All language subtitles for Bridezillas - 13x01_track2_eng

I'm the [bleep]
boss bride bitch.

Love: "bridezillas" is back...

I'm ready.

Love: ...And the brides
are here to slay.

-You need a penis.
-Oh, hell, no.

Do you understand
that I could destroy you?
Ah.

Love: These ladies
are spending all the coin...

Where we at right now?

$70,000.
What?!

...And ain't nobody getting in
the way of their dream day.

So you g'on kick your mother
out of your wedding?

Everybody is replaceable.

The drama is lit.

Well, he didn't cheat on me!
He cheated on her!

-Oh, my god.
-My mother is trying

to bribe me
to not do the show.

Are you pregnant?
That's what this is for.
[vomiting]

you didn't even
sign the prenup.
Todd: If she does not sign it,

I will not show up
at the wedding.

Love: And when these weddings
crash and burn...

I think you want the wedding
more than the marriage.

...These zillas catch fire.
No one's helping me.

It's time to start.
We're late!

I already lost two bridesmaids.
What's one more.

Get the camera out --
out of my face.

Love: ...And no one is safe.

Periot, with a "t."

love: And tonight, this
new orleans motorbike badass...

Party!

...Winds up torn between
her fiancé and her best friend.

-Are you crazy?
-Are you serious?!

-Get out the way.
-Are y'all serious?

Love: But it's what
she doesn't see coming

that derails
her entire wedding.

Y'all got me [bleep]!

-Plus...
-This has been my life dream.

Love:
...Stacy's the bougie bride
whose insane expectations

drive her wedding planner
to the brink.

I need my planner
to do his job.

...And when she doesn't
get her way...

[crying] I don't want y'all
in my face right now!
[glass shatters]

love: ...There's hell to pay.
Russell:
Whatchu mean she ain't here?

A room full of people,
and we have no bride.

Stacy: Leave me alone.

Love: Welcome to "bridezillas."
I'm your girl, loni love.

♪ are you lookin'
for the best deal ♪

♪ you got it right,
and we can have ♪

♪ a really good time tonight ♪

love: Meet the bride of bling,
y'all,

and her booty-loving boo.
Ooh!

My name is nakosha.

Everyone calls me coco.
Hey, coco!

-This is my fiancé, kenard.
-How y'all lovely people doing?

Love: We fine!

Oh, you brought me
some food?

And y'all about to see the
blingest, dopest wedding ever.

Let him know, coco!

I own coco's unique nails
and hair studio,

where I give you all the bling,
and I'm also the founder

of the baddest, all-female
motorcycle club in the world.

Love: Yas.

The caramel curves mc.

[engine revving, tires
squealing, glass shattering]
love: Oh, girl,

that's not baddest.
That's worsest.

Claire, you know I'm about
to go up first.

We gotta do that part over.
We gotta do that over.

Love: Well, at least
y'all look good.

Nakosha: We bring biking
to a whole nother level,

and then we just party,
we come cute,

and we look super-duper fly
while we're doing it.

Love:
Twerk for the money, honey.

She a badass.

Nakosha: Uh, the thing I think
that made kenard

want to pursue me so badly
is the fact that I made him

wait three months
before we had sex.

It was a long, hard road.
Okay, so hey, wait.

I know I'm not supposed
to look in the camera,

but hey, ladies,
lemme tell you something.

You want to get a ring?
[dings]

don't give up the booty
the first night, okay?

Love:
Speak for yourself, coco.

[polisher whirs]

so, we're not having a wedding.
We actually having a circus.

We're not having a circus.
We're having a big,

beautiful new orleans
traditional wedding.

And we already got
a guest list of 500 people.

We gonna kick people off?
I promise you, I will.

Who you gonna kick out?

He just don't like
one of my friends.

Me and marcus
are real close.

He's been my bestie
for over 15 years now.

We go out together,

chill together,
sleep in a bed together.

[record scratches]
love: Y'all wha--
ooh, you wilin', girl.

If it was up to me,
he wouldn't be a part
of this wedding at all.

Who else don't you like, kenard?

Her bridesmaids --
they're just crazy.

Good thing you came up with
some wedding guidelines, kenard.

One of my rules is --
no strippers.
No strippers?

You can't have a bachelorette
party without strippers.

And I don't want
no one to smoke

or drink
before our ceremony.

That's right, coco,
just smile and nod.

That's good wife practice.

My wedding is gonna be
so magical.

We got a mansion
for the date.

I'm wearing a big-old
cinderella gown.

I want sparkle everywhere.
You doin' too much.

I'm never doin' much.
I'm coco.
Alright.

Never too much, okay?
I know what I want.

I done been to a bunch
of weddings

I done saw bunch
of [bleep]-ups,

so, we g'on get
this one right.

Mm-hmm. We'll see.

♪ it's like that, like that♪
♪ work ♪

now, meet the bride
who puts the "b" in "bougie"

and the man
who puts the "t" in "tasty."
[harp plays]

my name is stacy,
and this is russell, my fiancé.

I am a registered nurse,
and --

I actually am
a, uh, houston police officer,

a detective in
the robbery division.

[siren wailing]
we got ourselves a snack,
ladies!

Ooh, officer,
I got some outstanding warrants.

Russell and I met
on a dating site.

I didn't want
to go out with him

because when I looked
at his pictures,

he looked like he was short
and a little chubby there,

and I was, "mm, no,
not really my cup of tea."
short and chubby.

