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1
00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:09,626
I remember before we got kids
and I could just lie in bed on Saturday.
2
00:00:09,827 --> 00:00:11,026
That's how we got them.
3
00:00:11,494 --> 00:00:13,595
Why did I have to be so sexy?
4
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:17,050
A few moths ago, Luke
joined the club soccer team
5
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:18,249
and at first we were thrilled.
6
00:00:18,981 --> 00:00:22,102
But then we realised it
takes over your whole weekend.
7
00:00:22,302 --> 00:00:23,502
And not in the cool
MythBusters marathon way.
8
00:00:24,627 --> 00:00:26,727
Luke sits on the bench. A lot.
9
00:00:26,928 --> 00:00:28,527
Which means we sit at the hot sun
10
00:00:28,527 --> 00:00:30,929
for like 8 hours, just
to see him play 5 minutes.
11
00:00:31,722 --> 00:00:33,442
But what five minutes.
Tell them about last week.
12
00:00:33,579 --> 00:00:34,580
Oh. Yeah.
13
00:00:34,754 --> 00:00:36,854
Luke stopped a goal
with his face.
14
00:00:37,751 --> 00:00:39,748
- Too bad he doesn't remember that.
- Yeah.
15
00:00:40,114 --> 00:00:43,646
What if we sent Luke
to the game without us today?
16
00:00:43,648 --> 00:00:45,334
- We can't do that.
- Why not?
17
00:00:45,335 --> 00:00:47,845
Missing one tournament
doesn't make us bad parents.
18
00:00:47,847 --> 00:00:50,775
My mom never went
to any of my stuff. I'm fine.
19
00:00:50,775 --> 00:00:52,197
Why didn't she go
to any of your stuff?
20
00:00:52,199 --> 00:00:53,885
Because she was
an incredibly competitive woman
21
00:00:53,885 --> 00:00:55,919
who didn't like to see me
do very well at anything,
22
00:00:55,921 --> 00:00:57,411
but I think it's
pretty clear who won.
23
00:00:58,535 --> 00:00:59,697
I'm working now, you know,
24
00:00:59,698 --> 00:01:01,850
and I really need my weekends back
25
00:01:01,851 --> 00:01:03,617
to -- to catch up on errands.
26
00:01:03,637 --> 00:01:05,135
I don't know.
It just feels wrong.
27
00:01:05,154 --> 00:01:08,915
Would it feel wrong
to use that robot gutter cleaner
28
00:01:08,916 --> 00:01:10,773
that's been sitting in the box
for the last three weeks?
29
00:01:10,773 --> 00:01:12,842
- No, that would feel right -- so right.
- Mm-hmm.
30
00:01:12,842 --> 00:01:14,578
Did I tell you I call it "the gutter done"?
31
00:01:14,579 --> 00:01:16,176
You did!
I love "gutter done."
32
00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:17,962
It's your sense of humor.
It's so fun.
33
00:01:17,964 --> 00:01:19,790
Okay, stop drilling.
You struck oil.
34
00:01:19,791 --> 00:01:22,136
But only if Luke's
100% cool with it.
35
00:01:22,138 --> 00:01:23,872
Yeah, of course.
I'm on it.
36
00:01:23,893 --> 00:01:26,069
You know, if we're not going,
37
00:01:27,032 --> 00:01:28,879
we could stay in bed
a little longer.
38
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,293
- No, thank you.
- Okay.
39
00:01:30,293 --> 00:01:32,790
Don't want to have this
conversation again in 15 years.
40
00:01:49,028 --> 00:01:50,682
What are you doing
with those swatches?
41
00:01:50,684 --> 00:01:51,990
She's gonna be here any minute.
42
00:01:51,991 --> 00:01:53,998
I told you to put
all this wedding stuff away.
43
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,233
Are these really our top-two
choices for color palette?
44
00:01:56,234 --> 00:01:57,307
Why are they both white?
45
00:01:57,308 --> 00:02:00,711
That's what my friend Keisha
asks about you and daddy.
46
00:02:01,374 --> 00:02:02,600
Instead of hiding all this stuff,
47
00:02:02,602 --> 00:02:04,518
why don't you just tell Pam
we're getting married?
48
00:02:04,518 --> 00:02:06,789
I will, when she's ready.
49
00:02:06,813 --> 00:02:09,789
Carefully and preferably
in a large, open field.
50
00:02:09,856 --> 00:02:11,960
She's your sister, not the Hulk.
51
00:02:11,961 --> 00:02:14,464
My big sister, Pam,
is emotionally fragile
52
00:02:14,465 --> 00:02:16,428
and she's still single,
so when she finds out
53
00:02:16,429 --> 00:02:18,276
I'm getting married before she is --
54
00:02:19,369 --> 00:02:19,995
look out.
55
00:02:19,996 --> 00:02:22,091
She can be meaner
than a barn owl at sunset.
56
00:02:22,091 --> 00:02:23,376
Because that's when they wake up?
57
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:24,943
Yep. That's morning time
for a barn owl.
58
00:02:26,783 --> 00:02:28,844
- It's her!
- Quick! Hide!
59
00:02:28,845 --> 00:02:30,395
It's okay, Lily. Come on.
60
00:02:30,396 --> 00:02:31,673
Oh, take that bow out of her hair.
61
00:02:31,675 --> 00:02:33,179
I don't want to rub
our daughter's adorableness
62
00:02:33,181 --> 00:02:34,320
in my barren sister's face.
63
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,999
- There she is!
- Hey, Pam!
64
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,615
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
65
00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:40,834
Well, the damn airline
lost my trunk.
66
00:02:40,835 --> 00:02:43,341
- Now I'm gonna have
to make new clothes. - Oh, no.
67
00:02:43,389 --> 00:02:44,131
Yep.
68
00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:46,047
I need to squeeze something.
69
00:02:46,048 --> 00:02:48,274
- Get over here, Lily.
