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1
00:00:06,655 --> 00:00:08,165
♪ ♪
2
00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:09,550
D'oh!
3
00:00:10,660 --> 00:00:12,136
(grunts)
4
00:00:14,331 --> 00:00:17,016
Haw-haw! Green screen.
5
00:00:17,092 --> 00:00:19,059
♪ ♪
6
00:00:24,099 --> 00:00:26,066
♪ ♪
7
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,198
Lenny,
I didn't know you had kids.
8
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:42,616
I don't.
9
00:00:42,692 --> 00:00:44,659
I hired them to look like
I'm a family man.
10
00:00:44,736 --> 00:00:46,536
How you doing, Lenny Jr.?
11
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:49,122
Never better, Lenny Sr.
12
00:00:49,241 --> 00:00:50,999
- (phone chimes)
- Hey, I just got cast
13
00:00:51,076 --> 00:00:52,709
as Krusty's kid
at a custody hearing.
14
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:53,886
Possible recurring.
15
00:00:53,962 --> 00:00:56,213
Later, loser!
16
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:57,881
(chuckles)
Kids.
17
00:00:57,892 --> 00:00:59,341
(feedback screeches)
18
00:00:59,417 --> 00:01:01,560
Welcome, iso-tots.
(chuckles)
19
00:01:01,637 --> 00:01:02,886
Are you having fun?
20
00:01:02,897 --> 00:01:05,230
KIDS:
Yay!
21
00:01:05,307 --> 00:01:08,233
Excellent. Now, as your parents
leave you alone with me,
22
00:01:08,310 --> 00:01:10,977
let's begin the festivities.
(chuckles)
23
00:01:11,054 --> 00:01:12,905
♪ ♪
24
00:01:12,981 --> 00:01:14,907
Yes, there they go. Bye-bye.
25
00:01:14,983 --> 00:01:16,909
Last mommy out. Excellent.
26
00:01:16,985 --> 00:01:18,485
I now declare the start
27
00:01:18,562 --> 00:01:21,363
of Put Your Kids to Work Day.
28
00:01:21,439 --> 00:01:22,748
♪ ♪
29
00:01:28,780 --> 00:01:30,714
(gasping, screaming)
30
00:01:34,286 --> 00:01:36,345
(screaming)
31
00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:49,683
This plant has over 17,000
contaminated crevices
32
00:01:49,759 --> 00:01:52,018
that only your tiny hands
can reach.
33
00:01:52,095 --> 00:01:53,395
Get to work, slackers.
34
00:01:53,471 --> 00:01:55,772
At least this ride
doesn't have a creepy song.
35
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:59,276
♪ You'll work for me,
or you'll get the lash ♪
36
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:03,113
♪ You won't get dental,
health or cash. ♪
37
00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:05,457
No!
38
00:02:05,534 --> 00:02:09,378
Even Mr. Burns
can't get away with this.
39
00:02:10,655 --> 00:02:12,414
Oh, Monty, you've still got it.
40
00:02:12,490 --> 00:02:15,175
That was like taking
eight hours of work from a baby.
41
00:02:15,210 --> 00:02:18,420
Mr. Burns, according to
the child labor laws
42
00:02:18,496 --> 00:02:19,921
of the United States...
43
00:02:19,998 --> 00:02:21,974
Aah! Accountability?
44
00:02:24,386 --> 00:02:26,979
In this game of cat and mouse,
45
00:02:27,055 --> 00:02:29,472
I'm afraid Mr. Mouse
is far smarter than...
46
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,932
(screams)
47
00:02:31,009 --> 00:02:32,985
LISA:
I know you're in here,
48
00:02:33,061 --> 00:02:34,394
and nothing will stop me.
49
00:02:34,471 --> 00:02:36,155
Wait, this is a men's room.
50
00:02:36,231 --> 00:02:37,898
Ew, ew, ew!
51
00:02:37,974 --> 00:02:40,650
Is that a tuna sandwich
on the sink?
52
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:44,079
Ugh! Gross, gross, gross!
53
00:02:45,690 --> 00:02:48,825
Oh, employee cave drawings.
54
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,452
Let's see
what's on their feeble minds.
55
00:02:50,528 --> 00:02:52,954
"There once was a lady
from China..." (mumbles)
56
00:02:53,031 --> 00:02:54,673
"And North Carolina."
57
00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:56,416
I assume what's in between
is unimportant.
58
00:02:56,493 --> 00:02:58,668
(laughs)
There!
59
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,087
Someone drew a big,
crying cucumber. That's nice.
60
00:03:01,164 --> 00:03:03,298
Ooh! Something about me.
61
00:03:03,375 --> 00:03:05,967
I'll need my cheaters for this.
62
00:03:06,044 --> 00:03:07,394
- ♪ ♪
- (gasping)
63
00:03:09,214 --> 00:03:10,931
What?
