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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,655 --> 00:00:08,165 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:09,550 D'oh! 3 00:00:10,660 --> 00:00:12,136 (grunts) 4 00:00:14,331 --> 00:00:17,016 Haw-haw! Green screen. 5 00:00:17,092 --> 00:00:19,059 ♪ ♪ 6 00:00:24,099 --> 00:00:26,066 ♪ ♪ 7 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,198 Lenny, I didn't know you had kids. 8 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:42,616 I don't. 9 00:00:42,692 --> 00:00:44,659 I hired them to look like I'm a family man. 10 00:00:44,736 --> 00:00:46,536 How you doing, Lenny Jr.? 11 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:49,122 Never better, Lenny Sr. 12 00:00:49,241 --> 00:00:50,999 -(phone chimes) -Hey, I just got cast 13 00:00:51,076 --> 00:00:52,709 as Krusty's kid at a custody hearing. 14 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:53,886 Possible recurring. 15 00:00:53,962 --> 00:00:56,213 Later, loser! 16 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:57,881 (chuckles) Kids. 17 00:00:57,892 --> 00:00:59,341 (feedback screeches) 18 00:00:59,417 --> 00:01:01,560 Welcome, iso-tots. (chuckles) 19 00:01:01,637 --> 00:01:02,886 Are you having fun? 20 00:01:02,897 --> 00:01:05,230 KIDS: Yay! 21 00:01:05,307 --> 00:01:08,233 Excellent. Now, as your parents leave you alone with me, 22 00:01:08,310 --> 00:01:10,977 let's begin the festivities. (chuckles) 23 00:01:11,054 --> 00:01:12,905 ♪ ♪ 24 00:01:12,981 --> 00:01:14,907 Yes, there they go. Bye-bye. 25 00:01:14,983 --> 00:01:16,909 Last mommy out. Excellent. 26 00:01:16,985 --> 00:01:18,485 I now declare the start 27 00:01:18,562 --> 00:01:21,363 of Put Your Kids to Work Day. 28 00:01:21,439 --> 00:01:22,748 ♪ ♪ 29 00:01:28,780 --> 00:01:30,714 (gasping, screaming) 30 00:01:34,286 --> 00:01:36,345 (screaming) 31 00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:49,683 This plant has over 17,000 contaminated crevices 32 00:01:49,759 --> 00:01:52,018 that only your tiny hands can reach. 33 00:01:52,095 --> 00:01:53,395 Get to work, slackers. 34 00:01:53,471 --> 00:01:55,772 At least this ride doesn't have a creepy song. 35 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:59,276 ♪ You'll work for me, or you'll get the lash ♪ 36 00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:03,113 ♪ You won't get dental, health or cash. ♪ 37 00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:05,457 No! 38 00:02:05,534 --> 00:02:09,378 Even Mr. Burns can't get away with this. 39 00:02:10,655 --> 00:02:12,414 Oh, Monty, you've still got it. 40 00:02:12,490 --> 00:02:15,175 That was like taking eight hours of work from a baby. 41 00:02:15,210 --> 00:02:18,420 Mr. Burns, according to the child labor laws 42 00:02:18,496 --> 00:02:19,921 of the United States... 43 00:02:19,998 --> 00:02:21,974 Aah! Accountability? 44 00:02:24,386 --> 00:02:26,979 In this game of cat and mouse, 45 00:02:27,055 --> 00:02:29,472 I'm afraid Mr. Mouse is far smarter than... 46 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,932 (screams) 47 00:02:31,009 --> 00:02:32,985 LISA: I know you're in here, 48 00:02:33,061 --> 00:02:34,394 and nothing will stop me. 49 00:02:34,471 --> 00:02:36,155 Wait, this is a men's room. 50 00:02:36,231 --> 00:02:37,898 Ew, ew, ew! 51 00:02:37,974 --> 00:02:40,650 Is that a tuna sandwich on the sink? 52 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:44,079 Ugh! Gross, gross, gross! 53 00:02:45,690 --> 00:02:48,825 Oh, employee cave drawings. 54 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,452 Let's see what's on their feeble minds. 55 00:02:50,528 --> 00:02:52,954 "There once was a lady from China..." (mumbles) 56 00:02:53,031 --> 00:02:54,673 "And North Carolina." 57 00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:56,416 I assume what's in between is unimportant. 58 00:02:56,493 --> 00:02:58,668 (laughs) There! 59 00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,087 Someone drew a big, crying cucumber. That's nice. 60 00:03:01,164 --> 00:03:03,298 Ooh! Something about me. 61 00:03:03,375 --> 00:03:05,967 I'll need my cheaters for this. 62 00:03:06,044 --> 00:03:07,394 -♪ ♪ -(gasping) 63 00:03:09,214 --> 00:03:10,931 What? 64 00:03:11,007 --> 00:03:12,524 Oh! 65 00:03:14,102 --> 00:03:16,028 Oh! They hate me. 66 00:03:16,104 --> 00:03:18,697 Well, maybe things are better in the ladies' room. 67 00:03:19,724 --> 00:03:21,867 Effigies can be burned? 