- I'm good.
70
00:02:48,332 --> 00:02:49,806
Yeah, well, she's shy.
71
00:02:49,828 --> 00:02:52,183
So, Pam, we've got some big news.
72
00:02:52,184 --> 00:02:53,705
Speaking of big news --
73
00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:55,460
you remember that little ugly girl
74
00:02:55,461 --> 00:02:57,234
I used to babysit, Britney Horner?
75
00:02:57,235 --> 00:02:59,243
- Yeah.
- Well, she got married last summer,
76
00:02:59,243 --> 00:03:00,646
and now she's pregnant with twins.
77
00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:03,686
So, if you're keeping track,
that's ugly -- 2, me -- nothing.
78
00:03:04,060 --> 00:03:05,201
What's your news?
79
00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:06,191
Um... well...
80
00:03:06,192 --> 00:03:07,720
We're getting a new dryer.
81
00:03:09,046 --> 00:03:10,936
Well, I'm very happy for y'all.
82
00:03:11,723 --> 00:03:12,621
Thank you.
83
00:03:12,857 --> 00:03:14,938
How come I never
get a new dryer?
84
00:03:17,533 --> 00:03:19,236
Mom, in all the time
you've known grandpa,
85
00:03:19,236 --> 00:03:20,866
has he ever used
the word "fluxions"?
86
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,381
That is not an f-word
I have heard him use.
87
00:03:23,383 --> 00:03:25,078
He's beating me
in "Words with friends."
88
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,159
How is that even possible?
89
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:27,844
Shouldn't you be playing
"Words with friends"
90
00:03:27,845 --> 00:03:29,076
with friends?
91
00:03:29,184 --> 00:03:30,435
Grandpa is my friend.
92
00:03:30,436 --> 00:03:32,609
Of course he is.
That's not sad. What?
93
00:03:33,055 --> 00:03:34,549
Morning, buddy.
What's with the pillow?
94
00:03:34,549 --> 00:03:35,357
It's for soccer.
95
00:03:35,358 --> 00:03:37,759
My neck gets pretty tired
watching all those games.
96
00:03:38,199 --> 00:03:39,072
Right.
97
00:03:39,140 --> 00:03:40,479
Yeah, I'll bet.
98
00:03:40,582 --> 00:03:42,457
Say, listen, your dad and I
were just talking
99
00:03:42,459 --> 00:03:45,529
about you maybe wanting to go
to the game without us today.
100
00:03:45,531 --> 00:03:47,610
- Oh.
- But it's totally up to you.
101
00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:49,895
Whatever you want because
we love you very much.
102
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,377
Right. You can either ride
with some of your teammates,
103
00:03:52,378 --> 00:03:54,503
like the L.A. Kings,
or you can ride with us,
104
00:03:54,504 --> 00:03:57,537
like how Gloria and grandpa
take Joe to playdates.
105
00:03:57,963 --> 00:03:59,935
Professional athlete,
little poopy baby --
106
00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:01,726
- your call.
- I'll get a ride with Max.
107
00:04:01,727 --> 00:04:03,206
- Great!
- Are you sure it's okay?
108
00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:04,303
Yeah, it's fine.
109
00:04:04,304 --> 00:04:05,700
Hey, can I borrow
your sleep mask?
110
00:04:05,702 --> 00:04:07,367
- You bet.
- Awesome.
111
00:04:09,010 --> 00:04:10,822
Yes! I love that kid.
112
00:04:10,823 --> 00:04:12,863
Can you imagine how easy
it would be if it was just him?
113
00:04:12,865 --> 00:04:14,104
- Mm.
- I mean...
114
00:04:14,104 --> 00:04:15,330
I know what you mean.
115
00:04:22,337 --> 00:04:23,274
You call that folded?
116
00:04:23,274 --> 00:04:24,692
Where's that military precision?
117
00:04:24,692 --> 00:04:26,961
We didn't fold many
onesies in the Navy.
118
00:04:27,689 --> 00:04:29,247
I'm back!
119
00:04:29,529 --> 00:04:30,781
What did the doctor say?
120
00:04:30,781 --> 00:04:32,908
He said my eyes are perfect.
121
00:04:32,908 --> 00:04:34,721
Where was he looking
when he said it?
122
00:04:35,513 --> 00:04:36,924
Pretty sure Gloria needs glasses.
123
00:04:36,924 --> 00:04:39,163
The last couple of months,
she's been struggling.
124
00:04:48,253 --> 00:04:50,376
I'll take this one.
It looks very good.
125
00:04:52,690 --> 00:04:54,324
That's their address, Magoo.
126
00:04:55,809 --> 00:04:57,335
Did he even give you an eye test?
127
00:04:57,436 --> 00:04:58,534
He put the spoon in one eye,
128
00:04:58,535 --> 00:04:59,590
the spoon in the other eye,
129
00:04:59,592 --> 00:05:01,387
the puff puff, the eye drops.
130
00:05:01,389 --> 00:05:03,646
20/20.
Now who's the Magoo?
131
00:05:04,952 --> 00:05:06,405
What the hell language was that?
132
00:05:07,919 --> 00:05:09,602
Did you see that
fresh coat of nail polish?
133
00:05:09,602 --> 00:05:11,081
She never went to the doctor.
134
00:05:11,141 --> 00:05:13,114
- Why would she lie?
- She's vain, Manny.
135
00:05:13,162 --> 00:05:14,661
She doesn't want to wear glasses.
136
00:05:14,663 --> 00:05:16,205
Well, she's only hurting herself.
137
00:05:20,631 --> 00:05:23,247
- Okay, I hope you're hungry.
- Starving.
138
00:05:23,248 --> 00:05:25,603
That damn airline
ran out of roast beef.
139
00:05:25,605 --> 00:05:26,605
Tried to fast talk me
140
00:05:26,605 --> 00:05:28,027
into eating something
called "hoo-mus."
