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[soft music]
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female narrator: Our love
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lives can quite easily
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be reduced to data.
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For instance,
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by the time the average person
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- ends up with the love
- of their life,
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They will have been
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in seven relationships.
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Of those, two are often
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long-term relationships,
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while the rest are a mix
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of short-term flings,
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casual dating,
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and one-night stands.
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The average person
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will also fall in love
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two of those times
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and have their heart broken
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twice as well.
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Yet behind
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all of those numbers,
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there is always
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a much bigger story.
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This is the story
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of Darby Carter.
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♪ ♪
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Darby doesn't remember
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- her parents
- ever being married.
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They got divorced
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when she was four,
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and she spent her childhood
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being shuttled back and forth
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between their new houses
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and new families.
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- Coward.
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Won't even come to the door.
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- It's fine, Mom.
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Narrator: This made Darby feel
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like a permanent hotel guest,
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one who couldn't stay
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past 12:00 checkout.
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- Hi, Larry.
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[upbeat music]
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narrator: As a result,
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Darby's adolescence
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was marked by myriad misguided
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attempts at connection.
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- You didn't have to
- walk me home.
50
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- Oh.
- But my house is just up there.
51
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- I didn't know
- you lived up here.
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Bye.
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- Bye.
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♪ ♪
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narrator: Darby had no idea
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where she was,
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and she was so nervous
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that this young man
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- would find out
- she'd been lying
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That she took an anxiety poo
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in his family's yard.
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When Darby moved to New York
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for university,
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she imagined she'd become
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a cosmopolitan woman.
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♪ ♪
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- Okay, yeah. Hi.
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Narrator:
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In reality, it was fun,
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but slightly empty.
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♪ ♪
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- Get the curtain.
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[squeals]
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♪ ♪
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narrator: Darby started
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to wonder if she'd ever reach
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the next level,
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where you're really
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dating someone,
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- where you don't
- change your outfit
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Just because
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you're seeing the person,
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where you just wear
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what you're wearing
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because you are who you are.
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And then she met Augie Jeong.
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♪ ♪
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- All right, baby girl.
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- This is the hottest
- you have ever looked
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In your entire life.
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- I'm serious.
- These are your clothes.
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- What is it like
- to be an actual goddess?
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- Oh, my God.
- I'm PMS-ing.
94
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It's been dark since 4:00 p.m.
95
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I'm in no mood, man.
96
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- Yeah, and I have a UTI,
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but it's Jim's birthday,
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so we gotta rally.
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- All I'm doing
- for his birthday
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- Is, like, karaoke
- and a blow job,
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- So they both
- have to be really good.
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- I would never miss
- Jim's birthday.
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- I would, however,
- make a polite appearance
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And then skip out early.
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- You are killing me.
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- Once you leave, it's just
- gonna be his work friends
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- Talking about
- Occupy Wall Street.
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- Hey, you ladies
- are looking good.
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- We know, bro.
- Eat shit, motherfucker.
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- ♪ And I was thinkin'
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'bout myself ♪
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♪ Then there she was ♪
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♪ In platform double suede ♪
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♪ Yeah, there she was ♪
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- Yeah!
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- I think Jim wants to fuck
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that Zooey Deschanel wannabe.
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- Shut up.
- He's so in love with you.
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- No, I know he is,
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- but I still think
- he wants to fuck her.
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- ♪ Ay, ay ♪
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♪ ♪
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♪ Who's that lounging... ♪
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- People can love people
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and still fuck other people.
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- You done with the book?
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- What?
128
00:03:25,167 --> 00:03:26,458
- Did you pick a song yet?
129
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- Okay, fuck this.
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- Um, uh...
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Sorry.
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- Hey, bitch.
- Excuse me.
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All right, titty boy.
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- Yeah, I don't know.
135
00:03:35,292 --> 00:03:36,602
- No, no.
- We can look together.
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- ♪ Mama, this surely
- is a dream ♪
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- Um...
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- I'm... I'm Augie, by the way.
139
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- Uh, Darby.
140
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- Furby?
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00:03:43,375 --> 00:03:44,435
- Darby.
- Darby.
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- Yeah, I know.
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00:03:46,042 --> 00:03:47,061
I've gotten Furby before,
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at Starbucks a lot.
145
00:03:48,208 --> 00:03:49,394
- Right?
- Yeah.
146
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- The names that
- I've gotten on my cups...
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00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,958
- [laughs]
148
00:03:53,042 --> 00:03:55,667
- ♪ I smell sex and candy ♪
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00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:56,790
- Wow, Jim's girlfriend's
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00:03:56,814 --> 00:03:57,875
on one, huh?
151
00:03:57,958 --> 00:03:59,019
- Sara?
- Yeah.
152
00:03:59,125 --> 00:04:00,375
- Yeah, um...
153
00:04:00,458 --> 00:04:02,019
- yeah, she can't handle
- her liquor,
154
00:04:02,125 --> 00:04:03,102
But uh, she drinks
155
00:04:03,126 --> 00:04:04,126
every night anyway.
156
00:04:04,208 --> 00:04:05,375
- Cool.
157
00:04:05,458 --> 00:04:08,042
So she's an alcoholic.
158
00:04:08,125 --> 00:04:09,519
- No! No.
- [laughs]
159
00:04:09,625 --> 00:04:11,206
- I mean, she's... you know,
160
00:04:11,230 --> 00:04:12,833
if we were older...
161
00:04:12,917 --> 00:04:14,144
- Right.
- Maybe, but like,
162
00:04:14,250 --> 00:04:15,601
- Right now,
- she's just, like, so fun.
163
00:04:15,625 --> 00:04:16,875
- [laughs]
164
00:04:16,958 --> 00:04:18,623
- ♪ Mama this surely
165
00:04:18,647 --> 00:04:20,333
is a dream ♪
166
00:04:20,417 --> 00:04:22,102
- Um, I actually have
167
00:04:22,126 --> 00:04:23,833
a song up next,
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00:04:23,917 --> 00:04:25,352
if you wanted to duet,
169
00:04:25,376 --> 00:04:26,833
perhaps?
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♪ ♪
171
00:04:28,083 --> 00:04:29,226
- You already picked one?
- Yeah.
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00:04:29,250 --> 00:04:30,458
I just wanted to talk to you.
173
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♪ ♪
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[cheers and applause]
175
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both:
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♪ You cut me open and I ♪
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- ♪ Keep bleeding ♪
- Oh, this part I know.
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Both:
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♪ Keep, keep bleeding love ♪
180
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- Happy birthday, Jim!
- ♪ I keep bleeding ♪
181
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,435
- Both:
- ♪ I keep, keep bleeding love ♪
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- I mean, I know
- a little bit.
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00:04:46,917 --> 00:04:48,185
- [laughing]
- ♪ Keep bleeding ♪
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Both:
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♪ Keep, keep bleeding ♪
186
00:04:50,417 --> 00:04:52,269
- New York classic.
- Oh, boy.
187
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:53,708
- What's your regimen?
188
00:04:53,792 --> 00:04:55,726
- People just say things
- like "New York classic."
189
00:04:55,750 --> 00:04:58,667
[mellow music]
190
00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:01,458
♪ ♪
191
00:05:01,542 --> 00:05:03,708
Well, this is me.
192
00:05:03,792 --> 00:05:05,333
- [laughs]
193
00:05:05,417 --> 00:05:07,227
- I'm glad
- I got you home safe.
194
00:05:07,333 --> 00:05:08,917
These mean streets.
195
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:09,917
♪ ♪
196
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,708
- Um, uh...
197
00:05:12,792 --> 00:05:13,998
I'm trying to think
198
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:15,250
of something else to say.
199
00:05:15,333 --> 00:05:17,250
- Well, I should, um...
200
00:05:17,333 --> 00:05:18,542
♪ ♪
201
00:05:18,625 --> 00:05:19,792
I should, uh...
202
00:05:19,875 --> 00:05:27,042
♪ ♪
203
00:05:42,208 --> 00:05:43,625
- My other roommate, Mallory,
204
00:05:43,708 --> 00:05:44,831
like, literally lives
205
00:05:44,855 --> 00:05:46,000
in this alcove thing.
206
00:05:46,083 --> 00:05:47,083
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
207
00:05:47,125 --> 00:05:49,542
Um, yeah, so...
208
00:05:49,625 --> 00:05:51,269
I promise this isn't,
209
00:05:51,293 --> 00:05:52,958
like, a move,
210
00:05:53,042 --> 00:05:54,915
but is it cool
211
00:05:54,939 --> 00:05:56,833
if we hang out in my room?
212
00:05:56,917 --> 00:05:59,167
- Yeah.
213
00:05:59,250 --> 00:06:00,417
♪ ♪
214
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:02,227
- Um, I mean,
- they've been divorced
215
00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:03,875
For 20 years or something.
216
00:06:03,958 --> 00:06:05,250
So what about you?
