

My sacroiliac is really acting up.

Acting is right.

I think it deserves an Oscar.

Addison, if you're pulling this

so you can sit around and play cards...

That is not true.

Don't you believe me?

Wilbur, you believe me, don't you?

Oh, yes, certainly.

This man is really suffering.

Just take one look.

Anybody can tell that he's trying to bear up

under excruciating agony.

No Oscar for me either, huh?

Kay, Roger does look a little pale.

Why don't you both go out and enjoy yourselves?

I'll stay here and make sure that he doesn't play cards.

No, no, Kay. You go ahead.

I'll take care of him.

I'll take him upstairs and put him into bed,

give him a little rubdown, a little heat,

and if necessary, I'll operate.

Let's go.

- Oh, well, all right. - Good.

I'm depending on you, Wilbur.

Don't worry. I'm a great watchdog.

If he tries to play poker, I'll bite him on the leg.

Take care of yourself, doll.

Thanks, darling.

- Have a good time. - See you later.

And don't forget to watch him, Rover.

[barks]

Come on, Kay.

We'll go up that first hill.

Wait. Where you going?

To play poker, of course.

Kay told me to keep an eye on you.

I release you from your promise.

If you play poker, Kay will never speak to me again.

If you don't take your hand off my arm,

I'll never speak to you again.

Mr. Post?

I'd like to verify this long-distance call was made last night.

Long-distance call?

Yeah, Hollywood Park.

Charges are $19.45.

When I get through with him,

he'll be talking out of the other side of his feedbag.

Ed, that was a terrible thing you did--

sneaking into the lobby last night

and making a phone call without my permission.

Please. Do I bother you when you're eating?

You listen to me when I am talking to you.

Don't take away my food, Wilbur.

I'm a growing horse.

And you're growing into a nuisance.

I know you're worried about your niece.

Hey, her trainer says Edwina's in great shape.

Maybe you ought to make a bet on her.

You know I'm not a gambling man.

Gambling. Roger.

Oh, no.

Ten, and ten more.

I call.

I fold.

Three nines.

Three jacks. I win again.

I can't understand my luck today.

I can't understand it, either.

That's the sixth pot in a row I've lost.

I never win when I play at home.

What's your address? I'll call us a cab.

I like you, Mr. Addison.

You lose with a sense of humor.

I think I'll change my seat.

That moth-eaten elk is jinxing me.

Looks like my mother-in-law.

Roger, I promised Kay I wouldn't let you play.

Rog, you're going to get yourself in terrible trouble, believe me.

By me.

I open for five.

- I call. - I call.

Gambling is a terrible thing. It's a disease.

Oh, fine, you start to play. Fine.

Then you lose.

Now you want to get even, so you start throwing good money after bad.

First thing you know, you are hooked.

Bet ten.

I call.

It's an evil thing, Rog.

I call.

Call? With those cards? We raise.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we raise.

Pass me.

I call... and I raise you ten.

What are you waiting for?

With a hand like that, you've got to go all the way.

There you are, gentlemen.

A beautiful full house.

Three aces and a pair of kings.

Gee, I'm sorry, Mr. Addison,

but I have four little deuces.

I begged you not to gamble.

Thanks to you, I've lost my shirt.

And your wife.

So you sprained your sacroiliac, huh?

But, darling, my back...

Wilbur, why did you let him play?

Yeah. Why did you let me play?

It's your fault. You let me let you.

You know what a weakling he is.

Yeah, you know what a weakling I am.

I'm leaving here first thing in the morning.

Now see what you've done.

Wilbur, you really were supposed to keep an eye on him.

I had to go and see Ed.

Ed again.

If you love horses so much, why didn't you marry a horse?

And no wisecracks.

Well, we certainly nailed that pigeon...

for 110 bucks.

Too bad we didn't have more time.

That Addison is the softest touch we've had

since the cops ran us out of Denver.

Those signals we worked out with the cigars

beats marked cards, huh?

Yeah. I hate marked cards. That's cheating.

That Post guy looks pretty stupid.

Think he's a pigeon?

I can taste the squab right now.

I find that hard to believe.

Those two men looked so honest.

I heard it with my own ears.

Oh, those dirty crooks.

I wish there was some way of getting Rog's money back.

If I told you a way, would you take me home to my niece tomorrow?

Yes, I would. What have you got in mind?

Why don't we make up our own signals and get them in a game?

Oh, Ed, they'd never play poker with a horse.

They won't even know I'm there.

What do you have in mind?

Well, you know that...

I feel pretty ridiculous.

Ed, you look fine.

Now if you'll just hold your head up close to those horns,

you'll look like a real elk.

But the part of me that's sticking out in the kitchen

is still horse.

Look, Ed, they'll be down here any minute.

Let's run through those signals, shall we?

If they're bluffing, you wink your eye.

If they've got two pair, three of a kind,

you move your ears.

If they got better than that, stick your tongue out.

You understand it?

Are you kidding? I made those signals up.

I bet five.

I call.

I call, and I raise 20.

I call.

If you bet 20, you must have a strong hand. I'm out.

What have you got?

A pair of deuces.

Not quite good enough.

Pair of threes.

A pair of threes?

How come you called me with a pair of threes?

I had a hunch you were bluffing.

I open for ten.

I raise it. Ten.

I'm out.

I'm out.

You went out with a straight?

I just had a feeling I wasn't going to win this hand.

I had a pat full house.

You must be a mind reader.

Let me give you a tip.

You haven't got a good poker face.

Oh, you got a good rummy face,

but you got a terrible poker face.

These chips get heavy after a while, don't they?

It's like he knows every card we've got.

Well, boys, I am $110 ahead.

Exactly what Mr. Addison lost.

You can cash me in.

I was going to make some coffee.

Would you fellas like to have some?

- No, thank you. - No, no.

Okay.

What are you doing in here? Get out.

Get out of here.

I don't want you in here.

Come on, out of here.

It's a horse.

A horse? What horse?

You fellas have been playing too long.

There's no horse up there.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Here we are, Ed.

Feels good to be home, huh?

If it feels so good to be home,

why'd you go away?

Come on now. Don't be such a grouch.

On the way home in the car,

I put the radio on, didn't I?

You heard your niece win her first race.

Bless her little heart.

You know why Edwina won that race?

Why?

'Cause she's so pretty,

those other horses were chasing her so they could smooch.

Could be, could be.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

[Man] This has been a Filmways presentation.