141
00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:29,953
Oh, hummus --
it's actually really delicious.
142
00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:32,208
You would like tha-- uh.
Oh.
143
00:05:34,206 --> 00:05:36,387
- What's this?
- Oh, uh, that's an action figure.
144
00:05:36,695 --> 00:05:37,830
It's two grooms.
145
00:05:37,832 --> 00:05:39,125
They melted together in the car
146
00:05:39,125 --> 00:05:40,333
on a very, very hot day.
147
00:05:40,333 --> 00:05:41,415
It was 103.
148
00:05:41,451 --> 00:05:43,513
My daddies are getting married.
149
00:05:44,141 --> 00:05:45,642
Your dads are getting married?
150
00:05:46,122 --> 00:05:47,485
That can't be right.
151
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:50,133
That's what my friend Keisha says.
152
00:05:52,573 --> 00:05:53,574
Is this true?
153
00:05:53,576 --> 00:05:56,158
Pam, honest to goodness,
we were gonna tell you.
154
00:05:56,158 --> 00:05:57,360
Get over here, you!
155
00:05:57,362 --> 00:05:58,390
Hey, hey!
156
00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,532
She's got me.
157
00:05:59,594 --> 00:06:01,025
Well, damn!
158
00:06:01,835 --> 00:06:03,917
This is the greatest news
I've ever heard!
159
00:06:03,917 --> 00:06:07,175
Oh, I am so happy
to hear you say that, Pam.
160
00:06:07,392 --> 00:06:09,130
Of course. Oh!
161
00:06:09,130 --> 00:06:11,874
I want my baby brother
to be happy.
162
00:06:12,167 --> 00:06:15,030
And as long as we're sharing,
I have some news.
163
00:06:15,030 --> 00:06:16,454
You remember Bo Johnson?
164
00:06:16,456 --> 00:06:19,216
Oh, my gosh,
how could I forget? Oh!
165
00:06:19,216 --> 00:06:20,904
He was my first crush.
166
00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,011
Please tell me nothing
happened to his face.
167
00:06:23,013 --> 00:06:24,395
What did he fall into?
168
00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:26,179
He fell into me.
169
00:06:26,180 --> 00:06:27,593
We're engaged!
170
00:06:27,593 --> 00:06:30,046
Say what?
Bo and I are getting married!
171
00:06:30,048 --> 00:06:33,204
That is fantastic!
Cam, isn't this great news?
172
00:06:33,205 --> 00:06:33,958
Come here, you. Oh!
173
00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:35,799
Yeah. So great.
174
00:06:35,801 --> 00:06:38,668
Oh! Get in on this! Come on!
175
00:06:39,594 --> 00:06:40,812
Thank you for jumping.
176
00:06:45,289 --> 00:06:47,701
I didn't feel guilty for missing
Luke's soccer tournament
177
00:06:47,703 --> 00:06:49,445
because I had a ton of errands
178
00:06:49,447 --> 00:06:51,599
I figured would
take me all day to finish.
179
00:06:52,007 --> 00:06:55,438
But for some weird reason,
I was flying through my list.
180
00:06:55,569 --> 00:06:57,497
I ended up in every short line.
181
00:06:57,662 --> 00:06:59,304
I made every green light.
182
00:06:59,903 --> 00:07:01,894
It was the ultimate
karmic bitch-slap.
183
00:07:02,190 --> 00:07:04,204
Because suddenly
I had no more errands,
184
00:07:04,205 --> 00:07:05,878
which meant no more excuses,
185
00:07:05,878 --> 00:07:09,206
which meant me at that
boring soccer tournament.
186
00:07:12,319 --> 00:07:13,385
Hi. There you are.
187
00:07:13,387 --> 00:07:14,950
Your son is playing so great.
188
00:07:14,952 --> 00:07:16,729
- No, I'm Luke's mom.
- No, I know.
189
00:07:16,731 --> 00:07:19,125
- He's been amazing all day.
- Luke?
190
00:07:19,845 --> 00:07:21,660
Oh! Luke?
191
00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:22,498
Here, you want one?
192
00:07:22,498 --> 00:07:24,086
Uh, no, thanks.
I'm coffeed out.
193
00:07:24,087 --> 00:07:27,362
- Oh, honey, it's sangria.
- Well, all right.
194
00:07:30,475 --> 00:07:32,397
Okay, that's it.
Grandpa's cheating.
195
00:07:32,432 --> 00:07:34,634
On Gloria?
How could he possibly do better?
196
00:07:34,666 --> 00:07:36,705
No, not on Gloria --
on this game.
197
00:07:37,566 --> 00:07:39,224
I've never lost it to anyone.
198
00:07:39,224 --> 00:07:41,622
Keep playing word games with grandpa,
and you never will.
199
00:07:42,233 --> 00:07:43,279
Hey, girls!
200
00:07:43,521 --> 00:07:45,378
Hey. What is that thing?
201
00:07:45,380 --> 00:07:46,481
What do they call it,
202
00:07:46,482 --> 00:07:47,904
or what should
they have called it?
203
00:07:47,905 --> 00:07:49,794
- Never mind.
- Uh, wait, wait, wait!
204
00:07:50,018 --> 00:07:51,254
It's a gutter cleaner.
205
00:07:52,910 --> 00:07:57,907
Ladies, I give you the future.
206
00:08:00,123 --> 00:08:02,713
How many times have you girls
seen me fall off this ladder?
207
00:08:02,714 --> 00:08:05,435
Now that's gonna happen less.
208
00:08:05,793 --> 00:08:06,868
Looks like your, uh,
209
00:08:06,869 --> 00:08:08,801
gutter cleaner
is stuck on something.
210
00:08:08,803 --> 00:08:09,494
Not a problem.
211
00:08:09,496 --> 00:08:11,853
This baby detects blockage
and then ramps up the power.