217
00:06:05,333 --> 00:06:07,269
- Uh, my parents
- were the complete opposite.
218
00:06:07,375 --> 00:06:08,686
High school sweethearts
219
00:06:08,710 --> 00:06:10,042
that are somehow still in love.
220
00:06:10,125 --> 00:06:11,042
- That's nice.
221
00:06:11,125 --> 00:06:12,208
- But they're Satanists,
222
00:06:12,292 --> 00:06:13,351
- so I guess
- it's not all good, right?
223
00:06:13,375 --> 00:06:14,292
[both laughing]
224
00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:15,917
Balances out, you know?
225
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,958
- Yeah, that's fair.
226
00:06:18,042 --> 00:06:19,625
Are you losing on purpose?
227
00:06:19,708 --> 00:06:20,917
This is so pathetic.
228
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,268
- Well, I mean,
- to be honest with you,
229
00:06:22,292 --> 00:06:23,559
- I'm pretty sure
- you made this game up.
230
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:24,768
- Oh, I did not.
- How dare you?
231
00:06:24,792 --> 00:06:26,018
- I don't know
- what I'm doing here.
232
00:06:26,042 --> 00:06:27,542
- This is a very popular game.
233
00:06:27,625 --> 00:06:29,060
- Who's played
- this game before?
234
00:06:29,167 --> 00:06:30,684
- I've explained this
- to lots of people,
235
00:06:30,708 --> 00:06:32,268
- And nobody has ever critiqued
- me as a teacher.
236
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:33,412
- No, no, no, I...
- [laughs]
237
00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:35,352
- They've... they say
- it's so fun.
238
00:06:35,458 --> 00:06:36,498
So I don't know.
239
00:06:36,522 --> 00:06:37,583
You're the first...
240
00:06:37,667 --> 00:06:43,375
♪ ♪
241
00:06:43,458 --> 00:06:44,476
- I do want to hear
- about this game.
242
00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:45,500
- I'm gonna tell you.
243
00:06:45,542 --> 00:06:46,540
- A little bit later.
244
00:06:46,564 --> 00:06:47,583
Yeah.
245
00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:48,935
- Just...
- Oh, yes.
246
00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:49,935
- Yeah, it's...
- I can...
247
00:06:50,042 --> 00:06:51,310
- Yeah.
- [giggles]
248
00:06:51,417 --> 00:06:58,625
♪ ♪
249
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,060
- Ow.
- What?
250
00:07:01,167 --> 00:07:02,727
- You're bony.
- [laughs]
251
00:07:02,833 --> 00:07:04,477
- What?
- Just... I mean,
252
00:07:04,583 --> 00:07:05,976
- You... I just mean
- you have, like,
253
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,311
A surprisingly slender,
254
00:07:08,335 --> 00:07:10,667
fit, um, body.
255
00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:12,227
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
256
00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:13,417
[both laugh]
257
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:14,851
- Oh, no, don't,
- don't, don't, don't.
258
00:07:14,875 --> 00:07:15,934
- I'm sweaty,
- I'm sweaty, I'm sweaty.
259
00:07:15,958 --> 00:07:16,958
- It's okay.
- I like it.
260
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,333
- [panting]
261
00:07:18,417 --> 00:07:24,875
♪ ♪
262
00:07:24,958 --> 00:07:27,917
[breathing heavily]
263
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:34,833
♪ ♪
264
00:07:55,417 --> 00:07:57,583
[breathes deeply]
265
00:08:04,792 --> 00:08:06,143
- Like, embarrassed.
- Babe, you were good.
266
00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:07,333
It was good.
267
00:08:08,083 --> 00:08:09,977
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
268
00:08:10,083 --> 00:08:11,750
Good morning, bud.
269
00:08:11,833 --> 00:08:13,519
- Good morning.
- Hey.
270
00:08:13,625 --> 00:08:14,792
- Do you have coffee here?
271
00:08:14,875 --> 00:08:16,394
- Uh, I could make
- another pot.
272
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:17,708
- Oh, no, that's okay.
273
00:08:17,792 --> 00:08:19,143
- I'll go out and grab some.
- Just gonna...
274
00:08:19,167 --> 00:08:20,852
- Oh, yeah, go for it.
- It's communal.
275
00:08:22,042 --> 00:08:24,667
- [mouthing words]
276
00:08:26,833 --> 00:08:28,352
- Hey, morning.
- Hi.
277
00:08:28,458 --> 00:08:29,792
[both laugh]
278
00:08:29,875 --> 00:08:31,583
Um...
279
00:08:31,667 --> 00:08:33,208
I had a lot of fun last night.
280
00:08:33,292 --> 00:08:34,458
'Cause you had a good time.
281
00:08:34,542 --> 00:08:36,310
- I... it was fine for me.
- Whatever.
282
00:08:36,417 --> 00:08:37,894
Um, anyway,
283
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:39,417
I have to, uh...
284
00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:40,833
[siren chirps in distance]
285
00:08:40,917 --> 00:08:42,268
- I have to go play basketball
- with some buddies.
286
00:08:42,292 --> 00:08:44,185
- Yeah, I have to,
- um, knit scarves
287
00:08:44,292 --> 00:08:45,750
With the other Army wives.
288
00:08:45,833 --> 00:08:47,018
- Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
- Yeah.
289
00:08:47,042 --> 00:08:48,583
- Nice.
290
00:08:48,667 --> 00:08:50,583
- Do you want my number, or...
291
00:08:50,667 --> 00:08:51,727
- I'm just gonna leave it
292
00:08:51,751 --> 00:08:52,833
all up to chance, you know?
293
00:08:52,917 --> 00:08:53,958
I think I got a $5 bill.
294
00:08:54,042 --> 00:08:55,458
You seen "Serendipity"?
295
00:08:55,542 --> 00:08:57,476
- That's a... uh,
- that's a solid reference, man.
296
00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:58,625
- [laughs]
297
00:09:05,625 --> 00:09:06,750
- Okay.
298
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:08,625
Bye.
299
00:09:09,542 --> 00:09:10,685
- [squeals]
- Oh.
300
00:09:13,167 --> 00:09:14,332
Okay, seriously.
301
00:09:14,356 --> 00:09:15,542
- Okay, okay.
302
00:09:15,625 --> 00:09:17,309
- Like, that's enough.
- I'll leave, I'll leave.
303
00:09:17,333 --> 00:09:18,458
- Okay.
304
00:09:20,292 --> 00:09:21,977
- All right,
- I'm leaving.
305
00:09:22,833 --> 00:09:24,727
- See you, Jimbo.
- See you at work, buddy.
306
00:09:24,833 --> 00:09:26,560
- See you, Sara.
- Bye.
307
00:09:28,875 --> 00:09:30,292
Um, I'm sorry.
308
00:09:30,375 --> 00:09:31,601
- I'm sorry.
- What just happened?
309
00:09:31,625 --> 00:09:32,792
What just happened?
310
00:09:32,875 --> 00:09:34,227
- What just happened?
- Excuse me.
311
00:09:34,333 --> 00:09:35,559
- Do I have a husband now?
- Is he my husband?
312
00:09:35,583 --> 00:09:37,018
- I don't... I mean,
- I just... is that...
313
00:09:37,042 --> 00:09:38,684
- Is that what...
- Is that how that works?
314
00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:40,185
- Yeah, well,
- I'm glad to see
315
00:09:40,292 --> 00:09:41,375
You're taking it slow.
316
00:09:41,458 --> 00:09:44,000
- I'm just excited.
317
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:45,250
Be happy for me.
318
00:09:45,333 --> 00:09:46,894
- Jim.
- Come on, Jim.
319
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,560
- Please.
- So serious, Jim.
320
00:09:48,667 --> 00:09:50,750
- Please be happy for me.
321
00:09:50,833 --> 00:09:52,000
- Mm, I can't think straight.
322
00:09:52,083 --> 00:09:53,393
- Help me, help me,
- help me, please.
323
00:09:53,417 --> 00:09:54,601
- All I can do
- is smell these bath salts
324
00:09:54,625 --> 00:09:55,685
- That I got...
- Morning.
325
00:09:55,792 --> 00:09:57,352
- Oh, hey.
- Ugh, Darby.
326
00:09:57,458 --> 00:09:58,500
Thank God.
327
00:09:58,583 --> 00:10:00,019
- I need a woman
- to look at these.
328
00:10:00,125 --> 00:10:01,373
Which font do you like
329
00:10:01,397 --> 00:10:02,667
for the escort cards?
330
00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:03,875
This one or this one?
331
00:10:03,958 --> 00:10:05,125
- Um...
332
00:10:06,208 --> 00:10:07,667
The left one.
333
00:10:07,750 --> 00:10:09,310
- Yes. See?
- Mm-hmm.
334
00:10:09,417 --> 00:10:11,057
- Told you, babe.