64
00:03:11,007 --> 00:03:12,524
Oh!
65
00:03:14,102 --> 00:03:16,028
Oh! They hate me.
66
00:03:16,104 --> 00:03:18,697
Well, maybe things are better
in the ladies' room.
67
00:03:19,724 --> 00:03:21,867
Effigies can be burned?
68
00:03:21,944 --> 00:03:22,995
(exhales)
You should have seen
69
00:03:23,019 --> 00:03:25,028
those hateful graffitos,
Smithers.
70
00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,863
And the drawing of me
was so off-model.
71
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,949
I wouldn't worry, sir.
72
00:03:29,025 --> 00:03:30,169
Our workers
are pretty well-pacified.
73
00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:33,003
- Intimidation.
- Alleged intimidation.
74
00:03:34,122 --> 00:03:37,666
- Beatings.
- Alleged beatings. Mm.
75
00:03:37,742 --> 00:03:38,884
The poisonings.
76
00:03:38,961 --> 00:03:40,627
Ah, yes.
77
00:03:40,704 --> 00:03:43,505
We've had some alleged good
times, haven't we, Smithers?
78
00:03:43,581 --> 00:03:46,883
But there is an undercurrent
of contempt for me.
79
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,301
No, there isn't.
80
00:03:48,378 --> 00:03:50,679
You said Burns
is worse than Hitler.
81
00:03:50,755 --> 00:03:52,389
Well, not worse at his job
than Hitler,
82
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,515
but a worse person.
83
00:03:53,591 --> 00:03:54,724
(whistle blows)
84
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,059
Huh. Was that the work whistle?
85
00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:58,237
Eh, who cares.
86
00:03:58,313 --> 00:04:00,897
(scoffs) Everywhere,
I'm surrounded by malcontents,
87
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,399
termagants and Lennys.
88
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:05,485
Well, we could show the workers
some actual respect,
89
00:04:05,562 --> 00:04:06,922
uh, considering
how many have died.
90
00:04:08,991 --> 00:04:12,200
Or I could go undercover
and infiltrate the workers.
91
00:04:12,277 --> 00:04:14,244
I'm beginning to suspect
92
00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:16,296
these monitors
have been tampered with.
93
00:04:17,782 --> 00:04:18,810
I've assembled
a world-class team
94
00:04:18,834 --> 00:04:20,759
to create
your undercover disguise.
95
00:04:20,836 --> 00:04:23,762
The face mask specialist from
the Mission: Impossible movies.
96
00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:27,099
I made Ving Rhames
look like Kristin Chenoweth.
97
00:04:27,175 --> 00:04:29,434
I don't know any of those words,
but I'm impressed.
98
00:04:29,511 --> 00:04:32,178
We'll also provide you
with a dynamic new body.
99
00:04:32,255 --> 00:04:35,557
Ooh. Does everything work?
100
00:04:35,633 --> 00:04:37,225
Everything
that works for you now.
101
00:04:37,302 --> 00:04:39,519
Damn it! That's only two things.
102
00:04:39,596 --> 00:04:42,689
And we top off the disguise
with a voice modulation chip.
103
00:04:42,766 --> 00:04:44,733
Mr. Burns,
I'm gonna make you sound...
104
00:04:44,809 --> 00:04:47,527
(deep voice):
hella different.
105
00:04:47,604 --> 00:04:49,571
Oh, yeah.
106
00:04:49,647 --> 00:04:52,073
Let's get to work.
(grunts)
107
00:04:52,150 --> 00:04:54,501
(dramatic action music playing)
108
00:04:55,487 --> 00:04:57,912
Oh, my God. It's extraordinary.
109
00:04:57,989 --> 00:05:01,633
You now have the body and face
of a man half your age.
110
00:05:01,710 --> 00:05:03,918
BURNS:
78? Now, enough gallimaufry.
111
00:05:03,995 --> 00:05:05,253
I want to see my reflection.
112
00:05:05,330 --> 00:05:07,014
Someone bring me
a mountain stream.
113
00:05:07,624 --> 00:05:10,633
Say goodbye to Montgomery Burns.
114
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:14,637
Say hello to Fred Kranepool
from turbine maintenance.
115
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,398
(whirring)
116
00:05:17,392 --> 00:05:18,984
(deep voice):
Excellent.
117
00:05:24,399 --> 00:05:26,733
Hello, Joe. What do you know?
118
00:05:26,810 --> 00:05:28,318
Just got back
from the picture show.
119
00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:29,611
Beat it, weirdo.
120
00:05:29,687 --> 00:05:30,987
You're fired.
121
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:32,489
You can't fire me.
122
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,958
HOMER:
Hey, newbie. Over here.