212
00:08:11,853 --> 00:08:14,747
That's why I've nicknamed it
"The gutter done."
213
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:16,700
- Stop!
- Dad!
214
00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:18,697
Sorry, it's such
a missed opportunity.
215
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,261
- Aah!
- Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!
216
00:08:20,263 --> 00:08:21,881
- What? What happened?
- It's a bird's nest!
217
00:08:21,881 --> 00:08:23,814
- No!
- And they're all dead!
218
00:08:23,814 --> 00:08:25,945
- Oh, my God!
- You killed them!
219
00:08:25,945 --> 00:08:27,209
Honey, it wasn't me!
220
00:08:27,209 --> 00:08:29,082
It was the robot!
221
00:08:30,909 --> 00:08:32,337
It doesn't know!
222
00:08:35,093 --> 00:08:36,823
I'm sorry!
223
00:08:37,795 --> 00:08:39,643
Mom! Mom! Help!
224
00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:40,715
What?! What happened?!
225
00:08:40,716 --> 00:08:43,580
- I just ate a handful of this rat poison.
- Why?!
226
00:08:43,581 --> 00:08:44,714
I thought it was trail mix.
227
00:08:44,715 --> 00:08:46,960
- Why do I keep it so close together?
- I'll call 911!
228
00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:49,418
Here, read the box!
Tell me what it says to do!
229
00:08:49,418 --> 00:08:50,168
Hurry!
230
00:08:50,544 --> 00:08:53,134
- It says...
- I don't have much time!
231
00:08:53,135 --> 00:08:54,527
In the...
232
00:08:55,775 --> 00:08:59,310
- And I'm dead.
- What?
233
00:08:59,712 --> 00:09:03,266
You'd rather kill your husband
than admit you need glasses.
234
00:09:03,267 --> 00:09:05,177
- Wow, mom.
- It's not poison?
235
00:09:05,177 --> 00:09:06,053
Oh, there's rat poison,
236
00:09:06,055 --> 00:09:08,402
and I do keep it dangerously
close to the trail mix,
237
00:09:08,403 --> 00:09:09,683
but this was to point out
238
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,366
that your vanity could be fatal.
239
00:09:11,367 --> 00:09:12,819
I knew this was all a trick.
240
00:09:12,821 --> 00:09:15,924
That's why I acted like
I couldn't read that box!
241
00:09:16,107 --> 00:09:18,666
How many people have
to pretend to die, Gloria?
242
00:09:20,387 --> 00:09:22,085
It just doesn't make any sense.
243
00:09:22,086 --> 00:09:25,782
- Pam and bo Johnson? My bo Johnson?
- "My"?
244
00:09:25,783 --> 00:09:28,503
Should it bother me that you're
this jealous of an old crush?
245
00:09:28,504 --> 00:09:29,758
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
246
00:09:29,759 --> 00:09:30,899
Bo is straight.
247
00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:32,783
He'd probably never go for me.
248
00:09:35,217 --> 00:09:37,679
Oh, my gosh, it is Bo!
249
00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:40,031
Look, he's hotter than ever.
250
00:09:42,209 --> 00:09:43,605
- I'm gonna answer it.
- No, you can't.
251
00:09:43,607 --> 00:09:45,962
Yes, I can.
We're practically family.
252
00:09:47,239 --> 00:09:49,583
Hey, dude. It's Cam.
253
00:09:49,585 --> 00:09:50,480
Where?
254
00:09:51,030 --> 00:09:53,548
Been good -- been real, real good.
255
00:09:54,217 --> 00:09:55,814
So, you and Pam, huh?
256
00:09:57,527 --> 00:09:59,058
Hey, better be good to my old sis,
257
00:09:59,059 --> 00:10:00,664
or I'll have to wrestle you down.
258
00:10:01,950 --> 00:10:03,441
Hey, question --
259
00:10:03,443 --> 00:10:06,186
do you still have that friendship bracelet
that I made for you?
260
00:10:06,956 --> 00:10:07,912
Oh, okay.
261
00:10:07,912 --> 00:10:11,115
Yeah, okay, if you're busy,
I'll have Pam call you back.
262
00:10:11,546 --> 00:10:13,827
Hey, and, Bo, congratulations.
263
00:10:14,009 --> 00:10:14,904
You too.
264
00:10:16,242 --> 00:10:18,279
- Can you believe it?
- Oh, and we're gay again.
265
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:19,433
It just doesn't make sense.
266
00:10:19,433 --> 00:10:21,339
I mean, he's got to be
after our drilling rights.
267
00:10:21,340 --> 00:10:22,484
I knew it.
268
00:10:23,882 --> 00:10:25,835
This is why I didn't
want to tell you.
269
00:10:26,367 --> 00:10:28,113
I knew you couldn't stand
the thought
270
00:10:28,114 --> 00:10:30,345
of me landing
the man of your dreams!
271
00:10:30,345 --> 00:10:31,398
"Dreams" is strong.
272
00:10:31,399 --> 00:10:33,840
Believe it or not,
Bo and I are in love.
273
00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:36,455
He thinks I'm beautiful,
and he's right.
274
00:10:36,727 --> 00:10:40,059
And for the record,
Bo has twice the land we do.
275
00:10:40,060 --> 00:10:42,661
He has absolutely no interest
in my drilling rights!
276
00:10:42,661 --> 00:10:44,820
- Not that kind, at least.
- Okay, let's just relax.
277
00:10:44,821 --> 00:10:47,697
Hey, hey, come on, Pam,
do you want to pick me up again?
278
00:10:47,758 --> 00:10:49,618
- They warned me, you know.
- Who warned you?
279
00:10:49,619 --> 00:10:52,436
The whole family said
you wouldn't take it well.
280
00:10:53,243 --> 00:10:54,414
Ever since you moved to the city
281
00:10:54,416 --> 00:10:55,914
'cause you couldn't
hack it on the farm.