- Whatever one you want.
335
00:10:11,083 --> 00:10:12,685
- Oh, God, honey,
- have an opinion.
336
00:10:12,792 --> 00:10:14,417
It is your wedding too.
337
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:15,685
- Mm...
- Okay.
338
00:10:15,792 --> 00:10:17,125
Speaking of which, Darby,
339
00:10:17,208 --> 00:10:19,059
- do you plan on bringing someone
- to the wedding?
340
00:10:19,083 --> 00:10:20,644
- Not to pressure you
- or anything.
341
00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:23,000
- Um... yeah.
342
00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:24,144
- Whoa.
- Hmm.
343
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:26,019
- New boyfriend?
- I don't know.
344
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:27,519
- Maybe.
- [laughs]
345
00:10:27,625 --> 00:10:28,976
- Explains why you look
- like shit this morning.
346
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,184
- Okay. All right.
- [laughing] Oh.
347
00:10:30,208 --> 00:10:31,528
- Let's... let's leave her alone.
348
00:10:31,583 --> 00:10:32,644
- See you at home.
- Bye.
349
00:10:32,750 --> 00:10:33,750
- Bye, Kate.
- Bye.
350
00:10:33,792 --> 00:10:34,976
- Darby, your first tour today
351
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,769
- is some assholes
- from Gawker.
352
00:10:36,875 --> 00:10:38,542
- Oh, fuck you.
353
00:10:38,625 --> 00:10:40,265
- Gawker?
- What do I like about this job?
354
00:10:40,292 --> 00:10:41,498
- Maybe 'cause you get to say
355
00:10:41,522 --> 00:10:42,750
"fuck you" to your boss?
356
00:10:42,833 --> 00:10:44,685
- Very true.
- All right.
357
00:10:45,292 --> 00:10:46,477
Narrator: That whole day,
358
00:10:46,501 --> 00:10:47,708
Darby was buoyant.
359
00:10:47,792 --> 00:10:48,915
Who knew when
360
00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:50,083
she'd see Augie again,
361
00:10:50,167 --> 00:10:51,332
but for now,
362
00:10:51,356 --> 00:10:52,542
she was walking on air,
363
00:10:52,625 --> 00:10:53,873
alive with the glow
364
00:10:53,897 --> 00:10:55,167
of a new connection.
365
00:10:55,250 --> 00:10:56,811
The next day,
366
00:10:56,835 --> 00:10:58,417
that glow began to wear off,
367
00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:00,250
and she hadn't heard from him,
368
00:11:00,333 --> 00:11:02,393
- so Darby went to great lengths
- to keep herself busy,
369
00:11:02,417 --> 00:11:03,750
Deciding it was time
370
00:11:03,833 --> 00:11:05,685
- to color-code
- her book collection.
371
00:11:05,792 --> 00:11:06,792
- [sighs]
372
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:07,708
Hey.
373
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,375
[mellow music]
374
00:11:09,458 --> 00:11:11,415
Do you think I should do, like,
375
00:11:11,439 --> 00:11:13,417
an accent wall in here?
376
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:14,750
♪ ♪
377
00:11:14,833 --> 00:11:15,917
- What kind of accent?
378
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,750
- Just... I mean, just like...
379
00:11:17,833 --> 00:11:19,560
- Australian?
- Oh, my God.
380
00:11:19,667 --> 00:11:20,750
That's not helpful.
381
00:11:20,833 --> 00:11:22,233
- You know
- what I'm going through.
382
00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:23,434
- [Australian accent]
- Darby, I'm an accent wall.
383
00:11:23,458 --> 00:11:24,792
- I hate you.
384
00:11:24,875 --> 00:11:26,393
- Narrator:
- The third day was harder.
385
00:11:26,417 --> 00:11:27,832
Darby sunk into an awful
386
00:11:27,856 --> 00:11:29,292
apprehension.
387
00:11:29,375 --> 00:11:31,333
Why hadn't Augie texted?
388
00:11:31,417 --> 00:11:32,792
Was she boring?
389
00:11:32,875 --> 00:11:34,375
Was her body weird?
390
00:11:34,458 --> 00:11:35,540
Darby's brain started
391
00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:36,667
doing mental gymnastics,
392
00:11:36,750 --> 00:11:38,269
coming up with ways she
393
00:11:38,293 --> 00:11:39,833
could casually run into him.
394
00:11:39,917 --> 00:11:41,727
- Honestly, like,
- at this point,
395
00:11:41,833 --> 00:11:42,875
I'm kind of pissed.
396
00:11:42,958 --> 00:11:44,250
You know, I'm tempted to, like,
397
00:11:44,333 --> 00:11:45,933
- just go to Politico
- and confront him.
398
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,435
- Okay, Darby,
- look, I love you,
399
00:11:47,542 --> 00:11:49,393
- But do remember that's my place
- of work, okay?
400
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:50,625
So keep that in mind.
401
00:11:50,708 --> 00:11:52,477
- No, please, do it.
- Thank you.
402
00:11:52,583 --> 00:11:53,809
- She thinks it's funny.
- Honestly.
403
00:11:53,833 --> 00:11:54,917
- I would never.
404
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,477
- I would never!
- Mostly. Maybe.
405
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:57,977
- Are those dates?
- Mm-hmm.
406
00:11:58,083 --> 00:11:59,394
- Okay, so date farmers
407
00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:00,750
are on strike in Mexico,
408
00:12:00,833 --> 00:12:02,476
- so technically,
- you guys are like scabs.
409
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:03,934
- You know what, Jim?
- We don't need that from you.
410
00:12:03,958 --> 00:12:05,560
- Jim, we don't
- need that from you.
411
00:12:05,667 --> 00:12:07,518
- Narrator: On the fourth day
- of radio silence,
412
00:12:07,542 --> 00:12:09,435
- Darby buried herself
- in her work.
413
00:12:09,542 --> 00:12:11,560
- Very, very special tour:
- the butt tour!
414
00:12:11,667 --> 00:12:13,394
- [women cheering]
- Yeah.
415
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:14,623
- I'm tired.
416
00:12:14,647 --> 00:12:15,792
How long is this tour?
417
00:12:15,875 --> 00:12:17,644
- It is two full hours.
- Get ready.
418
00:12:17,750 --> 00:12:18,727
- Fuckin' heels.
419
00:12:18,751 --> 00:12:19,751
- Okay.
420
00:12:19,833 --> 00:12:21,708
We're gonna start over here.
421
00:12:21,792 --> 00:12:23,144
This super cute
422
00:12:23,168 --> 00:12:24,542
muscular bronze butt.
423
00:12:24,625 --> 00:12:25,644
This Greek bronze butt
424
00:12:25,668 --> 00:12:26,708
is very rare
425
00:12:26,792 --> 00:12:27,832
because when Romans
426
00:12:27,856 --> 00:12:28,917
took over Greek dominions,
427
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,518
- they knew how valuable
- the bronze was
428
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,059
- The sculptures were made of,
- so they often
429
00:12:32,083 --> 00:12:33,102
Melted them down
430
00:12:33,126 --> 00:12:34,167
to make armor and weapons,
431
00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:35,667
and we're very fortunate
432
00:12:35,750 --> 00:12:37,059
- that this sculpture's
- been preserved
433
00:12:37,083 --> 00:12:39,417
So we can all enjoy its very...
434
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:41,019
emotional, expressive
435
00:12:41,043 --> 00:12:42,583
clenched butt.
436
00:12:42,667 --> 00:12:44,102
- [laughing]
437
00:12:44,126 --> 00:12:45,583
It looks like Spencer's dick.
438
00:12:45,667 --> 00:12:46,686
[laughter]
439
00:12:46,710 --> 00:12:47,750
- Okay, guys, please.
440
00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:49,167
Don't touch the statues.
441
00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:51,130
- This is... this is really
- against the rules.
442
00:12:51,167 --> 00:12:52,625
[dramatic classical music]
443
00:12:52,708 --> 00:12:54,226
- narrator:
- As Darby watched this woman
444
00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:55,393
- Climb a statue that
- had managed
445
00:12:55,417 --> 00:12:57,125
To survive centuries,
446
00:12:57,208 --> 00:12:58,542
she couldn't help but marvel
447
00:12:58,625 --> 00:12:59,790
that someone
448
00:12:59,814 --> 00:13:01,000
chose this person.
449
00:13:01,083 --> 00:13:01,958
♪ ♪
450
00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:03,875
And not just for a day,
451
00:13:03,958 --> 00:13:04,956
but for the rest
452
00:13:04,980 --> 00:13:06,000
of her life.
453
00:13:06,083 --> 00:13:08,167
♪ ♪
454
00:13:08,250 --> 00:13:10,060
- Darby couldn't even get
- a "Wazzup?"