68 00:03:21,944 --> 00:03:22,943 (exhales) You should have seen 69 00:03:23,019 --> 00:03:25,028 those hateful graffitos, Smithers. 70 00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,863 And the drawing of me was so off-model. 71 00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,949 I wouldn't worry, sir. 72 00:03:29,025 --> 00:03:30,116 Our workers are pretty well-pacified. 73 00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:33,003 -Intimidation. -Alleged intimidation. 74 00:03:34,122 --> 00:03:37,666 -Beatings. -Alleged beatings. Mm. 75 00:03:37,742 --> 00:03:38,884 The poisonings. 76 00:03:38,961 --> 00:03:40,627 Ah, yes. 77 00:03:40,704 --> 00:03:43,505 We've had some alleged good times, haven't we, Smithers? 78 00:03:43,581 --> 00:03:46,883 But there is an undercurrent of contempt for me. 79 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,301 No, there isn't. 80 00:03:48,378 --> 00:03:50,679 You said Burns is worse than Hitler. 81 00:03:50,755 --> 00:03:52,389 Well, not worse at his job than Hitler, 82 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,515 but a worse person. 83 00:03:53,591 --> 00:03:54,724 (whistle blows) 84 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,059 Huh. Was that the work whistle? 85 00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:58,237 Eh, who cares. 86 00:03:58,313 --> 00:04:00,897 (scoffs) Everywhere, I'm surrounded by malcontents, 87 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,399 termagants and Lennys. 88 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:05,485 Well, we could show the workers some actual respect, 89 00:04:05,562 --> 00:04:06,894 uh, considering how many have died. 90 00:04:08,991 --> 00:04:12,200 Or I could go undercover and infiltrate the workers. 91 00:04:12,277 --> 00:04:14,244 I'm beginning to suspect 92 00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:16,296 these monitors have been tampered with. 93 00:04:17,782 --> 00:04:18,757 I've assembled a world-class team 94 00:04:18,834 --> 00:04:20,759 to create your undercover disguise. 95 00:04:20,836 --> 00:04:23,762 The face mask specialist from the Mission: Impossible movies. 96 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:27,099 I made Ving Rhames look like Kristin Chenoweth. 97 00:04:27,175 --> 00:04:29,434 I don't know any of those words, but I'm impressed. 98 00:04:29,511 --> 00:04:32,178 We'll also provide you with a dynamic new body. 99 00:04:32,255 --> 00:04:35,557 Ooh. Does everything work? 100 00:04:35,633 --> 00:04:37,225 Everything that works for you now. 101 00:04:37,302 --> 00:04:39,519 Damn it! That's only two things. 102 00:04:39,596 --> 00:04:42,689 And we top off the disguise with a voice modulation chip. 103 00:04:42,766 --> 00:04:44,733 Mr. Burns, I'm gonna make you sound... 104 00:04:44,809 --> 00:04:47,527 (deep voice): hella different. 105 00:04:47,604 --> 00:04:49,571 Oh, yeah. 106 00:04:49,647 --> 00:04:52,073 Let's get to work. (grunts) 107 00:04:52,150 --> 00:04:54,501 (dramatic action music playing) 108 00:04:55,487 --> 00:04:57,912 Oh, my God. It's extraordinary. 109 00:04:57,989 --> 00:05:01,633 You now have the body and face of a man half your age. 110 00:05:01,710 --> 00:05:03,918 BURNS: 78? Now, enough gallimaufry. 111 00:05:03,995 --> 00:05:05,253 I want to see my reflection. 112 00:05:05,330 --> 00:05:07,014 Someone bring me a mountain stream. 113 00:05:07,624 --> 00:05:10,633 Say goodbye to Montgomery Burns. 114 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:14,637 Say hello to Fred Kranepool from turbine maintenance. 115 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,398 (whirring) 116 00:05:17,392 --> 00:05:18,984 (deep voice): Excellent. 117 00:05:24,399 --> 00:05:26,733 Hello, Joe. What do you know? 118 00:05:26,810 --> 00:05:28,318 Just got back from the picture show. 119 00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:29,611 Beat it, weirdo. 120 00:05:29,687 --> 00:05:30,987 You're fired. 121 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:32,489 You can't fire me. 122 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,958 HOMER: Hey, newbie. Over here. 123 00:05:36,152 --> 00:05:37,619 (chuckles) Homer Simpson. 124 00:05:37,695 --> 00:05:39,621 Fred. Uh... 125 00:05:39,697 --> 00:05:41,131 No, that's not it. 126 00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:44,167 Fred Kranepool. 