282
00:10:55,914 --> 00:10:58,154
- "Couldn't hack it"?
- Yeah, that's right.
283
00:10:58,154 --> 00:11:01,290
Everyone knows, Cam,
you're not farm strong.
284
00:11:01,291 --> 00:11:02,956
You take that back,
Pameron Jessica Tucker!
285
00:11:02,957 --> 00:11:05,834
I will not!
You are weak and weepy.
286
00:11:05,835 --> 00:11:07,748
That's why we can't ever
say anything to you
287
00:11:07,749 --> 00:11:10,014
'cause we know you'll crumble
into a big heaping mess!
288
00:11:10,016 --> 00:11:11,956
Oh, are you saying I'm the one
people have to step around --
289
00:11:11,958 --> 00:11:13,403
that I'm the Pam of the family?
290
00:11:13,404 --> 00:11:15,062
You mean the Cam of the family?!
291
00:11:15,063 --> 00:11:16,940
- 'Cause that's what we all call it!
- Okay, that's enough!
292
00:11:16,941 --> 00:11:17,540
That's enough! That's enough!
293
00:11:17,542 --> 00:11:18,593
- You know what?
- Well, I was Gammy's favorite!
294
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:19,395
- That's enough!
- Really?
295
00:11:19,395 --> 00:11:21,558
- Yeah!
- Come on! Enough!
296
00:11:22,103 --> 00:11:23,362
No!
297
00:11:24,627 --> 00:11:25,849
Seriously -- Pameron?
298
00:11:29,786 --> 00:11:32,388
Oh! Way to go, Luke!
299
00:11:32,388 --> 00:11:33,966
The kid's amazing. Amazing.
300
00:11:33,968 --> 00:11:36,385
So great. Right?
Hello?
301
00:11:36,501 --> 00:11:37,869
- Claire?
- Phil?
302
00:11:38,318 --> 00:11:41,303
Oh, hi, honey, I was --
I was just about to call you.
303
00:11:41,654 --> 00:11:43,240
I killed a bunch of baby birds.
304
00:11:43,241 --> 00:11:45,174
- What?
- My robot wiped out the nest.
305
00:11:45,175 --> 00:11:47,193
And now the mom's
just staring at me.
306
00:11:49,003 --> 00:11:51,227
They recognize faces, you know.
I saw it in a documentary.
307
00:11:51,228 --> 00:11:53,018
Sweetie, I'm sure
it was just an accident.
308
00:11:53,018 --> 00:11:53,778
None of this would have happened
309
00:11:53,778 --> 00:11:55,010
if we'd just gone to Luke's game.
310
00:11:55,012 --> 00:11:57,955
- We're terrible parents for not going.
- No. No.
311
00:11:57,956 --> 00:11:59,486
Was that a whistle?
Where are you?
312
00:11:59,487 --> 00:12:02,343
Um, I-I'm just walking by
a construction site.
313
00:12:02,345 --> 00:12:03,350
Pervs!
314
00:12:03,846 --> 00:12:05,712
Sorry. Sorry. Not you.
315
00:12:05,727 --> 00:12:07,253
I hope Luke's not mad at us.
316
00:12:07,255 --> 00:12:08,659
No, he's fine, honey.
317
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:10,782
Or he's not.
He -- he could be mad.
318
00:12:10,783 --> 00:12:12,228
We don't know.
We won't -- we won't know.
319
00:12:12,229 --> 00:12:13,229
I'll -- I'll be home soon, though.
320
00:12:13,229 --> 00:12:14,925
I love you.
Okay, bye-bye.
321
00:12:15,452 --> 00:12:16,331
Thank you. It was great.
322
00:12:16,331 --> 00:12:17,907
Hey, Luke, Luke, Luke,
323
00:12:17,908 --> 00:12:20,241
don't tell your dad I was here,
all right? Great game.
324
00:12:20,408 --> 00:12:21,285
Claire?
325
00:12:22,968 --> 00:12:23,755
Claire?
326
00:12:35,204 --> 00:12:36,565
- Mwah!
- Say good night to daddy.
327
00:12:36,566 --> 00:12:38,283
- Mwah!
- Good night, my boy.
328
00:12:38,855 --> 00:12:41,833
Hey, grandpa, great word
you played earlier today.
329
00:12:41,835 --> 00:12:43,379
What does "syzygy"
even mean?
330
00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:45,573
It means 45 points. Ha!
331
00:12:46,842 --> 00:12:49,154
Hey, everybody,
you remember my sister, Pam.
332
00:12:49,155 --> 00:12:50,463
Oh, hi, Pam.
333
00:12:50,464 --> 00:12:52,368
She's here to pay a visit
and cast aspersions.
334
00:12:52,369 --> 00:12:53,815
- Oh, grow up.
- You grow up.
335
00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:54,901
Real good one.
336
00:12:55,276 --> 00:12:57,300
Hi, y'all. I brought boar.
337
00:12:57,570 --> 00:12:59,836
Oh. Well, let me give you
a hand with that.
338
00:12:59,836 --> 00:13:01,743
Cam, look, I know you're upset,
339
00:13:01,744 --> 00:13:03,768
but please just try
and let it go tonight.
340
00:13:03,769 --> 00:13:05,891
Well, can you believe she said
I'm the emotionally fragile one?
341
00:13:05,893 --> 00:13:06,904
I mean, how crazy is that?
342
00:13:06,904 --> 00:13:09,075
- Boy.
- "Boy"?
343
00:13:09,077 --> 00:13:09,963
Is that your thinly veiled
344
00:13:09,964 --> 00:13:11,920
- way of saying you agree with her?
- Pfft.
345
00:13:12,195 --> 00:13:12,840
Okay, you know what?
346
00:13:12,842 --> 00:13:14,787
If I was fragile, I would care,
but I'm not, so I don't.