455
00:13:10,167 --> 00:13:12,875
♪ ♪
456
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,833
Around her, life continued
457
00:13:14,917 --> 00:13:16,560
- as if somehow
- there was anything
458
00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:17,936
More important than
459
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:19,250
what she was going through.
460
00:13:19,333 --> 00:13:20,625
By this point, she'd managed
461
00:13:20,708 --> 00:13:22,477
- to pull her flat mates
- into it
462
00:13:22,583 --> 00:13:23,790
As she carried on
463
00:13:23,814 --> 00:13:25,042
in the grand tradition
464
00:13:25,125 --> 00:13:27,500
of women waiting by the phone.
465
00:13:27,583 --> 00:13:28,750
[phone chimes]
466
00:13:30,625 --> 00:13:31,977
- It's your dad.
- Good.
467
00:13:32,083 --> 00:13:33,375
- Uh, he wants to know
468
00:13:33,458 --> 00:13:35,352
"who sings the song...
469
00:13:35,376 --> 00:13:37,292
'Wonderwall'..."
470
00:13:37,375 --> 00:13:38,917
- Ugh.
471
00:13:39,958 --> 00:13:40,977
- I'm sorry
472
00:13:41,001 --> 00:13:42,042
it wasn't Augie.
473
00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:43,542
- It's okay.
474
00:13:43,625 --> 00:13:45,042
You know, it was my dad.
475
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:46,934
- At least it wasn't my gym
- asking where I've been.
476
00:13:46,958 --> 00:13:48,542
- [chuckles]
477
00:13:48,625 --> 00:13:50,018
- Oh, my God.
- Why am I spinning out?
478
00:13:50,042 --> 00:13:51,333
All this sucks.
479
00:13:51,417 --> 00:13:52,811
- Why don't you just
480
00:13:52,835 --> 00:13:54,250
take the reins and text him?
481
00:13:55,833 --> 00:13:56,915
- Can I do that?
482
00:13:56,939 --> 00:13:58,042
- No, you can't.
483
00:13:58,125 --> 00:13:59,458
Look, I know it's fucked up,
484
00:13:59,542 --> 00:14:01,018
- but you have to wait for him
- to hit you up.
485
00:14:01,042 --> 00:14:02,417
- Are you s...
486
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:04,226
- I don't want to get into
- a political debate about it.
487
00:14:04,250 --> 00:14:05,625
It's just the world right now.
488
00:14:05,708 --> 00:14:07,250
- Says the girl who made Jim
489
00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:08,623
read his high school diary
490
00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:09,958
out loud to you
491
00:14:10,042 --> 00:14:11,625
like there are zero boundaries.
492
00:14:11,708 --> 00:14:13,227
- Look...
- Boundaries don't exist.
493
00:14:13,333 --> 00:14:14,750
- Yeah, 'cause I paid my dues.
494
00:14:14,833 --> 00:14:16,290
Look, you can play
495
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:17,792
the crazy card down the road,
496
00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:19,040
but right now, you gotta,
497
00:14:19,064 --> 00:14:20,250
like, bear down.
498
00:14:20,333 --> 00:14:21,394
- No, no, no.
- No, no.
499
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:22,958
That shit's so antiquated.
500
00:14:23,042 --> 00:14:24,976
- Listen, why do you need
- a boyfriend right now?
501
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,476
- Honestly, look
- what it's doing to you.
502
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:28,227
- This isn't Jane Austen times.
- I'm sorry.
503
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:30,269
- I think I'm just stressed
- because, like,
504
00:14:30,375 --> 00:14:32,059
- I told my boss
- that I was bringing a plus-one
505
00:14:32,083 --> 00:14:33,644
- To his wedding,
- and now I think
506
00:14:33,750 --> 00:14:35,083
It would be super embarrassing
507
00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:36,685
- to just, like,
- not bring anyone.
508
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,851
- I know what you're thinking,
- you little 0 to 60 freak.
509
00:14:38,875 --> 00:14:40,375
- Even as a favor.
510
00:14:40,458 --> 00:14:42,018
- I could just be like, "Hey,
- as a friend, as a buddy..."
511
00:14:42,042 --> 00:14:43,519
- You cannot invite Augie
512
00:14:43,543 --> 00:14:45,042
to that wedding, right?
513
00:14:45,125 --> 00:14:46,458
- Oh, my God.
514
00:14:46,542 --> 00:14:48,422
- I'm obsessed with him,
- and it's so pathetic.
515
00:14:49,667 --> 00:14:50,958
[phone chimes]
516
00:14:56,667 --> 00:14:57,833
I'll just...
517
00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:00,560
[squeals]
518
00:15:00,584 --> 00:15:01,958
- No way!
519
00:15:02,042 --> 00:15:03,458
[both squeal]
520
00:15:03,542 --> 00:15:05,394
- [laughs]
- Fine.
521
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:07,060
- I'm gonna be totally chill.
- Totally.
522
00:15:07,125 --> 00:15:08,769
- I'm gonna be totally chill.
- Mm-hmm.
523
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:10,708
[chill music]
524
00:15:10,792 --> 00:15:11,998
- Haven't actually read
525
00:15:12,022 --> 00:15:13,250
any Jane Austen.
526
00:15:13,333 --> 00:15:14,601
- What?
- I know, which was surp...
527
00:15:14,625 --> 00:15:16,019
- Deal-breaker.
- I can't do this.
528
00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:17,435
- Oh, you too?
- I'm kidding.
529
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,144
- Okay.
- Kidding.
530
00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:20,519
- 'Cause Mallory...
- Uh-huh.
531
00:15:20,625 --> 00:15:22,226
- Was making fun of me,
- 'cause I don't...
532
00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:23,601
- Actually,
- there is one of these books
533
00:15:23,625 --> 00:15:25,000
That I've been looking for.
534
00:15:25,083 --> 00:15:26,060
- Why wouldn't we get
535
00:15:26,084 --> 00:15:27,084
ten romance novels?
536
00:15:27,792 --> 00:15:29,269
- Okay, so if I had
537
00:15:29,293 --> 00:15:30,792
to tell you something...
538
00:15:30,875 --> 00:15:32,477
- Yeah.
- Unexpected about me,
539
00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:33,852
- Yeah.
540
00:15:33,876 --> 00:15:35,167
I'll give you $1,000.
541
00:15:35,250 --> 00:15:36,269
- Wh... that you wouldn't
542
00:15:36,293 --> 00:15:37,333
have guessed this was...
543
00:15:37,417 --> 00:15:39,184
- No, I'll give you $1,000
- to tell me something
544
00:15:39,208 --> 00:15:40,394
- That really shocks me.
- Oh.
545
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:41,601
- I was just gonna
- tell you for free.
546
00:15:41,625 --> 00:15:42,667
[laughs]
547
00:15:42,750 --> 00:15:44,184
- I was just gonna
- tell you for free.
548
00:15:44,208 --> 00:15:46,060
- I was actually
- so into musical theater
549
00:15:46,167 --> 00:15:47,810
- That my mom thought
- that I was gay.
550
00:15:47,917 --> 00:15:49,144
- Oh.
- She asked me
551
00:15:49,250 --> 00:15:50,311
If I had seen
552
00:15:50,335 --> 00:15:51,417
the movie "Milk,"
553
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:52,958
because she had rented it.
554
00:15:53,042 --> 00:15:54,310
- Oh!
- And she thought
555
00:15:54,417 --> 00:15:55,333
It was really important
556
00:15:55,417 --> 00:15:56,917
that we watch it together.
557
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,685
- [laughing]
- That's so sweet.
558
00:15:58,792 --> 00:15:59,852
- Yeah.
- That's nice.
559
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,685
- Yeah.
- You know, um,
560
00:16:01,792 --> 00:16:03,352
I, too, have done
561
00:16:03,376 --> 00:16:04,958
some musical theater.
562
00:16:05,042 --> 00:16:06,102
- Get the fuck out.
563
00:16:06,126 --> 00:16:07,208
- Yeah, in high school.
564
00:16:07,292 --> 00:16:08,977
- One time...
- Mm-hmm.
565
00:16:09,083 --> 00:16:10,165
In "Cats"... I know.
566
00:16:10,189 --> 00:16:11,292
- You were in "Cats"?
567
00:16:11,375 --> 00:16:12,394
- Yeah. [laughs]
568
00:16:12,418 --> 00:16:13,458
- What?
569
00:16:13,542 --> 00:16:15,227
- Like, there were
- so many kids,
570
00:16:15,333 --> 00:16:16,331
And there weren't
571
00:16:16,355 --> 00:16:17,375
enough parts...
572
00:16:17,458 --> 00:16:19,060
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- So they, like,
573
00:16:19,167 --> 00:16:20,935
- Did that thing
- where they made up a cat.
574
00:16:21,042 --> 00:16:22,226
- Just... but just for you,
- though.
575
00:16:22,250 --> 00:16:23,810
- Yeah.
- It was something insane.