Well, you still swiped right.

He opens the door
and I said,

"oh, my god!
You're actually cute!

And you're not fat!"

you better move quick.

And I said,
"look, I need kids,

and I want a 2 carat
platinum ring."

[record scratches]
[cash register dings]
and he said,

"okay."
girl.

Next thing I knew,
she was all over me,

and I'm, like,
"man, what -- what happened?"

he's a police officer
and he has all his teeth?

You better lock him down.

We actually got engaged
exactly two months

from the time
we laid eyes on each other.
[cheering]

[singsong voice]
mission accomplished!
[harp plays]

baby, look, you've been waiting
37 years for this wedding.

I don't need you to tell me
how long I've been waiting.
Have you been saving

37 for this wedding?
'cause that's what I'm saying.
[cash register chimes]

[dings]
this is not about you.

[bell rings]

my wedding is definitely
a stacy production.

It's also my birthday.
Everybody's gonna be like,

"oh, my god."
I don't care.

This was, like,
the best wedding of the century!

People may say,
"oh, she's bougie," or whatever.

No, honey.
I just like nice things.
[slide whistle]

I just think
the wedding's too much.

We started at how much?
$35,000 or $40,000.

The budget was apparently
just a suggestion.

Where we at right now?
[clears throat]

[muttering] probably about
$70,000 or so.
What?!

We will probably
end up spending $100,000.

Love: Wait, $100,000?!
Girl, you are not meghan markle.

That's too much.

Th-there are things we could do
with this money.

We could probably buy
a small island or something.

Love: But this process
hasn't been entirely

without personal sacrifices,
I know, girl.

[chuckles] the diet.

I decided to do the keto diet.

I'm basically eating
air pudding at this point.

And hopefully my dress
will still fit.

[exhales sharply] I'm
a little I'm a little
scared about that one.

Love: A $100,000, girl?

You better budget
in some spanks.

What is darryl doing?
I don't know.

Stacy: Darryl moore
is our wedding planner.

The biggest thing that I'm
really, really worried about

right now is the caterer.

The caterer
that we initially had,

absolutely bombed
my bridal shower.

So, he needs to find a caterer.

At this point,
I don't trust anybody.

Love:
Good thing your expectations
aren't too high, girl.

I have waited my entire life
for this day.

If this wedding
isn't absolutely perfect,

if russell doesn't give me
the things that I want,

tornado stacy will be
coming down the alley.

Love: Well, get ready for
the thunder and lightening.

[thunder rumbles]

oh, my god!
Is that not a sign?!

[new orleans jazz plays]

love: It is five days
to the wedding,

and nakosha's ready
for her fourth,

and hopefully,
final dress fitting.

Oh, look at her --
a vision in purple.

I miss prince, too, girl.

Today, my mom and my grandma

is gonna come
and see my dresses.

They've been dying
to see them.

Hi.

This [bleep]
better fit me just perfect.

Dana: Alright, come on,
let's try that dress on.

Alright.
Woman: Yes, please.
I can't wait. Yes!

Today's fitting with nakosha,
we're bound to have some changes

because she always wants more.

Like a lot of times, I almost
just want to say, "shut up,"

but I can't do that
in a professional setting.

Love: You worried
about your safety.

Definitely.

Y'all ready?

[drum roll]

love: Whoa, ooh!

-Whoa.
-Oh, my goodness.

Love: Whoo, that --
that's a lot of fabric.

It's nice.

Oh, my god,
that is beautiful.

I love it.

I just need to be done

with your bridesmaids.

They want splits
up to their waist.

What?
They want
their entire legs out.

I had one of your bridesmaids
show up to my house.

-Unexpected?
-I didn't answer

because I can't take
anymore.

I'm gonna kill them.
[knife shinks]

I don't want titties out,
I don't want ass out, period.

Love: Oh, but you can have
your titties and ass out?

Okay, stingy.

Oh! I-is that a onesie?
I love it.

But there's just one,
not-so-small problem.

Ew, like,
I can't even move my legs.

That's my dance outfit,
and I can't lift my damn leg up.

Love: Girl, that's a problem.
[fabric stretches]

oh, no. Oh, oh!
[fabric stretches, pops]

[chuckling]
I think it just popped.

It's a big-ass hole
in between my legs.

Love: Oh, girl,
that's just easy access.

So, does that mean
your choochie gonna be out?

Wha-- grandma!
[cat yowls]

can you just get
some more material

and make me
another outfit right quick?

I just don't know
how I would possibly --

kim kardashian
had on two dresses.

You are not kim kardashian.

Love:
But she khloé kardashian.

And then you can have it
ready in a few days.
And not sleep.

You can sleep
after my wedding is over.

I know she's gonna
make it happen,

and I expect it to be ready
the day before my wedding.

Bridesmaids trying to make
changes to their dresses?

I'mma kill their ass.

Help me, jesus.

-Coming up...
-I want what I want,

and damn it,
you need to give me what I want.

Love: ...Stacy loses her mind...

[crying] I don't want y'all
in my face right now!

...And everyone else
loses stacy.

-Where is stacy?
-Go!

-Plus...
-Tittie city.

Love: ...What happens to turn
coco's bachelorette...

Party!
...Into a blow-out?

'cause you keep talking
and talking and talking.
What?
Get off the bus, boy,

go ahead!
Get off the bus!

Nakosha:
Y'all got me [bleep] off!