347
00:13:14,789 --> 00:13:17,367
- Good. - Good. And you know what?
That shirt washes you out,
348
00:13:17,368 --> 00:13:19,662
so don't be shocked when someone
mistakes you for a beige candle.
349
00:13:19,662 --> 00:13:20,806
Hey, everyone.
350
00:13:21,195 --> 00:13:22,916
- Hi, Luke.
- Hey, buddy.
351
00:13:23,078 --> 00:13:24,775
I'm so sorry I missed your game.
352
00:13:24,777 --> 00:13:27,053
We are both so sorry
we missed your game.
353
00:13:27,053 --> 00:13:28,153
The universe punished me.
354
00:13:28,154 --> 00:13:30,242
I did something awful
to a bunch of baby crows.
355
00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:32,534
Actually, it's not a bunch of crows.
It's called a murder.
356
00:13:32,815 --> 00:13:34,217
I know what I did!
357
00:13:34,469 --> 00:13:36,546
- How was your game?
- Fine. Nothing special.
358
00:13:36,547 --> 00:13:38,618
What do you mean,
"fine, nothing special"?
359
00:13:38,839 --> 00:13:41,229
Well, there was this girl
on the 16-year-old team
360
00:13:41,230 --> 00:13:42,426
who wasn't wearing a bra.
361
00:13:42,427 --> 00:13:43,775
- So that was cool.
- Huh.
362
00:13:44,034 --> 00:13:45,369
But Josh's mom texted me.
363
00:13:45,370 --> 00:13:47,130
She said you were
having a great game.
364
00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:48,446
She drinks.
365
00:13:49,866 --> 00:13:51,319
I-I'll be right back.
366
00:13:51,976 --> 00:13:54,032
- Hey, Phil.
- Hey, Pam.
367
00:13:54,565 --> 00:13:56,271
Oh. Sorry.
368
00:13:57,406 --> 00:13:58,767
It's my parents again.
369
00:13:58,768 --> 00:13:59,989
I'm getting married soon,
370
00:13:59,990 --> 00:14:02,818
and they're already acting like
they have empty nest syndrome.
371
00:14:05,699 --> 00:14:07,318
I appreciate you not saying
372
00:14:07,319 --> 00:14:08,544
anything to your dad
about me being there,
373
00:14:08,545 --> 00:14:10,598
but why aren't you telling him
what a great game you played?
374
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,611
I can tell he feels bad
enough for missing it.
375
00:14:12,612 --> 00:14:14,288
I don't want
to make him feel worse.
376
00:14:15,867 --> 00:14:17,260
I screwed up.
377
00:14:17,261 --> 00:14:18,292
Why? What's wrong?
378
00:14:18,378 --> 00:14:20,670
I talked Phil into
skipping Luke's game,
379
00:14:20,671 --> 00:14:23,174
and then I went, and, of course,
he played the game of his life.
380
00:14:23,175 --> 00:14:24,989
But Luke doesn't want to tell Phil
about the game now
381
00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:26,347
because he doesn't want
to hurt his feelings.
382
00:14:26,349 --> 00:14:28,782
Oh, well, I think it's sweet
that Luke's protecting Phil.
383
00:14:28,783 --> 00:14:31,768
You know, we all have to protect
my sister in my family
384
00:14:31,769 --> 00:14:33,491
because she's a disaster.
385
00:14:33,491 --> 00:14:35,563
- Mm.
- I mean, you can see it, right?
386
00:14:35,564 --> 00:14:37,795
I think it was a little weird
she brought pig to a party.
387
00:14:37,795 --> 00:14:40,494
Hey! I can say it.
388
00:14:43,124 --> 00:14:43,966
Hey, hon.
389
00:14:44,455 --> 00:14:46,063
I'm sorry about what I did before.
390
00:14:46,065 --> 00:14:49,356
I saw this, and I thought
it would look beautiful on you.
391
00:14:50,528 --> 00:14:52,217
You know I can't stay mad at you
392
00:14:52,217 --> 00:14:53,804
when you buy me...
393
00:14:53,806 --> 00:14:56,035
Glasses, you son of a bitch!
394
00:14:56,036 --> 00:14:57,810
Just try 'em on.
You'll still look gorgeous.
395
00:14:57,811 --> 00:15:00,092
I will try them on when
you buy hearing aids!
396
00:15:00,093 --> 00:15:02,079
There's nothing wrong
with my hearing.
397
00:15:02,194 --> 00:15:05,841
Um, I have a, uh,
hearing-test app on my phone.
398
00:15:05,843 --> 00:15:06,957
Let's do it!
399
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:11,020
- You do it!
- Okay.
400
00:15:11,022 --> 00:15:13,728
Everybody under the age of 60
should be able to hear this.
401
00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:16,890
- Yes. Heard that.
- Yeah, definitely.
402
00:15:16,891 --> 00:15:19,029
What? You're lying.
You didn't hear anything.
403
00:15:19,030 --> 00:15:21,401
We did! You see, you're deaf!
404
00:15:21,402 --> 00:15:23,511
Okay, 70.
405
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,045
- Mm-hmm.
- Yes.
406
00:15:25,046 --> 00:15:26,975
Oh, what is th--
did she put you up to this?
407
00:15:26,975 --> 00:15:29,268
Here, grandpa, I'll play you
something even louder.
408
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,386
Okay, I heard that one.
409
00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:33,014
I didn't press anything.
410
00:15:33,374 --> 00:15:34,818
Oh, look who's a cheater.
411
00:15:34,957 --> 00:15:36,068
Don't worry about it, big guy.
412
00:15:36,068 --> 00:15:37,145
I have trouble smelling lemons.
413
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:38,519
You know, I don't need any of this.
414
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,607
But I'll tell you what
I can hear loud and clear.
415
00:15:40,811 --> 00:15:43,428
The sound of you all
munching free food.