123
00:05:36,152 --> 00:05:37,619
(chuckles)
Homer Simpson.
124
00:05:37,695 --> 00:05:39,621
Fred. Uh...
125
00:05:39,697 --> 00:05:41,131
No, that's not it.
126
00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:44,167
Fred Kranepool.
127
00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:46,845
You seem like a happy lot
here at the nuclear plant,
128
00:05:46,922 --> 00:05:48,630
suckling from the teat
129
00:05:48,706 --> 00:05:51,341
of the great
C. Montgomery Burns.
130
00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:53,518
(laughs)
You said "teat."
131
00:05:53,595 --> 00:05:57,138
(laughs)
Yes, I did, didn't I?
132
00:05:57,215 --> 00:05:58,515
(chuckles)
Now that we're chums,
133
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,141
what's on your mind?
134
00:06:00,218 --> 00:06:02,519
Any complaints?
Insubordinate remarks?
135
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,196
LENNY:
Actually, now that
you mention it...
136
00:06:04,272 --> 00:06:06,156
- Yes...?
- (work whistle blows)
137
00:06:07,392 --> 00:06:08,691
Uh-oh. Better get back to work.
138
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,193
Ah, so soon?
139
00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:12,204
(sighs) Sorry, but Mr. Burns
has a special way
140
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:13,988
of telling you
your lunchtime's over.
141
00:06:14,065 --> 00:06:15,323
(hounds barking)
142
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,750
(screaming)
143
00:06:17,735 --> 00:06:18,993
(growling)
144
00:06:19,070 --> 00:06:20,545
I heard the craziest thing.
145
00:06:20,622 --> 00:06:23,123
Some nuclear plants
don't have hounds chasing you.
146
00:06:23,199 --> 00:06:25,050
Eh, different world.
147
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,052
(hounds snarling)
148
00:06:29,631 --> 00:06:32,006
Huh. I guess when you're on
the other side of it,
149
00:06:32,083 --> 00:06:34,134
releasing hounds can be cruel?
150
00:06:34,210 --> 00:06:36,344
Oh, yeah. Super cruel.
151
00:06:36,421 --> 00:06:38,388
I had to get rabies shots
in my stomach for a month.
152
00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:41,066
Skipped the last couple.
153
00:06:41,143 --> 00:06:44,394
Ugh, you poor guys.
Here, please.
154
00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:46,905
Here's a Buffalo nickel
for each of you.
155
00:06:46,982 --> 00:06:48,481
Hey, thanks a lot, man.
156
00:06:48,558 --> 00:06:50,316
Why don't you join us
at Moe's tonight?
157
00:06:50,393 --> 00:06:52,318
Moe's?
158
00:06:52,395 --> 00:06:54,246
Yeah, it's that bar
that was featured
159
00:06:54,322 --> 00:06:56,030
on I'll Drink
What Phil's Drinking
160
00:06:56,107 --> 00:06:57,699
with Phil Rosenthal.
161
00:06:57,775 --> 00:07:00,660
Mmm. What animal
is this egg from?
162
00:07:00,737 --> 00:07:03,413
Uh, I want to say horse?
163
00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:05,748
Oh. Could I be sick in this?
164
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,542
Oh...
(retching)
165
00:07:07,619 --> 00:07:10,128
Somebody take Phil
to the hospital.
166
00:07:10,205 --> 00:07:12,172
Fred, buddy, you coming?
167
00:07:12,248 --> 00:07:15,100
I'm in.
Just need to signal Smithers.
168
00:07:15,177 --> 00:07:17,060
(sultry action music playing)
169
00:07:25,470 --> 00:07:27,279
(sighs)
I hate that signal.
170
00:07:27,355 --> 00:07:29,564
Moe, this is our new pal Fred.
171
00:07:29,641 --> 00:07:31,601
Apparently, we've been working
with him for years.
172
00:07:31,643 --> 00:07:33,234
We never noticed.
173
00:07:33,311 --> 00:07:35,495
Set him up with a beer. On me.
174
00:07:37,649 --> 00:07:40,033
- (shouts, wailing)
- Fred!
175
00:07:40,109 --> 00:07:42,577
(sighs)
Thank you, friend.
176
00:07:42,654 --> 00:07:44,245
I like the way you said that,
177
00:07:44,322 --> 00:07:47,632
like it was a foreign concept
or something.
178
00:07:49,452 --> 00:07:51,377
(laughs)
You know,
179
00:07:51,454 --> 00:07:53,755
it might be
John Barleycorn talking,
180
00:07:53,831 --> 00:07:56,758
but you annoying fleas
aren't half bad.
181
00:07:56,834 --> 00:08:00,053
All we're looking for is
a little friendship and respect.
182
00:08:00,129 --> 00:08:00,929
Mm-hmm.