Love: And stay tuned
for the playback clapback.

We didn't talk for weeks.

You gonna be divorced.

Love: Five days
before the wedding,

miss don't-call-me-bougie

has some last-minute
surprises in store

for her wedding planner.

I want to talk to darryl
about finding a new caterer,

and I want to add
a few things to the wedding.

[doorbell rings]
love: Sounds serious.

Hey.
We were just
talking about you.

Good stuff, I hope.
You got some wine and champagne?

You gonna need some, yeah.
You're probably
gonna need some.

You might need something
a little stiffer than that.
Okay.

I'm darryl moore.

Some people,
and if you're small-minded,

may call it a wedding planner,

but I'm stacy's and russell's
creative director

for stacy's production.
[chuckles]

[dings]
love: Ooh, he fancy
and petty, I see.

Baby, you ready for this?
No, I'm good.
I'm ready.

Darryl: The wedding planning
process with stacy has been,

if I can use the word,
challenging.

Love: Yes, you sure can.

The bridal shower
was a huge fiasco.

We had cold food,

the chicken was raw,

she brought out
cartons of juice.

Love: Not cartons of juice!

At the stacy production?!

Hell to the no-no.

I need a new caterer now.

We're literally days
away from this wedding.

I j-- I don't even know
is it -- if it's possible.

I can fix this.

I-I don't think it's possible.

I can find
an amazing caterer,

and I think I have one
in my back pocket...
You think?

...That would be perfect.
Well, I know...
Darryl, I don't need you
to think.

I need you to know.
...I have the perfect
caterer for you.

Ah...

Love:
You did it to yourself, bro.

If it's good,
then I get a bonus?

Let's just say you'll get
the rest of your check.

Oh, now you messing
with the man's coin.

If I don't like this caterer,

darryl's gonna get
in the kitchen himself

and prepare all of this food.

He better not mess this up!

And that's on life.

Love: On darryl's life, too.
[gulps]

so, there's a couple
of things that I need.

You know
what our theme is.

Masterpiece.
Masterpiece. Correct.
[harp playing]

our relationship
is a masterpiece,

so we're gonna have a painter,
paint during the wedding.

What are we doing
about securing the painter?

This painter scenario is...

You know, I've lost probably
10 pounds, you know,

thinking about this whole --
this whole painting scenario.

She double booked
herself on that day...
What?

...And we might not
have her

ssssecured 100%.

The painter backed out,

so right now,
we don't have a painter.

Love: Oh-for-two darryl.

Darryl. Darryl.
Don't kill him.
Baby, don't kill him.

That's our entire theme, darryl.
I want a painter.

What if I found
a beautiful piece of art

and we displayed it?

-Absolutely not.
-If it's cheaper.

I have to find a painter.
Pray for me, please.

Love: #prayfordarryl.

Can't the relationship
be a masterpiece...
No!

...Without us having to spend
all this money on the painter?
No, no.

If darryl can't lock in
a painter,

he better get him a canvas...
[bell rings]

...And some paint
and get to painting.

Love: And that's not all.
The other thing
that, like,

is super important
for me on my list --

I want praise dancers.

Praise what?

This bitch is crazy.

Love: Stacy, explain
what the dancers are.

I want them to dance
down the aisle.

It's gonna capture
the love

russell and I have
for each other.

Darryl: You just don't wake up
days before your wedding

and want me
to find trained dancers.

So you want me
to move mountains?

That's what you want me to do.
-Ooh...

If that's
what you gotta do.

Who -- who -- what -- who?

What does she think
I am, a magician?

I can't pull a rabbit
out of a hat.

Love: But that would solve
your catering problem.

I want what I want.
I'm just looking
at this budget, right now.

I just see this price
tag keeping saying,
"ching, ching, ching,

ching, ching, ching."
-yes, going up.
[cash register dinging]

honey!
Don't "honey" me.

I mean, russell's right.
I mean, these are

classically trained dancers.
But that's what I want.

If darryl can't deliver
on the dancers,

I guess he's gonna have to put
him a leotard on or something

because he's gonna be
out there dancing himself.
[boinging]

love:
Here's hoping darryl's a man

of many, many, many,
many talents.

Okay.
Make it happen.

Russell: How is he, in this
short amount of time,

supposed to find us
this wonderful caterer...
[chimes and harp play]

...And this masterful painter...
[playing continues]

...And these
extraordinary dancers?

Sounds like he's
full of [bleep].

Love:
Good thing detective yum yum
is on the case.

♪♪

a few hours after her fourth,
and not final, dress fitting...

Oh, no. Oh, oh!
[fabric ripping]

...Nakosha's giving her
bridal party a spa day.
[indistinct chatter]

they're in
for a real treat, girl.

The one thing that they don't
know about this spa day

is that I'm coming in
to check they ass

about changing up
their dresses.
[chatter continues]

they want splits up
to their waist...

What?
They want
their entire legs out.

I had one of your bridesmaids
show up to my house.

Makita!
Did you go to that lady's house?

I have been texting her
since Friday.

And her never had answer
and I was --

you told her that you want
your titties out like that?

Makita is tittie city.

I may have, kind of,
slightly altered my dress,

just a little bit,

but that [bleep] was ugly.

I look like a pink
[bleep] flamingo.

I'm a thick girl, you know.
I'm thinking in a snicker.

>> or a kit kat.

Now, it's my wedding.
It's my day.