127 00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:46,845 You seem like a happy lot here at the nuclear plant, 128 00:05:46,922 --> 00:05:48,630 suckling from the teat 129 00:05:48,706 --> 00:05:51,341 of the great C. Montgomery Burns. 130 00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:53,518 (laughs) You said "teat." 131 00:05:53,595 --> 00:05:57,138 (laughs) Yes, I did, didn't I? 132 00:05:57,215 --> 00:05:58,515 (chuckles) Now that we're chums, 133 00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,141 what's on your mind? 134 00:06:00,218 --> 00:06:02,519 Any complaints? Insubordinate remarks? 135 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,196 LENNY: Actually, now that you mention it... 136 00:06:04,272 --> 00:06:06,156 -Yes...? -(work whistle blows) 137 00:06:07,392 --> 00:06:08,691 Uh-oh. Better get back to work. 138 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,193 Ah, so soon? 139 00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:12,204 (sighs) Sorry, but Mr. Burns has a special way 140 00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:13,988 of telling you your lunchtime's over. 141 00:06:14,065 --> 00:06:15,323 (hounds barking) 142 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,750 (screaming) 143 00:06:17,735 --> 00:06:18,993 (growling) 144 00:06:19,070 --> 00:06:20,545 I heard the craziest thing. 145 00:06:20,622 --> 00:06:23,123 Some nuclear plants don't have hounds chasing you. 146 00:06:23,199 --> 00:06:25,050 Eh, different world. 147 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,052 (hounds snarling) 148 00:06:29,631 --> 00:06:32,006 Huh. I guess when you're on the other side of it, 149 00:06:32,083 --> 00:06:34,134 releasing hounds can be cruel? 150 00:06:34,210 --> 00:06:36,344 Oh, yeah. Super cruel. 151 00:06:36,421 --> 00:06:38,388 I had to get rabies shots in my stomach for a month. 152 00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:41,066 Skipped the last couple. 153 00:06:41,143 --> 00:06:44,394 Ugh, you poor guys. Here, please. 154 00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:46,905 Here's a Buffalo nickel for each of you. 155 00:06:46,982 --> 00:06:48,481 Hey, thanks a lot, man. 156 00:06:48,558 --> 00:06:50,316 Why don't you join us at Moe's tonight? 157 00:06:50,393 --> 00:06:52,318 Moe's? 158 00:06:52,395 --> 00:06:54,246 Yeah, it's that bar that was featured 159 00:06:54,322 --> 00:06:56,030 on I'll Drink What Phil's Drinking 160 00:06:56,107 --> 00:06:57,699 with Phil Rosenthal. 161 00:06:57,775 --> 00:07:00,660 Mmm. What animal is this egg from? 162 00:07:00,737 --> 00:07:03,413 Uh, I want to say horse? 163 00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:05,748 Oh. Could I be sick in this? 164 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,542 Oh... (retching) 165 00:07:07,619 --> 00:07:10,128 Somebody take Phil to the hospital. 166 00:07:10,205 --> 00:07:12,172 Fred, buddy, you coming? 167 00:07:12,248 --> 00:07:15,100 I'm in. Just need to signal Smithers. 168 00:07:15,177 --> 00:07:17,060 (sultry action music playing) 169 00:07:25,470 --> 00:07:27,279 (sighs) I hate that signal. 170 00:07:27,355 --> 00:07:29,564 Moe, this is our new pal Fred. 171 00:07:29,641 --> 00:07:31,566 Apparently, we've been working with him for years. 172 00:07:31,643 --> 00:07:33,234 We never noticed. 173 00:07:33,311 --> 00:07:35,495 Set him up with a beer. On me. 174 00:07:37,649 --> 00:07:40,033 -(shouts, wailing) -Fred! 175 00:07:40,109 --> 00:07:42,577 (sighs) Thank you, friend. 176 00:07:42,654 --> 00:07:44,245 I like the way you said that, 177 00:07:44,322 --> 00:07:47,632 like it was a foreign concept or something. 178 00:07:49,452 --> 00:07:51,377 (laughs) You know, 179 00:07:51,454 --> 00:07:53,755 it might be John Barleycorn talking, 180 00:07:53,831 --> 00:07:56,758 but you annoying fleas aren't half bad. 181 00:07:56,834 --> 00:08:00,053 All we're looking for is a little friendship and respect. 182 00:08:00,129 --> 00:08:00,929 Mm-hmm. 183 00:08:01,005 --> 00:08:01,888 All right. 184 00:08:01,965 --> 00:08:03,556 To friendship and respect. 185 00:08:03,633 --> 00:08:06,976 And also evil. I mean, I mean, football. 186 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,978 ALL: Football! 187 00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,981 (cackles) 188 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,326 Ah, whoa, whoa. Sorry, Barn. Your seat's taken. 