576
00:16:23,917 --> 00:16:25,144
It was like Carbucketty
577
00:16:25,168 --> 00:16:26,417
or something.
578
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:27,727
- Carbucketty?
- Oh, my God.
579
00:16:27,833 --> 00:16:28,915
It was so embarrassing.
580
00:16:28,939 --> 00:16:30,042
- [laughs]
581
00:16:30,125 --> 00:16:31,977
I... is it weird that
582
00:16:32,001 --> 00:16:33,875
I'm kind of turned on
583
00:16:33,958 --> 00:16:35,667
by you being an ensemble cat?
584
00:16:35,750 --> 00:16:37,375
- You're such a jerk.
585
00:16:37,458 --> 00:16:39,375
[both laugh]
586
00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:40,625
This is stupid.
587
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,060
- Do...
- [groans]
588
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,227
- Do you want to go
- to my boss's wedding with me?
589
00:16:44,333 --> 00:16:47,250
[tender music]
590
00:16:47,333 --> 00:16:48,208
♪ ♪
591
00:16:48,292 --> 00:16:49,415
What?
592
00:16:49,439 --> 00:16:50,583
You don't have to.
593
00:16:50,667 --> 00:16:51,792
- No, yes, I do!
594
00:16:51,875 --> 00:16:52,917
I do want to go!
595
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,208
I do want to go.
596
00:16:55,292 --> 00:16:56,415
Yes, absolutely.
597
00:16:56,439 --> 00:16:57,583
- Great.
598
00:16:57,667 --> 00:16:58,958
- When is it?
599
00:16:59,042 --> 00:17:00,102
- I don't know.
600
00:17:00,126 --> 00:17:01,208
- Okay, great.
601
00:17:01,292 --> 00:17:03,667
- Lin for the win!
602
00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:04,625
Got it!
603
00:17:04,708 --> 00:17:05,625
[people cheering]
604
00:17:05,708 --> 00:17:07,083
- This dude is unbelievable.
605
00:17:07,167 --> 00:17:08,268
- I'm losing my mind.
- What a great day.
606
00:17:08,292 --> 00:17:09,352
- Holy shit!
- Yes!
607
00:17:09,458 --> 00:17:10,917
Linsanity forever!
608
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,083
He's on fire!
609
00:17:12,167 --> 00:17:13,518
- Oh, Darbs,
- are you into sports now?
610
00:17:13,542 --> 00:17:14,727
- Is that...
- I don't know.
611
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:15,917
I'm trying to sound cool.
612
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,083
- You do sound cool.
613
00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:18,394
- Thank you.
- You're hustlin'.
614
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:19,643
- I don't know.
- I'll take it.
615
00:17:19,667 --> 00:17:20,750
- Yes.
616
00:17:20,833 --> 00:17:21,893
- This kid came
- out of fucking nowhere.
617
00:17:21,917 --> 00:17:22,833
- I... tell me about it.
618
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:23,917
- Shit.
- I know.
619
00:17:23,958 --> 00:17:24,958
Narrator: It was January
620
00:17:25,042 --> 00:17:26,042
when they met at karaoke,
621
00:17:26,125 --> 00:17:27,583
and by February,
622
00:17:27,667 --> 00:17:29,518
- they were acting
- like boyfriend and girlfriend.
623
00:17:29,542 --> 00:17:31,018
- Well, I'll let you in
- on a little secret.
624
00:17:31,042 --> 00:17:32,602
- Okay.
- Please do.
625
00:17:32,708 --> 00:17:34,310
- These are fakes.
- What?
626
00:17:34,417 --> 00:17:36,144
- Don't tell anybody.
- Okay.
627
00:17:36,250 --> 00:17:37,667
- [sniffing]
628
00:17:37,750 --> 00:17:39,309
- narrator: They ignored
- all the usual rules
629
00:17:39,333 --> 00:17:41,102
- About keeping things
- mysterious.
630
00:17:41,208 --> 00:17:42,310
- [grunts]
631
00:17:42,334 --> 00:17:43,458
- [blowing nose]
632
00:17:43,542 --> 00:17:44,625
[urine trickling]
633
00:17:44,708 --> 00:17:46,833
- You guys are nasty!
634
00:17:46,917 --> 00:17:49,917
[upbeat percussive music]
635
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,875
♪ ♪
636
00:17:51,958 --> 00:17:53,375
[camera shutter clicks]
637
00:17:53,458 --> 00:17:54,935
- Nice.
- That's gonna be the one.
638
00:17:55,042 --> 00:17:56,769
- [laughs]
- For sure.
639
00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:57,792
- I love this table.
640
00:17:57,875 --> 00:17:59,500
- I want ten more beers.
641
00:17:59,583 --> 00:18:00,581
Does anybody else
642
00:18:00,605 --> 00:18:01,625
want ten more beers?
643
00:18:01,708 --> 00:18:03,083
Just me?
644
00:18:03,167 --> 00:18:04,893
- Narrator: For too long,
- she'd merely watched
645
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,248
These kinds of relationships
646
00:18:06,272 --> 00:18:07,625
from the outside,
647
00:18:07,708 --> 00:18:08,894
and anything she knew
648
00:18:08,918 --> 00:18:10,125
about the way they felt
649
00:18:10,208 --> 00:18:12,250
was purely speculative.
650
00:18:12,333 --> 00:18:13,998
But now she had
651
00:18:14,022 --> 00:18:15,708
some firsthand experience.
652
00:18:15,792 --> 00:18:17,727
This is what it was really
653
00:18:17,751 --> 00:18:19,708
like to love someone.
654
00:18:19,792 --> 00:18:23,042
[tender music]
655
00:18:23,125 --> 00:18:24,811
- Lin on the penetration,
656
00:18:24,835 --> 00:18:26,542
he got bottled up...
657
00:18:26,625 --> 00:18:28,083
- What happened to our friend?
658
00:18:28,167 --> 00:18:29,810
- He's just having
- an off night.
659
00:18:29,917 --> 00:18:31,250
- Hey, Aug, we're gonna roll.
660
00:18:31,333 --> 00:18:32,726
- All right, man.
- I'll see you at home.
661
00:18:32,750 --> 00:18:34,230
- Sorry, buddy.
- They'll bounce back.
662
00:18:34,333 --> 00:18:35,518
- Yeah, thanks for coming, man.
- See you, Sara.
663
00:18:35,542 --> 00:18:36,769
- See you, Sara.
- Bye.
664
00:18:36,875 --> 00:18:38,625
Bye, Mallory.
665
00:18:38,708 --> 00:18:41,500
[indistinct TV chatter]
666
00:18:41,583 --> 00:18:43,292
- I'm sorry, baby.
667
00:18:43,375 --> 00:18:45,269
- It's okay.
- Thank you.
668
00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:49,375
[relaxed music]
669
00:18:49,458 --> 00:18:51,917
♪ ♪
670
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,768
- Is this what it's like
- being a Knicks fan?
671
00:18:53,792 --> 00:18:55,708
- [chuckles]
672
00:18:55,792 --> 00:18:56,833
Yeah, kind of.
673
00:18:56,917 --> 00:18:58,417
♪ ♪
674
00:18:58,500 --> 00:18:59,875
Hey, um...
675
00:18:59,958 --> 00:19:01,542
♪ ♪
676
00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:02,665
- What's up?
677
00:19:02,689 --> 00:19:03,750
- Oh, uh...
678
00:19:03,833 --> 00:19:04,727
- [scoffs]
- Never mind.
679
00:19:04,833 --> 00:19:06,042
It's cool. Nothing.
680
00:19:06,125 --> 00:19:07,445
- Whoa.
- It's cool. It's nothing.
681
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:09,310
- Hey, come on.
- Don't do that.
682
00:19:09,417 --> 00:19:10,727
- Oh, my God.
- No.
683
00:19:10,833 --> 00:19:11,750
I just, um...
684
00:19:11,833 --> 00:19:13,208
♪ ♪
685
00:19:13,292 --> 00:19:14,726
- I just don't want you
- to freak out,
686
00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:15,873
'cause this timing
687
00:19:15,897 --> 00:19:17,042
really sucks, but, uh...
688
00:19:17,125 --> 00:19:18,292
- Okay.
689
00:19:18,375 --> 00:19:20,102
- [sneezes]
- Sorry.
690
00:19:20,208 --> 00:19:22,144
- Bless you.
- Thank you.
691
00:19:22,250 --> 00:19:23,708
- Uh...
692
00:19:23,792 --> 00:19:25,917
I just found out that
693
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,123
Politico wants
694
00:19:27,147 --> 00:19:28,292
to send me out on the road
695
00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:29,809
- as an embed
- in a couple of weeks,
696
00:19:29,833 --> 00:19:31,331
And I'll be gone
697
00:19:31,355 --> 00:19:32,875
till November, so...
698
00:19:32,958 --> 00:19:34,250
- Oh, wow.