If I pick a certain dress
and I want y'all to wear it,

that's what y'all are wearing,
period.

-Wha?
-You saw dre's dress.

She ain't got
nuttin up here.

The way I felt about my dress
when I saw it,

I was like, "I know this girl
did not pick this for us."

'cause I don't wear v-necks.
I don't wear necks up to here

that -- I don't like it,
I get claustrophobic.

Love: Set the girls free.

I don't want ass out.
I don't want titties out.

Oh, you mean like this?

-But we can't dance --
-like what? Wait, hold on.

Nelly, put on the music.
-[speaking indistinctly]

-yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Like that. Like that.

Y'all not dancing like that
at my reception.

[record scratches]
love: Say wha?!

[laughter]
and all I say is that
no shaking at this wedding.

We're from new orleans.
What we gonna do -- the hoedown?
[indistinct chatter]

[laughter]
love: That's not the only thing
kenard says.

My baby said,
"y'all cannot drink."
[bridesmaids gasping]

-uh-oh.
-We can't drink?

[ahh!]
[laughter]

you cannot smoke.

These are kenard's rules.
Like, this is not even you.

Are you
losing yourself?

Kenard done put
that woo-woo on her

and got her sprung up,
and she done lost her damn mind.

Bitch, what about
the sisterhood?

Love: What about it?

I don't know where kenard
came up with all these rules.

We got something for kenard.
He may not like it,

but kenard got to get over it.

You should've just got
some [bleep] nun.

[bleep] kenard.

Love: Pretty sure
that's what got her here.

Bridesmaids: Kenard said,
kenard said, kenard said...

Oh, and you best believe,
anybody [bleep] with my wedding,

they're probably gonna
wake up dead.

Love: Look like kenard's
gonna have his hands full.

Coming up....
-I'm hungry!

...Stacy's demands
turn into threats.

Do you understand
that I could destroy you?
[thunder rumbles]

I've never experienced
a bride like stacy.

Love: Plus,
when a surprise guest

shows up at the bachelorette.

-She betrayed me.
-...It goes from turnt

to trouble, fast.

I really think
you're overreacting, like --

[speaking indistinctly]
get off the bus.
Are you crazy?

Get off the bus! Are you crazy?
-[indistinct shouting]
[siren wailing]

love: And stay tuned
for the playback clapback.

We didn't talk for weeks.

You're gonna be divorced.

Love: It's four days
before the wedding,

and stacy's about to get sewn
with her bestie, shara.

Girl, you know how long it takes
to get a good weave.

The wedding might be over.

-Hello.
-Queen has arrived.

Stacy:
In regards to my bridesmaids,

I have very
specific requirements

for the nails and hair,
the diet.

No fried chicken -- no nothing.

Mm, you look fabulous.
Thank you, girl.

And if they can't do
what I need them to do,

they don't need to come.

Love: So you might be there
by yourself.

You are gonna look
absolutely amazing.

Well, thank you.
I hope so, hope so.
Yes.
It was worth it, wasn't it?

[indistinct], I hope so.
[laughs]

this hair, I have spent $500,

and it didn't even come
with a large drink and a pizza.

I'm telling you,
it's just too much.

Everybody is supposed to spend
the money she wants to spend.

A whole day's pay for this --

something to be sewn
to my scalp.

Love: Good hair is worth it.
You look good.

Shara: I didn't spend this much
on my own wedding,

and I've had two husbands.

Love: Two?!

No, I want it to be perfect
because it's my wedding...
Right.

...And you know
what else it is.

Uh, the end of russell's world
as he knows it?

It's my birthday.

So, uh, I want two gifts.

Golly, we done already spent all
our money being in this wedding,

then you got the nerve
to ask for a birthday gift?

[exhales sharply]
I'm not getting her two gifts.

I gave her my whole
mommy-makeover money.

That's it. That's it.

Love:
Not yo mommy-makeover money.

Girl, I am starving.

If I go get something to eat,
you're gonna get a cheeseburger.

Well, I guess you better
not eat, then.

Who is not gonna eat?
You!

Oh, girl, you must want me
to fist fight you.
Girl.

Fist fight?
Sounds like a good cardio to me.

We have been ordered
to go on a strict diet.

She wants us to be snatched by
beyoncé by the wedding.

Where shara go?

Love: To seek some peace
and a two piece.

You said healthy, right?

[laughter]
what the hell I'mma
do with that?

I might have a couple ideas.

Now, if you want a chicken wing,
I can hook you up.

Did you bring some chicken?!
Did you bring some chicken?!

Have you lost your mind?!
You're not eating this!

Uh-oh.
You don't want to do that.

Now, we're gonna
lose friendship for real.

Touching my chicken's
like touching my money, now.

A line has been crossed.

Ooh, girl.

Ooh, I'mma
windmill on her.

Don't do it.

Took my chicken.
She took my pride.

She want your fries, too.

I'm hungry.
You know how long it's been

since I had fried food?

And you not supposed
to be eating this!

That makes two of you.

Stacy: I can break a rule
with fried chicken

because I am the bride,

and what the bride wants,
the bride gets.

I need them to look...
[clucking tongue] together.

I'm gonna be together.
Don't worry.

Love: That isn't keto.

Give it to me.
Uh-huh, help her out, girl.

Wait a minute.
Gimme the chicken wing.

Stop playing with me!

Oh, my god!