183
00:08:01,005 --> 00:08:01,888
All right.
184
00:08:01,965 --> 00:08:03,556
To friendship and respect.
185
00:08:03,633 --> 00:08:06,976
And also evil.
I mean, I mean, football.
186
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,978
ALL:
Football!
187
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,981
(cackles)
188
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,326
Ah, whoa, whoa. Sorry, Barn.
Your seat's taken.
189
00:08:14,402 --> 00:08:16,444
Oh, you show up late
190
00:08:16,521 --> 00:08:19,405
for your nightly
bender just once...
191
00:08:19,482 --> 00:08:20,949
Uh, don't you worry.
192
00:08:21,025 --> 00:08:24,336
I just instituted
drive-through service.
193
00:08:24,412 --> 00:08:26,838
Drive safely.
194
00:08:26,915 --> 00:08:29,123
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
195
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,043
♪ Why can't
we be friends? ♪
196
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,846
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
197
00:08:34,923 --> 00:08:37,590
♪ Why can't
we be friends? ♪
198
00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:42,178
♪ I see you
'round for a long, long time ♪
199
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,304
♪ (laughter) ♪
200
00:08:43,381 --> 00:08:46,015
♪ I remember you ♪
201
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,434
♪ When you drink my wine ♪
202
00:08:48,511 --> 00:08:50,019
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
203
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,189
♪ Why can't
we be friends? ♪
204
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,650
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
205
00:08:55,727 --> 00:08:59,195
♪ Why can't
we be friends? ♪
206
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,373
Thank you. Thank you very much.
207
00:09:01,449 --> 00:09:03,449
Okay, um,
your turn to sing, Fred.
208
00:09:03,526 --> 00:09:05,285
(chanting):
Fred! Fred! Fred!
209
00:09:05,361 --> 00:09:07,287
(chuckles)
Very well.
210
00:09:07,363 --> 00:09:09,789
I've got a toe-tapper
everyone can sing along with,
211
00:09:09,866 --> 00:09:12,333
"The Spaniard That Blighted
My Life."
212
00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:15,211
"The Spaniard That Blighted
My Life," BLH1493. Go.
213
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:18,464
♪ List to me, while I tell you ♪
214
00:09:18,541 --> 00:09:20,227
♪ Of the Spaniard
that blighted my life... ♪
215
00:09:20,251 --> 00:09:21,301
Everybody!
216
00:09:21,377 --> 00:09:23,886
♪ List to me, while I tell you ♪
217
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,974
♪ Of the man that pinched
my future wife. ♪
218
00:09:28,051 --> 00:09:32,312
BURNS:
Those idiots like me
for me, Fred Kranepool.
219
00:09:32,388 --> 00:09:33,855
Uh, sir, I'm worried.
220
00:09:33,931 --> 00:09:35,367
The suit just detected
a heartbeat.
221
00:09:35,391 --> 00:09:37,650
- I'm turning you off.
- (clicks)
222
00:09:37,727 --> 00:09:39,661
- Other button, sir.
- Shut up.
223
00:09:47,494 --> 00:09:49,245
Where is he?
224
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,214
I'm supposed to read him
his bedtime story.
225
00:09:53,284 --> 00:09:55,427
Smithers, what are you
still doing up?
226
00:09:55,503 --> 00:09:58,013
I was worried about you, sir.
227
00:10:00,508 --> 00:10:02,550
Worried? Eh.
228
00:10:02,585 --> 00:10:05,094
I just had the greatest night
of my life.
229
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,513
- With my friends.
- What?
230
00:10:07,590 --> 00:10:09,182
Oh, you should've
seen it, Smithers.
231
00:10:09,258 --> 00:10:11,434
They enjoyed my company.
232
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:14,187
I've had "frenemies," but
they were all French enemies.
233
00:10:14,263 --> 00:10:16,948
Never a friend.
234
00:10:17,025 --> 00:10:19,275
I think of you
as more than a friend, sir.
235
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:20,646
What did I tell you
about thinking?
236
00:10:20,695 --> 00:10:23,029
(sighs)
Well, did you find anything out?
237
00:10:23,106 --> 00:10:24,623
Any scuttlebutt from the union?
238
00:10:24,699 --> 00:10:28,117
The only union that concerns me
now is the union of men.
239
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,078
What would you know about that?
240
00:10:30,154 --> 00:10:31,120
(grumbles)
241
00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:32,279
(Homer humming)
242
00:10:32,357 --> 00:10:35,333
Where have you been?
You missed dinner.
243
00:10:35,410 --> 00:10:38,136
There's this really cool new guy
at the plant.
244
00:10:38,213 --> 00:10:41,973
You know what's cool is
spending time with your family.
245
00:10:42,050 --> 00:10:44,258
- That's not cool.
- Yeah, Mom, it really isn't.