189 00:08:14,402 --> 00:08:16,444 Oh, you show up late 190 00:08:16,521 --> 00:08:19,405 for your nightly bender just once... 191 00:08:19,482 --> 00:08:20,949 Uh, don't you worry. 192 00:08:21,025 --> 00:08:24,336 I just instituted drive-through service. 193 00:08:24,412 --> 00:08:26,838 Drive safely. 194 00:08:26,915 --> 00:08:29,123 ♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪ 195 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,043 ♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪ 196 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,846 ♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪ 197 00:08:34,923 --> 00:08:37,590 ♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪ 198 00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:42,178 ♪ I see you 'round for a long, long time ♪ 199 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,304 ♪ (laughter) ♪ 200 00:08:43,381 --> 00:08:46,015 ♪ I remember you ♪ 201 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,434 ♪ When you drink my wine ♪ 202 00:08:48,511 --> 00:08:50,019 ♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪ 203 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,189 ♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪ 204 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,650 ♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪ 205 00:08:55,727 --> 00:08:59,195 ♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪ 206 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,373 Thank you. Thank you very much. 207 00:09:01,449 --> 00:09:03,449 Okay, um, your turn to sing, Fred. 208 00:09:03,526 --> 00:09:05,285 (chanting): Fred! Fred! Fred! 209 00:09:05,361 --> 00:09:07,287 (chuckles) Very well. 210 00:09:07,363 --> 00:09:09,789 I've got a toe-tapper everyone can sing along with, 211 00:09:09,866 --> 00:09:12,333 "The Spaniard That Blighted My Life." 212 00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:15,211 "The Spaniard That Blighted My Life," BLH1493. Go. 213 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:18,464 ♪ List to me, while I tell you ♪ 214 00:09:18,541 --> 00:09:20,174 ♪ Of the Spaniard that blighted my life... ♪ 215 00:09:20,251 --> 00:09:21,301 Everybody! 216 00:09:21,377 --> 00:09:23,886 ♪ List to me, while I tell you ♪ 217 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,974 ♪ Of the man that pinched my future wife. ♪ 218 00:09:28,051 --> 00:09:32,312 BURNS: Those idiots like me for me, Fred Kranepool. 219 00:09:32,388 --> 00:09:33,855 Uh, sir, I'm worried. 220 00:09:33,931 --> 00:09:35,315 The suit just detected a heartbeat. 221 00:09:35,391 --> 00:09:37,650 -I'm turning you off. -(clicks) 222 00:09:37,727 --> 00:09:39,661 -Other button, sir. -Shut up. 223 00:09:47,494 --> 00:09:49,245 Where is he? 224 00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,214 I'm supposed to read him his bedtime story. 225 00:09:53,284 --> 00:09:55,427 Smithers, what are you still doing up? 226 00:09:55,503 --> 00:09:58,013 I was worried about you, sir. 227 00:10:00,508 --> 00:10:02,550 Worried? Eh. 228 00:10:02,585 --> 00:10:05,094 I just had the greatest night of my life. 229 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,513 -With my friends. -What? 230 00:10:07,590 --> 00:10:09,182 Oh, you should've seen it, Smithers. 231 00:10:09,258 --> 00:10:11,434 They enjoyed my company. 232 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:14,187 I've had "frenemies," but they were all French enemies. 233 00:10:14,263 --> 00:10:16,948 Never a friend. 234 00:10:17,025 --> 00:10:19,275 I think of you as more than a friend, sir. 235 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:20,619 What did I tell you about thinking? 236 00:10:20,695 --> 00:10:23,029 (sighs) Well, did you find anything out? 237 00:10:23,106 --> 00:10:24,623 Any scuttlebutt from the union? 238 00:10:24,699 --> 00:10:28,117 The only union that concerns me now is the union of men. 239 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,078 What would you know about that? 240 00:10:30,154 --> 00:10:31,120 (grumbles) 241 00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:32,279 (Homer humming) 242 00:10:32,357 --> 00:10:35,333 Where have you been? You missed dinner. 243 00:10:35,410 --> 00:10:38,136 There's this really cool new guy at the plant. 