And if you don't fit your dress,
you ain't gonna be

in the wedding!
I mean that, damn it!
I don't care!

Shara:
[indistinct] all summer long.

I don't care.
[bleep], I'm hungry.

She's been holding me hostage
for eight, nine months.

I'm ready to eat.

I'm thinking that
she is losing her mind,

that's she's smoking somethin'.
In the end,

she gonna be
by herself at this wedding.

I'mma get me
some new friends.

Love: It's the night
before nakosha's wedding,

and everybody's ready
to rehearse, except --

-hi, everybody.
-Late like always, nakosha.

A grand entrance [indistinct].
That's me.

Love: You know you late.

I'm nakosha's wedding planner,
and nakosha's

not taking it serious
like I want her to.

It's your wedding day!
Let's be serious here.

Love: Well, let's see
what kenard says.

Kenard: Ain't nobody got time
for no grand entrance, come on.

All this is just unacceptable.

Go over there
and get that together.

Love: Well, I guess we know
who's wearing

the electric
leather pants around here.

What y'all got going on
with the shirts?

Okay, come on, ladies.

Bridesmaids: Kenard said.

-Kenard said.
-Kenard said.

Love: Ha!
It's the sisterhood

versus kenard.

I'm really getting pissed.

It just goes to show you
how petty they is.

Don't let them make
a fool of you, kenard.

Love: Oh, who is this fine,
young specimen

who just fell out
of the gucci store?

-Hey, marcus.
-Lookin' like a wannabe rapper.

I am nakosha's "guy"
best friend.

Love: You don't use air quotes
like that, marcus.

No, we good, fella, we good.
Y'all chill.

Marcus, he know how to push my
buttons, and she allow him to.

You could just stop
being petty with him.

Kenard, don't let them
make a fool of you, kenard.

Marcus, you doing too much,
I'm telling you.

And I told you that,
I told you that from jump.

I am not excited
to be in this wedding

because kenard hates
to hear my voice.

I mean, what man
wants their fiancée

to have a male best friend?

As fly as I am.

Love: You were fly...In 1986.

So let's get this done.
Bridal party.

[indistinct chatter]
[crickets chirping]

excuse me, y'all.

[chatter continues]

this is serious,
like, serious-serious.

These people don't
want to do anything.

They don't want to listen.
They just want to go party.

Nakosha, you have anything
you want to say

to your bridesmaids?
Um, let's hurry up

and get out of here
so we can get shots.

[chuckles]
nakosha: I'm gonna turn up.

It's gonna be
my bachelorette party tonight.

Love: But what does
kenard say?

No men allowed
on that bus.

No strippers.
It's supposed to be all females.

Why men not allowed on the bus?
'cause kenard said?

Love: Preach!

The rules that kenard
have for us --

some bitch [bleep].

We are gonna make sure coco
have the time of her life.

Let's go, girls.
Peer pressure's a [bleep].

Me and kosha had a pact

that we wouldn't have strippers
or anything like that.

But between marcus
and her crazy bridesmaids...
[shouting]

...I think I'm gonna have to
pop up to their little party.

Love: Uh-oh.
Ready, set,

shot, shot, shot.

♪♪

ooh, stacy production,
one, two, three.

Stacy production.
-Stacy production!

Love:
After ditching her caterer,

stacy's creative director
has come up with a solution.

Let us pray.

Darryl: My ass is on the line,

and I don't like my ass
on the line.

-Hey, welcome.
-Oh, hi, darryl.

Stacy: We're down to the wire.

The fact that I may not
have food at this wedding

is not an option.

So I have the perfect
caterer for you.

World renowned,
top chef.

[indistinct] cook
and is he affordable?
But c-- can he -- is --

he's here.
We're gonna talk to him.

Love: Way to deflect, darryl.
Way to deflect.

Don't get me wrong,
I understand it's her day.

Last one was, like,
$9,800 or something.

I want it to be special...

He's definitely
within the budget.

...But not at the detriment
of our financial stability.

Give or take $1,000 --

give, give-ish.
Stacy: Okay.
[slide whistle]

well, what's a few
thousand dollars on food

for your wedding?
-Give or take.

I'm chef giovanni king,
award-winning chef

here in texas.
Chef has cooked for the
first lady of the united states.

Stacy: He may have cooked
for michelle, but, uh,

I'm stacy,
and this a stacy production.

[bell dings]
love:
Uh, did you hear yourself?

I couldn't care less
who he done cook for, okay?

-Okay.
-Guess not.

So now, let's try to taste
some of the food.

Love: Yes please, feed her.

I'm hungry!

Giovanni: We have a crab cake.
I heard you love crab cakes.

We have our take
on southern fried chicken

with a little truffle ranch
at the bottom.

Love:
Is that in the budget?

[crunching]
oh, my god.

It's so good.
-I want it all.

Come on,
we don't want it all.

It's gotta be
all within the budget.

-I'm sick of this.
-What you sick about, baby?

Now, I want what I want,
and damn it,

you need to give me
what I want.

This has been my life dream.
I need him to get on board.

Are you able to keep us
within a reasonable budget

and give me what I want?

I don't know.

Do you understand
that I could destroy you?

It d-- it -- it makes me nervous
when you say that.

[violins screeching]
love: As it should, darryl.
As it should.

Planning a wedding
is a very stressful time.

You know why I'm stressed?
High-strung right now --

no! No.
You know why I'm stressed?