246
00:10:44,335 --> 00:10:47,428
I agree with Mom
on everything but this.
247
00:10:47,505 --> 00:10:49,147
I'm sorry. Definitely not cool.
248
00:10:49,224 --> 00:10:50,932
Oh, all right, all right.
249
00:10:51,008 --> 00:10:54,060
I just don't trust new people
in this town.
250
00:10:54,137 --> 00:10:57,155
Like Lady Gaga?
She came, she inspired Lisa
251
00:10:57,232 --> 00:10:59,991
and we never heard
from her again.
252
00:11:00,068 --> 00:11:01,993
Who needs friends like that?
253
00:11:02,904 --> 00:11:04,019
So, fellows,
254
00:11:04,021 --> 00:11:06,164
what's on our
social agenda tonight?
255
00:11:06,241 --> 00:11:08,991
More galivanting, I hope?
256
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,952
Well, we really should do
a little work.
257
00:11:11,028 --> 00:11:13,246
Yeah. I have a whole inbox
of unsplit atoms
258
00:11:13,322 --> 00:11:14,839
I haven't gotten to yet.
259
00:11:14,916 --> 00:11:16,332
Fred, are these men
bothering you?
260
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:19,419
- Oh, back off, Smithers.
- ALL: Whoa!
261
00:11:19,495 --> 00:11:22,338
I'll box your ears next time you
speak to me with such insolence.
262
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,465
Yes, sir.
263
00:11:24,542 --> 00:11:26,509
Oh, my God.
264
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,011
You totally pwned him.
265
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,189
Hmm. I suppose I did pwn him.
266
00:11:31,266 --> 00:11:32,857
I did.
267
00:11:32,934 --> 00:11:34,434
Ugh, that was quite
the kerfuffle.
268
00:11:34,510 --> 00:11:36,811
I better go take
a three-hour nap.
269
00:11:36,888 --> 00:11:39,021
No, no, wait. While Smithers
is off drowning his sorrows
270
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:42,650
in a pamplemousse Perrier,
Burns is unprotected.
271
00:11:42,727 --> 00:11:44,193
This is the perfect time
for you to represent us
272
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,112
and hit the old skinflint up
273
00:11:46,189 --> 00:11:47,258
for a decent benefits package.
274
00:11:47,282 --> 00:11:49,040
Me, talk to Burns?
275
00:11:49,117 --> 00:11:50,867
Oh, I wouldn't. I-I couldn't.
276
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,536
He's got the sharpest mind
in all 46 states.
277
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:55,997
Hey, come on, please.
For your friends.
278
00:11:56,073 --> 00:11:57,882
I won't let you down.
279
00:11:57,959 --> 00:12:00,218
(robotic):
You down, you down, you down.
280
00:12:02,205 --> 00:12:05,006
I'll help you, friends.
281
00:12:05,082 --> 00:12:06,610
FRED VOICE:
Don't you understand, Burns?
282
00:12:06,634 --> 00:12:08,885
Without the workers,
this plant is nothing.
283
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,219
If you give them respect,
284
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,846
it comes back to you
a hundredfold.
285
00:12:11,923 --> 00:12:14,223
(chuckles)
Respect the workers?
286
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:17,569
What next? Put batteries
in the smoke detectors?
287
00:12:17,645 --> 00:12:20,146
Have you no heart?
288
00:12:20,223 --> 00:12:21,814
I certainly do.
289
00:12:21,891 --> 00:12:24,409
I'm not flooding this room
with mustard gas right now.
290
00:12:24,486 --> 00:12:28,029
I'll give you a chance to tell
your buddies that you failed.
291
00:12:28,105 --> 00:12:32,325
But then they might not
like me anymore.
292
00:12:32,401 --> 00:12:35,369
You're right. Friendship
is something worth treasuring.
293
00:12:35,446 --> 00:12:38,998
Boy, he's really raking Burns
over the coals.
294
00:12:39,075 --> 00:12:41,053
Yeah, I like how they're not
interrupting each other.
295
00:12:41,077 --> 00:12:43,094
- So polite.
- BURNS: Yes, spirits, yes.
296
00:12:43,171 --> 00:12:45,213
I'll give them
everything they want.
297
00:12:45,289 --> 00:12:47,924
- (exhales) He said...
- We heard everything.
298
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,592
Clearly it was
two people talking.
299
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,594
We got to spread the good news.
300
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:55,273
We love you, big guy.
(grunts)
301
00:12:55,350 --> 00:12:57,942
Mr. Burns, what have you done?
302
00:12:58,019 --> 00:13:00,061
There is no Mr. Burns.
303
00:13:00,137 --> 00:13:01,896
Only Fred.
304
00:13:01,973 --> 00:13:03,172
What are you saying?