244 00:10:38,213 --> 00:10:41,973 You know what's cool is spending time with your family. 245 00:10:42,050 --> 00:10:44,258 -That's not cool. -Yeah, Mom, it really isn't. 246 00:10:44,335 --> 00:10:47,428 I agree with Mom on everything but this. 247 00:10:47,505 --> 00:10:49,147 I'm sorry. Definitely not cool. 248 00:10:49,224 --> 00:10:50,932 Oh, all right, all right. 249 00:10:51,008 --> 00:10:54,060 I just don't trust new people in this town. 250 00:10:54,137 --> 00:10:57,155 Like Lady Gaga? She came, she inspired Lisa 251 00:10:57,232 --> 00:10:59,991 and we never heard from her again. 252 00:11:00,068 --> 00:11:01,993 Who needs friends like that? 253 00:11:02,904 --> 00:11:04,019 So, fellows, 254 00:11:04,021 --> 00:11:06,164 what's on our social agenda tonight? 255 00:11:06,241 --> 00:11:08,991 More galivanting, I hope? 256 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,952 Well, we really should do a little work. 257 00:11:11,028 --> 00:11:13,246 Yeah. I have a whole inbox of unsplit atoms 258 00:11:13,322 --> 00:11:14,839 I haven't gotten to yet. 259 00:11:14,916 --> 00:11:16,332 Fred, are these men bothering you? 260 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:19,419 -Oh, back off, Smithers. -ALL: Whoa! 261 00:11:19,495 --> 00:11:22,338 I'll box your ears next time you speak to me with such insolence. 262 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,465 Yes, sir. 263 00:11:24,542 --> 00:11:26,509 Oh, my God. 264 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,011 You totally pwned him. 265 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,189 Hmm. I suppose I did pwn him. 266 00:11:31,266 --> 00:11:32,857 I did. 267 00:11:32,934 --> 00:11:34,434 Ugh, that was quite the kerfuffle. 268 00:11:34,510 --> 00:11:36,811 I better go take a three-hour nap. 269 00:11:36,888 --> 00:11:39,021 No, no, wait. While Smithers is off drowning his sorrows 270 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:42,650 in a pamplemousse Perrier, Burns is unprotected. 271 00:11:42,727 --> 00:11:44,193 This is the perfect time for you to represent us 272 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,112 and hit the old skinflint up 273 00:11:46,189 --> 00:11:47,205 for a decent benefits package. 274 00:11:47,282 --> 00:11:49,040 Me, talk to Burns? 275 00:11:49,117 --> 00:11:50,867 Oh, I wouldn't. I-I couldn't. 276 00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,536 He's got the sharpest mind in all 46 states. 277 00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:55,997 Hey, come on, please. For your friends. 278 00:11:56,073 --> 00:11:57,882 I won't let you down. 279 00:11:57,959 --> 00:12:00,218 (robotic): You down, you down, you down. 280 00:12:02,205 --> 00:12:05,006 I'll help you, friends. 281 00:12:05,082 --> 00:12:06,558 FRED VOICE: Don't you understand, Burns? 282 00:12:06,634 --> 00:12:08,885 Without the workers, this plant is nothing. 283 00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,219 If you give them respect, 284 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,846 it comes back to you a hundredfold. 285 00:12:11,923 --> 00:12:14,223 (chuckles) Respect the workers? 286 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:17,569 What next? Put batteries in the smoke detectors? 287 00:12:17,645 --> 00:12:20,146 Have you no heart? 288 00:12:20,223 --> 00:12:21,814 I certainly do. 289 00:12:21,891 --> 00:12:24,409 I'm not flooding this room with mustard gas right now. 290 00:12:24,486 --> 00:12:28,029 I'll give you a chance to tell your buddies that you failed. 291 00:12:28,105 --> 00:12:32,325 But then they might not like me anymore. 292 00:12:32,401 --> 00:12:35,369 You're right. Friendship is something worth treasuring. 293 00:12:35,446 --> 00:12:38,998 Boy, he's really raking Burns over the coals. 294 00:12:39,075 --> 00:12:41,000 Yeah, I like how they're not interrupting each other. 295 00:12:41,077 --> 00:12:43,094 -So polite. -BURNS: Yes, spirits, yes. 296 00:12:43,171 --> 00:12:45,213 I'll give them everything they want. 297 00:12:45,289 --> 00:12:47,924 -(exhales) He said... -We heard everything. 298 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,592 Clearly it was two people talking. 299 00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,594 We got to spread the good news. 300 00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:55,273 We love you, big guy. (grunts) 301 00:12:55,350 --> 00:12:57,942 Mr. Burns, what have you done? 302 00:12:58,019 --> 00:13:00,061 There is no Mr. Burns. 