699
00:19:34,333 --> 00:19:35,560
- Yeah.
- Ugh.
700
00:19:35,667 --> 00:19:37,102
- [chuckles]
- Okay.
701
00:19:37,208 --> 00:19:38,956
I mean, well, if you're
702
00:19:38,980 --> 00:19:40,750
gonna be gone till November...
703
00:19:40,833 --> 00:19:42,290
- Well, no, 'cause, you know,
704
00:19:42,314 --> 00:19:43,792
if all goes well,
705
00:19:43,875 --> 00:19:46,227
- then after that, I'd be working
- out of the D.C. bureau,
706
00:19:46,333 --> 00:19:48,750
Which would be like...
707
00:19:48,833 --> 00:19:49,750
I'd be moving there.
708
00:19:49,833 --> 00:19:51,250
♪ ♪
709
00:19:51,333 --> 00:19:53,500
- Um... okay.
710
00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:55,583
♪ ♪
711
00:19:55,667 --> 00:19:58,917
Is that, like, optional or...
712
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,417
- [scoffs]
713
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:01,917
I mean, I guess it is, but I...
714
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,476
- It's a pretty big opportunity
- for me, you know.
715
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:04,602
- Right. Yeah.
716
00:20:04,626 --> 00:20:05,750
- Yeah.
717
00:20:05,833 --> 00:20:07,019
- No, of course.
718
00:20:07,043 --> 00:20:08,250
- Yeah.
719
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:09,792
What the fuck am I saying?
720
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,476
- I'm gonna be on Obama's
- press bus and everything.
721
00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:13,000
It's... it's my dream.
722
00:20:13,083 --> 00:20:14,435
- Dude, that's amazing.
723
00:20:14,459 --> 00:20:15,833
- Yeah.
724
00:20:15,917 --> 00:20:17,269
- Yeah.
- I mean, congratulations.
725
00:20:17,375 --> 00:20:18,519
- Oh, thank you.
- Holy shit.
726
00:20:18,625 --> 00:20:19,792
- Thank you very much.
727
00:20:19,875 --> 00:20:21,394
- [stammering]
- And look.
728
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:23,248
If that makes you not want
729
00:20:23,272 --> 00:20:25,042
to hang out with me anymore,
730
00:20:25,125 --> 00:20:26,519
I totally get it,
731
00:20:26,543 --> 00:20:27,958
because...
732
00:20:28,042 --> 00:20:29,643
- this can't really
- go anywhere, you know?
733
00:20:29,667 --> 00:20:31,187
- Yeah.
- I mean, it can't go anywhere,
734
00:20:31,292 --> 00:20:32,915
But we were just, like, seeing
735
00:20:32,939 --> 00:20:34,583
if it was gonna go anywhere,
736
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:35,976
- so it's not a big deal.
- Yeah, yeah.
737
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,519
- Yeah, right.
- Right, yeah.
738
00:20:37,625 --> 00:20:39,042
That's... yeah, exactly.
739
00:20:39,125 --> 00:20:40,684
- I'm really glad we're
- on the same page about that.
740
00:20:40,708 --> 00:20:42,019
I mean, I know it...
741
00:20:42,043 --> 00:20:43,375
It sounds corny,
742
00:20:43,458 --> 00:20:45,019
but I feel like it's
743
00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:46,625
my civic duty, in a way.
744
00:20:46,708 --> 00:20:47,768
- Do you know what I mean?
- Mm-hmm.
745
00:20:47,792 --> 00:20:48,832
- Like, can you imagine if
746
00:20:48,875 --> 00:20:51,292
Romney was fucking president?
747
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:52,875
The world would end.
748
00:20:52,958 --> 00:20:54,542
[both laugh]
749
00:20:54,625 --> 00:20:55,667
- Um...
750
00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:56,958
- Yeah.
751
00:20:57,042 --> 00:20:58,935
- But we should just, like,
- keep hanging out
752
00:20:59,042 --> 00:21:00,583
Until you leave, right?
753
00:21:00,667 --> 00:21:02,427
- Are you sure?
- I mean, do you not want to?
754
00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:03,498
- No, no, no, no, no,
755
00:21:03,522 --> 00:21:04,542
I... I definitely do.
756
00:21:04,625 --> 00:21:05,792
I... of course I do.
757
00:21:05,875 --> 00:21:07,792
I really like you, Darby.
758
00:21:07,875 --> 00:21:08,875
- A lot.
- Great.
759
00:21:08,917 --> 00:21:10,102
- I just...
- Great.
760
00:21:10,208 --> 00:21:11,852
- Yeah, I just...
- Yeah.
761
00:21:11,958 --> 00:21:13,934
- I've been through the whole
- long-distance thing before,
762
00:21:13,958 --> 00:21:14,956
And I don't... I don't want
763
00:21:14,980 --> 00:21:16,000
either of us to get hurt
764
00:21:16,083 --> 00:21:17,333
or anything like that.
765
00:21:17,417 --> 00:21:18,519
- I don't think
766
00:21:18,543 --> 00:21:19,667
that's gonna happen.
767
00:21:19,750 --> 00:21:21,019
Okay, so what... I mean,
768
00:21:21,043 --> 00:21:22,333
should I just bail?
769
00:21:22,417 --> 00:21:23,458
Is that what we're saying?
770
00:21:23,542 --> 00:21:25,000
- On your boss's wedding?
771
00:21:25,083 --> 00:21:26,935
- On Augie's last night?
- No.
772
00:21:27,042 --> 00:21:28,602
- Baby, you are playing
- the long game.
773
00:21:28,708 --> 00:21:30,685
- You just... you keep your eyes
- on the prize.
774
00:21:30,792 --> 00:21:32,851
- When you talk about love,
- you turn into Coach Taylor.
775
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:34,352
- Really sweet.
- Oh.
776
00:21:34,458 --> 00:21:35,685
Coach and Mrs. Coach are
777
00:21:35,709 --> 00:21:36,958
the model couple, in my eyes.
778
00:21:37,042 --> 00:21:38,583
- Okay, look.
779
00:21:38,667 --> 00:21:40,601
- I... I will be your plus-one
- if you want to bail on Augie.
780
00:21:40,625 --> 00:21:41,934
- I will be there.
- I will do that.
781
00:21:41,958 --> 00:21:43,318
- Mallory, no.
- I am here for you.
782
00:21:43,417 --> 00:21:45,144
- Darby, you just
- go with the flow, okay?
783
00:21:45,250 --> 00:21:46,268
Who knows what could happen?
784
00:21:46,292 --> 00:21:47,875
It could be a magical night,
785
00:21:47,958 --> 00:21:49,185
and then you could be the first
786
00:21:49,209 --> 00:21:50,458
ever real-life person
787
00:21:50,542 --> 00:21:51,809
- to chase someone
- to the airport.
788
00:21:51,833 --> 00:21:54,250
- What?
789
00:21:54,333 --> 00:21:55,894
- That was, like,
- a great buildup,
790
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:57,684
- And I don't know what
- I'm supposed to do with that.
791
00:21:57,708 --> 00:21:58,956
- I've been watching
792
00:21:58,980 --> 00:22:00,250
a ton of Hugh Grant movies.
793
00:22:00,333 --> 00:22:02,042
- Okay.
794
00:22:02,125 --> 00:22:04,375
[upbeat music]
795
00:22:04,458 --> 00:22:05,810
narrator: And so Darby
796
00:22:05,834 --> 00:22:07,208
trudged on with a brave face,
797
00:22:07,292 --> 00:22:09,167
trying to make the best of it,
798
00:22:09,250 --> 00:22:11,248
but beneath that façade
799
00:22:11,272 --> 00:22:13,292
was an unavoidable fact:
800
00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:15,625
he was really leaving.
801
00:22:15,708 --> 00:22:17,500
This was really ending.
802
00:22:17,583 --> 00:22:21,208
♪ ♪
803
00:22:21,292 --> 00:22:22,644
- You look really great
- tonight.
804
00:22:22,750 --> 00:22:24,083
♪ ♪
805
00:22:24,167 --> 00:22:25,958
- Thank you.
806
00:22:26,042 --> 00:22:27,435
- Um, so do you.
- You look great.
807
00:22:27,542 --> 00:22:28,917
- Oh, thank you.
808
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,102
I mean, it was between this
809
00:22:30,126 --> 00:22:31,250
or my tuxedo tee.
810
00:22:31,333 --> 00:22:32,435
- Mm.
811
00:22:32,459 --> 00:22:33,583
- Or my "ripped abs" tee.
812
00:22:33,667 --> 00:22:35,394
- Wow.
- Or my Bulbasaur tee.
813
00:22:35,500 --> 00:22:36,894
- You've seen that one?
- [laughs]
814
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,018
- I've... I didn't know you
- were such a novelty tee guy.
815
00:22:39,042 --> 00:22:40,269
- Really big.