305
00:13:04,475 --> 00:13:06,692
Montgomery Burns died
when I put on this suit.
306
00:13:06,769 --> 00:13:08,361
And six other times this week.
307
00:13:08,437 --> 00:13:10,988
Thank God for the new liver
and kidneys.
308
00:13:11,065 --> 00:13:14,242
Wait up, guys!
Beers are on me!
309
00:13:14,318 --> 00:13:15,701
I might have two tonight.
310
00:13:15,778 --> 00:13:17,912
That's right: two sips!
311
00:13:17,989 --> 00:13:20,048
(laughs)
312
00:13:22,118 --> 00:13:23,876
Hope you're hungry, Homer.
313
00:13:23,953 --> 00:13:27,088
I got up at 2:00 a.m. and
slow-roasted a breakfast turkey.
314
00:13:27,164 --> 00:13:29,224
Sorry, no time for food.
I got to get to work.
315
00:13:33,221 --> 00:13:35,647
(squeaking)
316
00:13:35,723 --> 00:13:37,985
When did Homer turn into someone
who wants to go into work?
317
00:13:38,009 --> 00:13:39,984
Oh, no. It's in the air.
318
00:13:40,061 --> 00:13:42,937
Now I want to go to school
and make something of myself.
319
00:13:43,014 --> 00:13:44,939
Ooh.
(babbles musically)
320
00:13:45,016 --> 00:13:46,991
Hey, work is amazing now.
321
00:13:47,068 --> 00:13:49,944
A magical place where we get
what we deserve and more.
322
00:13:50,021 --> 00:13:51,988
And it's all due to Fred.
323
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,949
Okay, so when are we gonna
meet this Fred?
324
00:13:55,026 --> 00:13:57,076
Oh, you've already
met him, Marge,
325
00:13:57,153 --> 00:13:59,504
in the smile on my face.
326
00:13:59,581 --> 00:14:01,664
(whistling)
327
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:04,008
-(door closes)
-Should we tell him
it's a Saturday?
328
00:14:04,085 --> 00:14:05,510
Eh, not yet.
329
00:14:05,587 --> 00:14:08,179
At least we'll get some
of the roast turkey for once.
330
00:14:08,298 --> 00:14:10,423
♪ I don't want to work ♪
331
00:14:10,499 --> 00:14:14,510
♪ I want to bang
on the drum all day ♪
332
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:17,096
♪ I don't want to play ♪
333
00:14:17,173 --> 00:14:21,067
♪ I just want to bang
on the drum all day ♪
334
00:14:22,011 --> 00:14:23,436
♪ I don't want to work... ♪
335
00:14:23,512 --> 00:14:26,364
♪ I want to bang
on the drum all day ♪
336
00:14:26,441 --> 00:14:28,941
Hey, Homer. Look what Fred
made Burns give us
337
00:14:29,018 --> 00:14:30,526
to handle plutonium.
338
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,579
Look at me. I'm Audrey Hepburn.
339
00:14:37,234 --> 00:14:39,118
Lenny Leonard,
you have exquisite vision
340
00:14:39,195 --> 00:14:40,770
and you know it.
Give me those.
341
00:14:40,772 --> 00:14:43,539
Oh, I don't care what you think,
'cause Fred doesn't like you.
342
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,541
And once Fred gets around to it,
343
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:48,011
you ain't gonna be
working here no more.
344
00:14:51,415 --> 00:14:53,007
I've had enough.
Simpson, come with me.
345
00:14:53,084 --> 00:14:54,175
What the...?
346
00:14:54,251 --> 00:14:57,136
There's something
you don't know about
347
00:14:57,213 --> 00:14:58,396
your good friend Fred.
348
00:14:58,473 --> 00:15:00,723
I know everything I need to know
349
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:04,027
about Fred whatshisname
from wherever he comes.
350
00:15:09,150 --> 00:15:11,910
(gasps)
Oh, my God.
351
00:15:11,986 --> 00:15:14,320
That's right. Fred is Mr. Burns.
352
00:15:14,397 --> 00:15:16,405
But wait a minute.
Isn't that a good thing?
353
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,366
It means he's nice to us now.
354
00:15:18,442 --> 00:15:20,368
His niceness is gonna
put us out of business.
355
00:15:20,444 --> 00:15:23,037
These giveaways
are bankrupting us.
356
00:15:23,114 --> 00:15:24,141
What should we give
our friends next, Fred?
357
00:15:24,165 --> 00:15:27,083
Morning yoga? Irish brides?
358
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,543
Okay, maybe the yoga
is going too far.
359
00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:31,087
It's all too far.
360
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,149
We're gonna go the way
of the Sears catalog
361
00:15:32,173 --> 00:15:33,932
and 20th Century Fox.
362
00:15:34,008 --> 00:15:38,052
Are you sure this isn't
because you miss the old Burns?