303 00:13:00,137 --> 00:13:01,896 Only Fred. 304 00:13:01,973 --> 00:13:03,172 What are you saying? 305 00:13:04,475 --> 00:13:06,692 Montgomery Burns died when I put on this suit. 306 00:13:06,769 --> 00:13:08,361 And six other times this week. 307 00:13:08,437 --> 00:13:10,988 Thank God for the new liver and kidneys. 308 00:13:11,065 --> 00:13:14,242 Wait up, guys! Beers are on me! 309 00:13:14,318 --> 00:13:15,701 I might have two tonight. 310 00:13:15,778 --> 00:13:17,912 That's right: two sips! 311 00:13:17,989 --> 00:13:20,048 (laughs) 312 00:13:22,118 --> 00:13:23,876 Hope you're hungry, Homer. 313 00:13:23,953 --> 00:13:27,088 I got up at 2:00 a.m. and slow-roasted a breakfast turkey. 314 00:13:27,164 --> 00:13:29,224 Sorry, no time for food. I got to get to work. 315 00:13:33,221 --> 00:13:35,647 (squeaking) 316 00:13:35,723 --> 00:13:37,932 When did Homer turn into someone who wants to go into work? 317 00:13:38,009 --> 00:13:39,984 Oh, no. It's in the air. 318 00:13:40,061 --> 00:13:42,937 Now I want to go to school and make something of myself. 319 00:13:43,014 --> 00:13:44,939 Ooh. (babbles musically) 320 00:13:45,016 --> 00:13:46,991 Hey, work is amazing now. 321 00:13:47,068 --> 00:13:49,944 A magical place where we get what we deserve and more. 322 00:13:50,021 --> 00:13:51,988 And it's all due to Fred. 323 00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,949 Okay, so when are we gonna meet this Fred? 324 00:13:55,026 --> 00:13:57,076 Oh, you've already met him, Marge, 325 00:13:57,153 --> 00:13:59,504 in the smile on my face. 326 00:13:59,581 --> 00:14:01,664 (whistling) 327 00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:04,008 -(door closes) -Should we tell him it's a Saturday? 328 00:14:04,085 --> 00:14:05,510 Eh, not yet. 329 00:14:05,587 --> 00:14:08,179 At least we'll get some of the roast turkey for once. 330 00:14:08,298 --> 00:14:10,423 ♪ I don't want to work ♪ 331 00:14:10,499 --> 00:14:14,510 ♪ I want to bang on the drum all day ♪ 332 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:17,096 ♪ I don't want to play ♪ 333 00:14:17,173 --> 00:14:21,067 ♪ I just want to bang on the drum all day ♪ 334 00:14:22,011 --> 00:14:23,436 ♪ I don't want to work... ♪ 335 00:14:23,512 --> 00:14:26,364 ♪ I want to bang on the drum all day ♪ 336 00:14:26,441 --> 00:14:28,941 Hey, Homer. Look what Fred made Burns give us 337 00:14:29,018 --> 00:14:30,526 to handle plutonium. 338 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,579 Look at me. I'm Audrey Hepburn. 339 00:14:37,234 --> 00:14:39,118 Lenny Leonard, you have exquisite vision 340 00:14:39,195 --> 00:14:40,770 and you know it. Give me those. 341 00:14:40,772 --> 00:14:43,539 Oh, I don't care what you think, 'cause Fred doesn't like you. 342 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,541 And once Fred gets around to it, 343 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:48,011 you ain't gonna be working here no more. 344 00:14:51,415 --> 00:14:53,007 I've had enough. Simpson, come with me. 345 00:14:53,084 --> 00:14:54,175 What the...? 346 00:14:54,251 --> 00:14:57,136 There's something you don't know about 347 00:14:57,213 --> 00:14:58,396 your good friend Fred. 348 00:14:58,473 --> 00:15:00,723 I know everything I need to know 349 00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:04,027 about Fred whatshisname from wherever he comes. 350 00:15:09,150 --> 00:15:11,910 (gasps) Oh, my God. 351 00:15:11,986 --> 00:15:14,320 That's right. Fred is Mr. Burns. 352 00:15:14,397 --> 00:15:16,405 But wait a minute. Isn't that a good thing? 353 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,366 It means he's nice to us now. 354 00:15:18,442 --> 00:15:20,368 His niceness is gonna put us out of business. 355 00:15:20,444 --> 00:15:23,037 These giveaways are bankrupting us. 356 00:15:23,114 --> 00:15:24,088 What should we give our friends next, Fred? 357 00:15:24,165 --> 00:15:27,083 Morning yoga? Irish brides? 358 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,543 Okay, maybe the yoga is going too far. 359 00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:31,087 It's all too far. 360 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,096 We're gonna go the way of the Sears catalog 361 00:15:32,173 --> 00:15:33,932 and 20th Century Fox. 362 00:15:34,008 --> 00:15:38,052 Are you sure this isn't because you miss the old Burns? 