-Whoopsie.
-She's just a little high str--

do you know why I'm stressed?
Why you stressed, baby?
Why?

Because I need my planner
to do his job.
[thunder rumbles]

love: Which apparently
involves playing

both punching bag
and a miracle worker.

In the years
that I've done this,

I've never experienced
a bride like stacy.

Obviously, you're
not hearing us -- let's go.

...And I never want
to do it again.

Don't forget your purse.
I'm really second guessing

if this is
the profession for me

just because of
this experience with her.

Love: You not the only one
questioning things.

Why do you have to go attitude
and everything about all this?
You know, I --
because I'm tired of this.

I'm asking you for one day.
One day.
I don't --

no, your one day
costing many, many, many days.

Who cares, russell?
I care.

This is what I've wanted
my entire life.

Love: We know...We know.

But the world is not all --
you're so damn selfish.

Russell: At this point, I don't
know if there's gonna be

a wedding or not.
She crazy as hell.

Love: Let 'em know,
detective yum yum.

I'm so [indistinct].
[tires squealing]

coming up, it's what
coco doesn't see coming...

Nakosha: Now not the time
for that stupid [bleep].

I can't believe
y'all got me [bleep] off.

...And makes her
wedding fall apart.

And then...
I don't even know
if I should marry you.

Get out.
Who's finally had enough.

I'm done.
I'm -- I'm -- I'm done.
I'm done with her.

We're not getting married.

I'm 39, and I want to have
a baby, like, right away.

So, I went and got checked,

and I asked him
to do the same thing.

Your little soldiers
ain't marching?

Left, right, left.
I'm good.

How you know?
'cause grandma
and your mama

giving me peanuts,
so...
[laughs loudly]

-say wha?
-My grandma feeds kenard

dozens and dozens of peanuts.

She swears that's
gonna help us make a baby,

and that hasn't been
helping him.

Love:
Where he been putting his nuts?

You know what?
I don't even want to know.

Bow-wow!
Seriously, I don't want
to get somebody.

Love: Now, despite her boo
being all on his feelings.

No men allowed
on that bus,

that includes strippers.
It supposed to be all females.

Why men not allowed on the bus?
'cause kenard said?

Love:
Coco agreed to have her bff,
marcus, meet her at the club

while she and the girls
twerk it out on the party bus.

♪♪

but not everyone is in the mood
to follow kenard's rules.

She needs to stop worrying
about what kenard think

and how kenard feel.
This is not a funeral.

This is a wedding.
Let's go.

Let's turn up.

[cheering]

love: Oh, it's about
to get turnt, alright.

Oh, look, daddy's home.

[cheering]

I was not expecting a stripper.

Love: Girl, please, I was even
expecting the stripper.

[indistinct shouting]
[sexy music plays]

[cheering]

nakosha: Hold on,
I need more liquor.

No, kenard said
we couldn't do this!

Love:
Well, kenard isn't here, girl.

Lap it up.

[laughing]
but, it's all fun and games,

until someone posts
a crotch shot online.

Kenard is gonna be so pissed.
[cellphone chimes]

I'm pissed about the stripper.

Fellas, let's go.
[horn honks]

crazy bridesmaid

always uploading something.
[indistinct shouting]

I need to straighten
this [bleep] out right now.

Love:
As coco's crew takes the party
from the bus to the club,

kenard is about to bring
this bachelorette

to a screeching halt.
[indistinct chatter]

oh, hell, no.
[bleep], no.

Let me tell you somethin'.

It was so embarrassing.
It's social media.

My family, everyone,
is gonna see it.

I don't need the headaches
and phone calls from my family

asking me or questioning me
about my fiancée.

Y'all don't know
how to act.

Marcus, go ahead
about your business
until we've finished.

Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm about to have
a conversation with her.

Love: Marcus really is crossing
the line, ain't he?

Wow.

I can't even talk
to my fiancée

without [bleep] marcus
getting into business,

so that's why I pulled her
on the bus.

Your wild bridesmaids,
they uploaded on social media.

You letting them disrespect
what we going on.

I didn't plan on doing
the strippers!

I didn't know them.
Well, it doesn't matter.

My family on social media
and everything.

Co, you -- you good?
See what I'm talking about?
Yeah, I'm good.

Love: She was good.
You need to get off.
Let me talk to her for a second.

Don't let him
disrespect you, though.
There's no disrespect.
He's not disrespecting me.

But, the crazy thing is --
but that's what
it seem like.

He need to stay
the [bleep] outta this.
Dude, I really think

you're overreacting.
Like, [indistinct] --
marcus, marcus,
you need to go ahead.

I told you earlier, that me and
you gonna have a conversation.
Listen, listen.

We can have it.
Let's have the conversation,
'cause you keep talking

and talking and talking.
What? Get off the bus.

[speaking indistinctly]
love: Bitch fight
in three, two...

Are these two grown men
or seventh grade girls

in a slap fight?
See, that's what
I'm saying!

You just let him
disrespect me like that.
Why are you guys --
you gotta be kidding!

You know what,
you can deal with that.
Oh, my god!
Get off of me!

-You deal with that.
-Are y'all serious? Oh, my god.

Love:
Apparently, they're serious.
Wait, wait, wait!

He acting like he's the one
trying to marry her!
Chill out.

I'm so pissed right now.

Marcus better be at my wedding
or else some haze gonna rule.

I'm dead-ass serious.