416
00:15:43,429 --> 00:15:46,580
Oh, come on, dad, aren't you
being a little oversensitive?
417
00:15:46,580 --> 00:15:48,432
Oh, well, we can
consult my sister, Pam.
418
00:15:48,433 --> 00:15:50,514
- She's the self-appointed
sensitivity expert. - Uh-oh.
419
00:15:50,515 --> 00:15:52,418
- Oh, let it go.
- I will not let it go.
420
00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:53,322
In fact, I would like
421
00:15:53,322 --> 00:15:55,288
everyone to be honest with me,
please, right now.
422
00:15:55,289 --> 00:15:56,701
No sugar-coating.
423
00:15:56,702 --> 00:15:58,429
My sister here seems
to think you all
424
00:15:58,430 --> 00:16:01,650
-have to walk on eggshells around me.
- Eggshells.
425
00:16:01,651 --> 00:16:02,866
Do you all think I'm so fragile
426
00:16:02,867 --> 00:16:06,542
you can't tell me things
for fear of how I will react?
427
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,999
- Well --
- Claire, don't. Zip. Bup-bup-bup.
428
00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:10,730
No, let her talk, please.
429
00:16:10,786 --> 00:16:12,056
Claire, you have the floor.
430
00:16:13,547 --> 00:16:16,268
W-well, you're not not fragile.
431
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,966
Okay, well, why don't you
give me an example
432
00:16:18,966 --> 00:16:20,764
of something you haven't told me
433
00:16:20,765 --> 00:16:22,603
because you were worried
I couldn't handle it?
434
00:16:22,605 --> 00:16:23,502
Go on.
435
00:16:24,262 --> 00:16:25,117
All right.
436
00:16:26,034 --> 00:16:27,929
Last week when we were
supposed to have lunch
437
00:16:27,930 --> 00:16:29,460
- and you canceled...
- Mmm-hmm.
438
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:36,079
Okay. The singer or Pepper's dog?
439
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,141
The singer.
440
00:16:37,768 --> 00:16:39,598
And when I was leaving,
441
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,338
I-I-I stopped and
I said hello to her
442
00:16:42,338 --> 00:16:43,842
and we chatted
for like 10 minutes.
443
00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:46,364
Okay, that's great.
444
00:16:46,366 --> 00:16:48,023
I'm glad you had
that experience?
445
00:16:48,025 --> 00:16:50,364
I mean, I don't know what
you talked to her about,
446
00:16:50,365 --> 00:16:51,854
seeing that you don't know
any of her songs
447
00:16:51,855 --> 00:16:53,057
other than "Single ladies,"
448
00:16:53,058 --> 00:16:54,655
which everyone knows.
449
00:16:54,657 --> 00:16:56,911
- I love that song.
- I'm surprised you can hear it.
450
00:16:56,912 --> 00:16:58,385
Well, this was fun.
Who's hungry?
451
00:16:58,386 --> 00:16:59,452
Hey, where's that boar?
452
00:16:59,453 --> 00:17:00,794
Okay, anyone else?
453
00:17:00,794 --> 00:17:02,537
Well, since we're coming clean,
454
00:17:02,597 --> 00:17:04,315
you overuse the word "divine."
455
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,530
It's just an ice-cream sandwich.
456
00:17:06,539 --> 00:17:08,015
You're the boy who cried "divine."
457
00:17:08,416 --> 00:17:09,726
Okay. Was not aware of that.
458
00:17:09,727 --> 00:17:11,218
- Duly noted.
- Hey, I got one.
459
00:17:11,220 --> 00:17:13,853
Remember that blue rotary phone
you gave me for Christmas?
460
00:17:13,855 --> 00:17:15,170
- Yes.
- I tossed it.
461
00:17:15,571 --> 00:17:18,207
Okay. May I ask the reason?
462
00:17:18,225 --> 00:17:20,614
It made me feel like
Ann-Margret in "Bye bye birdie."
463
00:17:20,616 --> 00:17:23,321
- Why?!
- Okay, anyone else?
464
00:17:23,368 --> 00:17:24,507
I don't really like the
465
00:17:24,508 --> 00:17:26,453
- shirts with the crazy cuffs.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
466
00:17:26,455 --> 00:17:28,342
Can you push your boobs down?
Because I couldn't hear you.
467
00:17:28,343 --> 00:17:30,517
- Here we go.
- No, no, here we don't go.
468
00:17:30,609 --> 00:17:33,382
This is fine. I'm fine, okay?
469
00:17:34,431 --> 00:17:35,895
Sometimes when you read to me,
470
00:17:35,896 --> 00:17:38,529
I pretend to fall asleep
so you'll go.
471
00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:40,719
I heard that one.
472
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:43,469
Well, I heard you all
loud and clear.
473
00:17:43,470 --> 00:17:44,205
I have to use the restroom.
474
00:17:44,206 --> 00:17:45,937
So, Cam, you're sensitive.
475
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:47,707
Big deal.
It's one of your best qualities.
476
00:17:47,908 --> 00:17:50,108
Thank you Phil. And I'm sorry
your Beyonce loving wife
477
00:17:50,175 --> 00:17:51,724
went to Luke's game without you.
478
00:17:54,428 --> 00:17:57,091
See? Farm strong!
479
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:02,766
You went to Luke's game?
480
00:18:03,203 --> 00:18:04,543
I did, Phil, and I am so sorry.
481
00:18:04,543 --> 00:18:05,771
I did not mean to.
482
00:18:05,772 --> 00:18:08,432
But then he started playing
the most amazing game,
483
00:18:08,433 --> 00:18:09,715
and I got so wrapped up in it.
484
00:18:09,716 --> 00:18:10,961
I know I should have called.
485
00:18:10,962 --> 00:18:11,840
Yeah, you should've called.
486
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:14,490
- You were amazing? - Oh, he was incredible.
I wish you'd been there.
487
00:18:14,491 --> 00:18:16,890
Then why'd you make me skip it?!