363 00:15:38,129 --> 00:15:40,429 Of course I miss him. Who wouldn't? 364 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,348 Simpson, if you care about your job, 365 00:15:42,425 --> 00:15:44,058 and the jobs of everyone in this plant, 366 00:15:44,135 --> 00:15:46,277 you'll end your friendship with Mr. Burns. 367 00:15:46,354 --> 00:15:48,229 -Permanently. -No problem. 368 00:15:48,305 --> 00:15:50,564 As long as I'm still friends with Fred. 369 00:15:50,641 --> 00:15:52,525 Burns is Fred. 370 00:15:52,601 --> 00:15:55,495 Wha...? Oh, he is not. 371 00:16:00,017 --> 00:16:02,627 -What's wrong, Homie? -Mm, not much. 372 00:16:02,704 --> 00:16:06,122 I lost a friend today because Burns stepped out of him. 373 00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:07,966 -What? -Well, let's just say 374 00:16:08,042 --> 00:16:09,133 I can't be friends with Fred anymore 375 00:16:09,210 --> 00:16:10,876 but I don't know how to tell him. 376 00:16:10,953 --> 00:16:12,461 Well, don't ask me. I suck at it. 377 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,088 That's why I can't shake Milhouse. 378 00:16:14,165 --> 00:16:16,132 I'm right here, Bart. 379 00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:18,300 Our sleepover ended two days ago. 380 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,553 I'll call my mom again. 381 00:16:20,629 --> 00:16:22,522 ♪ ♪ 382 00:16:28,971 --> 00:16:31,439 -Hey, Fred. -Ahoy-hoy. 383 00:16:31,515 --> 00:16:34,158 Listen, Fred, we can't really hang out with you anymore. 384 00:16:34,235 --> 00:16:38,496 No offense. I mean, it's just that I got to focus on work. 385 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:43,409 My console's under here somewhere. 386 00:16:43,486 --> 00:16:44,836 Hey, Fred! 387 00:16:44,912 --> 00:16:46,120 -The man of the hour. -Oh... 388 00:16:46,197 --> 00:16:48,581 We were just working on a list of new things 389 00:16:48,657 --> 00:16:50,583 you can get Old Man Burns to give us. 390 00:16:50,659 --> 00:16:53,011 What do you mean "Old Man Burns"? 391 00:16:53,087 --> 00:16:55,171 (laughs) I mean, he's so old. 392 00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,964 Fossilized scarecrow. 393 00:16:57,041 --> 00:17:01,135 You know, I've never seen Fred and Burns at the same time. 394 00:17:01,212 --> 00:17:03,596 Which means you must hate Burns, too. 395 00:17:03,672 --> 00:17:06,348 Ooh, well, we-we don't really hate him. 396 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,017 Mr. Burns is a withered old corn husk 397 00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,977 with a rotten apple for a head, 398 00:17:10,054 --> 00:17:11,479 and I'm getting special clogs made up 399 00:17:11,555 --> 00:17:13,105 so I can Riverdance on his grave. 400 00:17:13,182 --> 00:17:15,199 (babbles musically) 401 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,611 You ungrateful jackals. 402 00:17:18,687 --> 00:17:20,488 Smithers, where's the kill button? 403 00:17:20,564 --> 00:17:22,281 Um, there isn't one, sir. 404 00:17:22,358 --> 00:17:24,366 How many times have I told you, 405 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,368 everything must have a kill button? 406 00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:29,038 Unhand me, you ape! 407 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:31,457 Why am I always referred to as an ape? 408 00:17:31,534 --> 00:17:34,001 Never a gorilla or an orangutan. 409 00:17:34,078 --> 00:17:36,378 Aw, monkey want a banana? 410 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:40,141 (grunts) Why, you incredibly complex... 411 00:17:41,544 --> 00:17:43,469 (crying): I-I thought 412 00:17:43,546 --> 00:17:44,970 you were 413 00:17:45,047 --> 00:17:46,647 my friends. 414 00:17:47,716 --> 00:17:49,975 Huh. Someone's having a day. 415 00:17:50,052 --> 00:17:52,028 ♪ ♪ 416 00:17:53,222 --> 00:17:55,022 Fred, you traitor. 417 00:17:55,099 --> 00:17:56,908 You've turned my employees against me. 418 00:17:56,984 --> 00:17:59,026 Yeah, but they love me. 419 00:17:59,103 --> 00:18:01,153 And soon, there'll be no you. 420 00:18:01,230 --> 00:18:03,164 Just Fred! 421 00:18:06,235 --> 00:18:09,078 ♪ ♪ 422 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:12,998 As all my attorneys keep telling me, why won't you die? 423 00:18:13,075 --> 00:18:16,260 Because I'm the last spark of goodness in you. 424 00:18:16,337 --> 00:18:18,504 It can't be extinguished! 