♪♪

love:
After the food tasting turned
into a relationship crisis.

The world is not all --
you're so damn selfish.

She crazy as hell.

Love: I sure do hope
they worked it out.

Right now,
I don't want him near me.

Love: So, that's a no, then.

But, I made an appointment
for both of us

so we're gonna get a facial.

I don't need you
to open the door for me.

You got a stink attitude today.

You gave it to me.

That's why you slept
on the couch last night.

And he will continue
to sleep on the couch

until he understands
it's about me.

-Stacy.
-I've never had a facial before

but I want to be able to relax,

be able to unwind
and not have to hear...

[nasally] mah, mah, mah, mah,
mah, mah, mah.

Is this gonna hurt?
So are y'all excited?
Are we excited about what?

[chuckles]
um, Saturday?

I'm definitely over
everything and everybody,

including that person that you
have laying on the table there.

Exfoliate --
maybe after Saturday, she'll get
an attitude adjustment

or something,
I don't know.

He really needs to shut up
if he knows what's good for him.

You need to be
a good-old peasant, that peon,

and do
what I ask you to do.

Hell no!

E-excuse her, miss sarah.

She's having a-a day today.

I don't need you
apologizing for me.

She need to screw up
his mouth real good

for all the crap he's talking.

Your brain needs
some exfoliation

'cause obviously,
there's a layer on top of it

that only thinks about you,
only you, and nothing but you.
Russell...

You will not talk to me like
that in front of my institution,

do you understand?

The best thing for you
to do right now is be quiet.

Stacy has changed.

I'm not gonna sit here
and act like a something

that I'm gonna deal with.

At this point, I don't even know
if I should marry you.

Ooh.
Really?

I can't believe
russell right now.

I ain't taking
no crap off nobody,

and I'm not gonna
take it from you.

I'm sick of you right now.
Get out. Get out.

You just run your mouth,
run your mouth.
Get out.

She's pushing my buttons,
it's my last nerve, I'm done.

I'm -- I'm -- I'm done.
I'm done with her.

Love:
Ooh, this just got real.

Stacy: I've had enough.
I'm done.

We're not getting married.

♪♪

no alcohol, no smoking,
no drinking.

Love:
It's the morning of the wedding,
and despite last night's

bitch fight between her fiancé
and best friend...

-Get off the bus, boy.
-What!

-Are you crazy?
-See, that's what I'm saying.

...A nearly sober coco

is present and accounted for.
Look at her.

I'm praying that marcus shows
up.

Couldn't dare imagine
getting married

without my best friend
by my side.

Love: Yeah, about that.

Crashed the girls'
bachelorette party

and in the process of that, me
and marcus got into altercation.

I want to have
a conversation with marcus

before we even get
to the church.

It has to happen.

Love:
Assuming marcus shows up at all.

I was just looking
for somethin'.

-Oh, yeah!
-Nakosha.

Love: Uh, didn't kenard say,
"no alcohol?"

-who's in charge?
-Jesus.
[choir sings]

woman: He around here
searching [bleep].

I just gonna have
one quick little shot.

Grandma brought it.
Woman: Grandma brought it
from the house.

-[speaking indistinctly]
-grandma brought it.

Love: Ooh, they threw grandma
right under the party bus.

-I'm gonna confiscate this.
-No!

It's just [bleep].
He had no right

to take that away from us.

He ain't gonna go in here.
Hold up, gimme a minute.

She smuggles
the liquor back in,

using the best pocket
on -- on this side of earth.

Love:
Yeah, I'm not even mad at that.

The bridesmaids dresses
on the other hand...

Nakosha: Brush checks.
Come on.

Go ahead.
Let me see.

Love: They're pretty hard
to miss, sweetie.

Andrea: I didn't expect it
to be as plungy,

but she knows I have big
breasts, and I'm like,
"what I'mma do with 'em?"

love: But andrea isn't
the only offender.

I have
the split [indistinct].

Nakosha: I said, a split
that is appropriate.
All thigh.

My split is so far up,

it's showing
all my [bleep] down.

Coochie hair.
Love: Coochie hair,

the latest
in bridal party accessories.

Kenard: What time you want
to start getting dressed -- 30?

Oh, wait, the marcus
still not here.

Hmm, do you think
he's sending a message?

If marcus don't show up today
she's definitely gonna be

pissed with me because her best
friend is not at her wedding.

She's gonna hold that
against me for the longest.

Coming up, panic
at nakosha's wedding.

Right now not the time
for the stupid [bleep].

I'm about to freak
the [bleep] out.

Dog, I can't believe
y'all got me [bleep] off.

Love: And stay tuned for
the playback clapback.

We didn't talk for weeks.

You're gonna be divorced.

Marcus still not here.

Love: Now look who finally
showed up --

gucci man.
Oh, come on in!

You alright?
You stay on your side.
I'mma stay on my side.

Oh, bro, one beat down
wasn't enough?

That [bleep] is not cool,
and I'm gonna handle it.

Marcus, we can't ruin
this day for her.

And you still going --
okay.

I don't want
no tension between you.

It's like every second
on the second.

I know I got an issue with this.
You got an issue with that.

I don't respect you
as a man.

Did kenard knock all the
common sense out of your head?

But you're gonna
give me my respect.

I promise you, you're gonna
get me my respect.

I'm the bigger man.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry about
what happened the other night.

Just please, let's just --
let's work this out today.