I knew you had it in you!
488
00:18:16,891 --> 00:18:18,510
Oh, coach said he's gonna
start next week.
489
00:18:18,511 --> 00:18:20,284
You're starting?
I'm so mad at you!
490
00:18:20,285 --> 00:18:22,122
I'm so proud of you!
491
00:18:26,623 --> 00:18:28,338
- Hey, how are you doing in here?
- Fine.
492
00:18:28,339 --> 00:18:30,148
I'm a little embarrassed
about my outburst,
493
00:18:30,149 --> 00:18:31,442
but otherwise...
494
00:18:32,675 --> 00:18:33,996
You had a lot to take in.
495
00:18:34,551 --> 00:18:36,325
As a lawyer,
I should've told you,
496
00:18:36,493 --> 00:18:38,447
never ask questions
you don't want the answer to.
497
00:18:38,448 --> 00:18:40,128
Am I really that much of a mess?
498
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,659
Are you not listening to me?
499
00:18:43,103 --> 00:18:45,817
- Hey. Room in here for me?
- Not really.
500
00:18:46,137 --> 00:18:49,445
Look, I'm real sorry
I said what I said.
501
00:18:49,446 --> 00:18:50,590
No, no, you're right.
502
00:18:50,591 --> 00:18:52,083
I am the Cam of the family.
503
00:18:52,084 --> 00:18:54,215
Apparently, I'm the Cam
of two families, so...
504
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:56,077
So what if you go a little cuckoo
505
00:18:56,078 --> 00:18:57,485
when you get bad news?
506
00:18:57,486 --> 00:18:59,979
You also go all cuckoo when
you hear good news.
507
00:19:00,195 --> 00:19:01,979
It's one of the
I love most about you.
508
00:19:01,980 --> 00:19:03,000
No, that's -- that's true.
509
00:19:03,001 --> 00:19:04,513
You're the --
you're the first person I call
510
00:19:04,515 --> 00:19:05,498
when I have good news.
511
00:19:05,499 --> 00:19:07,970
I mean, remember when I got
my adult braces removed?
512
00:19:07,971 --> 00:19:09,976
Your teeth look divi-- divine.
513
00:19:09,978 --> 00:19:12,200
See? I can't help it.
I'm a celebrator.
514
00:19:12,201 --> 00:19:13,373
Of course you are.
515
00:19:13,974 --> 00:19:15,781
And I should have celebrated
how lucky Bo is
516
00:19:15,782 --> 00:19:17,511
to land a great gal like you.
517
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,379
Look at me.
I'm crying like a Cam.
518
00:19:22,218 --> 00:19:23,550
Sorry, old habits.
519
00:19:28,527 --> 00:19:31,340
- Are you mad because I embarrassed you?
- Forget about it.
520
00:19:31,598 --> 00:19:33,640
And I'm gonna ease up
on the glasses, too.
521
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,097
It's just that I worry, you know,
522
00:19:36,099 --> 00:19:37,509
you're not seeing everything.
523
00:19:37,546 --> 00:19:39,087
I'm getting old, Jay.
524
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:40,181
When Manny was little,
525
00:19:40,182 --> 00:19:42,684
I used to run around
with him all day
526
00:19:42,686 --> 00:19:44,246
without getting tired.
527
00:19:44,247 --> 00:19:46,258
Today at Joe's baby class,
528
00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:49,151
a 6-year-old had to pull me
out of the ball pit.
529
00:19:49,152 --> 00:19:51,018
Hold on.
Manny used to run around?
530
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,889
All the mothers are
so young and perky.
531
00:19:55,096 --> 00:19:56,942
I hate being
the oldest one there.
532
00:19:56,943 --> 00:19:58,685
Well, I for one love
that you're getting older.
533
00:19:58,685 --> 00:20:00,611
It makes me feel closer to you.
534
00:20:00,723 --> 00:20:04,584
So you'll like it if I get
all wrinkly and saggy?
535
00:20:04,586 --> 00:20:06,049
Well, I wouldn't make it a goal.
536
00:20:06,128 --> 00:20:07,727
Okay, I'll wear them.
537
00:20:11,879 --> 00:20:12,682
What?
538
00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:14,120
Nothing.
539
00:20:14,990 --> 00:20:16,538
You have lines there.
540
00:20:16,539 --> 00:20:18,635
I can see them very clearly
now with these --
541
00:20:18,637 --> 00:20:20,753
Okay, okay, these are
just for reading.
542
00:20:21,455 --> 00:20:22,734
I won't be able to hear her.
543
00:20:22,735 --> 00:20:24,038
She won't be able to see me.
544
00:20:24,039 --> 00:20:25,847
We'll be together forever.
545
00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:33,617
Congratulations.
546
00:20:33,618 --> 00:20:35,874
You officially beat me
in "Words with friends."
547
00:20:35,875 --> 00:20:37,165
Better luck next time, kid.
548
00:20:37,166 --> 00:20:39,645
Okay, I have to ask --
did you cheat?
549
00:20:39,722 --> 00:20:40,877
Is that how you won?
550
00:20:41,554 --> 00:20:43,121
I never took you for a sore loser.
551
00:20:43,122 --> 00:20:44,342
That's not an answer.
552
00:20:44,485 --> 00:20:46,067
Listen, one day you might be
553
00:20:46,068 --> 00:20:47,456
the smartest person
in this family,
554
00:20:47,457 --> 00:20:48,964
but today is not that day.
555
00:20:49,195 --> 00:20:51,708
So tread lightly before
you assiduously malign
556
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:54,484
the veracity of
my etymological prowess.
557
00:20:55,833 --> 00:20:57,869
Jay Pritchett out.
558
00:21:01,148 --> 00:21:02,936
You broke your phone,
smarty-pants.
559
00:21:02,937 --> 00:21:03,953
Damn it!
41326
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