- Yeah.
816
00:22:40,375 --> 00:22:41,894
- I go to the club.
- There's a club?
817
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:43,185
- There's a club.
- See?
818
00:22:43,292 --> 00:22:44,977
- Now, this is why
- you can't leave.
819
00:22:45,083 --> 00:22:46,323
- Oh...
- 'Cause we have so much
820
00:22:46,375 --> 00:22:47,500
To learn about each other.
821
00:22:47,583 --> 00:22:48,893
- There's a club?
- I want to know more!
822
00:22:48,917 --> 00:22:50,040
- Yes, I said... yeah, I know.
823
00:22:50,064 --> 00:22:51,208
I just...
824
00:22:51,292 --> 00:22:53,018
- Let's not... let's not
- think about it tonight.
825
00:22:53,042 --> 00:22:54,375
♪ ♪
826
00:22:54,458 --> 00:22:55,500
- Yeah.
827
00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:57,477
- I kind of can't
- not think about it.
828
00:22:57,583 --> 00:22:58,894
- Yeah.
- So...
829
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,458
- [clears throat]
830
00:23:00,542 --> 00:23:02,625
- Um, should we dance?
831
00:23:02,708 --> 00:23:03,769
- Oh.
- Yeah.
832
00:23:03,875 --> 00:23:05,083
- Okay.
833
00:23:05,167 --> 00:23:06,935
- Make the most
- of our last night together.
834
00:23:07,042 --> 00:23:08,477
- Nice suit.
- Thanks.
835
00:23:08,583 --> 00:23:10,292
♪ ♪
836
00:23:10,375 --> 00:23:11,667
- Yeah.
837
00:23:11,750 --> 00:23:12,851
- I don't know if you're
- ready for this, though.
838
00:23:12,875 --> 00:23:14,227
- Oh, wow.
- Oh, boy.
839
00:23:14,333 --> 00:23:15,500
I don't know him.
840
00:23:15,583 --> 00:23:16,684
- I have this
- philosophy of dance.
841
00:23:16,708 --> 00:23:17,792
- I need help, actually.
842
00:23:17,875 --> 00:23:19,185
- Does anybody
- have a whistle?
843
00:23:19,292 --> 00:23:21,042
[soft music]
844
00:23:21,125 --> 00:23:22,436
narrator: After a few hours
845
00:23:22,460 --> 00:23:23,792
of alcohol consumption,
846
00:23:23,875 --> 00:23:25,435
- Darby and Augie
- found themselves
847
00:23:25,542 --> 00:23:27,083
At that point of the evening
848
00:23:27,167 --> 00:23:28,873
when it's easy to say
849
00:23:28,897 --> 00:23:30,625
something you'll regret.
850
00:23:30,708 --> 00:23:32,081
- Is it possible to, like,
851
00:23:32,105 --> 00:23:33,500
overdose on frosting?
852
00:23:33,583 --> 00:23:35,559
- 'Cause I don't know why
- I'm doing this to myself.
853
00:23:35,583 --> 00:23:37,269
- It's like I'm hazing myself.
- [laughing]
854
00:23:37,375 --> 00:23:39,458
- Nobody's making me do this.
855
00:23:39,542 --> 00:23:41,542
- A "Post" headline:
856
00:23:41,625 --> 00:23:43,727
"Tour Guide Dies from
857
00:23:43,751 --> 00:23:45,875
Frosting/Open-Bar Combo."
858
00:23:45,958 --> 00:23:48,333
[laughing]
859
00:23:48,417 --> 00:23:49,477
- Wow.
860
00:23:49,501 --> 00:23:50,583
- What?
861
00:23:50,667 --> 00:23:52,394
- No, I'm glad to know you
862
00:23:52,418 --> 00:23:54,167
think of me as a tour guide.
863
00:23:54,250 --> 00:23:55,667
- What?
864
00:23:55,750 --> 00:23:57,601
- I'm sorry my career isn't
- as sexy as yours is right now.
865
00:23:57,625 --> 00:23:58,935
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Hey, hey.
866
00:23:59,042 --> 00:24:00,602
- [stammers]
- I was kidding.
867
00:24:00,708 --> 00:24:02,310
- You know I'm kidding, right?
- Yeah.
868
00:24:02,417 --> 00:24:03,792
Mm, truth in every joke.
869
00:24:03,875 --> 00:24:05,083
[laughs]
870
00:24:05,167 --> 00:24:07,292
- What are you doing right now?
871
00:24:07,375 --> 00:24:08,458
- [laughs]
872
00:24:08,542 --> 00:24:10,208
I'm having feelings.
873
00:24:10,292 --> 00:24:12,000
I'm sorry, like...
874
00:24:12,083 --> 00:24:13,248
feelings that you
875
00:24:13,272 --> 00:24:14,458
are very good at not having.
876
00:24:14,542 --> 00:24:16,000
- I'm having feelings too.
877
00:24:16,083 --> 00:24:17,248
I just don't want to process
878
00:24:17,272 --> 00:24:18,458
them at your boss's wedding.
879
00:24:18,542 --> 00:24:20,019
- Yes, that's fine.
880
00:24:20,043 --> 00:24:21,542
That's fine.
881
00:24:21,625 --> 00:24:22,769
You're right. That's fine.
882
00:24:22,793 --> 00:24:23,958
- [scoffs]
883
00:24:24,042 --> 00:24:26,750
♪ ♪
884
00:24:26,833 --> 00:24:28,625
Darby, I love you.
885
00:24:28,708 --> 00:24:30,125
♪ ♪
886
00:24:30,208 --> 00:24:31,560
- You don't have to say that.
887
00:24:31,584 --> 00:24:32,958
You don't.
888
00:24:33,042 --> 00:24:35,269
- You're not... you're not gonna
- say you love me back?
889
00:24:36,625 --> 00:24:37,894
- I do, but what...
890
00:24:37,918 --> 00:24:39,208
What's the point of... what's...
891
00:24:39,292 --> 00:24:40,434
- Why does there
- have to be a point?
892
00:24:40,458 --> 00:24:41,958
- Okay. I love you.
893
00:24:42,042 --> 00:24:43,352
- Really?
- Yeah.
894
00:24:43,458 --> 00:24:44,769
- You know I do.
- Awesome!
895
00:24:44,875 --> 00:24:46,519
- That's great!
- Yeah, it is great.
896
00:24:46,625 --> 00:24:48,042
It's great.
897
00:24:48,125 --> 00:24:49,208
I love you.
898
00:24:49,292 --> 00:24:50,208
Bye forever.
899
00:24:50,292 --> 00:24:51,519
- Oh, come on.
- Stop.
900
00:24:51,625 --> 00:24:52,917
That is not fair.
901
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,311
- You said long-distance
902
00:24:54,335 --> 00:24:55,667
doesn't work.
903
00:24:55,750 --> 00:24:57,060
- So fuck it.
- So fuck it.
904
00:24:57,167 --> 00:24:58,851
- Please, please don't
- put words into my mouth.
905
00:24:58,875 --> 00:25:00,268
- Is that not exactly
- what you said?
906
00:25:00,292 --> 00:25:01,684
- Just because I'm leaving
- does not mean
907
00:25:01,708 --> 00:25:03,101
- That we'll never
- see each other again.
908
00:25:03,125 --> 00:25:04,518
- W-we can Skype, right?
- Oh, great.
909
00:25:04,542 --> 00:25:05,977
- We can try and make it work.
- Oh.
910
00:25:06,083 --> 00:25:07,393
- Oh, my God, we can Skype.
- What are you doing?
911
00:25:07,417 --> 00:25:09,185
- Seriously? Hello?
- Oh, my God.
912
00:25:09,292 --> 00:25:10,417
- Are you really doing this?
913
00:25:10,500 --> 00:25:11,809
- This is our last
- night together,
914
00:25:11,833 --> 00:25:13,143
- And you're really
- gonna do this?
915
00:25:13,167 --> 00:25:14,393
- Write me letters
- from camp or something.
916
00:25:14,417 --> 00:25:15,894
- Seriously?
- Come on. What is...
917
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,248
What do you say? Do you want...
918
00:25:17,272 --> 00:25:18,542
- Okay. All right.
919
00:25:18,625 --> 00:25:20,500
Yeah, we can Skype.
920
00:25:20,583 --> 00:25:21,706
We can Skype until you find
921
00:25:21,730 --> 00:25:22,875
somebody new,
922
00:25:22,958 --> 00:25:24,040
'cause I know how things go
923
00:25:24,064 --> 00:25:25,167
on these tour buses.
924
00:25:25,250 --> 00:25:26,560
- What?
- Do you think
925
00:25:26,667 --> 00:25:27,769
I'm going on the road
926
00:25:27,793 --> 00:25:28,917
with the fucking Stones?
927
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,417
- No.
928
00:25:30,500 --> 00:25:31,625
- I... I work at Politico.