363
00:15:38,129 --> 00:15:40,429
Of course I miss him.
Who wouldn't?
364
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,348
Simpson, if you care
about your job,
365
00:15:42,425 --> 00:15:44,058
and the jobs of everyone
in this plant,
366
00:15:44,135 --> 00:15:46,277
you'll end your friendship
with Mr. Burns.
367
00:15:46,354 --> 00:15:48,229
- Permanently.
- No problem.
368
00:15:48,305 --> 00:15:50,564
As long as I'm still friends
with Fred.
369
00:15:50,641 --> 00:15:52,525
Burns is Fred.
370
00:15:52,601 --> 00:15:55,495
Wha...? Oh, he is not.
371
00:16:00,017 --> 00:16:02,627
- What's wrong, Homie?
- Mm, not much.
372
00:16:02,704 --> 00:16:06,122
I lost a friend today because
Burns stepped out of him.
373
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:07,966
- What?
- Well, let's just say
374
00:16:08,042 --> 00:16:09,186
I can't be
friends with Fred anymore
375
00:16:09,210 --> 00:16:10,876
but I don't know
how to tell him.
376
00:16:10,953 --> 00:16:12,461
Well, don't ask me.
I suck at it.
377
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,088
That's why I can't shake
Milhouse.
378
00:16:14,165 --> 00:16:16,132
I'm right here, Bart.
379
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:18,300
Our sleepover ended
two days ago.
380
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,553
I'll call my mom again.
381
00:16:20,629 --> 00:16:22,522
♪ ♪
382
00:16:28,971 --> 00:16:31,439
- Hey, Fred.
- Ahoy-hoy.
383
00:16:31,515 --> 00:16:34,158
Listen, Fred, we can't really
hang out with you anymore.
384
00:16:34,235 --> 00:16:38,496
No offense. I mean, it's just
that I got to focus on work.
385
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:43,409
My console's
under here somewhere.
386
00:16:43,486 --> 00:16:44,836
Hey, Fred!
387
00:16:44,912 --> 00:16:46,120
- The man of the hour.
- Oh...
388
00:16:46,197 --> 00:16:48,581
We were just working
on a list of new things
389
00:16:48,657 --> 00:16:50,583
you can get
Old Man Burns to give us.
390
00:16:50,659 --> 00:16:53,011
What do you mean
"Old Man Burns"?
391
00:16:53,087 --> 00:16:55,171
(laughs)
I mean, he's so old.
392
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,964
Fossilized scarecrow.
393
00:16:57,041 --> 00:17:01,135
You know, I've never seen Fred
and Burns at the same time.
394
00:17:01,212 --> 00:17:03,596
Which means you must
hate Burns, too.
395
00:17:03,672 --> 00:17:06,348
Ooh, well, we-we don't
really hate him.
396
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,017
Mr. Burns is a withered
old corn husk
397
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,977
with a rotten apple for a head,
398
00:17:10,054 --> 00:17:11,494
and I'm getting special clogs
made up
399
00:17:11,555 --> 00:17:13,105
so I can Riverdance
on his grave.
400
00:17:13,182 --> 00:17:15,199
(babbles musically)
401
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,611
You ungrateful jackals.
402
00:17:18,687 --> 00:17:20,488
Smithers,
where's the kill button?
403
00:17:20,564 --> 00:17:22,281
Um, there isn't one, sir.
404
00:17:22,358 --> 00:17:24,366
How many times have I told you,
405
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,368
everything must have
a kill button?
406
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:29,038
Unhand me, you ape!
407
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:31,457
Why am I always referred to
as an ape?
408
00:17:31,534 --> 00:17:34,001
Never a gorilla or an orangutan.
409
00:17:34,078 --> 00:17:36,378
Aw, monkey want a banana?
410
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:40,141
(grunts)
Why, you incredibly complex...
411
00:17:41,544 --> 00:17:43,469
(crying):
I-I thought
412
00:17:43,546 --> 00:17:44,970
you were
413
00:17:45,047 --> 00:17:46,647
my friends.
414
00:17:47,716 --> 00:17:49,975
Huh. Someone's having a day.
415
00:17:50,052 --> 00:17:52,028
♪ ♪
416
00:17:53,222 --> 00:17:55,022
Fred, you traitor.
417
00:17:55,099 --> 00:17:56,908
You've turned my employees
against me.
418
00:17:56,984 --> 00:17:59,026
Yeah, but they love me.
419
00:17:59,103 --> 00:18:01,153
And soon, there'll be no you.
420
00:18:01,230 --> 00:18:03,164
Just Fred!
421
00:18:06,235 --> 00:18:09,078
♪ ♪
422
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:12,998
As all my attorneys keep
telling me, why won't you die?