425 00:18:18,581 --> 00:18:20,548 I'm glad I went to the bathroom in you. 426 00:18:20,624 --> 00:18:22,016 En garde. 427 00:18:25,129 --> 00:18:27,063 (grunts) 428 00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:32,518 (straining): Die, die. D-Die, die. 429 00:18:32,595 --> 00:18:35,530 It's okay, Mr. Burns. Fred's gone. 430 00:18:36,473 --> 00:18:39,191 Oh, why can't I be loved and feared? 431 00:18:39,268 --> 00:18:41,452 -Like God? -Why? 432 00:18:41,529 --> 00:18:43,737 Because you're the boss, we're the workers. 433 00:18:43,814 --> 00:18:45,990 It goes back to caveman days. 434 00:18:46,066 --> 00:18:48,868 Ten guys killed the mammoth while the boss yelled at them. 435 00:18:48,944 --> 00:18:52,121 Then the boss got all the meat and they got all the toenails. 436 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:56,083 Because that's the way life works. 437 00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:58,919 Next came the Renaissance, and the invention of the time clock, 438 00:18:58,996 --> 00:19:01,297 which meant the boss no longer had to waste time 439 00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,807 checking on his employees 440 00:19:02,884 --> 00:19:05,134 and could become pope and marry his sister. 441 00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:09,555 With recent times came unions and workers' rights. 442 00:19:09,632 --> 00:19:12,892 Which were then taken away in even more recent times. 443 00:19:12,968 --> 00:19:14,485 Wrap it up, Homer. 444 00:19:14,562 --> 00:19:15,820 That catwalk is starting to buckle. 445 00:19:15,897 --> 00:19:17,989 (metal creaking) 446 00:19:18,065 --> 00:19:20,324 My point is, no matter what, Mr. Burns, 447 00:19:20,401 --> 00:19:23,828 the boss sucks, so why shouldn't you? 448 00:19:23,905 --> 00:19:26,664 -(blows raspberry) -Why indeed. 449 00:19:26,741 --> 00:19:29,074 Back to work, and everything nice is canceled. 450 00:19:29,151 --> 00:19:31,335 -Um, does that include... -If you have to ask, 451 00:19:31,412 --> 00:19:32,837 it's canceled. 452 00:19:32,914 --> 00:19:35,339 And Fred, the man I could've been, 453 00:19:35,416 --> 00:19:38,759 I consign to the fires of hell. 454 00:19:40,922 --> 00:19:43,339 (screeches) 455 00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,966 Somebody stop it. No, no, no, too late. 456 00:19:46,043 --> 00:19:48,928 -Oh, poor Fred. -It's a costume, you idiot. 457 00:19:49,004 --> 00:19:51,305 A lot of work goes into those. 458 00:19:51,382 --> 00:19:53,432 -Good to have you back, sir. -(chuckles) 459 00:19:53,509 --> 00:19:55,100 Good to-- Oh, Smithers. 460 00:19:55,177 --> 00:19:57,361 I left my car fob in that suit. Go get it. 461 00:19:57,438 --> 00:19:59,521 But that's certain death, sir. 462 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:03,484 -Yes, but for you. -You're back. 463 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,578 Or am I? 464 00:20:10,191 --> 00:20:12,210 Attention, everyone. 465 00:20:12,286 --> 00:20:13,953 This is your new coworker Don Phoneyman. 466 00:20:14,029 --> 00:20:15,955 Please show him the ropes. 467 00:20:16,031 --> 00:20:17,831 I'm not going through this again. Come on. 468 00:20:17,908 --> 00:20:20,376 We know it's you, Mr. Burns, and we'll prove it. 469 00:20:20,411 --> 00:20:22,628 Release the hounds. They won't touch you. 470 00:20:22,705 --> 00:20:24,880 (barking) 471 00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,882 Well, what do you know? He's real. 472 00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:29,468 I didn't know we could call the hounds. 473 00:20:29,545 --> 00:20:31,553 We can also operate the trapdoor. 474 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,065 (receding): I'll get you for this! 475 00:20:51,108 --> 00:20:53,117 Engage karaoke mode. 476 00:20:53,193 --> 00:20:56,254 ♪ List to me while I tell you ♪ 477 00:20:56,330 --> 00:20:59,090 ♪ Of the Spaniard that blighted my life ♪ 478 00:21:01,076 --> 00:21:04,086 ♪ List to me, while I tell you ♪ 479 00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:07,306 ♪ Of the man that pinched my future wife. ♪ 480 00:21:27,862 --> 00:21:30,121 Shh! 481 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,001 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 32323

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