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foreign
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i was supposed to go back to new york
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the next day but a meeting had come up
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causing me to push
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i've been in los angeles over a week now
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and i was tired
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and homesick and wanted more than
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anything to crawl into bed with ella and
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smell the skin of her neck
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the fight was one of those insanely
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arbitrary things that
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if i explained it would make it sound
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like an irrational and brittle person
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that was not the case
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i loved her and admired her
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the strain of being away was just
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getting to both of us
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and she had picked a fight out of
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anxiety over whether or not i would be
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trustworthy
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i was trying to be
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what are you reading
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i didn't feel guilty about it it was a
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road quality to experience
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pretty much muzzle memory well
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good night you want me to get you a car
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no that's okay i got it
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okay what i felt was also old and
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familiar
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looking forward to the sound of the
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front door closing and the relief of
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being alone
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are you [ __ ] kidding me
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what is it some [ __ ] [ __ ] robbed
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me
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what where i mean it
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must have been at the bar
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weren't you watching your purse what did
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they take
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i mean my phone my wallet my my my keys
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they took your keys so yeah my wallet is
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also my keychain
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[ __ ] what the [ __ ] am i going to do
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ugh my roommate's in oh hi on a [ __ ]
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ayahuasca retreat
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that really sucks man
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can i borrow your phone i need to like
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cancel my cards
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you sure your stuff isn't at the bar
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like you could have fallen out or
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something
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right
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thanks
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uh
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thanks of course i'm sorry if i was
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curt i don't worry about it if it were
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me i'd be losing my mind
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yeah [ __ ] people help
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oh no i'm sorry to bother you with this
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it's okay can happen to anyone yeah
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you're welcome to stay the night
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oh no that's very sweet of you i will
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figure something out
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are you tired
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my friend used to work for the okcupid
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analytics team
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and they have like this giant data set
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it's like all the questions that people
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have to answer and
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at a certain point they don't even have
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to anymore but they just keep like
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feeding at information about themselves
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like by choice
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and they found that there's a question
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that if you ask a girl and she answers
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yes
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is the single most reliable predictor of
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whether or not
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she will have sex on a first date
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do you know what that question is
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do you like the taste of beer
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do you like the taste of beer
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not really do you do this kind of thing
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a lot
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um do you mean am i a [ __ ]
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sure no not that there's anything wrong
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with it hmm
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do you believe that intellectually
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you have kind eyes
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and i was feeling sad
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the city can make you feel really lonely
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i think about leaving it all the time
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this is a nice spot it belongs to a
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friend of mine from school
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he works in tv i live in a whopping 300
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square foot walk up in the east village
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all to myself
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so yeah i'm not jealous ew then why did
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i sleep with you
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are you what jealous
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i don't know i've been here a week now
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when i feel this kind of alienation
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setting in
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i always feel it here i may not have a
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lot of space back home but
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manhattan is my living room you know
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you're right this this is a lonely city
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god you know there's just something
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particular
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about new yorkers they feel like they
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can come into your home
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[ __ ] all over it and expect you to feel
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sorry for them
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i'm using your words
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so
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what are you afraid of what am i afraid
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of
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um
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so i'm turning 30 soon
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i'm not saying that's old or anything
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but
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you look around in new york and there
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are tons of people
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you know who just closed her eyes at 30
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and then wake up when they're 50 and
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they're really no farther along
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nothing that much is different except
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this um
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weight in their eyes that wasn't there
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before
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and you feel no way that happens to
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other people sure but but not to me
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now i'm meant for something more you
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know i'm special
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what you really mean by that though is
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it wouldn't be fair
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if it happened to you in the same way as
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a kid you
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you thought it wasn't fair if your toy
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broke
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because that's how children think in
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terms of what is fair
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or unfair instead of
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what is life
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i don't know what what are you afraid of
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spiders
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why do women equate sexual fidelity with
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love pass
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ah my handy cufflink
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i have something that i'm afraid of what
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so my ex and i were at this uh bar in
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nashville that used to be this house of
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this eccentric
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millionaire who used to keep these women
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as sex slaves
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okay but how's the eccentric and there
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was this bottom [ __ ]
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who you know was like the main girl of
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the sex slave totem pole
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and she got really jealous one day of
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the other girls
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snapped and killed a bunch of them
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so go to the bathroom and at the end of
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the hallway there's a sign
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on this door that says do not enter and
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of course
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i go through it and it's a stairway that
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leads to the second floor
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it's like completely empty but i notice
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on a windowsill
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there's a single cufflink
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so i take it no no no you don't do that
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so the the next day my
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my boyfriend and i were on the road and
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i tell him what happens
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what i did and he's like really pale and
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he's like whoa
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like we need to go back like you need to
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return that i'm like yo like come down
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you're crazy you know we're like three
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hours away from the city go back we're
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trying to [ __ ] cufflink
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so you know like without going into
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specifics the next uh
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six months of my life are chaos and
186
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if that's not enough um
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one day i decided to take the cufflink
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out of this jewelry box where i was
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keeping it i have no idea
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like why i had the urge but i did
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and it was warm and i'm thinking like
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okay
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the jewelry box is by window and like
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the sun heats it up but i feel around
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like on all my other jewels it's the
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only ones it's the only one
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why don't you just throw it away
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like it
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hey do you want to get high
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where'd you go said you were thinking
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about leaving all the time where would
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you go
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um i don't know
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i was actually thinking about going back
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to school
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what would you study i haven't decided
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yet
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but i like to help people so
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interior design
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you think i'm a flake what
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like uh here's this like 30 um
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something year old tudor who lives in
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los angeles
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with a roommate get keep track of her
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purse and she's talking about all these
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changes she's not going to make
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i think it's very sweet of you to
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pretend that i have
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i know that look i don't know who looked
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at you that way but that's not what i
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was thinking at all
222
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well what were you thinking about my own
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problems
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i'm gonna get another one do you want
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one no maybe some water
226
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um
227
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foreign
228
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next day i ordered layla a car
229
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i gave her what cash i had to get into
230
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the day
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63 she gave me information
232
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and insisted on paying me back
233
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i never contacted her
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here
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[Music]
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do
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[Music]
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00:15:25,198 --> 00:15:27,278
you
15740
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