423
00:18:13,075 --> 00:18:16,260
Because I'm the last spark
of goodness in you.
424
00:18:16,337 --> 00:18:18,504
It can't be extinguished!
425
00:18:18,581 --> 00:18:20,548
I'm glad I went to the bathroom
in you.
426
00:18:20,624 --> 00:18:22,016
En garde.
427
00:18:25,129 --> 00:18:27,063
(grunts)
428
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:32,518
(straining):
Die, die. D-Die, die.
429
00:18:32,595 --> 00:18:35,530
It's okay, Mr. Burns.
Fred's gone.
430
00:18:36,473 --> 00:18:39,191
Oh, why can't I be loved
and feared?
431
00:18:39,268 --> 00:18:41,452
- Like God?
- Why?
432
00:18:41,529 --> 00:18:43,737
Because you're the boss,
we're the workers.
433
00:18:43,814 --> 00:18:45,990
It goes back to caveman days.
434
00:18:46,066 --> 00:18:48,868
Ten guys killed the mammoth
while the boss yelled at them.
435
00:18:48,944 --> 00:18:52,121
Then the boss got all the meat
and they got all the toenails.
436
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:56,083
Because that's the way
life works.
437
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:58,919
Next came the Renaissance, and
the invention of the time clock,
438
00:18:58,996 --> 00:19:01,297
which meant the boss
no longer had to waste time
439
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,807
checking on his employees
440
00:19:02,884 --> 00:19:05,134
and could become pope
and marry his sister.
441
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:09,555
With recent times came unions
and workers' rights.
442
00:19:09,632 --> 00:19:12,892
Which were then taken away
in even more recent times.
443
00:19:12,968 --> 00:19:14,485
Wrap it up, Homer.
444
00:19:14,562 --> 00:19:15,873
That catwalk
is starting to buckle.
445
00:19:15,897 --> 00:19:17,989
(metal creaking)
446
00:19:18,065 --> 00:19:20,324
My point is, no matter what,
Mr. Burns,
447
00:19:20,401 --> 00:19:23,828
the boss sucks,
so why shouldn't you?
448
00:19:23,905 --> 00:19:26,664
- (blows raspberry)
- Why indeed.
449
00:19:26,741 --> 00:19:29,074
Back to work,
and everything nice is canceled.
450
00:19:29,151 --> 00:19:31,335
- Um, does that include...
- If you have to ask,
451
00:19:31,412 --> 00:19:32,837
it's canceled.
452
00:19:32,914 --> 00:19:35,339
And Fred, the man
I could've been,
453
00:19:35,416 --> 00:19:38,759
I consign to the fires of hell.
454
00:19:40,922 --> 00:19:43,339
(screeches)
455
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,966
Somebody stop it.
No, no, no, too late.
456
00:19:46,043 --> 00:19:48,928
- Oh, poor Fred.
- It's a costume, you idiot.
457
00:19:49,004 --> 00:19:51,305
A lot of work goes into those.
458
00:19:51,382 --> 00:19:53,432
- Good to have you back, sir.
- (chuckles)
459
00:19:53,509 --> 00:19:55,100
Good to... Oh, Smithers.
460
00:19:55,177 --> 00:19:57,361
I left my car fob in that suit.
Go get it.
461
00:19:57,438 --> 00:19:59,521
But that's certain death, sir.
462
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:03,484
- Yes, but for you.
- You're back.
463
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,578
Or am I?
464
00:20:10,191 --> 00:20:12,210
Attention, everyone.
465
00:20:12,286 --> 00:20:13,953
This is your new coworker
Don Phoneyman.
466
00:20:14,029 --> 00:20:15,955
Please show him the ropes.
467
00:20:16,031 --> 00:20:17,831
I'm not going through this
again. Come on.
468
00:20:17,908 --> 00:20:20,376
We know it's you, Mr. Burns,
and we'll prove it.
469
00:20:20,411 --> 00:20:22,628
Release the hounds.
They won't touch you.
470
00:20:22,705 --> 00:20:24,880
(barking)
471
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,882
Well, what do you know?
He's real.
472
00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:29,468
I didn't know we could
call the hounds.
473
00:20:29,545 --> 00:20:31,553
We can also operate
the trapdoor.
474
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,065
(receding):
I'll get you for this!
475
00:20:51,108 --> 00:20:53,117
Engage karaoke mode.
476
00:20:53,193 --> 00:20:56,254
♪ List to me while I tell you ♪
477
00:20:56,330 --> 00:20:59,090
♪ Of the Spaniard
that blighted my life ♪
478
00:21:01,076 --> 00:21:04,086
♪ List to me, while I tell you ♪
479
00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:07,306
♪ Of the man that
pinched my future wife. ♪
480
00:21:27,862 --> 00:21:30,121
Shh!
34460
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