The things you do for love.
I'm so proud of you kenard.

Have you checked
makita's titties?

♪♪

everybody line up, please.
We don't have that much time.

♪♪

nakosha: To get in there and see
the man that I love,

I bitched up
and teared up a little bit,

even though I said I wouldn't.
I ain't gonna mess up

my makeup
'cause it's so flawless.

Love: You celebrate you, girl.
And speaking of bitching up...

This man needs
to take several seats.

Probably not after this wedding.

If there be any reason
that these two

should not get married.
-[coughing loudly]
[laughter]

love: Oh, here we go.
[coughing, laughter continues]

somebody, please tackle him.
[coughing continues]

love: You need a cough drop?

Kenard:
It's just unbelievable

that marcus do
the things he's doing.

I'mma do what the hell
I wanna do.

[laughs]
love: Yes, you really need
to stop, marcus.

Coco, I promise
to grow with you...

[voice breaking] and make
a better life for us.

Love: Hold it together.

I'm your caramel curve,
your first man.

[laughter]

love: Oh...

I, nakosha,
take thee, kenard.

-To my body --
-you sure? Are you sure?

I really don't know
why marcus is doing this.

Love: 'cause he's an [bleep].

I pronounce you
husband and wife.

[cheers and applause]

it feel like
a dream come true.

Oh, it was heaven
on earth.

Aww, I'mma get
you booty tonight.

[snickers]

love: Y'all got a $30,000 party
to attend before all of that.

[clearing throat]

-no!
-Chad.

Chaddrick: Cut the mic.
Give it here.

This is ending with marcus.

[dings]
here's to you.

Like, what kind of friend
does that?

Love: A real petty bitch.

Call 911, there's a fashion
emergency in the parking lot.

I cannot find coco's
number two outfit.

Oh, no. Oh, oh!
Love: Has anyone
seen coco's onesie?

-What bag is missing?
-It's a garment bag.

I know how important
a wardrobe change is for her.

Coco gonna be pissed.
I gotta let her know

that this bag is missin'.

Love: I'm sure you'll find it.
Don't trip, girl.

-Oh!
-Ah!

Love: Ooh, I said don't trip!

This maid of honor thing
is getting overrated now.

Love: And it's about
to get so much worse.

W-w-w-wait, what?

Don't go -- not right --
not -- not the time

for the stupid
[bleep] here.

Find my clothes.
All of them.

I'm about to freak
the [bleep] out.

I should've picked up
my own [bleep] clothes.

You didn't have the time,
that's why I picked up
the clothes for you.

She's, like, this bomb
waiting to explode.

Dog, I can't believe
y'all got me [bleep] off!

-Bitch!
-Uh-oh.

[ughs] I might have ptsd

by the time this wedding
is over with.

Hold up.

Chaddrick: Really,
we're doing this right now?

You have a beautiful dress on.
Just wear it.

Love: Don't tell us.
Tell her.

That's the bag.
Hallelujah, y'all.

The onesie has arrived.

Chaddrick: Alright, everybody
pick up the dress. Let's go.

Nakosha: Round two, b,
round two. Let's go.

Love: Let's say a big
thank you to miss penny

for finding enough fabric
to cover her crotch.

I have it on now,
everything okay,

I gotta get it --
get my spirit fingers back.

Kenard, it's your time.
Have a seat.

[speaking indistinctly]
[applause]

love: She went the hell
outta that onesie.

Too bad kenard's too tired
to appreciate it.

[snoring]

wake up. Kenard.

I can't do this right
with him sleeping like that.

Love:,
three months later it's time
for a coco's playback clapback.

It's starting with the other
leading man in your life, girl.

-I, nakosha, take thee kenard.
-Are you sure?

I cursed marcus out so bad.
We didn't talk for weeks.

[indistinct]

dog, I can't believe
y'all got me [bleep] pissed off!

[chuckles]
bitch!

That's crazy.

I think I blacked out
for a minute.

I don't think I was me.

I really lost it.
I'm sorry,

I was just pissed.

Love: Let's talk about
the stripper's little snack.

[laughing]
damn!
Oh, my god!

I didn't have no strippers.
No, you were supposed to.

I didn't even have
a bachelor party,

but I'm gonna
have one now.

Alright, and you're
gonna be divorced.

Love:
This season on "bridezillas,"

we're fierce...

The queen has arrived.

...Fabulous...

Woman: We are spending $100,000.

Love:
...And straight-up fire.

I didn't want to be
a basic bitch.

We got it all.

Room full of people,
and we have no bride.

Love:
Diva wedding planners...

It's an ugly,
ratchet color.

...Jealous mamas...

I'mma do what I want to do.

Love:
...And lots of naked men.

Yes, girl!

I don't think
I'm gonna survive this.

And when it comes
to their wedding day...

You will participate,
bitch!

...These queens...
Everybody go!

...Are not playing.

Do you want to have bride's
queens who don't talk to you?

I don't care.

And, honey,
nobody gonna steal their shine.

Shut up!
Learn the dance!

I am on your side.
No, you're not.

Are you excited
about us getting married?

I can't say that.

This wedding season,
it's going down!

I don't even know
if I should marry you.

Let me figure out
if I'm pregnant or not.

Make some
[bleep] things happen.

Shut the fuck up.
Let's go.

Woman:
Kenny knocked out my brother.

You ruined it for me!
It's my day!

Stop calling me!

This wedding only has room
for one diva.