929
00:25:31,708 --> 00:25:33,060
- This is...
- I know. I know.
930
00:25:33,167 --> 00:25:34,726
- I'm sorry.
- I shouldn't have said anything.
931
00:25:34,750 --> 00:25:36,227
- Whatever.
- No, it's not...
932
00:25:36,333 --> 00:25:38,750
- [exhales]
933
00:25:38,833 --> 00:25:40,417
♪ ♪
934
00:25:40,500 --> 00:25:41,750
- Fucking hell.
935
00:25:41,833 --> 00:25:43,250
- ♪ You should be glad ♪
936
00:25:43,333 --> 00:25:44,935
♪ Your leading man
937
00:25:44,959 --> 00:25:46,583
always be glad ♪
938
00:25:46,667 --> 00:25:48,958
♪ Sit by home ♪
939
00:25:49,042 --> 00:25:50,352
♪ And let me kiss
940
00:25:50,376 --> 00:25:51,708
your lovely lips ♪
941
00:25:51,792 --> 00:25:53,958
♪ Ooh ♪
942
00:25:54,042 --> 00:25:55,625
♪ ♪
943
00:25:55,708 --> 00:25:58,958
♪ Didn't I do it, baby? ♪
944
00:25:59,042 --> 00:26:01,917
♪ ♪
945
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,833
♪ Didn't I do right? ♪
946
00:26:04,917 --> 00:26:08,458
♪ ♪
947
00:26:08,542 --> 00:26:10,019
♪ Why you wanna leave me,
948
00:26:10,043 --> 00:26:11,542
baby? ♪
949
00:26:11,625 --> 00:26:14,542
♪ ♪
950
00:26:14,625 --> 00:26:16,081
♪ I said
951
00:26:16,105 --> 00:26:17,583
didn't I treat you right? ♪
952
00:26:17,667 --> 00:26:21,958
♪ ♪
953
00:26:22,042 --> 00:26:23,750
♪ It's a mystery... ♪
954
00:26:37,708 --> 00:26:40,875
- [sniffling]
955
00:26:44,417 --> 00:26:45,792
Can you help me?
956
00:26:50,458 --> 00:26:51,625
Thanks.
957
00:27:02,500 --> 00:27:03,958
Augie, I'm sorry.
958
00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:07,875
- I know.
959
00:27:09,125 --> 00:27:10,352
It's okay.
960
00:27:10,376 --> 00:27:11,625
We both drank too much.
961
00:27:18,708 --> 00:27:20,917
I really do love you.
962
00:27:24,125 --> 00:27:26,333
- I really love you too.
963
00:27:37,208 --> 00:27:38,958
- [sighs]
964
00:27:42,625 --> 00:27:44,292
[siren blaring]
965
00:27:44,375 --> 00:27:46,708
[melancholy music]
966
00:27:46,792 --> 00:27:47,792
- Hey.
967
00:27:47,875 --> 00:27:49,833
♪ ♪
968
00:27:49,917 --> 00:27:52,125
Told you the snow gets gross.
969
00:27:52,208 --> 00:27:53,227
- Yeah.
970
00:27:53,251 --> 00:27:54,292
Guess you were right.
971
00:27:54,375 --> 00:27:55,750
♪ ♪
972
00:27:55,833 --> 00:27:57,208
Uh, by the way,
973
00:27:57,292 --> 00:27:58,417
I have some information
974
00:27:58,500 --> 00:27:59,706
that I think
975
00:27:59,730 --> 00:28:00,958
will change your life.
976
00:28:01,833 --> 00:28:03,042
- [laughs]
977
00:28:03,125 --> 00:28:05,667
- Carbucketty is a real cat.
978
00:28:05,750 --> 00:28:06,894
- What?
- [laughs]
979
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,250
- What do you mean?
980
00:28:08,333 --> 00:28:09,809
- Well, let's just say
- I spent some time
981
00:28:09,833 --> 00:28:11,185
On the old "Cats"
982
00:28:11,209 --> 00:28:12,583
Wikipedia page this morning,
983
00:28:12,667 --> 00:28:14,417
and Carbucketty,
984
00:28:14,500 --> 00:28:16,394
- who is also sometimes known
- as Pouncival,
985
00:28:16,500 --> 00:28:18,227
- Is very much
- a real character...
986
00:28:18,333 --> 00:28:19,500
- What?
987
00:28:19,583 --> 00:28:20,976
- And not at all made up
- for your production.
988
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:22,000
- Oh, my God!
989
00:28:22,042 --> 00:28:23,417
[both laugh]
990
00:28:23,500 --> 00:28:24,750
- That's amazing!
991
00:28:24,833 --> 00:28:26,101
- I don't know why
- that makes me want to cry.
992
00:28:26,125 --> 00:28:27,810
- [laughs]
- [gasps]
993
00:28:27,917 --> 00:28:29,040
Ooh!
994
00:28:29,064 --> 00:28:30,208
Carbucketty's real!
995
00:28:30,292 --> 00:28:31,977
- This is...
- This is a game-changer.
996
00:28:32,083 --> 00:28:33,456
[sniffs]
997
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:34,875
- I just wanted you to know.
998
00:28:34,958 --> 00:28:36,167
- Thanks.
999
00:28:39,958 --> 00:28:41,083
- Um...
1000
00:28:42,542 --> 00:28:43,958
I should go.
1001
00:28:44,042 --> 00:28:45,082
- Yeah.
1002
00:28:45,106 --> 00:28:46,167
Yeah, you should go.
1003
00:28:56,458 --> 00:28:57,958
- Bye, Darby.
1004
00:29:00,542 --> 00:29:01,792
- Bye, Augie.
1005
00:29:03,292 --> 00:29:04,332
Narrator:
1006
00:29:04,356 --> 00:29:05,417
After a relationship ends,
1007
00:29:05,500 --> 00:29:07,290
most people feel like they'll
1008
00:29:07,314 --> 00:29:09,125
never meet anyone else,
1009
00:29:09,208 --> 00:29:11,125
but they always do.
1010
00:29:11,208 --> 00:29:13,167
Darby doesn't know it yet,
1011
00:29:13,250 --> 00:29:15,333
but her person is out there.
1012
00:29:15,417 --> 00:29:17,250
Maybe she's met them already,
1013
00:29:17,333 --> 00:29:18,667
maybe she hasn't,
1014
00:29:18,750 --> 00:29:20,519
- but they are alive
- in this city,
1015
00:29:20,625 --> 00:29:22,477
- And they are looking
- for her too.
1016
00:29:22,583 --> 00:29:24,375
- ♪ Each step is moving ♪
1017
00:29:24,458 --> 00:29:26,625
♪ It's moving me up ♪
1018
00:29:26,708 --> 00:29:28,375
♪ ♪
1019
00:29:28,458 --> 00:29:30,333
♪ Moving ♪
1020
00:29:30,417 --> 00:29:32,458
♪ It's moving me up ♪
1021
00:29:32,542 --> 00:29:33,833
♪ ♪
1022
00:29:33,917 --> 00:29:36,667
♪ Every step is moving me up ♪
1023
00:29:36,750 --> 00:29:38,125
♪ ♪
1024
00:29:38,208 --> 00:29:40,060
- narrator:
- It will all happen for her.
1025
00:29:40,167 --> 00:29:41,458
♪ ♪
1026
00:29:41,542 --> 00:29:42,936
Just not the way
1027
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:44,375
she thinks it will.
1028
00:29:44,458 --> 00:29:47,292
♪ ♪
1029
00:29:48,750 --> 00:29:55,958
♪ ♪
1030
00:29:58,375 --> 00:30:02,000
- ♪ I'm moving me up ♪
1031
00:30:02,083 --> 00:30:03,542
♪ ♪
1032
00:30:03,625 --> 00:30:05,583
♪ Moving ♪
1033
00:30:05,667 --> 00:30:07,500
♪ Moving me up ♪
1034
00:30:07,583 --> 00:30:09,167
♪ ♪
1035
00:30:09,250 --> 00:30:12,250
♪ Every step is moving me up ♪
1036
00:30:12,333 --> 00:30:14,042
♪ ♪
1037
00:30:14,125 --> 00:30:16,000
♪ Each step is moving ♪
1038
00:30:16,083 --> 00:30:19,917
♪ It's moving me up ♪
1039
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:24,458
♪ Moving me up ♪
1040
00:30:24,542 --> 00:30:25,708
♪ ♪
1041
00:30:25,792 --> 00:30:31,375
♪ One tiny, tiny, tiny move ♪
1042
00:30:31,458 --> 00:30:33,477
♪ It's all I need
1043
00:30:33,501 --> 00:30:35,542
and I jump over ♪
1044
00:30:35,625 --> 00:30:39,083
♪ Every step is moving me up ♪
1045
00:30:39,167 --> 00:30:46,333
♪ ♪
68613
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